Vomit

7 07 2008

For a long time, I thought the sight of vomit was the nastiest thing on the planet (not including feet). There can be no redeeming qualities about a big wet pile of half-digested human kibble mixed in with hydrochloric acid and God knows what other stomach juices staring you in the face. When I was in the fourth grade, some Chinese kid was eating pizza and puked it all up. The image of his PURPLE vomit has been seared into my memory ever since.

Figure 1: Good times

I saw a lot of vomit this weekend. I saw vomit on the floor. I saw vomit on a woman’s shoe. I saw vomit on the sidewalk. I even saw a remarkably large amount of vomit on the back of a hapless bouncer – which was rendered amazing by the fact that the vomit was located on his shoulder, which was way higher than the mouth of the perpetrator. And here I was thinking that projectile vomit was just a myth.

I learned this weekend, however, that it’s actually the SMELL of vomit that is the nastiest thing next to feet.

Last Friday was, of course, the informal and sparsely attended Stuff Black People Hate get-together. During the event, one of the attendees became insanely drunk and made what’s usually a rookie mistake – she stopped moving. Even worse, she sat down. Next thing you know, she’s leaning over and vomiting all over the floor. Part of me is smiling inside because I know this will enrage the owner (who happens to be my cousin, whom I hate), and another part of me is smiling because another chick in the corner of the room starting throwing up at the exact same time.

Figure 2: This doesn’t really fit into the previous text…it’s just funny as hell

Eventually I get my shit together and try to help the bouncer help her out. He, however, shoves me away for some reason (I’ll find out why in about 2 hours). I follow them outside to the smoking area – it’s at this point see the vomit (and karma) on the bouncer’s back – and then nearly get thrown out of the club when I try to bring the girl a cup of water. Over the next few hours, the following happens:

  • I feel like I’m being followed by a strange, persistent smell that I can’t quite place
  • I’m informed that the bouncers may be under the impression that I slipped the vomiting girl a mickey…which is interesting because she wasn’t drinking anything at the time
  • I wind up taking a cab into Arlington, where some white guy has my phone that apparently I dropped in the club. Once in the cab, the smell is getting stronger
  • The smell is getting stronger still
  • The cabbie clearly notices the smell
  • I retrieve my phone from a white dude named Greg. The cab has left me there
  • I run 3 drunken miles from Glebe Road and Lee Highway to the Key Bridge before I find a cab
  • The smell returns, and is now amplified by sweaty man funk
  • Once home, I get a text message from a ‘witness’ indicating that I was vomited on
  • I go to my closet
  • The lower left leg of my jeans has puke on it
  • The right sleeve of my jacket has puke on it
  • Recognizing the smell, finally, I run into the bathroom and throw up my damn self
  • Fuck

And as I sit here recalling the upchuckery of that night, I am reminded that one of the most painful things a man can endure besides passing a kidney stone is the empty vomit.

Ever done that shit? You feel the urge to yack, lean over the toilet/sink/cat ready to let one fly and finally feel better…only to wind up dry firing. Instead of a relieving flow of whatever the hell was making you sick coming out of your innards, you instead feel your stomach caving in on nothing, your abs clenching with a tightness well beyond your actual control and, of course, the horrifyingly empty and high-pitched “EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” being emitted from your newly contorted lungs.

I am never drinking again.

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699 responses

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

eeew.

7 07 2008
ninasimone

“And here I was thinking that projectile vomit was just a myth.”

babies with pyloric stenosis can have projectile vomiting ( random trivia for most, i know)

I no longer drink ( blasphemy on this site, right) but i once vomited in a club in Nigeria after drinking some unknown lukewarm liquor and too many amaretto sours…trying to be cute and grown and ended up looking like an azz…the dude was trying to get me drunk so my “easy american girl” could come out

that was four years ago..would never want to relive that headache/icky feeling

7 07 2008
r.g

really? an empty vomit is one the most painful things? dang, you men have it good.

7 07 2008
Sylph

“I am never drinking again.”

You say that now. Don’t know if you’ll hold to it but who knows?

Vomit is gross. I don’t like the smell or the sight of it. It takes me back to elementary school when someone would puke and then the janitor would come and put sawdust on it so they could scoop it up. Everyone stayed away from the upchuck kid for the rest of the day because of the smell.

I have vomit dysfunction around people I don’t know. It’s like I’ll hold the shit in even though it’s burning the hell out of my throat just so you won’t hear “Blaaaaaach”. (My family and friends will have to deal with it. Suck it up and like it.)

I raise your empty vomit with menstrual cramps. You’d want to kill yourself.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Vitamin B before a night of heavy drinking, propel in the morning. Keeps me from puking.

7 07 2008
4m_no_2_dc

what you are talking about is chris is dry heaving.
::ew i hate that shit::

“i am never drinking again”

i have said tha phrase many times, and lo, i wa drunk out of my mind this weekend.

7 07 2008
redsoxanja

I’m emetophobic.

I can’t count on a single hand every time I’ve vomitted since about the age of 6. Other people vomitting is the #1 cause.

Gross.

Gross.

Gross…

7 07 2008
4m_no_2_dc

100 proof vodka + guitar hero = drunken debauchery.

7 07 2008
Saun

What the hell were ya’ll drinkin and how fast were you drinking it? I hate vomiting. I don’t care what the reason, I despise it. I had one really bad experience with liquor and that was all I needed to know my time and quantity limits. 2 drink per hour real slow. I’m a control freak and I can never be that out of it again. Plus that headache is worth than death.

Hope all ya’ll lushes had fun this weekend. Make sure to drink lots of water.

7 07 2008
Adam

My freshman year in college I was so hungover I sat on the floor of my shower dry heaving for two hours. Fucking bleak.

7 07 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

*cups hand over mouth and runs to the bathroom*

7 07 2008
Janus

Ewwwwww who doesn’t hate vomit? And how in the hell could u have vomit on you and not know? Vomit is just nasty especially the smell of semi-digested food/drink. My worst sight was seeing someone vomit by the London Eye and then minutes later watching the pigeons coming to pick food out the vomit. That makes me want to puke just thinking about it.

Last night I had the worst drinking night in my life, overestimating my ability to drink after a fluke night last week of no hangover. That was the first time I ever vomited the same night that I drank… always get my hangover the next morning and I was told that I’m ‘weird’. Look on the bright side Chris, at least ur mom didn’t cook less Sunday lunch dinner because u were hungover and hence didn’t need to eat (which means u starve) while simultaneously suspending your driving privileges indefinitely :S

I think I’ll follow ChaoticDiva’s advice next time cuz I know if I say “I’m never drinking again” I’ll just be lying lol. But where do I get Vitamin B?

7 07 2008
Nice

On my 24th birthday, I drank about 4 glasses of Hennessey straight. I threw up in the club for like what seemed to be an eternity all over the floor. The bouncer had to carry me over his shoulder to my friends car- thats the last thing that I remember about that night soo long ago. 😛

7 07 2008
Educated NSU Demon

“I am never drinking again.”

Yea, that’s what they all say….

Personally, I’m a very light drinker, and thanks to this reference (on top of several others I’ve encountered throughout my high school and college tenure), I intend to stay that way for a long, LONG time.

7 07 2008
puff

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha this has so fully made my day complete. dry heaving is the devil, why does your body do that? i don’t get it.

p.s. drinking sprite/ginger ale helps with the vomiting. taking the early morning greyhound hungover does not.

7 07 2008
nick

Drink a litre of water before passing out.

Helps dilute the alcohol and gives you something extra to throw up.

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

See all these comments would’ve been more helpful before a. I stopped drinking due to 6 hrs of continuous vomiting/dry heaving every 10 minutes like clockwork – for the second time or b. 2:00 am Saturday morning.

7 07 2008
Phil

As a white guy, I can share in the hatred of vomit. I became infamous at my school for bazooka puking out of a third story townhouse window after being introduced to a new type of social drinking called “shotgunning” Ugh. Never again. There’s a rainbow coalition in my stomach trying to get out!!!!

7 07 2008
Lolo

Nosepuking trumps all.

The End.

7 07 2008
vitazza

omg nose puke!!!
wnbt you need to re-calculate fine on fb
Chris you will drink and you will enjoy in fact you will be guzzeling be4 long…

7 07 2008
Esquire

I agree. The dry heave is VERY painful. Ur stomach and throat feel like they’ve been hit by a truck…not that I have been…I just imagine it feels this way.

Am I the only one who loves how I feel after vomiting? It’s like a clear feeling of nirvana when whatever demon was in my stomach is heaved up and out. I usually vomit while simultaneously crying and sweating and coughing. (just me?) Then in a flash its gone and I feel instantly better. Heaven.

7 07 2008
vitazza

No Esquire,
Not Heaven hahaa I feel defeated and ashamed if I throw-up!!!
I haven’t puked in 4years and I shall keep it that way uhgggg.

7 07 2008
bluedoll

I second whoever said that cramps trumps vomiting.

I cant handle the sight, smell or the thought of vomit. My then 8 year old daughter caught a stomach bug and puked all over the bathroom floor. My boyfriend had to clean it up because Mommy (who can deal with baby spit up, diarreha, blood, mucus) can NOT handle vomit.

Vomiting lasts a short time. Cramps just stay around for days and days on end. (and make me feel nauseous, which is worse than actually vomiting for me: just random “feeling like you are about to heave” feeling is not good)

7 07 2008
Landon

NOSE PUKING??????

what ever you do dont DRINK ICE COLD WATER WHEN DRUNk it makes your system go in to slight shock causing you to throw up… Drink room temp. Water, a multi-vitamen and an advil before you go to bed and you will be fine the next day.

23rd B-day i had 23 shots of SoCo and Lime… The only time in MY LIFE i had to be taken care of because i was TOO DRUNK (i pride my self on that)… The simple smell of soco and lime will make me vomit on the SPOT!

7 07 2008
vitazza

Oh and how was the “Chittlin Strut” in SC??

7 07 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

ass out, on a limb again……

…but it sounds like the merry lil band of stuff black people hate had a good time.

naw, not really.

suff black people hate

1.) drunk obnoxious assholes who throw up on others and themselves.

2.) drunk obnoxious assholes who *insert whatever the fuck here*

3.) drink gatorade and start over at #1.

btw, gatorade before and or after helps. replenish/stockup on electrolytes and hydrate.

fuckery, pure fuckery.

ahhhhhh ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, (inhale) whooooooooooo!

7 07 2008
Alph

Man…this one time i vomited was at the beach and had nothing to do with alcohol…but everything to do with white people love of bloody meat and my trying to be polite.

Now i’m not talking rare steak with some pink on this inside, that’s cool. I’m talking steaks and burgers marinating in a 3/4 inch puddle of warm hemal fluid at the center of the dining room table.

This one annoying ass chick immediately yells “I want the bloodiest piece!” and didn’t care that droplets of blood had fallen into her milk in transport to her plate. And she licked the blood that had started to drip down her arm. I wanted to die.

I still resent my friend for immediately snatching up the only decently cooked piece of steak. So I grabbed a burger, which seemed ok. No. I bit into it and there was meat on the inside that was the exact same texture and color it was before it went onto the grill. I almost died again…but still ate around it

…because I suck.

I finished what i could but threw everything up at the end of the night.
I guess the glass of vodka cranberry may have helped just a little.

Omg and it was so chunky. BLah!

had to share.

7 07 2008
stuffgirlshlike

Do you know it is women who vomit a lot?

I have seen this pattern since women have given themselves to drink especially in Britain, there has multitudes of places where you cannot walk.

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

7 07 2008
sarah

i thought the Stuff Black People Hate get-together was a joke.

oh well. at least i missed the vomitting.

7 07 2008
Amadeo

Besides actual illness only two things have ever made me puke (and I’ve had split bottles of black watch and e & j on an empty stomach and been fine.

Captain Morgan and Colt 45…seems it does work everytime for me. (Fuck you Billy Dee)

Sidenote: when vomit is mentioned I always think of The Goonies and Chunks movie story.

7 07 2008
Vanita

yea, I DO NOT vomit unless absolutely necessary. I HATE HATE HATE vomiting, and I especially HATE dry heaving. The first time I ever got my period I dry heaved, and it was pure hell…I remember thinking to myself, this must be why all women hate their periods. LOL

Yall had a REAL good time this weekend. So sorry I missed it!! Guarnteed I wouldnt have puked tho.

7 07 2008
Landon

Hey Captain Morgans and Gingerale taste like Cream Soda…. DONT hate on it…

As a Grown Professional you should not be Drinking Colt 45 (Or steel reserve)

7 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Landon:

In my defense I was under 20 the last time I drank the Cap’n or the Colt.

I never touched Steel cause I figured it was the new St. Ives (which was disgusting too). As a rule now I try not to do any sweet drinks…find the person downing sweet drinks and watch them all night…sure fire fun later.

I was doing Martini’s for a while, but I’m currently pissed because every bartender can make a sex on the beach but I can’t get a decent Sidecar.

7 07 2008
Esquire

Maybe I have it good. my cramps arent worse than puking up something Ive digested.
However, dry-heaving does not compare to a contraction.
I guess the Heavenly experience of vomiting, is not drunk vomiting. Ive only done that once, and there was nothing serene or cute about it.

7 07 2008
Landon

THat is why i drink Bomaby and TONIC with a lime…

NO H ANG OVER BABY!

7 07 2008
ayo

1st of all, I thought there were going to be pictures of the SBPH gathering? oh well, id rather not see black people throwing up, getting thrown-up on, or smiling with throw up on them early on a Monday morning.

2nd, this your post reminds me of the hog maws on your slave food post. My stomach hurts. Yuck.

7 07 2008
Esquire

Martinis?
I personally would slap a martini out of my husband’s hand. He better not be drinking anything my girlfriends and I would order. He better put some hair on that chest. lol

7 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Esquire…if it’s good enough for James Bond…none of those sweet craps mind you, I’m talking Gin or Vodka.

Oh Yeah: Sugar = Hangover.

7 07 2008
Landon

Esquire:

I am almost got my ass whopped by my home girls one time… We were walking on campus and one of them complained about cramps… So i turned to her with a straight face and said… “MY track coach told us to do long stride running to make the cramp go away, maybe you should try it”… The look she gave me would kill any MORTAL!

When i got a cramp i had to run threw it… i never knew there was a differnce in the type of cramps…

7 07 2008
Esquire

Do you. I just think its funny to watch a man holding a martini glass.

Why does my office smell like poo today?

(closing door)

7 07 2008
ayo

I though mixing brown and clear liquor = hangover? What does the sugar do?

7 07 2008
Esquire

Landon
my cramps arent that bad anymore. But these cramps are different than a regular muscle cramp. I rolled my eyes at your statement…lol. But men JUST dont know. Most women’s cramps put us down for the count.

Imagine your stomach yanking like it does for a stomach virus/flu. All. Day. Long. And then having to go to work and still be pleasant, while your pants are too damn tight in the waist because you are bloated. Its not pleasant.

7 07 2008
Landon

There is something about sugar and hangovers… drink sweet drinks all night or champagne and i have the worst hangovers… I dont know the science behind it but i am totally convinced sugary Drinks = DEATH!

7 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Ayo
A bartender explained it to me once…the metabolism of sugar and alcohol depletes B vitamins.

7 07 2008
Landon

Esquire:

How you think we feel, esp if you work with a lot of girl or have a girlfriend… not knowing their period cycle is like walking into a mindfield with no warning… ONE STEP KAAABOOOOMMMM she going APE SHIT ON YOu!

7 07 2008
Vanita

Isnt Rum distilled from sugar? I love fruity drinks, and I NEVER get hangovers from any thing except Tequila. But I lubs me some watermelon ‘ritas. LOL

7 07 2008
Vanita

Well imagine having menstrual cramps AND running cramps…My life once a month for the past 18 years…

7 07 2008
ayo

shut up, Amadeo! THAT IS CRAZY! so, they created all of the fru-fru drinks for the ladies to be comfortable drinking, and they actually make them grossly drunk?
there is nothing attractive about a drunk woman.
i dont even know how guys could want to deal with one?
why do guys want to deal with drunk women?
one time at band camp…
i was at the club and this chick is do damn drunk that her legs won’t bend. and she was tall as hell. her smaller and shorter friend was trying to drag her tall ass out of the club, and her legs kept banging the exit door. finally a bouncer helped drag that ass out of there, but she was taller than his butt too. never been drunk at a club after that. it was like my own personal psa.

7 07 2008
Knatural

Hi. Sorry, but the worst kind of vomit is from food poisoning. No more Potbelly’s for me. Drunken puke is nothing compared to that. Dry heaves and bile, and yuckiness. Best way to lose seven pounds, though.

Who’s hungry??

7 07 2008
Landon

greasy food the next day helps hangovers for soem odd reason

7 07 2008
Jo

So true. A cheeseburger with a fried egg on top = heaven after a night of heavy drinking.

7 07 2008
Esquire

Landon, you cant feel like we feel. lol. My cramps arent that bad anymore. One thing I will say is, I hate when a female has a bad attitude and men blame it on a period.
Shit, sometimes we just have a bad fucking attitude.

Also, during that time of the month, it IS possible to be pleasant and not so fucking miserable, and go about your business, so noone knows or suspects. Men, stop blaming everything on our reproductive system. We dont blame everything on yours….or do we?

7 07 2008
nick

Oh God, food poisoning. 😦

Had some curry from a dodgy indian place across from our work.

It was dirt cheap stuff, that should have been a warning.

The pain was so bad I was croaking down the phone to my local hospital begging them to send an ambulance.

Puking from over-indulgence is nothing in comparison.

7 07 2008
Esquire

Knatural: I second you. Drunkeness has nothing on true sickness vomiting.

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

*wipes away a tear* I helped inspire a SBPH post. I feel so honored. I should probably feel embarrassed, but m’eh, that’s not how I roll. Y’all got to witness my first public vomit episode so we’re all bonded and shit now, LOL.

Not to lessen the grossness of it, but vomit really doesn’t get to me. But of course in medical training you get your fair share of exposure to vomit, blood and all sorts of other fun bodily fluids. Also back when I thought I wanted to be a forensic pathologist, I did two summer internships at the PHILADELPHIA Crime Scene Investigation Unit and Medical Examiner’s office…I have seen and SMELLED things that would make Lucifer reconsider his life decisions. So yeah, now my olfactory sense and sense of what is appropriate dinner conversation are both forever fucked.

Anyhoo, all that to say, if vomit is the worst thing you’ve smelled and dry heaving is the worst pain you’ve experienced…you lead a charmed life my friend.

7 07 2008
Amadeo

“There’s a code in your DNA that says tackle drunk bitches.”
The rest of that scene showed why that is a bad sentiment to follow. My man took this drunk girl home once and she hurled on his bed…then he asked her to leave and she got mad and said she wasn’t going nowhere. After she pissed on herself he physically removed her.

Lesson Learned.

7 07 2008
4m_no_2_dc

i eat after i come from the club, so that way there’s no worries the next morning.
but i hate waking up with a dry ass (dehydrated) crusty mouth. 😦

7 07 2008
Esquire

“After she pissed on herself he physically removed her.”

Logging off to do some work on that note. Thank you Amadeo

7 07 2008
4m_no_2_dc

amadeo, that was by far the funniest and worst drunk girl story i ever heard.

7 07 2008
Vanita

That is true. I like to think it coats ur stomach. If Im drunk in philly, i go to this diner where everyone knows to give me the Drunken Special – Chicken Fingers, Fries, Onion Rings, Jalapeno Poppers, and Potato Skins. YUMMY!!!

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

I wish there actually was some magic formula – drink 15.7 oz of water .6 hours in advance of drinking then quack like a duck after every shot and you won’t get sick. I’m convinced sometimes my body just wants to fuck with me. There was absolutely nothing impressive about the amount I drank on Friday. Maybe I’m just getting old and losing control of bodily functions…Depends are clearly in my immediate future, bwahahahahaha.

Landon, co-sign on greasy food. I woke up Saturday morning and went straight to the nearest McDonald’s for a large OJ and hash browns. That is the only time I can eat McDisgusting but I was CRAVING it.

7 07 2008
Breez

Dry heaving while in labor. Not. Celebrated.

Lovely meeting you on Friday, sir.

7 07 2008
creativecat

I can’t even listen to someone puke! Just the sound makes me feel nauseous. Luckily, I have an iron stomach and can only remember one time I’ve vomited as an adult. Of course I was drink. ; )

The absolute worst is just before my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer, he was vomiting SHIT! Yes, that’s right, if it doesn’t go out one end, it WILL come out the other.

7 07 2008
4m_no_2_dc

******VOMITING SHIT*********
thank you, creativecat, my mind is not forever scared.

7 07 2008
Jo

@Breez: no joke? That sounds like some serious hell.

7 07 2008
Breez

@Jo: pretty much as bad as it sounds. And it happened more than once. When chicks espouse the virtues of natural childbirth and say they forget the pain, I want to headbutt them in the nose. You know…to remind them.

7 07 2008
Knatural

Thanks CreativeCat.
Thanks a million.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

sigh…i hate the sight and smell of vomit..luckliy for me this weekend i didnt yack but i did get wasted from friday to lastnight. bleh….but i did dry heave at least twice while at my friend’s party… I was actually surprised that i didnt throw up while dancing on the pool table holding the two empty bottles…I thought i was a gonner for sure. But my man did throw up iot was hilarious..he’s a funny ass obnoxious drunk that likes to repeat that he’s drunk.
Us infront of our house on the 4th:

Me-you ok baby? I dont think you shoulds sit down right nowlet me open the door
Him-Im drunk hahahah Im drunk woooo im drunk as shit baby hahahah
Me-Um yea i know i was there.
Him-how did we get home? fuck Im drunk dammmit fuck shit…my head hurts **groans** I think i gotta puke…Dry heaves then proceeds to puke in my freshly planted flower bed..
Me-sigh fuck man i just planted those! AHHHH
Him-what? im drunk im sorry i need to sit. hahahah oppsy those were your flowers hahaha my bad.
Me-Take your drunk ass in the house
Him-IM drunk baby.. lets go get some beer.
Me-rolls eyes…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Vanita-Drunken Special – Chicken Fingers, Fries, Onion Rings, Jalapeno Poppers, and Potato Skins. YUMMY!!!

mm that sounds good

7 07 2008
Jo

LOL…my mom is an OB/GYN nurse and did a stint in an L&D unit back when we lived in Hawaii. Apart from the fact that it was one of the busiest units in the nation (at the time), my mom always warned my sister and I to “take the damn epidural.”

I don’t give a damn what Ricki Lake says–pump me full of meds.

7 07 2008
Get Togetha

You do feel like a brand new person after puking; but having to puke and waiting for it to come up is straight wack sauce.

http://www.gettogetha.com/blog/

7 07 2008
puff

@ vanita

is it sad that your drunken special sounds like my ideal lunch? maybe i should stop drinking.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

“After she pissed on herself he physically removed her”.

Llkjasdjhsadmjbskj!@#$%^&*((OLKN<FTW35457 OMGGGG toooo funny reminds me of when i was with my ex and his roomate one night.. this nasty fat bastard white dude was getting fucked up with this girl he brang over that he met in wal-mart.. well me and my ex are int eh livingroom drunk and higher than the clouds, laughing loud ass shit watching something..and then we hear them in the room fooling around which was way loud considering they were to jumbo pigs in a blanket. well we hear him yell “WTF” and burst out the room with this stink face on yelling at her to get out.me and my ex look at each other and bust out laughing when he informs us that the chick came on her period as he started to eat her out he had blood all over his white shirt and bed!…now thats some scarred for life ish

7 07 2008
Angry IV

I, too, was a victim of the dry-heave recently. Horrible, horrible feeling.

7 07 2008
ayo

@mrs. epps! *the chick came on her period as he started to eat her out he had blood all over his white shirt and bed!*
that is the grossest shit i have evar heard. evar!!!!
i for real feel like throwing up now. eww.

7 07 2008
Vanita

@ Puff & Mrs. Epps – Actually I could eat a drunken special now.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

*decided to stop reading comments after about the 3rd one after my last*

You can go to GNC and get the liquid form of vitamin B and drop a little in some water or oj. I take the dropper and just drop a bit in my mouth. Although bitter, it usually comes in some kind of citrus flavor.

But yea, in addition to that, I usually will eat quesadillas before I drink…after drinking, I often have pancakes.

I remember this one time I drunk with a few friends, and they asked me and my drinking partner to make pancakes, even though we were the drunkest people there…I’m surprised we didn’t burn the kitchen down…lmao!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Yea i know Ayo…what made it worse was that our drunk asses wouldnt stop talking about that shit and laughing at him when ever he came from work…we are evil making fun of him. But I wanted to gag when he told us..i was dry heaving for like 10 mins

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ the dry heave comments…

I hate when I have the hangover headache and the queasiness, but never can throw up. It happened last weekend…I drank so much vodka…

Ok, so I’m a lush, who cares?

7 07 2008
puff

fuck you mrs epps, that was unnecessary. all the food my inner fat woman shayida just ate is working its way back up my esophagus. although, you also did cure my itis, along with the capri sonne i just drank, so i can’t really be mad…

7 07 2008
Vanita

*the chick came on her period as he started to eat her out he had blood all over his white shirt and bed!*
LMAO!!! Now who dont know when their period is coming??? I do NOT engage in random sexual activity 3 days before or after scheduled period because everyone know they like to mess up all ya plans. Now my boyfriend does not like to observe this rule, and after 4 years, no foul shit like that has happened to him yet. But I wish it would to teach him a lesson…

And I thought water made periods stop…

7 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Mrs. Epps….just…ewww.

Pretzels are a drinking persons best friend.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Love ya too@ Puff 🙂 im sorry the story must be shared its way to funny!

Vantia.. i dunno hwo she didnt know her friend was coming..like foreal your a grown ass woman she was older than me too and she didnt keep track of her ish…sigh..well personally he deserved it! he was a fat asswhole who smelled like old pork. he was a weazer too.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

yummy pretzels! yes they are a drinking persons bestfriend. they helped me a many of nights 🙂

im mad at myself though.. this whole weekend i had a chance to try bailey’s for the 1st time and i didnt…i was all about partying like a rockstar and drinking redbull and vodkas than “lets got to the parrrk”(john ledgend lyric) and sippin on baileys..sigh…

7 07 2008
Vanita

Mrs. Epps – baileys and getting drunk is a sure way to vomit…Its not for getting drunk, its for sippin! Dont you see the commercials? its old people in white sippin on baileys!! And redbull vodkas will kill you…

7 07 2008
Amadeo

If you can dig guiness then do some Irish Car Bombs. When you get to the Bailey’s it’s so good.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

I’m a firm believer in straight shots. Fuck beer, fuck wine coolers, and if you’re drinking mixed drinks, have a one liquor drink if you plan to get drunk.

Otherwise, you’re fucked.

Yes, I admit to having a liver made of iron, so I drink all kinds of shit. Omg @ skittlez…the most evil drink to drink EVER.

7 07 2008
Vanita

There really needs to be a drinking 101 class for those that are novices…
If drinking for intoxication for your first time, do not
1.) take shots
2.) mix liquors
3.) Drink Everclear or Absenthe
4.) Do not mix with any other drug
Vomiting is sure to occur, and only after a few intoxicated nights will you know what to drink and how much.

KNOW YOUR LIMITS!!

Liquors should not be confused with Liquers.
Southern Comfort is the one exception to this rule, as it is a liquer, but can be drank like a liquor with the same results.

Drink plenty of water before your planned intoxication.

Bring a buddy in case you do vomit, they can hold your hair back.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL Vantia.. yea i know bailey’s isnt for getting drunk its for sippin..sometimes i wanna sip 🙂 I wanna be the yuppie black person in white sitting in the lounge with her girlfriends sippin on baileys talking about nothing…

ok i just vomitted in mouth alittle bit re-reading that…fuck it gimmie a beer and some wings. and co-sign on the rebull and vodkas…it wasnt my idea…

7 07 2008
puff

@ amadeo yes! and flaming dr peppers mmmmmm…

guiness is the shit though – generally any european made brew. i’m sorry americans, but i can’t fuck with miller/bud/rolling rock. all of those taste like fizzy pee.

7 07 2008
ayo

what is a skittlez? im a tom collins, cape cod, seven and seven or lemon drop girl myself.

best tipsy fix, pour salt in your palm and lick it.

7 07 2008
Vanita

I dont like shots so much unless Im @ home. They are expensive in clubs, and the cheap shit burns as it goes down.

*aside* there is a bottle of russian vodka in the freezer @ my job. Now they have lots of beers and wine in the fridge, but I about died when I saw that vodka in there. YTs get it IN!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lol @ Vanita….so true, so true.

Also, make sure you know what is is your mixed drinks…so many people will think that just because its a mixed drink, its not potent…examples:

skittlez: mountain dew, gin, vodka, rum, rasberry kool-aid mix (yes, you will drink so much and not realize it…a Spartan creation)

*long island iced tea: like 7 different types of liquor

*Sunset beach @ BWW: Gin, vodka, rum, and some other stuff…like that shit is POTENT

…I’m sure there’s more, but as I said earlier, I’m not much of a mixed drinker….

Also: if you find yourself really drunk and starting to feel a bit nauseated during the night, eat a twinkie, or 3. The fat from the cream will coat your stomach while the sponge cake will absorb the liquor. DON’T DRINK COFFEE – it will dehydrate you and make it worse in the morning. Instead drink water, gatorade or powerade…the oxygen from the water will wake you up, while the electrolytes in the sports drinks will help your cells absorb the water better.

7 07 2008
Esquire

Isnt drinking Everclear equivalent to drinking gas?

I wonder if I put in my car….

7 07 2008
Vanita

SEVEN AND SEVEN! Girl hats off to ya.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Anyone ever had a REAL jolly rancher? The kind with the pop rocks on the rim?? Yea buddy, goodness to the inner child.

7 07 2008
Deesigner

You guys sound like “Garbage Pail Kids -Live”

Yuck, Yuck,Yuck!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL@ Vanita… I had Absenthe once and that shit was crazyyy.. i took a shot of hit and like 2 mins later i felt drunk ass hell! Everclear=rubbing alcohol lol

Chaotic…yea i love taking shots!

Amadeo-guiness is gross to me i had a few times and i just couldnt do it.. but i hear irish car bombs are yummy..i havent tried it yet…soon soon soon!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

everclear is like the non-hilbilly version of moonshine.

Funny one is when ppl say that 99 apples is potent…I was like wow, 99 proof is still less potent than taking 151 shots.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ vanita: i tried one once at this one place called lucky strikes…it was too sweet for me…

has anybody ever had a flirtini?

Flirtini: vodka, champagne, pineapple juice. Not too sweet, just right…

7 07 2008
puff

loves me some shots… nothing like warming up a cold new york winter’s night with some bacardi 151… – very good times from that. shots of tequila mexican style accompanied by smoking… not so much.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Skittlez OMGGG YES!!! SEVEN AND SEVEN sigh good times

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

My girl taught me something with taking tequila shots: instead of chasing it with lime, chase it with candy.

good shit.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Mrs. Epps…wow, I didn’t know Skittlez made it out of Michigan. How many people do you know that went to MSU?

7 07 2008
Knatural

*Now understands why Prohibition lasted for a dozen years*

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

shots of 151..ahhh yes… reminds me of Christmas morning and New Years…

speaking of 151 we soon need t make our Caribou Lou…yummy…take a pitcher, 1/2 151 rum, 1/2 malibu rum and rest pine juice YUMMMMYYYY…sip SLOW no gulpping or your fucked!

7 07 2008
Vanita

I would love a skittlez, but I dont do the gin…
@ Diva, yea I had it @ lucky strikes too. LOL
Isnt it funny all the drinkers are enjoying this conversation more than anyone else??

Yup absenthe will mess you up…I think it took 3 shots of it, and I felt surreal, like I was having an out of body experience. Im scared to try it again.

My new thing is a french martini, vanilla vodka with pineapple juice. Or Caramel Washington Apple – Crown, cranberry, apple pucker or 99 apples, and butterscotch schnapps. Yummy.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@ I was actually in Detroit when i had it ahhaha i never had in over here in MD, DC it is extra sweet made my teeth hurt but its yummy when your tired all that sugar wakes you up.

Dont know anyone from MSU i went up their with ym roomate to visit with her fam and we went to this bar and she got me one.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Damn @ a caribou Lou, but it sounds damn good…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

strike that @..it shouldnt be there 🙂

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

I hate malibu…has an aftertaste. I like Cruzan caribbean rum with the flavors:

drinks with Cruzan:

*mango flavor with pepsi
*coconut flavor with cranberry
*vanilla with coke (delicious!)

7 07 2008
Amadeo

I had an unusual Sidecar in Atlantic City:
Vodka, Brandy, Cointreau and lemon. Not sweet, strong but no burn. Too bad it’s a classic…I had a waitress give me a blank look this weekend when I asked for one…that shit’s been around since WWI, get it together people.

I also want to throat chop bartenders when I ask for a shot and they give me some booze in a plastic cup. Shot = Shot Glass. You look dumb pounding drinks in plastic cups.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Mrs. Epps…hahaha! Michigan and our lovely drinkers. We have 2 big 10 U’s and we drink like crazy at both!!!

Of course, MSU does it better.

But as for martinis, another good one is the honeytini at the W hotel in manhattan.

@ Vanita, the french martini sounds good as hell…

Ok, ladies, y’all want to go to Miami with me in feb? Dead serious…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

I miss going to Freddie’s on fridays with my old co-work in jax.. we would get the hypnotic and goose mix thats gooooooodddd shit! and it will also make you forget what happened that night hahah I woke up at her house with a wad of cash. I wa sliek wtf who’s money is that.. then i thought long and hard and remembered telling the guys at the bar/ club that asked to buy me drinks to give me the money and i’ll buy em myself ahahha

who knows about that Wild Irish Rose?!!!!

7 07 2008
Jen

I have an active hate of effed up drunk people. I have no tolerance for stupidity and because I do not get drunk–I barely drink–and I feel like I have no reason to pretend to tolerate self-induced idiocy.

When I go out with my girlfriends and they seem like they are getting close to the too-effed-up-to-take-care-of-myself stage, I yell them back to sobriety. IE: “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, B*TCH!!!! THIS IS NOT CUTE!!!!!!!! IF YOU GET SICK IN THIS MOTHERF*CKER, I WILL BE DAMNED IF I HOLD YOUR HAIR TO KEEP YOU FROM F*CKING UP YOUR OVERPRICED RELAXER OR DRIVE YOUR DRUNK ASS HOME SO YOU CAN GET VOMIT IN MY SH*T OR EVEN TELL THE DRIVER WHERE YOUR DRUNK ASS LIVES WHEN THE BOUNCER THROWS YOU IN A CAB!!!!!”

This unpleasant diatribe usually knocks the edge off. And, I’m not just talking shit. I have taken care of a drunk friend ONCE and that was because she was also a diabetic. I wasn’t sure if she was passed out from alcohol or diabetic shock and didn’t want to fuck up my chance at heaven on principle. Plus, we were Black in a lily-white Country-Western bar in the Deep South, the rednecks were eying us all night, and I could see the situation turning into a major news story and subsequent “Support such-and-such” Facebook group.

7 07 2008
blackberry molasses

the ONE time i threw up from overconsumption was my freshman year… i made the classic rookie mistake. i went to a rooms party at a white frat and mixed SEVERAL different kinds of liquor… and topped them off with jello shots
All I remember is waking up in the bathroom with my friend sitting on the tub cursing at me that he had to stay over and make sure i didn’t drown in my own vomit.

is it a bad thing that i drank for 12 hours straight on saturday…. and didn’t make it past buzzed?

oh 151 is so much fun… did quadruple shots of that mess in undergrad all the time… i guess its bad that i used to do flaming shots of everclear… judging from the conversation above…

wow, i sound like a raging alcoholic

7 07 2008
ayo

ahhh jen.
Who needs a shot?

7 07 2008
puff

@ vanita hot damn that french martini sounds good

i had a good cocktail at this bar called happy ending in nyc (yes, the name is as dirty as it sounds) called four hands: mango rum, peach schnapps, orange and passionfruit juices. tasted like candy floss and got me the good fucked-up (which for me is when i start speaking french to everyone)

7 07 2008
Vanita

I think its funny when i talk to black people about drinking. Somebody always drinking some remy, hennessey, or some other bull STRAIGHT
“if it dont come mixed, why should I waste my good juice?” – I heard someone say that this weekend.
I do not like hennessey. remy with cranberry is OK. but i swear, we dont drink anything else.

And if another old man buys me another drink in a club and its hennessey, I will pour that shit on his head. Ill readily admit im too bougie to drink that shit. Because hes clearly sayin to me “Im gonna get u drunk and take you home and do dirty things to you”
GUYS LISTEN – Please mask your intentions. Buy the girly drinks so its not that obvious!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chaotic!!! oo i wanna go to Miami its liek my 2nd home..i miss it.. me and the old roomies went everyother weekend and got twisted.. I miss the bob marley club in orlando (the Red Coconut) very good drinks and the club is nicccceeeee..its like a indoor outdoor type club with a skylight ceiling

7 07 2008
Vanita

DIVA – I was JUST saying that I need to go back to MIA to party one good time before I get too old. Im game. I was gonna visit some folks in Jax and hop down there. MIA is good damn times man…*gettin glossy eyed thinking about it* And what happens in Miami stays in Miami ya hear??

7 07 2008
Landon

CHAOTIC:

Ahhhhh WET WILIES ON SOUTH BEACH… a call a cab…

i am with chaotic……. if i am going to be drinking i want to at least be TIPSY if not DRUNk… if i am not goign to get a buzzz i would rather drink juice or virgin pina coladas because they taste better… i drink liquor to get SMASHED… is that so wrong?

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

four hands sounds way too good yum!!!!

7 07 2008
Vanita

Ahhh Wet Willies and Call a Cabs…Drunk brain freezes are no joke either.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

landon your not worng.. i drink liquor to get shit faced..nothing wrong with that..its a good feeling til you gotta throw up 🙂 Like whats the point in drinking a wine cooler again i forgot. thats a waste of money to me..i can get me a 40 oz for less and have a better buzz lol.

shit now i wanna go tot he bar and get me a sour amaretto..sigh and its barely noon.

7 07 2008
Landon

Blackberry:

see that i what you could do in UNDERGRAD… My live would smack the shit out of me if i did some stupid shit like drink 1541 or everclear… AS GROWN AS PEOPLE we shoudl not drink anything that has a warnign label that states – MIGHT CAUSE INTERNAL FLAMES!

7 07 2008
Vanita

Puff, I might just come to NYC this weekend to party with you…Im writing down that drink as we speak

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

**sneaks in bosses office and takes three shots of JD** ahh i feel better!

i feel to sober right now and my mouth is watering for a drink now..i officially have a problem. Hi my name is Mrs. Epps and Im an alcoholic 😦

7 07 2008
B4Prez

1. Yall know black ppl love their cognac!

2. If u ask me, if getting twisted is ur plan for the night, u can never go wrong with an LI Iced Tea!

3. I thought it was gonna be Ms. Epps who got bent that night. I had my doubts, but I guess she might be a trooper after all.

4. SMH@ the Doctor getting bent in the club, then trying to tell her patient the next day about the ills of alcohol, lol.

5. LOL@ Esquire putting Amadeo on blast for drinking Martinis.

7 07 2008
Jen

BTW…Landon, how but Jesus do you drink 23 shots of anything and not die??

7 07 2008
Randy Watson

I’m a grown ass man and on the rare occasion when I vomit, usually caused by an over indulgence in the beer, liquor, wine and spirits, it produces in me the urge to cry. Is it because its so damn painful? Is it because I can remember crying while throwing up as a child? Or is it because the last time this happend was on my birthday last year where I consumed over 20 drinks in less than 3 hours…I wasn’t right for 3 days…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

B4Prez you under estimated me! and i drank 2 bottles alone and didnt yack! IM a SUPERDUPER TROOPER!

7 07 2008
puff

aaah vanita it’s sooooo gd but wait a lil bit i’m not in nyc just yet (i’ll be back in august) but that bar is the spot. they have another cocktail called the foxy brown which is ginger ale, whiskey and summin fruity… so so so delicious

7 07 2008
blackberry molasses

@Landon-

U know i will never publicly admit to still drinking 151 at my age… wait, I just did.
But here’s the rub– i only do that mess in the safety of my (or my best friend’s) own home. We are notorious grown ass closet lushes…

7 07 2008
Esquire

I ate some many cheese puffs one time I threw up. I love cheese puffs.

7 07 2008
Amadeo

Me and my Ace have a rule about getting drunk and vomiting…you’re the man if you can do it discretly. I once threw up 5 feet from a group of friends without them knowing…then the girl I was with went and told everyone. It’s real grown up when you can puke like you sneeze…stop, do it, wipe your mouth and keep it moving.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Ok Puff, where are you now? Diva and Mrs Epps got my party and alcoholic juices flowing…and its only monday dammit! I try to at least wait until wed after a drunk weekend to have another drink…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

haysues! 20 drinks in less then 3 hrs fucking aye! and your still alive?!! reminds me of my 19th bday party when my hommie got me the hugest bottle of Cuervo and i drank like almost 1/2 the bottle in shots…i was foreal just gone…i was talking to the guy that eventually became a nice summer fling and could see his face he was just a big blur and then i passed out and woke up with marker all over my body with messages from ppl at my party..i was like a big ass bday card like i got pics of it lol good times

7 07 2008
Randy Watson

Sexual Chocolate hasn’t been hung over since he dropped the scotch and sipped on the sapphire and tonics and vodka and tonics…

Sexual Chocolate! SEXUAL CHCOLATE!!!

Pass the gin nukka!

7 07 2008
Esquire

Amadeo…
you cant just keep it moving. Do you keep a toothbrush moving or at least a mint after these discrete upchucks?

(please say yes, please say yes, please say yes)

7 07 2008
Breez

@ Amadeo: I am SO concerned about you perfecting the art of the stealth puke.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol Vanita…i usually try to wait til the middle of the week between hard drinking on the weekend but sometimes you just get that urge to have a beer lol sign…Amadeo dude *high five* i wish i could make my puking episodes so discret Im a young grasshopper and have much to learn i see.

7 07 2008
Amadeo

It’s real in the field…when you get somewhere with supplies you take care of it…but having puke breath is better then being puke stained. Besides for safety sake you must move away from the scene of the crime…can’t have stealth puke ruined by a secondary puke from the smell.

7 07 2008
puff

@ esquire your cheesy puffs incident made me think of south park, and this one time my little sister was eating suya (west african pepper barbeque meat aka HEAVEN on a stick) and threw up and kept eating. that child is nasty as hell.

@ vanita i’m home in africa interning for the summer, i get back to nyc mid-august

7 07 2008
ayo

umm.
the clip in this article made me want to throw up:

Civil rights activist Najee Ali, executive director of Project Islamic HOPE, and a coalition of civil rights organizations and media watchdog groups are calling for Verizon CEO/President, Lowell C. McAdam, to drop Verizon’s contract and distribution deal with Loren Feldman, president of 1938 media charging the “TechNigga” clip on 1938’s website is racist and demeaning to Africans Americans and women.

sorry. had to share. im really mad that ppl still view us this way.
now i really phucking want a drink.

7 07 2008
7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@ randy…is sexual chocolate your inner gay man…. please dont take that personal…others on here will get it..its like the inner fat girl joke 🙂

7 07 2008
Jo

@Amadeo “can’t have stealth puke ruined by a secondary puke from the smell.”

As someone who’s experienced how raw things can get in this situation, I always appreciate the stealth puke. Look, grown folks–if you get the urge whilst in the club, FEEL FREE to get up off your ass or the dance floor and take a calm stroll to the nearest toilet. No need to ruin someone’s Choos just ’cause you’ve reached critical mass.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Ok Puff. Im gonna come visit you in africa. Where are you? West? South? East? Central? North? i gots people all over Africa…I really wanna go sooo bad!

7 07 2008
Brown Sugar

There is NO WAY that dry heaving is worse than menstrual cramps! I simultaneously am enraged (I swear… I spend a week wanting to slap a broad) and then nauseous. I can deal with the rage and even the nausea, but the cramps have gotta go.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Ok, if you want to (seriously) go to miami next feb, let me know…I’ve started a facebook group trying to get ppl together since nobody answers phones anymore…lmao

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

My personal worst for vomiting – I was sick, so I made a huge mug of ginger tea to feel better. I threw up right after – nose and mouth vomit of SCALDING HOT TEA. So not only am I puking, I’m destroying all the soft tissue lining my organs. *shudders*

7 07 2008
Brown Sugar

And I agree, nose puking is the worst! Almost feels like drowning…definately not cool.

7 07 2008
Esquire

I want to go to Africa badly. Cap Verde and South Africa. I wouldnt mid Egypt (according to white school teachers down here, it is NOT in AFRICA)

7 07 2008
Vanita

TechNigga is terrible. SMH.
Merri Lee – ouch.

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

* I feel like I’m being followed by a strange, persistent smell that I can’t quite place
* I’m informed that the bouncers may be under the impression that I slipped the vomiting girl a mickey…which is interesting because she wasn’t drinking anything at the time
* I wind up taking a cab into Arlington, where some white guy has my phone that apparently I dropped in the club. Once in the cab, the smell is getting stronger
* The smell is getting stronger still
* The cabbie clearly notices the smell
* I retrieve my phone from a white dude named Greg. The cab has left me there
* I run 3 drunken miles from Glebe Road and Lee Highway to the Key Bridge before I find a cab
* The smell returns, and is now amplified by sweaty man funk
* Once home, I get a text message from a ‘witness’ indicating that I was vomited on
* I go to my closet
* The lower left leg of my jeans has puke on it
* The right sleeve of my jacket has puke on it
* Recognizing the smell, finally, I run into the bathroom and throw up my damn self
* Fuck

Do tell…

7 07 2008
Randy Watson

Omg. Vomiting shit? I literally just threw up in my mouth a little. That was terrible, not even good and terrible, just fucking terrible! Vile even…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

me at my 19th b-day party passed the fuck out…

good times

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

@ Mrs. Epps – LMAO 8034508U43T5JEOIFJG893470R9FF’DLFK’D;LGK;DFKEJGOIEARYG98AWYE8A7W89UOGJ;LKJGLDSKFJVLDSJFV

Hee-lar-ee-us

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

i love Cuervo..but it took us forever to drink that bottle after the party…and there was three of us! that bottle sat in the freeze for a good 2 weeks…it was hilarious when my mom came to visit me for the 1st time after i moved down there and she seriosuly wanted to buy us the whole food store.. we had no food what so ever in the kitchen except to 30 bottle cases of bud select and a gallon of Captin Morgan.

Merri Lee it took me an hr to see that shit writtin on me.. i went the corner store and bought some stuff and was wondering why ppl were staring at me smiling esp the dudes.. i go to the bathroom when i get back and see “I LOVE PENIS” in caps on my arm…FUCK

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

*thats my drinking partner. I swear the two of us can do some damage to a liquor arsenal, and we both are silly as shit.

**vodka shots.

7 07 2008
aceklub

When I have those pissed drunk nights, it is usually the next morning where the festivities begin. And I am good for making myself throw up. I figure it is better to force it out rather than get caught by surprised and creating a mess.

Also, aceklub + 99 Bananas = automatic date w/ the toilet bowl for the night.

@ Esquire
Definitely feeling the Cape Verde shoutout!!!

7 07 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

My 21st birthday was a blur, with me waking up alone in a strange place wearing clothes that were not mine and disctinctly male. Having both the urge to pee AND vomit, I sat on the toilet with a bucket attached to my head like a feeding trough for an hour as I was afraid to throw up on the floor in whose ever house this was.
But my legs started to fall asleep, so I attempted to stand, was hit with a wave a nausea and, unable to hold myself up because of sleep legs and drunkeness, I fell against the wall which caused me to spew vomit not only on the strange floor, but on the wall and the borrowed clothes as well. . .
When the home owner returned (from CHURCH of all godforesaken places) he found me trying to clean up between dry heaves, crying because I didn’t know where I was. . . I vowed to never drink again.

And, of course, I broke that vow. . .

But for the record, I don’t drink anymore. . .

7 07 2008
Amadeo

What’s funny and bad is being the least drunk around some amorous ass friends who are trying to talk to every woman they see when you’re trying to get them home…even worse is when the girls are trying to go:

“I know they want you dude, but you can’t hang out of the window”

“You don’t want to do that with her in the alley”

” Yes, I saw her underwear too”

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

^^^^^BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That reminds me of people during college who came straight from the club to mass, smelling like badussy, tequila and cigarettes. Of course, they all looked at the priest like, I dare YOU to say something. Good times.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lmao @ amadeo

7 07 2008
Landon

not i love Penis —
@EPPS 🙂

BWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBAAAAAAAAAAA Smacks someone in the office because its so funny 🙂

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ merri lee…those people at the church tend to be the biggest drinkers, smokers and freaks…

…no, seriously. I get scared when I hear a guy say that they go to early morning Sunday services.

(*note* church isn’t a bad thing, but i’m referring to the people you meet in a club/bar/party)

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

*i’m going swimming…I’ll be back*

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

yes landon i was sooooo embarrased! and in the pic that only shows the few “tattoos” that were written on me.. i had a slew on my back with all types of nastiness! but it was a great party 🙂

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

@CD – the funny thing is, it wasn’t early mass. My school had it at 12:30 in the afternoon! That’s plenty of time to take off the ho clothes, take a shower, and at least pretend you weren’t sinning last night.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lol @ ml…

I tell you, I was always taught that the library is the best place to pick up males, not the church. At least find a dude that can READ more than memorized bible verses and proofs on a liquor bottle…lmao

7 07 2008
Randy Watson

Hahahahaha no! Sexual Chocolate is my inner lounge singer, my inner porn star, my inner late 80s early 90s eddie murphy before he started doing horrible films.

7 07 2008
Knatural

Jen – thanks for the visual of Jesus taking shots. WWJD, the D stands for drink.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

the worst drunken night i ever had was when me and my guy roomate went to Ale house w/o our girl roomate and got totally wasted and somehow managed to start making out in the back of my friend’s SUV on the way to our house and then when we got the front of the building i fell out the car and landed in the bushes and the he proceeded to carry me up the stairs continuing to make out and ended up having sex that night which i dont remember that much either and then the next day was filled with a hangover vomit and getting yelled at by my girl roomate who claims was in love with homeboy… opps then i threw up in her room which mad her feel bad for me and stopped being mad…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

lmaoooOOO@ Randy

7 07 2008
Landon

That 23 shots i was talking about for my 23rd b day… my dad woke me up at 8:15 (on my birhtday) to go to church… I was a sleep for a total of 2 hours…

of course the sermon that day was – “SOMEONE LAST NIGHT WENT OUT TO THE CLUB AND GOT DRUNK, and Did things they were not suppose to do” My sister looks at me like umm hmmm see the REv is talking about you….

7 07 2008
nubnqtndc

ok, as i tried to say before my puter went nuts…i’m usually a stalker, but i have to ask–am i the ONLY one up in this joint who makes themselves throw-up to feel better?!?!
“the spins” and “the quesies” are so much worse….seriously
so….cowboy up people!! hold your breath, close your eyes, stick your fingers down your throat and call earl! then you can do one of several or all manner of things…gargle, go to sleep, eat, finish partying
just make sure you drink some water and take some advil first
🙂

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

B4Prez (16:03:36) : “4. SMH@ the Doctor getting bent in the club, then trying to tell her patient the next day about the ills of alcohol, lol.”

Do as I say, not as I do bitches! LOL

I consider it a little clinical research, so I can relate to the patients. *ahem*

7 07 2008
Landon

I have.. if i am pissed drunk and i want to get a good night sleep… i’ll do it… because there is nothing worst when you are really drunk and you lay down and you can just feel the DRANk in your stomach and you know your body can’t absorb it… There is no dishonor making your self throw up but you get extra points if you make your self throw up and continue drinking…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

i’ve made myself throw up before and its not fun but sometimes it must be done.. i hate when the room spins in opposite directions and closing your eyes makes it worse…but yea i threw up once at the club and felt better and 30 mins later and had a few more drinks lol

7 07 2008
B4Prez

One Thanksgiving (I know, not the typical ‘get twisted’ holiday, but I’ll get drunk for Groundhog’s Day) my friend had this big get together for a bunch of our school friends. Now, eventhough I can hang with the best of em, I hadn’t eaten anything since that morning, and I didn’t get much sleep thanks to me going out the night before. Thus…..I passed out on the Lay-Z-Boy chair after drinking a lil fo everything in sight (allegedly). Not to mention, this friend knows I can be good ‘entertainment’ after enough drinks, so she kept them coming…back to back. There are pics of ppl beating me with pillows all over myspace (allegedly).

While I’m passed out, every1 decides they want to go out. They lug me to sum1’s car, toss me in the back (allegedly) and drive into Manhattan. Come to find out, these mofos are in the 40/40 club, and I wake up @ 2 am in the back seat of a strangers car, in Midtown, with no coat and no phone.

So naturally, after waking and not knowing who, what, when, where, why, or how my life and this car met, I walk into the closest bar, order a beer, and ask some YT girl if I can use her phone…..AND I STILL NEVER VOMITED!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahahah B4Prez.. sounds like Weekend at Berine’s except you werent a dead guy.

7 07 2008
Landon

WAIT the YT let you use her phone…

on saturday only 3 open cabs passed me before one picked me up in NYC

race relations are getting better.

7 07 2008
Vanita

One Thanksgiving (I know, not the typical ‘get twisted’ holiday, but I’ll get drunk for Groundhog’s Day)

B4Prez, Can i party with you??

7 07 2008
Vanita

And I NEVER EVER throw up. Spins, twists, I dont care. I HATE throwing up. That shit hurt, and it doesnt make me feel better. Give me some water, sleep, and a greasy cheesesteak when i wake up and I GOOD 2 Go.

mmmmm cheesesteak…

7 07 2008
aceklub

@ vanita
yea, I second your thought of having a nice, tasty cheesesteak at the moment. Particularly from Max’s on the corner of Erie and Germantown ave. in North Philly.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Is that the one pound joint?? There is a place up North Philly that sells one pound joints…OMG they are SOOO clutch cuz they stay open late, you can eat half after the club, and save the other half for later. Ti-Ti has never finished a whole one inone sitting so its LOTS of food…

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

@ Vanita – that reminds me of a night with my cousin when he got drunk off his @$$ at a club right by a 24hr McDonald’s. He wanted me to take him there so he could eat something and not throw up. That’s drunk logic – McDonald’s food to NOT throw up?

7 07 2008
Vanita

OMG, im in DC where they have ‘steak and cheese’ egg rolls @ the chinese food places…wtf??

7 07 2008
B4Prez

@ Doc – Good comeback, lol.

@Landon – Nuthin wrong with a lil’ alcoholic bulemia…gotta make it happen for urself every once in a while, lol.

@ MrsEpps – SMH@ u needing AA@19.

7 07 2008
Vanita

@ Merri Lee – Yup, because mcdoo-doo’s isnt food. But I still partake from time to time…

7 07 2008
Nick

One simple solution to avoid the esophageal heave-ho.

Pick a drink, and stick with it.

Switching between beer, wine and spirits *will* cause you harm.

And don’t drink alco-pops – that stuff is poison.

7 07 2008
aceklub

@ vanita
Yea, while I never weighed the cheesesteak, they are defintiely worth the price.

Cheesesteak egg rolls…definitely had a few of those in Philly as well, particularly the one chinese food joint near Temple’s campus. I haven’t had it in DC and definitely don’t plan to either as DC does not scream ‘cheesesteak” in my mind.

7 07 2008
oshun

i’ll tell you what makes me want to vomit….from laughter…(if that’s at all possible)

“The Niggtionary”

Today’s word is: NiggDonalds. this site

http://thedeathofthenword.wordpress.com/

is absurd and hilarious.

7 07 2008
Vanita

@aceklub, they arent cheesesteaks. they are ‘steak and cheese’ which arent the same. All the chinese food places around temple are shitty and serve rats. with that being said, I still partake from time to time 🙂

7 07 2008
B4Prez

@Landon – Yea…but she gave me the ill side-eye.

@MrsEpps – I didn’t think about the Bernie’s thing, but that’s true. I’m 6′ 180, so I still don’t know how they got me into a car w/o me knowing, lol.

@Vanita – Come thru to NYC so we can party. National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day is on July 27th (yea, I don’t know either, but true story, lol)

7 07 2008
aceklub

@ vanita
Thanks for ruining my experience of dining around Temple…lol. And what difference is there btw the two words as I know they are definitely labeled in the chinese menu’s as “cheesesteak rolls”. Maybe it is a potaTO vs. poTAto argument.

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

@Vanita – Come thru to NYC so we can party. National Korean War Veterans Armistice Day is on July 27th (yea, I don’t know either, but true story, lol)

You are not lying about partying at any holiday. But that reminds me or Bourbon Street in NOLA. They did not give an eff. Norwegian Independence Day? Get ya drank on! D-Day? Get ya drank on! Torah B’av? Get ya drank on! Ridiculous.

7 07 2008
aceklub

change of subject…
since we are all reppin different areas, I am curious to know what is your city known for, food-wise. For example,
Philly = cheesesteaks
NYC = Pizza

My inner and outer fat boy are both hungry.

7 07 2008
Jen

OH MY GODDDDDDDD.

These waking up in a strange place stories have caused me to vow never to even touch a beverage at a club or party again.

7 07 2008
Vanita

I guess DC is known for Mambo sauce…I cant think of anything.
Philly – Cheesesteaks, Pretzels…

7 07 2008
Vanita

Oh yea. and I would LOVE to drank on July 27th, that would be cool.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

needing AA@ 19 possible…shoot i need AA@ 20 right now! I wonder what it will be like after november when my bday passes…then i can go to ladies night n shit hmmm…i dotn wanna think about it right now!

getting shit faced on holidays is great esp if your family gets drunk with you…last xmas my uncle was trashhhhheedd and it was hilariousssssSSS dude talks alot of shit while sober and it gets worse when he’s drunk and its the funniest shit ever… but what makes it fun is when finally turn 18+ and they allow you to drink, you abuse the privlage and get wasted with your older cousins in the backroom and break your grandmothers shelf because you fell into it trying to run to the bathroom and vomit but trip on your own shoe and land face 1st in to the middle shelf… that was my little cousin(19) and then you have grandma laughing ,yelling for everyone to hear “THE BOY IS DRUNK AS CAROLINA SKUNK” and “DAMN THE BOY DRANK WISKEY AND VODAK TOGETHER”.

i love my family…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahah DC aint known for shit but Mambo Sauce

7 07 2008
Vanita

DAMN Mrs. Epps, I need to come party with your family too.

7 07 2008
B4Prez

LOL@ Korean……..Day. I’d never heard of it until today, but like I said, a party is a party, lol. I need to hit Bourbon St. apparently. I still haven’t been to NOLA.

7 07 2008
Amadeo

Bmore – Crabs and half and half (Lemonade and Iced tea)
I’d also venture that the east is known for chicken boxes. I was out San Diego and I could get all the burritos and thai food I wanted…I don’t think I saw a place advertising chicken wings and an Arnold Palmer is not the same as a half and half.

7 07 2008
B4Prez

LMAO@ drunk as a skunk. All of the old heads in my family say that!

BTW, doesn’t every1 have that 1 uncle who’s been a drunk for so long that he’s pretty much the same person whether he’s sober or drunk?

7 07 2008
Vanita

Wait, well whats a tom collins?

7 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

DC – blue crabs, and crabcakes.

7 07 2008
Vanita

I wonder what Crabcakes and mambo sauce tastes like…?

7 07 2008
B4Prez

@Amadeo – A friend of mine from Baltimore is always talking about a damn chicken box! That sht sounds country as hell….I can fuk wit it tho, lol

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Oh yea iforgot about the DC-crabs what what yummmmyyyy…we wne tot the warf and got us a bushel for the 4th… them bitches were hittttttiiiiinnnnn i know usually seafood and liquor dont mix but damn…i was eating them like they were going out of style!

7 07 2008
Knatural

Oh, DC claims blue crabs and crabcakes because of the Chesapeake? Didn’t realize that was ok.

7 07 2008
Knatural

“I wonder what Crabcakes and mambo sauce tastes like…?”

Delicious.

7 07 2008
Jo

@B4Prez

LMAO…I have that uncle. I used to have two (one maternal, one paternal), but one of them is sober now.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Yea knat, i was gonna say, isnt that MD?
But Ok.

7 07 2008
Vanita

mmm…mambo sauce makes everything taste better…

7 07 2008
B4Prez

The last time I was in DC, we drove over to Bmore for sum crab legs. All I know is, I never thought I would have the best crab legs of my life @Hooters!

7 07 2008
Amadeo

I forgot about D.C. I guess Crabs/Crab Cakes has to default to Maryland in general.

@ B4Prez…I’m sure chicken boxes are the #1 contributers to the deaths of poor people who aren’t shot.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Vantia…my family is crazy…everyone is military but my Aunt and Mom all my uncles are military some retired some still in service…but you think thats fun MANN i wish i was one of my grandma and granddady’s kids! they would throw my Mom and Aunt and Uncles these crazy ass parties where my Granddad was the bar tender and he was always known to have a heavy hand with the liquor! it just AINT fair!

7 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Oh, DC claims blue crabs and crabcakes because of the Chesapeake? Didn’t realize that was ok.”

I justify it thusly:

DC and most of the land in MD west of the Chesapeake and east of the panhandle were part of the same swath of Indian country ruled by my grandfather 16 generations ago.

Claiming blue crabs for DC, therefore, is an act of defiance against the lines drawn by white men through my country.

Or something like that.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Detroit – Greek Coney Islands (gyros and coney dogs), Homemade polish sausage, Packzki (polish doughnut with custard or fruit filling eaten on fat tuesday/packzki day).

7 07 2008
Vanita

Chris – I actually did learn something like that in elem. school. I also know that PG county gave up part of its land to make DC. So if DC wants to claim blue crabs, fine. Its not like they have anything else I guess :-/

7 07 2008
puff

@ vanita

i’m from west africa aka the best part of africa renowned for spicy food and palm wine (everclear 2.0) – people from where i’m from love love love to get drunk and disorderly – and sorry it’s late, i went home and went to the gym

7 07 2008
Knatural

The sad truth is our culinary claim is probably mambo sauce 😀

7 07 2008
ayo

St. Louis is known for the St. Paul Sandwich:

A St. Paul Sandwich is an Egg-Foo Young Patty sandwiched with mayo and lettuce on white bread from the ‘China-man’.

And they actually say china-man.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Puff, you still aint sayin nothing!! Nigera? Ghana? Ivory Coast (i cant spell it in french)…Lets see…you speak French right? I love me some pepper soup, peanut soup, and the fu-fu(i think thats how u spell it)

7 07 2008
B4Prez

@JO – Ur drunk uncle went sober? This Obama ‘change’ campaign is really working wonders! lol

7 07 2008
gabrieloneverything

@Vanita and Puff

LIBERIA represent! Woot.

Yeah, that had nothing to do with the original post. I think it’s funny that the tag is Vomit and the category is Potpourri. Vomit is similar to potpourri…

7 07 2008
puff

haha my bad i’m from nigeria – oui, je parle le francais, but it’s school level. aaaah pepper soup so good but you also need some jollof rice, palm oil beans, fried plantains (dodo), yam (not the american sweet potato stuff, the real african cocoyams), egusi/okro/banga soups… i’m drooling, lemme stop

7 07 2008
anjiebaby

Chris,

Do you scream “Go back to Europe bitches!” when 2520s cut you off in traffic??

Just wondering.

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

anjiebaby (19:22:14) :

Chris,

Do you scream “Go back to Europe bitches!” when 2520s cut you off in traffic??

Just wondering.

*deceased*

7 07 2008
Jo

@B4Prez: Obama wishes he could take the credit for this one. Not to go all Sunday morning on you or anything, but my uncle’s sobriety is credited mostly to Black Buddy Christ.

It’s alright though, ’cause the other uncle MORE than makes up for him.

7 07 2008
Amadeo

LMAO @ Black Buddy Christ

“Doesn’t it…Pop?”

7 07 2008
Esquire

SC: Chitlins!
Any takers?…no…oh…okay then.

7 07 2008
Vanita

EEEWWWW…Chitlin is enough to make me vomit…GROSS

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

My mom tried to tell me about the make yourself throw up when you’re drunk trick (I haven’t stopped side-eyeing her since). Same thing with a roomate in college. I tried, but I just can’t do it. I don’t have a good gag reflex (SHUT UP).

Anyhoo, representing Philly – cheesesteaks, pretzels, tastykake, water ice. I thought scrapple was ours because of the Amish, but I’m learning that’s a southern thing too.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

LIBERIA represent! Woot.-Gabriel

blah..my ex is from there…his Dad is deputy minister of foreign affairs there…

7 07 2008
Knatural

I don’t have a good gag reflex – Doc
*shaking my head*

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Amadeo – what is the difference between a half and half and an Arnold Palmer. I tried the latter for the first time in North Carolina earlier this year. It was also my first time trying Sweet Tea…and am I the only one that doesn’t get the freaking hype?! (Waiting for someone to swoop down from above and forcibly remove my black card).

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Knat…did I not say SHUT UP. LOL

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

The Doc doesnt have a good gag reflex bwhahahah…no comment

7 07 2008
Landon

DOC –

no GAG REFLEX AYE – I LOVE YOU 🙂

7 07 2008
Vanita

LMAO @ the doc “no gag reflex” LMAO!!!!!!!

7 07 2008
Landon

Doc-

Damnit just when i found out you have no gag reflex and was ready to buy you a 3.5 carat VVS1 d color Diamond in a white gold invisble setting (Brilliant Cut)

you had to FUCK it up and say you dont like SWEET TEA!!! DAMNIT and you got nice abs and body… DAMNIT TO HELL…

well at least i still have Ne and Diva…

7 07 2008
Vanita

so…Doc…How did you find that out???

7 07 2008
Vanita

bwwhhhahahahahahahahahahah @ Landon!!!! Dammit vvs 1 3.5 carat tho??? Girl u better slurp down some sweet tea. It aint like you gonna throw it back up LOLOLOL

7 07 2008
Landon

VANITA:

ON FLOOR DEAD TIME OF DEATH 3:45:13

___________________

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

LMAO @ Landon. Relationships are all about compromises baby.
Seriously though, I never said I didn’t like it, I just really don’t get all the hype behind it. I don’t dump a bunch of sugar in my hot tea either though, just a little dab of honey.

Vanita…I plead the fifth 😀

7 07 2008
Jo

@Vanita: LMAOOOOOO

Dead. Absolutely dead.

7 07 2008
Jen

Doc, don’t be ashamed of your lack of a gag reflex. I put that on my resume under Hobbies & Special Skills.

7 07 2008
puff

what is sweet tea? like sweet iced tea?

7 07 2008

smh @ landon and his cheating ways!!!!!!

7 07 2008
Amadeo

Oh Snap…UTZ Potato Chips…Mid-Atlantic Represent!

7 07 2008
Landon

@ Jen & Doc

Doc – – Landon Revived at 3:47:44

JEN — Landon Dead again at 3:49:30

7 07 2008
Landon

Someone SHOOT PUFF PLEASE!!!!

whats next you dont know what a BOSTON IS IN SPADES?

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Vanita lets do lunch hahahah

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

puff you dont know what sweet tea is???!!!!!!!

UTTERLY SHOCKED…pulling your black card asap!

7 07 2008

I hate vomiting!

I have had to vomit maybe 3 time in my life that I can remember. It hurts and I feel like shit afterwards.

7 07 2008
Jen

WHO HAS HAD SWEET TEA MADE WITH MOLASSES??

Sweet tea is when you boil water with sugar or molasses and then steep tea in it.

7 07 2008
gabrieloneverything

@ Mrs. Epps

Don’t say ‘Blah’…say ‘Amazing!’ Sorry to hear that you didn’t wind up with a good Liberian man. But don’t give up hope. Maybe you’ll find one someday. lol.

7 07 2008
Landon

PUFF:

Your Black Credit Score just went down 75 points!
and we have closed your popeyes Credit Card!

7 07 2008
Amadeo

Doc-
The one I had in San Diego was just off…too much of something, not enough of the other…it wasn’t really partially sweet…in the end it tasted like poorly flavored water, with a dash of lemon.

(Continues ignoring gag reflex comment)

7 07 2008
Landon

LIBERIA!!!!

Lets talk about LIBERIA when they can get their government in ORDER!!!

7 07 2008
puff

yeah yeah yeah fuck all of y’all – mrs epps i’m african how you gon pull MY black card?

but really though landon, what’s a boston in spades? *ducks*

7 07 2008
Knatural

Sweet tea? Hype. It’s just tea made with a simple syrup! Black folks love sugar!

7 07 2008
Jen

Popeyes Credit Card??

I thought that was an urban myth begun by Beyonce.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Mrs Epps – Girl I BEEN told you that. Lets make it happy hr!! Im tryna see how my DOJ counterparts get down!

Landon leave Puff alone!!! I didnt know about sweet tea until college. My parents arent AMERICAN!!

7 07 2008

(SHUTTING UP ABOUT DOC’S GAG REFLEX COMMENT) :l

:HI FIVES HER:

7 07 2008
Landon

PUFF:

SIGH….. yes we pulled your black card!!!!

WHAT AFIRCANS DONT EAT CHICKEN?

And hell west Africa (ivory coist liberia and mali) has some teas so strong you think you were drinking crack!!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

landon, you can only be bigamous with me and Ne….sorry Doc

@ Doc…I can’t make myself puke either.

7 07 2008

Thank you diva!

With all of the loving he gets at home you’d think a brotha would be happy…smh!

7 07 2008
Vanita

I see Ne and Diva tryna get they VVS on too…

7 07 2008
puff

@ jen

nah that shits for real. me and the popeyes down 125th street are tight… mmmm biscuits and chicken *shamefully trying to claw back black points*

7 07 2008

VVS?

Visual Vampire sex..eh?

7 07 2008
Knatural

Um, beware of Landon’s real-life Dominican girlfriend (who may cut you), and/or Dustin, who called dibs a long time ago.

7 07 2008
Landon

Ne:

do you have simliar skills as DOC? Because Chaoitc does…

Maybe we need to make this liek survior…. who can do the most with out gagging, lol…

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Knatural…you should be aware that Dominicans are not as crazy as Cubans.

Bet she can do hair though…lol.

7 07 2008
puff

*shamelessly

landon goddaaaaamn i eat chicken, smothered in chilli and deep-fried and all that good shit.

i don’t drink tea though – my mother made me down a huge pot when i had a sore throat one time, next morning i woke up with malaria. i just can’t shake the association.

what is damn boston in spades?

7 07 2008

lol knat.

This realtionship is e-fantasy… where the dominican gf can not reach her knife.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA @ dustin’s dib’s.

7 07 2008
Landon

Ne:

What what???? Virtual Vampire Sex – WHAT TYPE OF FREAK ARE YOU..

KNATURAL – HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

7 07 2008
Jen

You know you could start saving money by copping some Crystal or Louisiana hot sauce and some Tony Chachere and marinating chicken yourself.

7 07 2008
Knatural

Yesterday I boarded the train (DC Metro) to see a whole Popeye’s chicken breast and biscuit, uneaten, no box, sitting out in the open on a seat. Am I wrong for wanting that breast and biscuit?

7 07 2008

Landon

I don’t throw up! I will just put it that way.

Last time I threw up was in 2001 I downed 2 beautiful’s, a long island ice tea, some alizé and a smirnoff ice.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ puff…boston is a boring ass town full of white people who can’t play spades…so when you put up the flight board, its like the partners who win all 13 books are the flight crew and you are being taken on a shitty ride/vacation.

see: trash talking.

7 07 2008

your inner fat girl must have just ate @ knat

7 07 2008
Landon

@ puff not drinking tea and waking up with malaria… i know i shouldnt laugh butt bwawahawbwahabwahabwahwa

VVS is the clarity of a diamond

FL – flawless
VVS-1 flaws can not be seen by the naked eye and are hard to see when magnified
VVS-2 slightly below VVS-1 grade
VS-1 – slight imperfection but can not be seenwith naked eye
VS-2 same but a little more imperfect
S-1 imperfectin can be seen with a the naked eye or a take a black light to the diamond if it glows to much, it has many imperfections!
s-2
and worst

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ne, the only time I puke is when I drink smirinoff ice or some other equally sugary wine cooler beverage. I could take shots for days and not have an issues.

7 07 2008
gabrieloneverything

No you are not wrong. Not at all! The only thing that would have stopped me is the fact that the DC Metro has some shady individuals on it.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

*issue. Sorry on the plurality of my noun.

7 07 2008
puff

@ knat i wanna see the face of the motherfucker who left that popeyes behind…. damn. i’d be so very furious

7 07 2008
Landon

side note does anyone have dont be a menace while drinking juice in teh hood on DVD?

NE CHaotic and DOC dont have GAG reflex….. ((((sighs)))))

7 07 2008
Jen

A leper must have coughed on the abandoned Popeyes. Otherwise, the entire story is a lie.

7 07 2008
Landon

I wouldnt have eaten it but it woudl have my mouth watering… esp. since i would have small bottle of hot sauce in my suit jacket…

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

fuck VVS, I go for flawless. I want a big pink diamond, square cut, with two clear baguettes on each side in a platinum band. I’m allergic to gold (no seriously, my skin turns green and black from it).

By the way, what is it with all of the local modeling agencies are named after diamond clarities?

7 07 2008

I know what VVS means I worked in a jewelry store for year while in college.

dag I was trying to be funny.

7 07 2008
puff

@ chaotic could you say that again… slowly?

and fuck youuuu landon that shit was not amusing, that was about the worst malaria i’ve had in my life… damn, i was hallucinating and shit, thinking i was walking on the ceiling and whatnot… not a good look.

7 07 2008
Knatural

Here’s the conversation as we stepped on the train:

Me: Damn, somebody left their Popeye’s
My husband: How do you know it’s Popeyes’s, there’s no box.
Me: Look at the biscuit!
Husband: *gives look of immeasurable love and devotion to me*

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahah Gabriel… umm no thanks i already got me a man…and for the record liberians are kinda cooky and assholish…i’ll pass

Puff you maybe african..but you still get your card pulled! sorry to hear about the malaria :-(…Knat your not wrong… but it would have been hilarious and coonish of you if you grabbed that joint on the way off the train!!

Virtual Vampire sex.. hmm gotta try that some day soon 🙂

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lol @ Landon for carrying hot sauce with him…why the hell do most of the people i know that carry hot sauce with them are either white or Mexican? (see: Hillary Clinton, this guy Carlos I went to h.s. with…)

7 07 2008
Jen

Oh wow, Puff. You had malaria multiple times??? Is that common?

7 07 2008
Omar

Knat – It could be a serial killer trying to kill unsuspecting black people by leaving poison Popeyes around knowing a black person might eat it. Hmm… Popeyes, Krispy Kreme donuts, anything form the McDonalds breakfast menu, etc… is potentially a weapon.

7 07 2008

I am concerned puff!

7 07 2008
Vanita

@ Knat – LOL I love that you can really tell the chix by the biscuit. I really honestly do.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Puff is not american yall. shes african. its a different ‘black’. Dont worry girl. I was born here, but sometimes I might as well have been FOB too. I gotcha back.

7 07 2008
puff

@ landon bwahahahahahahahahahaha can you make your own brand of hot sauce:

“landon’s… the working man’s sauce. sprinkle this on anything, and your gag reflex’ll never be a problem.”

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ puff

Want: 1 pink diamond (in center,square cut), 2 clear diamonds (baguette cut, on sides), all flawless, on platinum band.

Allergic: to gold. Makes my skin change colores

Aside: local [club] modeling agencies have names like flawless, vvs, etc., after diamonds.

…better?

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAOOO@@@@ puff

7 07 2008
puff

@ knat bwaahahahahahahahahahahahaha i’m mad you recognise the biscuits by sight

@ jen yeah malaria’s pretty common, i haven’t had it for a while but as it’s rainy season right now, there’s hella mosquitos around so i’m spritzing bug spray all over my house praying for no more hallucinations

and thank you vanita! damn i’ve only been stateside for 2 years, let me catch up – or better yet, school me so i can sound less fresh off the boat

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Saying Africans are blacks is like saying Dominicans and West Indians are black…different values and cultures, same brown skin….

7 07 2008
Landon

OMAR you forgot…… to add Tainted WEED…

WOW imagin that…

If they Poisned: Popeyes Fried Chicken, Red lobster (& Churchs) bisuits, Dominoes (w. anthrax), lead in sweet tea, Tainted Corn Bread Mix, posioned koolaid packs, tainted Weed & hennessey….

WE WOULD BE FUCKED!!!

7 07 2008
Knatural

Oh my God! Omar! But see, the flaw is Blacks are too hygienic (typically) and won’t eat randoms foods just lying around like White folks.

7 07 2008
Breez

Granted, I’m biased, but IMO, there’s NO seafood better than that which issues from the Gulf. And the way it’s prepared in Louisiana is nothing short of magical.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ puff…I gotcha…people keep asking me what country I’m from (born and raised in Michigan)…so I end up hanging out with all the non-Americans. Doesn’t help that some of my relatives and one of my best friends were born outside of the states…lol.

7 07 2008
Vanita

The workin mans hot sauce sounds like it should be in the same aisle as the KY or at one of those sex toy parties where they let you try the products. LOL

7 07 2008
Jen

Landon, please stop giving the Man ideas.

BREEZ…YOU TRUTH-TELLER!!

7 07 2008
Knatural

Saying Africans are blacks is like saying Dominicans and West Indians are black…different values and cultures, same brown skin….

Huh?

7 07 2008
puff

@ chaotic – i meant about the boston in spades – goddamn i’m not kunta kinte i do speak some english – and i’m west african truuuussst i know about diamonds – remember djimon? (i kid, that was fucked up)

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

mmmmh, biscuits…

Man, I eat Red Lobster biscuits like the hoe from the Boondocks. And Popeyes…man I don’t really eat their chicken, but i LOVE their red beans and rice and buttered biscuits.

Aside: my mom literally just hollered “who has popeyes in the fridge”…lol

7 07 2008
Jen

@Knat – she means Black Americans…as in the descendants of U.S. slaves.

I would have to cosign on that assessment.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Yea Im black (west indian) but Im not african american…My boyfriend says im not ‘truly’ black. But White people dont kno that…

And dont worry Puff, I gotcha, ill be in NYC in August!

7 07 2008
puff

$.02: i use the term black pretty broadly – the average african is more “black” (i mean skin colour) than an african american. round here, it’s pretty much only a skin colour term. to distinguish between different people of colour, i go by where they’re from, so i generally call black people from american african-americans.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

sorry but ya’ll will hate me for this but i hate popeyes…i havent eaten it since i was 17 when i was rushed to the hospital for food posioning..it was like 20 mins after eatting and threw up in the hallway on the way to the bathroom and then blacked out.. the PM’s had to brign me back with that shit that they put under your nose(cant think of the word). I lost control of my bows on both ends and was in the hospital for 4 1/2 days…

I washed my hands of popeyes but i’ll tear up some KFC 🙂

7 07 2008
anjiebaby

To: STUFFBLACKPEOPLE HATE

Suggested Topic: “New England”

I think its because of the harsh 10 month winters that 2520s have this ish on lock (that doesn’t explain why Detroit is packed with black folks though) . . . but its really pretty up here in the summer- I’m stuck in a eensy weensy town in Vermont. I’m at one of those “small, intimate liberal arts colleges nestled in the pristine Vermont forests”. I saw someone with a “Quidditch” team shirt on today, there were two crossed brooms as the emblem.

This is 2520 heaven up here. I’m miserable.
So, I thought that my misery may extend to other black people and their sentiments towards the New England states, no?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Knatural: alot of my relatives are from Jamaica. If you call them black, they will most likely spit in your face (yes, that bad of attitudes). But seriously, alot of people with brown skin from outside of the U.S. do not consider themselves to be black because their cultures and values are different. For instance, Caribbean food is way different from Soul Food. And the way they raise their children, its different.

For instance, people from the Caribbean hold a higher standard to getting a good education and not necessarily for making the most money. Alot of musicians and athletes and such from down there have college degrees that may not even be related to their line of work.

@ Puff…a Boston in spades is when a set of partners wins all of the books while the other set win none.

For instance, say Ne and I were partners, and you and Landon were partners. If Ne and I won every book (1 book = 1 card from each player played), and you and Landon won none of those books during one hand (1 hand = 13 cards/ 1 deal), that would be called a boston.

Is that a little better of a description?

7 07 2008
Vanita

I lubs me some cajun rice from popeyes. My african friends used to work there in high school and I used to get the HOOK UP!!! That how I turned my west indian family on to popeyes. My parents was mad @ first, you just dont eat fast food!!
And co sign on black people being particular with their food…I just dont eat anybodys food. I need to see how they cook it, how their kitchen looks, if their nails are always dirty or clean, etc.

7 07 2008
Landon

anjibaby:

Where are you at mulberry college or (dam nteh language college) middleburry? forgot the name…

VT is cool though…. even though i am Negro of Negros…. i have learned the 2520 ways by learning how to ski… The expression on a 2520s face when they see a Negroid swwooshing by them on the slopes doing tricks and jumping high in the air is PRICELESS… plus i heard yall got some good smoke up there, not that i know anything about that…

Plus Vermont got some banging Cheddar Cheese ( i love cheese on a side note, lol)… make some banging Bake Mac and CHeese… dont know how to make it… hell we can give you the recipe

7 07 2008
gabrieloneverything

See the problem was that you didn’t eat enough popeyes and your body went into shock. BTW Mrs. Epps, that wasn’t cyber flirting or anything I have a woman. And it’s good to know that my douchebaggery comes from my heritage! Here I just thought I was a cocky jerk for no reason.

7 07 2008
puff

@ vanita yeah tell me why this mexican motherfucker was like to me, “you’re not black… you’re african” i’m like, thanks for the assessment. s’all good, i’m not gonna claim being african-american cos i’m not. i can’t claim it for skin colour either. i don’t tick the black/african-american box for that reason (the former, not the latter). and yeaaaaah come visit me! woooooo

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Detroit is packed with blacks because of 1. the great migration, and 2. its the end of the Underground railroad.

There are so many landmarks out here from the underground railroad…its awesome. But yea, the reason that its the stop here is because Windsor is right across the water, where the runaway slaves would go.

Yay for history.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Mrs Epps black card needs to be taken away immediately…she dont like popeyes yall…that aint right…that aint right….

7 07 2008
ayo

@chaotic:
The red beans and rice from Popeyes with the buttery biscuit is the SHIT!

7 07 2008
puff

*dying at thought of landon on skis*

7 07 2008
Jen

“For instance, people from the Caribbean hold a higher standard to getting a good education and not necessarily for making the most money.”

I’m sorry, but that is a lie which we must put to death TODAY.

The West Indian immigrants to America tend to, on average, value education more than the general Black American population.

When we consider the general West Indian population that did NOT immigrate, this stereotype which is applied to immigrants into America no longer holds true.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ puff…Mexicans for some reason know everybody’s heritage. Puerto ricans and other latinos always think I’m Dominican, but a Mexican will be like “Nah, she’s Cuban”. My girl did that to me when I first met her…lol.

7 07 2008
Merri Lee


Landon (20:18:41) :

OMAR you forgot…… to add Tainted WEED…

WOW imagin that…

If they Poisned: Popeyes Fried Chicken, Red lobster (& Churchs) bisuits, Dominoes (w. anthrax), lead in sweet tea, Tainted Corn Bread Mix, posioned koolaid packs, tainted Weed & hennessey….

WE WOULD BE FUCKED!!!

You’ve got me terrified to turn on the news now.

Next at 11 – Salmonella outbreak in the nation’s entire chicken supply. No more chicken for at least 30 days. Details after these messages.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Jen…maybe its just the ones I’ve been around…(this includes those that live down in the Caribbean).

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Vanita-And co sign on black people being particular with their food…I just dont eat anybodys food. I need to see how they cook it, how their kitchen looks, if their nails are always dirty or clean, etc

im the same way…i rarely eat food that i cant reconize lol…i reme when my friends mom made us this food once and it had cow tongue in it and some other stuff sorry i mena i love african food and all but never again will i eat cow tongue..it was just slimmy and weird tasting but the rest of the stuff was goood good good!

7 07 2008
Vanita

@ Diva & Puff – Why do they always know?!?! What kind of 6th sense do Mexicans have about heritage?!?!

7 07 2008
puff

@ chaotic it’s not that he knew i was nigerian, he just realised i wasn’t like the african-americans he knows.

7 07 2008
Jen

I’m going to have to go with it MUST just be the ones you’ve been around.

Because some of those countries don’t even have public school.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Vanita…I wish I knew. And sadly, its only the full blooded Mexicans…the mixed ones are clueless..

7 07 2008
Knatural

Oh God, a deep conversation is starting.
Why can’t we just talk about chicken?

7 07 2008
Landon

Jen –

she is referecing the carribean nations which were English colonies who put more money into the school systems of those colonies. The enlighs school system is a lot better.

7 07 2008
Jen

@Knat…I’m sorry, but the subject is close to my heart!!

I get tired of people saying that. That and the “Black children think being intelligent is acting white” myth.

7 07 2008
puff

@ mrs epps cow tongue what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck *vomiting all over the motherfucking place*

7 07 2008
Breez

@ Jen: I try to tell the truf. Folks around these parts don’t wanna hear me though.

7 07 2008
Omar

And Landon lose black points for liking ritzy Vermont cheese.

Reminisces of Boondocks scene:

Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman: There’s a new white man out here! He’s refined. For example, did you know that the new white man loves gourmet cheese?
Huey Freeman: Wait, I’m sorry. Did you say “cheese”?
Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman: Yup, cheese. You give the meanest white man a piece of cheese and he turn into Mr. Rogers.
Huey Freeman: Granddad, that doesn’t make sense.
Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman: Don’t you talk back to me, boy!
Huey Freeman: Granddad, you can’t tame the white supremacist power structure with cheese!
Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman: Oh, yes I can!
Huey Freeman: No, you can’t!
Robert ‘Granddad’ Freeman: Yes, I can!
Huey Freeman: No, you can not!

7 07 2008
Vanita

Ok Chicken. Im hungry. I want some Jerk Chicken RIGHT NOW!!!! mmmm…
Or how about a chicken cheesesteak?
Chicken Alfredo?
Chicken Parm?
Damn if the salmonella outbreak is traced back to chicken, that would cause a HELLVA riot…
Imagine no FRIED CHICKEN yall…

7 07 2008
puff

@ chaotic – he’s mixed race so maybe that’s why

7 07 2008
Jen

And, no, Landon…I think she is referencing the popular myth that West Indians and Africans value education more than Black Americans.

7 07 2008
Landon

look aint using (triple negative alert) no dman no american gov’ment cheese in my bake mac and cheese!!!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Gabriel sweetie, i wasnt taking what you said as cyber-flirting…i was saying i got a man to the f”ind me a good liberian man” part.

Vantia hell naw.. i still eat my chicken just not from popeyes… i just cant do it.. i gag everytime its mentioned.

Chaotic- im bori and you look cuban to me actually hahah.. but you could pass for dominican i could see how ppl make the mistake.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Omar, I like vermont cheddar cheese, esp in some mac and cheese…mmmm…

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Jen…about the black children thinking education is acting white…I’m from the suburbs and I used to get flack from the black kids saying that I acted white because I speak proper….so I’m going to go out on a limb saying that alot of black kids think like that, but not all.

And speaking of the fact that most of the Caribbeans that I know are from Jamaica, Barbados and Trinidad might be why the ones I’ve been surrounded by folks that are like that.

7 07 2008
ayo

@Jen… they do. Its the exact reason Oprah started her school in Africa. She didn’t say that Black Americans don’t value education just that the Africans value it more.

7 07 2008
Jen

Chaotic, they got on you for not being able to codeswitch.

Not being able to codeswitch =/= being intelligent.

Also, to the extent that the “acting white” myth exists, it exists among a tiny minority of the Black population that lives in suburbs wherein Blacks are a small minority and among children with little socialization with Black people. And there it only exists because the poor children know not much more about Blackness than what the media portrays.

And, I’m sorry, but I cannot cosign on the notion that West Indians of any single country or island are more inclined to value education than Black Americans. Won’t do it–now or ever and can’t stand to hear it.

7 07 2008
Amadeo

@ Breez…..Goddamn you.

@ Chaotic Diva You forgot to add that a Boston preceeds fights between spades partners.

7 07 2008
Omar

My wife and her family are from Trinidad and they all consider themselves black, but they don’t use African-American they say Caribbean-American.

As for education, in Trinidad you can go to college for free and there are still a lot of people that don’t go so it isn’t just us. Actually there are tonnes of white people in America that don’t value education which is exhibited by their disdain of INTELLIGENT people like Michelle Obama. Whether we like it or not it is almost American to not value education, you are supposed to love your country and get screwed by smart politicians who play dumb to make you feel good about yourself.

@Knat and Mrs. Epps – If black people were HYGIENIC every ‘Carry-Out’ in DC would be out of business.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Ok, Most caribbean people do place heavy emphasis on education. Its all my family did, and we used to have competitions up until this day. My cousin got in to Harvard and people were lookin @ their kids like “you couldnt get in to Harvard too???” (but my education was free so my parents didnt beat me too much LOL)
But yes, we do things in our family like play 24 (that math game) and do other educational things for fun. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I know some of the MOST RANDOM facts, but its because how i was brought up.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

puff yes cow tongue… they are from sierra leon and they eat all types of ish that i would even think of cooking…but last time i was over we had oxtail and curry goat which is my favorite and my girls man who is jamaican made some rice and peas(beans and rice) yummmmyyyy..but yea if i think about it i dont really have “american friends” most are african, west indian, latino, asian ect. and the white friends i have are italian or english lol

7 07 2008
anjiebaby

@Chaotic: Yay for history, indeed. 🙂
@Landon: Yes, I’m in Middlebury. Where Middlebury= middle of nowhere

I saw “The Happening” the weekend it came out, which was right before I got up here. I am freaking terrified of all these trees (and I grew up in the South with plenty of trees). I dread that the movie was a premonition.

And all I hear about is the free-flowing cheese and maple syrup.
Oh, and its like granola falls from the skies or something.

7 07 2008
puff

africans make a huge deal out of education, trust. that’s why i have my parents and all my older relatives breathing down my neck about getting a “good” degree and how i’m meant to be a doctor/engineer/lawyer/accountant cos any other job doesn’t cut it. they’re very selective about what type of education they value. my mother: http://youtube.com/watch?v=s86HnJbp2qs

7 07 2008
Jen

Oprah began a school in Africa when her own people are suffering from a lack of adequate schooling in their communities because she is severely misled.

I’m not saying she did a bad thing, I’m just saying that there are just as many children in American ghettos that would love to learn at a school funded by Oprah Winfrey.

7 07 2008
Landon

Jen –

if years ago in those countrie education was more attainable where as we had limits on our education. The english school system in general is better and they do a better job with teaching their younger students. I use to have people from Jam Rock stay at my house when they were kids and they were WAY passed the level of the same kids here…

If you look at todays top colleges and programs you will see a large number of blacks in top school (non athletes) be not of african american hertiage but carribean and african!

7 07 2008
Omar

@Ayo – Oprah started that school in Africa because public school wasn’t available for free after elementary school in that area.

7 07 2008
Vanita

But I also guess those in the Caribbean who stress education see it as a way to get out of the country. If you can get to the US on an educational visa your home free. Its like two things you can brag about – Your child is in the US, and at the BEST school too!! I know my family(the Trini side) LOVES to brag…(but they also love to drink)

7 07 2008
Jen

I know that many African and West Indian families value education, Vanita and Puff. But that doesn’t mean that as a group, Africans and West Indians value education more than Black Americans. That is an ugly lie that is meant to devalue Black Americans in this country, and sadly, people–black and other–are buying into it to our detriment.

7 07 2008
Jen

@Landon – that is because most competitive Black Americans are educated at the undergraduate level at HBCUs, not white schools.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

CO_SIGNNNNNNNNNN-@ Jen…about the black children thinking education is acting white…I’m from the suburbs and I used to get flack from the black kids saying that I acted white because I speak proper….so I’m going to go out on a limb saying that alot of black kids think like that, but not all.

i would get teased by kids in my neighborhood saying i was trying to be white because i didnt use “slang” words. I was brought up to talk proper sit up proper and walk proper dammit.. dont hate because your mama stopped her education after high school and did you teach/ correct your english.

7 07 2008
Knatural

Omar – Thank you.
My in-laws are also Trini. Loving drank is an understatement for them.

7 07 2008
anjiebaby

This discussion is why I’ll be raising my kids in the “A”

F.I.L.A.

7 07 2008
Jen

Again, Mrs. Epps–mocking you for not being able to codeswitch is NOT the same as mocking you for being intelligent.

Most poor, Midwestern white people in America can speak standard English. Does that make them any more intelligent than the Black children in our poorer communities who can not? HELL TO THE NO.

7 07 2008
Lolo

I smirk when *insert immigrant here* tells me they’re not American black/chinese/mexican/whatever with an air of superiority or disdain.

Tell it to the police or landlord, dear and see how plays out.

My fave is if you speak proper english and some assclown tells you what good english you speak.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Oh no, I wouldnt say Africans and Caribbean people value it more than african americans, but I would say that more people in those countries see it as a tool to better themselves than most african americans. And its because of the american culture. If you are in (the supposed) best country in the world, a place where everyone is trying to get to, what more do you need? Additionally, if you have never seen anything outside of this country, what more do you want to know?
UNEDUCATED people have a very messed up view of the world. I know people (black and white) who will NOT travel outside this country because they think everyone is anti-american(which is probably true, but they think of it as they will get f-ed up on site)

7 07 2008
ayo

Jen…
For example, in Barbados students must take exams @ 10 years old (4th grade) to determine what High School they will attend. Do you not think this impacts the emphasis a family places on education in home?
Have you visited an urban school district?
I had a third grader tell me he couldnt imagine finish high school. He figured he would be dead before then – he was 8 years old. Do you think that child was at home loving his free American education???? He couldnt read and spent all of his time in the office.

7 07 2008
puff

@ jen – i don’t think africans/west indians value education more than african-americans, i was actually vilifying africans for being so narrow-minded about the kind of education they tend to value or deem “appropriate”. i speak from personal experience as someone who’s had pressure to study at a particular place/do a particular course put on me, which makes me furious.

7 07 2008
Omar

Funny thing is my mother used to always tell how the way I would speak English was bad (she grew up in New York) but when I get to Georgia I had people telling me I speak too proper… completely different world.

7 07 2008
ayo

@ Omar… yeah.. but she also said that they were more appreciative of an education – esp a free one – there. this was after all the heat related to ‘why not America?’ questions got asked.

7 07 2008
puff

@ lolo bwahahahahaha that was fucked uppppp

@ vanita – damn i HATE when some americans (no offence, don’t jump on my ass) act all america is the best country in the world when they don’t know shit even about fucking canada across the border. ignorance is the devil.

7 07 2008
Jen

I apologize, Puff. I have befriended so, so, so many people who share the mentality that you describe, that I assumed you were lauding it.

7 07 2008
Jen

Ayo, I was educated 6th – 9th grade in an urban school district.

I stand by what I said.

7 07 2008
Omar

@Jen – A WHOLE lot of white people can’t speak proper english at all but they are the majority so no one says anything. The guy they elected president is a testament to that.

7 07 2008
ayo

Omar… I grew up in NY, but lived other places then finished school in NY. they have the most proper speaking ebonics of any part of the country.

7 07 2008
Lolo

Jen, Oprah wouldn’t have been able to open a school of the caliber the children deserve here. The bureaucracy and teachers unions and every entrenched group and every other naysayer would make sure of that. Hello, the uproar over charter schools? There was that philanthropist millionaire who wanted to give Detroit umpteen millions of dollars towards establishing some better schools a few years back but the mayor and the unions made sure that didn’t happen.

7 07 2008
puff

@ jen s’all love 🙂

7 07 2008
Omar

@Ayo – you are bound to be appreciative of something that is free after you have been paying for it. Shit, I would love some free gas right now…

7 07 2008
Merri Lee


Lolo (20:56:48) :

I smirk when *insert immigrant here* tells me they’re not American black/chinese/mexican/whatever with an air of superiority or disdain.

Tell it to the police or landlord, dear and see how plays out.

My fave is if you speak proper english and some assclown tells you what good english you speak.

Hahaha. I just got a text from a Korean American (2nd gen) friend of mine going oooooooofffffffffff on the “you speak good English” thing. She did the Rick James thing – “I’m American, B@#%h! LOL.

7 07 2008
Jen

@Omar – I know what you mean, but you are missing my point.

Frankly, most of the Black people who complain that they were mocked for using proper English as children are merely referring to the ACCENT in which they spoke. Aside from the fact that these same people frequently think “I talk proper” is a grammatically acceptable sentence, one’s accent or native tongue says NOTHING about their intelligence.

I’m not drinking that kool aid.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Puff…I will admit, the only things I know about Canada (which is 30 minutes away from where I live) is that the drinking age is 19 and that 70% of our oil (meaning in the U.S.) is from there.

…Ok, so I also know that all of their governmental documents are written in both French and English, and that Native people (I can’t think of what they call them…brain synapse misfire) govern their own areas in the northern provinces.

7 07 2008
Jen

Or maybe you didn’t miss my point…maybe you were adding to it.

I’m too used to people disagreeing with every damn thing I say!!

7 07 2008
Landon

because your JEn… 🙂

7 07 2008
Landon

So whats worst

using a paddle in bed or having hot wax poured on you in bed?

because this convo got to serious

what you guys / gals think we are… educated black folk who are suppose to lead our people to the promise land?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ lolo…don’t blame the mayor…the last two mayors, Dennis Archer and Kwame Kilpatrick (no matter how scandalous they may be around strippers and interns) did a hell of a lot to clean up the city. This is coming from someone who may live in a suburban area, but spent most of her summers in the city (including nowadays).

What people don’t realize is that the City Council does all that shit. Right now, they’re being investigated by the FBI for scandalous contracts. Trust, mayors are only figure heads…

7 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Jen (20:48:09) :

I’m not saying she did a bad thing, I’m just saying that there are just as many children in American ghettos that would love to learn at a school funded by Oprah Winfrey.

UUUGGGGHHHHH!!! LAY OFF OPRAH!!! Jen, American ghetto boys and girls don’t have to go to schools funded by Oprah b/c they can already go to free. Oprah’s school is for kids who’s parents cannot afford to send them to school and who otherwise, would have NO OPPORTUNITY to get a formal education.

I’m sorry. I just get a little defensive when people talk about her.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lol @ landon’s sarcasm….by the way, where the hell did you go on facebook? I thought we were having “sexy time”…lol..

7 07 2008
Omar

I know America doesn’t have the highest standard of living in the world and it is primarily because we treat poor people like lepers. It is always Canada or Norway or somewhere like that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Development_Index#2007_report

7 07 2008
Jen

Landon, you kinky such-and-such!!!

7 07 2008
puff

@ landon – what’s bad about a paddle?

7 07 2008
Omar

Paddle in the Bed… WTF??

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Jen…Landon’s a one Jen only kind of guy (my name is Jen also, btw…).

7 07 2008
Landon

nothing… who said pain was bad?

7 07 2008
Jen

Yonnie3K, I have tutored grown Black American men who do not know how to use a comma or a period.

That means that even though they got a free education, it was not a sound one and did not amount to much beyond the 6th grade level.

Clearly, they value education: they learned how to use a period and a comma as soon as somebody was made available who was willing to teach them!

But, what good is a free education if it isn’t worth a damn?

7 07 2008

I am hungry!

7 07 2008
Vanita

Paddle!! tsk tsk. People people people! Use ur hand!!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ the paddle in the bed:

are we playing “freaky greeks” or “Catholic school girls”?

7 07 2008
Vanita

Paddles leave marks 🙂

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

I went to a majority white school from 1st-12th grade in bethesda until now… and when i moved to florida it was a whole different story…i seriosly had issues understanding ppl down there for a while until i caught on to the slang. I would seriously have to have dudes slow down the speech for me to get the jist of what theu were tryign to say to me I would be like “WAAAAAAAAAAA”??????!! lol now that im back, florida lingo rubbed off on me…now i say “finna” “aint”, “joint” like some country bumkin lol.

Note to everyone: NEVER EVER USE SLANG AT WORK… i witnesses this shit everytime i come in the office…and i always have this thing “damn why he/she have to black” so there’s this new girl int he office and i swear she didnt passes the 5th grade! I dont see how ppl under stand her let alone take her seriously by the way she talks… its liek she has no boundry on when to use slang and when not to. It irrks the hell out me because when she is around me everyone looks at me liek their expecting me to start talking like her F THAT keep the i’gnat talk at home

7 07 2008
Lolo

@Diva
I know and while I don’t looove Kilpatrick I do recognise that he did some good work getting some money into the city. However, I also know that while he originally supported Thompson’s proposal for the city’s kids he also completely pussied out once the Detroit teacher’s union squawked. The man has at the least a strong bully pulpit and he doesn’t send his own children to the public schools ….

Sorry for the serious but I do have really strong opinions about public education and how much they need to be better funded and MANAGED. sigh.

7 07 2008
Landon

@ Diva:

I went to catholic school for high school and i pledged…

pick you posion

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Jen…there are grown black men who don’t know how to use grammar because they were more focused on things outside of getting their education. And the schools that don’t have proper funding, its not Oprah or any other philanthropists job to fund our schools when we pay taxes to do so.

Coming from an overcrowded and underfunded high school (yes, I speak very good English), I can tell you that the people in the state government have been messing with the budget which has put Michigan in a financial crisis. I don’t know if anybody heard about the budget crisis situation that we had not too long ago.

7 07 2008

paddle- Don’t hit me like I stole your fucking bike.

Hot wax- Don’t pour that shit on me like you are pouring sugar in lemonade.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Again, my west indian parents STRESSED to me (and by that, I mean beat) that you speak as accent-less as possible. Maybe that speaking white. lord knows I used to get teased for it alot growing up. But I guess they did too, so thats why they stressed (beat) me in to speaking as proper as possible around ALL people.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Landon-what you guys / gals think we are… educated black folk who are suppose to lead our people to the promise land?

thanks for saving us!!

Hmm paddle or poured wax…can i say both? 😀

7 07 2008
puff

yeah the wax would be messy, that would be sticky sheets in a very bad way…

7 07 2008
Landon

@ Ne:

YOu taking the fun out of it for Diva And I… We ready to get our PARTY on and you talking about wait, not too hard be careful…

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

“So whats worst using a paddle in bed or having hot wax poured on you in bed?”

Did you mean to ask which is worse or which is better? I’m just saying…

Oh, y’all have moved on from the serious stuff, but I actually feel what you’re saying today Jen, lol. What people keep missing is that an immigrant population is always going to be a somewhat specialized group (in terms of resources or whatever else have you) than the general population.

7 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Jen, I feel you. I’ve tutored before too. However I don’t think that it means that they weren’t offered a good education. I think that it means that they didn’t take advantage of it when it was presented to them. Maybe by the time you got to them, their grown asses realized that maybe they should learn how to use a comma. And don’t talk to me about money and funding. I taught in an African orphanage to kids who no one cared to send to school. I would be teaching them geometry on a sheet of paper on Monday and when I came back on Wednesday, they had that same sheet of paper nicely tucked away waiting for my return. That is someone who values an education. A lot, if not most, American children take it for granted or completely disregard it. Kids get out of the free education what they put into it. The point is, it is there for the taking. That was not the case for Oprah’s students and so many other potential students throughout the developing world.

7 07 2008
puff

@ landon aaah! i knew it – fellow catholic schoolchild, those places are freak breeding grounds lol

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ lolo…I definitely am the same way…again, went to an under funded, over crowded public high school

@ landon…since I went to Catholic School in elementary (making me a Catholic School girl), and I didn’t pledge (despite me being the prodigy of the “Phirst Pham”)….I say Catholic School girl.

We’ll play pledge party next go around. I need to practice my greek alphabet (yes, I know it…)

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

LMAO…Greeks have such a bittersweet relationship with the paddle…

7 07 2008
ayo

Jen… I work with kids in an urban school district that have not spent 3 years in urban situations, but complete lives. Many don’t even know how to dream considering they cannot write a paragraph. many of their parents lacked high school educations. When we provided opportunities for growth for them they FLOWERED and many now are in college, thing is…without our impact, and zest for knowledge they might still be floundering. I’m not disagreeing with you. But there is some merit in the myth of non-american blacks placing more of an value on education. They are seeking a way out (the promised land of America) of their situations – many of them, whereas where is the way out for AA blacks – the burbs? Many impovrished blacks never even think of a life outside of the ghetto. Thank your lucky stars your parent(s) got you in and out and placed a value on education. You were indeed blessed. but im out for the day… let’s just agree to disagree.

Omar… no doubt. Oprah caught mad flack for her African school – Americans were jealous. I wish she had 1/2 on a tank for a sista too.

7 07 2008
Lolo

@Diva

What do you expect? Your governor is CANADIAN.

(sorry for the bad joke but it makes me giggle)

Yeah, I’m worried about Michigan these days too.

7 07 2008
Yonnie3k

I wish a nucca would pour some hot wax all on my 9000 thread count egyptian cotton. Now I got to cut you.

7 07 2008
anjiebaby

Jen, I want to throw a “co-sign” in on everything you’re saying about education etc.

On talking white:

I supposedly sound white to lots of people. I would have to agree to some extent because I have a high pitched voice (I hate hearing my voice on tape). I tend to think (and find) that alot of the white women I know or have spoken to have a higher pitch, a more shrill voice. So, “sounding white” to me has more to do with your tone and/or pitch than your grammar or pronunciation. Also, your inflection, pauses, cadence make a difference too.

For instance, if you’re on the phone with someone you can *sometimes/usually* tell whether they’re black or white. IDK, I think the bass in a black man’s voice falls within a certain decibel range vs. a white man’s. Since we tend to pick up our speech cues from our family/surrounding community, it makes sense that we pick up the cadence, inflection, and pitch of our family member/community.

Just my thoughts. I’m at a school studying a language and phonetics, so my brain is clearly stuck on this for today.

7 07 2008
Landon

vanita:

BEAT…. the worst beat i ve seen was when my boy from tobago got beat with a sugar cane (NOT COOL)….

maybe the SPBH party should be at a swingers club….

side note i didnt know people just go to swinger clubs to chill and have a godo time… i didnt know they were parties also i thoguht everyone had to have sex… its funny what you find out about yoru educated friends… and how deep down they are Some FREAKS…. but thats why i love them 🙂

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

oh i totally missed that Doc he did sau which is worst.. i would say neither…AINT no harm in a lik spanking and hot wax as long as i dont have any burn marks going down my chest int he morning then i’d be pissed!

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

Jen…
For example, in Barbados students must take exams @ 10 years old (4th grade) to determine what High School they will attend. Do you not think this impacts the emphasis a family places on education in home?
Have you visited an urban school district?

Interesting. A Chinese immigrant told me the origin of the whole “Chinese brainiac” stereotype. Say a village has 1200 kids, but there are only 1000 spots in the local elementary school. The kids have to test into it. The bottom 200 scorers have no opportunity for a do over – THEY WILL NEVER ATTEND SCHOOL IN THEIR LIVES. Then the 1000 elementary kids apply for 800 spots in middle school, the bottom 200 have no second chance, they are stuck with an elementary education forever. And so on.

7 07 2008
Landon

DOC you are right… i get some flashbacks…. like a war vet…

however… i prefer that over hand cuffs and whips… i think there is somethign genuinly wrong to hit a black man with a whip or hand cuff him…

tie me up with some silk ties or soem rope but not some damn handcufs… talking about say NYPD!!!!, lol

7 07 2008
Jen

“there are grown black men who don’t know how to use grammar because they were more focused on things outside of getting their education.”

I’m going to have to disagree. Where you are a child with shit for teachers or curriculum and your parents lack proper knowledge in a subject, you are forced to self-study. I am not good at self-studying rule-based information (grammar, math, etc.) It doesn’t mean I am stupid, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to learn the information. It just means that I don’t do as well if I have to teach the information to myself. Be careful not to discount people because of their learning style or personal background.

“And the schools that don’t have proper funding, its not Oprah or any other philanthropists job to fund our schools when we pay taxes to do so.”

That’s fine. But no good deed is “your job” if we are to go sliding down that slippery slope.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

eh i would go to swingers party but im sure as hell not havign sex with a strange man…they can watch me and my do the nasty but switchin partners..AINT happening!

7 07 2008
Landon

oh shit back 2 tghe serio9us shit im out, if you in nyc tonight i ll be at johnny utahs it gets cracking around 8

7 07 2008

OMG LANDON IS A FREAK!

Talking about…
@ Ne:

YOu taking the fun out of it for Diva And I… We ready to get our PARTY on and you talking about wait, not too hard be careful…

Loll loves it!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

aww Landon is scared of the handcuffs..what if they are pink and furry…I know Ne got some layign around her house somewhere

question..where the f is shabooty?? i knew i was missing something in my life today.. i need my nasty minded sand nigga fix hahah

7 07 2008
ayo

Jen… who is going to self study with Lil Weezy on BET?
just kidding.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Jen, that is why i said “there are”, instead of “all”. Trust, I have a bunch of little cousins in school right now, both inner city and suburban, and no matter what school they’re at, some of them are focused on graduating, and some are focused on girls and social lives.

Mind you, I’m from a family of educated people (most that have masters and beyond), and i have about 17 first cousins, who are kids who are now teenagers.

Oh yea…and I used to tutor neighborhood kids through my church.

7 07 2008

mrs eppppppppppppppsssssssssss lmaooooooooooo

They are red and furry!

bwahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaa

7 07 2008
Jen

Well, thanks Yonnie3K!

How in the fuck am I going to discount the African babies with the sheets of paper tucked in their pockets??

You know damn well I can’t. 🙂

But, I still think my point is a valid one.

Ayo…I think you stumbled upon the core of my point. West Indians and African immigrants appear to better value education more than the general Black American population because they are a self-selected group among a bigger group. It speaks nothing upon the values of the greater populations of Africa and the West Indies.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Better yet i know Doc got the freaky shit… prob a big ass box of goodies under her bed along with her stripper pole that i want for my bday I must have it dammit! My inner stripper needs her work out

7 07 2008
Lolo

@Yonnie

Why shouldn’t american kids take free education for granted? We’re a First World Country, after all and we’re NOT some place where even clean drinking water isn’t always a given.

That’s what burns me so hard about this mess. When we moved to this country and I found out that there are hungry children here it blew my mind. Now that I’ve got kids in a completely OVER funded public school that STILL can’t manage their funds and passes kids on up to the next grade (no Fs for bourgie kids, evidently, the little darlins get Es so as to preserve their self esteem) that has poorer children that still are reading with ease in third grade …

There is more than enough money available here for each and every school, no matter whether they’re urban or rural, to have the books and teachers and facilities to provide good educations.

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Mrs. Epps – hehehehehehehe 😀

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAO@NE red…hahah pink is in the red family i was soo close!!! Ne is my offical little big sister, Doc is my bestfriend and Muse, Chaotic and Vanita can be my road dogs for sure

7 07 2008
Jen

Preach, Lolo!!!

I had this conversation with one of my Jamaican friends a couple of months ago.

7 07 2008

We all need to have a slumber party!

Doc bring the pole, I’ll bring the liquor!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ lolo…the problem is that the government doesn’t look at the demographics (i.e. how many students will be attending that school, how many kids have learning disabilities and handicaps that need to be worked with, etc…), and instead fund every school the same.

Its amazing how the more sparsely populated cities in Michigan can have brand new facilities built every 10 years when they have a graduating class of 20 annually…

7 07 2008
Yonnie3k

Jen (21:31:36) : Well, thanks Yonnie3K! How in the fuck am I going to discount the African babies with the sheets of paper tucked in their pockets??

YEEEESSSSSSS!!! I WIN!!! How did you guys get on this topic anyways? I thought you were talking about vomit. That’s why I didn’t visit the site today. All that vomit talk was making me have to….ya know..vomit. Then I come back and Jen is Oprah-bashing.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Mrs. Epps…road dawgs for sure!!! Can’t wait for miami!!!!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

*dogs…lmao @ me using the 40 oz spelling of the word.

7 07 2008

MIAMI????????????????????????????????

I’ll be in miami next month what’s good?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Ne, I’m trying to gather people to go the last week in Feb since I always miss out on get togethers and warm spring breaks with friends….

I’ll send you the facebook invite.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Ne as much as i hate slumber parties now I would love to have one with you guys…it would be wayyyyy tooo funnnnnnNNNNnnnn. a bunch of SBPH women drinking the night away making fools of themsleves at the club then come home drink some more and try to be Chocolate, Peaches and Cream and Cherry at the broken down strip club up the street on Doc’s pole and end up in the ER for the rest of the night because someone tried to swing upside down knowing she wasnt ready for all that and didnt complete her stripper class 101 with Doc and broke her arm hahahha

i need to start writing short stories again.. that was a winner!

7 07 2008

I love miami! I use to go twice a year!

7 07 2008
Jen

Yonnie, Oprah is one of my sheroes, but I still think she is misled.

You have stories of African babies learning geometry, but I have so many stories about the value that Black American families place on education. Of course, returning to an unlit urban home after a day at private school because Mama had to choose between a proper education and electricity isn’t as moving to folks.

It does, however, say just as much about the extent to which education is valued in my culture.

7 07 2008
Lolo

Well, I know that part of the problem also is that people (voting people, by dammit) don’t make more stink about how shit gets DONE. Sorry about the preaching but things are fucked UP when I’m seriously considering putting my middle class babies into a fucking private school, on top of the taxes I’m already paying.

Anyways, I’m afraid of you girls and a slumber party with you guys, a paddle, hot wax, some vomit and seventy gallons of liquor sounds like death, for sure.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Yes MIA!!!!! woot woot

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

I think you’re hitting it Lolo. I think it’s unfair to say that kids here don’t want to learn, all kids WANT to learn. But when you have a bunch of non-parenting “parents” and the distractions of our consumption-obsessed society, kids start falling by the wayside. It’s comparing apples and oranges to say there’s something inherently wrong with our kids versus those in other places that don’t have the “luxury” of “not caring” about education (or are too busy working labor jobs instead of going to school). As was echoed before, generally the immigrant populations are self-selecting, be it with drive, economic resource, connections, whatever. The real test is to see what happens to immigrant families generations from now. Just like us regular Negroes there will be some families that continue to push the strong education ethic and some that get caught up in the extraneous trappings. We need to be concerned about fixing the extraneous shit instead of labeling the kids as failures.

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

A Mrs. Epps, et. al – I’m scared of y’all! If there is a SBPH slumber party, you may hurt Chris worse than Creole Booty. 😀

7 07 2008

::STANDS UP AND CLAPS FOR THE DOC!::

i agree!

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

Anyways, I’m afraid of you girls and a slumber party with you guys, a paddle, hot wax, some vomit and seventy gallons of liquor sounds like death, for sure.

Please. To me – that’s just Wednesday 😉

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ML…Chris better watch out…he might get raped by me if I get too drunk…

…Landon as well.

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Sorry for the serious aside…back to the fun!

Dang Bestfriend that reminds me, Muse, WNBT and I were totally making plans to go the strip club after Park, I’m sure the guys would’ve been down too, LOL. I hate that got derailed. We definitely need a do-over get together!

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Merri Lee (21:48:35) : Please. To me – that’s just Wednesday 😉

My girl!!! LOL

7 07 2008
Lolo

@Merri
So that’s why it’s called Hump Day?

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

Wait there was a skrip club opportunity i missed. Damnit!

Well probably wasn’t as good as my last skrip club situation.

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

Dammit, if I mix up WNBT and Knat one more dang time…although I’m sure WNBT and her CI (heheheheh) were down to go to the skrip club too, LOL.

7 07 2008
SoCalGal420

Well at this point the comments seem to be about kinky sex…SWEET! I have handcuffed my Black lovers, however they were fuzzy cuffs which takes the sting off, and I don’t lock them or anything; that for “White guy sex”, weirder and wilder! Not to say that my Black lovers weren’t good, but since I don’t specifically date Black guys sex with them is “different” to me; it feels more “right”, like I know that he’s appreciating my big ass and not judging it, or NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUCK TO DO WITH IT other than penetrating it (fuckin White guys dude!), but it tends to be more “fucking”. That said, the last Black guy I had “romantic sex” with (to Amerie’s “Why don’t we fall in love” album and the first Floetry CD which TO THIS DAY I refuse to listen to!) had me sooo fuckin sprung on his ass (and he slammed me by DATING some HBC buppie princess bitch who he later found out was cheating on him with her married ex, nice!) so “fucking” is less complicated; it doesn’t feel like love is involved, therefore less confusing to me, bodies bumping and responding, I get that. But goddamn Black guys can spank an ass, clearly my favorite people to get booty groped by, White guys rub and stroke it like they do their flat assed females, or they’re overly agressive, grabbing it with two hands, holding it all hard, bacdafuckup! It’s like “ooh, Black chicks, they like it rough”…uhhh, really? All the time too huh? Yup, TOTALLY true…fuckin tool! This is why my boyfriends are usually mixed race or “other” minority.

7 07 2008

Yea co-ed slumber party.

7 07 2008
The Doc Is In

willnotbetelevised (21:56:01) : “Well probably wasn’t as good as my last skrip club situation.”

Details please!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

I do-over SBPH gathering would be sweet i would def cancel any plans for it this time around!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

SoCal- I have handcuffed my Black lovers

ummm huh…what do you mean by black lovers lol…

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

WHY is my ex STILL trying to bash me after 3 years of not talking to him? I mean wtf, I haven’t responded to any comments or messages over the past few days because I have a damn job.

I seriously date the wrong men.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

^ part of the reason I drink so damn much.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chaotic its ok girl.. i still have an ex who knows i am taken for life and still tries to ask me why we broke and starts talking about the past..we broke up a whole 6 yrs ago…and he still hasnt gotten over it.. so dont feel bad..

what makes it bad is that i feel bad for breaking his heart but at the same time i dont because he’s a stalking ass BISH!

7 07 2008

Exes always try and come back. It’s like a cold you can’t get rid of.

Don’t you hate it when you have changed your number and somehow they call you randomly?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Mrs. Epps…what is up with stalkin ass ex boyfriends?

What makes it so bad, this dude was getting pissed off at me going hanging out with my friends back home while he was out drinking and smoking with his friends every effing night. Ugh! Don’t let me get started on his bullshit. It took a while for me to clear the air b/c he went around telling people I was sleeping with TI and other rappers (people I have NEVER met in my life).

What an asshole. But how can you get mad b/c I don’t respond to you after 1 day of you sending a message on MYSPACE. Myspace is not the supreme being of the land. There was no need for him to send me a message telling me how good his life is. I’m not talking to him period.

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

Barbados, last night with 1 girl who is on 80% Muse level partier and another who is quietly wildass. We get dragged into a club by a dude who is pissy drunk and all up in my life (i will not tell you how i found out he had nearly a foot long hot dog). They said there were strippers there male and female but it wasn’t really stripper night. The pissy drunk was trying to tell us they may put on a special show just for us. Quietly wildass decides she needs to learn how to belly dance (club was empty so drinks were free too) and asks the one female skripper who looks at her like dirt. She’s still trying to negotiate lessons when 6 male skrippers show up. Pissy drunk pimps us to them and 80% Muse decides she needs belly dancing lessons too but from the male skrippers. So 6 male skrippers who were mostly all kinds of fine, were teaching us how to roll our bellies, dancing (musta been 8 b.c. we all had 2-3 at a time) then they gave us a private show for free and I got many lap dances which is when i realized that lap dances for females just get kinda awkward after awhile. When they tried to negotiate reciprocity from us we grabbed our last free drink and bounced since it was the wee hours of the morning. I guess the show could be better since they didn’t get completely buck but naked flaccid peen is pretty ugly. Nutsack is hideous at all times.

CI probably would not have appreciated a male skrip show seeing as how i threaten him with gay porn or multiple men on woman, when he brings up porn with lesbian scenes.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ne…YES.

I had one ex go and stalk out current boyfriends and make friends with them…and then he’d pop up at social gatherings and I’d have to tell the guy that I was dating at the time that he was an ex….

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ wnbt…were the “skrippers” sexy?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lmao @ my myspace block list consisting of 2 different pages for one ex, and another page for another ex…lmao

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

Patrice liked the attention, Deanna liked the free, Debra liked the sweat and humidity was causing my hair to shrink

Wait, you know i can’t read all these comments, can you update me on another gathering? Ya’ll lazy asses need to come up to NYC screw. I hate the chinatown busess!! ****grumbles from still being tired b.c. stupid taxi drivers and lying ass Tony Coach couldn’t get her home until 3:30am knowing i start a new job with half humans where i need to be in the village at 8:30am*******

Diva tell me this isn’t that damn idiot who was using you as funiture

7 07 2008
Angry IV

Is that typical of male strippers everywhere? They expect sex to go down with those that are entertained? I’ve had many a night dancer, being a male, and none of them have asked for me to service their snatches in any shape, way, form or fashion.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ wnbt…no, it was the benchriding bball player…

7 07 2008

diva diva diva

Girl we could trade stories, it’s been 2 months since an ex has resurfaced. if i don’t talk about it maybe it will never come back.

7 07 2008
brran1

@ Ne:

That’s nowhere near as bad as the chick that pops up at your job even though you told her it was over.

*sigh* Put it down one time, and you get bitches following you like a lost dog.

7 07 2008

what makes it so bad is my first is on drugs stealing movies from his mama’s house.

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

^^^^^^ at least it’s not the house. That’s why we’ve got to be together 3 months before you know the address. Not joking.

7 07 2008

I agree bbrran1

You have to have bad sex now a days, better yet have good sex and when you are ready to let go, give them horrible sex. Wean them off!

7 07 2008

diva omgggggggggggggggggg.

A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE? WAS HE A LEO?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ne…damn, i should have thought about that….

Usually i just stop giving them any, and start making up reasons they should break up with me.

…I’m still mad about the last boyfriend b/c i though everything was going so well, and he picked a fight with me talking about it was already over weeks ago. I was like damn, I didn’t know it was ok to dump somebody because they started working more and focusing on school while their personal life falls apart. Damn, I shouldn’t be so human.

…then again, he told me that I never show any signs of weakness. I didn’t know that was a bad thing.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chaotic hahah your ex and my last ex(not the crazy stalker for 6 yrs but the crazy Liberian fuckface) should get together and suck each other’s dick…my last ex was the biggest asshole known to man i swear…he was a liar, a theif, a cheater and a dead beat for real and was a well over “childadult” man. Such a loser…he swore he was hot shit when really nigga wasnt shit. Even his own friends told me he was cheating on me towrads the end of our relationship and he had the nerve to invite that bitch over to our house(i didnt know who she was at the time and she didnt know i was his girl either let alone didnt know he had a girl)!!!!! ahhh.. but yea a few months back he hit me up on myspace talking about “whats good” nigga what? I dont know you why are you trying to contact me? lol and then had the nerve to have his new girl call my phone asking about me and his sex life and if i sent him naked pics on his phone i guess he gave her something and wanted to know if i gave it to him..hahha I told her IM CLEAN BOO and he hasnt seen this body in over a yr… dont fucking call me again by the way your man is a dog and i wouldnt be surprised if he’s cheating on you right now. Later that night she called back and said thank you for the insight i made him back his shit and i hear him yelling in the background saying “bitch why are you lying yada yada are you not happy in your own relationship why are you trying to ruin mine”? i was cracking up and told her to tell em..”hahah dude you ruined your own shit and im very happy with my realtionship and who im with thanks for asking and as far as ruining your life nigga i got your SS(he gave it to me for some reason) if i really wanted to fuck you over i would fuck up your credit” and hung up the phone hahahha

dont fuck with me to the point you get fucked over because it will be a bitch.. but i let karma deal with that. he got his..never called me again 🙂

7 07 2008
brran1

How does one have bad sex purposely? I don’t think I could force myself to do it even if I tried. Even though I have faked it a couple of times…

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ne…i think he played d league after i left him, but I was so turned off by athletes when it came time that I was dating him. I didn’t even know he was an athlete until he told me (although he was 6’5″, we went to two different schools, and he was a fucking benchrider…need i say more?).

I had to fabricate a story of me cheating on him so he’d dump me, and it made him like me even more (he bought me some earrings that are floating around a dump somewhere- i’m allergic to gold…i think that shit was on purpose).

7 07 2008

JUST HUMP ON HER LIKE A RABBIT! for like 45 seconds and then pretend you came.

I don’t make any noise and I lie there like a fish.

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

The skrippers ranged from average to sexy. The one we called teacher was particularly sexy dark chocolate with perfect abs and loins of apollo along with cute face. All had good bodies some were cuter of face than others

7 07 2008

6’5″, stalker, bench rider? where was he from?

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

excuse me for my excess use of the word nigga.. but he was! 😀 carry on

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lmao @ mrs. epps…

I had this boyfriend who lived 10 minutes away from me (across town) who cheated on me, and i caught him. Funny thing was, while we were dating, his friends didn’t even know i was his girlfriend, not to mention, i would never ever see him. After he got caught, he kept sending me “baby i’m sorry” messages. Eventually the girl he was cheating with found out that he was two timing me and her with some other girl, and boy, did we have some good facebook convo on that…lol.

But seriously…what a dickface…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAO@I don’t make any noise and I lie there like a fish.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

yum @ wnbt skripper descriptions…

@ ne…he was from Detroit. Ladies, we shall NEVER date men from Wayne County, Michigan. I can tell you, they’re all fucked up in the head. Look at Kwame. He may have good intentions, but I swear dude sucks at being a good man (cheated on his wife).

7 07 2008
TIMEBOMB!!!(c)

YOU LOST YOUR PHONE AGAIN? GOD YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

*Wonders if all black men are crazy like that*…hmm…

Landon, Chris, other black men, do y’all get stalkerish on women when its over, for whatever reasons?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

um…timebomb, are you smoking something? That was just random as shit.

7 07 2008

I have never been broken up with but I was cheated on in one of my relationships.

This asshole left our place, I was entertaining my cousin and his girl. He comes back like 2-3 hours later. With a hickey on his neck. I slapped his neck and cursed him out.

Come to find out, we had a house with a HUGE yard kind of set back about 1000 feet from our neighbors. The driveway could fit 6 cars comfortably, and you have to drive about 30 seconds up to our drive way. He fucked this chick where you drive up the dirt road…. yes this is the one I punched!

7 07 2008
Admiral Furious

He is a fucking idiot. The number of times that phone has been lost is utterly pathetic. Good catch Timebomb.

7 07 2008
Lolo

It is not just black men. Dickclowns come in every shade.

7 07 2008

oh that’s not him @ diva. lol.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ne…notice how the men haven’t commented yet about being crazy…they may be….

And Landon does seem like a cheating kind of guy…he was scheming while we were siting here the whole time…

7 07 2008

I LOVE DICKCLOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My new traffic word, thanks lolo

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL damn Chaotic that’s some shit…you know what makes it even more funny.. when me and her were talking i told her that when we decided to live in seprate places he told me he was moving in with his gay friend from work..well the gay friend was her BWHAHAHAH she was heated she said WTF im gay now and im a dude? o hell naw… its sad that the chick is actually pretty cool and we had a heart to heart when she kicked him out…but i find it odd how he cheats on me with a woman who is older than him, fat with three kids and not little kids teenagers with a trailer and crazy baby daddies(yes daddies) hahaha while me on the other hand youthful,fun,fit, not tied down by children with a nice ass crib off the water front and car..hmmmm am i missing something? lol

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Omg, so I’m thinking we may need to start a blog that has a few authors about black women and their experiences dating (guys of every race of course).

Who’s in on it?

7 07 2008

yea we are going to have to have a meeting with landon.

7 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“YOU LOST YOUR PHONE AGAIN? GOD YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT”

“He is a fucking idiot. The number of times that phone has been lost is utterly pathetic. Good catch Timebomb.”

I get it back every single time. Same with my keys. And wallet. I should nickname those fuckers the Boomerang Threesome.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Mrs. Epps….I can’t understand what the hell is up with dudes and the other women they cheat with. My guy cheated with this girl who looked like a man. I’m a fucking model (sorry to be cocky), and you cheat?

Like who cheats on Halle Berry? Or on any other super hot chick.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to come off cocky, but I know I’m not ugly…I just hate sounding arrogant.

7 07 2008

I’m in. I have STORIES!

i ALSO HAVE A LOST SPRING BREAK LOVE STORY THAT BREAKS MY HEART!

7 07 2008

Fucking Miami!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Ok, I’m going ot make the blog now. Do you have a wordpress membership so I can make you a guest author?

Any other ladies want in? Mrs Epps?

7 07 2008

Well the girl he cheated on me with was cute, however she had a 9×9 inch forehead and she had the “mexican shape”

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Cant wait for Miami. I’m going to make it a sport to fuck with some arrogant dudes in the club. Like the ones that think they’re going to get some…I’ll dance with them, give em a hard on, and then disappear. Teach them not to be dogs.

Where are the good guys? No seriously, like why aren’t they interested in me?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lmao @ the mexican shape. hahahaha! Mexican men and their round penguinish looking girls. Not to say that Mexican girls are all shapeless, but just think of the end of Norbit how they loved them some Raspushia (sp?) at Nippopolis (i.e. the name of the strip club I’m going to open one day…lmao).

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

I feel ya Chaotic.. like this bitch he cheated with was like 5’2 and like 180 with a trollish looking face and dirty ass clothes no ass and not tits but a big ass stomach.. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF im like how you gonna go from ALLLLLL OF THISSS TO swamp thing smh

Im in on the blog girls i got a handful of stories that will make your blood boil and make your heart melt too sigh…

whats worst about that last relationhsip/ex was the way we meant was soooo romanticly sweeeettt..sigh

7 07 2008

I do

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

What’s the deal w/Chris’ friends? The last post was LANDMINE! , today TIMEBOMB!!!(c) Is this a ghetto alQaida?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

ladies, what shall we name the blog? I say Drunken Stupid Love.

7 07 2008
brran1

Why stalk a broad when the ratio is like 8:1 damn near everywhere? Ain’t no cooch THAT good for me to turn into the nigga you see hiding behind bushes and shit.

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

wait what the fuuuuuck. Mrs. Epps you got an evite on some shit 4 months in the future and its not a wedding. GTFOH

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lmao @ ML on the “ghetto al Quaida”

7 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“What’s the deal w/Chris’ friends? The last post was LANDMINE! , today TIMEBOMB!!!(c) Is this a ghetto alQaida?”

Timebomb!!!(c) = Chicken Jon

7 07 2008
Angry IV

@CD – you need to do, as Katt Williams said, figure out what it is about your pussy that keeps attracting ain’t-shit dudes. Good men exist (I’m one of them) but maybe you’re too attracted to something else? I might be stereotyping heavily here, but I’m clean cut, no tattoos, never touched an illegal substance in my life, etc etc.

There’s just certain things that I view that black men do that lend themselves to be stereotyped by me…guys with dreads, braids, or tats unless they speak in a Caribbean tone and are from Jamaica, typically have bought into the mainstream “street-cred” image of trying to look like Lil’ Wayne.

Call me cocky if you want…you’re probably 75% correct 🙂

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

stuffblackpeoplehate (22:54:07) :

“YOU LOST YOUR PHONE AGAIN? GOD YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT”

“He is a fucking idiot. The number of times that phone has been lost is utterly pathetic. Good catch Timebomb.”

I get it back every single time. Same with my keys. And wallet. I should nickname those fuckers the Boomerang Threesome.

Second note – where do guys put all that sh!t? Since you don’t have a purse/bra, how do you keep from losing it?

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

man mexican women.. no comment…man i miss LAngley Park…the mexican dudes were so funnnnnnyyyy esp the drunk ones around 5pm.. there was this one short ass mexican dude that stayed drunk everyday all day and i would see him everytime i walked out our building and he would say in the most drunken mexican voice “HOLLLAAA MAMITAAAA LOKKING GOOD TODAY” i would laugh my ass off because would stay tryna walk with me when i would call to the liquor store up the street. he would be like “YOUR TALLLLLL I LIKE ITTTT” i would just shake my head and laugh at his crazy ass.. but i will say this dude aint no punk…he was always picking fights in front of the laundrymat and would run when the cops came hahah

7 07 2008
Angry IV

@Chaotic – Just figured something out:

“I’ll dance with them, give em a hard on, and then disappear. Teach them not to be dogs.”

STEP 1 – you dance with dudes that get hard dicks from dancing. Good dudes typically see dancing as what it is: a good time, and ONLY a good time. It IS NOT an invitation or preclusion to sexual congress.

7 07 2008

“Cant wait for Miami. I’m going to make it a sport to fuck with some arrogant dudes in the club. Like the ones that think they’re going to get some…I’ll dance with them, give em a hard on, and then disappear. Teach them not to be dogs.

Where are the good guys? No seriously, like why aren’t they interested in me?”

Funny you say that cause while in miami celebrity assholes are randomly walking on the strip, I have been approached a bunch of times and invited to clubs (they were on their way to). I ‘d dance with tem and give them the googly eyes, drink up the free liquor, I am totally their girl until this line comes:

asshole:”Wanna go back to my hotel and get it poppin?”
me:” Yeea, let me go to the bathroom first”
asshole:” okay baby girl, hurr back”

I then grab my friendS and go get pizza and popsicles, then go to our hotel and laugh.

7 07 2008
Angry IV

“Second note – where do guys put all that sh!t? Since you don’t have a purse/bra, how do you keep from losing it?”

Phone goes in my left pocket for quick access. Keys go in my right pocket since I wear my class ring on that hand – its hard to get in and out of the pocket. Wallet goes in rear right pocket for quick access with my dominant (right) hand.

Word.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Angry…I don’t date guys with braids, or tattoos, and I think maybe one of the guys I dated had his ears pierced. All proper speaking guys who didn’t initially come off as the popular guy type. No thugs, men that like to read. I’m an intellectual. I like intellectuals.

But some guys I found later faked it as a sort of game, and others were just so consumed with themselves (i.e. mr. iusegirls4furniture) to give a shit. Most of my relationships don’t last past 4 months.

Besides, the last couple guys have dropped out of school while I was dating them. Not cool.

So don’t tell me who I’m dating. Maybe I do need a thug.

7 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I keep mine in my spare nut sack.

Where the hell is Shabooty to make these sick ass comments?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Angry…I like to party, but I refuse to pick up numbers at some of the spots I go to. College town clubs aren’t like syditty clubs out here. We don’t have a bunch of celebrities walking around. Instead you get a bunch of weed heads that start grabbing my ass who think they’re the shit.

Thats when they get “the treatment”. I’m tired of fussing at a dude who’s too blown/drunk to care.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL@WNBT maybe

7 07 2008

I thought I was the only grown ass adult that couldn’t keep up with their things!

I gues us water sign folks are just to free and careless. I have sat my phone down on a stack of towels at target, and completly forgot about it until I got to the counter.

I lose my keys more often then humanly possible!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Ne…thats how it is sometimes.

I won’t even get into how many guys try to throw money in my face like I would date them for their paycheck. I’m doing just fine without a sugar daddy. I still own a million pairs of shoes, and I PAID FOR THEM MYSELF.

smh…

7 07 2008
Angry IV

“Besides, the last couple guys have dropped out of school while I was dating them. Not cool.

So don’t tell me who I’m dating. Maybe I do need a thug.”

Might not be intellectuals if they’re dropping out of school….

7 07 2008

**guess

7 07 2008

*too

7 07 2008
Angry IV

@Chaotic – well it sounds like you’re looking in the right places, just finding the wrong folks.

Have to kiss a few frogs before you meet a prince.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

eh… i hate men with braids and earring thats not cute to me.. but i love me some tattoos for some reason 🙂

7 07 2008

I just enjoyed it because rappers are IDIOTS!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

hubby just got his 1st a tatt on his b-day a few weeks ago its sesssy

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

wait a f’n minute. I was reminiscing on today while feeding Debra (plantain fries and p’ok ribs mmm mmm good). Y the L was Landon trying to holla at this 2520 chick saying his bourgie ass was the negroist of negroes…. Too funny. Made me spit out my limeade. He was like I am black but I speak white baby. They day is not as humorous without him.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

nah…earth signs do it too…I lost my keys this morning and ended up late to class because of it.

Dammit, I’m eating comfort food again. Men make me sick.

And I have some kind of date this week with some guy I met over the weekend (I was set up by a friend…sigh). He seems somewhat cool, but keeps making statements like “don’t answer for nobody but me”. It was cute at first, but now its a bit annoying and sounding controlling. I think I’m going to take a long hiatus from these “supposed” good guys.

After all, the last one left me so he could be a local rapper. Smh.

7 07 2008

PUT THAT DAMN PIMP GOBLET DOWN YOU CUNTWAD!

7 07 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Part of an email I just fired off to a friend whose condo I’m staying in during my trip to Chicago this weekend:


I’LL BE POOPING IN THE HALLWAY!

POOP ON THE WALLS!
POOP ON THE DOOR!
POOP IN THE VENTS!
POOP ON THE FLOOR!

POOP ON THE PEEPHOLE!
POOP ON THE CEILING!
POOP TILL MY ASS IS DEVOID OF ALL FEELING!

Yea.

I am not ready to turn 26 yet.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ne…I tend to find myself around a ton of industry people and athletes, and those are the ones that I hate to no end.

Yes, they all act like that. Especially the athletes, including the college ones.

I’ve had to make a few people cry b/c they would get mad at me disappearing and then reappearing 2 nights later with a different group of people paying them no mind.

7 07 2008

That’s a shitty email!

7 07 2008
Angry IV

@Chris – bonus points for pictures of the aforementioned poop if indeed it actually happens.

7 07 2008

we diff. need to place stories on the blog then!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Shoutout to the midwest!

@ Chris, if you like to go drink and party with a wild bunch, go to this club in Chicago called Excalibur. Every shot you take, you get to keep the shot glasses (they have hella great blow jobs – the drink), and the professional white people that frequent the spot for after work celebrations oftentimes will buy rounds for people that are standing by.

You would probably also enjoy the human stripper pole competition where they get one girl of each race to come up and dance on a guy who couldn’t get ass if he tried. lmao…

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chris’ inner child is showing….”I am not ready to turn 26 yet”. my man said that the day before his birthday and started singing i dont wanna grow up im a toy’s-r-us kid. smh

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ne, we still need a name. Or are we set on Drunken Stupid Love. Or maybe Love Drunk Hangovers. I dunno.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

Yea, when I get about 23 (wait, thats next year), I’m stopping the aging process so my looks can catch up with me. So when I’m 50, I’ll probably be about 29 in girl years.

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

ahhahah Drunken Stupid Love sound’s good

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

HAHAHA poop poetry. Who let you past teenage years anyway.

I am an earth sign and I also lose shit all the time. I have left my car keys in some sort of pottery at Target and not realized until I got to my car. I have also left my keys at the grocery store checkout multiple times. This is why i’ve taken to collecting keychains. And not throwing away keys. A huge janitor keychain is more difficult to lose. This also why I stray towards big purses except I realize 1. I will fill every item i carry to the brim with often ridiculoutae. 2. I’m going to get scoliosis if i have a big bag. 3. big bag + heavy= putting down to rest shoulder = walking away and leaving with a light airy feeling making me happy but somehow suspicous.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

ne, go add me on facebook, so i can add you to the miami group.

7 07 2008

I agree big lil sis…Drunken Stupid Love!

7 07 2008
brran1

@ Chaotic

even though its only a drink, I’d still be kinda weary if I were to recieve something AFTER getting a blow job.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ wnbt – i have a huge bag that I fill up like that. And scoliosis. Life sucks.

7 07 2008

how do I find you…

Don’t laugh @ my incomplete page!

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

BTW since it has come up. August 27 is a recognized holiday I hope you know.

7 07 2008
Vanita

Are we really gonna have a SBPH re-do-over reunion??

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lol @ brran…they’re so effing good though. Can you tell i like chocolate? And I’m usually not a sweet drink kind of person.

@ ne, whats your wordpress s/n?

7 07 2008

sacramentoqueen @ diva

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

wait miami? is there some sort of SBPH national tour going on? chi, mia, nyc, dc?

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ne, i already added you as a friend, i though. if not, search j diva and you’ll see me at like 3 universities wearing a rainbow dress

@ wnbt, not necessarily a sbph tour, but instead i had already been going down there, but since I’m a party animal, and i missed the 4th party, I figured I’d bring the party people to me. The more the merrier in my book. lmao.

7 07 2008
Merri Lee

And to think that Chris has been accused of using this blog to pick up women…

7 07 2008
Angry IV

@WNBT – let me know when the Tour comes to ATL.

7 07 2008
Angry IV

~ I’ll ensure that I stay sober enough to walk out of my hotel and to the actual gathering this time. Pregaming was a LITTLE bit too harsh on the 4th (usually is when you start at 10:30AM)

7 07 2008
Vanita

Yea, Im comin to MIA, but Im mad its in the winter time 😦 I hate cold weather, even if it is MIA

7 07 2008
Angry IV

Alright, time to eat…these steaks aren’t going to take care of themselves.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ angry, I’ll be in ATL the 25th through the 27th for a fam reunion…we like to party hard though…you can always show us around town….

@ ne, I can’t find you on wordpress….

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

wait where are you actually angry? I’m thinking you’ve said houston, dc, atl. Are you on a world tour?

7 07 2008
Vanita

I really wanna party with yall sooner than feb tho. Any Ideas?!?!

7 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chaotic im mrsepps on wordpress

7 07 2008
sacramentoqueen

it’s me diva hopefully you can find me now

7 07 2008
Angry IV

I was in DC/VA visiting family for the past week. I currently (and somewhat unfortunately) live an hour south of ATL in Columbus, GA.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

ok, its asking for email addresses associated with your accounts @ ne and mrs. epps.

7 07 2008
Angry IV

Note to all – even if you’re feeling lazy, take the time to steam your broccoli in a pan on the stove instead of the microwave…it doesn’t taste the same!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ Angry…ah, ok. But yea. Y’all will all eventually see me somewhere…I like to travel alot.

7 07 2008
brran1

I’m in ATL til the 27th. So someone let me know what’s good with the ATL stop on the SBPH tour.

7 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

ok that explains it angry. And you’re military too methinks.

I think there should be a gathering in NY for the end of august. To celebrate the great holiday of A27. Just mentioning

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ brran…I’ll be down there…and we’ll probably club both friday and saturday. Hmm…wanna meet up?

wait, you’re not some 50 year old fat white guy stalker that was a featured guest from to catch a predator?

7 07 2008
Vanita

and not thanksgiving thx mrsepps, for the invite…smh. I dont wanna think about winter when its beautiful outside!

7 07 2008
7 07 2008
sacramentoqueen

my bad gmail.com

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

ok…

7 07 2008
Vanita

WNBT – Organize the festivities!

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ ne, added

@ Mrs. Epps, email so i can add you?

I’ll have both of you ladies as authors.

7 07 2008

I will be in miami in august so anyone down that way can come party with me!

7 07 2008
brran1

@ Chaotic: Not even. LOL I’m gonna send you a friend request on Facebook.

7 07 2008
TomatoHead

I have had the WORST day imaginable for a college student. I went to class this morning and my Native American Studies teacher is the whitest white guy EVER. He’s blond, has blue eyes and has that sickly, translucent look that some whites have where you can see their veins through.

I have to work in GROUPS in this class and we HAVE to meet with the damn teacher at least twice in the 6 weeks that we have class (as if I really have time for that kind of bullshit). I have to do a group presentation with said group in 2 weeks on a 596 page book.

In my other class I have to read through a play and do script analysis for it. I have to go to a play with my class two hours after I get off work so I have to go straight from work to the play (it’s in the city, I’m in Berkeley).

I was late to work today because I had to go pick up my “easy to find” play that I had to order from Borders in the middle of bumblefuck nowhere. The MUNI was stuck in a tunnel for a half hour for apparently no reason because they didn’t tell any of us. AND it’s hot.

7 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ brran…just message me and I’ll add you. I got the stalker block on there.

@ Tomato…whats up with the white dudes acting like they know more about cultures than anybody else because they took classes on it. I can’t wait to see what my Cuban/Mexican studies class teacher is like.

I remember I had this spanish teacher who told the class that they eat Guinea pig in most Latino countries (not true). Then I remember mentioning something about Goya products to my group when we were presenting food, and even my teacher looked perplexed. Lmao.

7 07 2008
TomatoHead

Anyway, the SPBH tour has to come to the Bay some time.

And throwing up sucks balls. The only time I throw up is when something is really really wrong with me. The last time I had pneumonia and the time before that I had some kind of bacterical infection that had I not come in that day, I probably would have died from it that night. YAY!

7 07 2008
brran1

@ Chaotic: Well I TRIED to send you a friend request. I just shot you a message instead.

8 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

Ok damnit, but i warn you, for some reason any well planned august 27 festivities seem to fold but poorly planned days turn out well. tomatohead, my partner in crime the notorious PIC lives in davis with the strange palefaces an thus I must make a hajj out to SanFran sometime. I will have to look you up and force my new best buddy Muse to travel up from LA when I come next. You better not act shy 😉

8 07 2008
Jen

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY did I miss this conversation about terrible exes? Good LAWD, I have some stories to tell.

People would be sending me donations.

8 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

Put it on the new site.

Man why did I just say i should go to sleep, its almost eight thirty. And then my roommaate yelled “wHAT! where does the time go?” we are a coupla of old farts. this professional school shit will do that to you. that and the damn Tony Coach. Dayummm you Tony Coach!!!!!!!!

8 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

g’nite good people.

AND the rest of you.

8 07 2008
Knatural

I heart Popeye’s and Guitar Hero…

8 07 2008
Muse

I can’t even read through all of this. My brain hurts from being around stupid people all day. I might get picked for a case that will last 20 days. I have to report in tomorrow for my 2nd day of jury duty to find out my hellish fate. I hope everyone had a good day.

8 07 2008
Bubbly

All I can say is “eughh””. Thats nasty.
When I see drunk people vomiting on tv, and their friends holding thier hair back, it’s like, “ew”. I’m not not anywhere near a vomiting person. I’m still your girl, but I do not want to come in contact with (or smell) your puke. I’m moving as far away as possible, into the other room. You’re on your own when upchucking. You’ll feel better afterwards, anyway…

Hell, even my husband is on his own when throwing up.

8 07 2008
Deesigner

@Muse, if you twitch and look funny they will not pick you for jury duty.

Trust.

@ChaoticI have a submission or 2 for the ” he done me wrong” blog.

8 07 2008
Darius137

Yeah… not so great.

But dry heaving is at least a release. You don’t have to hold anything in. Try chewing back your shit in the club. That takes dedication.

8 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

@ the ladies who want to be a part of the “Drunken Stupid Love” blog as a writer/contribuiter, send me your email connected to wordpress either through facebook or via my email (msu_vixen@yahoo.com), and I’ll add you as an author.

8 07 2008
Landon

Sigh)))) bad day already!!! 😦

8 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

i totally forgot i had this page up…i shimmied my way to my neighbor/homegirls house lastnight and had a few drinks 🙂 i was going to wait til wed. but what had happend was…..hahaha but yea i got my ass handed to me in Wii bowling but then made up for it in Mario Cart..anywho Chaotic i shot you a comment on facebook with my e-mail

8 07 2008
Jo

what’s up?

8 07 2008
Mrs.Epps

Jen-WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY did I miss this conversation about terrible exes? Good LAWD, I have some stories to tell.

People would be sending me donations.

bwhahahahah i feel you girl…

8 07 2008
Landon

good lawd today is a bad day

8 07 2008
mrsepps

aww what wrong landon?

8 07 2008
Cheekie

Chris is comin’ to The Chi? Aw, we gotta make some quickie SBPH tour night this weekend! Anyone else here in Chicago (or those other towns in Illinois that people dwell and just say they’re from Chicago just to make it easier for folks who never heard of towns like Naperville)? 🙂

8 07 2008
Landon

My best friend of 19 years decided to move out of NY to Md… so now 3 of my best friends are in MD / DC now…. leaving me in NY 😦

8 07 2008
Jo

@Landon–don’t fight it. Join the exodus (If it makes you feel any better, my situation is the exact reversal of yours).

8 07 2008
Landon

Jo –

i feel you but i have known all my best friends for a minimum of 14 years!!!! They are my brothers from another Mother… But its whats best for him… He basically made a clean break and he needed to do so…

Eventhough i am very Social and i know A LOT of people, GREAT Friends are hard to come by and i love those guys (NO HOMO)… So when you GREAT Friends move on its just tough sometimes…. thats all.

8 07 2008
Jo

Well, I do hope you feel better. I spent a lot of my childhood moving around (mob family/witness protection and all ;-)), so I’m a little desensitized to leaving loved ones behind.

8 07 2008
mrsepps

aww poor landon guess you gotta move to MD too

8 07 2008
mrsepps

i feel ya landon.. my friends cried when i left for florida for school after graduation. sigh..but they are happy im back now 🙂

8 07 2008
Landon

MRS Epps if i move to Maryland i might break up your happy marriage 🙂
joking. lol

8 07 2008
mrsepps

hahahahahahaha…silly ass..I dont think i could stand you more than a few hrs at a time because you resemble my bitchass ex. BUt you can come over and drink with us and play Wii at the neighbors :-)..dammit i need to invest in a Wii asap…my arms and calves are burning from bowling and boxing…

8 07 2008
Landon

that boxing will get you winded!

8 07 2008
mrsepps

RIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT@ Landon…and i was semi-tipsy so it made it worse…Mario cart is hard as shit with that damn wheel too!

8 07 2008
Landon

well you were drunk! what you expect!

8 07 2008
Deesigner

Mrs Epps, thats a really cute picture.
I dreamed about you strange people last night. And Mrs epps you had words written all over you even though you were wearing a wedding dress.

Landon, Where is my child support check?

8 07 2008
sacramentoqueen

ummm hmm getting ready to cheat huh landon?

Good morning Black People.

8 07 2008
Landon

What the Hell CHILD SUPPORT?

When did this happen ?

Shaquita is not my child!

8 07 2008
mrsepps

ahhaha yea landon i know but i have expectaions for myself even when drunk dammit!

LMAOOO@Deesigner thanks! ahahah thats would be hilarious.. at my weeding i get wasted at the open bar and pass out and wake up on ym honeymoon with words and pictures of penises and balls on my forehead and cheeks hahah

8 07 2008
Deesigner

Oh so you do not remember our e-divorce with the long drawn out custody battle last month where Esquire took your ass for all you had?

She looks just like you! Look at her eyes.

8 07 2008
mrsepps

im still not finished writitng my post Chaotic i think i need to make this two parts…

8 07 2008
mrsepps

Do i smell a new Maury episode?

8 07 2008
Landon

I am being ambused!

Esquire didnt take my money…

I have a pre-nup tattooed to my body and you signed it!

you get 10% no more no less… plus a years supply of chittlins…

8 07 2008
Deesigner

But see that wasn’t me who signed it. It was my Evil Twin, Deeveloper. Look closely.

That’s how we won. Plus we had the same jury that R. Kelly had so it was easy to prove it wasn’t me.

WE WON, I WANT MY MONEY!

8 07 2008
mrsepps

hahahaha Deesigner…girl you a damn trippin!!

8 07 2008
mrsepps

opps that should be trip not trippin..

8 07 2008
Landon

That is why i put crack in you glove conparment and the cops are on their way… i am filing for custody because you are less fit then Brittney SPears at being a mother….

Caseclosed!

now i get child support when you get out of rehab…. I spiked your sweet tea with coke so you fail the drug test at the custody hearing! 🙂 hahahah evil laugh

8 07 2008
Deesigner

I gave that car to your mama as a going away gift. And I knew that something was up with the drink so I switched with you when you sneezed.

I’m quick.

8 07 2008
Landon

I knew that so i put the crack in the lining of your coach bag instead and switched your baby powder with coke so it is absorbed through your skin and you still fail the test…. WHy you think you been so hyper lately!

8 07 2008
mrsepps

ahahahahahah OMGGG ahhahaha

8 07 2008
Deesigner

See, again that wa,s my evil twin Deeveloper. If you had paid attention during our marriage instead of chasing after Muse and Chaotic, you would have known that I would never carry a coach bag anymore. They have become so “common”.

You are pathetic.

I have been hyper lately though.

8 07 2008
Landon

GOTCHA BITCH 🙂

8 07 2008
Landon

Talking abotu half… You lucky you get a Coupon to subways…

ahahaha… now get out my house! 🙂

8 07 2008
Deesigner

But Sweetie,
I just got you to admit to all of this on the INTERNET!
I will be showing this transcript to the judge. Notice that I didn’t admit to anything illegal.

You however have admitted to: Buying both Crack and Cocaine and poisoning me with them.

CHECKMATE!

8 07 2008
Deesigner

So I get it all.

I always do.

8 07 2008
Deesigner

Just wait until I write about this on “He done me wrong”.

8 07 2008
Landon

Oh please… Chris has this recorded on his IP address… Erased… gone never happened…even if you copy and paste you have no proof of authenticity…

to be honest this is prob. your evil TWIN writing in as Landon, so you can try to use this against me in court to lavishly explain you heavy COKE addiction.

8 07 2008
Merri Lee

I want to know what the craziest thing resident journalist Mrs. Epps has done while drunk. I’ve been reading all these apologies to sprinter Tyson Gay, because some newspapers printed his name as Tyson Homosexual. Ever been drunk on the job?

8 07 2008
Landon

Deesiger:

What are you going to say Months of getting your back blown out no longer available to you befcause we broke up lead you to a life of DRUGS to cope with your lost of me? SO SAD SORRY… And i cancelled all your credit Cards…

8 07 2008
Deesigner

NOT NORDSTROM!

8 07 2008
Landon

I left you your Popeyes Credit Card, i mean I am HUMAN…

8 07 2008
Vanita

LMAO@ Tyson Homosexual!!!

8 07 2008
Landon

Vanita and her Husband use Popeyes Flavored KY Lubricant 🙂

8 07 2008
mrsepps

merri lee the craziest thing while drunk is easy…sleeping with my guy roomate after a long night of throwing back 8 cosmos, and 4 shots of vodka no chaser in less than 4 hrs and get my ass chewed off my my girl roomate he had a crush on him…drunk at the job.. indeed it has happened…guilty as charged.

8 07 2008

Damn Landon!

I am so dissappointed 😦

8 07 2008
Landon

Ne:

i am chilling
hey anyone down to go to MIami July 25th to 27th?

They got some deals going DOWN That weekend!
and my people said i can have their apt

8 07 2008

disappointed**

8 07 2008
Landon

what did i do?

8 07 2008

You and Deesigner apparently have something going on.

Dead fish sex for you tonight.

8 07 2008
Landon

Nothing — She meant nothing to me… it was a mistake a couple years ago w were drunk and things happen…. She just trying to get me for all my ASsets…

I dont play that….

i aint dumb , i got agood thing with ya…. thats why i am offering south beach

8 07 2008
Landon

BUt at least i still get sex 🙂

8 07 2008

ok let’s make up.

Aww You know I love south beach….I’ll be in san diego that weekend 😦

8 07 2008
Landon

ah damnit
flights are mad cheap for some reason

8 07 2008
Amadeo

If one more waitress tells me she has no idea what a Sidecar is before she asks the bartender I’m going to beat her with the serving tray. If I asked for a fuzzy navel, Incredible Hulk or some other fruity glow in the dark drink that college students order they would make it. Dammit. It’s been around since World War 1.

8 07 2008

I ‘ll be on in miami the weekend of 8/16

8 07 2008
Jen

Amadeo, I remember you from other blogs.

You have this delightfully grumpy old man thing down pat.

8 07 2008
Landon

Ummm Ne did you clear this by Chaotic and me?

8 07 2008
Amadeo

I’m not even that old yet!!!! When I get 60 believe I will be on my porch in a wife beater, suspenders and dress slack telling kids to get of my damn lawn. I look forward to that and saying whatever the hell I feel like.

8 07 2008
Landon
8 07 2008
Jo

When you’re sitting on your porch, will there be a shotgun on your lap? That’s what I always pictured doing as an old fogey–sitting in a rocking chair with a shotgun.

8 07 2008
Amadeo

Noooo. The guns go in the room where you grill young men who want to date your daughter…along with the swords, axes and other sharp painful looking things.

8 07 2008
Jen

Amadeo, I know! And I can tell you are just exing out the days on the calendar.

It’s okay. I’m doing the same thing. I can’t wait til I’m 70 and can say whatever I want to people and blame it on impending senility.

Landon, your heart is as black as Wesley Snipe’s ass crack.

FYI – I have never been married. But when I do, it will be at the Courthouse. Afterward, I will get a white dress from the sales rack at David’s Bridal, head to J.C. Penney Studios for photos, tuck the tag in, return the dress and front like I had a wedding for the rest of my life. The things that dreams are made of!!

I’m cheap, not ghetto.

8 07 2008
Jo

Hahaha…my grandfather came to the door polishing his shotgun the first time my dad went to meet him.

8 07 2008
Amadeo

This is what children need now…threats of physical violence and/or death. I have never been afraid of cops, peers or people in “authority” only my mother and family. I know what everyone else will do…I’m not sure how far she is willing to go.

8 07 2008
mrsepps

Amadeo-I’m not even that old yet!!!! When I get 60 believe I will be on my porch in a wife beater, suspenders and dress slack telling kids to get of my damn lawn. I look forward to that and saying whatever the hell I feel like.

you just described my grandfather..rest is soul.

Amadeo-The guns go in the room where you grill young men who want to date your daughter…along with the swords, axes and other sharp painful looking things

you just described my father…no joke had the shotty in his lap when i brang my fiance over for the 1st time….thank god my man wasnt intimidated by it and i think thats why my dad likes him so much 🙂

8 07 2008
mrsepps

LMAO@ Landon… that dress smh…

8 07 2008
mrsepps

Chaotic where are youuu girll… i finally finished my post it feels like it took me all day…damn that shit is long but i had to get my point across and make you girls understand the intense situation 🙂

8 07 2008

@ Landon

“Ummm Ne did you clear this by Chaotic and me?”

Well what had happen was I had told craig and ’em….

8 07 2008
ChaoticDiva

lmao @ ne!

@ mrs. epps – i saw…I’ll read when i get home, my battery is dying.

@ landon…where you beez at?!?

I’ll be back after like 6:30 ish….don’t need to kill my Mac (love my baby!)

8 07 2008
Amadeo

Perhaps some lost bartender will come by this site…or you guys can enjoy this…I’m going to put my martini set to use.

1 1/2 ounces Brandy (cognac)
1 ounce Cointreau
1/2 ounce lemon juice

8 07 2008
mrsepps

alrighty now where is Ne’s post on our blog dammit

8 07 2008
mrsepps

that sounds good Amadeo

8 07 2008

there is a new post mrs. epps?????? yayyyyyyyy!

8 07 2008
Jo

wait…where is this blog?

8 07 2008
mrsepps

Jo here’s me, Chaotic and Ne’s new blog

http://drunkenstupidlove.wordpress.com/

8 07 2008
Landon

Jen wait to your 70 to say what ever you want? You say that now…

and we just say its JEN being JEN….

Shes a cheap date and doesn’t do much sexual according to her fines from three post ago… she might be that cat woman on the corner for all we know 🙂

i kid i kid…

8 07 2008
Landon

Ne and chaotic no talking about what we do behind close doors!!!

8 07 2008

ok daddy

8 07 2008
Jen

MAN…don’t be trying to act like I’ma crazy hermit just because I don’t pop stolen pills while I pee on my best friend’s 18 year old fiance as she plays in the pool…with your $4000 fine.

8 07 2008
Muse

Yeah I got dismissed from Jury duty! My aunt was a managin partner at the firm that was representing the defense. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Carry on folks.

8 07 2008
willnotbetelevised

Aww we should have a coming home party for Muse. She just got released.

14 07 2008
Merri Lee

After kickin it Atlanta a few weeks ago, I’m suddenly having flashbacks 😦

20 07 2008
do people think hell is gonna be fun

do people think hell is gonna be fun…

How does the rss feed work so I can get updated on your blog?…

17 08 2009
Matt

Dry heaves are the worst man but never cast off drinking.

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