Pictionary is the dumbest fucking game on the face of the planet. To prepare to host a game, you take the following steps:
- Be white
- Call up your douchiest, most stereotypically sweater-around-the-neck white friends and invite them over
- Procure refreshments. Depending on the type of white person you are, you can opt for wine and cheese or booze and chips
- Set up the board, easel, and whatever other shit you’ll need
- Apologize to God for being born
Once all your friends arrive, you can start playing. One asshole stands up and starts drawing a picture on the board, while the rest of the assholes yell, point, jump up and down, and throw poop in an attempt to figure out what concept the ‘artist’ is trying to illustrate. This is why I always laugh when racist white people call black people monkeys – clearly they’ve never seen a bunch of 25 – 35 year old yuppies of their own race playing Pictionary.
Figure 1: Case in point
Ordinarily I don’t give a shit about what white people like to do in their spare time. Unfortunately, every now and again a black person (like me, for example) will be forced to play this insufferable goddamn game. This usually happens during ‘ice-breaker’ events at work, conferences, and other places where a.) the game is sprung on you by surprise and b.) there’s no way to escape.
When you put together a game of interracial Pictionary in an environment that demands political correctness, you are asking for trouble. This is because you’re mixing white people who like Pictionary (and have inherently dry personalities) and black people (who have more…colorful…personalities). Trash talking, inappropriate jokes, etc. are key components of black competitive behavior, and it’s very difficult for us to turn off. Bad things happen when one or more of those black people can’t (or won’t) turn off their ‘color’, such as the incident that occurred when I played Pictionary at work once.
I forget what concept the woman was trying to draw, but being under time pressure and having people yelling and screaming at her, she wound up hastily and incorrectly drawing a stick figure that looked like this:
Figure 2: …..
It look less than 1/10th of a second for me to see the completed stick figure and scream: BLACK DUDE!
The stunned silence, followed immediately by loud-but-somewhat-nervous laughter, was the most intensely awkward moment of my professional career. I was ever after known as the craziest man in the office (even though there was already plenty of other evidence supporting that title).