Thoughts for Thursday: Approachability

14 08 2008

Through no fault of my own, I’ve been going out and getting drunk pretty much every day since last Friday. Every single time I’ve gone out I’ve noticed something that’s enraged me: attractive black women standing around dancing with nobody and, in many cases, seeming not to be having fun even within their own groups. This enrages me because hot black women are standing around bored while marginally attractive white women and asian/indian women who are so short they can’t ride most rollercoasters have the time of their lives.

As an astute observer of human behavior, I’ve noticed (and in some cases even documented) the behavior of black women in particular that tends to make them less approachable than members of other races. The following are my tips for increasing your approachability based on what I’ve seen. Before you jump down my throat, please understand that I am aware of other factors that our ladies have no control over that cause people to ‘pass over’ black girls. These are just simple tips to stack the odds a little more in your favor.

1.) Avoid large groups. Black women tend to follow an “if you’re gonna do it, do it big” philosophy when it comes to going out. They call all their fucking girlfriends and wind up at the club 8 – 10 deep. Unlike guys, they don’t show up and split up – they just stay together. Even the most confident and arrogant bastard in the world isn’t going to approach an entire platoon of women no matter how good they look. If you’re looking to snag (Indian term for communing with the opposite sex), you should roll preferably 2 deep but no more than 3 deep because guys usually ‘hunt’ alone or with one other guy. If you do show up in a group, split up into pairs and reconvene later.

2.) Body language. The thing that sucks about being a woman is that smiling and otherwise appearing approachable means that you’re going to have about 10 bozos approaching you for every non-bozo. I imagine this gets tiresome. Nonetheless, unless you run into someone who views making a scowling woman smile as a challenge, the scowl, folded arms, hands on hips, weight on one leg, and other negative indicators are just telling guys “this girl is in ‘bitch’ mode, and I’d just be wasting my time.”

3.) No Crescent. I’ve noticed that large groups of black women will, instead of dancing, line up in a weird Crescent-shaped formation near the walls. In this formation, you can usually see them pointing and laughing at people on the dance floor, which is never a good sign. Like a girl with her arms folded, the Crescent Formation casts a ‘Bitch’ shadow over the entire group and puts out a strong Waiting to Exhale vibe. If you’re in a big group, circle up and dance together. That invites the opportunity for a guy to ‘accidentally’ bump into you.

That’s all I’ve got for now. I’m sure there are others, and I’m sure the ladies have advice for men. Enjoy.