To My Readers: Farewell

30 08 2008

It’s been a good run, and the last few months of my life have certainly been made very interesting by this blog. For anyone who wants to keep in touch, the Facebook group is here and I’ll be there posting nonsense somewhat regularly.

I’ll also be sending an official announcement of the availability of the book on FB as well.

For anyone that’s interested in some stats about this blog, here they are:

5 Most Viewed Posts

  1. Stupid Names
  2. Beyonce
  3. Straight Hair
  4. Creole Chicks
  5. Master’s Degrees

5 Least Viewed Posts

  1. Leap Year
  2. James Watson
  3. Zema Williams
  4. Fighter Pilots
  5. The Electric Slide

Total Page Views: Approx 740,000

Total Comments: Approx 38,000

Most Commented Post: Slave Food, 839 comments

As for the book, the text will be finished by September 15, and hopefully it won’t take more than a week or two to actually get the thing available in print. While I won’t release the title just yet, I’ll give a sneak preview of the cover art:

Everyone take care, and I’ll see you when I see you.

-Chris





To My Readers: The Final Three

26 08 2008

All,

Only three posts left (tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday) till we say goodbye. There will also be an official ‘farewell’ post on Sunday the 31st which will also include the name of the book.

If you haven’t already, register on the Facebook group for updates about book’s release: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=17135349852

Till then, use headphones to enjoy the following: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGAvd1K48A4

-Chris





To My Readers: Happy Hangover Day

15 08 2008

I am way too fucking hung over to write anything coherent today.

After arriving back at my condo with my drunk ass friends (Chicken Jon, Landmine, and Mandrew) and falling asleep on the couch, I woke up 4 hours later to discover all my fried chicken eaten, nachos and other stoner food that I didn’t even know I had sitting on the kitchen counter, my thermostat turned down to 59 degrees (Chicken Jon is ALWAYS too hot), and the phrase “I Love Penis” set as my Google Chat status message.

And I get to do it all over again tonight.

Pray for me. I’ll make this up with an extra post next week.

-Chris





Stuff Black People Hate: The Final 10 Posts

7 08 2008

Only ten posts remain (not including Thoughts for Tuesday/Thursday and To My Readers entries) before the journey that has been StuffBlackPeopleHate comes to an official close on August 31.

For those who are interested, the Facebook group for the blog will remain here:
http://www.facebook.com/groups.php?ref=sb#/group.php?gid=17135349852

The SBPH book is still slated for release at the end of the month, while the undisclosed second half of the…project…will be unveiled, probably through the FB group, at a date TBD.

For today, enjoy:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/08/07/food.guilty.plea.ap/index.html

-Chris





To My Readers: Overloaded Today

4 08 2008

All,

I’ve had a million things to do over the weekend and was never able to get around to writing. New post coming tomorrow.

In the meantime, what does everyone think about this?





To My Readers: The Project

17 06 2008

All,

Sorry that there’s no post today – I spent last night working on an extra-secret…project…related to this blog and never got around to writing an actual entry.

Because of this…project…I’m going to be posting regular entries only on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until the…project…is complete. I’ll still post stuff on Tuesdays and Thursdays (except today), but it’ll be something other than and shorter than my usual entries.

I’m hoping to have the results of the…project…available in the Fall.

In case anyone is wondering, here are some details about what the…project…is not:

  • I did not get a book deal
  • I am not building a tiny fort
  • I am not making a movie, music video, television series, or mock-u-mentary
  • Chuck Norris is not involved in the…project

See you fuckers tomorrow.

Figure 1: Self-Portrait





To My Readers: Barack Obama Week

4 06 2008

Figure 1: “When you get sad, stop being sad and be awesome instead.” -Anonymous

Shhhhhh…listen. Do ye hear that? Turn down the TV, step away from any noise, and listen well…

‘Tis the sound of crying. A deep guttural wailing, much of it coming from the south (and Boston) where the racists dwell.

Harken left! ‘Twas quick. Doth ye hear it, still?

Shattered porcelain, and a ringing. Metal discs rotate quickly and come noisily to rest, but one rogue of silver-gray rolls toward a wall to be rescued by a pale hand nigh it’s collision. The face-in-relief of the first President doesn’t look at the boy. It just seems to stare to the left, out the window, or perhaps at the pink shards of its former prison. It’s been freed from it’s cage for the first time; the little racist boy with the big racist father having smashed his piggy bank.

$6.66. It will have to be enough to order the murder of the dark candidate from the North. He knows the black lord cannot be defeated fairly: for he will cross cutlass with a mere skeleton.

Bottoms up on ye grog me hearties, yo ho! The nomination is Barack’s!

I wrote myself a Haiku to celebrate:

Rednecks are sobbing
Black men sprint to the White House
McCain is too old

In continued celebration of what I hope to God is the inevitable, I’m keeping the new Barack Obama banner at the top of the site for at least one week. He is our honorary angry black man, and yes he is angry no matter how much you see him smile.

I’d like to know how everyone else celebrated and otherwise reacted to the news of the clinching of the nomination. I, for one, stood on my balcony laughing like an absolute maniac for fifteen minutes and, I shit you not, was joined in my bellowing guffaws by three black people and one white guy in the next building over.

Sorry, Hil-Dawg. You fought one hell of a fight:

  • You first declared a top-down candidacy that you labeled ‘inevitable’, running on a platform as an establishment candidate.
  • When that didn’t work, you called yourself a candidate of change.
  • When that didn’t work, you compared your rival’s candidacy to that of Jesse Jackson – and you even cried a little.
  • But that didn’t work either, so you tried to quash the black vote by appealing to Black vs. Latin sentiment.
  • When that strategy fell on its ass, you resorted to good old Clintonian/Rovian scare tactics, taking out red phone ads and even calling John McCain more qualified for the job.
  • Then you really dug into the shit pit making tacit claims that Obama wasn’t good enough for white voters. Of course…that didn’t work either.
  • When it finally became clear you might actually lose, you went completely apeshit.
  • First, you started making dubious claims that you were ahead in the popular vote (so long as you count Michigan and Florida, and exclude all caucus votes). You tried to convince the DNC that this heavily-altered popular vote was the criteria for taking the nomination. The Clintons actually tried to move the goalposts of a decades-established election playing field to suit their needs at the moment. THAT, my friends, is how you act WHITE.
  • Second, you suddenly decided that Michigan and Florida were the most important states in the universe. Quietly brushing over the fact that you initially supported the DNC’s punishment of those states for breaking the rules, you fought to get all their delegates reinstated…and you fucking SUCCEEDED!

Ever since Iowa, you tried to latch on to an ‘underdog’ status and, at the very least, convince everyone that you were a tenacious fighter. But here’s the thing, ‘sweetie’ (as my idol would say) – Obama was the one fighting the establishment candidate. Obama was the one who prevailed despite your SUCCESSFULLY changing the rules of the game THROUGHOUT the primary season. Obama was the one who prevailed despite your scare tactics, racist divide-and-conquer strategy, and even your outright lies fed to and swallowed by the media. Yes, Hill, you are quite possibly the most incredible fighter I’ve ever seen…

…but Obama outfought YOU.

God Bless America.