Thoughts for Thursday: Approachability

14 08 2008

Through no fault of my own, I’ve been going out and getting drunk pretty much every day since last Friday. Every single time I’ve gone out I’ve noticed something that’s enraged me: attractive black women standing around dancing with nobody and, in many cases, seeming not to be having fun even within their own groups. This enrages me because hot black women are standing around bored while marginally attractive white women and asian/indian women who are so short they can’t ride most rollercoasters have the time of their lives.

As an astute observer of human behavior, I’ve noticed (and in some cases even documented) the behavior of black women in particular that tends to make them less approachable than members of other races. The following are my tips for increasing your approachability based on what I’ve seen. Before you jump down my throat, please understand that I am aware of other factors that our ladies have no control over that cause people to ‘pass over’ black girls. These are just simple tips to stack the odds a little more in your favor.

1.) Avoid large groups. Black women tend to follow an “if you’re gonna do it, do it big” philosophy when it comes to going out. They call all their fucking girlfriends and wind up at the club 8 – 10 deep. Unlike guys, they don’t show up and split up – they just stay together. Even the most confident and arrogant bastard in the world isn’t going to approach an entire platoon of women no matter how good they look. If you’re looking to snag (Indian term for communing with the opposite sex), you should roll preferably 2 deep but no more than 3 deep because guys usually ‘hunt’ alone or with one other guy. If you do show up in a group, split up into pairs and reconvene later.

2.) Body language. The thing that sucks about being a woman is that smiling and otherwise appearing approachable means that you’re going to have about 10 bozos approaching you for every non-bozo. I imagine this gets tiresome. Nonetheless, unless you run into someone who views making a scowling woman smile as a challenge, the scowl, folded arms, hands on hips, weight on one leg, and other negative indicators are just telling guys “this girl is in ‘bitch’ mode, and I’d just be wasting my time.”

3.) No Crescent. I’ve noticed that large groups of black women will, instead of dancing, line up in a weird Crescent-shaped formation near the walls. In this formation, you can usually see them pointing and laughing at people on the dance floor, which is never a good sign. Like a girl with her arms folded, the Crescent Formation casts a ‘Bitch’ shadow over the entire group and puts out a strong Waiting to Exhale vibe. If you’re in a big group, circle up and dance together. That invites the opportunity for a guy to ‘accidentally’ bump into you.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I’m sure there are others, and I’m sure the ladies have advice for men. Enjoy.

-Chris

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339 responses

14 08 2008
Jess

Sometimes the club is just the same old same old.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

Bravo sir.

Smaller groups are workable (by the right guy) but large groups…you just know that someone in the group is likely to make fun of you (no matter what) and thus render you ineligible to the others in the group.

I have been known to work a small group, but my man was a pro…we used to sic him on small groups to get their info so we could chill with them at another time.

14 08 2008
sarah

last Friday, a bunch of girlfriends went out to celebrate my sorors birthday. we were like 7-8 deep. we danced in a huge circle and had a ton of fun. but, at some point in the night, i got lost from everyone for like an hour, due to getting cute and tipsy. it was only when i was alone, in the wilds of the club, that i was approached by guys. its something i never really paid attention to, but now that i think about it, i get approached by guys way more when its just me and my homegirl than i do when we have “ladies’ night” going on. thanks for breaking it down Chris. it all makes sense now.

14 08 2008
Esquire

Good advice.
Nothing worse than a pack of women where 6/8 look like wildabeests and have the nerve to pick at other women. I am guilty of this in my early years.

Before I got married, me and my girls had a rule, no more than three to a car/pack/group. And we all were equally attractive. So, while we still stood around drinking, very rarely dancing, picking at marginal looking women, men, we were at least a wee bit more approachable. llllllllooooolll Thre wre times I went to the club by my damn self. Shit, you know everyone in there anyway.

go out have a good time and loosen up on the gang mentality.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

I was thinking last night how I am tired of everything being so freaking complicated due to the fact that I am both Black and female. It’s even more frustrating that we have to go an extra mile to deal with our menfolk. And when we meet one, it’s like tightrope walking or being on “Afro-America’s Next Top Girlfriend”- audtioning, instead of being courted.

That aside, I think this is sound advice. I know I have been told to work on looking “so serious”. But unless I am engaged in a conversation, my brain is working 1000MPH and my thinking face is not a smiling one.

Chris- I love your word choices! Just a week ago, I remarked at a concert “There must have been a sale on marginal looking white women!” in front of a brother who had brought one with. He was PISSED, probably because he knew I was right.

14 08 2008
Esquire

Thre wre

Damn is my “e” stuck?

14 08 2008
Esquire

Sister,
you are not nice. Funny, but not nice. We could def. roll.

14 08 2008
Ariel

The wall is a safe place because then men can’t roll up on you and start grinding on your hind quarters. That way you can avoid awkward conversation and having to do the (Chappelle’s show) robot to escape.

14 08 2008
BK24/7

This reminds me of college. You knew who the freshmen girls were cuz they all danced together in a big ass circle. It could be difficult to infiltrate the group.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

Me and my man, who is good to sic on groups, used to go to this reggae night. There would be a bunch of fine women dancing…the dudes (rastas, semi-rastas and I-just-want-to-fuck-a-girl-with-dreads-dudes) would be in the place holding up the wall. So we would have our routine of a shot of hennessy and a Stout…then we would jump right in the middle and start dancing…with basically every woman in the place.

So while this advice is good, it does bring down the numbers of dudes like my friend and I who would take advantage of the situation and thereby make the rest of the dudes look like Johnny-come-latelies as they try to ease their way to the floor.

14 08 2008
former lurker

the only time i roll in a group of more than 4 is when it’s a big mixed group for someones bday or something. no way in hell am i bout to go to the club with 8 of my homegirls.

14 08 2008
Esquire

I must admit, Idk “HOW” you dance…but a dancing man is a turn off for me…unless his name is Chris Brown..

POP IT AND LOCK IT AND GET YOU SOME RIHANNA.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

As for advice for men, I would say:

-Stop sucking.
-Stop thinking you are God’s gift to the world because you went to college.
-Stop acting like mark-ass bitches.
-Stop being “flossy” to attract women. The money you spent on a $300 bottle of Grey Goose could have been put towards a gun that you should have used to kill yourself.
-Act like a fucking gentleman and not a rapper.
-Stop having rigid physical standards if you look like an old puppy. and stop getting mad when a pretty woman doesn’t want you. You know what the fuck you look like. At least try to be charming if you are lacking in looks.
-If a woman says “I have a man”, that means “I don’t want to talk to you”. This isn’t up for discussion, leave.

14 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I am guilty of all of these things from time to time and I do them mostly because I am afraid of men who are strangers.

The only time I go out with me and just one girlfriend is if we go to the Gay Bar or the White Club.

But, I have to admit, I have never gone to a club or bar with the intention of meeting a man.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Esquire- 🙂 I am the nicest mean person in the world. 95% of the time, I am sweet as pie. But I when I flip it, I FLIP IT. We’d probably have a blast!

14 08 2008
imaG

I don’t approach Black women because they always have something to prove. They can’t reject a dude on the low they try and do that lip thing and then look at their friends and say ” did you hear what he just said??” etc etc

http://www.anythingblack.net/forums << holla

14 08 2008
Monie

Well as you alluded to Chris mainly the unapproachable attitude is a defense mechanism. This is especially so in ethnically mixed environments. But men should know that, generally speaking, if a woman wants you to ask her to dance/ talk to her, she will give you signals. Sometimes though, like with me, those signals might be very subtle and easy to miss. Ultimately there is no easy solution to the problem because most women aren’t going to go to a club/ party without their crew and most importantly clubs really aren’t the best place to meet people.

14 08 2008
sarah
14 08 2008
Jen

Yeah…taking my handle back to normal.

“Stop having rigid physical standards if you look like an old puppy. and stop getting mad when a pretty woman doesn’t want you. You know what the fuck you look like. At least try to be charming if you are lacking in looks.”

AMEN! I witnessed my gf talking to a male acquaintance, an obese and below-average-looking Black man, about how much men care about weight. He starts going to town on “big” Black women and how he is not trying to date one. My friend had to hit him with that good “You need to be grateful for any attention you GET, my brotha.” Because my God…in many situations it is so true.

14 08 2008
JG*

This is good advice. However I don’t really go out. Because on the weekends I work “Out” And I have the stank face on because

1) I don’t want to be picked up. I’m working. And the people who come to my lounge are all douchebags who stunt.
2) For some reason guys like the stank face at my job, and the cocktail servers who offer the most resistance make the most money. Weird.

Plus, I feel like I will not meet my husband in the club, so why go? If I do go out it is just to dance, and sometimes I’ll dance with guys, but men seem to not be able to just “dance” they have to feel you up, pull up on your skirt/dress, try to hold your hand. Just DANCE!

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Gaggles of girls…lol.

Advice for guys in the club:

1. NEVER EVER approach a woman on some “Hi baby/boo/hoe/sexy” shit because you WILL get shot down. Instead introduce yourself like you got some fucking sense.

2. If you dress thugged out in the club, you will be treated as if you are thugged out. Simply put, dress to impress.

3. Do not pull our hair, grab our ass, or play touchy feely when dancing, or even just passing by. That automatically gets us calling you dog to every girl in the club. Surefire way of not getting laid.

4. Don’t pull out wads of cash unless you’re looking to attract groupie golddigging hoe. Trust, the decent women will be turned off by your gesture.

Um yea, thats all I can think of.

14 08 2008
TheChad

“mark-ass bithces”? lol…. its like i’m in Cali back in ’93….;-)

ladies i kinda get how you feel tho… i HATE to see a bunch of dudes holding up the walls while women dance alone… i’ll NEVER understand it…

i don’t like approaching packs, but after a few dranks i hit “fuck it” mode anyway and i’ll approach Stella’s family reunion with a smile….

not much of a dancer these days like i used to be… i got a drink and a two-step and i’m just inviting you to join in!

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…with that being said: if you’re cute, and you smile at me, chances are, I’m going to grab you to go dance.

14 08 2008
Jen

@ChaoticDiva

Men throwing money at women.

OH GOD.

I once attended one of those atrocious First Friday events. Some man comes up to me and goes “OOOH, GIRL. I will pay yo TUITION.”

I smiled and said jokingly, “You may want to rethink that offer. My tuition is considerably higher than you think it is because I’m not in undergrad.”

He responded, “I don’t give a DAMN. I STILL got more money than you.”

I was a little shocked. So, I ran away back to my gaggle of girlfriends. This man HUNTED ME DOWN to give me his number on a $100 bill and told me to let him “make this happen.”

I am still not exactly sure what “this” is, but I promptly whipped out my compact to see if somebody had stealthily written “goldiggerous ho” on my forehead.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Esquire

Me and my peoples would clean up getting on the dance floor first while everyone else acted shy. All it takes is a few people to get everyone else comfortable and even if you aren’t a great dancer you props lay in sparking it off for everyone for the night.

14 08 2008
former lurker

if all men headed sister toldja’s advice, the world would be a better place. numbers two and three are the most important:

-Stop thinking you are God’s gift to the world because you went to college.
-Stop acting like mark-ass bitches.

CHUCH!!!

14 08 2008
aceklub

dayum, I am gonna miss this blog. Chris, you hit the nail on the issue so precisely.

@amadeo
I feel you b/c I usually think that these music videos acting dudes are really playing themselves trying to be “too-tough tony” in the clubs. Go to the block w/ that nonsense. I am a dancer in a club (same ol’ two step) so it is annoying going to the club and having to suffer the residual of other dudes kicking it too hard on the ladies.

I was having this discussion with a co-worker and she told me this jewel that I always think about…

Girls go to clubs to impress other girls. Not in the sexual way, but meaning that girls gets dolled up and make sure to have the freak-um dress b/c they want to one-up each other. Sure, they are getting attention from men and men flock to them but they want the attention of men so that they can let the other females in the place know that they got it like that. From what I have seen girls have maintained that competitive edge against each other a lot more than guys with each other.

Guys go to clubs to find women…PERIOD!!! Guys could roll deep to a club but the goal is to each find a female or two to holla at.
So, b/c there are two different missions btw the two races, the never-ending cat and mouse game will always exist, similar to how they say men want sex, woman want relationship, etc.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ Jen…

Funny thing…thats how I met one of my guy friends who’s like a brother to me. He was throwing $20’s at my girl at some house party. Its hilarious though. When he’s drunk, he’s always like that. Hell, he has a different name when drunk (he calls himself Javier…his name is John). LMAO!

You know, he still does that shit, come to think of it…

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Jen- I wish every asshole who approached me at least offered me $100 bucks. Like a convienience fee for having to deal with him. I bet my ass would start smiling in the club then!

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

“The money you spent on a $300 bottle of Grey Goose could have been put towards a gun that you should have used to kill yourself.”

@sista- lmfao- that’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are

14 08 2008
Amadeo

Another tip for the ladies…if a dude is conducting himself properly and approaches a woman you KNOW is crazy. Warn him. Nothing ruins a good man faster then putting effort into someone who will eventually slash your tires and kill your dog because of something her last man did.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ aceklub. So true. I admit to being guilty of it. But I do it so well! (lmao)

…I forgot what I was about to type. Shit.

14 08 2008
former lurker

@ Jen- did you keep the $100 bill??

14 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“I was a little shocked. So, I ran away back to my gaggle of girlfriends. This man HUNTED ME DOWN to give me his number on a $100 bill and told me to let him “make this happen.””

Holy fucking shit.

I am going to The Park tonight to see off my buddy Mandrew back to FL. My goal for the night: repeat the $100 bill scenario with Monopoly money.

Good God, 10pm cannot come fast enough.

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

Sistah Toldja,
You’re basically describing the burlesque of “the black guy at the club.” That’s just a small fraction of guys at the club. Chris is describing what many, if not *most* women do at the blub, and suggesting ways to help improve everybody’s experience there.

And as to your earlier reply, it seems backwards to suggest that on average the woman is the one interviewing with the man. It’s usually the other way around *in the beginning.* Now, past the first couple of dates/1st few sexual encounters, the “interview process” does tend to become more equitable and balanced in terms of who holds the power. But in the beginning? Y’all run tings.

14 08 2008
Cheekie

“Me and my peoples would clean up getting on the dance floor first while everyone else acted shy. All it takes is a few people to get everyone else comfortable and even if you aren’t a great dancer you props lay in sparking it off for everyone for the night.”

That’s too true. It’s always the same routine. First half hour is that awkward phase where no one is dancing is only mingling with their own. Get those drinks in the system and there are shaking asses galore.

As far as approachability, I’m probably not “as approchable” when I first roll up in there, but when I get that vodka cranberry up in me, I’m a dancing fool. I LOVE to dance so the club is like someone turning on the dance switch in me. I never sit the hell down and I sweat like a whore in church. I probably lose about 15 Mary-Kate Olsens when I’m good and done. Thank GOD for an exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ amadeo…thats how I ended up with so many guy friends and a handful of girls that want to murder me.

Thank goodness these hoes are from Ann Arbor…easy to scrap with girly girls if it comes down to it, although I frown upon unnecessary violence against people who are less than worth it. I just let them get roasted by my “entourage”. lol.

I admit, I am a mean one when in the club. But I have a good time!

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

“Girls go to clubs to impress other girls. Not in the sexual way, but meaning that girls gets dolled up and make sure to have the freak-um dress b/c they want to one-up each other.”

No, no, HELL NO.

Wait, this is actually true for many women who obsess over shoes and bag choices. Not me though. I don’t dress for women. I could give TWO FUCKS what another woman thinks of how I look. I dress for 1) myself and 2) men. When other girls are obsessing over ‘do my shoes match my toenail polish”, I’m like “Am I showing enough leg? Too much cleavage? Does my dress flatter my shape?” I want to be enticing. Fuck these other girls! They are competition! I go to clubs and bars to have a good time, and to me meeting men is a good time! I came to flirt, drink and dance, not to get a gold star from some other chick for my outfit.

14 08 2008
Cheekie

“I am going to The Park tonight to see off my buddy Mandrew back to FL. My goal for the night: repeat the $100 bill scenario with Monopoly money.”

ROFL!! Bonus points if you throw in a Boardwalk property card.

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

“I am going to The Park tonight to see off my buddy Mandrew back to FL. My goal for the night: repeat the $100 bill scenario with Monopoly money.”

Now that’s player… and hilarious

14 08 2008
Jen

lol@Monopoly money.

I very hollowly told him that I couldn’t keep his money, but he would not take it back so I kept it and got some of those good, organic groceries from Whole Foods.

HAAAAYYYYYY!!!

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Scorpus- Minus the “acting like a rapper” part, I just described 99.8% of Black men who went to college.

14 08 2008
aceklub

Also, I think the music has something to do with how people dance b/c the only way that you can dance to certain songs is to dry hump. You can’t two-step to “Love in the Club” or “Wipe Me Down” so when those songs come on, you usually have to revert back to the campus house parties.

14 08 2008
Cheekie

“Girls go to clubs to impress other girls.”

I NEVER understood this horseshit. SOMEone explain this to me, Wikipedia style. I’ve seen examples of this claim run all kinds of rampant, but never fully understood WHY. Where does this mess come from?!

14 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Chris me and my sorors (SKEE-WEE), along withe my sisters, cousins and other friends always go out in large groups-there are so many of us! It’s fun because, yeah, we spend a couple hours getting ready and may buy a new outfit and put on our 5 inch “do-me” pumps, but really we are going out for US. We are all pretty like-minded, and none of us are really out to catch a man, we are out to have fun, dance, look good, and get free drinks & food. Men still will approach us and the rest usually laugh at whoever is getting approached cuz the guy is 95.63% of the time a mess. Fact: when you see a group of attractive, sexy and confident women, trust that they are confident enough to approach you if they are interested! Men in the club is usually a no no…i mean, men go to the club, recycle the same line, overdraft their debit card and make a fool of themselves at least 38 consecutive times in conquest of club coochie-AND WE KNOW THIS!!!! If you are intriguing enough that we actually want to talk to you, then you will get a smile, sexy squint or maybe even the innocent lip lick (female LL Cool J)…BTW Chris, too bad I missed you while i was in DC last month-you need to get at this Boricua-Morena chica papi;)

14 08 2008
Amadeo

If you want to avoid the dry hump…do not go to a club in Bmore that plays “Club” Music. House is cool. Club is like sex on the dance floor…I used to sit back and watch to see if I could point out someone having an orgasm.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ st. Trust. I used to run with the supposed “it” girl click, and they got mad b/c I outed their trifling behavior b/c they were running their mouthes about lying ass bullshit.

But that was freshman year. Now I just go out looking good because it makes me feel good. I have grown up.

But tonight I’m going to the club, and hoping to get photos out of it since I got stood up last night. Then I’m posting those bitches on facebook. I hope he sees every last one of them. And I WILL find the hottest guy in the club to take a photo with (shit, may have to call in a favor…lmao).

I’m also hoping that my girl wants to drive so I can have more than one pineapple and vodka…Jenn’s gonna get loose!

Sorry. It’s the competitiveness coming out.

But yes, I like to show off my legs/abs to whatever female wants to go there, simply because I’m in shape.

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

Sistren Told-thou,
We really REALLY need to work on your cynicism towards black men. The kind of dude who thinks he’s Gog’s gift because he has B.A. may very well be the first dude in his family to attend college or something. Quality cats know that having a college education is not particularly special. Stop going to the colored clubs that charge $30 at the door. Don’t you know there’s an inverse relationship between how much you pay to get into a place and how low-brow it is?

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

Aceklub,
I think you’re onto something with this: “You can’t two-step to “Love in the Club” or “Wipe Me Down” so when those songs come on, you usually have to revert back to the campus house parties.”

Black American music has been largely undanceable since the death of New Jack Swing. I propose we promote an infusion of Cuban music and Salsa into the black consciousness, just like they did in the two Congos in the 40’s and 50’s to come up with their own spin for rhumba and later Soukouss.

14 08 2008
mari

@ scipio: you have a point. i would definitely rather be dancing to macossa or soukouss than Lollipop…

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Cheekie:

Here’s the wiki version:

Girls that go to the club to compete with/impress other girls usually fall under these categories:

1. Ex nerdy girls that developed later in life.

2. Models (and they run in selective groups: maxim/king type girls, club promoter girls that are on flyers, and girls that do traditional high fashion).

3. Gaggles/Cliques (typically these girls aren’t in college, or are at community colleges, with maybe one intellect, that work at the mall and are wannabe models).

Type 1 girls usually travel alone, with a close friend (who’s usually not very attractive), or with Type 3 girls. You can tell them apart from Type 3 girls because they don’t walk around super arrogant, and are usually the approachable girls in the club.

Type 2 girls are pretty much out for publicity. They hang out with fellow models, and they usually group themselves by 1. A fashion show they did together, 2. A local modeling “agency”, or 3. Whatever entertainment company they work with. They usually act as if they are celebrities, although they are local girls, everyone knows their names, and girls love to hate them. Consider them untouchables, because they typically won’t talk to you unless you’re popular, or at least a local celebrity or college athlete, if not a national/global celebrity or pro athlete.

Type 3 girls go to the club because they think they’re as hot as, or hotter than Type 2 girls, despite them getting rejected from modeling gigs and pretty much getting passed over and rejected by decent men. These girls usually end up with potheads or wannabe rappers as boyfriends, and they talk to anything in the club that is over 6′ tall, looks like they have money, and is at least cute. They usually are the ones that flirt with guys in attempts to score free drinks across the board for all their girlfriends.

Been there, done that. Will never go there again. And yes, I’ve fallen under all 3 categories in my first 3 years of college.

I now fly solo with one good friend, and usually don’t even wear makeup or dress up much for the club. Unless I’m in the mode like today (i.e. revenge for standing me up mode).

14 08 2008
Jay_Everyday

Sister Toldja (16:09:54) :

As for advice for men, I would say:

-Stop sucking.
-Stop thinking you are God’s gift to the world because you went to college.
-Stop acting like mark-ass bitches.
-Stop being “flossy” to attract women. The money you spent on a $300 bottle of Grey Goose could have been put towards a gun that you should have used to kill yourself.
-Act like a fucking gentleman and not a rapper.
-Stop having rigid physical standards if you look like an old puppy. and stop getting mad when a pretty woman doesn’t want you. You know what the fuck you look like. At least try to be charming if you are lacking in looks.
-If a woman says “I have a man”, that means “I don’t want to talk to you”. This isn’t up for discussion, leave.

LMAO@This.
My absolute favorite: “Stop having rigid physical standards if you look like an old puppy. and stop getting mad when a pretty woman doesn’t want you. You know what the fuck you look like. At least try to be charming if you are lacking in looks.”

I have to agree with a lot of it though cuz she’s right. I’m married but I was always too frugal to waste money at the club. Shit I had a club budget. If I couldnt converse with you over two drinks and find something meaningful enough to get your phone number and maybe talk later, then I was done. Fuck that flossing in the club shit. Ladies, if you see dudes buying expensive liquors in the club please drink up and walk away. This dude can’t manage his money very well and if you enter a relationship he will probably attempt to waste all your money as well as his. People who really have money don’t have to show it.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

WHOO HOO @ Cuban Salsa!!! I say a bit of Celia to get em going, and then get some Bachata going!

Sorry, I LOVE the Latin club. And I’m an overly proud Cuban. Only on the web. lol.

14 08 2008
brran1

“If you want to avoid the dry hump…do not go to a club in Bmore that plays “Club” Music. House is cool. Club is like sex on the dance floor…I used to sit back and watch to see if I could point out someone having an orgasm.”

I think I saw that at Club Choices a few months back…

14 08 2008
Yonnie 3k

Hey SBPH Fam – I’ve been out the loop for a minute. Started a new role at work and I didn’t want to start off slacking. Now that I’ve been here a whole 2 weeks…let the slacking begin.

Then I come back to some ole Final 10 Posts Bullshit! I new that damn….Project was bad news the first time I ever heard of it. Christopher, I appreciate the good times we’ve had, but I knew your heart just wasn’t in it anymore. Hopefully we all can get together on the Facebook page from time to time and hate on stuff for old time’s sake.

I love my ATL Fam, but they are just a little too “cool” for my blood. I gotta wait for my silly college fam to come in town in order to really have fun at the club. My ATL Fam is too busy tryna be cute and cool. Not my stiz. We went to a wedding once, and these heiffers were too cool to even catch the bouquet. At least get up there and do a Sex and the City move. I like getting tipsy and talking to strangers – male and female (no homo). When I’m with the silly crew, by the end of the night, we’re best friends with half the people at the bar and all of the bartenders. In the words of the great 3000, Baby Take Off Your Cool.

Oh yeah – I hate guys with tricked out cars b/c I automatically thing they’re irresponsible with money and that’s a major turn off for me. And porn makes me feel dirty.

14 08 2008
Jen

“Fact: when you see a group of attractive, sexy and confident women, trust that they are confident enough to approach you if they are interested!”

I cannot cosign on this. A Southern lady never chases a man.

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

Chaoticdiva,
I say as soon as the Castros die, US-Cuba relations improve and they’re finally allowed to start playing Communist-era Cuban artists on American radio, they should just innundate black radio with tons of Timba and Songo. Los Van Van, Isaac Delgado, Irakere, NG La Banda, Orquesta de Manzanillo, Pedrito Calvo – basically all the stuff from teh last 35 years folks up here haven’t been able to hear.

14 08 2008
sbiglawal

This is why I don’t go to clubs unless it is a special occasion. I go to bars–who needs music and dancing to get in the way of drinking?

14 08 2008
Knatural

crap. I just read a skee wee.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Scipio…we’re pre-Castro Cubans, so Casto is the good guy to us…

*Sigh* I hate explaining this always to anti-Castro people:

Batista was the devil. Castro came in and overthrew Batista because the U.S. Government paid him to do so since Batista was fucking with the U.S. investments down there. Once they got Castro in office, Castro stripped the U.S. and all the wealthy people of private property and split it amongst everybody to keep out class systems (which is what is fucking up India). The U.S. was pissed that they were capitalistic, was unsuccessful at killing Fidel, and just put up an Embargo like a big child slamming the door. When they pulled out, Cuba’s economy suffered a long recession which has been reversed by the efforts of Hugo Chavez investing in Cuba’s tourism industry, which is why Bush hates Chavez so much.

Info came from CIA’s website. Yes, our country is full of shit, and I’ll be the first to say it.

14 08 2008
TheChad

@ Jen “a Southern lady never chases a man”

I’ve heard this many times and I don’t quite get it…

to me “chase” would imply someone is running from you…

14 08 2008
aceklub

@ cheekie

There are many of girls out there who will consider this a good time…
– Go to the club, get that first shot of Patron
– Each get a rainbow colored martini
– Find a couch/chairs and laugh at people the whole night, guys and GIRLS, commenting on their dress, hair, mannerism, etc.
– Go to the dance floor and continue to mock people
– After a few bathrooms breaks, call it a night

I have never been to a club and pointed out to my boy, “Yo dawg, you see the FUBU shirt that dude is wearing, what was he thinking” Our goal is holla at GIRLS, PERIOD so we make sure that we are looking alright, not worrying about the next dude.

14 08 2008
Jen

@TheChad – if a man wants to talk to me, he will call me. Period. If he wants my number badly enough, he will ask for it. There is a very fine line between initiating contact and chasing a man. Sometimes he can’t tell the difference, and sometimes she can’t. Better to retain the traditional gender roles than to end up chasing a man.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…but yea. Trust, Cuban music is here…

Populars: Ceila Cruz, Buena Vista Social Club, Ibrahim Ferrir, and Orishas…

(yea, I’m a bit behind on most new music.)

14 08 2008
Knatural

A Southern lady never chases a man.

Awwww. Jen, I’m sorry to hear you say this. Men should be persued, too. Or at least women can make the first move/introduction. This is how I met my husband (sorry to keep mentioning him). But, I was at a bar, saw an attractive man, went up to him, smiled and said hi, broke the ice somehow, and the rest is history.

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

chaotic,
I know all about that. I don’t really care about Raul. I actually find Fidel to be charismatic. He seems like the cat who would have the after-work happy hour crew rolling as everyone lets loose. I’m just saying, they’ll be dead soon enough, and things *will* change. (as an aside, it’ll be fascinating seeing the white Miami exiles try to come back and run shit. As far as I can tell the black folks in Cuba are NOT trying to have that if they can help it.) As far as culture goes, it’ll be good for us up here to be able to freely discover it and not have to settle on just reading books, watching documentaries, and risking going down there illegally.

14 08 2008
JG*

Partying in ATL is hard though. The men don’t really dance. They too crowd up in their cliques with their stunna shades on holding a bottle of Moet. They all want to offer to spend some stupid amount of money on you and when you decline you are labeled a bitch. Then there are the “groupies” who are in there trying sooo hard to not move their head or their weave will fall out of place, and the models who are in their trying to get their pics taken by ATLpics, NightLifeLink, whoever all night long. It truly is a circus.

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

chaotic,
There a TOOOOONNNNNNN of stuff that EGREM (the state run record label/industry there) has not decided to re-print. Lots of gems from the 60’s – 90’s. As soon as things become privatized, that kind of thing is going to explode. For better or worse, Cuba is going to have the equivalent of a belly ache from eating to much when the full fury of US tourism and private enetrprise jump in there full throttle.

14 08 2008
Jen

Knatural – you can SPEAK, but there’s a difference between a) smiling and saying hi and b) flirting and asking for his number. You should always be kind to strangers, but when you pursue a man, I think a certain dynamic is lost.

To me, it has a lot to do with men seeing things they value in a woman and treasuring those things. There are plenty of lazy men who will take whatever comes their way, but I think a man typically needs to feel like he has invested something in a woman for a woman to be treated as she should be in a relationship.

14 08 2008
TheChad

Jen,

I hear you. As long as you’re not one of those girls who will never pick up the phone to dial… then when I call you, you say “why haven’t you called”…

I think your philosophy should only last until a mutual friendship is formed… at that point its not chasing because I WANT you to call me as i do you…

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Chaotic and Scipio – though I hate to change from a topic that’s hilarious….what are your thoughts on Che?

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Jen…here’s how to pursue a man without chasing:

Brush up against him, and turn to see if he notices. If he notices, smile, wink, and turn back around strutting slowly, occasionally looking back at him directly in the eye.

If he doesn’t notice, wait a few minutes, then take a spot next to him. If he’s at the bar, ask him if the seat is taken. If its standing room, act as if you’re not paying attention and bump into him, then apologize while touching his arm (initiating physical contact).

Now smile, and let him make his move.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ scipio…I ❤ you!!! Raul is a tool…Fidel is my “homie”…lol

@ Amadeo…Che is a hero. Yea, he was a renegade that created mass chaos, but he was for the people. Anybody that stands and dies for what they believe in to help other people, especially those suffering/less fortunate is a hero in my books.

I just hate loser 2520’s that wear him on t-shirts as if he’s a fucking pop icon. They dont’ know shit about Che. Trust, I always ask.

14 08 2008
Jen

TheChad. I AM. Once I tried the “we both call” thing–this year actually–and I didn’t like it. I would just rather be called. If I miss your call, I’ll call you back. If you TELL ME to call at a certain time, I will. If I need something, I’ll also call. But I just can’t do the “I’m just calling to say hi” thing.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Scipio…by chance are you Afro-Cuban?

And yes…I hate those pasty white, de-culturalized cubans. With a passion.

14 08 2008
aceklub

I know I am about to break a man law code so fellas don’t rip me too hard but since we are all about helping the SBPH community, I figure I can let it go.

Guys are guilty for attending the larger, mainstream clubs b/c they want to have options meaning if you go to a smaller lounge, guys have less options and/or more people are watching the guy kicking it to multiple girls and thus his “game” gets shut down a lot quicker. At a big club, you can kick it to more girls without being caught out there as a player.

14 08 2008
Neicy

Finally…I’m in here before it hits 100. I give men the evil eye all the time. Sometimes chicks just don’t want to be bothered, esp. if the drinks are all watered down n’shit.

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

damn Jen makes it hard on a pimp…

I must say I don’t mind initiating but it gets old pretty quick when the lady isn’t showing the same interest.

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

Amadeo,
I’m ashamed to admit that I’m still not well versed enough in Che’s history. I tackled Cuba from the cultural (music) angle first, and I’m working my way backwards timewise as far as politics. Actually, that’s not true. I tackled the easier aspects first: Colonial history, the huge slave society there, the Special Period (the years immediatly after the fall of the Soviet Union), and the prospects for Cuba post-Castro(s). There’ sso much wrapped up in the years of, say 1940 – 1975 or so, that I’ve decided to put all that off. From what I have read so far he seemed to be a fairly sincere man in his beliefs regarding revolution and socialism/communism. For that matter, I feel the same way about Fidel, too.

One of the unfortunate charactersitics of Leninism is the idea that creating the New Man is paramount above all else. I think Marx said that representative democracy was a sham freedom. I think these guys sincerely believed, at least after they decided to embrace the USSR, that this philosophy would work. Marxism has the veneer of legit social science purporting to back it up. It seems kind of understandable that millions around the world would have bought into it, and EVERYTHING that comes with it, even the unfun stuff, at one point in time.

14 08 2008
JG*

LOL I also hate that some guys don’t know they are ugly. Some girls don’t either, but I blame that on sucky friends.

14 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Jen:

I didn’t men chase or “sweat” as us Northern girls say, lol…I don’t think I even know how to do that! I mean we (99.99% of women) have a way to let a man know that we are interested-it’s as classic as the “southern belle” thing: a simple smile, bat the lashes type of approach, not going to sit on a ninja’s lap or grab him up like some desparate she-woman!

14 08 2008
Monie

Why do people continue to romanticize Castro and Che? They are both megalomaniacs.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

….on a lighter note, I was born on the day Cuba became independent (May 20).

It explains my crazed pride. That and the rice and beans.

14 08 2008
Cheekie

@ aceklub

LOL, yeah. Like I said, I see plenty of examples but have always wondered where that mentality came from. Why do so many girls care about their competition so much to the point where it’s not even about the guy any more, it’s just about the competition? I get “sizing up” your competition, but not to the point where all attention is 100% “that bitch over there who thinks she’s all that”. Waste of time.

14 08 2008
aceklub

@ Jen

So how do you show that you are mutually interested in the dude b/c to me, if I am always calling the girl, then I am telling myself, she ain’t really interested and just passing time. Yea, you answering the call could be enough to say “I’m interested” but I would think they should be more give and receive.

14 08 2008
Knatural

Jen – thanks for clarifying. I’m still of the school of thought that mutual pursuit is possible. As close to balanced and equal as can be.

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

Chaotic,
No, I’m African American, but a good friend of mine (Black and Puerto Rican) is getting her Ph.D in Latin American politics and is in one of the few remaining abroad programs in Havana through a US University. She picqued my interest in Cuba throughout the last year.

14 08 2008
former lurker

eye contact…gets them every time…

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Damnit I”m late but sheeit. I go to the club to dance and to flirt with mens. And when I was broke I assumed no one would see my ugly shoes if I danced really well.
As far as getting male attention. Being international party starter helps. Also dancing to your song* just like you would if you were cleaning house on saturday morning helps. Always surprised by ridiculoutae of men that attracts. And ya know me likes to have them line up so i can pick and choose. And I’m showing my ass but dancing with 3 men never works. Its just awkward after the the hilarious first 10 seconds. If you are that 3rd wheel you need to back off. You can rotate through, believe you me nobody wants to dance with 2 guys for longer than 2 minutes.

*not every song just that one you love. also hopefully you’ll be wearing pants and minus the rollers in your hair and mop.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ aceklub…how to tell a girl is interested: she asks questions. If a girl isn’t that into you and you’re on the phone with her, she’ll most likely come of as a bit distracted and half heartedly be paying attention.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Aceklub

I don’t think that’s a violation. Sometimes women act a certain way when a dude tries to get at more than one woman. Frankly thought we gotta play the odds. Plus you don’t know if you have a fake number or a real one. On top of that…how many women give out their number and then shut it down for the night? Plus as a rule when I was really hitting the town with my peoples our goal was to hook up with groups of women so we could have them in reserve to get up with later. Instead of sitting aroung with a bunch of dudes or having to always go to a club let’s call some girls we met last week. Or see if one has friends she can get together.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ scipio…that’s awesome. Too many people don’t take the time to learn about other cultures…

14 08 2008
Knatural

Um. Willnotbetelevised, where the hell you been?

14 08 2008
TheChad

ditto @aceklub…

I don’t mind calling either but if it’s not reciprocated I start to think she ain’t really about me… and I don’t wanna be a bug…

14 08 2008
former lurker

usually, if i go out to one of these over priced clubs in atlanta and see the same people, hear the same music, and deal with the same lame dudes, i will have my arms crossed and appear very unapproachable. to avoid this, i just stopped going. why pay $20 just to get in somewhere when that same $20 can buy me a few drinks in the highlands….
i’ll go out to a club MAYBE for someone’s birthday, but other than that, it’s a lounge, a bar, or my sofa, which trumps all.

14 08 2008
Jen

@aceklub, if I am interested in a man, he has to be dumb not to know.

I am big on compliments and asking if you need help with things that are stressful and nice little notes and, of course, gifts of food: baking cookies, bringing by homemade soup if you are ill, etc.

I just don’t call or try to make dates or do things like that (unless you count inviting somebody over for dinner as making a date).

14 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Jen, that’s exactly what i mean. If you are interested in a guy he should know by the non-obvious things you do-it’s simple, and if he doesn’t get it, well he’s simple

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

@ cheekie

There are many of girls out there who will consider this a good time…
– Go to the club, get that first shot of Patron
– Each get a rainbow colored martini
– Find a couch/chairs and laugh at people the whole night, guys and GIRLS, commenting on their dress, hair, mannerism, etc.
– Go to the dance floor and continue to mock people
– After a few bathrooms breaks, call it a night


aceklub. I find this is the only way to enjoy what is known going into the night, is going to be a bad club. OR once you enter the door and see there are NO somewhat reasonable men you would be attracted to. It is one of those make the best of it situations. This is my go to (minus the drinking now… which makes it harder to endure) when I have to go out to ‘majority’ clubs for some reason. or those techno joints fulla persian men (of which i know the smallest one there will try to harem me up- which leads to the last point on the list)

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

chaotic,
Did you say that your family came pre-Revolution? Was that to Miami, or to one of the other major Cuban communities like Jersey City and Tampa?

14 08 2008
former lurker

i guess i’m simple, cuz it’s hard for me to tell if a guy genuinely likes me, or if he’s just trying to get in my pants…i can usually spot game, but some of these dudes are tricksters

14 08 2008
Amadeo

Another club annoyance:

Go to hell all clubs that have the same thing they do every other day on New Years and want to charge $50+ just to get in. I’m saying…could you set off some fireworks on the roof? Hire a DJ that’s less garbage then the normal one? Hire girls to massage my shoulders…something. You can’t do the same thing and just charge more cause it’s New Years.

14 08 2008
Knatural

Do you all follow that “three days” rule; wait three days to call after you’ve met someone?
I

14 08 2008
No More Heroes

@ Chaotic Diva: Thanks for sharing the step-by-step for the women on how to pursue without chasing. Every man I know would rejoice if more women did what you laid out.

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

@jen- if you dont call.. does that mean you do the pop up move? Or do you reserve this type of treatment for when you strictly get to know someone better? (the notes and food gifts)

that is some good action though… making food for someone indicates that you are thinking about them and showing interest.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Scipio…Queens. Well, now dispersed, but they all started in Queens.

But yea, my Jamaican fam lives in Tampa.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ NMH…hey, I’m impatient…lol.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

oh yea, i missed you e-boos. I had to cancel my internets b.c. cablevision doesn’t wanna give me the 3×29.99 deal. And working with children leaves very little time to get on the internet. Plus I feel bad since my leaving has caused Chris to decide to shut down the whole site. It wasn’t my fault baby! I had to make money. I wasn’t shunning you for rich white chilluns.

14 08 2008
Esquire

@ cheekie

There are many of girls out there who will consider this a good time…
– Go to the club, get that first shot of Patron
– Each get a rainbow colored martini
– Find a couch/chairs and laugh at people the whole night, guys and GIRLS, commenting on their dress, hair, mannerism, etc.
– Go to the dance floor and continue to mock people
– After a few bathrooms breaks, call it a night

I have done this many a time. I may do this on Friday. I got a man. mmmmmmmhahaha

14 08 2008
aceklub

@ amadeo
Yea, I feel you on that as well. This was the logic that my one boy was spitting when I was trying to suggest a lounge vs. going to Love.

14 08 2008
LeNoir

hmmm interesting post Chris. It somewhat ties into my Kim Kardashin Syndrome post. Aproachability is a seriuos concern in dating. But I must say, SOME bw are mentally defeated. Thoughts a black woman might have in the club: 1) this nigga is just trynna get in my pants 2) why is this nigga talking to me, leave me alone and go scoop up one of those white girls, I ain’t got time for this 3) I am not interested in being “gamed tonight” A lot of times black women just wanna go out and enjoy themselves. They often feel that they are being “pushed up on”. We have been going through that a lot of our adult lives. We often get weary of stange men and their advances. Maybe the young lady wants to find and persue her own men. If she wanted to be chatted up, she would make it obvious to you: give you the eyes. Also, when women are with other women, especilally ones who aren’t too friendly to strange men, they will feel uncomfortable talking to you. They are not implicitly shunning you but excersing their sisterhood and their right to say no. May sound dumb to a man, but a black woman is often saying, “If you want me, your gunna have to got the extra mile.” Not saying it’s right or beneficial. Black women can romantic, loving, sweet, supportive, they just have to trust you 1st.

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

“This enrages me because hot black women are standing around bored while marginally attractive white women and asian/indian women who are so short they can’t ride most rollercoasters have the time of their lives.

OK, I can’t let this shit slide again. Marginally attractive…bleh. But wtf is wrong with a woman being short?!

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

the three days thing is probably used some, since you don’t want to come off too strong. My girl thought it was cute that when we met she told me to call her after noon on Sunday and I was like riiinnnng at 12:01.. she was like Ben who?

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Knat…yes and no.

I’m not trying to be the dude that instantly starts calling, but I also don’t want to be waiting in a formulaic manner. So…I try to make sure I’m normally busy so when the moment opens up I realize “I need to call her”.

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Welcome back WNBT!

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

I make food for everyone and anyone who will eat. Doesn’t mean i’m romantically inclined just b.c. i baked you a pie. Hmmm I think my guy friends know that… they betta!

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Scorpio- I don’t go to those sorts of clubs, unless I am visting DC and it’s more a “for old times sake” sort of thing. I would NEVER pay $30 to get in to a club unless it was for a concert. Hell, I don’t like payin more than $10 to get in a club, because I am not guaranteed anything for my money other than a room and music playing.

And I don’t buy “I’m the first in my family to graduate college” as an excuse. In fact, I would expect better from those cats. And a lot of times, it’s not those guys anyway. My cyncism for Black men comes from the fact that so many of them actually suck. This is a fact as sure as water is wet.

I agree with you that Black music today mostly sucks, but I would NOT go along with your idea about Salsa. I’d rather we just revist some of our better musical days. This is why the rare times I am in a real club club is when it’s a 80’s/90’s party. Now, If you could find me a place to slow drag to some Marvin Gaye and Isley Brothers all night…..

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ LeNoir…when a girl doesn’t want to be bothered, but wants to go out and have a good time around gorgeous sexy men…thats what gay night is for.

14 08 2008
Bajan Girl

This is why I don’t go to clubs that often… My “regular” face sometimes looks like I am going to shank the next person that says boo to me. As a friend once put it I am short, cute, and cuddly… but then again so were Gremlins

On the occasions that I do have to go clubbing I only go in small groups of trusted friends who will have my back should something go down. I also make a conscious effort not to look like I want to kill you. However, if some basic rules/guidelines were observed by dudes, then (in my opinion) I would be a lot more inclined to speak to you:

DO’s
1. Do speak proper English (or at least standard English). Really.

2. Do dress appropriately. Attire sets the tone of how I treat you. Dress like a fool and you will be treated thusly.

3. Behave like you were brought up not dragged up.

4. Be a gentleman. “Please” and “thank you” still work.

DONT’s
1. No means no. If you ask me to dance and I say “no thank you” do not grab me and do the “come on baby” thing, or call me a bitch. Either scenario is guaranteed to get you hurt/cut.

2. Give me a moment. Don’t jump/rush me the minute I set foot in the place. That level of eagerness is only cute if you are a puppy.

3. Don’t open with “Hey sexy thang how you doin”, “Yo shawty can I holla atchu fuh a minute”, Damn gurl can I touch it/them”, or anything of the kind. Bad things will happen if you do.

4. Don’t be a baby. Learn to handle rejection. Man up.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

*blows kisses to the crowds*
Thank you thank you its good to be back.

Its my birthday month. I’mma act bigheaded until labor day

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Knat – I don’t get the impression that three days thing still follows. When I give out my number at the club, I often hear back the same night (okay so 65% of the time it’s the dude saying “dang you were kinda nice tonight, did you make it home okay?!” LOL. I’m bad with calling guys I just met, but that’s because I’m bad with calling people in general.

14 08 2008
Dekela

Ladies,

DO NOT GO TO THE CLUB IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO APPROACHED OR MINGLE WITH THE OPPOSITE (or same,depending where you go) SEX.

Music, especially played in clubs, is made for couples to dance and enjoy each other company and have a good time.

The worse is when you are at a reggae/soca/calypso party and people fronting…. Lemme hear some Mr. Vegas tune blast, some gal is getting grabbed, humped and enjoying it.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ ST…go to a Latin club…they play everything. Salsa is fun, especially if you want a work out. If you can’t do it, trust, you’ll find someone that will teach you how to play dance to the music playing.

And MAN, do they flirt!

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

I’m a wallflower. I don’t dance at clubs. *whistles innocently*

14 08 2008
Esquire

3. Behave like you were brought up not dragged up.

WOW. I love it

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Dekela….Heads High is one of the best songs to grind to!!!

14 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

@former lurker
I love Highlands!

14 08 2008
Knatural

The three day rule? I wasn’t sure. I never followed that crap. I have a friend that, when she was single, wouldn’t give her number out unless he bought her a drink and/or food. If a guy doesn’t buy you drink, would you still talk to him?

Also, I caught the short-women bashing, but hey, women give shorter guys a hard time, so…

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

ST you’re an old fogey. 🙂 Also how come you didn’t tell me about Panacea or RPM? I feel let down that no one hipped me to these cats earlier and now I know about it and I have already spent my entertainment budget.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

* whine..not grind…lol….

14 08 2008
Jen

“@jen- if you dont call.. does that mean you do the pop up move? Or do you reserve this type of treatment for when you strictly get to know someone better? (the notes and food gifts)”

I would never show up at anybody’s home uninvited, if that is what you’re asking. It can’t be, though. Cause that is scary.

I do those things whenever I feel like doing them. They come from an honest place, there is nothing formulaic about them. Honestly, a lot of those things are things I just do for people I consider friends. I’m just generally affectionate. I don’t really have many guy friends (one or two true guy friends, at most), so it just happens that if I have a male interest, they are treated as I would treat a close girlfriend.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Knat…I should try that one. Good way to get drinks. lol.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

oooh DOC. I think I heard the fireball when all your pants burst into flame.

14 08 2008
Esquire

Wow Dekala,
going to the club is not an open invitation to be assualted. Maybe I went to the club to drink or hear good music, and not to have some gay-curious soul train dancer grind on my behind.

And If I am with my man, def. do not try me, commence to telling me Im not allowed in the club cause Im taken or some other foolishness. If I fucking wanna go to the club and not get groped, hollered at, or called a bitch, I think this is reasonable.

14 08 2008
TheChad

being single comes with too many damn rules…

why is it so hard to meet someone who is:

A)honest
b) won’t get on my damn nerves…

if you want to talk, call or text…. if you want to go out, say “let’s go out”

14 08 2008
Vanita

HAHAHAH!!! Im so guilty of this!! Im always in the club with a scowl. In fact I think I walk around with a scown because guys are always yelling at me to smile. Which deeps my scowl. But I have noticed that walking around downtown DC alot of older men have stopped me and told me how beautiful I was and walked off. YUP JUST WALKED AWAY!!! No rap, nothing!! I was in awe!! Then I looked around to see if I was being punk’d…

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Amen @ Esquire!!! I had a boyfriend try to tell me that shit once (see: stalker crazy ex boyfriend in DSL).

14 08 2008
BK24/7

One time I was in the club and met this cutie. We chatted for a little while but then went our separate ways. About an hour later, I passed her while walking to the bathroom. We smiled, and I realized she was heading to where I was chillin with my boy so I turned around to go point her out to him. She realized I was now walking behind her and asked me if I was following her.

Excuse me?

14 08 2008
Vanita

Deleka, are u in DC? I need to find me a good soca spot around here. I listen to my T& T radio all day and I just wanna wine…

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Jen! Dying at your $100 story! You are such my southern twin! When I was at CIAA in Charlotte this year, me and my girls were chilling in the car around 3am on the street where they have all the food vendors set up. This BAMMA Dough Boy walks up to the car talking about “can I holla at you yella” *EYE ROLL* Their drunk asses start chatting him up (whereas I had already reached my nonsocial level of intoxication and was trying to pretend I was sleep, LOL). Next thing you know he’s like “come on, get out the car, it’s my birthday” and starts throwing $$ in the car. I rolled the window right up on his damn fingers! Dumb ninja wasted on $120 on someone who wasn’t paying him any attention. Brunch the next day was totally on him!

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

yea, actually same night is a bit much but next day is fine for a call. Can I change the subject yet? All ya’ll is talking about going to gay clubs but I don’t have an invite. How can I get a gay boyfriend? Or at least one who’s not really weird and misanthropic(had one against my will, had to break up with him). I just don’t think I’m girly enough, sigh. I feel like I’m missing out

14 08 2008
Vanita

Those that do no wish to be assaulted at clubs:

Do NOT wear overly revealing clothing
Do NOT go to a West Indian Party
Do NOT go to a Gay club

Do any of these mean you came to dance, party, have fun. You will dance (get sexually assaulted if at the west indian party) and you WILL like it! LOLOL

14 08 2008
Knatural

Guys – why do insist women smile for no apparent reason, especially when walking alone down the street? And why do men YELL out of car windows – “Smile, it ain’t that bad…”
I smile if I make eye contact, to greet you. Like ST said, my thinking face is not a smiling face.
Guys, stop. Try waving.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Vanita, that is what old men are for. That is the only reason I don’t kick old mens canes just to see them wobble and faceplant when i see them. B/c sometimes they aren’t dirty old men. And actually if you pass them really quickly you can usually get away before the dirty comments and go on thinking they are nice old men.

14 08 2008
Knatural

Vanita – I’ll forward you info on the Soca/Reggae parties I go to. My other half and his friends also throw them. See: facebook pics.

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Knat – sorry, short guys ARE a problem, LOL. But I’ve never heard so much short women bashing. Most guys I know like petite girls (but maybe that’s why they’re my friends though, LOL)

WNBT – My pants…they burn!!

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Knat and Vanita – hook me up too! I’m trying to perfect my whine by Carnival!!

14 08 2008
Jen

@Doc – sometimes the Fools are blessings in disguises. lol

14 08 2008
Vanita

WNBT – Not old pervs, nice old men! Like lawyers!! I SWEAR they were respectable!!! DONT TAKE AWAY MY DREAM!!!! LOLOL

14 08 2008
Esquire

I rolled the window right up on his damn fingers!
…the visual…
so
damn
funny

14 08 2008
Vanita

and I need a gay boyfriend too. they are the SHIT!

14 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Well, since I don’t fuck with the club( aside from the fact that I’m honestly too old for that shit), I can just ignore this. What can I do to make my scowl more menacing?

14 08 2008
Knatural

Oh Doc – I haven’t forgotten you. I’ll respond as soon as my friends do regarding Trini Carnival.

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Thank you! I’m not a smiler either, I’m focused when I’m walking down the street and usually pissed at the wayward leisurely strolling muddafukka in front of me slowing my (probably running late) ass down…so I tend to have a bit of a scowl. Ninjas yelling from down the block “Come on shorty, smile it ain’t that bad” just pisses me off even more. But I usually do end up cracking a smile and laugh.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Yea…. don’t think too deeply about old men. I’m an old black man magnet. I’ve learned some things. But its still a nice day when they something sweet that you wish a younger black man would try. You old and ugly but you Hello have a nice day you have pretty smile you just made the sun come out is always gets a nod and another smile. Then i try to be far away before the what are you wearing you sho do smell good, mmm mmm good enough to eat look a ripe and things start to devolve. Just keep smiling, pick up the pace and insert your own fairytale about the nice things they were probably going to say about you .

14 08 2008
Esquire

I think only retarded people walk down the street smiling.

(yea I said RETARDED.)

14 08 2008
Neicy

Dekela (17:57:16) :

Ladies,

DO NOT GO TO THE CLUB IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO APPROACHED OR MINGLE WITH THE OPPOSITE (or same,depending where you go) SEX.


When was the last time any ‘club’ music was meant for a couple? I can’t classify ‘couple’s music’ as ‘Lollipop’ or ‘Hi Hater.’
What kind of tomfoolery are you selling?

14 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“I think only retarded people walk down the street smiling.”

Well…call me Rain Man I guess 🙂

14 08 2008
Knatural

I think only retarded people walk down the street smiling.

And white girls. oh wait.

14 08 2008
Esquire

Whites Projected To Lose Majority In 2042
White Population Will Dip Below 50 Percent; Immigration And Minority Births Increasing At Greater Rates

Dear God, please let me live 34 more years. PUHLEASE.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Am I a bad Pan-Africanist if I don’t like Salsa music? Y’all are my people and I love y’all but….*shakes head violently*. No. If I could go to a Latin club with some earplugs, maybe. My mom has been begging me to start looking for non-African American men (including Latino folks and, interestingly, Jews). I don’t know what it is, but there is just something about my Af-Am bredren I just love, as crazy as they drive me. I appreciate other cultures, I just prefer my own (despite our shitty music and evil men). I’d date a Afro-Latino though, if the “Afro” was more prominent than the “Latino” culturally.

WNBT- Pancea and who? What are you talking about?

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Having brothers/nephews/male cousins is a good way to exercise your scowl. I have a variety of mean faces that can stop an average person in their tracks and even slow down my older brother. Unfortunately being able to whip out the mean mug somehow equates to being terrible at poker. So you gotta see if its worth it. ANd watch out like your mama said. You do it too often and your face gets stuck. Took awhile for mine to thaw out after moving out from my parents

14 08 2008
Cheekie

“why do insist women smile for no apparent reason, especially when walking alone down the street? ”

Exactly! What kind of Mrs. Butterworth jolly lookin’ fool would I be if I had perma-smile on my face? Only people who walk around smiling 24/7 are Crest/Colgate models and pedophiles.

And co-sign on the “thinking face”. That is MY face. And I ALWAYS get a “what’s wrong?!!”. I’ve always been in an entirely different world, even as a kid. My imagination is just dope like that. lol

14 08 2008
Dekela

@ ChaoticDiva – Heads High, Roll it gal, Hot wuk, me luvs them all!

@ Vanita – Nah im actually in BK, but a trip to DC might be in my near future

@ Esquire – You should know what to expect in a club and these are the rules of engagement, expect it, deal with it or don’t go. A group of sour ladies in a club can really make the place dull (esp if its a small spot).

I LOVE women who don’t care about all the BS and just want to dance! Those are my heroes. I can hang with those anytime

Guys – I’m beginning to realize that you have a MUCH better chance of attracting women if you BRING women with you… taps into that competitive nature (IF you are with them, then Something about you must be good…)

Oh.. and if you are booed up.. stay your ass at home, No couples in a party please

14 08 2008
B4Prez

If so many women only knew that this is why they’re single and always talking about how there are no good men out there.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Great band my brother put me on from DC region called Panacea, and they hook up with some sort of live band to create RPM (restoring poetry to music) to create some sort of Voltronesque supergroup. Reminds me of good driving music/rap like back in early nineties. And that is the genre I expect you to be an expert on ST. I may give you a pass since you’ve been in BK but still…

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Dekela: boo! i like to dance and i’m dragging him out when I get the chance.

14 08 2008
Vanita

Dekela – Ima be in BK LABOR DAY!!! Jump up on de parkwaaayyyyyy….Who wants to go ot Miami Carnival???

ST – Salsa music is pretty good. What is it specifically you dont like? I dont like all music, but salsa isnt that bad. Its nice to dance to. Now I heard this guy playin this drum once…oh my. my sister said he he could probably bring it in the bedroom. It was THAT good…

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

You know…I was about to comment about smiling people being retarded..I was just grinning my ass off walking down the street.

SMH @ this black dude following me into the Goya store and looking confused at the food. I heard him exclaim “what the fuck” at least once. LMAO…

14 08 2008
Dekela

@ Neicy – Reggae, slow R&B salsa, etc..

There are alot of music thats made for two, and alot that’s aren’t….ust gotta appreciate both

14 08 2008
Esquire

Dekala,
all Im saying is…
THESE ARE NOT RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
grabbing of ass, titties, hair
grabbing of hands and being drug out to the dance floor against your will
being called a bitch because you politely (at first) diss someone
having beer/a drink poured on you
being followed all night after crazy man INSISTS on buying you a drink
having to hear 1001 reasons why your man shouldnt have “let” you out tha house
having a nasty rasta man fuck you with his clothes on as you are trying to walk to the bathroom
having someman whose breath smells like train smoke or boiled bologna corner you while your friends laugh.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
being social
smiling
being friendly when men are interested in you
politely telling someone you came to dance, not find a husband

The only thing worse than sour women in the club is overly agressive baby daddies with gold teeth and saggy pants pulling on a regular woman in the club.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Shoot so many people in BK labor day I may have to move my Global Celebration down there? What is the good word with brooklyn on the long weekend?

14 08 2008
Cheekie

“I LOVE women who don’t care about all the BS and just want to dance! Those are my heroes. I can hang with those anytime”

*points to self* ALL me. Love dancing.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

ALEXANDRE PIRES!!! Santo Santo with Gloria Esteban and Usted Abuso…2 of my fave salsa tunes.

…and he’s yummy!

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

*slyly points to Doc* for cheekie

14 08 2008
shabooty

i just give em chloroformed pieces of chicken fingers.
😉
they fall right into my lap.
the crubs in my crotch get annoying though.

14 08 2008
Esquire

Dekala,
all Im saying is…
THESE ARE NOT RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
grabbing of ass, titties, hair
grabbing of hands and being drug out to the dance floor against your will
being called a bitch because you politely (at first) diss someone
having beer/a drink poured on you
being followed all night after crazy man INSISTS on buying you a drink
having to hear 1001 reasons why your man shouldnt have “let” you out tha house
having a nasty rasta man fuck you with his clothes on as you are trying to walk to the bathroom
having someman whose breath smells like train smoke or boiled bologna corner you while your friends laugh.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
being social
smiling
being friendly when men are interested in you
politely telling someone you came to dance, not find a husband

The only thing worse than sour women in the club is overly agressive baby daddies with gold teeth and saggy pants pulling on a regular woman in the club.

And since when is it only okay for single people to go out. Damn are couples only allowed to play scrabble?? WTF? As long as I aint rude or starting anything, I can take my married ass anywhere. This includes strip clubs that hubby and I frequent.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Knat…I hate that myself. In addition to dudes honking at girls, and just continuing to drive. Why?

14 08 2008
Esquire

SHIT yall…what is wrong with the blog…sorry for posting twice

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Am I the only single and unmarried person on this blog? Wow.

14 08 2008
B4Prez

No one should walk around smiling all the damn time. That’s just suspect, and it’s automatically curtains for u.

However, black women could stand to smile when they see a guy they’re interested in. YT girls do it ALL the time. Then ppl get tight when they see Becky with Jerome. Was he supposed to spend time trying to figure out why u have an angry scowl when Becky is smiling and saying hello?

14 08 2008
Knatural

Yeah. A honking horn is NOT an aphrodisiac. Guys, don’t honk at me. And would you really want to talk to a girl that runs over to your passenger side window to give you her number? Really?

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Vanita- You know, I can’t really identify what it is I don’t like specifically. I appreciate the art form, I just don’t really enjoy it. I like the dance though. I’d take a salsa class if we could move to Earth, Wind and Fire instead. I don’t know, maybe I am a bad person but I have a list of musical genres I can appreciate but not like hearing: most Latin music, most Doo-Whop, and gospel music (I hate gospel music with a passion that makes me feel guility, but not really).

WNBT- Sounds interesting. But yeah, I’ve been gone a year and I’m not a DC native, so there was probably a lot of stuff I missed out on. I’m a lot more proactive about taking advantage of where I live now than I was when I was there.

14 08 2008
Esquire

Amadeo,
How long is your hair now? You have superhuman hair growing skillz.

Listen, my brother used to beep at fat and/or ugly women all the time. He said he was trying to balance the universe by making them feel better. (sigh)

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ ST..dont feel bad…I hate reggaton. Minus Ivy Queen and El Chombo. But for the most part, I hate reggaton. Tego and Daddy Yankee (the PR version of Mystikal)

14 08 2008
TheChad

@chaoticdiva
No you’re not the only one BUT we are a minority…

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Yo that is a big ass why????? Why are you hollering from a moving vehicle????? Nothing is going to come from that. You follow a stranger in a moving vehicle and you are officially creepy, don’t care if you got an invite.

14 08 2008
Vanita

ST – co sign on hating gospel. and it does make me feel guilty…If u like Jazz there is a jazz concert live in the sculpure gardens in DC this friday…

14 08 2008
JG*

Busy at work. Damn! But I HAD to cosign on the “smile girl it aint bad.”

I tell people all the time, “why would I just be standing around smiling? Then you would be pointing me out to your friends calling me autistic!”

14 08 2008
Bajan Girl

“Guys – why do insist women smile for no apparent reason, especially when walking alone down the street? And why do men YELL out of car windows – “Smile, it ain’t that bad…”
I smile if I make eye contact, to greet you. Like ST said, my thinking face is not a smiling face.
Guys, stop. Try waving.”

Or how about this. I’m crossing the street minding my business when a car gets thisclose to me and honks. As I turn to call his ass out for damn near hitting me the fool rolls down his window and proceeds with this line “Aw come on baby, we got the same shirt on (black t-shirt with Thundercats logo) that means we on the same level. What’s your name boo?”
I just gave him the stink eye and got away as swiftly as possible so his ignorant ass couldn’t follow me. Simple Bastard.

14 08 2008
Bajan Girl

“Am I the only single and unmarried person on this blog? Wow.”

Nope. Your not.

14 08 2008
Knatural

Esquire – I hate your brother.
Yeah, I HATE gospel, too. It’s just screaming. Sorry. maybe it’s because I’m not Christian.
Vanita – is it free.

14 08 2008
Knatural

I wish I could throw raw eggs at guys who try to holla from cars.

14 08 2008
Esquire

Knat:
me too. but you cant pick your relatives. He also thinks women take it as a compliment when you pull or grab them. I guess to the hoodrats he likes…it is.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

What really get’s me are the dudes that honk and keep driving. Honking wasn’t the best way to initiate anyway…but damn doing it if you keep going is just…dumb

@ Esquire

My hair is an untamed weed. That’s why I let it grow in the first place. It’s not cool to get a hair cut that’s only really good from friday to sunday night.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

awww i love reggaeton. and i’m pissed that i can’t ever enjoy that music with another black person.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

umm all people wearing the thunder cats shirt get a high five from me. I bought my brother one last Global Holiday.

14 08 2008
B4Prez

@chaotic – Ur def not the only single person here

As for gospel, it depends on who’s singing. There are some ppl who think as long as it’s loud and you’re ‘feeling it’ that it’s all good. But there are a lot of ppl who can blow and make good music.

I’m gonna go out on a limb and figure that those of you who don’t like gospel don’t like Fantasia? lol

14 08 2008
Knatural

Black people are stupid.

14 08 2008
Esquire

Amadeo.
damn. Thats cause you be dancing so damn hard on the weekend.

“What really get’s me are the dudes that honk and keep driving. ”

This is precisely what he does. Even with me in the car. Its like he REALLY thinks he is boosting self esteem. He keeps rolling so he doesnt have to actually holla. Its like he jsut wants to acknowledge. I usually shrink down low in my seat.

14 08 2008
Esquire

knatural, I take it you dont like getting beeped at by one of those dudes in the tricked out cars bumping Kang wang wit it?

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Umm ST i’m too lazy to sign in at your site but Bilal is going to be a black august this year.

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

lazy and days late. but i already explained my behavior.

14 08 2008
BK24/7

@ ST – I cannot stand gospel. One Christmas my father gave my uncle a copy of Kirk Frankin’s DVD and that crap was playing all night! My father’s side is very church-going, so I kept my disgust to myself.

@ WNBT – I used to tolerate reggaeton, but the Cablevision reggaeton commercial made me hate that music with a passion. That damn song is seared into my memory.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

Re: Smiling…it’s not so much smiling…but:

There’s a lady I call Claire (as in Huxtable) that goes to the starbucks I go to. She isn’t grinning all the time, but she isn’t scowling either. Plus she’ll speak to people she see’s on the regular, which is how I know her. She’s fine, drives a BMW, is always dressed for work and has her hair done…not like she went to a salon, but like she does that shit at home. She’s married though. However because she doesn’t scowl and speaks me and some other regulars made it our duty to keep known losers from even getting close enough to talk to her. Even though she’s married and not eligible…we figured she’s too nice to have to deal with that.

14 08 2008
Bailey Blues

Hey peoples, I have been the girl that Chris described but that was in my younger days. I go to the club to talk to guys and listen to music. I’m not going to show up other chicks. They are not my priority, so they can do them.

I give the eye to guys in the club that I think are fine and bring them right over with those same eyes. Nothing wrong with that. And I’m a southern belle. But don’t let me have too much liquor in my system. I once did the eye, he came over and I looped my arm in his and said you are about to be my new boo lol. We were together for over a year. It ended bad, but it was good while it lasted.

Welcome back WNBT…call Cablevision up and tell them you are not going to pay the extra. They let me keep mine for 3×29.99 even after the year was up.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

I HATE RAGGEATONE!!!!!! I refuse to spell it right, because it is not a real word! Anything that incorporates Noriega and Daddy Yankee and cable commericals is the devil!

Vanita- Thanks! I love jazz, but I am in Brooklyn. I’m visiting DC next weekend though and I need to PARTY. Suggestions? Bailey Blues is coming too! Hoodrat shit all day long!

WNBT- Awwww yeah! I need to look that up again and get ticket info. I love Bilal and it makes me sad that he, Maxwell and D’Angelo have been living like hermit crabs for the past SEVEN years. They need to come back. Maybe a supergroup like Milestone or LSG? LOL

14 08 2008
Esquire

sorry God. Gospel rap is the WORST. I also got an email today…there is a “Gospel shuffle” Like a cupid shuffle… Someone please look it up on youtube.

??

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

Yea that cablevision commercial was the pits. But i had DVR and didn’t have to see commercials. Now I have air (which the MAN is taking away in February, bastard) and am going crazy having to watch ads during my beach volleyball and waterpolo. And cablevision sucks ass b.c. i’ve had the deal for 2 years and i called them up and threatened to leave unless i got the deal back and they asked if i wanted to be cut off by noon or wait until the end of the week. I mean where’s the customer service? Why are they acting like they have enough cable customers and don’t need my money. Fuckers. I had Dish calling me for 9 months after I left trying to get me back. As soon as I get a roommate or find a new place i’m calling them up.

14 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@ WNBT, thanks for the scowling tips. My scowl works perfectly on people I know, but in warding off these ATLien strangers, not so much.

Also, that whole “Souther women don’t chase men” is a muthafuckin lie, at least in Atlanta it is. This is home of “go hard”, for men and women alike. I have never seen a group of thirstier women in my life. It actually angers and saddens me. I mean I know WHY they go so hard ( HOW YOU DOOOOOIN????) but still. It’s pretty pathetic.

14 08 2008
Quiet Storm

“Deleka, are u in DC? I need to find me a good soca spot around here. I listen to my T& T radio all day and I just wanna wine…” – Vanita

Ive been looking for a good reggae/soca spot since I moved to DC. The few people I know here are not Caribbean/dont really listen to it, so no luck finding one 😦 I enjoyed the reggae room at H2o, but no one I know wants to go back there. Something about it being to dangerous or something. I dont know. I need to find me some West Indian peeps in this damn area.

14 08 2008
Knatural

I’ll take conscious reggae (even though I can’t understand what they’re saying) over gospel, just a different vibe. Feels less contrived.

Esquire – luckily, I don’t see many tricked out cars while walking the three blocks from home to Metro, which is when I usually get honked at.

Another thing that annoys me about some Black men. Young men, just standing around outside or on someone’s porch, stop and stare at women passers-by, as if the record stopped. I had to change my grocery store to home walking route because I get so annoyed at this. All they do is stare at my ass. It’s not flattering. Should I not complain about this?

14 08 2008
willnotbetelevised

I also feel like a heathen that i don’t like gospel. But then i will still rock some Creed on saturday cleanup days and love that govt mule song and feel like a loser sometimes. can’t win for losing.

Black august tickets are 30$, also weekend of Global Holiday Celebrations and they have a facebook group

14 08 2008
Neicy

Has anyone expericened the reverse pick up at the club?
Like, “I was gona try to holla, but you’re looking so mean, so I’m walking away now.”
I was like, Dude…that’s totally fine.
What kind of bull is THAT?

14 08 2008
Omar

@Esquire – If you think that Gospel Rap is bad you should hear some Gospel Go-Go, that mess boggles the mind.

14 08 2008
Neicy

Says slowly,”

gospel.

go

go.” ?

Heaven: it ain’t for everybody

14 08 2008
Esquire

Knatural.
as someone who has no ass and no titties…you should not complain.
j/k (not really)…really. not really..

14 08 2008
Knatural

Gospel Go-Go? WTF? Two bad things mushed together.

14 08 2008
Esquire

Omar. I shall pretend I never saw that.

going
back
to
billing hours…

14 08 2008
Esquire
14 08 2008
Quiet Storm

“Vanita, that is what old men are for. That is the only reason I don’t kick old mens canes just to see them wobble and faceplant when i see them. B/c sometimes they aren’t dirty old men. And actually if you pass them really quickly you can usually get away before the dirty comments and go on thinking they are nice old men.” -WillNotBeTelevised

This is SO true. Especially passing them quickly before the dirty comments fly. hahahaha! Like Vanita, I am sometimes shocked that I look around to make sure Im not on Candid Camera or something.

14 08 2008
BK24/7

Gospel Go-Go? Isn’t that like an oxymoron?

I hated go-go until I started going to DC. I never went to a go-go club, but when the regular clubs played it, it was time to get your freak on. It was like someone flipped a switch!

WNBT – I read recently that Cablevision was one of the most profitable cable companies in the country. That’s why they dissed you.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ gospel go go; as for reggaeton…it wouldnt be so bad if they weren’t always fucking screaming. So instead, I listen to dancehall…pretty much the same riddims, just more mellow.

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Yeah, DC has converted me. When I first moved down here, I couldn’t stand that banging on pots and pans go-go crap. I still can’t just listen to it on the radio, but I get hype to hear it in the club. As for Gospel Go-Go…um…no.

But yeah, all us DC peeps into soca and what not, we need to link up and find some spots! I like soca, reggaeton, dancehall…basically anything with a good beat I can shake a tailfeather to.

14 08 2008
Kia

Might be repeating what others have said here but the phenomena you speak of is def. a young woman’s game, I myself played it all through my twenties when i went out with friends. Now at 30, there is no time for that shit, it’s a waste of time, energy and a fun night out. You might want to upgrade to a grown folks club, (just saying…)

14 08 2008
Cheekie

Re: Reggaeton

!!!

I hate it because every single song in that genre of music has the exact same beat.

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

“Another thing that annoys me about some Black men. Young men, just standing around outside or on someone’s porch, stop and stare at women passers-by, as if the record stopped.”

Um, yeah, so why is that…EVERYWHERE in Baltimore and AAAALLLL day long? Do people not have jobs here? Or is that their job? Is there some sort of city-sponsored oogling fellowship?

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I love Soca!!! Rupee and Destra are my faves.

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

“SMH @ this black dude following me into the Goya store and looking confused at the food. I heard him exclaim “what the fuck” at least once. LMAO…”

LMFAO….

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

“you should roll preferably 2 deep but no more than 3 deep because guys usually ‘hunt’ alone or with one other guy. ”

I’ve heard from guys that 3 is the magic number. If it’s just two chicks, they might hesitate to approach one because she won’t want to leave her other girl just hanging around by herself or forced to talk to the lame Wing Man.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Gospel Go-Go????? HAHAHHAHAHAHHHA. No thanks! I don’t like “Holy Hip-Hop” either. I remember when I was B-Girl number one and would buy any and everything that could be considerered Hip-Hop. I copped a tape from some kid on the street and was PISSED when it turned out to be Gospel Rap! There is a group from Cali called Zion-I that makes some really spirtiutal stuff, but they are good and it doesn’t feel like “holy ghost party” material.

Go-Go grew on me! I was at the point that I could listen to it in the car when I left DC, sometimes. I really like Wale! He adds somethin new to the party.

14 08 2008
Scipio Africanus

LeNoir,
Regarding this “May sound dumb to a man, but a black woman is often saying, “If you want me, your gunna have to got the extra mile.” This is something most black men learn sometime around the age of 19 or so. I suppose the main conclusion is basically “it is what it is” at the end of the day. My thing is folks should recognize the decisisons they make and be prepared for the consequences. This goes both ways and it also applies when decisions are fundamentally justified.

So, if I were a woman I’d probably be of the same mindset I observe in alot of black women my age. But I’d like to think I wouldn’t complain about my dating status, or lack thereof, either.

14 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

@ Doc
Sheila Dixon instituted that….they’re protecting her “coats”.

14 08 2008
BK24/7

@ ST – Wale is a go-go artist? Dude with the Mixtape About Nothing? He’s not the best rapper but all my friends were raving about his tape, so I checked it out. It’s pretty good.

@ Cheekie – Reggaeton is just like Freestyle in that respect. Same damn beat. Can’t Latins that make urban music change it up just a little?

14 08 2008
Omar

@ST – I definitely co-sign on Wale.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Cheekie- EXACTLY! Raggaeton is like if Ace Of Base had a genre of music=everything sounds exactly the fucking same.

I am throwing Soca under the bus as well, running it over, backing up and running over it again.

Knat- You SHOULD be mad at those street urchins. I have also created a special walking path so I don’t have to be bothered as much, but I can’t walk down the main streets over here without being verbally assaulted. One day, it started when I got to the corner and continuted allll up and down Bed Stuy. I got me an ice cream cone and then it got worse. This 40 year old man said some shit like “Ooh yeah baby, that looks good, can I have some?” and I went nuts on him. Do you know this fool had the nerve to say “What? You the one walking down the street eating ice cream.” THE FUCK?

14 08 2008
Knatural

Is there some sort of city-sponsored oogling fellowship?
Seriously?
And why are winos and crackheads so polite? They ALWAYS speak. White men over 45 are probably the rudest lot. They rarely hold doors for me or smile at me and talk to me at the airport. 😦

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

“Raggaeton is like if Ace Of Base had a genre of music=everything sounds exactly the fucking same. “

ROTFL!

14 08 2008
Quiet Storm

“…us DC peeps into soca and what not, we need to link up and find some spots! I like soca, reggaeton, dancehall…basically anything with a good beat I can shake a tailfeather to.” – The Doc Is In

Hell yeah, count me in!

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Scorpius- “So, if I were a woman I’d probably be of the same mindset I observe in alot of black women my age. But I’d like to think I wouldn’t complain about my dating status, or lack thereof, either”

GTFOH. No. No. No. You can’t tell me that you would gladly soak up the bullshit Black men through at us and be like “Oh, I’m swell”. No. No. No.

14 08 2008
Bailey Blues

I love Wale!

And gospel go-go…a mess! I’m not with hip-hop/reggae/go-go gospel. I can barely take a choir, definitely not this extension of gospel…

Reggaeton can die!

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Shavonne Nicole (19:41:21) : @ Doc
Sheila Dixon instituted that….they’re protecting her “coats”.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Speaking of black men and bullshit…for those of you wondering, it has been nearly 24 hours and this #@%$^# still hasn’t called with any kind of explanation as to why I was stood up. I hope he gets super bad adult acne (model/whatever he does with his degree).

14 08 2008
Knatural

I hate street urchins. Get a job! Why are you outside, all of the time?

You Soca lovers, I’ll forward info. I need more American girls at these parties to hang out with anyway. I’m in the FBook group.

14 08 2008
aceklub

In DC, I heard that Ibiza nightclub has a reggae room Friday nights so that could be an option if not H2O

14 08 2008
ayomidejpw

Well when I was in college I would roll with four girls: one Indian, one Puerto Rico, and two blacks (including me). The guys in college at that time ( I guess) were into that exotic crap so I got passed over, the other black girl had light eyes so she even got some play. The club scene was never a good thing for me, good looking men seem to be attracted to me when I was dressed down and not looking to impress. So I would get attention at small gatherings, house parties,poetry reading and when I was out by myself.

The two so called exotic girls weren’t even that pretty and they weighed like 199 pounds together. The indian girl had a noticeable limp that wasn’t even cute when she walked and the other chick was just plain stupid. Nether gave it up to any guys, they played hard to get. I still to this day can’t figure out why anyone was interested in those two when they were over shadowed by two beautiful black sistas. Oh, I also had natural hair (before it got popular) at that time so I know that played a part. I agree with most advice posted for men that the women have given.

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

@chaotic

He’ll call. Proabably won’t mention it til you do. Then tell you he’ll make it up without ever really giving you an explanation. Or say something completely vague, like “my bad, it was one of them nights. You know how it goes. So what you doin now?”

14 08 2008
ayomidejpw

Does go-go still exist in DC? I miss go-go music……..

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

White men over 45 are probably the rudest lot. They rarely hold doors for me or smile at me and talk to me at the airport. 😦

Knat – YES! 2520 men are some rude, entitled assclowns. I always give a loud “Wow, thanks a LOT” when I get a door slammed in my face. I also hate when walking towards me, they’re always in the middle of the sidewalk but NEVER move to the side to give room, like I’m supposed to jump out into the street to avoid befouling their path. I always walk right INTO and through those bitches and look back and dare them to say something.

I don’t know how *we* always get the rude sterotype. I was on the crowded shuttle bus the other day and at Penn Station a group of elderly women (who I could only imagine were headed to a “Miss Daisy” convention) got on. I noticed that ONLY minorities and one white girl got up to offer them seats.

14 08 2008
LEO

Have any of you being in club love? I heard it’s really nice

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

club love ain’t too bad… one of my first club experiences after some years away. It was better than Zanzibar anyway.

14 08 2008
Omar

@ayomidejpw – Go-Go still exists but the newer bands are a little different than they used to be.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Benaficial…I have half a heart not to give him a chance. The guys out here are seriously all full of shit. I don’t want to be bothered anymore.

My friends, you are all witnessing firsthand why it is that black women are so bitter.

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Leo…if you’ve never been, you definitely have to check out Love once or twice. I tired of it pretty quickly though, it’s soooo EXTRA.

14 08 2008
Quiet Storm

“I hate street urchins. Get a job! Why are you outside, all of the time?

You Soca lovers, I’ll forward info. I need more American girls at these parties to hang out with anyway. I’m in the FBook group.” -Knatural

Ima have to look up the link to the facebook group cuz Im not apart of it.

14 08 2008
Knatural

I also hate when walking towards me, they’re always in the middle of the sidewalk but NEVER move to the side to give room

Oh.My.God.
This is pet peeve number one! Why are White people so damn inconsiderate? It’s five on you, all walking abreast like a fucking military phalanx, and then here comes little ol’ me, and not one of you assholes move! White lurkers reading this, please be considerate. This is SOOOOOOOOOOOO annoying and only makes Black people hate you that much more.

14 08 2008
Esquire

The indian girl had a noticeable limp that wasn’t even cute

What limp is cute? Im going to hell for picking at retarded people, physically handicapped people, and not liking Gospel music.

I’ll tell Bob Johnson you all said hello

14 08 2008
LEO

@Doc. Thanks and ill check it out this weekend.

14 08 2008
Quiet Storm

I cant STAND street urchins either. Especially the ones that hang out in front of the barber shop ALL day. Do you not have a job?

14 08 2008
Cheekie

“I also hate when walking towards me, they’re always in the middle of the sidewalk but NEVER move to the side to give room”

Co-sign!

And what is this, the fucking unwritten rule of downtown Chicago?! This happens ALL the time…never fails. Or when a group of those 2520, corporate douche work bag carrying fools walk down the sidewalk then STOP right there…with no warning…just up and halt and start chatting. DUDE MOVE. If ain’t already enough damn people in this city, you have the nerve to stop in the middle of the sidewalk..and the narrowest ones, too!

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

“I also hate when walking towards me, they’re always in the middle of the sidewalk but NEVER move to the side to give room

Oh.My.God.
This is pet peeve number one! Why are White people so damn inconsiderate? It’s five on you, all walking abreast like a fucking military phalanx, and then here comes little ol’ me, and not one of you assholes move! White lurkers reading this, please be considerate. This is SOOOOOOOOOOOO annoying and only makes Black people hate you that much more.”

Knatural- I have had more problems with Asians up here with that move. They walk like they don’t see you and then act all surprised when you three point stance and shoulder block they azz.

14 08 2008
Esquire

YT expects for YOU to move. duh. I had a YT cop an attitude with me in a store when I would not get out of her way. I was like “Open up your mouth and say excuse me.” this bia bia says…”I dont have to say excuse me to YOU.” So I was like “And I dont have dont move you trailor park POS.”
Then my husband made me move. damnit.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Knat…this is what elbows are for.

I give everyone a chance on the sidewalk I give half the space and let you give the other half. If you choose not to move….wel my elbow is hard and it was your choice.

14 08 2008
B4Prez

@doc – I went to Love twice, and I had a really good time. However, something about it seemed like it could be one of the more pretentious spots in DC, but being from NY, the most pretentious place anywhere else could seem like a gathering of old friends to me. Just wondering if that’s a fair assessment of Love???

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

Amadaayooo- lol I cosign the hell outta that. Hell even seek contact when I see its about to happen. Then keep pushin like they were a lamp post or somethin.

14 08 2008
Quiet Storm

I also hate when walking towards me, they’re always in the middle of the sidewalk but NEVER move to the side to give room

Omg, I thought I was the only one enraged by this. When they do this, I push right on pass them with no remorse whatsoever. One white lady had the nerve to say out loud that she was going to start elbowing people that don’t say excuse me. Bitch, I dare you! Get the hell out the way so there wouldn’t be a problem!

14 08 2008
Knatural

And the “not saying excuse me” thing is how my elbow accidentally met this White women’s eye. While shopping, don’t try to inch by me, just say ‘excuse me’ and I’ll move. That simple. White folks invented these damn rules of etiquette and don’t even fucking use them.

14 08 2008
Esquire

EXACTLY Knatural.
they jsut try to inch by or give you the look of death. When will YT figure out that we are not scared of them? JUST SAY pardon me…excuse me…

I prefer “Move bitch, get out the way. Get out the way hoe, get out the way”

14 08 2008
Omar

@Knat – That is because they have an infinite entitlement complex, and the little coloreds are supposed to move out of the way. I have 2520’s bump into me or step on my shoe all the time absolutely nobody says excuse me.

14 08 2008
A.K.

“Look, yes, I have banged hundreds of broads… internationally. But know this, I wrap my rascal two times! Cuz I like it to be joyless and without sensation, as a way of punishing supermodels.”

-Master Shake

14 08 2008
LEO

I hate when you get off the train and everybody rushing to get the hell out and boom, there is a fat person in front of you walking slowly or standing on the exculator that you can’t even pass them. I’ve always want to tell them to walk fast or don’t ride the train ( i know that’s mean but ………..)

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@BenAfficial

I used to love when was wearing a tie and some little (non)thug dudes would try that. The look on their face when you body check them is beautiful.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Out here 2520’s are awfully nice to black ppl they bump into…

…simply because there are more of us. muahahaha!

14 08 2008
aceklub

Love Nightclub is decent but definitely lost its luster. It is definitely an appearance b/c the club is so big, especially if a celebrity will be there performing or partying. Friday is the better night to go as Saturday is 18+.

14 08 2008
Jen

@ST – I know a type of Latin music you would like. Have you ever heard of boogaloo?

14 08 2008

looky here at all that I have missed!

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

2520’s are SOOOO rude! It’s like the “Invisible Man” thing. Like, we are invisible to them, we aren’t people so you can’t bump in to someone who isn’t there. This White girl damn near knocked me down the other week at Penn Station without so much as a word. I jogged to catch up with her and did the same thing to her, then slowed back to my regular pace. I knock the shit out of anyone who bumps or pushes me hard with no apology and act like it didn’t happen.

And I’m like Doc. I don’t rock with their assumption that everyone is gonna move out of their way. How the fuck do I look stepping to the side to let two White men walk by? When you are walking in a pair or group, you are supposed to MOVE for passerby! And if you are alone, why are you taking up the whole sidewalk, fucker? I will walk through them like they aren’t even there.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Jen

Electric? That’s latin?

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

I’m not a small dude so I always feel like a bulldozer whenever I go the Asian market to buy veggies (can’t beat the price and large quantities). Its wall to wall people moving like molasses. Kinda love it. Even better with cart…

14 08 2008
The Doc Is In

B4Prez – I dunno, while DC definitely has it’s share of pretentious clubs, LOVE is kinda fake pretentious IMO. It’s fine when there’s an EVENT going on, or someone there at a Friday night concert you’re just dying to see (for free) but I don’t know too many young professionals who like to hang out there on a regular basis. I feel like LOVE regulars are usually younger, or the “almost there” types: guys who have jobs like “consultants” (but none of the big name companies) and drop exorbitant amounts of $$ on liquor every weekend because they have 3 roommates to split rent with, and chicks who “model” while going to Strayer. A lot of folks just trying to been seen, but it’s just something so…typical and unimaginative about going to Love all the time, when there are tons of better spots in DC. I do have fun when I go, but unless there’s something specific going on, I’d never be amped to just randomly go.

I also don’t really like mega-clubs anyway too. At Love and H2O I feel like I spend more time wandering from room to room and getting stuck in stairwells than I actually do dancing.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

read this title and tell me if the 2520’s haven’t gone too far:

http://www.citizensugar.com/1866374

14 08 2008
B4Prez

18 and older? I don’t do 18 and older nite at clubs…..sht, i didnt do them when i was 18. Its a wrap for all that now

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Doc

I feel old cause when I last really hit up D.C. U st. was a different place.

I do remember when I was just old enough to get into the Ritz and D.C. Live.

14 08 2008
Knatural

Love sucks. Amadeo, you are old.

14 08 2008
Jen

lol, not electric.

El Pito by Joe Cuba

Boogaloo is a precursor to Salsa and is a like a blend of Soul and Afro-Cuban music (like Son).

14 08 2008
Cheekie

“When you are walking in a pair or group, you are supposed to MOVE for passerby! ”

THANK YOU. I’m tired of these long strings of 2520s taking up the ENTIRE sidewalk looking like they’re auditioning for Lord of the Dance. I mean, do all of ya’ll HAVE to be next to each other? Break it up, fools!

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Knat

My boyish charm, youthful vigor and exploring nature keep me young. 😉

14 08 2008
Jen

“Even earlier, minority children will be the majority by 2023.”

PRAISE JESUS!!!

14 08 2008
Knatural

It’s ok Amadeo, I’m only two yrs behind. I found a grey hair (on my head) last week.

14 08 2008
Cheekie

“read this title and tell me if the 2520’s haven’t gone too far:

http://www.citizensugar.com/1866374

I was just trippin’ off that “YT no more majority in 2042” with my coworkers. I couldn’t stop laughing. I’m probably gonna play 2042 in the Pick 4 lottery.

And GTFOH with that title. They know damn well the term, “minority” has NOTHING to do with numbers.

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

this was a pretty good topic to follow up yesterdays. Gotta work some from home now since I keep distracting myself on the job.

I dont take the metro so I wont have to worry about 2520’s walkin today…. just drivin like they own the road. I passed one in a lexus suv kinda close yesterday and they had to nerve to honk and then speed up to try to catch me. If they had been driving like they had some sense I never woulda had to race for all that daylight they had left in front of them.

14 08 2008

lol I go out with a lot of girls, we gather during picture time but a majority of the time I’m with 1 other friend because we both have ADD. We have a need to walk, mingle and dance like we don’t have on 4 inch heels.

Im the girl you see, and you don’t understand why the fuck she is damn happy, smiling and drinking (wine or shots) like its kool-aid. I am like this the whole night (HAPPY). I dress UP (usually have a theme so no one will be dressed like me).

14 08 2008
Knatural

I never liked the term “minority” anyway. It implies inferiority. But if Whites become the new “minority”, well…

14 08 2008

I don’t move when I am walking on the sidewalk for anyone but the elderly. White folks think “darky better move”.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Doc- GREAT description of Love. It was a big Howard spot, so it was fun for me because I knew a lot of folks there. Now, it’s moreso a spot I would hit for special events (HU homecoming and graduation, and concerts, if I lived in the area). I think had I not went to Howard I would have hated it. I never thought of it as a fly club. It’s a nice looking place, it’s huge, you probably won’t get shot, but it is NOT swanky by any means.

I went to Ozios from time to time, but the African men in there were leery mccreepy and the music sucked sometimes. I vaguely remember Mirrors occasionally having good stuff. Avenue is GHETTO FABULOUS (more ghetto than fabulous). K Street Lounge was also faux pretentious, but laden with drug dealers. What are the good DC spots for Black people nowadays?

Am I the only (former) DC person who ever got sent to detox at Love?

14 08 2008
Cheekie

GTFOH with “Should We Pick a New Word? Minorities to Be Majority by 2042”. They know DAYUM well that the term, “minority” has NOTHING to do with numbers.

Anyhow, I was trippin’ on that bit of news. Couldn’t stop laughing. I think I’m gonna play 2042 in the Pick 4 lottery tonight.

14 08 2008
B4Prez

lol@doc. I feel u tho. Im not really into the mega club scene either, I’m more into lounges w/ some space for dancing. But I did enjoy Love…but u know hit it goes for tourists.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Jen- As in “Breakin 2: Electric Bougaloo”? LOL. Naw, but I will research it.

14 08 2008
Jen

You and Amadeo both need to stop. You know damn well I’m not telling you to go rent a cheesy 80’s movie sequel about breakdancing. lol

El Pito, I Like it Like That, El Watusi, Bang Bang, Watermelon Man…these are some of the more popular Boogaloo songs. I promise that if this music is not completely danceable to you, you have no soul. I love it.

14 08 2008
Omar

@Amadeo – I remember being an underage high school kid and going to the Ritz… But there was a lot of stuff going on in there for it to be across the street from the FBI building.

“Even earlier, minority children will be the majority by 2023.”

@Jen – then 2023 is the year White Supremacy catches cancer…

14 08 2008
aceklub

In DC, each night creates a different crowd.
Ibiza has stolen some of Love’s thunder on Friday. Not as big as Love but they have an outside patio that is nice to party in.

Also, The Park has been the rave. The crowd there is more professional and they try to provide a new mix of mingling and dancing. IMO, most people in there are more focused on being seen and not sweating out the new hairdo. In DC, the promoters set the scene so the actual club/lounge can be hit or miss depending on who is promoting the spot.

14 08 2008
Omar

@ST – You might not get shot inside LOVE but LOVE is around the corner from Ivy City so a couple of blocks of the beat & path and you’re in trouble.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Omar

You know I never noticed which is significant cause that’s where my mother works.

My man once got thrown out for “inappropriate activities” with a girl in the bathroom.

14 08 2008
ayomidejpw

Esquire (20:07:53) :
The indian girl had a noticeable limp that wasn’t even cute

What limp is cute? Im going to hell for picking at retarded people, physically handicapped people, and not liking Gospel music.
I’ll tell Bob Johnson you all said hello

this response is mad late, but, no limp is cute, but the indian chick was getting men like it was… dammit

and she wasn’t “full retarded”.. Tropic Thunder is going to hell for pissing off handicap people

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Knat

I always found “colored” to be highly offensive…that’s why I can’t get down with the NAACP. Not until they change the name.

So I was white but got dirty?

14 08 2008
Bajan Girl

Esquire (20:20:28) :

EXACTLY Knatural.
they jsut try to inch by or give you the look of death. When will YT figure out that we are not scared of them? JUST SAY pardon me…excuse me…

I prefer “Move bitch, get out the way. Get out the way hoe, get out the way”

I prefer that as well Esquire. I work right it the Times Square area. I go out to relax and come back to the office more annoyed than when I left.
Would like to walk around with it blasting from a big ‘ole 80’s style boom box on my shoulder when I go out for lunch.

For all we know the “minorities” may already be the majority if you consider all those people who do not participate in the census and other such things.

Oh.. before I forget… Gospel Go-Go is an abomination. It is a sin against God, man, and small forest creatures. It is a tool of the Devil and those who perpetuate its existence should be immediately chained to the altar, slathered in holy water/oil/kool-aid (whatever you have) and prayed over. If they still won’t act right and stop the madness, well then there is a special place in Hell them.

14 08 2008
Bajan Girl

that should say “there is a special place in Hell “for” them.
that mess irks my spirit so much I can’t type correctly.

14 08 2008
JJ

I am a Black woman… and I fucking approve this message!

In general, us *American* Blacks take ourselves waaay too seriously! This is exactly why I hate going to predominantly Black spots. The women are cold and the men are lewd – usually trying to gyrate their lil dicks in the crevice of any ass walking by. (Not all, but enough to leave a bad taste in your mouth.) So like u stated, I can understand why a woman would act cold when she’s bombarded with that on the daily, but why continue to frequent those type of spots? Then most, men and women, are too worried about image to cut loose so they don’t actually dance or enjoy themselves. Note – dick on the booty and rocking side-to-side isn’t dancing. The atmosphere at ethnically mixed places is usually totally different. White and Asian folks, no matter how fucking goofy, creepy, or pathetic they look will let loose like there’s no tomorrow.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ JJ…guess my Cuban takes over because I get in the club and let loose looking like a retard…lmao.

But I agree with you…people let loose! Its a club, everybody’s tipsy and there to have fun!

15 08 2008
Nice

“I am a Black woman… and I fucking approve this message!

In general, us *American* Blacks take ourselves waaay too seriously! This is exactly why I hate going to predominantly Black spots. The women are cold and the men are lewd – usually trying to gyrate their lil dicks in the crevice of any ass walking by. (Not all, but enough to leave a bad taste in your mouth.) So like u stated, I can understand why a woman would act cold when she’s bombarded with that on the daily, but why continue to frequent those type of spots? Then most, men and women, are too worried about image to cut loose so they don’t actually dance or enjoy themselves. Note – dick on the booty and rocking side-to-side isn’t dancing. The atmosphere at ethnically mixed places is usually totally different. White and Asian folks, no matter how fucking goofy, creepy, or pathetic they look will let loose like there’s no tomorrow.”

-COSIGN

15 08 2008
Tea

“This enrages me because hot black women are standing around bored while marginally attractive white women and asian/indian women who are so short they can’t ride most rollercoasters have the time of their lives.”

Umm, what’s wrong with short chicks?!

Anyway, this post is so true when I go out with my boys, who are all nice, respectful guys, I feel so bad for them when they approach some black women because they give off such a “what the f*ck you want?” vibe. I get nervous for them. That shit is just unnecessary. I can’t even be mad when they wind up dancing with white chicks, because the attitude is a turn-off to me.
As a black women I know the bullcrap we put up with in the club but I save the bitchiness for the dudes who deserve it.

“The atmosphere at ethnically mixed places is usually totally different. White and Asian folks, no matter how fucking goofy, creepy, or pathetic they look will let loose like there’s no tomorrow.”

LOL, so true! I love a mixed crowd, I get a good kick out of watching Asians and whites get down on the dance floor. I’m usually just like “where the hell did that move come from” but I dance my ass off right along with them.

15 08 2008
TomatoHead

The only reason why “minorities” are going to be the majority is because Mexicans breed like rabbits and live 20 to a house. My mother affectionately calls them “clown houses”.

They are already whining about how California is theirs and shit. I’m like, no it isn’t. Native Americans have “ownership” of california and you current Mexicans are not Native Americans. You were born in Mexico. You are Mexican. Make Mexico better and stop coming over here with your nonsense about how we should speak Spanish and not deport your ILLEGAL immigrant asses when you’re discovered.

I’m sorry. I’m very very sorry. I’m from Los Angeles ok? There are three sets of Mexicans in my neighborhood. The quiet ones who go about their business like normal citizens. The ones who throw fabulous parties in their backyard/frontyard/street. And the Village. The Village is a bunch of Mexicans who have presumably bought up a bunch of property down the street and turned it into Mexico. Feral dogs running around, clotheslines everywhere, little half-naked children running around chasing the feral dogs, fat women with skinny legs and smedium shirts walking around with dish rags/Disney items, fat men in wife beaters sitting on their porches drinking Corona at all hours of the day, the grass has been beaten down to dirt and there is trash everywhere.

If you are a legal citizen in this country, learn English and go about your business. If you are an illegal immigrant from a country that isn’t at war or similarly fucked up, take your breaking-the-law ass back home.

15 08 2008
TomatoHead

On topic: Guys at clubs are annoying. I do not go to clubs unless it is with a bunch of friends and we don’t want to get hit on. That is the point of going with 10 friends. You go with a shit ton of friends so guys will be intimidated and not approach.

15 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ tomoato’s mexicans rant. Funny, the legal mexicans I know pretty much say the same thing!!!

15 08 2008
Nice

Im with Tomato. I dont go to the club to get approached. I wont be rude if a guy appoaches me tho. I never date dudes that I meet at the club. I just go to have a good time. But I dont go like 10 deep either. But to be honest Im more of a nice bar or lounge type. The club scene is not really my cup of tea.

15 08 2008
Angry IV

I think Chris forgot to mention that it’s the club. Nobody goes to the club expecting to meet anyone worthwhile. I certainly do not. The vast majority of women I’ve met at clubs have been garbage.

15 08 2008
Siobhan

Hmm, what do you make of girls who run between the dancefloor and their friends all night dancing manically…battling folks…all without being drunk LOL?

I know alot of people who say they never date guys they meet in the club but I met my best friend (now just a close friend who I was married to for quite awhile for reasons I shall not disclose) in a “meat market” in Newmarket when I was living in England.

Life is too short to be limiting…then again that falling down drunk guy isn’t likely to be high on my list of “Ooh let me get his number list” because as the permenant DD I am probably already corraling 2 to 4 drunk men and women.

Nothing wrong using him for eye candy though LOL.

But I digress…I want to know what females YOU know that roll like that since I have a very small group of friends* (of all genders) and all the females are either outgoing young ones or partying cougars.

*Friend are people for whom I would do grievous bodily harm to another person or, do something I rarely do, lie for. I call from Afghanistan (or they call my internet number)to listen to their woes about the horrendous men and women they date from here (8.5 hour time difference from the east coast) when I SHOULD be sleeping. I would also show up on a saturday morning after being out until 5 to help them move (thankfully I’m not in the states right now so that one hasn’t happened in awhile)

beautiful kisses
Siobhan

15 08 2008
london

am late as always these days.. work is too busy right now..
the women you speak of chris are just very insecure and should be of no consequence…
rolling 8 – 10 deep… that is a herd…
avoid them at all costs honey…

15 08 2008
Jeresmom

Ok so I am super late but I am co-signing Tomato’s rant

15 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I’m late too, but I had to co-sign Tomato Head’s rant too. How would my black ass look if I moved to Mexico and expected everyone there to speak English? Like a gotdamn fool.

Oh, and Hip-Hop Gospel sucks donkey balls. My roommate is a holy roller and listens to it all.the.fucking.time. “Dawg, listen to this, this is hot!” Um, no.

I visited a hip-hop church in Tampa with a pastor that looked like Jon-B with cornrows. It was an interesting experience.

15 08 2008
Vanita

LMAO @ Tomatoheads mexican rant! LOL the imagery was beautiful tho.

15 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

RE: Siobhan

Yea, I always find it hilarious that people say “everybody at the club is an idiot” when they themselves attend. The whole no-dating-people-you-meet-at-clubs argument is entirely nonsensical. If you make that argument and you’ve been to a club even one time, it renders you undatable by your very own definition.

People are so full of shit it makes my fucking balls weep.

15 08 2008
klysha

I totally agree with this post. A big group of girls is utterly unapproachable. I noticed that the only time I get approached by guys in the club is when I separate from the group or when I’m with just one other girl. This is partly because a guy has to win the approval of an entire group of girls just to get the one he wants. And the girl has to overcome the judgement from her homegirls about her choice to talk to the guy. It’s just a lose lose situation. But I’m approaching (if not already past) the age when meeting people in the club is becoming both unrealistic (even more so than it used to be) and uncute. Now if I spot someone who appears to be in my age group I have to assess whether he’s just there to meet girls 10 years his junior. The rules are slightly different for the non dancing lounge and happy hour scene that slightly older people tend to gravitate to. (I also agree with the comment about the ridiculousness of saying that the club is a bad place to meet people…especially when made by people who go to clubs)…The club is one of the few places where a large group of single people of the opposite sex congregate. I ain’t too likely to meet a guy in the grocery store in my neighborhood.

15 08 2008
Jen

@ Chris – Sir, I think you misunderstand the point of the “no-dating-people-you-meet-at-clubs” rule. Everybody knows that on any given weekend, among the alcoholic regulars and perverted old men, there are people just like them at clubs.

That said, most [respectable] women do not date the men that approach them at clubs because:

1) Dating these men presents a safety issue. The man from the club is typically a complete stranger to whom the woman has no mutual ties (such as friends, church, organization, company). Without these ties, nothing exists to give the woman valid or invalid reason to believe that the man from the club is not a jerk/idiot/serial killer.

2) Dating these men constitutes glorified booty call administration. The man from the club is typically met when either the woman or the man (or both) is drunk or buzzed. Typically, the man only approaches the woman because after four shots of patron, the woman looked reasonably fuckable.

Facebook makes (1) slightly less of an issue among people of a certain age (LOOK! WE HAVE 22 MUTUAL FRIENDS AND ASHLEY FROM HAMPTON WAS WILLING TO VOUCH FOR HIM–HE MUST BE ALRIGHT!), but (2) is a valid reason for a bullshit-averse woman seeking a meaningful relationship to avoid dating men who approach them at clubs. Note I said “approach”. You can’t even say “meet” because there is no such thing as club introduction or conversation beyond smiling, screaming “WHAAAAAAT???” and entering your contact information into a stranger’s phone.

I’ll make the following concession: I freely admit that I entertain a man’s advances primarily because nothing about him has precluded my eventual development of a strong interest in having sex with him. However, to extend this seed of the dating-is-for-sex idea far enough to make a man thinking my ass was looking right at the club an acceptable reason to date him takes this dating-is-for-sex idea too far.

If you find my logic unsound, PLEASE check it. I am still pretty young and, at times, naive.

15 08 2008
Sister Toldja

A man you meet at the grocery store, community service event, church picnic or zoo is just as much a stranger! Everybody is a stranger until you know them. Your homegirl’s boyfriend’s friend may be a complete ass, and he aint gonna tell you because he may not want to fuck up his friends chances of getting some. It’s a crapshoot anytime you go out with someone who was not reccommened by a close mutual friend (and that’s not a guaranteed win either).

Now, the chances that a man who you meet in a club/bar will try to fuck you that night are higher, as it is easier to set up a one-night-stand from a bar than it is Wal-Mart. But he will make that known that night and you can except or reject accordingly.

I don’t get this logic. It’s like saying “I don’t want to meet someone who shares mutual interests with me!” Sorta like a Trekkie being like “I don’t want to meet a man/woman at a Star Trak Convention! That means they a nerd!”

15 08 2008
Jen

I’m not much of a club-goer. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m also not much of a drinker and I do not like much modern club music. That may contribute to my leeriness of men from clubs.

I’ve never initiated a club visit in my life. Whenever I’ve been to a club, it has been to celebrate some occasion after extended pressure from my girlfriends or because the visit was the social activity for some convention. To put this in context, I lived in NYC for years and never once went to a club. So, The Star Trek analogy fails in my case.

15 08 2008
8th Wonder

Yeah, I could never understand how you can say you don’t want someone because they do the same things you do. A club is great place to let loose, have some fun, etc. So why knock someone else for going to experience the same things?

15 08 2008
U My Sista, Girl! » News from Hollywood and Your Hood! » The Links…

[…] Ladies: be approachable…Stuff Black People Hate […]

15 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Jen- Ok, but dig this: if you are in a club, but not a club-goer, that means he may be the same!

15 08 2008
Chad

I’ve been reading this blog for a min now, first comment…
PERFECT. I’ve noticed the same thing but frankly, I hate the club scene. For all you women out there, where would a gentleman like myself have to go to find your at your most approachable? The mall? The bookstore? The bus? Thoughts?

15 08 2008
klysha

@ Jen…probably meeting someone at the club doesn’t work because from what you said that isn’t really one of your interests….But that doesn’t mean that another respectable woman who has an interest in going to the club to hang out and have a good time couldn’t meet a like minded guy.

15 08 2008
Jen

@Chad – last two places I had an extended conversation with a complete stranger I had no connection to it were at a bookstore and on the subway.

16 08 2008
Siobhan

Since I spend the entire night on the dancefloor all my club buddies are the other dancers LOL.

I generally say you can meet people anywhere, up to and including while sitting in a traffic jam on the highway (it was a great conversation LOL), but something about the grocery store just strikes me as hilarious.

I hate grocery shopping so I shop months at a time and the FIRST time a guy approached me while I was dragging two shopping carts I just burst out laughing. I thought the carts made it seem as if I had a family but apparently the guy had been listening to me talk on my mobile and knew I was single…very creepy and still funny.

All and all…you meet people…the world is SMALL! I have met PEOPLE (more than one mind you) who lived down the street from me or my parents in South Carolina HERE IN AFGHANISTAN.

My only non-dating rule is FRIENDS-ONLY in the war zone. When I redeploy THEN I’ll consider more.

beautiful kisses
Siobhan

16 08 2008
Muse

Usually I’m resistent about meeting men at the club. The environment doesn’t seem like an appropriate place to start a long lasting relationship anyway. I suppose it depends on the guy and his approach. There are also a lot of guys who just ask for your number just to see if they can get it. They have no intentions of calling which is rather annoying. A lot of Black women go to the club to have a good time, not to find a date which is why they roll with their girls.

16 08 2008
Siobhan

I meant to say people who I have NEVER met and who lived down the street from me I’ve met here in Afghanistan.

beautiful kisses
Siobhan

16 08 2008
The Doc Is In

ST: Sorta like a Trekkie being like “I don’t want to meet a man/woman at a Star Trak Convention! That means they a nerd!” Damn girl, get out my life! But really I only say that because I’ve never seen a brotha at one.

(Shit, did I just admit that I’ve been to Star Trek conventions? :-p)

16 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Jen: You can’t even say “meet” because there is no such thing as club introduction or conversation beyond smiling, screaming “WHAAAAAAT???” and entering your contact information into a stranger’s phone.

LOL! Dammit Jen that is soooo true! I try to be a nice conversationalist in the club, but I often start getting frustrated because I really have no clue what the hell guys are saying. I’m glad to hear it’s not just my personal issue (although I am still slightly convinced I’m going deaf). I get so tired of shouting over the music “I’m sorry, what did you say” five times in a row and just start to smile, give a half-hearted laugh and nod to whatever he’s saying. Please stop trying to have intense philosophical discussions on the dance floor! Let’s just do our respective mating dances, exchange digits and holla later.

17 08 2008
letinstar

in all honesty, are you really expected to find quality people to date in a club? and is it so wrong to go out with just the girls (or just the guys) and have fun without being hit on, gawked at or laughed at? i’m just asking…

20 08 2008
Carla

While I completely agree with your assertion about a lot of black women at the club, I will say that we are not exactly looking for anything besides a dance anyway. Most of us know what the “approachability” factor after a dance entails…the request for a name/number/drink a.k.a. invitation to possibly continue the drunken bump n grind after club hours.

As a gorgeous brown skinned black woman that gets approached by men within a group and alone, also proud that God graced me with a heritage as rich as the kiss that the sun gave my skin, I can honestly confirm with you all that most of us real women want real men, which we usually don’t find from the circle of men that want to “approach” us at 1 a.m. in a club. While being approached or “hollered at” is flattering it’s not necessarily what we came to the club for. Me and my girls go just to have fun once we get off work and are ready to unwind a little after a long week; hos on the other hand do come to continue the unwinding after 2 a.m. and believe me they make themselves very approachable. Most of the men who flip out their sidekick/blackberry and are stacking up names such as vicky w da fat azz in their phone are approaching women to have some fun with when the club doors close also. It’s more than likely that most of the girls that you mentioned who are more approachable are also more willing to continue their drunken frenzy after club hours. Real woman want real men who can approach us at the appropriate time when we are by ourselves not screaming in our ear at a club when we are half naked attempting to grope on our ass. Not that there is anything wrong with them commenting on are attractiveness but they aren’t seeing us for anything more than are hips and thighs in this environment. We are talking about a club where people are packed side by side sweating, with alcohol, and music blasting preventing genuine conversation and not a jazz or poetry club right?

Most of the time we are just there to dance, flirt and have fun, not look for a soul mate. If we want to talk about approachability how bout at a bookstore or record store coming up to us instead of wanting us to unfold our arms so men can drool in our cleavage a little more and wonder if we can F*ck as good as we dance. Trust me I am much more likely to give out my number in a bookstore/recordstore than a club and am probably more approachable there too. If you are more willing to approach women at the club..all of the previously stated in the last paragraph is more than likely why. There is something “in” or on the “club woman” that you like and want to get to know better. Besides who wants prince charming approaching us with funky breath, hard ons while dancing, and wedding bands hidden in their pockets!

Just a little food for thought from experiance 😉

28 07 2009
The Sphinx

This is SO unfair. I’ve never gone to the club with more than 4 other girls, and half the time we do split up. On average, I have about two other girls with me. I’m not ugly. I don’t have an extra finger or toe. I’m not baldheaded. I’d say I’m cute. A few dudes have come to offer me drinks.
But the time I’ve been in the Midwest, I’ve noticed that dudes don’t dance. THEY are the ones that seemingly have this standoffish aura about them. Like, they’re waiting on you to buy THEM a drink. And don’t let you come to the club with natural hair. You may as well call it a night!

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