Cougars

18 07 2008

I went to a bar in Bethesda a couple nights ago. It was one of those weekdays where a friend of yours convinces you to go out and, even though you don’t intend for it to happen, you wind up getting faded and wondering how your self-promise to have only one drink turns into five, including two Long Islands*.

There were a lot of things to be pissed off about in the bar that night – The shitty alternative music blasting over speakers way too loud even for an Irish bar, the fat white chicks everywhere wearing sandals and empire waist tops, one racist goofy-looking bartender who wouldn’t serve me and the two other black people in the room…you name it.

Figure 1: Why my boy was so happy after waiting 20 minutes for a drink…I don’t know

There were also, however, an unusual number of cougars in the bar – especially for a Wednesday night. Five years ago, I would have been delighted by the presence of cougars, but in my increasingly old age I just find them angering – even when the cougars are hot (as many of them were on Wednesday). As an Indian, the most infuriating thing about cougars is what they represent: the fact that no one listens to their elders anymore.

Aside: Old People

I’m going to guess that people stopped caring about the elderly sometime during the ‘Free Love’ movement in the mid to late 1960s. I base this assumption on absolutely nothing. Ever since then, old people have been viewed less as an invaluable resource of wisdom by virtue of their having actually lived their entire lives already, and more as an inconvenience to be locked away in retirement homes to die alone and away from the only thing they care about – the very families that abandon them.

Cougars are proof that nobody is taking advantage of the wisdom old people have to offer, and I know this because many members of my family a.) are cougars, or b.) happen to be friends with a lot of cougars. In most cases, cougars are single at their ripe old age because – in their own words – they spent their youths concentrating on their careers. Contrary to popular belief, most cougars aren’t bored/neglected married housewives with affluent husbands that are too selfish/stupid to spend time with them. Rather, they tend to be very successful career women who spent their twenties and most of their thirties throwing themselves into their work and neglecting their personal relationships.

Figure 2: Hope it’s worth it!

Women aren’t the only people that to this. Men do it all the time, but the unfair truth is that men become more appealing as they age (this is women’s fault, so maybe it is fair), and they won’t find themselves shit out of options when they suddenly come up for air at age 40. Life’s a bitch. Then you die.

What the hell does this have to do with old people? Simple: people that actually listen to the invaluable things that old people have to say NEVER EVER sacrifice personal relationships to focus on their careers. Why? Because if you’re smart enough to ask an old person “if you had your life to live over again, what would you do differently”, NOT ONE OF THEM would say “you know son, I wish I’d spent more time working and less time with the people that care about me.”

All you readers out there (women in particular) thinking that they’re going to focus 100% on their careers and adopt a “live to work” philosophy, listen carefully: you WILL regret it. Especially if one day you stumble across some smartass 25 year old mocking you on the internet to an audience of thousands.

End Aside

Beyond that, cougars themselves aren’t really all that irritating. What IS irritating is the behavior of the twentysomething idiots that try to hit on them. A ‘converstation’ with between a cougar and some dickwad in a Banana Republic shirt usually goes something like this:

Biff: [approaching Cougar at the bar] “Heeeeeeeey!”
Cougar: “Well hello there.”
Biff: “What are you ladies drinking tonight?” [cougars typically travel in pairs or in threes]
Cougar: “If a handsome young gentleman is buying, I think I’ll have a Stinger”
Biff: “Oh yea, you bet!”

Biff orders three Stingers which, of course, the bartender doesn’t know how to make because it isn’t one of the drinks typically ordered by unsophisticated neophyte college educated jumping jackasses who’ve never heard of anything that isn’t in:

SELECT d.name FROM drinks AS d WHERE d.name IN (‘Rum and Coke’, ‘Red Bull and Vodka’, ‘Incredible Hulk’, ‘Sex on the Beach’, ‘Long Island Iced Tea’, ‘Cranberry and Vodka’, ‘Seven and Seven’, ‘Jaeger Bomb’, ‘Car Bomb’)

Sorry for the SQL. I couldn’t help myself. Fuck you. Anyhow, the conversation continues:

Biff: “So, you ladies in school or something?”
Cougar: [laughs annoyingly] “Oh ho, you’re too kind.”
Biff: “What?” [pretending to be confused]
Cougar: [adopting the ‘sexy eye’] “I’m old enough to be your mother.”
Biff: “No way. My mother’s nowhere near as sexy as you.”

[Sound of vomiting in the background]

Cougar: “What was that?”
Biff: “That tall black/indian guy just yacked…and now he’s pointing a gun at me.”

Maybe I shouldn’t pick on them, since after all any initial conversation between two people trying to get in bed with one another is pretty damn annoying, especially if white men are involved. What’s particularly angering about conversations with cougars is how utterly formulaic and predictable they are:

Figure 3: Sad

My last interaction with a cougar happened about six months ago when Chicken Jon and I were approached by three of them at Union Jacks in Bethesda. I vaguely remember telling one of them that I was gay, while Chicken Jon tried (and failed) not to mock them to their faces. They were all southeast Asian, they all lived together, and apparently ran a ‘massage parlor’.

I’d never in my life been in more of a hurry to go home alone after a night of drinking.

*Actually, I know exactly how. The bartender was giving away $4 drinks

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472 responses

18 07 2008
CIT

Speaking of…one of my coworkers JUST sent me this link. I couldn’t stop laughing.

http://www.urbancougar.com/ucmonth.php

18 07 2008
KadiBaby

You set yourself up to be pissed off. But that’s cool b/c I get to laugh at your angry analysis!! Stay Angry!

18 07 2008
BigBlackGuy3

Long time reader, first time commenter. I would just like to say that your aside on elderly people was SPOT ON. My mom would hire a hitman to kill me if I put her in a nursing home. Respecting your elders is un-American and that is just pitiful.

18 07 2008
CIT

I just realized my married initials could be “cougar in training.” Ah well. I suppose if I ever get divorced I could pull a Demi/Mariah.

18 07 2008
Miss Indiana

haha

18 07 2008
KadiBaby

Wait, they don’t even know who Nick Cannon is.
…..Wait, there is a website dedicate to ‘older’ women scooping out younger men? 😦
I blame Sex in the City.

18 07 2008
.

“Fuck her roundly”? aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahaha

I love your little charts.

18 07 2008
Yonnie3k

DynamicDIva has had like a month long reign. What’s up with that?

18 07 2008
(.)(.) McGee

I wonder why that dot was there in place of my name (Knatural)…oh well

18 07 2008
london

as a cougar myself… i am irritated by stupid little boys trying to get into my la perlas… how do they think they could handle me? just because i am single at my age doesn’t mean i want some needle dicked ten second wonder crawling up me like a rat up a drain-pipe..
feel like putting them over my knee and giving them a spanking but alas they would like it too much though..
and ” fuck her roundly”? wtf?

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Sorry for the SQL. I couldn’t help myself. Fuck you. Anyhow, the conversation continues:

After reading this sentence, I am officially in love with Chris. Don’t tell Creole.

18 07 2008
vitazza

lol “needle dick”

18 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Yeah, they really disrespected “some guy named” Nick Cannon. I heard he’s got cake – not Mariah cake – but cake nonetheless. Apparently he does a lot of writing, in other words, a lot more than what we see.

18 07 2008
Saun

I know I’m a nerd but I actually laughed at the SQL. I like intellectual/nerd jokes.

I enjoy listening to me grandmother’s stories. The more I talk to her the more I find out that she is hilarious and all the places she’s been and people she’s met. One of her funniest stories was how she met this “peanut man at Tuskegee” but she didn’t see what the big deal was about some peanuts.

I have friends who are afraid to say they want a husband and children for fear it will scare men off. My rational is that you should always be vocal about the things you want in life otherwise they may never happen. The key is not to be scary repetitive and desperate about it. I want to get married and have children and would actually like to be a entrepreneurial work-from-home mother. It’s what I want and I’m never afraid to say that. Some men (not all) just can’t handle that honesty because they confuse the statement with being a gold-digger.

18 07 2008
Vanita

LOL!! $4 drinks? too rich for my blood. McFaddens $1 drinks baby!!!

18 07 2008
The Doc Is In (mobile)

“Massage parlor” eh? I dunno if they counted as cougars, sounds more like…”businesswomen”

18 07 2008
CIT

Doc, I thought the same thing…that’s their version of “networking.”

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Side note – I’m mad this topic was on The Daily Show last night (if you missed it, watch the re-run at 8pm tonight)

Correction – “Is she drunk yet?” is wrong. I don’t know if men’s rooms near college campuses have date rape awareness posters in them, but the text should read, “Be wary of women over the age of 40 who ask to buy you a drink, then take you home. You will wake up naked in an alley on frat row, with only a basket of freshly baked muffins next to you and the photos on Facebook.”
But seriously, I have seen 40+ women approach barely legal college students with an outright, “Wanna f@ck tonight?” as a pickup line.

18 07 2008
vitazza

I hate all this cougar shit!!! Why the hell do we have to be married with children by 33 or your cooch is way too old and on the way to cougardom. I was married by 27 had my kids by 33 but i refuse to look down upon a woman who has not gone this route..

18 07 2008
Jo

Lol: I have a friend we call Tits McGhee. Or The Juggernaut (Juggs, for short) when we’re feeling inspired. (I like your raincoat!)

Why the name change?

18 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate
18 07 2008
Esquire

“I base this assumption on absolutely nothing. ”

I love it. I do this all day as a career. Chris, you should go to law school.

18 07 2008
vitazza

roundly=vigorously or briskly …….oh my!!
anyway i still hate the cougar crap and Chris I’m with Doc thw asian women were networking hahah

18 07 2008
( . )( . ) McGee

Merri Lee AAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH Ass

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

My mom HATES cougars with a passion. When she first heard of the phenomenon, she comes home and asks me directly if I’ve heard of cougars, “these older women who sleep with men half their age”. I said yea, it’s kind of a fad right now. And she like, goes bonkers saying that a woman who fucks someone young enough to be her son is wretched.

Even if a woman doesn’t have children, I see it as really just gross that a woman 40 and above would want anything to do with a 20-something. Cougars=old sluts.

18 07 2008
piquant

$4 drinks?
word?

anywho…i can’t hate on cougars.
it’s nice to see that kind of confidence in older women.

however, i won’t be one. lol

18 07 2008
Esquire

Chris, I thought Cougars were just women who were older than their men?
Thank you for correcting that. My friends call me a cougar, I am 5 years older than my husband…but I am only 29…so a cougar I am not!!!!

That being said…good thing I look 21. People who dont know us think its “cute” when we say we are married with a child. “Aw…it must be nice to play house.”

No asswipes…just cause we look young does not mean we are young, broke, and very unfabulous.

18 07 2008
nubnqtndc

“fuck her roundly”
CLASSIC

18 07 2008
Amadeo

I will say this a cougar did one of the most thoughtful things for me. I was 18 and had to go to court in Va. Out of all the women/girls I knew she was the only one that came to see me before I left, brought me a card and put some sentiment behind it. Everyone else was like…let me know when you get back.

18 07 2008
Jo

I don’t really have a problem with it. To each his own, right? Men hit their sexual peak earlier than women do, so it sort of makes sense to me. While I don’t hope to be a cougar, I have every intention of being a MILF. 40-year-old women are changing the standard of beauty worldwide. It’s time that we embrace the idea that it’s possible to be beautiful without looking like we’re in our twenties (or trying to be).

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

knatural – so are you going by Assy McGee now? NotTomato has everyone changing names 🙂

18 07 2008
The Doc Is In (mobile)

While I unfortunately agree that our elders are not respected, valued and heeded like they should be, I don’t think the abandonment issue is quite as large in our communities. Clearly this is all anecdotal “evidence”, but yeah…Big Mama don’t get put in no home. Shoot, half her knucklehead kids and grandkids are probably still living with her/off her credit.
But yeah, I agree with the point of the aside 🙂

18 07 2008
Tits McGee

Ewww Esquire – that means when you were 20, he was 15 GRRRRRRRROOOOOSSSSSSS.

18 07 2008
tnt

@tomato do you feel the same way about men who screw women 20 years their junior?

18 07 2008
The Doc Is In (mobile)

Cougars >>> Dirty ass old men (esp. in the club)

18 07 2008
shabooty

im pretty sure i saw a cougar last night
here’s what irked me about her
…….her face was a little ‘worn’ …say about 31 years old.
and you look down and her tits looked about 1.5 years old (new boob job).

and they werent just boobs they were zepplins and a top to show them off…
it’s like god damn … SCREAMING out cougar.

those tits were like the elephant in the room. not like the analogy, but like they were the physical size of two elephants.

sigh.

18 07 2008
vitazza

Tomatohead….”Old sluts”…. you made me chuckle….
Let me tell you something ain’t shit a 20 year old got for a 40 year old but sex.
None the less a 37 year old woman and a 26 year old guy don’t bother me nor do 44 year old women with 30 year old men. Women like things to look nice.
I can imagine that if you are 40 and you are in tip top shape you want to be with a person who could be your physical equal (devil’s adv). If i get old and date I want my man to keep himself up as well. I hope he is of my age, but if he is slightly (like 30’s)younger I am goin for it! No perv..

18 07 2008

There is a 60 year old woman I work with who wacks off her 33 year old neighbor.

I know this because I am nosy, and I listen to the white women in the break room to laugh.

White women don’t know how to whisper.

18 07 2008
Esquire

ew Knatural! I didnt date the brotha in COLLEGE.
you shutup titty mcghee.

18 07 2008

…….her face was a little ‘worn’ …say about 31 years old.

LMAOOOOOOOOOO
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHHA
AHLW;KUEOWIUOIQJWLKJ990-8080-=[KA;MNNN’L98/

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

LOL Merri Lee @NotTomato 🙂

tnt: A 40 year old man who has sex with someone 20 years his junior is a pervert and a dirty old man (thanks, Doc)

18 07 2008
Esquire

Im sure there isnt a man on this comment board that would do Halle Berry’s over 40 behind…and “roundly” I might add

18 07 2008
Esquire

…….her face was a little ‘worn’ …say about 31 years old.

Speaking of which…I saw a pic of Lisa Raye the other day…I was disappointed. She looked worn out.

18 07 2008
vitazza

Shabooty you are full of shit!! hahaha
I’m sory but Black women/Indian/Asian do not look old in there 30s, 40s, mabey even 50s unless they have lived a hard ass life. Evereytime I hae been carded I get the WTF your shit is not that old face. OK

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

“There is a 60 year old woman I work with who wacks off her 33 year old neighbor.”

Omg…my stomach seriously just turned…

18 07 2008
tnt

true i just wanted to see if you judged men the same as women. i actually could care less about whether old men or women prey on younger men/women. but i do care when ppl think its ok for old men to prey on young women, but not old women to prey on young men. all im saying you gotta treat both groups the same.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Wait. 31 can’t be considered Cougar-status! Seriously, a five year difference isn’t a big deal. A fifteen yr difference is. Cougars are just fighting another happy little gender double standard.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

vitazza, my mom is 52 years old. She hasn’t changed her drivers license picture since she was 30 and had these hideous fat braids that were popular at the time.

She looks exactly the same. And by exactly the same, I mean I was born to her when she was 30 and basically since I’ve been conscious I’ve seen no changes in her face. This bodes well for my future 🙂 Black people age really really well.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Halle Berry? Did anyone see her pregnancy boobs!
She’s over 40, and got the diabeetus, and every man here would do her crazy ass. She no Lady Eloise from Boomerang.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

I think dudes here would do her and then feel bad about it. That woman is batshit crazy and looks like she’s in pain whenever she smiles.

18 07 2008
Saun

I had a 40yr old guy try to talk to me at a house party. He thought I was 23 (I was 30 at the time). I gave him the side-eye for seeking out the “young” chick when there were single women his age at the party. What really made it worse was that his daughter was 19. That put him in my “creepy old man” category. Probably checks out his daughter’s friends when she brings them by the house.

18 07 2008
Amadeo

When I was 18 I got picked up by a 31 year old…I think in that case it counts as Cougar status.

18 07 2008

who do I hate the most?

knat (.)(.) mcgee…She no Lady Eloise from Boomerang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:roaring with laughter:

18 07 2008
Esquire

Knatural, you are trippin me with the name changes!

When we first got married, people kept telling me I was too young. Im like…damn! Im 26. People in my damn FAMILY thought I was like 18. tsk tsk. I should go to more reunions.

Black dont crack.

18 07 2008

halle berry batshit crazy? noooooooo! 🙂

18 07 2008
Amadeo

I wouldn’t smack Halle Berry with my dick.

18 07 2008
Mr. Smith

Chris,

this post has made a profound mark on my life, aside from the fact of making me fall out of my chair laughing. It is kind of sad, I’m 19 and I find myself and my peers doing nothing but focusing on their careers, forgetting those around them that love and care about them. Great post today

18 07 2008
Jen

This post was so delightfully NERDY. My favorite part is the flow chart. I HEART flow charts. I incorporate them into my daily conversation whenever a whiteboard or computer is handy.

I agree with everything in this post. I don’t know when it became normal to begin scraping your ovaries for its last three non-mutated eggs in your mid-thirties. And I damn sure don’t know when it became normal to throw your parents in a home because you no longer need to borrow money for them. I dismiss all such behavior as “white people shit” and hope middle class Black America doesn’t look like that in 20 years.

I will add that my mom had me in her mid-thirties and my sister in her late thirties and that we are lovely people. But, I was CLEARLY an accident, and my sister was just acquiescence to the original oops baby. My mom is sooooo not a baby woman. Last time my kid hugged her, my mom actually said, “WHAT is she doing?”

18 07 2008
The Doc Is In (mobile)

I’ll probably end up being a cougar. Not because I’m 100% focused on my career, but I’m clearly missing out on all the black men hanging out in Irish bars with fat white chicks. Heheheheheh.

BTW, I always thought most cougars would be divorcees, not never-marrieds.

18 07 2008
Educated NSU Demon

The aside couldn’t be anymore real and true. I know that our elders can be a handful once they reach a certain age, but shouldn’t we be wanting to take on that task? I mean after all, these are the people who took care of us growing up. And as you said, they’re an unlimited source of wisdom and insight. If people heeded their advice, they could help to prevent the mistakes of STUPID people, thus improving society.

18 07 2008
Knatural

My Cougars/MILF list:

Demi Moore
Halle Berry
Angela Basset
Selma Hayek
Sade

18 07 2008
Jen

OKAY…nasty old men! I have stories for daaaaayyyyys on this.

Even though I am in my mid-twenties, I look like a teenager. The number of men who flirt with me and THEN ask me what grade I am in is disgusting. I won’t even get into the shit I experienced when I was ACTUALLY a teenager…you know, like the PROFESSOR who grabbed my feet and started massaging them when I was just SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD!!!

18 07 2008
vitazza

Ya know everybody says that Halle is KRAZY…..Mariah KRAZY….how true is this??
Did either stay in a Hospital for depression or other mental illness? Perhaps, but as Black people we could do better with the making fun of folks who need help, then seek out said help. If more of us tried to fix our “lil bit Krazy” the world would/could be a lil bit better.
**fell off soap box…. continue**

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Jen: Ew. Ew. Ew.

18 07 2008
vitazza

Jen~~~
That shyt was horrific!! I would have kicked him until he was dead! not a lie in the least….creepy old bastard

18 07 2008
Jen

Man…I have LOTS of feet stories, too. I will respect Chris’ distaste for feet and not post them in the commentary of his blog, though.

18 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Halle Berry got the dibeetus? I thought she looke gorgeous pregnant btw (but I got a think for pregnant women). Amadeo wouldn’t smack her with is dick? Diamond aka Prime Mistress of T&C looks worn out?

My brother said Vanessa Williams without her makeup (Proactive commercial) looks like someone smacked her in the face with a bag of hot nickels. Actually, what he said was, someone heated a bag of hot nickels, swung it around their head, the bag broke, and all the hot nickels flew through the are and hit Vanessa in the face.

18 07 2008
Amadeo

Sade is a MILF…let there be no confusion…honor her where she walks.

@ Vitazza

Not so much that I think she’s crazy…she just ain’t all that. She’ has a pretty face but honestly…from the waist down she has more “white appealing” features. Ever since SwordFish I was like, “Got Hips?”

18 07 2008
Esquire

What about Vivica Fox and Stacey Dash…They are pretty old and still look good.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Wooooooow, Yonnie. I am SO using that insult now. Bag of hot nickels. hahaahahha

18 07 2008
Jen

Stacey Dash! She looks so damn good on that circus show! I saw her last week and she literally inspired me to…consider…working out.

18 07 2008
Esquire

a bag of hot nickels.

Wow. Going to go bill. Why do they have to be hot

18 07 2008
Knatural

Oh yeah, Stacey Dash! Hot.
40 isn’t even old.

18 07 2008
Vanita

@ Esquire – Vivica Fox is not a MILF. She has let her self go throughout the years.

18 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I dont’ think Vivica looks that good. I saw Stacey Dash in playboy and she was doing the damn thang.

18 07 2008
Esquire

I just remember her dropping it like it was hot on a clip I saw from the BET awards.

Bob Johnson probably choreographed her routine.

ok Im REALLY going to go bill

18 07 2008
Saun

My grandmother didn’t start looking old til she hit 75. Getting older doesn’t phase me like it does some of the 2520’s I know.

18 07 2008
Amadeo

Vivica + Boobie Malfunction = Loss of status.

18 07 2008
waa

@chris
hilarious as usual… and i see why you were mad… i would have been too wearing a shirt like that! what are those ruffles?

18 07 2008
creativecat

At least if you bring a cougar home from the bar you know you’re not going to wake up with statutory rape charges. ; )

18 07 2008
vitazza

Amadeo…Damn stra8t! Why do her boobs look all dented up.%*^%$#*#()%$# ??
Bye yall!!
Imma do my civic duty and register voters at Artscape. Enjoy your Friday!

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

What about GILFs?

18 07 2008
Ms.M

You are SO right about not listening to our elders. My mom tells me all the time how lucky I am to have my grandparents around. Maybe I should start listening. I really don’t want to become a cougar. I think I’ll call one of my grannies now…

18 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Vitazza

You are brave to go out into Artscape now…that sun is banging. I’ll be up there…sometime after 6.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Here’s the Daily Show cougar clip from last night.

18 07 2008
Jo

@Amadeo: LMBAO.

Vivica’s boobs are part of the reason she looks so bad.

I can’t believe no one’s mentioned Angela Bassett as Stella. Proof positive that black don’t crack.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

When you talk ageless beauty, you’re talking Iman. She gets more gorgeous as she ages.

18 07 2008
vitazza

Amadeo
I will be done by then **Pray i do die from the heat I hat B-more Humidity!!
Obama 08!!

18 07 2008
Saun

If you get a chance and have $17, the July issue of Italian Vogue is a “black” issue. They have some great pictures of some the older black models. Those women are still gorgeous. (Gail O’Neil, Iman, Karen Alexander, Veronica Webb – you may not know the names but you’d know them if you saw them.) And they have a story tributing Angela Bassett, Jody Watley, etc.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Iman, yes. She’s so regal. You know who else looks good: Apollonia.

18 07 2008
ayo

Isn’t Lisa Bonet a cougar too?

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Saun – I’ve been at Barnes & Noble every damn day waiting for that issue. I’m getting 2!

18 07 2008
Knatural

Um Saun, where can we get it? I’ve been looking…

18 07 2008
ayo

Saun! I saw that. It is amazing. Black women of all ages/ethnic groups! I hope America gets so inspired for the young missus here. All they get is Rihanna and Beyonce pics on the daily.

18 07 2008
ayo

afrobella.com has a link to another site that shows the pics (.)(.) Mcgee.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

We need a moment of silence for Vivaca Fox’s face. And to think, she was sooooo pretty. I would link to Lil Kim’s pic, but that probably violates the SBPH obscenity standards.

18 07 2008
Natalie

Five bucks says you were in Ri Ra when this happened, lol.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Ayo – yes, Lisa Bonet is 40 and snagged that sexy 28 yr old Jason Momoa. Bitch.

18 07 2008
Saun

I had to go 3 different international magazine stands in NYC before I found it. It won’t be in B&N or Borders until August because they keep Italian Vogue one month behind.

18 07 2008
whatevs

… what the fuck is this post about exactly??

i’m not grasping the main idea

18 07 2008

Bob Johnson probably choreographed her routine

I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!

18 07 2008
B4Prez

I remember this one SERIOUS cougar from my summer job at a call center. Her name was Pam, and she looked EXACTLY like Harriet Winslow. She used to ask me if I wanted to strip for her and her friends like, every weekend, (I assumed this was for kix since her crew didn’t really give me ‘upcoming wedding vibes’) and I always had to laugh it off. It was very difficult finding ways to turn her down for lunch 90 days straight. She didn’t even stop telling me how ‘fine’ i was, and what ‘she would do to me’ after we established that she went to high school with my dad. The worst part of all, is that she sat right next to me; save for the little walk way btwn cubicles that kept her from being able to rub on me.

The moral is, if u look like Harriet Winslow, complete with the 1993 mushroom hair, ‘cougaring’ is probably not for u!

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Speaking of Vogue, did Andre Leon Tally get Chris that blouse?

18 07 2008
Saun

@whatevs

It about how Cougars are proof that people don’t listen to their elders anymore. If many women didn’t focus on their careers as much as they have and listened to older folks about focusing on family there wouldn’t be as many cougars.

Or at least that’s how I understand it.

18 07 2008
shabooty

i dont care if you’re 28, if you got crows feet, your a cougar to me!

18 07 2008
Knatural

Harriet Winslow? BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHHAH

Oh.My.God – why are you guys dissing his frilly shirt? You know that when he tells women he’s gay, he has to look the part.

Runs, ducks, hides, and awaits banishment.

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

My goal in life is to be like my grandmothers. My maternal grandmother, who passed at the age of 86, was a very active woman, and would damn near wear me out whenever she came up to visit because she always wanted to hit the stores and run the streets. My paternal grandmother who is 83 has a more active social life than I do (or at least I feel like she does). This woman has had 3 strokes, yet everyday she is at her senior center hanging with her people. They go on shopping trips, go to plays and shows, host parties and cookouts. I pray that I will age as gracefully as they did, and that at their age I will be as active and mobile.

The only cougar my mother knows is the animal variety in the zoo. While I am not allowed to disclose her real age under penalty of getting beat I will share the following conversation that occurred while my mother and I were out.

Dude: hey mami lemme holla at you fuh a minute! whacho name is!
Mommy: (I kid you not) Granma …

I am frankly bothered by anyone male/female going after someone who could legitimately be their child… that is just nasty. I recently got hit on by some dude that is only a year younger than MY DAD!!!! That was disgusting.

18 07 2008
shabooty

cougars have to do kegals to keep their snatches tight.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

OOOOH! Is Chris gonna take that from Merri Lee??

18 07 2008
Vanita

Lmao @ the frilly shirt. Im sooo mad someone pointed that out.
*grabs popcorns and waits for the show*

18 07 2008
Vanita

cougars have to do kegals to keep their snatches tight.

eeeewwwwww hahahahahahahahahah! I dont wanna imagine 40 year old twat after lunch.

18 07 2008
Saun

actually shabooty, all women should do kegals cause like any other muscle if you don’t exercise it properly it gets weak.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Um, all ages do kegels. No?
98, 99…100

18 07 2008
Jo

Am I just blind? I don’t see any frills. I *so* see something close to burn-out paisley, though.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Awww, B4Prez and Vanita, I’m mad you’re trying to start stuff. Besides, it’s not like I made an Ad HOMOnem attack 😀

P.S.
Well, looking at what Chris’ friend is wearing, it looks like the tight man-blouse is in style now. To floss with your Persian jeans and man-bag, I guess.

18 07 2008
Jen

I do Kegel’s!

18 07 2008
Jo

@ Knat: yes. A strong pelvic floor = better sex, easier labor/delivery, and better bladder control.

*shakes head at self and wonders why my mother insisted in sharing all those ob/gyn textbooks while getting her RN*

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Jo – on second glance either that’s a frilly blouse or he let that shirt air-dry and didn’t iron it.

I may need to take a third glance at the gun show at the shirt

18 07 2008
B4Prez

@Vanita –

How r u gonna try and play the victim card, and hit us with the instigator cards, then go talkin about dudes shirt and man bags n sht? Throwing grease on the fire wit that 1.

Im about to get my popcorn too, lol.

18 07 2008
shabooty

too bad kegals doesnt get rid of the gray pubes…eh cougars?

18 07 2008
Saun

Awwww yes, the power of the kegel. I consider it my secret superhero power.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Jo – you’re right, it’s paisley. Honestly, it’s a nice shirt. I just wanted to make fun of him. Thanks for spoiling my fun!
Strong pelvic floor? I like how you phrased that. Hey, every muscle group must be worked, right? The walls are no different.

18 07 2008
Jen

I dunno why I do Kegel’s. My pelvic floor is collecting dust.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee


shabooty (17:14:30) :

too bad kegals doesnt get rid of the gray pubes…eh cougars?

Cuz they know you don’t care. lol

18 07 2008
B4Prez

“too bad kegals doesnt get rid of the gray pubes…eh cougars?”

lmao

*Drops to knees and prays to never see a gray pube….thats not mine….on 2nd thought….mine neither*

18 07 2008
Vanita

@ b4 Prez, you meant Merri Lee. Im next to you with the popcorn. did you get the milk duds??

LMAO @ Jens dusty pelvis floor. I wanna get those ben wa balls, I hear they work wonders…

18 07 2008
shabooty

i have a friend
his motto is that he fucks em [age] 8 to 80.

he’s not a pedo [its a joke], but he does have like 4 babies probably with 5 different women.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

*Drops to knees and prays to never see a gray pube….thats not mine….on 2nd thought….mine neither*

*Trying to imagine God’s reaction to that prayer*

18 07 2008
Jo

Knat-don’t let me ruin it for you. A man in a paisley shirt (ties are okay b/c they’re smaller) still sets of my ‘dar a little.

18 07 2008
Amadeo

Frankly I didn’t know what to think when I discovered greys on my balls…then I just said I would tell people to partake of their experience.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Frankly I didn’t know what to think when I discovered greys on my balls…then I just said I would tell people to partake of their experience. – Amadeo

You know what…I’m done. I literally just spit hot tea on my expense report. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAHHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *CHOKE* AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

18 07 2008
Jen

Amadeo, I’m sure your balls look distinguished.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

I don’t know if I somehow missed a discussion on this, but please meet the cougar of all cougars. She is why ppl drop old ppl off at ‘Shady Springs Retirement Home’ and keep it movin’ :

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/jul/15/woman-accused-forcing-mentally-handicapped-man-sex/

No words can explain the images in my mind, the burning/boiling feeling in the stomach, and saying ‘fuk it all’ after reading this story.

@VANITA – my bad

18 07 2008
shabooty

lol @ Jen.

gray ball hairs match good with panty pudding.

18 07 2008
Jen

I just consulted urbandictionary for the definition of “panty pudding,” and may I just say that I am shocked? SHOCKED!

18 07 2008
Knatural

B4PREZ! – I hate you. Her mugshot is priceless.

18 07 2008
Saun

I would like to officially thank B4Prez for ruining my friday with that horror story. ewwwwwww!

18 07 2008
Vanita

omg…your balls have grey hairs? wait, are you sure? Because those could be the hairs that didnt get any good color. Ive seen ‘albino’ hairs on balls, but not grey. They are like way up under the sac right?

18 07 2008
Esquire

Merri Lee!!!

I like Chris’ shirt. It shows his muscle. If the alternative is a white tee down to his ankles, I will gladly dress my man in “ruffles”

lol

18 07 2008
shabooty

Vatina
way up under the sack is the taint.

im thinking of getting taintless boxers so just my taint shows.

18 07 2008
Jo

B4PREZ–I am through. THROUGH. That is just wrong.

Vanita–Your concern regarding Amadeo’s pubes is priceless.

18 07 2008
Vanita

I like Chris’ shirt. It shows his muscle.

LOL just one ‘muscle’ tho?

18 07 2008
Esquire

Im sure Ill be sorry I asked…but what is panty pudding

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

B4Prez – it happens

18 07 2008
Esquire

lol Shutup Vanita….

MUSCLES…its hard trying to bill and sneak in this site at the same time. Im always rushing.

18 07 2008
Vanita

Im talkin about where the balls meet the taint. Thats where the colorless hair resides. I just cant believe its grey tho.

18 07 2008
Knatural

I like Chris’ shirt. It shows his muscle.

LOL just one ‘muscle’ tho?

AAAHAHAHHHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH Poor Chris.

18 07 2008
Amadeo

Nah, I’ve had some light hairs before…but I’ve got grey hairs on my chin, in my sideburns and have had them on my head since I was 13. I can tell the difference.

I love that I’m at work discussing the hairs on my balls.

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

panty pudding?? wtf?

18 07 2008
Muse

Is it me or do the other ladies notice something else about this post besides cougars…

::SIGHS:::

18 07 2008
Muse

Esquire thank you for pointing out the obvious. I wanted to say something but that would be rather thirsty and un-Muse-like LOL….

I need some water asap.

18 07 2008

I like Chris’ shirt. It shows his muscle

BWHAHAHAHWHALWHROIWEYO28-131[\3
124=3=-93=89 ND;LJSEVC FAE20008

18 07 2008
Vanita

@ esquire – yea u better bill, bill, bill those hours. Let me know if your gonna need any help as Im certain to be unemployed after lookin @ old people with dementia screwing, or old people forcing sex on the handicapped.

18 07 2008
Vanita

Im a good legal assistant 🙂

18 07 2008
Muse

Ladies I just want to point out what might be under the shirt. That’s all. I should actually read the cougar post. I’m sure it’s funny but the shirt caught my eye which allowed my imagination to go wild which is a very bad thing for me.

That’s all. Carry on.

18 07 2008

THAT’S JUST LIKE A NAIL SHOP HERE CALLED LOVELY NAIL….LMAOOOOLOLOLOOLROFL

just one nail?

18 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I’m refraining from commenting. It will get ugly.

As for the ‘blouse’ on the guy next to me…he’s an Iraq combat veteran. He can do whatever the hell he wants 😉

18 07 2008
Knatural

I REALLY hate yall. Stories about dirty Alzheimeric sex and Chris’ singular muscle are too much…

18 07 2008

I like Chris’s friend shirt. I have the same one in yellow from express.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

LOL Ne. I actually have a shirt that looks like that in kelly green…

18 07 2008
Vanita

I like Chris’s friend shirt. I have the same one in yellow from express.

bwhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! i have that SAME express shirt on today in lime green!! Who knew!!

18 07 2008
Vanita

oh wait, my bad guys, mine has the lion on it…false alarm…

18 07 2008
shabooty

i bet a bunch of u bitchez iz @ work lookin at chris’ pic, churning out the panty pudding. $

18 07 2008

sassy!

18 07 2008
ChuckT

GAME. BLOUSES

im sorry i couldnt help myself

18 07 2008
Muse

Why would it get ugly? It’s a compliment!

I just wanted to point out that the photo had two handsome young black guys and their nice shirts.

Hehe.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

“I REALLY hate yall. Stories about dirty Alzheimeric sex and Chris’ singular muscle are too much…”

LMAO

That story may have ruined your days, but that story ruined my life. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. My heart gently weeps…

18 07 2008
Muse

May I point out that Shabooty is really gross….LOL

I took today off for Muse time and to see Dark Knight because I’m a geek.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Shabooty can always be counted upon for a completely gross, yet hilarious comment. I have no panty pudding for Chris.

18 07 2008
Vanita

Muse, please let us know how the movie was. I know someone who went the the 3:30 am show.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Iraq War veteran? Is that Landmine?

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Muse, I am going out of my way to see the Dark knight today as well. I’m supposed to be moving my sister in to her place, but she was like, fuck it, lets throw all my shit in my house and get to the theater before all the damn hooligan Berkeley High shits get out of summer school.

18 07 2008
Muse

Merri Lee my older brother is in the airforce and already had two tours in Iraq. I mad respect for our men in the armed forces.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Wow, apparently the Dark Knight nerd patrol runs deep 🙂

18 07 2008
Knatural

YAY! Dark Knight, here I come!

18 07 2008
riz

I can’t wait to be a cougar. I’ll be a self-made woman; financially, socially and professionally successful… The women in my family age well, so I know I’ll still look good… In the event that I don’t, I’ll holler at the Resaline…. I’ll be 45 and hit on 30 year olds. I think it will be fun.

The way that I see it, if having a career and working hard throughout my 20s and 30s makes me unattractive to a man that’s my own age, then that guy and I didn’t have anything going on in the first place. If he feels “neglected” because I’m on my grind, then, the problem is that he needs to be on his own grind, too. The solution isn’t that I stop caring about my profession or sacrifice my success. That doesn’t make sense to me.

So the way I see it, I’d rather be a cougar then a bitter divorcee (because divorce is inevitable if two people don’t share the same goals and lifestyles, and if I settle for a dude who doesn’t support my desire to make something out of myself, then that will turn out allllll bad).

18 07 2008
Muse

I should really go back and read the posts so I can stay on topic.

18 07 2008
shabooty

i heard in manhatty they’re going for 100$ a tick on craigslist.

damnit that wasnt a sick comment…so let me just say, dark knight vag goes for more.

18 07 2008
Jo

@Tomato–you know it. I’m going to see it too, but because I *work for* the Army Reserve, I can’t leave my office early. Trust that I’ve already bought my tickets for tomorrow, though.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Muse – that wasn’t an insult on vets. It was based on this post.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

Am I the only person stuck in an office on a 94 degree day? I would love to be at the ebach, but with the beaches we have here in NY….maybe my foot will have a better chance of dodging used condoms and syringes here in the office…MAYBE

18 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

This bears repeating:

http://chickenwings.ytmnd.com/

Watch with sound.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

I, along with ur bosses, am gonna need for you’ll to get to work, and go holla at the African dude/Chinese lady for the Dark Knight @ 5

18 07 2008

Seeing dark night=nerd…lololl you guys are crazy.

Everybody likes batman!

18 07 2008
Knatural

I NEVER SEEN A MAN EAT SO MANY CHICKENWINGS…

I hope this song is on Guitar Hero IV.

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

Shabooty.. nasty .. yet hilarious..

Way to go Dark Knight nerds… my other half (well the male one at least) saw the midnight show last night/this morning.. said it was GREAT… I’m going out to freaking White Plains to see it in IMAX at 1:30am … nerds rock!

18 07 2008
ChuckT

Went and got my ticket for the show around 5 yesterday
people were buying tickets for saturday. this weekend will be insane at the theatres
saw the dark knight at 12:01.
MOVIE OF THE YEAR **so far**
heath ledger is the best comic book criminal ive seen in a movie yet
better joker by far than Jack

you will not be disappointed

18 07 2008
shabooty

*pseudo spoiler not really*

apparently maggie gyllanhaul (fuck spelling her name correct) is the love interest/hot chick…where two millionaire male-model (no homo) guys are going after her… that bitch aint hot enough physically to play that role…wtf. i guess she must give primo oral.

18 07 2008
Jo

Are we at 100 comments yet? Is it okay if I open it up now to discuss casting of The Dark Knight?

Who do y’all love? Hate? Who would you cast if you could?

Personally, I don’t think Bale has a strong enough chin.

18 07 2008
Amadeo

I didn’t get the Ledger casting, but it appears he did very well. I’m going to see it, but not for a while.

I don’t like people enough to go to the movies when they first come out.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

They cast Maggie G. because they figure men are going to come regardless, but now the YT girlfriends will come see it with a ‘relatable’ (see average-looking) female lead.

18 07 2008
shabooty

@amadeo — you lose credibility with greying balls.

may i suggest, Just For Scrot?

18 07 2008
Amadeo

My balls are wise and distinctive. I get to say I have salt and pepper balls.

18 07 2008
shabooty

LoL at salt and pepper balls…

salt and pepper balls is when ya get jizzum on yo black nut sack.

18 07 2008
Knatural

that bitch aint hot enough physically to play that role…wtf. i guess she must give primo oral.

She IS White.

I’m soooo going to Hell.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

shabooty – LOL LMAO SHFKDSFHT93P4 7T09384 503JGKDJFLKDSJFG LKJDSFLKGJASDLKFGN LKCJNCLFDSJCLDJSMFGJLJSZLKJSJF

18 07 2008
Muse

Shabooty is officially on time out.

That’s all.

18 07 2008
Vanita

salt and pepper balls is when ya get jizzum on yo black nut sack.


*dead*

18 07 2008
Knatural

Oh, Shabooty is in rare form today. Extra crude. Good job.

18 07 2008
Jo

B4Prez–I feel that explanation. Personally, I can’t stand Maggie Gyllenhaal distinctly because she represents that arthouse, “i only do poignant roles” type in the first place. Arthouse movies are for people who aren’t pretty enough to make it in the greater Hollywood. Chloe Sevigny, anybody?

18 07 2008
Vanita

jizzum. I will be sayin that all day today.
JIZZUM!!

18 07 2008
Muse

I heard if a guy’s jizz taste sour that means he has too much red meat in his diet.

it’s shabooty’s fault.

18 07 2008
shabooty

ohh man i had to roll away from my computer twice to try and subside the laughing [at work].

CORRECTIon
i re-read it …. three times now i had to calm down the laughter …

n i almost just threw up.

🙂

18 07 2008
Amadeo

The grey hairs provide the subtle differnence in texture for the discerning palette.

18 07 2008
Muse

Amadeo you have grey hairs on your balls?

Hmmmm

18 07 2008
Jo

“The grey hairs provide the subtle differnence in texture for the discerning palette.”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

18 07 2008
Knatural

DAMN. Chloe Sevigny does look like a man in drag. Or Ellen Degeneres’ love child with KD Lang. I love how they try to pretty her up. But she did some major screwing on Big Love!

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

@Muse

I heard if a guy’s jizz taste sour that means he has too much red meat in his diet.

it’s shabooty’s fault.

thankfully I am in the office by myself today so no one can hear the laughter…
I am not even bothering to work anymore

18 07 2008
Sister Toldja

Chris, was your friend’s shirt that tight in real life or is that an internet illusion?

I messed with a freshman (or two) as a senior in college and I fear that I could do the cougar thing, if some godforsaken tragedy takes my future husband from me (knock on wood). I understand how women have let their careers prevent them from setttling down, but that wouldn’t be a reason I end up a spinster. Having a career, a husband and children are all of equal importance to me. If anything makes me an old settler/cougar, it will be the the “man shortage” or my foolhardy tendency to have standards.

18 07 2008
Muse

It’s true that if a guy incorporates more acidic fruits like citrus in his diet, his jizz won’t taste as sour.

from what I heard of course ; )

18 07 2008

“That bitch aint hot enough physically to play that role…wtf. i guess she must give primo oral.

She IS White.

I’m soooo going to Hell.”

Will I go to hell too for laughing uncontrollably?

18 07 2008
shabooty

a chick asked me if i eat a lot of fruitss before…

18 07 2008
Knatural

PINEAPPLES Muse! It’s the enzymes and shit.
Amadeo – Stop. My ribs hurt. I’m still laughing at old geezer sex.

18 07 2008

“LoL at salt and pepper balls…

salt and pepper balls is when ya get jizzum on yo black nut sack.”

shabooty is the friggin grimm reaper.He took my life…” See you at the crossroads, so you wont be lonelyyyyyy”

18 07 2008
B4Prez

Chloe Sevigny swallows! And so does Maggie Graypubenhall!

18 07 2008

lmaooooooooooooo still @ amadeo’s pew paw old geezer nuts.

18 07 2008
Muse

Knat as a married woman what advice do you have for us single gals besides recommendting pineapples LOL

If a guy has a lot of curry in his diet, does that mean his man juice taste like curry as well?

So many questions so little time.

18 07 2008
Jo

Muse–the jizz of vegetarians is apparently sweeter than that of their meat-eating peers.

18 07 2008

…metophoric jizzum…

18 07 2008
Muse

I know two male vegetarians and they are both gay

18 07 2008
Sister Toldja

I will be a cougar RIGHT NOW for Chris Brown though!!!! When I taught middle school it took ALL my restraint to not tell them little heffas “Oh no, that is MY BOO”. He is SIX FOOT FIVE!!!!!!! And flexible. I want to see if he can run it, run it.

What are man cougars called? Just….men? Cause thats who be liking me the most. I am a certified tenderoni, apparently. I do well with the early to mid 30s crowd, but I would prefer a fella who is closer to my age (23), so like 22-28 is ideal. But i wouldn’t push a catch away if he were not in that range.

18 07 2008
shabooty

yea i dunno if ive tried vegetarian panty puddying yet… [sweeter, no?]

cause most of the panty pudding ive had before had meats attached to it.

but its all good women are all the same, they’re all pink on the inside.

18 07 2008
Muse

ST it’s called the double standard. There is a man in his mid 40’s trying to wife me up but I’m not having it. I think anything over ten years my senior is way too old and the differences in our life experiences would be too signiciant.

Um sidenote did you say Chris Brown was 6’5 and flexible? Hmmmm

There are tons of benefits to havin a flexible man. Heh.

18 07 2008
Knatural

*why does this always turn into a conversation about penis*

Muse – a varied diet is key. Lots of real fruit/veggies, minimize processed foods, I think. We actually eat a lot of curry, so no, it doesn’t effect taste. But then again, it may just boil down to body chemistry. I ain’t no scientist!

18 07 2008
Sister Toldja

Maggie Gylenehall is ugly as the fuck. Her brother is prettier than she. She makes Sarah Jessica Parker look like Angelina Jolie. I don’t get it, but a lot of the 2520 women they be sweating are uglyyyyyyy ( Cameron Diaz, Kate Moss, Fergie).

18 07 2008
shabooty

if you fuck an old guy who eats a lot of curry, he cums curry powder all over your now menopausal-esque dried up twat.

18 07 2008
Muse

ST tons of these 2520 hoes are horrible looking and mediocre. AS I stated several times I don’t get the hype over those females. I’m trying to understand…

I mean why is someone like Jennifer Aniston considered beautiful? She’s so blah to me.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

@ shabooty – not quite all the way down there yet

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

“if you fuck an old guy who eats a lot of curry, he cums curry powder all over your now menopausal-esque dried up twat.

*thuunk* the sound my head made as I dropped it the desk and fell out….

great way to spend a friday…

6’5 and flexible.. damn…

18 07 2008

Boys don’t cry was so…GAY! But good.lol

You guys have me excited about the movie now. I don;t even know why my man goes to the movies, his ass falls asleep every movie. Unless there is a hot chick in it…smh.
He has a thing for Megan Goode, So he stayed up during the worst movies ever…Biker boys, drumline 2stomp the yard, and the hardcore gangster movie with tyrese in it.

18 07 2008
Esquire

Nothing against white women…Here’s a list of them that I cant not for the life of me figure out why people they are pretty, hot, and tempting.

1. Julia Roberts
2. SJP
3. Chloe
4. Mischa Barton (whatever the hell that bony chicks name is)
5. Maggie Saggie boobie Gyllenhall (or her ugly brother)
6. Anne Hathaway

18 07 2008
Knatural

Kirsten Dunst! UGH
That’s the worst.

18 07 2008
Esquire

Add Jaime Pressley and Tila Tequila to that. (I KNOW shes not white)

18 07 2008
Amadeo

Um….no double standard for older men.

Women have always gone after older men because they are more established.

Older women just started saying the hell with it.

18 07 2008
Esquire

oooooh whose that ugly bitch who played a man…and a boxer in million dollar baby? Whats her name

18 07 2008
Muse

Actually I think Anne Hathaway is very pretty.

Cosign on the other broads…Also add Paris Hilton, Cameron Diaz, and Kate Hudson to that list.

18 07 2008
Esquire

no muse, you take KAte Hudson off that list.

18 07 2008
Esquire

And Sista: Chris Brown could get it any day of the week. Anytime, anyplace.
OMG I feel so dirty

18 07 2008
B4Prez

Jamie Pressley is kinda hot…though not the most beautiful.

The man/boxer was Hilary Swank…and that chik won Oscars for both roles.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Cameron Diaz? She seems to have a cool personality, but…remember that episode of the Brady Bunch when Marsha got socked in the face with a football…that is Cameron Diaz’s nose.

18 07 2008
Esquire

Whats that little ugly girl who had the pig nose in a movie.

It wasnt too far off from her real face to me.

18 07 2008
shabooty

SJP is a horseface.

18 07 2008

omg everytime I hear tila tequila talk, I just kno win my heart she wants to bust out and say:

“I so solly we can na du you nail todeeey, we close so come tomaddo and we do for you okeyyy?

18 07 2008
B4Prez

Well Jada Pinkett looks good….

18 07 2008
Esquire

NE

I have to go…this site makes me become a worse and worse attorney daily

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Google Image search for “Horse Face” BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

Don’t feel dirty Esquire…
shoot when I first started teaching and working with teens one of my classes had damn near all the football players in it… and I was only at the most 3 years older than my students….

I don’t get the (much) older man younger woman thing.. I honestly don’t.. I mean 5-10 years in either direction I am ok with, but if there is the possibility that you and my pops could be in the doctor’s office both waiting to get a prostate exam then HELL no you cannot talk to me!

18 07 2008
Esquire

wait…someone please tell me that movie where she has the pig nose…

Ricci? is that it?

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

yeah Christina Ricci.. she is weird

18 07 2008
Esquire

Whew,
I was praying on what I have been thinking about Chris Brown. I mean Im 29. So he was 10 when I was 20…I just…ew…like I said. He could get it in an alley, dirty bathroom….doesnt matter.

18 07 2008

pretty white thangs:

Catherine Zeta
Ashley Judd
Natalie portman

The worst of all fug on my list is powder white face ass Nicole Kidman

18 07 2008

know in **

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

the movie was Penelope .. I think

18 07 2008
shabooty

esquire
i read that as ‘he can get in MY alley aka the dirt bathroom’

🙂

18 07 2008
BholdaLadi

Ok…. so normally I just I’m just a lurker… but, as the convo turns to Chris Brown, I must share… after seeing him live at the Essence a few weeks ago, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m going to hell for picturing him, instead of my man during relations… Oh well!

And, I too already have my tickets for Dark Knight tomorrow. I love comic book movies…

18 07 2008

I would be a cougar for chris brown, straight up now tell me ya’ll don’t think he has a big “personality”

18 07 2008
ayo

Chirstina Ricci
and add Gweneth Paltrow and Renee Zelwiger (sp)

18 07 2008
BholdaLadi

Truer words have never been spoken than when Peter on Family Guy said SJP had a face like a foot!

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

they all look like someone was playing with a mrs. potato head set but didn’t have all the pieces so they borrowed some parts from their mr. potato head set to make up the difference…

18 07 2008
B4Prez

I’ve been in love with Christina Ricci since she played Wednesday Adams. Her hatred of everything and everyone stole my heart…along with the way she could talk without moving her facial muscles.

18 07 2008
Esquire

Ashley Judd IS very beautiful.

Natalie Portman is just not to me. But she is not ugly. How did Kidman get so white? yuck. Thats better than being orange like Christina Aquilera.

I used to love Jessica Alba until she went on and on about how she does not consider herself hispanic and that she is white. No sweetie, not with that pretty brown skin

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Esquire, now i have to say this to you: Hilary Swank is ugly as sin but she has humongous knockers and a really large butt (for a YT). She has a really feminine body but goddamn those teeth should always have a bit in them.

18 07 2008
Esquire

Pam Anderson also looks like a crack whore. okay Im done trashing white starlets who have much more money than me.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Ashley Judd’s constantly raised eyebrow gives me the heebie-jeebies.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Renee Zellwegger (sp?)? She looks like she sucks on lemons all day, all pinched.

18 07 2008
Esquire

Hillary swank?

Are they saggy boobies? I just remember looking at her thinking ew. I may have caught her on a bad day perhaps. I only judge people’s looks by the red carpet. lol. I figure its fair game since thats when they clean up.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

“white starlets who have much more money than me”…yea, they have all that money from doing something someone with half a brain and no self-esteem can do. Actors are attention-seeking whores with no sense of self-consciousness.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Thats the picture I was thinking of with Hilary Swank looking rather hot, actually.

18 07 2008
Esquire

http://www.hilary-swank.org/

See Tomato, she has the large, spread out boobies that I dont like. If I were a man, I would want perky boobs. Not the kind that if she lays on her back, they flop to the side.

But I may just be hating. You all know im in the ittybitty.

18 07 2008
Amadeo

What…is this Chris Brown talk cougar practice?

18 07 2008
Knatural

Hilary Swank’s body is sick! She’s not THAT unfortunate-looking.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Once Pam Anderson got involved with PETA, it’s been downhill ever since. I’m certainly no fan of Jessica Simpson (what does she do, anyway?), but this really made me hate Pammy

18 07 2008
Esquire

ohh. I like that pic of her…but in my defense, my ass looks huge when I am straddling, running too. Her boobs still bother me. They look like they are only in that position because the bikini put them there.

But I imagine people naked all the time. Thats how people really look. Tell you what…she gets upgraded for that pic alone.

18 07 2008
BholdaLadi

Sooo… I thought the .org domian was reserved for sites that actually did something of even minor importance…

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

^^^^Part II

18 07 2008
ayo

I am feeling Chris Brown TOO (sans Mohawk!… he just looks lame with it.) But I used to like Lil Bow Wow when he was a young-um but then he never grew…. And then turned out to be an asshole.
Ohhh. And that lil boy who is going to be on 90210 that was on the WIRE… somethang is just sessy about that lil boy.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

And how did Rumer Willis lose so badly in the gene pool?

18 07 2008
Esquire

BWWWHAHAHA..
Who is Pam Anderson to call anyone on this green earth a whore????

I want a shirt like that. Just to piss off my vegan friends. They actually would think it was funny

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

I see what you mean, Esquire. My boobs do that though, so I guess maybe I’m biased 😉

18 07 2008
B4Prez

@Tomatohead – That can certainly be applied to what ‘Hollywood’ has become, but actors aren’t all attention seekers. Many toil away doing independent films that pay in free meals, and that no one comes to see. It’s just that once being on a reality show gave you as much clout as being a film star….. u get the picure.

18 07 2008
Esquire

http://www.hilary-swank.org/gallery/displayimage.php?album=1374&pos=0

This is a june 27 pic according to her mildly obsessive site.
tomato…this is the saggy booby I was thinking of…But she def looks better to me after that pic you linked.

18 07 2008
shabooty

this cougar just sent me this msg:
(yes I did goat this message by asking her when she’s in the area)

Hi sweetie how are you today? Wish i could come now. I’d come see your handsome self. I just got done mowing grass thats one thing i don’t like very much you know. You get all sweaty i can think of better ways to get sweaty can’t you. Have a good day, [name].

damn cougars get all horny mowing lawns and shit…not sure how sexy that is. but id def fuck a cougar on a john deer tractor –yayson.

18 07 2008

I know she isn’t white but keri hilson is really pretty

18 07 2008
Knatural

Her chocha is like a Dyson…
Damn, I’ll never look at mine the same – my vacuum, not my choch
DAMN YOU MERRI LEE!

18 07 2008
B4Prez

I lost all faith in the Justice system when Rumor Willis was put on People Mags 50 most beautiful. SMH

18 07 2008
Esquire

Well I might hate you tomato..mine jsut stay in the same tiny little place on my chest.

If I wear a camisole I dont even have to wear a bra to work. Underwire?…what for?…aint got enough

18 07 2008

lmaoo @ ms swank

It looks like she just wants to bite…well…everything

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

@B4Prez, all actors want attention. That is why they act. Even independent film actors want people to watch the independent films. And watch them in the film. Acting is an inherently narcissistic profession.

18 07 2008
Esquire

I wish she would bite Bob Johnson’s head off

18 07 2008
Merri Lee


B4Prez (19:38:05) :

I lost all faith in the Justice system when Rumor Willis was put on People Mags 50 most beautiful. SMH

Part of my soul died when that issue came out. Kate Hudson was on the cover, so I guess that was the “F@#K Effort” edition

18 07 2008
Muse

God Hates Rumor Willis.

Rumor Willis is Jesus’ doodoo butter.

18 07 2008
Knatural

Esquire? You need some boobs? Here ya go:

( . )( . )
\ /

18 07 2008
Nussi

You lookin mighty fine in that picture….(flexing cougar claws).

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Esquire: You are the luckiest person ever. I have to wear a bra to bed or I wake up with achy boobs.

18 07 2008
Omar

Best looking white woman – Scarlett Johanson
My wife cousin oddly enough actually looks like a black version of her.

There is no double standard, Old men who go after young girls are affectionately called pedophiles or just weirdos if they are of age (they usually aren’t).

18 07 2008
Vanita

WEAR A BRA TO BED!?!?! what the hell kinda boobs do you have tomato?!?!

18 07 2008
B4Prez

@tomato – While the point is obviously to be watched when ur in a visual art, it’s not always a case of “I wanna be a star”. All I’m saying is that you don’t have to be a narcissist to be an actor, but you might have to be 1 to be a star. That’s where the difference btwn the 2 comes in.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Vanita: Very large ones. And I’m small…about 5’5″ and somewhere between 120 and 125. They do not like me.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

True dat Omar. I’m like OK Hefner, your girlfriends were infants when you were 60! WTF?

18 07 2008
Vanita

damn. cut them things off. insurance should cover it. SMH. Its nothing like being braless, and I cant imagine going to bed with a bra!

18 07 2008
Esquire

well as Ive stated before, I think I would look sexxxier in some things. I have no cleavage AT ALL.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Ah ha, I see your point, B4Prez. I just don’t like actors 🙂

The ones who want to be stars are asshole narcissists and the ones who don’t are weirdo assholes. My friend’s dad is an actor and he’s done film/television/theater and let me say this: all actors are completely crazy in some way or another.

18 07 2008
Esquire

Omar I agree!!!! I love her and Angelina Jolie…sorry

18 07 2008
B4Prez
18 07 2008
Amadeo

Um…pics or it didn’t happen?

How the hell did dude go from hardcore on the Wire to 90210?

18 07 2008
ayo

Some pretty YT women:
Ashley Judd (repeat)
Charleze Theron
Kim Kardashian (1/2 arabic)
Gwen Stephani – — am I trippin? i just like the chick.
Heidi Klum
Jessica Alba (1/2 spanish right but she’s an ass for thinking shes white!)
Jessica Biel
Jessica Simpson
Kiera Knightley
Natalie Portman
Sienna Miller
Denise Richards
Lindsey Lohan
Katherine Heigel
Angelina Jolie
that brazilan model who used to go with Leo Decaprio (Brazillian, but reads white)
and Scarlett Johansen

18 07 2008
Vanita

I think Keira Knightly is pretty.

18 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Hi everybody. I’m back. I’m angry. I want to drink tequila. Fuck the world right now.

But yes…to comment on the “Women who focus on their careers in their 20’s and 30’s”…some of us are driven to do so by the crappy people we seem to run into in our lives. For some of us, that means those people that made our lives a living hell prior to college. For others, its dealing with asshole guys who think they can buy you. For the rest of us, we do it to get what we want (i.e. the house, the car, the millions of manolos), and then end up power-crazed.

Me? I just want to be one of those asshole attorneys…not that I’ve given up on my “love” (or lack thereof) life.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Is Amadeo talking to me?

18 07 2008
Vanita

Heidi Klum is my bitch. I LOVE HER. She is ALWAYS workin it. Did anyoone see Project Runway???

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

“Esquire: You are the luckiest person ever. I have to wear a bra to bed or I wake up with achy boobs.”

“damn. cut them things off. insurance should cover it. SMH. Its nothing like being braless, and I cant imagine going to bed with a bra!”

wow… Tomato you might be family… we have what I affectionately call shelving units… one of my sisters actually did have the surgery and it worked out well for her. Thankfully I am ass backwards (ha kinda literally) and only like 50% of what should have been deposited in the mammary bank made it the rest went to booty.. good thing.. bad thing.. who knows…

18 07 2008
Knatural

PROJECT RUNWAY! Please don’t start, we’ve hijacked the site enough. I love Project Runway.

18 07 2008
Vanita

GIRL ME TOO!!! I dunno why, but I am always inspired to go take a sewing class and make myself some fierce pieces after I watch that show. It lasts about 15 mins tho.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

I”ll give u that 1 tomato…most ARTISTS in general have a little bit of that emotional ‘short bus’ in them (see: Kanye), which is what leads to their best work. And then ppl who just work in the artistic fields (see: Paris Hilton) bring more of that dilusional/crazy thing to the table.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

/off topic.

I’m am sick of advertising being stuck EVERYWHERE. Can a sista get some peace?

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Kim Kardashian is Armenian.

Kiera Knightley has weird teeth and an alien head. She also weighs 3 pounds.

Sienna Miller is extraordinarily plain.

Denise Richards is a hag.

Lindsay Lohan has tiny yellow rat teeth.

Katherine Heigl is just a horrible human being. She smokes, is an asshole and has a gross dumpy white lady body.

Scarlett Johanssen has a weird, weird, weird face. Like a Who.

Anyway, I agree with all others. The prettiest white lady I can think of off the top of my head is Grace Kelly. That woman was gorgeous.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Prettiest living white lady: Helen Mirren

18 07 2008
The Doc Is In

KNAT! Can we please have Project Runway viewing parties?! I’m also kind of getting into Shear Genius (even though they never dare to touch Negro hair)

18 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Audrey Hepburn.

How about we talk about something other than “white women us black women would love to tap if we were white men or those black men that like white women”.

Sorry. I told you I was cranky.

18 07 2008
Knatural

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAA TomatoHead…a Who, who lives in Whoville? I work with a guy that looks like the Mayor of Whoville!

I hate that Kim Kardashian is only famous for her sex tape and affinity for Black schlongs. What’s Armenian for ho?
Googling.

18 07 2008
ayo

Katherine Heigel is a total ass. agreed.
She f*ucked up grey’s anatomy. but i think she is still pretty.
as a person she needs to be dragged by a truck, dipped in a salt & acid wash and stoned.

18 07 2008
shabooty

okay this convos getting too yenta-ified =P

18 07 2008
Knatural

Oh.My.God – SHEAR GENIUS and Split Ends, LOVE. At least Split Ends sent a stylist to a Black hair salon. He had to deal with weaves, gel, perms and all. Doc, we may have to schedule that, seriously. I’m turning my husband gay by “making” him watch these shows with me.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

@Amadeo – He had to get that check. Of course tho, being the ‘token’, he’s adopted by sum of the YT’s on the show because even though a black man might be able to be the president, he still can’t possibly grow up in Beverly Hills with black parents. SMH

18 07 2008
ayo

i mean she messed up greys by getting isiah washington kicked off.

but tomatohead… the older white women are gorgeous! Helen Mirren! wow.

and they say the next season of Project Runway is going to be an all-star edition with former contestants… I HOPE THIS IS TRUE!!!!!!

18 07 2008
goose

kim kardashian is way too fake to be attractive.

keeping up with the kardashians, while being one of the funniest shows on tv, is AWFUL.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Hey Doc, last season of Shear Genius they had a negro hair challenge and all the stylists except the half-black one were flipping out.

18 07 2008
ayo

just for you amadeo (with the distinguished salt and pepa nuts):
http://new90210.com/

18 07 2008
Amadeo

@ TomatoHead

I don’t wanna be restricting, so anyone who wants to throw some pics up should feel free…I have another 40 minutes or so to kill at work.

18 07 2008
riz

For others, its dealing with asshole guys who think they can buy you. For the rest of us, we do it to get what we want (i.e. the house, the car, the millions of manolos), and then end up power-crazed.

Me? I just want to be one of those asshole attorneys…not that I’ve given up on my “love” (or lack thereof) life.

Preach!

Some men use money to substitute for personality, character, sexual prowess, looks, etc. Then they get mad when women have money, because– oops– there goes their edge… Then there are other men who have no money, success or real profession, so they resent it when women get it (kinda like how Others feel about Obama).

I’m a professional woman, but I’m open to “love” and meeting the right guy. But I also believe in having my own life, my own things, and being able to afford the lifestyle that I want to live. Basically, I expect the same thing out of ME that I expect from anyone I date.

Plus, I look damn good in a suit.

18 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Ah, thanks T.Head (lol, I dunno why I like that abbreviation). I literally just got into Shear Genius like last week, I thought this was the first season. I’m so behind.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

OMG Ayo I soooo hope that is true. I would get back Santino, Christian, Zulema (nut job extrodinaire), Austin Scarlett, that black lady from the first season who didn’t win…what’s her name? and that guy who won the Barbie challenge but got kicked off right after because someone stole his model

18 07 2008
B4Prez

@Ayo – I hate to see a brotha lose 1 of the 3 gigs we get a yr in Hollywood, but Isiah Washington got himself kicked off of Grey’s

18 07 2008
Knatural

TomatoHead – Shear Genius did? Good for them. I need to find this episode.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

You can watch all of the first season of Shear Genius on YouTube. I got hooked from getting a free first episode from ITunes of the first season a year ago and have been waiting for a new season forever.

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

Tomato – Christian wouldn’t be on because he won. But I hope Aaaaaaandre (with the weird accents) and Kara Saun are on it.

18 07 2008
Dustin

Esquire: “its hard trying to bill and sneak in this site at the same time. Im always rushing.”

Tell me the fuck about it. I hate being at a new job and working. I miss this blog so much. I’ve missed some good posts and only went today because DRLF e-mailed it to me.

P.s. If I weren’t at a new firm, this pic of Chris and his hot-ass friend would be my computer’s background.

P.s.s. I need a “my boy” in my life.

18 07 2008
The Doc Is In

T. Head – Kara Saun and Nick Verraros (sp?). Can we please also bring back Andre “where the HELL is my chiffon” Gonzalo. I’m tempted to want to see Michael (Mycheal, whatever the mess he’s calling himself these days) Knight, but he was suuuuccch a let down in the finale.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

For Amadeo:

Me on Grand Cayman Island in March

18 07 2008

“I wish she would bite Bob Johnson’s head off”

::peeing on myself:

18 07 2008
Bajan Girl

“I’m a professional woman, but I’m open to “love” and meeting the right guy. But I also believe in having my own life, my own things, and being able to afford the lifestyle that I want to live. Basically, I expect the same thing out of ME that I expect from anyone I date.”

THANK YOU!!!!

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Oh yes, we must have Where’s Andre? back 🙂

18 07 2008
Dustin

TomatoHead is hot!

18 07 2008
Amadeo

Now…look in to the camera like you have a secret.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

LOL, Thanks Dustin!

18 07 2008
B4Prez

I have 1/2 an hour left to kill on the plantation, so I’m with Amadeo – send sum links or sumthin, becus I don’t know anything about any of these reality shows you’ll are talking about. Now if you’ll wanna leave class, maturity, and dignity at the door and talk about the shenanigans of ‘I Love Money’, I’ll be able to follow.
*SMH@MYSELF*

18 07 2008

btw I was a size 34f 5’1″ 126 lbs before by very mouch needed breast reduction.

18 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Ne’

Pics or it didn’t happen.

🙂

18 07 2008
Muse

Dustin I appreciate your honesty. I stated the obvious earlier but folks insisted on talking about skeet and ugly actresses.

18 07 2008
Vanita

OMG Did yall see Split Ends when that white dudes from pittsburg was on there doin all kinda weaves and fingerwaves??? HIL.A.R.IOUS

18 07 2008
ayo
18 07 2008
Knatural

Should we wear bras to bed? Seems wrong.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Ne, I am so getting them reduced, but only after I have kids. I don’t want to jeopardize my abilities to breastfeed.

18 07 2008
Vanita

wtf is a 34 F????
good lawd above….

18 07 2008
ayo

and again for amadeo on living with baduizm:
http://www.ohword.com/gallery3/804/living-with-baduizm

18 07 2008
Merri Lee

I feel you Dustin. I’m changing positions (job positions! shut up shabooty!) and will be on the road, in meetings, away from the computer 😦 New gig strats a week from Monday, I’m off next week*

*Ghetto! Technically I quit one job and took a new one at the same place. Point is, my benefits start over because I’m “new.” Booooo.

18 07 2008
Vanita

is 34 F a grade???

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Yes Vanita, sadly it is. As is a 32 F, which is what I currently fit.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

Damn tomatohead! It looks like u have 2 fat kids in ur shirt, lol.

*wonders if that was inappropriate and cause for losing my ebp card*

18 07 2008
Vanita

I just dont know how these tiny stature women get these ginormous boobs and ass. Im 5’9 with 36 Cs and I swear they really arent C’s. Vikki Secrect just said that to make me buy teh damn push up bra. The only reason a bit (and I mean a bit) of ass is cuz i ran track..Your not supposed to wear a bra to bed…

18 07 2008
Knatural

WHAT THE FUCK?
I cup, like ‘EYE’ cup. C’mon, man.

18 07 2008
ayo

my college roommate is 120 34doubleF

18 07 2008
Vanita

WHERE THE HELL DO YOU FIND A BRA THAT BIG????

18 07 2008
ayo

5’2″

18 07 2008
Vanita

I have problems finding long jeans…

18 07 2008

I will put up a before pic.

@ Tomato Dr. Keith Drewer in Davis did mine…HE IS SUPURB! I was so insecure about my big ass tatas.

18 07 2008
Amadeo

See that second one is what public transpo everywhere could benefit from.

Oh I’m down with Baduism.

18 07 2008
B4Prez

I heard about that ‘Brothel Bus’.

Oh well, we’re always saying we need more black entrepreneurs.

18 07 2008
Vanita

damn. And here i was over here feel sorry for myself cuz i have huge feet…

18 07 2008
B4Prez

Did you’ll hear about this? Might be too hot for a friday, but take a look:

http://www.livesteez.com/news/news_detail/934

18 07 2008
18 07 2008
Amadeo

Alright…I’ll catch you guys later. I’m going to see how much I can see at Artscape with out having heat stroke.

Bless your large boobies and the backs that support them.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

B4Prez…I need to go to New York. Purchase a gun. And shoot that man right in his smirking, stupid face.

Now I’m angry. On a Friday. 6 and a half hours before I go see the Dark Knight.

I hate you. 🙂

18 07 2008

18 07 2008
Dustin

I know an I cup. You have to specialty order them. There’s a store in Houston called “Top Drawer.”

18 07 2008
KadiBaby

Shabooty is a cougar hunter. 😛

18 07 2008

18 07 2008
B4Prez

@Tomato – LOL. I said the same thing. I’m a grown azz 6′, 180 lbs dude, and when I read the story I was like, I probably would’ve had to beat her ass too…we’ll maybe not a beat down, but I would pushed the sht out of her! As for the designer, I def woulda beat his azz if I saw him in that shirt. Then I woulda ran, cus u know the NYPD loves to shoot brothas.

18 07 2008
TomatoHead

Daaaaayum Ne.

18 07 2008

and I am 5’1″ mind you with cakes. My body was SO not proprotioned

18 07 2008
Muse

Poor Tomato head…

18 07 2008

proportioned**

18 07 2008
B4Prez

I think Ne and Tomatohead should have a jello bikini fight

18 07 2008
Vanita

WOW Ne. Those are big boobs. So…What did yall eat growin up? Maybe I still have time to grow my knockers a lil bit more…

18 07 2008
Vanita

My nips stick out if I dont wear a slightly padded bra. I hate it. They stick out regardless of being cold or not, and I used to get TEASED in high school. usually you cant wear jackets in school, but they let me because I was a distraction.

18 07 2008

Well my grandmother was from the country so we ate grits eggs, toast ham, bacon and rc cola. Then for dinner we had shark, frog, legs, fish, rabbit, you name a forest animal and we ate it.

18 07 2008
Vanita

Squirrel?

18 07 2008

I now have smaller boobs I love them!

18 07 2008

I sure. I’m glad my mom didn’t continue that mess.

18 07 2008
shabooty

imma milf hunter

18 07 2008
Janus

OH. MY. GOD….. Idon’t even know where to begin… 34F? The girl with the size I cup (Jesus Lord Christ), DDD… salt and pepper nuts LOLOL…

OMG PANTY PUDDING!!!! I cant believe I never knew wht this meant…. there used to be a radio show on down here that used to big up crews like the Slurpy Nookie Crew and the Panty Pudding crew and I never knew what it meant but I just used to laugh my ass off at it…. smdh this shit is ridiculous.

shabooty is just PURE comedy…. how y’all expect me to be laughing out hard and then shaking when I hold in my laughter at the ppl workplace?! Damn man!!

To all the big bubby women (that means u Ne and Tomatohead), please don’t cut them off, God put them there for a reason lol… I head a big breasted friend who got stopped and asked by a random old man, “Does ur boyfriend suck those?” ROFLMAO!!!

To al those going to see the Dark Knight… SCREW YOU!!! It doesn’t get down here till nxt week Wednesday STUPSE…. this is bere shite

I love all the ppl on thsi site hear? Y’all does mek me laugh so bad and have ridiculously unproductive days lol, laughing on the fone and all

18 07 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

I always wondered why in the fuck bras my size (DD) were padded. I’m thinking if anything, I want them to apprear smaller. But now it makes sense. Nip protection. Got it! that’s all I’ve read so far ( from the bottom up, anyway). I’ve actually been hard at work today.

18 07 2008
Zahara

It’s funny how most black women here LOVE having a hate session on white women as if they have the monopoly on ugliness. I won’t even tough the double standard. It just sadly reeks of insecurity. What does race have to do with attractiveness or lack thereof?

It’s not about the colour of the skin but the facial features & physical shape among other things.

About the whole cougar thing – whatever floats their boat. The longer women make their lives all about work the more men they leave for me to choose from. They expand the pool for me so no complaints here.

19 07 2008
Vanita

@ Zahara. – I believe the conversation about white women was more about unattractive actresses playing certain roles. Then it evolved into a conversation about less attractive stars who others believe are attractive. I really think it was more of a ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ type conversation. If you would read a bit more carefully, you’d see people singing praises for those they believed was very attractive, and you’d also see people saying some black actresses aren’t that beautiful either. I don’t think (from your comments) that you read all the comments, so maybe should read a bit more carefully. I mean that in the most respectful way.

19 07 2008
Leo

Chris don’t listen to anybody here, you look sexy with your cute shirt and your muscle. Shame on you all, he is already an angry black man, you guys making him angrier by making fun of his cute shirt. Leave Chris alone!!!

oops, i meant muscles

19 07 2008
Jen

Zahara, please.

You know all the homely ass bitches listed are BEYOND HOMELY. You will NOT try to defend Maggie, SJP and Kirsten.

White women may not have the monopoly on ugly, but it is easy to hate on ugly white celebs when they are so overexposed. I have thought about this. There are ZERO ugly Black female celebrities who women pretend are gorgeous the way people pretend, say, Fergie is. Pretend-pretty uglies are products of white privilege.

19 07 2008
Amadeo

As a motorboatin son of a bitch big breasts are like an ocean…but knowing someone who had to have a reduction I understand.

@Ne…5’1″??? Cotdamn!!!! My girl is the same height and shes just a D. I can’t even imagine an F on her.

19 07 2008
Zahara

Really? Have you actually read any blogs? Every blog I’ve read called SJP ‘horseface’, Jessica Beil & Cameron Diaz are consistently named ‘herms’, Fergie is ‘meth face’ and ‘busted face’ etc. etc. etc.

And I’m not talking about this thread only — it’s something that I’ve seen over other threads too.

And most of the white women listed as ‘ugly’ look pretty normal/cute/pretty to me. They’re not supermodels — they’re actresses. And I can honestly say they look A LOT BETTER than most girls on SBPH facebook group. So stop the hate.

19 07 2008
Zahara

Let me repeat: Most of the women listed are honestly not ugly — not classically beautiful or sensual but pretty. Just like most of the women in the world.

19 07 2008
riz

Reading these comments reminds me that I live in a California bubble. That’s not good or bad, but it is what it is.

19 07 2008
Vanita

Zahara – I personally do not think SJP or Fergie are pretty. Just don’t. But I just came back from my job’s retreat, and apparently a lot of WHITE people don’t either. If you would have heard some of the things they said about those two women, you would have been more upset than you are now. Now, they were pretty drunk when they said these things, but isn’t alcohol some kinda truth serum anyway? And again, I think your missing the point of conversation. Those are less attractive people that the media/public seems to be head over heels for when a lot of people do not find them attractive.

And I am not conceited by any means. But Ill be damned if I’m not more attractive than Fergie or SJP. They are cool people, just not overly attractive to me. If these people were without a doubt drop dead gorgeous, or even pretty, people would not talk about them otherwise. If you can google ‘horse face’ and get SJP or ‘meth face/head’ and get Fergie, then the public has spoken.

19 07 2008
shabooty

thanks janus
did u read the line of the day though? just go back and search for gray/grey ball hair…it leads to a wicked one liner
=)

19 07 2008
Jen

Zahara – I think Jessica Biel, Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson are pretty, but not so pretty than they are beyond reproach.

I think Nicole Kidman is gorgeous. But just because other people don’t, I cannot call them “haters”. I think Jessica Simpson is hideous, but most people disagree, so whatevs…

Cameron Diaz has interesting bone structure, but is not conventionally pretty. Paris Hilton is not cute and doesn’t even have good bone structure, but is so overmade, she looks cute.

Hillary, Chloe: clearly not pretty.

Mischa Barton, Jennifer Aniston: ONLY average-looking WITH the help of celebrity makeup artists, which is honestly just tragic. In fact, I find Aniston to be ANNOYINGLY unattractive because she IS hyped–she married Brad Pitt!! And, I don’t see it anywhere on her face.

In conclusion, I’d say the convo above was pretty sound, and you are just trying to drum up drama.

19 07 2008
Jen

Shabooty, tell me about yourself. What is your MO? I heard you were shy in person, so what the hell is going on online??

19 07 2008
Zahara

If you think that is drama then you need to familiarize yourself with the word. Disagreement is not drama – please stop reading more into things than are there.

I just find it sad that perfectly normal looking women are called ugly. It’s a shame. For me, I like normal looking women to play lead interest roles than I would drop dead gorgeous, supermodels. I can relate to them more and it makes the movie/tv seem more realistic and interesting.

Now, Angelina Jolie was perfect for the role of Wanted because it was action, sex & no-brains -pure-eye candy kinda movie and she fit the role perfectly. However, SJP, no matter what her looks are, is great as Carrie. I can'[t really see anyone else doing her role. I fee its ‘her’.

Now Tyra Banks is tall, ‘think’, beautiful supermodel but her shows SUCK SO HARDDDDDDD. I rather watch Oprah, Jenny Jones etc. I’m just saying to those that begrude average looking actresses that it’s not about looks.

19 07 2008
Leo

Zahara, please go away!!

19 07 2008
Zahara

Vanita, I said the same things in the post above yours. Ugly is

This is my definition of ugly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPT0c0_KgzE, and even then I hate using that word because someone that would that to their face cannot be right in the head.

19 07 2008
Zahara

http://www.rock107.com/albums/Bizzaro-Gallery/jocelyn.jpg — wrong tab oops

Chris Brown is yummers

19 07 2008
ViK

An open letter to SBPH –

It’s 8pm on the west coast. On channel 60, The Daily Show has their cougar sketch. On channel 6, Dr. Phil has a show on cougars. I hate you.

19 07 2008
ViK

…dammit, I just saw a commercial for WeTV’s show on cougars. Now I’m scared to go out because they’re will be a bunch in the club. You must by psychic 😉 Time to go.

19 07 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ vik.

19 07 2008
ViK

^^^ahh, that was “be” psychic. Clearly I’m not.

19 07 2008
riz

I honestly don’t understand what people have against cougars. Seriously. I understand the wack conversations btw 25 year old white boys and old women. But like Chris said, ‘all any initial conversation between two people trying to get in bed with one another is pretty damn annoying, especially if white men are involved.”

I also understand how middle-aged people are not hot and its gross when they stare at you and try to pick up on you (i.e. old ass man in the club, eyeing you with his disgusting receding hairline and pot belly, knowing damn well that he has no chance of getting play). I get that.

But why are cougars worst than that? Is it because guys aren’t used to getting catcalled? Is it that guys usually give women the sexy eye, so they don’t like it when it’s in reverse? Because I’m sure that every single woman on here has been approached by ugly dudes men that they aren’t attracted to, and we just shrug it off as a part of the club scene.

Really, I don’t get it.

19 07 2008
riz

… Okay, well except on the daily show when that broad has the leotard. Thats comedy.

19 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Example of a cougar in the club:

sorry…i thought the caption (despite the gross misspelling was fitting for the topic.

19 07 2008
riz

“Baybeh!”

Its perfect.

19 07 2008
An Unispired Muse

Hey man! I LOVE COUGARS!!!!!!

Out here (FL) they are so aggressive on any given night that if you look like you may have tits, you are sure to find yourself with a young guy begging you to pose as his girlfriend.

Its endless entertainment at the bars and if the guy is right, endless numbers.

(Is that the infamous Chis in white? Never knew what he looked like. I can dig the white shirt….then again, his arms are folded.)

19 07 2008
Dina

I’m going to go ahead and say don’t blame it on the 60’s since the nuclear family ideal was especially popularized in the 50’s. Also, it’s really a middle class notion along with ideas of privacy that is considerably earlier than that. Plus the idea of the irritable adolescent that gets itchy and annoyed the minute their parents get near them. The 60’s were more of a reaction to those middle class values and supported the notion of a larger community (i.e. communes). I think part of the reason for the way elders are treated in American culture is the emphasis on children being the “future” and the fixation on a young adult being independent and flying the coop, starting their own nuclear family. Also getting a different house and not inviting their parents to live with them. People kept telling me to go to college in a state far away from my parents and thought it’s weird that my parents call me more than once every two weeks, but I’m Russian Jewish and it’s a little bit different.

But I don’t get your idea about elders. How would you change things? I find that in elder-based societies like Chinese people, young people’s freedom is restricted. You have to kiss the asses of your elders. Frequently you have to compromise what you want in deference to various social rules. Clearly this is a simplistic-ass way of understanding it based on my limited knowledge, but it’s the impression that I get.

20 07 2008
Kara S.

My mama gets hit on by young dudes all the time. But she ain’t checkin for them, so i’m glad to say that she is not a cougar. Thank GOD!!!

20 07 2008
Angry IV

I was 21, she was 41 and divorced, and had money to the ceiling.

That is all.

20 07 2008
Lolo

I honestly can’t get bothered about some old broad snagging a 20 something dick dealer as long as there’s no roofies involved. Most men in my dating pool could use a bit of gym time so I can understand the attraction to the young and buff. However, I do wish the whole cougar brigade would at least do something about their general taste in fashion. When you’ve earned that much you have NO business wearing Bebe or Juicy, PLEASE.

20 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Age is nothing but a number, but maturity says alot.

You cannot help but to like who you like, and I highly doubt age plays too much of a factor in likeability, unless an underage person is involved.

I know 20 year olds more mature than 50 year olds.

The question is, can you handle the age difference?

20 07 2008
Angry IV

bahahaha dick dealer…gold.

20 07 2008
Lolo

Outside of a ten year difference, I find the gap to be too much trouble to bother. Now, I’m very friendly and fond of many people who are much younger than me but having to give history lessons to someone I’m fucking is the opposite of sexy. My man is eight years younger, and at our age the maturity level is equal but I still get tripped up by how he doesn’t grasp how truly horrible the Reagan years were for many folks, or how disco was actually pretty fun until YT got buttfucked by The BeeGees and then it all went to shit.

When really young guys flirt with me in a mistaken attempt at flattery I remind them that they’re foetuses as far as I’m concerned and that they’re treading on Oedipal ground.

As to respecting the elders, I was raised to do so but now that I’m one of them, fuck that. For anyone over the age of consent to respect me or my peers, we better be living a life worthy of it or be prepared to be called on it. I am sick to shit of old people who act like ass and then fall back on some dumbass like “when I was growing up, blah blah blah.” Yeah? Well when you were growing up were your elders driving while talking on cell phones or wearing sensible shoes with CLEAR HEELS?? Seriously, I saw a cougar on the train last month who was wearing sensible stripper shoes …

Chris, not only do you identify my hate but you cause me to amplify it. For that I both bless you and curse you.

Last of all, I wish there were more men around here who looked better as they age

20 07 2008
rai

my mother is way chill. my mother is married to my daddy, they are still together and all that jazz. but I imagine that niggas (young and old) are gonna test anything. forget the wedding ring my mommy wears everyday. . . we were at the commissary on the walter reed satelite, and ole dude trying to rap up my mother. . . ewwww NO NIGGA!!!! dude was too old for me, and too young for my mother. . . dudes will chase anything that looks like it will get wet. lol when I was like 18, 19 just wa;lking into college, I vowed that I would “focus on my career”. Seeing how I just turned 23, and all of my white friends are even getting married or clamoring to find a man that will marry them, I feel like I should be more stressed out about it. especially considering the statistics are much worse for me. all I pray about is that I end up with someone I like, not someone I forced myself to like because 30 is quickly approaching, and the timeline clearly states that I need to meet someone by 27, so I can know them for 2 years, get married at 29, and pop up with a fetus by 31. lol im nowhere near that rigid. . . but i REFUSE to be a cougar. . . at least in public. i will NOT be 32 in the bar scene. if I want a drink, i will just curl up with a bottle on my couch, turn on lifetime, and cry myself to sleep all the while taking solice in the fact that if I did get married he would probably be short, ugly, stupid, useless, a “baby daddy”, ex-convict, a serial rapist, a woman beater, or any combination thereof.

sidenote: lol dead!!!!@ cougars wearing bebe and juicy. . . lord, pray on it. I think they are tryin to look younger. since biff said that they had younger face/bodies (and they were dumb and naive enough to believe it), they feel like if they wear what the young chicks wear they will look just like the young chicks. FALSE!!!!!! your mother could walk right into your closet and STILL not execute a “young chick outfit” properly. lol now u just look like an old bytch in bebe, which is MUCH worse than just being an old bytch

20 07 2008
rai

oh, and to the lady that said she wished guys looked better as they aged. . . not gonna happen. most of them didn’t look like much when they were YOUNG. lol that’s because they didn’t have to. yeah they had competition, but not enough to keep them on top of their game. if u can still get action without the extra exercise or proper hygiene or even backbreaking hours at work, whats the point of doing it? Most dudes I have heard about don’t wash/work/exercise for themselves, they do it for “the bytches”. lol and if “the bytches” are still putting when they are dirty, outr of shape and broke. . . welp, the couch it is. lol i wish the numbers were in my favor. being a guy, even a crappy one, life’s smooth because there will ALWAYS be enough women out there desperate enough to get with your crappy tail because she doesn’t want to be alone and she spent her prime years “focusing on her career” lol

20 07 2008
Lolo

Seriously Rai, if I had that sort of money like some of these cougars, I would be putting Herrera on my body and not that nasty stuff for wannabe pole dancers. Forever 21 is a store, not a promise, right?

Don’t even stress about this “timeline”, please. You do have to put yourself out in the world to increase your odds of meeting The One but timeline? No. I’m almost fifty and didn’t have my first child until I was 34. It took me a second look to realise that the man I have now is The One and that didn’t happen until I was past 40, for what that’s worth. Keep your heart and mind open, do background checks, go to places where real men you want to meet go (not bars!!!) and I doubt you’ll end up alone on the sofa.

20 07 2008
rai

“Forever 21 is a store, not a promise, right?” lol!!!!!! dead. but right now I am not really worried about much. although i have taken notice that the number of eligible suitors is crazy low. I’ve always been very open. . . i mean of course to anything except girls, midgets, and animals. lol I recently called myself doing the blind date thing, instead of meeting him througha real friend or at the club, I met him through like 3 other people I knew and didn’t know. it was an effing DISASTER!!!! dude was 27, a mess, no conversation, the absolute WORST @ cracking jokes, that was disrespectful to the waitress and was a shytty tipper. . . and had the audacity not to want to let me pay for my food, “i got it, its your birthday dinner” lol. i will get it together someday, but as for now, imm stick to “Focusing on my career”. . . im tryin to up my stock because, my dream guy is too good for me right now. lol

20 07 2008
Sister Toldja

A lot of guys look better as they age, especially if they take care of themselves. My dad is 56 and, while the last few years have taken a toll on him, he looks awesome. And he looked way better at 45 than he did at 25. Society just places a crazy set of expectations on women physically and youth is equated with beauty. Luckily for Black women, we tend to age well (my mom will be 60 this year and while she could be in better shape, she is still beautiful and people NEVER guess her correct age).

As far as the elder thing, because I was raised Pan-Africanist parents (who are also old enough to remember when our communities respected elders), I’ve always understood the conference of deference. I don’t follow and agree with everything elders say and do, but I have the good sense to listen respectfully, to treat them well (and not in the same way I treat a 24 year old well) and adress them appropriately. I also take advantage of the lessons to be learned from these folks.

20 07 2008
Lolo

Oh ST, I’m ranting a bit (go figure) and am always deferential to my elders unless I’m pushed beyond the beyond. One of the old men in our neighborhood was screaming at my son and his friends for being so inconsiderate as to play! outdoors! in the middle of the day! and disturb his nap. Which, fine. Cranky old man but when he crossed the line and was swearing at them we had a chat. A polite, on my part, but firm chat about how he should conduct himself with the dignity that someone his age should and that under no circumstances will I ever tolerate an adult calling my child a fucking little sonofabitch, especially over playing outdoors at three in the afternoon … the best part of it was, as we walked back home, one of the boys said “what’s he doing sleeping in the middle of the day? Doesn’t he have a job??”

It’s really annoying to me, how many old people feel entitled to cuss out a child when they think there are no other adults to witness their behaviour. I would make my children chew a bar of Zest and then scrub the bathroom with a toothbrush if they ever spoke to an adult in that way.

20 07 2008
Sister Toldja

Conference of deference should be CONCEPT of deference.

And I agree Lolo. I don’t tolerate out and out disrespect. I let SOME shit slide, but I am quick to tell an old leery man who says some ill shit that I am young enough to be his grandchild and if he wants his rightful place in the community as a respected elder than he needs to act like he has some sense!

Uh, and an old man almost ran us over with a bike yesterday and sorta looked at us funny instead of sayying sorry. I said “it’s okay, enjoy the ride, it’s almost over for you pal”. But I am also a semi-bad person.

20 07 2008
riz

life’s smooth because there will ALWAYS be enough women out there desperate enough to get with your crappy tail because she doesn’t want to be alone and she spent her prime years “focusing on her career” lol.

Here is where *I* yack.

That is the exact reason why quality women would rather have a career than have some “crappy” tail. I mean, like you said, if Dude ain’t about anything now, then he probably wasn’t about anything THEN. The professional woman didn’t neglect relationships or focus too much on her career. She took a good look around, saw her options, and took the better one (i.e. her own success over crappy tail).

And so what, if a professional wants that young d*ck? It doesn’t mean she wants to *get* with you or marry you. It doesn’t mean that she’s afraid to be alone. It doesn’t even mean that she wants to see your nappy ass on the morning after. It simply means that she wants to f*ck you…

So, to all the “dick dealers” out there: Instead of sitting there, patting yourself on the back just because some woman has finally run out of batteries and has decided to shoot you a midnight text, why don’t you just shutup, sit back, and do the only thing that you have ever been good for. . . f*cking women roundly.

20 07 2008
rai

lol okay. . .

i also would like us to stop assuming every women that is 35, 40+ and single, pushed relationships aside to “focus on her career”. . . she very well may be that useless old broad that no one wants, and it has nothing to do with her “career”. . . lol

20 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

No.

20 07 2008
Muse

Why is everyone looking at the Cougar issue in absolutes? Not EVERY woman desires to be married. I know plenty of happy women who are married with successful careers and I know happy women who are single. I believe that a woman can have all that she desires if she is well organized and finds a partner who is willing to compromise and support her. I also think we are failing to look at other factors as to why cougars exist in the first place.

We have reached a point in society where marriage is not needed for one’s livelihood. Traditionally men where the providers while the woman tended to the home. Now that women, especially Black women are making tons of money, buying homes on their own, and can be upwardly mobile without a man, what are the benefits of being married besides the double burden of trying to maintain a career and tend to the household?

Let’s play devil’s advocate for a moment: In this day and age why should a woman sacrifice her career for love when there are so many men who don’t respect the institution of marriage in the first place? In additional there are tons of “players” out there who view women as disposable goods. Based on the comments made on SBPH alone, Black women have a greater burden to bear when they come to that pivotal point in their lives where it’s time to choose career or love. As a Black woman it’s easy to ask myself why should I sacrifice my career for love when many of the Black men out there find me repulsive and believe that I’m incapable of selecting a good mate?

The idealist and realist in me are at odds because on one end I would love to have a great husband and do the domestic thing but on the other hand I feel that my career is guaranteed success because I’m great at what I do, I’m intelligent, and I don’t have to worry about my dark skin, hair, ass, and tits being prerequisites to financial success. Finding a love worthy of being a life partner is really up to chance when complexities associated with being in a relationship are taken into consideration. No matter how much effort one puts into making a relationship work, if that effort is not reciprocated then all is lost and valuable time is wasted.

All the success in my life has come from my academic, financial, and career achievements which have also allowed me to meet very interesting people along the way. My personal challenges have allowed me to grow mentally and spiritually. The men I’ve dated had nothing to do with why I’m happy or why I have the freedom to do as I please. So what’s the motivation for sacrificing measurable success in a career for a love life that isn’t guaranteed?

Perhaps we are all judging Cougars too harshly. Maybe they are women who know what they want and being married isn’t in the equation. Maybe they’ve reached a point in their lives where a man can’t do shit for them besides dick them down on occasion. Who knows? Nevertheless, I try not to judge a book by its cover. Maybe many of the Cougars believe that having their cake and eating it to consist of being single but occasionally having a young lover to please them.

20 07 2008
Leo

Preach Muse, I agree with everything you said.

20 07 2008
riz

… not to mention that, without a career, a woman could end up like this.

20 07 2008
riz

Ugh, I meant this.

20 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

American men have turned our women into over-logical, over-analytic automata.

I need to move to another fucking country.

21 07 2008
D.

So are you considered a cougar if you’re a middle aged woman who preys on younger women? Probably. Cause that’s what I’m going to be when I grow up.

http://thisblackchickscognition.wordpress.com

21 07 2008
riz

Chris, if you go, please send back replacement men. Especially if you’re headed to the Mediterranean.

(No offense to D and her choices).

21 07 2008
Muse

Don’t men complain that women lack the capability to be logical?

21 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

If they’re the same men that wrecked women, I don’t know and I don’t care.

21 07 2008
riz

“Wrecked?”

Really, though?

Calling a whole gender (or subtype of that gender) “wrecked” — just because they think for themselves and stay single instead of fighting this pointless battle of the sexes– is precisely what has ruined relationships between men and women in the first place.

If you put women in the position of having to choose between (a) Being a Stepford Wife for fear of being labeled “wrecked,” vs. (b) being happy and comfortable with who they are, then don’t be surprised when women choose the latter, and leave men out of the equation to the fullest extent possible.

21 07 2008
riz

… and that “extent possible” depends on each woman’s physical and familial desires.

21 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Am I the only one that remembers this blog is a joke?

21 07 2008
chaoticdiva

All jokes aside, why date for sex when there are toys?

The rabbit = proof that money can buy satisfaction.

21 07 2008
riz

You know what’s a joke? MEN ARE THE JOKE! RISE UP! TAKE BACK DA CLUB, LADIES!!

Nah, I’m playing. It really isn’t that serious.

Thank you, ChaoticDiva, for pointing out a very important, often overlooked issue. I tried to keep it light with the lady living in the closet, but no one was really feeling me on that.

21 07 2008
Landon

a toy can not appease the biggest part of sex… human connection and egos

21 07 2008
Landon

If what chaotic says is true men are at an advantage…

we could jerk off until the cows come home…

but we prefer to outsource that duty instead of doing it our selves!

21 07 2008
chaoticdiva

…but yes, I must agree with Muse: relationships aren’t guaranteed.

But I will say in defense of the cougars that oddly enough, many of the men in pursuance of the girl who isn’t some cheap stupid hoe (i.e. the educated, powerful, career and goal oriented powerhouse) are typically the over-confident men who are in the mindset that they are the “top dog” and are borderline arrogant. [*note* I did not say all]

But when you get to know these men, you realize that their biggest fear is for someone to come along and knock them down from their mental throne, which is what these powerhouse women do, essentially in his mind. So when the pseudo-alpha male feels like his manhood is being compromised by a woman that can do as much and more than he can, he does things to keep his manhood in check. This includes adultery, buying expensive “toys” (think cars, electronic gadgets, etc), lying about successes, and even leaving their powerhouse woman for a stupid cheap hoe.

With that being said, most women who are striving to be these powerhouses have seen this happen to their mothers, sisters, cousins, mentors, whoever they’re looking up to, and realizing that its not worth risking a career for a man in which there is a high chance of him acting out or leaving because he is not comfortable with her successes.

I’m not saying that every man is like this, but I can tell you, I grew up watching this happen to the “cougars” in my family, and its still happening to them.

So guys, please know that we are willing to do alot to sacrifice for a relationship, however, we won’t kill our careers for one, just like men don’t for women.

21 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ riz…he’s my best friend…

@ Landon…I never said the man was at the advantage. However, a man needs the skin to skin contact more than a woman…I can tell you that much. I guess thats why we can go without sex much longer and not be dying.

21 07 2008
Landon

Its not eh skin to skin contact!

Its the mental satisfaction of “Conquering” the woman and having her body…

because if it was about the “NUT” no person can make a man NUT fast and more effectively then the man himself….

Its the mental satisfaction… For guys its all about the HUNT for guys…

not to be crass but its no pussy like new pussy… you could find the Karma Sutra her self and we still try to fuck her sister after we got tired of her!

21 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Erm…if you think electronic stimulation is an equal replacement for close encounters of the sexual kind…somebody ain’t been doing their job for ya girlfriend.

21 07 2008
riz

@chaoticdiva,

COSIGN to the pseudo alpha male! Once, I even made the mistake of dating a guy who was shorter than me AND had a less successful career. Talk about arrogance…

Re: men, I never try to “knock them down from their mental throne.” I just like a healthy debate and think that it’s fun. I don’t realize that I’m doing anything wrong until . . . one of those things happens that you mentioned.

In the day, I’ve even tried to act like I was dumber than I am. I’d say things like, “Oh, I don’t really read too much, ” or, “No, I don’t really think about those types of things.” But my goodness, my internal monologue just proved to be too much when I had to listen to some chickensh*t dude brag about much more important his life was over mine.

When the right guy comes along, I find myself wanting to be more domestic. But that’s because Right Guy also respects me as a Powerhouse, too. We make mutual sacrifices to keep each other happy…

But until then…. Yeah… I guess I’ll just be a mini Cougar in training… A little puma cub.

21 07 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Doc… my prior love life has been shit. I’m literally borderline becoming a cougar at the rate I’m going. I’m trying desperately to cling onto hope that I don’t attract anymore nutcases, but I’m trying to shake the ones off me now.

21 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Dang girl, that’s a rough lot in life if the nutcases weren’t at least hooking you up with the good nookie. I’ll light a candle for you…

21 07 2008
riz

Come out and visit me in LA, CDiva. There are tons of cute boys out here. Dumb as hell, but entertaining. We’ll have fun.

In the mean time, ain’t nothing wrong with a little buzz-buzz. It’s not only fun for one, but adventurous couples too.

21 07 2008
chaoticdiva

…lol. I’ve learned to cope with not fucking the crazies in hopes they wont come back.

…shit doesn’t work.

21 07 2008
chaoticdiva

Example of the typical douchebag that I meet:

(Hmm…crazy controlling asshole has been leaving/texting me messages like such…)

21 07 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ riz…

I have fun when I’m in LA. Yea, I’ll let you know when I’m out that way.

21 07 2008
Bajan Girl

still reading through comments… fun stuff… hilarious…

Zahara proves that “education” and sense can’t set horse…

21 07 2008
MsKat

I have to say something about the whole “women focus on their careers and fuq up their personal life/leave the personal life to wither and die” tangent.

Women have to make personal choices that are inextricably linked (for better or worse) to their career. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories of women who were, in effect, demoted from their position, or even fired, because of the choice to start a family. I haven’t heard many stories of similar consequences for men. I know this is a really complicated issue, because so many companies/corporations are dominated by men, men who have often been able to put familial responsibilities on their wives/SO, rather than try and find the balance for all of it.

There’s the whole issue of work-life balance at play here. It’s not easy for anyone, because we would all like to be able to have successful careers, great families, and a lovely white picket fence. But at some point you will have to make a sacrifice…it’s a give and take between all the pieces of the puzzle, and it’s not always fair.

Note: A fellow (male) co-worker of mine recently changed firms so that he could spend more time with his family. I thought he made a great decision, for himself. But some people view it as a “lack of commitment”. Tell it to his wife and kids.

21 07 2008
lola gets

I cant say Id like to be “fucked roundly.” SOUNDLY yes, roundly, no. But, hey, thats just me, lol.

L

22 07 2008
letinstar

i’m a cougar and i’m proud…next…

23 07 2008
Soullady

I love this article. There is so much shit we “cougars” have to go through, your figure was very exact :-). It is unbelievable how dull guys can be. I guess they believe when you are past 40, you are so grateful that they talk to you, you take any crap they give you, LOL.

But it is easy to get rid of them. Just ignore the “compliments” and try to start a more sophisticated conversation instead of giggling and batting eyelashes. They are gone as the wind. The ones who stay might be worth a second look.

23 07 2008
F

Chris,

I know personal relationship shouldn’t be put aside. Old people do often tell to work less and spend more time w/love ones. But time has change, the generation right now focus on carreer and then personal relationship later, and some people can have both – love and carreer at the same time…..

I have a lot of friends and while i was focusing on my carreer and them focusing on chasing men…and every damn guy their with is always the “one”.

i find it very amusing to listen to them finding the “one”

friend no. 1 – found the “one”, didn’t go to college, got married
have two beautiful kids, husband is a cheater, goes to poker twice a week and stay there until 4 in the morning. Can’t leave the husband b/c she can’t find a decent job.

friend no. 2 – got pregnant because the guy promised that he will marry her. stop going to school. The day the baby was borned, he went to visit his mom and stayed there for weeks. Came back to her and asked for apology and promised again that he will marry her. Broke that promise many times. She came home one time and found him w/another girl…five years later..he moved out of town and she found out that he became “shemale”…(iam not making this shit up) i swear this is a true story…..note: iam no longer friend w/her. Because i can’t stand stupid people…im not being mean..

friend no.3 – Yes, she did graduate but she was about to pursue her master when she met a guy. Marry him and all we talk is her problem w/her marriage……..

friend no.4 – Never gone to high school and then forced herself to get an education. Everything is going well, until she met a guy. The guy is quite smart but of course since she stopped going to college with her lack of education the boyfriend always make her feel stupid….

i can go on w/the list of fail relationship about my friends and a friend of a friend…..but i wont bored you with that story…but what im trying to say is
we wanted something that will give us a sense of pride and security…we
put personal relationship aside because we weren’t ready to be in a relationship and it wasn’t the right time. But when that time come, will know and will be ready and at the same time we have something to put on the table….

🙂

30 07 2008
omi

right on, muse.

6 08 2008
Flora

Ha ha I am a 35YO fat white chick and I believe I’ll keep reading your blog just to piss you off. Not sure if I count as a cougar tho. I never go to bars b/c 20something guys give me the creeps.

17 08 2009
Matt

Being in the programming field I found the SQL reference funny nice job, cougars are great and your flowchart for fucking them is correct and indeed sad.

17 08 2009
Matt

Being in the programming field I found the SQL reference funny nice job cougars are great and your flowchart for fucking them is correct and indeed sad.

25 08 2009
mrlocario

there is nothing wrong with cougars or talking to them or fucking them. and many cougars know how to fuck, and many young guys who don’t know how get to experience that “wealth of wisdom” all the time. so it’s not such a bad thing after all.

check out my article real quick:

http://mrlocario.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/mr-locarios-sex-dating-relationship-advice-why-young-men-love-cougars/

thanks

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