Lawyers

8 08 2008

In my short lifetime, I’ve met at least 50 lawyers. In total, I’ve liked exactly one of them: my sister in law. She’s extremely successful at it and has a work ethic that could only come with the laser-beam focus that seems to be innate in most asian people (she’s Korean) – but best of all, she doesn’t throw the fact that she’s an attorney in your face. In fact, if you didn’t think to ask, you would never know she was a lawyer. She never talks about it, never finds a way to bring it up ‘accidentally’ in conversation, and doesn’t throw shit like ‘J.D. or Esq.’ at the end of her name in emails.

This is the way all lawyers should be. In fact, this is the way most people with any amount of education should be. I once met an asshole who graduated from UMD’s business school and had the nerve to add ‘MBA’ to his name in his email signatures. I thought this was the worst thing I’d ever seen until I recently received an email from someone who had the nerve to attach ‘B.A.’ to their name. Motherfucking goddammit, unless you have a Ph.D, shut the fuck up about your goddamn academic/professional credentials.

Figure 1: Nobody cares. Get a job and shut the fuck up.

Pretty much all attorneys irk me unless they’re litigators, and the only reason I like litigators is because without them there would be no Law & Order. For those who don’t know, an attorneys are ‘people’ who spend their undergraduate careers not knowing what the fuck they want to do with their lives, so they wind up majoring in something like English, Economics, or Political Science. They graduate completely unemployable, and decide to go to law school to figure themselves out. Next, they spend three years becoming intimately familiar with the tedium of American law, taking internships at law firms that exhibit blatant displays of evil from overbilling to sexual harassment to marital infidelity (this is a favorite pastime among partners), and becoming functioning alcoholics.

Figure 2: Is your husband a lawyer? 80% odds are that he is in this picture, and you are not.

If you have a soul, you drop out of law school and wind up doing social work or joining Greenpeace. If you do not have a soul, you complete your studies and try to pass the bar. Once you pass the bar, you parade your attorney status around like a raving jackass while people who pass their medical boards to save lives get didley fucking squat. For the next 30+ years of their professional careers, 9 out of ten 10 attorneys charge $300+ per hour to file and manage insanely complicated paperwork for people that actually make an impact on the world. Fucking awesome.

The most frustrating thing about attorneys, however, isn’t their insane rates given the fact that most of what they could do could be fairly easily replaced by a robot with a DFA algorithm. Rather, it’s the level of prestige associated with being an attorney that makes absolutely no fucking sense.

Excluding the stratospheric income of some attorneys which naturally breeds kissassery from those with lower incomes, is there any true MERIT BASED justification for this prestige? There are some attorneys who have genuinely make the world a better place. Prosecutors take crooks of the streets, and defense attorneys make sure innocent people don’t get railroaded.

Figure 3: Correction – there are TWO attorneys that I like

ACLU lawyers defend the constitution (or some shit), and environmental lawyers at least pretend to try to keep nuclear waste dumps from getting put on Indian reservations. Aside from these people (who constitute a tiny minority)…lawyers are just people who have everyone by the balls by virtue of the complicated insanity of American law. They don’t save lives. They don’t build anything. They sure as hell don’t make the world a better place.

In fact, the main reason lawyers exist is to protect people from other lawyers.

Imagine that. A profession built upon getting clients to pay you to protect them from members of your own peer group. The legal profession effectively boils down to this:

1.) You and a friend each buy a machine gun
2.) You tell your friend to threaten a rich guy on the street “Gimme $10,000 or I’ll blow your head off”
3.) You then approach the rich guy and say “If you give me $500, I’ll blow his head off if he tries to kill you.”

I suppose it’s no wonder that law in the #1 gateway into the cesspool of politics. At least the world makes sense sometimes.

Figure 4: Laywer. Seriously.

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306 responses

8 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

I haven’t even read it, I just wanted to be first for once! Whooo!

8 08 2008
B4Prez

Damn, I was almost the first comment…but Shavonne Nicole had to throw salt in my game!

8 08 2008
B4Prez

BTW, I hate when ppl go around saying ‘first’ in comment sections…as I just attempted to so….

O yea, I also hate lawyers…mostly because of the money they make…but I hate them… a lot…

8 08 2008
former lurker

80% of law school graduates regret going to lawschool.

true story. i mean, i wouldn’t just make up a statistic to make it sound like i know what i’m talkin bout….

8 08 2008
former lurker

btw, my fathers a lawyer. i asked him why he decided on law, he said that med school was too damn hard, and one of the law school recruiters was cute

8 08 2008
Jay_Everyday

I have friends* studying to be lawyers. I’m gonna con them into defending me for free because I know so much about them. Maybe that’s a way to right the universe, befriend a lawyer, learn his or her bad habits and threaten to exploit them.

*They’re not really my friends.

8 08 2008
Monie

Third!!!!!

8 08 2008
vitazza

chuck Lawyers except Esquire and Jen and anyone here…..

8 08 2008
Monie

Darn it….people cut in front of me!!!!! 😦

8 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

Both my brothers are in law school and I wanna punch them both most of the time…

8 08 2008
Monie

One of my sisters is a lawyer…I haven’t even talked to her in years…I wonder if her being a lawyer has anything to do with it?…

8 08 2008
Knatural

(1) Are they’re any Black people left in your family?
(b) Why do always put the “dirty” pictures adjacent to the Recent Comments box?

8 08 2008
Ethel

My cousin is a lawyer but he’s one of the ‘good’ one’s as he was doing a class action lawsuit to sue Walmart. If that’s not goodness, I don’t know what is.

8 08 2008
Knatural

The worst lawyers: Lobbyists.
Corporations political prostitutes, seriously.

8 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

…remembers Tim Meadow’s impersonation of Star Jones. “I’m a lawyer!”

In a moment of insanity, I took the LSAT, realized what a crock of shit THAT was and figured out that I’d be better as a writer than a lawyer. So here I am in Grad School (I don’t tell anyone that right off the bat, I swear! No one cares!), and work as a PR hack. Woo-hoo!

8 08 2008
KadiBaby

Maybe I will join greenpeace, but for right now the poli-sci major is good to me.

8 08 2008
Natalie

I have no comment relevant to the actual posting. I’m just in love with Figure 3.

Sam Waterston = The Shit

8 08 2008
tp2

**Corporations political prostitutes, seriously.**

Some of them are actual prostitutes…

8 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Chris, you forgot Maxine Shaw Attorney-At-Law!

8 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

and “let the record show” that you forgot Claire Huxtable too

8 08 2008
JJ

“…they spend three years becoming intimately familiar with the tedium of American law…”

Which doesn’t require a high degree of intelligence either. Commiting things to memory or being familiar enough with a topic to know where to get the information you need doesn’t equate to high intellect. Lawyers are just law reference books with legs. They do the job that no one wants or has the time to do, which is “becoming intimately familiar with … American law.” Why? Because it’s fucking tedious and convoluted… and who the fuck has a few years to learn a whole system for their personal use just to use what they’ve learned maybe a few times in their lifetime? So why not just pay someone who has already done the ‘dirty work?’ It’s just more efficient that way.

I live in DC; my hair stylist, whose salon is at Farragut North, has a slew of clients who are lawyers. She once made a comment that if law degrees are being handed freely like water, she wants one, because most of her lawyer clients are bubble-heads with nothing interesting to talk about aside from pop culture. lol

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Awww, aren’t there a lot of lawyers (who seem to be cool people) on here? I think you just want to alienate us all in your final days. I hope the August 31 post is “Stuff Black People Hate: People who read Stuff Black People Hate…that’s why I’m peacing out bitches!”…and then you fly away.

But seriously, I’m from Philly where I’m pretty sure the number of lawyers per capita is about equal to the number of roaches. But since there is such an overabundance, people don’t really glorify it (and some lawyers, even aside from public defenders, have really shitty salaries).

8 08 2008
Esquire

crying (not really you know attorneys dont cry)

Honestly…anyone who says law school is not hard is full of shit. There are plenty of dumb lawyers, yes, but there are plenty of dumb doctors, teachers, etc… Every profession has those who get in and somehow pass the qualifying test to practice, but are really dumb as rocks.

#1 misconception: Law school teaches you law. NO. Laws change all the time, we dont fucking sit around memorizing laws. They teach us how to read, manuever, create, and argue those laws. Which can be incredibley easy, and incredibly hard.

It amazes me how many people hate attorneys…but as soon as something goes to shit…run downtown to the first one available.

8 08 2008
B4Prez

@Doc –

This is completely off-topic, but where is the ‘i don’t wanna get shot at the club’ crowd hanging out these days? A friend of mine was going to Philly and asked me about what she should do, and I couldn’t give her any ideas because it’s been so long.

8 08 2008
stuffgirlslike

First,

It is whoever claims it, I have copyright on being first.

The Problem with lawyers is that their personalities change to suit their profession, they are like accountants they like to argue over every detail. Now that makes it extremely difficult to get on with in any relationship.

I told you chris to lay off my PPE ( Philosophy, Politics and Economics) From Oxford (well near enough London). It has made me a well rounded individual who blogs and sell material on the internet.

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

I love lawyer for all the reasons you hate them. If I could use my major (CIS) in law school, I would just think I am a little old for an LSAT prep course though

8 08 2008
sarah

hey Chris, didnt you recently date a lawyer??

8 08 2008
B4Prez

It’s not you Esquire…it’s ur salary that I hate!

8 08 2008
Felinda

OH yah! me too. Lawyers irk me….i can’t really stand listening to them…all i hear from them is money money money…and money…

8 08 2008
tilshiloh

finally..lmao..

dad is one..younger sis is going to law shool next semester..cousin graduated last year and there are few more in my family..oh by the way i got accepted too. is dat the reason i have such a fu%$#ked up family of “over analytical idiots, and perpertually emotionless freaks” …?…starting wid moi..

FIRE BUN Y’ALL and you especially chris…lol…my family is cuul and we dont mention it till rasclats like u get cuffed jonni law for smoking some JAH BLESSED HERB/SENSI/GANJA or whatever y’all calling it these days…have a good weekend everbody…

i knew my blasted day was coming…..again FUCK Y’ALL AND THANK U MUCH CHRIS..

(calls sis and reminds him to read the blog today)

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Ah, sorry B4, I’m no help. I’m *from* Philly, haven’t lived there since ’99. When I go home I just do a lot of sleeping on my mom’s couch and occassionally make a trip to the King of Prussia mall or go bowling, lol.

8 08 2008
JG*

Funny. I was too busy refreshing the comments from yesterday I missed that there was a new post. It just felt weird. Even though you said there would be more, yesterday felt so final! Today’s post is almost like “ha, I was kidding, business as usual”… Such a tease.

8 08 2008
Jen

This post is tough, yet fair.

Only a lawyer could admit something like that to someone attacking her profession.

And, Esq. – you are right about law school except for one thing. It isn’t hard. It is time consuming.

8 08 2008
Esquire

“The Problem with lawyers is that their personalities change to suit their profession, they are like accountants they like to argue over every detail. Now that makes it extremely difficult to get on with in any relationship.”

Lawyers defend themselves like everyone else does. What a stupid comment and bad assumption. All lawyers arent like characters on tv. Transactional attorneys dont argue over anything and are accused of the same thing. Attorneys dont argue argue argue like on tv all the time. And at least in SC, we all know each other and are forced to get along with each other for that reason.

do people accuse surgeons of picking things apart all the time? Or scientists of blowing shit up all the time? lol

I argue in here to be funny. Being an attorney is a occupation, not a lifestyle. Like anything else. When other people debate…they arent accused of being…lawyerly. Its like saying women are too emotional or blacks are prone to violence. Attorneys arent prone to arguing.

I will pick your argument apart in a millasecond. But I woulda done that if I was a stripper or a mechanic.

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Esquire: It amazes me how many people hate attorneys…but as soon as something goes to shit…run downtown to the first one available.”

I think that was part of the point though. Lawyers MAKE us need them. Without them, all disagreements could easily be solved with a quick game of “1,2,3,4, I declare a thumb war” and gynecologists would be able to practice their love with women freely (thank you Mr. President).

8 08 2008
tilshiloh

reminds her..my bad..
damn…

8 08 2008
Esquire

Jen , you are smarter than me.

My first semester had me in tears. But I was coming from a totally different profession. I didnt like and wasnt used to way they taught. The socratic method sux. Just tell me what you want me to know, dont make me fight for it.

still…I must admit…this post was funny as shit.

8 08 2008
B4Prez

@Doc – I don’t blame u…it’s curtains for Philthy…I mean Philly

@Jen – Everyone was raving about how good u look in the post. Can the rest of us see these pics??

8 08 2008
Omar

gotta love the anology of lawyers and the protection racket, yet another business that gangsters had that was made legal.

If I had less of a conscience I would’ve been a lawyer…

8 08 2008
Jen

@Esq – I think people think lawyers are prone to argumentation because we (and as a law student, I am clearly using the term “lawyer” loosely, here) are better at it. But what can one expect from somebody who was literally trained to analyze and find the loophole? People notice and get frustrated at being pwned all the time.

8 08 2008
Esquire

True The Doc,

But I mean not when someone sues you and you need an attorney to defend you…but when someone gets lawsuit happy. Like…a bus “almost” hit me…Im suing.

I found a finger in my food. Im suing. lol
I got the point of his post, I was just saying there are people who “hate” attorneys but are always talking about using one.

8 08 2008
Esquire

for example…

canisue.com

really?

8 08 2008
tilshiloh

“Without them, all disagreements could easily be solved with a quick game of “1,2,3,4, I declare a thumb war” and gynecologists would be able to practice their love with women freely (thank you Mr. President).”

to “The Doc Is In”

only on this blog..only on this blog..chaking head hysterically..
damn will i miss this when it’s gone..

8 08 2008
sarah

Esquire, i am a scientist and i get accused of blowing up shit all the time. no matter who i talk to, its always, “you making crack up there?” or “how was the meth lab today?” stereotypes are annoying no matter what profession.

8 08 2008
Bassey

Tracy Morgan played Star Jones on SNL.
The worst thing about lawyers is that they can’t argue/disagree like normal people. My ex actually asked me to provide “evidence” when I caught him cheating and then “objected on the grounds it was privileged information.” We were in his living room.
I shit you not.

In other news, I’m having another birthday party tomorrow night here in DC. You are all invited.

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

B4Prez: @Doc – I don’t blame u…it’s curtains for Philthy…I mean Philly
Hey hey now, pump ya brakes homeslice (lol). I LOVE my hometown. The art culture is easily one of the top in the nation. I just happen to be antisocial and couldn’t tell ya the places where all the hip kids hang out, LOL.

8 08 2008
Jen

@B4Prez – there are cuter girls who post here. Did you out yourself on Facebook? If so, I will friend you.

8 08 2008
Omar

@sarah

“you making crack up there?” or “how was the meth lab today?”

umm… sounds like the people asking may be addicts…

8 08 2008
Esquire

oooh Jen,

I will say one thing. I love when clerks, property managers, etc…people try to tell me things are “against the law” without knowing Im an attorney.

My cousin’s air was broke in her apt and her landlord refused to fix it but still demanded her rent. I told her to withhold her rent or go buy an air conditioning unit and deduct it from the rent. Her landlord got all up in arms about it and told her she couldnt do that cause it was “against the law” She had to pay her rent no matter what. I nicely strutted my ass up there and spit a few landlord/tenant act provisions on her ignorant ass. Not only did she NOT pay the rent that much, but the landlord nicely fixed her shit.

People will get over on you just cause they can. and will try to use “law” to do it. Law school has taught me a few good research skill. lmao

8 08 2008
Esquire

Bassey,
you are shitting me. THAT is hilarious. I might would have stayed with him based on creativity alone.

8 08 2008
Jen

Bassey – your ex sounds like a DOOOOUUCCCHEEEBBAAAAAG. I dunno what the hell it is about this profession that attracts Black men who are prone to douchebaggery. You would think these fools with God complexes would just become doctors.

8 08 2008
Omar

“My ex actually asked me to provide “evidence” when I caught him cheating and then “objected on the grounds it was privileged information.” We were in his living room.
I shit you not.”

AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAH

8 08 2008
gabrieloneverything

“Bassey – your ex sounds like a DOOOOUUCCCHEEEBBAAAAAG. I dunno what the hell it is about this profession that attracts Black men who are prone to douchebaggery. You would think these fools with God complexes would just become doctors.”

I’m full of douchebaggery so I think I’m a pretty respectable source. As someone who is going to law school next fall, it’s because one gets the prestige of a doctor without having to do anything truly useful to help people. Plus you can use it to pick up women when you drop what law school you go to, etc.

8 08 2008
Sister Toldja

That first picture is hilarious to me for some reason. The Black girl looks happy, but the Asian girl is mean mugging her (perhaps because she is prettier than she). The Black guy is like “Fuck looks, give me the Asian” and the other two people are blurry. I should be an art curator!

Bassey- AHHHH! Wtf?

But we should all know this by now=

Black Man+ College Degree= Asshole

8 08 2008
B4Prez

@Doc – All right…I’ll fall back from discussing my true feelings about some parts of Broad St., lol

@Jen – I still haven’t joined Facebook…but I guess since Chris is evicting us on the 1st, I’ll have to.

8 08 2008
Jen

Gabriel.

PAUSE.

JD =/= MD

You will work more, make less money and be vilified, not respected. I suggest you take organic chem and sit for the MCAT.

8 08 2008
gabrieloneverything

@ Jen.

I know that JD =/= MD. But to unlearned fools and future trophy wives it’s good enough lol. j/k.

If I decide that I hate law school I’ll just go to graduate school for Mathematical Statistics or something work for the gov’t, go back, get my PhD and be called doctor anyway. No need for MCAT. Plus organic chem is crap. My gf is pre-med and has to deal with that trash.

8 08 2008
Esquire

I dont know Jen. Doctors work a lot. At least on ER.

Why ISSSS every black male attorney a dick?

8 08 2008
Jen

I vote for the PhD. I hate law school. I am considering going for a PhD afterward just to get out of having to actually practice my whole life. I just have to find a sponsor husband first, because I am tired of being a broke ass student.

8 08 2008
shabooty

the only lawyer i like is Dominic Barbara and thats only cause he calls into the howard stern show all the time.

and that harvey levine guy of TMZ and CourtTV fame is cool (not sure if he’s an actual lawyer).

$

8 08 2008
Anal Kowboy

Ummm…How do I put this delicately…Hmmmm

Darky,
You are aware that you and I and all of our fellow deviant friends are functioning alcoholics correct? Please refrain from associating us with such hurtful racial slurs as Lawyers. Next thing you know you’ll be wishing I have a daughter who breeds with Caves. You asshole…

8 08 2008
gabrieloneverything

lol @ jen. You crack me up. sponsor husband lol.

8 08 2008
gabrieloneverything

…what about Harvey Birdman?

8 08 2008
Esquire

wait a minute.

Chris whenever you read this….

Please tell me this post isnt because I said yesterday that the only bright thing about your site ending is that I could have more billable hours? Oh my God I feel like a fucktard. I meant that as a compliment, since your site is the reason I am 20 hours or so short a month.

But then again, this could just be me being a fucktard in a different way, secretly hoping I inspired a posting. (sigh, I can win for losing)

8 08 2008
Esquire

Jen, There are lots of attorneys who dont practice. I only plan on doing this for 2 more years. The guy who runs the SC Lottery is an attorney. You can do tons of shit with the JD besides being an attorney. That music dude on CNN Black (not really) in America had a JD.

And tecnically the Law degree IS a Doctorate. So there you go.

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Yeah technically, but if I ever hear a douchebag lawyer refer to his/herself as a Doctor, I will kick him/her in the spleen.

8 08 2008
Bassey

I’m dead serious, y’all. I have so many wonderful anecdotes from that relationship.
But I think that it’s a thing about Harvard Law trained black men (it took me a minute to get behind Obama because of this. True Fact.) they are told in their secret classes that they are God’s gifts to the world. I have nothing to support this other than my ex and his jedi mind tricks and his classmates and their fuckery. I’m talking about “I SEE YOU WITH HER, NEGRO! I”M RIGHT HERE.” His boys: I’m pretty sure you’re not seeing it. Him: I can give you a list of reasons why what you’re seeing isn’t accurate. Me: Nigga, are you trying to create reasonable doubt… WE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM! I CAN SEE YOU! IT’S ON YOUR NOSE!

That last part might have been Katt Williams.

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

My aunt and uncle are both lawyers and hate it. Neither of them are practicing and when they found out I wanted to go to Law school talked me out of it. but I really like attorneys and may just try my hand at law.

8 08 2008
Jen

I want to be a professor. That seems like the least taxing thing a person can do and make six figures of steady income. Plus, you get excellent health benefits. And I’m not about to be anybody’s professor with just my middling law school grades and obamanic Hope.

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

and my Uncle graduated from Harvard Law, don’t know about his douchebag status and really don’t think I want to know that much info. I do know he started smoking weed once he went to Harvard.

8 08 2008
Esquire

The Doc!

lol then we would need to go to a damn real doctor. Where is your spleen anyway?

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

and what does your spleen do?

8 08 2008
Esquire

and my Uncle graduated from Harvard Law, don’t know about his douchebag status and really don’t think I want to know that much info. I do know he started smoking weed once he went to Harvard.

SWEEEEET People who go to Harvard and Yale are real people?

Listen, in all honesty, getting in there is the hard part. Both those school are on a Pass/Fail basis. UGH. Just go and fucking do enough to pass.

8 08 2008
Esquire

In humans, the SPLEEN is located in the abdomen of the body, where it functions in the destruction of redundant red blood cells and holds a reservoir of blood. It is regarded as one of the centers of activity of the reticuloendothelial system (part of the immune system). It is increasingly recognized that its absence leads to a predisposition to certain infections.

The DOC…dont kick me there. I need that SHIT.

8 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Darky,
You are aware that you and I and all of our fellow deviant friends are functioning alcoholics correct? Please refrain from associating us with such hurtful racial slurs as Lawyers. Next thing you know you’ll be wishing I have a daughter who breeds with Caves. You asshole…”

My bad.

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

Oh no, JANUARY, will NOT, I repeat, NOT be going to Harvard, i was thinking more along the lines of Temple or Rutgers. Thnks for the info about the spleen

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Esquire (17:06:26) : The Doc!
lol then we would need to go to a damn real doctor. Where is your spleen anyway?”

And I’m sure I would subsequently need to go to a real damn lawyer, LOL.

Don’t worry, a direct kick to the spleen would be kinda hard to do, I’d need to kinda angle up under the rib cage. Stabbing on the other hand would be much easier, LOL.

8 08 2008
Esquire

Whew.
Maybe you were flexible. I saw a lil 6th grader kick the shit out of someone’s face. (terrible, but I laughed my ass off…how DID he get his leg up that high)

BTW:
lol then we would need to go to a damn real doctor. Where is your spleen anyway?”
(This comment was meant that Lawyers werent real doctor’s like a phd…not toward you not being a real doctor. but your comeback was quite snappy. I likes)

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Oh yeah, I totally got ya Esq! I just meant it probably wouldn’t be wise on my part to assualt a lawyer (even a douchebaggy one) since I’ll have to turn around and then get a defense attorney! Or maybe I can get insurance to cover it, if I claim I thought you were choking and was trying some new hands-free Heimlich technique, LOL

8 08 2008
Dom

Chris,

I hate you for this…”For those who don’t know, an attorneys are ‘people’ who spend their undergraduate careers not knowing what the fuck they want to do with their lives, so they wind up majoring in something like English, Economics, or Political Science. They graduate completely unemployable, and decide to go to law school to figure themselves out…”

Because its so damn true. Sad face. So damn true.

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Esq –

“SWEEEEET People who go to Harvard and Yale are real people?”
Heh heh, I’m still not fully convinced.

“Just go and fucking do enough to pass.” Fact. 50% of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class. Just something to think about, LOL.

8 08 2008
tfb

my former roommate’s patent attorney dad warned me off of law school with: “law school paved over everything good in my brain.” i was not truly dissuaded until i took the lsat and realized that any field that used the most inane test EVER as a measure of someone’s potential could fucking suck it. creative writing mfa for the win!

also, “captain mcjerkoffdoucheypants, ba?” bachelor’s degrees are the new high school diploma. no one gives a flying fuck if you have one, but people care if you don’t.

8 08 2008
sbiglawal

I’m a lawyer and I hate other lawyers for all the reasons listed in this post and more that can only be described through the endless sessions of therapy I will need if I keep practicing. I’ve hated myself since the day in law school when I realized that I would have to spend the rest of my career associating with people like the assholes in my classes. We suck. And I wouldn’t call the alcoholism I see at law firms “functioning.” We’re drunks–alcoholics go to meetings. I need my inflated income to buy top shelf alcohol and pay medical bills. There’s nothing like vodka with a xanax chaser….

8 08 2008
Amadeo

Harvey Birdman is the hit.

I think the best profession is being a pundit. You just show up and talk…not laws to abide by, no bleeding patients, no number goals. Just talking.

8 08 2008
Omar

“I think the best profession is being a pundit.”

Pretty much, you don’t even have to make sense, much less be an expert…

Gotta love American politics.

8 08 2008
Amadeo

Wait I did see a better one…a Mars Geologist. This dude is studying the geology of a place people can’t even get to. Since he already was one all of his studies and career were based on long distance pictures. I kept thinking…he could just be an art major that likes to collect rocks.

The thing I love about my job is while it will never (ever, ever, ever) make me rich…most people feel shitty after they try to demo on me and then I tell them what I do. Plus when people ask me if I want to go volunteer I can say no and never feel bad.

8 08 2008
Dom

Esq.
“SWEEEEET People who go to Harvard and Yale are real people?”
Heh heh, I’m still not fully convinced.

Believe it or not they are, and some SOME of them are actually really nice and down to Earth. And the few I know are black. I’ve been impressed myself.

tfb-
my former roommate’s patent attorney dad warned me off of law school with: “law school paved over everything good in my brain.” i was not truly dissuaded until i took the lsat and realized that any field that used the most inane test EVER as a measure of someone’s potential could fucking suck it. creative writing mfa for the win!

I’ve been looking into becoming a patent attorney and studying for the LSAT. That test is freaking ridiculous!

8 08 2008
Jen

Question: why do people hate the LSAT? How is it any worse than any other standardized test?

8 08 2008
Vanita B.B.A.

…you can add your undergrad degree to your signature line??

LMAO!!!!
CHRIS!!! This is tooo damn funny today. Im gonna print this out and hang it in the break room so all my attorneys can read. LOL. And your forgot to add they abuse drugs.
Even as an aspiring law student I LOVE this post.
LMAO!!!

8 08 2008
Vanita B.B.A.

OMG Jen. LSAT has nothing to do with how smart you are as a person. You must study for that test, and study the test itself. Nothing in there will help you in real life (as most things they teach you in school)

8 08 2008
Knatural

Vanita – exactly. Just like any other standardized test…

8 08 2008
Vanita

nah, I think I learned on the SAT. Didnt it have math? I’ve learned nothing on LSATS.

8 08 2008
Amadeo

I can’t remember where this is from but thinking about lawyers brought it to the front of my mind.

“You may be familiar with the legal term…suck my dick.”

8 08 2008
Vanita

LOL
I meant I think I learned something from the SAT. And I believe the SAT does have to do with how smart you are. LSAT is just studying and being familiar with the test. To study for and be successful on the SAT, you didnt have to take numerous test. That is actually the preferred method for studying for the LSAT. But if you get a high enough score on the LSAT you can be a member of MENSA, which is just bullshit to me.

8 08 2008
Jen

The LSAT would do what it is supposed to do if people didn’t study for it. You can learn the test, as you can learn any test. That isn’t where the problem kicks in. The problem exists because if you do well enough on it you are pretty much guaranteed a top 1% salary.

Because it is such a high stakes test and it truly does test what it is supposed to (general analysis and reading comp), wealthy white people don’t automatically do well enough on the test to go to Yale, Harvard and Stanford. So they study the test and collectively elevate the bar for “success” on it. The median scores for the top 20 law schools haven’t steadily increased coincidentally.

I guess I’m just saying there isn’t anything wrong with the test itself. It was easier for me than the SAT. There is just something wrong with the law school admission system.

8 08 2008
Meka

I disagree about the LSAT. It helps you figure out what to do if Jen can’t sit next to Amadeo but must sit next to Vanita who also must sit next to Esquire…as they sit on square and oval rugs…but not to each other. To those lunatics that must go to law school, I highly suggest the Logic Games Bible.

8 08 2008
Meka

Esquire, like you, the first semester of law school was the worst. I was THE STAR in Contracts but that was not reflected in my grade. Hell, my grades first year sucked. I was ready to have a break down. But I did learn to drink like a fish and go to class/work the next day.

Law school is a form of hazing. I just graduated and took the bar (note: I need all the prayers that I can get people) and still say that I should have gone to law school.

Why is it that no one tells you how horrible law school is until after you decide to go?

8 08 2008
Vanita

I actually happen to LOVE logic games, and thats my comfort zone. I love doin Sudoku puzzles, and I used to do them since I was younger. The arguments sections trip me up because of the time constraints. Im usually rushing to read through, miss the pertinant piece of info. I guess I need critical reading 101 again.

8 08 2008
Vanita

And everyone tellin about their alcohol problems they developed in law school scares me. Because I already know how to drink like a fish.

8 08 2008
Meka

Vanita, I think there is a Critical Reading Bible or something like that. I heard that it was very good. I always recommended to interested law students.

8 08 2008
Meka

$5 all you can drink socials were the highlight of law school.

8 08 2008
Amadeo

What’s funny is that when my clients want to present an argument (or lie) in reference to a question I ask them. Usage of “Huh” before answering is normally their undoing.

What’s even worse is they actually are better at lying then the educated people I have to deal with in administration.

8 08 2008
Vanita

Thanks Meka, I have it already. It makes my head hurt.

8 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Haysoose, I have a former classmate who closes her emails with M. B. Fuckin A, and for what reason, I couldn’t tell you. I just kinda turn my head sideways when I see it. Glad to know she isn’t the only one. Doesn’t make it any less pretentious, though.

8 08 2008
Jen

I don’t know what comes first. The lawyer or the alcoholism.

Maybe there are so many alcoholic lawyers because artistic/creative minds are both attracted to liberal arts majors in undergrad and prone to depression. Liberal arts majors are the kind typically forced into law school and depressives frequently self-medicate with alcohol.

Of course, I’ve also seen a lot of Susie Sunshines turn into drunken assholes during the law school process. They haven’t gotten to me yet, though. I was always a bit of an asshole, but I’ll never be an alcoholic asshole. For one, I’m too damn cheap to spend the money on the liquor…

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

I worked in HR and we had to list the faculty and staff with their appropriate degree classification in the online phone directory. So some Admin Assistant had BA behind her name, ridiculous

8 08 2008
Jen

Intelligent people are prone to depression, generally. DOC!!! Where are you? Are medical students prone to alcoholism, too? The ones I know are!

8 08 2008
Meka

Jen, that is exactly why you go to the firm sponsored events. Unlimited liquor! Just make sure that you don’t want to work for that firm though.

8 08 2008
Dustin

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate lawyers so hard. This is why I’m certain that I will probably kill myself before I turn 35. Or before I even turn 27.

If I don’t kill myself with pills (cause they are so hard to come by), I’ll just continue to do it slowly with alcohol. I was probably already going to get alcohol poisoning tonight anyway. Why stop at 15 drinks, when I could go for 30 and just end it all?

God, I hate it so much because this new fucking firm (i.e. plantation) in Whitelanta has caused me to miss the last month of glorious posts. It’s crushed my creativity (what was left of it after law school and the bar exam figuratively raped me in the mouth, anus and ear) so I can’t even craft witty posts re: how much I love Chris or come up with clever homosexual innuendos. And what’s this? Now it’s all over?!?!? There are only 10 posts left? Great!

I hope the secret second half of the “project” is a movie featuring Chris wearing nothing but his feathered, “fancy” headdress.

8 08 2008
Amadeo

Amadeo – H.N.I.C. (U.I.T.B.)

8 08 2008
Roger

You wanna meet a Black man more annoying than one with a J.D.? Try meeting one who has a PhD in religion and may also be a minister. Usually (about 8 times out of ten), he is an insufferable jackass. It’s even worse if you meet this jackass at a conference. I’ve noted a trend among some of my fellow PhD brothers: the wearing of bow ties. I think of it as a sign of imminent douchebaggery. Some of these bow-tie wearing, name dropping brothers are also married (to the dumpiest, frumpiest sisters they could find–I’m like, “For real? Okay, then.”), but don’t hesitate to cheat (seriously, I was sitting next to a fool trying schedule a conference hook up once, the triflin’ bastard). They also can turn on a dime and start preaching like they know God and have him on speed dial. And don’t get them started on white folks–they start trying to throw in theory and shit (and usually get Foucault ten kinds of wrong when doing so) to make their point.

8 08 2008
Meka

Dustin, that was the most accurate description of the bar exam that I have ever seen or heard. I think Ima co-opt it.

8 08 2008
Vanita

*eyes widen* unlimited liquor?? That reminds me of Jamaica. There was a bar in the room, fully stocked at all times. Beautiful.

8 08 2008
Roger

“what was left of it after law school and the bar exam figuratively raped me in the mouth, anus and ear”

So, does passing the bar qualify as figuratively swallowing?

8 08 2008
Meka

I don’t swallow (allegedly) so does that mean that I didn’t pass?

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

BBBBBWWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH@ passing meaning you swallowed

8 08 2008
Knatural

All of these posts: Lawyers, Fake CEOs, Creole Chicks – all about assholes. Not assholes like us, of course. But super-duper, serious, card-carrying assholes who are so worthless and insecure they have to practically append their resumes to each email and so on.

8 08 2008
Vanita

LMAO @ Roger!!

Jeez, I hate hearing that law school is hard. I swear I hate workin on this ‘plantation’ as it is now. Im still gonna go, but fu*k! And one of my attorneys just gave me this bs project to do. I hate lawyers too.

8 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Roger

Because of the University and hospital near my job I see alot of Bowties…makes me want to return to school just so I can still wear jeans and leave my shirt untucked…I don’t even like seeing bowties.

8 08 2008
Jen

*cries*

I have one of those douchetastic resumes-for-email signatures. But it is because a full 85% of the emails I send are related to law school or some legal organization.

I hope people having nothing to do with the law don’t get emails from me wherein I forget to delete the sig and think I am a worthless, insecure asshole.

8 08 2008
Dustin

No. Your first day at [Insert name of big law firm here] is when you’ve officially figuratively swallowed. The first family funeral you miss due to work is when you’ve figuratively taken your index finger and run it along the figurative vein in the bottom of [Law firm]’s dick (base to head) until every last drop is down your throat.

Each bonus is a figurative slap of their dick on your cheek. Cause you know you’re worth more. You fucking whore!

I hate life.

8 08 2008
Jen

@Amadeo – bow ties are sexy. So is seersucker. Sexiest of all are bow ties worn WITH seersucker.

Excuse me. I need a glass of water.

8 08 2008
Jen

Dustin, that was porn. lol

8 08 2008
Knatural

You know what: I was hasty. I’m guilty of accidentally appending emails with my website/contact info, when the recipient doesn’t necessarily require it. Sorry.

But I still hate assholes!

8 08 2008
Knatural

Oh. Dustin!

8 08 2008
Meka

So you only swallow if you go to Big Firm? Good, because I am working for government. No swallows here.

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

dustin you are killing me over here, lmao

8 08 2008
Vanita

Meka, are you in DC?? I have NOT seen a SINGLE black attorney in the government.

8 08 2008
Dustin

Hahahahaha. No ma’am. I worked for the government; it’s the worst because they treat you like shit AND you don’t get paid.

Working for the government is figuratively taking it in the ass . . . bareback: some people like it, more people hate it, only a select few “assholes” love it, but it’s basically just shitty for everyone.

8 08 2008
Jen

Meka…there’s no point in going down there if you aren’t going to swallow.

8 08 2008
Vanita

Working for the government is figuratively taking it in the ass . . . bareback: some people like it, more people hate it, only a select few “assholes” love it, but it’s basically just shitty for everyone.

I think Im gonna hang this quote up at my desk.

8 08 2008
ayomidejpw

Can’t say that I dislike all lawyers, we do them in the legal system but I do dislike some of the ones that I know. Like my uncle in law and a friend in my building. As soon as my uncle in law starts talking his lawyer jargon ( which he does for every single thing) I instantly go into ignore mood, smooth elevator music comes on and I stare off into space,lol. He is the kind that loves to use Esq. after his name but he doesn’t make lawyer money, so the family laughs behind his back. The girl in my building is in law school and in every convo we have she has to argue her point, even if I am agreeing with her! Pisses me off.

I am in fashion but you don’t see me telling people how crappy they dress or making some comment on where they buy their clothes. It’s uncalled for and I hate it when other people do. Leave your profession at work and relax when you’re around others. I hate putting on airs.

8 08 2008
Meka

Vanita, I am not in DC but I know there are quite a few black attorneys for the federal government. In fact, my friend is a legal recruiter for the Justice Department and she is an attorney. A black attorney from the Federal Trade Commission interviewed me about a year ago and he worked in DC.

8 08 2008
Knatural

Bow ties and seersucker? Maybe it’s a Southern thing. Or a Republican thing. Or a Colonel Sanders thing.

8 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Jen

As someone who was ahead of the curve on the return of seer sucker it is cool. Bowties, to me, make grown men look like their mommy dressed them to go to school.

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

I give it 10 more post before the topic turns completely to sex, lmao

8 08 2008
tp2

promise my head was about to hit my desk from fatigue until I read:

**No. Your first day at [Insert name of big law firm here] is when you’ve officially figuratively swallowed. The first family funeral you miss due to work is when you’ve figuratively taken your index finger and run it along the figurative vein in the bottom of [Law firm]’s dick (base to head) until every last drop is down your throat.

Each bonus is a figurative slap of their dick on your cheek. Cause you know you’re worth more. You fucking whore!**

OMG!!!! HAHAHAHA

that woke me up for at least 7 more mins. I am way too much of a visual thinker for that…LMAOOOOOOOO

8 08 2008
Meka

Dustin, I guess I am a non-swallowing loser because I like working for government. I worked for city government for a year and loved that I could take a “bathroom break” and walk over to Nordstroms Rack and come back in about an hour. Firm life just isn’t for me. I can’t have billable hours fucking up my sleep.

Jen, can’t I pretend to swallow? Like, just let it trickle out of the corners of my mouth?

8 08 2008
Vanita

I have NOT seen one, and I work for DOJ. Not one, and its discouraging. Maybe its because I work in the Wildlife and Natural Resources law section?

8 08 2008
rai

lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OUCH! I just graduated from maryland with a degree in economics. . . but i have NO DESIRE to go law school. . . LIKE NONE!

8 08 2008
tp2

what’s wrong with sex? lol. It’ll keep me up until I get to go home. Plus, it’ll be the most action i will have had in a while…:(

8 08 2008
BenAfficial

…on-line shopping for seersucker and bow ties..

I’ll finally be in season this Fall!

BTW Happy B-day Bassey

8 08 2008
rai

but I have an “aunt”. . . quotes because she is really just the broad that my uncle knocked up and “married” @ the court in upper marlboro. . . that calls herself a lawyer. . . heffa ain’t bassed bar the first. . . meanwhile, I look at slim’s resume and it is evident why she is still unemployed. . . broad’s a fawkin retard. . .

anywho, why didn’t a meet you while I was at maryland??? sounds like good times.

8 08 2008
Dustin

Meka, you’re right. I’ve spent the last five minutes trying to figure out how I’m going to bill those three posts I just made (make this four). Maybe this will count as “firm development.” It is, in fact. Without the joy I get from reading and interacting with you guys I might kill myself. That would be bad for the firm. I mean, if I died, they would actually be negatively affected (for about thirty minutes. . . they don’t give a fuck about us).

Re: swallowing: Just do it. It’s fun!

8 08 2008
Jen

I didn’t know seersucker ever left! LOL It is a good thing to let everything breathe a little.

8 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@Jen & Knatural, perhaps it’s okay for those instances, but for your YAHOO email? Oh wait wait… I forgot, this person also includes MBA in that email address and as their username for several other things too. *rolls eyes* That’s a pill of douchebaggery that’s a bit much for me to swallow.

8 08 2008
Vanita

LOL @ Heaven. Maybe they are jut VERY proud they finished. When I was graduating both HS and college I knew people who has *just* barely graduated. And in college I knew someone who lined up to walk, only to find out they failed a class they needed to graduate. So they walked, but they were in summer school that next week…

8 08 2008
Roger

“Re: swallowing: Just do it. It’s fun!”

Let the chuuch say A-MAN!

Dustin, suicide is never the answer. Homicide on the other hand…

8 08 2008
Dustin

I know. I’m going to be the most unexpected person ever to be in jail for the mass murder of every granola-eating, lake-running, teva-wearing, deodorant-forgetting, pigment-lacking, money-having-but-pretending-to-be-poor-because-I-can’t-seem-to-piss-off-my-parents-enough, bisexual-seeming, square glasses-sporting, unshaven hippie in Austin.

8 08 2008
Vanita

Jonh Edwards admitted to the affair people. But he said the baby aint his.
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Blotter/story?id=5441195&page=1

8 08 2008
tp2

Dustin, suicide is never the answer. Homicide on the other hand…

^^i agree

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

I am a firm believer in swallowing, less mess

8 08 2008
Knatural

*choke* AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH…
I hate you Dustin!!!

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

I just read about Edwards on CNN, that is a trip. And this man wanted to be President

8 08 2008
Vanita

His wife has an INCURABLE form of CANCER. He said he had the affair, but he didnt love the lady. DOUCHE! AND he didnt take a paternity test. I wish that was on Maury…

John Edwards…You ARE the father!!!

8 08 2008
BenAfficial

@jeresmom- you are absolutely right. He should have waited until he was elected before getting caught. Did we learn nothing from Clinton?

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

I’ve noted a trend among some of my fellow PhD brothers: the wearing of bow ties. I think of it as a sign of imminent douchebaggery. Some of these bow-tie wearing, name dropping brothers are also married (to the dumpiest, frumpiest sisters they could find–I’m like, “For real? Okay, then.”)

Roger, actually most of the bow-tie douchebag PhDs are married to white women…ESPECIALLY the AfAm Studies Professors. *side-eyeing Skip Gates*

8 08 2008
Knatural

Damn, John Edwards?

8 08 2008
Omar

This is why Democrats piss me off because they can’t act right, then things get fucked up for everybody.

Hmm, how long before they try to drag Obama into this… my guess is a few hours.

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

lmao @BenAfficial

8 08 2008
Vanita

I know, he couldnt wait 3 more months to admit that sh*t? He’s just an all around douche, messin up his wife, and messin over the party. They dont need that right now.

8 08 2008
tp2

@Omar…bc you know they will find a way…never fails. They already arrested one man for threatening to assassinate him in Florida…

Its only a matter of time

8 08 2008
Meka

I had heard that I do swallow but only after a little liquor in me. But since I am sober right now, I don’t swallow. I don’t mind going to get the hot washcloth.

8 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Jen – heck yeah, med students are raging alcoholics. After exams or the end of a particularly horrendous rotation, we gulp down massive quantities of EtOH and can still talk about exactly what’s happening to our livers in the process. Med school is probably the one place you still see 25-30 year olds doing keg stands.

8 08 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

attorneys, lawyers, (ones who haven’t passed the bar) used car salesmen, politicians and preachers are some of the most egregious assholes on the planet. the degree (pun intended) of puff-uped-ness, delusions of grandeur, and holier-than-thouness amongst their ranks is second to none. snakes on the plane, i tell ya. snakes on the plane. LOL. get over urselves you cunt-watting lametardo’s. LMBAO!

this shit was right on point and i’m still laughing my friend.

In fact, the main reason lawyers exist is to protect people from other lawyers.

Imagine that. A profession built upon getting clients to pay you to protect them from members of your own peer group. The legal profession effectively boils down to this:

1.) You and a friend each buy a machine gun
2.) You tell your friend to threaten a rich guy on the street “Gimme $10,000 or I’ll blow your head off”
3.) You then approach the rich guy and say “If you give me $500, I’ll blow his head off if he tries to kill you.”

I suppose it’s no wonder that law in the #1 gateway into the cesspool of politics. At least the world makes sense sometimes.

EXTORTION!

eat a dick and kick rocks wit no socks.

oh yeah and fuck the “Status Quo” the “Draconian Thought Police” and the “Moral Majority”

Fuck outta here wristcutters…

LOL!

Iconoclast has left the planet.

8 08 2008
Omar

didn’t dude’s wife have cancer… it’s like John McCain 20 years ago.

8 08 2008
keiranzma

Jen, There are lots of attorneys who dont practice. I only plan on doing this for 2 more years. The guy who runs the SC Lottery is an attorney. You can do tons of shit with the JD besides being an attorney. That music dude on CNN Black (not really) in America had a JD.

And tecnically the Law degree IS a Doctorate. So there you go.

WORD. I practiced for 6 years then stopped drinking the kool-aid. Since then, I’ve made a living figuring out how to use my degree w/o actually praticing law. I now work for Big Law in Professional Development trying to help other lawyers not get fired. And I smile sweetly as I walk out of my office at 4 or so, knowing that my neighbors on either side of me will toil away for about 4 more hours, and we make the same amount of $$$. SCORE.

8 08 2008
Vanita

Omar – Yes, an incurable form. smh.

8 08 2008
BenAfficial

and pregnant.. sigh…

again hate to mention good ol Bill, but he at least had the smarts to leave his dna footprint on a piece of laundry, eliminating the possibility of creating a living, growing, paycheck portion taking, BASTARD! (sorry zoned out for a minute)

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

and the aide is the baby daddy, yeah, sure thing there buddy

8 08 2008
LEO

what’s the fastest way to get rid of flu/cold? please

8 08 2008
Knatural
8 08 2008
Vanita

LOL @ the aide allegedly being the baby daddy. So the lady was a slore in otherwords? Were the London Bridging her?? gtfoh.

8 08 2008
Vanita

@ leo. Sweat it out. Go work out.

SMH at that Toby Keith song too.

8 08 2008
B4Prez

‘$5 all you can drink socials were the highlight of law school.’

Is there an online law school or sumthin i can sign up for???? this is worth it
————–

Dustin is in the wrong industry…I hear S&M/dominatrix ppl/porn writers make good money, lol
————–

I give it 24 hrs b4 Obama becomes one of the ‘potential’ baby daddy’s… i rebuke John McCain
————–

Speaking of Obama, did you’ll hear about this craziness:

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/08/08/new-details-man-held-for-alleged-obama-assassination-threat/

8 08 2008
LEO

@Vanita. Are u serious?

8 08 2008
Vanita

@ Leo. I dont know, but my coach never let me outta practice cuz I had a cold and I always felt better after practice. What you go to lose except some calories?

8 08 2008
Omar

I need to start my own private consulting firm to teach Democrats how to cheat and not get caught, I’d make a fortune… kind of like Hitch but a little different.

8 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“what’s the fastest way to get rid of flu/cold? please”

SUICIDE!!!

I’m not helpful.

8 08 2008
Omar

@Knat

Stuff Black people Hate: White people telling us what being “black” is.

8 08 2008
Dustin

Ironically, I just read the article before coming back to check posts (after an impromptu training that made me want to cut the YT’s I work with deep). I loved him. He was gorgeous, liberal and smart. His wife was battling cancer WHILE he was getting his – with a 42 year-old no less.

I feel like Charlotte York Macdougal Goldenblatt and Edwards is Big. I rooted for him. I always rooted for him.

8 08 2008
LEO

@Vanita. lol but Thanks. My brother is in town for the weekend and i’m planning to show him around but i feel like shit.

8 08 2008
Vanita

ANd I heard about that Toby Keith issue on Tues or Wed. Nothing has been said about it. WTF??

8 08 2008
LEO

@Chris. Nice but not while my brother is here.

8 08 2008
Vanita

@ Leo. Fine, get all doped up. Im telling you, all its gonna take is 40 GOOD minutes of cardio. Trust Me. Or I guess you can drink.

8 08 2008
Jeresmom

amen Omar

8 08 2008
LeNoir

Lawyers=Alcoholics. They drown their social sin in expensive liquor and cheap uterus. They are a foul lot…and smug at that.

8 08 2008
LEO

@Vanita. Ok i’m going home and run for 45 min., i can’t do more than that cause i don’t have any energy.

8 08 2008
Vanita

Here are the song Lyrics for that Toby Keith Song that talks about Lynchin people:
Well a man come on the 6 o’clock news
said somebody’s been shot
somebody’s been abused
somebody blew up a building
somebody stole a car
somebody got away
somebody didn’t get to far yeah
they didn’t get too far

Grandpappy told my pappy back in my day, son
A man had to answer for the wicked that he’d done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree, round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street
For all the people to see

That Justice is the one thing you should always find
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we’ll sing a victory tune
And we’ll all meet back at the local saloon
And we’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces singing
whiskey for my men, beer for my horses

We got too many gangsters doing dirty deeds
too much corruption and crime in the streets
It’s time the long arm of the law put a few more in the ground
Send ’em all to their maker and he’ll settle ’em down
You can bet he’ll set ’em down…

– Toby Keith sings on “Beer for My Horses”
Apparently there are dark skinned men with sagging jeans walkin around on the ‘gangsters’ part too.

http://www.hhbd.com

8 08 2008
Meka

Leo, what you need to do is irrigate your nose. Go buy a bulb syringe (the kind that you use on babies) and some pickling salt (available anywhere in the South, not sure about anywhere else; if not, then you might try a saline solution of some sort, maybe even table salt). Mix 1 cup of of pickling salt with 1 qt of water. Fill the bulb syringe with water and squirt it in one nostril and let it roll out of the other nostril. Do this several times three times a day. You should feel better. This also works really well for sinus problems. See, I told ya’ll I should have gone to med school instead.

8 08 2008
Meka

Oops, make that one tablespoon of pickling salt.

8 08 2008
Knatural

What kind of redneck shit is that?

Leo – don’t listen to them. Just hydrate, sleep, and allow it to run it’s course. Or…do what Chris/SBPH said.

8 08 2008
LEO

Or i’m just going to heat up some milk with garlic (my grandmother way of getting better and it worked in the past) and drink it and stunk my breath. ain’t nobody is going to kiss me anyways

8 08 2008
LEO

Thank you all

8 08 2008
BenAfficial

@leo- Personnally cayenne and garlic works wonders for me. the quick remedy; just take a couple shots of somthin strong and dark like Jack to get your sweat on, couple of pushups, and pop an antihistamine just to dry that sh* up. You can at least motivate that way.

(or hang upside down in the ab-lounger and put a towel on the floor under your head-careful not to snot yourself- chia fountain- the waterfall that grows!)

8 08 2008
Angry IV

Seeing as how I’m in the military, it’s kind of mandatory to put my rank and title in e-mails…same with the profession of law, but throwing it around as if it’s some sort of status symbol is not what I would do or condone.

I am actually studying to attempt to go to law school. It will be a blast because I say it will be if I get in. Those 4.0 students better prepare for ultimate corruption.

8 08 2008
LEO

I think i’m sick because I didn’t eat or sleep last night because of Chris’s news, so i’m blaming you. Everybody have a nice weekend.

8 08 2008
Cheekie

” I thought this was the worst thing I’d ever seen until I recently received an email from someone who had the nerve to attach ‘B.A.’ to their name. Motherfucking goddammit, unless you have a Ph.D, shut the fuck up about your goddamn academic/professional credentials.”

LMAO!! OMG, I refuse to believe that! Ain’t nobody pulled that mess. It’s like someone (someone douchey) MADE that up to put your degree (other than Ph.D) after your last name.

8 08 2008
B4Prez

@Leo –

I have the cure…

Take 2 extra strength tylenols, go to a corner, and bang ur head repeatedly until u pass out. Once you wake up, ur head will hurt so much that u won’t remember that u have a cold.

I’m thinkin about starting my own medical school….

8 08 2008
Tamz

I have to de-lurk:
A): Because this site is ending.
B): My husband starts law school in a couple of weeks *sobs*
I’ve been side-eyin him all summer for all the reasons outlined in the post. He tried to get me to apply too saying it would be fun. I can’t. I shan’t. I won’t.

8 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Re: the bulb syringe thing:

You could just go to the drug store and get a Neti pot. Both CVS and Walgreens carry the Sunucleanse neti pot, and it comes with 30 packets of saline powder to make solution with. IT’s not gonna get rid of the cold, but it’l clear your head of all the congestion.

8 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

I mean Sinucleanse.

8 08 2008
Dustin

I haven’t done any work in like half an hour.

I’m trying to do anything I can to keep from jumping out the window. I just closed my office door and prayed.

Law. Ha!

I need a drink!

8 08 2008
Amadeo

Edwards is tainted. Another one bites the dust. Was she the office doorknob? Or was she like the Clinton joint…edwards hit it…but he didn’t cum?

8 08 2008
sbiglawal

All lawyers are married to women with family connections who they don’t like, respect or want to have sex with. That’s why they cheat. They only have sex to produce children so that they can put them in Christmas cards/use them for networking purposes. Can’t say I’m surprised at all about Edwards. He’s hot. She’s not.

8 08 2008
Amadeo

I like how Russia bitch slapped Georgia soon as the Olympics started, as well.

8 08 2008
Jen

Tamz: you will not see your husband again for three years.

Do not divorce him. He is suffering, and the alcohol is the only way that he is pulling through.

The democratic party to John Edwards:

8 08 2008
former lurker

if my husband (assuming i ever get married) cheats on me, it better not be with some scraggly old wanna be filmaker heifer!!!

am i the only one that feels this way? i mean, if you step out on me, she better be fine as hell and give better head than i (which i highly doubt)

8 08 2008
Dustin

No offense – indeed, I’m glad you exist – but this is the dick-suckingest group of black women (and men. . . sup, Roger) I’ve ever encountered.

Y’all need to get the black girls in Texas to realize it’s what’s up.

Why do I care?

8 08 2008
Jen

Former lurker – I don’t think it particularly matters to men what the women they cheat with look like. I think it is mostly about convenience. The good ones do their best to keep their peni to themselves, but the bitch that throws it at him the most is the one who wins.

8 08 2008
former lurker

@Jen- very, very true. sad, but true

8 08 2008
vitazza

Jenn you are correct cheating is convenient more often than not.
…..Dustin your on fire!!!! You have moved dropped out (the blog) and lost your mind !!!!! I am stealing all your posts t-day and putting them @ my desk..

9 08 2008
TomatoHead

I just have to say, ms. Jen. You have the cutest child ever.

9 08 2008
Jen

Thanks bunches.

9 08 2008
Shay-D-Lady

LOL you guys are hilarious! I dont care what the post says, my dream is to go to law school. I went to school graduated from high school and college to early and then got lost “in them streets”. Now I have a family and kids and a “good job” that I hate and cant afford to leave for law school. I am waiting for University of Pheonix to offer that shit as an online degree so that I can work full time and go to school. And when I go complete Law school and pass the bar I am putting that sh!t on everything. I am having it monogrammed on purse, on my pens, sticky labels, etc My email will be shay-d-jd20XX@email.com. LMAO…..

9 08 2008
Shay-D-Lady

I must also add that Dustin has missed his calling, he should definitely be writing harlequin romance novels. I bet he uses “undulating” at least once every day…LMAO

9 08 2008
ViK

What if he got cheating with this? I’m not going to name names (Shabooty)

9 08 2008
mrspen

weird…i know that woman in figure 1.

lawyers suck, true but i was one of those lost social science majors and i WISH i’d gone to law instead of staying in this field.

9 08 2008
joy

All the people I know who are lawyers are actually decent people who are funny, intelligent, and not raging assholes. Of course, this could be because I wouldn’t be friends with insufferable douchebags. I’ve been sufficiently warned about the gunners and assholes in law school (and beyond), so I have no right to complain in several years.

9 08 2008
Michael

I have a friend who graduated with a 2.1GPA and from one of the undergrad majors you mentioned. Went to work for a law office, somehow got into law school (He’s white, they do things like this) and graduated law school with a 2.7 GPA and now does corporate law.

I need to go to law school 😀

9 08 2008
9 08 2008
riz

Yeah, I saw this post coming a long time.

All I’ll say is this:

I paid over $100k for my education and spent 3 days locked in the terror cell that they call the Bar. I also spent 3 years trapped in the world of unapologetic douchery called law school. Like any POW, I have the right to be proud of my survival. I will talk about it, will not try to hide it, and will not feel bad or guilty about making a good salary because of it.

This is due partly to the PTSD from which I’m still suffering and partly because anyone who can’t give me over $100k to pay back law school loans has no right to tell me what I should or should not do with my education.

That’s why when people tell me how much they hate lawyers, I tend to just shrug and offer them one of the following two choices: (1) they can go f*ck themselves or (2) shutup.

Sometimes I add a third: (3) betta ask somebody… But I generally like to keep it simple.

Law school taught me that.

9 08 2008
Roger

First off, the day Toby Fucking Douchebag Bitch Keith dies, I’m throwing a party. Ditto for the following:

GW Bush, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter.

“Roger, actually most of the bow-tie douchebag PhDs are married to white women…ESPECIALLY the AfAm Studies Professors. *side-eyeing Skip Gates*”

Doc, that’s them old school PhD negroes–the PhDouchebags around my age wouldn’t be caught (in public) with a white woman. They will, however, expound at length (among each other, of course) about which white women they’d fuck.

9 08 2008
Brian

This post (and riz’s commentary) is the reason why my black ass is going to engineering school. I think my parents would be disappointed in me if I went to law school.

9 08 2008
MiracleMax

ALL Lawyers are douchey, even clair huxtable, she always had an attitude and was such a nasty uppidy bitch to her kids, dr huxtable was the nice well meaning one. Even in a fictional family show the lawyer is an asshole. Maybe its where they work, maybe its the clients, or maybe they have no soul, either way the money is not enough for me or anyone else who likes free time to waste time being a bitch. The only lawyers I find remotely fun and interesting who have little expectations in their jobs are the ones on Boston Legal. They are terrible in their personal lives, but in court you get nothing better.

9 08 2008
Brian

PS

@ riz : You mean to say that you paid $100K on purpose to be tortured for 3 days in addition to being surrounded by complete assholes for 3 years so that when its over you’ll have the express pleasure of being able make back that $100K that was really a loan which, if I took this to its correct conclusion, means you aren’t paid but two things for your first three years after being barred: jack and shit. Is that correct?

Hmmph. At least I get to learn how to blow shit up with my degree.

9 08 2008
Leo

I CAN’T BELIEVE BERNIE MAC IS DEAD!

9 08 2008
ayo

me neither.
sad face.
i was just watching his show the other day.
plus the SBPH blog is RIP Aug 31…
BWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

9 08 2008
ayo

Miracle Max…. Dont you dare talk bout Claire Huxtable!!!!

10 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I wanted to cry about Bernie Mac….he cannot die…I haven’t fully matriculated my potential with the f-bomb…

He was my favorite comedian…Wanda Sykes in a close second…

Rest in peace.

10 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Max….I know some non-douchey lawyers….

10 08 2008
ayo

i just dislike overly arrogant people, many happen to be lawyers, but many are not.

i have never seen Wanda Sikes in a comedy show… just on shows/movies.

10 08 2008
Jen

I have no idea what Brian was trying to say in the comment above.

Somebody please convert that to English.

10 08 2008
Angry IV

@Jen – sounds like Brian tried to get into University of Buttf*ck School of Law and got denied, and is touting his associates degree in construction demolitions as high class.

Or I could just be a hater 🙂

10 08 2008
chaoticdiva

oh, and lol @ riz….I’m a future “douche” as so many of you say (yes, diva’s going to law school)

10 08 2008
Angry IV

@riz – I have friends that are suffering from PTSD because they saw their comrades get blown up before their eyes, spent hours out of the day in bunkers while mortars fell around, and many other combat-related issues.

Please do not try, at any length, to suggest that your experience at law school is at all comparable to war. Thanks.

10 08 2008
ph2072

“I once met an asshole who graduated from UMD’s business school and had the nerve to add ‘MBA’ to his name in his email signatures. I thought this was the worst thing I’d ever seen until I recently received an email from someone who had the nerve to attach ‘B.A.’ to their name. Motherfucking goddammit, unless you have a Ph.D, shut the fuck up about your goddamn academic/professional credentials.”
______________________________________

Oh shit LOL. I HATE when people attach B.A. and MBA to their names. It’s so fucking pointless.

And yes, Sam Waterston is the muthafuckin’ truth. And so is my best friend, who is a child welfare services lawyer. She didn’t want to sell her soul and hated law school but decided to finish it anyway.

10 08 2008
MiracleMax

Claire Huxtable was such a mean bitch! Actually I think it was more of the women who played her, ive seen recent (as in the last 10 years) interviews of her, and she acts like the worst uppity bitch ive ever seen! While Bill Cosby might not be be nicest guy in real life, at least his character was really likable! I love the cosby show, ive seen every episode, and Claire was always like “now you better finish those peas Ruby or your not going to wear a jacket out’ RUDY-‘BUT MOM ITS -4 OUT!!’ CLAIRE- I dont care if its -1000 out, you better finish those peas you little slut or im gunna cut you”………………well maybe not exactly like that, but you get the point. Plus what is up with her putting her foot up Cliffs ass every 5 seconds, all he wants is a damn hamburger, or cookie, or peice of cake, and that bitch is always like “Oh no no no Cliff, you know better, we are trying to get your numbers down”. BITCH THAN WHY THE FUCK YOU GOT CAKE IN THE HOUSE!!!
I know its fiction, but that show was so damn real, except for dumbass Sonda opening a camping store with that oaf of a husband…..Ugh you people defending her, she was a mean bitch who thought she was better than everyone, even her husband, and he was a damn doctor!……treats poor vanessa like shit……theo (who we all know has emotional scars from that woman)…..the only one who thought she was better than Claire and stood toe to toe with her was that cute little Olivia….she could wrap anyone around her little finger (now, sadly that little finger is a giant sausage, but thats besides the point). Claire was a bitch…………spending 11 grand on some dumbass painting……IN THE 80S! crazy bitch…..

10 08 2008
MiracleMax

wow I called her a “bitch” alot, I guess she really is then…..

10 08 2008
Muse in Egypt

damn you people. All I have to say is that the majority of folks who go to law school do so because they have no idea what else they want to do.

10 08 2008
Jen

Miracle Max, I feel you may be projecting the qualities of some maternal figure you endured during childhood on the beloved Claire.

10 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Miracle Max- Go directly to marrying a White woman. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200. You can’t handle a Black woman. It is obvious. Have a great life, no hard feelings, it’s not you, it’s me. No, we probably shouldn’t still be friends, but I will pray for you.

10 08 2008
Anesidora

I’m a lawyer, and I ain’t even mad at this post, tho I do have to say we’re not ALL bad (and probably if you got to know me, you could raise your number of lawyers you like to 3, but it would probably stop there).

This statement really tickled me: “it’s the level of prestige associated with being an attorney that makes absolutely no fucking sense.” LMAO!! Word! I scratch my head whenever restaurants use it as a selling point that you can come eat there and “rub elbows” with lawyers and politicians and business men. Who effing CARES?? If your life is so greatly enhanced by sitting at the next table while I eat my pulled pork sandwich, I feel REALLY sorry for you. Damn.

I’ve actually had to get over a complex I have about telling people I’m a lawyer…. I never volunteer that information, and when I do have to answer the question I had this weird feeling of shame like I was telling them that I’m a prostitute or something (which I basically was when I was working for The Big Firm). I’ve been working on not being like that (because self loathing is not a good look), but I still don’t identify myself first and foremost as an attorney. For most lawyers, that is their LIFE. Ugh. No thank you. If you saw me and had to guess my profession, the LAST thing you would guess was lawyer. And that’s truly by design because lawyering is just something I do, not who I am. 🙂

10 08 2008
Brian

@ Jen:

Obviously, the public school system failed you.

10 08 2008
Brian

@ Angry IV:

That’s A.S. in Demolition of Construction. Get it right.

And yeah, it’s pretty fucking cool.

11 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Funny post.

Check out my blog CelebrityAdvice.blogspot.com

11 08 2008
Jen

Yeah…

Brian, before we go around insulting my education all willy-nilly, I’d like to say that I extended you the benefit of the doubt when I assumed that your comment read so ridiculously because it excluded a comma or phrase or something similarly insignificant.

I COULD have assumed, instead, that your comment read so ridiculously because you either a) based it on an incorrect premise b) do not understand basic economics or c) are horribly misinformed about legal education and/or the legal profession.

But, since we’re throwing my UNWARRANTED KINDNESS OUT THE WINDOW, I’ll just frankly ask you to clarify.

Which is it? Are you a shitty writer or an ignorant fuck?

11 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Jen…I’ll take Ignorant Fuck for $200

…I read his comment earlier and I said, damn, I didn’t know Earl’s cousin from Slapabilly, Arkansas had the internet…

Brian, are you King of the Hill in your park?

11 08 2008
Brian

Jen, since you don’t know basic english, I guess I’ll have to say it in Ebonics.

“Dat muffugga riz, can’t be talkin no shit yo. Dat beeyotch went thru dat bullshit and act like it was da hardest shit ever. And dat beeyotch sayin niggaz can’t talk shit about dat? FUCK DAT SHIT!”

Is that clearer to you now?

Chaoticdiva, way to go! You’ve made assumptions about my race without even asking. A++ !!! I wonder where I can get that “internet clairvoyance” ability, also. Maybe from the crack that you’re smoking?

11 08 2008
Brian

PS Jen,

There was nothing “kind” about your first reply to my post.

11 08 2008
riz

Yeah, so ppl who know me on this site know that I am out of town and not online, so I haven’t been able to respond to any replies to my comment.

But please Brian, do not get it twisted about the salary I will be making… Or about the intellect necessary to make said salary.You are clearly trying to troll me into bragging about how much money I make, just to prove your blanket ASSumption that all lawyers are money hungry. But I refuse to justify my life choices to an illiterate asshat who is angry at the world just because his penis is as small as his brain.

@ angry: Since we’re keeping it extra real, you can go ahead and holler back at me when your 3 of your peers and closest comrades commit suicide right before law school grades come out… Or when you take the most important test of your life while a 5.8 earthquake throws dust in your hair and on your computer… Oh, and please add that time when you saw one of your classmates about to jump off a 25 foot story roof because she still hadn’t gotten an offer in her 3rd year… Because when you can do that, then the second-hand talk about your friend’s experience might be remotely relevant to what I am talking about.

I’m not sharing these memories simply to justify my chosen profession, nor am I saying that all law school experiences are like mine. What I am saying is please, do not try at any length, to act like YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK MY LIFE EXPERIENCE HAS been. And please do not act like I don’t have a psycholgy degree from one of the top public schol in the nation and don’t realize what PTSD means,you pretentious fuck.

For the record, I said that comment with sarcasm, to help you mufuckas reflect on the fact that law school is no joke. It’s one of those difficult, life chamging situations that are not purely about money or prestige.

I continued my education for many personal reasons, none of which anything to do with degree collecting or “not knowing what to do with [my] life.” For that reason, I am proud of myself and accomplishments. Do I think I’m better than anyone else? No. Do I brag about it? Hell no. But that’s because NO ONE else matters when its just me against my own ambition I will NOT be ashamed of having won that battle.

So, if you still feel the need to tell me how wrong I am about shit you don’t even know about, please feel free to hit me up on facebook after 8/21 because clearly YOU need to ask somebody.

11 08 2008
riz

Yeah, so most of you know that I’m out of town and traveling right now, so I could not reply to the ignorance that was the response to my last comment. Thank you, ladies, for trying to defend me, in my absence.

@ Brian. Please, do not get it twisted about my salary, or the intellect necessary to earn it. Clearly, you are trying to troll me into bragging about my money, just to prove your blanket ASSumption that all lawyers are smug and money-grubbing. But I refuse to justify my life experiences to an illiterate asshat who is simply angry that his penis is as small as his intellectual capacity.

@Angry: I made that comment with sarcasm. But since we’re keeping it extra real these days, you can go ahead and holler at me after several (I repeat, SEVERAL) of your friends and comrades commit suicide right before law school grades come out…

Or when you fear for your life while taking the most important test of your entire education because a 5.8 earthquake is throwing dust in your hair and on your computer… and there is no evacuation or extra time given.

Or how about when you go for 5 months at a time with less than 4 hours of sleep because you need to stay on the “B” side of the curve in order to get a job so you can pay of Schwarzenegger’s bloated tuition fees…

Oh, and please, PLEASE, add that time when you saw one of your classmates about to jump off a 25 foot story rooftop because she had failed to do all of the above and hadn’t gotten an offer by her 3rd year of school…

But most of all, tell me all about it after you’ve earned a Psychology degree and know what PTSD even f*cking means… Because, when you can do that, all your second-hand talk of your friend’s experience might be remotely relevant to what I’m talking about.

And before you get all excited about what law school is and is not, try to twist your functionally retarded brain around this one fact: I’m not sharing these fond law memories with you as means to explain my chosen profession, nor to pretend that all law school experiences are like mine. What I’m saying is: please, do not try, at any length, to act LIKE YOU KNOW THAT THE FUCK MY LIFE EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN, YOU PRETENTIOUS FUCK.

I continued my education for many personal reasons, none of which have anything to do with degree-collecting, feeling the need to brag, or “not knowing what to do with [my] life.” Of course, I could list those personal reasons, but the truth is that NO ONE else matters when it’s just me against my ambition and I will not be ashamed of having won that battle.

So kiss this lawyer niggaz ass.

And if you still feel the need to discuss shit that you don’t even know about, then feel free to hit me up on facebook. But do it after 8/21 because I’m out enjoying the fruits of my hard-earned labor.

11 08 2008
LoquaciousAsAMofo

http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/news/lawyers_disproportionately_suffer_from_stress_depression_and_alcohol_abuse.htm

That pretty much says it all. I will point out that raging alchies/assholes/lawyers is basically a ven diagram waiting to happen.

11 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Brian:

My point in making the sarcastic comments about your social stature, not race, were to pretty much give you a dose of your own medicine. You come onto this board posting comments that lack a clear indication of intelligence spawning from the poster who is making assumptions about posters on the board who actually know about one anothers’ life without jumping to any rash conclusions.

So pretty much, I proved that hey, I can pull the same shit you’ve been doing; plus I one upped you by using proper grammar.

11 08 2008
chaoticdiva

*Correction*: You come onto this board posting comments that lack a clear indication of intelligence; supporting this display by making assumptions about other posters in a close-knit community in which without assuming (because we actually know), we make statements that are valid in regards to the party in reference.

(sorry about the crazy tenses…Its 4am, and I’m tired…)

11 08 2008
Brian

@riz

I’m glad you didn’t “justify” yourself to me but to Angry instead because it allows me to do this:

“BAAAAAAAWWWWW! MY LIFE IS SOOO HARD! EVERYBODY’S DEAD AROUND ME. I’VE HAD NO SLEEP. BAAAAWWWWWW!”

Is that it, riz? That seems to be the content of your reply to Angry. If so, I’d like to welcome you to the “Life Sucks” club. Tissues in the clubhouse. I’m Brian, I’ll be getting no sleep for the next 3 to 4 months while pursuing a Mechanical Engineering degree. Meanwhile, I’ll be working full time – mostly weekends – and simultaneously bawwing about deceased father.

See how easy that was? I can talk about how fucked up my life is as well. Anybody can do that, so you’re not special. Not one bit.

11 08 2008
riz

No, sweetie, “justification” would involve me giving a fuck about you in any way shape or form. My response to Angry involved the idea of PTSD and what that means to many people.

What I was doing was doing to YOU, was clarifying the one thing that all of us know on this board: You don’t know shit about anything… And no one cares about your mechanical engineering degree. Seriously. They don’t.

Now, you can go away because you are of no importance. I will no longer acknowledge you and this conversation is over.

Thanks.

11 08 2008
Brian

Chaoticdiva,

Reference to me being “Earl’s cousin” are meant to imply that I’m white. You attack my intelligence because you yourself (along with Jen) don’t know how to read a long sentence. Is that something you weren’t taught in your English classes? It’s not my fault that your reading comprehension is below that of a 6th grader. Learn 2 read.

P.S. Trolling a troll is like pissing in an ocean of piss.

11 08 2008
riz

Hey Diva,

Is someone trying to make a comment or is that just a tiny, limp penis flailing pathetically in the breeze? I can’t really tell because I naturally block out pitiful loser troll wanna-be’s. I have a particular blindspot for those who have run out of legitimate troll comments so they resort to ridiculous, unsubstantiated accusations that are laughable, at best.

Oh well. I guess it’s time for bed now.

11 08 2008
Brian

Aww! You don’t want to play anymore, riz? Oh, don’t go; I only did it for the lulz!

Riz, come out to play!

Riiiizzz. Come out to plaaay-ay!

Fuck. I hope 4chan is back up soon.

11 08 2008
Brian

Oh! you’re back, riz! Let’s play!

Tell me some more how you think I have tiny flaccid dick. Tell more some ASSumptions about me. Come on!

11 08 2008
riz

Oh, how I love to hear a man beg.

11 08 2008
Brian

Ooh, a feminazi! I hit the jackpot! Come on, riz; 12 rounds with me. Let’s go!

11 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Brian, a run-on does not constitute a long sentence. That is something I learned in English class. Were you sleep that day?

And for the record, Earl being your cousin doesn’t make you white. You do realize that there are plenty of blacks that have white cousins. Again, the whole implication was to make the statement that you were one of those country people without educations. I could have said Darnell, but you would have then not gotten the joke; plus his character is the smartest on the show.

By the way, for that run-on, punctuation is your friend.

11 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Riz…the one thing I’ve learned about males, especially those that go into things such as Engineering and Physics, is that they often feel intimidated by women with similar or superior intellect.

Those were definitely my experiences when I was in Physics. I think its all just an excuse for el pene chico…compensating?

11 08 2008
Jen

Pull yourself together, Brian. You are very clearly teetering toward the edge. You seem a little manic if you ask me, but your posts also hint at a tendency toward depression. I only notice this because every Brian I’ve crossed paths with over the past year has been batshit insane. I don’t want to see you “become a statistic,” as they say.

And good luck with school. ME will be fun. I’ve taken a few ME classes as electives over the years, and have always gotten a kick out of them.

11 08 2008
Amadeo

Claire Huxtable is fucking hot and I she could get it right now.

11 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ this:

http://dearsugar.com/1850569

goes along with the pene chico theme…

11 08 2008
Jen

http://teamsugar.com/user/candy%20apple/blog/314717

FIVE INCHES IS AVERAGE?? WTF???

I’ve been set up for a world of disappointment.

11 08 2008
Startariot

Man…Bernie Mac AND Isaac Hayes in the same weekend?? 😥

11 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

Well, well….Morning everyone!

11 08 2008
imaG

My Pops is a Lawyer. 🙂 He’s on some G shit

-www.anythingblack.net

11 08 2008
Bajan Girl

Morning all,

Lawyers… I am of two minds on this. On the one hand one of my best friends is a lawyer and a very good person. On the other hand I used to work as an exam proctor for the LSATs and never in my life (with the exception of church folk) have a met a more pretentious group of people who had douchebagerry and jackasserry down to a fine art.

As to the people who put the degree initials in the signatures, or assign themselves unearned titles… I hate them with ever fiber of my being. Case in point, the woman my mother’s brother married (because I refuse to acknowledge their actual relation to me as I can’t stand either one of them really). This heifer goes around calling herself “Dr”. She is not a medical doctor and has no PhD or other such degree that would allow her to justifiably call herself that. On top of that she tries to lord it over the rest of the family and has addressed herself in the third person as “Dr”. This especially grates on my nerves because I worked my ass off (and considering how much ass I have that is saying a lot) to get my degrees and unless specifically asked I do not disclose them whereas this simple bastard goes around telling all who will listen that she is to be addressed as “Dr”.

11 08 2008
TheChad

DAMN… i missed good fight…. i always miss it… i get to the party and everyone is like yoooo Chaaaad “YOU JUST MISSED IT!”……

i just missed it…..

….the story of my life.

13 08 2008
Irami

How many times have you asked a lawyer if something is good or bad, and they answer with whether it’s legal or illegal. It’s like asking a economist if something is appropriate, and they’ll answer with whether it’s efficient.

There are qualitative differences between these kinds of questions, and these are the questions we should be asking ourselves before with blindly prescribe the rule of law across the world, by the barrel of a gun.

I think a zealous respect for the rule of law(rule worship) is bad for the world, to the extent that it confuses moral discourse in an untoward way. The process mixes manipulating with thinking.

I consider lawyers second best people. People who have given up seeking the compelling attraction of truth and dignity and rely on the threat of force and punishment. The entire profession is downright unmusical. Small. The deep worry is that studying law or being overtaken by the legal zeitgeist infused in our institutions, precludes ones ability to think artistically, with an eye towards beauty, goodness, and real political courage.

Jeremy Waldron put together a provocative set of lectures called the “Dignity of Law,” arguing the other way, but I’ll still take, as a class, better fiction writers over better lawyers. The former group seems less likely to conflate freedom with license and sovereignty with responsibility. I think that lawyers should be considered in the same class as accountants and insurance people. Fine for what they are, but let us not confuse fine with role-models.

13 08 2008
Irami

In short:

Legal Reasoning : Thinking :: Masturbation : Making Love

If you aren’t paying attention, you can fool yourself into thinking it’s the same activity, but the latter will always be more vulnerable, delicate, powerful and important.

13 08 2008
Jen

“How many times have you asked a lawyer if something is good or bad, and they answer with whether it’s legal or illegal. It’s like asking a economist if something is appropriate, and they’ll answer with whether it’s efficient.”

Don’t nobody do this dumb shit.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Irami…it depends on what part of law you’re going into. A contract lawyer doesn’t deal with criminal law, and neither does a person going into real estate and property law.

In short: your reasoning is flawed.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…this post suddenly reminded me of Tom DuBois and his wife, Sara.

…plus, he’s got one of those creole names.

13 08 2008
Irami

I may as well sound off on the LSAT. It’s a good test for what it does. The logical reasoning section is especially valuable, if for no other reason than deliberative, democratic politics requires that we talk to one another and make substantive decisions based on upon the conversation. It’s almost a matter responsible citizenship that everyone be able to spot and name logical fallacies, since these fallacies too often result in hurtful public policy.

The problem with the LSAT, and with most standardized tests, is that they are tests. Perfect LSAT Eliot Spitzer can’t keep his penis out of whores. The test doesn’t measure quality of character and law schools don’t stress quality of character, so at the end of the process, you have a guys/gals who received with high scores, a law degree, but are no less likely to keep from cheating on spouses, provided that they don’t think that they’ll get caught. The problem is that we call these people role models, by virtue of their law degrees and not anything else

One of my biggest problems with Obama’s educational plan is that he wants to increase testing and concentrate on Math and Science classes. Now, I’ve thumbed through Obama’s books and I may be wrong, but I do not recall him ever trumpeting his math and science acumen. From rebellious youth, to basketball player, to community organizer, father, husband and legislator, he never spoke about the positive effects of Math and Science and studying for standardized tests had on his life– and that’s so I find it disingenuous he is so brazen as to pronounce Math, Science, and Testing as national priorities, ostensibly because China and India are making Math, Science, and Testing national priorities. China and India have a billion people each, if they want to, they are going to produce more engineers than we are, and there isn’t much we can do about it. What we can do is see to it that the engineers and scientists we do produce study the right things, and the ability to discern what the right things are isn’t a matter of science or engineering, it’s largely a matter of character, imagination, political insight and responsibility, qualities that don’t give themselves over to the narrow pursuit of Math, Science, and standardized tests.

I imagine that the response is going to be that we should make math, science, testing, english, history, ethics, art and political philosophy national priorities. But if that’s the case, I think the Senator should use a different word.

13 08 2008
Chuck Houston

To the Author, I’d like to add a few observations on this topic if I may. As a threshold matter, I understand the post is mainly for blogging/entertainment value, but I hate to see misinformation in any forum.

You hate lawyers. Fine, so be it. That’s certainly your prerogative. Ironically, however, the reasons you advance in support of this hatred of lawyers are not necessarily germane to lawyers in particular, but could really apply to any profession or group of people in general.

For example, the first point you make is that you hate lawyers because they flaunt their degrees/the fact that they are a lawyer in people’s faces. Although some lawyers (but not all) are guilty of this, this definitely is not a behavior specific to lawyers. You concede this point in your second paragraph with the examples of the Business School and College graduates who flaunted their “M.B.A.” and “B.A.” respectively in their email signatures.

Your second point is that Lawyers are people who didn’t know what to major in during undergrad. This is an unfair accusation as Law School is the type of professional school that accepts all majors from undergrad. There is no such thing as a “pre-Law” major, for example, like there is for Med School or B-School. So while this point may be valid for some, it doesn’t hold true for the majority of people who enter law school with the various “unemployable” majors they received from undergrad.

You next point out that Lawyers take jobs and internships in an unethical profession. You are correct to point out that there are many unethical lawyers in the profession. But again, this is not specific to the legal profession. There are many unethical accountants, doctors, business professionals (Enron ring a bell for anybody?), stock brokers, financial advisers…the list goes on.

Next you state that “most of what they could do could be fairly easily replaced by a robot with a DFA algorithm.” This is really about the only point that you make that is outright incorrect. All your other points have some validity, but the amount of artificial intelligence that would be required in order to “think like a lawyer” does not exist on our planet. As one person has already responded in this thread, the law is ever-changing. New laws are legislated every single day, and new cases are constantly overturning or affirming old precedent. Law School doesn’t just teach “the law” so to speak. Law school does not reward raw memorization of lists and rules. Instead, Law School teaches people to process this new legal information and apply it to new situations involving real and complex people in the real and complex world in which we live. Computers can’t do that.

The next issue I wanted to address was in response to your question of “is there any true MERIT BASED justification for this prestige?” The short answer is: Yes, of course there is. Don’t get me wrong, I am not of the belief that just because you graduate from Law School (or any school for that matter) that you are somehow elevated to a pedestal of prestige for all to bow down to. Not hardly. You can graduate from Law School and be dumb and incompetent as all get out, just like you can graduate from B-School of Med-School in the same way. Nevertheless, this does not negate the fact that there are some very talented and intelligent people in the legal profession. The intellectual sophistication displayed in even your most average run-of-the-mill appellate argument or legal brief submitted to a court of law can take the pepsi challenge with any work product from any other profession out there any day of the week. So don’t make the mistake of thinking that lawyers are getting paid the big bucks for nothing. It takes just a little bit more than being able to string a few sentences together. There are some very brilliant minds found frequently throughout the legal profession who have actually displayed the level of merit that you speak of here.

Lastly, I just wanted to point out to the author that although you concede that there are “some” good lawyers out there, you don’t recognize the 10’s of 1000’s of lawyers who do work in public interest who genuinely want to help people. Not only do they help millions of Americans each day, but they barely get paid jack squat to do it. The “Big Law”attorneys as we call them only represent approximately 20 to 25% of the profession, and even they do pro bono work for those who can’t afford an attorney.

So before we cast dispersion upon an entire profession, just remember that there was a little anti-segregation case you might have heard of called Brown v. Board of Topeka Education that was argued, and won, by lawyers like Thurgood Marshall which officially ended school segregation in our country and provided a rather significant milestone to the black community that still effects us to this day. To say that people like him, who are lawyers, don’t contribute anything to our society is a falsehood that is too wide sweeping.

Sorry for the lengthy post. Had to get that off my chest.

13 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Chuck Houston,

Did you see the New Yorker cover with Barack Obama and then write a letter to the editor beginning with:

“First of all, Michelle Obama does not have an afro…”

Jesus fucking Christ, dude.

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

LOL

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

Okay…I should explain why I am laughing. That is the most hyperliteral response to satire I have ever seen. It is like a fucking robot wrote the above comment. That is absolutely insane. That type of literalism scares the shit out of me when it doesn’t cause me to convulse with laughter.

13 08 2008
JG*

LOL This almost ruined my porn high.

13 08 2008
Amadeo

I bet he had to stretch after typing that.

13 08 2008
Knatural

penis

13 08 2008
Dustin

I’m not reading all of that shit, but the first paragraph of his post made me realize that I never read the Lawyers post. I just jumped in and started commenting. I love and miss the comments family. I’ll read it later.

Where the hell is Landon?

I love the use of the word “germane.”

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

*rereads first paragraph of Chuck’s comment and laughs some more*

“I hate to see misinformation in any forum.”

Sweet Jesus.

13 08 2008

Loser!

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

LMAO!!!!!
everyone come back and talk about sex!!

Chris, shame on your for INCORRECTLY stating “most of what they could do could be fairly easily replaced by a robot with a DFA algorithm.”
You are WAYYY outta line buddy!\\

LMAO!!!!

13 08 2008
vanitastrawberi

LMAO!!!!!
everyone come back and talk about sex!!

Chris, shame on you for INCORRECTLY stating “most of what they could do could be fairly easily replaced by a robot with a DFA algorithm.”
You are WAYYY outta line buddy!\\

LMAO!!!!

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I stopped reading Chuck’s post after the first paragraph. Couldn’t help but to think that I would be wasting my time on reading an article that someone wrote that could be sold to the New Yorker and effectively titled “The Smug Guy Chronicles, pt I”.

This comes from a “pre-law” person who couldn’t stick to a major in undergrad. Guess I just proved your post to be flawed. You are the weakest link.

13 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ Knat!!!

13 08 2008
Jay_Everyday

I didnt even read what Chuck had to say. There isnt a damn thing that significant to any of our lives for him to waste 10 paragraphs on his feelings. He should get his own damn blog.

13 08 2008
former lurker

chuck houston needs to read the porn post and comments. maybe he’ll get aroused and that huge stick will fal out his ass

…SCHLOOP

13 08 2008
Chuck Houston

Classic.

Hey, in my defense, I said upfront I realize the entertainment value of it all. No need to be defensive.

13 08 2008
former lurker

we’re not being defensive, just joshin with ya! seriously, read the post on porn and the comments that follow…

13 08 2008
Chuck Houston

LOL OK. Read the porn post eh? Alright then. Is this some type of blog initiation?

Link?

13 08 2008
Irami

“So before we cast dispersion upon an entire profession, just remember that there was a little anti-segregation case you might have heard of called Brown v. Board of Topeka Education that was argued, and won, by lawyers like Thurgood Marshall which officially ended school segregation in our country and provided a rather significant milestone to the black community that still effects us to this day.

So you know, I think aspersions are cast. I’m pretty sure a dispersion is something that happens to light, separating it into it’s component colors. I’m not being nit-picky, and it may be a typo, it’s just that someday, you may be in a conversation with someone who matters, and you aren’t going to want to make that mistake.

As to Brown v. Board of Education, I think the results have been severely mixed. Danielle Allen wrote a great book about the decision called, “Talking to Strangers,” about how trying to legislate integration and good citizenship without addressing the customary habits of the culture and the citizens in non-legal ways masks and creates as many problems as it solves.

13 08 2008
Chuck Houston

Irami,

LOL And you guys were getting on ME for being technical. 😉 Actually I’ve heard each way used in common conversation but that may be right. Sounds like one of those “for all intensive purposes” vs. “for all intents and purposes” distinctions (both of which are arguably acceptable).

I digress.

Good observation on Brown, although based on the general responses in this blog, this doesn’t seem to be the place for any serious conversation whatsoever. Some other website perhaps…

13 08 2008
Jen who usually posts here, but not the Jen who fucked Tom Harkin

People who say “all intensive purposes” automatically fail at life.

14 08 2008
Kara S.

that post was ri-goddamn-diculous. Not to mention, it ruined perfectly good satire. How can you state that this post is mainly for entertainment, but take it so damn literally? Honestly, i’m hella confused. Dude, go eat some oranges and get your mind right, cuz you are a little too much.

14 08 2008
Holland

People, calm down. The guy (or gal) obviously was just debating with stuffbph on the merits of his post. This is America right? Free speech and all that shit? So what it killed your buzz, you shouldn’t be stoned so early in the day anyway.

Either debate back with the poster or don’t but if hurling personal attacks is the best debate you got that is lame. What are we 16 yrs old here?

I personally thought the original blog was hillarious and I am a lawyer, but I also could appreciate the knowledge Houston dropped (I admit a slight legal bias;).

19 08 2008
Robert

If you really want to hate lawyers go to this site (abovethelaw.com) and read the comments. Your collective heads will explode.

15 09 2009
Legal Reasoning: A Love Story « An Invisible Man's Blog

[…] sort of like a virgin guy going after a very promiscuous sexually experienced hottie.  (Dude, you could never wife her!) The law, if anything, plays hard to get, but still handle’s it’s […]

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