Tricked Out Cars

11 08 2008

I was recently telling a buddy of mine that I’m thinking about heading to California for a few days, at which point he immediately reminded me that I would be assaulted without end by one of the things I hate more than just about anything on the whole entire planet: Tricked Out Cars.

Tricked out cars, like most things I hate, don’t piss me off for conventional reasons. I don’t hate them because I’m ‘hating’. I don’t hate them because the men (and a few cock-envying women) that drive them tend to be pompous douchebags.

I hate them because they are a constant reminder of the fact that people make shitty decisions, and they are still allowed the same number of votes that I am.

Tricking out your car can start with one of two items – your wheels, or your sound system. Where you start depends on which gender of impressionable fucktard you’re most interested in wowing with your irresponsible spending habits that you’ve adopted, quite ironically, to mask an utter lack of personality*.

Wheels (rims) tend to be more expensive but are easier to install and are more noticeable to impressionable female idiots. This is a good place to start if you have a lot of money but don’t have a clue. Sound systems aren’t quite as expensive as rims, but are far more complicated to install and, if installed correctly, present an intimidation factor that wows impressionable male idiots.

Figure 1: Can you get silicosis from your own tits?

After you’ve poured anywhere between $10K – $20K into your depreciating asset and augmented the #1 macro-level cause of black and brown people in this country not having a goddamn motherfucking dime to their names with which to combat what seems to be an increasingly correct perception among the general public that black and brown twenty-something males are, without a doubt, the most uncompromising, ferocious, and proactive bringers of self-destruction on the face of this fucked up planet…you’re ready to move on to paint.

Lots of guys prefer to go with flame or fire designs, because it lets you use just one symbol to make two statements: 1.) I have a fast car, and 2.) I am a homosexual. If you’re not (completely) gay, you can go with some kind of neon glitter paint design, a bi/tri color sport design like in Figure 1, or some insanely intricate portrait/tribal-tatoo/asian calligraphy design. Either way, be prepared to shell out an additional $1K – $5K for your paint depending on the complexity of the design and reputation of the artist.

Figure 2: You can avoid looking like a queer if your car looks like it was involved in a 30’s mob war

At this point, you’re at a fork in the road that gives you two ways to extend your automotive bender of stupidity. You can either go the Gran Turismo route and try to make your car as fast as possible, or you can go the purely aesthetic route and start adding unnecessary accessories.

The Gran Turismo route is the way to impress guys. The easiest way to tune your car for racing is to buy a stronger clutch, get a lighter flywheel, upgrade the exhaust, install a turbocharger (or, if you like spending money for no reason – and of course you do – a supercharger) and NOS canisters, tack on a boost controller, install carbon fiber paneling, get some kind of engine-regulating chip thrown in, buy tires and a new suspension that can handle the speed, and then apologize to your father for being born.

You’ve just spent $30,000 to make a 1997 Honda Civic do 0-60 in 5 seconds when you could have used the same amount of cash (plus the $10K – $25K you spent on rims, stereo, and paint) on a late model S4, M3, or Z06 and had time left over to make more money, work on your personality, and otherwise not be an idiot. Oh well.

Once you’ve done all this, you can spend Friday night at the oversized parking lot in a Taco Bell or gas station where two dozen other douches park their cars and rev their engines for no damn reason. When chicks approach, you can tell them what you did to your car and they’ll think you’re awesome because they have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. I’m not even being sarcastic at this point. There is at least one girl reading this blog right now sporting a newly moistened vagina because the last paragraph would seem to indicate that I know what the hell I’m talking about. Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

Figure 3: No matter what you do, at the end of the day it’s still a fucking Civic

The purely aesthetic route is that taken by people who want to spend less money but still create the illusion of speed. There are a number of ways to do this: install fog lights, paint your calipers red, put stickers all the fuck over your windshield, add undercarriage and/or interior glow lighting (add a blacklight if you want to be able to see the semen spit out by the chicks who are actually addicted to enough coke to suck your lumber in your car), get your seats reupholstered with ‘illegal leoparrrrrrrd’ (hispanics only), install a rear spoiler on your front wheel drive car (you stupid sonofabitch), install useless body paneling and fake intakes, add brightly colored engine hoses and chromed engine components, tint the windows, and replace the steering wheel with a low-diameter ‘rally’ wheel.

Once you’ve done all this, go out and snag yourself a chick, then bask in your own hypocrisy when you find out she has fake hair, fake fingernails, fake eyelashes, fake color contacts, caps on her teeth, spray-on tan, fake tits, empire waist top hiding her gut, and bad credit…and you have the nerve to get upset at her when you’re doing the EXACT SAME THING.

* It’s ironic because a unique car is supposed to achieve one of three things: a.) make you appear to have unique personality and moxie, b.) make you appear wealthy, or c.) both**. People targeting goal A, however, never have personality. If they did, they wouldn’t need the fucking car.

** There is a tiny minority population of guys who trick out their cars because that’s just what they love to do. These cats I have no problem with.

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240 responses

11 08 2008
Defiant

SKEET SKEET SKEET first one toi comment

11 08 2008
Ms.Bisonette

You forgot about putting televisions into the back of the headrests

11 08 2008
Esquire

I love cars painted like 7up cans, Skittles Bags,a pair of Jordans, M&Ms, or (ohhh ohhh) a knock off Louis Vouitton bag. When they bounce up and down and pump so much bass you cant recognize the song…I just go crazy.

If you have no idea what I am talking about…catch a flight to ATL.

peanut butter inside, outside jelly.

11 08 2008
imaG

Lol people don’t understand how Gay tricked out cars are.

I mean really…I can’t stand rice rockets they look mad stupid

Just get something nicer like a G35 G37 or Altima Coupe…but hey whatever

http://www.anythingblack.net

11 08 2008
former lurker

tvs in the back seat of the head rests (hell, in the car period, unless you’re going on a long trip and you have some damn kids that are gonna be watchin spongebob) are so f*cking pointless!! why would i spend money on some sh*t i can’t even enjoy!! the f*ck, i’ma watch a movie in the back of my car on a friday night?!?! f*ck outta here. everytime i see some fool driving with tvs on in their headrest with NOBODY in the backseat even watchin that shit, i want to slap them and their momma

11 08 2008
goose

on a somewhat related note, one of my favorite things in the world is when people in REALLY SHITTY CARS (especially “gangsta” surburban white boys) blast really loud rap music. nothing makes me happier.*

*please note that all of that was said with only the most sarcastic intentions at heart.

11 08 2008
Knatural

hi.
Nothing automotive, nor electronic, appeals to me. Especially automotive. I hate driving, I don’t speed, so when I see these ginormous wastes of money, my eyes twitch. Pimp My Ride…no words.

11 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ this. You will see shit like this in Birmingham and Detroit, minus the flames.

But yea…my cousin is one of those douches. Trust, he is a douche…I can’t really stand him.

11 08 2008
chaoticdiva

You know what turns me on? Political debates and building stuff. Yes, I like to use power tools (double entendre intended).

11 08 2008

It’s true, you will see a lot of this in California. You will see mexicans driving 1993 geo prizms with a spoiler, 20 inch rims and a sound system.

How about a dodge neon with racer stripes and spinners????

11 08 2008
sarah

Jesus Tapdancing Christ

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

but yeah, i am with Knat. i am not big on electronics. i don’t drive, but because i am going to need my own wheels at some point, i am going to get a Vespa. $3000 and 75 mpg. word.

11 08 2008
LEO

Chris can i come with you?

11 08 2008
Cheekie

Hahahaha! Terrific post.

Loved this especially: “Figure 3: No matter what you do, at the end of the day it’s still a fucking Civic”

Thank you! Someone needs to tell this to MTV and Xzibit who have even further glorified an already much-too-glorified concept.

Also, don’t forget the game console in the trunk.

Esquire – “…a knock off Louis Vouitton bag”

Aw, this is the worst! I mean, when did LV start designing cars? Asses.

11 08 2008
YorubaQueen

First I’m so sad that you are at your last few posts on this site I’ve been a lurker and never got around to posting…I can’t get facebook at work and now I will have to actually do some work at work…dammit…
Anyway…Here in Milwaukee, where the high school graduation rate is like 46% (if it’s that high…that’s a number from about five years ago)…you see those kinds of cars all over the place…especially in the hood where I live.
I’ve seen cars with Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch, Scooby Doo, McDonald’s, and Dora the Explorer (fool can’t even say one in Spanish but got her little ass on his side door…he needs to be WATCHING Dora) painted on the sides and all around…Just last night I saw some fool in an El Dorado painted green with 30 inch wheels and fucking dayglo/gloworms attached to the bottom of it…looked like he was about to float his ass into a damn X File movie with Xhibit…

And Knatural I feel you on the Pimp My Ride reference…

YQ

11 08 2008
Ethel

Don’t forget the lacquered pictures of Elivs or Jesus [or both] on the hoods of such tricked vehicles. Yes, I live in Cally and I’ve actually seen this.

my GAWD How I’m going to miss this blog when it’s gone.

Thanks for brightening my Monday!

11 08 2008
Laurel

I couldn’t understand most of the post but I get the idea. I really hate when the Vietnamese gangstas in my hood do this to their cars only to play bad techno music really, really loud. They do seem to get the cutest girls though.

11 08 2008
Defiant

Sarah I’m with you on the Vespa in todays world it’s the way to go although I’m not sure you can ride them on the highways. Up here in Toronto you don’t really see the tricked out cars that you do in LA LA Land thank goodness for that. I don’t really see tricked out rides as a black thing it’s more of an Italian, or Middle Eastern Gino type thing.
Right now I ride my ass to work on a 21 speed road bicycle, I pimped it right out with the bull horns, and a splash guard, I’m currently saving up for some shocks so I can take it off some sweet jumps… Bitches always be hollarin when I peddle by.

11 08 2008
former lurker

have any of you seen the spinning HUBCAPS (they can be purchased at your local autozone and walmart)? they are the f*cking worse. it’s like- no, i can’t afford to waste money on rims that spin, but i can afford $25.99 for some spinning hubcaps….

they spinnin’ n*gg@, they spinnin’!!!!

11 08 2008
former lurker

“Bitches always be hollarin when I peddle by.”

LMFAO. that could be a rap line

11 08 2008
Lindsay

Did you already mention the Latinos who buy a Civic, then in the ‘tricking’ or ‘pimping’ process, put a giant “HONDA” decal across the front windshield (and sometimes back, for good measure)?

11 08 2008
Sister Toldja

“….then apologize to your father for being born” LMAO! I’d wager that these guys don’t often have dads.

Yes, don’t forget (for the Negrodian whip masters) the TV screens in the headrest, side view mirrows and dashboard showing porn, as they ride down the block with their male homies (no homo, of course).

11 08 2008
Defiant

“they spinnin’ n*gg@, they spinnin’!!!!”

LOL fuck I needed that!

11 08 2008
Jen

“There is at least one girl reading this blog right now sporting a newly moistened vagina because the last paragraph would seem to indicate that I know what the hell I’m talking about.”

SO??? AND??? WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT???

Girls like it when boys sound like they know more than us about ANYTHING. That is sexy to us. We can’t help it. It is a quality which comes bundled with ovaries to ensure intelligent progeny.

11 08 2008
Lindsay

Yes, former lurker, I have seen spinning hubcaps.

They’re usually on minivans in my neck of the woods.

11 08 2008
Jen

Spinning hubcaps will get you jumped in the H-Town.

11 08 2008
BK24/7

A few years ago my boy came to pick me up from the bus station with spinning hub caps on his girlfriend’s Maxima. Didn’t this car come standard with rims or at least, nicer hubcaps? I almost didn’t get in the car!

11 08 2008
Jay_Everyday

LOL I love seeing the dodge caravans lowered with 15″ daytons. That’s a testament to continuing poverty for years to come. I also love the pickup trucks with Hernandez across the back window, Horses painted on the tailgate, and either above or below the name is The Virgin of Guadalupe. Way to do something that hasnt been done before guys.

http://www.cheesecakeexperience.com

11 08 2008
Lindsay

Suddenly I have the urge to listen to some Paul Wall and/or Slim Thugga…

11 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Tacoma Park and Hyattsville, MD= Hell on earth. National Wholesale Liquidators hubcaps, horse/Jesus/Mary Magdalene/praying hands/pissing Calvin decals as far as the eye can see.

11 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

I’ve never understood the appeal of trickin’ out a car–unless of couse, there’s a trick giving it out in the car….both pointless to life on plant Earth in my opinion.

11 08 2008
Amadeo

The only way I would ever put any sticker on my car is:

1) I need it to park somewhere
2) I’m getting a check from a sponsor

Worst thing I ever saw…a Geo Tracker with two tv’s in it. For real? You should have just put that to a better car.

I am down with some engine modifications…but I’d rather my car looked like it just rolled out of the factory and be able to beat yours. I never understand dudes getting NOS…unless you race there is no point. Unless you hope to explode upon crashing.

11 08 2008
Jen

Pissing Calvin = Official Crest of the Order of the Po’ White Trash

11 08 2008
BK24/7

There should be a law prohibiting the renting of rims.

11 08 2008
Dekela

NYC is no exception (although I have seen less and less of it, maybe the recession has its perks) and my Hispanic neighbors love this shit…

Conversations usually go like this with a chick

(blasting Daddy Yankee or Yandel)

Chica: Ay Papi, me gusta your whip

Chico: Yea I just upgraded (insert part here), change (insert part here) and
added black chrome (insert rim size) here to this cuerpo

Chica: OOoo the paint is so shiny, I love the red and blue body with White
stripes…

Chico: Yea, ya know we (insert country here) gotta represent (Cuba, DR, PR,
other spanish speaking country with Red White and Blue)

Chica: Sooo, when you going to take me for a ride?

Chico: (screams to his mother in the window) Me boy!

**** 9 months later chico and chica have chicklets*****

Damn you Honda, Toyota, Mitsubishi et al to Hell…..

11 08 2008
Monie

Actually I never really notice those ‘tricked out’ cars. I really never pay attention to any cars, they just aren’t my thing. As long as a car is safe and reliable I don’t care what it looks like.

The only thing that can make me really notice a car is if it booms. I HATE those stupid efin sound systems that you can hear from blocks away. Also I really hate it when those idiots with the stupid sound systems drive by at night and make all of the car alarms go off. By the way I hate car alarms too because they are useless no one pays any attention to car alarms so what the point.

11 08 2008
blackberry molasses

this post made me laugh so hard i accidentally poured ice cold water all over my dress… thanks Chris…

as a classic car aficionado (my dream machine is a 76 Camaro SS, but I settle for a 77 Hemi Cuda), the assholes that proceed to trick out civics, accords and the like can go kill themselves… i really only have respect for people who RESTORE classic cars…

and Xibit needs to die slow death for Pimp My Ride… what he did to that classic Mustang should be classified as a federal offense… DVD player in the headliner that doesn’t flip down so it can look like the sun is shining in the car? WTF is the pointof that shit? cut the top off and make it a convertible, you asshole.

11 08 2008
Knatural

I just don’t like bamma shit…tricked out cars more than qualifies.

11 08 2008
Esquire

Cheekie,

apparently Gucci and Coogi design cars.

Bob Johnson has a burberry Chevy.

11 08 2008
Monie

BK24/7,

I hope you’re joking about people renting rims…..

11 08 2008
Nice

I hate it also. Some thundercats around my neighborhood have cars painted with the likes of Dora The Explorer, Spong Bob, and Tony the Tiger. They are all old school Caprices with like 23′ rims on them and TVs in the headrest. Everytime I see them driving down the street I cant do anything but laugh, especially at the pink-ass Dora car.

11 08 2008
Quiet Storm

“I love cars painted like 7up cans, Skittles Bags,a pair of Jordans, M&Ms, or (ohhh ohhh) a knock off Louis Vouitton bag. When they bounce up and down and pump so much bass you cant recognize the song…I just go crazy.

If you have no idea what I am talking about…catch a flight to ATL.” -Esquire

I went to college in the ATL and thought I was in some kind of Twilight Zone my freshman year when I saw this s@!#. I even saw a “Gucci” car, interior AND RIMS and a “Louis Vouitton” motorcyle! W.T.F.! And to completely trick a Crown Vic, are you serious? Crown Vic in NY are either undercover Police cars or a damn taxi.

11 08 2008
Cheekie

@ Esquire: OMG, stop! No joke?

LMFAO @ Burberry chevy. Those two words put together done put Black people back 350 years.

11 08 2008
former lurker

wait, you can rent rims?

11 08 2008
Esquire

I hate it also. Some thundercats around my neighborhood have cars painted with the likes of Dora The Explorer, Spong Bob, and Tony the Tiger.

I, too, have seen DUMB shit like this. It is unreal. I mean…I havent seen any cars rolling around with Martin Luther King on them. Whats up with that?

11 08 2008
Amadeo

Wait…I love when people upgrade their stereo and you can hear the panels on the car shake and vibrate over the music… I point and laugh.

11 08 2008
Esquire

Rent and Roll

http://www.rnrwheels.com

(sigh)

11 08 2008
Nice

Seeing spinning hubcaps is an everyday thing to me. People even haves ones that match their cars. I especially love it when only 2 or 3 of the hubcaps spin.

11 08 2008
scarletjones

Can we talk about what’s even worse than the scooby doo, m&m’s, and LV trick jobs…. when the asshole who owns the car steps out and his whole outfit matches the freaking car!

I kid you not, in auburn alabama I witnessed some bama ass fool with a McDonalds themed job on his car and this fool walked out of the car with red and yellow fat striped socks, a red 50XL t-shirt, some yellow jean shorts, and some damn red and yellow shoes (air force ones perhaps). i almost expired in the parking lot!

11 08 2008
blackberry molasses

Rent and Roll???!?!?!?!?!?!?

no. words. none.

11 08 2008
former lurker

rent and roll…wish i woulda thought of that.

“I especially love it when only 2 or 3 of the hubcaps spin.”
-i’ve seen someone get out at a stop sign and try to fix their non-spinning caps. it was hi-f*cking-larious

11 08 2008
Knatural

Is this a Southern & West Coast thing? I don’t really see these abominations in DC (thank God!).

11 08 2008
BK24/7

Yep, you can rent rims, but you better pay on time or you’re whip will be sitting on blocks in your driveway! They don’t play.

I went to Atlanta for the first time this summer, but I was in the ‘burbs and didn’t see any crazy cars, but I was told about the a Target car and a Clorox Bleach car.

I need an explanation. Why in the hell would you put logos for cleaning products on your car? Proctor & Gamble isn’t gonna pay your ass for advertising their products. Gucci and Fendi I can understand as they are luxury products, but Dora? Cap ‘n Crunch?

11 08 2008
Jen

@Amadeo – the first time I was in a vehicle with vibrating parts I thought the speakers had blown out. When I advised the gentleman, a Miami native, that he might have salvaged his expensive sound system had he played his music at a more considerate level, he assured me that the rattling was just his back license plate. It was around this point I first considered transferring colleges.

11 08 2008
scarletjones

rent-a-rim = “the devil”!

11 08 2008
Amadeo

Not in D.C.?

But ya’ll sure got some countryness…Remeber when cats started rocking Bo-bo’s? For the uninitiated the socks to the knees with the thick colored stripes at the top.

11 08 2008
vitazza

I luv to see spinners on minivans exp…..whenone gets stuck!!!!!! Waste!

11 08 2008
Jen

“I need an explanation. Why in the hell would you put logos for cleaning products on your car?”

Southerners appreciate and are inspired by sleek logo design.

11 08 2008
YorubaQueen

**** 9 months later chico and chica have chicklets*****

It’s too early in the morning for this right here LMAO

11 08 2008
Knatural

I hate countryness…

11 08 2008
YorubaQueen

Sad part about countryness is: it’s everywhere…
Milwaukee’s country comes from south side of Chi…no offense to the Chi towners but DAMN y’all southside folks are COUNTRY…and trife…

11 08 2008
Quiet Storm

How about dumb asses that put butterfly doors on a [insert an old ass hoopy make and model] and sound system. w.t.f I shit thee not, that I seen this when I was visiting someone on Morris Brown campus in Atlanta. They had to the nerve to drive around the campus the WHOLE time I was there with the doors up and their music blasting trying to holla.

11 08 2008
Esquire

Scarlet…I just snorted LAUGHING. I have seen that shit too. For real….I cant even fuck with yall today.
He also has his son dressed like a big damn M&M/ Gucci purse.

my people.

and stop blaming this on country people. They are only country when they have the gold fronts to match the stainless steel jewelry.

11 08 2008
Esquire

Quiet…

You aint never seen a Chevy with tha butterfly doors??? Stuntin is a habit. Get like me.

11 08 2008
riz

Wow. Ya’ll hate the cars, the cars that go boom?

The worst is when some 2520 drives a tricked out truck, with an annoyingly loud sound system, and he bumps rap, usually of the 1990s gangsta genre. This would be bad enough already, but it kills me when he looks over at me while I’m walking or driving down the street, and nods knowingly, like we have anything remotely in common.

In LA, the middle-eastern guys bump bad bad techno. In NorCal, the 2520s bump Limp Bizkit or one of those new rap/rock groups.

11 08 2008
mari

@quiet storm: “have you ever seen a chevy with tha butterfly doors” – David Banner.

11 08 2008
mari

oh esquire you got to it before me!

11 08 2008
Amadeo

White dudes love to raise their trucks and get big knobby tires.

And hang fake balls off the back.

11 08 2008
YorubaQueen

Try butterfly doors on a Suburban…or Tahoe…RI-DAMN-DIC-U-LOUS

11 08 2008
BK24/7

@ Jen

So down south there are legions of frustrated graphic designers and designers who celebrate the best in commercial logo designs by plastering their cars with them?

Or is it the desire to be different? Is someone sporting a Viagra car? Maybe Enzyte which gives you “natural male enhancement”?

11 08 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

yoruba queen – you’ve clearly never been to detroit.

11 08 2008
Esquire

lol Im fast like that mari!

11 08 2008
Ms. Sula

I am with Knatural.
Hi, I am Ms. Sula, and I couldn’t bloody care less about what your car looks like.

I am all for a very solid public transportation system, or bikes.

Now a 2009 Specialized Roubaix would make my panties very moist.

11 08 2008
riz

I just don’t know how to respond to anybody with a ridiculous tricked out car. They always want compliments, and since the car is usually all they have, I feel bad about telling them about much life that they wasted on it.

11 08 2008
JG*

I’ll check back in when the comments turn kinky. 🙂 LOL But I had to comment on this:

“There is at least one girl reading this blog right now sporting a newly moistened vagina because the last paragraph would seem to indicate that I know what the hell I’m talking about. Jesus Tapdancing Christ.”

I wasn’t moist.. but I did think “Wow, Chris knows exactly what he’s talking about”… But because I too cannot stand this douchebaggery, my vagina began to roll up into itself.

11 08 2008
Amadeo

LOL @ Imploding Vagina

11 08 2008
Jen

“Is someone sporting a Viagra car?”

That is a damn pretty blue.

So, I’d wager that there is.

11 08 2008
YorubaQueen

Mrs. Kennedy: what kind of tomfoolery do they have going on in Detroit? I know ever since I heard about the Gator parties y’all give some years back I’ve been officially offended with the city of Detroit lol…

And how can folks afford anything in Detroit? Y’all need some snow shovels first…and some salt…I’ll send y’all some over the lake

11 08 2008
scarletjones

@esquire – please not the baby!?! that stuff makes your heart hurt. 😦

@Quiet Storm – why was i driving with my mom in oklahoma city a couple of months ago and saw some douchebag driving his tricked-out-butterfly-door-bucket doin the same damn thing? Tragic!

11 08 2008
BK24/7

Oh, I can’t forget the cars with cheap ass speakers in the grills so these fools can broadcast tinny ass Lil’ Wayne mixtapes up and down the street. I heard and saw this crap in Tampa.

11 08 2008
mari

@BK24/7: i hear/see this all the time. except now, it’s the the carter 3. *sigh*

11 08 2008

i love it when guys are trying impress you by saying:

fart knocker:”I got a tricked out escalade on 26″ rims, 4 TV’s and 986 amps”

me: “Really? So you own your own home right?

11 08 2008
Ms. Sula

But then again I live in H-Town aka Land of candy colored crazy looking old cars that bump up and down and have some kinda crazy looking light in the trunk…

It’s funny AND sad.

11 08 2008
Esquire

More funny than sad to me. But Im evil

11 08 2008
mari

nasty old man in ‘tricked out’ car: ‘ooh ma, you look like you ready’

best friend (when she was a minor): ‘excuse me?!’

nomitoc: ‘you know what i’m tumbout…you ready! lemme talk to ya’

WRONG. Just…WRONG.

@esquire: damn right it’s funny:-)

11 08 2008
Dynamic Diva

Phucking Hilarious! Yeah, you did forget to mention the two dudes in the tricked out car riding around watching a “flick”! Sup with that? Why the hell are you and your boy riding around watching a porno? Gotta love Atlanta!

11 08 2008
livininphilly

If you’ve never seen it in the DC metro area Knat then you must not have been to the waterfront in Anacostia on a Saturday afternoon in the summertime.
The worst is when you pull up behind someone with head rest tv screen and porn is playing. So gross and unexpected.
The car show has been happening for quite some time and i’m not gonna lie I used to go down there to watch but most of these cars were restored classics.
I will agree that I have respect for people who restore classic cars and I dream of owning a fly-ass 1975 Chevy Caprice complete a nice sound system & rims. Call me what you will but I really do like the old-school car culture. However, my parents did raise me w/ enough sense to know that there is no choice between saving money to stop fucking renting & buy a house and saving money to trick out a car. Priorities people, priorities.

BTW: the best taxi experience I ever had was in Philly when I got a taxi on Market street and the cab was complete with head rest tv screens, rims & a crazy sound system. Yes, this was an actual cabbie & not a hack (a side hustle where people drive others around in their cars for cheaper than a taxi, aka the poor man’s taxi service. These people don’t exist in MD/DC/VA this I can assure you off and is strictly a Philly thing).

11 08 2008
Amadeo

@ livinphilly…

Bmore would dispute your hack claim. Cappadonna from Wu-Tang was rumored to hack down here and he confirmed it in an article.

People were laughing at friends saying, “Yo, I think a dude from the Wu-tang just gave me a hack.”

11 08 2008
brran1

Just because you watched ‘The Fast & The Furious’ (which was a remake) does not make you Dale Earnhardt.

Go Play In Traffic.

11 08 2008
Knatural

oh yeah…the Anacostia “waterfront”.
No thanks.

11 08 2008
Amadeo

Damn Knat…you must be ducking a whole quarter of town to avoid the countryness…given the nature of that quarter I wouldn’t blame you.

11 08 2008
Jen

So…the filth shot three teenagers in Montreal and killed one of them, so the Haitian-Canadians have been rioting. Anybody read about this yet?

11 08 2008
livininphilly

@ Amadeo, LMFAO that is a mess. Didn’t know that about B-more but i’m not surprised. I’m originally from the DC area and before I moved to Philly I had no idea what the hell a hack was. The first time I got in one I was so afraid that I was gonna be abducted I asked him to let me out down the street from my house & circled the block so he wouldn’t know where I lived.

11 08 2008
Knatural

Damn Knat…you must be ducking a whole quarter of town to avoid the countryness…given the nature of that quarter I wouldn’t blame you.

Yep.

11 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Livininphilly

I confused the hell out of a girl from D.C. by catching a hack to take her to the train station. When we got out she was like:

I didn’t know you called a cab?
I didn’t
Did you know him?
Nope
then…how the…what the…
It’s called hacking sweetie

No

11 08 2008
Sister Toldja

YourubaQueen-Why is it that every woman who comes to this site with (African word/country) and Queen as her name has to be rude? LOL.

Chicago’s south side is more than just the countryfied folks rollin on them Impalas and Monte Carlos (though I do love me a Monte Carlo!) Please have some respect, young lady. Common, myself and our next president, Barack Obama and I are all proud representives of the South Side of Chicago. We did NOT teach Miluaukee (I don’t know how to spell it because it is not a relevant place) how to be country. Them Jheri curl wearing ninjas did it to themselves.

That said, when I was in 9th grade, I recall a place in the Chi called “Pizza, Rims And Thangs”, which sold pizza and rims, amongst otha thangs.

11 08 2008
JG*

Candler road in ATL is full of cars of varying fuckery.

Amadeo: So how do you “catch a hack?” Do they have signs?

11 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

You don’t catch a hack. The hack catches you.

11 08 2008
Sister Toldja

I still can’t believe the hacking thing. I witnessed it a few months ago, but it was surreal. In Bodymore, Murderland of ALL the places in the world, you gonna get in a stranger’s car or let a stranger get in yours? THE FUCK!

The idea of Cappadonna doing it makes my heart sing, however! Whatever happened to his Slang Editorial? Or was I the ONLY one who bought The Pillage?

11 08 2008
Tamz

SO SO DEAD @ illegal leoparrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.

I just got back from the Bahamas and we were in a taxi-van in Nassau one night and the driver had the nerve to have 2 sleek looking TVs in this crusty, falling-apart van. When we got in the video that was on was Love In This Club, then it went to Lollipop and as we pulled up to our stop I heard Love In This Club again.

So could he only afford two videos on a continuous loop? I need answers.

11 08 2008
YorubaQueen

LMAO Sis. Toldja – Apparently MilWAUkee is relavent enough because it’s folks from y’all fine city that came up here in the 80s and early 90s stealing welfare checks when they were getting one in Chicago at the same time…led us right into the hell that is currently called W-2 …the biggest crock of crap in creation…
HOWEVER…You, Barack, Michelle, Common* get a pass…but hell even Bernie Mac (RIP) said that when Chi folks get into trouble they come to their cousin city of Milwaukee…

*the only black person of true note from MIlwaukee relavent to this convo is Coo Coo “in my projects” Cal…(hangs head in shame)

11 08 2008
Cheekie

YorubaQueen: President Barack Obama said to “lay off” Chicago Southsiders.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

11 08 2008
Jen

Dollar cabs saved my waddling pregnant life when I lived in Brooklyn.

11 08 2008
Nunya

I concur with Ms.Bisonette. People who put televisions in their cars are the worst BY FAR. Now, if you’re putting it in the back seats of an SUV so your kids can watch television on a long car trip, that’s okay (although you could be giving them a book(s) to read instead. Reading is clearly most fundamental at a young age); but why the fuck do you need a TV playing in front of you while DRIVING?! Don’t we have enough distractions that prevent us from driving properly?

And personally, I don’t have very much problem with guys who trick out their own cars with their own two hands, if that’s what they enjoy, AND THEY CAN STILL AFFORD TO LIVE COMFORTABLY IN THE PROCESS.

I can’t tell you how sick I am of athletes at my school using their whole, over-sized refund check to pay people to trick out their damn cars to a tee, yet they can barely pay their rent during off-season, summer training…..then they have to nerve to try and ask for all students’ association fees to be raised so they can get money over the summer while training. Ugh…Chris, can you please dedicate one of your 8 remaining posts to Student Athletes (mainly football and basketball players), some of the most obnoxious people on the face of the Earth? PLEASE?!

Anyway…

And as bad as it is when people try to trick out Honda civics and more modern cars, the fucking worst of all is when people trick out old, OLD cars (worst of all is when they give free advertisements to random companies like Pringles, M&M’s, Nerds, etc.). I HATE these cars with a passion. They’re too big and get in the way even worse than SUVs, they smell horrible, they’re WAY too loud, they’re ugly as hell, and worst of all, they’re awful for the environment…but of course, the owners of these cars don’t care about that. As long as these guys continue to pull girls who have as little common sense as they do personality, all is well in their little world.

Clearly, you picked a GREAT topic to go off on today, Chris. lol

11 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Soooo.. how do you know the difference between the Douchbags (hate that word) and the ones just doing it for fun?

Check out my blog CelebrityAdvice.com

11 08 2008
Amadeo

@ JG

You stick your finger out and whoever stops is your hack…unless there is a price dispute. It was actually started years ago by old men with Cadillacs and free time. They would chill in front of the market and ride you home for money. I’m not sure how it got so….regular.

@ Chris

Exactly.

11 08 2008
Amadeo

Re:
TV’s…it is the passengers job to entertain the driver. You can not watch anything on a TV while I drive…I’m hired help.

If you buy them for kids you might not get to say, “Don’t make me pull this car over!!!”

11 08 2008
Ms. Sula

So what’s the final decision? Which city has the worst population “tricked out” cars douchey owners?

I vote for the Deep South namely Houston and Atlanta… (Although in the H, you have to go to specific areas to witness it in action)

11 08 2008
Omar

@Amadeo – Oh, so that’s what they be sticking out their hands for with no cabs in sight I wish I would of knew that when I went to Morgan I could of made some extra money. It’s kind of like “Dollar Cabs” (even though they was like a $1.50 last time I was in one) in Brooklyn.

11 08 2008
Bailey Blues

Don’t talk about hacking Toldja lol!

In honor of tricked out loud cars…oldie but goodie, bubb rubb

11 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Omar

I know a lot of people that used to do just that. My Ace’s job was early in the morning, for the rest of the day he would run errands and hack for pocket/gas money. He even got some numbers out of the deal. I’m not sure what the price of gas has done to the “Hacking Economy”. Used to be 5 bucks flat…years ago.

11 08 2008
Jen

H-town has absolutely nothing on the ATL or the MIA. Our tricked out abominations are tasteful in comparison to the shit that goes down in the Deep South.

11 08 2008
Omar

I ain’t gonna lie I like fast cars, if gas wasn’t $4 a gallon I would get the Camaro from Transformers when it comes out… There are electric cars called Tesla’s that are fast and they are expensive as hell now but in a few years when they are mass produced the price will go down and I can probably get one of those.

http://www.teslamotors.com

11 08 2008
Knatural

Chicago’s countryness originates in Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, right? Detroit, too?
Detroit is full of bammas, though. Sorry. But every major city has a bunch of countrified folks.

Never heard of hacking until today. Illegal cabbing? Hitchhiking? Sounds scary.

11 08 2008
Bailey Blues

I vote for Atlanta.

When I was in high school, my classmates with tricked out cars kept protection under the seat, so people wouldn’t steal their rims.

And people got stuff for their cars as graduation gifts.

11 08 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Yoruba- *the only black person of true note from MIlwaukee relavent to this convo is Coo Coo “in my projects” Cal…(hangs head in shame)*

LMAOOOOOO!!!!!! He’s from Milwaukee?????? I always blamed the South for that song!!!!! AHAHAHAH! I used to sing that when I lived in the dorms at Howard, good times.

Bailey- I was hoping you were reading this! “HE HACKIN!” AhaHAHA!!!!!! Please consult your brother about the Capadonna story, I feel like he would know more details.

11 08 2008
Omar

Note to self when wife is out of town there is money to be made in Charm City…

11 08 2008
Bajan Girl

“There is at least one girl reading this blog right now sporting a newly moistened vagina because the last paragraph would seem to indicate that I know what the hell I’m talking about. Jesus Tapdancing Christ.”

Why would that be bad??

Common now… some of us ladies are actually interested in cars for real. I would willingly surrender family members (the ones I don’t like) for a fully restored 1967 Shelby Cobra 427 Super Snake.

What these simple bastards do to cars in the name of “tricking” them out is 9 times out of 10 of the devil and they need to be lined up and shot.

(mind you I will admit to watching pimp my ride for the sheer pleasure of seeing the fuckupedness that is the final result)

11 08 2008
Sister Toldja

NYC people are country too! Shit, running around with shirts that say “Hi Hater” on one side and “Bye Hater” on the back! We all got country cousins, it’s nothing.

11 08 2008
Bajan Girl

“Common now” = Come on now…

my fault.. typing while under the influence of the “itis”

11 08 2008
Bailey Blues

I’ll have to ask him about that story…I’m sure his Baldimore ass would know lmao!

11 08 2008
Omar

Dudes in ATL will put rims on anything; the only place in the world where you will find a ’89 Nissan Stanza on 24s.

11 08 2008
Bajan Girl

@Omar…

price went up… the “Dollar Cabs/Vans” are now $2 in Brooklyn…

11 08 2008
Bailey Blues

No, NYers are country as hell! Why do chicks rock skinny jeans, with some js, and a tucked in baby tee, with a COACH BELT (with the tag hanging)!!! And all this shit matches to the tee! (Size doesn’t matter)

She BROOKLYN as FUCK!

11 08 2008
JG*

They got that “whoooo whoooooo”

“That’s only in the mornin. You supposed to be up cookin breakfast. It’s like an alarm clock. Wooooo woooooo!!”

LOL It’s been a while. Thanks. 🙂

11 08 2008
YorubaQueen

LMAOOOOOO!!!!!! He’s from Milwaukee?????? I always blamed the South for that song!!!!! AHAHAHAH! I used to sing that when I lived in the dorms at Howard, good times.

@ Sis. Toldja

Yes he is from the MDub (yes we call Milwaukee the MDub…damn likkah) and he’s currently in jail on some drug charges…from what I understand…he’s a crackie from waaaaaaaaaay backie..

11 08 2008
Ms. Sula

roflmao @ ’89 Nissan Stanza on 24s…

That’s hilarious.

11 08 2008
Jen

I need me a hi hater/bye hater shirt.

*googles*

11 08 2008
Knatural

No, NYers are country as hell! Why do chicks rock skinny jeans, with some js, and a tucked in baby tee, with a COACH BELT (with the tag hanging)!!! And all this shit matches to the tee! (Size doesn’t matter)

UGH. I hate you Bailey! And, matching hair – or is that Baltimore (sorry Amadeo)
Chicks from Baltimore used to wear all blue, like Smurf blue, and have matching blue hair! Gross.

Country folks in DC dress like fucking circus clowns, makes no sense. Oh well.

11 08 2008
Kristina

I live in Atlanta, and we see this all the time. Now it’s the rednecks doing it. Seriously, I’ve seen tricked out pickup trucks with lime green paint and flames on it, with some guy who’s more than likely named Earl sitting inside. I hate tricked out anythings. My cousin had a 1995 Honda Civic that my uncle gave him. He got everything but the retarded flames painted on there. Now imagine being 10 years old and strapped in the back seat with the giant speaker(temporarily) moved on the floor. I was afraid I’d be deaf after that.

11 08 2008
Dekela

@Bajan Girl

When did that price jump happen? I took one a few months ago when it was $1.25, now $2.00???

I can get on MTA for that price..

11 08 2008
Jen

@Knatural – women in NY do that shit, too. They use about 3 oz of that brown gel to force the three inches of hair they have into something resembling a ponytail and then staple a phony pony with red/blue/purple ends to that shit. Sometimes they will also glue a bit of matching weave over their foreheads to create something resembling bangs. I cannot understand why someone who wants to have long hair would continue to relax, gel and weave KNOWING that is the reason they are so bald in the first place.

11 08 2008
riz

LOL @ stapling on a phony pony….

But I must say, this doesn’t seem to be a Cali thing at all. Cali tricked out cars are lowriders– no Viagra or Clorox designs– and the fake hair of choice is the blonde Beyonce wig.

11 08 2008
Bajan Girl

Dekela… price went up May 1st
I won’t lie though I will hop in one in a hot minute especially in the evenings when I don’t want to deal with a bus full of Bebe’s bad ass kids

Knat… NYC women will do that mess with the hair as well… they go from being buckwheat one day to pocahontas (sp?) the next and wonder why they don’t have but three hairs (think Homer Simpson) on their head

11 08 2008
Raina

LOL @ jesus tapdancing christ.

11 08 2008
Knatural

AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHAH @ Jen
Gel is evil. And I hate those nasty snatch-back/wannabe ponytails. Ladies, it’s ok to have short hair. Short hair is better than OBVIOUS weave.
I was watching that show Split Ends, where two vastly different salons trade stylists for three days, and of course Black salon traded with a White salon. The cameraman kept zooming in on giant containers of that nasty brown gel. Ugh, I hate that sticky, nasty, stuff. I was embarrassed.

11 08 2008
Quiet Storm

I didnt know the porno-playing-on-tv-headrest in the backseat was rampant in other states. Of course, I once again saw this FREQUENTLY on Peachtree Street in Atlanta. Try being stuck behind one of these assholes on Peachtree Street during All-Star weekend playing this…and he had the nerve to have a separate flat screen hanging above the back seat in the trunk so that people behind him can watch TV. How mother-fing considerate.

11 08 2008
Bailey Blues

I know about the colored hair. I actually did dye my tips different colors in college. It was fun! (And I’ve lived in Bmore too lol, me and my hood ways!)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5716381&id=8901011 (if you aren’t my friend you probably can’t see this)

11 08 2008
Amadeo

Asks Cappa about hacking in the first question..

Baltimore has a history of bad hairstyles…See: Hairspray

11 08 2008
Jen

Woman wears weave as club shirt (from mediatakeout.com):

11 08 2008
Knatural

Jen – that was trifling.

11 08 2008
Esquire

lol jen. she’s pretty too. too bad.

11 08 2008
riz

@ Jen, The worst part is the cheap ass belt…

Who watches Project Runway? Remember when that guy made his entire Fashion Week collection out of fake tracks? He was white, too.

11 08 2008
Ms. Sula

@Jen… I see she’s been watching way too many Project Runway… while High.

Trifling indeed.

11 08 2008
Ms. Sula

Riz… Get out of my head! That’s exactly what it made me think of.

🙂

11 08 2008
Bajan Girl

Dear God in heaven Jen.. that was just… damn …. what was the thought process behind that?

@riz.. I remember that madness… nasty…

11 08 2008
Knatural

Yeah, I remember that Project Runway triflingness. I was so mad at him, but he was always costumey like that. I hate weave.

11 08 2008
riz

I think he flat ironed and deep conditioned it, too. At least this broad has “natural” weave hair!

11 08 2008
Quiet Storm

Say word dollar cabs/vans went up in NY? I cant believe it. In Queens, especially on Jamaica Ave, you always see hacks there pretending they are hanging out but say “taxi, taxi” when you are in hearing range of them.

11 08 2008
Jen

Okay, so I am too cheap for the Cable, so I had to google this dude and his weave collection. Why do I actually like this outfit?

11 08 2008
Ms. Sula

@Jen… The outfit is cute… I wish it was feathers though instead of some Yaki. 🙂

11 08 2008
sarah

Why do I actually like this outfit?

…because you touch yourself at night.

11 08 2008
Knatural

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA @ sarah.
Precisely. Only a freak would wear human hair. FREAK!

11 08 2008
Jen

Mornings and afternoons, too, sarah. What, then?

11 08 2008
riz

Basically, he tried to make it look like fur, which woulda been okay, if it were fake fur and not from the local BBS. Plus, what happens if you get caught in the rain? Do you have to go put your behind under a hood dryer and keep a straightening comb in your purse?

11 08 2008
BenAfficial

She coulda probably grown that out naturally…

(save the bikini wax for next season)

11 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Jesus Tapdancing Christ… LMAO I can’t…just can’t mess with y’all today, and I have to deal with seeing at least one of thse ugly cars a day. Still, forever I love ATL.

11 08 2008
11 08 2008
shabooty

this one blurted out of my mouth when some azn bitch almost ran chris and I over at a redskins tailgate on saturday:
“women drivers / no survivors / slanty-eyes / your demise!”

11 08 2008
Dustin

That weave-over-the-titty shirt was kind of cute!

11 08 2008
riz

@ Jen: Haha.. Sadly enough, I’m vain enough to buy one of of those… Hell, I may set up a “hair hack” in bathrooms at the club: 5 minute press for those who have sweated it out.

11 08 2008
Some one

Chris must have pussy envy since he acts like such a bitch about everything.

11 08 2008
Jen

@Shabooty – I’m a fucking stereotype on wheels.

I can’t drive worth a damn. I back into poles, drive into the walls of parking garages, run over curbs. I’ve gotten my wheels aligned three times this year. I have driven into two parked cars. Speeding tickets are a way of life for me, and it takes me a goof five to ten minutes to parallel park whenever I go somewhere without parking lots or valet.

11 08 2008
BenAfficial

Hard enought to fill up these days without adding extra crap that costs extra…

Love it though when I see someone w 3 rims and a doughnut… and they’ll be rockin that ‘nut for weeks… lmao

I’m thinking about one of these pieces..
http://www.vespausa.com/Products/GTS.cfm

11 08 2008

Gotta love the dollar cabs/vans/trucks. The funny thing is you know it’s wrong but it’s so right. The person driving could be a serial killer, but you ride with his ass all the way down Nostrand ave holding your dollar tight.

11 08 2008
Uninspired Muse

Taco Bell??? Oh no no no. You gotta be ‘ballin’ in the Winn-Dixie, Wal-Mart, or Avenues Mall parking lot in Jacksonville.

Its fun watching them get tickets, in a lot with only 2 exits, and wonder why they couldnt get away.

11 08 2008
Bajan Girl

@ Ne…. HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what is funnier is that I live on Nostrand Ave. When I get out of the train station they are parked right up there and all you hear is “taxi taxi miss? where you go I take you”

11 08 2008
DJStylus

some classic material:

http://riceboypage.com/

11 08 2008
Dave

Awwww … Chris offended someone. lol.

I saw an old Hyundai Accent with spinning rims in LA, but I can’t wait to experience some of this fuckery when I move back east in a few weeks …

11 08 2008
BenAfficial

@djstylus- nice that’s funny as hell..

11 08 2008
sarah

Mornings and afternoons, too, sarah. What, then?

you know what they say about masturbating and hairy palms…

11 08 2008
Knatural

Sarah – that only applies to men! Get it straight!

11 08 2008

Bajan Girl.

I think it’s the best ever. lol YES it’s dangerous, dangerous and cheap!

11 08 2008
angrywhitewoman
11 08 2008
sarah

damn Knat! as a fellow DC native, how you gonna call me out like that?

11 08 2008
Knatural

AAHAHAHAHHAHAH… I have zero loyalty.

11 08 2008
sarah

can they even afford to do anything like that in New Orleans?

11 08 2008
Amadeo

I always wonder about D.C.

Artists, diplomats, the president, immigrants and some of the most country people you will meet this close to the Mason Dixon.*

*As someone who also lives close to the Mason Dixon and is surrounded by country folks I speak with authority.

11 08 2008
kablammyman

Oh, comming out to cali? Stop by to the bay area, so we can kick it.

11 08 2008
BenAfficial

The DC VA MD area is so diverse you are likely to see it all. N.VA you got a subdued style mostly just rims and more high end cars; MD the same w some tuners thrown in there and; Richmond- wow you’d think you were in ATL- candy painted Caprice’s or Cadi’s w 26’s in most of the select parts of town.

select = hood

11 08 2008
Esquire

Thank you angrywhitewoman.
you have ruined my workday with that link. Now I am pissed off that a newspapeer covered such coonerificness.

11 08 2008
Jen

lol@the comments from the article:

“I hope none of these people are on public assistance.”

11 08 2008
angrywhitewoman

oh come on esquire: “Eventually Flamin’ Hot Cheetos came to mind. “This car is hot, I’m hot, everything I do is hot, ” he said, adding that “hot” is his own personal slang for anything positive. When Granger gave me a ride in his Cheetos mobile in late June, we hadn’t traveled a city block before a trio of women visiting from Texas charged the car asking for a photo. “It happens every day, ” he said.”

i was horrified also, but have to admit that i laughed at first. if you watch the video, you get to see baby phat and her mom doritos.

11 08 2008
Ms. Sula

Of course, it’s a 2520 who owns the “Vehicle tatoo” store…

If you like it, at least make money off of it, you dwib!

*smh*

11 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

Damn, I’m from Milwaukee too…lol at YorubaQueen-you kinda had it coming for shitting on Chi-you know them country folks are angry! lmao…just kinding, or am I??? Anyway, Sista…for Milwaukee to be so irrevelant, you sure know our fashion trends…jherri curls-i almost fell out of my chair because i have NOT seen a jherri curl here since the early 90s, but take a hour trip south to the chi, i see those, socks with sandals, jerseys with no undershirts, FUBU, Baby GIRL fits, upper lip piercings and thick pencil braids all the time…anyhoot-there isn’t that much of a difference btwn the two cities and most residents travel back and forth…

As for tricked out cars-hate em…i’m not into cars like that anyhow; just something nice and reliable for “irrevelant” MilUaukee’s cold ass winters.

p.s. thanks for the facebook add Chris…u kinda cute:)

11 08 2008
former lurker

wait, so people that drive around with logos on their cars aren’t gettin paid for it?!?! IDIOTS!!

i saw a news story about some 2520 chic that had an ad for some employement website on her car- she was gettin $500/month.

11 08 2008
shabooty

@Jen

yea ive driven into a curb before… but that was the liqour-itis that got to me.

11 08 2008
Esquire

I bet Chris hates creole lawyers with tricked out cars riding around with thier straight hair and bad ass kids.

11 08 2008
former lurker

LMAO @ liquor-itis. i’ve been stricken by the ailment plenty of times…

11 08 2008
Cheekie

@ angrywhitewoman – You are plenty wrong for posting that article! I’m still cracking up at “Mr. Lemonhead” blinding America with his yellow ass car and matching outfit.

JessAKA Rabbitt – “early 90s, but take a hour trip south to the chi, i see those, socks with sandals, jerseys with no undershirts, FUBU, Baby GIRL fits, upper lip piercings and thick pencil braids all the time…anyhoot-there isn’t that much of a difference btwn the two cities and most residents travel back and forth…”

I HATE that this is true. lol I’m so glad I wasn’t afflicted with bamma-itis because so many people in my family/community are. Got an aunt who ADORES that country ass Newport News catalogue loud-ass, pattern-overhaul outfits with the EXACT matching purse AND shoes…AND sometimes hat. Got a cousin who is from here, but took the cliche route and moved to Milwaukee and he fits RIGHT in with his light-up billboard ass caps and neon clothes. DEAD @ this reverse evolution.

11 08 2008
former lurker

@cheekie- light up caps and neon clothes???

surely you jest

11 08 2008
Cheekie

@former lurker – LOL. I’m not even kiddin’. In fact, I saw a vendor selling light-up caps with whatever city you reppin’ emblazoned on them at Navy Pier in Chicago and thought, “Hmmm, [my cousin] would LOVE those”. Shiny ass.

11 08 2008
YorubaQueen

“socks with sandals, jerseys with no undershirts, FUBU, Baby GIRL fits, upper lip piercings and thick pencil braids all the time”

@ JessAKARabbit

See you MUST live on the far north/northwest side because over here around the 2-5 and Burleigh all I SEE is that mess over here…bastards….

“p.s. thanks for the facebook add Chris…u kinda cute ”

Is he? I haven’t seen his picture yet but I was willing to cancel my hysterectomy just for him based on his posts (I had my first and last child this year at 31…don’t u just HATE it when folks be like: how many kids u got? Oh so I’m supposed to have a shitload of kids because I’m black and stay in the hood? I’m sorry I LIKE birth control)

@ Esquire
– “I bet Chris hates creole lawyers with tricked out cars riding around with thier straight hair and bad ass kids.” – Dead…I am just dead

11 08 2008
Amadeo

Hold up…they sell flashing whatevers at all the events. For a while people had some lights that went in your mouth like fronts. I wanted to smack someone but there were so many my arms would have got tired.

11 08 2008
YorubaQueen

Oh yeah JessAKARabbitt…those folks with the jherri curls and whatnot claiming to not be from Chi…technically AREN’T lol they are just first generation Milwaukeeans…

11 08 2008
Roger

When I got my Accord, a sista asked me “So are you gonna put some rims on it?” Mind you, I bought a Value Package Accord (basically the old DX model with A/C and a CD/tape deck, so, in all, I spent $17k)–and I was a grad student. I looked at her like she had told me she was Republican and said (with as much disgust as I could muster) “No.”

11 08 2008
riz

I’d rock a light-up cap…

11 08 2008
riz

LOL @Amadeo… I can imagine him walking around a fair or some event, just backhanding nig-nogs left and right until he runs out of breath.

11 08 2008
former lurker

@riz: what would your light up cap say?

amadeo’s should read: slappin ignorant nig nogs since 1995 (c)

11 08 2008
riz

My cap would have my entire resume listed on it, including all of my degrees, accomplishments, awards, GPAs and multiple light skinned races of which I am less than 1/8 part…..

Or maybe just fingers twisted into the “West Coast” sign…

11 08 2008
Cheekie

Giggling @ just the thought of what everyone’s light-up cap would say.

11 08 2008
JG*

My cap would list the Do’s and Don’ts of Oral Sex. SBPH Edition.

11 08 2008
Randy Watson

Cappadonna say, if you in the garbage, check for a nigga…

I was all about wanting a tricked out car and then you realize there’s much more important shit to spend your money on.

They ain’t spinnin nigga they ain’t spinnin nigga they ain’t spinnin!

11 08 2008
Nice

Yoruba Queen. I am from the Mil too. Why do people that live in Milwaukee that are from Chi always gotta claim ‘Im not from here, Im from Chicago’? And they must make it a point that they hate Milwaukee- then go the fcuk back then.

11 08 2008
Amadeo

@ former lurker

I’m suffering now cause skinny jeans give me the same impulse.

11 08 2008
Jen

Kwarter Kreyole Kutie on the front of my light up cap. H-town on the back.

Rocked with my new hi hater t-shirt. Both the same shade of pink.

I’d have to pick up new ribbons, belts, shoes, socks, shoestrings and weave to match, but I think I can make it happen in the name of fly.

11 08 2008
Amadeo

Nig-Nog Knocker

11 08 2008
naapali

Angrywhitewoman thanks for making me feel like I bent down to pick up the soap in Cell Block H. That article and the accompanying video are testament to the collapse of civilization as we know it. We might as well learn Mandarin and wait for the Chinese with open arms.

12 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Wow, I kind of missed alot. Hello!

12 08 2008
defiant

You know according to the Mayan calender the world will end in 2012… After watching that sticker car video I really hope it does.

12 08 2008
letinstar

don’t see tricked out cars too much in the boston area…

but in phoenix, they are everywhere…they devote whole weekends of nothing but car shows, bimbos, kumbia music and bud beer on this shit… and this is marketed as “family entertainment” ….whenever i hear war’s “low rider” playing in the background, i start to duck because i expect fools to shoot their guns in the air…

12 08 2008
puff

furious at the “illegal leopaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard” lmao

does anyone else who lives in NY hate the random ass tricked out cars that show up in times square making all kinds of noise at 12am? god knows why i’m in times square at that time anyway, i hate it. goddamn tourist trap (says the immigrant).

12 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ puff…bet you’ll see my idiot cousin there…and he’s actually from queens…

12 08 2008
Justin

It’s not as bad as it was in the early 2000s.

12 08 2008
ViK

Tricking out your car can start with one of two items – your wheels, or your sound system.

Okay, I’ll admit I’ve only read this far, but it reminded me of a crazy incident from college. There was a guy who-riding around campus, trying to pick up girls, blasting his stereo. The bass of his system was blown out, so there was only a little *ting* where the beat should’ve been hitting. Plus, he was bumpin this

12 08 2008
ViK

Now I read the whole thing. At least the cars posted are nice. I thought you were going to write about paint jobs, rims and sound systems on hoopties. Lipstick on a pig.

12 08 2008
ViK


BK24/7 (15:51:28) :

There should be a law prohibiting the renting of rims.

AWWWW!!!! You’re taking me back to my (pre-Katrina) New Orleans college days! Rims rentals, clothing rentals (not tuxes, Gucsi and Channel), bag rentals, shoes….flossin! 😀

12 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Ok, so on the topic of the Walmart spinning hubcaps….as a joke in h.s. I got some (well, they didn’t spin) and put them on my car (I used to drive a rusty plymouth voyager). It was hilarious seeing how ppl actually thought they were real.

12 08 2008
Uninspired Muse

thanks angrywhitewoman for that article.

Im thrilled to know im moving back to that f@ckery…

12 08 2008
puff

@ CD oh dear. any relatives of mine indulging in such behaviour would be instantly bitchslapped and disowned.

@ ViK i’m so very furious at the 3LW. i also more generally hate when i’m in england and people ride around blasting drum and bass/rap out their speakers when they’re driving a renault clio. i have nothing against the renault clio, but it is also targeted at children and midgets. so seeing grown ass white men driving said cars blasting tupac generally pushes me beyond the limits of rationality.

12 08 2008
Bajan Girl

light up front!?!?!!? neon clothing!?!?!?! rented rim!?!?!?

Ok so the neon clothing not so much of a surprise given that I live in BK… seriously I thought I saw Barney the dinosaur in the train station this morning but it was just a ginormous lady with an unfortunate amount of blinding neon purple on… but I digress

people can rent rims and stuff??? I’m sorry my brain cannot process that…

light up fronts… that has to be an abomination from the pit of hell… really it does…

12 08 2008
Cheekie

LMFAO @ that fool riding around blasting 3LW!

As far as college experiences, I’ll never forget this guy with a tricked out bike. It had aluminum rims and a sound system. He’d ride around campus blasting 90s hits. I loved it. His name was Radio Raheem (not sure I spelled that right) and most people weren’t even sure he even WENT to that college anymore. I mean, he was ALWAYS outside. Never seen him in one class or once in any of the buildings.

12 08 2008
Mrs.Epps

what cracks me up about some tricked out cars..is when you see a Pento tricked out like shit toyo tires and all, but with a two-tone base coat paint job and the guy driving looks like he works at BK…ppl get your priorities straight ahah. that is all

carry on..

12 08 2008
Diilsmokedog

Don’t forget about the new thing. Rear view mirror monitors and tvs. That way the driver can get his tv on too. Who needs to look at cars behind them when they drive. That’s what the side view mirrors are for. LOL

http://technabob.com/blog/2008/08/02/rear-view-mirror-tv-say-to-hell-with-other-drivers/

12 08 2008
Network Guru

As one who has tricked out his cars over the years(65 VW Bug, 87 Mitsubishi pickup, 95 Accord, 2001 Jetta) I admit there are those who take shit just too far when trying to “express themselves”. But this kind of stuff happens whenever something gets extremely popular(take all the damn fools who have too many tats). People are gonna love or hate it.

12 08 2008
Sister Toldja

JessAKA-Chicago is way more than that, lol. I didn’t grow up in a neighborhood where people did those things. We were the “love jones” set, not “Hoop Dreams”. As far is Miluaukee, all I know is that in 1998, a lot of your men were at Great America rocking curls. I don’t think I thought on your great city since, sorry! LOL.

13 08 2008
Siobhan

LOL…my Altima is factory. I bought it so I wouldn’t HAVE to add anything to it.

beautiful kisses
Siobhan

13 08 2008
MiracleMax

I live in southern california, trust me there isnt that many crazy ass looking “upgraded” cars. For ever 100,000 cars we have on the road we have about 40 dumb ass poor illegal immigrants children tricking out the family Scion. So dont worry, we have sooooooo many cars in this start you wont even notice those tricked out cars after about 3 hours, if you see any in that period at all. You will most likely see shiny black cars with fancy rims, or a shit load of prius. Either giant ass hummers, or small hybrid cars. California is completely bipolar. This video pretty much sums it up…..

This video is like a 3 minute crash coarse into life of the douches in Los Angeles, and our priorities…..so so sad, and so so true….

13 08 2008
MiracleMax

Oh and if you love white guys rapping you will love that video above…..

13 08 2008
klysha

This post is freaking hilarious! I am from the south where they take this to a whole different level. Except it’s almost exclusively on 20 year old duece and a quarter chevys. I saw my first free advertisement mobile in New Orleans. It was a chevy painted like a box of Trix cereal. Are these dudes getting endorsement checks???? If not this is the second stupidest thing ever right behind tvs in the headrest. It wasn’t until I moved to MD and went through Hyattsville that I realized that the hispanic folk have their own version of this. You can always tell when a car is owned by a person of Hispanic descent by the decorated seat cover and the logo on the windshield. Well that at the latin music booming through the sound system. This trend is probably in the top ten list of reasons black and brown people have the lowest average personal savings. Because all our wealth is riding around advertising products for free or taking off from the red light leaving tire marks on the pavement.
http://www.mysixcents.wordpress.com

13 08 2008
my2blackbabiesrbeautiful

Everyday I get on here, the conversation has changed! I cannot even read further due to the thought of rented rims. DONE!
The other day, I had the pleasure of watching “Baby Boy” on the fucking flatscreen TV mounted on a fool’s bumper.

My neighbors bought a newer used Chrystler 300 and tricked out the gas plate, licence plates, bought new rims, widened the tires and tinted the windows. They also had a black 99 lexus completely repainted–white. There was NOTHING wrong with it.

With three children, I guess that was a stimulus package well spent!

14 08 2008
Marcus

Too fucking true. You seem to live right in my area, so I’m pretty sure you’ve seen all of the hispanic guys sitting in the Montrose Crossing parking lot in front of Timpano’s just sitting there revving their cars up or doing donuts in the part of the parking lot that is always empty (beside the Old Navy). I used to see it all the time when I was getting off of my shift at Target when I used to work there and it drove me up a fucking wall.

16 08 2008
cao

Hi,

Okay first off honda civic are not meant to be tricked out lol. I like to work on cars for fun and its kinda cool cus I fixed up a piece of junk my uncle bought at the auction because it was so cheap that he couldn’t pass it up. turns out it was a 70 challenger lol. So sometimes its good to fix up cars. I like to make em fast and just to add most asian cars are cheap pieces of shit that can’t hold it on a track against raw american muscle. before anyone comes at me I’m not even american. but i give american muscle cars their props except the new charger that handles like a boat.

27 08 2008
1luv

why does everyone complain so much when someone has their music blasting and their bass bumpin? obviously the ppl who do it could care less bout ya so whats th point in complaining nothings going to change. and people can do whatever th ef they want to their cars becuz guess what? its THEIR car. so why u hatin on em? hmm jealous? and im pre sure that they will still know that at th end of th day and after all the modifying its still a honda civic cuz they have to pay th car insurance on it and if u have a brand new car…its more money geniuses. stop judging and being jealous and let people do there own thing. and just keep driving your boring car and listening to your talk shows or boring christian music because no matter what u gunna hear us bumpin and u gunna see us coming how can u miss r fly as$ paint jobs haha OUT

9 12 2008
imdeepdownsouthnfl

I bet the you the only place youll hear this Is online. Boy and the stuff people say Just cause they can get away with it. Thats probly why trickout car owners do it.(cause they can) But I know one thing you wont say this in there face. But youll see the cars so deep in your face til u can give a well description of it.

16 12 2008
Riven

This article is brilliant. I came across it while writing a dating guide, actually looking for the correct wording to describe why NOT to date guys that drive tricked out cars. You’ve certainly covered every possible aspect of this theory here. Thank you for making me laugh out loud, making my dogs start barking and waking everyone in my house up at 2 in the morning.

14 01 2009
jtb

Well, I think you nailed the specifics on how to be a mexican. But, I would have to disagree on some of the other aspects. I have a respectable car (’05 Nissan 350Z) and I believe that if you have the money for a turbo kit, boost control, flywheel, clutch, cams, cranks, pistons, block, etc. Go for it. I don’t drive my car unless I’m going somewhere (to dinner etc or a race). But yes, all these mexicans that decide that a spoiler and floormats and a seat cover will do anything for their horsepower are fucktards.

1 02 2009
17 07 2009
jon-fuck blogers

all you guys are fags i think people that blog about people they think are gay are the biggest douche bags and ride bikes to work like the 40 year old virgin you guys probably still live with your mothers and cant afford the gas ….. eat my asshole :p

17 08 2009
Matt

So true man I have a friend like this though he can’t trick it out cuz hes broke and you’re right though you can get ass from a nice car you can get more by just being you(if you’re not an ass) and without money(which is what I strive for).

26 09 2009
Swollen Tester

I am happy that we have people that enjoy different things. It would be terrible if we were all the same. We would kill ourselves trying to figure out something original enough to talk about to the next person. We couldnt because we would all be the same. My friend talks about blacks and hispanics untill they are not around. Then he talks about blonds untill they are not around. Then he talks about girls till none are around. Then he talks about short people till none are around. Finally he is left with himself. U know what he does? He starts talking about his fucking self. Dumb fuck doesnt get it untill he is captured with same people he was talking about. They are all fighting for there lives. All of a sudden they are on the same team. He wants to work with the same people he cant stand. Asshole!

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