Essence Magazine

1 08 2008

Last night I went with Shabooty to some random ass concert at Bohemian Caverns in DC*. There were a lot of odd things about this event: the first two singers with voices like long-tailed cats in a room full of rocking chair, Shabooty reminding me of his bizarre attraction to extremely skinny women, girls running around with red flashing LEDs all over their bodies confusing my drunken eyes, and some random dude that kept calling me ‘Earl’.

There was one thing about it, however, that was absolutely fantastic: it was full of black women, and nearly every single one of them was wearing her hair naturally.

Figure 1: This is decidedly un-natural, but you get the idea

There’s nothing better than an oasis of fine ass (literally and figuratively) black women happily embracing their blackness. I was unfortunately pulled right back down into the wonderful world of tacit negroid self-hate when I woke up this morning looking through the Essence Magazine website for King James’ “Do Wrong Man” article and instead stumbled across another article: Sexy Summer Hair.

I could have easily predicted that, of the 26 styles shown in the photo gallery, most of them would feature straight hair. I was floored, however, when I discovered that the article featured NOT ONE natural hairstyle. NOT ONE, DUDE! NOT A SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING ONE!

For a very long time, I assumed that Essence Magazine was a hybrid style/celebrity mag geared at least somewhat toward celebrating blackness. After reading through the hair and several other articles, however, I quickly came to the realization that the purpose of Essence Magazine is to subliminally lull black women into vacuous celebrity worship while abandoning all the trappings of their actual blackness with the exception of their skin color and, of course, Essence Magazine itself.

Warning: The rest of this post is based on no facts in particular.

Essence Magazine was started in 1984 when Bob Johnson skeeted on the back of a white woman. The skeet dripped off her back and onto a copy of Black Enterprise magazine – which 24 hours later had magically, but not surprisingly, turned into Essence Magazine.

Figure 2: Whore.

The magazine then came to life, went back in time, killed Martin Luther King Jr., and started the Watts Riots. It then jumped back into the present, and somehow managed to recruit turncoat negroes to write additional issues of the rag, most of which were dedicated to convincing black women that they were ugly if they didn’t adopt Euro-American hairstyles . Somehow, this continued for several decades until 2008, when Essence decided that it wasn’t making Black people look quite retarded enough.

In order to better explore uncharted territory of self-hate, Essence created what many experts** consider to be the ugliest and most visually confusing website in the history AND future of the World Wide Web. Lebron James saw the website one day, and completely lost his fucking mind.

Figure 3: Lebron attempting to spite Essence, but in actuality supporting it

Essence Magazine is currently lobbying to overturn Roe v. Wade, Brown v. The Board of Education, Lincoln v. Douglass, and Marvel v. Capcom.

Fuck Essence Magazine. That is all.

* This was after getting nicely toasted at Asia Nine. Shabooty, while usually a notorious moocher, definitely came through last night. His boy hooked us up at Asia Nine with a white russian, blue motorcycle, six shots of extremely expensive sake, four incredible hulks, and two red snappers…and refused to let us pay for any of it. We drank all this in under 20 minutes. By the time we stumbled into Bohemian Caverns, I was convinced that I was Batman.

** Me

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449 responses

1 08 2008
modest-goddess

I was waiting for you to do a post of the trash that is Essence Magazine. I subscribed for one year and during that time I was more angry and depressed about my single status and black men than I have ever been in my entire life. Gems include the article on black men who vacation in Brazil to have sex with light skin prostitutes and the guy who has only dated white women for 10 years but insists he wants to marry a black woman (whom he will probably cheat on with white women). And of course they infamous 70% single states.

1 08 2008
modest-goddess

states = stats

1 08 2008
shabooty

i prefer the yiddish term “shnura” instead of moocher. moocher has a bad connotation. shnurra does too, but it’s funnier sounding.

and lastly, saki makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.

$

1 08 2008
Saun

Me no likey the Essence. I once ordered a subscription, backed away from the computer, gave myself a mental back-hand, and then canceled the subscription.
It’s a waste of trees.

1 08 2008
Uninspired Muse

First, Im sending you the bill if the tea I spit out reading that Lebron James comment messes up my laptop.

BUT, wearing your hair natural isnt that confusing. I dont think you need an article..its in-style year round.

1 08 2008
Knatural

At least I’m not the only one who judges a company/person by the navigability and overall look of their website. Not to defend them, but the print magazine usually features a token natural hairstyle; I’m shocked the website – which would reach non-subscribers – doesn’t. That’s just dumb. Most of their adds are for perms/hair straighteners, too. I do like the fashions

1 08 2008
Quiet Storm

I am completely shocked that they did not have at least ONE pic of a sista with natural hair as sexy summer hair. I started going natural April of this year and I think it is not only sexy summer hair, but sexy hair for every season! So f Essence if they dont think that is so because Im not perming my hair again!

1 08 2008
blackberry molasses

the editors of essence can go themselves with rusted forks…

1 08 2008
blackberry molasses

i meant to say they can go eviscerate themselves with rusted forks… dammit.

1 08 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAH Read the comments on that page!

1 08 2008
Amadeo

What really kills me is that a few years ago I noticed that alot of companies started noticing what we where doing and would have “us” in ads. Young black people alot with natural or natural looking hair. Those commercials were usually for practical things these people would get…internet, phone service, etc. How can Essence not have one natural style? This means they’re even behind hilfiger and polo ads that would throw in a dark skinned bald brother and a light skinned loc’d brother.

1 08 2008
Ariel

Yeah their website sucks, and they can shut their mouth about Lebron. There’s much worse out there.

Marvel vs. Capcom (II) is probably one of the best games of all times.

1 08 2008
Cola

Well that’s why we have Clutch! Bump Essence!

1 08 2008
Cola

Plug for my girl Dede! 🙂

http://www.clutchmagonline.com

1 08 2008
ayo

thank you for posting today… i felt like i was going through withdrawal.

that being said i used to love essence but they are falling into cliche catagory. the fashions are the bomb and they have good profiles of black business women, but i think they need to feature a larger perspective on black women and the black experience as a whole.

i found sbph on cluth btw.

1 08 2008
Deesigner

I must respectfully disagree with your assessment of Essence, The website IS A JOKE and the magazine is undergoing major identity issues and growing pains since Susan Taylor stepped down as Editor-In-Chief, however, it is still the only print publication that educates and celebrates black women and has done so since 1970. I think that Angela Burt-Murray should stop trying to emulate shallow mainstream publications and stay true to the original intention of the magazine.

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

This is a funny post, and I too, was disappointed by the lack of natural styles on the website.

However, it bothers me when people complain about Essence (not this post, but people who actually take great issue with the magazine). I don’t understand why people get upset that Essence covers the ACTUAL issues in the lives of Black women. Why would you get mad at the magazine for printing the statistics? Essence holds a mirror up to our world and what we see is sometimes beautiful, sometimes angry. “Welcome to reality, sometimes it’s hard”. And in addition to posting articles that deliver somewhat bad news, the mag is filled with suggestions on how sisters can improve their lives- spiritually, financially, healthwise, romantically. Do you want a magazine that lies to you and says “Everything is great! Black men love you! Everything is swell! Sisters got it going on!”.

I honestly feel that Essence does a fine job and my only real complaint would be about the lack of natural hair style suggestions. I wrote a letter and I am sure I was not the only one. I don’t honestly understand what Black people want anymore, especially the women. You want equality, but not feminism. You want people to understand your plight, but you don’t want to talk about it. What actually makes sisters happy? Anything?

1 08 2008
Knatural

Wait, they do had a loc style, but you have to dig.

1 08 2008
Felinda

I love Lebron!

1 08 2008
shyGirl

What do you expect from a magazine whose editorial director’s hairline looks like Naomi Campbell’s? Does she ever take those braids out??!! Looking like Stevie Wonder…

1 08 2008
modest-goddess

my plight does not involve Brazilian prostitutes, I don’t even know anyone that who has been there and could have lived happily forever without knowing that bit of info

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Okay, first of all, I agree, bump Essence, and Viva la Clutch!

Second, Please tell me that that club isn’t REALLY named Bohemian Caverns, and if it is, isn’t anyone fucking disturbed by that? I mean really.

1 08 2008
ayo

I liked honey and suede mag. but they fizzled. And I think Deesigner is right about Angela Burt-Murray.

1 08 2008
Amadeo

This is my problem with Essence and alot of black people that stand and demand accountability. They will do it from nameless faces masses and from individual dudes with some fame. I can’t say that I’ve ever heard any such publication or “recognized” organization call out anyone of substance like Bob Johnson. Or as, my man Dallas once wrote, how come (sistas especially) never call out:
DEBRA L. LEE, president and COO of Black Entertainment Television
SYLVIA RHONE, exec VP of Universal Records
JUDY SMITH, former senior VP of communications, NBC
CHERYL BOONE ISAACS, a governor of the board of motion picture arts
CATHY HUGHES, Founder and Chairperson of Radio One
????????

Bob Johnson started BET….these sistas all have influence and power and they are in the disrespected and maligned group.

Why do they get a pass?

1 08 2008
Shay-d-lady

I have worn my hair natural for 3 years and I have gotten the most negative feedback from black people, particular those over the age of 45. I think it is a culture issue. Maybe they still consider it a political statement and or they experienced some type of backlash in the late 70’s and 80’s. That being said, I think Essence has a couple of problems but for the most part the magazine is “aight”. The clothes and products (for the most part) are way to expensive for the average working class black woman but the articles seem to target precisely that demographic. On top of that a lot of times they suffer from the same problem as the Black in America special. They tackle issues that need to be discussed in way more detail but try to confine it to 2 pages, and end up only grazing the surface. However I still buy and support the magazine even with those flaws.

1 08 2008
modest-goddess

Essence gave Kim “serial baby mama” Porter a cover.

1 08 2008
veggiegrlnc

There are more natural hair styles in Target and Gap ads than an Essence Magazine. It seems to me that more and more women are wearing their hair sans perm and chemicals, Essence needs to catch up.

It would be great for them to use more ads that display women wearing their hair naturally. And then maybe the majority of black women will realize that it is NOT necessary to have a perm to be in corporate America and that natural hair IS business appropriate.

Its sad that we view the way our hair grows out of our head to be undesirable.

1 08 2008
ayo

go’head amadeo… big up that list.

1 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

What do you expect from a magazine whose editorial director’s hairline looks like Naomi Campbell’s? Does she ever take those braids out??!! Looking like Stevie Wonder…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

1 08 2008
london

essence is alright.. i don’t buy it regularly because it doesn’t speak to me culturally as a a british born afro caribbean woman.. unless they talk about hypertension..ha ha..
i usually buy it because someone cool is featured in it….
maybe there are no natural styles because they get more money from the relaxer/weave sponsors…
it is still miles better than any ‘black’ magazine over here in the uk…..
they are totally shite.. utter foolishness…
be thankful….
ebony sucks more though…

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

modest-goddess (16:14:55) :

my plight does not involve Brazilian prostitutes, I don’t even know anyone that who has been there and could have lived happily forever without knowing that bit of info

So, telling stories that don’t always make you smile makes it a bad magazine? Brazillian prostitiues may not be a part of your daily life, but it was reported because Brazil is a growing destination spot for Black men. Why don’t you create Sand Magazine, a monthly for Black women with their heads in the sand? Feature articles such as “Man Shortage, Shman Shortage”, “Being Black In America Is Totally Awesome” and “Most Black Men Love Us And Treat Us Well”. Then you can feel good all the time!

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Honey and Suede were my shit!!!! But yea…Essence is just as bad as this one latin magazine called Mujer which has nothing but white looking people in it. They even white-washed the panamanian chick with the afro.

What is the media coming to? Fuck both Essence and Mujer.

Don’t get me started on Vibe…they fucking said the Chicken Noodle Sambo Dance was the best thing to ever happen to black youth.

1 08 2008

“What do you expect from a magazine whose editorial director’s hairline looks like Naomi Campbell’s? Does she ever take those braids out??!! Looking like Stevie Wonder…”

lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1 08 2008
Sylph

shyGirl, think more along the lines of Predator. Her hairline wants no part of her body.

Essence has become just like Elle magazine, the only difference is they use black models in their pages. It seems like there are more print ads than actual articles which run you a page, two maybe but only if it’s the main topic that the mag is covering. I feel like it’s been customized so that if a person of non-color picks it up they can say in their minds,”Their magazine looks just like ours! Who knew?”

This won’t stop me from reading or supporting it.

“Essence gave Kim “serial baby mama” Porter a cover.”

I like to pretend that this never happened.

Essence> Ebony>Jet

1 08 2008

hey hey hey diva.

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

London- I was anti-Ebony for YEARS, but they stepped their game up tremendously in the past two years. Check it out!

Amadaeo- I call those women out too, ESPECIALLY Debra Lee!

So how do you guys feel about King or Black Men’s Magazine? Those are nothing but soft porn rags peppered with pictures of expensive cars and rims. Yet, I don’t hear the amount of rage over that that I hear from folks about Essence.

1 08 2008
ayo

Chicken Noodle Sambo

ROTFLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

1 08 2008
Omar

It isn’t worse than ‘Black Hair’ magazine which would more appropriately be termed either ‘Weaves and Perms digest’ or ‘Korean hair and Dominican styles’, I suspect it is owned by the Tanqueray guy.

1 08 2008
modest-goddess

how does not wanting to read articles about random self hating black men paying for sex mean my head is in the sand? that is a huge leap in logic

1 08 2008
shesgreen

yea i’ve been losing faith in essence mag for a while. other than the fashion pages and layouts, their articles are pretty redundant…i def agree that they shed more light on bad relationships and straight hair than healthy ones and naturals. i applaud their attempts at celebrating black women, but i have to admit that the first time i ventured to their website, i was completely disappointed in the layout! come on now! clutch’s puts theirs to shame..but i love their beauty basics and beyond book

1 08 2008
shyGirl

@ Sylph:

Yes!!!!! Predator!!!!

1 08 2008
WO Is WO

I dont agree with you about the essence magazine. But Your a true DUMB AZZ LOL LOL And I love it. You Drunk Fool ! LOL LOL LOL LOL

* Favorite Fan*

1 08 2008
Amadeo

@ST
I need them called out in public by the same folks that all out some random rapper. Frankly most men’s magazines suck…even white ones I can summarize them all:

Get those Abs rock hard
Make her cum
New shit you should buy
Interview with random athelete

1 08 2008
shesgreen

ps bohemian caverns is a great place get inspired to go natural.. ❤ thursday nights

1 08 2008
london

@ Sister T.. really! Ebony is better now..?
reminds me of that yazz song.. the only way is up!
might just go flick thru an issue in the newsagent later….
actually might see wag1 on their website..

1 08 2008
Monie

A few years ago Essence was sold by it’s Black founders/ owners to Time Inc. Since then the magazine has transformed into crap. Time has no interest what-so-ever in enpowering the lives of Black women, they simply want the ad dollars aimed at Black women.

The editor is a hack who appears on reality shows. And the Essence Music Festival is a joke.

1 08 2008
ayo

My friend, who is is a weave-aholic, was in a Asian owned black hair care store told me that the owner said that black people need to rise up against the weave makers in asia because they are robbing them because the hair isnt ‘real’ anymore and they are price gouging their customers. He told her about that after watching black in america. That was the issue he said black people needed to attack. WTF.

On to Brazil… my boy went there, and he told me he is gong to retire there. actually wants to leave asap and live with his homeboy that has since taken residance.

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Modest- “I subscribed for one year and during that time I was more angry and depressed about my single status and black men than I have ever been in my entire life. ”

So, because the magazine printed statistics and info by and about Black men who aren’t doing right by us, you don’t want to read it? A lot of stuff I read in Essence breaks my heart, but I rather be well-informed than in denial. The magazine didn’t co-sign what the brother said about dating White women, they simply put it out there so we can know what some of our men are thinking when we see them out there with Becky. That man was NOT the first or only to have that attitude, because I have heard it before AND since then.

As far as the Brazil thing, you assume you don’t know anyone who’s been there. The man who bought you that Cosmo at the bar last week may have just got back. You think he’s gonna tell you? And why shouldn’t sisters be abreast of stuff like that?

1 08 2008
Sylph

ST:

Read, I hate HATE the magazines that you listed. I also know one of the editors that works for King. I learned that (1) the mag has a lot of porn ads and rims because that’s all they could get considering what’s in between their pages and (2) it is not even run by a person of color. Believe that.

1 08 2008
Saun

Essence, like Ebony and Vibe, was actually good back in the day. But when the dollars and advertising started becoming more important, the content went down hill fast. The problem with most of these magazines now is that they have no conscious. The content used to be balanced. Not all positive, not all negative. For me the biggest problem is that the content never really changes. It’s the same stuff every year with different pictures. And the minute they gave Kim Porter’s irrelevant azz a cover I knew I wouldn’t be pickin up another issue. It’s not just Essence though I don’t find too many magazines worth paying for.

And Amadeo…. I have big issues half the folks on your list. Cathy Hughes irks me with some of the coonery she will let slide on her radio stations just to get a buck.

1 08 2008
Omar

@ST – I think that nobody took those magazines seriously in the first place it is the same thing with dissappointment in Jesse Jackson because he has fallen from what he was supposed to be.

As for Black Men, King, Smooth, Show and others that I don’t remember they are like the print version of BET and best used for bonfires. They are an extension of the reign of terror that is Bob Johnson. Where is the DC sniper when you need him?

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Amadeo- That’s not 100% true. GQ and Details have a lot of interesting and informative articles about politics, international affairs, wine, financial planning and yes, a lot of silly stuff too. And yes, White men’s mags have eye candy as well.

However, each and every single month, King and Black Men’s Magazine feature a half naked (usually) Black woman showing her ass on the cover and more throughout the pages inside. I’m sure you people would blame the cover models soley for this, but it is still reprehensible.

In fact, until Black men have a reputable magazine of their own, they may need to be silent in their complaints about Essence. Now, I am NOT saying Essence is perfect. But I am saying that it is a very informative magazine that presents both important and uplifiting info to it’s readers.

1 08 2008
Darcia00

“Marvel v. Capcom”

Hilarious. You slay me.

1 08 2008
Amadeo

Focus on the negative, breeds negative perspectives. I know lots of decent brothers, lots of married couples, lots of strong families and I’m ready to rip on publications, networks, etc. that act like those are rare things. I’m pretty sure most of know things are fucked up.

It’s as bad as every local news station that has five hundred stories about something else that’s ready to kill me when I wake up in the morning…then they throw a story about someone saving a kitten in the mix. That makes me feel much better….thanks.

1 08 2008
zoso

Natural/Straight: To each his/her own.
“Warning: The rest of this post is based on no facts in particular.” haha.

1 08 2008
Omar

The Brazil thing matters because many of them bring home STDs to black women and not to mention contributing to the social destruction of another country.

Latin america and the Caribbean have been deemed by many just places to go and get tyour freak on like they aren’t actual people there and when black people do it we dehumanize other people of color much like what has been done to us here.

1 08 2008
ayo

No qualms with Susan Taylor. She did her thing for 37 years before the YT’s bought her out. Not everybody can have a hair line.

Ebony is getting better! It was pretty stale there for a minute.

And the mens magazines are worse by far than the women’s magazines. I hope they get their own post so I can use cuss words.

1 08 2008
Omar

Historically we have had newspapers started by black men like the Afro-American and The Defender among others… Real brotheres don’t need glossy pages…

1 08 2008
Loudmouth Protestant

The website will be undergoing a major overhaul within the nest few weef as part of their deal with Time Warner. So I believe it’s going to get better. Like most magazines that didn’t jump on to the dotcom craze, they probably didn’t put much resources and time into the site as much as the did the redesign of Essence under the leadership of Angela Burt-Murray.

As it stands, it is the only publication–of any substance–that serves African-American women and I have to say I am personally proud of it. It tackles issues that concern me–though they could cut it out with the saving articles every month because it makes black women seem like they have a real problem with finances.

Nevertheless, I like Essence and will continue to support it. I think for those who have a problem with it now need to just speak up and figure out how to contact the higher powers and voice your concerns. Don’t just sit up on this site all day complaining because no change will ever come that way. You got a problem, be real with yours and take it to the source. Make a difference instead of just making noise.

1 08 2008
Amadeo

@ ST Come on now…no one has defended king or any of those. Saying there is no good one by black men…so the one run by black women can be bullshit is unexcusable. In fact black men should say more…magazines that target us suck and magazines that target you say that we suck…silence earns us nothing. Damn that, I have the voice and I’m saying something. Frankly the only publications I buy are actual books…I don’t have to sift through adverts and garbage to get to one little jewel of info.

The magazines suck and so do the models that jockey to be on the cover.

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

For everyone who has all these ill things to say about Essence “focusing on the negative”…..when was the the last time you READ an issue of Essence? Like, what the fuck? There are always positive and uplifiting stories in there! And guess what Black people…..we have PROBLEMS that we need to address?

Perhaps I will publish Sand Mag myself, as there seems to be an audience looking for it. Unlike Essence, I will never discuss the crisis in Darfur, the HIV rates in the Black community, the lack of unmarried Black women, the growing concern over autism, the election……NOPE. Let’s just feel good! Let’s talk about….puppies! Kittens! Rainbows!

And as far as the idiotic assertation that discussing negative issues breeds futher negativity, I’m sure our elders who participated in the Civil Rights and Black Power movements spent a great deal of time FACING our problems. But denial is certainly more than a river in Egypt.

1 08 2008
ayo

@LMP : “nest few weef ”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

But, you are right, i should write a letter to Time Warner, right now Im writing a letter to Santa.

1 08 2008
Sbiglawal

I cancelled my subscription to Essense when they participated in Charm School on VH1.

1 08 2008
Amadeo

Nobody said anything about denial…and since you comb the pages…what percentage of articles in regards to black men are actually positive?

Whenever I see one it’s basically the same thing.

With a couple “Do Right Brothers” thrown in…like he’s a creature thought extinct spotted in the wild…Hunt him down ladies!!!!

1 08 2008
Startariot

I started reading Essence in my late teens after years of Teen People, Seventeen on occasion, and mom’s Vanity Fair. I loved, for the first time in my life seeing brown-skinned models in such abundance. Been reading it ever since. What I’m starting to dislike about them now is the very fact that you almost never see natural styles featured, and I guess I’m noticing this more because I myself am trying to go natural. There’s always a Hair section which shows how to create some cute relaxed or weaved styles/cuts, or they feature expensive products which help with curly hair, but never a spread on transitioning, or natural hair style tutes…there’s so many photoblogs/forums right now of women’s journeys from relaxed to natural hair, it’s like the untelevised revolution…it’d be great for Essence to feature one of them and tote the benefits of natural hair…now I think I’m gonna write them. But yea..disappointing.

1 08 2008
Quiet Storm

“It isn’t worse than ‘Black Hair’ magazine which would more appropriately be termed either ‘Weaves and Perms digest’ or ‘Korean hair and Dominican styles’, I suspect it is owned by the Tanqueray guy.” – Omar

Oh s!@# rhahahahahahaa! That Tanqueray guy is a joke. I think him smiling and displaying that huge gap makes me laugh for some reason and not hate him as much.

1 08 2008
P-Matik

My ex-girlfriend’s aunt Sheila actually was the one that started Essence Magazine in Cali back in the 70’s. She has since literally “returned to the essence” (RIP) but it was a different day for that magazine as well as Ebony. Things seem to always get commercial and change for the worse (black mags, hip-hop, the USA, etc.) and there’s no telling what she would say about it if she were to see it now. It’s almost like a black Cosmo these days and I laugh at it sometimes. But hey, someone I know always said “don’t hate the media, become the media”. If you really don’t like the current state of things then set a forum to challenge them (like this blog does, big up!)

But my man…off of this statement…

“There was one thing about it, however, that was absolutely fantastic: it was full of black women, and nearly every single one of them was wearing her hair naturally.”

Did you bag any of em?? That’s what I wanna know!! Hahaha! Last time I stopped over at Bohemian Caverns, they had some Amy Winehouse/Joss Stone clone performing and a long line formed up for her too.

1 08 2008
Michael

Essence looks like a magazine for women who are either fat or will one day have to get their foot amputated because of diabetes. 😀

I used to have a white baby sitter who would get Jet magazine, I would always flip straight to the wack ass Jet Beauty in a one piece and a finger waves. Did Jet step their Jet Beauty of the week up yet? I am gonna have to check it out.

1 08 2008
Saun

No lie…I haven’t read Essence in about 2 years. No one I know reads/buys it and I have better things to do with that money. The only magazines I read were purchased with expiring airline miles. I did write Essence over my disappointment a few times back in the day but when I realized things weren’t going to change I decided to stop supporting them with my money. There are good things about Essence I’m sure but not enough for me to want to start reading it again.

Those “Do Right Men/Top Bachelor” stories piss me off actually. There is an expectation that thousands of women are going to write in to try to gain the attention of 25 men. What is sad is that women really do write in and think they have a chance.

1 08 2008
Soul Cry

Being a natural head sister myself, I agree with your post bredren.

1 08 2008
ayo

This is my problem, I want to LOVE Essence, but its just ok to me. I think it has done better in the past and as such needs to do better presently. But people are not interested in substance or the truth and that would make it a different magazine however exactly what I’m looking for. I will give credit where credit is due… between cosmo and essence, its essence all day, but now it just feels like a black in america special, heavy on talk and images and shallow on solutions. But… that’s just me.

1 08 2008
Quiet Storm

“…A lot of stuff I read in Essence breaks my heart, but I rather be well-informed than in denial.”

Preach sista!

1 08 2008
B4Prez

@SHYGIRL: Susan Taylor (braids) can’t be blamed for the state of the mag now.

@modest – goddess: Skip the damn article if it was that catastrophic for you to find out that black men participate in Brazil’s booming sex industry.

While I 100% agree that it was a very bad look for them to leave natural hair out, I can’t really say I’m surprised. This newly visible wave of YBP/EBP/whatever you wanna call it is often only represented in terms of the economic advances Blacks have made. Too many are too concerned with ‘fitting in’ and wearing their YBP title in the forms of Manolo’s and LV, but then turn around and complain about these same designers not using black models in their Vogue ads. The dichotomy of professional, yet conscious (w/o hating everything black) is VISIBLY, a new thing for the masses, and hard to simultaneously cater to. With the professional’s thinking everything is ghetto, and the conscious ppl needing everything they read to be deep, what is a black mag to do when they still have to make money like all the others?

1 08 2008
bella

Yess!!! I FINALLY GET TO COMMENT BEFORE THIS SHIT REACHES 100!!!

anywho, yeah, essence magazine is a mess and i wouldn’t subscribe to that shit even if i had money to use to just wipe my ass with… hell, half the article in there don’t even make sense once you read them leaving you more dumb then u were when u picked the shit up!

i only subscribe to the white magazines… hell, they’re white, they know it, they love it, and they aren’t perpetrating to be anything else then what they are.

1 08 2008
Shay-d-lady

I feel that the do right man post are a joke though. I mean you have upgraded regular dudes to celebrity and now they have chicks literally by the hundreds contacting them…what do you think that does to them? Its like letting them be a rock star for the night. Then the pitiful women that contact them start to think/feel if this is a do right brother and he don’t want nothing but the chitty chitty bang bang…all men are dogs!
Off topic, having an argument with a friend on gmail at this moment…..
Have you ever noticed that most women that are single and complain about the lack of good men, are also on the all men are dogs bandwagon? If you feel that most men are dogs and hate women, what vibe do you think you are giving off? It is not because they are intimidated by your intelligence, status, etc (in most cases anyway). How does the saying go “attitude determines aptitude?”

1 08 2008
B4Prez

@Bella – I don’t think I’ve ever seen any1 miss THE POINT so effortlessly. SMH

@Ayo – That beauty supply store dude was right. It might not be our biggest issue, but it’s really sad that with hair possibly being the biggest collective expenditure of black women, that they aren’t getting a piece of that pie yet.

1 08 2008
Knatural

I hate Joss Stone.

1 08 2008
Muse

Generally speaking, I think Essence is a pretty decent magazine that chronicles the lives of Black women from all walks of live. Sometimes I do question their choices for cover stories (i.e. the chronic baby Momma Kim Porter and Puffy being the representation of Black love which sends a terrible message to the masses). Since I spend most of my leisure time reading financial magazines anyway, I don’t tend to nitpick over whether or not Essence features enough Black women wearing “natural” hairstyles. I don’t care because at the end of the day my blackness is not defined by how I wear my hair.

In fact I’m starting to get annoyed that Black women who choose to wear an alternative texture are accused of self hate or striving to be White. White women are constantly changing their hair color and/ hair texture along with women of other races. Although I never had a perm, I do wear my hair straight at times because I like the look of it. I’m not shamed of my hair texture. In fact I like my hair a lot and how versatile it is it. Shoot the SBPHers who saw me at the club know my hair sweated the hell out and I just threw that mess up in a ponytail. At the end of the day it is just hair darn it. Why put so much emphasis on dead proteins?

What we should be concerned about hair that looks like a crispy hot mess or naturals who are walking around looking like lost slaves. My opinion is however a woman chooses to rock her hair make sure it’s healthy and looks nice. Fuck rock a weave and save your own hair from the daily stessors or styling.

1 08 2008
B4Prez

I hate black ppl who get a degree or a few dollars and then decide they’re going to start taking themselves way too seriously.

1 08 2008
Omar

Hair care products IS a big issue and big business, the first black millionaire got with hair care products and for the ridiculous amount we spend on hair care all that money leaving our community is a tragedy.

1 08 2008
ayo

Prez… he wasnt saying they needed to OWN it, just get mad about the prices. He also said that the demand is out pacing the product. Is hair care (products, wigs and weaves) really black women’s #1 expendature?

1 08 2008
Muse

Ayo and Omar, Black women spend billions of dollars on hair products because the texture of our hair does require a lot of care even if it is natural. Most ethnicities that don’t have kinky or curly hair can wash and go. In order for our hair to be healthy it does require extra care.

1 08 2008
Muse

Personally I spend at the most 100 bucks on hair care products every three months.

1 08 2008
Omar

@Muse – I’m not really mad at the amoutn spent but more so where it goes as for straight hair it is less about either or but about a lack of variety that may not adequately represent black women.

1 08 2008
Knatural

Yeah, Muse was sweating like a whore in church…

1 08 2008
Amadeo

I just have a conversation that made me think further. The issue of this post becomes more relevant when you consider that natural hair care products, salons and shows are about 99.5% black dominated. I can’t think of one black store where I see sisters go to by hair at. I personally know a few women and men who have caked up by catering to those wearing their hair naturally. So why wouldn’t Essence have more focus on this area? It’s not just about a look, but also entreprenuers, black supported – black businesses. Hell I had to go to a natural hair show with my girl and her friend and people were making alot more money than at the average festival I go to. They were in their exact market…not hoping someone with interest would walk by. I get cards from people trying to get me to pay them for loc maintanence all the time. So far no other race has honed in or dominated this area yet. So why isn’t the uplifting black women’s magazine at least showing more of those styles?

1 08 2008
Muse

The irony is that a large percentage of Black women do alter their hair texture so maybe Essence is showing an accurate representation of hairstyles.

1 08 2008
Knatural

Is hair care (products, wigs and weaves) really black women’s #1 expendature?
Yes.
And shoes. AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

1 08 2008
B4Prez

@Ayo – See, thats’s why blacks need to own bigger stakes in the hair industry, so that ppl won’t have to deal with Asian owners who completely miss the point, lol…
As for hair being the biggest expenditure, I wouldn’t be surprised. Ppl often forget that eventho we have a lot of women wearing naturals now, the majority of black women are wearing weaves…and that’s across all demographics. Laquisha and Dr. Simmons are both rocking weaves in anywhere, USA.

1 08 2008
KadiBaby

It’s attitude determines altitude.

Thank you Chris for looking out for the womenfolk, thats how we know you love us! 🙂

Seriously though, my family is against natural hair (IDK) my uncle said women with natural hair attract ‘certain kind of men’ aka Dreadlocked Black Israelites (or Fake Rastas) who beat their women……..

However this post has just confirmed that his theory is shit.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Ok, ladies. I see alot of y’all talking about there’s nothing on the transition to natural hair and being a natural “sista”.

Check out http://www.afrobella.com. She’s a natural girl who posts about issues in the black community as well as beauty and hair tips for natural hair divas and brown skinned girls.

I love her site!

1 08 2008
ayo

I just dont remember black people spending as much before weaves and such came so heavily into the picture and I blame the media for that. But I am on the DGF how you wear your hair tour bus. Mine is natural, but I will rock a fro, twists, braids, a weave, a wig or whatever I’m feeling. I like the diversity of black hair. Speaking to the man, yeah he’s technically right, but we dont have more pressing matters that untimalely might resolve that like education, self esteem building, epidemic STD rates, overall community awareness and fiscal responsiblity? That’s my issue with that mess.

1 08 2008
former lurker

Black Enterprise….all day…err day. Earl Graves is ok by me.

**goes back to lurking and waits for someone to tear Earl Graves apart and shit on BE**

1 08 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

“What we should be concerned about hair that looks like a crispy hot mess or naturals who are walking around looking like lost slaves.”

OMG, girl, u better preach! i actually went natural on accident, and i promise, i miss the FUCK outta my relaxer

1 08 2008
Knatural

Seriously though, my family is against natural hair (IDK) my uncle said women with natural hair attract ‘certain kind of men’ aka Dreadlocked Black Israelites (or Fake Rastas) who beat their women…

AHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH….AHAHAHAHAH
Damn that’s funny.

Amadeo makes a very good point. We all know of blogs and smaller publications that discuss natural hair options, but Essence is an international magazine and should be more responsible. It’s about entrepreneurship and balance, that’s all.

1 08 2008
ayo

@CD… Afrobella! I love her site and perspective! But because Essence and the like, didnt feature Natural Hair transitions, I had to go online to find out how to do it myself. I also found motowngirl.com a big help.

1 08 2008
Knatural

If we complain about not be represented, in all of our wondrous variety, on the pages of White magazines, why can’t we complain about it on the pages of our own magazine? (somebody said this already, right?)

1 08 2008
Nichole

Amen…I am natural and always looking for styles and have been disappointed by the one token natural hairstyle in Essence. I think they have 3 styles that they print over and over. Also, if one more person touches my hair while asking me why not just get a perm because your hair is so nice and curly it would take a perm well I am going to start breaking fingers…..Um I want to keep my hair so that is why I do not have one thanks.

1 08 2008
Knatural

being represented*

1 08 2008
mrspen

Essence? interesting topic.

i never read it before- i just always linked it with Jet in my mind and i couldn’t imagine opening another magazine and reading a ‘Beauty of the Week’ who liked horseback riding. where did these black women grow up?! i never even saw a horse until i was a teenager.

1 08 2008
Nicki

I have ALWAYS hated that magazine. My mom had a subscription a few years back. I was so glad when it finally lapsed. It bothered me that they never had natural hairstyles featured. I recently gave into pressure from my mother to relax my natural hair. I got a bit tired of the “Your hair looks like a rug” cracks from her. I like my haircut, but I do miss my curls.

1 08 2008
mouse

haha, marvel v capcom

1 08 2008
Amadeo

I just did some research…I googled Essence Magazine and the word Loctition….I got one hit….it did not involve essence magazine, the word essence was just in the text in this sentence: …the essence of self care.

Really…that’s sad.

1 08 2008
ayo

mrspen…! When I was young, my parents owned horses in upstate NY! They even bought me and my brother a pony. We named him ‘Comet’! And there is a large Black Cowboy – riding coalition in the midwest.

1 08 2008
Neicy

lmao: Ebony isn’t up to snuff either. It’s a grown up version of…Hell, I don’t know, TigerBeat for blacks or some shat like that.

1 08 2008
B4Prez

@Knat – That’s the thing, black women will complain because they’re not represented in Vogue, but then will see Kim Porter in Essence and you’d think they brought slavery back. Because the black mag does a story on sum1 who may not be the next person up for a nobel prize, the mag is suddenly only as good as that 1article.

Meanwhile, the white mag never has any black models, but as our little ‘social scholar’ Bella said :

“i only subscribe to the white magazines… hell, they’re white, they know it, they love it, and they aren’t perpetrating to be anything else then what they are”.

SMDH!

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

A few things I must say about relaxers and natural hair from experience:

1. Relaxers fucked my hair up. It pretty much made my hair brittle and weak. I have been transitioning to natural for the last 2 years, and my hair has never been healthier.

2. If you want straight, relaxed looking hair, but your hair is thick, curly, and coarse, go to a dominican salon and ask for a blow out. They use a bit of oil and a blow dryer to make your hair shine and look alot healthier than a relaxer. Need to find a “pelequeria dominicana” in your area? http://www.roundbrushhair.com. They even sell dominican products on the site.

3. If you like the natural curls in the summer, this lady from John Frieda taught me to use their non chemical relaxing creme and some frizz ease (saturate the hair), to better define the curls and de-frizz the hair. The shit works wonders.

4. Is your hair overprocessed or fried? Use those olive oil deep conditioning packets. They’re less expensive than a salon deep conditioning, and the shits work miracles!!!

Now all of this is coming from someone who has never worn a weave (I occasionally wear wigs for photoshoots, but thats it), and has always had long, thick, and curly hair (that my grandmother hates, but that in itself is another story). You want natural hair? I swear talk to dominicans and other caribbeans…they know what to do, plus they do it while fighting humidity from the gulf.

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Muse (17:56:53) :

The irony is that a large percentage of Black women do alter their hair texture so maybe Essence is showing an accurate representation of hairstyles.

HELLO WORLD! Again, I don’t agree with the lack of natural styles in the summer styles spread. But I also feel that most of the folks here with all the bad stuff to say about Essence don’t read it or look at it often. You don’t see me talking about how wack Highlights For Children or Teen People is, do ya?

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I remember this mag called Girl magazine. It was a mag for “urban” women (i.e. black and latino women in urban culture). They used to have features on natural hair as well as urban style all while being educated and not “hoodrattish”. The first issue I ever seen had a girl on the cover with a hybrid fro-locks ‘do…

1 08 2008
pearlsfrompain

I ❤ your appreciation of black women who wear their hair natural! I’m not surprised at the lack of natural styles in Essence…more than a few times, what they have shown as “natural” in their magazine was a nappy weave.

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Has anyone tried Mixed Chicks products? I heard it’s great for curly natural hair.

1 08 2008
Amadeo

Highlights for Children sucks ass…they never print my letters to the editor.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ ST…I have a subscription to both Ebony and Essence. Ebony focuses on celebrity culture, while Essence is like the new black Vogue. The articles are very redundant- every month there’s an article about down low brothers, or dead beat brothers, or cheating brothers, etc. To be a black publication, they sure are doing a great job of tearing our community apart by instilling into black womens’ minds that black men are all bad, which isn’t the case.

My mother always told me, that if someone tells you you’re something over and over, oftentimes you start to believe it. Meaning: if we keep being told that our men aren’t shit over and over, we’re going to start believing it. Repetition is how things become memorized; and memorizing something like that only breaks down the black family more and subjects our people to more scrutiny and stereotyping from people who are clueless and looking in from the outside.

1 08 2008
TomatoHead

ST!!!! That was porn! Porn porn porn! my little sister is reading this!….she’s 20, but that’s not the point!

1 08 2008
Knatural

ahahahahahah ST
dirty girl.

1 08 2008
TomatoHead

A few things I must say about natural hair:

1. Natural hair can look great but it really depends on your texture. If your hair is curly naturally, good for you. If it’s really tightly nappy, great because then you can do a fro. But everyone else who is in between, like me, is fucked. My hair doesn’t curl, and it won’t lay straight for more than an hour without frizzing up. It kinda lies down in a half-fro when natural and doesn’t like me.

2. I would never suggest someone with a great natural texture get a perm.

3. I would suggest women who can’t deal with an unruly natural texture go ahead and try something new (i.e. get a perm) because you can always grow it out if it doesn’t work. You aren’t going to destroy your hair follicles by getting a perm.

4. I love my permed hair and I loved my braids when I had them.

The key to wearing natural hair is having good texture.

1 08 2008
JG*

So this isn’t directly related.. but had to share this!

My New Haircut!!

And.. I have a perm. I tried natural, and couldn’t comb it for anything!

1 08 2008
Esquire

Sister, I will piggy back off of you, as I often do.

Most black women who read that magazine, straighten thier hair. That mag also features REAL black models (not video chicks), and good financial tips. It has also covered issues like cancer from a black woman’s point of view, etc…

I guess there are some parts that may be “garbage” but I enjoy it for the most part…But I also read Better Homes and Garden. Im corny like that.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Tomato…get your hair blow dryed straight by a dominican. I swear to you the results are better than the perm. You can always ask for a hard press on top of that, which lasts for about a month.

1 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@ST: Don’t go hatin on Highlights now! Don’t you know Goofus and Gallant are my peeps? 😉

1 08 2008
Amadeo

I’m going to Marvel Comics to get a subscription to Wolverine.

1 08 2008
Neicy

ayo (16:57:44) :

No qualms with Susan Taylor. She did her thing for 37 years before the YT’s bought her out. Not everybody can have a hair line.

iDied.

Highlights doessuck ass, but in regards to the lack of Black hair shops, many times they can’t sell the same product (i.e. Dudley, wack ass Motions, etc) within a 5-10 mile radius, because it’s against the contacts of the surrounding stores.

1 08 2008
Knatural

Yeah, the question is: Did The Author get any numbers from those nappy-headed hos? Hmmmmm? [none of our business]

1 08 2008
1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…I’m so glad there’s a black beauty supply (bbs) store owned by blacks in my area. I always go there to get my products. The owners are cool people…they even special order John Frieda products so I would continue to come back. I’m all for supporting my black businesses.

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

I just found this site yesterday and I have been reading all day. Very funny. I will def. add this to my favorites. Anyway with regards to essence. Do most of you really feel that people who relax their hair is lacking in self love?

I just read a highlights while having my car repaired. It was fun reminiscing about all the fun I had back in the day. I used to love the science experiments and the matching games.

1 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

3 2 1 Contact had a magazine back in the day. I used to love it and the show.

hell, I’m singing the 3 2 1 Contact song right now.

Oh, and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? The shit, especially since I was/am a geography nerd.

1 08 2008
Muse

ST I used products from mixed chicks and their stuff is amazing. I highly recommend them for women who have that inbetween hair LOL. It’s not quite kinky but it isn’t silky either. The best way to describe my hair in its natural state is Scary Spice/Kelis. If you hair texture is similar then products from mixed chicks is PERFECT.

1 08 2008
Neicy

Let’s all just play MadLibs and call it a day, no?

1 08 2008
Knatural

Sister Toldja doesn’t like Highlights Mag because it’s “nerdy”. 😀

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ spclone2…I dont, simply because I used to get my hair relaxed because my mother couldn’t help me with my hair (she has baby fine straight hair, and my hair is thick and curly). Most people relax their hair to better control it. I simply like the alternative because I noticed how fast my hair grows without, and how much healthier it is.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ muse…your hair almost sounds like mine…

The one thing I hate about my hair is the fact that it REFUSES to stay in braids. I’ve never been able to get braids, no matter if relaxed or natural, because my hair won’t hold them for shit.

1 08 2008
Knatural

Spclone – that’s a loaded question. Read the Straight Hair post…

1 08 2008
Muse

Eh I’m not big on perms. Perms are very unhealthy. Perms strip the hair and deposit dangerous chemicals into your system. Almost every woman I know who has had a perm hair eventually started breaking off or they had to cut it because of the dangers associated with perms.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Highlights mag used to confuse me.

I never liked Carmen Sandiego because those kids on the show used to piss me off…

Ghostwriter was another show that I couldn’t stand.

I was more of a Ninja Turtles and Attack of the Killer Green Tomatoes kind of girl. And Wishbone has NOTHING on Reading Rainbow.

1 08 2008
EJ

Essence magzine may not be the best but its better than nothing. Ebony, Jet, and Essence seem to be the only black woman magazines that have any longevity and I’m proud of them for that. I miss Suede and Honey and even Vibe Vixen at times but the they fell by the wayside. I can respect the magazine for that while realizing its faults.

Being natural I wear my hair in a number of different styles, straight styles included. Sometimes I feel vilified by people for not wearing natural styles more often. Truth be told, I’ve damaged my hair in its natural form and I’ve damaged it when it used to be relaxed. At this point I’m wearing weaves to protect it from myself! I love my blackness though … there is no self hate in the equation.

1 08 2008
Omar

This is self-hate…

1 08 2008
Muse

Chaotic if your hair does all of that then it isn’t like mine LOL. My hair is pretty versatile. It stays in braids sometimes, it straightens, it curls, and it has a life of its own in humidity. When my hair is wet it does have a defined curl pattern.

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

@ Chaoticdiva,

what alternative do you use? Is your hair soft? The way you described your hair sounds as if your texture isn’t quite kinky like mines. Do you think I can go natural and still have soft stylish manageble hair? I haven’t seen anyone with hair like mine wear it au naturel and be able to get a comb thru it with ease.

1 08 2008
Muse

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relaxer

damn people do that to their hair? EWWW

1 08 2008
Knatural

Omar – a Not Suitable For Work warning would have been nice…

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Tomato Head: “The key to wearing natural hair is having good texture.”

……….

Um……….no one else is gonna touch that? No one?

1 08 2008
Muse

ST I’m not going to touch that with a yard stick.

My mom said good hair=clean hair.

and I’m leaving it at that.

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

@ Omar.

I’d have to agree. I never understood why black women, especially darker skinned ones, think that look is in any way, shape, or form attractive. I don’t know of any standard of beauty that would rank in the attractive category. I think what it is, they have tricked themselves into thinking that’s cute. I have a friend (light skinned) who wears a beyonce blond wig. I falterling try to tell her that its not a good look but she takes it as a sign that I’m just jealous. I mean really??? No one can tell her she’s not hotter than July.

1 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Um……….no one else is gonna touch that? No one?”

Yea. That’s was interesting…and hopefully misunderstood 😛

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Oh! My bad!!!!! I was trying to post this link: I am soooo sorrry!

1 08 2008
Knatural

Yeah, ST…we know better by now.

1 08 2008
Muse

Fuck it…I have to say something…

Tomato there is no such thing as “good hair texture”

One of my good friends has VERY kinky hair that is healthy and beautiful. It’s thick, long, and the girl rock the hell out of her stuff.

Bad hair damanged hair that looks like a hot mess. Personally I think it is the woman’s responsiblity to learn about her hair texture and figure out what styles works for her.

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

This link: mixedchicks.net. That is the hair site. Sorry!

1 08 2008
Amadeo

So the other link wasn’t an attempt to change the subject?

1 08 2008
Knatural

I have this dude’s hair. ahahahahahahhahaha

1 08 2008
Muse

What I do want to comment on is that I think Black men make a bigger deal out of hair than women. From my own personal experience when I’m just rocking my regular big hair in all it’s glory I get so much attention from non black men. However Black men will break their damn necksto holler if I’m weaering it straight. What kind of message does that send? Maybe it’s an LA thing?

1 08 2008
Muse

If Black men gave as much love to kinky naturals/ tradionally afro textured hair as they do to girls who wear their hair straight or have a soft texture, please believe that more women would throw away the flat irons, perm kits, and straightening combs. But the truth is that a large percentage of Black men do gravitate towards Black women who do appear to have softer texture hair or wear it straight. I’ve had ignorant Negros say that “oh you don’t have that rough nappy hair” WTF?

1 08 2008
Knatural

Muse – when you wear your hair big and poofy, are the girlz exposed? Maybe it’s cleavage-related?

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Tomato Head: “The key to wearing natural hair is having good texture.”

So, I get it. The Key’s were handed out in heaven and since I spent two hours in the tit line getting these DD’s natural hair ain’t for me.

1 08 2008
Muse

Hmm Knat you are right. I did have the girls covered up.

You know that night at the club, I wanted to be respected for my mind that is why I wore the off shoulder sweater hehehe. The DC boys weren’t ready. LOL.

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Muse

Exactly! I just commented on the straight hair post begging the question “would they still love us if we looked like Kizzy? I know not!

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ spclone2…what I do for my hair is wash it and use a combo of frizz ease and non-chemical straightener in my hair (john freida) to define my natural curls (i twist them with my fingers and let it dry). Before that, I would just put a ton of really thick conditioner in my hair and just leave it there and scrunch my hair into curls. Its cheaper and conditions your hair. I still do that to go swimming. The only think about doing it with the conditioner…you need to rinse it out of your hair every couple of days and reapply it to keep your hair from getting matted and tangled.

Other than that, I usually end up asking someone else to press my hair. I have a good 4 different hair salons (2 dominican, 2 black) that I go to when I need a quick press and go. And of course, I still get my ends trimmed (when I’m not broke). If I’m broke and desperate, I take these steps to achieve straightness:

1. Deep condition with olive oil packet.

2. spritz wet hair with Aphogee green tea and keratin spray (the keratin/protein strengthens and protects hair from the heat).

3. separate hair into small sections, comb through them with a wide toothed thick hard rubber comb.

4. use a round brush with synthetic bristles to brush hair straight while blow drying on high heat. Focus more on the roots than the ends if you’re growing out a relaxer.

5. when done blow drying hair, add a little bit of olive oil sheen to hair, then go over it with a flat iron.

(I was taught this by a licensed hair dressor…and I’ve never burned off my hair using this method).

…in other news: I think I’m going to cut my hair. right now, half of it is relaxed and half is natural and I want to cut the natural off. I’ve just always been afraid of having hair shorter than my shoulders because I can’t do as much with it (i.e. ponytail).

1 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

@CD
What’s that link again for locating Dominican salons? I don’t really feel like scrolling back up to find it? I want to try that blowout…

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ muse…I’ve noticed that too. Especially when I’m out of the state. I get hit on by white, latin, and arab men, but black men aren’t really into me when I rock the curly fro. But if I have my hair bone straight, they’re all up on me talking about some “is your momma white” stuff…

smh. Do we have to be mixed with something to date a black man?

(I mean I am, but y’all know what I mean).

1 08 2008
Omar

@Muse – it is definitely not just an LA thing a lot of brothers still have that ‘Bob johnson’…

When I was in high school my basketball coach once told me that when I settle down I should get a REDBONE!! … this is a grown ass man / supposed role model to young people who was pretty dark him damn self, so what does that say about how he looks at his brown skin wife and is brown skin daughter…

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Shavonne

http://www.roundbrushhair.com

click the link at the top that says salon locator. The salons are added by users and are ranked by people that have visited them.

1 08 2008
Shavonne Nicole

Thanks-thanks!

1 08 2008
Omar

Muse (19:26:26) :

“If Black men gave as much love to kinky naturals/ tradionally afro textured hair as they do to girls who wear their hair straight or have a soft texture, please believe that more women would throw away the flat irons, perm kits, and straightening combs. ”

This sounds a lot like the “if black woman like smart educated men there would be less brother’s in jail and more in college” argument, I don’t know about this … one’s person’s bad issues doesn’t deserve another

1 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Muse

A sista told me once that in a LA a black women are at the bottom of the list.

1 08 2008
Saun

Chris and his love for the natural is rare. I have had my hair in almost every state but locs. Most of the black men I have encountered prefer a woman with long & straight. Only a few men I know (maybe 3) like women with locs or natural.

1 08 2008

This older white guy asked his older black friend, ‘Are you voting for Barack Obama just because he’s black’? So the older black guy fires back and says, ‘Are you not voting for him because he’s black?

Why can’t I vote for him just cause he’s black? Hell in this country men are pulled over everyday just cause they’re black, passed over for promotions just cause they’re black, considered to be criminals just cause they’re black, but you don’t seem to have a problem with that .

This country was built with the sweat and whip off the slaves back, and now a descendent of those same slaves has a chance to lead the same country where we were not even considered to be people,

Where we were not allowed to be educated, drink from the same water fountains, eat in the same restaurants, or even vote, so you damn right I’m going to vote for him! Not just because he’s black, but because he is hope, he is change, and he now allows me to understand when my grandson says he wants to be president when he grows up, it is not a fairy tale but a short term goal, because he sees, understand, and knows, he can achieve, withstand, and do anything despite the fact that he is black!

No, I’m not voting for Barrack Obama JUST because he is black; I’m voting for him because he is the best candidate — who just happens to be black.

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Damn Omar, Thats a shame. Did you follow his advice? Do you look at dark skinned chick different because of that comment?

1 08 2008
Knatural

I have to say, as a natural girl, it’s more about the confidence and overall attitude, not the hair – for me. After I went natural four/five years ago, I attracted a “higher caliber” of mankind, less bullshit, less baggage. Maybe it was the hair, maybe not. But I definitely noticed a stark difference. Please don’t start perpetuating another myth that Black don’t like natural Black women, because it’s so untrue! A real man wouldn’t care anyway. Full stop.

My haircare regimen: Since I have 4C+/super-negroid/prone to breakage/’nig naps’ hair (thanks Muse!), I rarely comb it, never brush it, and use tons of leave-in conditioner, shea butter, and Hair Milk from Carol’s Daughter.

1 08 2008
london

tomato head….you can always loc your hair..
everyone can.. yt-ies can so you must be able to… even with your texture hair..
chemicals are not the only answer…

this conversation is going down a well trodden path…
i cannot and will not today…

am audi..
good weekend you lot..

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Ne’

I was emailed that statement you made about a month ago. You should really attribute that to someone instead of passing it off as your own.

1 08 2008
Muse

Well fuck your friend Amadeo, I’m Black and I’m not at the bottom of anyone’s God damn bullshit list.

My dating life is pretty busy. I have a criteria that elminates most bullshit lame ass men anyway.

The thing about LA is that women of all races feel the pressure to look good, be skinny, and keep up with the fast life since the entertainment business is huge out here.

1 08 2008
Muse

Knat, I wasn’t trying to stay that Black men don’t like naturals but you have to admit that there are folks out there who still have the skin color/ hair complex going on. Luckily for me the guys I date only care about how long it takes me to get get ready and if I’m a fun person to be around. My hair, however I choose to wear it, doesn’t limit my level of activities. If I want to go swimming, then damn it, I’m going swimming!

1 08 2008

Spcl0ne2

YOU SHOULD STOP ASSUMING. I barely type 6 words here since I have been busy, everyone who knows anything knows, I am not trying to pass anything as my own words.

Please stay in your lane!

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

hey ne!!!

1 08 2008
Say it isn't so

@KNATURAL Since I have 4C+/super-negroid/prone to breakage/’nig naps’ hair … Hay sis with the buck shots…lookin like rows of freedom fighters standin tall. Me too 😉

1 08 2008

hey hey hey diva how are you?

1 08 2008
ayo

Amadeo, That is crazy… I had a black guy tell me the same thing about Houston, but I pretty much have the same feelings as Muse. – f*uck yo couch n*gga f*ck yo couch.

1 08 2008
Knatural

Muse – My comments weren’t completely directed to you, I understand though. I just hate hearing that excuse in general – “Black men don’t want no nappy hair…”
It just sounds stupidand it’s irritating. I hate how women define their own beauty in terms of what men find desirous. It make sense to do that, to a point, but when can I decide? It’s the reason women wear thongs, too. Crack floss? Not comfortable, sorry.

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

I thought we addressed TomatoHead’s choice of verbiage in regard to “good hair texture” in a previous post. I have to say I ignore that term these days, and try to not even get into discussions about natural hair with people who either don’t know much about it, don’t care for it, or feel like it’s this foreign exotic thing. I’m tired of basically banging my head against the wall. I’m leaving that to the people who blog about it. I’ve resigned myself to believing that arguing about “good hair” and what people mean by it ranks right up there with winning the Special Olympics. At least you feel that way, while/after doing so.

Wooosah.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Ne…I’m great! Just glad to be feeling better!

Now I need to call my damn hair dresser…diva needs a deep condition and a blow out…

1 08 2008
Muse

I wish someone would tell me I’m not fabulous without verbally reduced to the size of an ant. I laugh when someone has the nerve to tell me that Black women are at the bottom of the totem poll. AS someone who grew up around whites and “others” I’m still trying to figure out what the big fucking deal about them is.

I swear on my own life if you take the BAD Black chick and put her next to a BAD White or Asian chick I’m pretty sure that Black chick will blow them out of the water.

Maybe my parents raised me to have proud on being a Black woman. Who knows. I don’t have to be the most attractive women in the room to get attention. It’s a confidence I wish most Black women would embrace and stop letting the world fuck with us.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ crack floss.

I will say that on account of Michigan being full of people that are trying to be entertainers or people that settle with factory jobs, we don’t have alot of doctors and lawyers and other super-intellectuals running around (thanks to the poor quality of our schools)…most of them end up leaving the state. So that probably has alot to do with the “good hair, bad hair” experience.

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

I knew you’d get on the defensive about that. Well this is a blog for public consumption and you shouldn’t ASSUME everyone here knows who the hell you are! Obviously I didn’t and I’m here. I’m sure there are others in here lurking for the first time who don’t know who you are either! Therefore if the thoughts or words didn’t originate from you brain, you should attribute your source!

1 08 2008
Muse

For example, those of us with Black mommas how many of them actually look their age? How come my mom is in her damn mid 50’s and looks no older than 30? She got a personal trainer recently and she looks BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD (I mean bad as in fierce)

We went out to dinner a few weeks ago and why was she approached by this young man. I was thinking oh hell nah. Ole boy didn’t even notice me. Was all up in my mom’s face talking about can I take you out. LOL.

1 08 2008
B4Prez

1. SMH @ Omar’s grown-ass, race baiting coach.

2. I have $1.68 for whoever just brought up Ghostwriter. That was my show; you couldn’t tell me that ghost wasn’t coming to make me a part of the crew, lol.

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@Saun, I really think it depends on 2 things: where you are, and how confident about your hair.

Men cannot get enough of me with my hair natural. Granted, I’ve been natural most of my adult life, but ALL KINDS of men are always complimenting/stopping me because of my hair, and my suitors ALL love to play in/smell my hair.

I live in Atlanta, though, and before that, I was mostly in NJ/NY. I had a brief layover in Savannah, and I’m still pretty much an alien there, but people still always complimented my hair.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Muse…

I’m so right there with you. Why doesn’t anybody notice that asian and white women tan, listen to hip hop, and start dating black men so they can feel like black girls. You’ll even hear some of them use “ghetto verbiage” to justify their “blackness”.

Sadly, most of them are pwt from trailer parks. There are plenty in Michigan.

…I need to move. Any suggestions for areas with young professional men?

1 08 2008
Knatural

Muse – you’re FABULOUS!
All of you ladies are.
[that’s the last nice thing I’ll say for a while, I’ve met my quota]

1 08 2008
Neicy

@ Muse: my Mama is 46, I’m 22, and my girl doesn’t play. She likes that we look like sisters. My thing is as long as she looks like the older sister, that’s cool with me.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ b4prez…yay! I can buy some fries to clog my arteries! I’ve always wanted $1.68.

…make it $2 and “me love you long time”…lol

1 08 2008
puff

having just gotten back from work at 8.30 pm exhausted and sick, this post has made me and my big sexy (egotistical) nappy head very happy. going to go throw down some rice and stew now. thank you SBPH 🙂

1 08 2008
TomatoHead

I never said “good hair” at all. I said good texture. And by that I mean something that is fairly easy to manage. “VERY kinky hair” can be managed easily if put into a fro, braids, curled whatever. People with softer hair also have easily managed hair.

My hair is in between. It doesn’t curl like Kelis’, it doesn’t fro like really kinky hair. It sits somewhere in the middle and it isn’t easily managed. That is what I was saying. I never said “good hair” so DO NOT put words in my mouth.

1 08 2008

Spcl0ne2

I cannot believe you are still typing. Where I am from we don’t tell other adults what they should and shouldn’t be doing. This a blog please remember that.

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

One more thing; I’d think a brother would like a sister with natural hair, at least in one particular arena… we ain’t tripping about it in the sack, and you can dig your hand in it and pull it good without your girl getting mad, LMAO.

My ex did that to me when I had a perm… I wanted to KILL his ass. I actually had to stop the seesion, I was too damn through.

1 08 2008
Choco_Gnome

Essence has taken a turn for the worse the past couple of years, basically ever since Susan Taylor left the publication. I don’t know what their focus or direction is anymore, it just seems wayward and overly commercialized from what it used to be in the 80s and 90s. Between hyping up/highlighting every portion of the Juanita Bynum [holy] hot mess and painting Kim Porter’s stupid ass as a glamorized baby mama that we all should sympathize with…i’m done. The articles, the magazine focus, the layout, everything is going down the wrong path and i dont know if i can come back to it.

Oh and i’m STILL Reeling from when they abruptly canceled Suede magazine and NEVER refunded my subscription money!!

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

TomatoHead- semantics. It connotes the very same thing whether that’s how you meant it or not, otherwise people wouldn’t have jumped on it.

And nobody’s picking at you, at least I wasn’t.

1 08 2008

“All of you ladies are.
[that’s the last nice thing I’ll say for a while, I’ve met my quota]”

awwww you are so fabulous knat.

:knocks her out and steals her purple dress:

1 08 2008
B4Prez

@chaotic – My kind of date….cheap! LOL

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

I’ll be damned, I need to stop posting form so many machines… I’m sitting here trying to figure out why snap keeps showing so much infor about and me, and duh, I see why * clears cookies*

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Ne’

Exactly. This is a blog and MY OPINION is that you need to attribute. Just so everyone knows you didn’t have that brilliant thought..somebody else did. And since you can’t think of intelligent things to say for yourself, I have only one other thing to tell you to do…STFU!

1 08 2008
Muse

Gawd the Kim Porter issue was disgusting. Here is a broad who keeps reproducting for a man who has made it crystal clear that he has no desire to marry her. In fact there is a rumor going around that he is engaged to the non-singing broad Cassy. What’s sad is that Kim Porter sticks around regardless how much this man disrespects her in public by parading around with other women. Her interview was really pathetic. She starting dissing JLO for no damn reason when Puffy should have been the focus of her rant. Kim Porter is nothing but a cum deposit seriously. I hope her daughters don’t repeat her mistake.

1 08 2008
Amadeo

@ Muse

Calm down.

It was a sister…she said that people (brothers included) were more busy chasing everything else so that a dark skinned sister like her got way less attention/priority then she had in other places. I’ve heard similar sentiments about certain looks being the thing in LA from different people and not always in realtion to gender. Paul Mooney is famous for saying that LA loves light skin and straight hair.

Frankly she’s gorgeous and does not have that issue here.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ b4prez…

I’m cheap because I make my own money, bitches!!!

(sorry, everything just sounds better with bitches after it…lmao)

1 08 2008
ayo

There is a Joel Troll in the house… kick rocks!!!!!!

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Ok, I’m going to have to step in here.

Spclone2…unless the thought was yours, you shouldn’t really give 2 shits if its stolen or not. Most people don’t even know the originators of old phrases and cliches. Its the web. Nobody cares.

Ne…I wouldn’t even respond to her anymore. Ignore the comments…they are tinged with a bit of argumentative sarcasm that can easily be ignored.

*note* I’m being the peacekeeper…do not attack me.

1 08 2008

Real black men love black women who are confident with a perm or afro, short and skinny or tall and “big boned” lol.

For real though you have to really be comfortable in your skin and be happy with yourself. That’s what real men see.

Take Knatural for instance, she is FABulous! and au natural she is married and I’m sure her husband appreciates that he has a secure, natural, intelligent, BLACK woman.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Ne…why did this asshole kill me on mob wars? I put a hit on his ass aftewards, but its like wtf?

1 08 2008
puff

@ muse – true about kim porter. i don’t understand why she stays with his stupid ass… i mean, the man talks about “preserving his sexy”. how do you sleep with/get knocked up by a man who says that and not feel retarded? whatever works, i guess.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Ne…so true!

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Kim Porter is pwt with a permanent deep tan.

1 08 2008
TomatoHead

Well plenty of people were picking at me about it and that isn’t what I meant at all. A lot of women with natural textured hair say stuff about how you should wear your hair natural and it’s because they have a great natural texture that curls or kinks really tightly. I like having a perm because my hair is really easily managed with one. I don’t like having to press my hair every morning or putting a shit ton of oil in it.

It just bothers me when you have these women with wonderful natural hair who whine about other women not having natural hair when my permed hair is quite healthy because I take good care of it.

And by wonderful natural hair I don’t mean bone straight. I mean black woman kinky hair.

1 08 2008
ayo

You know what black mag I like but dont get to read often: upscale.

1 08 2008
Sister Toldja

“I never said “good hair” at all. I said good texture. And by that I mean something that is fairly easy to manage. “VERY kinky hair” can be managed easily if put into a fro, braids, curled whatever. People with softer hair also have easily managed hair.

My hair is in between. It doesn’t curl like Kelis’, it doesn’t fro like really kinky hair. It sits somewhere in the middle and it isn’t easily managed. That is what I was saying. I never said “good hair” so DO NOT put words in my mouth.”

Tomato, tomahto. 😉 You still stated that there is a group of us who SHOULD wear natural hair and there is a group of us who shouldn’t, because their hair is not “easily managed”. That is problematic, to say the absolute least. Perhaps you just aren’t up to the task of learning how to care for your hair as it naturally occurs. But there are plenty of women who see caring for their kinks as a labor of love.

Is every Black woman with a press/perm wrought with self hatred? No, of course not. But I think there is something problematic when you feel like you HAVE to straighen your hair.

As for brothers liking natural hair or straight hair better, I have encountered both. I do know, however, that I am more marketable to Black men without my dreads than I was with them. And that hurts.

1 08 2008
puff

Spcl0ne2 – i might have to put a hit on your ass for talking to my fellow mobster like that. it’s real out here on this blog.

fuck wine.

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Muse, let us not forget that she went in on the other dumb ass baby mama too.

Something like ” My sons don’t need to meet that child; my sons have two beautiful sisters, I don’t have anything to do with whhat’s going on over there”

*has stroke*

someone please find the exact comment, I can’t be bothered by looking anymore

1 08 2008

Diva I have been in a procedure for 4 hours straight. I really don’t have time for this nonsense.

:tear: I haven’t be able to fight on mob wars all this week! just put my money in the bank. 😦

1 08 2008
TomatoHead

I’m sorry but I don’t want to spend god knows how long messing with my natural texture every day. I don’t have time for that.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ tomato…trust, my hair is like…evil.

sometimes it curls beautifully, sometimes its more of a frizzy wave, doesn’t hold braids, can’t get a real afro out of it…and the list goes on…

right now, my hair is half curly, half frizzy afro. I just pull it back with a hair tie and a headband and rock it proudly, no matter how odd it looks to the masses.

Funny how ppl say i have such a great texture…but they dont deal with it day to day like i do…

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Chaotic,

I don’t need a mediator. I guess some people do care because I did and I’m somebody. And furthermore, I’m not being argumentative. I’m a writer and I hate to see people post things that aren’t theirs. Not an attack just an observation. If I hadn’t read that somewhere else I would have thought Ne’ was brilliant when clearly he’s not. No need to respond. This convo is over.

1 08 2008
ayo

*hides for cover and yells “At least Kim porter isnt mixed or light skinned!” and waits for assault.*

1 08 2008
Muse

Amadeo,

As I stated before LA is very superficial. I’m dark and I definitely don’t look like a model or anything close to that. All the guys I date are upwardly mobile professional men who don’t have the self hate issues going on. I’m also not afraid to approach someone or smile which I find really does help. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have men getting into car accidents trying to chase me down but I’ve managed to luck out in the dating world. Maybe your friend isn’t getting approached for other reasons. Who knows? But no I don’t think Black women are at the bottom of the totem poll in LA. In fact Black women have more options in terms of interracial dating in LA. There is a different mentality out here but it you are pretty regardless of race and have a nice body then you will get attention from everyone.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ spclone2…I understand, but it was unnecessary for you to comment. I’m not attacking you, we have no beef. I just hate how good things turn sour with back and forth banter over something insignificant.

By the way, Ne is a girl…

1 08 2008
riz

Yeah, I’m with Muse– I’m not at the bottom of anybody’s list… My concern about LA is that there aren’t enough Black people out here, in general, not that I get looked over. I never get looked over.

But yeah, I do notice a difference in men’s reaction’s depending on if my hair is curly or straight. White guys like curly or a trendy hair cut, Black dudes like it straight and Latino guys like it porn-star long.

1 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Real black men love black women who are confident with a perm or afro, short and skinny or tall and “big boned””

I agree with all of this except the last two words. Fatness has to go. It is raising my taxes.

Just put down the fork. They do it in Africa all the time. It ain’t hard, son.

1 08 2008
Muse

What’s sad is that Kim Porter is a beautiful woman. Why did she settle for Puffy who I suspect is a closet homosexual anyway? My heart breaks when beautiful, talented Black women settle for shit. Maybe that’s what Chris was talking about in his other post. There are way too many broads giving passes to suspect men who don’t deserve it. Do better women.

1 08 2008

lol @ puff

Can I get a break here? First “The man” makes me actually have to do work, and take me away from my precious mob wars, then I have this crap… When does the day end?

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@Tomato, I think what some of us are trying to get at, is that you seem to be placing VALUE on any given texture, which is inappopriate, instead of just giving it a descriptor (fine, downy, etc). What’s “good” or not, is subjective

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Ne…at least some prick didn’t off you….

Who would want to kill lil ol me? Yes, I may have put a few hits on people, kicked some ass, broke out of jail, and robbed a few dozen people…

1 08 2008
Muse

Riz my fellow LA gal. Please spit some knowledge. We have to do lunch soon!

I also think women should not be afraid to show off their assets…God blessed us with tities and ass for a reason. Hehehe

Dont don’t look like a cheap whore when you want to show off…

1 08 2008

“I agree with all of this except the last two words. Fatness has to go. It is raising my taxes.

Just put down the fork. They do it in Africa all the time. It ain’t hard, son.”

I hate you!

FOR THE PEOPLE LURKING, CHRIS (MR. SBPH HIMSELF) WROTE THE ABOVE. Thanks and god bless!

I hate you!

1 08 2008

OMG diva I have been killed like 8 times. Look at my stats!

1 08 2008
puff

@ sbph

“Just put down the fork. They do it in Africa all the time. It ain’t hard, son.”

fuck you maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang

@ ne – the internet at my fucking work quit working so i haven’t been on mobwars for way too long… i’m supposed to be heading out in a couple hours and my loser ass is about to start drug dealing and buying city blocks.

1 08 2008
ayo

@ Muse. I think Puffy at home on the pillow is different from the public Diddy. I think she tried to be a stand by woman to a cheating ass man, and I think maybe she wanted to preserve her family despite the fact that he is a whore. You know, the mistake a lot of regular women make. I didnt read the story but did she explain why she choose to stand by him?

Chris, you are an ass and I still love ya but there are some really beautiful big sistas with confidence style and soul for days, and maybe you dont appreciate them, like most of black men dont appreciate naturals, let them be for those who do like em.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…I need some boobies…

…not that I’m totally flat or anything…Just want a little bit of cleavage…bras get expensive sometimes (except for the free ones I get)…

1 08 2008
TomatoHead

Well gee sorry. I’m not politically correct about black women’s hair. Never mind that I’m black and have a black woman’s texture and know a little something about my own hair and how much easier it is to style with a perm in. Or with braids in. There are certainly better textures and anyone who says otherwise is lying. My life would be so much easier if my hair was super kinky or super curly so I could just wash it and go. But it’s not and I personally think that there are better hair textures.

And I’m not sorry if that offends anyone.

1 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I agree with all of this except the last two words. Fatness has to go. It is raising my taxes.

Just put down the fork. They do it in Africa all the time. It ain’t hard, son.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnnnnn. LMBAO….

Oh, and Kim Porter is the perfect example of (a) Doormat (b) Sideline (c) FAIL

Damn, she must have realized that she didn’t have life skills early on and settled on being a baby machine/cum receptacle for that asshole Diddy (and Al B. Sure). You only let people treat you the way you allow them to. I have a relative in a downright shitty marriage, and he’s always talking about “how my wife emasculated me as a man”. Well whose fault is that?! Of course, getting a divorce would be too much like right.

1 08 2008

“i’m supposed to be heading out in a couple hours and my loser ass is about to start drug dealing and buying city blocks.”

That’s what I’m talking about. Good ole crime. lol

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Tomato…I hope you didn’t think I was attacking you. I was more so going along with you by saying that we all have difficult hair moments.

Trust, a month ago, i burned off a huge chunk of my hair trying to style it. The perm was definitely much easier…I’m just not a huge fan of chemicals…

1 08 2008
riz

Yeah, I hate to say this out loud, but I think it frequently:

Sometimes people confuse color/hair consciousness with just being ugly. I mean…. maybe someone doesn’t get hollered at because they are just unfortunate looking.

Llight-skinned women have bragged to me about men who get at them just because they’re light. These are usually the ugliest f*cking women that I know, and it’s usually at a time when I’m getting a lot of attention from the men-folk. I think to myself, “Well, it MUST be because you’re light, because it’s definitely not for your face… or body…. or personality.”

1 08 2008
Muse

Fuck that Fat people are not the business. I’m working on dropping some weight now and I’m no where near fat. There is a difference between being Thick (good) and being fat (bad bad bad bad bad). Fat is not attractive on anyone. I will not date a fat man. Fat Americans especially make me sick since most likely they got that way from eating too much food and not exercising.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

*plays Al B. Sure – Night and Day*

man, that was my jam…

But shit, Kim Porter did something I could never: date a man with money that has a unibrow. Damn, I know he can pay the Koreans $7 for a mini wax…

1 08 2008
ayo

I mean…. maybe someone doesn’t get hollered at because they are just unfortunate looking.

UN -FREAKING- FORTUNATE LOOKING??????
i love that shyt.
*stolen for own use*
thanks.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ muse…I so agree. Its like the difference between Queen Latifah and Monique…Queen is toned, tight and healthy. Monique looks morbidly obese. Hell, she was pregnant with twins and I couldn’t tell. Now you know thats bad.

Those super fat lazy people are the reason that vanity sizing has pretty much eliminated my size in retail. So yea, I’m mad.

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Puff…
come n get me. I’ve got several things for you. do you want to choose now or should I wait til you arrive?

1 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

If a big woman wants go around and scream out “Fuck ya’ll, it’s some good coochie under this gut!” (yeah, that’s from Chris Rock, happy now Speclfuck or whatever your name is…), you do you. I know plenty of guys who like em big. Real big (one of my friends who swears “‘Fat’ pussy is warmer!”)

But as a big guy, I can’t. Bellies gettin in the way while I’m tryin to get it in? Yeah, I know, flip her around, hit it from the back and keep it movin. HA!

1 08 2008
Muse

Preach Rev. I stopped talking ot a guy because he thought it was okay not to call me. It sounds minor but we dictate how people treat us. I have a low tolerance for bullshit and games. When a guy starts acting suspectI delete his number. I think some women are so afraid of being single that so they deal with endless pile of shit from a guy.

1 08 2008
riz

My guy friends used the term “skinny-thick.” I’m still not quite sure what it meant. I think it was like skinny in the right places, thick in the right places?

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@ chris- I happened to be eating, and put my fork the fuck down 😦

On that note, seriously, those of y’all who run or otherwise work out outside during the summer, how the hell do y’all do it? I swear I don’t wanna be fat forvever, but belly dancing alone ain’t getting it, I ain’t paying for the gym, so outdoorsy stuff is my last resort, but it’s hot as hell here. I’ve been utilizing my courtyard at night, but it’s still pretty fuckin hot.

Help!!!!

1 08 2008
B4Prez

@Chris – One day one of ur “big-boned” aunt’s (I’m assuming you have at least 1) is gonna creep across this blog…and she just might have to fuk u up.

@chaotic – Even better; I’m down with the pro-gigolo mvmt.
————————-
From NY to LA, black ppl continue to put black ppl at the bottom of the list.

1 08 2008
Cheekie

@TomatoHead

I am with ya on the whole aspect of “easier to manage” in regards to perming hair, but I gotta agree with HeavenLeiBleu that the word “good” the wrong one to use. Just because someone is harder to manage doesn’t make it “bad” or “worse” than something that is easier to manage.

You certainly don’t have to be sorry for your opinion, but when people disagree with you, they’re not asking you to apologize for your opinion, they’re just stating their own. Just sayin’.

1 08 2008
Muse

Sorry Chaotic, Queen Latifah is fat too. She’s starting to get in shape but for now I put her and Monique in the same category. Someone like Kenya Moore is thick…Um Beyonce is Thick, Toccara is thick….I hope that kinda helps.

1 08 2008

I agree tomato

:ducks:

I don’t complain about my hair but I do know there are people who have a better texture than I do. My hair is thick and it’s wavy then kinky it’s also DRY so I have to have my hair deep conditioned every week (or else it will break) and flat ironed.

So I do what I feel i need to do in order for me to be comfortable and confident. I don’t wear braids because I dont personally like them plus it takes too long.
I wouldn’t wear dreads because they aren’t for me. I do see a lot of women with beautiful dreads though and they look good on them (Goapele).

anyways just my 2 cents

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Muse…Its like you’re speaking to me. I’m getting to the point of no tolerance and deleting numbers. But a year ago? I was pathetic. I had the problem of settling. I do admit being fearful of turning into the cat lady, but I realize my sanity and pride is much more important than some old bullshit guy.

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Toccarra aint thick, she just got big ass titties.

1 08 2008
Omar

Spcl0ne2 (19:39:11) :

“Damn Omar, Thats a shame. Did you follow his advice? Do you look at dark skinned chick different because of that comment?”

His comments didn’t affect me at all it was just a shock, because I heard about that type of attitude but I was just starting to notice people acting on it at that age and for somebody older than me at the time to still think like that was just crazy. It is kind of weird the moment you realize you know better than some of the supposedly responsible adults that you are around not just the crazy ones.

1 08 2008
ayo

Being Fat is never a good look. Thick is different. But CD: “Queen is toned, tight and healthy” — hellz naw. Monique just lost hella weight and actually looks better physically than Latifah now.

Spcl0ne2: I say again, kick rocks!

1 08 2008
thinktwicepeople

I really do think the same way that you do about essence magazine. It is not a mag that has healthy images of black women in it. We don’t get any because most people into fashion more than likely European standards of beauty. They have no popular mags dedicated or aimed at the black women who want to keep it real. And we all know why.

Check out my blog: http://goodsenseaintcommon.wordpress.com/
Feel free to leave comments.

1 08 2008
Cheekie

riz – “My guy friends used the term “skinny-thick.” I’m still not quite sure what it meant. I think it was like skinny in the right places, thick in the right places?”

Yeah, I think I heard that one before. Usually when guys say “thick”, it means smaller waist, bigger hips/thighs. Smaller upper, bigger lower. Then again, someone’s definition of “thick” versus “fat” varies. I seriously can’t keep up with the shit.

1 08 2008
Muse

Heaven, I told my dad (who is blunt) I wanted to lose 15lbs. He was like good so go run and eat less LOL. Running will help you drop weight fast. Then do some resistence training 3 times a week and you’ll be good. Belly Dancing will not get you to drop the major lbs. Sorry. You have to burn the fat to see the benefits of work outs like belly dancing, pilates etc…

1 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Chris, you are an ass and I still love ya but there are some really beautiful big sistas with confidence style and soul for days, and maybe you dont appreciate them, like most of black men dont appreciate naturals, let them be for those who do like em.”

No no no no no. BABY no.

Fact #1: Big people die sooner. Even if I fall in love with her femme-swagger, she won’t live as long. She’s trading my happiness for Steak-Ums. That’s unfair, because relationships are about compromise, and compromise should involve a treadmill. Put down the fork.

Fact #2: Big people are three times as likely to buy Segways and raise taxes. Part of the tax comes from an exacerbation of the marriage penalty, which encourages fewer black men and women to marry one another. As such, fat people are the sole root cause of black single parent households. Put down the fork.

Fact #3: Fat people drive more, which has innumerable consequences. First of all, the strain of the weight on the suspension makes the steel parts wear out faster and have to be replaced more often, which is why the price of steel is so high. The government can’t afford the steel to repair national infrastructure, and bridges collapse (because fat people are crossing them). In this way, fat people are burning both ends of the candle – but adamantly refuse to burn any calories. Every traffic jam in America is a fat person’s fault. Put down the fork.

Fact #4: More on fat people driving: they contribute to global warming since a.) they drive more miles, b.) the car has to strain and burn more gas to carry a fat person the same distance as a healthy person, and c.) fat people are more likely to fart (methane, a greenhouse gas) in the privacy of their cars than on buses, trains, and on the sidewalk. Polar bears are losing their habitat because fat people won’t…Put down the fork.

1 08 2008
4m_no_2_dc

Yo, mutha fuck a essence magazine…. i hate essence.

all they have in essence is bullshit for old middle age women. what the hell happened to VIBE VIXEN???? that was a great mag…. it was dedicated to a black/latino crowd… and it featured both natural/ processed style ideas. and they had good fashion advice.

as far as hair goes, i hve a relaxer, but i give props to my girls with the natural hair…. i can’t do it… i’d kill someone. my hair, is too long/ thick and gets tangled too easily for no chemicals…. i remember being relaxer free… and crying my eyes out having to get my hair combed.

1 08 2008
puff

one thing about natural hair…

i don’t know about y’all, but i actually gave up the creamy crack because of all the fucking effort it took to style my hair. shiiiiit i had to go to the salon just to get it washed, which is ridiculous. now it’s just twists at night, unravel in the morning, puff up and go – i don’t spend more than 5 minutes on it. and i never use heat on it (only when nigerian hair braiders get furious at me for not having relaxed hair and beat it to submission, only to have it nap up 45 minutes later… my hair does not respond well to authority). i honestly have no desire to wear my hair straight… ever. not that it doesn’t look good on people who do or anything, but i don’t like white people’s hair (it freaks me out, they moult too much in the shower, it’s greasy… i could go on for days having lived with white chicks for so long) and i get far more attention with a big ass fro than i ever did relaxed. call me an attention whore, but i love the looks i get wearing my hair out – the touching, not so much.

1 08 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I’d smash Toccarra. 24/7/365. I could just motorboat in them tig o’bitties all day long.

Also, Jill Scott is on my “Big Girl” list. She has that swagger and confidence and that’s what makes her sexy to me.

And Queen Latifah? She’s a spokesmodel for Jenny Craig, and she hasn’t seem to lose one iota of weight. Isn’t her “trainer” really her old lady anyhow?

1 08 2008
klysha

@ HeavenLeiBlu what’s disturbing about the name Bohemian Caverns? Just curious. Been there before. That is the name. I thought it was a jazz supper club.
But I too am disappointed that Essence didn’t feature one natural style. I just got a subscription to Essence unbeknownst to me when I bought my ticket to the Essence festival. Apparently they tack a subscription on with the ticket price. Found out when I got my first issue yesterday. My hair isn’t natural…yet…but I plan on converting and I need all the inspiration I can get. My hair is very long…has been all my life and I’m a little scared.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ chris.

It was so wrong, but so fucking funny.

1 08 2008
B4Prez

Kim Porter is staying by Diddy’s side because she’s a ‘scene-chaser’. She wants to be on the Hollywood scene. How else would she be getting movie roles and now, her own reality show, w/o Diddy. On top of that, that’s her second celeb baby daddy. She knows what she’s doing. Whether Diddy is an azz, a cheat, bisexual….she doesn’t care. She’s getting what she wants, which is her name being discussed on a mssg board right now.

1 08 2008

HeavenLeiBlu

Do cardio in the house. Put on some music and dance. Targeting each area of your body.

For instance, for five minutes each do exercises with your arms (punches, circles,and raise the roof). Then do your legs (kicks lunges, and jumps). For your lower body do some crunches. Then for finish the last 10 minutes do some serious club dancing, if you have to act like you ar e professional crump dancer.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Diddy probably has feline aids…

1 08 2008
ayo

I cant even be mad… .that shit was hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should do a Tshirt with that slogan and sell it on the site.
i hate/love you.
f*cker.

1 08 2008

No no no no no. BABY no.

lmaooooooooooooooooo

1 08 2008
Muse

Everyone knows that Queen Latifah eats pussy. Geez yall behind.

As for Fat men, they probably aren’t even good in bed. Part of a man’s stamina in bed has to do with his physical fitness level. If blood isn’t use to pumping around the body, then imagine what will happen when a fat man tries to have sex? He won’t last long and he might only be good for one session.. What if I wantedt o have sex three or four times? fat men won’t be able to keep up. Damn he might even have a heart attack…..How do you find the penis under tons of gut? Yeah two thumbs down to fat men.

1 08 2008
riz

Chris’ last comment made me literally laugh until I teared up.

1 08 2008
4m_no_2_dc

at what point does a female cross the burning sands into fatassness???

1 08 2008
Muse

Heaven Blue buy this tape and do it for thirty days. YOu will see results i promise.

http://www.amazon.com/Jillian-Michaels-30-Day-Shred/dp/B00127RAJY/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1217623698&sr=8-1

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@ Muse, I know, I knowwwwwww but GOTDAMN I can’t take the temp above 75 degrees. How can I cope with running in this damn heat? I see people doing it outside my window at work and I wanna jog outside and trip their asses for appearing to be so unaffected by it. I have an easier timegoing around my courtyard at night, but it’s still pretty damn hot.

Shit, I don’t remember those endless suicides in high school being this hard, and I’m sure it was because we were in an air conditioned gym.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ 4m…is fatassness like a sorority or something? One of those things in which your pledge process includes a twinkie eating contest, a segway race and chugging gallons of milk.

(*note* My comments are all for fun and games…I hope I’m not being taken seriously)

1 08 2008
Omar

There is NOOOOOOOO such thing as big boned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 08 2008
Muse

Chris what when does a woman start getting into the Fat territory.? Please share.

HeavenBlu no pain no gain. You can sweat and be in fantastic shape, or sweat trying to climb up some stairs because you blew up to the size of a whale. your choice.

Fit people tend to sweat less and can tolerate heat : )

If you don’t want to go outside, purchase the fitness video I recommended.

1 08 2008
riz

@Heaven;

I swear by Pilates. It’s low impact, so it’s a great place to start, alone or with cardio. If you do only Pilates, It’s not going to lead to as quick of weight loss as cardio, but it will firm you up and make your body more defined, which will help you burn calories quicker.

And yeah, I’m talking Windsor Pilates; the kind that Daisy Fuentes was peddling on tv back in the day. Many of my girlfriends do it, and we all really like it.

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@ Klysha, I guess there’s nothing “wrong” with the name, but I sweart some Nag Champa wafted right up my nose as I read it. Way to call your target audience, I guess?

1 08 2008
ayo

Heavenlei:

Get a jump-rope and jump in one minute incriment intervals 5-10 times.
Do 200 sit-ups a day (split them up am and pm if you cant do them all at once)
Do 200 jumping jacks.
Do 50 pushups.
Get a step stool/stepper and up/down pumping your arms for 20 minutes – dont forget to switch legs.
Get some bands (they slim faster than weights) and a workout to go with it.

Eat meagerly every other day (like broth – fruit and soup – then focus on brown rice and veggies low fat protien on the other days)
Make sure you drink LOTS of water and aviod fried foods/sugary juices/whiteflour/white sugar)

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ heaven: do calisthenics –

*crunches (do front and side abs)
*calf raises
*lunges with dumbbells
*pushups (use one of those rubber balls)
*resistance bands (good for thighs)
…the list goes on.

Try this site for some good quick easy workouts:

http://www.fitsugar.com

(yes, I love teamsugar.com)

1 08 2008
puff

i have a genuine question on the other end of the fitness spectrum: what the fuck can i eat to get my ass back? my job’s been so stressful, the little i had left with the shitty ass constipation inducing food. do i need to hop on some rib-avocado-bacon grease-roast turkey diet or something? seriously, my hip bones are rubbing into this computer chair as i type. i miss the natural padding 😦

1 08 2008
B4Prez

@heavenlei – Ur gonna have to breakdown and join a gym. It doesnt have to be a luxury gym (mine costs $25 a month, and serves me greatly) but ur gonna have to get in there and run. The best/fastest way to lose weight, hands down. Pair that with a high protein/low carb diet, I guarantee you will see results.

1 08 2008
Muse

Riz Winsor pilates is amazing. I go to the class sometimes. But she needs to drop the fat before seeing the result of any toning exercises. I think pilates is good for maintence, not weight loss.

1 08 2008
Cheekie

Muse – “Heaven, I told my dad (who is blunt) I wanted to lose 15lbs. He was like good so go run and eat less LOL. Running will help you drop weight fast. Then do some resistence training 3 times a week and you’ll be good. Belly Dancing will not get you to drop the major lbs. Sorry. You have to burn the fat to see the benefits of work outs like belly dancing, pilates etc…”

You ain’t lyin’. Cardio is the only thing that’ll make you shed those pounds. Those “cute” excercises like bellydancing, pilates, yoga, etc will tone what you have left. But you have to pair it up with some cardio. Most def. My advice is do something fun like dancing (it’s a helluva workout for me, especially since I sweat like a whore in church) because cardio in and of itself (without the fun) is HELL. I love exercising when it doesn’t feel like exercising, know what I mean? When it feels like it’s not something I HAVE to do, but want to do. Especially on those days when you don’t feel like doing a damn thing.

Oh, and Chris? You are all kinds of wrong (yet hilarious) for the List of Anti-Fatness, but for some reason, this is what made me laugh the hardest:

“No no no no no. BABY no.”

LMAO

1 08 2008
Neicy

Lmao @ the facts of Fat Life….and it being a sorority @ from 4m_no_2_dc.

1 08 2008
klysha

LMAO at the put down the fork comments! I feel bad for finding that funny though because most of my friends are overweight. I sit there and watch them gorge themselves then complain about being fat…..Makes no sense to me.

1 08 2008
Omar

@4m_no_2_dc – About 1 pound bigger than Jill Scott and you are Fat…

And she respects accepted ratio of size to cuteness to attitude… She is a little big so she has the courtesy to be georgeous and a beautiful person.

However I must ask anyone looking like a troll to at least be in shape and not have an attitude, just sayin…

1 08 2008
Knatural

Damn. I go to my office’s “happy hour” and the comments section blew up!

Thanks Né!

And fatness also raises insurance premiums. Down with obesity!

1 08 2008
Muse

Shoot do 100 burpees a day. That will help you start losing weight.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

DONT EVER STARVE YOURSELF.

The less you eat, your body will go into starve mode and store all the food and fats instead of burning it off. By staying active, and eating smaller portions more frequently through the day, you speed up your metabolism to help you tone up and lose weight.

Over one summer from that, my cousin went from a size 18 to a size 4 (no bullshit).

If you don’t believe me, go check out weight watchers. That is exactly the same thing they’ll tell you.

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

LOL@Muse, Oh I’ve always sweated, but It seems as I get older, i growm more incapable of feeling comfortable in the heat. For each year that passes, thats one less degree I max out feeling comfortable at. On my way to the bus stop yesterday, It had been raining for about 15 minutes before I walked out the door, and there was steam rising up from my parking lot and the concrete. I almost said “fuck it” and turned around. I can do all kinda of stuff in the winter, but my tolerance for heat is nil.

thanks for the recs, y’all.

1 08 2008

I HATE BROWN RICE LIKE I HATE THE BACK OF FORREST WHITAKERS NECK!

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

I must be doing burpees wrong as hell, or not enough, because I actually think they’re fun.

1 08 2008
4m_no_2_dc

@ CHAOTIC

lol! i don’t think you’re out to hurt….my comment was for the same reasons….
lmao… it might as well be… people like mo’ nique make it a sorority to hate on the smaller chicks….

fat ass hatin’ ass bitch!

***not hating on all the big sistas, just the hating ones***

1 08 2008
Knatural

AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
jasmine rice is where it’s at!

1 08 2008
Neicy

Né (20:59:01) :

I HATE BROWN RICE LIKE I HATE THE BACK OF FORREST WHITAKERS NECK!

Stop it! lol

1 08 2008
riz

@Muse: Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s just that when you’re trying to lose weight, seeing any result is encouraging, which makes you want to work out more. Pilates works fast, so that’s why I recommend it.

People also do “cleanses.” I’ve never done one. But I hear that they work to kickstart a new workout routine, if you can get through it.

1 08 2008
B4Prez

Muse is right, u gotta lose the fat before anything. I just SMH when I see a big person in the gym doing ab exercises. Trying to get a 6 pack beneath an 24 pack gut.

1 08 2008
ayo

why Ne??

And i am still laughing at Chirs talking about his happiness being forsaken for Steak-Ummmmmmms!!!

1 08 2008
Amadeo

Sweat is good.

I need certain things to happen when working out to feel good about it. Mind you I’m probably shooting for different things then alot of ladies would be…but I figure it like this: when I get to a point of discomfort, strain and being tired…I know I need to do a little more.

1 08 2008
riz

@CDiva– Was your cousin on the Naomi Campbell diet??? That’s unbelievable!

1 08 2008
B4Prez

lol@ne

@4m – U gotta cut Monique some slack for being willing to get on skinny ppl because we ALL know how much trash talk big ppl take.

1 08 2008
4m_no_2_dc

B4Prez
lol @ 6 pack under 24 pack gut!!! LMAO!!!!
that shit is so funny!!!!!!!

1 08 2008
ayo

wtf is a burpee????

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@ Prez, no really, Mo needs to STFU, and I’m saying this as a big girl. All this shit Tyra and all the other shows that have done “fat suit” episodes, I’ve yet to experience, and I don’t think I’m one of those people straddling the line betwwen thick and fat. Monogue is just ig’nant and loud and usually wrong.

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

I meant Mo’Nique, LOL

1 08 2008
4m_no_2_dc

@b4prez

what i hate about monique is that she talks mad shit about skinny people, but she was trying to lose weight.

you either embrace your triple chin, or lose weight!!!

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu
1 08 2008
Cheekie

Aw, man, no love for brown rice Né? I love brown rice. Then again, I love ALL rice due to being raised by a Grandma who cooked rice with EVERYTHING. No lie. I mean, lookin’ back, I’m like damn Grandma, ever heard of any other side dishes? I can tear up some rice, though. Like, I can eat just rice for dinner.

1 08 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

The SBPH Fatass Test

Section 1 – If you answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions, you have failed the fatass test. Do not bother moving on to Section 2 of the fatass test.

1.) When standing, do you have to bend over to see your toes or penis?
2.) Have you ever been offered a red sweater and a job as the ‘Kool-Aid Man’?
3.) Does your navel look like a sad face?
4.) Do you have more than 1 chin?
5.) Do you have pockets even when you’re completely naked?
6.) Do you roll out of bed instead of jumping out of bed?
7.) Do you fall into chairs rather than sitting down in a controlled manner?
8.) When you tell children you don’t have chocolate, do they call you a liar?
9.) When you put on tight jeans, does ANY flesh roll out below the top of the pants?
10.) Do you find this test offensive?

If you said ‘No’ to all these, proceed to section 2.

Section 2

Scoring Guide:

0 – 2 ‘Yes’ Responses: You are wonderfully healthy. If you are a girl, call me.
3 – 4 ‘Yes’ Responses: You’re “a chicken box away”. Watch yourself
5 – 10 ‘Yes’ Responses: Put down the fork

1.) Is a 2 mile non-stop run beyond your physical abilities today?
2.) Do you eat more than 3000 calories a day?
3.) Do you define walking as a workout?
4.) Do you think grape jelly counts as a fruit?
5.) Do you hate being on top during sex?
6.) Do people hate you being on top during sex?
7.) Is a treadmill an ancient type of crane?
8.) Does the thought of a ‘running’ date enrage you?
9.) Are you more than 50% likely to take the elevator less than five stories up?
10.) Do you find this test offensive?

1 08 2008
B4Prez

@heavenlei + @4m – I bet you’ll won’t say it to Monique/Monoque’s face, lol

Nah, just jokes.

Peace out folks, ‘Mista’ done let me off of the plantation for the next 48 hrs.

1 08 2008
Knatural

Off to continue the “happy hour” festivities…I love dranking before sundown.

Fatass Test? How glorious! Who jumps out of bed? only SIMS do that.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Um…I eat more than 3000 calories a day…I also have affairs with krispy kreme doughnuts.

Does that make me fat-minded?

1 08 2008
Neicy

How I long to be in another time zone. 😦

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

My latest selection of men:

(sorry…kk is comfort food.)

1 08 2008
B4Prez

7.) Do you fall into chairs rather than sitting down in a controlled manner?
5.) Do you hate being on top during sex?
6.) Do people hate you being on top during sex?

LMAO…I’m so happy I got to see this sht b4 I left.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

What I love about this site the most is that I know who I’ll be hanging out in hell with…lmao!

*goes to confessional to repent*

1 08 2008
Cheekie

Knatural – “Fatass Test? How glorious! Who jumps out of bed? only SIMS do that.”

LMAO!! That’s what I was wondering. I’m like, what sort of jolly ol’ St. Nick jumps out of bed? I’m not a morning person, so no way on the jumping. I can see if someone scared the shit outta me to wake me up, then yeah, I’d have hops like nothin’ else.

I get what Chris meant, though. It’s probably more about the “ability” to jump out of bed. lol

1 08 2008
Amadeo

I jump out of bed on non-work days.

On work days…not so much.

1 08 2008
EJ

@ Chris – you are hilarious/insane!

@ Heaven – I know its hard but if you want to do it, you have to put in work and effort … if you can’t motivate yourself to make a life style change regardless of discomfort, (meaning this is not for today or tomorrow but FOREVER), than no matter how much you lose you will gain it back. Get your mind focused and then get it going.

Nothing worth having is easy to achieve (i heard that somewhere is some way)

1 08 2008
ayo

Bye guys… have a great weekend!

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

According to the test, I’m not a fatass, but my scale says otherwise. This needs some revision. I only scored a 2.

On a side note, is it wrong that I don’t mess with fat dudes? I mean, I imaging sex would make at leats one of us miserbale, and how would he find his tool under the gut? And backshots? Pssshhhhht.

Luckily, fat guys don;t like me. But skinny and athletic dudes do. holla!

(ladies, please google CJ Wright, but ignore some of the chicks he um, performs with on his site. I aint as big as most of them, but good lawd, he is delicious.)

1 08 2008
puff

dying at the fatass test… “do people hate you being on top during sex?” lmao….

sidenote on that, is it problematic the last time i was on top i got leg cramps? is that TMI?

1 08 2008
Uninspired Muse

1.) When standing, do you have to bend over to see your toes or penis?

Does an over abundance of boob count? I cant see my tummy but I cant look past the ‘girls’.

I cant wait to hear your opinion on that, Chris.

1 08 2008

LMAOO @ THE FAT ASS TEST

6.) Do you roll out of bed instead of jumping out of bed?
I peel myself out of bed

5.) Do you hate being on top during sex?
YES! Unless you are on the edge of the bed

1 08 2008
Knatural

Um…guys have no idea how much hard work being on top is! Cramping, joint popping, etc…

1 08 2008

I have not stopped laughing at the fat ass test yo!

1 08 2008
stuffgirlslike

Well to get back on topic, do you think there is much of a future in traditional media? Well unless the likes of Essence can get on new media then they are essentially in trouble, so far the traditional media has not felt the impact of the internet except newspapers but they have to start having an online presence with reduced costs of production.

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

1 08 2008
puff

heavenleiblue… i hate you. i’m going to fucking have nightmares now about those camera angles.

1 08 2008

bwahahahahahahahahahah knat. I usually always get an “AMAZING” orgasm within 3 minutes and can’t dare stay up there…lol

Men do know what its like cause they are always on top lmaooooooooooooooooooooo

1 08 2008
Knatural

bwahahahahahahahahahah knat. I usually always get an “AMAZING” orgasm within 3 minutes and can’t dare stay up there…lol

EXACTLY. It’s not necessarily about stamina…

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Puff, I’m sorry, I tried to warn you! the first time I saw it, I was like WOOOOWWWWWWWWWW. I only look at HIM. Please don’t google him at work, yall.

The first time I saw him, he was uh, working with average sized girls. I was shocked at his niche, too.

1 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@Ne & Knat, I can’t hang up top after my orgasm, either. My knees buckle.

1 08 2008
Cheekie

Speaking of segways:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080801/ap_on_hi_te/japan_toyota_robot_2

SOMEhow (and this is truly a miracle), the segway sequel makes one look like even more of a dumbass than on the original. WHY are the, what looks like, the handlebars between your crotch?

1 08 2008
Cheekie

Dammit, my posts keep disappearing…

1 08 2008

If he is sitting right on the edge of the bed you can wrap your legs around his back, use his legs for support and do your thing. I never get leg cramps this way, just lower back pain later.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…a better question would have been “have you fused to a piece of furniture due to your inability to move because of your weight?”

1 08 2008
Cheekie

Speaking of segways (well, in Chris’ post):

Winglet

SOMEhow (and this is a truly a miracle), this segway sequel makes one look like even MORE of a dumbass than the original. WHY are (what looks like) the handlebars in between the crotch?

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…I will not discuss sexual positions on this website to keep the posts safe for work…

1 08 2008
puff

@ ne good point. sitting in reverse might help, i just thought

1 08 2008
Amadeo

No Pain No Gain

Segways are helping bring about the collapse of society.

1 08 2008
Cheekie

“7.) Do you fall into chairs rather than sitting down in a controlled manner?”

Aw, man, I died at this one, because I KNOW this one from riding the train everyday to work. When someone flaps down next to me and the chair makes that POOOOOOF sound like the air is trying to escape…

DEAD.

1 08 2008

lol diva

1 08 2008
puff

the day my hatred of sedgeways pushed my blood pressure over the edge and made me lose all sense: i’m driving down f street in dc. i see a white man on a sedgeway with pink rims. he is also wearing a matching pink t-shirt. i wind down the window and throw my coffee at him. he tries to chase me, but his retarded sedgeway moves to slowly. i drive off cackling into the distance.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I Eta Pi…fat girls incorporated.

Call: Burp burp

colors: cheddar yellow and steak red

mascot: Emeril

Founder: Big Bertha

Honorary Members: Betty Crocker, Sara Lee, Aunt Jemima, Rachel Ray (the smallest member).

1 08 2008
Muse

Uninspired Muse (I think you should change your name btw LOL)

Boob meat does not count.

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

you have the right to remain…retarded:

lmao!!!

1 08 2008
Ethel

I heard on Oprah that for every 50-75 lbs a man loses, he gains 1/4″ on his penis.

Now THERE’s some incentive!

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

testing….

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

wtf???????

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

is anybody else have vanishing posts?

1 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Corrected Grammar:

Is anybody else experiencing the plight of the vanishing posts?

1 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Dammit, hair, sex and fitness…I missed all the good stuff today!

1 08 2008
heavenleiblu

LMAO@ I Eta Pi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and @ the Winglet, please Toyota, sit the entire fuck down with that mess.

1 08 2008
riz

Wait, back to the SBPH Fat Test:

8.) When you tell children you don’t have chocolate, do they call you a liar?

O

M

G…

I’m so MAD at that!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

But I think I’d fail Step 2 because I will not go on a running date. I refuse to let a man see me sweat until… well… he buckles my knees and I’m falling off the top of him.

1 08 2008
heavenleiblu

Oh, come on Riz… that’s about the same as taking a hike together. Not saying that I’d be jumping for a running date ( obviously), but there’s plenty other crap you could be doing where you could end up sweaty.

With that said, I’d prefer my first time getting hot and sweaty with a dude that tickles my fancy to be while he’s tickling my fanny.

2 08 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao!!!

I couldn’t do a running date with a guy…I did before and at first, I played the girly role, then I got competitive (I used to be a sprinter). I’m a bit of a trickster…lol..

…I can’t run long distances though…jog maybe…

2 08 2008
riz

I don’t want to go hiking together, either! Not on a date. Not until we’re old and boring.

I want to go out dancing, or go see some live music or go to a play… something involving me wearing stilettos.

2 08 2008
riz

… or coffee. I’m a huge fan of the daytime coffee date, if you’re just getting to know eachother

2 08 2008
chaoticdiva

I wouldn’t mind an art museum. Or a sports event. I like getting intimate, so I don’t want anything sweaty, but something one on one.

…not that I’m romantic or anything.

2 08 2008
MiracleMax

I totally understand about the natural hair thing, natural hair on a black girl is hot, but I have to say, many black women dont have to time to maintain their natural hair. If their hair is long, and its a natural afro, it can be more frustrating then just spending 600 bucks to get it cream straightend, which im told lasts for around 3 months. The black girls that I know with long natural hair, spend tons of time making sure it doesnt fall and making sure it doesnt leave a part in the middle of their hair. The black girls that I do know who get their hair straightened like it because they can just run a brush through it and its done, but they do complain about getting their hair wet so, I guess there is a give and take when it comes to both kinds of hair. I guess thats why weaves are so popular, but then again you cant stratch you head properly for fear to taking out the weave, alot of patting the head action goes on. Black women kinda got screwed in the hair department, but when they get that shit done up, nothing looks better.

2 08 2008
riz

@CDiva…. Yeah, a football game would be fun, especially if we like different teams.

2 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Oh yea….I’m soo competitive during college ball season…

2 08 2008
riz

Are you kidding? I went to Cal. My ex went to USC. The intra Pac 10 ish talking was ridiculous… but fun

2 08 2008
chaoticdiva

yea, my last bf was a OSU fan and I was such the Green and White gal…(Spartans baby!!)

2 08 2008
Tea

Puff- “i have a genuine question on the other end of the fitness spectrum: what the fuck can i eat to get my ass back? my job’s been so stressful, the little i had left with the shitty ass constipation inducing food. do i need to hop on some rib-avocado-bacon grease-roast turkey diet or something? seriously, my hip bones are rubbing into this computer chair as i type. i miss the natural padding”

I noticed no one answered your question and I feel your pain. No one ever pays attention to the thin black girls trying to gain weight!

I lose weight mostly in my ass and I can’t let that happen, I start looking like a white girl. So I researched the hell out of gaining weight. Anyway, I don’t know how healthy this is but here it goes: 2 bottles of Ensure Plus and 1 cup of Haagen-Dazs Ice cream, mix it in a blender and drink before bed. Make sure whatever else you eat during the day amounts to more than 1500-3000 calories a day. I did this for about a month and sprouted an instant ass, hell too much ass even (but this is where I gain weight anyway). So there you go, try it.

Also, there is a weight gainer at GNC but that stuff is nasty as hell!

Good Luck

2 08 2008
Guess Who I Saw In Concert Last Night? J*DaVeY | shabooty.com

[…] see Jack’s cute self! Btw, her producer/dj Brook is mad cool, too. Mad nice and personable – but you try hollaring at some redic. saki + NUMEROUS OTHER SHOTS [Read here for recap of earlier in …, and not talk a dude’s head off. I immediately txt-msg apologized to his publicist for […]

2 08 2008
chaoticdiva

j*davey is the shit!!!!

…being that I live in a crap ass area, all the good artists (minus N*E*R*D) steer clear of the D. Fuckery.

Ah well, at least some of the locals are decent.

2 08 2008
Tea

I’m in tears @ The SBPH Fatass Test

This should be posted in doctor’s offices throughout the country… shit, can’t be said any clearer than that.

2 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

J*Davey makes me sick. The one time they came to Atlanta, i was already scheduled to be outta town for my grandmother’s surprise 75th birthday party. I mean, I like them and all, but not enough to miss an event like that. *pouts and shakes fist*

2 08 2008
LadiJai

Soooo… I’m leaving another occasional post… just had a few things to comment on…
one… I just broke up w my ex over me growing my perm out. he told me my twist out looked nappy… i went on a rant out european beauty standards, etc.

two… I scored a 0 on the fatass test, so Chris, whats up! I enjoy spinning classes, yoga, long walks on the beach, live music, cussing out white people at random, and trying to repremand bad ass children in the grocery store

three… I have an overweight cousin, who I love dearly, but when she was pregnant, she looked like a SNOWMAN, just a series of large circles… yuck!

2 08 2008
LadiJai

*make that reprimand…

2 08 2008
Chelle

MiracleMax, we didn’t get screwed in the hair department…if you think that then you’re missing the point of this post.

The problem is, the self-hatred is so ingrained that we as a people have perpetuated this falsehood about what our hair is really like. Thus, no one is used to seeing our hair in our natural state and we’re too afraid to let it be so we kill it trying to suppress the natural and wondrous beauty of our hair.

I’ve been natural for about two years now and I’ve felt more comfortable with myself and have received more compliments on my hair actually from “others” than I did before going natural. I think you can’t ever really be comfortable with yourself when you’re doing a poor imitation of a white girl.

I really don’t envy those with straight hair because my hair has the versatility to be really full of volume or as sleek as I like if I’m willing to put in the time to make it straight.

Chris, it’s nice to hear brothers express appreciation for natural styles. I wish there were more like you. Further, you’re dead on about Essence. I’ve been done with them for years, but their recent decisions to allow foolish Kim Porter on the cover and do an article on R. Kelly’s ridiculous wife put me past the point of no return. We as a people deserve better than what Essence and Ebony offer.

2 08 2008
Nice

I wear my hair natural and I have been for almost my whole life. I had a relaxer for a year when I was 9 and it took my hair out, so I’ve been natural since the age of 10. I think Black women look beautiful with their hair natural. But when it gets long, it is very hard to manage. So I trade off between wearing it straight and wearing it natural. In the summer time there is almost no point in me wearing it anyway but natural- except on less humid days.

When I was rocking my natural hair when I was a little girl, it was not the thing to do. I got talked about all the time, not by white people, but by black folks. I would always get compliments on the length of my hair. People always would tell me I had “good hair”, but I wont even get into that. They just couldnt understand why with all this long pretty hair I would want to wear braids, fros or twist.

It is more accepted now for Black women to do the natural thing. I dont kno if its for political reasons or personal reasons why Black women are doing away with the perms. I am not for or against hair chemicals. But I must admit, I do love to see a beauiful Black woman not ashamed of her natural grade of hair. I am NOT saying that ALL women who wear relaxers are ashamed, but the majority are.

2 08 2008
Angry IV

Chris – you forgot all about Jet magazine.

2 08 2008
Nice

LOL@ Skeet wipes, are you kidding me? My mouth dropped to the floor when I was that. Too funny.

Essence is ok- I guess. I really dont read it much cause Im not really into the magazine thing anymore. And I don’t look for anything the media has out there to represent me or what I stand for. All of their non- natural hairstyles is really not an issue for me.

2 08 2008
Nice

I meant saw that.

2 08 2008
Sister Toldja

I’m very late but whatevs.

1) I think Black people make too many excuses for ourselves when it comes to weight. I know when I was much bigger, I set the bar kinda low for myself. Like, “Oh, I’d be happy at a size 14. If I could get back there, I’d be golden”. Um, no, that’s not good enough. When I got back to a 14, I decided that should aim for a 10. Now that I’m a 12/14, I think I should shoot for 8. I rather be a little slimmer than “one chicken box away” (which is what, at 5’9, I am right now). Even when I was 40 pounds heavier, I had friends tell me “oh, you aren’t THAT big” or “You ain’t never gonna be thin, you should just try to drop 20 and tone up”.

Honestly, I think the ONLY reason I attracted as many of the men that I did at I did at my biggest is because I am light skinned with curly hair. I think high yellow or exceedingly pretty women get a pass on a few extra pounds with some men. I don’t want to get by, I want to be the chick who makes men say “good lord”. I’m getting there because I work HARD on my body and I excersise some restraint!

I still feel like a “big girl” because 1) I sometimes see myself as I was 40 pounds ago, and it takes putting on a medium or size 10 dress, seeing an old friend or having one of my old skirts fall off in public (this did happen) to make me realize that I don’t look like that anymore and 2) I’m 6’0 in heels and I sometimes find myself being the tallest person in some settings, which is very unnerving to me. I don’t think I’m a fat girl anymore (well, some days I do), and I NEVER will be one again.

I never wanted to call Jill Scott fat (we debated this before, lol), because she isn’t huge or sloppy. But technically, yeah, she’s what people would call that (I can’t bring myself to say it about her!!! LOL). Toccarra is thick and has what I consider to be an ideal body (and she is my height, so she is the goal!). I don’t think Beyonce is thick beyond her hips. I hear she’s like a size 4/6. I heard Monique had gastric bypass surgery, which is going to destroy the souls of some of her fans! I respect her choice, but it’s very curious that someone who made a CAREER out of glorifying unhealthy bigness would do that. Which goes along with my belief that most “proud” big women are either lazy or lying to themselves or both. I wouldn’t call Latifah fat. She’s a big girl, but she’s so solid. I don’t know what her trainer is doing with her, but it isn’t helping to shape her well. Like, she’s not curvy, just firm. But she still looks healthy and good to me.

2 08 2008
Nice

I think big is ok as long as it is not sloppy. I dont care for Monique. She talks all that mess about skinny bitches, but you can tell that is comes from her own insecurites about herself. I am short, 5’0″. But Im thick by most folks standards. I weigh 150 lbs. I dont think I am big even tho I was 128 before I has my son. I kinda like my size. I would just like to tone it a little more tho.

You do get a natural hair pass if you are lighter and you have curly hair. But my ex told me he thought I should wear my hair straight because I was lighter and my hair is long. He thinks that only dark people should wear natural styles- please dont ask me what his logic was.

2 08 2008
Sister Toldja

2) HeavenLei- I don’t know how big you are or how much weight you want to lose, but all it takes is getting up and DOING IT. One day (December 31st 2007, to be exact) I looked at myself and said “Fuck no.” And when I returned to NYC from my vacation, I got my ass in the gym and went at it. And I played with diets, everything from near starvation, to this ‘eating all day’ phenomenon. If you can start with 30 mins of cardio (which you can break down to 10 bike, 10 elliptical, 10 stairclimber) three days a week and two days of strength training (weight lifting), you will see results IMMEDIATELY, in terms of your endurance.

High frutcose corn syrup is the devil. Avoid it as much as possible. Drink loads of water. Have mantras, find supportive friends and don’t give up! Watching your body change is amazing. I used to base so much of my self image on my breasts. Like, they were ALWAYS out because it was the one physical quality I was confident in. I hoped that men would focus on them and not how big the rest of me was (it worked sometimes, lol). While my breasts have only gotten slightly smaller, I honestly don’t even care about them any more. I rather be slim with medium boobs than big with huge ones.

3) Chaotic- Uh, a 3,000 calorie diet high in Krispy Kremes is a good way to have high cholestrol, high blood pressure, diabetes or heart failure! Don’t let the size 0 jeans (which should really be a size 0000, right? LOL) fool ya, missy!
If you like who YOU are, then don’t change for anyone! You want to, of course, be in good health. But don’t chase ‘the thin’ because other folks deem it appropos.

2 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Nice- Your ex is not the only one to have that logic! I’ve heard that before as well. Sick and sad. I have ALWAYS had people pressuring me to straighen my hair. My favorite line is “Your hair is so pretty, why don’t you straighten it?” Um, what? That’s like saying “Your blue car is so nice, why don’t you paint it red?”

2 08 2008
chaoticdiva

@ nice…krispy kremes are my weakness…but I eat them once maybe every 3 months…I’m not a huge carb eater. I’ve always been a meat/eggs/raw veggies orgo girl. Dark chocolate is my weakness.

But yea, I’ve always been naturally thin with a high metabolism because I stay so active. The only reason I make the food/fat-minded jokes is because people tend to make jokes about how they always see me with food (because i eat smaller portions throughout the day…unless its a holiday)…

2 08 2008
Sue

*Sigh* @ the “relaxer=self hate” theme that keeps sneaking in this convo. Anyone who identifies their blackness with their hair is a FREAKIN’ IDIOT! That’s right I said it!! GOD gave you that hair and if you think HE gives a rat’s ass what texture, color, length or whatever your hair is then get the gun out the drawer and shoot yourself with it now cause you NEEDS TO DIE!!!!

Hair has one purpose…..to help prevent heat from escaping from the top of your head. Other than that its a freakin’ accessory people! It ain’t that damn deep!

2 08 2008
Nice

I agree Sue, however you choose to wear your hair is up to you. And it is all good. I just dont care for the mentality that some people have that nappy hair is a bad thing.

2 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Sue, you can’t possibly be a REAL Negress, lol! Hair is political, personal, spiritual….etc….etc….. I just reread one of my favorite books “Bulletproof Diva: Tales of Race, Sex And Hair” by Lisa Jones. It’s from 95 and has some hilarious and informative anecdotes about Black hair, and the obsessiveness of it’s owners. We can say “it’s just hair” all we like, but in reality, it has bearing on our self-image, where we will work, who our lovers are, how the world-at-large views us. The most important thing is finding a style YOU are happy with, be it relaxed, natural, weaved, what have you. But conventonial wisdom will tell you that the fact that some majority of Black women choose to keep their hair chemically or thermally straightened at all times speaks to…an issue, to say the least. A conditioning, and not the sort you get for an extra $10 at the salon.

2 08 2008
Sue

@ Nice
You know what? That mentality runs rampant down south or at least in Florida, where I’m from. The looks on the faces of the men in my family said it all and initially, it irked me but now neither those looks nor any comments phase me at this point. I know I looked good to me and that’s all that mattered. The rest is just……noise. I know the right man, white or whatever will like me for me and not my hair.

and please don’t get me started on the hairstyles in the dirty, dirty.

2 08 2008
Nice

I think all nationalities care about hair on some level. Black people, just a little more. Or maybe alot more.

2 08 2008
riz

It’s crazy how much smaller Hollywood has become, and how “heroine chic” still has a huge effect on the industry. I love my body, feel confident with it (even with its flaws), but this (short) guy that I dated, told me that I needed to lose weight. I’m a size 6. That used to be average, but now that everyone is a size 0, this fool acted like my navel looked like a sad face!

He was a Black French guy. The irony of his Napoleon complex notwithstanding, I think he was mad because I was prettier than him. Scrawny ass prick. I should’ve told him to holler at me when he gained some muscle tone— on his [censored].

2 08 2008
Nice

I also dont like when people feel the need to wear their hair natural to prove a point. JUST DO YOU. If you like a relaxer great. If you prefer to rock ur hair natural, fine. I wish that people wud stop passing judgement on people who choose to wear a relaxer because 5 yrs ago they had revelation. But the same time, dont be ashamed of your “roots”.

2 08 2008
Nice

Riz, I dont deal with men that think a 6 or 8 is fat. Or even a size 12. I really dont even come across that. Where I’m from, they call it thick. I think a size six is nice- not fat by any means. I think it depends on how you are built up- for real.

2 08 2008
riz

@Sue and Nice,

Yeah, to be honest, I never properly developed the hair obsession that I’m supposed to have. I know, I know, hair is supposed to be important, and I understand the historical and social implications of Hair Imperialism or whatever. But over the years, I’ve just worn it how I like it (shrug). I’ve been wearing a press since I moved to LA, but in that SF fog, I wear it curly.. and I don’t care.

My only hair obsession is with removal. Even if I’m not dating anyone, and no one is looking at my body but me, I have to be groomed or else it will drive me crazy.

2 08 2008
riz

Yeah, I’m not fat. That dude is short. Looks like he has the bigger problem.

2 08 2008
chaoticdiva

6 or 8…thats a small average.

The average size for women is a 12.

I’m way below average…I hate it, but I can only deal with how God made me.

2 08 2008
Nice

@ Riz, I cannot stand the short man complex. But he might have that complex because most women like me, dont like em short. And I am short myself.

@chaotic, My friend was like a size 2 and my sister as well. They both hated being skinny. My friend is now about a 6 and my sister is a 12 (she had 2 kids). They both look good with the weight on them and are happy with their size. But like me, they wanna tone it up.

2 08 2008
riz

You know, his height didn’t bother me so much. It made me feel like a supermodel. But the attitude that came with it…. I think you have to be super confident in yourself, if you’re a short guy. You have to be funny, charming, confident, something to lure women in… Ol Boy was none of those things…

2 08 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

@ ST; I ain’t fucking with the gym at all, anytime soon. I just don’t have the time, nor can I really afford it at the moment. And for the first time, I finally experienced the skeevy dude phenomenon @ my neighborhood Y. It may not happen all day, but I was getting it in between 6 and 7 am, and those nasty motherfuckers were all in my shit, so I started just doing my thing in the park, in peace, but since summer has come along, my will has declined, and the weight I lost is creeping back 😦

As for a support system, *sigh* I’ll have to settle for a virtual one, because all of my overweight friends are HAPPILY so, or at least not making any effort to do anything about it. And the slim ones don’t have to work at it, so I hate them. LOL I won’t even state any numbers, because every time I do, I get met with the “are you crazy?” ” you don’t need to lose all that weight”, ” you gonna look like a crackhead ( and admittedly, when I was hovering around my “clinically ideal weight, I DID look rather crackish, but that was YEARS ago)!!!”
Because of my height, I can get away with extra pounds, but NOT the ones I’m currently lugging around, nahmean? and re: the brest issues, I WISH these jammies would go down a cup or two. Luckily, I can still buy bras that don’t require taking out a loan, but if I go up a cup, man, listen. It’s hard running with big jammers, as I’m sure you know. As long as they don’t get bigger or start sagging, I don’t care..

As for the HFCS, I don’t even mess with soda or processed foods, and I’m almost back up to my gallon of water a day ( half when I’m at work, half at home), so I’m straight on that end as well. I just cannot motivate myself to do shit in the damn heat, and clearly, the dvds I’ve been working with aren’t cutting it. So I’m listening and taking suggestions, y’al;l thanks so much for the input. I’ll definitely try to work in as much of it as possible, so keep it comin’.

2 08 2008
ph2072

“There was one thing about it, however, that was absolutely fantastic: it was full of black women, and nearly every single one of them was wearing her hair naturally.”
__________________________

What a shame that this is so uncommon that you were actually happy to be there. BUT, I’m glad that you were happy to be there. 🙂 Makes me appreciate my dreads even more. 😉

Now on to Essence. I used to hate Essence with a passion. In my first year of college I subscribed to it, thinking it’d help me to be more of a woman. No the hell it didn’t. As a matter-of-fact, it made me feel like this:

modest-goddess (15:40:11) : “…I subscribed for one year and during that time I was more angry and depressed…”

I chose that particular part of the sentence because that’s exactly how it made me feel – not good enough, not pretty enough, not ANYTHING enough. And considering that I was a broke ass college student who couldn’t even afford 99% of the shit in the magazine, it made me feel even worse.

I went to the Essence Music Festival this year and it was great. Unfortunately, it also came with a year’s free subscription to Essence. So now, even though it doesn’t affect my self-esteem anymore, I still get it at home and I feel as if my money (from going to the Festival) is supporting that foolishness even more.

And Chris, I’m glad that I’m not the only one that noticed that there was not ONE STRAND of natural/nappy/kinky hair in that photo gallery. I looked at it a few days ago, shook my head, and clicked that window off.

2 08 2008
lazypen

The J*Davey show at Liv on Thursday was pretty dope. And yea i too noticed the abnormally large congregation of boho-ish chicks at the show not that I was mad.

2 08 2008
OutsidePeanutButter

How in the blue hell is Queen Latifah still so damn big? I thought eating fish was supposed to be healthy.

2 08 2008
MiracleMax

I dont know why queen latifah is still big, her girlfriend is a super trim and is a personal trainer. Queen Latifah should just get that shit sucked out, im not saying having junk in the trunk and having some meat on your bones is bad, its actually very good, but there is a point where being grabbable and being HUGE. Once we start saying that 200 pounds plus on a women under 6 feet is “beautiful” and “curvy” then society as a whole will turn into the society in the movie Wall-E. We are so fucking fat in this country its ridiculous, people need to stop with the fast food, and stop blaming others for them pushing 900 calorie frappafuckingchinos in their pieholes. My entire family has weight issues, they all exercise, and try hard not to weigh a million pounds, but then after they work out they eat a fucking peice of cake. I guess im lucky i never got the fat gene, but i can get big if i over eat and dont exercise (which i dont do anymore). These people need to stop eating fat foods, no more soda, no cake, no chips, no more fast food, no deep fat fried shit, dont eat anything that you know is wrong, and didnt exist 150 years ago. If your great, great, great grandparents didnt eat it, you shouldnt either. I say we ban cars, and ban fast food resturants and you will see how fast this country will lose weight. Poor queen latifah (dana), she is such a nice lesbian (with a mean ass dog, i have a personal story about her bad dog but i wont say it here cuz its to damn soon and i dont want a relative to get fired), but she needs to drop the pounds and be a role model, dont give me this shit that being 200 pounds can be healthy, that shit is never healthy on a women unless she is 6 feet 8 inches tall.

2 08 2008
Kamikak

Essence sucks!! Terribly written content, terribly shot photos, and terrible modeling. Their articles are tract house predictable and all of their hairstyles look like Golden Scissors hair show foolery.

2 08 2008
Uninspired Muse

@ Muse – Much love, Ill THINK about changing the name.

2 08 2008
pam

LOL @ chris… fat people primary cause of global warming rant and in the spirit of SBPH FUCK YOU FUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im new to this blog but im catching on fast : )

im a fat african woman in africa…

amongst a family with a history of hypertension… I consistently have very good blood pressure, good results from my yearly medical checkups
some of my slim friends with cars get winded going up 3 flights of stairs, some dont.

but then again i dont eat lots of sugar, pastry, processed food or meat from hormone laden animals. its either not readily available or too expensive and to me most dont even taste nice.
Every time I travel to europe and bite into any cookies or pastry the amount of sugar in it shocks me.
Coke is my bad habit though.

Maybe all this ill health can depend on what your eating… even for slimmer people

2 08 2008
puff

@ tea – lol, thank you girl!

2 08 2008
Sue

@ST

You know it must be my age and as I get older, I start seeing the bigger picture and this argument, for me, is a non-issue. I’ve just gotten more comfortable with having different looks from kinky to bone straight. I appreciate all styles as long as they’re well put together. I looooove dreads but will probably never do it to my hair cause I’m a lazy bitch and all that locking is too much work when I’m going to want to change my style a month later. I guess for me, hair stopped being a socio-political statement years ago and simply became what it is…….a fashion statement.

2 08 2008
www.anythingblack.net

damn dude u roasted the shit out of fatasses. put down the motherfuckin fork
but yo i knew this shit was gon be hilarious when i read

essense magazine started when bob johnson skeeted..

2 08 2008
Sue

@Heavenliblue

Girl, trying to do any weight loss program by yourself will be a lesson in failure. You NEED a partner, someone who has similar issues and motivation. Then you can motivate each other. A gym is not always conducive to your needs but do what ever fits both your schedules. One class @ the Y may be all you need. I don’t know its something about being in a class of people that does more for me than just going to the gym and jumping on the treadmill.

Can I say this…..BODY SCULPTURE IS THE BUSINESS!!!!

Its cardio, weight training, yoga, pilates all wrapped into one class and done to music. You will work every muscle in your body, even ones you didn’t know you had.

No matter what your size, you will see a difference in a short amount of time…….if you attend class more than once a week. I can say from experience, that ish will work your ass out and you will love it!!

caveat – this type of class builds muscle, which weighs more than fat. I promise if you do this class you will NOT look like a crackhead!

2 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Okay, I’ll try to restrain myself because I could talk about fitness forever 🙂
My regular regimen includes running/jogging, step aerobics, spinning, kickboxing, hip hop dance classes, bootcamp style workouts, winsor pilates and of course my infamous pole dance/strip aerobics. I’m not on any type of losing weight tip, I just LOVE being active, I can’t imagine it not being a part of my daily life. Getting motivated is the toughest part but you have to remember how GREAT you feel after you work out.

You have to find what’s fun for you. Take it back to simple kid stuff…I have a jump rope and a 5lb weighted hula hoop and I use either of those watching tv (you know what great results you’ll get with just jumping rope watching a 30 min show every day). Also, put on some music and WILD THE FUCK OUT! I probably lose like 5 pounds dancing every time I go to the club (shut up Muse and Knat!). Integrate that cardio with strength training and muscle-toning exercises – burpees, jumping squats, lunges, planks, crunches, leg lifts, push ups etc. Getting more BRISK walking into your daily routine helps too – parking further away, stairs, when you just need to make a small trip to the market – walk and carry everything home (but again, this needs to be on top of everything else, I’m sorry, walking alone will not do it).

If you’re working out to lose weight, you have to get out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to feel like you’re going to die after every workout, but you HAVE to SWEAT, so just accept it, lol. Working out at home is certainly better than nothing, and I don’t think a bunch of fancy expensive equipment is necessary, but sometimes it really takes other people or a public environment to push you to that next level, that’s what I like about gym classes and running (I’m not going to embarrass myself and pass out on the street, so I gotta find that energy from somewhere to make it back home, lol). Utilize trial memberships. Also, I know we make fun of the 2520s for their kids games, but look on the internet to see if there are groups that meet up in your area for recreational sports. I regularly play flag football on the weekend. Man, when competition becomes a part of the equation, folks tend to get REALLY into it, and forget they’re working out!

Lastly, be aware of what really are obstacles, and what you just make excuses about. Your health needs to be treated like the the life or death situation is it. I can’t stand when people tell me they can’t afford a gym but spend $5 a day on mocha-choca-latta-yaya frappuccinos.

2 08 2008
The Doc Is In

“caveat – this type of class builds muscle, which weighs more than fat. ”

Sue, another good point, focusing solely on the numbers on the scale is not the way to go, that’s often why people get depressed and quit. They get on a workout plan, have great initial results but then progress starts to slow. Those first pounds of water weight are always easiest to loose. Then your body has to start digging into deeper fat stores, plus you may be gaining muscle at the same time.

Focus on other measures…how do you feel? Is your endurance much better? Are your clothes fitting looser? Do you see more definition in your body? Is your blood pressure lower? Look at your HEALTH outcomes.

I have never in my life been “skinny” (my ass and thighs make sure of that!!)…I think I’m what you would call petite thick? Or maybe just athletic build? Who knows, who cares, lol. I’m a small size but people always underestimate my weight (I mean by like 20+ pounds) since I have so much muscle mass.

2 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Sue, that’s another great point about the partner. Even if you don’t have one now, you may find one at a gym or a recreation club, whatever. You need to be around those with like-minded motivation. Some of my best friends now are people I met in my pole dancing classes and we will call each other’s ass out when someone starts missing class for extended periods.

Being accountable to yourself is important too though. I think keeping food/workout journals helps tremendously! Even if you’re not showing it to anyone else, you’d be surprised how much you’ll be deterred from gorging on twinkies if you have to document it. A few days of blank exercise pages might help guilt trip you into getting back on the ball as well. The trick is to be consistent and HONEST with it, and have it very accessible, someplace you can see often.

2 08 2008
Sue

The biggest problem here it seems is motivation. Look at it this way, I had to drop out of college a couple of time because I didn’t have the $$ but I knew what that degree could do for my future so I was motivated to work my ass off to get enough coin to keep me in school. I begged, borrowed & stole to get that damn degree and got a big ass student loan to show for it but I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. I wanted it that badly. My question to you is HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT IT????

2 08 2008
Saun

caveat – this type of class builds muscle, which weighs more than fat.

I’m sorry but this statement is not true. A pound of fat weighs the same as a pound of muscle because a pound is a pound. The reason people think this is because in many people they can gain muscle mass before they lose fat. The important thing to know is that the more muscle mass you have the easier it becomes to burn fat because your muscles usse it as energy during a work out. I don’t mean to pick but I don’t like the statement because it scares many women from adding weight training to their workouts and the weight training and muscle building is essential.

Good luck to anyone that is trying to fight off “fatassedness”. Good health and lower health care bills are always a good look.

2 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Food will be my last point then I’m gone (I have so hijacked this blog, sorry!).

To lose weight, you have to take in less calories than you utilize, simple as that. It doesn’t necessarily matter WHEN those calories are taken in or in what proportions (although I prefer eating smaller meals throughout the day and not eating close to bedtime…but people are certainly able to maintain healthy diets by eating three larger meals a day if that’s all they can do). Pay attention to labels and be aware of what you’re eating. Mindless snacking is the devil (which is why I again recommend a food journal). Don’t think of it as a diet, it’s a lifestyle change that starts with making healthy substitutions. Even skinny people make bad eating choices and pay serious health consequences for it. For you obligate carnivores (lol) lay off all the fried dark meat and get in some baked lean cuts and skinless white meat. Eat REAL foods and not empty, low-nutrient junk food. Though I’m known to get my grub on when out, I keep mostly fruits, veggies, nuts, whole grains in my home and that is the bulk of my regular eating habits. I don’t advocate detox diets because people usually always gain back whatever poundage they shat out in that week or two…BUT I do recognize their usefulness in cleansing the palate IF you’re actually committed to making changes in the way you eat after the initial detox phase. It makes people realize that they really can survive without a bunch of sugary, processed foods. But do allow yourself those occasional indulgences and don’t think of them as setbacks and allow it to completely throw you off the wagon. You have to remember this is for LIFE, and that “oooh, I already messed up so I’ll continue to pig out this weekend and start Jenny Craig/South Beach/whatever diet on Monday” is not gonna cut it!

Also, pay more attention to your body and when you’re hungry and how much it really takes to make you full…food portion sizes today are ridiculously above what’s necessary, don’t feel you need to clean your plate and eat slower to allow yourself to recognize when you’re full.

Finally, don’t drink your calories!!! Whew, it’s amazing to look at sodas and sugary drinks (even the ones claiming to be healthy fruit/protein/antioxidant/soy smoothie wonders) and see that they have 200 and 300 calories per serving. That’s like half a meal, but worse, one that DOESN’T fill you up and activate certain hormones like solid food does. Water, water and more water is your friend.

What’s that saying…nothing tastes as good as being HEALTHY feels!

2 08 2008
The Doc Is In

Saun- point taken…”weighs more” is just easier to say that “more dense” which is the technical truth. Given a specific volume, the muscle mass will be heavier than the fat mass. But you’re right, weight training is ESSENTIAL for women and that’s why I mentioned focusing on measures other than the scale (the inches you lose, etc.). A 150 pound woman with a higher percentage of muscle mass will be smaller than a 150 pound woman with a higher percentage of fat.

2 08 2008
Angry IV

Buy the book “The Abs Diet” and work on it. I was 6′, 190lbs and I felt sluggish during pickup basketball games. Everyone told me they had no idea where the weight was, but I could tell – my six pack was more of a four pack, and like I said, I felt a step slower on the bball court. I’m now at 180lbs 3 weeks since starting and that’s JUST changing my diet to metabolism-boosting foods and not changing my exercise regimen at all. 5 more lbs and I’ll have met my goal of 175, which is where I was 4 years ago when I was leaving people in my dust off the first dribble.

🙂

2 08 2008
Saun

Thanks Doc for the clarification.

For those that needs some form of support and don’t have the money try http://www.sparkpeople.com. It’s just like the weight watcher online program but it’s completely FREE. It has calorie counts, menus, fitness trackers, low budget/no budget fitness ideas, and message boards for support and questions. The best thing is that they have doctors and dietiticians on staff so if you ask a question they’ll answer it along with other members.

2 08 2008
Jen

a. This post is the truth.

b. “maybe there are no natural styles because they get more money from the relaxer/weave sponsors…” DINGDINGDING! We have a winner. Essence sold the soul of Black America for some goddamn Dark & Lovely ad space.

c. So, according to this standardized fatness test, I am sometimes fat, and on days I am not, am a chicken box away.

I would try to live in denial by stating my skinny sounding stats and other such foolishness, but yeah…that sounds about right. I am living proof that there is such a thing as fat thin people.

Chris, please write a post about Black men who encourage Black women to gain weight when they are teetering at the edge of fatassedness. These people are primarily responsible for a) my inability to convince myself to go to a gym and construct a work-out plan b) the fact that my elliptical machine is currently being used as a closet organizer.

ST’s and Sue’s comments make me want to see if there are any expansive work-out sessions at my university. I just need an accountability partner.

2 08 2008
Sister Toldja

Riz- OMG, there is nothing worse than a short or ugly man who thinks he has the licence to judge a woman harshy. Nature dealt you a hell of a blow, motherfucker! You better be happy with what you can get!

Angry is right about The Abs Diet! My father and step mother use it and they are the hottest over 50’s out there! I need to get back on it myself. What I am doing now is just eating with common sense, but I am sure I’d shed the weight quicker if I followed the Abs Diet.

Girl, you better suck it up and join the YMCA! I work out at the Bed-Stuy Y, and even though the recent rehabbing and gentrification of the area brought with it a crowd that is, well, not likely to bother me, there are still plenty of annoying men there. They hog the machines, they stink occasionally, they look at me. I gained a rep as the gym bitch due to my eye rolling and “How much longer are you gonna be ON there?” routine. This cuts down on the unwanted flirting AND they see that I am there about my buisness. They even compliment me on my form and my weight loss! I’d rather deal with the miscreatins now so I am not relegated to dating them later!

2 08 2008
Sister Toldja

caloriecount.about.com and 50millionpoundchallenge.com are also great resources.

2 08 2008
Tea

Excellent posts Doc, especially the one about food. Losing weight should not just be about the way you look, but your overall health as well.

“Don’t think of it as a diet, it’s a lifestyle that starts with making healthy substitutions.”

My father had pre-diabetes and that really put a scare into him because it runs in my family and the outcomes were never pretty for those that didn’t attempt to change their lifestyle. If my father can change the way he has eaten, then anyone can. Because my mother can COOK, soul food/ spanish/italian, cakes, cookies, pies… you name it. And my father can and will EAT. When my father developed pre-diabetes, my mother gradually began to change his diet to skinless chicken, fish, fruit, vegetables, brown rice and whole grains. I don’t even think they eat processed foods, my mother primarily shops at farmer’s market and Trader Joe’s. Beverages- first 2% milk then soy, NO soda, fruit juice and water only. He also began walking much more.

I didn’t think it was possible for my father to change his eating habits because we have always eaten the typical garbage that most people eat and my father wants what he wants when he wants it… I guess he wants to live because he made a lifestyle change. I’m really amazed that he did and even his doctor is pleased because he is successfully fighting off diabetes and losing weight (especially the gut). He cheats every now and then but for the most part he stays on track.

I would suggest this site, for tips to a healthy lifestyle, even though it’s about diabetes:
http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-prevention/how-to-prevent-diabetes.jsp

I’ve even adopted my parents eating habits the food is great and easier to prepare but trying to keep the weight on while eating that way is impossible for me unless I snack alllll day. I still eat the soul food, cakes, cookies and ice cream to maintain weight but I’m finding that stuff to be too sweet or salty now.

2 08 2008
Angry IV

I’m all out of abs diet groceries and am heading back to the store today to get some more. Helpful hint – if there’s something you don’t like on the abs diet, for example cottage cheese (yuck), don’t substitute it, just drop it. You’ll be dropping calories in the process and it’ll taste better.

2 08 2008
riz

@ST: Yeah, Dude had problems. I guess I didn’t act sufficently impressed by his light skin and the fact that he spoke french. Meh… Still a nig-nog to me. And a boring one at that. So he went after the one thing that most women are insecure about: their bodies. So arrogant.

Btw; Trader Joes is the business…. especially for a bachelorette,,,

The Doc: It’s called “skinny thick”– meat in ass and thighs. Not typically “skinny.” I’m the same– pear shaped women tend to be skinny thick.

I’ve never heaerd of this Abs Diet book… Maybe I’ll try it…

I find that good spices can make a boring, healthy, meal delicious w/out adding too many calories.

I hate cottage cheese, too… But I make this bomb veggie manicotti that subs ricotta cheese for cottage, and I just add tons of oregano, basil and other italian spices to make the cottage cheese taste good. It’s healthy and substantial.

I also sub sour cream for plain vanilla yogurt (that Greek kinda, Face, is kinda bitter– adds that sour cream taste).

For a quick snack: I buy tons of fruit: strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, apples, etc– whatever is on sale. I cut them all up, wash it, and then sprinkle a little sugar and lemon juice on all of it. (Yeah, I know, sugar– it’s only a little bit, and it’s unprocessed– but I’m just not a fan of sour tastes– not even sour candy). I let that fruit mix sit… Then when I want a snack, I mix up some of that fruit with flavored lowfat yogurt and some granola cereal. It’s sweet, healthy, good for the ‘nani, and has good texture. As a result, I, much like my snacks, taste delicious.

Lastly, portions need to be re-learned. I grew up in a Clear-Your-Plate, Eat Till Your Full and Need to Take a Nap family. I was bigger then. Now, I eat frequently during the day, but only until I’m satisfied– not full. Then when I get hungry again, I just eat again. Yeah, that’s what some ppl hate about vegetarian meals– they feel hungry again later. But it’s okay to feel hungry again. Food will be there. As your palette changes, you’ll learn that you can eat again, just make it healthy.

2 08 2008
riz

Oh, and the LeBron James Vogue Cover was controversial for its own reasons…. that have little to do with Skeet Wipes.

3 08 2008
Angry IV

all in all it’s pretty simple – eliminate processed foods, reduce your portions, and snack on fruit and water when you’re hungry. Almonds are an incredible hunger deterrent. Just a handful will curb your appetite for hours.

3 08 2008
Bajan Girl

Just finished reading all the comments…

Waiting for my belly to stop gripping me from laughing so hard at the fat test….

On the subject of fitness… what if you can’t do hard core working out? I’m recovering from an injury to my ankle and have gone from being really active to hardly being able to walk 10 blocks without being in a lot of pain. I do physical therapy 3 times a week and that has actually helped jump start the weight loss process. I started doing some Pilates (spelling?) but still can’t do the high impact stuff, and running is definitely out of the picture for a few more months.

So any suggestions…

3 08 2008
Quirky Cutie

Doc and everyone else gave a lot of good points. Losing weight isn’t easy, but once you’re motivated to start, you won’t want to give up when you start seeing results. Just stop the excuses otherwise you’ll never get anywhere. Also, diets usually don’t work. If they did for you, good, but usually when you lose the weight the “diet” is over so you go back to eating all that crap that got you fat in the first place. It’s all about a healthy lifestyle which mean permanent changes.

I decided to go down a size (my weight crept up after college) from a 4 to a 2 (no skinny bitch comments please, lol, I’m toned with T&A). Here’s how I did it:

Eliminate most beverages other than water (should be like 75% of liquid intake), coffee, or a drink or two (no more!) when you go out. And even then you shouldn’t be having pina coladas.

Exercise for at least 1/2 hr three times a week. And keep ramping up the intensity every week. If you can’t run a mile to start, walk a mile, if you can’t walk that mile, walk a 1/2 mile or whatever. The point is do some sort of aerobic exercise (no weights yet) and keeping pushing your body to do more which it will. I used to do those trial memberships too and work the hell out of them, I cancelled like two Bally’s and did one with NYSC. Do what you gotta do. If you can’t spend the $, then walk around your block a few times, go to the hs track, there are cheap gyms out here too.

As far as food, no hard and fast rules, counting calories is a waste, just cut out most processed food. Try to cook if possible, if not, eat as close to naturally cooked foods as possible. Typical breakfast for me was yogurt, fruit and cereal, and coffee keep in mind a serving size of cereal, or anything, is a lot smaller than you think it is. Lunch was a salad and bread. Dinner, was boiled potatoes and fish, or something similar. Snack after lunch was a small trail mix package, those pieces of fruit have a lot of calories, so I threw out 1/2 of them. Dessert was tea. Only look at the package to get an idea of how many calories are in each serving. I’m about 5’5″ so I tried to guesstimate my daily intake to lose weight, and to keep it under 1600 calories.

Everyone has their pitfalls, I don’t eat too many sugary foods, but I go crazy with condiments, salt too, so I cut back. Whatever your weakness is eliminate as much of it as possible. But it’s better to have a little of the real thing than diet desserts. That shit just makes you hungrier, and may have even more sugar to compensate for the low calories. If your weakness is soda, and you drink 3 cans a day, cut down to one to start and eliminate more later. Personally, I think soda should be banned, the bad outweighs the good.

Once you lose the weight, THEN you can start with weight training. Start slow, and of course since muscle weighs more than fat, you may gain, but you should be judging by your clothes. With diet, you can eat more processed food, but of course since you’re living more healthily, you can’t eat as much junk as you did before, and you probably don’t want to either at this point. You can cut back on the exercise, maybe do 1/2 the sessions of what you did when you were losing weight.

Hope this helps anyone who needs advice.

3 08 2008
Bianca

Thank you for this post!!! I agree with you about Essence; it’s ridiculous! They DO NOT embrace the very thing they’re supposed to be about!!! I clicked on your link for the hairstyles and NONE of them were natural. Disgusting!!!

****YES, my hair is natural :)****

3 08 2008
Sue

@Bajan Girl,

I think what you’re doing is fine. Pilates is perfect for someone in your condition. Be patient and let your body heal. You may want to look at your diet and see what you can do in that area. Doc made a comment about processed foods that I cosign. Try to cut as much of that out of your diet as possible. Get to eating green, leafy veggies to kick start that metabolism and go reeeal light on the carbs.

Try preparing your own meals, that way you control how much salt, sugar or whatever goes into your body.

3 08 2008
MiracleMax

I have always been thin, but i used to live to eat, and now suddenly i eat to live. Its like I dont even enjoy food that much. I go to the market and I barely see anything I want to eat, but I dont cook so maybe thats why. I can make cereal, a sandwich, and warm delights in the microwave, and thats about it. I am starting to think that eating is a waste of time, I wish we just had a pill we could take that was 500 calories, had all the vitamins and minerals and would keep you full for 1/4 the day, then you would only need to take 4 pills a day, think of the time you would save not having to sit down and eat! I only enjoy food when im realllllly hungry, i used to just be able to eat a bag of doritos when i wasnt even hungry and i would be fine, but now it seems i have to be really hungry to enjoy my food. Its not like im on a diet, because i dont need to lose weight. I guess all these stories on the news about food scares have been freaking me out about resturants and dirty vegetables and meats. Ugh im so sick and tired of being afraid of what i eat. I love a good steak and potatoes, but in the back of my mind is “did this cow have mad cow disease? was this under/overcooked? I hope the meat isnt charred because that can cause cancer. Do these potatoes have salmonella?” I hope im not the only one, I just want to move away to some quiet little country and grow my own food, maybe New Zealand?

4 08 2008
whisper

I’m an overweight, black girl with a relaxer but dognammit i’m working through my issues including my empire waist tops … this stuff is depressing. Ummm, can we get back to laughing at other people.

4 08 2008
riz

I think Skeet Wipes should be put into production. They can be marketed towards strippers and 2520 girls in college.

They come with an extra-absorbent pocket for discreet spitting.

4 08 2008
mojo

wtf@ the buffoonery written in the comments section. i love it.

out of all the subjects tackled by the stans of SBPH the ONLY issue i dare to touch is the natural thing, and very lightly: ONE…whoever was talking about good texture needs to be kicked in the cooch. yeah you came back…did a horrible job at clarifying. die slowly plz. TWO…fuck black hair magazines, cause even the “special” natural hair care section (yeah, cause we need to be taught how to take care of what God gave us) only has locs and TWAs. teyana taylor wears a wig…yeah i’m talkin to you sophisticate’s black hair care. THREE…if you are struggling with your hair, relaxed or natchal, get your ass over to LHCF. it’ll rock your life. i would take it to four and five but what the hell, i have a blog on hair care so why not do it there. i’m not doing anything but being repetitious anyway. i’m going to go to sleep so i can try to pass the fatass test, it makes no sense that i’m 5’5 123 and cant run a mile. where was that krispy kreme link?

p.s. the natural hair photo gallery on essence.com is 50% relaxed heads with wet sets…why must i cry…

4 08 2008
Angry IV

@riz – hey, skeet wipes shouldn’t only be for white girls. I know plenty a girl from many other races that enjoy or at least partake in being nutted on.

4 08 2008
Jeresmom

OK so i am finally going to go natural with my hair but i need help. have been relaxing it since before I can remember and have no idea what do with with it naturally. Can someone point me into the direction of a natural hair website or some pointers. I have not relaxed my hair since Feb and have had it in braids since April.

4 08 2008
chaoticdiva

afrobella.com

4 08 2008
Jeresmom

thanks chaotic

4 08 2008
Jen

@Jeresmom – if I were you I’d wait til I had at least 9 months of new growth before I did the big chop because it will make your life a lot easier. In the meantime, I would keep wearing braids or weaves. If you wait til 9 months plus, you’ll probably have enough hair to put yours in a ponytail or at least a puff on days when it is not being friendly.

As far as recs for natural hair care go, I second the recommendation of Long Hair Care Form, and offer you the natural staples of Nappturality and MotownGirl. 🙂 Motown Girl is the easiest to navigate, but Long Hair Care Forum has solutions for everything if you are willing to dig.

4 08 2008
Knatural

Jeresmom – I suggest you go directly to an all-natural hair salon because you probably need a cut. There you can consult with a professional who can identify your hair texture, since all natural hair products aren’t made equally. Here’s a list of sites though:

http://www.naturallysexy.co.uk/
http://www.nappturality.com
http://naturalblackhaircare.com
http://www.naturalhairdigest.com
http://www.going-natural.com

Good Luck!

4 08 2008
Jen

@Knatural

http://www.naturallysexy.co.uk/styles.html

I have stumbled upon this girl’s youtube videos from time to time. I am so happy you posted her page, though. It has given me a lot of ideas for my hair. All I ever do to my hair is free form fro, free form fro with teensy pompadour, puff, pony, bun. I would have never even thought that bangs of little twisties would be cute or to do the front bit of my hair in bantu knots, even though these things would be great for my head, since my texture is so much looser in the front.

This woman has made these things look cute and arranged her hair in lots of very different looking ways with the same basic style. In short, I am very happy you posted this, and I think Essence needs to hire her to do a spread on sexy summer styles for ’09.

4 08 2008
chaoticdiva

…if all else fails, call a Dominican.

4 08 2008
4 08 2008
chaoticdiva

Oh, heads up…I am heavily medicated for an unknown illness at the moment, so if I say something off the wall, tu sabes que.

4 08 2008
Knatural

Thanks. I actually prefer naturallysexy.co.uk because it’s so navigable, and they offer homemade recipes (that actually work).
All these sites really put Essence to shame; Essence should take a cue from Vogue Italia and do an all natural-issue! Natural hair, natural skin care secrets, natural clothing and home stuff.

5 08 2008
JessAKA Rabbitt

I never really read Essence Magazine, but to address the Natural hair thing…what is with the assumption that for black women, natural hair means kinky or dreaded hair? Not all of us have hair that naturally kinks up or looks likes an afro. I feel that a lot of Black women that wear “natural hair” think that they’re better, more real and down to earth than others, whose hair doesn’t look likt that.

5 08 2008
that chick

i have natural hair, i fight for others to love their nappies the way i love my nappies….but i have to say…Essence had 3 natural styles in the summer style section not to mention that they have an entire directory for both locs and natural hair…so i don’t know…i think that we need to kinda be for real…the fact they acknowledge the hairstyles when WE don’t even always bother to acknowledge the beauty of natural hair….

7 08 2008
toddyenglish

I’m surprised Essence hasn’t done an article telling black women to commit to a mass suicide pact, in the name of sistah friendship.
Lawd Hammercy Jaysus.

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