These are the answers to the questions is get the most frequently in emails and the comments sections. If there’s anything else you’d like clarified, email email@example.com.
Q. Why are you so bitter?
Q. Is this site really about stuff black people hate, or is it just stuff you hate?
A. It all depends on how you define ‘black people’.
Most people go with the tacit definition of ‘black people’ – that is, a ‘high’ percentage of black people. The problem is that very few people are willing to define what that percentage is. Is it 90%? 80%? 50%? 25%? You may think 25% is a low and unreasonable number, but anyone who has ever gathered 100 random black people together and tried to get 25 of them to agree on something will say otherwise. For reasons such as these, agreeing on this percentage is literally impossible. It will always be a matter of opinion as to what constitutes a quorum of black opinion. This leaves the commonly accepted definition of ‘black people’ subject to change, and this is unacceptable to me.
Therefore, for the purposes of this site, I prefer to draw on the literal (or mathematical) meaning of ‘black people’ – as in “more than one black person”. This is a definition that no one can argue with as long as you make it clear that it’s the literal definition that you’re using.*
As such, this blog could also be called ‘Stuff More Than One Black Person Hates’, which is almost certainly accurate in that, for every post I make, I’m sure that I could find at least one of the 40 million or so black people in the country who agrees with it. I did not use this name, however, because it makes for an awkward URL.
And there you have it.
*I don’t make this clarification anywhere on my blog that’s clearly visible, mostly because I am an asshole.
Q. Do your posts reflect your real opinions? Or are you exaggerating?
A. In just about every post on this site, I drift between my real feelings and satire like an injured boxer drifting in and out of consciousness. Part of what makes writing this blog interesting is seeing where people draw the line between humor and seriousness, because most of the time I don’t draw it for them. Some authors would feel compelled to make the distinction clear each and every time to keep their readers from becoming frustrated. I, personally, do not feel so compelled.
When I started writing this blog, I did so assuming the audience would consist of myself and my closest friends (at first, it actually did) and wrote the blog geared toward them. There was never a need to me to clarify anything because my friends know when I’m serious and when I’m not. I did not, at the time, anticipate this blog becoming popular.
I made the conscious decision not to alter my writing style once the blog caught on because I felt doing so would be a disservice to the reader I value the most: the one who doesn’t take himself seriously, the one who is happy to laugh at himself/life, and the one who does this even if he/she doesn’t agree with me. Since I didn’t change up the style, though, I get plenty of other readers who take the blog 100% seriously and will either try to engage me in serious debate or simply try to ‘serve’ me intellectually. While I respect these individuals (at least those from the first group, anyway), I have to say in all honesty that I don’t write this blog to wax sophisticated with anyone. I don’t write this blog to stimulate dialog. It’s not because I can’t – it’s because I don’t feel like it. These folks view this site as being able to spark a kind of cerebral debate akin to lovemaking. I view this site as a one-sided and occasionally-didactic polemic that’s more akin to drunk-fucking or masturbation.
I suppose that doesn’t really clear up anything. Fuck it.
Q. Are you ‘Admiral Furious’?
A. This is a common misconception.
For those new to the site, a lot of comments on the blog are left under the name ‘Admiral Furious’ – and I suppose that due to the number and length of these comments (and the fact that the title image of this blog once featured him), many people think that Admiral Furious is the author of this blog. This is not the case.
So to put the whole thing to bed: Admiral Furious is one of my closest, dearest, and clinically insane friends, as indicated by the fact that I helped him paint his house and sandblast his walls (this second part, admittedly, I did mostly to entertain myself because I like power tools, and I like making a mess). Admiral Furious and I, however, are two different people.
Any comments I post are under the name ‘stuffblackpeoplehate’.
Q. Are you a racist?
A. See this article
Q. Are you black?
A. My unofficial black blood quantum is somewhere between 1/4 and 1/2, depending on how much Indian ancestry is attributed to my mother (which has never been determined to any degree of certainty). So the short answer is, “yes.” For those who want the long answer, read on…
I had the experience of being raised simultaneously in both black and native american communities, so I am one of those relatively rare folks that are racially mixed both physically and culturally to a fairly equal degree. Because I don’t identify with being black more than native, or native more than black, I tend to hop freely between the two when offering my opinion on things.
This often confuses and angers people – especially when I suddenly take a black issue and offer a native perspective on it. It’s as if people want me to ‘choose sides’ based on the flawed assumption that the whole of my experience is a zero-sum game between my black experiences/perspectives vs. my native ones. This, of course, is all Viacom’s fault.
MTV’s ‘The Real World’ injected the collective young American sub-conscience with the idea that people can and should be classified only according to simple and easily digestible archetypes. Don’t get me wrong – these archetypes existed way before MTV. It’s just that MTV made it socially mandatory for us to apply them to people in everyday life. The best part is that we’re all guilty of doing it, but no one will ever admit it.
These archetypes include familiar ones like the Militant Black Man, the Gay Guy, the Bitchy White Girl, the White Frat Boy, the Break Dancing Asian, etc. There’s no place in the dialog, though, for the black/red man whose life experience is culturally dimorphic. Someone like this makes for bad television because it may take more than one episode for viewers to decide if they love him or hate him. Basically, he’s not polarizing enough in a society that demands emotional polarity. I’m not on ‘The Real World’ for the same reason there isn’t a blog called stuffwhitepeoplefeelneitherherenorthereabout.org.
So the bottom line is this: since this isn’t reality television, the people you encounter here (me, those who leave comments, Admiral Furious, etc.) are going to be as complex as the people you encounter in real life. Viewpoints are going to come from every corner of the universe, and they’re not necessarily going to fit any predefined notions about who people are or who they should be.
Deal with it.
Q. Are you single/available
A. For the moment, yes.
Q. Why don’t you put ads on this site? You could make money!
A. I think placing ads on this site would undermine its creative character, as was confirmed to me when, for a VERY brief time, SWPL.org had ads on its site (I believe they’ve since been removed, possibly as a result of landing a six-figure book deal).
There are more honest ways to pursue revenue from this site, as long as I’m not too lazy, which I most certainly am…so I pretty much don’t expect to see a dime from this site ever. And I’m OK with that.
Q. Do you date women who aren’t black?
A. Almost exclusively. Not because I don’t like black women, but because a.) black women tend not to be attracted to me and b.) most other races are. I love black women, but I’m not gonna break my balls just trying to get the time of day from a black girl when the hot indian girl across the room is asking ME for MY number.
I’ve received all kinds of explanations as to why black chicks don’t dig me: light skinned guys are out of fashion, I ‘talk too white’, I don’t come off as suave, I don’t have enough black friends, I smell like a paper mill, etc. Fortunately, though, I’m good enough for just about every other race of women…so I stopped caring.
It’s admittedly frustrating, though, to see my non-black dates being scowled at by black women who would never date me themselves. Oh well.