Why You Shouldn’t Read This Blog

I’ve received enough “you’re an angry racist” emails to apply a disclaimer to my blog that I will simply assume, from now on, that any reader of my blog has read. Are you ready? Here’s the disclaimer:


As you can probably predict, most of the comments I get some from people who claim that I am a racist – a reasonable assumption given some of the things I write, especially about white people. Sooner or later, I will insult every ethnic group there is: asians, hispanics, blacks, native americans, arabs, and what have you. If I haven’t insulted your people yet, I apologize, and I promise that I will get to you just as soon as I can.

After reading my blog, people mount themselves comfortably upon their high horses and chastise me for this and that, telling that I’m full of hate, need to broaden my perspective, grow up, and any other number of bullshit that makes me laugh so hard I want to vomit.

It’s interesting, though, to be called a racist by so very many people whose own groups of friends and acquaintances are markedly homogenized racially. It’ll be the white girl with nine white friends and the token black and/or asian, or the asian girl with six asian friends and the token black or even hispanic – ::gasp:: maybe even two of em! I guess since these esteemed individuals have become culturally enlightened by way of fulfilling their social affirmative action requirement, it gives them license to pollute my aural receptors with a bunch of self-aggrandizing vocal vomit.

So to the ranks of the enlightened who would call me a racist because of the half-serious crap I write in my blog, I offer you the following facts about me that probably aren’t facts about you:

> My circle of CLOSEST friends spans every populated continent on the globe, and is not dominated by an overwhelming majority of any single ethnic group (3 whites, 4 blacks, 2 native americans, 3 asians, 2 indians, 2 hispanics, 1 persian, 2 arabs, and a partridge in a pear tree).

(Note: I define a ‘close’ friend as someone I’d happily lie to the cops for.)

> Whoever I marry will not have to deal with any political or familial bullshit (from my side) regarding their race, in any way, shape, or form, regardless of what their race is – even if they’re white

> My children will play with children of other races, and it won’t be something I have to consciously force or remind myself to do as a matter of course.

I don’t care how careful you are with your fucking words regarding race, nor do I care about your one or two black friends that ‘prove’ you’re not a racist. Racism, or a lack thereof, is proven by the three things that matter most to you: your willingness to have close friends of another race, your willingness to UNEQUIVOCABLY accept someone of another race as your spouse, and your willingness to let your children socialize and personally develop with children of other races. If any of those three things gives you any trouble whatsoever, you are a racist, and I don’t wanna hear a fucking peep out of you on the subject of race for as long as I live.

For anyone that knows me, I spout off at the mouth about race because my friends are ethnically diverse, and we routinely break each others balls about our races for no other reason than that it’s funny.

I know that people who don’t agree with me will speak up with deeply insightful questions such as “why can’t you keep these thoughts to yourself instead of posting public blogs?” or “you seem like a cool guy, but these comments/blogs are making you look like an ass” Here’s the easiest answer:


I simply don’t have the inclination to bow to the requests of people who take themselves so seriously that they get offended by statements that are so blithely hyperbolic that even a chimp could understand that it’s merely jest. And as for people thinking I’m an ass…I am not a politician, and I therefore find complete strangers’ opinions of my character to be quite fucking irrelevant.

So, you have a choice. Lighten up and enjoy the blog, or go do something else with your time and come back when you get over yourself.

82 responses

5 03 2008

Hey man I feel you. I have myself been accused of being a racist by people who fall into one of the 3 catagories you listed above. I always tell them “yeah I’m racist. My entire family is black, most of my friends are white and I spent most of my childhood hanging out in chinatown. Im a HUGE racist”

6 03 2008
Kendra Mix

i think your site is hilarious. do you have anything else online that i can read?

7 03 2008

You’re hilarious. I love this blog. And I think you’ve penned one of my favorite definitions of close friend ever.

7 03 2008

I’m here via a rec from skywardprodigal. I, too, love this blog. It’s made me laugh a whole lot (ruefully at times). Imagine my dismay when I read this page. Here I had my singing telegram all ready to go and everything!

7 03 2008

I love this blog! And I love your disclaimer.

10 03 2008
DJ ZAZ Brown

I find your blog hilarious bruh. Keep it up.

11 03 2008

I LOVE YOUR BLOG! I know I’m shouting, but it’s true, tee hee! It’s very cheeky and subversive without trying.

11 03 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

That’s rught – don’t ever defend your space. Don’t like it? Kick rocks. This site is awesome. Not passing judgement but its just a waaaaay bit funnier than SEBPL.

12 03 2008

I am with you. Most of the Blacks on here get offended because they feel what is stated is true about themselves. If you dont like your conformity, do something dammit!! Following the masses is the shortest and least fulfilling route to go.

Keep it coming!!!

13 03 2008
Admiral Furious

You are a half N*gger half feather headed fool and I hate you! Even though I come from the same origin? Damn…

Keep it up bruh.

13 03 2008

Loving the blog!!!

14 03 2008

Hooray for us finally doing sarcasm I wish I was still in DC. I would love to take you out to lunch. What else do you have?

14 03 2008


I love you man. This blog is AWESOME. You hit the hit on the nail with so much here. I died reading the posts. Keep it up! I’ll be anxiously awaiting the next good read. BTW if you need material/topics/rants..I got plenty.

14 03 2008

Sheesh! I hate typos (I’m anal). I meant “You hit the head on the nail with so much here”.

19 03 2008

i am gonna show this to my friend, brother

20 03 2008

your wit is refreshing, your writing style is biting and acerbic and dammit, you actually have something to say. you provide me with chuckles for myself and my token asian, persian and white friends that ::PROOVE:: that i’m not a racist either *wink*
rock on wit yo bad self.

21 03 2008

you’re my hero!!! keep on writing. i love your style and hail your “i don’t give a fuck” perspective. after all, that’s the beauty of blogging.

21 03 2008

Glad I stumbled upon this site. You rock my world! You just took sarcasm to it’s highest peak with a huge finger to the rest of the folks that can’t handle “The Real.”
Keep up the awesome work!

27 03 2008

I love your site, you are brutally honest. We need more of you.

27 03 2008

Sarcasm and anger are a way to language one’s self. So, on here that’s how you have decided to communicate. I’m fine with it. It’s not about calling you a racist, and I’m not here to judge your character. What I hope does matter to you, whether this is just a blog for entertainment purposes, is that you care about what people think about what you say. I hope you can handle people disagreeing and asking you to consider their viewpoints on issues. In other words, do you respond to differing opinions wiht some humor but also respect. I wonder.

28 03 2008

Lighten up and enjoy the blog, or go do something else with your time and come back when you get over yourself.

This is it in a nutshell. Love you humor, razor sharp wit and bluntness. This is one the most insightful blogs on the web. I will be a regular reader and poster.

Peace out!

28 03 2008

Geraldine Ferraro is a racist. Hillary Clinton is a racist. Rev. Jeremiah Wright is a racist (while I understand his anger, he is a racist). You are not a racist.

I myself am what I like to call an “equal opportunity hater”. I don’t discriminate. I reserve the right to hate on everybody, usually in the form of crude humor. But hey at least I’m honest. There is so much truth in your humor.


28 03 2008
Mr. Smith

I’m hoping people stop coming on here with their 3 english degrees and quit being smart asses.

28 03 2008

Ken you really make me want to stab Q-Tips in my eyes. You are irritated by what dude has to say, but you still keep coming back. Whatever.

I however, LOVE this blog. Wish I would have met you before leaving DC. I was born and raised there too. Trippy place somstimes, but it’s home.

2 04 2008

Too damn funny!!! Just discovered this site today. Love it! Love it! Love it!

8 04 2008

This is my first visit and I must say I am definitely intrigued. I think I am going to get fired today for laughing out loud to many times! (well that and coming to work when I feel like it but hey, its easier to blame this site). I grew up with black parents that were traditional sunni muslims but the rest of my family (aunts, grandparents, etc) where devout baptists…. so I think I can relate a little bit to being a switch hitter when it comes to topics concerning black people. I have sent this to all of my friends, several of which are described at length in some of your articles. Whats really funny? My master’ degree persuing, HBCU graduate friend has sent me an essay detailing the importance of good grammer and why your stance is ridiculous and I am the one with an English Degree and yes, I have found it pretty useless except when playing scrabble….

12 04 2008

that’s not a good black definition of friendship. most niggas i fucks with would lie to the cops for any old reason because fuck them, that’s why.


15 04 2008
Miss Watson

Best blog ever. Way better than SEBPL, the topics (not necessary the people) on that site are a little to snobby for my taste.

19 04 2008

How the hell do you manage to get 200+ comments per post on your blog in THREE months?

Absolutely stand by the racist issues. Pisses me off when the only defense some white ppl have when asked if they are racist, is that they have black friends. Well fucking done! I’m thumbsucking, but i’d guess that about 70% of the worlds ppl are non-white… chances are you are gonna meet one of them sometime or the other bright-spark!

28 04 2008

See…here’s the thing…. I dont consider myself a racist but I failed one of the three point test. I willingly and openly associate with people of a different races all the damn time and when I have children I will expect them to do the same. But then there’s the third thing. It’s not so much that I WONT accept someone of a different race as my spouse…It’s that I’m generally not all that attracted to our other races in that way…I cant help it, I had a white boyfriend in 4th grade who picked his nose and wouldnt let me use his markers (bastard) and ever since then….I dunno all I’m saying is that maybe we can broaden the spectrum on what makes you a racist allowing for people like myself who are just generally attracted to people of color. Thats it.

28 04 2008
Mr. Smith

What the hell is up with the flood of these stupid people bringing nothing but their stupidity and ignorance on the other topics? I’ve noticed that a lot lately

28 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Mr. Smith… I second that.

28 04 2008
Sister Toldja

I had never read this one before, LOL. I don’t think that the three point test is a fair system for determining racism. I actually subscribe to the Beverly Tatum definition of racism: a system of opression/power based on race. The only real American racists are Whites; all others who have hatred or issues with others are simply prejudiced. I’d like to think of myself as not prejudiced, but rather, a cultural elitist. I don’t look down upon or hate anyone (short of racists White, useless Blacks and prejudiced others), I just prefer certain things about my own folk to the cultural markers of others. I also believe that racial solidarity amongst Black people would give us the opportunity to improve our status and global identity as a people, which would improve the country as a whole. I think that we should, or at least most of us, hold off on dating interracially until we have healed the relationship between Black women and men significantly. Black love is a powerful thing, we need more of it. I just have a hard time with people crying “racism” at work, “racism” at the police, “racism” at the government, then giving the most basic, fundamental thing they have to give to someone else. You’re my brother when your down or when you need my support, but when you want to love somebody, then I’m not good enough? Fuck you! (Thats for the brothers and sisters who refuse to date Black, or who rarely date Black folk and have a laundry list of reasons why they don’t want to date one of their own. The equal opportunity daters, I’m trying to make peace with in 2008).

28 04 2008

I love you Sister Toldja..I do.

4 05 2008


9 05 2008

I discovered your blog maybe a month ago and I’ve been hooked ever since. I luv your take on things. Keep up the good work and just toss the hatas the deuce Baby!! lol

10 05 2008

Hi there!

I never knew that this blog existed and I am cracking up that you referred to OJ as “Edward N____hands”!! Now THAT is just tooo funny!! PLEEEEASE STOP IT before I call the police ! *LOL*

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!


4 06 2008

I found the light.

HAHA, right.

10 06 2008

Wow, I found out about your site on Clutch and I decided to check it out. I have been laughing for the past twenty minutes, and the fact that I have to get up in 5 hrs pisses me off because now I’m going to be tired as all hell trying to punch in stupid numbers at a computer screen that I can’t see cause my eyes have been swollen just about shut due to the lack of sleep and laughter that your site has caused me. Well done, and keep up the good work. I love it!!!

11 06 2008

ah sarcasm – so refreshing like an ice cold mojito on a hot summer DC day. refreshing to read the words of someone who writes for the preservation of sanity in a fu**** up world and isn’t afraid to express his/her equal opportunity criticism through satire. futhermore, i am shocked and amazed that you are only 25, a computer geek and yet a good writer, and somehow have such a profound insight on the unfairness and politically correct mental segregation that is modern American life. you should write for a TV show and pull the ratings from those other political satirists on Comedy Central.

15 06 2008


17 06 2008

yeah… i ditto what the positive people up here said… didn’t have the patience to read through it all but ur blog def has been getting me through my long purgatory-like work days since i’ve been reading it (which was yesterday)

18 06 2008
Kit (Keep It Trill)

Okay, Takmiko, I fell in love hard with your blog, but I have one concern. You said your friends consist of 3 whites, 4 blacks, 2 native americans, 3 asians, 2 indians, 2 hispanics, 1 persian, 2 arabs, and a partridge in a pear tree. You also said you aren’t racist. Well, what about that that panda bear you dissed this week? You didn’t mention a thing about marrying one of them. A good friend of mine who happens to be a panda found that post un-fucking-bear-able, then got mad at me for laughing. Damn. Now I have lost my only token panda bear friend. It’s all your fault…

20 06 2008
Keysha E.

I will come here more often. Your freakin crazy I need a good laugh

23 06 2008
Persians « Stuff Black People Hate

[…] Why You Shouldn’t Read This Blog […]

24 06 2008
Gene The Random White Guy


I like big cars cause they don’t fall down or tip over

27 06 2008

I just discovered this blog… high resonance with your sentiments. I will enjoy reading this.

30 06 2008

What about red pandas?

2 07 2008

Chris, you need to make “Why You Shouldnt Read this Blog” required reading before anyone new to this blog is allowed to make a comment or read any of the post. Then maybe they will rethink what they are gonna write before they make an ass of themselves.

2 07 2008

Sounds like your my perfect man! LOL

21 07 2008

Nice Bloggage man, I’m hooked. Keep up the good work…

30 07 2008

Although I think your blog is pretty funny and I do look into it almost every day, you should take it easy on ranting about people of other ethnic backgrounds -such as Europeans and Asians. You don’t know enough about foreign countries to do that and your rants are less sarcastic as you wish, they are sometimes just ignorant and insulting. And “Why you shouldn’t read that blog” is not an excuse.

Before you write something, think how you would feel if you read something similar about black people. For example, exchange the word “persian” in your persian threat with “african-american” and reread it. Would you still laugh about it, it is ok. Would you feel offended yourself, then you should not write it. Pretty logical.

Having said this, I like most of your others posts and the humor.

30 07 2008


2 08 2008
Myriam S.

I love this site very funny and I love your sarcasm!
You are my kind of man!

6 08 2008

I just found this blog today and I am sooooo subscribing! I love your acerbic wit and verbose! Kudos to you yo!

13 08 2008

You hate white people with dread locks!?! SO DO I! It’s my top pet peeve! White people acting/dressing/talking like black people makes me want to vomit! THANK YOU!

I’m a white person, by the way, and black people and white people both annoy me so much it makes me wish I was Filipino.

25 08 2008

Goddamned fucking angry people. Hate this, hate that, left, right and fucking sideways. No fucking love, just pissed off at the world. You choleric motherfuckers make me sick! Well, boo hoo. Tards and cocksuckers, the whole lot of you – sarcastic, cynical assholes.

Fuck this shit.

25 08 2008

If I weren’t already married, I’d propose to you.
Keep on writing, my friend. Keep writing.

26 08 2008

I almost feel guilty for enjoying your blog. I’m a black, feminist, lesbian who grew up in a small southern town in the USA. I find your blog to be really funny. And, I have been called a racist several times myself. Each time is a shocker. When I need a laugh I’ll come back to see whatcha doing.


26 08 2008

I hate, hate, hate people who say “they hate white people acting, dressing, talking black”, What really gets me is when a white person tells me this……. take for example this quote:

“Darryl (01:22:02) :
………You hate white people with dread locks!?! SO DO I! It’s my top pet peeve! White people acting/dressing/talking like black people makes me want to vomit! THANK YOU!I’m a white person, by the way,…….”

What does that actually mean???? What are you trying to tell me?????

8 09 2008

I think that this “disclaimer” is the funniest thing on the site.

13 09 2008
Dylan H.

I supposed you’ve probably already received heaps of comments and emails of this sort of thing, but the AAA has dismissed race altogether, at least from a scientific point of view:

12 10 2008
Andy Mac

man why u being so racist…

haha na im just kidding.
to tell you the truth i think all my close friends are white, this isnt because i dont want to engage with different races its simply because well first of all im from outback Australia and we dont have to much multiculturalism and secondly i base who im friends with primarily on there character and how i get along with them. Im not saying that i wouldnt get along well with another race my point is is that i havent came in contact with a person of another race that i have liked so much to befriend with them. As good as im sure it would be for me to have some multiculturalism in my life im not going out there with the incentive to befriend a person of any race, but if i were to meet one that i get along with there wont be any other deciding factors to it than there character and how i get along with them.

4 11 2008
HaHa Too Funny

You are awesome…except for fact you are an Obama supporter..

20 11 2008

The truth is refreshing!

20 12 2008

Erg. UNEQUIVOCABLY is not a word.

22 12 2008

This is unbelievable!! This is the utopia of blogosphere for me!

24 01 2009

I think I’m in love.

26 02 2009
"Rainbow Starglitter"

According to your criteria I am not racist since I have no problem with any of those things you’ve stated. But I’m not perfect and I know that i have prejudices against people for all kinds of things (race, color, number of children, political leanings, occupation) and I have a whole host of silly thoughts and downright stupid assumptions about people of different races. (and even some about people of my own race). So basically, my point is- nothing. I have no point and am just rambling. I think there is a big difference between “racial” and “racist” and some people think that any mention or consideration of race is racist. Like being excited that the US has elected it’s first Black President is racist because his race “should not matter at all.” Yes poeple think that. But I think all people have some “racism” and as long as it’s not hateful, we should learn to accept that we are not perfect and we are put on this earth to learn, not to just know everything coming out of the gate. ramble over…

16 04 2009

Dude, you’re awesome!

20 04 2009

I saw the looney tunes episode when i was like 5 and back then I thought it was racist. Anyway, if a black guy can make light of a situation that is heavily scrutinized with well thought educated evidence then I can listen to something I usually just plain ignore because people are usually utterly stupid when it comes to this subject. I laughed a lot and realized it like mj man, it don’t matter if your black or white.

17 05 2009

and it won’t be something I have to consciously force or remind myself to do as a matter of course.

why do u think that is? cuz u are on the bottom of the pole my friend. ANyone else is an upgrade!

8 06 2009

I think your observations are 100% correct. I dont see them as racist ,i see them as a commentary on class snobbery. Unfortunately, there seems to be more unbearable snobby idiots amoung that skin color group I belong to. I should know, been a victim of buffy and jody for years, starting from high school, when my parents couldnt affort to buy me those $100 Designer worn out jeans made to look like working class jeans.. And today, when I meet alot of them working in retail. I had one woman say to me the other day “that refrigerator is nicely appointed ” Refrigerators arent nicely appointed ,thats an interior car description ” ! anyway.. gotta keep smiling.. Maybe I have enough material to start a blog ..”adventures in retail”
anyway. keep writing.. your very witty..
oh and Ive never been to a farmers market. but next time I go to my local stop n shop, Im going to looking very carefully at the people feeling the peaches !

19 06 2009

singing telegram

I’ve been called “negative”, “angry” and “racist” for discussing racism – as though I were proud of having invented it.

I’ve since gotten over the subject all together, not because it’s in any way been resolved, but America will never discuss the matter honestly or be interested in resolution so what’s the point? In the meantime, the anger I used humour to manage was slowing me down and keeping me from focusing on the things I want to acheive.

You know…what it’s supposed to do.

But this blog is hysterical and it’s good to see that I’m not the only one who actually thinks about what’s going on with himself and formulates honest, though unpopular, opinions based on personal experience. …And voices them!

Thanks for publishing this blog. 🙂

/singing telegram

20 07 2009

wow..i just found your blog..too bad you had to shut it down..i’ve enjoyed what you’ve written and think you’re extremely talented.. thanks for the belated laughs..

21 07 2009
Ludwig von Konchi

it’s funny how this jackass wants to push ‘love’ down peoples throat. he thinks having a token nigger for a friend is bad…what is, why have a token nigger at all???who needs token niggers or any niggers for any reason??? why do Whites wanna be around dumb, low intelligent niggers in the first place. avoid these shit like they had the plague (which many do, AIDS and sypphlis, gonnorhea, and other shit)
niggers dont get it. they think racism is bad. they have been watching too much Sesame Street shit. if Whites are NOT

21 07 2009
Ludwig von Konchi

it’s funny how this nigger jackass wants to push ‘love’ down peoples throat. he thinks having a token nigger for a friend is bad, because he’s just a token. ahahahaha.
my question is, why have a token nigger in the first place. who are these idiots who have token niggers for friend?
who needs token niggers or any niggers for any reason???
why do Whites wanna be around dumb, low intelligent niggers in the first place?
dont Whites and Asian (its ok for spics I guess to have token niggers) know better to avoid these shit like they had the plague (which many do, AIDS and sypphlis, gonnorhea, and other shit)
niggers dont get it. they think racism is bad. they have been watching too much Sesame Street shit.
those Whites who say are NOT racists, makes them stupidiest Whites around…i suppose whatever they get in return from niggers they deserve, like Nicole Simpson…what do you expect from a nigger but violence and hatred…
a final message to intelligent Whites: stay away from niggers; dont hire them if you have a company or work for one; dont do them favors; avoid these animals like the plague; dont donate money to Africa relief organizations. vote for the White guy, or at least vote against any niggers running for a office; dont buy their products like those shitty rap and R&B cd’s. slash their tire if they park their cars in your neighborhoods (i love to watch their monkey expressions when they get back to their cars after I slash their tires. that’s what i call, racisms put to good use.)
go ahead, call me a racist, i’ll take you out to dinner if you do, unless you’re a nigger,then i’ll slash you tires. or maybe your face if i meet you in a dark alley…hahahahhaha

6 08 2009

im a handsome dude, mannerful, well-spoken, white people love me. i have an easy name, and roman catholic. i caught a case last summer, was super pissed off about the situation and grew a bin laden beard for 4.5 months,outof spite for the white cops, white judge, white probation officer. common denominator, white people. i was enraged with emotion and felt that the white man was to blame. i love white people, my close friends are white, and i always wished my parents were cool white ppl like Tony Danza. My white friends say that I’m whiter then most white people because of my politeness and for the way I treat strangers and especially elders in passing – with common courtesy and respect. But just seeing how ansty my friends/acquaintences; their girlfriends and co-workers get at the sight of it made me want to continue to grow it. Kind of like a ‘fuk you’ to all these uppity white fuks. I take pride in being able to relate and be cool with ppl of all walks that i’ve met locally and abroad.

10 08 2009
musafiri oliver

i’m going to tell you
-what- makes me “vomit”
or simply makes me
be very disappointed
(considering that we’re
obviously among well
educated people):

people who use expressions
like “i laugh so hard that I
want to vomit” deeply shock
my sense of decency.
i suspected that something
was wrong when i read the
blogger saying “her fu***ng
name is lala”.
that kind of language is
uncalled for if we’re talking
about somebody’s name.
it comes across as
unecessarily agressive,
plain disrespectful, and
ignorant. why don’t you,
mister blogger, come up
with more better ways
to emphasize and express
your disbelief, shock, and
high surprise.

in short:
you can do better that
kid. but if you tell me
that you’re fifteen:
it’s the hormones…
and it’s understandable

11 08 2009
musafiri oliver

this is a message for

where can i find you.
you left a message
twenty-five messages
cheers sista!

31 08 2009

Great stuff, keep it up. I’d say not to let small minds get you down, but it sounds like you’re doing fine without anyone’s support on that score.

6 09 2009

Thank you for being a someone like me.. Someone who believes that racism doesn’t truly end until racism is no longer racism, until people of all ethnicities can safely laugh at themselves or another race, without having something majorly bad happen. Thank you!

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