Clinton Supporters

27 08 2008

I was about to pull into the parking garage near my office when NPR, which never fails to enrage me at least once a day, featured a report from the floor of the DNC. The report focused on Hillary Clinton’s supporters – specifically those who are refusing to support Barack Obama in spite of the following facts:

  • Obama won the nomination
  • Hillary Clinton is urging all her supporters to back Obama
  • The supporters are lifelong Democrats who have NEVER voted Republican or sat out an election
  • Everyone from Obama, to Clinton, to the DNC is urging party unity
  • John McCain will kill us all

Nearly everyone still supporting Clinton has two of three traits in common. First, they are middle aged white women. Seriously. Damn near all of them. Not only are they all middle aged white women, but they all look the same: short Hillary-style hairdo, moderately to severely overweight, pants suit of some sort, fucking goddamn pins and other pieces of feminist and pro-Hillary flair all over their clothing.

Figure 1: Hillary Clinton Supporter

Secondly, Hillary supporters fall into one of two categories: 1.) those who say they will vote for Obama if he’s willing to blow a requisite amount of sunshine up their asses (e.g. supporting roll call votes, etc.), and 2.) those who simply will not vote for Obama at all, despite Clinton and Obama supporting nearly identical policy proposals, and are in effect taking their balls (yea, that’s right) and going home. Both of these camps are insanely idiotic.

It’s interesting to know that women, who are supposed to be the fairer and more emotionally grounded sex, are willing to fuck over the whole entire country because their candidate didn’t win. They seriously think that if they skip the general election out of spite, then 4 – 8 more years of John McBush will somehow be Barack Obama’s fault instead of their own. I imagine these same women refuse to feed their infants and, when they die of starvation, they shrug their shoulders and tell the jury “hey…that nigga shoulda hit up a Hunan or somethin’.”

My favorite quote from these women comes in the following form:

“I’m a lifelong democrat. I’ve never voted non-Democrat in 40 years, and I’ve never sat out an election. But this time…I don’t know…I just don’t know.”

As a black person, it’s tempting to substitute “I don’t know” with “I hate niggers”, but I think this lets them off a little too easy. People who are racist are taught to be that way by their parents and by the media when they are still young, impressionable, and not responsible for what they are exposed to. Crying racism makes it too easy to shift blame to previous generations or abstract conceptions of “The Man”, and racism is a charge that’s way too easy for these women to deny (“my son has a colored friend!”).

Instead, I like to chalk up their reluctance to plain old fucking immaturity. It’s far more insulting to be called a child than a racist. They didn’t get what they wanted, so now they’re crying their figurative eyes out like a toddler that just spent a week in a sex offenders’ prison.

Figure 2: Hillary Clinton supporter

“My candidate didn’t win. Boo hoo. Now I’m gonna let the world burn and tell everybody ‘I told ya so!'” This is, of course, all the more infuriating because Obama’s black supporters on the whole would have never adopted a passive aggressive stance like this if Clinton won. Sure we’d be pissed, but we wouldn’t cut off our nose to spite our face. This is proven by the fact that black people didn’t stay home during the general election after Jesse Jackson (who was still respected in 1988) didn’t win the nomination 20 years ago.

Clinton supporters (middle-aged white ones in particular), however, are showing just how selfish they really are. They are willing to risk keeping the party divided at the start of one of the most crucial Presidential elections in modern history…just because their candidate didn’t win. Some are even willing to attempt to subvert Obama’s nomination by turning a roll call vote into an official vote, which they know damn well would tear the Democratic Party to SHREDS and ensure Republican rule for the next century. That’s right, people: these broads want feminism to prevail EVEN IF IT MEANS THE END OF THE WORLD.

Figure 3: Hillary Clinton Supporter

I’ll leave everyone with the following gem:

Have a nice day.

The Democratic Party

23 04 2008

There are a lot of reasons for Obama supporters to be angry at Hillary Clinton:

  • Red phone ads designed to scare people into submission, taking a page from the Karl Rove handbook
  • Calling Obama, a black man who grew up in a single-parent household and just finished paying off student loans, an elitist – while she and her husband have been earning about $15.5 million per year on average for the past seven years
  • Accusing Obama of being pro-McCain after Obama said he’d be a better president than Bush…while she herself said publicly that only she and McCain were ready to lead the country on day one
  • Crying her way to votes in Texas while claiming not to be playing the gender card
  • Playing up Obama’s connections to Rev. Wright to downplay hypocritical revelations regarding her words vs. her actions on NAFTA and Colombian free trade
  • Outright lying about sniper fire in Bosnia and her active role in the Ireland conflict

The list goes on, but I’ll stop here.

How ironic is it that so many people accuse Obama’s supporters of backing him based entirely on emotion, while no one seems to be looking into the fact that Hillary’s supporters are backing her for that reason in far greater numbers. I’m not saying that Clinton would make a bad president – quite the contrary, I think there are plenty of good reasons to vote for her, especially over that racist snake John McCain. Unfortunately, nearly every argument I’ve heard in support of Clinton, both in public and in private, have centered around the following “logic”, all of which I feel compelled to fire away at in turn:

“You know, she’s earned it. She’s worked hard. It’s Clinton’s time to be President”

There are lots of people who work hard that don’t deserve to be President.

Figure 1: Like this guy

But assuming she has worked hard in a way that makes her qualified for the Presidency…how has she proven herself to be more hardworking than Obama or, for that matter, John McCain? Yes, she’s worked hard and certainly is qualified, but that doesn’t fucking mean she’s ‘earned it’, especially when you consider the competition.

“Her husband did a good job, and I think she would too. It’s like getting Bill and Hillary at the same time.”

There are three types of people that make this argument. One type thinks that Hillary Clinton = Bill Clinton. Another type thinks that Billary will work as a two headed monster, effectively giving us two presidents slaying social injustice and reviving the hyperinflated economy of the late 1990s for the next eight years. The last type thinks that Bill will effectively become president again, overshadowing his wife in terms of policymaking and so forth thus rendering third and fourth terms of a Bill Clinton presidency.

All groups are underestimating the force of Hillary Clinton’s personality.

Figure 2: Soul-Eater

The first group seems to be ignorant of the fact that, behind closed doors, Hillary Clinton is a raging bitch. Innumerable people who have worked in close quarters with her in the past have noted three major issues with her personality: her fiery temper, her readiness to hold lifelong grudges, and her view of people as either absolute friends or absolute enemies on a very personal level. While Bill certainly shares his wife’s temper, he lacks the second and third flaws of his wife which made him a very respectable statesman until that fat chick in the purple dress showed up.

The second group is deluded. Bill and Hillary have been at odds constantly throughout the presidential campaign, with Hillary occasionally having to muzzle her husband. It’s only going to get worse if she becomes president and they start butting heads on the world stage. Bill and Hillary are a lot more likely to get in each others’ way than work together as an effective team.

The third group is just plain fucking stupid. Hillary Clinton is not the type to just get on her knees and take it from her husband (if she were, the Lewinsky thing probably wouldn’t have happened). Hillary Clinton is too strong a woman to be run or overshadowed by her husband, even if her husband is the awesome political legend that is Bill Clinton. A vote for Hillary is not a vote for Bill, you delusional fucktards.

“It’s time for a woman to be President.”

This is the most infuriating argument of all because it is by far the least logical. I’ve never heard any woman make this argument and actually explain WHY it’s time for a woman to be President – so I’m going to posit some arguments for these morons.

1.) a woman could bring a ‘light and gracious touch’ to international politics, helping restore America’s good moral standing after Dubyah et al ran roughshod over our reputation in the pursuit of oil/evil.

This argument has one crucial flaw: Hillary Clinton is not a woman. Hillary Clinton is a fucking cyborg.

Figure 3: Clin-Tron

Gracious and feminine are not words that come to mind when one thinks of Hillary Clinton. In fact, her combative nature, hardheadedness, and ends-justify-the-means modus operandi are reflective of none other than George W. Bush. Hillary Clinton is not the one to bring a lady’s touch to the American and/or international political scapes.

2.) women have been oppressed forever, it’s time for a woman to come to the head of power

Perhaps this would be a valid thing to say if Hillary wasn’t running against a black man, but since she is – it’s not. Non-black women everywhere are making this argument and, by tacit extension, are claiming that white women in America have a deeper history of oppression than black men, to which I respond thusly.

Why, then, is this post entitled “The Democratic Party”? Simple. Everything I’ve written above has illustrated one unavoidable fact: the ‘Democratic Party’ is a lie.

Figure 4: But the logo is pretty damn accurate

‘Democrat’ is not a party – it’s a label. It’s a label adopted by disparate and often competing groups that have virtually nothing in common. Just think about the divisiveness that’s reared its head in the democratic race:

  • Blacks are being pitted against Latinos
  • Blacks are threatening to boycott elections if Hillary wins
  • Middle class white men are overwhelmingly unwilling to vote for Obama
  • White women are being pitted against black people
  • Black women are being torn in half
  • Practically-minded poor/middle-class people are being pitted against ‘high minded’ yuppies
  • The rural vote and the urban vote are virtually dichotomous
  • The Clinton vote and the Independent vote are virtually dichotomous
  • 40+% of Obama’s voters won’t support Clinton if she wins
  • 40+% of Clinton’s voters won’t support Obama if he wins

This divisiveness is going to cost us the election. Barring some HUGE gaffe by John McCain, he will win the general election because a.) all republicans will vote for him, b.) all white middle class voters will vote for him if Obama wins, or all Independents will vote for him and many black/young people will stay home if Clinton wins, and c.) John McCain is Satan.

So given McCain’s inevitable win, who do you think we’ll invade first: Iran, China, or Russia?