White Supremacy II

28 04 2008

Predictably, I received quite a bit of hate mail/comments from (surprise) white people regarding my white supremacy post. I received 51 emails and comments in all, and what’s interesting is that each of them have following claim in common:

Black people are naturally predisposed to violent and criminal behavior

Each time I read this correspondence, I laugh until my belly is sore. There are plenty of reasons to hate black people*, just like there are plenty of reasons to hate white people, hispanics, native americans, arabs, jews, asians, and Martians…but of all the reasons to hate us, the above is the least justifiable – especially for white people. Here’s why:

White supremacists absolutely love to quote statistics such as:

  • blacks kill seven times more than whites
  • blacks kill whites more than 20 times more than whites kill blacks
  • blacks rape white women 2000 times more than whites rape blacks
  • blacks commit 50 percent of American homicides while making up only 12% of the population

The list goes on.

This is because white supremacists, for the sake of convenience, like to start the history of violence in America at the latter half of the civil rights movement which is when black crime in this country began to balloon. This is akin to ignoring the Oklahoma City bombings so you can call the government ‘cruel’ for killing Timothy McVeigh.

Since these white folks are arguing about the INNATE quality of violence, that allows me to respond by examining the behavior of white people throughout the course of human history. This list is, of course, VERY abbreviated:

1.) The Macedonian Empire comes to prominence by slaughtering untold thousands of people from Egypt to India during Alexander the Great’s worldwide killing spree.

Figure 1: X-TREME CONQUEST!!!!!!

His ‘military genius’ is celebrated by white people to this day, and used as a model for…

2.) The Roman Empire, which comes to prominence as the Italians consolidate their own power by murdering other white people for a little while, then gradually extend their reach into modern day Egypt, Israel, Turkey, and other middle eastern and north African countries. For fun, the Romans make captives fight to the death in Gladiatorial games and feed Christians and criminals to wild animals.

Figure 2: I am quite entertained indeed, thank you.

Millions of people are killed in wars at a time when a few million people was a significant percentage of the world population. Modern day white people revere the Romans as an ‘ideal’ society.

3.) The Vikings went nuts in the 8th century and didn’t stop killing people until William the Conqueror successfully invaded England in 1066. The favorite pastime of the Vikings was, of course, to rob churches and, just for good measure, kill as many unarmed monks as possible in the process.

Figure 3: Wanted: Hug

4.) The Dark Ages were spent by the Europeans killing each other en masse in countless intra-European conflicts that would eventually leave the continent carved up into a billion different countries, most of whom speak completely different languages out of spite and hate each other to this day.

Figure 4: If I was this ugly and had a small dick, I’d be violent too.

Modern Europeans, having forgotten the wars/death that produced their patchwork continent, refer to this division as ‘culture.’ This would eventually culminate in Europeans turning their rage at each other into rage at the rest of the world during…

5.) The Age of Discovery, or as everyone else puts it, The Day the World Died. White people, particularly the British, French, Spanish, Portuguese, and Dutch, sailed all over the world spreading diseases (first unintentionally, then intentionally) that decimated populations wherever they went – especially in the western hemisphere.

Figure 5: Thanks, douche

All estimates for the numbers of people killed by the spread of disease by white people are in the tens of millions. And speaking of tens million of millions…

6.) The African Slave Trade involved the kidnapping of some 12 million Africans at the hands of white people taking advantage of pre-existing rivalries between African tribes.

Figure 6: Challenge – find the difference between this and Norwegian Cruise Lines

Since only about 10 million of these Africans survived, white people can feel free to bear the responsibility for the 2 million that were murdered along the way. White people used these slaves to pave the way for…

7.) The conquest of America, during which millions of Native Americans were killed by peace loving white people through a combination of conventional and biological warfare. If you want to see how violent white Americans are, all you have to do is hop on an airplane. Once the plane is in the air, look down at the expanse of Earth below you, and try to comprehend that every square inch of it was stolen from Indians at gunpoint.

Figure 7: YOINK!

8.) World Wars I and II. White people really went nuts in the 20th century when they began to find more and more efficient ways to kill themselves/others.

Figure 8: I’m sure this can be blamed on black people

The invention of the machine guns, tanks, dumb bombs, mustard gas, and other little trinkets led to some 20,000,000 deaths in WWI and a whopping 70,000,000 deaths in WWII. This doesn’t even include the victims of…

9.) The Holocaust, which resulted in the deaths of 11,000,000 Jews, Catholics, Gypsies, retards, and anyone else that Hitler didn’t like.

Figure 9: Was never harmed by a negro

That’s right folks: 11,000,000 people systematically exterminated by ONE WHITE MAN. This almost renders irrelevant the casualties of…

10.) Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which are estimated around 280,000 dead by the end of 1945. White folks in America wanted the war over quickly, and a simple siege by sea would just take far too long – so what better way to end the war than by nuking a civilian population and rattling your atomic saber to scare the Soviets?

Figure 10: White Diplomacy

Of course, these are just my favorite ten. We won’t even get into the Napoleonic wars, the French Revolution, Vietnam, Iraq I & II, Apartheid, and the countless murders of blacks at the hands of whites that went unpunished and unrecorded from the end of the slave trade until the end of the Civil Rights Movement (and, in some parts of the south, today). We won’t talk about what the British did to India during their prolonged occupation of that country, nor will we get into the conquest and genocide of central and south America.

Assuming black people really do commit 50% of the murders in the US (which would amount to 8,300 killings in 2005), it would take all the black killers in the country 34 years to catch up to the number of people killed at the order of one white man in the 1945 atomic bombings of Japan. It would take all the black killers in the country 241 years to catch up to the number of blacks killed by whites in the middle passage alone. It would take them 1,325 years to catch up to the number of people killed by white men in the holocaust.

White people have been killing everyone by the untold millions since the 4th century BC, but white supremacists have the nerve to call other people violent. If you look back into time, you’ll realize that no matter what color you are, you’re about a billion times more likely to suffer death-by-white-man than death by natural causes. Is there anything in the world more hilarious?

Decidedly no.

*Having a reason to do something doesn’t necessarily make it right

White Supremacy

2 04 2008

The white supremacy movement in the United States is quite possibly the most ridiculous phenomenon the country has ever encountered. It’s not ridiculous because of the flagrant bigotry, desire for hegemony, history of violence, or anything like that. White supremacy is ridiculous because its goals are ridiculous.

Stupid White Supremacist Goal #1: White Power

White supremacists claim that there aren’t enough white people in positions of political and socio-economic power, which is about as ridiculous as saying there aren’t enough black running backs in the NFL.


Figure 1: 43 consecutive white Presidents just ain’t enough for some people.

Seriously – between the white kids in Jena getting away with a hate crime, Viacom convincing everyone that black people are idiots, racial profiling that targets black crime and ignores white crime to make us seem more prone to violence, and nearly all of the nation’s billionaires being white…what more could they want? I know! They want…

White Supremacist Goal #2: Separation of the Races

The irony in white supremacists bringing black folks to this country against their will on a bizzaro Princess Cruise and now demanding that we leave isn’t really lost on anyone. But what may be lost on some people is the following –

If you ever watch the History Channel and see specials on Neo-Nazis, skinheads, Klansmen, etc., you’ll notice that nearly every slack-jawed white supremacist they interview will say something like this:

“Ya see, the Jews are controlling the economy. The niggers are after our women and trying to kill everyone. The Mexicans just keep pourin’ over the border. What we need is separation. America needs to go back to the good ol’ days without the niggers and the Jews!”

That last sentence always baffles me, because I can’t recall that there’s ever even been a period in American history without ‘the niggers’. Reminiscing about a time that never existed is kinda like dividing by zero. Then again, rednecks tend not to be good with math or even reading (see Figure 2), so what the hell was I expecting?


Figure 2: Prospective KKK members learning the alphabet by burning a gigantic lowercase ‘t’

On a personal note: anybody ever notice that white power advocates tend to stay quiet on the topic of Native Americans? They go nuts over blacks, jews, arabs, homosexuals, asians, hispanics, and even the mentally disabled, but Native Americans are never mentioned.

The worst part about being a Native American isn’t manifest destiny. It isn’t the Sand Creek Massacre or Wounded Knee. It isn’t the blankets infected with smallpox. It isn’t the 80% rate of diabetes and third-world poverty levels on many reservations. It isn’t even Steven fucking Segal claiming to be one of us, or the existence of the Washington Redskins, Atlanta Braves, and Cleveland Indians.

The worst part about being a Native American is the fact that many white supremacists claim a perverted fraternal bond with you.

At many publicly-open powwows all over the eastern and southern United States, you will find at least as many rednecks as Indians in attendance. When I’m dressed in Native dance gear, you can’t really tell that I’m part black. My hair is covered, my goatee is usually trimmed close, my eyes are green, I’m usually squinting from the sun (giving me a mildly asian look), and my skin is copperish. Because I don’t appear at all black, some fatass redneck with a giant belt buckle and Confederate flag headscarf with a fucking turkey feather sticking out of it will inevitably approach and chat me up – asking me to take pictures with him, and making constant references to ‘social struggle’ and calling me ‘brother.’ This shit enrages me.


Figure 3: This is what’s on my mind when I take pictures with rednecks at powwows

At times like this I’m glad I’m a fancy dancer and not a traditional dancer. The tradish boys usually carry weapons, and there’s no fucking way I’d be able or willing to control myself.