Milk

25 08 2008

Here are three simple facts that fuck up each and every day of my life:

  1. I am lactose intolerant
  2. Everything that tastes good has milk in it
  3. I have no self-control

For whatever reason, most black people are lactose intolerant. Lactose intolerance is a condition by which you can’t digest certain sugars found in dairy products, rendering your butthole a cannon of unrelenting stank within ten minutes of consuming any of the following delicious foods:

Milk, cheese, butter, ice cream, pizza, Guinness, white russians, cereal, cheesecake, pudding, chocolate, coffee creamer, sour cream (this curses everything from baked potatoes to fajitas), cream of wheat, creme brule, eclaires, custard donuts, and pussy.

Figure 1: Contains at least 40% lactose

Unfortunately, it’s hard to eat anything in an American diet that doesn’t have fucking milk in it, so black people all over the country have had to find a way to deal with the persistent threat of farting loudly and stinkily in public. This explains a lot of negro modes of dress and even physiology. Allow me to elaborate:

Unlike women, men generally enjoy farts. We also don’t like clenching our ass cheeks together* (the standard method of fart suppression) because racist jerks might think we’re preparing for a prison term. As such, we tend to just let the farts out. Unfortunately, unlike normal farts whose timing and force are under the control of the farter, milk farts are self-actualized. They come charging out of your ass when, where, and however hard they want. If you’re not going to clench your cheeks, then you have to find a way to keep the fart from getting to other people’s noses. This explains the popularity of baggy clothing among black men.

Figure 2: It does not, however, explain this shit.

Baggy pants create a neutral zone of air between the asshole and the air used by the general public that’s large enough to dissipate the power of the fart before it osmoses out of the pants. Since farts rise, large t-shirts draped over the buttocks provide a secondary buffer zone that all but eliminates the fart stank before it reaches the nose. A side effect of this is, of course, Stinky Britches.

As for the women, everyone knows that the trademark of the black woman is the big black booty. Where did this come from? It’s actually quite simple. Everyone, regardless of race, has had the experience of holding back a cataclysmic fart. It starts in your middle torso and hurts like a motherfucker, until it plows its way through your colon making for the sphincter (and making lots of awkward noises along the way). Once there, the fart literally lays siege to your asshole, hammering away at the opening like Grond breaking through the gates of Gondor.

Figure : This is exactly how it feels

Only the power of the woman’s cheek clench can repel the ass-ault. Since most black farts are milk farts and, therefore, require extreme effort to hold back, centuries of hardcore cheek clenching have caused natural selection to favor black women with big booties. Smaller bootied women are unable to clench their cheeks as hard, making it more likely for a milk fart (which is intolerably stinky) to escape mid-coitus and send potential mates running for the hills before insemination.

Some asshole at a university somewhere is going to read this blog and actually try to base a thesis on its theories. Jumping Jesus Christ…

* Unless you’re this guy

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557 responses

25 08 2008
Amadeo

Wow….A Grond reference in a post about lactose intolerance. Well played.

25 08 2008
www.anythingblack.net/forums

so thats why our women got big booties LawL

“Only the power of the woman’s cheek clench can repel the ass-ault.” im dyin

25 08 2008
SheWhoMustNot BeNamed

erm…why not pop a Lactaid pill?

25 08 2008
Lindsay

“rendering your butthole a cannon of unrelenting stank”

LOL!

25 08 2008
ChuckT

Origin of booty is classic. good post

25 08 2008
Lindsay

P.S. –

I’m soooooo glad I’m not lactose intolerant. Cheese is my favorite food. My other favorite foods all are dairy based or have dairy in them (yogurt, ice cream, macaroni and cheese, any Italian food [which I like because of the use of cheese and milk, e.g. tortellini and alfredo sauce] and the list goes on).

Although, if my mother’s any indication, I could become lactose intolerant as I get older.

Shit.

25 08 2008
Jay_Everyday

I am lactose intolerant
Everything that tastes good has milk in it
I have no self-control

This sounds like the start of a lactose anonymous meeting.

25 08 2008
Anonymiss

LMBAO!!! This is so true. Lactose intolerance hit me kinda late though (like a few years ago).

Since I was a kid I’ve always had milk with cereal and oatmeal and it had no real effect on me. At least I didn’t think so. I thought farting all the time was normal, LOL!

My mom was advised by her doctor to eat healthier so the family moved onto 2%, then I moved onto 1%, then back to 2%. For a while I was drinking organic whole milk but my stomach could not handle it.

Now I drink soy milk and life’s gotten so much better for me.

25 08 2008
Lil'T

Too funny. I usually do my dairy scarfin alone at home. You know the classic threesome: Lil’ T, Ben and Jerry. They hurt me so good.

Side note: I was watching Discovery Channel Saturday and they had segment talking about the “dangerous evil” that is the “africanized” honey bee. I had to go all the way back to the Africanized Bee post Chris did a million years ago. I laughed and was furious at the same time. We’ll miss this blog, Chris. Keep hatin’.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

What a sad and miserable life it would be without cheese. lol

25 08 2008
Amadeo

Fuck soy milk…Almond milk is the shit.

“I’m lactose intolerant and I won’t stand for it.”

25 08 2008
Jeresmom

I am HOLLERING over here. I am lactose intolerant and you pretty much nailed the milk fart to a T, lmao

25 08 2008
Jeresmom

Soy milk suck but I LOVE Lactaid, my wallet doesn’t though

25 08 2008
Anesidora

HEEE-LARIOUS!! And oh so true…. it hit me around middle school. A few months ago my teenage son was complaining about persistent diarrhea, and I was really worried that maybe the stress of my recent divorce was getting to him and was all ready to haul him into the doctor or therapist or priest or something, and then it dawned on me to ask him “Boy, are you drinking the milk at football practice??” Problem solved.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Good Morning Everybody…it’s 9am here and I’m tired as shit…

I love the Very Vanilla Silk Milk

I don’t pass gas…I’m a f*cking lady!

Bodily functions in front of me will cut you off quick-I am digusted by men who do “that” in front of women…bleh!

25 08 2008
Jeresmom

I became lactose intolerant after I had my son. He drinks it like a champ though

25 08 2008
Laurel

Chocolate soy milk is heaven.
Too many hormones in most dairy products anyway.

25 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

I’m so glad my Cherokee princess great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother on my aun’t’s mother-in law’s first cousin’s next-door neighbor’s side passed down the lactose TOLERANT gene to me. I need my brie and Gouda on a daily basis.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Jess: The Vanilla Silk is absolutely the jumpoff.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Scripio, brie and gouda daily?! gross…you may be tolerant but I’m sure your breath stinks! lmao…dairy makes peoples’ breath funky-u forgot that Chris…

I agree with the issue of dairy having too many hormones, that’s why I want to raise my kids dairy-free and organic diet…so they won’t have gigantic asses and look like 25 year olds before they graduate from middle school!

I hate being lactose intolerant…I melt cheese on almost every damn thing! Good thing there is no Hot Sauce-intolerant, cuz it would be a wrap for my meals!

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Hot sauce intolerance would be the leading killer of negroids, period.

25 08 2008
STONE

*Sigh* Newly lactose intolerant.

WTF?!?!

I love me some latte.

Damn being Black! Okay, maybe thats taking things too far.

25 08 2008
Jen

NORMAL human populations are not supposed to drink milk past infancy. Milk is for babies, not grown ups! Hence, high rates of lactose intolerance in adult populations. White people have some kind of mutated gene that makes them lactose tolerant, and because we live in such a Eurocentric society, we are forcibly exposed to all their mutant food.

I don’t give a damn though. Mutant food is tasty. I have two types of ice cream, two types of chocolate, three types of cheese and all varieties of cream (for cooking) in my fridge RIGHT NOW.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

You’re thinking gorganzola when it’s clearly brie time baby!!!

Now that I’ve got that out of the way I always enjoyed this quote from Snatch:

Cows have only been domesticated for the last eight thousand years. Before that, they were running around mad as lorries. The human digestive system hasn’t got used to dairy products yet.

25 08 2008
shabooty

if it weren’t for mudd-butt, id never get out of bed.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

CHRIS I JUST FIGURED IT OUT!!!

Blacks Being Lac-Intol=Conspiracy of the White Man to keep the Black Community down!

Whites thrive upon Milk and Dairy products, making their bones stronger, thus their ability to beat us down at every chance they get…they market Kool-Aid or as Chapelle said “Grape Drink AKA Purple Stuff” to the Blacks to increase our rates of “suga dibeetus” and obesity…making the Black female youth have abnormally fat asses, to thrust on TV….for who else but….VIACOM!!!!

man…it’s a vicous cycle

25 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Ha, right on Jen. I gave up the cow tit-drippings a while ago. Although I LOVE some cheese and yogurt, but thankfully they don’t give me the bubble guts (only straight milk and ice cream).

I was a Silk fiend for a while, but I eat a lot of soy elsewhere in my diet, so soy milk isn’t the greatest for me anymore. My new thing is “marijuana milk”, heh heh. But seriously: http://www.livingharvest.com

25 08 2008
Jen

P.S. You are wack if you don’t have vanilla rice milk in your kitchen right now.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Jen

Sorry Rice Milk is methadone.

Almond milk is crack with heroin glaze.

25 08 2008
EJ

I don’t like to tell people that I am lactose intolerant because I can eat cheese with relatively no side effect. The more solid the dairy product, the easier it is for me to digest.

Sometimes I’ll throw back dairy without regard of the later side effects although I usually warn people and let them know in advance that I “don’t do well with dairy”.

@ Jess – I am the youngest and only girl and have three brothers … boys farting in front of me does not faze me. I do remember once when I was younger I burped or farted in front of my brothers and they got so disgusted. They said “Girls don’t do that” … Damn double standard.

25 08 2008
JG*

I hate this lactose intolerancy! Like someone said earlier, I thought farting (or supressing them since I am a lady) was normal. I never made the connection to Dairy until I was in college. I used to drink 1% but I switched to Silk, which is good and all, still too thick compared to 1%, but It’s not like cereal is a constant staple. So I’m screwed because I love love love cheese, and SOUR CREAM is like crack to me.

Has anyone ever cooked with Silk? What’s a good non dairy milk for cooking?

25 08 2008
Naapali

Vanilla Silk – Official Milk of the Obama White House

25 08 2008
Lindsay

I tried rice milk in my cereal once, I couldn’t bring myself to choke it down. It was gray. Kinda looked like snot to me.

However, it was excellent for juicying up my lean ground beef meatloaf and lean ground turkey turkey burgers.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

JG:

Don’t make the mistake of making baked macaroni and cheese using the Very Vanilla Silk!! (it was thanksgiving and I was doing a lot) Use the plain kind-in my opinion it works fine, i’ve used it for corn bread, mashed potatoes, etc.

EJ:

I can’t even talk about bodily functions of any kind with men! I have 5 sisters and no brothers…It’s such a turnoff and I tell them ahead of time to not mention or excercise bodily functions or else I will have to cut you off for a minimun of 3 weeks…I just can’t do it, me and my future husband will need separate bathrooms

25 08 2008
Yonnie3k

I am lactose intolerant
Everything that tastes good has milk in it
I have no self-control

OMFG!!! This is the story of my fuckin’ life. Not to mention, that dairy makes me hella bloated. Seriously, if I need to fit into a dress, all I have to do is cut out the dairy for about a week, and I’m slim and trim. EVERYTHING has dairy in it. I’ll wake up in the morning and say I’m not gonna have any dairy. Then my dietary day goes something like this: Coffee – No non-dairy creamer at Caribou. Lunch: salad or taco. You cannot have either w/o cheese. It ain’t right. Dinner: Mashed potatoes w/ creme in ’em. And I think I’ve built up a tolerance to lactaid pills. Lactaid milk works, but why doesn’t that company make cheese, sour cream, yogurt, etc.?

25 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

JG, Sour cream *is* crack. The CDC already has a report that says such, but the principals in that bureau all want McCain to win, so they’re holding it back. Mahffack, sour cream, blue cheese dressing, cool ranch doritos, and horsey sauce from Arby’s are all made and packaged in the suburbs of Bogata (Colombia, not NJ.)

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Vanilla silk is good in cereal. It tastes like the milk from Frosted Flakes after all the sugar has dissolved.

25 08 2008
Jen

Amadeo, you are right. According to my research, almond milk is better. Now, I’ll have to make a switch. At least I won’t be ignorant my whole life.

Also, people seeking non-dairy recipes should just google for vegan recipes for whatever it is they want to make.

25 08 2008
Yonnie3k

JG* I cook with Lactaid milk. It works. But if the recipe calls for Heavy Creme, you’re screwed.

25 08 2008
Jen

Yonnie – they have vegan ice cream and also Rice Dream ice cream at Whole Foods.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Yonnie: Lactaid does make cheese and yogurt. I have seen them. I would check at Whole Foods, but I know I have seen them at Safeway or Harris Teeter.

25 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Maybe I just can’t see today, but what was the footnote about Prince referring to?

25 08 2008
Jen

Wow, Edumacated, if they really make yogurt, then problem solved! You can use plain yogurt (and, if necessary, parts milk substitute) for any cream-based sauce plus fajitas, baked potatoes, dressing, etc.

25 08 2008
Yonnie3k

Vegan ice cream? Does it come in flavors? Lactaid cheese and yogurt? Oh my! I LOVE this freakin’ blog! Chris, don’t take it away. Please?

25 08 2008
letinstar

cow’s milk is for baby cows anyways, so we shouldn’t be drinking it…but i love ice cream and i love cheese…and sadly it doesn’t love me back…i eat them both and deal with the gas…

25 08 2008
Amadeo

The lactaid commercial sucks though…the one with the black lady. It’s one of a few joints that make me want to yell at the TV: “Stop trying to sell shit to my people!!!.”

25 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Amadeo – do you buy or make your almond milk? If you buy – which brand? I haven’t found a brand I like yet, they’re all too watery. But I have made a few good batches, I’m just too lazy to do it regularly.

25 08 2008
Jen

These are the Rice Dream deserts I see:

http://www.tastethedream.com/products/category/206.php

When I looked on the website, they also have soy-based ones.

These are the vegan ice creams I see:

http://www.coconutbliss.com/index.html

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Jen: I know I have seen it, I am trying to remember the brand though. Also if you go to lactoseintolerant.org they have recipes and cooking tips for a lactose free lifestyle. I do, however, think they should change their slogan to “Be happy, not gassy.”

25 08 2008
EJ

@ Jess – lmao … Many of my male friends will go into detail about their bowel movements … its a very happy event to them. My brother has regaled me with stories of some of his most satisfying. if I could get a man to NOT talk about bodily functions, I would be happy. I’m very girly when it comes to those discussions, but I wouldn’t make you share a different bathroom … just be cleanly and use air freshner

25 08 2008
Sandybaby

This is too hilarious! I am sitting here at work really trying to hold it together – it’s just not working! It’s hard to be professional and read this blog and the comments! LOL

*tears in my eyes & fanning myself*

Oh and I’m down with the soy milk too 🙂 Never could drink regular milk – don’t like the taste.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Jess: I think it is actually worse for men. Yes, we can be flatulent, but even if it isn’t pleasant it is expected. As a man, the first time you go into the bathroom after your chick has blown it up is one of the most disturbing things in the world. It flips your world upside down and makes you question everything that is right and holy.

25 08 2008
Jen

Okay, I am going to look very stupid for repeating the same thing three times when/if my comments are de-moderated, but if you go to tastethedream.com, you can see the rice milk desserts I was talking about and coconutbliss.com for the vegan ice cream.

25 08 2008
true2me

I’D HAVE TO ADD FRIED FOODS TO MY LIST ALSO AND OH…COLLARD GREENS….I HONESTLY THINK A GREEN CLOUD COME FLOATING OUT OF MY REAR END WHEN I PASS THE COLLARD GREEN GAS..LIKE..I TOOK A PICTURE ONCE ..IT LOOKED LIKE SLIMER WAS COMIN OUT OF MY BEHIND…(K..NOT TRUE..)

APPARENTLY I FART IN MY SLEEP ..BUT THEN AGAIN..I AM BLACK CHICK WITH A SMALLER BOOTY…MY BUTT CHEEKS FAIL ME CONSTANTLY I GUESS DUE TO THEIR SIZE …ANYBODY KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME CHICKEN PILLS

SORRY IF TMI..BUT HEY..THATS LIFE

LOL

25 08 2008
true2me

SOY MILK TASTES LIKE SWEET SOIL AND RICE MILK TASTS LIKE PASTE WATER

25 08 2008
EJ

@ Ed – LMAO! There’s that double standard again. It’s bad either way …

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Man, you bammas are all lactose intolerant.

Sucks for yall!

25 08 2008
JG*

Thanks for all the cooking advice! I just always use regular milk when cooking, and it kills me a little bit!

I too once put a splash of Vanilla silk in my mac n cheese because I ran out of regular milk. That one splash was enough to do me in .

Sour cream is like the single most amazing condiment known to man. I eat at chipotle 3 times a week just so I can get the Chiken Burrito Bol with EXTRA sour cream.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

ED: gross, you went after your chick blew it up? lawd have mercy…

I’m sorry call me sexist, traditional or whatever, but females need to keep it on lock, sorry for the ladies with no butt cheeks, but you better do some kegels or something…it’s hard to keep a good man! lmao…also, men, everytime you feel the urge, think of Martin Lawrence and “Lock it and Snap it!” Close the door…it’s worth the insuing gut trembles to not let a girl see that horrid side of you!

25 08 2008
Jen

I am telling you! I have put plain yogurt instead of sour cream in my baked potatoes and it was just as good, people. I have also put plain yogurt on my fajitas.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

I am not Lactose Intolerant. I just drink soy milk because I like to look sexy.

25 08 2008
Jen

Wise words from Alexyss Tylor to JessAKA:

youtube.com/watch?v=C7tN1UmJ6Go

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

LOL @ Ed.

I stand corrected.

25 08 2008
Lindsay

I think plain yogurt is the most slept on cooking ingredient ever. It’s actually decent by itself with a little honey.

25 08 2008
Monie

I hate milk! I’ve hated milk since I was a likkle kid, the smell of it even makes me ill. I haven’t had milk since I was about 10 y.o.

I like soy milk though. I avoided even trying it for years for fear I would hate it like I hate milk but it’s great, especially vanilla soy milk.

I wonder if they make soy milk yogurt?

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

@Ed- double standard but so true..

I personally am in denial. I cut back to 2 or 1% but I ain’t giving it up for nobody. Hell with it, like EJ said, we have separate bathrooms for that.

Buffalo wings and a milkshake is the only way to go, but hell hath no fury like a burning butthole. So the only time I’m second guessing myself is when I’m shittin hot lava.

aside: you can toot all night as long as your partner goes to sleep first!

25 08 2008

I refuse to accept that I am lactose intolerant. But what’s sooooooo fucking funny about this post is, last night I had macaroni and cheese (SCRATCH) and exactly 15 minutes after I finished dinner I was farting bombs of MOTHERFUCKINSTANKUM all over the house. I was running from my own damn farts. It’s worse when I drink blended mochas.

Unattractive for a woman I know…do I care? no

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Doc

I think the Almond Breeze is cool. I don’t even remember what kind I bought last though…I see it, but I don’t see a variety like I do with soy or rice milk now.

25 08 2008
blackberry molasses

@ monie
they make soy everything, including yogurt… trader joes is better (and cheaper) than whole foods..

me and my husband go through 2 gallons of soy milk a week… mostly because he drinks it like its iced tea or something… CEREAL and COOKIES only sweetie…damn.

25 08 2008
Lindsay

“farting bombs of MOTHERFUCKINSTANKUM”

LMAO. I swear, I have the sense of humor of an 8-year-old boy.

25 08 2008
Anonymiss

JG –
Has anyone ever cooked with Silk? What’s a good non dairy milk for cooking?

I make mashed potatoes with soy milk. Deee-lish!

25 08 2008
Monie

@ blackberry molasses

Thanks! There is a Trader Joes right around the corner from me, so I’ll check it out.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Ed….you go to Whole Foods directly from work don’t you. That’s the sexy market.

@ ALL

Let it go people. Mind you I don’t let it rip in the office, but damn it I’ll tell my girl, “You gotta love the crust of me…I just had a a milk product…here comes the crust.”

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Benafficial: I know it’s a double standard, but damn, I wasn’t expecting all of that.

It threw me off like when I was messing with a girl in college and she went to use the bathroom. Mind you the dorm had paper thin walls, so I could hear the fact that she didn’t wipe or wash her hands. hygiene is important so I had to give her the boot.

25 08 2008

I hate non dairy milk, I hate silk. I love milk… milk just doesnt love me.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Ed: Stop!!!! She didn’t wipe? She was white huh? Awww damn, you like snow huh?

25 08 2008
JG*

LMAO!! @ Amadeo “here comes the crust”

Jen: I am going to try plain yogurt on my foods. If it’s as good as you say it is, I may be on my way to non-dairy heaven.

25 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Jen – I don’t even have to click the link to know what clip you posted, wheeeewwww she broke it down so that it shall forever be broke in that one! LMAO, let a dude run his dick up in all of your orifices, but you’re not comfortable enough around him to take a shit in his bathroom? Damn all that!

Oh, and whoever made the comment about going into the bathroom after their girl blew it up…your fault for not having some Oust handy, LOL.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Amadeo:

You already know about Whole Foods. I think they have a pretty standard there. You have to look this good to shop here. I don’t usually go after work though, going in a suit is too comfortable for the 2520s. I prefer to go to Whole Foods with a durag, baggy ass jeans, and my Public Enemy shirt. I give them all dirty looks and scare them, and then make sure to drop business cards that say “The Law Office of _______”

25 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Ne’ have you tried hemp milk yet? It’s really good! I just hate it’s so dang expensive.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Jess: Negative. She was a little light-skinned mixed shorty. It was a shame.

25 08 2008
blackberry molasses

co-sign Amadeo

love has a limited sense of smell…

notice i didn’t say NO sense of smell

25 08 2008
Lindsay

@Edumacated –

So was she a 1260, or mixed with something else?

25 08 2008

“she broke it down so that it shall forever be broke”

love jones

Doc,
I may have to try it.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Lindsay: She was a 1260, so maybe mama was the one teaching her about hygiene.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

I was just thinking about the Obama/Biden thing. Maybe Obama can use this discussion to regain the Hillary voters. “Ladies embrace your bowels! Do not fear the gas from your ass! Be strong and when you need to doodoo, do it!” That should please all the super feminists on Hillary’s side. Genius? I think so.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

I like how most of the people at Whole Foods fit this description:

“Just got off of work (for males took off my tie) and I’m busy so I’m just going to buy a half a basket of items for dinner tonight, I cam e here for lunch to get a prepared meal.”

I once tried to do all my shopping at Whole Foods…big mistake. I had to finance my groceries.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

This post has me LMBAO.

Thank Deity I’m not lactose intolerant. Cause I love Cheesecake, Ice Cream, Oreos dunked in milk, milk in my oatmeal, milk in my coffee (the drink, not the 2520 Becky’s), oh and did I mention Cheesecake?

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Amadeo: I am with you on that, except I love to cook so not me. lol I shop at Wholefoods for meat, eggs, produce, things that taste much better fresh. Otherwise its Costco, Harris Teeter or Safeway for me.

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

Thank God I am only intolerant to straight up milk and not to partially processed dairy products like cheese and yogurt.

Where would I be without my Camembert + Hot slice of baguette + red grapes combo? In hell, that’s where.

And oh, I agree with Jen: Plain yogurt is the answer to all questions. Ask Chuck Norris.

25 08 2008
Monie

I’ve heard that women should limit their soy intake, something to do with yeast infections I think. Has anyone else heard that?

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I call Whole Foods “Whole Paycheck”, cause that store is expensive as a motherfucker.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

Lactaid! Black folks can’t be drinking that regla milk.

Everything is is tolerable…I’ll put cheese in/on anything that you can put cheese in/on.

25 08 2008
JG*

@ Monie: Damn being a woman sucks. The slightest thing can piss off our Vag’s. But hey! I hear yogurt is good for that too!

25 08 2008
Jen

Whole Foods is less expensive than other places if your goal is to get organic products. Like products bought elsewhere (even Trader Joe’s) typically cost more.

25 08 2008
EJ

@ Ed – eww, she blew it up like that and didn’t wipe or wash??? I KNOW she was walking aroudn with itchy ass all day … *shudders*

Now if that’s not a good reason to kick someone to the curb, I don’t know what is!

25 08 2008
Monie

@Amadeo

Farmer’s markets are the best. Great prices, locally grown food, very fresh! Whole Foods is to food stores what Acura is to NIssan. Same stuff, just different packaging and they charge you more.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Publix is da bess down here in Atlanta. Too bad that store is so expensive though.

As a member of Broke Phi Broke Fraternity, Inc., I usually get my groceries from the ninth circle of hell, aka Walmart.

We just moved my little brother up to DC last week for grad school, and he was pissed off that there was no Super Walmart in the District (he used to go to the one near his school in Tampa all the time). My aunt (who lives up there) and his landlady looked at him like he had a third eye and told him where the nearest Giant was.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Edumacated

I’m calling these Clinton supporters Susan B. Anthony’s…all minoritys were going to be uplifted together…until the black folks seemed to get a leg up, then it was “fuck them niggers!”

25 08 2008
JG*

Rev: This is what ya do. Set aside a day. Drive to Cobb International Farmer’s Market in Smyrna, and buy allll the meat and produce you can find. Then go to Publix and get up on the BOGO specials or just buy all Publix Brand.

You can subsitute Cobb’s Farmer’s Market for Dekalbs. Both are awesomely amazing.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Also…for women with cramps during your “time”…it can sometimes be contributed to dairy in your diet…if you suffer (like me) you may want to cut dairy out for a couple weeks before…it may be hard those…damn, i want a baconator: 2 slices of melted American cheese [drools]

Jen: I can’t open the link at work, but I will check it out…I’m sorry not that Aleysxx isn’t the expert on sex, hygiene and relationships (sarcasm), but when I think of sex, I don’t associate bodily functions with the “orifices” so i still gotta be a prude here, lol

25 08 2008
Monie

JG*

lol, yogurt cures everything!

25 08 2008
Sister Toldja

I had to skip the last half of this entry because I am opposed to any and all jokes about….that stuff. For a **** smoking, shot drinking harlot who has worn bedclothes to the club in the past, I am actually very dainty and prissy.

But…yeah. Milk is the devil. One of my professors theorized that Africans were meant to get their vitamin D from the sun, not cows milk, which is part of the reason for the issue.

I put a lot of thought in to my dairy choices. I can do it in small servings. If soy cheese weren’t so gross, I’d cut dairy out all together because everything else can be subbed out. I only use cows milk for cooking. Unsweetened Silk Soy Milk has saved my life and my cereal for years.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

EJ: No, no, no, no. 2 different stories. lol

Amadeo: lol, as long as Biden isn’t a choke artist I can deal with him.

I really do not like Trader Joes at all. I don’t know why, I just do not like it. A lot of people I know have started using Peapod for their groceries, but i just can’t do it. I like seeing what I am getting before I actually pay for it. I guess its the chef in me.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

On the real though I’m too skeptical to do the soy thing with all the ‘new research’ being found everyday.

first its ‘soy helps prevent cancer’
then it was ‘soy contributes to breast cancer in women and affect brain function in men.’
now its ‘men who drink soy have lower sperm count’

too many unknowns here…

25 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Stop calling mulattos 1260s! Black is Black is Black!

25 08 2008
Monie

@ Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Buying groceries at Wal-Mart?! Lol, oh my that’s sacrelgious isn’t it?

25 08 2008
Amadeo

Maaan, I went into the food section at Wal-Mart once. We lost some good men that day. I swore if I ever went back I’d burn the place to the ground.

Why the fuck does everyone stop their carts in the middle of the aisle in the Wal-mart food sections…it’s like people are building forts.

25 08 2008
Monie

I can only shop at Trader Joes when it’s the middle of the day on a weekday; other wise I get claustrophobic in there. They are so darn tiny. Why do they make all of their stores so small?

25 08 2008
Lindsay

@ ST –

LOL, I got it from The Rev Leon, blame him.

And shouldn’t we stop calling them mullatos then, too?

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

Hey the super wal-mart was pretty good in Richmond. It beat the hell out of everything but Kroger and Ukrops. Especially considering the ‘Community Pride’ chain they put in all the black neighborhoods (that eventually went out of business)

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@JG: Thanks. I live right in Cobb County, so I’m defnitely going to see to that.

@Monie: *sigh* I know. Besides Publix, Wally-World is the closest store to me. Kroger, Aldi and Sav-A-Lot are kind of far from my house.

25 08 2008
Monie

@ BenAfficial

I feel bad for people that live in majority Black areas, buying groceries from a likka store is worse than shopping for food at Wal-Mart.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Oh yeah, Walmart on Tax Holidays are the fucking WORST. Especially during back-to-school. I was mumbling all sorts of politically incorrect and un-southern shit the day I idiodically chose to go there.

It’s a bad habit that I’m trying to break that started when I lived in a small college town in Mississippi. It would 12 midnight or even later, and people would say: “I’m bored, fuck it, lets go to Walmart”. Oh and let us have the munchies, it was a wrap kid. Thank God for a job, refund checks and my ebay hustle.

LOL @ Lindsay. I take full responsibility for ‘1260’.

25 08 2008
Monie

I remember when I used to live in the south and I would crack-up everytime I saw a Piggly Wiggly. Lol Do they still have those in the south?

And I refused to shop at Winn-Dixie, the name just seemed like it had some sort of racist past.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

I MISS super wal-marts.

Man fuck MD & DC for not having one.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Monie: We have Anacostia Warehouse, esta bien. The only thing is that the bread always expires the next day and I wouldn’t trust the meat with my life. Speaking of hood groceries, does anyone else get upset when they see mothers giving their babies koolade in a bottle. I saw a mother the other day giving her child quarter waters and the baby couldn’t have been older than a year and a half. I wanted to slap her and give that child some apple juice.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Monie: Yes, there is a Piggly Wiggly in Jackson, MS, where my folks live. The fuckery I could talk about in there. But they are known for their Dinner Plates that my Grandma loves.

And FUCK Winn-Dixie…Nasty ass store. And they took over Jitney Jungle in Mississippi and turned a decent grocery store to shit.

25 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Monie – no I’m not sure where that theory about soy and yeast infections came from. Sweetened soy milk could be an issue for some people. Also if the person is sensitive/allergic to soy then that could cause yeast overgrowth (but people with any food allergies tend to have those issues anyway). The main problems that come from too much soy are digestive issues. Also a lot of commercial soy products are highly processed and genetically engineered. I think it’s great and should be incorporated into diets (it’s certainly no worse an alternative to the fatty meat carcasses people love, LOL) but like with anything else, you definitely shouldn’t live off it.

25 08 2008
Jen

I had a very humbling experience at Wal-Mart the other day.

I lost my debit card and had to search my home for enough money to buy something for dinner and contact solution. I found two single dollars, two dollars in quarters and some additional spare change. I bought one of those little $1 Totino’s Pizzas, some Little Debbies snack cakes and some $1.94 private label contact solution.

I stood in the self check out line behind a boy who appeared to be about 15 years old trying to buy Sugar in the Raw, roach motels and Coors Light. When the machine prompted him to show his ID to the cashier, he presented a little note (I assume from his parents, distinguished natives of Powhite). The cashier told him he needed an ID and the boy explained he had been BUYING BEER FROM HIS PARENTS FROM WAL-MART SINCE HE WAS TEN and asked for the manager.

After five minutes, his purchase was finally suspended, and I checked myself out. I could feel the judgment of the other impoverished Wal-mart patrons as I inserted my quarters into the self check out machine. “WHY DON’T THIS DUMB HO JUST GET HER AN EBT CARD???” they seemed to be asking.

I also saw three of the fattest women I have ever seen in my life. They looked like three massive Hutts wearing curtains for muumuus. They brought with them a toddler, who was walking age but wore no pants or shoes.

When I graduate from school and secure employment, I will never set foot in a Wal-Mart again.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ 8th Wonder

There is a Super Wal-mart on Washington Blvd. in Bmore. Go at your own risk.

25 08 2008
Muse

My cracka genes must be active because I’m one of the few folks in my family who isn’t lactose intolerate. I love cheese, yogurt, milk…the works.

25 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

@8th
There’s a Super Wal-Mart in Timonium…I may or may not have been a patron….

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

@ Amadeo,

Meh, too damn far away to be grocery shopping. And I don’t go places I have to be warned about first, lol.

But thanks babes.

25 08 2008
Monie

@ The Doc Is In

Well I’m not sure what the casue was supposed to be, but i’ve heardthat from a few people. I hope they were wrong since I really like soy milk.

As far as the genetic engineering is concerned I do my best to avoid all non-natural foods. That includes not eating beef anymore since they are now selling meat from the off-spring of cloned cows.

It’s so amazing that most food now has genetically engineered products in it. I haven’t had corn chips in years or even popcorn since most corn is GE. Shamefull.

25 08 2008
EJ

I used to work at a Wal-Mart in NE Philly as a second job while going to Temple U. I have STORIES (the Wal-Mart was robbed by two of the assistant managers for example) but the worst of the worst was the person who took a number 2 in the fitting room. Right On The Seat.

People constantly would ask where the bathroom was when to the fitting rooms but no one ever just didn’t give a fuck … Good thing I wasn’t in the department that day or it would have been my last day of work.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@8th:

If you are in the DC area, I think there are Super Walmarts over in VA

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

oh EJ, that is just NASTY.

wowwwwwww

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

I hate every black person who has soy milk in they fridge tasting like a slimfast for breakfast and then lies and say they have milk and cereal for breakfast. I hate all of you who do it, you are all bastards. Some black people have inherited the beauteous lactose enzyme and can enjoy their ice cream, mac and cheese, cereal, yogurt, pizza and sourcream in peace without funking up the room. Just cuz you don’t have have it doesn’t mean your bitter ass can fuck up people trying to pass of those unsweeteened milkshake tasting substitutes as the real thing. Plus I’m not a morning person so that will send me straight into hulk mode.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

I love everyone trying to find me a Super Walmart, lol.

25 08 2008
EJ

*when they were on their way to the fitting rooms

25 08 2008
Amadeo

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11nsZ3lEWD0]Hood markets you say?[/url]

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

No superwalmarts in Northern VA. Giant and Safeway pitched a fit. There are some in Richmond area and I heard a rumor of one being down route one in fredericksburg. Big Walmarts but no groceries allowed.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

W.N.B.T: Hilarious. I will argue with you on one point though. Very Vanilla Silk actually tastes better in cereal than regular milk because it is already sweet. Other than that, you are correct.

25 08 2008
Monie

@EJ

“I used to work at a Wal-Mart in NE Philly as a second job while going to Temple U.”

Lol @ how you mention Temple so as not to seem like you were just another loser working at Wal-Mart. Lol!

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@EJ: Ugh. But why am I not surprised?

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

bloody fuck, who brought up Ukrops. I hate Ukrops because they owned those ghetto ass Community pride stores where they had old meat and and rotten produce and they only put them in areas where people had no choice but to use them. And regular Ukrops was expensive. And then they opened up that fancy pants the Market up on church hill and it was cheaper. I was there opening day accidentally and I had the chance to hit the owner in the head with a tin can and my friends stopped me. I was following him around the store with his cronies and me with my can of peas. He deserved it. And he’s a black man and some sort of super christian and doesn’t allow alcohol to be sold in Ukrops. but he had R-Kelly’s stupid liquor on main display as soon as you walked into the damn Community Pride.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

I needed to share, because this makes me incredibly happy. An Afro-Cuban is banned for life from the Olympics and all international competitions after getting disqualified and then kicking the ref in the face. I love mi gente.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

Tried to post the link, but go to Youtube and search Bodega…the first video covers the hood diet very well.

25 08 2008
EJ

@ Monie – I threw in SECOND JOB for the same affect. I worked for the city of Philadelphia running a teen literacy program but only for 20 hours a week. Everyone at the walmart would give me the side eye when I came in in my business casual to change into my khaki and navy … They used to call me “Temple Girl” and ask me if I thought I was better than everyone else.

WORST. JOB. EVER.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

No superwalmarts in Northern VA. Giant and Safeway pitched a fit.

That’s some bullshit! My aunt up in DC goes grocery shopping ALL the time, and from what I’ve seen, Giant is awful and Safeway is passable. What about Shoppers Food Warehouse?

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

OH he was cuban. Damn why he had to be a kneegrow. lol. Kicked the judge inna face. Great

Also Edumacated. I don’t mind if you have it. just don’t lie to me and say you have milk. I get my mouth all ready for some milk and you handing me some thickass shake for breakfast. And that stuff never gets properly cold. It always tastes warm. Just say you dont have anything

Also from snatch. I don’t need your extra sweetening, I’m sweet enough

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

shoppers food also pitched a fit, all the grocery stores in the area did but they were led by Giant

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

theres some nice super Gs, not anywhere near alexandria but further out they get better. Safeway can be really nice too. But I prefer Shoppers for the prices

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

wnbt- Ukrops is owned by some Jewish brothers Bob and Jim Ukrop I believe (I used to work in their central bakery back in the day). Unfortunately Community Pride was black owned- Johnny Johnson. It died in 1994 I think. It was convenient to black ‘hoods with no stores but the quality sucked major ass.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

WNTB Yes, the picture is amazing. I wouldn’t mind getting it printed on a shirt. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/olympics/2008/08/23/taekwondo.ban.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

I feel you on the lying thing though, its like people who say they have Pepsi, but all they have is diet. That shit does not taste the same.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@WNBT:

My aunt lives in Oxon Hill, and she’s constantly complaining how PG County gets the shaft on EVERYTHING, including Grocery Stores. She often goes shopping at Costco way the fuck in Arlington.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Anacostia Warehouse is Asian owned and operated, as is the soul food place across the street. The soul food spot on MLK is one of the best in the city, and yet people buy their soul food from the Chinos.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

@ Rev. – Giant sucks, Safeway is passable; Bloom is actually pretty good as it took over food lion, I have been impressed with their quality

25 08 2008
Amadeo

For real find a jewish neighborhood and go to any market. I used to go to the Safeway in Pikesville off Reisterstown Rd. Meraviglioso!

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Rev: The Safeway in Oxon Hill is terrible. It is always empty. It looks like people are preparing for a hurricane 24/7. You should tell your aunt to go to the Safeway in Eastern Market. Harris Teeter just opened up there, so both the stores have pretty good prices. I usually go to both when I am doing my major shopping as there are certain things that are priced much better at Safeway and other things much cheaper at HT.

25 08 2008
aceklub

Random Aside:

I know you all have heard rumors of K-Ci and Jo-Jo being on that “stuff” but after this video…WOW

“Cocaine is a helluva drug”

and K-Ci keeping it going like Kelly Rowland when Michelle took that fall on BET.

25 08 2008
Yonnie3k

Chris, you’re doubly screwed.

Lactose Intolerance by Ethnic Groups:
African Blacks 95%
American Indians 90%
Asian Americans 90%
North American Blacks 75%
Mexican Americans 75%
Mediterraneans 60%
North American Whites 15%

25 08 2008
Yolo the Great

Yeah, I’ve never posted till now… But I felt I severely needed the answer to why after reading this post I:

1. clenched my nonexistent, old white lady, butt cheeks as tighly together as humanly possible (eventhough I’m black, with no signs of lactose intolerance)

2. Threw up particles of the tator tots I just ate…

Imma go brush my teeth now…..

25 08 2008
EJ

@ Yonnie – I can definitely see why Africans are at 95%. I have cousins who come over to America and don’t understand cheese and won’t drink milk unless its in a can.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Ace:

That Jodeci video is fuuuuucked up. I saw a picture of them and they look like the Night of the Living Dead. Cocaine is a helluva drug indeed. And the ppl in the audience were like, “Help him!”

I know ya’ll have seen the video for “It’s So Cold In the D”. Damn, I’m all about “Keep the Peace”, but this is an epic FAIL:

I know some of ya’ll in here are from Detroit, come get ya’ll people. How da fuck do we ‘posed to keep peace?

25 08 2008
Lindsay

@ Rev.

Yeah, Southern PG County does get the shaft on everything. That’s why I will never live there again.

However, central and northern (I live in Largo, went to college in College Park) isn’t that bad. In my neighborhood, there’s a Shopper’s, Giant and a Target (which also sells some food…I get my cheese and yogurt from there…talk about tying back into the topic). There’s also talk of a Wegman’s, and there’s a Safeway in Mitchellville.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Blooms is food lion, don’t be fooled, they just changed their name to act uppity.

Hmm that Ukrops is interesting. I guess it was a good idea that I didn’t bean that man in the head at the market cuz they told me that was Johnny Johnson (why do black folk do this???) and that he owned community pride and ukrops which is why the community pride turned into ukrops so quickly when kroger finally started building like 2 blocks away.

yea i have never seen a good grocery store in PG county. Although I suspect your auntie may shop at costco for the free samples. Their pizza is damn good. Va has good grocery stores (outside of alexandria)

25 08 2008
Amadeo
25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Oooh I also hate africans for telling me they have milk and getting out that powdered stuff. And also for turning their nose up at real milk and/or Parmalat. Seriously, powdered milk? as a preference???? Don’t say shit to me about eating ‘slave food’ if you are sitting in this country grubbing on powdered milk

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Oh just a notice. Wegmans has recently opened up across from Potomac Mills. i’m very excited even though I live in Jersey. There’s a wegmans in both Woodbridges now.

25 08 2008
tfb

this post is really triggering. the last thing i wanted to be reminded of was how fucking gassy and bloated i got after eating some delicious fresh mozzarella last night.

also, holla at silk very vanilla! i buy that shit whenever i’m feeling down. so much sweeter and more awesome than my regular, shelf-stable soy/rice/almond dream.

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

Now that I think about it… A typical subsaharan West African diet is as dairy free as it gets…

No wonder we are more lactose intolerant… Interesting.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

WNBT: You live in Jersey, I am so sorry for you.

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

Well at least the powdered milk, condensed milk does not make one gassy.

One has to choose battles, it’s what it boils down to.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

I know, and i live in Newark, its the pits. But at least i’m close to NYC, only cost a 1.75 to get there

25 08 2008
Yonnie3k

In a recent 2007 survey, I asked 300 lactose intolerant individuals what they did to coup with their lactose intolerance. Here are the results:

32% – Avoid dairy completely
32% – Take lactase supplements with dairy foods
12% – Consume lactose-free/dairy-free substitute products
24% – Suffer the pain

I find that hilarious. And often, I fall into the 24% category

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

i don’t think parmalat does either. I’ve had friends tell me they can drink it fine. Mebbe it needs to be hyperpasteurized. Richfood used to have ultrapasteurized refrigerated milk that was good for nearly 2 months. I appreciated that even though I can go through a gallon of 1 percent in less than a week. I never even check expiration dates anymore

25 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Is anybody else having issues w/ using their wordpress accounts on here?

Anyways…

In a genetics class I once took, the professor once mentioned that having lactase (which is what makes milk digestible) is actually a mutation, while being lactose intolerant is the norm.

Interesting.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

As someone who is not lactose intolerant I feel left out in this conversation. Everyone please feel sorry for me and my ability to enjoy delicious dairy products.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

@willnot –

WEGMANS?! Finally something not limited to the DC area, lol. Wegman’s is/was the main grocery store in upstate NY (before Wal-Mart came in and took all the biz). When did they get to Jersey, because they weren’t there when I was in the area.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Ed, maybe we should go cry together.

Mayhaps over a cheese plate?

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

they’re all over the place now. the closest to me i think is in woodbridge nj. but the first one in DC area i heard of was in fairfax and people loved it so they are expanding. A family friend born and raised in New York introduced us to it when it opened. This is part of my theory that northern virginia is now the new florida. Everyone from Jersey/NYC area has some family that just moved there. And everyone black has family in PG county.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Ed, 8th, can i join you guys? I’ll bring the the pepperjack

25 08 2008
TheChad

I’m not lactose intolerant at all… i can eat any kind of dairy and not feel a thing… neener neener…

25 08 2008
Edumucated

8th, WNBT:

I will bring some Podda cheese, because it is the shit. (really, go find some and try it).

Maybe we can do Oreos and Milk too?

25 08 2008
Amadeo

Mmmmm Pepperjack.

25 08 2008
Jen

My staple cheese is Havarti.

Havarti = off the chain

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Dill Havarti is the cheese of the Gods.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Oreo milkshakes would be better, Ed.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Everyone is making me hungry. It is about time to have my turkey and muenster sandwich. Although I am very tempted to go get a burrito from Moe’s since they have a Monday special.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

i’ll bring cookies and cream ice cream, caramel and whipped cream. we’ll make sundaes

25 08 2008
Monie

I wonder if people that are lactose intolerant can eat goat cheese? Is their lactose in goat’s milk?

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

mmmm muenster

25 08 2008
Monie

thier = there

25 08 2008
Monie

Their…darned typos…

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

When it comes to cheese, I am a cheddar (sharp!) and colby jack stan. Brie for when I’m feeling highfalutin and bougie.

25 08 2008
Lindsay

Just came from having my lunch of macaroni and cheese with mozzarella and mild cheddar.

I love cheese, from my head down to my knees. 😀

25 08 2008
bishhunter

black ppl and their lactose intolerance..crack me up..my mom swears she is but eats cereal every damn morning with 2%….smh

25 08 2008
Vanita

DAMMIT!
I decided to eat a damn salad today and try to keep it healthy, and yall talkin about CHEESE…
Mmm I lubs mne some pepper jack, REAL SHARP Cheddar, and some REAL PARM…
Asiago is good, and pretty much any herbed goat cheese.
All PEOPLE are lactose intolerant tho, your not supposed to drink milk from another animal. Humans are the only species on earth who do.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Oh, and don’t let there be a cheese platter at a party. It’s a wrap. I try not to do that too much, because eating too much cheese makes my digestive system stop working. Okay, TMI.

25 08 2008
Jen

I serve Asiago with pretty much any tomato-based stew I make and, of course, Chili. YUMMMM.

25 08 2008
Vanita

I heard about that on the discovery channel 🙂

25 08 2008
Vanita

Damn Kraft for makin Cracker barrel chesse so damn expensive! But is soooo good in mac and cheese pie…DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!

25 08 2008
Monie

Feta cheese! I love the stuff.

25 08 2008

I loved sliced smoked gouda cheese with genoa salami and ritz crackers or cheez-its

25 08 2008
Amadeo

I’d like to compliment you on this spread with all kinds of baller cheeses I’ve never even heard off”

25 08 2008
Just L'z

Formerly known as Mrs. Epps…for the record I love the hell out of some cheese,milk, cake, milk n cookies, more cheese, pizza, steak and cheese, cereal, yogart, cream cheese, cheese wiz, whip cream,cream in my oatmeal ahahaha ect…luckily im not lactose intolerant phew and have a fast metabolism…

carry on…

25 08 2008
Jen

VANITA – YES! I pointed this out to my mom when I was a little girl. I would NOT drink milk. The thought disgusted me. I pointed out to my mom that COWS don’t drink milk. lol I still refuse to drink milk. It is just nasty. At least in dairy products it is processed. Straight milk is just cow excretion with a hint of pus. And for what???

25 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Smoked gouda is good as hell!

Hey Ne!

25 08 2008
Just L'z

munster cheese is the best and gouda OMFGGGG yes please on my sammich!!!

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Ne: Smoked Gouda is da SHIT!

25 08 2008
Yonnie3k

Mrs. Epps, why you changing your name? And are you just lazy?

25 08 2008
overit

“At least in dairy products it is processed. Straight milk is just cow excretion with a hint of pus.”

Ugh. Did you have to Jen? Really?

lol

25 08 2008
Jeresmom

I love smoked gouda especially in my mac and cheese

25 08 2008
BK24/7

I used to get mad at my boy when we would get some McDonalds and he would always order a milkshake. Pure torture for us poor souls stuck in the car with him, especially in the winter. Now I find myself in the same boat, but at least I can fire back!

Off to find some prosciutto and fresh mozzarella. Sometimes you just gotta pay the price!

25 08 2008
JG*

I love love love Cheese. Cheese platters bring out the inner 300 lb man in me. I’m babysitting it all party long. I make my mac n cheese with Philly Cheese, Sharp Cheddar, and Monteray Jack… yum! Plus, I melt it with heavy cream. Funky heaven.

25 08 2008
Vanita

Yea, the thought of milk disgusts me. I HATE MILK. I always through it up. Ill demolish some cheese, ice cream, sour cream, cream cheese, cheesecake, yougurt, etc.

25 08 2008
Vanita

*throw.

25 08 2008
LEO

Cheese = BIG HIPS. Is this true?

25 08 2008
JG*

Leo: Hell no.

I eat Grits and Cornbread and cheese to get thick. Still hasn’t worked.

25 08 2008
Monie

Is there really milk in a Mickey D’s milkshake?

25 08 2008
Jeresmom

@Monie, yeah there is cause i am in the bathroom after every Oreo Mcflurry

25 08 2008
Jen

If cheese = big hips, I’m about to go to Whole Foods and get me one of those cheese and fruit platters right now.

25 08 2008
LEO

@JG. My cousin used to tell me that she got big hips because she eat a lot of cheese. I have absolutley no hips but thank God i have enough booty.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

I just had a baconator (bday gift to self) and a McD’s iced coffee for lunch….and I’m lactose intolerant… but seeing as how it

25 08 2008
JG*

LEO: I hear that! LOL Mine’s aight. It works for me!

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Today’s your bday B4Prez?

25 08 2008
Monie

@Jeresmom

Okay, I thought their milkshakes might have been something Ronald developed in the Mickey D’s lab.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

…seeing as how I keep matches at all time, it won’t be causing any problems that I can’t take care of…

25 08 2008
JG*

I just went to Doc Green’s. My plan was to eat real healthy, but I caved to the Mac N Cheese, and then I got the sampler salad. Tuna Salad, Chicken Salad, Egg Salad, Blueberries, Strawberries, and Pineapples.

Just plain funky.

25 08 2008
Dekela

I’m glad to know that I am not the only Lactose Tolerant negro here..

I gotta get my cheese game up, I know I have had most of the ones listed but couldn’t tell you gooda from brie if I saw it (does Pathmark, A&P, keyfood sell those?)

Speaking of cheese and grits, some mild cheddar in my grits will go a long way!

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

B4Prez:

I just had a baconator too! LMAO…

I love Pepperjack Cheese and Summer Sausage…melted pepperjack and roast beef and my baked mac n cheese and sweet mac n cheese is the bomb-digga…

P.S. I live in WI and haven’t heard of most of these grocery stores, but we have Super Wal-Marts, Whole Foods, Sendiks, Lena’s (Black owned), El Rey (Latino owned), Pick n Save, Sentry and we just got a Trader Joes-I haven’t been inside cuz i thought it sold camping shit

25 08 2008
B4Prez

@8th – It was yesterday, the 24th. It was fun-filled with a party at the laundromat… SMH @ myself…

25 08 2008
Jeresmom

Monie, If they are they are best lab made shakes EVER

25 08 2008
Monie

“Speaking of cheese and grits, some mild cheddar in my grits will go a long way!”

Sharp cheddar only in my grits! ( I haven’t had grits in years though)

By the way does anyone else find it disgusting when people put ketsup in their grits? Yuk….

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Oh yeah…CHEESE GRITS with Bacon and a biscuit on the side…does cheese make you thick? I don’t know I heard corn bread, potatoes and kool-aid will…i was raised for the most part by my paternal grandparents, from tennesse and missippi…we eat a lot of “thick in the right places” food. Midwest folk say I’m built like a country girl…not sure if that’s always a compliment tho:)

25 08 2008
Monie

**** googles baconator ****

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

B4Prez…happy belated. But that “party” was totally unacceptable, please do better.

25 08 2008
EJ

I know this is very “un negro” of me but I do not like grits. Never have, never will. I gets down with oatmeal though …

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Monie

Mickey D’s shakes = 80% Solyent Green, 10% Beef Tallow, 5% Rat Milk, 4% Flavoring and 1% unknown.

25 08 2008
Monie

OMG! Just saw a pic of a baconator! It’s a heart attack on a bun…..

25 08 2008
Monie

Lmao!@80% Solyent Green

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Yeah, the Baconator is bad, but I think the Luther Burger is worse. If Luther Vandross (RIP) really ate those travesties, he didn’t stand a chance…

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Baconators are legit, but I can’t finish it. lol I said this before, but I will say it again, go to your local Italian delicatessen and get some Podda cheese. It is amazing, like nothing you have ever had.

And I was inspired by the discussion about sour cream earlier so I went and got a burrito with all the fixings.

25 08 2008
Monie

@Amadeo

I actually saw that movie, it was crazy!

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

EJ: You don’t like grits? I could eat grits every day…I have eaten them alone many times, especially when you mix a little yellow corn meal in…ever had corn meal mush…man…good times that contributed to my “big ole” legs and booty!

25 08 2008
Dekela

Ketchup in grits??? naaahh, unless I put it on my eggs and it got mixed in a lil bit with grits, then i guess its admissible.

EJ – you probably had bad grits experiences…not everyone can make it and make it taste good…

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

@Amadeo… LMBAO! Sadly so true.

25 08 2008
overit

man, i just realized lactose intolerant means no (baked) mac n cheese…so sorry people! my cousin is lactose intolerant but adheres to the fuck it mentality when it comes to dairy products. she knows how to work around the consequences. clearly yall do too.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

@8th – It wasn’t a real party, but I had to do laundry…just sux that I had to spend my bday doing it. If it was a party, then the only guests were the 2 Korean owners, who had no idea they were guests, lol.

@JessAKA – No, cheese it hi-protein. It’s those high carbs (grits, biscuits, cornbread, potatoes, rice, kool-aid, ________ [insert any delicious food here]) that makes you thick.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

The pictures of the Baconator are not very accurate. To be honest, it is two burgers, two pieces of cheese, and 6 tiny little flat pieces of industrial bacon. It is no worse than a Double Quarter Pounder from McDs, but it does taste a lot better.

25 08 2008
BK24/7

I 86’d the mozzarella, I’m trying to be good. Got me a nice blackened salmon (is that racist?) sandwich, but I gotta peel off the tomatoes. Tomatoes would be my entry for SBPH.

25 08 2008
Monie

There is nothin’ worse than Quaker Quick Grits!!!

25 08 2008
B4Prez

LMAO@ Amadeo

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Ed: I can never eat both burgers on the Baconator…I always take one and a half (i don’t really like ground beef anyway) off…but keep the bacon a-coming! lol

25 08 2008
aceklub

I can’t get down with Grits. I was raised with the “cream of wheat man” and oatmeal so I can’t tolerate grits. My old roommate would mix scrambled eggs, cheese, ketchup and grits…that just NASTY

25 08 2008
overit

“It starts in your middle torso and hurts like a motherfucker, until it plows its way through your colon making for the sphincter (and making lots of awkward noises along the way). Once there, the fart literally lays siege to your asshole, hammering away at the opening like Grond breaking through the gates of Gondor.”

i think i just had sympathy pains.

25 08 2008
Monie

@Edumucated

I was hooked on quarter pounders /cheese in college. My friends had to do an intervention.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Jess: I was not impressed with the bacon on the baconator. I also must express excitement at the fact that I was at a McDs that had a bacon cheeseburger on the dollar menu.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

Grits and eggs (mixed together) and bacon is my favorite meal. Hands down….with the baconator as a close second.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Monie I agree, I need the old fashioned grits…we made all that stuff homemade-the beauty of being raised by old southern folks…anyone else used to get waked up in the middle of the night when they were 7 two days before christmas to clean chitlins, greens, chop onions, shuck corn and snap beans??? lol

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

B4Prez, Yay August virgos are the best. But if you are male there’s a little asterisk (b.c. of michael jackson and my brother. blame them for fucking up a good thing). But because of your membership in the 2nd best club in the world you may also feel free to up your birthday partying by participating in the Global Holiday of August 27th belated debauchery weekend this weekend. Consider this your invite.

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

Sorry but the baconator looks slightly disgusting to me. Then again I’m not really into fast food like that.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Grits mixed with ketchup is the devil’s work. Do not want.

Now Cheese Grits or Shrimp & Grits or Shrimp & Cheese Grits is holy and righteous.

I still can’t get with Fish & Grits though.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Monie: I think everyone is hooked on McDs in college at somepoint

The sandwich everyone needs to try though. I went to Cosi’s and came up with it, fell in love, and proposed the next day.

The sandwich is:
Grilled chicken
Fresh Mozzarella
Bacon
Mayo
Lettuce
Basil

on that Cosi bread, there is absolutely nothing better.

I also have an affinity for the Chicken Salad at Potbellys, but it is nowhere near the affection I have for my Cosi masterpiece.

25 08 2008
Vanita

Happy bday b4prez…lmao @ ur matches! That’s the trick! My Best Friend in HS used to fart all the time, and we always kept a book on us. People thought we were stoners LOL

25 08 2008
B4Prez

@aceklub – Drop the ketchup and that’s the best meal this side of the baconator.

25 08 2008
Dekela

Yea Quaker quick Grits are not the best, But I don’t have time for ol’skool way of grits (sorry Grandma!) so they suffice, as long as you eat it hot. If you gotta reheat them, its a wrap

one of my Fav Breakfast

Sage Sausage, eggs scrambled w/ CHEESE, Grits w/ CHEESE, Toast

25 08 2008
Vanita

Damn edumacated…that samich sounds exquisite…seeing how its a cosi across the street, I will be tryin that tmw. THANKS
(PS baconators are evil)

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

man i wanna be waken up in the middle of the night now to shuck some corn, doing that shit means some good eatins is coming up.

A warning to all people. There is no possible reason for you to have ketchup near your breakfast food. none. I will not accept it even on hashbrowns. Absolutely not on Eggs or grits.

As a kid i loved that the only food we could mix all together on a plate was grits eggs and breakfast meat. I love breakfast meats. The best breakfast meat are these sausage bricks (make your own patty) only sold in north carolina that i can’t remember the name of.

Why are we constantly talking about either food or sex on here.

25 08 2008
Monie

@ Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Catfish and grits man!!!! The best.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

I didn’t have grits when I was little. I grew up eating rice & beans with everything. Mofongo, platanos, chicharron. I didn’t have grits until I spent the night at a friend’s house in middle school. I can get with it, but I don’t swear by them.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

thanx@ willnot and vanita

25 08 2008
EJ

My mother is Nigerian and is a genius with a pot of stew … jeloff rice … okra soup … fried plantains … meat pies … but she is not a chef when it comes to grits. If oatmeal didn’t come in individually wrapped packets, I may not have like that either.

Has anyone ever heard of eating oatmeal with boiled eggs. I mean having them chopped up into your oatmeal … I vaguely remember this being part of breakfast

25 08 2008
Vanita

omg WNBT – Ketchup on hard boiled eggs is the best. And it MUST be Heinz Ketchup.

25 08 2008
Monie

Dekela & JessAKA Rabbitt

I actually tried the Quaker Quick Grits in the little packets once, OMG they were awful, tasted like wet sawdust.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Vanita:

just make sure you ask for it. It is a make your own sandwich type of thing, not on the menu. I need a name for it. You can also substitute the pesto chicken in for the grilled chicken, but I don’t do the pesto since I already get the basil on it.

25 08 2008
Monie

“A warning to all people. There is no possible reason for you to have ketchup near your breakfast food. none. I will not accept it even on hashbrowns. Absolutely not on Eggs or grits.”

I agree!!!!

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

EJ that is b.c your ass is west african and you mofos will drop a hard boiled egg in anything and everything. No you are not supposed to have an egg in oatmeal

Plus i’m going to break out and say all Nigerian food is rice and stew. There is nothing else

25 08 2008
B4Prez

A grit is a grit to me. U add some butter and salt, some cheese eggs, and some bacon on the side and it’s all the same.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@WNBT:

Not even ketchup w/scrambled eggs? I prefer to crumble up my bacon or sausage on my eggs and eat them that way or just some good old fashioned salt & pepper will suffice, but ketchup w/scrambled eggs isn’t that bad.

Of course, you’re talking to a guy that used to put ranch dressing on his pizza and eat mayo with his french fries. Thank God I broke from those habits.

25 08 2008
EJ

Philly memories: Walking up to a lunch truck and ordering ham, egg and cheese on a roll, salt, pepper, extra ketchup.

I can’t have a breakfast sandwich without ketchup.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

“Why are we constantly talking about either food or sex on here.”

Did anyone ever see the Seinfield about combining food, sex, and television?

25 08 2008
Monie

When I was a kid I used to eat Jamaican beef patties for breakfast. My bestfriend’s mom used to own a little restaurant back then and we’d go by on the way to school and stuff ourselves with them!

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Vanita, back away from the ketchup. (and honestly i don’t even like hard boiled eggs. If i’m hard boiling and egg its cuz i’m making deviled eggs or trying like a fool to make moimoi again. Or its easter, and even on easter those eggs may be holy on sunday but they are deviled by monday). Stay away from breakfast. stat!

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Ketchup is something I eat sparingly but I will have it on my American Potatoes and Onions for breakfast!

25 08 2008
JG*

Ranch Dressing on Pizza is simply amazing!

25 08 2008
Monie

Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I think the Brits eat fries and mayo.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ B4Prez

As long as you celebrate this week or weekend that’s admissable. I like to take a little break on around my birthday to be depressed. Generally I evaluate my life and break down what things suck, why and why I should have fixed it already cause of my age. That ends the pity party for the entire year…afterwards I go get drunk and live it up.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

NO KETCHUP ON ANY TYPE OF EGG!!! Unless you slid that egg on a burger over at red robin or another beautiful place that puts fried eggs on their burgers (love you alta hora) and even then, the ketchup goes on the burger or the bun.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

I will put ketchup on hashbrowns, but God forbid it touch anything else on my plate because everything will be ruined. For this reason I usually keep my hashbrowns on a separate plate.

25 08 2008
Monie

or maybe it’s the Dutch…..

25 08 2008
Jen

Steak, eggs and grits, people. With extra cheese and hot sauce. Louisiana or Crystal, please. Steak, eggs and grits is the breakfast of KINGS. Nothing like a nice, marbled rib-eye for breakfast.

25 08 2008
EJ

@W.N.B.T – Nigerian cooking is more than rice and stew! There is a multitude of soups with pounded yam/semolina/whatever you want to cook it with. Chin chin, meat pies, man … I won’t lie though, rice and stew is pretty much an everyday meal. Its also the best.

I don’t know what’s up with my family and eggs, but I don’t really eat hard boiled eggs unless they are chopped up in my salad.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

I thought mayo and french fries was a white people thing. My friend introduced it to me mixing mayo and mustard and i was slightly disgusted. But then i tried mixing mayo and ketchup and was pleased. then add a little hot sauce, chopped onion and relish, some seasoning and you got a good sammich spread going

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Ed: I saw it! The part when george tries to eat a corn beef sandwich in the bed is hilarious then he finds a female to eat-sex with and she makes fresh pastrami?!

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

My 25th Birthday SUCKED ass. I was in a starbucks blogging and bitching about why I wasn’t doing it big at 25.

When I turned 26, I said “fuck it” and had a big dinner party and a night out at the club and got drunk. The next week, I went to homecoming and had a party with my family. Good times. Still reflected a bit though.

I’m turning 27 this year, and I’m not too sure about what I want to do. Vegas is looking tempting though.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

soups=stew. RICE AND STEW I SAY. for breakfast lunch dinner and snack all day everyday is rice and stew. Even at weddings birthdays or other large rented banquet hall affairs. With a side of moi moi and dried up turkey

25 08 2008
EJ

@W.N.B.T. – You know how to make MoiMoi and you dare say that Nigerians only eat rice and stew. I could go for some right now … I’m about to call my mother.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@WNBT: Ketchup + Mayo + Relish = Thousand Island Dressing.

and Jesus wept…

25 08 2008
tfb

what the fuck is up with grits? i’ve seen and tried them once. nasty, nasty shit. never again in a million years.

Edumacated: “I think everyone is hooked on McDs in college at somepoint.”

nope, here in portland, jack in the box was my late-night fast food house of worship. dear god, thank you for the ultimate cheeseburger.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

@amadeo –

i had a friend w/ a bday this wk who threw a party, so i got to party, but it wasn’t my party or with most of my friends. But trust, i did the recollection thing, got depressed, and that led me to binge drinking so…everything was great minus the laundry

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

You guys just mentioned my only food aversion: EGGS!

I hate eggs, I hate to even think about them [wretching up baconator…bleh]

25 08 2008
EJ

LMAO, I’ve never heard that equation before. Stew does not equal soup … but we shall agree to disagree.

If there is no fried plantain and jeloff at any Nigerian event I go to, I will leave. There is no reason to be disrespectful.

Please tell me you have been forced to eat Kola nut and that spicy ass peanut butter. There is nothing worse in this world.

25 08 2008
Jen

TFB – where are you from? I made grits once for my West Indian ex and he pretty much spit them out right in front of my face.

The goddamn heathen.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

27 is the best number and a great year. I plan on ridiculous debaucher for 27. Do it big.

No ketchup people, how much more clear can i get. Mayo allowed

Brits eat chips with vinegar. that is also lovely. Even better than salt and vinegar wise potato chips

25 08 2008
JG*

Ketchup on hashbrowns is like what God originally intended the world to be like. Heaven.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Mayoketchup mixed is huge in PR, they put it on everything. http://www.elcolmadito.com/USAderezosSalsasDetail.asp?OrderNumber=285

25 08 2008
B4Prez

@Cali ppl – Is In n Out Burger the spot with like 3 options? I cant remember if it was that or Jack in the Box, but whichever it was, they had their game on point with those 3 options.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Yeah, I was going to do another party, but some of my friends have moved, and its hard as hell keeping in touch with folks, etc.

When I turn the big 3-0, I’m thinking about throwing a 90’s party. Wearing Cross Colours, Reebok Pumps, Wearing High-Top Fades and playing 90s music ad nauseum. And if anyone tells me that “30 is the new 20,” they have to get beat upside the head.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

WNBT: “27 is the best number and a great year. I plan on ridiculous debaucher for 27. Do it big.”

Seeing as I am turning 28 this year, you just made me incredibly depressed.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

I know, i did that for my african and west indian people they got really snooty about it. (grits). My white friends fell in love. Also polenta is white for grits. They served them at a fancy pants dinner party at my job once and people were like oooh polenta i’ll have some of that. I was all loud with the, thats dinner grits! Polenta my polish behind

EJ I got many nigerian friends. I tease them constantly about rice and stew and bloody joloff rice. and powdered milk and that blooody boiled egg. I will also tease you. which i have. And i do not know how to make moimoi. It remains soupy every time i try it. I need to go over to my friends house when her mama makes it.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Edumacated you should still be partying. All year of year 27 is great. I’m going to stop at age 27. No need to be any older than that. But i’m female it is my perogative

25 08 2008
B4Prez

ketchup + Mayo mixed is called Big Mac sauce…

25 08 2008
Vanita

I cant eat ketchup on my boiled eggs but you mix it with Mayo? How could you defile Heniz like that? MAYO is nothin more than oil and eggs, so if ur justified then so am I…

25 08 2008
Monie

I don’t mind eggs; fried, scrambled, boiled…just not runny. Runny eggs are totally disgusting. And I would never put ketsup/ catsup on eggs.

25 08 2008
Jen

SPEAKING OF EGGS

You want something that is slap-your-mama good. A good spicy etouffee served for breakfast the next morning…wait for it….

over hashbrowns and eggs. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMMMMMMMMMMMNED GOOOOOOD.

25 08 2008
tfb

jen: born in brooklyn, raised there and orlando. my mom was from st. vincent and my dad is from nigeria. i think my hatred of grits is a combination of growing up with west indian food and being from the godless north.

25 08 2008
Jen

B4Prez – when I was in France, I went to multiple restaurants that called a blend of mayo and ketchup “American sauce”. I was very offended in a “wtf kind of Americans you been talking to” type of way.

25 08 2008
Monie

B4Prez

In-n-Out is simply the best! They make the best fries in the universe, their burgers are good and their lemonade is the best ever.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I still can’t eat Pimento Cheese for some reason. I just don’t like the stuff

25 08 2008
Edumucated

WNBT: I hear you, I still enjoy going to lounges and Bus Boys and Poets way too much to give up partying in a few months. I also believe that you are required to party as a lawyer so that you will keep your sanity.

25 08 2008
Monie

Has anyone ever had poutine?

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

ye gods i had the best crawfish etoufee at this place called the bayou in harlem that since shut down. I wanna cry now.
Yea the ketchup and mayo mix is not standard. Thats for when you wanna feel really fat. Or make a fattyburger. Because it is tasty (with onions and light relish and hot sauce)

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Monie: I was up in Canada a few years back and made the mistake of eating Poutine from a KFC. I said next time I go up to Canada I’m going to try it at a more authentic place.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Monie: In-n-out is amazing, but their lemonade does not stand up against Chic-Fil-A. and Ketchupmayo is not American Sauce, it is not Big Mac sauce. It is Puerto Rican sauce, they fucking sell it in the grocery stores.

25 08 2008
Angry IV

I’m one of those black people that isn’t lactose intolerant, and I relish in my supernatural powers at every chance I get. XL chocolate milkshake made with chocolate ice cream? Serve it up, bitches!

25 08 2008
Monie

Lmao@ Poutine from KFC!

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

I just found out about pimento cheese in my cookbook called the south the cookbook. ( i also have america the cookbook- and those fuckers are as big as red robins menus. i think my daddy got them just cuz of the picture) and made it for the first time like 6 months ago. that stuff is fucking heaven. Especially on some triscuits. Man one day i had a dinner of triscuits wheat thins pimento cheese and hummus. I was alone and had the matches on standby just in case.

I have some jars of pimentos at home now. i gotta go get me some (more)cheese

25 08 2008
Dekela

Dammitt, ketchup on eggs is the truth!!

LOL soup == stew,

stew is just soup with some tough ass meat thrown in, hoping it will tenderize from the stew juices (tell me im wrong….)

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

oh chik-fil-a. I miss you baby.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

dekela, you are the devil. evil evil dekela

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

In-N-Out is one of the first places I go to when I’m out in Cali. That and Rubio’s Fish Taco.

I saw a Jack-In-The-Box in Greenville, SC on my way back to ATL last week, and I pulled over and almost kissed the ground. I haven’t been to one of those in a long time. So good…

25 08 2008
Monie

Wow I forgot all about Chick-Fil-A, I haven’t even seen one in years.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

@Jen- they probably feel the same about ‘French Fries’, lol

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ WNBT

to hell with 27…I turn 30 this year. You know what that means????

30 and over Club Card Bitches!!!!

Only problem is I’ll be depressed for a little longer this year now that my 20’s are gone.

_______________________

They still give out 30 and over club cards don’t they….that and an AARP membership were the only blips I had left on the birthday radar.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

i like jack in the box only b.c. they have jalepeno poppers. any place with jalepeno poppers is good by me. And good by all people

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Oh yeah, and I like Watercress sandwiches. Why my big beefy bigro ass likes those dainty ass sammiches is beyond me, but I like them though.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

cosign wnbt- i was put on to Jalapeno poppers at Jerrys subs and pizza.

25 08 2008
Dekela

WNTB – sadly that is not the first time i’ve been called that

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

don’t forget over the hill 50. and midlife crisis 40 (male only) and half biblical life 35. senior discount 55, social security eligble 65. cash in your life insurance 85. nearly dead 90, technically deceased centeniarian.. centurion… centaur?

25 08 2008
Edumucated

We have Chic-Fil-A all over the place, I didn’t realize they are so sparse. Has anyone ever been to The Cookout? The only place I have seen them is in Raleigh/Durham area of NC but it is amazing.

25 08 2008
tfb

omg, chik-fil-a! one of two things i miss about living in orlando.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

COOKOUT, OMG!

A cookout burger with cheese and no onions, with cookout fries, a large cheerwine and a orange push up shake!

I think I just came.

25 08 2008
BK24/7

@ Monie

I used to share an office with a French Canadian so in between our arguments over who is the bigger musical genius (Paul McCartney or Stevie Wonder) he used to tell me about poutine. I think he found a place in the city that served it, but he said the cheese curds weren’t authentic. That stuff is a heart attack in a bowl.

25 08 2008
Monie

No hamburger conversation is complete without mentioning White Castle! And please don’t anyone bring up that bootleg place called Krystle!

When I was a teen in N.Y. I could eat ten White Castle’s cheeseburgers AND fries AND a shake at 3 am!

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

ooh ooh Jerrys. The only place to get a reasonable cheesesteak in DC. I don’t know why i can’t find a good sub shop up here. There’s frikkin italians everywhere. Fuckin sopranos too good to run a sub shop around here? Thats like a moving to harlem and not being able to get chicken and waffles.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

@jen – they know the sauce had to come from america, cus that’s some ghetto sauce, lol

@edumucated – Puerto ricans buy it, but everyone else just mixes it together, lol

25 08 2008
blackberry molasses

@ EJ
being Ghanaian, i also am moderately offended, but extremely entertained with people who refer to the west african diet as ‘rice and stew’

dammit, y’all forogt about all the damn fish! Breakfast, lunch and dinner, fish fish and more fish! or is that just a Ghana thing because we are costal?

though, cosign on eggs being in everyFUCKINGthing

and that spicy ass peanut butter… my dad loves that crap… i run for the hills when he brings that out

25 08 2008
Jen

I am officially in the mood for comfort food. I think tonight’s dinner will be extra fattening.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

Oh shit…I forgot about senior discount. I’ll get to tell kids get off my lawn and yell “Senior Discount Bitches!” at the movies.

For some reason I’m hooked on Salsaritas and Chipotle. Coldstone is the shit to…but seeing as how they don’t serve an actual meal and I can’t don’t eat ice cream everyday it’s only a once in a while thing.

25 08 2008
Dekela

The first time i went to Chic-fil-a was in Orl. for a conference this past March and was like can I get the chicken sandwich without the pickles…

I was almost castrated, lynched and quartered….

who the hell puts pickles on a sandwich?

25 08 2008
Edumucated

And for my other Chocolate City kin, HoChi’s mambo sauce. Matter of fact, any carry out (pronounce curry out) that serves mambo sauce. I will definitely be having wings and fries with sauce tonight.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@ Monie: White Castle = Bootleg Krystal. Get it right 😉

But Krystal = Bubbleguts. Can’t do it.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

What about how great Checkers is???? U get like 5 Big Bufords for $2.50. Sumthin in the lactose ain’t clean, but I’ll let it slide.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I was in DC last weekend and had some chicken wings w/mambo sauce from Danny’s Carry-Out, and when I go up to DC for Labor Day weekend, I’m having some more! Not to mention a Half-Smoke from Ben’s Chili Bowl. As many times as I’ve been up there, I haven’t been there yet! I need to have my DC card revoked for that.

25 08 2008
overit

LMAO @ 30 and over Club Card Bitches!!!! Don’t sweat it Amadeo, you’re gonna feel real salty when you’re 64 and you remember spending ever bday after 22 depressed.

25 08 2008
BK24/7

Since y’all talking about burgers, I fell in love with Five Brothers in DC. They have a Brooklyn site but I haven’t tried it yet.

In Dallas, it’s all about the Whataburger.

25 08 2008
Dekela

whoa

White castle is the supreme burger for late nights after a club when you are drunk as shit in NY, spent all but $2.00 in cash and need a quick fix.

Though if your stomach isn’t impenetrable, that shit will make you suffer

25 08 2008
Monie

@blackberry molasses

Have you tried soy nut butter? I love it and sunflower butter is good too. I haven’t had p-nut butter in years.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

WNBT: I am trying to think of a sub place in DC that has standout subs, and you are right there isn’t much I can think of. There is a place in Georgetown called Wise-something or other, and a place on the GW campus. They are both pretty good.

Have you ever been to Levi’s though in southern PG?

25 08 2008
tfb

checkers is not good.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

damn damn, thanks wnbt- I have to look forward to half biblical age for my next progression. very depressing. and then a mid-life crisis. Better start saving for that shiny new convertable and wad of cash to attract the young honey’s.

@Dekela- thats McD’s new marketing thing; a southern chicken sandwich w pickles! basically it looks and tastes much like Chic-fil-A. Future lawsuit on the horizon?

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

I almost had to fight a 2520 at Bruegger’s Bagles a few minutes ago. how you gonna lean OVER me to try and order when obviously I haven’t put in MY order yet? I gave him the Celie side eye and almost started the “till you do right by me…” joint, but he backed down before I needed to.

Assface.

25 08 2008
TomatoHead

omg “bubbleguts”. I literally just snorted.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

The McDs souther chicken sandwich is delicious.

Best Eating spots in DC according to me:

HoChi because everyone needs to try Mambo Sauce from the original creator
Ben’s because it is a landmark
Henry’s Soul Cafe in Oxon Hill is amazing, better than Levis and Anacostia in my opinion
Mango Cafe is delicious too
Pizza Mart because it is the ultimate, I am drunk and eating a pizza slice bigger than my torso, spot

25 08 2008
Dekela

@BenAfficial – yea I peeped that too! I was like “aint this the same shit I didn’t want in Orl?” McD’s acting like its some brand new concept in NYC and the nig-nogs flock to it

also, who orders a freaking chicken sandwich on a biscuit in the morning?

America is going to hell

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

theres a place called sports in Lake Ridge that makes great cold subs and those jokers some standard like 18″. but thats the best around. I went to both 5guys in brooklyn. They are still great but they are HELLA expensive. Theres a five guys out on 22 in jersey too. Near the petco.

CHECKERS IS GREAT. and they put real food on your burger(real chunkly slice of nasty tomato if you dont stop them. real piece of lettuce, etc). the spicy chicken is fantastic but you go to checkers for the fries. Checkers fries are the truth. They never make it home and checkers is right across the street. (Jerry’s fries are good too but they arent’ the same). And they used to have the great orange creamsicle shake but they stopped serving it. That made me sad. That orange cream shake was the best thing on Gods green earth. I mourn it. I pour out a little of all my shakes on the ground to mourn it. Also its black owned

25 08 2008
Jen

“also, who orders a freaking chicken sandwich on a biscuit in the morning?”

I do. Whataburger puts a nice piece of fried chicken breast on a crumbly biscuit and tops it with honey butter.

To quote little Riley from the Boondocks, “MMM! This must be what crack feels like!”

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Can we start some sort of petition to get Checkers to bring back the orange cream shake. I think it had Zoloft in it or something b.c it just made everyone happy. I was shuttling people over to the checkers just to try it. Especially if i saw someone looking sad, or after an exam

25 08 2008
Jen

Jack in the Box makes an Orange Sunrise shake, now. That is pretty much an Orange Creamsicle shake. Weep not, young one.

25 08 2008

omg I miss the buffalo shrimp from JUNIORS in brooklyn:(

25 08 2008
EJ

@ B.M. – I do not like fish! Its blasphemous, I know … my mother used to sneak it into our rice and stew and has lied to me for 15 years (I figure 8 is when I started questioning her about the ingredients for our rice and stew) until I caught her RED HANDED a couple of months ago. She has just begun to regain my trust …

25 08 2008
blackberry molasses

@monie
have tried the soy nut butter… its okay. but my sididdy ass likes almond and pecan butters the best… especially with pear preserves… YUM. now that is a grown ass womans ‘PB&J’

we actually have a cafe in Philly that specializes in rare nut butter and preserve sandwiches. they also make a mean fluffernutter and nutella sandwich as well… if you’re willing to spend 6 bucks on it.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

WNBT:

The sub shop is Gtown is Wisemillers and Wisey’s Deli. Very good.

I had the Southern Chicken from McDs when they were giving them away for free and it is pretty good, better than that gray slab they call beef. I don’t care what they say, McDs burgers are NOT real beef.

25 08 2008

I really want in and out now

25 08 2008
Jen

PAUSE. Somebody just said the magic word. NUTELLA! Who here has had homemade Nutella ice cream? Please all say you have, because if you haven’t, you also have not yet lived.

25 08 2008
Monie

No pizza place anywhere in America is as good as any broke down little neighborhood pizzaria in N.Y.

Pizza Hut and Dominos are a perfect example of bad pizza.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

well the baconator’s been referenced but I don’t believe Popeyes has been mentioned yet today. bomb chicken and biscuits. and the popcorn shrimp mmmm…

I think there is still a Churches chicken in Richmond, but no more Bojangles or Golden Skillet… =(

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Jen, where can I get some?

Yall are killing me today with all this food!

@ Ed: Is Henry’s still open? The last time i went on that side of town, it was gone and I wept.

25 08 2008
Monie

Speaking of Orange, how about Orange Julius. Good stuff.

25 08 2008
Monie

Nutella is addictive.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

El Pollo Rico in DC/PG/Arlington. MMMM Peruvian chicken is so good. El Malecon in NY is amazing too. There is nothing that can touch good Peruvian or Dominican rotisserie chicken. 5 dollars for a quarter chicken, rice, and yucca. Amazing.

25 08 2008
Jen

Does anybody remember when Popeyes used to sell the crawfish poboys? They were so good and then all of a sudden, I looked up and they were gone.

Also Churches stepped their game up when they released that spicy chicken. I never thought I’d see the day when Churches produced anything edible other than those delicious biscuits.

25 08 2008
Monie

@ blackberry molasses – I saw something on the food channel about a p-nut butter sandwich shop in N.Y. I’d love to try the one you’re talking about. And cashew butter is good too.

@ BenAfficial – Church’s chicken is the worst chicken ever.

25 08 2008
Uninspired Muse

Im sorry.

DID I JUST READ A POST ON FARTS AND BIG BUTTS????

No more fuckin chicken man.

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

“but my sididdy ass likes almond and pecan butters the best… especially with pear preserves… ”

Would you be my food BFF? Lol! But I will take Apricot preserve over the pear ones… On a slightly toasted slice of whole wheat bread… Heaven.

And, oh Nutella? The reason “the 4pm Snack” was invented in the first place… Damn, I miss my childhood… (where you could eat all that with no friggin’ consequences?

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

lets not get started on bojangles. I forgot i lubs me some churches too.
Sadly Jen I still weep, there is no such thing as a jack in the box over here.
Also i hate new york style pizza and its the only think you can get over here. Can’t taste the pepperoni and they use cardboard for pizza dough. and its all flat. Its only good for after partying, wee hours of the morning food. In which case so is bloody white castle. le sigh

25 08 2008
Edumucated

8th: Yes Henry’s is still open, right off of Indian Head. That sweet potato pie….. orgasm.

25 08 2008
Monie

Edumucated – Do they have El Pollo Loco there?

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

i haven’t had pear preserves since my grandma died. They were soooooooooooo goood. I also second the (possible) statement that everyone must try them. They are really fantastic and I don’t like pears whatsoumever.

25 08 2008
Jen

8th Wonder – I have never seen Nutella ice cream in a store. I or one of my friends have always had to make it. It is straight crack.

Also, none of you people have ever had fried chicken unless you have had some Frenchy’s out of Houston’s third ward. So good it makes you want to commit acts of random violence (explaining the crime rate in the third ward). Also, it is Beyonce-endorsed. When we got a Pollo Campero, folks were trying to act like it would take the H-town Fried Chicken crown. No cigar. Although I will tear up some Pollo Campero, too.

25 08 2008
TomatoHead

Nutella is the shit. I eat that stuff right out of the jar with a spoon. A Nutella Spoon, if you will.

What the heck is “mambo sauce”?

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

I still like Red Lobster’s Cheddar Bay Biscuits better than any others; even cracker barrel’s biscuits.

25 08 2008
blackberry molasses

EJ
I only really started getting down on the fish about 6 years ago… something about watching my parents go to town on the fish heads threw me for a while… still not down with the fish head, but I love me some tilapia and red snapper…

hmm, dinner might me at mom’s house tonight.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ BenAffical

When we used to “indulge” me and my peoples would drive to Popeyes and just get biscuits and strawberry jelly.

25 08 2008
ishouldbeworking

I think I gained my whole “Freshman 15” at Cookout eating cookout style burgers, hush puppies, and pineapple milkshakes. Cookout was the best after the club food especially since IHOP and Waffle House were the only two other options. I still can’t figure out why they put a whole onion on the burgers at Cookout.

Grits is the real breakfast of champions. I eat mine with butter and sugar and instant ones are disgusting. I remember when the Girls Raised In The South acronym became popular. I felt like it was and ode to me and all my southern thickness.

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

El Pollo Loco used to make me dream dreams of happiness…

Now, I got a hook up at a neighborhood Taqueria over on Richmond Avefor some good barbeque chicken every sunday… It has become a ritual.

25 08 2008
Lindsay

I hate Levi’s…but I’ve only been to the one in Mitchellville. Their yams are watery, and their mac and cheese is subpar.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

You siddity eaters are making my simple ass feel bad, especially you JEN! lol…hmmm….what have I eat that you all have not….uh…escargo? octopus? rabbitt? hog head cheese (wait…can I take that back?!) lol

25 08 2008
TomatoHead

Oh El Pollo Loco…they have the most delicious chicken ever. No fried crap; all grilled and marinated and fresh and ah…it is love.

I think “Cracker Barrel” is the most hilarious name for a resturant ever.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Aw i love waffle house and all its sketchy goodness.

25 08 2008
BK24/7

@ WNBT

Thank you! I thought I was the only one who hated new york pizza. I’m used to pizza made by Greeks with small slices and plenty of sauce! And why did people look at me like I was crazy here when I asked for a turkey grinder?

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

@ Tomatohead: Mambo sauce is crack, plain and simple.

@ Ed: Damn, there used to be a Henry’s near Cap Center, Indian head is too long of a drive, I may as well keep goinga nd see mama n’dem in NC.

@ Jen: How does one make Nutella ice cream? Cause it sounds like a life changing experience.

25 08 2008
Lindsay

TH –

Mambo sauce (n.): red goo served with fried chicken and fries at carryouts (pronounced ‘curry out’, as Edumacated mentioned) throughout the greater Washington area (particularly in D.C. proper and Prince George’s County in Maryland). Even residents don’t know what it is, or how to make it, but will readily consume it.

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

But FISH (and any seafood) remains KING!!

Grilled Tilapia with some Attieke (an Af. American friend described it as dry grits, lol!) = Heaven. Add some fried plantain, and it’s a wrap.

25 08 2008
EJ

@B.M. – My mom eats marrow, this I will never understand. My baked/fried fish head memories are remniscent of a horror film. I’ll walk into the kitchen wondering what that delishes smell is, open the oven and fried fish eyes will be staring at you … I just shivered.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

The BEST fries are from Popeyes. I’ll slap my mama for a Popeyes 2-piece and biscuit, but I’ll slap my grandmama for a box of their fries.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

@Amadeo- indulgence is a motherfucker. Used to have my ex-gf up fixing me pancakes at 3 in the morning. Good times.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

they looked at you crazy b.c. what the fuck is a grinder?? Just order a sub like everyone else.

I realize i love visiting almost any place in the world for 2 things. Local foodstuff and local music.

dreaming of macaroni pie

25 08 2008
blackberry molasses

Ms. Sula– I also fucks with the apricot preserves…and wheat toast is the ONLY way to go

Monie– i forget the name of the cafe but its in Center City on 15th between Walnut and Locust if you are ever in Philly

oh and Nutella is the devil… the kind of devil that is BAD in a GOOD way…

25 08 2008
Monie

Hagaan Daz rum raisin ice cream w/ Nutella! The best desert ever!

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

When El Pollo Loco opened here in ATL, I ate there damn near every weekend. We used to eat there when I lived in Cali like it was going out of style.

And I’ll slap a nukka for some Popeye’s 2 piece, biscuit and some Red Beans and Rice.

25 08 2008
Jen

JessAKA, if somebody tells me something is edible, I will eat it. I have had escargot, octopus (both grilled and lightly fried when I was in Greece – HEAVEN) AND calamari, rabbit, hoghead cheese (DISGUSTING!!), eel, the real country shit like venison and gator. I love to eat.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Monie: I had El Pollo Loco in PR, but we don’t have it here, we have Pollo Campero.

Lindsay:
Thats crazy, I went to the one in Mitchellville and it was great, even though its another Korean owned soul food spot. It is definitely not Henrys though. I really want some sweet potato pie now.

And no one knows what the fuck Mambo Sauce is. It is delicious.

25 08 2008
Monie

B4Prez

Just wait until you try In-n-Out fires. They are literally hand cut fresh every day!

25 08 2008
Dekela

what’s wrong with Pizza Hut? I actually like their pizza, though its not better than Papa Johns

NY style pizza is the best, especially one with awesome tomato sauce and a crunchy crust….hmmmm

oh and Popeyes fries are the best! I have been saying that since forever

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

I baked a pie at midnight. multiple times. Just thought i should put that out there since this is some sort of eaters anonymous meeting.

also note: besides no ketchup at breakfast you should also stay away from food that looks at you. I can’t eat whole crabs anymore b.c. i they have black and red beady eyes in that damn shell that peer at you

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Ms. Sula

Chilean Sea Bass is the king of all fish. All other fish should be used to smack people who ask for some of your C.S.B.

25 08 2008
Muse

I just gained 5lbs reading the comments section.

BTW In and Out is the business OMG. East coast people are missing out. Also I love love love Pink’s Hotdogs. Lordy. Those are my comfort foods during that time of month where I’m a crazy heifer.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

When you have some money to splurge and you like red meat, Brazilian Steakhouses are THE bidness. Especially when they have the salad bar hooked up. I usually try to catch them during the lunch specials though. Same goodness for half the price.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

B4Prez- go to checkers. Checkers kills Popeyes fries. you will thank me

25 08 2008
Jen

nutella + evaporated milk + ice cream maker = crack nutella ice cream

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

B4Prez: “The BEST fries are from Popeyes. I’ll slap my mama for a Popeyes 2-piece and biscuit, but I’ll slap my grandmama for a box of their fries.”

Am I the only one that has noticed B’s readiness to slap a matriarch of his family over fast food?! Recall a week ago, him exclaiming that he had the baconator and it’s goodness made him want to slap his mama!

Also, if Mambo sauce is what is on Harold’s Chicken in the midwest, it is basically just hot sauce and ketchup…sorry to break the truth

25 08 2008
BK24/7

@ WNBT

LOL! Well being from CT, going to school in PA and living in NY, you gotta figure out the differences. In CT, they call it a grinder no matter if it’s hot or cold. In PA, the hoagie was cold, the grinder hot. Here in NY, I still don’t know what the deal is. Could you just take my turkey sub and put in the oven?

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Oh and Pollo Tropical in Florida = FAIL. That rubbery crap they claim to be chicken? Ugh.

25 08 2008
Monie

@Muse

Pink’s in the JOINT, plus it’s fun to people watch there.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Dekela, i already told you you were the devil and evil. Evil evil evil.

seriously though, if you like popeyes fries you have to taste checkers. you don’t believe me now but you will be living only a halflife you never taste them

25 08 2008
Jen

Since we are all friends (obese, sweaty, greedy, over-eating friends):

TELL ME YOUR BURGER SECRETS.

What do you put in/on your burgers to make them tasty??

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Has anyone ever gone to Marrakesh? I had a date who wanted to go there, but I am not sold on eating with my hands.

25 08 2008
TomatoHead

InNOut has the best cheeseburgers ever. They are small and light so you don’t feel like a rock has just lodged itself in your stomach afterward. Plus you won’t make a doo doo explosion later.

25 08 2008
Monie

Mambo sauce sounds like something John Leguzamo made up. Lol

25 08 2008
Jen

@Rev, you don’t like Pollo Tropical’s chicken on the grill??

25 08 2008
ishouldbeworking

Chic-Fil-A is the only place where chicken and pickles can be uttered in the same sentence, let alone be eaten in the same bite and their lemonade is crack for real!

There is something wrong with Church’s chicken. It has to be when you can feed a family of 5 for $3.00 and still have leftovers. Now their jalepeño bombers, corn on the cob and tea are a different story.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

best fries to cook at home- Ore Ida Texas Crispers (if you ain’t had none, oh my damn do yourself a favor)

Dominoes= wtf
Vocelli pizza= YES (buffalo wings is a must)

aside: Cracker Barrel is the only place I’ll go to that I, for some reason (name perhaps), expect racism. (there and at Denny’s)

25 08 2008
TomatoHead

mambo sauce= ketchup and hot sauce???? Ewwww. Who puts ketchup on fried chicken?

25 08 2008
JG*

I put cut up chunks of frozen butter in them. The butter melts while they are on the grill creating a small bit of euphoria in your mouth.

25 08 2008
Jen

I went to the Marrakesh in NYC. It was good.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I think Mambo sauce is ketchup, vinegar, sugar, tabasco and sweet and sour sauce. Whatever it is, it’s good. These bamas here in ATL just don’t know…

25 08 2008
Monie

@Jen

diced onions, feta chese (mixed in) and A-1 sauce (also mixed in)

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

there’s no hot sauce, but I do think it’s saltpepperketchup.

25 08 2008
BK24/7

@ Amadeo

Be careful. I think I read a while ago that Chilean Sea Bass was being overfished, so now a lot of it is bogus. There was also an article on the wrong species of fish being sold to consumers.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/22/science/22fish.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Meatatarians love the brazilian steakhouse. Coming to your table to offer you any animal you want on dowel. best thing ever. Unfortunate side effects. 3 day blockage.

Jen don’t forget the worchestershire sauce in the burger, buffalo meat is better for you and taste the same but don’t cook it as long b.c. without the extra fat it’ll dry quicker. If you like your burger extra moist drop a raw egg in the mix and the best burgers have a fried egg on top. Fried egg should be topping like lettuce bacon and/or cheese.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

@Rev. Lonnie

My boy was tryin to put me on to a Brazilian Steakhouse all you can eat place in Richmond. It was 3pm and they didnt have a table available til 8:30. one of these days though lol

25 08 2008
Jen

@JG – that is the FATTEST thing I have EVER heard.

And I am going to try it.

25 08 2008
Monie

But I only make turkey burgers these days, I no longer trust the beef supply. (cloned cows)

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Jen: I ate at three different Pollo Tropicals in Orlando, Miami and Pembroke Pines, and it wasn’t that good.

They did have good sauces though.

But then again, I grew up on El Pollo Loco, and El Pollo Loco > Pollo Tropical anytime of the day.

25 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Edumacated

Never been there…but Ethiopian food is good as hell and eating it with my hands is an excuse to get down.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

Jen-

My favorite homemade burgers-
I make a ridiculous Brushetta burger if I’m feelin fancy. don’t sleep. Other than that, the best grilled burgers include vidalia onions and cilantro mixed in.

25 08 2008
Monie

I really don’t think I could ever have the nerve to walk into a Cracker Barrel restaurant.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

oh yes, steak/barbecue sauce (i makes my own but sweet baby ray is good standard and budweiser makes a great one if you don’t want sweet bbq sauce) and onions are standard in burger making. just like oregano, basil and some garlic (actual chopped or roasted, not powder) but i thought we were talking about extra special

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Jess:

Hot sauce and Ketchup is not Mambo Sauce. Fail.

Jen:

Make two burgers of equal size, put cheese and bacon (cooked) in between the burgers, and then create an inside out burger. I put pepper, adobo, salt, crushed red pepper, and chili powder on the burger. I also put grilled vidalia onions on the burger. Lightly grill the bun, and put mayo, ketchup, and mustard on ala Wendys. Now that is how to make an amazing burger.

I told you all I can cook.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

JEN:

My Burger:
Ground Turkey, marinated OVERNIGHT with worchester sauce, minced onion, jalapeno, garlic and adobo
Kaiser bun lightly toasted with real butter
Withe the burger on the grill or in the pan, place a couple slices of jalapeno and fried onion on top, then a thick slice of Pepper jack cheese, cover, allow to melt
Add 2 slices of bacon, mayo, bbq sauce, lettuce, tomatoe and a bit of mustard

OMG I just came…

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I’m hitting up an Ethiopian restaurant when I go up to DC this weekend. I love Ethiopian food.

Cracker Barrel is good, but it’s not as good as what you could get from Big Mama. And everytime I ate up in there, I was always looking over my shoulder.

Am I the only one that can’t stand Picadilly’s?

25 08 2008
JG*

Jen: It’s so fat and it’s soooo good.

I also season with diced onions, garlic powder, seasoning sale, a splash of worchester,

But the butter….. Oh the butter.

Sometimes I also put cheese IN the burgers. But that still has nothing on the butter.

25 08 2008

“Grits is the real breakfast of champions. I eat mine with butter and sugar and instant ones are disgusting. I remember when the Girls Raised In The South acronym became popular. I felt like it was and ode to me and all my southern thickness.”

Real grit eaters, eat grits with salt, pepper and butter.

In my burgers I season, with salt pepper, season all, & a few dabs of soy sauce. DDDEEEEELISH!

25 08 2008
ishouldbeworking

@ Jen I put chopped onions, pepper, poultry seasoning, and Italian salad dressing in my ground beef and then put the burgers on the grill or bake them in the oven. Failproof burgers every time. I have aunts and cousins calling me on the regular asking if I’ll ‘pat out some burgers’ for them if they provide the ingredients.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Oh yeah on the stove i cook my burger in a cast iron skillet with butter and a little cooking spray

25 08 2008

ADD IN worchestershire sauce

25 08 2008
blackberry molasses

Jen
I don’t dine on red meat, but a good simple turkey burger requireth the following
seasoned salt– choose your brand
onion powder
black pepper

a good sididdy burger can include the following
feta
gorgonzola
smoked gouda
edam
baby spinach
escarole
shallots and/or pearl onions
habaneros (if you’re gangsta like that)
black beans (beware the flatulence)….

i could go on, but if I do I will end up forgoeing the gym to grill up a storm tonight…

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

cilantro is a spice of the devil too ben. Don’t let Dekela get to you. Cracker barrel has good food, tasty biscuits and the best part is they have games on the tables so you don’t get too bored waiting for your meal. But it will also give you itis and muddbutt. Every thing slides down with a pat of butter. (btw butter would be a good addition of taste and fat to a buffallo burger. but that would defeat the purpose of buffalo in the first place). Funny it wasn’t until my mom pronounced the cracker barrell that i thought of anything else but the cheese. Somehow she’s says it really offensively.

25 08 2008
Lindsay

Jen:

I’m a simple girl who likes simple food. So,

I basically make my burgers like meatloaf, but in patty form.

(lean) ground beef, bread crumbs or Rice Chex for “filler,” chopped/diced green peppers, onions (diced), sage, salt, maybe a bit of garlic, and an egg.

Mash up (with hands) and form into patties.

Bake in the oven covered at 350 for about 30 mins. Uncover and cook for 10 more.

Can be eaten with bun or without.

25 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

good night good people.

25 08 2008
ishouldbeworking

How come I don’t know what mudbutt is? Is it because I’m not lactose intolerant?

25 08 2008
Monie

Has anyone been to Claim Jumper restaurant? I have no idea how they stay in business. The portions are GIGANTIC.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

No one has mentioned Mongolian BBQ yet. Which is an amazing experience.

25 08 2008
Lindsay

Oh! And rice milk to keep ’em juicy, because I use lean ground beef/turkey, and it gets a little dry.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

I believe muddbutt=poops

25 08 2008

(HECKA LATE)

Hey diva!

25 08 2008
Jen

Mine includes grilled sweet onion, chipotle and roasted minced garlic in the beef (I purposely buy fattier beef) plus a little Creole seasoning (standard in every Texas/Louisiana kitchen). On Texas toast and topped with pepperjack, more grilled onion, pickles, mustard, sliced avocado, spinach (yes, I know that sounds a little off) and sometimes bbq sauce.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

This huge 300lb 2520 lady at cracker barrel actually gave me some problems cuz they called my party to be seated and hers was being called at the same time but they weren’t all there yet. Bitch didn’t want to let us get by her big ass even though our hostess was beckoning. She had the nerve to say “you need to wait until our party is seated first!” I was like lady I’m not waiting for you to eat up everything in the kitchen or for them to find a chair big enough fo yo ass. fuckin breathin all hard and shit.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

God, I miss texas toast.

25 08 2008
Monie

Jen

Sometimes I like to add a little ground sausage to my turkey burgers too, it adds great flavor.

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

I will definitely try the cold butter in the butter trick! What goes best with homemade burgers is homade fries, circle cut with the skin still on them and a mason jar of iced tea…wow…this is what love is….[fuck a baconator!]

25 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

*cold butter in the burger trick*

25 08 2008
Jen

OMG – Monie, put chorizo in a burger. My friend does this, and you’re talking about good!!

25 08 2008
B4Prez

@JessAKA – I’m not a woman beater, trust me. Certain foods just give me ‘tendencies’, lol.

@blackberry molasses – Are u talking about Lattimer Cafe on 15th? I didn’t catch why u mentioned it, but the area made me wonder if this is what you were talking about.

@willnot – During my time in Philly, I enjoyed Checkers fries many a time. While they’re good, Popeyes, on the other hand, almost makes it worth getting a p/t job so u can eat on the job. *Secretly applies online*

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

My burger recipe (as of late) consists of great ground sirloin marinated in my homemade Chimichurri (Parsley, garlic, pepper, salt or Maggi cubes, Olive oil, Vinegar or lemon, and anything else that strikes your fancy).

Make a good patty, possibly stuffed with some Gorgonzola or aged Blue Cheese like Rocquefort.

Serve with sweet grilled onions and slightly toasted buns, and more Chimichurri sauce. Or homemade Mayo. It’s heaven.

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

yeah i’ll put butter in my burgers if I’m grillin em. the juiciest.

or broiled in the oven w worcestershire

I have even boiled burgers before. Surprisingly great.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

I could only watch 1:52 of this sadness

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

8th yah… got :38 from me..

25 08 2008
Dustin

That video was awesome!

25 08 2008
Jen

Okay, Blonde people should never remake Lil Waynes songs. Never. Under no circumstances.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

8th, Why would you share that. That was painful to watch. I made it 0:57

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

this is what I’m saying.

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

@8th…

Youtube: Helping down-on-their-luck-wannabe-porn stars since 2008.

It actually made me giggle. So sad.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

I only made it that far because I wanted to know what she was gonna say at the “Shawty say the nigga that she wit aint shit” part.

She said “man”. Good girl.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

That Lolipop remake was horrible.

But I still think this is the worst:

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Damn, I should have stuck in there for the “When i’m at the bottom, she Hillary Rodham” part… but I fear I would have never gotten those brain cells back.

25 08 2008
Edumucated

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTFznHa1Hds This man must have just had a baconator

25 08 2008
Jen

LMAO

25 08 2008
BenAfficial

@Rev.-

BWAAAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHHHAAAAA!

I really needed dat dere. good looks

25 08 2008
Edumucated

The lollipop cover was bad, its cold in the D was worse, but for your audio pleasure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SrEQKOcU_k

Please listen the entire way through.

25 08 2008
blackberry molasses

that video… WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?!?!?

@ B4… i think that’s the name of it… i wander the streets aimlessly during my 2 hour lunch (love being a gubment employee)

25 08 2008
Amadeo

Ladies and Gentleman…the Youtube Hour.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

EDUMUCATED!

WHYWHYWHY

lol at the holy ghost, I just died.

25 08 2008
Jen

Why does edumacated’s video not work for me? Am I being punished?

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

okay Jen, your video killed me…

but the award obviously goes to the Rev.

Like really? Is it THAT cold in the D? I am silently crying at my desk. Sobbing, really…

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

Jen, you need to see it… It’s bloody hilarious.

Just priceless.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Oh Ed, It says it was removed by the user.

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooo

25 08 2008
Jen

I posted that video last week. And I put it up on the Facebook group. So, really the award goes to me.

*sticks tongue out at Rev*

25 08 2008
Edumucated

I appologise the second link I sent doesn’t work. This is the same kid.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Re: It’s so cold in the D –

WTF up was with the dude laid up playing dead in the Coney Island restaurant.

Did she just say “fuck effort” after about 2:00 when it came to keeping to the beat?

The picture of the dude in the casket?

Why?

I had no desire to live in the D before this, and this vidoe just solidified that.

How da fuck do we posed to keep peace?

25 08 2008
Dekela

lol nite ya’ll

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

LOL @ Jen. *passes the award back*

25 08 2008
Muse

OH SICK!

Have you guys heard of the Luther Burger?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luther_Burger

No wonder…

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

About Edumucated second link, where are this boy’s parents? And why do kids even have webcams?

25 08 2008
Jen

@EDUMACATED – WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???

Is that the little boy from Ugly Betty???

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Ms Sula:

That boy needs some porno mags not a webcam.

25 08 2008
Muse

Are my post being blocked?

25 08 2008
Amadeo

Let me just say…beatings…with a thick leather belt. They work wonders.

25 08 2008
Muse

I guess links are banned. Anyway Have you guys heard of the Luther Burger. Jesus…

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Okay, I can’t take this anymore. That little boy was my undoing.

Holy lack of testosterone, batman.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Edumacated:

This is pure soul ya’ll!

25 08 2008
true2me

I think holding in farts causes sponteous combustion..like i think if you hold them in too long..you explode or make an even louder stinkier fart

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

@Amadeo… I fully subscribe to that statement.

@Jen… that’s exactly what I thought when I saw him… Channeling Ugly Betty’s nephew. *smh*

25 08 2008
Edumucated

The Luther. I want to make one.

Anyone hear the K-Ci interview saying that Jojo has epilepsy and thats why he passed out on stage. K-Ci also compares himself to Jesus Christ.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

At least this was an acapella. That is the only thing that kept me from keeling over in laughter like I did with Upgrade U.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

Some of you’ll need to be ashamed for rebuking the baconator with the add-ins that some of you’ll cook with.

25 08 2008
25 08 2008
25 08 2008
Jen

Okay…I saw that big bootied heifer and cried. How she gonna have all that booty when all I get is a teensy bit? It ain’t right.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

If i ever become president, heifers with booties are the first to go…bitches.

25 08 2008
B4Prez

@edumucated’s links –

somebody pass me my casket. my soul is bleeding as we speak…

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

Edumucated… You need to get out. I have passed my laughs quota for the day.

Fred Marshall is HI.La.Rious… and a bit deranged.

25 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Has anyone ever flown standby on a buddy pass? I may have to do that on Friday. Pray for me ya’ll

25 08 2008
Edumucated

Here is the last link I will send out, only because this is one of the greatest things I have ever witnessed.

25 08 2008
Ms. Sula

This last link should go in the annals along with Pineapple Express as things to watch when baked.

🙂

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Edumucated….I quit you.

25 08 2008
Randy Watson

As my man LL would say…Milky, cereal baby, milky, cereal…now where is Puff so I can dip my spoon in?

25 08 2008
Edumucated

8th: You can’t quit me, I’m pregnant with yo’ babayyyyy

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Okay, so I had to go back to Its So Cold In the D again….

Why is she the only one wearing a goose-down in some of these shots while her cronies are still wearing denim half-jackets?

People still wear denim jackets?

And why were they really chuckling and having a good time in the back while Main chick is somber as shit?

I can’t…its so cold in the D.

25 08 2008
8th Wonder

Shhhh, you better shut that shit up. I dont need Chaotic and JessAKA coming in here trying to slice and dice my ass up for knocking up thier e-boo.

Nothing good could come of that.

25 08 2008
Randy Watson

Until recently, I used to think that girls didn’t shit…my fantasy came to a rude awakening when I walked into the bathroom after my girl at the time had just represented…not only did it stink worse than mine, it was absolutely traumatizing…basking in your girl’s ambience…its fucking gross. I’m still choked up about it, literally. Y’all need to stop that shit. For real.

25 08 2008
Randy Watson

Aaaaaaaaaah!!! Damnit let me see a muffucka put ketchup on some eggs and its on! Do not ketchup the eggs! Evverah! Not ever. Evverah!!!!!

25 08 2008
Siobhan/Hipployta

I am very late responding (due to being in Qatar and acting crazy).

Lactaid pills are your friend. Lactaid milk, though expensive as hell, is your friend and tastes just like regular milk.

I just became lactose intolerant about a year ago and I’m still pissed. The easiest meal coming home late from school after a full day at work (on my BDU hustle LOL) was a bowl of cereal…unless my roommate Joe had cooked or brought me some food from his second job at Fridays (YAY!).

I keep an unimaginable amount of cereal in the house and absolutely love it.

So imagine my horror upon realizing a) that I was Lactose intolerant, b) Soy milk bites, c) Half a gallon of Lactaid costs the same as an ENTIRE gallon of regular milk d) I have to carry about some damn pills all the time or suffer the effects.

*Sigh*

beautiful kisses
Siobhan

25 08 2008
Amadeo

With a butt that big and a waist that small…I’d be afraid I’d get excited and snap her spine.

25 08 2008
ViK

*tears* Lactaid and lactose free milk don’t work for me – only soy milk. Soy cheese is the work of the devil. *pours a 40oz of 2% for my people*

25 08 2008
riz

This Works to reserve relationships and spare embarrassment.

26 08 2008
Undefined

Milk makes me breakout!
bleh.

26 08 2008
Amadeo

LMAO @ Riz

26 08 2008
puff

i love milk… i love dunking cookies and brownies and shit in it… and whipped cream…. i need to focus, obviously i’ve had a long day.

@ riz you are so my favourite person for that link.

except for you randy watson, i’m waiting on that spoon…

off to eat, peace y’all.

26 08 2008
Randy Watson

Come here baby…let me slide it in slow…and swirl it around and stir your cereal so that all the suga sinks to the bottom..best believe I’ll be slupring and licking the bowl clean…

26 08 2008
Ariel

I have the amusement level of a 5th grader, therefore this was hilarious. We’re you watching LOTR this weekend too? You have to control farts like Gandalf and tell them “You shall not pass!”

26 08 2008
riz

I mean… put a little drop for personal use or just put some in before your stank friends come over. Randy, you should just keep some on display, so your fantasy of female digestion can be put back in tact.

LOL @ Ariel!!!

26 08 2008
Ariel

Whoopsie, were**

26 08 2008
r.g

oh my, you did NOT just go there
ahaha!!

26 08 2008
Muse

STUFF BLACK PEOPLE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE= MICHELLE AND BARACK OBAMA!

ROCK STARS!

26 08 2008
Angry IV

by the way who’s that chick in Figure 1? Girl fine than a mug.

26 08 2008
riz

Michelle and Barack make me want to give up the bachelorette lifestyle and get married.

Michelle is perfect. Per.Fect.

26 08 2008
riz

I wonder what the Obama girls say when people ask their race…..

26 08 2008
P.J.

lol, my family always tells me I’m not black enough! I’m not lactose intolerant…one more offense against me! My dad’s side of the family, for the most part, isn’t lactose intolerant. My mother’s side can’t touch anything dairy without blowing up the bathroom!

26 08 2008
puff

wtf? am i the only black person who isn’t lactose intolerant? is it all the goat milk i was given as a child?

@ randy – you make me smile, amongst other things… bwhahahaha my ass needs to get back to sipping on that black label.

26 08 2008
Saun

Chris I want you to know that I clicked on the “this guy” link at the same exact moment my itunes decided to play his song “get off”. Hilarious!

But on the real, lactose intolerance is the devil’s greatest evil. My favorite foods are cereal, ice cream,anything with cheese, whipped cream, or sour cream. A few years ago I went to about 3 doctors trying to find out what the hell was wrong with me before we deduced I was hella intolerant. I’m talking so bad I get migraines. Doc was like “yeah 80% of blacks and american indians are lactose intolerant and it sets in around age 25”. Now I can only eat that stuff if I know I’m not leaving the house for the rest of the day.

26 08 2008
Saun

And a fyi for those that want milk but hate soy milk. Try almond milk. It’s 10X better. You can get it at Whole Foods,Trader Joes,etc and most times it’s cheaper than real milk.

26 08 2008
shabooty

why don’t i just get soy panty pudding from a mannequin while im at it.

26 08 2008
Angry IV

@puff – I guess nobody reads all the comments haha. Search my name for my “non lactose intolerant” post. I just ate some ice cream yesterday and it was delicious.

26 08 2008
Amadeo

I could not imagine life without a Mocha Latte.

26 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Amadeo…my campus has a coffee shop with the best Turtle Mocha Latte…it is like godiva chocolate and sex! But oh Lawd…the consequences and reprecautions…

26 08 2008
8th Wonder

I am eating a warm peach muffin with butter.

kinda makes coming to work worthwhile.

26 08 2008
puff

@ angry – yeah, it was kinda too long a day for me yesterday to read through everything… but i’m glad to hear someone else who appreciates the amazingness of the chocolate milkshake.

26 08 2008
klysha

LMAO! I didn’t make the connection that I might be lactose intolerant until I was in my 20s. I always knew that milk and ice cream upset my stomach more than they apparently upset everyone elses but lactose intolerance wasn’t envogue back in the day so I had no idea that could be the cause. But I do loves me some dairy products. I stay away from too much cow’s milk anyway. All that stuff about it doing the body good is a crock of horse poo. Cow’s milk is for baby cows not grown people.

26 08 2008
phillydiva

Hey EJ,

I went to Temple too, when did you graduate?

27 08 2008
Nice

LOL. This is too funny and hits too close to home because milk and any other dairy product is the enemy to me, but it is sooo good.

13 06 2009
Melli

LMAO! This is hilarious. I wish you’d come back. =(

6 07 2009
Hannibal Schlechter

Dairy is the devil. About 10% of white people are lactose intolerant, and I happen to be in that lucky 10%. It’s horrible. Lactaid milk costs a fortune for a half gallon. The pills are handy though, as I also have no self control. I love milk. I love ice cream. I love milk on my ice cream. This inevitably leads to disaster.

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