Thoughts for Thursday

24 07 2008

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/07/22/single.black.women/index.html

Discuss. That is all.

-Chris

Advertisements

Actions

Information

694 responses

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

FIRST!!!

24 07 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAAHAHAH…
I saw this yesterday.
Way more White women may be married, but they also have double the divorce rate…

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Marriage is not for white people but mathematics (# of black men in college, in jail, short(er) life expectancy of the black man, average income of black men vs. black women, and the prevalence of bitchassness) makes it difficult for a black girl like me tryna find a king.

What did you guys think of CNN’s presentation as a whole?

24 07 2008
Jen

I didn’t SEE the special. I listened to it on CNN Radio because I lack cable/am poor.

Anyway, I think it tried to do too much.

I am terrified of never getting married. I am so horrified of the prospect that I won’t even date a man unless I could see myself married to him. I have had one real relationship in my adult life, and it was with a man I knew I would probably never marry. WASTE OF THREE AND A HALF YEARS.

24 07 2008
Jo

I have mixed feelings and I’m not quite sure how to explain them. I watched the first half last night and it seemed good in many aspects. Honest, in many aspects. But after two hours, as the presentation closed, I was left wondering what CNN was trying to say. There didn’t seem to be a definite conclusion or point to the documentary, other than a voyeuristic foray into so-called Black life. I don’t know if they were trying to leave it open so the audience could form its own opinions, or if they just didn’t know how to conclude it. It left me feeling very ambivalent.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

LOL @ Jen. I think a lot of us can empathize. I don’t know how old you are. I’m 27 and single and all I can say is DO YOU!! Don’t live your life waiting/planning for a man that may or may not show up. If he does, fantabulous. If he doesn’t, you’ll still have a wonderful and fulfilled life.

24 07 2008
Knatural

The CNN special was a little all-over-the-place, but I still appreciate the program. I felt it lacked something, not sure what. I’m more interested in seeing tonight’s about Black Men, anyway.

24 07 2008
ayo

I hated/loved this, because it is a mirror. That woman is me. I have accepted that it is more than likely that I will not get married – especially to a black man – in my life time. The numbers are against me. But… that doesn’t mean I am giving up. I’m just going to be the lame ass cougar Chris previously mentioned (a DAMN good one) and enjoy my life traveling and living and loving those around me.
I believe that part of the reason I am single is because many of the men I meet are LAME and I just dont have anything in common with them. I wish I could meet more interesting men, because I will simply not settle for being bored in a marriage/relationship/sexual encounter. I am like Jen… TERRIFIED at the prospect of being alone. Not that I cant do it, I just dont want to HAVE to do it.
And Chris, this piece is exactly why Black women get all in a tizzy when you do the Black women and cougar posts. We know the statistics and can’t afford the bad press.

24 07 2008
Jen

Yonnie, I don’t believe that. I honestly do not think that I can have a wonderful and fulfilled life without a husband. The things I want most in life are immaterial. I have no doubt that I could become a wealthy or ostensibly accomplished woman on my own, but what is most important to me is developing a loving family. I have no desire to do that without a husband.

24 07 2008
WestIndianArchie

I feel absolutely no sympathy for a chick in her late 20’s who hasn’t found a man.

24 07 2008
ayo

Knat… I agree. I didn’t move me. They had so much junked into each segment that could have represented an hour of own. They should have had graphic statistics and it just wasnt as compelling as I wanted it to be, however I think tonight’s might be much better. I really didnt like the family reunion aspect. That was played out and wasted too much time. It focus was unclear and it never quite made the points it was eluding to.

24 07 2008
Roger

That was some goddamned bullshit. I swore off CNN a few months ago, only to come back and watch this shit? The segment on the black women was a hatchet job filled with gross generalizations, stereotypes and fucking nonsense coming from people who you’d THINK would know better. However, I’m increasingly convinced that black folk with PhDs get off on discussing and trying to fix “black pathology.” Everything in our lives from your triflin uncle Earl to your unmarried sister Pam and grandma who won’t take her blood pressure medicine (and stop cooking shit with 90% death) is somehow a “black” thing–of course, when white folks have triflin uncle Earl, unmarried sister Pam and grandma who won’t quit smoking, it’s just “dysfunction” and becomes either a fucking sitcom or a drama on HBO. Bullshit, I say. And when TD “I’m Stupid As Fuck” James said that egregiously sexist bullshit about women basically needing fathers because they’ll fall in love with the first guy who so much as glances in their general direction–and Soledad didn’t even bat a fucking eyelash, I was through. “Marry Your Baby Daddy Day” caused me to drink. Heavily. Basically, that shit was “Look How Fucked Up Black People Are (You Sure You Want One in the White House??)”

24 07 2008
Rosie

I’m not sure what this CNN piece adds to the discussion. Every few months there is a hand-wringing story in the media about how many black women – especially highly educated black women – aren’t married.

I think the response to this piece has already been hashed out on other threads on this site. Large packs of women in the club can be intimidating to men. “Wookin’ pa nub” in the club is probably unwise since you will probably be confronted by Beer Man or vomit. Expanding your dating pool beyond black men can be fulfilling, but be prepared for dirty looks and snarky comments. And a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, especially if he likes pancakes. 🙂

24 07 2008
ayo

Soledad pissed me the f*ck off when she asked that single mom… “So why not get married?” WTF!!!!! Like it was her f*ing choice!
And then it pissed me off when she did the blurb about Af.Am’s of mixed heritage and didnt mention her damn self!

24 07 2008
Jen

Okay, as a single mother, I was really bothered by their depiction of single mothers.

Four kids, never married, didn’t use condoms OR birth control? WTF?? Unfortunately, I know many single Black mothers, and only one who fits this stereotype. If 70% of Black children are born to single mothers, I have to believe based on my experience that they couldn’t possibly be mostly born to women like these. I mean, if they are, the race is doomed.

24 07 2008
Knatural

I’m not jumping on anyone but – Self-fulfilling prophecy: a prediction that indirectly comes true? Anyone? I know the numbers may not be in Our favor, so increase your odds, date outside, be open, maybe the dream of marriage will come true.

Another thing: marriage is A LOT OF HARD WORK, though worth it, IT’S A LOT OF HARD WORK.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

I’d just like to say this “Quest for Marriage” is the whole premise to Sex and the City and a Million shows featuring white women. What I did find interesting is that Oprah had a show that said 70% of black women are single…now CNN says it’s like 44%. I hate all the bullshit statistics that get thrown out. As a person who’s worked on D.O.L. contracts I know that saying, “Numbers don’t lie” is a lie. People come up with the numbers and how they do it is usually very creative. Ask me about the unemployment rate sometime.

24 07 2008
Jo

@Jen

I’m right there with you. I could do it. I have two aunts who are effectively lifelong bachelorettes (both were engaged but for differing reasons these arrangements didn’t work out) and they both seem happy. But I don’t want to. I really don’t want to.

@Roger

“Marry Your Baby Daddy Day” was a low point. I felt the sentiment behind it, but damn–really? It that *really* necessary?

24 07 2008
Knatural

And Ayo – she mentioned herself on the CNN site article about mixed parentage.

24 07 2008
Michael

A couple factors in this.

I worked around a bunch of married white girls, 20 somethings, and they were not the brightest bulbs. Sitting at work making construction paper cards, forwarding dumb emails etc… I wouldn’t want to be married to someone like that and that is a good percentage of white women in America.

The “Good Black Man” argument is KIND OF sound, except! Most black women I knew in college dated idiots. There was no shortage of good black men, including myself, but they would rather be one of the 50 to date the ball player, frat boy, artist, or thug. Us normal black dudes on campus, unless you were the “I have to stay fitted” types date but not nearly as much and with other races.

Tyler Perry Syndrome. A lot of black women get their idea of an ideal black man from television and movies. This whole King and Queen mess, trust you will never catch me calling you my Queen that mess is super corny, gets into their heads and can’t get out.

Daddy Issues. Black mothers created a generation of children without fathers, my mother included. Worst part is many of them had other choices. Example, my mom had a best friend she didn’t marry because he was 4 years younger. Instead she marries my douche bag pops who does the 2 step and leaves, ends up marrying her best friend when I was 13. All that wasted time when it wasn’t needed.

I plan on getting married to a black woman but I hate to find one who doesn’t fall into the above categories and that’s gonna be a problem.

24 07 2008
Jen

I wanted to vomit at Marry Your Baby Daddy Day. I cannot tell you how much I hate the phrase “Baby Daddy.” It is so demeaning to Black people.

24 07 2008
ayo

@ Westiindianarchie… Then you feel no sympathy for about 60% of black women and I have no sympanthy for your lack of comprehension. This issue has so many layers, that you cant trivalize it to the simple “catching” of a man. Any chick and get a man, the crux is “catching” one worth keeping.

24 07 2008
Jen

“There was no shortage of good black men, including myself, but they would rather be one of the 50 to date the ball player, frat boy, artist, or thug.”

Michael, you are a PHOTOGRAPHER. Don’t you qualify as an artist? WTF are you talking about??

P.S. Your mom’s story kind of made me sad.

24 07 2008
Jo

I was glad when the one woman mentioned that the phrase “baby daddy” is demeaning. I immediately thought of Faux News.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

ayo, Soledad did talk about her mixed heritage. She said that her dad is Australian and her mom is Afro-Cuban. She also wrote this and talks about her brother.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

AYO!! – You know THE RULES HERE!!! Ignore the TROLLS!!

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Amadeo – tell us about the unemployment rate.

24 07 2008
puff

i don’t think that you have to get married in order to be complete/feel like you’ve achieved something in the world. as long as you’re living your life like you want to, you’re not really going to end up “alone”. i’d rather not have a man in my bed when i’m 60 than have one i want to kill everytime he snores too loudly. it’s not that i’m planning on living to work, i’m just not planning on basing my entire happiness on whether or not i end up having a ring on my finger.

i say all of this knowing full well that being african, my parents will probably force me into an arranged marriage if i’m still unmarried at 30. trusting my luck, i’ll probably end up getting married out of college or something equally as ironic.

fuck all of this, quit distracting me from mob wars 🙂

24 07 2008
ayo

Yeah.. Knat… I know she mentioned it in the articles, but that was still wack to me.

I think the concept of ‘foundation building’ and the essence of what marriage is supposed to be is damaged in the black community. This is why so many women are willing to have children, participate in shared relationships, and date a dude forever. They are doing these things because they know its bleak out there. ARGGGH! But I don’t think there is a wealth of people who have a misinterpretation about what marriage is and isnt supposed to be. I think it is exceeding clear in the black community and that is why ‘we’ dont get married – essentially we DONT believe in the hype. I dunno.

24 07 2008
puff

@ ayo – just wondering, is your name ayo as in “a-yo, what’s good?” or ayo as in ayotunde/another yoruba name?

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Roger, his name is TD “I’m Stupid As Fuck” JAKES…not James. And the shit about girls needing fathers because they seek out love, attention, and affection elsewhere is often times true. How is that sexist?

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Puff…can your parents hook me up? LOL @ a-yo, what’s good?

24 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Not all black girls will put up with any and everything from a black dude. One black girl stopped dating me because, after citing previous reservations about our compatibility, my use of the word ‘scissorcunt’ in the skinny jeans post tipped her over the edge.

This lovely blog cost me one potential girlfriend, and nearly got me fired a few months ago.

I love myself 🙂

24 07 2008
Knatural

Michael – I agree. It’s the Fairy-tale mentality that effects all women. Every notice how men seem to do all of the work in fairy tales?

Personally, I never thought I’d be married. Not because of statistical bullshit, but because of my difficult personality :D. I never thought marriage was the end all, be all of life. I wasn’t looking, I felt no pressure, and I ended up finding My Match in a bar. Of all places! He’s Black. He’s educated. He’s The One.

My point is: maybe more Black women would be married if they stop wishing so hard for it.

*ducks, runs, hides*

24 07 2008
Amadeo

The unemployment rate is a false number it only accounts for people who have done something (filed for unemployment…been involved with a program that the Dept. of Labor can track) in the last 6 weeks…in that 7th week you are not accounted for. I’m sure most people can think of someone who has been unemployed for at least 7 weeks and wasn’t in a program or getting a check from unemployment. It’s all about generating a number for the president and some people under him to give to the country. No one wants to be the one to give him a huge ass number, because he doesn’t want to be the president with the largest unemployment rate.

24 07 2008
ayo

yoruba – but I like a-yo … reminds me of NY, where I grew up… thanks!
and I apolozige for talking to the trolls. hehehehe.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

And to think, you gave up random, drunk, Brazillian sex for her. I’d love to hear the “almost got me fired” story, but I’m sure that if you wanted to share it, you would have already.

Scissorcunt is still a good word. I hope you’ve added it to urban dictionary.

24 07 2008
Jo

@Yonnie3k and Roger:

I was just discussing this with a friend last night. I told him that I absolutely believed that having a positive male role model is important in a girl’s life, be he a father, an uncle, a teacher, the mailman, or the bus driver. My dad helped me define what I wanted in a man. He also helped me define those things I wouldn’t budge on. I don’t think there’s anything sexist about that.

I don’t think it’s impossible for a little girl to come out alright if she is raised only by her mother (or, alternatively, by two mothers), because I’ve seen evidence that it’s possible. But having a man around to teach her what is and isn’t acceptable can help prevent that little girl from becoming a victim of predatory male behaviour.

24 07 2008
Knatural

Sorry. If a chick stopped dating you for using “scissorcunt”, she may lack a few chromosomes. That’s stupid. In reality, I’m sure she has a deeper, more valid reason 😉

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

In the immortal words of Chris Rock: “As a father, your only job is to keep her off the pole.”

24 07 2008
puff

@ yonnie ahahaahahahahahahaa i’m so mad at that – for real though, i’m in danger cos my older siblings are getting married within the next year, so i’m next on the list to be sold off like cattle (quite literally, we still pay dowries and shit)

24 07 2008
ayo

@ Knat: I never thought I’d be married. Not because of statistical bullshit, but because of my difficult personality. he-freaking-larious.

@ Yonnie: Everything fam.

@ Chris… scissorcunt sucks… she shoulda left your ass.

24 07 2008
Jen

Chris, you are better off. If someone doesn’t share your humor, then it will become the cause of endless strain on your relationship. One of my girlfriends was always crying because her new guy favored that crude, frat boy type humor and she thought he made the comments he made around her because he somehow didn’t respect her. I told her that if that was his comfort zone, it wasn’t fair for her to ask him to turn his sense of humor off. Of course, it also wasn’t fair for her to always feel so uncomfortable. Needless to say, their little arrangement didn’t last longer than a few months.

I have no idea why a blog would compromise someone’s position in the field of engineering unless you were in sales or are a teacher, which I guess you could be.

24 07 2008
puff

@ chris – damn, did you not notice chick didn’t have a sense of humour from jump? (pardon my crass mind, but i think scissorcunt is hilarious, even if i do wear skinny jeans)

24 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Sorry. If a chick stopped dating you for using “scissorcunt”, she may lack a few chromosomes. That’s stupid. In reality, I’m sure she has a deeper, more valid reason”

Haha, no that wasn’t the ONLY reason. It’s just one of what she claimed to be several small straws (I’m far more affectionate than she is, more impulsive, etc.) that apparently broke the camel’s back. God bless the fire signs.

This is more than anyone wants to know. My bad.

Oh well.

24 07 2008
Rai

My experience with dating it this. We exchange greetings. He asks what I do… I say working towards a PhD in Biology. He quickly makes his exit. I order a cosmopolitan.

24 07 2008
Jen

Um, Fire signs are wonderful people. Let’s all nip blame-the-fire-sign in the bud right now.

24 07 2008
maya

I agree with Jo. I applaud CNN (and I love me some Soledad O’Brien, who, as a sister, I can see tries to serve our community through her work) for trying to open the discussion. And in the open commentary Soledad said that the dialogue is what they were trying to create.

Still, I think the project was ambitious in that they only scratched the surface of what “black in America” means because they only did two hours. I thought the series in the first hour did much better than the second hour did in terms of over-simplifying/stereotyping us. Further, something that Soledad had said on CNN.com had gave me the impression that they were not going to dwell on simply dire statistics. I’d really like someone to do a story about the black women like myself who go to college – often bouge-ghetto in sensibility and are not far removed from the things that were discussed last night, but also straddle to worlds because of their place in academia.

I thought the part about black women getting married was…sigh. As we watched, my friend told me he’d proposed to his high school gf (we’re 23 now). I told him to kindly leave my apartment.

What the woman said on the show last night was on target, though. In every relationship we arent going to get necessarily our ideal, but how much compromise does one endure? My father always told me that contribution is key. And there may be an instance where I make more money than my partner, and that in itself is not inherently problematic. The focus should be is he doing his part with what he does have. True enough. But when the woman was looking on the dating site an passed someone by because he had incorrect homonym usage…I was with her 100%. Maybe because I’m a writer, too, but nothing irks me more. I often send prospectives text messages just to see their grasp for basic language. I know there are worst things that someone can do…but…eh.

Bottom line for me is that I have no interest in dating white men. I do agree that there are fewer choices for brothas the higher one ascends professionally/academically, but what cooks my rice is is that with such success, brothas seem to think that entitles him to a white woman.

24 07 2008
Vanita

I am so afraid of being alone. I think that it has been drilled in my head that you are a failure if you do not get married. I dont know what that comes from, but I cannot imagine having kids with out being married FIRST. To me personally it seems improper, and it would be ideal for me to have my children in wedlock. But I understand things happen, and you dont always plan to have children.

I think I have found the person I want to spend my life with, but gettin married? Having kids? That shit is expensive and we are POOR. I know my mother and father are NOT paying for my wedding, and his mother and father arent either. My boyfriend wants everything to be perfect and buy me some perfect ring and I know its killing him that he cant do that right now. (personally I dont care if the man proposed to me with a bubble gum ring, just DO IT ALREADY) He is also very concerned about divorce rates. He says something like 50% of all couples who marry before they are 27 get divorced. But I gotta have my kids before Im 30, because having kids over 30 increases your risk for breast cancer. Maybe we just have too much information in this day and age.

Anyway, I think no matter where you are in your quest for marriage, its still a struggle for black people/couples who really want things to work. Its depressing to know the deck is stacked against you, and to take every step and precaution to ensure a successful marriage ends up draining you more.

24 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“…scissorcunt sucks… she shoulda left your ass.”

Yall should have tea together 😉

24 07 2008
Omar

Marry my baby daddy day has a horrible name but the intent is good. It should be called Rebuild my Family Day or something…

24 07 2008
Amadeo

Could control be the issue? I know a sister (married with a career and two kids) she has friends with degrees a home and a car who are freaking out cause they are not married yet. When you set everything else in motion (career, home and so forth)…is it the fact that people are trying to arrange their life like a puzzle? “I have this piece, got that piece…now I need this last piece and it will be perfect.” Meanwhile who ever finds a good relationship when they want one. Most people I know end up with someone as soon as the declare they don’t care and refuse to look anymore. I find in any situation where people don’t know they don’t have control they find it very hard to cope. Is everyone just afflicted with a form of O.C.D.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

(I’m far more affectionate than she is, more impulsive, etc.)

*clutches pearls, pines for chris*

24 07 2008
Knatural

Oh well, her lose. She should have read Why You Shouldn’t Read This Blog.

24 07 2008
Omar

But why the fake ass poet really… that had to be the most unnecessary shit I’ve ever seen…

24 07 2008
Rai

I think some of us have placed too much emphasis on marriage. When I told my grandmother that I was going for graduate school she said good maybe you’ll marry a doctor. Not congrats baby but maybe you’ll marry a doctor.

24 07 2008
Michael

@ Jen

Yep I am a Photog but not your artsy type Photog. Meaning I have a day job as well and like taking pictures on the side. Another thing is I don’t take myself too seriously, I take pictures because they look nice. You will never hear some deep trite crap about artistry and the struggle of blah blah blah. The reason I have a day job is my fear of being a dad from Crooklyn type dude, “Honey I just need a few more jobs and we can buy some soup, hold me down.” BLAH!

@StuffBlackPeopleHate

LMAO at Scissorcunt. A girl broke it off with me because of me being crass as well, nothing like sticking to your guns though. Reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry was making a stupid voice and had to choose the voice or the girl and he choose the voice.

24 07 2008
ayo

I was just kidding.. What you dont get my humor!?????

24 07 2008
puff

@ rai aaaaw damn that sucks! though i’d have gone straight for three shots of tequila in a row to forget that motherfucker

@ jen lol @ don’t blame fire signs – water signs get it too, talking about how we’re too introspective and sensitive (!) and feel too strongly and shit.

24 07 2008
Vanita

Fire signs are trouble. You should always, always, ALWAYS date air signs 🙂

24 07 2008
Amadeo

(obvious bias in
3
2
1)

Fire signs kick ass

24 07 2008
Rai

I’m single in grad school. All my friends are married or engaged. Who will drive me home.

24 07 2008
Rai

Oops I forgot the ?

24 07 2008
AG

I agree that the CNN special was missing something – I can’t quite put my finger on what it was. As for this article , it really is sad in some ways but I completely feel where she is coming from. While I love to travel and I still have goals to accomplish – my ideal would be to find a husband who could still support me in all of this, while we travel to exotic places and love each other. I mean is that so hard to ask?

24 07 2008
Rai

Water signs are better.

24 07 2008
Omar

I have mixed feelings about unmarried black woman I see the statistics but the women I know dump decent guys for the most idiotic shit I have ever heard of…

The worst one is I’m too busy for a relationship right now, how do you know this guy needs that much attention…

…and then when you are ready for a relationship you can’t find anybody…why do we think life works on our schedule.

24 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“I was just kidding.. What you dont get my humor!?????”

She also dumped me because I’m retarded.

“Fire signs are trouble. You should always, always, ALWAYS date air signs”

I’m on the cusp of cancer/leo, and my romantic side screams with the fiery elements of the goddamn lion. Fire signs rock, dammit.

24 07 2008
ayo

Omar! I love Rebuild my family day!!!!!
It could be a whole movement with Rebuild my finances and community components days!

24 07 2008
Vanita

Actually, I take that back
Fire signs are cool, but yall are BITTER and IRRESONSIBLE people. But I’m in love with a fire sign, which still isnt better than an air sign. Fire and Air are VERY compatible…

24 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

The time has now come for me to eat chicken. I shall return in a few.

24 07 2008
Jen

“I think I have found the person I want to spend my life with, but gettin married? Having kids? That shit is expensive and we are POOR.”

@Vanita: Of of ya’ll better do what white folk do and go to law school.

“When you set everything else in motion (career, home and so forth)…is it the fact that people are trying to arrange their life like a puzzle?”

@Amadeo: OH GOD. This hints at something notable to me. I think people make a mistake trying to get married so late when everything is settled and when they are essentially independently-functioning people. At that point, what you end up trying to do is force two very different lifestyles together.

I think it is better for two young people to grow together and develop a joint and interdependent routine and way of life. I honestly think that part of the divorce rate is so high is that when people began to postpone marriage, they also started viewing their spouses as disposable, outside beings rather than as a part of them. In the process, spouses stopped being indispensable and started being the people effing up an established routine.

24 07 2008
Cheekie

“Fire signs kick ass”

You know this! I’m a fire sign and I LOVE affection.

“But why the fake ass poet really… that had to be the most unnecessary shit I’ve ever seen…”

LMAO! Because nothing says “Black in America” like spoken word. *eye roll*

24 07 2008
Vanita

I’m on the cusp of cancer/leo, and my romantic side screams with the fiery elements of the goddamn lion. Fire signs rock, dammit.
Which is EXACTLY why you should date an air sign. Air keeps the fire lit. nahmean? LMAO!!!

24 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Omar

If another “black” show has a damn spoken word artist I’m going to firebomb something.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I’ve got mixed feelings about Marry Your Baby Daddy Day. I’d much prefer a Buy Your Ass Some Damn Condoms Or Pick Up Some Fee Ones at Planned Parenthood And Stop Having Kids Out Of Wedlock Day (or NAMBLA). I’m afraid MYBD Day will just result in a lot of infidelity and divorces b/c people weren’t ready to be married and/or didn’t marry the right person.

24 07 2008
puff

@ vanita – i think having it drilled into my head that i have to get married actually turned me off the idea a little. ditto with kids – certain tribes here (not so much my own) will call a woman a man if she doesn’t have children… *smh* i dunno, society’s definitions of what it means to be a “normal” or “successful” person make my head hurt

24 07 2008
Rai

I like Saul Williams but I agree that he was unnecessary@ Cheekie

24 07 2008
Jen

Vanita, I will accept somewhat reckless at times, but I REJECT bitter.

I am an Aries and a stereotypical one, at that.

24 07 2008
Jen

I am pleased that I am not the only Black person in the world who hates the spoken word.

24 07 2008
ayo

The marry your baby daddy day TITLE sucks, but they said that you had to interview for the program, and that you had to do four months of counseling prior to the process and had to be approved. REGULAR marriage licenses need them there requirements.

24 07 2008
Knatural

Duh. Fire is best.

24 07 2008
puff

@ rai – some dude hotter than the one you came to the bar with? 🙂

i always get told that water and fire is a bad look, ditto water and air, and yet all the guys i’m ever attracted to are just that. where the hell are all the earth signs at? or maybe i should just stick to my own kind…

24 07 2008
Omar

How about if you have a child out of wedlock and you either have to marry the person or get a restraining order for real…

How do you have five children out of wedlock by the same person, fool me once shame on you…fool me FIVE times, Gat DAMN, WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24 07 2008
ayo

I want a post for SPOKEN WORD poetry people who all speak in the same dialect.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Vanita

Bitter and Irresponsible = Honest and Free

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

OMG – I did NOT realize that was Saul Williams. He cleans up nice.

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ jen – girl I am studying RIGHT NOW to go to law school. LMAO!
And I think you are a bit bitter or you wouldnt have REJECTED the fact so quickly lol!

And yes, I hate spoken word. But I was always too afraid to say it because I thought that would get my black card revoked (despite being 71% white on the how white are you quiz)

24 07 2008
Rai

lol @ puff
*writing it down* I knew I was messing up somewhere.

24 07 2008
Michael

What the hell is a fire or air sign, what are you people talking about?

24 07 2008
B4Prez

I’d have to agree that I also found the special somewhat uneven, but I guess, if the point is to open dialogue, it served it’s purpose. The only issue I have with these specials, and ‘State of Black America’ style conferences, is that they seldom bring in a voice who represents the topic. While CNN did a much better job, it would be nice when speaking of education hurdles, to maybe bring in some teens who can comment first hand. Am I the only person who thinks that makes sense? And for the other round-tables, they take a bunch of politicians, media personalities, and clergy, and have them sit around saying whats wrong with Black America. Meanwhile, they’re all virtually removed from the issues that are plaguing the majority.

And like someone else said during the last convo, Black women shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss blue collar brothas once they get the degree and the car. And while many of you say, ‘those men are insecure with my success’, just make sure that’s actually the case, as opposed to him being insecure with you hanging it over his head. Don’t take this as a total blaming of Black women, I completely understand that you’ll have been failed.

24 07 2008
Rai

astrological signs… the best one obviously being pisces

24 07 2008
Jen

Vanita, did you not see Amadeo’s post?

HONEST!! FREE!!!!!

Amadeo is my officially my favorite, now.

24 07 2008
Monie

I’m with Knatural on the idea that a lot of what we see reported about us is trying to create a Self-fulfilling prophecy. For instance; if you say that 70% of Black babies are born out of wedlock enough times, people will begin to say well if everyone else is doing it then I will too.

So even if the actual number of babies being born out of wedlock was less than 70%, the trend soon follows the prediction.

The same goes for the “it’s impossible to find a good Black man” thing. Women begin to project that on the men they meet. In other words if there are no good Black men out there then the Black man I’m with must not be a quality man since the good ones aren’t around.

I just don’t believe the hype.

24 07 2008
puff

@ rai lol damn though you’re a pisces? i’ve met so many lately, it’s kinda weird

24 07 2008
Rai

What’s wrong with wanting a brother who is educated like yourself? @B4Prez

24 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Michael it’s the Zodiac

This ain’t that Dylan type of fire…

I equate this marriage thing to working vs. stay at home moms…

A woman with a job and a kid who pays someone else to watch them is cool…
A woman who get’s paid to watch other peoples kids is fine…
A woman who stays home to take care of her kids get’s looked at like something is wrong with her.

24 07 2008
Rai

yup… and I’m true to type@ puff

24 07 2008
Jo

@Jen

“I think it is better for two young people to grow together and develop a joint and interdependent routine and way of life. I honestly think that part of the divorce rate is so high is that when people began to postpone marriage, they also started viewing their spouses as disposable, outside beings rather than as a part of them. In the process, spouses stopped being indispensable and started being the people effing up an established routine.”

I think the exact opposite. I think that our society teaches us to be individuals, and that sometimes we rush into marriages without knowing yet who we are. Then as we grow, we realize that the person we are isn’t in love with the person our spouse has become. So rather than working through it, we say “you’ve changed” and drop out. I’m excited about being out on my own right now and experiencing my life as a single, working woman. Eventually I’ll meet a man who will complement me, and we’ll be secure enough in our individual personalities to blend them together without feeling lost. At least, that’s the hope.

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I watched the program, and really, a lot of it was shit that I knew already, so I figured that this special was for ‘us’, but it really was to give 2520’s a crash course or something, I don’t know.

However, there is only so much you can report in a two hour special, and was it just me, or were there a shitload of commercials on this special? I called my mom and dad to see if they were watching, and they were like, “We’re Tivo-ing this, there are too many damn commercials!”

And Air Signs are da bessssssss – Libra in the house!

24 07 2008
Rai

I don’t think that Amadeo. I think its a matter of personal choice. I don’t think less of a woman for staying home. I know I wouldn’t do it but that is me.

24 07 2008
Vanita

Jen & Amadeo. I’ll take the bitter back. i still keep the irresponsible because irresponsible DOES NOT = free. cant even defend yourselves right, irresponsible tails.

😀

24 07 2008
ayo

THAT WAS NOT SAUL WILLIAMS!

24 07 2008
B4Prez

For the last time……………VIRGOS or bust!

24 07 2008
puff

@ amadeo – so true. all these orange country wife-types need their heads checked for thinking that its acceptable to make a career out of liposuction and shopping.

24 07 2008
Scipio Africanus

At least she’s not trying to blame her singleness on specious crap like incarceration rates or the DL or something like that.

24 07 2008
Educated NSU Demon

Well, I think we can’t deny that it’s beneficial for kids of either sex to grow up in the presence of a stable and loving couple. But that definitely doesn’t mean these kids can’t be successful in a single-parent home. I’m not sure if the special did a good job of putting that point across. They make it seem like you have to be married with both parties bringing in money for the kids to be okay, and that’s just not true. Plenty of single-parent homes thrive.

Overall, aside from a few missed points, I liked the special. I mean, they didn’t say much that I didn’t know already; but it’s important that this was seen on a mainstream level. And frankly, for the special’s flaws, they did 10x better than BET could (or better yet would)…I’ll at least give them props on that.

24 07 2008
Rai

It was Ayo.

24 07 2008
Michael

OH Astro signs, I never got into that crap. I am a Sag but have no idea what it means to me or who I date, seems kinda gay 😀

Am I the only one who thinks Myspace and Facebook are going to fuck up more marriages then anything else? You date some chick, yall break up and move on with each of you getting married. Shit gets tough and one of you get a divorce. Hit up facebook or Myspace and get back in contact in seconds. Other options are going to be available with a few clicks and that many options is going to be too tempting for some.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

A Degree = you were properly able to memorize. I know plenty of college educated idiots. I also know someone who owns his own business cleaning horse stalls…he owns land in Belize a home and could hire people as he pleases. He also raised his kids on his own and is a very intelligent person who’s been more then a few places around the world. Now if I just say let me introduce you to this guy…he cleans horse stalls…what would the average woman think?

Am I also the only one who noticed that the single man raising two kids get’s a one sentence mention of the fact their mother left? Where was his child support?

24 07 2008
Vanita

Rev – i dont mess with yall Libras. LOL Sike AIR SIGNS!!! LMAO! I had too much sugar this morning. Where is DIVA and Ne!!!

24 07 2008
Omar

I like spoken word sometimes but that was completely out of place, it reminded me of those overdramatic black car commercials, when they act like a Camry will complete your soul, nucca please.

24 07 2008
Rai

I didn’t say a degree I said educated.

24 07 2008
ayo

@ Rev… if a YT chick comes up to me trying to talk about the black women and marriage crisis and tries to be all sympathetic and shit, I really might go to jail.

GEMINIS ROCK… 2 ppl for the price of 1.

24 07 2008
Cheekie

That couldn’t have been Saul Williams on Black in America. What?

Oh, and Leos run this.

24 07 2008
Jen

@Jo – I think individualism is overrated. I think that if more people viewed their input in relationships and families as being about the other parties involved, then there would be fewer divorces. I think that when people get married, they have to start thinking about what is “best for us” and that is a lot easier when it is all you have ever known.

24 07 2008
Rai

lol@ omar

24 07 2008
Monie

And why is it that when someone comes out with a new negative study about us no one ever tries to replicate it? For all we know most of these studies could be complete lies, and yet we belive them without challenging them.

We are just so used to believing everything bad about ourselves. It’s really a shame.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

Dammit Michael…you have been given a gift and you have forsaken it.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Amadeo, not getting your correlation b/w marriage and the working vs. stay at home moms. I’m slow. Draw me a picture.

24 07 2008
Rai

I’m telling you check again next time… that is Saul Williams

24 07 2008
puff

*dead* @ omar – “…they act like a Camry will complete your soul”

the gospel choir ones had me so furious, wtf???????

24 07 2008
Knatural

What does educated mean really? The sharpest people I know are college drop-out 😀
Biggest idiots and least resourceful tend to be alum from some HBCU AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

24 07 2008
Monie

Omar,

I hate car commercials aimed at Black people. They never tell you anything about the car. Either they give some kind of patronizing message or they tell you how cool the car is.

24 07 2008
B4Prez

@rai – There’s nothing at all wrong with wanting a classroom educated brotha. Im just saying that sometimes, we have to put down the pen and checklist of what we want in a mate, and just get to know ppl as individuals. Just see if we enjoy movies, having drinks, or hanging out before we start shutting ppl down.

24 07 2008
Vanita

Lord – I lubs me some Sags…
Geminis are the worst, you never know what your gonna get.

@ Michael – I think todays music will destroy the youth. have yall heard this song ‘you give me the business????’ WTF is that shit!! I had the nerve to be all groving too it too until I realized the lil girl in the car next to me was too…she was no more than 10 movin better THAN ME… smh

24 07 2008
Jen

I would love to meet the man who cleans horse stalls.

So far as how a man makes his living goes, I couldn’t care less as he can provide for a family, is ambitious about his and is someone I can believe in.

24 07 2008
Cheekie

Saul Williams, for real? Damn, you’re gonna have me triple checking tonight…squintin’ and shit.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Is it just me or was anyone else disgusted by the segment of them going to that boy’s house and dragging him in school. If he doesn’t want the White Man’s free education, then that’s his choice. Everybody can’t go to college. Somebody has to collect the trash in the morning. Why are you dragging him into school so he can waste the teacher’s time and distract them from the other students who actually WANT to learn? That there is exactly why me and Oprah build our schools in Africa!

24 07 2008
Rai

someone well read, well rounded, knowledgeable, a thinker, someone who can keep up in conversation

24 07 2008
ayo

That WAS NOT Saul! I have seen him in person. Plus he doesnt speak in that wack poetry cadence and is dope. http://www.saulwilliams.com

24 07 2008
Omar

Was this special meant for black people or non-black people trying to get an idea about black america??

24 07 2008
puff

@ amadeo – wtf? get out of my head! – i kid. you’re so on point with the comment on college education – i refuse to limit myself to dating only men who are on the same educational level as me. as long as he’s ambitious, hard-working and doesn’t mind that i have a college degree, i don’t give a fuck if he only has a GED. shiiiiiiiit talking about homer all night isn’t going to keep my bed warm

24 07 2008
Rai

it was him… seriously.

24 07 2008
Jen

I am positive that this special was meant for the Others, to teach them that the Blacks are not all the same.

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@ Ayo:

I work mainly with black folks, so we talked about it today, and it was pretty much what I said, “And we know this…man!”

I was on another forum last night where we were discussing the show, and we were talking about, “But where are the solutions?” I mean, solutions are a nice thing, but at the same time, I was saying that there are a lot of simple and hard decisions that would have to be made, and they’ll have to be created in some sort of basis of reality, and not some sort of idealistic hyperbole. And what is right is not necessarily popular, blah, blah, blah.

And paying kids to go to school? To do what the fuck you’re supposed to do?! Really…There needs to be a drastic overhaul in the American public school system, but that would require a shift in mentalities from the people that teach AND the parents that raise the kids that go into these schools.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

@Yonnie3k

It’s perception: The woman raising her kids isn’t really looked at as accomplishing while the one getting paid to watch other peoples kids are.

Just like the woman with a career and no marriage may be viewed as less complete then one with a job and a husband.

All of them contribute and may be fulfilled…it’s more what other people think that applies pressure.

@ Rai
Alot of people do equate a degree with intelligence (which most intelligent people with our without a degree know is bullshit)

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

And If I saw Jaden Smith one mo’ gin in those McDonalds commercials, I was about to throw my remote at the TV.

Like Jaden Smith is going to be a manager at a gotdamn McDonald’s when he grows up. You know he and Connor Smith are going to be Scientology preachers…**runs**

24 07 2008
Cheekie

I need to get over this: Wasn’t that dude lighter than Saul Williams?

Mess like this can distract me for a whole work day. It’s sad, really.

@ Omar – “Was this special meant for black people or non-black people trying to get an idea about black america??”

Gotta be the second one. Because we knew all this mess…I mean WE’RE the ones going through it, right? I mean, this couldn’t have been just so we can dap our buddies watching with us all, “Ain’t that the TRUTH?!” slapping our legs and whatnot. In fact, my Mama went around the health club telling white people to watch it. LOL. I love her.

24 07 2008
Jo

@Jen, I’m not arguing for individualism–I’m arguing that many people’s desire for it causes the break up of good marriages. I think the “it’s all I’ve ever known” argument only works in desperate situations in the US. I think a lot more Americans are willing to go out on a limb, and mainly because we have so many examples of alternative lives all around us. “The grass is greener…” argument is truer nowhere more than in the US.

I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I fully intend to willingly compromise and give up some freedoms once I’m married. I don’t think the independence I experience now will make a future union seem less appealing.

24 07 2008
Rai

I need a man who can have a conversation without saying my pastor said or blank said and take that as gospel without having done any research for himself. I need a man who reads and reads widely someone with interests similar to my own and shares my passion for politics.

24 07 2008
Knatural

All of them contribute and may be fulfilled…it’s more what other people think that applies pressure.

Absolutely.

Omar – I think the special was definitely aimed at non-Blacks, because CNN didn’t site anything new that We didn’t already know.

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Yonnie:

I see what you’re saying, BUT, why is it the “White Man’s Education”? Isn’t education ‘supposed’ to be for everyone?

I do agree that college is NOT for everyone! And making schools all college prep was one of the worst things that happened to American Education. There should be always be a Vocational program for folks, cause everyone is not meant to sit in a classroom.

Sheeyit, you know how much a plumber can make in a year?

24 07 2008
ayo

@ Vanita have you heard: That baby dont look like me?” songhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS3jfqa5ZWc

@ Yonnie – those are exactly the kids I work with. Many of them told me that they would not have finished without my support. I think they just don’t feel like they can be anyting, never had goals or direction options given to them. I am writing a supplemental curriculum for elementry schools about goals/options/careers/and character building. The piece explained that if born in poverty generally you stay there. Dude probably sees that has his only path. What I DID like was that doctor with the Violence program. Hawt. But f*ck that stupid paying the kids to go to school.

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Yonnie3k (15:21:53) :

Is it just me or was anyone else disgusted by the segment of them going to that boy’s house and dragging him in school.

I dunno if I was necessarily disgusted by that part. Many kids really do want others to reach out to them and a program like that is the push they need. Someone who doesn’t give up on them and actually believes that they CAN do better. I mean, it is obvious the advantage at least having a high school diploma gives a person. I think the important part though, is what happens now that he didn’t end up coming back? Will they further try to follow up and see if he needs help with getting into a trade or something?

24 07 2008
puff

@ vanita – omg me too! i think something in my spirit just doesn’t agree with geminis. it’s always some fruity pick with them… i need to stop being such a giant bitch and leave them alone, they’re wonderful really

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I put that on my FB status, “Watching CNN, and this isn’t telling me anything my black ass already didn’t know” or something like that. My 2520 FB friends will just have to figure it out.

24 07 2008
Esquire

Rev, can I cosign on Mr. Smith’s lil ass talking about college educations and working at mcdonalds?

Seriously Will and Jada!

24 07 2008
dtang

Since there is somewhat of a “stigma” when a black man is seen dating a white woman or woman of another race… aka a sellout, etc…

Does the same apply to a black woman dating outside of her race?

24 07 2008
maya

I’m an Aquarius. This undoubtedly means I’m crazy.

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ AYO – Im so scared to listen…

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

*Connor Cruise, not Smith*

Whoops

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

“Esquire (15:30:48) :
Rev, can I cosign on Mr. Smith’s lil ass talking about college educations and working at mcdonalds?”

I haven’t seen these commercials yet…but I was a “McDonald’s Black History Maker of Tomorrow”…so stop hating! LMAO

24 07 2008
Esquire

dtang,

I think it is waaaay worse when a black female does it. I think black men challenge the white men and I think the sisters hear so much shit about it. I dont know that for fact…it just seems like a black man/white woman is more accepted than black woman/white (or other race) man

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Oh yeah, and “Salty Skin”, really? I guess my enslaved ancestors had salty skin, so here I am!

24 07 2008
Esquire

lol Sorry Doc. I was not impressed. He gave an entire speech about how McD’s cares about blacks and supports college education and how thier neighbor owns three mcDs. ugh shutup. They ran it like 7 times.

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ Maya SHHHHH dont go giving our Aquarian business out like that!!! Whats wrong with you! They gotta figure that out on their own!!

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Why are black women largely unmarried? Because instead of focusing on family, we are now taking the time to empower and mobilize ourselves into society as high-powered, educated forces to be reckoned with. With that comes are raised standards to the point where many of us are in the mentality of finding black men who are just as high powered or higher since we have the issues of some of these men (not all) feeling that a woman more powerful than they is intimidating and compromising their man-hood (trust, I’ve seen this happen with couples…internally and externally).

Point is: no longer are we living the 50’s American Dream of being Suzie Homemaker and instead we are striving to be whatever it is that we aspire to be. I say fuck the statistic, and follow your heart’s desire because you only live once, so live your life to your highest potential.

(*special thanks to Muse for a great convo last night…I feel much better!)

24 07 2008
Rai

I don’t have a problem with interracial dating in general. Its only when its an extension of your own self-hatred that I have an issue. It seems pretty unlikely that I will marry a black man… at least judging by the way things are now.

24 07 2008
Jo

LMAO@Rev…

I *thought* that kid looked familiar.

Anon: I’m a Taurus. Am I the only earth sign here? I need to find a new forum…

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Like I said before, If a sista wants to try ‘something new’, then be my guest. I couldn’t care less, because that is the reality nowadays. I hate when a black man gets pissed off at a black woman dating outside her race, but will fuck the first fat ass Roseanne-looking Becky that flashes her cooch his way.

But Kimberly (the woman married to the white guy) could get it. Shit, they live in the same city as I do, I might have to find her and tell her to ‘come on home’. LOL

24 07 2008
maya

The fact that the CNN special was probably directed towards white people angers me a bit, though. As my friend Danyelle said in an email to me today:

“was not impressed. felt like the 2008 version of “the vanishing family” or the moynihan report to me… too much emphasis on daunting statistics and negative realities that we all already are aware of! not enough (if any at all) discussion on the causes of these problems (other than people making “bad decisions”, which we KNOW is not the only factor that leads black people to the predicaments they are in)… also lacking discussion on realistic solutions (other than stop making “bad decisions” lol) to these issues or even taking a serious look at more organizations who are working in their communities (other than the harvard economist who is paying kids to get good grades and the doctor with the social reentry project) or who people can contact in their local communities to organize and get some real change going.

then theres the flip side….black educated single women who cant find a good black man and have no choice but to wait in vain or date outside their race… middle class black families who are thrilled to find their white ancestors from london (no mention of attempts to find african geneology) and other characteristics of a society finally moving towards colorblindness : )”

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ Puff – No its not you, Geminis are two faced. They are the twins. You really never know what your gonna get with them. I love em, but its a crab shoot.

24 07 2008
Knatural

Aquarians are crazy…but they have huge hearts (usually).
I think McDonalds was the biggest sponsor for the special. Sad.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

…and hello everybody. Live from Astronomy 203…(I actually found a decent physics class that doesn’t need advanced equipment. I’m mad there are no calculations…).

I’m being a nerd today. Complete with Harvard tee and matching glasses (the irony…).

24 07 2008
Rai

lol@ rev. Don’t break up a happy home.

24 07 2008
Vanita

Excuse me – Aquarians are not crazy. We just think differently.

24 07 2008
Knatural

Jo – you surely do need a new forum if you’re gonna use words like “anon”! This aint Shakespeare! 😀

24 07 2008
Omar

I hate that they act like WacArnolds…I mean McDonalds is like the best thing going for black people working there is the stepping stone for all success, they probably gave more black people on diabetes than scholarships.

AM I the only one who found humor in the Black people are Salty reference, when they talked about the slave traders.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Jo..I’m a Taurus…well cusp with Gemini…so yea, I’m a bit crazed, neurotic and erratic.

…makes lots of fun though!

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

My dad is an Aquarius, and he is batshit crazy. My mom is a Virgo, and borderline OCD, LOL.

*calls for a Therapist for my wacky, Libra ass*

24 07 2008
maya

@ Vanita –

LOL! Girl, you know it’s true. Have you ever dated an Aquarian male??? Dear God.

When’s ur bday? Mine = 2/15

24 07 2008
ayo

Black women are unmarried because black men dont want to marry them.

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Omar:

I saw that thing about Black people here being ‘salty’, and I was like, “Hmmm, interesting, but WTF?”

24 07 2008
puff

there’s something about aquarian men… i don’t know what it is, but damn.

lmao @ rev

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Ah okay, at the commercials I was flipping to Project Runway and Shear Genius, so I missed all the McDonald’s stuff. I think it’s not surprising they were a large sponsor, they do a lot of educational sponsorship and in the black communities…I guess to make up for the guilt for killing us off with their McHeartAttack sammiches.

24 07 2008
maya

Aquarians are philanthropists at heart, and are very pensive. The flip side is that we have are very moody.

24 07 2008
Jo

Lol @ Knat–shoot, I didn’t even realize I did that. A few months ago I bought the Complete Works of Shakespeare and have just gotten around to reading it. I finished A Comedy of Errors last night, so that’s probably where I got that from.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

@Ayo

I know Dr. Cooper and actually work a few blocks from UMD…that program is the shit. They didn’t mention the other component (which is what I took some of my clients to), but it is equally good as a preventative measure. I also work with those kids and the main problem is not just that schools suck, but they identify with what they see. The main people they know that “came up” at all were a correctional officer, or a certified nursing assistant (neither of which pay that much). When I ask about jobs they would be interested in…those are the ones they say. Kids with less ambition say: a warehouse job…cause they know alot of people with one.

I have a client who is older now that took an industrial painting training and dude is making CAKE. It’s a field full of old men that are retiring and being a young man who is up to date on the equipment he is in demand. Going all up and down the east coast getting work. Hell, he got the contract to do Air Force One’s hanger. I keep telling him if they have an opening give me a call.

24 07 2008
Omar

I am a traditional defiant, stubborn as hell Taurus

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ maya – yes I have dated an aquarian male. and I will never ever do it again. yea, im crazy as hell (shut up Knat). My birthday is 1/25.

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

“ayo (15:40:00) :
Black women are unmarried because black men dont want to marry them.”

An oft overlooked part of the problem I say…

24 07 2008
Cheekie

Omar – “AM I the only one who found humor in the Black people are Salty reference, when they talked about the slave traders.”

I was trippin’ on the slave trader licking their cheeks. Ew, get ya’ll salmonella infested tongues off my brothas. Freaks!

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

McDonalds should change its name to McFattener…fuckers are the reason I can’t buy clothes in the store anymore. Fucking vanity sizes.

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

We have a family friend who has been with his woman since 1991. It is 2008 now. Are they married? Nope…

It doesn’t help that he’s a stubborn ass too, but that’s neither here nor there…

24 07 2008
Knatural

PROJECT RUNWAY! I was flipping, too. Black people aren’t THAT important. Anyway, did you see the designer burn the model while steaming her dress?!?!?! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAH I swallowed a blackberry.

24 07 2008
Lindsay

Yay Aquarius!

That is all.

24 07 2008
Bassey

That was not Saul Williams, that was Jon Goode.

And as a professional poet who actually makes money and needs work, I hate you all.

24 07 2008
Vanita

Aquarians aer very strong willed, intelligent and friendly people. But I must say I am very judgemental and UNpredicable

24 07 2008
Rai

I missed project runway. I’m gonna pull it up now.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Rev…why pay for the cake when you can taste it for free?

24 07 2008
Cheekie

@ ayo
“Black women are unmarried because black men dont want to marry them.”

Co-sign! It’s probably one of the reasons why Black women decide to focus more on career primarily just in case they’re Black Knight doesn’t stand the hell up. Gotta take care of yourself, especially since decent Black men who are willing to settle down with us are a dime a fucking dozen.

And then when they DO get that career and start to focus more on their mate, they’re deemed as “intimidating”. It’s the ugliest cycle, for real.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

To expect CNN to solve all of the issues in the black community in two 2 hour specials is ridiculous.

24 07 2008
Jo

Also, that was probably supposed to be ALCON.

24 07 2008
Kristafer

I am a successful black man in corporate America. I have been with my fiance’ for 11 yrs. and engaged for 4 of those. We are getting married in a couple months and wanted to chime in…I never felt that getting married was about anything but love and caring. I never considered a time limit on getting married either. I did choose someone that had something going for HERSELF and wasn’t looking for a woman with children either. However, once I met her, I knew I wanted to spend some significant time with her. And when I found out that she had three children, I wasn’t put off at all. We, as black men, want to get married and we will compromise. The long wait to get married was our issues within our family unit. From military service to high school graduations. We didn’t see ourselves as being cautious but we were more focused on making our lives work TOGETHER. We had some major issues that had to be addressed. If you get married for love rather than materialistic assets, then maybe a lot more brohters would be willing to get married sooner rather than later. My fiance’ is very successful in her business and that does not intimidate me in the least. I love that she can be successful in business and enjoy a good man. She makes more than I do and I am still the man of our home. I have heard so many of the brotha say that they are not ever getting married but I think they would jump at the chance to see how watching themselves and their relationship grow. You have to LOVE…COMPROMISE…AND TRUST. Stop the materialism…it might get you a nice car and house…but it absolutely will not bring you happiness. Only family can do that.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Bassey
Awww…I know you’re good…but you pop up in a Old Navy ad you will dropped from my FB friend list.

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

LMAO @ Knat. I didn’t say y’all nukkas ain’t important…just…well, tell me something I don’t know.

Dangit I missed that part. I’ll have to watch one of the fifty million repeats.

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ knat – I saw that!!! LMAO!!! the model jumped off camera and out the damn shot!!! I KNOW she was mad. I love project runway. I didnt watch black in america either. I was doin my hair. But I stayed up to catch the re-run…

24 07 2008
Rai

lol I thought you were talking about Saul Williams in the video that chris posted the link too. I didn’t think you were talking about the guy doing the interludes last night. Yeah he was whack.

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ krisafer – damn 11 years and engaged for 4??? I dunno, I would have some serious arguments with my boyfriend (if you dont marry me NOW, Im leaving you..) LOLOL. To each’s own tho.

24 07 2008
ayo

@ Amadeo – My kids would all be like I dont need to finish school – im just going to go and work at the CHRYSLER plant (that is now closing down) and I can work at the POST OFFICE like my moms (who doesnt have a diploma or GED). I told them. Good luck. You cant get a job at damn near McDonalds without a diploma.
True story: When I was working for Atlanta Public Schools a few years ago in HR, this old lady, like 65 had to resign for a few months to take care of a sick family member, when she re-applied a few months later WE COULD NOT re-hire her because she did not have a diploma. What was true in the past regarding low level entry positions employment standards no longer exist.

24 07 2008
Rai

Sorry Cheekie for the confusion

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Kris…how old are you all? Congrats on the upcoming nuptials.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

On the real side…how many of you ladies have married friends. Out of about 10 of my girls friends only 2 of them are actually single and everyone but her is married to a (working) black man. One of the two isn’t even pressed about marriage and all of them have had marriage proposals.

24 07 2008
Cheekie

No big, Rai. Understandable as we were all pretty vague. I’m just glad the nagging feeling is gone. 🙂

24 07 2008
Omar

There should be a big Surgeon Generals warning in the window of every McDonald’s that tells the number of ways that this food can kill you…

It might not help but you wouldn’t be able to say we weren’t warned.

24 07 2008
Muse

I had to record CNN last night because I worked late and had a Board of Directors meeting….

Personally I’m looking forward to catching the rest of CNN’s Black in America series. This ambitious project will open up dialogue and show Whites and the rest of American that Black people are more than just entertainers. We have real dreams and ambitions. We want to be happy as well.

AS for the marriage tip, I’m forcing myself to stay optimistic. My father has always told me that the world doesn’t dictate my life, I do. I’m the master of my fate based on the life decisions I make. If I desire to be married I know what steps I need to take to attract the type of man I want in my life.

I want to get married and have that “Huxable Life”. I know the Huxables were a fictional family but the dynamic between Claire and Cliff was BEAUTIFUL. I loved their relationship and how they supported each other. I want that so to help increase my chances, I try to date marriage minded me who LIKE Black women. That’s key because unfortunately there are a lot of brothers out there who hate us (SEE Maya’s FB post for an example of a sell- out waste of sperm “Black man”)

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Depending on the Auto industry for a steady job in this day in age is like depending on Fox News to portray black people in a positive light.

Don’t get me started on the disaster that has been the Nissan plant in Mississippi…

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I have a crush on the black economist from last night. I like his passion. But now I forgot his name.

24 07 2008
Landon

The second they had someone doing SPOKEN WORD to do the INTRO it made the show a JOKE…

When 2520’s saw the introduction in spoken word is similar to when they see SHARPTON at a protest, it automatically diluted the validity of the show / idea!

24 07 2008
Vanita

Amadeo – I have a couple of married friends, including some gay couples. But I think I have more friends with kids than married friends.

24 07 2008
Muse

Chaotic,

No problem. I want Black folks do well in their lives and so any advice I cant offer that will help enrich someone else’s life is worth cutting into my beauty sleep. : )

24 07 2008
Rai

I used to love watch the Huxtables too.

24 07 2008
KadiBaby

I think Chris should cash in on our disaffectedness and start a SBPH dating site…(maybe it can fund the SBPH Airline). After all MOST people who read this site are educated, mature, like crazy/borderline humor and think Chris is pretty awesome….obviously all are GREAT compatibility factors.
Oh and they like/understand black people (but that should be obvious).
First suggestion, a SBPH questionnaire before you can create a profile.

Q1; Have you ever been to a R. Kelly Concert?

24 07 2008
shyGirl

I don’t know what to say about the CNN “news report.” I want to ignore it because it feels like a half-assed attempt at journalism. Funny thing is I know plenty of white women that are single and/or single mothers, or are getting/have gotten divorced. They are always portrayed as strong feminists, not misguided idiots who are a waste of a professional degree, or space in general.

What about fire signs? I’m an aries…

24 07 2008
Rai

Q2Do you own an R Kelly record?

24 07 2008
MJ

Chris, I hope this is not all you will write on CNNs special. I’m looking for your commentary.

Personally I was really upset that CNN completely omitted context from their analysis of being Black in America. Why do kids drop out? It has less to do with paying them and more to do with the fact that our schools remain unequal. Why is AIDS an epidemic? It has less to do with careless black people are more to do with lack of access to sex education. Why are black women single and black people not married? It has less to do with a life style choice and more to do with trans-generational trauma passed from mother to child. All of these issues have their roots in slavery. To be Black in America is to deal with the lasting legacy of Slavery. That was what this should have dealt with. I feel like a bunch of white people sat in a room and said “How do we keep this real for black people”. And the answers aren’t paying our children to learn and dating outside our race, the answer is for us to admit that we have a lot of issues to deal with, but those issues are the direct result of the Slavery that we (as a country) all like to pretend was a long ago blip in history when it is a recent and very real injustice that was never properly corrected.

24 07 2008
Jo

@Yonnie3k…haha, my FB status says on his frontal lobe. His name currently escapes me…

24 07 2008
Jo

okay…that was supposed to say “I have a crush on his frontal lobe”.

24 07 2008
Vanita

Q3 – Do you eat, or used to eat chittlins or hog maws?

24 07 2008
B4Prez

@Maya – Aquarians ARE crazy as all hell! That’s all.

24 07 2008
Rai

Q4- Have you ever owned a pair of skinny jeans?

24 07 2008
ayo

My family WAS the Huxtables.

24 07 2008
Jo

Q5-Is your name prefixed with La, She, or Qua?

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Speaking of bad decisions, did anyone catch the Steve Harvey Show this morning? They were reading the Strawberry Letter from some donkey that wrote in, talmbout how her man that she’s been with has burnt her (given her the clap) not one, not two, but THREE times! And she was saying “I think it’s time to leave him”, but she was going on about how he provides for her, and her donkey ass friends told her, “At least you got a man”. I bet one of her friends is fucking her boyfriend…

Talk about bad decisions…talk about her!

That weak-minded woman’s letter pissed me off to no end, that combined with me driving in ATL traffic to work…

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

MJ – You’re a fan of Jesse “The Denuttalizer” Jackson, aren’t you? Not saying there’s no validity to SOME of your arguments (not buying the eduction or the AIDS thing), but SO WHAT!!! DO SOMETHING about it. We have to play the cards that we were dealt. So what are we going to do?

24 07 2008
Rai

Q6- is your name Precious, Heaven, or Angel? Or are you named after luxury items your parents could not afford?

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ B4prez and all others: We have established Aquarians are crazy, thanks to Maya (see what you did!) We dont need to speak about that again. Lets talk about how beautiful we are 😀

24 07 2008
maya

Dammit, I’ve been to an R. Kelly concert…but it was actually “Best of Both Worlds,” so I didn’t really come to see him. Needless to say, I was disturbed on MULTIPLE levels.

@ Vanita – you are born in the same week of every man who has ever been super-attracted to me, and share one of their birthdays. The last week in January is ridiculous.

I wouldn’t say Aquarians are “friendly” but we are extroverted.

And yes, what a better factor for compatibility than lovin’ Chris 😉

@ Muse – You know he deleted all those messages and untagged himself from the note.

My parents = The Huxtables (with different careers and fewer kids)

24 07 2008
puff

@ kadi – so furious at q1 right now ahahahahaahaha

q4 do you, or have you ever aspired to look like/date la creole booty that is beyonce?

24 07 2008
Rai

lol @ rev

24 07 2008
Rai

true @ puff

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Jo, thanks for clarifying. I was like…whaaaaat? But yeah, if you think of his name, holla at me.

Question: Is it wrong that I’m considering emailing one of Essence’s (non-famous) 50 Do Right Black Men?

24 07 2008
Esquire

MJ,
I agree with some of your points, however, I do not think many people drop out because they are treated unfairly in school. Some of them just dont wanna go. Some of them would rather make quick money.

As black people, we face plenty of obstacles. However we must also FACE RESPONSIBILITY for some of the obstacles that we create for ourselves. aka…nothing in this world keeps a man from being a good father/husband/lover. (emotionally at least) AIDS is prevelant for more than one reasons NOT just miseducation, we got a lot of dl brothas and some of our people unfortunately know about safe sex and are practicing, some are sharing needles…etc…

I just do not believe that we can continue to blame everything on slavery and the like. There are tons of fucked up things that go on, but we also have to take personally responsibility. It is one thing to be enslaved against your will…and quite another to be a slave to BET, treating women with no respect, women not respecting themselves, being a slave to drugs and quick money lifestyles.

Slavery didnt create Too Short, Drug Dealers, the ideals of bling bling we are obsessed with…we did

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Q6: Are your children named after expensive cars or liqours or any other sort of materialistic products?

24 07 2008
Vanita

“They were reading the Strawberry Letter from some donkey that wrote in, talmbout how her man that she’s been with has burnt her (given her the clap) not one, not two, but THREE times! And she was saying “I think it’s time to leave him”, but she was going on about how he provides for her, and her donkey ass friends told her, “At least you got a man”. I bet one of her friends is fucking her boyfriend…”

WHAT?!? i had a friend who got the clap from a guy. How dont you leave?? How do you let that slide?? That coulda been AIDS or Herpes. SMH

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Landon, welcome back. How was DR?

24 07 2008
maya

@ MJ – Cosign.

@ B4Prez – Yes, but I am a beautiful shade of crazy.

24 07 2008
BMIA

Did it mention how many black men marry outside of their race and if that had any impact? I might have to settle down with a latina or some other foreign born woman if things keep going the way they do.

24 07 2008
maya

@ Esquire – Cosign.

24 07 2008
Esquire

we got a lot of dl brothas and some of our people unfortunately know about safe sex and are practicing, some are sharing needles…etc

should be ARE NOT PRACTICING SAFE SEX…y’all knew what a sista was tryna say

24 07 2008
ayo

In regards to the Black Women and HIV/AIDS in America PLAGUE. I feel like I actually need to ACT on this issue. I think I am going to put together some sort of campain for grades 6-9 that focuses on the issue since it is being ignored by churches and communities. WTF. None of these kids should even know what unprotected sex feels like in these times. I just cant SMH at this problem. I actually have to DO something.

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ maya – Are we friends on FB? Yea, january is a crazy month. I was born on a 70 degree day. I was doomed to be nuts.

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Yeah, what Esquire and Yonnie said…We can talk about the causes and effects all day long, but now is the time to figure out HOW TO RESOLVE THEM…

24 07 2008
Rai

Q8- do you have any souljah boy ringtones?
Q9-have any of souljah boys lyrics made it into your personal lexicon?

24 07 2008
Cheekie

Q7 – Are you Creole?

24 07 2008
Muse

Ant is a waste of sperm. His mother should have spit.

Chris lost out on a potiential girlfriend because of his blog? SUS!!!!!!!

BTW I wouldn’t want a SBPH dating site. Some of you folks scare me.

24 07 2008
Landon

DR?

i didnt go to DR

24 07 2008
puff

@ yonnie – damn, ever since i read the issue that had the nigerian prince (yeah, right) and his crazy abs i’ve had that running through my damn mind too…. and i don’t even want a man. oh essence…

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I can’t believe people are co-signing on MJ’s victim bullshit. DAMMIT I hate when ya’ll make me agree with Republicans. Uuuuuggghhhh!!!!

24 07 2008
sbiglawal

Why do people give marriage so much credit? I know a lot of married people and about 75% of the people I know (of all races) who got married before 30 are already divorced. Of the married people who are still together about 50% of them are cheating on their spouses. Of those not cheating, most would rather spend time with their co-workers than their family. Most of these people stay married for appearances–kids, social networking, etc. or out of laziness. I think they’re a lot sadder than a black woman who is a single mom or a cougar.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I thought you said on FB that you were going to DR. My bad. So you’ve just been ignoring us.

24 07 2008
Jo

Yonnie:

“…Roland G. Fryer Jr., 31, an economics professor who this year became the youngest African American ever to receive tenure at Harvard.”

Yep. Makes a girl’s heart skip a beat…

24 07 2008
Cheekie

*does double take after reading “nigerian man…and crazy abs”*. What Essence was this? I must have it.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Q10 Do you vote?

24 07 2008
Landon

MJ:

OUR KIDS dont DROp out because the school are unequal…

for instance if our schools history books only go up to year 1975 then damnit we SHOULD KNOW every detail of what happened up to 1975 instead we use it as an excuse to not learn anything… you get lemons make lemonades…

Grammar and Math has not changed in the last 50 years on the public educational level. To be honest how they taught back in the is better! No more excuses STAY our asses in school and FUCKING LEARN!

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Mmmmmmm….Roland. Yum.

24 07 2008
puff

@ cheekie lol – i saw him first!

24 07 2008
blackberry molasses

@maya

you share your birthday with my torrid 8 year soap opera of a former relationship… he was sweet and had the biggest heart in the world, but dammit if he didn’t piss me off with the whole ‘i live inside my head, you just need to figure out what the eff i’m thinking’ crap…

i loved him, but water and earth make mud…

now, what do air and earth make???

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

LOL at Rev’s antiquated history books. But seriously, nobody commented on the kid that they dragged into school last night. So I guess that’s a “Yes.” I WAS the only one that was disgusted by it. I’m okay with that.

24 07 2008
ayo

@ Esquire:
I do not think many people drop out because they are treated unfairly in school. (Many drop out for lack of interest in learning in general… If you cannot read well and cannot write a paragraph you are going to get treated unfairly. Plus you will lack a desire to be in situations where you are forced to do so… ie DROP OUT)
Some of them just dont wanna go.
(Most of them DONT WANNA GO. If you knew how many kids drop out just because they get made fun of, or dont fit in because of weight, not having the right gear, or no the violence that happens in schools and over the internet you would be astounded – and you cant’ read that in statistics.)
Some of them would rather make quick money.
(Not rather, but have to survive. This sounds cliche, but lots of those kids help their unmarried mothers pay the bills – pseudo husbands from manchildren)
Another oft over looked fact is that there needs to be a transition program follwoing graduation, because many kids do not know what to do with themselves and a 7 dollar an hour job doesnt pay for rent and living expenses.

24 07 2008
Cheekie

“now, what do air and earth make???”

Pollution.

24 07 2008
blackberry molasses

oh, and co-sign on whoever was suggesting that once you give up on the universe, love falls right in your lap… you just have to toss some of your less important ‘must haves’ in order to see it…

take it from a married girl…

24 07 2008
Muse

Marriage is hard and takes a lot of work but if both people really want to be successful they will try hard and make every human effort to stay together. That’s why it’s important for individuals to keep things interesting and have compatible life goals when it comes to finance, sex, and children. Even though I’m very focused on my career, having a family is top priority for me which is crazy because I never imagined myself getting to this point. The raeson why so many marriages fail these days is because people do not have an honest discussion about what they want out of a marriage nor do they take the time to get to truly know the person. They allow sexual feelings get in the way of critically thinking about how this person they are about to marry enriches their lives. They also don’t take the time to exam their partner’s flaws and how that may impact their relationship.

24 07 2008
blackberry molasses

@ cheekie…

apparently a lot of *ahem* noise pollution to hear our neighbors tell it… we’re getting a reputation in the condo development as ‘that couple’….

24 07 2008
Vanita

‘i live inside my head, you just need to figure out what the eff i’m thinking’ crap…

I feel soo sorry for my boyfriend. I really do. I cant verbalize my feeling ever.

24 07 2008
to Roland Lovers

I’ll bet that now that he’s put on “he’ll leave your ass for a white girl”

24 07 2008
Cheekie

@ blackberry molasses

Haha! Beautiful!

24 07 2008
Laurel

It’s very scary when people tell PhD’s and M.D’s and J.D.’s that they should date 40-year-old delivery drivers and grocery store clerks who are perfectly content with where they are and what they’ve achieved in life. I mean, if you genuinely like the person and connect on some other level then I guess that’s okay. But if you’re giving some under-achieving guy a second look simply because you want to be married to a black man then that’s just crazy. IMHO

24 07 2008
Esquire

ayo…that may be true…I do agree with you..
Where Im from…the country…the people I knew that dropped out, just were too lazy to go. IT was not for the noble reason of helping parents, mothers, family members, etc. They were being lazy and for no good reason.

My grandfather stopped going to school after the 3rd grade cause he had to help his father out on the farm. I get it. I still think that there are A GOOD NUMBER of US who choose what they think is an easier way of life. You cannot deny…that going to school is not always the coolest thing. Why is standing on the corner hustlin cool? Rick Ross, 50 cent..all the drugs and that glorified way of life…you cannot deny this.

There are of couse exceptions as you mentioned…I still think they are just that…exceptions.

24 07 2008
Kristafer

Thanks…Doc. I am 35 and she is 48. I’m from MS and she’s from Italy. And to Vanita…I wasn’t unwilling to get married, however, WE decided that working on our relationship first was the most important thing. If there had been an ultimatum, I would have simply said OK.

24 07 2008
Landon

I think we should start shipping our bad ass kids and waste of life people to parts of Africa that are in FULL WAR and despair… Those who survive and make it back would have a better appreciation of life and what advantages they have in America!

And learn what hard living is really about!

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Q11 – Are you/have you ever aspired to be a local singer/rapper?

Q12 – Have you ever ran a train/had a threesome with another dude while being a dude?

Q 13- Is your ride “tricked out”?

Q 14- Have you ever thought Ice T’s girlfriend to be hot?

24 07 2008
maya

@ Vanita – I don’t think so. Add me.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

We can’t just blame the kids…kids will do what you make them. Most parents don’t give as much of a shit. The kids who do well always seem to be the ones who’s parents join PTA or come in and talk to the teacher. The teacher will say, “That’s nice…but I didn’t need to talk to that parent.”

Everyone has a part. I remember when we used to cut we couldnt’ really do anything…stores would kick you out, police would stop you, school police would chase you down and bring you back…now…not so much. Not to mention the fact that alot of kids are getting passed through school with a bum ass education. I’ve seen alot of kids with a diploma who have can’t score on 8th grade levels. So when a kid is reading at 5th grade level and is 16 in the 9th grade…dropping out starts to look alot better.

There are plenty of standardized test that they say kids should be able to pass…but education on the whole isn’t standardized. When I went to middle school my first year we had algebra (I was in advanced academics). All those white kids had already had some form of it…meanwhile I was raising my hand like WTF is this??? Meanwhile in my elementary school I did well enough (and on C.A.T. tests) to be placed in advanced academics.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

I like landon’s idea of sending those n_ggers back to africa…

NAGGERS!!! lol… South park.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

the problem with the education system is:

1. bad budgeting (don’t send the same amount of money to a less populated school as a more populated school).

2. Lack of people who actually care.

24 07 2008
sbiglawal

@ Laurel: I completely agree.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Q 15 – Are you a goat herder from Zamunda?

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

“Kristafer (15:47:49) :
And when I found out that she had three children, I wasn’t put off at all…
If you get married for love rather than materialistic assets, then maybe a lot more brohters would be willing to get married sooner rather than later.”

I applaud you for realizing the important things in the relationship.

But lets now take the other hand…say I’m a black woman that gets into a multi-year relationship (with no forseeable marriage prospect) with a black man who is not financially stable, and has three children not by me, but I love him…you know how I would be lambasted by folks for “putting up with a bullshit loser” and therefore contributing to ills of why “GOOD” black men don’t want to deal with black women. Sorry, the double standard just frustrates me. Where is this magical balance that black women are responsible for striking (and to hear a lot of people tell it, solely responsible for). How demanding can I be of success for my partner without being a “materialistic gold digger” (if I am as demanding of them as I am of myself, it’s a high bar indeed)…but how accomodating can I be without “settling”??

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Kristafer: Where in Mississippi are you from? I’m from Jacktown…

@ Landon: Fantastic idea. I knew of someone who had some relatives that did just that. Them kids came back on the straight and narrow for real. I have a couple of bad-ass misguided cousins that need to go over there right now…

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ maya, no u add me, I dont know your name!!! Im Tiffany Vanita. yes, there is a man as my profile pic.

24 07 2008
blackberry molasses

@ cheekie… thanks!

I promise you ladies, if its what you want, its out there. Just say “F**K everything!” and then BAM, the universe will throw you a delightful curve ball. just don’t have your head so far up your career/education/ass that you miss it. I met my husband while I was in the throes of my dissertation… and he stuck with me through the hell…

24 07 2008
puff

@ landon – i’ll happily welcome them with open arms – get them sleeping on the ground on palm frond mats and mosquitos buzzing around, avoiding crocodiles in swamps, shimmying up palm trees for coconuts for me to sip my palm wine out of, polishing up AK-47s and cutlasses…

24 07 2008
KadiBaby

Yonnie3K- Mhhmm that guy was very attractive, Roland Fryer is his name and he is a professor at Harvard! Jabari Siwicki was on Sunday night, he is super cute too, he’s a principle of a charter school in NY.

24 07 2008
Vanita

umm Diva, is class finished?? u better get back to work before I tell your professor.

24 07 2008
Landon

the biggest problem with our eudcation system is US! Not just Blacks but all Americans…

we make too many excuses for our kids! I was a HYPER as kid put they didn t say i had ADD its called they called my DAD and he would beat my ass…

And if my mom was a single mom she would come in and do it and if not give the teacher permission to BEAT MY ASS…

EXCUSES EXCUSES EXCUSES!

We do need smaller classes Sizes or two teachers to each class… but thats all schools black and white!

we keep fuckign around and other countries ie CHINA are going to pass us!!!

24 07 2008
ayo

There are certainly exceptions. But because I work with the kids, it is the fact that they DID NOT learn in Elementary that directly impacts their desire to perform in Secondary School. (I am speaking from and Urban School district perspective.) You are not going to meet a 10th grader that has the courage to say, I dont really know how to read. Its helllla frustrating and discouraging for them and me. Also, the issue on not fitting in and clothes and shoes and stuff. Kids GET CLOWNED! They clown the teachers! Image can make and break these kids. But, yes you are ALSO right. They are lazy and perhaps that is the root of the apathy. That is the seed that grew in elementary school, compounded with lack of parental involvement, that leads to them being lazy and not wanting to achieve in High School. It really sucks.

24 07 2008
Scipio Africanus

85% of the quality black women I know are either happily boo’d up, engaged, or recently married. Don’t believe the hype.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Vanita…class was out at 12…I’m finishing this assignment for my accounting class now…lmao.

24 07 2008
Landon

DOC:

HI DOC HOW ARE You… i wasn’t feeling that well i was wondering if i could come in for an appointment to be ” checked out”…. you take Aetna?

24 07 2008
B4Prez

This is exactly what I was talking about with these ‘State of Black America’ roundtables and the like. How many of the ppl on this board saying that blacks need to stop blaming everything on slavery, and income and all of that can relate to the MAJORTIY of blacks who live at the poverty line. With as many Jack n Jill heads that are on here, I all ready know the answer.

While slavery cant exactly be blamed, the repercussions of it certainly can be. Poverty + poverty= poverty. I get so tired of hearing blacks who grew up completely atypical of the mass black experience always talking about how poor ppl need to wake up. They wake up and look at the same poor, worn out, pj living conditions they see every day. I guess a 12 yr old in the pjs is supposed to learn that blacks are successful outside of music n sports by coming to SBPH and reading the comments section, right?

Im not saying ppl should b waiting for 40 acres n a mule still, but its going to take time to put us on an even playing field. Remember, its only been 40 yrs of civil rights ON PAPER; which means 20 actual years in some places.

And last, your ‘struggle to make partner at the all-white firm’ doesnt quite compare to the 12 yr old girl’s who has to babysit her 4 younger siblings when she should be studying. You might not hear about it at the next _______ (insert ‘exclusive’ black social club here) gathering, but it’s very real.

24 07 2008
puff

– sidenote on beating kids in school,

i got my lil ass beaten when i was growing up in school, and it did me no harm. in the west, people have gotten carried away with the whole “child abuse” shit. please, it’s called DISCIPLINE. a couple whacks on the behind (the worst was the knuckles though, GODDAMN!) won’t do shit to you except remind your ass not to cheek your teacher/generally be a fuck-up.

24 07 2008
Landon

B4 Prez –

My parents came from the projects as did the rest of my family… It comes down to work ethic (Time limit on Welfare)…. People will do what it takes to survive , if that means going to school they will do it. .. Mexican immigrants and Afircan immigrants who come from nothing and risk their lives to get here take advantage of it, and its time we stop babying our selves and playing every thign under the sun and just DO IT! Kids teach them selves how to play basketball – they work at their rhymes to RAP – i have 5 year old cousins who can do every dance on TV… WHY THEY PRACTICE!

24 07 2008
maya

@ blackberry molasses:

perhaps he felt a little dejected because our birthday is the day AFTER the love holiday, and that means you usually have to postpone birthday plans cause all your friends are suddenly boo’d up. or maybe because people are always tryna give 2-for-1 gifts?

just a theory. 🙂

all the aquarian males i dealt with have had that inner-dialog regarding how they feel and then it, and all their pent-up aggression, comes bowling out in a venomous address that leaves you blindsided. i, however, have no problems addressing exactly how the fuck i feel, even at inappropriate moments 🙂

24 07 2008
riz

Almost 300 posts by 9:30 am? Damn. I haven’t even had my morning coffee. Yes, I drink it. Iced Non-fat Vanilla Lattes

Last night’s special left a huge question mark in my internal thought bubble. I was just like, Why? Who is the audience for this? My mom pointed out that they are always showing us just trying to play catch up, but never one step ahead. I have mixed feelings on that.

I was almost feeling that chick who wrote Something New. Almost.

Re: Woman staying single. Something has gotta give. I’m serious. It’s such a well-documented trend that many women in my position are gonna do something… I just don’t know what it is yet… I think that there is going to be a mass exodus to some other country where there are many men to choose from. I dunno.

On a different note, Richard Simmons is in DC today, testifying on childhood obesity.

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Dangit Kadi I have dibs on Jabari!!

24 07 2008
puff

cosign on b4prez

24 07 2008
Cheekie

“I promise you ladies, if its what you want, its out there. Just say “F**K everything!” and then BAM, the universe will throw you a delightful curve ball. ”

Considering doing this…right now…while I’m at work. In Corporate America, no less.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ B4Prez…thats why I suggested previously we create a new alliance with all the brown skinned people (blacks, caribbeans, latinos) as one unified community that is for uplifting. Instead of marching on everything that is public (like the NAACP), we could actually have community outreach programs that teach kids how to read in ways that they’ll be interested, or setting up after school programs, and free tutoring for impoverished kids…fund raisers to help these kids get clothes and shoes for school so they won’t get ridiculed…stuff like that.

We are intelligent, powerful minorities on this site. We are all widespread enough to gather a few friends in our community and set this up. Who’s with me? (I’m dead serious about doing this as a non-profit).

24 07 2008
Jen

I am sitting here thinking about how my friends are situated. Of my six closest friends, one is married. She has the least education and had a child prior to being married. All the other girls have at least a master’s degree. Two of them are in serious relationships–both long distance. The other three are single. Grim, grim, grim.

24 07 2008
Landon

We know Slavery has FUCKED us up be we are worst then ever right now!

Its the past its fucked up, we have to move past it to show our strength…

what does slavery have to do with buying RIMS?
Our Ancestors fought tooth and nail so we can VOTE and now we dont VOTE?

we have lost our backbone… Back in the day the THUG in us (the keeping it real) is what made us stand up to DOGs and Fire HOSES! Made us go to school evern though our lives were in danger! That is what we need back… but instead we have this all or nothing mentality. As if making 40/ 50k a year is to good for us by doing union job… We think too much about our selves and noth about the greater GOOD… CRABS IN A BUCKET!

24 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Landon

Alternative to Ritalin = You can sit down and study or I can pop you in the mouth.

I wouldn’t send these kids to any other country…they’d end up in a militia somewhere. I know too many kids that know way too much about weapons.

They can’t throw hands for shit though.

24 07 2008
riz

@JEN:

I’m making the mistake of watching the local news morning show in Los Angeles, where everyone is retarded. This chick wrote a book about estate planning, and it’s called “Wear Clean Underwear.” She uses a metaphor to talk about planning for your children’s future: Should you wear a full set, a thong, or just go without?

Kinda inappropriate for children.

24 07 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I hate Los Angeles.

24 07 2008
maya

chaoticdiva –

ambitious, yes. good idea, yes. practical, no. why? because most other minorities don’t like us, though the rights they enjoy came at the blood of our ancestors. shit, black people don’t even like each other (blackamericans, west indians, africans).

“we cannot seek acceptance from others, until we first prove acceptable to ourselves.” – bro. malcolm

24 07 2008
Jen

Chaotic Diva – your non-profit existed. It was called the Black Panthers. A lot of people don’t realize this, but the Black Panthers were a multiracial group, and also helped found organizations for other groups with similar goals called the Rainbow Coalition.

The government systematically destroyed these organizations.

24 07 2008
maya

people fail to understand that white supremacy was so effective that it solidified whiteness as one entity and created a hierarchy amongst everyone else. guess who’s at the bottom?

24 07 2008
riz

Then the LA news talked about gangs, then showed some cute little puppies.

24 07 2008
Jen

@ Riz – OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

That is too, too, too ugly.

24 07 2008
vitazza

Just a question….whom other than Esquire is married?? Did you meet your husband in school?
I have been married a long time and I have ONE other close friend who’s is married…all others are still looking.
I Usually just say to them keep your options way open.
~@ Vanita…..thanx for the MOB info….. I think I have a problem now it is very addictive. oh my!!!

24 07 2008
VandyDoc

The part of the doc that really got me was with Dr. Dyson. I am soon to accept a faculty position as an assistant professor and have a brother who is locked up, serving a 15 year sentence. Actually most of the men in my family are in prison and I am eager to see tonights half.

I sat with my wife last night though and realized how lucky we are to have made it out of Detroit and to have each other, because the state of the black community is in poorer shape than we often realize.

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Landon – you’re such an e-ho 🙂

I’m no longer accepting insurance unfortunately. I’m not wearing myself out for a bunch of broke negroes, I’m practicing boutique medicine now and will only cater to the elect few willing to pay me a high retainer, LOL!

24 07 2008
Amadeo

I will say this what they do not advertise is that poor white people are doing the exact same shit!!! There are some across the street now. This is a high drug area…not because of all the people who live here though…we are right next to I-95 so all the county folks can come here like a drive through and get their fix. Every time I see some white asshole talking about black people do this and that I stand in front of my building and count how many white people in poverty are doing the exact same shit.

24 07 2008
B4Prez

Landon : “Kids teach them selves how to play basketball – they work at their rhymes to RAP – i have 5 year old cousins who can do every dance on TV… WHY THEY PRACTICE!”

You know what though, they know how to do all of this stuff because that’s what everyone around them is doing. Kids who don’t have some sort of example or sense of reinforcement aren’t going to magically see that maybe they should go against every other kid in the class and actually do their homework.

Like you said, your fam made it out; but for each one out of the hundreds, theres 100 more who dont. Housing, like our schools, is often one big cesspool. And we all know what happens with crabs in a barrel.

When ur 12 yrs olds, ur mom is 24, and ur grandma is 36, and daddy is (nevermind, how would you know when you dont even know who he is), it’s practically curtains for you b4 you even GET to school. Not impossible, but very improbable; especially when 7/10 fams in ur neighborhood have the exact same situation, and YOU HAVE NOTHING TO COUNTER IT.

24 07 2008
Landon

DOC ill pay you in FOOD i am INSANELY good cook! and other services 🙂

24 07 2008

mob wars:
500,000 while watching a c.cath procedure this morning

and 240,000 2 minutes ago

JOIN MY MOB!

I am soooo addicted

24 07 2008
Knatural

Vitazza – I’m married also (two years). Met him in a bar in DC.

I got The Itis.

24 07 2008
riz

The statistics on the show last night were off… They kept changing… But my question is why is there more Black men in prison NOW than 20 years ago? And why is there more of us in the middle class (making over $50k)?

Why do these statistics co-exist?

24 07 2008

landon are you trying to cheat or add to the family?

24 07 2008
Knatural

Landon – why do you type as if English is your second language? AHAHAHAHAHHA I’m going to Hell.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ maya…other groups don’t hate blacks as much as blacks hate people that dabble between groups…the NAACP members on my campus hate me because I don’t affiliate with them (they never do anything, and the girls have bad attitudes) but get involved with Latino Student Association. They fail to realize that I presided over the Black Caucus in my dormatory while at MSU.

Yea, there’s hatred among those groups, but its time that we stop the stereotyping and bring them together because too many of us out there are mixed between those minorities and are finding it increasingly difficult to deal with people that consider themselves “full blooded” and better than the mixed “breeds”.

Mutt pride! lol…

24 07 2008
riz

Co-SIGN AMADEO!!!

They always put our business out in the street, but don’t acknowledge their own. Most of the ppl who collect welfare are WHITE!

24 07 2008

“Chaotic Diva – your non-profit existed. It was called the Black Panthers. A lot of people don’t realize this, but the Black Panthers were a multiracial group, and also helped found organizations for other groups with similar goals called the Rainbow Coalition.

The government systematically destroyed these organizations.”

True, Marlon Brando supported the Black Panthers
(financially too)

24 07 2008
Jen

Riz – The state of Black America predicts what will soon happen to America.

We have a much bigger class gap than the rest of America, but its class gap is widening too. We have more single mothers, unemployment, etc., but the trends in America all go toward that as well. I think that the conditions that Black people in this country live under make it as such that our lives are the purest expression of Americana.

24 07 2008
riz

TO all future CNN specials: Interview my ass if you want to talk about Blackness…. I have a lot of things to say

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

“B4Prez (16:49:33) :
Like you said, your fam made it out; but for each one out of the hundreds, theres 100 more who dont.”

And furthermore, what type of impact are the ones who “made it out” having on the ones still there? If we don’t provide the positive examples no one else will. And it’s a multi-scale approach that has to be taken. Many small positive community groups make a wonderful impact for a year or two, but then when funding runs out or the leader who is the heart and passion behind it moves on and it dries up. We have to be in the communities showing the possibilities available as well as being large scale advocates in making sure that ALL our people can get access.

24 07 2008
B4Prez

@CHAOTIC – Ive been planning a non-profit with that exact purpose.

24 07 2008
Jen

@ Chaotic Diva, the rifts between Blacks and Latinos are greatly exaggerated by the media. I think both groups are more than willing to work with one another as they have [imperfectly] similar goals.

24 07 2008
Cheekie

Oh! Re: CNN Black in America

I just thought about how disappointed I was at those kids doing the Soulja Boy Superman dance at that reunion. I thought the concept of 300+ members of a family joining together for a reunion was so beautiful and then that shit flashed across my TV screen. UP-SET.

Tarnished the whole image for me.

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Knat – which bar? I’m gonna go stake out a stool. Maybe lightening will strick twice? HAHAHA

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ B4Prez…thats why we need better mentor programs. Jack and Jill and Big Brother are great…but do they actually get out there are try to relate to the kids and what they’re going through. Especially if you could get people out there willing to teach discipline to those bad asses.

Why we would need a mixed minority coalition is because in inner cities, you have latinos, you have mixed kids, you have black kids, and you have west indian kids…and usually these kids relate better to someone within their own group because they understand the culture a child was raised in.

I would be the one to mentor a mixed child because I grew up in a diverse household, and I know what its like to be torn between multiple cultural identities.

Us standing together as brown people just makes for a bigger group, which is a bigger sphere of influence. No matter how any of us look at it, 2520’s see us all as field workers, rappers, sexual objects, and gangsters. After all, if million man march wasn’t enough and neither was the latino march for the immigration rights, why can’t we merge that shit for black-brown pride.

I would call the group B-Squared for black-brown pride…

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

…I say lets do it (@ B4Prez…) I’m down for the cause and I’m sure I can find 50 more in my area that are as well.

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

“Landon (16:50:28) :
DOC ill pay you in FOOD i am INSANELY good cook! and other services”

Ah dangit, there go the magic words. All The Doc really wants is a 24-7 sex machine in a chef hat.

24 07 2008

I’d participate for sure.

24 07 2008

g morning diva and doc

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Ok, so we obviously need to start planning this and get it in the major cities. I have the Detroit area…I’m supposed to be meeting up with some movers and shakers, plus I know a few other people so I can pretty much handle that and maybe get a few college chapters organized…

Ok, so cities needed to be accounted for (we’re starting small here, and i’m going for areas where i know that some of our members are located):

*Los Angeles

* New York

* Detroit (I got that)

* Atlanta

* D C

* Chicago

(did I miss anybody?)

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

good morning Ne…lol at last night…did you get any rest? (I’m caffeine wired…lmao)

…tu sabes what i’m talking about…lol.

24 07 2008
B4Prez

@Doc – Exactly. We’ll never be able to save every human on earth from taking the wrong path, but these kids just need to see examples of black success. Just like the economist said last night, when ur middle class, u typically have examples around you which show why education is valuable. Kids in the hood all wanna rap or play ball because those are the blacks from the hood who they SEE with success stories. If some of these monied, educated ppl and orgs had spent time exposing the growing black, post civil rights, populations to whats outside of the pj walls, instead of having teas and worried about keeping the family capable of passing the paper bag test, we’d might be a few yrs advanced from where we are right now.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Amen! @ B4Prez

Any suggestions for names of the alliance?

24 07 2008
riz

I saw LA . . . something that I’m supposed to do. . . still need coffee . . . not quite following the convo, but yeah, I’ll contribute…

But why don’t we start with finding Black women some good husbands, first? That would be fun AND would help stabilize the community. More negro babies.

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Hey Ne’ !! Morning? Goodness, I’m already ready to go home, LOL

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

“riz (17:08:42) :
But why don’t we start with finding Black women some good husbands, first? That would be fun AND would help stabilize the community. More negro babies.”

You betta preach! *drops a $10 in the collection plate*…*fishes around for change* LOL

24 07 2008

lol no I didnt he is a brat!

24 07 2008

at least he made breakfast. I have been busy all morning so I am ready to crash. I NEED COFFEE!

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ riz…we’re starting a minority alliance to go out and be role models for inner city kids who feel success is just rappers and drug dealers by spending time teaching kids discipline and working with them academically and socially.

…after all, we are an attractive bunch, so it shouldn’t be too hard…lol.

24 07 2008

GOOD IDEA RIZ

I love match making *WINK WINK*

24 07 2008
Jo

@Chaotic:

DC, here.

24 07 2008
Vanita

Diva, Im down for the cause. Im am SO tired of seeing these hot ass little girls on the train talkin about who they gonna give it up to because they gonna go to the league. I know they hate me because I give the stank face on the train. And they are RUDE. Try to talk to them, they will joan your ass out. damn kids. i wish i could beat them.

24 07 2008

@ riz…we’re starting a minority alliance to go out and be role models for inner city kids who feel success is just rappers and drug dealers by spending time teaching kids discipline and working with them academically and socially

PARENTS ALLOW THIS! It starts at home. People think it’s cute.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Ne…they expect me to drive tonight to atl…I was like huh? I still have to pack and everything…I’m finishing up my homework now so I can at least turn it in and get credit (we get one late assignment each type of assignment.

I had an extra shot in my cappuchino this morning…lmao.

24 07 2008
Jo

Maybe we could start an NPO involving volunteer butt-whoppin’s. I’d dole those out happily as well.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Hooray @ black people actually down for doing something instead of just talking. Make sure you gather other minorities as well…we need diversity to ensure that no minority child is left behind.

2520’s won’t know what hit them….lol.

24 07 2008
B4Prez

@chaotic – Definitely a good idea.

Ppl dont realize that it doesn’t take as much as ppl think to influence an impressionable mind. No one wants to deal with someone else’s BAD AZZ KIDS! Ditto. But speaking to a group of 9th graders about what you do at work all day, and the options in your field, doesn’t take much as a start. Lots of black kids havent seen a black lawyer (off of tv) or known they were inside of a business owned by a black person.

@cheekie – Whats wrong with some kids doin’ the Souljah Boy at a picnic? Should they have doing the waltz; prepping for a cotillion or something?

24 07 2008

I know a lady who has done research on starting non profit organizations. If no one knows how to get it started

24 07 2008

I am SO down

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Wait! So you’re saying that the…..project is NOT an SBPH dating service?

24 07 2008
riz

Well, the more of ya’ll that I add onto my FB, the more I’m aghast that so many of you are single. I thought it was just me. I can accept my being single– maybe I’m flawed or just not as cute as I think I am. Whatever. I can accept it.

But YOU guys?! Hell to the no! There are so many gorgeous, fun, sweet women on this site! There is no excuse for us, as a people, to be so notoriously single that they have to make documentaries about it! The Others are finally achieving the goal of snuffing us out– after years of slavery, they have almost destroyed the Black family.

I say that there is a huge SBPH reunion/ party. Here in LA, perhaps (hehehe)? All married/ “taken” people come through, and bring an eligible bachelor friend, too.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ B4Prez…I know. I have little cousins from Detroit who’s parents are too busy living their lives (they had kids too young), and they all look up to me and want to go to college, and I help them with their homework and spend alot of time with them.

It makes me proud to hear how they’re working their asses off to make it!

Right now, I’ve been working with my 10 year old cousin who has trouble reading (detroit public schools are crap)…since he’s been spending time with me (and at a tutoring center), he’s been able to hear a big word and sound it out to spell it.

All they need is to see that someone cares for them. And if they get smart ass with you, say something witty and they’ll shut up. lol.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Riz…um, thats the miami trip…lol…

24 07 2008
Muse

Riz the last SBPH get together was in DC and I had a blast. I had the opprotunity to meet Knatural, Will (my favorite hehehe), and Doc. Fabulous girls. Doc and I shared many interesting moments LOL

24 07 2008

My man has a few college buddies who are good looking. I ‘d bring them to the party

24 07 2008

Who is will.

Is knat as funny as she is on the site?

24 07 2008

*?

24 07 2008
Vanita

yea, we really should do another SBPH reunion. Im so angry I missed the first one. So where do some of yall work? Because I dont anything at work except play mob wars, and while I wait for my stamina or energy to recharge, I talk shit on here. And I work for the Fed govt. I hate it btw.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

I’m jealous…I wanted to go hang out with you lovely ladies…Y’all are seriously the only females I can hold conversations with and not get annoyed. I think its because y’all aren’t stupid bimbos…lmao.

(*note* alot of people in the Detroit area think they have what it takes to be models/rappers/etc…for the record, Delicious is nasty looking, and her photos are all photoshopped. Hoops has a bad attitude, got into a fight with an officer and twisted her ankle. Those two are known for frequenting hood rat clubs with the rest of their slutacularistic flavor of slut cast members…)

24 07 2008
Ms. Sula

@Michael

A guy who quotes Seinfeld and says stuff like this:

“This whole King and Queen mess, trust you will never catch me calling you my Queen that mess is super corny, gets into their heads and can’t get out.”

is alright by me.

Then again, I am weak in the knees for the geeky cool REALIST dude so yeah…

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ vanita…MIAMI…its neutral territory, there’s a beach (so we’ll mostly all be half naked…lmao..) and BOOZE for a whole week!!! Plus, for us getting snowed in that Feb, its a good retreat, not to mention, its far enough in advance to do some major planning. There’s a facebook group for it…let me know if you want an invite.

24 07 2008

I work at a UC hospital.
Nursing Administration, Cardiology/Vasuclar.

24 07 2008

I am always down for miami

24 07 2008

I cant play mob wars right now 😦

24 07 2008
riz

Don’t get me wrong, I AM DOWN FOR MIAMI! It’s gonna be a hot, muggy, humid MESS (in a good way).

But (a) ya’ll need to come out to Cali. Again, I’m trying to start a Black diaspora on the West Coast (b) MIA is all the way in February, whereas I have the next 2 MONTHS OFF with nothing to do but have fun and (c) I’d want to see SBPH do those cheesy “match.com” commercials, where they talk about how they “met their match.”

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I say that there is a huge SBPH reunion/ party. Here in LA, perhaps (hehehe)? All married/ “taken” people come through, and bring an eligible bachelor friend, too.

I thought of throwing a party like this, but I think theis crosses the line between “available” and “desperate.” No?

24 07 2008
Knatural

awwww, thanks ladies. Muse, you’re fabulous, too! Our time was cut too short short (I had to leave at like 1:00) but we’ll definitely do something again.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

If I wasn’t taken I’d share my love with all of…I’m fully into community service.

Re: Non-profit…if you can get it Private funding is the way to go…I’ve been in non-profit for the last 8 years and nothing ruins things faster then bullshit goals set by some cat in a federal office who has never even seen the kids you work with. Some of the stuff they make you do to earn the money will drive kids away in a heartbeat.

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ Diva – i KNOW its in Miami, i just wanna do one sooner than Feb. 😛

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k
24 07 2008
Bajan Girl

Good afternoon all, throwing in my two cents.

Does anyone remember the Heavy D song that said (I think) “I want somebody who loves me for me”?

I am constantly getting asked by friends and family alike why I am still single, when am I going to get married, or when am I going to pop some kids out. My oldest sister is 32, has been married for 9 years and is getting ready to spit out baby number 4 any day now. She got married after graduating from college and that worked for her. As a result many people in the family now hold her up as the ideal that my other sister and I should be living up to and according to their math we are way behind.

I personally would love to get married and have kids, and I hope that is in my future; however marriage and children are a lifelong commitment and anything worth doing is worth doing right. My ideas about marriage and relationships have been formed largely by what I was exposed to in my immediate family. My maternal grandparents were married almost 65 years before my grandmother passed. I saw them fuss and fight, but I also saw how they really were two halves that became a whole, and almost as if they could not stand to be separated from each other my grandfather passed about 16 month after his wife did. My parents have been married for going on 33 years and again I have seen them fussing and arguing and what not but they love each other and hold the vows that they took very seriously.

That is what I am looking for. A relationship with someone that while it may have its ups and downs, at the end of the day there is still love there. I believe that I am worth waiting for and that a good man is worth waiting for. I have seen too many friends/acquaintances jump into a relationship with the first thing that looks at them some type of way and they are paying for it now with much headache and heartache.
This weekend as I go to yet another bridal shower for a family member and a baby shower for a close friend, yeah I may feel a bit of a twinge and have a moment where I wonder when it will be my turn, but I will suck that up, move on, and be ok.

As a side note on the zodiac sign thing… I am a Scorpio… wonder if that has anything to with it…hmmm….

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

lol @ riz…

I can see the commercial now:

Me, Ne and Landon….

Me: It just worked out so well…Ne is cool people, if I were a dude, I’d hit that

Landon: 2 girls…yay!

Ne: Yea, Jen is my girl…its nice to have another female to outnumber the males in the house…

Me: the only problem I have is Landon keeps stealing my pink shirts…

Landon: feed me!

24 07 2008
Vanita

Yonnie – you ever heard of a ‘bring your ex’ party??

24 07 2008
ayo

B4Prez… how far are you into planning your organization?

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

I say y’all all come spare me from these losers in Michigan…seriously, everybody chips in 20 bucks to get me a plane ticket…I’ll fly to wherever you are.

Please contact me if you would like to donate to the United Diva College/Debt fund…

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

No, never heard of that. Have you ever been to one? It sounds awkward.

24 07 2008
KadiBaby

Miami & South Florida should be included in that list of member places.

24 07 2008

“lol @ riz…

I can see the commercial now:

Me, Ne and Landon….

Me: It just worked out so well…Ne is cool people, if I were a dude, I’d hit that

Landon: 2 girls…yay!

Ne: Yea, Jen is my girl…its nice to have another female to outnumber the males in the house…

Me: the only problem I have is Landon keeps stealing my pink shirts…

Landon: feed me!”

LMAOOOOO DIVA. Funny commercial

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Miami- added… See, I was unsure of other locales…

Any people in stl or texas? Jersey?

24 07 2008
Vanita

I’ve been to a get your ass cut party where I saw my former girlfriend on my ex man. She was about to get her ass cut.

Nah, but a couple 2520 females throw them. I couldnt date a friends ex. I dont want to be compared to anyone I kno.

24 07 2008
Jen

From Associated Content: “Essentially, everyone who attends brings an ex or a current boyfriend or girlfriend that they’d like to throw over as nicely as possible. The idea behind the party is that your ex may find love among the other exes and possibly you too, or you may get to recycle a current love that isn’t working out without feeling quite as much guilt.”

Oh. My. GAWD.

24 07 2008
riz

No, its not desperate to throw a party for single people. They were popular back in the late 90s/early millenium, where married people brought single friends. There was a cute name for them… don’t remember.

Putting it into the SBPH context may be unnecessary, but since this is a brainstorming session and I’m having fun, then again, not a problem.

Lastly, “desperate” is not in my lexicon when it comes to seeking out what I want. In general, I’m not going to sit back and complain about something, and not do anything to try to change it. If I’m complaining that I don’t meet the right ppl, then I’m going to do everything in my power to go ahead and meet those ppl. If I’m going to complain about the financial and social problems that plague the Black community, then I’m going to do everything in my power to get a good education, an excellent job, and put myself into political power. If I complain that I’ve gained too much weight, I’m gonna limit my calories and go work out. This is just how I do.

I’m not going to strong arm some dude into marriage and babies (probably bc that’s not something that I really crave right now), but I’m not “desperate” just because I want to maximize my options.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Jo – gotta love The Google: Email: rfryer@fas.harvard.edu

24 07 2008
riz

PS. I was NOT REFERRING TO EXES!!! I meant just cool guys that you don’t date… or cousins or some other sh*t.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ riz…single parties make for great drunken make out sessions with hot strangers…i would have a party like that and seriously have a set standard of people in attendance (i.e. no missing teeth, no grills, no rappers, no slang speakers, clean (i.e. no stds), etc…

…the bring your ex thing is a no no though.

by the way, why the hell am i doing homework at the att store…lmao

24 07 2008

OMG I have a good guy I could bring! He is a GOOD man. I use to date him and I messed it up. Everything happens for a reason though.

24 07 2008
Vanita

I know most women on here are lamenting about single life, but you better HAVE FUN!! Because relationships take WORK! Yall already know Im crazy, thanks to Maya, and Im always doin some stupid mess to cause a situation. Make up sex is the best, but its NOT worth the trouble! Just have fun being single. *Sometimes* its easier.

24 07 2008
Jen

Would I be stoned for saying that I had my first “make out session” when I was 21+?

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Instead of a good man, I need a good mentor. I’m tired of stressing over guys. Que sera, sera….bitches…

(ok, i thought that would sound badass…sorry…lol)

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ riz…single parties make for great drunken make out sessions with hot strangers…i would have a party like that and seriously have a set standard of people in attendance

And THATS why I miss being single.

24 07 2008
Bus

This is probably one of the few articles I’ve read on the subject where the blame is not placed on one of the following:

1) All black males are in prison.
2) All successful black males are going after white/hispanic/asian/non-black women.
3) The rest of them are gay.

There are still a couple of arguments that I can refute in the article, such as the statistic that 45% of black women have never been married, compared to 23% for white women. Considering that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, we could also argue that on average, around 27% of black women have been through separation pains, compared to about 39% of white women, not including of course the 7-10% of Americans who identify as LGBT, and as such can’t marry by several states’ law. With the “sanctity of marriage” in question, who would want to necessarily aspire to be part of such a grim future?

More importantly, the 2-to-1 ratio for black women to men in higher education should not hinder women from finding potential mates. Finding a man in the academic setting is not necessarily the best for a career-oriented woman, since both the man and woman wouldn’t have much time for each other. I have a female friend who goes out to restaurants and always carries with her a copy of the Wall Street Journal, mainly used as a deterrent for certain types of (ignorant) men to approach her. I told her that was foolish, because all you’re going to get is a bunch of assholes with advanced degrees (who think they can get any girl because they have an advanced degree, usually in some useless field) while weeding out the potential nice guys with bachelor’s degrees/high school diplomas, or whatever. Women have to be willing to find that really nice guy who’s not as “educated” that will treat them the way they want, without resorting to the “backdoor gold-digging” that I described above.

Even more importantly, however, is the fact taht people get married at such a young age. when the life expectancy was about 30, then getting married young was the way to go. The pressure was even more so if you needed labor to help around the house. Marrying young meant more time to pump out babies before the family got tired. Since production of children is associated with people pressuring you to get married, the need for such rushed unions is no longer necessary in today’s American society. Combined with a lack of older extended family in many households or a dispersion of family across such a large country, children (and the adults, for that matter) do not have the guarantee of an older person’s guidance at fingertips’ length. I was raised with my parents, my two brothers, and my grandmother, who taught me just as much, if not more, about life and how to deal with this world.

Without such influences, I would argue that black women are ahead of the game. We could just be going through a transition where black women are starting to settle down and have children at later ages, which could account for a larger percentage not having been married. Meanwhile, the old social norms still plague women of other races and nationalities, putting them behind the 8-ball in terms of dealing with married life and preparation of child-rearing.

Just a few thoughts.

24 07 2008
Knatural

STONING JEN!

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Jen…my first kiss was 16…my first make out was 18…wait…it was 17….ooh…i forgot about him….He was rican and my summer fling in pa…yum…

can you imagine making out with braces and the excitement we both had when neither of us got stuck together? lmao…

24 07 2008
Jo

Yonnie3: ❤ I bow to your astounding stalking skills. I don’t think I’d be brave enough to email him–I don’t know what I’d say besides “I fantasize about grilling you on your sociological and philosophical ideologies and strategies for bettering the economy. Also, yo face is REAL pretty-like.”

I’ve got love for my blue-collared brothers, but damn–academic success is so sexy. I feel like capital-A-Academia is the final frontier for Aframs. We’ve been entertainers and workers since this country began–but philosophy and the -ologies (and other careers involving thinking about thinking) have been the priveledge of whites for far too long.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Bus – get your own blog!!

24 07 2008
Vanita

can you imagine making out with braces and the excitement we both had when neither of us got stuck together? lmao…

eeewww…I bet it was at band camp too…LMAO j/k

24 07 2008
Knatural

Damn you Chaotic – I forgot I had braces until you scratched that wound open. Jerk.

24 07 2008
Jen

I think it may not be as bad as it sounds.

My first kiss was at 16. My first REAL kiss was with my first…everything else, at 18. But I didn’t actually LIKE kissing until I was in my 20s, and I didn’t do anything short of brief kissing until I was 21+.

24 07 2008
Jo

Line me up to be stoned, too, then. I had my first kiss at 14, but I didn’t have a full on makeout session ’til I was 21.

24 07 2008
Jen

Maybe “anything short of” should read “any kissing more than” to avoid confusion. I was knocked up by the time I was 21.

24 07 2008
Vanita

LMAO. I played sports, we were very horomonal and very active at young ages. Combine that with us goin out of town for a week, in our own hotel rooms???? There was ALWAYS a scandal

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

When I was in the 7th grade (14?), the little Honduran boy that I was “going with” broke up with me b/c he said, “what’s the point in having a girlfriend if you’re not going to do anything?” Barbara Ann woulda been so proud.

24 07 2008
Vanita

But I didnt engage in sexual activity until I was in college. Then I didnt have GOOD sexual activity until I was 21.

24 07 2008
Not_Shaniqua

This issue is a double edge sword!

Hopefully this whole “Documentary” will come full circle and have the last episode show the successes, and outstanding accomplishments of “Us” black people.

However it would have certainly been nice to have then start with the success in the first place. But We know that the unconscious mind of the “Other Race” works more then their present walking, speaking statement of mind does anyway.

The things that were depicted last night are nothing a black,white, Hispanic, Asian American doesn’t already know about the state of black America. Show me something I don’t know and I will show you something you had no idea was even possible.

Tell me one black person from the age of 15 and older who did not already know these things and I will show you the millions here in America and on other continents that already knew them. We need Positive Images to encourage, inspire, move, and excite us and our children to want to do better.

These images most certainly should start at home, but it would just be nice if the world outside of our living room door would show it as well. I know the poverty line and were it starts and stops now lets show our brothers, sisters and children just how close success in life is ! It’s just around the corner TRUST ME IT IS~

Don’t give you Modern Black History 101 I live it everyday. We as a people can still do much much better.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Bus…when we deter ignorant men, its the ones that talk and dress like soldier boy friesh out of high school that wont approach you if you have reading material.

I’ve been approached by guys who aren’t the typical “educated, harvard law graduate stuck up asshole” who have been interested in what i’m reading…

24 07 2008
Jen

Vanita, that is why I pray my daughter does not take up track. I remember how sexy the track boys were. Then they had those co-ad away competitions. NO, MA’AM.

24 07 2008
Jen

Chaotic – that is a lie. I have been approached by those types sitting in a restaurant reading by myself.

“Ma, you mad sexy. And I see you into readin’ and shit. Aight. Aight. I feel you, ma.”

NO.

24 07 2008
Knatural

Track thighs and ass? *fans self*
I dated a track guy after high school, goodness! And the stamina…

24 07 2008
Vanita

Jen, if she does, you better give her a very stern talkin to. Because we used to get in to some mess. On a bus. I dont even remember how. and I wasnt even one of the worst ones.

24 07 2008
Vanita

“Ma, you mad sexy. And I see you into readin’ and shit. Aight. Aight. I feel you, ma.”

*DEAD*

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ knat…track boy turned into make his his furniture boy.

@ Jen…lol!!!! I can see it now…Soldier boy comes up to a girl reading Nietzsche and he goes….

SB: hey gul…YOUUUUUU are wun ov dem smart gulz…u can be my docta…

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

“Ma, you mad sexy. And I see you into readin’ and shit. Aight. Aight. I feel you, ma.”

AAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA —- I. I can’t. I can’t breathe.

24 07 2008
Vanita

mmmm….track boys. I have this thing for southern accents, and every year we used to have this meet in marrietta Ga. I remember I musta been like 12 feenin for them dan GA boys because I just LOVED they way they talked. And they looked good too. Southern boys are…mmmm.

24 07 2008
puff

@ bajan – yay! fellow scorpio!

@ ne – i hate you for introducing me to mob wars. i got thrown in jail for getting overexcited robbing a liquor store so i had to take a break. and i’m about to log back on and get shit cracking. again, damn damn damn you.

@ knat – mmmmmmmmmm track boys… athletes fullstop. yum.

24 07 2008
Bajan Girl

“Ma, you mad sexy. And I see you into readin’ and shit. Aight. Aight. I feel you, ma.”

ROTFLMAO..
*dead*

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

evil southern track boy (he was from mississippi…fucker).

…and I ran track w/ him in h.s. (diff teams)…how could he do me so dirty?

24 07 2008
Sister Toldja

There are 9,000 comments, so I am just gonna say my piece and ask that you forgive me if it has been said already.

I will kill every motherfucking man, woman, puppy, kitten and goldfish on the planet before I end up a lonely, childless unmarried woman due to this fucking man shortage.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

but yea…i love you guys, but i gotta get this work done so i’m dissapearing for a few hours…

24 07 2008
Jen

I love me a big ol’, drawling, cornbread-eating Southern boy. Nothing like them in the world.

24 07 2008
puff

@ ST – hahahahahahahahahahahhahaha love you girl

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Yeah ST, that pretty much summarizes the 9,000 comments

24 07 2008
Knatural

Southern accents? No thanks. All I can think of is Bubba from Forrest Gump.

24 07 2008
Vanita

ST – Preach.

24 07 2008
Jen

I will form an alliance with ST if I end up in a similar boat. My daddy has guns. He will let us use them in the name of such an injustice.

24 07 2008
ayo

ST: You should invite men to interview with you for the “Good Man of the Week” post on your site. Come up with a questionnaire and they respond, so you get first dibbs and shit!

24 07 2008
ayo

Cause I would most definately log in to see what fine-ness you would put the ST stamp on.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Knatural, not ignant can’t read, never been outta Georgia Souljah Boy accents. Sweet, respectful, sincere, Ruben Studdard (can’t think of anyone else right now) accents.

That’s cool though, more for me and Vanita

24 07 2008
Jen

Knatural – southern accents make me feel so warm and safe. Good, southern men open doors and give compliments and carry photographs of their mamas. Plus, they will get up in somebody’s ass for crossing any woman within a 100 foot radius.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

YES!!! That’s what I’m talking about Jen. You all making me wanna call that young boy that moved my furniture 2 weeks ago. He told me to call him. I didn’t.

24 07 2008
Muse

ST that statement alone means that I’m obligated to buy you drinks next time I’m in NYC.

I heart you.

24 07 2008
ayo

I love NY guys…. the arrogance/intelligence/street cred
and Basketball (for the height) and Soccer (just damn) bodies.

24 07 2008
Knatural

Yonnie – I don’t care. It’s all the same to me. If Grimace (the purple milkshake-stealing thing from McDonald’s that I’m currently obsessed with) could talk, he’d have a Southern accent.

24 07 2008
ayomidejpw

I agree 100% w/ Knatural. My point is: maybe more Black women would be married if they stop wishing so hard for it.

I wasn’t thinking about getting married when I moved to NY. But damn if I didn’t find a single, educated, tall, handsome black brotha with no kids and didn’t live with his momma.He has three brothers that are the same. His mother was a single mother with five kids living in East harlem projects. All of her kids went to quality 4 year colleges.

When I meet him I wasn’t think about having a man. I was looking to enjoy life and be the best me I could be to the fullest. When people (women) got wind of me getting married it came with the weirdest response. How did I come to NY and find a man with no kids and didn’t live with his momma? (I guess there are a lot of men with kids and are living with their momma in NYC) anyway, they were amazed as if I did some sort of trick and commanded this man to come to me. I also lost some friends. Now I know they weren’t friends.
We as women need to learn to love themselves and make sure that inside they are fulfilled,(all your insecurities are in check) so when that man comes you are ready and hopefully he will be too.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Speaking of black women fighting for eligible quality black men, I just got an email from Atlanta’s Black Professional Network advertising an after party for the Organization of African American Physicians. My oh my.

24 07 2008
B4Prez

@ayo – My plans are still in the incubation stage, lol. Ive only met with 2 community organizations about some direction in getting started. Its just something Ive had in my head for a while, and just recently started to try and put some plans into action. I guess you could call it MY project, since Chris has one, lol.

24 07 2008
ayo

Prez… where do you live?

24 07 2008

“Vanita, that is why I pray my daughter does not take up track. I remember how sexy the track boys were. Then they had those co-ad away competitions. NO, MA’AM.”

We were conditioning after school for track and this FINE dude I had a crush on was a senior,I was a sophmore. We had to run around the school at our own and I stopped to get some water, he comes up and splashes me then runs ahead of me. I hit one of the corners and he is leaning on the portable with his sexy ass in those track shorts. He grabs my arm and starts kissing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I melted yo!

It all started form us teaming together doing the stradle strech. He was looking up my shorts when I pulled him back.

GET YOUR DAUGHTER IN VOLLEYBALL

24 07 2008
Knatural

Thank you Ayominde. Finally another woman agrees with me.

Jen – I’m sorry. A dude that carries a photo of my momma in his wallet = momma’s boy. RED FLAG. Creepy. No thanks.
Not that I don’t appreciate it, because I certainly do, but opening doors and paying compliments is overrated. I feel like we define gentlemen by these things alone. To me, a true gentleman knows when to let me be independent. SHIT, that sounded feminist.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I’m sorry, when did letting a man open the door for you mean that you are not independent – or that he doesn’t respect the fact that you’re independent? I didn’t get the memo.

24 07 2008
ayo

Ayominde:
Imma need proof of your hubby’s fine brothers via myspace/facebook pages.

24 07 2008
Jen

A mama’s boy will treat his wife the way he treats his mama.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Jen – where you at again? You wanna go to the black doctor’s happy hour with me?

24 07 2008
ayo

Ok… Why are they doing Rick Ross like this?

http://realtalkny.uproxx.com/2008/07/topic/topic/pictures/more-pictures-exposing-rick-ross-hit-the-net/

I want the one with him as Kung-Fu Panda for my screen saver.

24 07 2008
Jo

Jen: a momma’s boy may put his momma before his wife. Make you wanna take an iron skillet upside somebody’s head.

24 07 2008
Vanita

Southern Boys touch me in a different way.

Did yall see ESPN about the Fla boys chasing rabbits? They chase rabbits and it makes them faster, able to cut quicker, and thus being better at football. Its so appalling, but they are still sessy… Yum

24 07 2008
Jen

I’m in Texas. But I think traveling for the Black Doctor’s Happy Hour may be worth it.

I was already considering traveling for the Black MBA convention at the encouragement of one of my girlfriends.

And, Jo, Mama is gonna die eventually.

Just kidding.

Sort of.

24 07 2008
Knatural

Yonnie – maybe that was a non sequitur, but I just find it interesting that being a gentleman is defined as such: he holds the door for me, he pulls the chair out, he compliments me. And nothing more.

24 07 2008
Jo

“Mama is gonna die eventually.

Just kidding.

Sort of.”

DEAD.

24 07 2008
puff

@ ayomide – could i get the number of one of the free brothers? lol lol lol

24 07 2008
Not_Shaniqua

Ma, you mad sexy. And I see you into readin’ and shit. Aight. Aight. I feel you, ma.”

NO.

[ Really OMG! Or they will say “You look better when you smile”, I will smile when you pull up your pants, brush your hair, teeth, smell like you atleast washed today, and stop hanging infornt of the Safeway,CVS,Family Dollar when I go shopping. ]

24 07 2008
Deesigner

Don’t fall for the Black Physician conference ladies. Particularly the “after party”. Every tramp within 300 miles shows up, the guys know wassup and have women competing and actin’ the fool for entertainment.
Not a good look.

24 07 2008
Ethel

@ Bajan Girl: “however marriage and children are a lifelong commitment and anything worth doing is worth doing right.”

Amen!

24 07 2008
puff

@ ayo – aaaaaaahhahahahahahaahahaha i’m so furious at the big mama and roboboss ones, wtf???

24 07 2008
Jen

@Dee…I should have known. 😦

24 07 2008
Vanita

Really OMG! Or they will say “You look better when you smile”

I hate that. i must walk around everywhere with a mean mug, but if someone tell me that and they arent worth my smile, my mug turns in to a snarl. without even thinking about it.

24 07 2008
ayo

Omg PUFF!!! We can get rid of all the wack rappers with photoshop!

24 07 2008
Knatural

Not_Shaniqua – That kills me! “You look better when you smile”?
If I’m walking down the street, alone, why would I just start smiling, for no good reason? I smile at passers-by when I make eye-contact and speak. If you’re yelling at me from a moving car’s window, wouldn’t I look crazy just walking around smiling. I’m not White.

24 07 2008
ayomidejpw

I am sorry Ayo my brother in laws don’t have time for facebook or myspace. They are more involved with sites like linked in, so no pictures.

You are just gonna have to take my word for it, lol. If they didn’t have potential/look good I wouldn’t have bothered bringing them up.

But regardless of what is said on TV, there are good men out there.

24 07 2008
puff

@ ayo yesssssssssss first on my list soulja boy – those foolish ass white-outed shades of his are reason enough

24 07 2008
ayo

Put Lil Wayne on Jimmeny Crickets body!!!! hehe

Damn ayomide! NO FACEBOOK cause they are too busy handling business… I think im in love.

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Linked In accepts pics

24 07 2008
ayomidejpw

LMAO, to the “You look better when you smile”? crap. I get that too. umm I wouldn’t talk to you if you were smiling while walking down the street. To me that means either you are having way to good of a day or you’re crazy. The latter is most cases.

24 07 2008
chaoticdiva

I am done with the assignment…yay for accounting!!!! Wait…I don’t like accounting…

fuck it.

24 07 2008
freakinClassic

for the person who said this:

“trust you will never catch me calling you my Queen that mess is super corny, gets into their heads and can’t get out.”

..thats the problem right there. LOL. not that you’re not calling us Queen, but that you’ve been so conditioned with frustration on NOT calling each other Kings and Queens you forget how beautiful each one is – instead make list and point the fingers..inevitable cycle of destruction.

24 07 2008
ayomidejpw

Oops, my bad. Yonnie3k, I don’t bother too much with any of those sites, but you are right you can, but they don’t. I don’t know why though.

24 07 2008
Deesigner

Jen, are you in Houston? I know at least 3 really good guys that are all gainfully employed, quality brothers who actually want to be married and have a family.
One is divorced with a teen daughter, one is divorced with no children, one never married, no children. All are good friends. The first two are over 35 the third is in his mid twenties.

24 07 2008
Jen

I am from Houston and go back and forth frequently. Over 35 is too old for me, though. My age cap is 33.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

Umm…Mid-Atlantic accents…represent?

24 07 2008

There are 3 GOOD looking single BLACK Cardiologist I work with ya’ll. (One is a CT surgeon)

24 07 2008
Vanita

See what happens when black people work together? Jen got herself a potential mate. At least a fling.

Now im studying for LSATs. Who wants to help? Anyone?

24 07 2008
klysha

Well as a black woman over 30 who hasn’t gone down the aisle yet I suppose I am officially a statistic. And so are most of my friends. Despite this I can’t say my life is all that incomplete. I would love to find my soul mate and have kid(s) and build a wonderful life together with someone and I hope that I manage to do this within the next few years, but I decided not to waste away some of the best years of my life wishing I had something that I do not have yet. I have a great life with great friends, both male and female and we can all now afford to do stuff like go on trips and have no one to answer to before we do stuff. Yeah we’re probably all making it harder for ourselves when it finally is really time for us all to settle down but so what. When the time is right and when I find the right one I’ll be more than happy to give up my carefree single life but in the mean time this must be where I’m supposed to be and I’m happy here.

24 07 2008
Knatural

God Yonnie – you are such a Virgo, pointing out every little mistake 😉

24 07 2008
Jen

Vanita, what company are you studying with?

24 07 2008
Bajan Girl

“You look better when you smile”…

HATE THAT!!!!

What’s more is that their ignant ass, saggin’* pants wearing, slatted shades (WTF! is that about can you even see?) can’t freaking speak english, mannerless self is the reason I look so damn angry and am not smiling in the first place! Simple bastards…

*random aside: saggin’ written backwards=niggas…. hmmm

24 07 2008
Vanita

Im not takin a class. I cant sit in a class. I wont learn that way. But I am leeching off the other people who took one.

24 07 2008
klysha

Oh and the CNN thing was definitely missing something…but what could you possibly do to make something as broad as black life in America cohesive? I definitely applaud Soledad’s efforts.

@Amadeo thanks for clearing up that employment statistic issue…I used to always wonder how in the world they come up with a number for that….I mean what could they go house to house to see who just lost their job?

24 07 2008
Vanita

What’s more is that their ignant ass, saggin’* pants wearing, slatted shades (WTF! is that about can you even see?) can’t freaking speak english, mannerless self is the reason I look so damn angry and am not smiling in the first place! Simple bastards…

LMAO, I can imagine you sayin this in your bajan accent too. LMAO

24 07 2008
Jen

http://www.amazon.com/PowerScore-LSAT-Logic-Games-Bible/dp/0980178207/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1216928287&sr=8-2

Learning the approach to logic games in this book brought my practice score up 5 points.

24 07 2008
Deesigner

Vanita, where do you live?

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

In response to Michael’s disillusionment with love and romance, I give you this which I’m sure everyone received in their email inbox or saw it on Oprah. But did you know that the photographer that shot that proposal has a blog and he posted this storyand slide showof when he proposed to his own girlfriend…now wife. My favorite part is the foot washing ceremony.

Don’t worry ladies. We’ll all find our king.

24 07 2008
therapydoc

Dionne’s confusing a group statistic with a life sentence. It ain’t necessarily so.

24 07 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA @ Simple bastards! I totally heard a Bajan accent.
Do Bajans use “broughtupsy”?

24 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I tried to do HTML, but it didn’t post and I’m not doing it over. Anyways, in response to Michael:

Everyone probably got this in your email in box or saw it on Oprah:
http://www.photosbyknight.com/gray/

But the photographer of that proposal posted on his blog about his own proposal:
http://www.tempestbleu.com/future-mrs-knight-and-our-raindrops%5B1%5D.htm

And there’s a slide show: http://www.photosbyknight.com/RossandBrandi/

Don’t worry ladies. We’ll find our kings.

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ Deesigner, Im in DC.

@ Jen – Totally bought that book, but from the web site. Its twice as much on Amazon.

24 07 2008
Bajan Girl

@Vanita..yep would be in the accent because apparently the angrier I get the more pronounced it becomes.

@Knatural.. Simple Bastards is my new happy phrase as I am surrounded by a gaggle of them here in NYC… and yes we use “broughtupsy”…lol

24 07 2008
Amadeo

I also wonder do they factor in how long people spend on education and things like that vs. the previous decades.

In Baltimore back in the day I could have finished (or not) high school and got a job at Bethlehem Steel…that job could have bought me a house, a car and allowed me to have a family without my wife having to work…now there are few people who can’t afford to live on 1 income (to survive or live to a certain standard). That adds on quite a few years to the whole life process.

Then you also consider the average age at which people leave their parents home has increased over the last few decades as well.

24 07 2008
Vanita

Whats “broughtupsy”??

24 07 2008
Vanita

You know what pisses me off? I hate the fact that I went to school, graduated with my degree, and Im makin less than my high schoolmates who went straight in to the job market. WTF did I go to school for???

24 07 2008
Knatural

Broughtupsy – home-training.

24 07 2008
Bajan Girl

“broughtupsy” is similar to the concept of home training

24 07 2008
Knatural

He eh have no broughtupsy!

24 07 2008
Vanita

LMAO. These kids have no home training. In my house its the biggest sin to go out on the street and shame your parents. You’d get beat with the biggest switch off the tree. I think kids dont get beat enough now a days.

24 07 2008
The Doc Is In

“klysha (19:33:42) :
Well as a black woman over 30 who hasn’t gone down the aisle yet I suppose I am officially a statistic. And so are most of my friends. Despite this I can’t say my life is all that incomplete.”

Here here! I think another part of the problem (and this is across the board, but can be amplified in black communities) is that people don’t really take the time to analyze WHY they want to be in a relationship, WHAT they have to offer, what they want in return and HOW dedicated they are at that point in their life to make accomodations to make it work. People (and I believe women particularly) get disappointed and frustrated when they expect it to just happen because they’ve checked off the other boxes in their life (education, job, house, etc.)…but they don’t understand what they’re really looking for and why. And “the bible says we should be married” without further examination is not an answer, sorry!
Sure, years ago getting married young was “what you did” but times and family structures have changed and as our prospects and opportunities in other spheres of life develop, it is expected that the roles of relationships will do the same.

24 07 2008
Amadeo

This is my plan…we fund a squad of grandmothers with ex-con grandsons. The grandmothers ride around with belts and fresh baked goods. If you’re doing something stupid they stop lecture you and whoop your ass (probably in reverse order). If you do something nice or just have yourself together or look like you need it…the give you something to eat, praise or advice to pick you up. The ex-con grandsons follow them just in case someone really acts up.

Someone needs to fund that.

24 07 2008
Bajan Girl

“LMAO. These kids have no home training. In my house its the biggest sin to go out on the street and shame your parents. You’d get beat with the biggest switch off the tree. I think kids dont get beat enough now a days.”

Vanita I heartily co-sign that.

@Amadeo… I would be the first investor for that venture

24 07 2008
Vanita

@ bajan girl – and its not like i got beat a whole lot, but I got enough to get the point across, or if I did it, FIX that shit so NOBODY ever find out…You know how your parents give you THE LOOK?? Im goin to do it to my kids.

24 07 2008
Bajan Girl

I got one official beating in my life time and that was all I needed to understand that my mother made promises not threats and that my father had insane skills with a belt. I was FOREVER getting popped in the mouth because I was (and still am) a smart ass at times and my mom was having none of that… we got the LOOK from the pulpit a lot as kids if my dad was preaching or mom was on the choir… that look that said “As soon as I come down from here I am going to wear your behind out” I do it to my niece and nephews now…

24 07 2008
Amadeo

My grandmother would pinch the smallest bit of meat on your arm and twist it just slightly while she whispered through clenched teeth about how you had better calm the hell down or regret it later.

We regreted it at that moment.

24 07 2008

I have had 5 whoopin’s my whole life. I remember each instance like it were yesterday.

24 07 2008

my dad woul dhave to stop my mom because I was having an asthma attack (:)-)

24 07 2008

🙂

24 07 2008
Vanita

I had a beating for every major bd thing. Lying, Cutting up, etc.
@ Amadeo – My great aunts used to do that. And you’d never know when it was comin, and they would act like they didnt touch a hair on your head after. And you better act the same way or it got worse.

24 07 2008
Angry IV

CNN’s presentation is coming off awkward to me. We watched the first one last night and I thought it was kind of awkward.

The single “educated, female, African-American” woman that was dating online came off as pompous to me. I’m an average Black dude, and I would stop attempting to holler after about 5 minutes of talking to her…maybe she needs to lighten the hell up and pull the stick out.

Just one man’s observations…

24 07 2008
Amadeo

Anyone ever get beat with the long orange extension cord?

Or were me and my cousins really just bad that day?

24 07 2008
Angry IV

And I think the problem lies within the first couple paragraphs of that article – appears as if too many women (not just Black women) have this “list” of things they need to check-off, in addition to time or age limits for each item on the list. I think this might lend itself to them subconsciously denying a good dude at age 22 because they have yet to “check the block” for some other things that are prior to the age for “getting married.”

Just an observation…..

24 07 2008
Angry IV

“What does educated mean really? The sharpest people I know are college drop-out
Biggest idiots and least resourceful tend to be alum from some HBCU AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH”

bahaha you’re going to hell with gasoline panties on.

24 07 2008
Knatural

My list includes things like holding a chimpanzee or baby orangutan by age 40…seriously.

Amadeo – Damn, the orange one. What’d you do? I’m with Ne. I can count on one hand how many whoopings/beating I got as a kid. I was a good kid, or just very sneaky.

24 07 2008
Vanita

LMAO @ Amadeo…Yes you were ver bad that day…I only got beat with the brown ones. LMAO!! I only got beat with each beating utensil once. – switch, belt, hand, shoe, hanger (they HURT) and extension cord. Might be some in there Im missing…

24 07 2008
Vanita

And I like how Amadeo told us what he got beat with, and we didnt think twice about it bordering on abuse by the parent. LMAO. bet yall did do it again tho. Or get caught!

24 07 2008
Angry IV

@Knatural – and because you list includes things like mine (fun shit you can do with a partner) you will more than likely not be 35 and single, finding the “excitement” of going on speed dates with useless sacks of red blood cells and plasma that are looking for a no-strings attached sex partner with whom to maybe take to a dive restaurant and then never call again.

Speaking of people’s life lists…we should share what’s on ’em. I’ll start a thread on the facebook group.

24 07 2008
ayo

oh my goodness. my list is like Vanita’s.
But my dad had this special clip he would do. He would remove his college ring to his middle finger and clip us in the head. THAT SH*T HURT! (Was this child abuse?) oh and sometimes a broom handle.

24 07 2008

good idea angry

24 07 2008
Jo

Amadeo: I got the orange extension cord once. I also got a hair brush once, bristles down. My mom beat me with whatever happened to be handy.

24 07 2008
brran1

@ Amadeo: Baltimore right here.

As much as my mother threatened to whip my ass with various objects, she only used a belt.

24 07 2008
Queen2B

My mom used a wooden spoon. To this day I don’t own one.

24 07 2008
Bajan Girl

My dad was all about the belt and he had a certain one that was used only for beatings.

My mom was an equal opportunity ass beater. She liked to give everything a chance at beating you. The list included:

belt
shoe
knife
book
pot spoon (still hot because she was in the midst of cooking)
coocoo stick (for my Bajan people)
appliance cords
hanger
purse

and the list goes on. She also really did not like when you attempted to run away, that just made her more upset and resulted in the person running usually getting picked off with whatever she found to hand and she had (actually still has) really good aim.

24 07 2008
Esquire

I was threatened by lots of objects too, but I only got the belt. Not that often though…I was a good kid.
Awkward, but good.

24 07 2008
vitazza

OMG….500+ comments
I sign in after a long day now yall talkin bout whippins as children……….????

24 07 2008
scarletjones

I’m glad I wasn’t the only person annoyed with the ‘something new’ screenwriter. how are you gon be so concerned about being single but won’t give a man a chance because he misspells words on the internet?

I’m supposed to take your plight seriously? I have a number of single female friends and I love them to death, but guess what? no way in two trips to hell would I introduce them to the good dudes I know that are looking for a relationship. why you ask? because they have the same kind of attitude. when you are really about finding that forever, your current achievement timeline being half done, or some guy having less than stellar writing skills, or him lacking a complete college education won’t get in your way.

I started dating my husband when I was in undergrad and 19 y/o. did I want to get married then? NO. but I wasn’t getting ready to put him off and not invest in a serious prospect either. and after 6 years dating and finishing undergrad and both going through grad school it worked out and we got married. if I would have wrote him off because I was young and hadn’t done all the great single stuff everyone feels like they have to experience I’d probably still be single and depressed about the dating games. don’t miss your opportunity because of insignificant nonsense.

lets all help each other help ourselves! – scarletjones

24 07 2008
scarletjones

oooh and I’m scared of Bajan’s moms though. how do you even beat a child with a knife?

24 07 2008
TomatoHead

OK, I’m really late to the party and I’m not even gonna comment on the article at this point. Going from the last couple of comments though: my mom never ever “beat” me and my sisters with anything except her hand. And more often than that she pinched. Pinching is way worse than a spanking for a couple of reasons:

1. It hurts in a more concentrated area.
2. Minimal bruising. She could pinch as hard as she wanted for as long as she felt necessary and there would be no bruise.
3. Pinches hurt the day after.
4. She could pinch in public.
5. She had the Mommy Pinch down pat. It hurt like hell and hard enough to make you not want to do whatever it was you did, but not hard enough to make you cry loudly or make loud noises of dissentment.

24 07 2008
vitazza

extention cords are abbusive…children should hide all extention cords in far off mixing bowl..
Scarlett……you are absolutely right if your friends have too mant pre_cursors for a good man then let them look high and dry for Mr. Perfect rather than Mr. Right

24 07 2008
TomatoHead

Oh and the one thing I hate about the article.

“I am a statistic.”

You are a statistic by being BORN dumbass. ALL of us are “statistics”. I hate that expression with a passion and for some reason, minorities seem to use it way more than white folks. Stop it. Say that you are one of those unmarried women. Say that you are part of the problem group. Whatever. Just don’t say “statistic”.

24 07 2008
joy

@Vanita: I’m studying for the LSAT too. I took it in June and liked my score, but I’m taking it again because I think I can do better. You planning to start law school in Fall ’09?

Also, there’s another piece of the Black in America special on tonight, but this one focuses on Black men. TiVo is already set.

24 07 2008
vitazza

tomatohead**** pinching is the bomb
I do not hit my children…who has time for that crap….you get out of breath fussing and swinging. You can bring a child to your way of thinking quite effectively with a harsh pinch!!!! hahaha

24 07 2008
Janus

@ Bajan Girl – Oh yesssssssss how could we miss the coocoo stick? My grandmother beat me so much times with that. I got beat by my parents with a belt, light cord, broom, shoes, hanger, hands, vacuum cleaner extension nozzle, bamboo stick, normal sticks…. the list goes on lol.

I was a good kid too!!! Well I tried to be :(…. I still remember sometime around Xmas whn I was a kid and my great aunt (who was 80 mind you) chased me, my brother and my cousins around the Xmas tree with a broom… sigh good times.

@ Amadeo – I fucking co-sign hat Grandma Death Squad idea… that sounds ike the bomb lol

24 07 2008
anjiebaby

A couple of thoughts:

1) Black women need to learn how to date professionally (or is it just my friends?). Get a methodology that isn’t based on BS reasons. One friend told me she didn’t talk to one guy cause “He seemed too shy”. I’m like, “if you didn’t talk to him, how the hell do you know if he’s shy at the first meeting?”. Yes, yes, I would LOVE a dude that’s 6’5. But really, my main thing is, is he taller than me? 6’5 is an overshot, yeah an IDEAL, but 6’5 vs. a practicing Christian all other things being equal, I’m taking the practicing Christian. I think we define all the superficial stuff but don’t look at the stuff that’ll really matter (or cause arguments) in the day to day marriage life, like “Are you the type of person to put your parents (or mine!) in a nursing home or are you willing to help take care of them at our house?” or “Would you take me off life support??” or “Are you down with me being a stay at home mom?”

2) Define some goals, I don’t want to get married just to GET MARRIED, I want to get married and NOT GET DIVORCED . . .not trying to do this shit all over again. I’m trying to build a dynasty, where all my kids have the same last name and share a common upbringing and experience felt from a solid familial bond. Alot of women judge men based on what they have or who they know etc etc, and not on their capacity to love a women unconditionally. Look at his family history and his behavior towards women, did he learn how to love from experiencing it?

3) Let’s not be delusional about what marriage is. You are stuck with the same person (hopefully) for the rest of your life. Hell yes they’re gonna piss you off and get on your nerves. Just like brothers/sister/mothers/fathers . . . anyone who is in your life FOR THE LONG HAUL is gonna cross you at some point. Love is more about dealing with incompatibility than it is concerned with compatibility. Can you love someone’s flaws? Can you tolerate someone’s idiosyncrasies?

4) I have single friends who want to get marriage yet don’t have dates every weekend. That’s a bit counter-productive, don’t you think? I mean, when you meet someone you can be nice. You may not click with them, but their cousin, boss, or someone they know may be a match. Nothing wrong with widening your circle of friends. IDK, I think being single is hell of fun . . . you should never pay for dinner any weekend when you’re looking or casually dating! I meet new guys all the time, and quickly convert them to friends by being upfront AND letting them know I have tons of beautiful and cool girlfriends. Birds of a feather flock together, so if people can tell you’re cool, they’ll assume you don’t hang out with all assholes. It works vice versa for a cool dude you meet.

5) I have no idea if this will work for meeting “good” men: Go get a ring and wear it on your left hand ring finger. I swear, the second I got engaged all the college educated, non-thuggish, non-drug dealing, Christian dudes have been coming out of the woodworks wanting to walk me to my car, opening doors, idk just being generally all up in my face. Its weird, but amusing.

ok, done with my dating guide.

24 07 2008
TomatoHead

I don’t know about other women, but I don’t trust guys who I don’t know and I don’t date for “fun”. I don’t think dating is fun at all. It’s quite annoying, actually. And I have a very small group of friends who I regularly hang out with and even then I can’t keep track of them very easily.

Some women, i.e. me, are not afraid of not being married. I’m not “terrified” of being alone because I never will be alone. I have my family, what more do you need? A man just complicates life and makes it harder to just live. I would love to have a job, travel when I want, eat where I want to when I want to, live where I want to live. Having a man means compromise and I don’t know if it’s because I’m 22 or because my mom raised three daughters on her own with a dead beat dad, but I don’t think any woman “needs” a man for anything.

This isn’t the 50s. You don’t need to be married to be happy and live happily. Just do what you want. If you want to get married, take steps to getting married. Widen your dating pool, ask friends to set you up with people they know. Look around. But don’t think you have to get married just because you were “raised” to think that way. I was raised to think that all men were pigs and a waste of time. Am I going to continue in life that way? No. Just because you were raised a certain way doesn’t mean it’s right. You do what’s right for you.

24 07 2008
vitazza

The engagment ring idea works…so dose the wedding band! I’m not sure why, but I think it has something to do with taking the pressure off of men. If an attractive man sees you with your RING he may feel free to be open, for casual convo. IDK just my thoughts.

24 07 2008
anjiebaby

Vitazza-

I wasn’t sure if they was cause men felt like, “Oh, she must be the bomb if someone else has wifed her up”

Or cause . . .

They’re men and they just didn’t notice it?

Or

Maybe I walking around like “I could care less if you talk to me” but I’m still friendly, I guess that is taking the pressure off them. IDK.

Anyone else experience this? Wearing an engagement ring and getting ALOT of male attention nonetheless???

24 07 2008
Angry IV

@scarletjones – Amen, ma amie, amen.

@anjie/vitazza – the engagement/wedding ring thing is exactly what vitazza said, and also something else. Yes, it takes the pressure off. We can have a casual conversation with a pretty woman whom we have NO intention of taking past that conversation, enjoy the company of someone without a dick for once, and feel good about it afterward.

On the other hand – you have the grime factor, in which some of those guys are looking to get into a married/committed woman’s pants. My fiancee was recently told via MySpace on the COMMENT WALL by some coontastic clown “how you and ya boyfriend doin!? how’s that engaged life?? u kno I still got urges for ya.” What???????????????????

I hate bitch n***as.

24 07 2008
Angry IV

@anjie – my fiancee gets the attention all the time. The most recent conversation (not much of a conversation) went something like this:

“hey, you cute, whats yo name”
[goes ignored]
“aye you got a boyfriend”
[responds “yes, I’m getting married, goodbye.”]
“so, he probably doin’ the same thang, he prolly cheatin’ on you anyway, let me get yo number I’ll treat ya good”

n*gga, what?

24 07 2008

my mom use to pinch my brothers widows peak and twist. I think that was worse

24 07 2008

He use to say “OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIE!” so loud though. Funny!

24 07 2008
vitazza

look yall I have been married a long time and I have the nicest convos daily cause men know I am not gonna chase them anywhere!! I think the fact that hey I am plain nice without the I am checking you out eyes allows guys to just be cool….idk

24 07 2008
vitazza

@angry yes I have had a guy appear to see my wedding band as a challange!!! Didn’t end well I cussed him out royally in front of a crowd of people on the subway. I am so cool , but not that cool. Marriage means something and I really do take it well when folks don’t respect a union

24 07 2008
Liligi

oh lord. *rolls eyes*

24 07 2008
vitazza

who you rollin eyes @!!!
Ne’ pinchin is the best way to whoop your child you’ll see! hahaha

24 07 2008
scarletjones

I would be suspect of any man that approached me because he noticed I had on something that looked like a wedding/engagement ring.

I think some men would just be being nice, but most would probably have the kind of motives that the dudes Angry’s fiance are attracting have. (even if the expression of said motives aren’t as crass)

24 07 2008
scarletjones

suspect should be suspicious

24 07 2008
4m_no_2_dc

how many black women on here are honestly down with datig outside their race?
i am….

24 07 2008
vitazza

Sorry I disagree!!! But, You could be right and I am living in la-la land. It may also help that I don’t carry the stank face that so many attractive single urban women wear to ward off assholes. lol
No woman can control who will approach her per se’ but she can let him know how open she is to flirting ect. by her reply to his approach. Shut him down or not it is up to the chick.

24 07 2008
vitazza

Did it like it!! Married a bi-racial who is very Black!!!

24 07 2008
TomatoHead

I am very open to dating outside my race. I just don’t really date…:)

24 07 2008
dewfish

I really hate these “why aren’t black women married?” specials. What I hate most about them is that they all start with the same assumption of that black women “have it all together” and that it is everyone else’s fault they are not married. As a man, If I couldn’t find someone, the first thing I would be told is that I need to improve. why isn’t the same true when a woman can’t find someone?

25 07 2008
Jo

Cosign w/ Tomato…

I suppose my record would look like a literal Rainbow Coalition if I ever got off my ass and went out in public. Hmmm…maybe I’ll go tool around Georgetown this weekend and see if I can’t get myself seen…

25 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Dating…I guess (and I have done it). But marrying outside the race, probably not. I’m honestly just not attracted to non-black men like that. So I’ll have to deal with limiting myself…and I’m cool with that.

25 07 2008
dewfish

another false assumption is that dating outside your race automatically improves everything. Every time one of these specials air, they offer that same “solution”. My question is, if dating outside your race solved everything, why are there still record numbers of unmarried black women? shouldn’t the other races have “saved” you by now?

25 07 2008
Landon

DOC:

Coming to the DC area soon, whats popping… is there any week(end) i should wait on? and get it cracking? hit me, a brother needs to go out and have some fun!

25 07 2008
Vanita

I wouldn’t mind dating outside my race. But I think it would have to be a minority.

25 07 2008
vitazza

TomatoHead!!!!!! DATE “outside” ain’t shit happening on the sidelines babe!! I really do understand your prev. statement about having a close circle of freinds and really only dating someone that a friend knows…..shoot there are really bad people out there, but dating outside your race at least opens the door to an extra option. Dating really dose suck sometimes ,but you could have fun and perhaps meet someone you really like. My closest friend in the WORLD I have loved her since we were babies is married to a white man. This is a non-issue in fact I forgoet I have sister-in-laws who are white(2)!!! Again non-issue. We are really a happy and close family.
My parents didn’t trip or say oh why are you guys all going out with other races. I just sayin I adore Black men glad to have one but if he wasn’t available to love me then I was gonna keep it movin.
The only thing I remember about dating outside was my younger brother was somewhat troubled that dating a white woman would be disrespectful to myself or my mother. I told him that loving who he chose to love could not hurt me in anyway….that it didn’t mean……… he had no love or respect me or our mom.

25 07 2008
TomatoHead

I don’t think marrying outside my race will help me in any way…I am just attracted to other types of guys as well as black guys. I hate black women though who say that they only want a black man and then complain about the lack of good men. There are good men all around you, you just don’t want them because you want a “Black King” or some other bullshit.

We are not “Kings” or “Queens”. Unless you rule a country, shut your mouth and get to work, dammit.

25 07 2008
Vanita

I know someone (a guy) dating outside his race. Its the number one thing they argue about. What they should be doing in public, why people look at them so weird, what both their parents think about the other partner.

25 07 2008
Landon

There are more WOmen then men period!

Its just a good time to be a an employed male with a heart beat and slightly SANE!

ITS Like PUSSY”R”US out there… no to be crass but its true. I know i know every woman in here is too dignified to stoop to low levels but chicks would cut another chicks KNEE CAPS to get a good man… Its real in the field and these girls are not playing.

If i was a complete douchebag i would be an absolute MALE WHORE RIGHT NOW…. but i have some sense now and i have matured, but if i was living how i was living in my younger 20’s MY GOD…. TROJAN STOCK would be up 30% the ladies have lost thier minds out there. You can even tell the girls who just GAVE up and are just out there for fun (30 Plus) but some of my friends my age or just like FUCK it i am not getting married so i minds well bust a NUT!

25 07 2008
Angry IV

I dated a couple white girls when I was younger, but I feel that as I grew older (out of high school) the novelty of it started to decrease and cultural differences began to grow. In high school it was cool, everyone liked the same music, everyone was friends etc…but then as we got older I started to have much less in common with white folks and white women than I did with Black folks in general. My parents raised me not to see color, but as I got older it started to come out. I then subsequently became one of the angriest Blacks on the eastern seaboard.

25 07 2008
vitazza

pussy R US!!! oh my!!

25 07 2008
TomatoHead

Vanita: My older sister is with a white guy from West Virginia. They talk about the race thing but it’s really not that big of an issue. I think that it’s only an issue if you make it one. My mom doesn’t care that he’s white and his family doesn’t care that she’s black. All they care about is that she’s Christian (go figure). She could have been purple for all they cared.

But I understand why some people have troubles in their families with dating outside their race. I also think though, that some people make problems for themselves.

25 07 2008
Jen

In my humble opinion, dewfish sounds a little out of touch with reality.

I do not want to date outside of my race, but most of the men who approach me are white. I have no idea why. I keep saying I am going to start dating white men, and my Black male friends are like “No, don’t say that! The right brother will come along.”

That may be true, but I am feeling a little idle hemming and hawing and waiting for him.

25 07 2008
Landon

Religion is for sure a bigger issue now…

let Billy Bob Bring home a lady of the Islamic Cloth…. Holy Hell would break out…

Within Christians i do see a divide between Catholics and Protestants

25 07 2008
vitazza

I think being equally yolked kinda trumps race ***just my opinion***
How the children will be reared and so forth!! As Black folk of course we want to marry within our race but if that one isn’t around how manny rocks will you look under!! I don’t mean to imply not keeping your standards but how long should a man or woman wait?

25 07 2008
Angry IV

Agree with Landon – with bitch-ass dudes on the rise nowadays, a good man (especially a good Black man) is like a rare commodity…like spices in the 1400s and shit, chicks ready to sail around Cape Hope to try and get to the West Indies and shit!

The good thing is I have a lot more self-respect and respect for women than to take advantage of it. Plus I’m snatched up already 🙂

25 07 2008
Zahara

I don’t have time to read 500+ comments but I just wanted to say that for the percentage of black marriages to increase we really have to bring back the notion of social condemnation for anyone having shacking up together and/or having a child out of wedlock.

People either directly or indirectly support the epidemic of bastard children and broken homes thats rampant in black communities by their actions.

Did your sister have a kid out of wedlock or decide to stick with that deadbeat loser? Then don’t attend her wedding, baby shower etc. Tell her what she is doing is crummy and you don’t approve. Ditto if it’s your brother, uncle, aunt, mother, father etc.

If stupid behavior was rewarded with social isolation & condemnation…then more people would think twice before making such life altering decisions that ruin so many lives.

To sum it up — BLACK PEOPLE IT’S TIME TO GO BACK TO THE DAYS WERE ADULTERY, HAVING ILLEGIT CHILDREN, CO-HABITING ETC. WAS SEEN AS SOMETHING THAT ONLY THE WORST PEOPLE DO. NOT SOMETHING THAT IS MAINSTREAM AND ACCEPTED.

25 07 2008
Jen

Oh, and I am using the term “male friends” loosely. My ex explained to me ad nauseum that I have no such “friends,” only men who are waiting on the appropriate time to sleep with me. This idea made sense on its face, so I’ve accepted it.

25 07 2008
vitazza

It’s true Jen!!!

25 07 2008
Jen

Zahara, your post is extremely ugly, especially your choice to refer to children as “bastards.” I hope that this imagined return to puritanical morals also involves a return to basic decorum.

25 07 2008
Zahara

BASTARD:

–noun
1. a person born of unmarried parents; an illegitimate child.
2. Slang.
a. a vicious, despicable, or thoroughly disliked person: Some bastard slashed the tires on my car.
b. a person, esp. a man: The poor bastard broke his leg.
3. something irregular, inferior, spurious, or unusual.
4. bastard culverin.
–adjective
5. illegitimate in birth.
6. spurious; not genuine; false: The architecture was bastard Gothic.
7. of abnormal or irregular shape or size; of unusual make or proportions: bastard quartz; bastard mahogany.
8. having the appearance of; resembling in some degree: a bastard Michelangelo; bastard emeralds.
9. Printing. (of a character) not of the font in which it is used or found.

———-

Just because people choose to use it as an insult does not mean that the term does not apply to illegit children.

25 07 2008
Jen

Zahara, you are looking for the term “illegitimate,” not the term “illegit.”

Look that up in your fucking dictionary.

25 07 2008
vitazza

Jen!! Why even bother??

25 07 2008
Zahara

It’s called short hand you retard. Look THAT up. And that’s for showing us that your the classic example used in the ‘hater’ post. You can’t argue back you you have to go and look for an imagined spelling mistake.

Loser

25 07 2008
TomatoHead

Jen, seriously, just leave it. She’s just gonna be annoying anyway. She’s a troll. Wasn’t she here yesterday talkin ish?

Also Jen, take up some of those white dudes on a date proposal. it’s just a date and you might actually find one of them to be worth another date 🙂

25 07 2008
Jo

@Zahara:

I understand some of your sentiments, but Jen is right about the bastard term. For one thing, “bastard” and “illegitimate” labels degrade the children, not their parents who may or mayn’t have made a mistake.

A child cannot help how it’s brought into the world, and we need to get away from the kind of habits that curse these kids from the moment they’re born.

25 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Landon – Don’t you know I’m a social recluse. I have no idea what’s hot in the streets in DC, ha ha. Just let me know when you’ll be in the urrreah, we can get a group together and hit up Pussy ‘R Us or something…good times.

25 07 2008
Jen

I should probably leave it alone. But, this type of person irks me to no end.

She just suggested, as a valid means of combating the dearth of children born into nuclear families within our communities, ostracizing the mothers of children whose fathers abandoned them. I would ignore her if I hadn’t heard suggestions like these before from similarly unthinking people.

The confusion of homonyms, misspelling of words and poor diction I can stomach, but the complete and utter failure in reasoning and lack of respect for innocent children are intolerable.

25 07 2008
Zahara

I love it when black people can’t bear to hear the truth so they have to create some shit up. I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I’m sorry Jen(no I’m really not) that your a single mother and felt that my post hit a nerve. But stick to the post instead of taking offense to something you know deep down is true.

Most children born into black families are out of wedlock. Deal with it. And if more people them the right term….then there probably would be less idolization of baby mamas and daddy’s.

25 07 2008
TomatoHead

I gotcha, Miss Jen. I can’t stand stand people who won’t/can’t reason like a human being and who completely disrespect little ones who had no say in being brought into this world.

25 07 2008
Jen

And, now she uses the terms “baby mama” and “baby daddy.” How do you spell, “trash?” 🙂

25 07 2008
TomatoHead

“T-r-o-l-l”

25 07 2008
Zahara

Well if you can’t spell trash, I’ll tell ya sweetie. It’s spelled J-E-N. 😉

Anyways, no hard feelings. I’m not going to change my mind because people disagree with me or view me as a troll. I’d hate to be a clone especially on a site where I know no one and I could care less.

25 07 2008
TomatoHead

I’m about to get off work. Gonna go to Extreme Kickboxing tonight. I’m sore from doing it on Tuesday…I’m gonna be a hot mess tomorrow 🙂

25 07 2008
Jen

Of course you’re not going to change your mind. You are either a troll or one of the simplest bastards (and here we have a PROPER use of the word!) to learn to navigate a keyboard.

Whichever it is, good luck with that!

25 07 2008
Vanita

Damn Zahara. This is a happy family here. Lets all just be peaceful.

25 07 2008
Vanita

Jen, Im disappointed. You should have never engaged her more than once.

25 07 2008
Jen

I know. I have only gone off on somebody’s comment twice since posting here and both times involved children. They’re my soft spot.

25 07 2008
riz

No time to really post and comment, esp since this issue is so deep. But please, DON’T FEED THE TROLLS!!! I know, I know, sometimes you just want/ need to go off on somebody. I understand. A troll provides the perfect foil for that, AND ppl have been agreeing a lot lately, so there hasn’t been a good argument.

But man, if we keep indulging this childish behavior by giving them the satisfaction of pissing us off, then more will just come. It gives ignorant, illiterate, inbred, white people (or those of any race) to feel superior because they have the power to piss us off. Since they do not have the power to contribute logic (see yesterday’s post), then they just use name-calling and generalizations. It’s a waste of all our collective mental health.

That said, GET ‘EM, JEN!

25 07 2008
dewfish

i’m not telling anyone who to date or not to date. whatever your preference is, that is your preference. all I am saying is that this whole “unmarried black women” topic is usually set up in a way that puts all blame on black men and automatically assumes that other races are “better”

25 07 2008
riz

I asked this once, and I’ll ask it again: Why do white people always feel the need to get up in our business? Every time Black people gather anywhere, somewhere that whites feel physically safe to talk sh*t, together, they feel the need to come and share an opinion about things that they know nothing about. Its an epidemic. Yet Black people don’t seem to care about what white people do. I mean, you don’t see me strolling up to some fat white lady in Walmart, asking about her foodstamps and serial-killer brothers, do you? That’s their business, not mine.

25 07 2008
dewfish

i agree with riz….

25 07 2008
Nice

I believe that there are many reasons why the Black marriage rate is so low. But I think one of the main reasons is “playing house”. I cant blame the men or women anymore for this. I am even guilty of it, which is probably one of the reasons why I never married my ex- fiancee.

People need to also raise the standard (especially Black women) of how they allow people to treat them. The article pointed this out, one of a few things that I agreed with. People stay in less than satisfying relationships because they feel they wont be able to snag something better.

Its not always about being with someone. Anyone can find somebody to be with. Its about two people have like-minds, chemistry and that feeling being mutual. Even though I do date, I havent been in a serious relationship in over 3 yrs. Not because I cant find anyone, but because when I do find “the one”, I want him to be the right one for me. And not just some dude I settled for.

25 07 2008
Mo

Has anyone noticed that this special is sponsored by McDonalds?…..Killing black folks on the daily, ain’t that some shit!

25 07 2008
Vanita

I ❤ Michael Eric Dyson…

25 07 2008
Yonnie3K

DAMN YOU SHAREETA!!! The chick on Black in America that has a baby by a guy who doesn’t come around, but now is pregnant with twins by another guy. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!

25 07 2008
anjiebaby

I’m going to have to agree with Zahara on her point. I’m from the south, but furthermore, the family and community I come from is not about the “baby mama/daddy” situation. As an example, two guys (one related to me, one a close friend) get two girls pregnant. The one related to me knew what the deal was, “Knuckle up buddy, when’s the wedding?” And he’s now happily married and prospering. Its called a shotgun wedding and people did/do it mainly to avoid the shame of having a child out of wedlock.

The other dude, didn’t marry the chick, but we railed on him repeatedly for his irresponsible behavior. So I’d have to agree with Zahara that this level of “shame” is missing nowadays in America in general. Either way, it was made CLEAR that we (the family/community) DO NOT approve of your behavior. The kids in both cases are fully supported and welcomed into the family, although their parents have been “scolded” (for lack of a better word).

There was a time, when it was UNDERSTOOD that you’re getting married if somebody gets pregnant- probably around the same time when anybody in the neighborhood could give any one else’s kid a whooping for acting out.

Like the saying goes: you don’t date someone unless they’re marriage material, you probably shouldn’t sleep with them in that case either.

25 07 2008
Mo

And i love how they just skim right over Rap, that segment was like 2 mins long, wtf?

25 07 2008
Jen

Has anybody ever anyone discuss a connection between the unemployment statistics surrounding Black males and the disintegration of the Black family?

I think more Black men would stick around their kids if more Black men could afford to support a family. I think that it must feel some kind of way for a man to not to be able to take care of his SO and child(ren).

25 07 2008
Vanita

thank you yonnie. although to me, it seems that she was just fat, and not pregnant with twins. But I screamed at the TV “stop having sex!!”

25 07 2008
Nice

Jen, that may be a good point, but maybe not all of it. I think people are taking less regard for the people that they lay down with, especially without protection. Im not saying this is every case. I was engaged to my sons father, but I hear too many stories about this: men and women having babies by some person that they barely even kno. Once that child is born and they have broken up, they have absolutely no respect or regard for the mother/father of their child. Sometimes the baby doesnt even make it out of the mamas belly before this “couple” has decided to call it quits.

25 07 2008
anjiebaby

I don’t believe in “the one”. There are six billion people on this planet. Even if you knock out half of them as undateable- hell, even 5/6 of them- believing that you’re going to find that “one” perfect person for you in your lifetime is ridiculous. Truly, a needle in a haystack. The existence of widows/widowers who fall in love again negates that whole idea.

Ever notice, that guys rarely (if ever) say, oh, I’m waiting on “the one” ???

25 07 2008
Nice

Angie, I think “the one” doesnt really mean that that is the only person that you are compatiable with. I think its more of the person that you did feel a strong connection to and chose to settle down with. True, there are way too people in this world for there to only be 1 person that you have a connection to.

25 07 2008
Zahara

Thank you Anjiebaby. You got the point. I wish more people actually paid attention to the message of a post instead of finding things to be offended about.

I never said anything about the kids (except use a term that was frequently used in the days when having kids out of wedlock was frowned upon). I was making a point and you’re the only one who got it.

25 07 2008
Jen

I certainly don’t think that explains everything, but I really think it probably has a strong connection.

I think other factors come into play, including the fact that assistance to young families is more readily available if there is no father living in the home.

I agree that what you’ve mentioned has contributed, also. To piggyback on that idea, something that reinforces what you’re talking about is the fact that people wait so long to get married nowadays. It was fine to “abstain” when the average age of first marriage was 22 or younger, but now that so many people think it normal to wait til 30 or older, abstinence is impractical. I think that has led to a slippery slope sort of lowering of standards.

Another thing I think helps the statistic is the availability and acceptability of abortion. Now that abortion is available to women, it is oftentimes frequently expected of women. If a woman chooses not to abort, a man who might have stuck by her 30 – 40 years ago now might build a resentment that leads to the eventual dissolution of his relationship with the mother of his child.

25 07 2008
Yonnie3K

Anybody picking up on how the McCain Campaign is hating on all the love that Obama is getting overseas? Apparently their reaction to his speech in Berlin today is that he shouldn’t be making a presidential speech b/c he’s not the president. STFU!!

25 07 2008
Nice

Oh yes, Jen. There are way too many singles mother prepared to live off the system. I don’t look down on this type of female if she is reallying using this as a means to get on her feet, but too many folks think that being on W2 is just a way of life. If everybody had to really go out there and work for theirs, Im quite sure the pregnancy rate wud go down- a little bit, I wud hope.

I do also think that people wait too long to get married and have familes. I kno people that wanted a career and money, waited to be 40 to have a child and get married. They are still having the same problems a 25 yr old has with their marriage and raising kids.

25 07 2008
Nice

I meant really

25 07 2008
Nice

oops, I meant really

25 07 2008
Yonnie3K

W2?

25 07 2008
dewfish

i don’t think abortion is “expected” of women, it just depends on what kind of relationship you’re in and if you really have the means to support a human being for 18 years.

25 07 2008
Nice

W2 is a welfare program.

25 07 2008
Sister Toldja

I think it’s crazy to ostracize people for having children out of wedlock. If anything, the community needs to surround the single parent and child in order to make sure that the family has everything they need (especially male role models if the father isn’t doing his part).

However, I think we have allowed single-and pregnant out of wedlock situations to become the normative and THAT is a problem, IMO. For one, we HAVE to start using contraceptives. I personally do not have unprotected sex and will not do so until there are TWO rings on my finger. That has as much to do with my fear of AIDS as it does my refusal to be pregnant until I am married. Honestly, with the high rate of STD/HIV infections in our community, it blows my mind that people are still boning all willy nilly. And why are you having raw sex if you aren’t trying to make a baby in the first place?

Having a kid is not some shit you just do. It’s not like getting a yeast infection or a sty. Like, “Oh, I’m pregnant? Guess I’ll just be having a baby then”. I disagree with whomever said you should only date people you’d marry, especially for the younger folk like myself. However, because I’m not married or ready to be saddled with baby, I am protecting myself. Are YOU?

If we stoppped having such a lassez-faire attiude about sex and protection, wouldn’t be so many single moms! And we also need to, imo, seriously start focusing on the value of marriage. Our people, the men in particular, need to return to love.

25 07 2008
Sister Toldja

anjiebaby- Guys don’t say “I’m waiting on the one”, but they act like it. They are more picky in who they will settle down with than women, I believe.

25 07 2008
Jen

I think I am in the minority of people who thinks that people should be able to receive government assistance for as long as they need it. Plenty of people seek but cannot find full-time work during hours conducive to raising a child. If a woman who works 30 hours per week but only makes 12k/year still needs government assistance after being on it for five years I say, “Please give it to her.”

All of society is better off if she has the time and peace of mind to raise her child.

25 07 2008
dewfish

there is also no such thing as waiting too long to get married. I think that is the problem. It seems like people want to get married just to be married. marriage isn’t a “must-do” on life’s checklist. if you haven’t found anyone that you think is worth marriage, then marriage should be the last thing on your mind.

25 07 2008
Zahara

Works in my family, my community. I seriously do not know ONE SINGLE PERSON in my family and/or friend cirlce (both distant or close) who has a child without wedlock, who is shacking up with thier honey etc. THEY KNOW they know the consequences of their actions and are smart enough to make good choices.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

25 07 2008
anjiebaby

Aside: The welfare system structure certainly contributes as well; but I know some single mothers who thought having the baby first was the step to marriage; so on the other hand, you have some people “abusing” the whole idea of community shame for their own benefit, as in “trapping” a man. Although, I feel like the woman is trapped just as much if not more so than the guy is; being the primary caregiver in most instances.

I kind of think people are waiting too long to get married these days. Like, “I gotta do this, this, this, and this first” and I admit I struggle with that myself at times too, the desire to do all these “individual” things before I get a ball and chain. Cause marriage is definitely about the art of compromise. But there’s something to be said about marrying someone and *growing together* in the sense of growing up together and growing together spiritually, emotionally, etc. Every year, I feel less and less obligated to compromise, share, or see another’s point of view. So its about time I jump the broom before I lose those skills completely because I do KNOW for a fact, being married and having a family is something I want. So, it really involves that first compromise; saying, “I will compromise my individuality for the opportunity to be apart of a family unit and thus be forced to compromise for the rest of my life.”

As much as I love my fiancee, and we get along and all that mushy crap; I’m getting married *soon* so I can have as much unprotected sex as I want, whenever I want without the worry of STDs, or being a single parent raising a child. True, people can cheat, divorce, etc; but that’s where the hope is that I’ve picked (and been picked by) the right person where I don’t have to worry about those things. Yeah, abstaining up to your 30s is impractical. So I just decided to get married at 25 which also means I can’t run off to Australia for 3 months without consulting him. Call me shallow, but Australia (i.e. absolute freedom) vs. Worry-Free Orgasms and I’ll choose the Worry-Free Orgasms every time.

25 07 2008
Nice

“I think I am in the minority of people who thinks that people should be able to receive government assistance for as long as they need it. Plenty of people seek but cannot find full-time work during hours conducive to raising a child. If a woman who works 30 hours per week but only makes 12k/year still needs government assistance after being on it for five years I say, “Please give it to her”

As long as they need it is a vaild point. I think some people do need. But I think alot of people are just plain lazy, because I kno some. They either dont want to work, or the jobs that are out there pay so low, they get by better with being on public asst.

25 07 2008
Jen

@ST: I conceived while using BC pills. I know other women who have conceived using contraceptives (pills, rings and condoms). People tend to be open with me about this because I am so open about my experience.

Knowing what I know, and having heard what I heard, I refuse to date (and certainly refuse to have sex with) anybody I wouldn’t marry. Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I’m not going to have sex until marriage. But, I will probably not have sex without both a condom AND contraceptive drugs until a man has AT MINIMUM expressed a strong interest in marrying me.

25 07 2008
Nice

Zahara, I think those are stong and good standards to live by. But God forbid the person who made a “mistake” and is now an outcast instead of helped due to this.

I do believe we need better standards to live by, but right now we need to stick by our single mothers and fathers to show them a better way- don’t shame us or make us feel less than. Some people do actually learn from their mistakes.

25 07 2008
dewfish

once again, there is no such thing as waiting too long to get married. people ac as if marriage is something you MUST do within your lifetime. it isn’t. it’s a choice. and doing it just to do it is a bad decision. you can want to get married, but it is not a need.

25 07 2008
Jen

Dewfish, you are clearly a man. Are you a man? Please tell me how right I am about your being male.

Thanks in advance.

25 07 2008
dewfish

yes, I am a man. does that make my point any less valid?

25 07 2008
ninabrown

my mother longs for the day that i meet the man that will be there for me when she is no longer here on earth……until then….

i agree with dionne hill. so many of my non-black (caucasian) co-workers were married by the age of 25. i guess it’s a culture thing. where i’m from, we were not encouraged to get married, let alone, graduate from high school/college. so as a girl from the hood, marriage was never a dream of mine. the wedding ceremony, however, has always been a dream.
it’s a shame, i’m 34 and at 27, came to the realization that i may never be married.
i figure that i would just pour my love into my niece. but what happens when she gets married. who would i turn to? my job, i guess.
i’m glad that ms. hill did not go into “the real details” of why most single, successful black women are not married. such as,————–(all single black women fill in the blank)

25 07 2008
anjiebaby

Honestly, I think women are more dynamic than men. A man can find a woman of any shape, shade, hue, temperament and be satisfied. Not only that, I think they’re easy to please: vagina? check. Walk, talks, breathes? check. Easy on the eyes? Check.

I’m not saying they don’t have standards, but like a height standard? No. Whereas a woman will have a height, weight, education level, parentage, university attended, greek or not greek, blood type etc.

Women are more compromising too, willing to change themselves and compromise things.

Maybe it cause guys just try out (date) more women in general, whereas women date like 1 guy per year? So guys have less pressure to adapt to many different women, but women are always aware of the possible other women a man is dating, that its a constant competition that makes us more dynamic/diverse?

Clearly, I’m not speaking in absolute terms and there are always exceptions.

25 07 2008
Nice

I belive there is a such thing as waiting too long to get married when you have been a relationship with the same person for 15 yrs. Now if youre 45 and just finding the right person, ok then. But I think people make the mistake of staying in girlfriend/boyfriend status for far too long before deciding to marry eachother.

25 07 2008
Zahara

Nice.

I never said I was an Angel or my family, friends, community are perfect. If a person makes a mistake…no one is going to hold them to it IF THEY CHANGE. But if they continue to want that kind of lifestyle that is against our values then there is no point in supporting/hanging out with that person.

I’m using the out of wedlock kids as an example because it’s what most of the comments here are about. If you look at single mothers — most of them don’t have one kid. They have 2-34*. That’s 1-2 mistake too many. They are told ‘I love you but I’m disappointed in your actions. It goes against what I believe in and the values that I hold dear…so until you decide to stop messing with that druggie loser/having kids out of wedlock/fill in the blank…then I can’t really be around you pretending everything is ok’.

The door is always open. It’s in the court of the person as to if and when they want to come back.

No one has a problem with this. No one is forced against their will. But I can tell you that all of them are in secure relationships, know who their mommies & daddies are and can’t imagine being in a long term relationsip that isn’t marriage.

Now is this realistically gonna happen in Black America? I highly doubt it. But for regular folks it’s not too late in raising your kids with those kind of standards, values, and teaching them that somethings are not acceptable and will not be tolerated. It’s time to be real and stop trying to please everyone by not ruffling feathers and letting people close to you know when they’re being idiots.

25 07 2008
anjiebaby

I’m not saying a complete ostracization of the folks having kids out of wedlock, but atleast a public display of disapproval (from the family). This serves not only for their benefit, but also for the benefit of the younger brothers, sisters, cousins who undoubtedly know the situation as well.

I guess, the practical example would be; we’re a lot less likely to babysit for the single parent to go out for a night with their friends than for a married couple. Kind of like, “Well, this was your choice.” Yes, its still the choice of the married couple to have a kid, but atleast in was done in the Christian order.

I know that sounds harsh, but that’s just how we roll. The single parent people I know are still welcomed, loved and complete members of the family/community.

25 07 2008
ninabrown

okay, it’s 9:00 pm PST, gotta watch CNN

25 07 2008
Jen

Your maleness is just glaring, that’s all. I’m not going to argue with you because obviously, I my opinion is colored by my perspective as a woman. But, it is funny how clear it is to me that abortion is frequently expected of unmarried, pregnant women or that marriage is about security to women whereas these statements might seem at least debatable to you.

25 07 2008
anjiebaby

i think a lot of people dream about the wedding and not the marriage. People look at me crazy when I’m like, “Can we just go to the courthouse?” But I’m already planning like different gifts to give my future husband when we finally do the do. Like, I know he really wants to learn how to fly a plane, so one birthday he’ll get enrolled in flight school. That’s the stuff I look forward to. I could care less about some floral arrangements and cake.

25 07 2008
dewfish

“i agree with dionne hill. so many of my non-black (caucasian) co-workers were married by the age of 25. i guess it’s a culture thing. where i’m from, we were not encouraged to get married, let alone, graduate from high school/college. so as a girl from the hood, marriage was never a dream of mine. the wedding ceremony, however, has always been a dream.”

you don’t measure your life based on what someone else is doing. some of the ones you see getting married could possibly be making the biggest mistake of their lives. marriage in and of itself is not a good thing. it depends on who you are married to, and how committed you are to marriage itself, and not just the idea of being married.

“Honestly, I think women are more dynamic than men. A man can find a woman of any shape, shade, hue, temperament and be satisfied. Not only that, I think they’re easy to please: vagina? check. Walk, talks, breathes? check. Easy on the eyes? Check.

I’m not saying they don’t have standards, but like a height standard? No. Whereas a woman will have a height, weight, education level, parentage, university attended, greek or not greek, blood type etc.

Women are more compromising too, willing to change themselves and compromise things. ”

way off base. I think that men usually have higher standards than women in that we are not going to marry anyone that comes along just to say we’ve been married before. as far as those standards, it’s just like chris said in an earlier post. having a lot of standards is not the same as having good standards.

“I belive there is a such thing as waiting too long to get married when you have been a relationship with the same person for 15 yrs. Now if youre 45 and just finding the right person, ok then. But I think people make the mistake of staying in girlfriend/boyfriend status for far too long before deciding to marry eachother.”

if you have been dating someone for 15 years and they haven’t married you, I think they made it clear that don’t want to marry you. ever. it is up to the individual to take the hint and leave or stay and stop complaining about it.

25 07 2008
Jen

Anjie, I honestly think that is terrible…especially the example you gave. Single mothers have to be mother and father. That means they work twice as hard, deal with twice the stress, etc. They are the parents who need the most help. I would not retain a relationship with a family member who was “less likely to help me” because I am a single mother. That isn’t Christian at ALL.

25 07 2008
Nice

Zahara, I think that everything stated is valid. But I also got the impression in your previous post that you where kinda looking down on people who didnt marry their kids parents and kids who are born out of wedlock. We all kno that kids born out of wedlock by dictionary term are bastards, but must you- my baby is not a bastard- I dont care what the dictionary defines him as. To me he is my heart and soul. I did get the point you were tryin to make. I also get that you are not into sugarcoating either, but like I said, lets teach single parents a better way instead of putting them down. I never said you were an angel. I said you were raised by good standards.

25 07 2008
dewfish

“But, it is funny how clear it is to me that abortion is frequently expected of unmarried, pregnant women or that marriage is about security to women whereas these statements might seem at least debatable to you.”

I don’t see how me being a man or you being a woman stops either of us from making a valid point. either the point makes sense or it doesn’t. as far as abortion, how many people do you know personally that were pressured into abortion? what kind of relationship were they in when they got pregnant? I don’t mean just married or unmarried,but how serious was that relationship? how were they financially at the time?

25 07 2008
Jen

I don’t think any learned person would think it is okay to describe a baby as a bastard. The term is a complete anachronism and anybody who knows its history or its traditional synonyms would know that in using the word to describe the children of unmarried parents, s/he is promoting a mentality and abuse of children that has been wiped away from modern society WITH GOOD REASON.

25 07 2008
Jen

Believe me, dewfish, I hear you and have heard what you’re saying before. I know what one would like to think, what should logically be and what is. And, for a multitude of reasons, these three are not always in sync.

25 07 2008
dewfish

huh?

25 07 2008
anjiebaby

dewfish- I agree wholeheartedly and that was the point I was making. Women tend to have MORE standards. And as stated: more standards doesn’t mean good standards.
I think that women, and black women in particular, take the standards things to the umpteenth power. They’ve basically drawn so small a box for who they want to marry, nobody fits the bill.

BUT on the otherhand, I notice more sameness among guys than among women. Just like you can throw a bunch of men together and turn on a sport of some kind (or some other “manly” activity) and everybody get along. Toss 5 women together and BET somebody is gonna “not like” somebody else 9 out of 10 times. I’m not trying to say that all men are the same . . .

but then again, I kinda am.

ALSO- The existence of the biological clock in women means the timeframe for all that marrying and babymaking business is shorter. But I agree, some women marry just “to be married”. But so do some men.

I can’t say that I think men’s standards are “higher” than women’s either. I don’t think men idealize marriage like women do, so they’re more apt to have a more normal idea of what its like and what they can “settle for”. Then again, as a women and with the way our societal norms go, I’m generally the one who’ll end up giving up more, so its VERY IMPORTANT/DOWNRIGHT CRUCIAL that I marry “right”. Have you seen the stats of black married women? We end up less healthy in a marriage.

25 07 2008
ninabrown

EXACTLY DEWFISH! many of those caucasian’s are in hella harmful relationships. that’s how i made it to where i am today. i never measured myself towards those around me: addicts, baby momma’s, wanna-be dope dealers, etc……
that’s why I am the only female college grad on my block (besides my mom, who just earned her bachelor’s at the age of 56).

25 07 2008
Jen

Reasonable expectations about whether or not a couple will get through unplanned pregnancy that are based on length, quality and type of a relationship and financial stability frequently do not correlate with reality.

25 07 2008
Nice

Angiebaby, what if the single parent needs a baby-sitter to court and find a potential husband or wife. Most single parents are not cool with having their kids around different people. How are they suppose to ever have this person around or get kno this person because no one will baby-sit?

25 07 2008
anjiebaby

Jen- You’re entitled to your opinion.

The example I gave is in terms of a single parent going out for a night with THEIR FRIENDS. Not to a doctor’s appt, classes, a job etc. A night on the town is DISTINCTLY different from either of those. I’ve seen a single mother plan a trip to the NBA All-Star game weekend with plans that the family is going to babysit for her; like she just KNEW they’d babysit while she lived it up. Unacceptable.

I agree single parents do deserve to get help from family but on NEEDS not WANTS. No single parent has ever been denied shelter, food, protection, assistance. But dropping the baby off and using the family as a crutch so you can have a social life is a no-no round these parts.

25 07 2008
Nice

I understand what you mean put no adult person, single parent or not is gonna let their family into all their business like that- even if it involves a date. The person you are dating is still your friend until you reach that other level, hence the reason why you are not willing to have that person around your children yet. You need to make sure they will stick around. Thats still will constitute as a night on the town and not a drs visit.

25 07 2008
Jen

People need a social life, too. According to psychologists, economists and others, it is a pretty basic need, actually.

I think you and Zahara may be missing the idea that single parents are people, too. Or maybe you just don’t care. You’re entitled to your opinion, too.

25 07 2008
Nice

sorry, I meant but.

25 07 2008
dewfish

if you put a bunch of guys in a room and turn on a sport, those who want to watch it will watch it, those who don’t will leave. who cares if one guy wants to watch “dancing with the stars” while the game is on? you don’t like it, leave, its not the only tv in the universe. he might be able to check it out during the commercial break, but if everyone wants to watch the game, we watch the game.

having a kid is not a need on life’s checklist either. just another idea of being more concerned with the idea than the actual reality.

the problem is that marriage is not worth “idealizing” at all. marriage is a contract, nothing more, nothing less. its part social, part legal, and sometimes part religious, but it is still nothing more than a contract, no more significant than the deed to your car. any additional notions about marriage are simply images sold to you since a very early age via commercials.

I think your last sentence says it all. if marriage is actually making black women less healthy, then why all the fuss about being married in the first place?

25 07 2008
dewfish

“Reasonable expectations about whether or not a couple will get through unplanned pregnancy that are based on length, quality and type of a relationship and financial stability frequently do not correlate with reality.”

actually, the type of relationship and whether they can afford the kid are the things that matter most in reality. these are probably the reasons why everyone is pressuring that person for abortion.

25 07 2008
Nice

Marriage is as important as it is to the individual. If It matters to you, great. If it doesn’t, wonderful. Everyone has different priorites in life. To some, marriage is more than a contract. But to some, it is not. My point is, we all see things different. But not wrong.

What is wrong with having marriage as a #1 priority in life- nothing. What is with having your education being a #1 priority- nothing. What is wrong wanting to be a parent a being a #1 priority- nothing. Just do the ish right.

25 07 2008
dewfish

there is something very wrong with making marriage the number one priority, especially if you haven’t even found anyone that you would even want to marry. once again, this “do it just for the sake of doing it” is a bad decision. part of “doing it right” is making sure that it is the right situation and that you are not “doing it just for the sake of doing it”.

25 07 2008
Nice

That see what u are saying, but I think that marriage it is ok to make marriage a priority if that is what you want to do. I never said settle. Some people have a more old school train a thought. There was a time when marriage and family was a priority. Now it has shifted more to career and education. I see nothin wrong with either. Whatever floats your boat. I dont think however, that it shud be an obsession.

25 07 2008
Nice

Excuse the gibberish in the beginning of my statement

25 07 2008
dewfish

times have changed. in the old days, having a marriage and a lot of kids was sometimes a necessity because communities were more rural. if you had a farm or something, help was expensive, so the best option was to literally reproduce and put your kids to work once they reached a certain age. the old days are over, you have to deal with reality as it stands today.

I have no problem with wanting marriage either. but it’s not something you do just to do. For example, I want a Bugatti Veyron. Not only do I want one, I want it while I am still relatively young, now if possible. there is nothing wrong with me wanting a Bugatti Veyron, and there is nothing wrong with me wanting a Bugatti Veyron right now. but if I go to a car dealership and try to buy one, even though I know I don’t have the money to afford it, that is a bad decision. now I can say to myself, “I really want a Bugatti Veyron, and since you only live once and it’s on my life’s checklist of things to do, I should do it.” I can think that all that I want, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is a bad decision.

25 07 2008
Nice

You shouldnt do anything just to do it. That includes, kids, school, marriage and whatever the case may be. For example, you have people that have been freshmen in college for 6 yrs and havent settled on a major because they went to school b4 they were ready. The same can be said for parenting. I appreciate the effort, but we all have our time. I think people nowadays dont make marriage a priority because people just dont- they are afraid of the disapointment if they dont find that someone by the time they thought they would. And times have changed alot, but that doesnt change that people still have old school standards regarding lifestyle- just read some of the comments on this blog. I want a Range Rover, but I cant afford one. I also cant afford to put marriage first because I have a child that I need to put first. Im just sayin, whats so bad about the person that wants to. If they can do that.

25 07 2008
dewfish

that’s if they can. problem is most people really cant.

25 07 2008
Nice

Yes, tru. More people want to than they wud admit, but like you said times have changed. I know for a fact most single mother wish they cud marry their kids fathers. Alot of people want their careers, and family, but cant have it that way, so they pretend it doesnt matter.

25 07 2008
riz

I’m so sad that I missed out on this today!

Now that I’m learning the flow of the comments, I see that the real humor is early in the day, while we should be working, whereas the real talk happens later on, after something at work has made us Afro-Angry (the anger that results from one’s day to day experience as a Black person). As a result, the later comments become hyper-logical, because we’re trying to understand and explain the current state of bullsh*t. Like CNN, but for Black people.

I’ll plan accordingly.

SBPH needs a “Best Of” reel, with some of the funniest postings, comments and urban dictionary terms…

For example, today:

Personally, I don’t think the word “scissorcunt” is really as funny as the idea of two people actually arguing about it. Like, how do you even call somebody out on that? How do you approach the topic? “Chris, I really wish you wouldn’t compare ladies vaginas to office supplies…” And then, how do you defend yourself? Like, how do you explain humor to someone who is really not feeling it? I think that would be the funniest argument on Earth.

And Landon at “Pussy R Us…” …. That is just so ridiculous, that I – I – I can’t even be offended by it. I just had to laugh. Men walk around like this is an almighty Pussatorium, and women are supposed to scramble to keep them. And everyone accepts that. I mean, I guess I can’t blame them- everybody likes sex, and everybody likes power. Apparently, women are losing the latter battle. But I think that comment alone just really ruined it for the next black man that I date.. I mean, nobody’s getting ANY! Ever! We get married, and if that fool wants kids, we’re doing it in a lab! And in the mean time, I’m gonna go holler at Brad and Trevor n dem until further notice…. At least *they* won’t take the ‘nani for granted!

And um, “a-yo, what’s good?”

Ya’ll need a movie montage or something, because this is too much.

25 07 2008
Janus

LOLOL i agree with riz on the Best Of idea and the argument about “scissorcunt” is just tooooooo funny in my head. But yeah when I left work the posts were all jokey and stuff and then all of a sudden it took a turn and ppl start talking about single parent mothers and “bastard” children (a term I DONT approve of btw and I don’t even like children that much) and marriage and a whole heap of mess…

If you think that its time and you want to get married, fine great for u. If you haven’t found ur ‘One’ and u want to wait, just peachy. At the end of the day just do you. Be true to urself… and remember you can’t make the right decision all the time, even if in marriage.

@ Chris – U think this is the Devil Wears Prada? How you gine tell the ppl “Discuss. That is all.” and next thing you know the comments are at freaking 600+…. u must feel like a boss lol.

@ BajanGirl and Knatural – Who brought up broughtupsy? Ahahahahahahaha I havent heard that word in a good while. How the hell does Knat know what it means? When I was in primary school my teacher told one of my classmates that he clearly hadnt been brought up, he had been dragged up…. I laughed till I cried that day.

25 07 2008
riz

I’m still mad at Amadeo for grandmothers with belts and fresh baked goods.

25 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Riz, I think you have a false impression of the flow of the comments. Let me bring you up to speed on how things usually work around here, as well as some SBPH ground rules:

1) We start off discussing the topic at hand. If there is no topic, we’ll try to find some common hatred between us, talk about something in the news, keep talking about the previous topic.

2) You’re not allowed to change the topic until we get to 100 comments.

3) Don’t feed the trolls

4) After 100 comments – its anyone’s game. Typically if you check back after work, the topic has turned to sex.

I think yesterday was atypical b/c people were on here while watching the CNN special.

Did I leave anything out people?

25 07 2008
Jo

FYI: The name of the spoken word artist on CNN is Jon Goode.

25 07 2008
Jeresmom

I am one of the ones that made marriage and kids a priority, kinda by default. i had my son when i was 21 and wanted a baby for all the wrong reasons and with the wrong guy. Hwever, my son will be 6 on Monday and I have seen my priorities shift from school and career to marriage and family, stronger empahsis on marriage. However, 3 years ago, I was upset becaus ei felt I had nothing to show for my life at the time. All my friends I went to school with were starting their careers and enjoying life and here I was with a baby. Once I realized that my purpose was a different path, I felt more at ease. My best friend who is the same age as I am says she feels her life is unfulfilled because although she has a Master’s degree and is buying a house, she is no closer to being married or having children. I guess I am trying to say that it’s all relative. Oh and BTW, I am now engaged.

25 07 2008
Jo

Yonnie3k: I think you’ve got it covered.

25 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Riz
No one can resist a Grandma.

Notes:
Dyson is my man

Joseph Phillips should be signing a contract with Fox New any day now.

Joint was O.K. but not in depth on some points.

Glad the showed the brother interviewing.

They talked about crack laws…I keep waiting for someone to seriously talk about Guilliani.

25 07 2008
ayo

How about I know that family from Little Rock in the CNN special?

25 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Which one? The rich family or the poor family (from Little Rock)?

25 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Joseph C. Phillips needs to get a clue. I heard him speak on the radio (Urban Journal? XM169?) one day and I thought he was cool. But this statement last night let me know that he’s clueless:

I don’t understand how you can look around you and see people doing things that are illegal and immoral and decide that you want to do those same things.

FOR REAL, JCP? Could it be that that’s all you know? Could it be that no one has shown you an alternative and that the alternative is attainable for you? Could it be that the people doing the illegal and immoral activities are the ones with the “respect” and they’re getting paid? I mean, I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying JCP needs to dig a little deeper.

25 07 2008
ayo

The rich one.. Jamie, the guy who shot somebody, used to be in my social circle. This guy I know called me right after he shot that guy. IT WAS CRAZY. Because me and Jamie came from the same boogie backround. He really got caught up in wanting street cred sh*t.

25 07 2008
Amadeo

Add to that the fact that the working people you see are strug-a-ling (namath).

I hate that “everybody just do right” mentality. I only really see it applied to blacks. Nobody says that shit to people involved with the mob in Sicily. No one says it to guerilla fighters in other lands. Meanwhile here people who are doing right are losing homes and suffering.

25 07 2008
ayo

Yonnie: when you hear somebody say “I just dont understand” that is code for, Im not really trying to understand. He was the only person I actually wanted to SLAP while watching last night. The statistics explained everything. He should have just said ” I would like to see black people operate under better moral standards, instead of falling victim to the easy money ploys, etc.”

25 07 2008
Yonnie3k

NO! I wanted to SLAP Shareeta: The chick who has a baby by a guy who doesn’t come around, but now is pregnant with TWINS by another guy.

25 07 2008
Yonnie3k

What about the black guy that’s an A&R rep at the record label? He should read Chris’ post on Representing. When his bosses liked the artist that he picked, they should’ve showed that pic of Bros. Malcolm and Martin smiling and shaking hands.

25 07 2008
ayo

Shareeta…. ah, she fit the sterotype of the couple they were trying to portray. The A&R dude was interesting to me because it has to be exhausing for black professional males to exist in corporate america. Good is never enough.

25 07 2008
Amadeo

Is it just me…or is Michael Eric Dyson the only elder brother/prof/preacher who will say there is alot of bullshit in hip-hop now and not pretend like labels aren’t cranking that shit out, or no emcee ever says anything worthwhile.

Same thing with all the other “black” issues…”yeah we need to do this…but don’t ignore this fact either”. Thank god for some balance.

25 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I liked the fact that Michael Eric Dyson’s brother said that the reason he ended up in prison is b/c he made poor choices. I’m so glad he didn’t try to put it on someone else. Then MED messed it up when he tried to say it was b/c his brother was dark skinned(ed)….not sure how I feel about that.

25 07 2008
Amadeo

I felt that…he talked about he was encouraged while his brother wasn’t. The light/dark skin thing should have been explored more cause it’s not just a black thing. I know Indians (dot) have had some real issues about being light or dark skinned.

It was interesting for me cause me and my aunt are lighter complected and her son and my mother were darker. I used to see how things would go down and how people would never think I was my mothers child.

25 07 2008
Bajan Girl

I stayed up late to catch the re-air and found myself at points wanting to shove my laptop into the television.

Sharetta- That upset my spirit. That little baby is still up in hand and the father does not around to help raise, nurture and support it, and now before her uterus has had time to get itself back together she are pregnant for another wuffless man with not one but two babies!

Joseph C. Phillips – No words can adequately convey the level of my disgust at the drivel he spewed forth. Someone needs to bust him in the head with a big rock and knock some sense into him.

25 07 2008
ayo

Both of my parents are light – and me and my brother are dark. That is color complex thing deserved its own hour. And yes, include the indian(dot)s and the latinos and the asisans. They all have color complexes. It really pisses me off because it is all so stupid.

25 07 2008
Jen

I cosign on the color thing. It bothered me how Soledad dismissed it so quickly.

I still love/admire her, though.

25 07 2008
Knatural

Black America truly needs to be a two-week long Roots type mini-series that covers EVERYTHING – color complex, hair issues, “talking/acting white” crap, all of our ridiculous neuroses.

25 07 2008
Bajan Girl

“I used to see how things would go down and how people would never think I was my mothers child.”

When preparing photos for my year book page in high school I included a picture from my parent’s wedding. One of the editors who was YT asked me who the random YT lady in the picture was. My response: my grandmother.

25 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Yeah – Amadeo, we had an intense color discussion on here before. I’ve been to Vietnam where everyone drives motorcycles in 100 degree heat and wears long pants, long sleeves, face masks, and gloves b/c they don’t want to get dark. Fo Real. But to say that that is one of the overriding reasons that one brother is a Dr. and one is a felon – I still think its a stretch.

25 07 2008
Amadeo

He was saying the encouragement was the reason. The favor shown to the light skinned child. You can screw up any sibling by encouraging one and not the other, the light/dark was just an easy reason to do so.

25 07 2008
ayo

Aggreed that it was a stupid way to end the show… esp. since no dialogue about that was ever entered previously and the issue is to big to let lag.

25 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Knat – I agree. And really, cross-cultural issues need to be integrated into EVERY aspect of education, media…life! We learn history, pscyhology, everything from a white perspective and then have to constantly fight uphill for people to start to understand how our experiences may be different but completely and integrally within the American experience.

25 07 2008
MJ

To respond to a few messages left here: my previous examples were an oversimplification of some very complex problems. I certainly agree that we each need to strive to overcome the legacy of slavery, to try to be the best we can be and try to help each other in the process instead of being victims. However, pretending slavery never happened, and that our communities don’t continue to suffer the effects of inequality isn’t going to get us anywhere. We first have to realize, admit, and be angry about the fact that there is absolutly an unlevel playing field. After we adress that we can begin to find ways to make it level by playing the game better than those who set the unfair rules. But clearly “pulling ourselves up by our boot straps” hasn’t gotten us that far. Perhaps it’s time to pause, reflect, look honestly at our history (and teach it to our children) and THEN begin to pull ourselves up, together.

25 07 2008
anjiebaby

Social life is definitely a want. For married or single parents.

26 07 2008
kobi

Conspicuously missing in the CNN presentation is the story of black immigration, which is transforming the very idea of African American: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJKV5roH244

26 07 2008
Leif

I have been complaining to CNN for the past week to no avail. There have been a multitude of new reports that reflect a negative light on African-Americans and I once commented that they were trying to play down the effect Obama was having on changing the image of African-Americans for the better. I don’t know who is behind this but people must realize that the media has the power to be subversively Hitler and not many people even pick up on this. Something has to be done to stop CNN from planting these negative images in the heads of people who don’t have the ability to think for themselves. Their show “black in america” has been a complete failure and has caused much damage to the moral of many successful blacks in the US as well as those who have been trying for a long time to leave from under the canopy of “black”. Obama opened a door for them and now CNN is trying to shut it! Please pass this along.

28 07 2008
Laurel

I didn’t watch the series because I don’t have cable — or the time. But from the comments I’m confident that I didn’t miss anything worthwhile.
To the above poster: First Amendment, anyone??? You can’t stop CNN from broadcasting that stuff but you can stop it from damaging your morale by turning it off. It’s the same thing with BET. I’m not gonna sit and watch four hours of hip-hop videos crying the whole time about how bad it makes me feel.
It’s never going to be in mainstream America’s interests to make black people look good. We’re the black against their white — literally and figuratively speaking. They look good as long as we look bad.

30 07 2008
omi

simply put: i don’t wanna be single, but i am.

i’m not gonna wait on shit, ’cause there’s no guarantee that i’m gonna have a husband, kids, etc. but i can live my life to the fullest and do my thing.

if i happen to fall in love somewhere in there, all the better. in fact, i hope i do.

i applaud that sista in the article for living her life fully, regardless of her relationship status.

22 05 2009
Dannyboy860

BLACKS ARE 100% FULLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN LIVES

ONLY BLACKS CAN SAVE BLACKS

STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND STOP TRYING TO BLAME “WHITEY”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: