Porn

13 08 2008

Porn, if you think about it, is perhaps one of the most ridiculous creations of all time. Women (and men) are paid to get naked in front of a camera so that people who will never ever meet them get to whack off to their likenesses.

The reason I have a problem with porn is that I’ve never understood men who get excited by the mere presence of attractive women. Wet T-Shirt contests, Coyote Ugly bars, ‘Lingerie’ parties, and cheerleaders have never made sense to me because what the hell is the point of looking if I can’t touch? That’s not to say that I won’t oggle a hot thong-bearing woman if she happens to pass by – but a club flyer advertising “FEMALE HOT OIL WRESTLING” is more likely to make me avoid the event than attend it. I digress.

Figure 1: Yes it’s hot…but so fucking what?

Porn magazines (Playboy, Hustler), and pseudo-porn magazines (Maxim, FHM) make the least sense to me because all the models are airbrushed to a perfection that could never exist naturally. Some guys argue that there is nothing wrong with choking it to the sight of a woman rendered physically flawless with Photoshop, to which I respond that they are effectively beating off to a cartoon character. I am then usually called a ‘fag’ and the discussion is pretty much over.

I didn’t realize exactly to what extent people are airbrushed, however, until I had the retina-searing experience of watching the worst type of porn in existence (home-made porn) starring one of my best friends and Jen from The Real World Denver (see the end of this post for the full story). If Jen were in a porn rag, her likeness would be very similar to the one here from the MTV website:

Figure 2: Jen from The Real World: Denver, roundly defiled by ‘Tom Harkin’

The girl pictured above is two things: 1.) fairly attractive, and 2.) a lie. The girl my buddy made sexy time with was definitely Jen, but to say she closely resembled the woman in the picture would be stretching the truth like a 280lb woman stretching a size 6.

Anyways, let’s move on from still-image porn to good old motion picture porn. Since we already know it sucks, I’m going to use the rest of this post to give you ways to enjoy it as best as can be expected.

The best way for the intellectual pornographeur to enjoy video porn is to examine the actresses for the physical flaws that kept them out of mainstream Hollywood or Indie films. The following is a list of some of the more common flaws* I’ve discovered:

  • Gigantic feet
  • Cock-eyedness
  • Huge Nose
  • Enormous, bulbous head
  • Bullet wounds, C-Section scars, visible drug needle marks
  • Botched boob job
  • Asymmetric booty
  • Toofusses

For those who aren’t familiar with porn, you should start out with the amateur stuff to cut your teeth because it’s very easy to spot the flaws. Once you’ve got a few callouts under your belt you can move up to the high class stuff with good production values and maybe even a semi-plausible storyline. Spotting flaws in mainstream porn actresses like Tera Patrick and Jenna Jamieson [sp?] is quite challenging but nonetheless possible.

Figure 3: Well, maybe not all that challenging.

You can increase the fun by getting a bunch of your friends together and making a drinking game out of the whole affair. Everytime someone spots a flaw that everyone agrees on, everybody takes a shot. You can also toss shots back when the following things happen:

  • Revelation of bizarre piercings (anal and scrotal are particularly unique)
  • One of the actors shouts out something ridiculous mid-coitus (e.g. “TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!!!!”)
  • Actress fakes an orgasm
  • An ass gets smacked unusually hard
  • An insanely unattractive male actor shows up on screen (take another shot for every ten seconds you can look at him without blinking or vomiting)
  • A named sex act occurs (e.g. hot carl, dirty sanchez, jersey meat hook, angry dragon, sneaky indian, rusty trombone, dutch oven, etc.)

Drinking games aside, porn gives you some pretty depressing insight into the American male psyche. An inordinate number of us seem hell-bent on fucking teenagers and asians (and the coveted asian teenager), looking up the skirts of unsuspecting women, and banging chicks in their fifties. Do not even get me started on the Japanese shit – the rule over there seems to be “the more pain the woman is in, the better.” And the Germans. Dear sweet Lord let’s not even talk about the Germans.

Figure 4: Why the fuck is this supposed to be sexy?

And then, in a class all its own, is shit like Two Girls One Cup. Jumping Jesus Christ it’s only Wednesday and I already need a drink…

Aside: The Real World Sex Tape Story

A friend of mine (who has commented on earlier posts in the blog as ‘Tom Harkin’) somehow ran into Jen from The Real World: Denver at some dive bar in Alabama. Drunk off her ass, she pulls Tom Harkin aside and says “YOOOOUUU’RE HOT!” Somehow, they wind up in a motel room, and Tom Harkin says “I’m going to record us fucking, ok?” (he always has a camcorder in his car to document illegal things done to him by the cops when he gets pulled over).

Tom Harkin then proceeds to fuck the living bajeezus out of this girl for well over an hour. The grossness of the episode was mitigated somewhat by the hilarity of him keeping his glasses on the entire time, occasionally sticking his tongue out and nodding approvingly toward the camera, and, as the coup de gras, having Jen say “Signing Off” at the end of the video.

You may be asking “why the fuck did you watch that tape?” There are three reasons. First, I didn’t believe the motherfucker and I demanded proof. Second, we had to watch the whole tape in order to see Jen from enough angles to actually confirm that it was, indeed, Jen. Third, Tom Harkin barged into Shabooty’s condo and hooked up the camera to the TV before any of us could ask him what the fuck he was doing.

End Aside

* Interestingly, nearly all of these flaws apply to Angelina Jolie, and yet she isn’t in porn – not including all those times she openly admitted to celeb journalists that she just got done porking Billy-slob Thornton.

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648 responses

13 08 2008
JG*

Haven’t read it yet. I’m just excited that we have a topic that STARTS OFF about sex. So does that mean the comments will go in reverse? LOL We’ll end up talking about Church?

13 08 2008
Jay_Everyday

I know a lot of Black people who hate church JG…could be a viable topic.

13 08 2008
sarah

i like the reason why Tom Harkin happens to have a camcorder in his car. hilarious!

13 08 2008
Omar

sarah (15:10:50) :

“i like the reason why Tom Harkin happens to have a camcorder in his car. hilarious!”

I know cops was mad when camera phones got big…

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Well if the sex is good you might see God…or a lower deity.

I watched porn in a hotel with my girl once and we ended up analyzing and tearing apart the movie instead of being turned on.

The only good thing I could say about porn is this: As a young virgin boy, porn is how I found out my package was a decent size.

13 08 2008
nelo

Chris,

You are have offically made me bawl and want to take a shot. Damn it, how the hell can u leave us????/

I knew Jen was a nasty hoe as soon as I saw her eyebrows. Only nasty hoes have eyebrows that thin and high. It’s their attempt at looking vampy and slutty at the same time. Do u think your friend will post that tape??

13 08 2008
Knatural

Ahahahahahahha @ roundly defiled
Homemade porn? Well…

13 08 2008
Knatural

And why would anyone watch porn for the storyline?

13 08 2008
JG*

I think Tom Harkin could make at least $75 on a deal for selling that tape.

13 08 2008
YorubaQueen

“You can also toss shots back when the following things happen:”

@ SBPH

You should add to that list how many times one sees parts of the camera equipment in the shot and how many times you see/hear the director ‘directing’

*I’ve seen some bad ghetto ass porn. I’m so ashamed. *

And good morning all!

13 08 2008
Onion

Another thing is all the racist shit that gets tossed into porn that just drives me freaking crazy.

“Big Black Dicks, Little White Chicks; Mandingo; Monster Cocks” ect. Although there is some inadvertent hilarity in the one’s featuring giant, 18-inch fake dicks shooting what looks like runny oatmeal into pornstar faces.

Comedy Goldmine, that.

13 08 2008
im iz lurker

I need to ask, who finds the appeal in facials? They are among the most disgusting, degrading acts I can fathom.

13 08 2008
YorubaQueen

OMG Onion…I swear cumshots are the WORST in creation. Everytime I watch that I want to puke…that’s why I don’t give men performances….the thought of that on me UGH…and the women damn near bathe in that mess like it’s coming from the fountain of youth

13 08 2008
Omar

The porn industry is a mirror into who America really is….

13 08 2008
JG*

Man y’all watch some good quality stuff. The stuff my friends and I laugh at have no directors, and the story-line consists of girl walks in, guy says “lemme slap dat ass”, porn begins. There’s just some random guy holding a camera who sometimes steps in for some action. Also the stars in those movies have names like “Cherokee, India, Pinky” and such.

@Onion: I hate the racists themed pornos. “Watch these big booty black chicks take these white cocks!”

13 08 2008
Cheekie

I was wondering why Tom Harkin had a random ass camera in a motel room and then this:

“(he always has a camcorder in his car to document illegal things done to him by the cops when he gets pulled over)”

Beautiful. Man, this is probably the primary reason to have a camera. Great thinking, that Tom Harkin.

13 08 2008
BK24/7

There is no way in hell I would gather my boys and play drinking games while watching porn. Porn is only consumed solo or with a member of the opposite sex, unless you roll that way.

If I walked in my boys crib and the crew was watching porn, I’m walking right out the door. Unless it’s a celebrity tape. You don’t watch those to get turned on, you watch to see a famous person nekkid!

13 08 2008

One of the actors shouts out something ridiculous mid-coitus (e.g. “TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!!!!”)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahahahhahahh aaaaaaaaaaaaahahhaaaaahahahahhahahahaha

13 08 2008
Defiant

Agreed story lines fuck that just watch those little teaser clips on repeat. You get all the goods and none of the BS.

13 08 2008

I never knew they were photoshopped, Considering I have only watched 4-5 porn movies.

13 08 2008
Sister Toldja

This is one of the funniest posts yet! Makes me sad about the blog ending. I’m sure the inevitable descent of the comments into a conversation about wizardry and Facebook games will change my mind though, LOL.

I never understood the complete fascination with porn. I love how people say it’s “educational”. Um, you can pick up the Kama Sutra and learn something without supporting the blue eyeliner habits of porn “stars” who let men who resemble truck drivers bang them without a rubber. I don’t like watching AIDS happen.

The “schoolgirl” fetish is highly disturbing, especially when I think back on wearing knee highs and plaid skirts as a middle and high schooler BECAUSE of the “sexy schoolgirl” thing. But a man who watches Asian teen porn just seems like a perverted caterpillar who never blossomed in to a rapist butterfly.

13 08 2008
miss kate

LMFAO @ “intellectual pornographeur”

13 08 2008
sarah

interracial porn is the absolute worst!

13 08 2008
sarah

LMAO @ “rapist butterfly”

ST, you have a way with words…

13 08 2008
Not_Shaniqua

I Love Pron iam! And even thought Iam a women I woudl give Angelie Jolie-Pitt all kids of **%$#@$&*^%#@%! Anytime she wants it!

Things I harte!…. guys that watch porn and think that the things they see in them work in real life!?? WTF NO THEY DONT

Have you ever seen a pron being produced it’s like Pump, Pump Stop More lube please, Pump Pump Pull Smack Scream ( white girl noises) Pump , Suck Suck, Open wide Suck suck Swallow *Money Shot*

LMAO

13 08 2008
Sister Toldja

“I need to ask, who finds the appeal in facials? They are among the most disgusting, degrading acts I can fathom.”

AMEN! Same for “pearl necklaces”.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Is anything that’s yelled in a porno ever not hilarious?

13 08 2008
Knatural

interracial porn is the absolute worst!
And this is exactly what Tom Harkin made…

13 08 2008
YorubaQueen

“I don’t like watching AIDS happen. ”

Too early and too true lol

13 08 2008
Knatural

Facials?
What’s the matter with a little baby batter?

13 08 2008
vitazza

Yea!!!!! Sex talk in the Morn! Whoopy! Boo porn….it never looks good, stories suck ass and the actors are always ugly……would you really have sex with some of those people??…?? Hahaha I think porn should star your hot ass fedex guy!!! or the fine choco-latte from your morning cummute…..or your fine husband!!! k

13 08 2008
Cheekie

“One of the actors shouts out something ridiculous mid-coitus (e.g. “TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!!!!”) ”

LMAO!! I can picture one of those EXTREME sports 2520s pullin’ that one. Complete douchbaggery.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I will say this…porn does have alot of equality. Racism abounds for everyone. Like one group of white dudes want to see another white dude fuck a black girl…while another wants to see a black buy fuck a white dudes “wife”.

As ridiculous as it is….porn has something for everyone.

Rule #34

13 08 2008
JG*

The facials only bother me because I think “God! her hair must be sticky as hell!” That stuff is like concrete glue.

13 08 2008
sarah

The facials only bother me because I think “God! her hair must be sticky as hell!” That stuff is like concrete glue.

hold your hair back, or put it in a ponytail. and… brace yourself.

13 08 2008

Facials?
What’s the matter with a little baby batter?

lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooo

13 08 2008
former lurker

watching (good) porn with a member of the opposite sex can lead to an interesting night..

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In (mobile)

LMAO @ Knat and “baby butter”… It’s good for the complexion.

13 08 2008
Quiet Storm

Only nasty hoes have eyebrows that thin and high. It’s their attempt at looking vampy and slutty at the same time. – nelo

Oh s@#%, I choked on my water. What a way to start the day. rahahahahahahhaa!

13 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Cheekie

I just had a flash of one of the white guys from Harold and Kumar yelling out:
“EXTREME!!!!!”

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

If I ever throw a SBPH party, it will almost certainly be a porn party.

13 08 2008
im iz lurker

Facials?
What’s the matter with a little baby batter?

It just seems so wrong. I can’t explain it.

But a man who watches Asian teen porn just seems like a perverted caterpillar who never blossomed in to a rapist butterfly.

That is genius lmao…

13 08 2008
JG*

Party?

Like there will be porn playing for shots? Or there will be shots of porn making?

13 08 2008
sarah

as long as the party includes Tom Harkin’s Greatest Hits, i’m in.

13 08 2008
former lurker

on a side note, i went to high school with some 2520s that would have porn parties and beat their meat to see who would cum first.

question: is this behavior limited to 2520s, or is it just one of those “guy” things?

13 08 2008
Ethel

“intellectual pornographeur” … shouldn’t this be on a Tshirt? Seriously, Cafe Press this, Chris!

As for the “take it to the next level”…I don’t watch alot of porn but would love to know what movie(s) this appears in. I need a good laugh considering we are down to the wire with this blog. *sniff*

13 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

What a way to start the day…porn talk. Wow.

13 08 2008
OhJesus!

lmao!

Thank you Onion! I get tired of taglines like “Chocolate Whores wanna get banged up their juicy asses by stiff Vanilla Cock”

GROSS!

13 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Former Lurker

I think there is a general consensus amongst guys I know….anyone who pulls out their dick is asking to get punched or worse.

Now if the ladies would like to go topless…who are we to deny you?

13 08 2008
ishouldbeworking

I must have ESP b/c this morning I was thinking about how much I hate porn (my boyfriend loves it). Whenever I think of “hate” I think of SBPH. Anyways my boyfriend has the most extensive porn library that I’ve ever seen. I usually try to spot tracks, broken nails, teeth issues, etc. and then point them out to him which makes him mad and then he turns it off. We actually made our own for his birthday (a first for both of us so he says) and I thought it was the most boring thing ever as we watched. The playback was much slower than the actual act and it was obvious that I was camera shy.

The only time I actually enjoyed watching one of his “movies” was when he went into his archive and found one with the a really complex plotline. The dramatical parts were longer than the sexual parts. The story line was so much like a soap opera I was intrigued and the acting was so bad that it was comical and after a while we found ourselves skipping the sex scenes just to see what happened next in the story.

13 08 2008
BK24/7

My boy who went to private school told my the 2520’s would play “cookie in the middle” or “gooky cookie” where the last one to cum in the circle jerk would have to eat the cum-covered cookie!

13 08 2008
Quiet Storm

You know what have me dying? Those HBO specials they have “late night”. They are usually showing “sex therapy” retreats and how these “experts” help couple enhance their sex life, documentaries on the amateur porn movie festival (which I never heard of), ppl having naked wrestling at their homes in the middle of nowhere, etc. You usually see one token black person or couple in the background trying to be down. fing hilarious. Tom Harkin should submit his video in the amateur porn movie festival. ahahahahaha!

13 08 2008
ishouldbeworking

Another good facial tip is to close your eyes. That mess stings on GP and it can hurt if it comes out hard. Had me looking like I had pink eye the next day!

13 08 2008
former lurker

@BK24/7- i’ve heard of the “cookie” being used in certain hazing activities as well

13 08 2008
JG*

When I was in high school, the 2520’s always talked about circle jerks. Their lube of choice was Pert Plus. Because it foamed and tingled.

I’m allergic to Pert Plus.

13 08 2008
Sister Toldja

“What’s the matter with a little baby batter?”

Nothing, but there is a time and place for everything. The place is NOT my eye. Seriously, busting on a woman’s face seems like the man is taking the woman out of the act and using her as a vessel. I just…I can’t, no. It’s fucking disgusting. Why not just swallow? Facials are….rude!

13 08 2008
BK24/7

Chris, if you throw a party and porn is playing, I hope you’re having an orgy!

13 08 2008
Amadeo

The thing I keep thinking…If I gave my girl a facial I’d think about it anytime she tried to kiss me.

I can’t imagine seeing her lips pucker and having that image replaced with the cum covered one.

13 08 2008
Sister Toldja

stuffblackpeoplehate (15:56:14) :

If I ever throw a SBPH party, it will almost certainly be a porn party.

I vote for one of the last two weekends of the month, cause I’m gonna be in DC! A farewell to the blog! I want to point and laugh at people.

13 08 2008
former lurker

Their lube of choice was Pert Plus. Because it foamed and tingled.

*DEAD*

13 08 2008
Quiet Storm

Forgive my ignorance, but what the hell is a 2520?

13 08 2008
Omar

“My boy who went to private school told my the 2520’s would play “cookie in the middle” or “gooky cookie” where the last one to cum in the circle jerk would have to eat the cum-covered cookie!”

I’m glad I went to public school

13 08 2008
BK24/7

ST – “Why not just swallow?”

Wiser words have never been spoken!

Could you go on a nationwide tour to teach these women out here what they are supposed to do?

13 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

“My boy who went to private school told my the 2520’s would play “cookie in the middle” or “gooky cookie” where the last one to cum in the circle jerk would have to eat the cum-covered cookie!”

Their lube of choice was Pert Plus. Because it foamed and tingled.

Well, there goes my lunch…

13 08 2008
former lurker

why do guys want you to swallow? have you ever tasted your own ejaculate? is it just because you want your schlong to remain in her mouth until you’re finished, or is it something more to it?

13 08 2008
Lil'T

aww shucks, we’re talking about one of my favorite subjects. Once again, I’m sounding like some sex crazed fool, but tell me exactly what is wrong with porn?? Personally, I’m not averse to being watched (ok, by a very small audience of my man), and the only thing keeping me out of the “home made porn” bidness is my dayum day job. My faves:

Mr. Marcus
Roxie Reynolds – you can’t tell me this b*tch is not smoking hot.
I would put Cherokee on the list, but it kind of depends on where you see her. Sometimes she looks out of this world, sometimes she looks out of her mind.

What I hate to see in porn:

fake lezzies who can’t stand the idea of touching another woman – but the money was too good to pass up

bad oral sex performed on women by either gender. people sticking their toungues out and licking like vajay-jay is the new brussel sprout

cum swapping (seeing this literally made me wretch)

people hock spitting on other people’s genitals. This includes the big ropy saliva strings when the girl is giving head.

Notice facials and pearl necklaces are not on the list. Sorry ladies, guess that makes me the nasty one on the message board. Just doesn’t bother me that much to see.

13 08 2008
blackberry molasses

@ the group jerk off sessions… what the HELL is WRONG with YT people?

13 08 2008
Amadeo

@ former lurker

I always wonder why it ends up being a big deal. Ladies think about your set up…when a guy goes down he does not get away clean. Nevermind what’s in my mouth…my damn beard ends up looking like I went crazy at a Krispy Kreme.

13 08 2008
EJ

Facials are disrespectful. If a guy ever asked me for one, I may stop speaking to him. Call me a prude if you want … also, I’m COMPLETELY against someone cumming in my mouth, that’s a quick way to get thrown up on …

I know thats gross, but I’m always very clear about my preferences. So if you violate that, not only do you not respect me, you deserve whatever is coming to you.

13 08 2008
Cheekie

“My boy who went to private school told my the 2520’s would play “cookie in the middle” or “gooky cookie” where the last one to cum in the circle jerk would have to eat the cum-covered cookie!”

*shocked (but not really shocked) face* What in the…hell? I know 2520s can get down and dirty with some nasty shit…but that’s a whole ‘nother level of nasty.

13 08 2008
Esquire

All of you are in my prayers.

That is all.

13 08 2008
Cheekie

Quiet Storm: “2520” is a variation of YT. Y=25th letter of alphabet. T=20th letter of alphabet. And of course, just say Y-T out loud…and booyah. Code name.

13 08 2008
JG*

Lil’ T. I think porn is hilarious. Lacey Duvalle is the best though. But I have to agree with your “ick” list. I cannot stand spitting. I hate hate hate it. It makes me sick to see that happen. Fake lezzies?! I’d love to see that. Just to see the fear face as they go in.

Facials again don’t bother me. I think it’s funny when the girls try to look like they are loving it and then they get it in the eye by surprise. They can’t hide that expression.

And is it just me or does that shit not BURN!? Ahhhhh

13 08 2008
Lil'T

@ Amadeo – Krispy Kreme! LMAO!!!!!

@ Cheekie – take this with a grain of salt (I know Ima little wild), but your sex life does not sound fun. sounds like there is a rule book and maybe a contract.

@Esq – pray I get some good azz soon!

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

I’ve only had one guy do the facial thing two times. The first time it got in my eye and stung like hell. I went to the bathroom to clean it up and my eye was red and puffy and hurt for the next couple of hours. The second time I closed my eyes really tight and he laughed and it got in my hair.

No joke, the stuff is like paint. It just doesn’t come out unless you seriously like, WASH your hair with fucking clorox and steel wool.

13 08 2008
Cheekie

@ Lil’T: For real? Just because I don’t get down with cum cookies? LOL…yeah, Lil’ T, my definition of “sex fun” is definitely a world apart from yours. It’s all love, though. Do your thang…and do it well. 🙂

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…Can we mention how I read a newsfeed on facebook that says Amadeo is now a fan of Godzilla….I didn’t know your “friend” had a page…

13 08 2008
JG*

@TH: Stole the words right outta my mouth. In the eye… it’s as though a tiny volcano just erupted in your eye. That shit is for the birds.

I hated getting it in my hair, but he couldn’t help it. If you bent the hair while it was sticky, I swear it’d snap in half.

13 08 2008
former lurker

so apparently, semen = cement

good to know, good to know

13 08 2008
B4Prez

“Some guys argue that there is nothing wrong with choking it to the sight of a woman rendered physically flawless with Photoshop, to which I respond that they are effectively beating off to a cartoon character. I am then usually called a ‘fag’ and the discussion is pretty much over.”

LOLOLOLOL
———————-

JG: I think Tom Harkin could make at least $75 on a deal for selling that tape.

Lol…Jen is only worth that Q-List money.

13 08 2008
B4Prez

““My boy who went to private school told my the 2520’s would play “cookie in the middle” or “gooky cookie” where the last one to cum in the circle jerk would have to eat the cum-covered cookie!””

I rebuke thee

13 08 2008
gabrieloneverything

Why would any straight man beat off in the presence of another man. Gayness…

13 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Lol…Jen is only worth that Q-List money.

Q-List? Nah, she is Z-List all the way.

I went to college with Trishelle from The Real World: Las Vegas. I didn’t know her personally, but the 2520 Sorority girls HATED her. They used to refer to her as “Trash Hell” and bitched about her fucking their men.

Also, when the RW: Vegas was being filmed, after one of her fucking sessions with her roommate, she was wearing a shirt with my college’s name on it, and people were fucking livid. It was pretty damn hilarious.

I think Trishelle is more Q-list than Jen b/c she is a reality show whore.

13 08 2008
Quiet Storm

@Cheekie: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, makes sense to me now. Thanks.

13 08 2008
Monie

Sister Toldja –

What is a pearl necklace? I know I could google it but it’s more fun to ask in here. Lol

And I really wish a guy would slap my a** during sex, I can see me picking up the nearest lamp and knocking the crap out of him!

13 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Chaotic

I encourage him getting out there. I’m his # 1 supporter.

___________________

When I was a younger lad this girl got mad at me cause I didn’t tell her I was about to cum…she stopped to say something and bullseyed her right in her afro.

13 08 2008
gabrieloneverything

@ amadeo:

I think she got mad because you put chemicals into her natural hair.

13 08 2008
JG*

There was a girl from Road Rules who went to my school. When her episodes aired it was pure hell for her from that moment on. I think she whored out within 15 minutes.

My cousin was on Road Rules, except he held it down for black people.

13 08 2008
former lurker

“I think she got mad because you put chemicals into her natural hair.”

HI-F*CKING-LARIOUS

13 08 2008
Amadeo

@gabrieloneverything

I thought protein was good for hair…who knew?

13 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Monie: So I guess a little light choking is out of the question too, huh? 😉

@JG: Who? Los? Kefla? Shawn?

13 08 2008
gabrieloneverything

I thought protein was good for hair…who knew?

lol.

13 08 2008
shabooty

rofl

also – tom harkin the whole time is buck ass naked with his big belly and his glasses on and of course his dirty ass socks are still on.
also they fuckin, then her cell phone rings so they pause mid-stroke she answers – but blowing off whoever was on the phone – hangs up, and they get back to cramming.

13 08 2008
JG*

Kefla!

13 08 2008
Cheekie

“My cousin was on Road Rules, except he held it down for black people.”

Now you know, JG, I’m gonna have to ask you who it was. Was it big Darnell?

13 08 2008
B4Prez

@Rev – Kefla? That’s a throw back right there. But he def held it down for black folks. Not sure about what seasons Los and Shawn were on.

13 08 2008
JG*

You know hair salons do these things called “Protein Treatments”. They make your hair stiff but strong. I wonder what’s in the ingredients….. Damn!

At least now I know how to save $ on the next one.

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“And I really wish a guy would slap my a** during sex, I can see me picking up the nearest lamp and knocking the crap out of him!”

I have yet to meet a woman that didn’t appreciate a reassuring but less-than-painful smack on the booty during a horizontal fancy dance.

13 08 2008
Monie

Rev Leon Lonnie Luv –

I’d go to the closet and get my shotgun! Lol

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Awwww it wasn’t David “come and be my baby tonight”?

13 08 2008
sarah

smacking me on the ass is the second most effective way to get me to laugh you out of the bed.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ you people and your sex.

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“smacking me on the ass is the second most effective way to get me to laugh you out of the bed.”

Why shouldn’t you laugh in bed? Sex is fun.

13 08 2008
Monie

“I have yet to meet a woman that didn’t appreciate a reassuring but less-than-painful smack on the booty during a horizontal fancy dance.”

Lol, Chris that’s funny, “reassuring”.

Well I’m a woman who can’t imagine letting a guy do that to me. It’s just so oddball. I mean what is the motivation for such a thing? Slapping a womans butt during sex? Maybe if you’re into S&M but otherwise it’s just wierd.

13 08 2008
JG*

LOL @ “Come on be my baby tonight”

That is the only line people remember from this dude. And the faces he made while singing it.

13 08 2008
B4Prez

I thought a choke-out session was all good with the ladies. Pulling ur hair with the right hand and ‘lightly and tenderly’ choking u out w/ the left hand/elbow….

It was just that 1 girl I guess….

13 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Awwww it wasn’t David “come and be my baby tonight”?

Naw, he was on Real World: New Orleans. I play that song for my women during sexy time. Just kidding.

@JG: That’s whassup. Kefla defnitely held it down, reppin Alabammy.

I can’t stand The Real World nowadays, but the Hollywood season was actually somewhat watchable.

13 08 2008
Knatural

Yeah, laughing during sex won’t kill the mood. I do it a lot.

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I’m sorry, but if a girl is going reverse cowgirl on me, or she’s on top on the sofa, there’s some smackage going on.

Nothing hard or painful or anything. But smacking is what asses are for. If they weren’t supposed to be smacked, I wouldn’t want to do it.

13 08 2008
Sister Toldja

“Awwww it wasn’t David “come and be my baby tonight”?”

Amadeo, he was on the Real World. He tried to holler at me when I was in high school and he actually had on those Tommy Gear pants he always wore on the show. I’m not even gonna lie, I told him I went to U Chicago. I liked attention and he was actually cute, if not insane.

I hate guys who are too intense in bed. You are supposed to laugh and smile. Guys who get all serious make me wonder if they watch a lot of porn and are imitating what they’ve seen. Inevitably, I WILL laugh but then it’s at them, not with.

13 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Oh yeah, for those of you on the FB group, I left a message about a possible meetup in the DC urrea for Labor Day Weekend. I’ll be up there, so if any of you have any good ideas on where to meet up, I appreciate it!

13 08 2008
Monie

I have seen four Real World people; in fact I just saw one the other day, it’s the guy who used to have the huge ‘fro, I think he was in real world Boston? I also saw the girl that goes/ went to Stanford, can’t remember her name either. I’ve also seen Cynthia from RW Miami I think it was, and I saw that wierd guy Puck a few years ago.

13 08 2008
Cheekie

“Awwww it wasn’t David “come and be my baby tonight”?”

LMAO. A coworker of mine met him…he hit on her through MYSPACE. l MYSPACE, people. He’s a cutie, but damn does he douche with the best of them. We make a point of make fun of him every now and then by singing his classic song.

13 08 2008
TheChad

@ST – “why not just swallow?”

…i love it!

Would you be interested in teaching a seminar in my hometown…

I’ll provide flights and accommodations.

13 08 2008
B4Prez

I just wish there could be one season of Real World where they cast some brothas that don’t mind going across town to party with some black ppl. Maybe even bring a nice ‘colored girl’ to the house one time.

There were 2 (and a 1/2- Greg) brothas on the Real World this year, and they all loved them some YT poon. SMH

13 08 2008
former lurker

yes, but theres a difference between a guy smackin your ass the right way (all the ass smack occurences named by chris qualify) and some dude randomly smackin your ass cuz he’s seen it in porn and thinks it’s the cool thing to do.

i can always identify a psuedo slap

13 08 2008
shabooty

ive seen brad from real world – but what a douche he was acting like he was an a-list celebrity, being carted around a golf cart and shit. actually to tell ya the truth he wasn’t so bad –but the fact that the guy i knew that introduced me to him turned out to be the biggest douche in the world, makes brad a douche by befriend-proxy.

$

13 08 2008
sarah

i said laugh you OUT of bed. sex is fun and blah blah blah, but on the real, getting my ass smacked does the opposite of turning me on. it makes me want to stop and laugh you out. its the most clichéd act. thinking about it now makes me want to laugh.

13 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

There were 2 (and a 1/2- Greg) brothas on the Real World this year, and they all loved them some YT poon. SMH

Well, Will did hookup with Janelle (frm RW: Key West), and she’s half-black, so she’s black, and that counts.

Oh yeah, I saw Couhatta from RW: Sydney up here in Georgia. Super short, the hat he was wearing was almost as big as him.

13 08 2008
Monie

I supose College Hill is supposed to be the Black Real World? If so we was robbed!

13 08 2008
Vanita

u forgot to add on that list of flaws is STRETCH MARKS!!! YUCK!!! Like the girl with the lasangna belly in the SBPH group.

13 08 2008
Cheekie

Does College Hill still even come on?

13 08 2008
Lil'T

@Chris – I’m with you on the ass smacking. God was generous with me in the butt cheek department, so a little smack won’t mess up my flow.

Is it just me, though, or are the best ass smacks the ones that are just firm enough to be felt but echo around the room like massa just came through with the horse whip? Don’t get me started on horse whips.

I’m just sayin.

13 08 2008
Knatural

Sarah – maybe they didn’t smack it…correctly.

I saw MJ and Robin (sp?) from Real World Philadelphia. They are both super tall, I felt like a midget standing in a hole next to them.

13 08 2008
TheChad

@ cheekie… unfortunately….

somebody cut babyface for that one please… just a small cut that hurts for a while… so he can know how we feel.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I want to see them have a Real World Detroit….lmao!

As for ass-slappage…a bit of a turn on…but beware, I like to pinch and grab a bit myself. Guys need to have ass so you can hold onto something during sex….I only go hands free for when he lickety-licks….

13 08 2008
Sister Toldja

@ The Chad- I am thinking of writing a book, in the vein of Thomas Payne’s “Common Sense” pamplet, in that it is me declaring that my views are infalible and that only a fool would challenge them. I am gonna call it “How To Do Shit The Right Way”. I may have to do it like the “For Dummies” series and have different books about difffent subjects. The sex one would include a lengthy tirade about booty call ettiquite, how to recieve head in a manner benefiting a gentleman and the misogynistic implications of facials and pearl necklaces.

There will also be a section for the ladies called “You Cant Be A Virgin And A Hoe: How your chickenhead game playing ruins shit for the real women” and a section for brothers called “Out From The Snow: How to return to your Nubian Queens after a long stay in the cave”.

13 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Does College Hill still even come on?

Unfortunately, yes. But they just group them up by city now rather than by specific colleges b/c alumni were getting pissed off and threatening to cut off donations.

If any of you remember the bootleg ass first season that was filmed at Southern Baton Rouge, remember Kinda, aka, ‘No Draws’? I was at Jazzfest one year, and I saw her and her friends walking down the street, loud and talking shit. I hollered out “Whattup No Draws!” to her, and she just glared at me.

I have a friend who attended SUBR and knew some of those folks from the 1st season. She said a lot of them were super-seniors and shit.

13 08 2008
JG*

I work where a lot of celebrities and wannabe’s frequent but is not a strip club. LOL College HIll ATL comes through alot and it makes me want to just throw up. The guys from G’s to Gents were there Saturday and it just made me want to throw myself to the pits of hell.

But speaking of strip clubs. I went once to one here in ATL and a stripper had the birth control patch on. By her mooch. Like… can it be any more obvious?

13 08 2008
Quiet Storm

All this talk about Road Rules/Real World makes me want to see that episode Dave Chapelle did on Real Wold. Hi-freaking-larious! Oh s@#%, im about to go on youtube right now. Hope my boss doesn’t stop by.

13 08 2008
Cheekie

LOL @ everyone’s answer to my college hill question being “unfortunately”. Too true.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…I’m a super senior. I prefer the term “perpetual student”…sounds more intellectual.

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I was once with a white girl that was a scratcher – in that she had a tendency to dig her nails into your back during her O.

I looked (and kinda felt) like a runaway slave everytime we got done going at it.

13 08 2008
TheChad

@ST…

i just wanna write a forward for the book series… not too long… just a co-sign from a male perspective.

If all black women were like you perhaps it wouldn’t “snow” so much in the lives of black men…

hold me?

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I would be a scratcher if I kept my nails long…

But eew! You dated a 2520?

13 08 2008
TheChad

he didn’t say dated he said was “with”…..

there’s a BIG difference!

13 08 2008
Knatural

A scratcher?
Not cool. Not cool at all. Believe it or not, but men do that dumb shit, too.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

damn how did I miss the sex post. Anyway, I know this is late, but swallowing is great and I love a great smack on the ass. ok carry on

13 08 2008
sarah

i’m a big scratcher 😦 i can’t help it and i don’t even realize i’ve done it most times.

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I’ve dated every race except except Latin. Elusive bunch, they are.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ SBPH…I can fix that… *wink wink*

13 08 2008
Monie

I don’t want to suffer any bodily injury during sex, that’s all I’m sayin’. And the thought of having some guys skin under my nails is disgusting.

Chris – You’re lucky you didn’t get some kind of infection.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

How the hell you make it to you age and never dated a Latino? Wait, that is the same right?

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I used to want to be on the real world, but I wanted them to have it here so I could get the people who throw events to bribe me to bring my roommates.
I realized that:

1) I’m not crazy enough to be on RW
2) I live in Baltimore.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

When I was finally old enough to be on the Real World, it stopped being real and relevant

13 08 2008
Knatural

Has anyone ever cried during the big O?
One time (in band camp) my husband did THE FREAKEST thing to me [no, I can not share], and I wept.

13 08 2008
Sister Toldja

The Chad- “If all black women were like you perhaps it wouldn’t “snow” so much in the lives of black men…”

This is…..so…..so….so true.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Jeresmom…yes, Latin is just Latino in english.

13 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

…I’m a super senior. I prefer the term “perpetual student”…sounds more intellectual.

What about “Professional Student” or “Perpetual Intellectual”? LOL

5 years is one thing, cause that is more common nowadays, but ol girl was telling me that these folks were up there 6 or 7 years and shit.

Anyone know the story of Johnny Lechner? He’s been in college nonstop since 1994 pursuing multiple bachelor degrees and is finally supposed to graduate this year. Thanks to him, the Wisconsin legislature even passed a law that charges double tuition to long-term students. Fucker.

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Geeeeez. What’s wrong with facials, ass slapping, pulling/pushing/light scratching (it’ll heal), etc.? You people are making me feel like the freakiest freak that ever freaked and I know I’m nowhere near *that bad*

13 08 2008
TheChad

i’m glad it was your husband….

i hate it when the booty call says some sentimental shit…

13 08 2008
Knatural

The Real World is afraid of DC and Baltimore.
Bastards.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Don’t let the innocent face fool you…when I get in the mood…I get freaky…

13 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Knat

I made a girl cry once…I held her but I really wanted to raise my fists like a champion boxer and yell about it out the window.

“SHE IN HERE CRYING!!! MY MOJO IS STRONG!!!”

I avoided PR’s for a few years after I scooped up the only one at my high school. I felt like the man until she said something about being pregnant, I looked just like the father and how I could claim the baby….yeah…I broke out on that note.

13 08 2008
Monie

Wisconsin? There’s like 10 people in the whole state. Lol I’m not sure if I can even name a city in Wisconsin, oh wait Green Bay is there right?

13 08 2008
B4Prez

@Chris – I hope she didn’t get crunk and call u Toby…Also, u better get up here to NY and get u a Latina. And I kid you not, there is a strong chance that her name could be Imani, Aisha, or Qiana Rodriguez.
————————————-

As for Real World Detroit….there’s a strong chance of getting shot thru the tv

13 08 2008
B4Prez

Ditto for Real World Baltimore

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

If there is a DC SBPH Porn party, I’m totally directing.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

I have been close to crying recently, but not quite there yet

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

YA’LL CRAZY.

We had porn parties all the time in undergrad. That shit was HILARIOUS.

Best thing I ever heard in the background of a movie was the director clapping his hands and shouting, “MORE ENERGY!!”

13 08 2008
sarah

the crying thing happened to me twice. both times, i swear the world stopped.

has anyone ever passed out? i’ve heard about that happening, but it sounds more scary than exciting.

13 08 2008
Monie

@Knat – Philadelphia is just as bad as DC and Bmore and they went there.

13 08 2008
overit

“Why shouldn’t you laugh in bed? Sex is fun.”

laughing in bed is one thing, feeling like a toilet is a whole other. anyone else feel like a post rape shower scene, slowly sliding down the shower wall naked and sobbing?

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“I don’t want to suffer any bodily injury during sex, that’s all I’m sayin’. And the thought of having some guys skin under my nails is disgusting.”

I’ll just say that an orgasming woman is probably one of the most dangerous creatures alive. When a woman is O’ing, she IS stronger than you and God forbid she has violent tendencies that cause her to do anything but grip you very tightly, scream, and or spray mystery goo all over the bedsheets/balcony/bathtub/closet/lecture-hall/dog/office.

“@ SBPH…I can fix that… *wink wink*”

As long as you talk dirty to me in Spanish, I’m all in.

Let’s all have a discussion about the most exciting places we’ve had sex, shall we?

I’ll start:

1.) Elevator
2.) Lecture Hall (specifically, Room 1212 of the Van Munching bldg at UMCP)
3.) Parking lot at work (in the middle of the work day)
4.) Parked car on a well-lit street in DC
5.) Laundry room during a house party (we got caught. It was hilarious)

Others?

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

If you’re going to date a Latino, make sure they’re Caribbean Latino and not Central/South American Latino…simply because better food, better music, and well, closer to black/Caribbean culture than traditional Spanish inquest culture.

That means Cubans, PR’s, DR’s, and Hatians (yes, they are considered Latinos).

13 08 2008
Vanita

There will also be a section for the ladies called “You Cant Be A Virgin And A Hoe: How your chickenhead game playing ruins shit for the real women”

ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

LOL, yeah Knat, ^5 to your hubby!

My ex once passed out. Not like the normal fall asleep after nutting, this mofo blacked out at O. I’m not trying to toot my own pussy horn though, it was a long session and he might’ve been dehydrated, LOL.

13 08 2008
Monie

I’ve cried cuz it was so horrible that I couldn’t believe it and was reduced to tears…..:)

13 08 2008
Omar

DC is too unpredictable, you can still get shot in a neighborhood where the average home price is half a mil.

13 08 2008
Vanita

Ive experience sexual escapdes in a parking garage in philly after the fireworks on 4th of july
In another parkin garage in the middle of the day
In a car in a park
At an amusement park
Next to a drunk, passed out person (i didnt kno they were present tho)
on a fuckin twin sized bed. THE WORST

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

craziest place was a public restroom
*i’m so ashamed*

13 08 2008
Monie

@Chris

“As long as you talk dirty to me in Spanish, I’m all in.”

You haven’t heard amazing sounding dirty talk until you’ve heard it in Portuguese. I dated a Brasilian guy once and whoa!

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

We started the sex places convo once.

For me:
-The Louvre (this was aforementioned)
-One of those viewing stations in the library
-One of those study rooms in the library
-The subway
-Various parking lots and garages

13 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@ Monie: Milwaukee? Madison? Wasau? Appleton? LOL

I wonder why they haven’t had a RW: Atlanta yet either. I guess we’ll just be content with having College Hill here. Ugh.

13 08 2008
overit

btw, im not a lurker anymore, ive come out. i think a buoyant welcome is in order.

and sister toldja, seriously, get out of my head. you are why i never posted, you always say exactly what i want to say…great minds..;)

13 08 2008
Amadeo

To this day I regret not going through with doing it in the Smithsonian.

Historic Sex…If I knew then..

13 08 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAH…I’ve passed out before. But I was drunk. And with my husband. So it was cool. Downside: waking up really sore (really sore) and hoarse with little to no memory of what transpired the night before.

13 08 2008
TheChad

ditto at Chris for “talkin dirty in spanish” that is the sexiest shit ever!

hmmm…

1) parking lot at work (after hours tho..)
2) random apartment parking lots
3) random parking lots in general
4) football stadium skybox
5) hospital room

13 08 2008
sarah

my ex had a 5 minute orgasm once. it was cool, except the fact that i didn’t. selfish bastard.

i’ve done it on the roof of a car, on the beach, in a comic book store, and at The Gap when i used to work there… with my manager. thats just scratching the surface.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ sbph…thats pretty much all I know how to say in spanish…lmao!

Places:

1. Fast food parking lot.
2. construction site (in car, in the open)
3. high school parking lot (i was grown by then though)
4. window of a hotel
5. The usual places: living rooms, bathrooms, kitchens…

13 08 2008
Monie

Most exciting place(s) I’ve had sex;

Washington Square park, N.Y.
Going up the Pacific Coast hwy
On the elevated platform (7 line – Junction Blvd. stop)

13 08 2008
Knatural

*choke*AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH @ Doc!
That’s right! Nothing like a dehydrated man. Did you at least nurse him back to health, give him some Pedialyte, something? AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA…

Guys, drink water, eat breakfast. Doc needs to be serviced properly.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

oh, btw I am now addicted to Mob Wars, thanks

13 08 2008
Monie

Jeresmom

It wasn’t a Burger King bathroom was it? Lol

13 08 2008
former lurker

in no particular order…
– a gazebo over looking a river (all romantical and shit…)
– my car (in my driveway, and yes, my parents were home)
– laundry room at a party too, and we got caught as well, but we got caught by people that were trying to bone too… i think they ended up in a coat closet…
– campus library
– fitting room at macys

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

lol@ Monie, nah it was the bathroom in the airport. I was working there are a screener and we were on the overnight shift in the middle of a snowstorm

13 08 2008
Monie

@Rev – How could I forget Milwaukee? Lol I’m sure if I had to name all the states I’d forget Wisconsin.

13 08 2008
sarah

chaotic diva… hotel sex, IMHO, is the BEST sex, other than tired sex. nothing like a hotel suite with a large shower, a balcony, and built-in anonymity.

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

My list isn’t too exciting:
-random parking lots and garages
-a balcony during a house party
– library stacks in college
– on a prominent statue on my college campus
– beach
– an Amtrak train
– a hotel room…while other people were there

13 08 2008
Monie

Jeresmom

That sounds (almost) romantic. 🙂

13 08 2008
Knatural

Oh.
(1) park bench
(2) parked car on well-lit street, also. (total coincidence)
(3) work bathroom

I prefer the bed/sofa. My own home, basically.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

OH YEAH! I forgot about the fitting room at Macy’s. That was cool.

13 08 2008
B4Prez

Omar: DC is too unpredictable, you can still get shot in a neighborhood where the average home price is half a mil.

How about getting shot in a neighborhood where the avg home price is 2 million… Welcome to Brooklyn..AND the next Real World is here!!!!!

13 08 2008
Lil'T

I never felt like a supafreak until I started reading this blog’s comments section.Now I feel like the new Vanessa del Rio! But just because I like to share:

Scratching. My nails can get pretty darn long (don’t get me into the time I put acrylic on them. Dumb move, it was like Rapunzel wearing a weave) so I try not to dig in and drag dooowwn. That’s how you end up with that “massa dun got me!” look.

But if you get me right, I can’t vouch for anything said or done. I ended up in the corner of my bedroom in kung fu stance looking confused and bewildered after my “O” once. There’s a reason they call it “mind blowing” sex.

13 08 2008
Knatural

Oh. Hotel bed while friends were asleep in adjacent bed, too. An alley. Damnit, I can’t remember everything.

13 08 2008
Omar

1) Head in a girls backyard
2) Head in a stranger’s backyard
3) In a car in various parts of DC and Brooklyn

I prefer beds also…

13 08 2008
B4Prez

Wow, I had sex in a fitting room…at Old Navy…while i was on break

In the stairwell in my school (HS…yea I know)

In multiple cars in multiple locations…one time in an empty park parking lot a cop comes up to the car, flashes his light into it to see what’s going on, shakes his head, and keeps it movin

13 08 2008
former lurker

@B4Prez: Real World Brooklyn?!?
F*ck outta here!! for real? so real world comes on BET now?

13 08 2008
Knatural

DC is too unpredictable, you can still get shot in a neighborhood where the average home price is half a mil.
What major city isn’t? Someone told me The Real World avoids DC because of the security clearances needed. Bullshit. Those kids will just hang out in bars the whole anyway. I want them to visit DC so I can heckle them.

13 08 2008
former lurker

totally forgot about high school sex. – under the bleachers

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I was thinking…and I’ve had sex with a lot of girls in a house with their parents not far away.

For some reason, getting head next to a bonfire taller then me sticks out in my mind the most.

13 08 2008
former lurker

car sex is no fun, unless you have a strech hummer or something. i need room to um… move around

i LOVE my sofa. and it’s leather, so i don’t have to worry about any stains

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

You know you’ve reached the M.O. when you start shaking. Only one time have I been there, and the guy did it with his tongue.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I can usually roll with the Doc to the death when it comes to sex matters, but never have I ever had sex with a non-participant in the room. I don’t know if I wouldn’t–my libido is overwhelming–but I haven’t yet.

13 08 2008
Lil'T

Oh, and I’m late on my list:

Elementary school parking lot (what can I say – times were hard when I was in H.S.)
Practice room in the conservatory. The little windows make you feel hidden and on display at the same time.
Floor of an overcrowded hotel room after the other 15 people staying there fell asleep. Not stealthy.
Parking lot of Best Buy at noon on a Saturday.

13 08 2008
shabooty

“I’ve never been in the same room as a woman having an orgasm, let alone being the one giving a girl an orgasm”
-artie lange.

13 08 2008
tp2

a little tap on the a** is alright with me!!! You can pull my hair too, just not hard…no facials/pearls necklaces…my rule is no nut above the neck…

I haven’t really had any crazy locations…umm, bedrooms, bathrooms, parking lots, oh, and on a landing of the second level of some apts. The doors lead directly outside, he lived on the first floor so we went up a level. His 4 neighbors on that level would have seen us if they had looked out their peep holes…

13 08 2008
Monie

***wonders if comments about sex are like porn to Chris***

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Jen…I have…

College roommate was sleeping, and we pulled a quickie.

Ooh, when guys pull my hair during sex…if el pene is good, then it turns me on…if el pene is blah, then its a major turn off…

I only like it rough when its really good.

13 08 2008
Lil'T

Monie – I think there’s a reason he’s been ghost for a minute, and it’s not a lunch break.

13 08 2008
Monie

Would someone please explain this pearl necklace thing?

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Knat, in retrospect that mess was hilarious. It took me a second to realize he was really OUT. I jump up (I don’t remember if I was getting some water, about to call an ambulance or what, lol), get tangled in the sheets and bust my ass falling out the bed on the floor. He was aiight after a second, sat up all dazed and confused talking about “can we do that again?!” LOL. But yeah, I always have the Gatorade handy now! I should also implement a physical fitness test first. Can he handle me on the dance floor is Part 1, LOL!

13 08 2008
goodtimes

this is isnt a place, but i actually came at the EXACT point of joe’s song “all the things your man wont do” whe he sings “i wont stop until i hear your mother scream…. ahhhh!! LOL like at that exact point of the scream… and it’s crazy because the ultimate mixtape was in… madd jodeci, kels, mad cobra, ginuwine… but like, joe took it there at the time. SIGH it was so hot

FUCK. I need a freak in my life

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I got caught by someone’s roommate doing it in their kitchen…they weren’t that close after that.

13 08 2008
Monie

Lol@ Lil’T

13 08 2008
Lil'T

@CD – I feel you! A man who is laying the pipe properly can get away with a lot – hair pulling, spanking, a little domination…but you have to be the MASTER to pull this off. If you come with weak dick game and strong ego you will get laughed at and kicked out of bed with blue balls.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Monie…when a guy cums on your neck.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Question: am I the only one who has post-porn regret?

Post-porn regret is similar to the feeling I imagine men get after completing the Act with a woman significantly below their typical physical standards.

After I watch porn, I always feel bad about having contributed to an industry wherein 99% of the female participants are involved because at some point they were sexually abused.

13 08 2008
sarah

i’m moving to Bmore next weekend and my apartment has a fire escape. first order of business, seeing how much weight it can hold.

Lil’T, i too have had the desperation that drives one to an elem school parking lot and a hotel room with friends in the next bed.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Lil’ T, amen to that!!

Omg, I remember this one dude (no names), and well, he was trying to lay, and I told him to stop, rolled over and passed out. I was drunk, so you know I told him how bad he was.

The next time I saw him, he couldn’t look me in the eye. lmao!

Besides, el pene fue mas chico!

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Before these comments, I never understood why some women don’t like the rough sex.

But, I imagine there is nothing worse than a man who has not done the job spanking and pulling and inquiring about the ownership of your vagina.

13 08 2008
Monie

chaoticdiva

Why would someone even think to do that? Yuk….

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Jen…explain further…you have my attention.

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“***wonders if comments about sex are like porn to Chris***”

I’m a heterosexual male. Everything is porn to me.

13 08 2008
Monie

“inquiring about the ownership of your vagina.”

Lmaooo!

13 08 2008
Knatural

Chaotic – I had the displeasure of telling a guy how awful the sex was. I later found out that I was his first. 😦

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

rotflmao @ Knatural

woooo!!!

ChaoticDiva – about how most female porn stars were molested as children and/or raped? I have absolutely no hard evidence of this, but I have convinced myself it is true over the years based on my interaction with women who are NOT paid to be very promiscuous.

13 08 2008
Monie

“After I watch porn, I always feel bad about having contributed to an industry wherein 99% of the female participants are involved because at some point they were sexually abused.”

@Jen – I went to a strip club once and felt that way during my visit there. It just seemed sad; the woman (strippers) had vacant looks in their eyes.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Monie…you ejaculate anywhere near me and it’s not in a condom, I’m swinging.

@ Knat, I couldn’t tell if it was inexperience, or just having a teeny weenie.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I can NOT do strip clubs. Seems that would be like looking Babe in the eye before you turn him into bacon and andouille.

13 08 2008
JG*

Places:

Two of my different offices. One was of a major retailer so privacy was not guaranteed at all.
Side of I-85 headed south
Parked car in a publix lot.
My very public balcony

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Jen…I can believe it. After all, I read Superhead’s biopic.

I feel bad for her son. And she put out his full name and all his photos? Man, you know he gets teased.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Here’s a horrible story.

I dated this girl who lived in Bladensburg or Burtonsville. I hadn’t tried to kiss her or anything so I knew I could smash when I did initiate. I picked her up one night and we went to some Japenese place then to Ozio’s in DC. Back to her place and on my way out I finally kiss her and the world crumbles (Meaning we get nekkid and have vigorous sex). We fall asleep. Too bad we had a few drinks and the meal was mostly noodles. I woke up hurled next to her bed and passed right back out. Seems she woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep…so she cleaned it up.

I never knew how to feel about that.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

The only stripping I like is when I’m watching/stripping down a guy I’m about to “tap”.

13 08 2008
Knatural

Skill trumps tool. Probably inexperience.
I’ve felt pangs of guilt after watching porn/strippers also. But I get over it. It’s their choice, no matter what happened during childhood. Sorry if that comes across cold.

13 08 2008
Ethel

@ Sistah Toldja: Will you also include in your book a section on “saying thank you after having received a booty call” or perhaps “not mentioning the Ex girlfriend EVER or at least not after receiving the aforementioned booty call”.

[Don’t ask].

Now from reading the previous posts, I’m off to the library! 😀

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Amadeo: eew.

I feel like Samantha Jones right now…minus the whole sleep around with Manhattan thing.

13 08 2008
Monie

“Everything is porn to me”

Yep that’s how men think. I had a male friend tell me that while being in the dentist’s chair getting a filling, he was aroused the whole time because he thought the dental assistant was hot. I was like you have to be kidding me! Lol

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Amadeo, that was LOVE and you let it pass you by.

If that ever happened to me, I would shove the guy off the bed and into his vomit and pretend like I was so passed out I didn’t notice he had vomited and fallen out of bed.

Don’t worry. I’d make sure you landed face-up. Wouldn’t want to fill out the police paperwork or, worse, have a manslaughter charge on my hands.

13 08 2008
Vanita

Oh yea, cant forget about those college dorm days…Im sure everyone saw/heard one another at some point.
Girls Locker rooms (although if your a locker room girl u should just shurg ur shoulders)
In the Pentagon.

13 08 2008
Dekela

LOL @ Real World : BK, I mean it is possible, but the cast would mostly consist of west Indian students from Medgar Evers, lilly 2520’s from St. Francis, some 13th graders from City Tech and a really weird South Asian from Polytech. *(Plus some BGLO member thrown in for fun)

Actually… I want to see it in Brooklyn!

13 08 2008
Monie

chaoticdiva –

Yep, Superhead’s kid is going to be scrapping for the rest of his life becasue of his mom. I bet the guys are ruthless making fun of her in front of him, plus dosen’t she have a porn film out?

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

In the Pentagon??? I’m adding that to my Life List. Was it easy, Vanita? Details, darling.

13 08 2008
Dekela

Oh my list

-Manhattan Beach in the water on a crowded day
-GF’s mothers brand new bed before anybody slept in it
– group action in hotel room
– In the window of college dorm (something vouyeristic about it is appealing)
– Central and Prospect Park

13 08 2008
Vanita

AMADEO – GROSS. I cant believe she cleaned it up. But I guess it was her house. If it was me, I’d let u tale me out. You owe me a free meal. No sex tho. Just give you the shut DOWN at the end of the night.

13 08 2008
Monie

I’d love to see trailer park Real World..I’d get cable again to see that…Lol

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

OMG, MONIE!!! You haven’t seen the Superhead flick? That was one of the few depictions of head that did NOT turn me on. I can see how it was effective, but it was so methodical it wasn’t sexy-looking. She was like a goddamn machine. I did take note of her technique, though.

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

I am so not horny enough to have sex in random places…

13 08 2008
Vanita

@ Jen. I worked there. the place is a MAZE!! you’d be surprised how many rooms arent used at all. We just got ‘lost’ and got busy.

13 08 2008
Knatural

GF’s mothers brand new bed before anybody slept in it

You wrong for that one.

13 08 2008
Monie

Dekela –

“group action in hotel room”……Oh my…You can’t just leave us hanging …details please…

13 08 2008
BK24/7

Let’s see….

Parking lots
In the park at night (a cop came by a few minutes after I did)
Out on the deck at night
In my girlfriends kitchen while her pops was watching tv in the next room
Oral in private school art studio (I always wondered if anyone found my load the next day in class)
Oral in the same school’s “living room”

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Vanita…the pentagon? You know Bush is watching that for porn…lmao. That and the Clinton Sex Chronicles featuring Monica Lewinsky

13 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Jen

We stayed together…for like 6 months. I notice that around the 6 month mark if there is crazy it has kicked in to the fullest extent. All but one of my relationships ended at 6 months. It’s taken longer for me to beat some video games then I’ve stayed with most of my exes.

13 08 2008
Monie

**makes note to check ebay for the Superhead flick****

Thanks Jen..lol

13 08 2008
B4Prez

@former lurker-

Yes, Real World Brooklyn…but they’ll stay clear of Bed Stuy and East NY

13 08 2008
BenAfficial

1. fully packed greyhound en route to NY (class field trip)
2.various driveways, parking lots, newly built homes
3.bathroom at work
4.backroom at work
5.the woods (suburban living at its finest)

13 08 2008
Knatural

Oral in private school art studio (I always wondered if anyone found my load the next day in class)
Ewwww. I know they had towels or something in art studio. You could’ve cleaned that shit up. Trifling.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Amadeo…I know the feeling, except my magic number usually is 3. Then somehow it jumped to 10, with at 10 mos of putting up with the guy doing me wrong, he dumps me. WTF?

I must say, I no longer have tolerance for bullshit. I’ve never keyed a car, but at this point, I want to learn.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I have only been in one real relationship. I’ve got no patterns. If you want to discuss men I’ve “talked to,” then I notice a very inconsequential pattern. The last three men I dated were 6’3″.

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

When I first saw this Superhead thing, I didn’t get the hype, it seemed standard. But listening to all y’all chicks talking about you don’t like cum anywhere near you…I guess I’m worse than I thought. Ah well, maybe it’s a career calling…The Black Dr. Ruth, with 50% more credibility that Alexxyss (but probably 80% less southern-fried hilarity)

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Doc…wanna be a contribuitor to DSL? You can be the sex columnist…lmao

13 08 2008
former lurker

@BK24/7: In my girlfriends kitchen while her pops was watching tv in the next room

DAMN! yall are brave. i’ve done it while my parents were home, but they were asleep upstairs…

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

I’ve had one real relationship, one very rocky fuck-buddy type relationship and quite a few one night stands with friends who are no longer friends.

Oh well, my one real relationship is with a guy who could possibly be in the NBA next year and we still are kinda together so here’s hoping he does 😛

13 08 2008
Vanita

Everyone in the govt watches porn. They eventually get fired tho. There was a computer taken away the other day for the pay-per-view porn. But the reason it was such a big thing was
1.) the person asked if they could keep the hard drive
2.) it was a woman
3.) apparenly it was the more risque porn (im thinkin animals, but it hasnt been confirmed)

13 08 2008
YorubaQueen

Question: if you drink something like…oh let’s say apple or white grape juice, and you swallow it….does it taste like the juice? (i heard this from a gay friend of mine and he swears by it)

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

“thing” = video
“that Alexxyss” = than Alexxys

sex talk overwhelms the grammatical part of my brain

13 08 2008
Dekela

@Knatural – It was her idea… I just went with the flow, though her family did show up like 30 mins after, and I helped them carry the other stuff up to the apt. with a grin on my face

@Monie – It actually happened twice (seperate cases), and the results were amazing both times. Its kinda like a competition and all around good fun.

If you are a shy person, you wouldn’t be after that

Oh I forgot, RIGHT BEFORE my graduation pics, that smirk is forever captured in the photo

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I keep thinking I should try the fuck buddy thing out, but my gf says that every woman she’s ever known who engaged in something like that ended up miserable. And, I have absolutely NO experience with no-string-attached sex, so I am a little wary of the whole arrangement.

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

Yes it does still taste like the juice. Cum isn’t that liquidy, at least in my experience. I always taste it regardless of how quickly I swallow it.

13 08 2008
BenAfficial

damn forgot about jacuzzi action
and a HJ while watching “Les Miserable” on that same NY class trip.

Ya’ll making the library sound like the place to be. (damn the one place I avoided in school, lol)

13 08 2008
BK24/7

@ Knatural – “Ewwww. I know they had towels or something in art studio. You could’ve cleaned that shit up. Trifling.”

We had to keep the lights off since there were so many windows and we didn’t want to get caught by security. In addition, I didn’t go to that school and I was 16, do you think I really gave two shits?

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

Fuck buddy situations always end up shitty for the woman, ALWAYS. If you are cool with no strings attached sex, i suggest randomly hooking up with friends of yours who you are into but don’t want a relationship with and need to get out of your life for whatever reason.

I dunno, sex without strings can be really fun but most women can’t do it because they get attached.

13 08 2008
YouGotJokes

@ Amadeo
I had to lol at making the lady cry after sex. It truly is a great feelin and you do feel like you just scored the winning TD.

@SBLH
In re. exciting places I’ve had sex:
In a public pool at a resort on my honeymoon and yes people were around, but we were drunk as hell….all inclusives are a beast. Mix drinks at 11am….no problem!!

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Women are SUPPOSED to become attached to the men they have sex with. There is nothing sadder than living with women who drank SATC’s atrocious “HAVE SEX LIKE MENNNNN!!!” Kool Aid. You may as well live in a damn nuthouse. Women drive themselves crazy trying to do the no-strings-attached thing. It invariably goes horribly wrong.

13 08 2008
Knatural

BK- but you just left your DNA laying around…gross. You could have been cloned or something.

13 08 2008
YorubaQueen

TH – ty for the info on the juice…I tasted ONCE and about gagged…I thought I was going to die thats some nasty shiiiiiiiit….

And fuck buddies are the best buddies ever…I don’t have time for the emotions and the bullshit…get in get out get gone…

13 08 2008
Vanita

Sex under/in water is a No-No. You’ll be gushin for days.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Jen…i had a fuck buddy…he was the best sex ever, did it no strings attached, no hurt feelings. He was also my drinking buddy.

The trick is to find someone who is undateable by your standards because of one major thing you can’t overlook. The guy was 5’6″…making him unforgivably undateable b/c he wasn’t tall enough. Of course, there were other factors, such as greek affiliations, etc that added to it. But the sex was damn good, and it felt good not to be attached. Just be sure that going in neither of you have feelings, and that both of you know the terms.

13 08 2008
Dustin

Fuck!!!! I hate my job with the fire of a thousand suns! I can’t beleive I missed this morning. Thank God, the conversation is still on sex.

1. Angelina Jolie has at least half of the flaws Chris mentioned. Good job! She should so be a porn star.

2. What flaws does Jenna Jameson have? I’m not even attracted to her type but I don’t see any flaws.

3. Watching porn videos (even if it’s just to point out the flaws) while drinking with your guy friends (even if it’s a drinking game) can only lead to “new experiences.”

3a. And that’s porn for me!

4. “Sex buddies” is a concept that works only if you never hang out with the person sober. You MUST fuck them while drunk and make sure they leave while still drunk. That’s why you always host (do it at your place): there’s nothing worse than hooking up with someone whom you know you really shouldn’t, then leaving their place at 5 am and getting stopped by the San Antonio Police for drunk driving. I’m just saying.

13 08 2008
Monie

I just can’t imagine, ever, under any circumstance, no matter what, no matter who the person was, whether I was married to him, or even if we had been togeather for a lot of years, swallowing. 😦

13 08 2008
Knatural

Damn, what’s wrong with fuck buddies? If you deliberately leave the strings detached and don’t catch feelings, no problems.

13 08 2008
BenAfficial

@Jen- in my exp. you have to be able to keep emotionally unattached which seems to be the hardest part for some men and women. I have certainly met some girls that are just ‘gansta’ like that though.

After sex they’ll be like, “sniff, yeah so what you bout to do? I’m out holla”

13 08 2008
Lil'T

I want to see the superhead tape, too. Can’t hurt to take notes from a head legend. That’s what she is: a hegend.

ok, I know someone can feel me on this: have you ever given head to a guy with a small one and almost laughed when you could “deep throat” him with no effort? You know you have a little dick when I can fit the whole thing and a candy bar in my mouth and still have room to laugh out loud.

13 08 2008
JG*

My sex has seen some stuff… I just can’t put it on blast, you guys know who I am. LOL VIA FB

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I once had to much an FB for trying to kiss me. I told this girl outright, “You will never be my girlfriend.”

I keep wondering did she think she could change my mind or did she think I was lying?

If you think you might not be able to handle it don’t do NSA.

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

Swallowing really isn’t that bad. Trust me. You should try it once and if you don’t like it, just don’t do it. Personally I think it’s easier than spitting because if you spit you have to keep it in your mouth longer.

Dustin dear, Jenna Jameson was the best porn star ever but she is fucked up in the head. She became a porn star at 15. There has got to be something wrong with a girl who gets into porn at such a young age.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Maybe I am too picky about WHO I’d have sex with for the fuck buddy thing to ever work with me. I don’t think I am capable of having sex with someone who isn’t somehow amazing to me. If someone is amazing and attractive and you’re having sex, how could you NOT grow attached?

13 08 2008
B4Prez

“Oral in private school art studio (I always wondered if anyone found my load the next day in class)”

LMAO

13 08 2008
BK24/7

former lurker,

Trust me, I was scared as shit, but my girlfriend was begging me. I didn’t want to die! But she pulled her pants down, bent over, and what was I supposed to do?

I will admit it was quick though. I was too nervous. Splat! right on the kitchen floor. But I did clean it up! (that’s for you Knatural)

13 08 2008
former lurker

@CD- 5’6″ is unforgivibly unf*ckable for me

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Am I the only person on this board that has never had to choose between spitting and swallowing (ugh @ cumming in the mouth). All it took was for me to hear that it had a bitter taste and I was like yep, there’s no way in hell…

Besides, I’m never seem to end up in anything super committed, so I don’t really worry about having to do all of that.

13 08 2008

monie never swallow. It will haunt you!

You get a pimple, was is because I swallowed?

You get a cramp in your abdomen, whas it because I swallowed?

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ former lurker….tripod. TRIPOD!!!

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

@Dustin – Jenna Jameson is just unfortunate looking. LOOT AT HER, for Christ’s sake. HAVE YOU NO EYES???

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

That is your problem Jen. You are already attached before you have sex so you get more attached afterward. I’ve had sex with a friend of mine a few times and never got attached because he’s amazing, sure, but not for me. He’s too…white. And his personality grates on me sometimes but he’s got a great body and is very good at the sexing so I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t get it on with him every now and then.

13 08 2008
dadoc

Chris –

CSPAC Lounge (2nd floor) is a great location

13 08 2008
Monie

Um well I not really planning to ever have any of that stuff in my mouth to spit or swallow…..The thought of it grosses me out…but I’m probably in the minority on that…

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

Wait Monie, do you even give oral sex?

13 08 2008
Knatural

And stop bashing shorter men! 5’6″ is undatable? Lord. Those few inches should only matter between his legs, right? Maybe it’s just me.

13 08 2008
Vanita

lol I never known a guy to turn down some ass.
(except chris, but he was semi-boo’ed up. I still think the girl mighta been a bad tranny tho lol)

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ ne!!!!

But yea…fuck buddies aren’t planned things. Mine came from one night at the club getting really drunk with my drinking buddy after a super bad break up with the crazy guy ex stalker dude (mentioned in one of my dsl posts). I went to his apt after to sober up (like usual…i think i was going to crash on his couch…he was one of my good guy friends), and on the way to the car, we started making out in the parking structure.

…Ok, so I started it. Yes, I molested him and had the best sex of my life. Fine, I admit it. Fucking vodka.

13 08 2008
Monie

Lol@Né

13 08 2008

I am too lovey for a fuck buddy! I am an emotional pisces. I love to love and get all gooshy. I am just a arelationship type of gal.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Knat, when you’re the same height as your guy, then yea, it matters. Especially b/c I wear like 4 inch heels when going out places. Being that he’s in a particular greek org, the last thing he needs is a woman who looks like she wears the pants…lmao.

But forreal..he’s a tripod.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

@Tomatohead

I also think the issue is that I am sexually attracted to nontraditional things. I have never ever not ONCE been attracted a man because of his physical appearance. I look at a good looking man and it’s a purely aesthetic thing. Nothing much sexual really kicks in until he has displayed some extraordinary talent or intelligence. Then, BOOM!

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

ne…I kicked myself for the lack of caking when sober, but when drunk, I just wanted to bone.

Ok, I’m sorry again for sounding like Samantha Jones…

13 08 2008
Dustin

P.s. Swallowing is awesome. It doesn’t always have a bitter taste.

Diet tip: It’s a great source of protein and helps keep you fuller longer. It’s like Special K Protein Water. But from a cock.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I’ll just say this:

A woman who swallows opens many doors to her own pleasure.

13 08 2008
Monie

TomatoHead –

I have once but I don’t think it was enjoyable for him becasue I kept stopping and asking him if he was near..which of course kept him from being near..it was nerve racking becasue I didn’t want to get any of it any where near my face…That was a few years ago…I haven’t even considered doing it since then…I should add that i’m kind of a prude….sort of…

13 08 2008
Knatural

Dustin. I hate you.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

“It’s like Special K Protein Water. But from a cock.”

<3<3<3

13 08 2008
Monie

Amadeo – Spoken like a true guy…lol

13 08 2008
Vanita

Im a proud member Ladies Against Swallowing! Ill do it in extreme situations (when jizzing on the floor isnt acceptable and there is ABSOLUTELY no other way to dispose of the evidence)

13 08 2008
Monie

@Jen – Talent/ being really good at something is a turn on for me too.

13 08 2008
BenAfficial

@the uninitiated swallowers

speaking of drinking- keep in mind that Jagermeister and f*ck buddy = experimentation

13 08 2008
Knatural

A woman who swallows opens many doors to her own pleasure.
Amadeo, that sounds like a fortune cookie fortune. Especially if you add the “in bed” at the end.

13 08 2008
BK24/7

Ladies, why do you always go for the deep kiss after swallowing? Is it payback for all the times we put our wet-from-you fingers-or-cock in your mouth?

13 08 2008
Knatural

Vanita, your organization sucks…

13 08 2008
Sandybaby

Oooooh Chris! Van Munching Halll! Oooh scandalous!
Gotta love huge universities. The locations for relations are endless.
LOL

I refuse to name places in order to protect the innocent. Plus, good girls never tell!

13 08 2008

diva lol I love samantha jones!

13 08 2008
tp2

Yeah I never have let a guy cum in my mouth, whether for spitting or swallowing. I can’t wrap my mind around that right now. I don’t love anyone that much at this point in life to even THINK about it…blech!!!

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

As usual, I’m late to the topic and convo, so…. hey y’all!

And re: swallowing, it’s not bad at all, if the guy eats food that doesn’t make his cum taste nasty as hell.

13 08 2008

Is it payback for all the times we put our wet-from-you fingers-or-cock in your mouth?

COCK??????????? LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

And why do y’alll need verbal warnings for the Shazam? y’all can’t tell, when it’s about to happen for real?

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

None of you ladies who refuse to swallow have ever had good sex. If you even are of the mind to consider NOT swallowing, then the sex was not worth having.

13 08 2008
Dekela

Wait, What’s so wrong with swallowing??

Women dont WAIT till they cum to start gushing, they flow the euphrates river on a windy day….

If I have to get my face down there (which i dont mind) and damn near swallow a milk carton of feminine juices (which i dont mind), you DAMN well will be able to handle a few tablespoons of man juice*

*Man juice is totally organic, natural, and when comsumed in moderate portions helps builds stronger muscles and clears the skin of any blemishes.

13 08 2008
Knatural

Né – you are so immature. I love it.

13 08 2008
BenAfficial

“And re: swallowing, it’s not bad at all, if the guy eats food that doesn’t make his cum taste nasty as hell.”

@HeavenLeiBlu- is that for real? I’ve heard that before. What’s recommended, filet mignon, or salad eatin dudes?

13 08 2008
Knatural

None of you ladies who refuse to swallow have ever had good sex. If you even are of the mind to consider NOT swallowing, then the sex was not worth having.

THANK YOOOOUUUUU!

13 08 2008
Monie

Jen – What does having good sex have to do with swallowing, how is that a measure?

13 08 2008
BenAfficial

@Dekela- Cosign

13 08 2008
Monie

Aside: People that stammer/ stutter should never be allowed on the radio. I’m listening to News & Notes and the have a regualr guest on that stammers. It’s so distracting. And I have nothing against people that stammer, except when they are on the radio.

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@Ben, lots of fruits, fruit juce ( esp pineapples and apples), and veggies ( but not garlic, onion, broccoli, asparagus), and not too much meat, makes for good tasting man batter.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Sex is supposed to be an orchestrated exchange of bodily fluids. If you are too prim to swallow, you are too prim for good sex. If the sex is good, you don’t give a damn about where the sweat or the semen ends up.

13 08 2008
sarah

i love how well Shazam! has caught on, but HeavenLeiBlu, you must spell it with an exclamation mark.

13 08 2008
Monie

“What’s recommended, filet mignon, or salad eatin dudes?” Lol

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@Monie, it’s not an end-all, be-all measure, but it’s definitely a sign that you have a tendency to be high strung and uptight, ergo; unable to just let go an enjoy yourself.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Dekela – Co-sign…in large letters with a Calligrahy pen.

@ Knat…I know what you’ve been watching…”In Europe”?

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

LOL@Sarah

Duly noted!

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

orchestrated = unorchestrated

13 08 2008
BenAfficial

@heaven- good lookin out- I always get played distant after eatin garlic shrimp, lol. Comes out the pores so I can only imagine what else it affects.

13 08 2008
Vanita

Eww. i dont want Shazam! in my mouth. Done it, not for me. Like Anal isnt for everyone either. I have my own personal limits, and just short of my mouth. Ill tolerate Shazam! shots, pearl necklaces, etc. Not in my mouth. thanks!

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

wait, wait wait, LMAO@ Jen’s name change

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Vanita, I definitely feel you on that. Anal is where I draw the line, and I have tried it to know that it’s something I don’t like.

13 08 2008
former lurker

but to the fellas- is it so much the fact the a girl swallows, or that you just cum in her mouth? what differnce does it make what she does with your juices?

13 08 2008
Knatural

Basically, sex involves freedom. And prudes can’t enjoy freedom. AHAHAHAHHAHA

Amadeo, what are you talking about?

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@ Monie, BTW, I mean that as a general you, and not a specifically you.

13 08 2008
Monie

HeavenLeiBlu – I wouldn’t say I’m high-strung, I’m just grossed out by that particular thing.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Ladies Dekela said it best…but if a guy goes down on you he is enduring a lot more than the one-shot you get.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

@ Vanita – I guess we all have our idiosyncratic no-nos, but I’d say it is a good general rule.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Amadeo – enduring? What Negro don’t like peaches?

13 08 2008

Thanks knat! 😉

“Sex is supposed to be an orchestrated exchange of bodily fluids. If you are too prim to swallow, you are too prim for good sex. If the sex is good, you don’t give a damn about where the sweat or the semen ends up”

truer words have never been typed

13 08 2008
Vanita

well thats the power of the P.U.S.S.Y., I dont have to swallow his man juice but he can swim in mine!

13 08 2008
Vanita

Splish – SPLASH!

13 08 2008
Dustin

I draw my personal limits at anything involving shitting. Even if there’s a layer of glass. I dont’ care.

13 08 2008
sarah

co-sign on the anal. thats like the final frontier for me. gotta have something to save for the hubby.

i only swallow and take facials if feelings run somewhat deep.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Knat…actually…I think I confused something with the Daily Show last night.

@ Former Lurker
When a woman spits that means she leaves (as I like to call him) Godzilla swinging in the wind right after I cum. From my experience (to compare) most women don’t prefer you to get up and move away from them as soon as they come.

You’re stealing a moment of pleasure from us when you “disengage” quickly.

13 08 2008
BK24/7

@ Ne – “COCK??????????? LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

I guess I did get a little white boy with that one!

My boys and I call it man milk. A more accurate description, don’t ya think? It’s good for you (I’ve been told), and some people can’t stomach it!

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

dead @ Vanita’s splish-SPLASH

13 08 2008
ill Mami

You can also take a shot of likka when you hear the director shout “Quiet!” during the scene as I just saw recently.

Hilarious.

13 08 2008

Né is a freak but she doesn’t get down with facials

13 08 2008
Dekela

@ Vanita, thats why I don’t support equality between the sexes, P-funk is just waay to damn powerful

@ Jen – it ain’t like no peach I ever ate, more like a mango, just not as bright, sweet, or appealing

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

Dekela, it sure is appealing, got some nig nogs going crazy, can’t get that with no damn mango, lol

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

I’ve had a fuck buddy for 4 years and it’s been FABULOUS. Med school doesn’t leave me time for the relationship bullcrap, LOL.

13 08 2008
Vanita

My P-funk aint funky…

13 08 2008
SoCalGal420

Oh good LORD, not the fuck buddy talk, ha! Get this shit: so my fuck buddy is a drunken 2520 (he’s “Black” Irish so I broke my “no whiteys” rule)
who just asked me to be “exclusive” this past weekend; I’m like “uhhhh, you’re a functional alcoholic that makes out with ugly bitches at the local crappy sports bar and you are there EVERYDAY!” Unfortch, we did some blow Friday night (I know, I know, my Black ass oughta know better, esp. b/c the shit turned out not to be pure *shudder* at the thought of ODing and having to tell my mom!)and played “true confessions” with some friends of his and I admitted that I “like him more than I should”, fuck! So now we’re…I don’t know, I left his bed at 9:45 this morning so we’re “something” but I haven’t decided what. 🙂 On that note, his dick game is PROPER and he knows how to smack my ass and is a “cunning linguist”, therefore he’s a “keeper, for now”. 🙂 Facials=wack, but I’m not against my tits and ass being um, “decorated”…”desecrated”? heheheeh…

13 08 2008
sarah

this is why i generally don’t do fuck buddies. firstly, i cannot detach my feelings when it comes to sex. i just can’t. its my cross to bear and as an adult, i can accept that. secondly, i can do things like facials without feeling like a trash bag. i never feel disrespected cause i generally deal with guys i have more than lukewarm feelings for and vice versa.

Dekela, a mango that is not bright, sweet, or appealing can no longer be described as a mango.

13 08 2008
Vanita

LOL @ Ne being a self proclaimed freak on the message boards!

off topic: these bastards keep attackin me on mobwars. I keep hit listing them but they are like annoyin little flies!

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Four years and you’re not attached? You are superhuman, indeed!!

13 08 2008
aceklub

@ former lurker

For me, it doesn’t matter what she does per say. I just don’t want the restrictions relating to where I can Shazam! It kills the mood b/c I am trying to be considerate.

To the ladies that are against those things, let me know how it feels the next time a guy goes down on you and while you are shazmming, he is rubbing it on your thigh to avoid taste it all. I am sure that is gonna mess up the flow of the night.

As skimming through some of the post…a$$ slapping is like my way of letting her know I am enjoying it. The harder the slap, the better I am feeling. It can be seen as some motivation to the girl, like keep doing what you are doing.

Locations…I am pretty boring in terms of locales so I will be taking notes of some of the suggestions.

13 08 2008
Knatural

Amadeo. I hate you, too.
And who would just leave Godzilla hanging like that. Bitch.
Né – we can’t be friends if you start referring to yourself in third-person.

SoCalGal – WHAT THE FUCK?

13 08 2008
Vanita

SoCal…um. wow. I gonna give diva a break – wanna be a contributor to drunken(high in your case) stupid love?

13 08 2008
TheChad

Damn i went to TWO staff meetings and yall still talking bout sex….

i’ve found my new family.

13 08 2008

send me the profiles on facebook vanita

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

@aceklub, when you put it that way, it does make sense. However, I am an evil bitch and still say not my face

13 08 2008

“Né – we can’t be friends if you start referring to yourself in third-person”

lmao

13 08 2008
Meka

Um, who the fuck gets an anal piercing? I mean the kind with an earring, not a dick.

13 08 2008
klysha

Cosign on Jen who usually posts comment. Physical attributes are purely aesthetic. It’s intelligence and wit that turns me on. But they have to be cute and witty though….intelligence and wit can’t quite trump straight up ugly.

@ ST “Facials are rude” – I agree

Places :

On my professors desk (after hours and not with the professor)
On the steps to the theater stage at my college
A park
Garage at my job on a lunch break
Cars/trucks/vans
The sky ride at an amusement park
but nothing trumps the bed, floor, sofa at home

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

“Sex is supposed to be an orchestrated exchange of bodily fluids. If you are too prim to swallow, you are too prim for good sex. If the sex is good, you don’t give a damn about where the sweat or the semen ends up.'”

Preach Rev. Jen…PREACH!!

13 08 2008
BenAfficial

“My P-funk aint funky…”

Glad o dat! cuz that could very well be the very WORST that life has to offer. Some good ‘ol funky P = microscopic shrinkage

13 08 2008
TheChad

Rev. Jen: let’s see if sister tolja will let you get a chapter in the book…

13 08 2008
aceklub

Questions for females…
Are you avoiding the Shazam b/c of the taste or is it b/c of the image it portrays = what is seen in the Porn videos?

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Yeah Jen, we are great friends but a next level just isn’t on either of our radars. I will admit I’m not very relationship-minded at all right now though…I have some real dude-ish tendencies when it comes to stuff like that, LOL.

13 08 2008
former lurker

thanks for breaking that down amadeo. i think i’ll swallow next time…

13 08 2008
Dekela

@ Aceklub – brilliant analogy, couldn’t say it better myself, (Aces think alike)

Ladies, its just bodily fluids! Its not degrading in any way shape or form, and it makes the experience SO MUCH better for us… stop being greedy

13 08 2008
former lurker

“Are you avoiding the Shazam b/c of the taste or is it b/c of the image it portrays = what is seen in the Porn videos?”

both, although i don’t really care about the image anymore, because i’m in a somewhat committed relationship (i think).

but as far as taste, maybe it’s something i can acquire…i couldn’t stand the taste of beer when i was 15, but i drink it all the time now

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

If you go down far enough the Shazam! hits the back of your throat and you never taste it.

13 08 2008
JG*

Damn I leave for lunch and I’m far behind.

I swallow, i’ll even play with it if you shazam! on my face.

But the taste… is not amazing.

It’s acquired. Like Red Bull.

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

*Reads SoCalGal’s comments, closes the piano the fuck down and chunks the duece*

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Ok, at this point, I realize I need a new fuck buddy. And I need to cake.

…I say I buy a rabbit and a teddy bear. Or a guy who likes to go to the fair.

All I’m saying is that in Miami, I can and will not be held accountable for anything I say, do, rape, molest, or kiss.

13 08 2008
TheChad

lmao @ JG!

u seem like such a happy child…

Blu don’t leave i actually think is JUST getting good…

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ SoCal….

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I told my girl I want to play this next time we get down.

13 08 2008
tp2

“If I have to get my face down there (which i dont mind) and damn near swallow a milk carton of feminine juices (which i dont mind), you DAMN well will be able to handle a few tablespoons of man juice”

“To the ladies that are against those things, let me know how it feels the next time a guy goes down on you and while you are shazmming, he is rubbing it on your thigh to avoid taste it all. I am sure that is gonna mess up the flow of the night.”

^^never thought about that…I’ve been wondering why he’s always like I do it for you! I’m like no you don’t, I always move you out of the way. He says but I still get it…you all may have gotten him a little more lovin(or me a little less…) lol…

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I just made some No Penis Consolation Brownies. It was the first time I used my oven in my new apartment and may I say that this oven is amazing??

It counts down the time until the oven is ready and bakes very evenly. Thanks, Whirlpool. If you were a man, I’d happily swallow.

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

*DEAD* @ Amadeo

13 08 2008
TheChad

to everyone: here’s a question…

how long is your longest drought?

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

8 months and counting. smh.

*waits for chris to come get some latin loving*

13 08 2008
JG*

Me and a long ago ex decided to stop having sex until we got married. 🙂 So I went a year an a half. Since then… 3 weeks, only because he moved.

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@TheChad, my longest VOLUNTARY drought (self imposed celibacy) was around 4 years. Involuntary? About 2 years. However long it was that I lived in Savannah.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

2 years

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…I no longer feel bad.

13 08 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA @ Amadeo!
Star Wars, Godzilla, He-man what the hell? I love it.

13 08 2008
Knatural

drought?
6 months?

13 08 2008
Knatural

Excuse me?
4 years. Jesus H. Damn, that’s a long time.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I don’t even want to DISCUSS how pissed I am about my perfectly good vajayjay going to waste for ANY PERIOD OF TIME WHATSOEVER.

13 08 2008
former lurker

@the Chad: to you mean since we first started doing the do? i wasn’t gettin it on the regular in highschool (mostly by choice), i think i had a year long drought.

since i’ve been a “grown up” i.e. college and beyond, 8 months has been the longest dry spell

13 08 2008
Dekela

does under 2 weeks count as a drought? maybe just a dry day?

13 08 2008
tp2

to piggyback…

did/do you pleasure yourself??? (sorry if that’s toooo personal but hey, we talk about everything else)

**for the fellas, i’m sure yes but ladies??? My friends and I were just talking about this not too long ago…

13 08 2008

mine 9 months! I had a fever and chills the whole time!

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

aww damn, I thought he just meant ever, not grown up sex. In that case it was 4 months. I am a nympho and can’t go that long without it

13 08 2008
JG*

tp2: Hell yes. LOL

Taped it so he could watch.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

I have a toy specifically designed for 3 pleasure zones at one time. Yeah I meant 3 and I am a freak, so sue me

13 08 2008
TheChad

***picking up my chin from my keyboard***

thanks JG….. ur my new favorite person

13 08 2008
tp2

JG~you get 50 points…

Jeresmom~may I ask the 3 and where does one get such a contraption??

13 08 2008
JG*

Gotta love Mac’s. Built in Camera and iMovie.

Jeresmom- get the kind that suction to hard surfaces…..

13 08 2008
aceklub

@ the current question

A recently got a new camera phone that has been put to good use. Definitely took the time to please myself and send to my girl to enjoy. I am told that she has put the video to good use.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

the clit, the vajayjay and the rear

13 08 2008
JG*

*waves at TheChad* Hey Fave!

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

LOL, Knat; you know what? I was on this kick that the sex had to be with someone who was really special to me, yadda, yadda, so it really wasn’t that hard. The only person I wanted to look at or touch me in that way was someone that I worked with, and based on a previous situation I’d been in, it was just a no-no. He and I eventually hooked up right as I resigned, and it was awesome having that secret between us in the weeks leading up to my departure I floated on air the whole time, and the anxiety I felt about him previously had jus disappeared. *reminsces wistfully*

So yeah, I relocated to Savannah, immediately afterward and went into my involuntary 2 year drought. Bunch of bamma ass dudes I wouldn’t fuck with a crackhead’s cochie.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

@JG, what hard surface can i use it on? I want to get tha one that is remote controlled and give the remote to the bf/fiance (only his title changes)

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

and hell yeah I pleasured myself. Hell, I do that whether I’m getting dick or not.

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

^aceklub. Cameraphones, picture and video mail are the greatest inventions of this new millennium (not really). Nothing brightens up a rough day at work/school than spontaneous engorged peen in your inbox. But unlike random porn, you know it’s actually waiting for ya!

13 08 2008
former lurker

@ dekela: am i to assume that this when you have a boo/cut buddy, etc. or at all times?

my droughts only occur when there’s no person of interest at my disposal.

any tips on pleasuring yourselves ladies? clearly i need to get the same contraption jeresmom has..

13 08 2008
Knatural

YES DOC!

13 08 2008
JG*

Jeresmom: I have found it attaches to chairs, living room walls, headboards, shower walls, side of bathtub, windows. That’s all I know of at the moment.

13 08 2008
Jeresmom

toys are much better than your hands IMO

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

….I need to find sex soon. Or a better toy…barry’s getting old.

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

The longest I’ve gone without sex was a little over 2 years. I don’t recall it being miserable though, life keeps you busy. As sexual a person as I am, I don’t feel the need to have sex all the time. But that would probably change in a serious relationship where we’re living together. I don’t think I could resist 24/7 dick access.

13 08 2008
JG*

Former Lurker: I’m not much of a fingers girl unless I get reallly reallly excited. But I have a stockpile of toys.

Two Words: The Bullet.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I went on strike for over a year. Hanging out in Baltimore is dangerous…you start realizing your friends have had sex with the women that you didn’t get to. I had to start looking outside of the general city area for women.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I have never gotten a picture of a penis [I wanted to touch] in my inbox. 😦

13 08 2008
Dustin

JEN!!!!

I’m so proud of you for baking no penis consolation brownies!

I just ordered no-penis-slash-I-hate-work consolation cookies from this AWESOME cookie delivery place. Of course, my no penis-having is self-imposed. The last one was attached to a dude who was seriously fucked up* and I need to take a few weeks off.

*He started crying during “the act” and when I said “are you okay?” he resonded: “my Zoloft just makes me cry uncontrollably sometimes. Keep going.” WTF?! My shit was as soft as cashmere after that.

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

and hell yeah I pleasured myself. Hell, I do that whether I’m getting dick or not.

LOLOL
bestest!

13 08 2008
BK24/7

@ The Chad…

We may have to compete for JG’s affections. Based on this convo and her music choices, she sounds like a keeper.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

“my Zoloft just makes me cry uncontrollably sometimes.”

*resolves never to take Zolofy*

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

If anyone is interested, someone just left the longest comment in the history of SBPH (seriously) in the Lawyers post.

13 08 2008

my man is in for a treeeeat tonight!

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

wtf is a drought?? I made sure to stay a virgin until I knew I could freak responsibily. That mean safe sex, but SEX nonetheless. Im west indian, no sex=crazy gyal

13 08 2008
JG*

*everyone runs to the Lawyers post*

13 08 2008
Knatural

If anyone is interested, someone just left the longest comment in the history of SBPH (seriously) in the Lawyers post.

Um. We’re talking about sex.

13 08 2008
tp2

way to break up a helluva party Chris!!! lol…

j/k!!!!

13 08 2008

:goes over to be nosy::

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

@ ____ houston

bwahahahahahahha!!! Im NOT suppoosed to be enjoying myself this much at wrk!! My chief walks past and wants to kno what Im reading (shes a lawyer too)
aaahhhhh. That really made my day. I hope they did that for a class or some shit. People have too much time on their hand.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Comments like that make Godzilla sad.

He needs his spirits perked up.

13 08 2008
JG*

I wonder how he feels about porn?

13 08 2008
Knatural

Dude wrote like 900 words.

13 08 2008
Dustin

Back to sex talk please!

13 08 2008

FUCK he wrote a damn memoir!
SHEESH I need sex

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

did we all really just run over there to laugh at that guy?
LOLOL

13 08 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA….

13 08 2008
Jay_Everyday

*goes to sellout.woot.com to pick up that HD camcorder for the cops.*

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ vanita…yes.

By the way, am I the only person that watches porn to laugh at funny facial expressions and random shit they say? I can’t get off to watching people…I’m a hands on kind of girl…

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I don’t think he was particularly time-invested in the comment.

I think he probably typed out every fallacy he saw in the post as he read it and broke for new paragraphs wherever the post broke for a new paragraph, subsequently adding introductory and closing paragraphs. I’d imagine it took him…oh, ten to fifteen minutes or so.

I can’t explain why that sort of nonrecognition of human cues is so disturbing to me. The fact that androids exist who would feel the need to respond so earnestly to that post is just…freaky.

13 08 2008
aceklub

Chris should have hit him with the Dave Chappelle “Killing me Softly” skit about white people avoiding politics talks…
Paraphrasing..
“Whoa, whoa Chuck Houston. We are getting a little personal over here worrying about these lawyers. So yea, like I was saying, I was screwing my wife in the butt last night”

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

So back to the sex talk. I need to get a new toy. Im thinkin of investing in the rabbit pearl. Barney(my sugar spoon) is cool, but Ive heard rumors that this rabbit pearl does tricks. Any insight?

13 08 2008
JG*

The Rabbit was great for a while. But it was just too much. Had to get the bunny ears juuuuuuuust right. I prefer my suction lover as it allows me to ride hands free. And it frees up a hand for bullet lovin.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ vanita…i heard that too…

I would try the ohmibod but it needs a few more bells and whistles than just vibrating to the tunes….like maybe a few bumps and ridges or something….

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Is the Rabbit Pearl the same thing as the Rabbit? Is it some improved version of it? All of my girlfriends have very good things to say about the Rabbit.

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

Its called the wall banger right? (i’ve been to ALOT of Slumber parties) The lady selling them said she has one. I do hear alot about them bullets, people bring them to work.

13 08 2008
BenAfficial

wow haven’t gotten much done yet today; hmm may have better luck tomorrow (hopefully no sex talk)

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I once had sex for 4 hours without cumming.

It was a second round.

I looked at the clock cause sometimes I like to time myself. In the end…I think it took longer then it would have cause I got so engrossed in how long it was taking. My legs were tired as hell. She wouldn’t let me have sex with her for three days after that.

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

ohmibod … never heard of it, but if it just vibrates to music, Im good.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

A four hour round seems like too much to me.

13 08 2008
JG*

Vanita: I don’t know his name but I know I love him. 🙂 LOL

I have brought the bullet to work too. Damn webcam.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

hmm…so i should get a bullet for all day classes..

lmao @ hearing a girl slightly moan during work/class/etc…lmao

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

Jen – the rabbit pearl has BEADS in the shaft that freely rotate…(my eyes are glazed over)

Amadeo – yea that shit isnt cool. My bf didnt come the first time we ever had sex. I was new in the game, but talk about feelin WACK!

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva
13 08 2008
JG*

The Bullet is pretty amazing. You can control the speed and everything.

Imagine being in the car with your guy after you just purchased it. It’s in your pants and he has the remote. Y’all pull up to the Drive-Through window and he puts it on full speed! *O face* instantly.

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

@JG – I know someone who used it while driving btwn philly and DC.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

ooh! *runs to ebay*

shit. Live with the parents. Ok what stores sell the bullet?

13 08 2008
tp2

so bullet vs. rabbit vs. rabbit pearl…

thoughts???

13 08 2008
JG*

LOL talk about being numb.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I just googled the Rabbit Pearl. It’s BEAUTIFUL.

And, apparently, it’s a dildo, insertable vibrator, gyrating shaft and clitoral teaser in one.

I am afraid if I get one of these I’ll be no more good for men.

13 08 2008

I had a bullet. I abused it and my man hid my crack from me!

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

DIVA – I told you, find a Slumber Party distributor out there. You can sell them if you want. its pretty lucrative. Google it. Im at work, pretty sure the site is blocked

13 08 2008
former lurker

so, lets say that one living in the atlanta metropolitan area wanted to purchase some “toys”…any suggestions??

i know i could probably google it, but personal recs are so much better

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ tp2, I’m thinking go for the bullet and the rabbit pearl.

does anybody remember the episode of SATC when Charlotte became a recluse after she bought the rabbit?

13 08 2008
JG*

I had the Rabbit. It breaks easily or maybe I just have “that good”. The Rabbit is very amusing at first. The beads and the rotating shaft are great. But it doesn’t allow for “in and out” action. if you pull “out” there goes the stimulation. I prefer two separate toys.

13 08 2008
former lurker

@CD- yup! the rabbit is magical, or so i’ve heard

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I will do…I need the extra income.

13 08 2008
JG*

Inserections on Cheshire Bridge Rd.

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

Jen – you are LATE!!! I’ve had my eyes on that for the past year. I asked my bf to use Barney too many times on me. I think hes jealous and now I cant fine him 😦

13 08 2008
Knatural

4 hours? yeah right. Foreplay included, right?
I would’ve called time-out.

Toys? Never used them, never had an interest.

13 08 2008
JG*

Yes Passion Parties make a lot of money. People can’t leave without buying stuff.

13 08 2008
Dom

Glad to see you skipped the pretense and got right to the sex with this one. I havent even read the comments, but I know the regulars are having a good time!

This…”One of the actors shouts out something ridiculous mid-coitus (e.g. “TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL!!!!”) “…had me dying. Im going to use that one myself next time and see if it works.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ JG…my in and out is Barry…he’s got a hooked tip….and is waterproof.

13 08 2008

I have never had a fake dick. But the bullet is SOO good!

13 08 2008
Knatural

:O

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Barry’s a vibe, not a dick.

13 08 2008
tp2

welp, i see the girls took over this post today…any guys still left out there?? any comments??

13 08 2008
JG*

LOL!! tp2, the guys are having a circle jerk.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

@chaoticdiva: His name is Barry?? You’ve taken your Obamania too far!!

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

If u dont wanna spend the money on a rabbit pearl, u can get a sugar spoon. I think its like a camry whereas the rabbit pearl is the BMW. I never test drove the BMW.

LADIES LADIES LADIES
Find a Slumber Party distributor in your area. They come to your house to demonstrate (you can touch, but not USE) ALL the products to you.
They have this cream that SUPPOSED to get rid of your gag reflex, but its bullshit.

13 08 2008
aceklub

@ tp2

I am still here but not really as I can’t really add to the “toys” topic.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ jen…I’ve had Barry for 3 years now…he was named after a comment Sandra Bullock made in 2 weeks notice.

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

LMAO @ circle jerk. Guys, how do you feel about vibrators/dildos, bed room accessories?
I bought my bf a fake vajayjay, I give it to him when Im not in the mood. That went ‘missing’ too come to think of it…

13 08 2008
tp2

@aceklub…have you ever used a toy on a girl before???

13 08 2008
tp2

same question for the rest of the men…how did it turn out?? did you like it?

13 08 2008
Knatural

ace – me neither. I’m out.

13 08 2008
former lurker

how did your man feel about the fake vag? did it do anything for him? i heard they’re kinda whack

13 08 2008
tp2

sorry vanita! didn’t see your post!

13 08 2008
JG*

LMAO @ The fake vag!!!

I think guys like using toys on you if it’s done right. Like the toy has to play a supporting role..

But again.. That damn bullet. It leads to the best orgasms during sex!

13 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Co-signing with Knat and Ace. I’ve used a toy with a guy, but never had any interest/need for having one around for going solo. Guess that’s the one area where I’m an old fashioned gal.

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

Oh its cool!

Fmr lurker – Nah, I dont think he liked it. Its like the real thing, prefers it over head. Thats why its missing. So is Barney 😦

13 08 2008
tp2

fake vag???

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fleshlight
ROTFL

The Fleshlight comes in four varieties: Pink Stealth, Mouth, Lady and Butt.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I may be stupid, but how do you use a bullet during sex?

I’m not toy savvy, either, Doc.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

http://www.nawtythings.com/bullets.html

there’s one on there that vibes to music!!!

13 08 2008
JG*

No matter the position… Just slide that puppy down there. Works best when riding or doggie. Most men are not ready for that shit. LOL

13 08 2008
tp2

<<<never used a toy…

13 08 2008
Mrs.Epps

ohhh fuuucckk naw.. i almost missed the post about my fave subject dammmit
MY TWO CENTS
Ok where should i start…i love porn… i watch porn with my man.. i’ve even watched porn with him and his homeboys.. it was funny.. porn is really a comic relief to me…I was actaully watching porn a few hrs ago…
favorite site- bangbros, duckyporn, nudelatins and nude africa…lol

My favorite porn star is Genevieve Jolie and Dasiy Mendes, Mandingo, and this white boy forgot his name(regulary appears on bangbus)

as for toys..eh dont really need em considering i have a real life toy sitting in my livingroom everynight hahah… but i have a mini vibe that i use occasionally when he is away on business… I own all types of handcuffs, lubes, body paint, costumes, even a paddle 🙂

that is all carry on with the scheduled program 🙂

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

LOL @ the fake stealth. He didnt have that. It looked like a clear silcone sleeve with beads. I guess thats why its no where to be found 😦

13 08 2008
Mrs.Epps

anyone see that fleshlight thingy… the vid is hilarious….

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

EWW MRSEPPS! bangbros is wack. Onionbooty is tight. Justin Slayer tho…shm. Im gonna go study now while i can still focus.

13 08 2008
Lil'T

dang, a sista actually does some work and you all are on here talkin bout vibrators and shit. playing with toys always makes me want the real thing, which is also the reason i can’t be in a lesbian relationship.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

JG, are you saying that you use the bullet for anal stimulation during coitus?

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

oh and black girls get nasty too. Those girls. They are just nasty!

13 08 2008
JG*

Best LUBE in the world.. Eros.. hands down. A drop will go all night.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I tried a vibrating ring once….

…to say the least, we outlasted the battery.

13 08 2008
aceklub

yea, I have included toys in the bed,but mostly during the foreplay adding to the tongue skills that I give her. It can definitely add to the moment and allow me to position myself in other areas of her body.

A fake vajay…never used that before and not trying to.

13 08 2008
JG*

Jen* no! But i’m sure that would be nice too..hmmm. You put it on your clit. You know how guys sometimes rub it while you’re having sex, or maybe you do. Replace thumb/finger/whatever with the bullet. It’s really small and powerful.

13 08 2008
B4Prez

Onionbooty will make u slap yo mama!

13 08 2008
BK24/7

I’ve never used a fake vagina, but I love buying toys for my girl. I like to see them try ’em out. The rabbit had this girl almost pass out!

13 08 2008

I used the bullet right when I am having an orgasm during oral

13 08 2008

I used the bullet right when I am having an orgasm during oral. My eyes have never been so crossed.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

@JG* – OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH.

@Mrs. Epps…just watched that video. And, uh…

lol

13 08 2008
Mrs.Epps

i like onionbooty too!!! you know what pisses me off i havent really seen a decent black porn star in a while…always some bust ass black chick with wierd nipples and to much lavander colored eyeshadow and lipgloss.. ugh..pass…must be the ghetto flick i dunno

13 08 2008
JG*

Ne: HI FIVE! LOL

13 08 2008

lol ^^5

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

yea, all them girls are WACK. Stretch marks, bullet holes, stretched out vags, too much hair. they should have a standard for porn stars like they do models.
if you vag is more that 5inches across, you CANNOT be in this porn.

13 08 2008
Mrs.Epps

last black girl that i saw was decent is Lacey…

13 08 2008
aceklub

Lacey is decent even though she has become ‘miss new booty” with the butt injections. Carmen Hayes is a personal favs but that is moreso b/c I like my girls to be physically similar to her.

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@ Former Lurker; Go to STARSHIP!!!!!! there’s on on Memorial Drive in Stone Mountain, and one on cheshire Bridge Rd near Piedmont in the city proper. there’s another chain that I can’t remember the name of, which is a damn shame because the outpost with strippers used to be directly across the street from my job and I’d go there after work, LMAO

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Jada Fire is well… fire, IMO, even with the new boobies. Lacey is kinda lame to me. Jada Fire, Ayana angel and Roxy Reynolds get 4 stars from me. Jada is on some next level of nasty though.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

*note* this is the first time any of the discussion has ever stuck on topic without some big stupid idiot coming in and posting 10 pages of why they disagree.

13 08 2008
JG*

I agree about Lacey….. But all the work is a mess.

HeavenLei: I believe Starship is also called Inserections. Which is think is the name more prominently displayed.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Jesusmaryandjoseph

I take a train ride and all sex toy hell has broken out.

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@JG*

Inserection, that’s the name of the spot I was trying to remember, thanks! But no, it and Starship they’re two entirely different chains. There’s an Inserection near West P’Tree and Piedmont. the one across the street from my JO ( with strippers) has been closed for almost a year now. *pours our a lil likka*

13 08 2008
JG*

I thought you got scared Amadeo

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

I meant near W. P’tree and 14th st.

13 08 2008
aceklub

@ CDiva
Yea, you would have thought that with Chris starting the topic with sex that people would get tired of the convo and switch into something different by post 100. I guess it shows that SBPH cannot get enough sex talk.

13 08 2008
BK24/7

Damn, I’ve been on the amateur tip lately…need to check out these girls being mentioned.

Onionbooty is the bomb. Bangbus, while fake is humorous.

I’ve always liked India, but she’s prolly retired by now….

13 08 2008
Angry IV

more sex talk

Don’t click it! Doooon’t do it!

🙂

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I’m not a big toy man. If I’m not around then hey…but when I’m there…Play with me.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

*clicks link*

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!

13 08 2008
JG*

Ahhhhhhhhhhh. The Barack Roll…. is the worst. LOL

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Back to porn (keeping it classy)….why is it always a white dude watching some black guy fuck his wife?

13 08 2008
JG*

I’ve actually not seen this type of porn. I refuse to watch porn with any “pink” parts in it.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

True story: saw a flick called “Black Cock Worship” last time I was at a sex shop.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

What’s hilarious is you know white people produced it because most black people don’t refer to a dick as a “cock”.

13 08 2008
JG*

LOL @ White porn terminology: “Cock, pink box, cunt,”

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Jerry Stiller says: “When your wife tells you to cock her, you cock her!”

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I cannot deal with the sight of pink peni. Does this make me a racist?

13 08 2008
Bajan Girl

Damn I missed a lot today…

hmmm… Porn… we used to have porn parties in college… go rent a couple, order pizza, mix up some drinks, then sit around and analyse why that could not happen in reality and laugh ourselves sensless… good times…. good times….

facials… having had pink eye in both eyes at the same time I would not like to ever have that feeling again and will forever avoid anything that could remotely cause that to happen…

ass smacking… I got ass for days… don’t know if I would really notice…

toys… ha ha haha ha ha ha… never used them but have gone shopping for them with friends… always an interesting and eye opening experience…

13 08 2008
Bajan Girl

“senseless”
sorry meds still haven’t worn off…

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Semen is sterile. Won’t give you pink eye.

13 08 2008
JG*

Well Jen if you’re racist for that then I am the Grand Wizard.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

…knowing is half the battle.

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

NO Jen. Pink penises are gross. They look like sausages to me and I hate sausage

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

Wait…semen is sterile? Then why the hell was my eye puffy and burning for like, hours after it got in it?

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Maybe he had a bacterial infection of the uretha. In any case, stay away! LOL

13 08 2008
JG*

LOL YT penis reminds me of when dogs get horny and the lipstick part comes out.

13 08 2008
JG*

Semen is like Listerine. It’s only working if it burns.

13 08 2008
aceklub

“ass smacking… I got ass for days… don’t know if I would really notice…”

Hence, the reason why guys enjoy creating some booty vibrations and seeing how long the waves can last.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

One of my guy “friends” compared my aversion to pink peni to the fact that he is weirded out by brown nipples. I was like, “No, my friend. Everybody has brown nipples but the whites. Who has pink peni but the whites? NADIE. Your people are strange.”

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

He’s weirded out by brown nipples???? Everyone but white people have brown nipples and even the majority of white people have brown nipples.

Your friend is an odd ball…

13 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

*waves Pink Penii Hater card*

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Brown is wonderful…if I was deprived of sisters I would be at UMD downtown chasing indian women.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Lets discuss brown for a moment:

[vent] This guy goes out of his way to locate me, only to stand me up without phone call, email, nothing. What the fuck??!? [/vent]

So yea, I like brown, brown plays me. Maybe I should try pink…

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…then my brother rubs it in my face.

At this point, I’m going to get off both this site and mob wars and find something productive to do tonight (like drink). smh at my life.

13 08 2008
TomatoHead

Guys are stupid.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

Girls have cooties…(I wasn’t trying very hard).

13 08 2008
JG*

LOL I’m going to ride up and down Peachtree street waving my Rabbit in the air.

That is after I get some more enery on MobWars to pull off a drug deal.

13 08 2008
Bajan Girl

pink penis??? hhmmm….. that just seems like there is an infection involved…eww…

14 08 2008
Leo

Ok don’t laugh but I never have orgasm (i might be the only weirdo in here), some of you here sounds a real experts, so let me know your thought.

14 08 2008
Jeresmom

you have got to be kidding me Leo

14 08 2008
Leo

Not kidding, i know it’s sad

14 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Step 1. Get on the couch.

Step 2. You on top.

Step 3. Have him tilt his pelvis up and keep it up while you grind on him.

Step 4. Step 3 will be difficult if you weight a metric ton. If you weigh a metric ton, weigh less.

Step 5. Try not to kill him when you cum five minutes later.

14 08 2008
K.

I hate the spam you get on Youtube comments that say ‘hot lezbos doing xxx stuff for the camera. If you see it, it’s just a bunch of straight girls wearing wet t-shirts making out. I also hate the overuse of ‘xxx’ in porn ads. We get that it’s x-rated, you don’t have to put xxx every few words.

14 08 2008
Leo

@Chris. lol thanks, I weigh 120

14 08 2008
Amadeo

Not even orally?

I also realize that some gents have not realized the power of the Grind.

14 08 2008
JG*

LOL… Leo hunny!! I’m so sorry. Have you not had an orgasm with a guy? Or alone as well?

If both, then Chris’s Method (trademarked) works very well.

Also… GET THE BULLET. 3 seconds later you will never be the same.

14 08 2008
tp2

step 3 will not work if you weigh a metric ton–LMAOOOOO

umm Leo, get to know you a little better…rub and touch and find out what you like. If you don’t know what gets you there, you can’t tell him…

14 08 2008
JG*

tp2 that’s true as well. I went straight for the juggler.

If you’re really new to it, then you have to take some time out and use your imagination. Sometimes porn does work for me… LOL.. so give it a try too.. Just let your imagination take over and start to explore. I assume you know how to navigate your love button. So play with that. Try toys, jaccuzzi jets, hand held shower head, whatever you need. Once you master that, come back for “squirting” lessons. I’m sure someone can help you with that. LOL

14 08 2008
tp2

“squirting lessons”–wow…didn’t know you could sign up for those…lol…

i saw this one porno where Jada Fire was squirting everywhere-on the other girl, in the other girls mouth-I was like that can’t be real…She was giving her the Robert as far as i’m concerned…

14 08 2008
Leo

some of ur suggestion i tried and didnt work, i didn’t try the toy, so that’s my next step.

14 08 2008
Jeresmom

The toy will work wonders but takes away from having a orgasm by a man. That is why I don’t use mine often

14 08 2008
Jeresmom

and I will sign up for those squirting lesson if that is really possible from a woman

14 08 2008
JG*

The toy does kind of desensitize you to certain types of orgasms. But if that happens you have to take a break and re-train your body. But if you aren’t having orgasm period then the toy will be a much needed release.

The squirting thing is come and go sometimes with some people so I’ve heard. but it is quite amazing. And it’s not urine.

14 08 2008
Leo

so which toy do you recommend?

14 08 2008
BK24/7

Y’all still at it? Seymore Butts has a squirting how-to. He shows how to do it with fingers, toys, and during anal sex. You girls gotta work those PC muscles!

14 08 2008
JG*

LOL We’re educating. And I’m playing Mob Wars.. so I have to have something to entertain me while my energy recharges.

14 08 2008
Jeresmom

Damn I am really gonna look that squirting ish up. I would love to do that to the fiance on the wedding night.
Any toy that vibrates the clitoris will do. Since you own none, I would suggest the rabbit. It’s a great beginner’s toy

14 08 2008
SoCalGal420

Ha! I don’t get why my previous comments were so irksome; East Coast Blacks no gustan la cocaina? 420? I assume it’s not about the 2520, but whatever, this is a free forum, sorry if I offended but only slightly..moving on!

Toys: I don’t like all the bells and whistles, I have a 100% silicon dildo/cock shaped toy that also works as a strap on “insert”(?) (I bought it at Babeland and I think it’s lesbian owned, and I don’t know shit about strap ons, I just can’t respect a guy that whimpered while I pounded his ass, bitch!)I like the toys that are basically dick facsimiles; it’s really difficult for me to find one that’s realistic and non-porous material, any ideas?
My next purchase is a Gspot vibe, and one of those clit ticklers that’s like a bunch of little vibrating…uhh…hrm, how to describe…I think they go on top of the Bullet kinda toys; a chick was showing me hers (she reassured me it was clean, not trying to touch her vag residue!)and she had it on some small, silver thing, and she turned it on and was like “touch it”. I did, and my GAWD, shock waves through my body, the search is on!

14 08 2008
SoCalGal420

*slow clap @ Chris’s “Grind” move, preparing to text fuck buddy for ETA*

14 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

LEO!!! Go get urself a toy, some good lube (actually the CVS brand is pretty good) and go to WORK. Clitoral orgasms are the best (to me)

14 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

LMAO @ SoCalgirl. U are OFF the hook. I’d like to go clubbing with u tho. NO WHITE ova here tho…

14 08 2008
letinstar

i’m not against porn between consent adults but it does get boring after a while…plus people tend to think what the “actors” do in the films should be done in real life…and some of that shit just isn’t going to happen…

14 08 2008
Bailey Blues

Damn, I missed a good convo today! Well, let’s see….I’m not a huge fan of porn. I love to be ass smacked, have my hair pulled….that just means it’s REAL good!

Cut friends aren’t always what’s up…I did that before, but I saw him out one day and he was like why you don’t call me anymore. I thought it was weird and he was pressed and I haven’t talked to him since.

Chaotic Diva – wanna learn to key a car? i’ll teach you some things lol

I haven’t done it in too many random places…hotel room, beach, random spots in the house.

Let’s have another SBPH party in DC. Me and ST will be down there the weekend of the 24th!

I think that’s it for now.

14 08 2008
BK24/7

@ SoCalGal – I know some brothers that like to ski here in NYC, but no black girls who will admit it. For the most part, that’s some LA shit. But you definitely can spark the L!

Can you roll a blunt? Women that can roll blunts, especially while riding in the passenger seat are special people in my world!

14 08 2008
JG*

LMAO. I’ve done some shit. But “white girl”. I’m str8.

I’m scared of that kind of stuff.

14 08 2008
ViK

Well Chris cut to the chase with the topic today…


Vanita (17:23:41) :
u forgot to add on that list of flaws is STRETCH MARKS!!! YUCK!!! Like the girl with the lasangna belly in the SBPH group.

SO??

14 08 2008
ViK

/OT

What do you think of this? What will happen if s/he wins?

14 08 2008
dc_diva

as a female with a decent sized ass, i think a smack on the ass is quite welcomed. who doesn’t want that? its like an approval rating!!!!

14 08 2008
ViK

^^^LOL! DC Diva. “approval rating?” We’ve got to work that into a campaign question.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

BK 24/7:” Can you roll a blunt? Women that can roll blunts, especially while riding in the passenger seat are special people in my world”

Do you currently live in Brooklyn? LOL. I definitely don’t ski, but I am friends with the emerald butterfly.

Leo- You need to run, don’t walk, to the nearest sex store and get a toy! I can’t imagine life without mine! I first got hooked on the buzz buzz tip when I was in like, middle school. I had a back massager and…..yeah, I was always really curious about sex and whatnot. A buller or pocket rocket will do you well. No need to start with a rabbit or anythin fancy. You just need something moving at a frenetic speed on your love button for now. Get a Penthouse Digest and find a story that makes you tingle. Grab the vibrator and…..MAGIC!

14 08 2008
MiracleMax

That last comment about Angelina Jolie was complete shit! She is one of the most beautiful, gorgeous women to ever walk this planet! She is smart, sexy, tough, she has tatoos, and has the ability to kick your ass and shoot you from 100 yards away. She got Brad Pitt to dump jennifer aniston! Shes had 3 fucking kids, and still has a hot body. Your just jealous you can never ever ever get her. You can talk shit about other races, religions, or anyone else, but dont you even start to talk shit about Angelina, I will fly to dc and whip your high yellow ass from even thinking she isnt ridiculously hot!

14 08 2008
JG*

ST: my love affair with “good vibrations” came around then too! I had a back massager, and boy did it get put to good use! LOL

LOL @ MiracleMax: “You can talk shit about other races, religions, or anyone else….”

High five!

14 08 2008
Ljones

So this porn blog is hilarious as usual, I am so annoyed that the last entry is nearing!! Proud of you and glad you have this opportunity but so fuckin mad this daily site won’t be here!! I will beon facebook,cause i can’t get enouhg. I will buy the book and will FORCE my friends to pledge their loyalty to me by also buying your book!! Hope you tour with the book and hope to see you in NYC!!! The world needs your perspective to become more mainstream. Watch your ass out there, get a good lawyer. WHen they see a smart non-white coming for them AND making money AND making fun of the absurdity that is america- they will try to come for you. But the force is strong in you it is….

14 08 2008
systom.org » Blog Archive » Question?

[…] Porn […]

14 08 2008
Ljones

REPRINT_ I had a typo…
So this porn blog is hilarious as usual, I am so annoyed that the last entry is approaching!! Proud of you and glad you have this opportunity but so fuckin mad this daily site won’t be here!! I will be on facebook,cause i can’t get enough. I will buy the book and will FORCE my friends to pledge their loyalty to me by also buying your book!! Hope you tour with the book and hope to see you in NYC!!! The world needs your perspective to become more mainstream. Watch your ass out there, get a good lawyer. WHen they see a smart non-white coming for them AND making money AND making fun of the absurdity that is america- they will try to come for you. But the force is strong in you it is….

14 08 2008
14 08 2008
LEO

@ST. Thanks and i’m defentley take your advice.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Miracle Max

Two words: Billy Bob

Instant disqualification for AJ in my book. I’ve flirted hard with a girl until I remembered she used to see a dude I think is weird/crazy. That’s guilt by association in my book.

14 08 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA he said “high yellow”
And assumed that Chris must be jealous.
Jolie is sexy, in a bony girl kind of way, but I agree with Amadeo. She’s guilty by association. And she tongued her brother on camera. But…people change, right?

14 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Knat…the image burned into my mind will never change…and I forgot about the brother thing.

14 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

I LOVE ANGELINA JOLIE. She is beautiful and strange and I love her. And do not criticize she and Billy Bob’s beautiful relationship.

HE WAS HER HUSBAND AND THEY WERE IN LOVE.

Also, in my attempt to take every step possible to avoid completing my summer assignments and fail out of school, I just reread this post and noticed that I had never heard of a “sneaky Indian” before–and I have been subjected to the humor of a great number of immature and perverted white boys in my day. So I look this phrase, this “sneaky indian,” up in my bff (urbandictionary.com), and note that there is just ONE ENTRY for its definition.

Suspicious? I think so.

14 08 2008
Amadeo

Just being with a guy named Billy Bob is an automatic deduction of points…just like if you were with someone who has the nickname Ant-mo.

It’s especially worse because he had the crackhead love scene with Halle Berry that makes her untouchable.

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ Amadeo!

I am coming to the realization that when I think of this blog, I will always think of sex. And Godzilla.

14 08 2008
BenAfficial

Yes I too was appalled at the “make me feel good” scene. It was seared into my brain for a minute…

14 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

There are not enough infractions in the point deduction universe sufficient to make Angelina anything less than wonderful.

14 08 2008
Knatural

I totally appreciate strange/unconventional beauty, and don’t care about Billy Bob as much, but I’m just curious about how she explained kissing her brother to Brad Pitt. I’m sure he asked. He’s a Sagittarius like me, and I’m sure he would’ve been like – ‘Sooooooooo, what was up with that kissing your brother shit?’

14 08 2008
Amadeo

She distracted him with her lips.

14 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Billy Bob just may be the luckiest man alive.

That luck has made him delusional. I read an interview wherein he talks about how Angelina will come back to him after she is done playing house.

QUESTION: WHYYYY is the makemefeelgoodijustwannafeelgoodohohoooooh scene so long in Monsters Ball?

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I think Billy Bob may have date-married-drugged Angelina, just like Mariah did Nick Cannon. Its like who in the hell would marry either of them?

14 08 2008
B4Prez

This is why Black America needs to get it together soon:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080814/ap_on_go_ot/white_minority

14 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ B4prez…I’ll be in touch about that mentor program thing we were discussing. I talked to my cousin about it and she’s going to help me get it started out here. My pastor wants me to help him with some stuff in the community as well, so I’m hoping to get a few city wide chapters going out here.

We’re going to get it together, if I have something to do with it.

14 08 2008
Knatural

Hmmm. That article said nothing about Native Americans…

14 08 2008
Amadeo

“And all over 2520’s began to quake with fear.”

That article will get them out to vote if nothing else will.

14 08 2008
Bajan Girl

“I think Billy Bob may have date-married-drugged Angelina, just like Mariah did Nick Cannon. Its like who in the hell would marry either of them?”

I always did wonder about that because really… Billy Bob… I can’t imagine what waking up to that would be like….

14 08 2008
B4Prez

@chaotic – That’s what’s up. We have to start somewhere.

14 08 2008
Knatural

census bullshit
These numbers can’t be right. DC’s only 55% Black?

14 08 2008
8th Wonder

I’m hella late, I know…

But Chris…

What the fuck is an angry dragon? LOL

14 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Angry Dragon:

“Immediately after you blow your load in a girl’s mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she’ll look like an angry dragon.”

14 08 2008
8th Wonder

Dead.

14 08 2008
LEO

Chris you know you going to hell right?

14 08 2008
JG*

*drops jaw after seeing Angry Dragon definition*

Oh my.

14 08 2008
8th Wonder

In regards to the drought, I’m at 17 months now.

I’m angry all the time.

14 08 2008
Sister Toldja

The “men” who come up with the sex stuff on UrbanDictonary do not have actual sex. They sit around in their mothers house with their loser friends and circle jerk to “Tomb Raider” and the Howard Stern show and make things like “angry dragon” up. I think the few men who may actually try these things should be lined up and shot to save the female population from their hateful, potential rapist ways.

Seriously, what kind of sick fuck thinks “Oh, this will be so funny to tell my friends! How I made a woman choke/bleed/cry after she had sex with me?”

14 08 2008
8th Wonder

@ ST, I co-sign all the way. I cannot believe something like this could actually happen to a woman and the man actually live another day to be able to tell someone else about it…

14 08 2008
SoCalGal420

hahahaha, oh I see, it’s about the “white girl”; I’d like to qualify that by saying that it’s a once in a blue moon kinda thing, although since messing with this 2520 I’ve done it more than I’ve ever done, which is to say 3, maybe 4 times in two months, but I’m done after this last shit anyway, the problem with messing with 2520s who do it is that they’re all “former” meth heads and shit, not concerned about “purity” since they will smoke/snort/shoot fuckin anything, whereas I’m all about the Lord’s Ganja (or as ST says: Emerald Butterfly-nice!).
BK24/7: Fuckin right I roll blunts, that was like my job when I’d roll with my connect; he’d drive to the sale point, I’d be passenger side twistin’ up a Philly! Don’t need a knife to cut it or anything, can roll it up tight and smokable in about 5-6 mins depending on how sticky the icky is…;) My dude didn’t play, he’d talk shit if the blunt looked like shit, smoked like shit, so I got good at it real fast, now I AM LEGEND! hehehehe…
Billy Bob and Halle Berry: yes I am fuckin a white dude right now, however I always felt that sex scene was realistic (and yeah, disturbing b/c I was NOT expecting a breakdown like that, wow!)b/c of how fucked up their situation was, meaning that their grief and drama kinda brought them together in this perverse way, and as we know from just this SBPH:Porn post, perverted shit means insanely hot sex! Just my $.02..
Angry Dragon-Chris you ain’t right for that shit, but thank you for keeping me clued in as to exactly how putrid men can be, ‘preciate it. 😉

15 08 2008
Nice

I actually like porn. I cant give an intelligent explanation why, I just do. Im not into the fetish stuff tho. And I despise porn with plots and story lines and such. Just Fcuk!

15 08 2008
Tea

I don’t think I’ve ever watched an entire porno movie. I go straight to the “money shots” and the cum shots. The fast forward and slow motion buttons were invented for porn flicks.

“The best way for the intellectual pornographeur to enjoy video porn is to examine the actresses for the physical flaws that kept them out of mainstream Hollywood or Indie films. ”

I don’t know about that. I’ve been to a party for video distributors (not purposely, I was told we were going to a picnic) some of the porn stars were walking around naked advertising their films and demonstrating some of the toys. Those chicks looked pretty flawless in person to me. And as a woman I would have gladly pointed out any physical flaws that I saw.

15 08 2008
ViK

I’m not a fan of AJ because she is a serial hoewrecker. (I realized I misspelled homewrecker, but decided to leave it)
Billy Bob Thorton was living with his girlfriend Laura Dern. When Laura left for a few weeks to film a miniseries, BBT married Angie and put all of Laura’s isht in storage before she got back from filming.

Of course, we all know how she did Jenny Aniston.

19 08 2008
MiracleMax

Vik,

You cant wreck a home that already wrecked…..If he was happy he wouldnt have left, he wasnt happy so he left, too bad so sad now get over it. Have you not noticed how MANY men have been in little Manistons life since brad? Try like a million, that bitch is so fucked up, no man will stay with her. She has a shit load of money and thats about it, she will die when shes 65 in a large old beverly hills mansion that needs to be cleaned, with so much plastic surgery she will look like a cross between joan rivers and slutty girl with down syndrome. Brad got so fucking lucky he left that mess who wanted a “career” instead of a family. Well guess what, that bitch aint got shit, while he is living in a 70 million dollar chateau in france with 6 kids and the most beautiful women in the world who has an oscar, and two hit movies this summer. Yea, angelina is a homewrecker all right, keep telling yourself that and answer why jen dated John Mayer……..dont worry ill wait….

15 05 2009
lzc37o

test test test

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