Farmers Markets

23 06 2008

I finally got sick of the old and rotten fruit/vegetable selections at the fucked up Safeway up the street from me and decided to go to Eastern Market to see why white people love that damn place so much. Here’s my summary of what I learned:

  • What’s good about farmers markets: Freshness, variety, low prices
  • What’s bad about farmers markets: Everything else

Figure 1: Jesus + Fruit Tits = Bad News

The single most infuriating thing about farmers’ markets are the white hipster yuppie twenty-something douchebags trying to sound intelligent by interrogating the vendors about their food. When these assholes, wearing the requisite hipster uniform*, saunter up to salt-of-the-earth farmers it’s actually quite entertaining to watch said farmer’s visibly restrain themselves from punching the hipsters in the face. The conversation goes something like this:

Biff:  [holding a tomato like an asshole] “So, where’s this grown?”
Farmer: “Uh…southern Maryland”

[Note: there’s a HUGE sign above the stand that reads “Farm Fresh Produce Direct from Southern Maryland”

Biff: “Ah I see. Is that really the best region for growing this stuff?”
Farmer: “Uh…I s’pose. They’re good n’ ripe n’ red ain’t they?”
Biff: “I dunno bud. Looks like these could’ve been trucked in from a grocery store [insert hipster chuckle]

[Note: this douche just called the farmer a liar. Farmers hate this. My grandma told me so.]

Biff: “So what grade of pesticides do you use on this stuff”
Farmer: [internal monologue] “I am going to sodomize you with that t’mater…”

These farmers, many of whom probably attend Klan rallies on the regular, hate hispters so much that they’re actually delighted to see my black ass next in line. This is why Neo-Nazi farmers are supporting Barack Obama in overwhelming numbers**.

Figure 2: One of these people wants to kill the other
The next irritating thing you encounter at the market are the goddamn asian vendors eyeballing you the whole entire time. Since these places aren’t usually a hotbed of negroid activity, fucking Pai Mei is pretty sure that I’m there either to steal something or drag his daughter back to my mud hut. This is completely fucked up since only half of his assumptions are correct. Asshole.

Figure 3: Average asian dude welcoming white folks to Eastern Market

As you’re dodging the squinty gaze of the asian vendor, you notice something else – produce samples. What the farmers like to do is cut up their plums and peaches and shit and put them on a plate for everyone to try. This plate sits out in the fucking sun for HOURS while insects and people who haven’t washed their hands in weeks pick at it until it looks like some dead guy’s stomach contents on a medical examiner’s table. I’m not sure what’s funnier – the fact that white people so willingly partake of this perverted feast of the dead, or the looks on the faces of little old black ladies watching them do it. What I do know is that 95% of white people that attend farmers’ markets wind up with Hepatitis.

All of this, of course, pales in comparison to the still-awful trip to the black grocery store – the place where hope goes to die. Last time I was there some toddler dropped a box of Lucky Charms on the floor. Her mother responded by calling her a ‘dumb nigga’ and smacking the child on the leg hard enough to kill a dog. Feeding idiots to lions is the one Roman practice modern society really should have adopted.

* Leather sandals, ripped up cargo shorts, stupid t-shirt with optional ironic statement, ragged faded baseball cap with sunglasses on top and, of course, lots and lots and lots of body hair.

** This is probably not true

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528 responses

23 06 2008
twelve

So, I take it you didn’t buy anything? I agree with you though, those places frighten me.

23 06 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHA…If you wanna buy produce at Eastern Market, go super early, since White people don’t wash their hands and alk their mangy dogs down there. I only go for non-edible crap. White people do this every weekend there, fucking questioning the authenticity of the jewelry, drums, maps, sunflowers, just shut the fuck up. You like it? Then buy it. Who cares what kind of pesticides they spray; wash the tomatoes before you eat ’em. Ass.

23 06 2008
Amy

I thought it was just me that thought the asian people at farmer’s markets were looking at me funny. I am a small, non-threatening white girl.

My only problem is your (which is to say, the east coast) definition of hipsters. Now, I’m from Chicago. Hipsters here don’t have trust funds. The people you’re describing are commonly described here as Chads – kids too rich for their own good who go to school to be corporate soul-suckers. The hipsters here are the first people in line at the farmers market, primarily because the food is so fresh and usually organic. (Man. We get some great cheese made by amish people here, and hipsters eat that shit up.)

In any case, I love your blog. Particularly the bits about women. I too have inadvertently “snuck up” on unsuspecting bimbos chattering on their cell phone (again – a non-threatening smallish white girl, and like you said – alone and in the dark and on the lake shore path that’s pretty, well, isolated) only to hear them shriek as though I’m holding a gun to their head and demanding all their money. WRONG, lady. I just want to pass you on the bike path. Now get the fuck out of my way.

23 06 2008
Nice

“The single most infuriating thing about farmers’ markets are the white hipster yuppie twenty-something douchebags trying to sound intelligent by interrogating the vendors about their food. When these assholes, wearing the requisite hipster uniform*”

My vegetarian friend is always tryin to get me to go to the farmers market. “It’s sooo much fresher than the stuff at the grocery store”. LMAO.

23 06 2008
Saun

or the looks on the faces of little old black ladies watching them do it.

I’ll be one of those old ladies in 50 years cause I make that face now. Them nasty asses will eat anything. I think the free chip and salsa stand at Whole Foods is by far the worst.

And I don’t know….call me slightly racist or whatever but I expect to see Asian people selling me chinese food/sushi and hair care products but not vegetables.

23 06 2008
shabooty

lol at this: …. I was there some toddler dropped a box of Lucky Charms on the floor. Her mother responded by calling her a ‘dumb nigga’ and smacking the child on the leg hard enough to kill a dog…

~~

i hope that lucky charms box came with a good ass toy -like a #1 MOM sticker along with extension cord for the mom and an icepack for the kid.

23 06 2008
AroundHarlem.com

LOL @ I’m not sure what’s funnier – the fact that white people so willingly partake of this perverted feast of the dead, or the looks on the faces of little old black ladies watching them do it.

Apparently this behavior is universal. Some people will put anything in their mouths without a second thought ………… LOL

http://Blog-AroundHarlem.com

23 06 2008
Nice

“I’ll be one of those old ladies in 50 years cause I make that face now. Them nasty asses will eat anything. I think the free chip and salsa stand at Whole Foods is by far the worst. ”

OMG- Real talk. How can people eat after eachother like that? And I know they don’t wash their hands. I’ve witnessed that shit first hand courtesy of the public bathroom- ewww.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Sadly, I’m from a farm town, so they shut down the 2 blocks of downtown every Saturday morning to have the local farmers sell their stuff. The funny thing is, all the “hipsters” (we call them pot heads out here) i.e. the annual attendees for the Hash Bash donning their blue and gold insignia [*cringe*] with matching Birkenstocks. Its like seeing the fucking wizard from Shrek walking around looking at produce.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

….you know, killing my effing html tags is kind of irritating.

[img]http://jdiva.110mb.com/merlin.jpg[/img]

23 06 2008
23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*fuckery*. Can I say that I officially hate my host?
the effing image.

Eventually I’ll learn how to work stupid wordpress.

23 06 2008
TomatoHead

There is a Berkeley Farmers Market (of course) and my former roommate and her assclown vegan boyfriend would go down there every I think Thursday or some other random day and come back with fresh fruit in their reusable organic cotton bags. They took me there once and I’ve never returned. I can get my fruits and vegetables at Andronico’s just fine, thank you.

What drove me nuts about the place was that everyone asked me if it was my first time at the “market”. I did an experiment where I told a guy, no I’d been coming to the “market” for years and he looked all uncomfortable and said “oh well i’ve never seen you around”…like it’s a fucking club or something. These people would go up to each other and full on kiss each other in the mouths and then down the peach pieces that had been sitting out for ages and then full on kiss someone else (clearly not their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend whatever) and keep on like it was no big deal. I wouldn’t be surprised if every single one of them had The Herps.

23 06 2008
Digga

Never been to a farmers market that I recall, may have to covertly buy trees once upon a time – hence no recall, but NOTHING is worse than the black grocery store.

The dirty mop water smell, grey meat, and early 20’s single mothers that flirt in between smack’in their SEVEN year olds is a middleman betwixt me and my veggies that can’t compare to armpit scented Dakota Peacelove spouting off about pesticides. Likely casue the market doesnt conjure the same cultural shame.

I LOVE tomatos

diggsdominion.com

23 06 2008
Meka

I like the Farmer’s Market but I don’t eat the samples. Unfortunately pesticide free fruits & veggies are way out of my budget right now so it is peaches with a side of 1-3 carbon chlorofluoromethyltrexate (aka bad shit that will kill you in 30 years).

23 06 2008
Educated NSU Demon

I can’t recall ever going to a farmer’s market, but clearly I haven’t missed out on much. And WTF @ the food samples sitting out all day. And What…the….FUCK!!! @ people actually eating samples of food that clearly look like it’s been through it. Ugh, if it weren’t for AIDS, Diabetes, and Cancer, black people would have no problem outliving white people.

“Feeding idiots to lions is the one Roman practice modern society really should have adopted.”

Amen…

23 06 2008
akissy

yeah i don’t know what it is about white people and not washing their hands or eating what the hell ever. I worked w/ a lady once who grew tomatoes. As she was showing me her backyard, she picked a couple of tomatoes and handed one to me. Then she started eating hers (mind you she’d been petting and kissing her nasty ass dog right before) and she looked at me and told me “taste it, it’s really nice and juicy”….. Ummmm, no! First of all this ain’t no fruit (technically yes, but I can’t take a bite out of a big ass tomato) and second, the dog just spent his afternoon in the backyard. How do I know he didn’t sprinkle on there tomatoes?? I left her tomato on her kitchen counter…

23 06 2008
puff

lmao at figure 1 jesus, where did you find that mother?

i hate farmers markets. they take up all the sidewalk space round my part of new york, and i never have any cash to buy any of the amazing-looking bread when i’m hungry i.e. all the damn time.

goddamn it i need a turkey sandwich.

23 06 2008
zoso

They’re building a Whole Foods in Orlando. I’m scared.

Side note: Pai Mei is the man!

23 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

Mmm damnit I want to go to a Farmers market for some fresh fruit now. But I never have cash. And I aint goin to one in manhattan. I don’t know how much grocery stores cost up there but those damn markets are expensive. And I hate seeing meat or fish at a farmers market. That shit just does not look right, you know there aint no a/c or nothing up there. Stuff just sitting in coolers melting and growing shit

Oh man I have to put this out there for anyone in the Jersey/NYC area. Do you guys know where I can find some
Maypops- http://northerntrailspress.com/ntppix/maypops.jpg
Soursop- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soursop
Ginnups-http://www.kobbekids.com/new_page_6.htm

3 of the top 5 fruits in the world

23 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

lol…
i think alot of people are getting hipsters confused with hippies, but whatever.

in new orleans, there is a man (from mississippi) at the farmers market who is 6’5 350 lbs. that westles his cows to the ground and kills them, cleans the meat, packs it and brings it to the farmers market. He wear overalls with grass stains on them, I guess to further push the “i kill ’em with my bare hands” story.

this scares me.

Why are there rarely black farmers at the farmers market? ANYWHERE?

23 06 2008
klysha

LMFAO! I have yet to ever buy anything at a farmers market although I’ve been meaning to go. But then I remember I don’t really like vegetables all that much. I’m too much of a picky eater to sample the free food. I am so mad at the description of the black supermarket…because it’s so true.

http://www.mysixcents.wordpress.com

23 06 2008
JaBe

Chris,

You’ve painted a fairly accurate scene. It’s a great place to get alot of fresh fruit for the few dollars you spend. Also a nice place to get fresh flowers and sometimes fresh fish. When I lived in Maryland, I enjoyed the Farmer’s market on E. 33rd in Baltimore and the one on Tuesday’s in Towson.
Pet peeve ~ vendor’s who use the Farmer’s market to sell various Flea market goods!!! Towson was known for that.

“smacking the child on the leg hard enough to kill a dog” Choked on my breakfast sandwich when I read that and Figure 3.

23 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

I’ve been saying for the last week that I need to go to the farmer’s market…especially since I’ve gone all organic and healthy and errythang…in fact, I said this to my mom yesterday as we were shopping in Kroger’s and I was extolling the virtues of organic foods. Funny Chris should make this the topic today…

23 06 2008
mystiqueP

Chris,

Lol, at the farmers market. In NC, half the vendors are black, so it’s a nice change from that hot mess you describe.

PS, are you ever going to explain your aside on black women?

23 06 2008
sarah

they have a farmer’s market in Navy Yard every Teusday. whats fucked up about it is that its held from 10a – 2p. who the fuck is going to a farmer’s market on a tuesday during work hours?! fuck outta here! fortunately, there are at least three other farmer’s markets in DC with normal hours.

Digga, co-sign on the dirty mop water smell in black grocery stores.

23 06 2008
Yonnie3k

A Saturday post? WTF!! I’m a little upset that I missed the discourse. It looks interesting. I scrolled thru and read Chris’ rants. Chris sweetie, we’re all a little frustrated. I hope it gets better for you.

23 06 2008
JaBe

As for the black supermarkets, you know you’re in one when the fine scent of rancid meat wafts by you as you enter the door. If your nose wasn’t keen to the smell, the sign that syas “no backpacks” or the metal detectors definitely let you know.

I usually take a pass on the free samples at the market or grocery store, but there are far too many people that make meals out of it; wtf?!? I mean it’s lunch time, you go to the local grocery store to pick something up and there are mad folks stocking up on the samples and please don’t let there be somebody cooking somethin’. It took my son 1 time to extend his hand to partake of the forbidden fruit, cheese square or random cooked item only to look my way and see the glare of 100 suns. Ahhh the unspoken words of ‘I wish you would’.

23 06 2008
Knatural

Yeah, why do They eat/taste everything. Ever notice in movies, especially crime dramas/thrillers, some curious investigator always tastes the mysterious red liquid on the ground, or the unknown white powder on the table. Who does that??!!??
At my local grocery store, They sample every grape and berry without hestitation. Ewww.

23 06 2008
the champ

You also see this type of behavior at whole foods and trader joes, where the produce sections are food porn for hipsters. You haven’t lived until you see a yuppie squirt in her pants while holding some Guava

23 06 2008
Landon

We finally have a couple decent grocery stores in Harlem now…

Fairway (My favorite but expensive), Pathmark (125 & 145), Safeway on Lennox (surprisingly decent and fresh)…

HOWEVER THE WORST GROCERY…pause….I SHOULD SAY STORE IMITATING A GROCERY STORE IS THE C-TOWN ON 116TH! IT HAS TO BE THE WORST GROCERY STORE EVER. THE ONLY VEGITABLE THAT IS FRESH IS THE PLANTAIN (YES ITS A VEGGIE)… WHEN I GO IN THERE (FOR SOMETHING REALLY QUICK) I ONLY PURCHASE ITEMS THAT ARE SEALED IN CANS OR JARS. I LOOK AT PEOPLE IN ABSOLUTE DISGUST WHEN I SEE THEM BUYING MEAT AT C-TOWN. I LOOK AT THEM LIKE THEY GOT A DICK GROWING OUT THEIR FOREHEAD….

sorry for the caps… I am an avid cooker / griller so i like FRESH produce and meat that will not get me sick. (meaning it should not having anything growing on it)! i have no issue for going into whole foods and paying a premium because at least i know its just came off the truck…there is no WAY C-town should be able to pass a health inspection with out giving the guy a wad of cash in a paper brown bag.

23 06 2008
stuffgirlshlike

Farmers markets are good, at least they cut off the big supermarket from making a killing and squeezing them till they are dry. I think they are a good idea really. I have one opposite this office the only problem is that it opens on Saturday morning and I am usually so exhausted I do not wake up unitl 2 pm.

Chris we all know you are a frequenter of these places.

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

23 06 2008
Saun

@Landon

The Fine Fare on 116th & Lenox has decent veggies. Fairway is definitely a fav but I have never and will never step foot in C-Town. The windows are always so dingy looking that I already know what’s inside.

23 06 2008
Landon

Saun — FINEFare… mean to FInFare… Saun not Safeway you are Correct…

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

I love Harris Teeter’s… it sucks that its all the way in VA..but its all good…I mean we go to our local Food Lion but it’s not the same…

23 06 2008
Angry IV

While eating breakfast yesterday morning at a Dallas hotel before my drive back to Georgia, I had to listen to a guy wearing Birkenstocks, cargo shorts, a linen button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons only half-buttoned revealing his jungle on his chest, and of course a ridiculously unkept beard talk to another guy about his backpacking journeys through southeast Asia, and his “motorbike” accident. In his accident, he was going barely 10mph on a dirt road and somehow crashed, resulting in a need for stitches. After this, he promptly discussed his fascination with the southeast Asian hospitals, and how it only cost him $5.

I wanted to ask him if backpacking in southeast Asia was anything like my grandfather backpacking through Vietnam in 1968, or if it was anything like my best friend backpacking through southeast Baghdad two weeks ago, but I bit my tongue for fear of being called the N-Word.

I hate hipsters.

23 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

lol @ JaBe….
that is sooooooo true ….
“no backpacks”

my personal favorite black gorcery store sign:
“no more than three students (black children under 18) in a group at a time.”
wtf?
Or, if you’re in a really really black grocery store, they lock the deodorant up, cause people use it and put it back…so wrong.

23 06 2008
puff

@ landon

goddamn c-town. i swear you can catch an STD just looking at their “fresh” produce.

23 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

where’d that smiley come from. that was supposed to be 16

23 06 2008
Landon

Puff:

everytime i go in there i get tested… if not because of the food at least because of the girls working at the register. They look like walking STD’s… They are speaking Spanish half the time but even my 3 grade spanish reading level ass can understand their nasty ass stories.

23 06 2008
Amadeo

The farmers Market has good stuff, but I always weigh the worth of the food and prices with my desire to kill someone within 5 minutes of getting there.

Why do the regulars who know each other always have to stop right in front of me and start holding a conversation. MOVE THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY…the walkway is for walking!

23 06 2008
Landon

People use the deodorant and put it back…

IF I EVER OPENED up a new deodorant when i get home and see it is smeared or find a hair on it… I will got back to that store and DROP KICK SOMEONE… I dont care if the manager is a 65 yeard latina lady Named ROSA… I will drop kick her ass with the QUICKNESS and not even say sorry.

23 06 2008
puff

@ 4m_no_2_dc

oh hell naw. get the fuck out of here with the deodorant.

p.s. where’s the market with the cow-wrestler? i loves me some meat, the fresher the better – can’t get fresher than killed in front of you.

damn, how has it been only 2 hours since i ate lunch and i’m already fantasising about some t-bone steak drowned in gravy with a huge pile of mash potatoes…

23 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I just ordered 25 lbs of deer and buffalo meat. I’m so happy I wanna kick my own ass.

23 06 2008
puff

@ landon

lmao damn.

p.s. i’m blanking, what’s the name of the equally shady place on like 123 & amsterdam? – i can’t be mad at them though, i got my pots there for like 5 bucks and they hold up to all my african cooking

23 06 2008
Knatural

venison? *drools* I love venison jerky, I’m jealous.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

lmao Landon.. smh…i would do the same..man one day at the store i was getting some fruit and i found all these bitten apples..i was like wtf????!!! hell naw…i’ll never go there again…

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Ah man, when I used to live in Bethesda, it seemed like every dang weekend the whole downtown was closed off for some sort of hippie festival/flea market/let your bad ass kids and dogs run around fair, and this is in addition to the regular twice weekly Farmer’s Market. I appreciate supporting the small growers and cheaper prices and fresh foods, but I always forget and never have cash, or I just can’t get my butt up early enough. If I’m not the first one there, I’m not messing, I can’t deal with picked over food. This is why I tend to not mess with buffets and salad bars when possible.

Now, home in Philadelphia, you will definitely find me and everyone else (not just the hipsters) at Amish markets. I swear those wonderful people make their foods with magic fairy dust…yum yum!

23 06 2008
puff

damn it now i want a buffalo burger.

23 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

These black grocery stores…I’ve never been in one…but I have been in the latino ones. All I gotta say is, if I can SMELL the meat before I get to that section, something is wrong as hell.

23 06 2008
brightstarr

Boooo, I love Eastern Market!! lol.

23 06 2008
ChaoticDiva

Hey, I like Latino grocery stores…they sell my sofrito for like $3 in the huge jars. Kroger sells the little ones for like $4. Makes no damn sense.

But the one thing you have to love about the Latino grocery stores is how they have a huge selection of rosaries for sale for $5 each. And out my way, the drug store ( I think the owner is Italian) has a basket of free rosaries.

…mind you, this is the suburbs. I’m sure the city is worse…lol.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

The Doc-Ah man, when I used to live in Bethesda, it seemed like every dang weekend the whole downtown was closed off for some sort of hippie festival/flea market/let your bad ass kids and dogs run around fair, and this is in addition to the regular twice weekly Farmer’s Market

bestfriend…girlll yes omg…i went to HS in Bethesda…and chilled in Bethesda every weekend at my friend’s house and omg those damn hippie markets smh…only thing i liked about it was walking in the middle of the street ahahah…and speaking of which since when was Barnes and Nobles the hot spot for kids damn..like everytitme i go to cisit one of my friends that lives there on saturday there is a rack of crumb snatchers packed in front of the damn fountain there..

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Mrs. Epps – YES! And who are those dudes perched outside B&N with the Water Ice stand and whhhyyyy is the line always down the dang block?! What exactly are they selling? LOL

23 06 2008
JG*

Here in ATL I love the Dekalb Farmer’s market. They speak NO english here, but everything is so cheap and awesome. I don’t even care about organic this, pesticide-free that. I care that it’s fresh… and CHEAP.

But the Cobb International Farmer’s Market is the shit too. It’s more like a grocery store, and the meat, produce, and fruit are crazy cheap. I got 4 racks of ribs for $3.41!!! And I’m still alive!

23 06 2008
Cheekie

I’m elated that the annual Farmer’s Market is here in downtown Chicago (because that Amish table with their buttery butter and their delectable brittle is heaven to me), but I feel ya on the dirty, nasty samples. WHY some of these vendors refuse to use tongs instead of letting hundreds of salmonella infested Joe Schmos dig their grubby hands into the container is beyond me.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol The Doc…girl the Clayman is the shit ahahhaha he sells icey’s thats all, with these gummy candies in it..its real good..i grew up on that delicious goodness he would come to my neighborhood every day blasting that god awful music and he still remembers us when we were 7 ahhaah but i guess he planted himself right infront of the B&N..more business i guess…but yea those little kiddies took over downtown bethesda…smh…I remember when hanging in front of UA(movie theater) was the hot spot on friday and saturday nights lol

23 06 2008
Deesigner

PPC, I cannot think of any black owned/operated grocery stores in Houston. The Mexicans have the nasty “Fiesta” Grocery stores, The Asians have those “Hong Kong Food Markets” and our pale brethren have the undeniably unsanitary “Food Lion”. Black people usually just shop at Kroger or Randalls.

23 06 2008
www.thewhyblog.net

Fuck farmers Market the mexican flea market is a lot better

23 06 2008
Merri Lee

Eating food that’s been out all day may be bad, but you will not believe the f@ckery I just witnessed. I pass by a bakery on my way to the bus stop. There was a woman and man splitting a box of doughnuts. Problem, the box was on the dumpster outside the bakery, and the woman put her doughnuts DIRECTLY ON THE DUMPSTER and ate off of it. She then proceeded to let her dog take a bite of her maple bar, then she ate the other half. grossssssssssss

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

eww Merri Lee.. I was gonna eat my granola bar just now..but i think i will pass for now..gross…she had it on the dumpster..thats beyond gross… she was white wasnt she…black ppl just dont do shit like that…i mean i fed my dog my food sometimes but not off the same shit im eating wtfffff…have you ever seen someone let their dog lick of their ice cream after they just licked their ass and then proceed to lick the ice cream afterwartds? *GAG* thats not wasss up

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

that should be feed not fed

23 06 2008
Poppcorrn

Alright, I gotta chime in with defense of the farmer’s market. I love ’em. Best to get there early (best selection), or RIGHT at the end (great deals! Most of the stuff, especially baked goods, they either sell or throw out, so they’ll sell you stuff at mad discounts and throw all kinds of other stuff in). As far as the samples, rather than sticking your hands in the public petri dish, just ASK for them! Most folks will totally cut you a fresh piece of something. Also, if you have (WELL-BEHAVED!) kids under 5, take ’em with you. Folks love giving cute, polite children fruit-and-vegetable treats. Not to get all public-health-crisis on folks, but Black folks especially need to do a lot better about eating more fresh, pesticide-free produce. Support your local food producers — good for the body, good for the planet.
P.S. Although when my husband and I take our son to the Sunday Dupont Circle market, the white folks do sometimes look at us like “How did y’all find out about this place? As what’s with this whole Black-nuclear-family shit?” 🙂

23 06 2008
Landon

Buffalo meat is good

but i can’t eat Bambi… lol..

I love going to Brazilian BBQ’s because they have some interesting meats to eat… Plus i dont want to ANGER GOD by not eating the meat he has provided us… Veggie Eaters are throwing their middle finger at GOD for giving us Teeth made for eating meat and plants. Joking. 🙂

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

I havent had the pleasure of eating deer or buffalo yet…but i hear its delicious.. had rabbit and goat before 🙂 yummy

23 06 2008
Tiffer

ok, so i like the cheap prices at the Eastern Market, and the fact that stuff is fresh…but it’s a pain to drive there and find a parking spot, so I have to take a back pack and just metro. Just because i’m lazy and don’t feel like taking the time to walk and metro and carry a back pack full of fruits and veggies, i just go to Whole Foods…and SAFEWAYS is the ABOSOLUTE LAST RESORT since the last time i went, I was asked for money several times by the homeless people outside and had endure being gawked at by thugs….u all know what i’m talking about…oh, i was also hit by a cart a few times…by females of course…ugh!

23 06 2008
Omar

Forget Bambi, I’ll eat deer, shark, snake, alligator, buffalo, frog, rabbit (don’t care about Bugs bunny either) it is all meat, the perks of being top of the food chain.

I’ll never forget being in Trinidad and seeing a guy with an Iguana thinking that is was his pet, WRONG!! That Iguana was about to by curry.

23 06 2008
JaBe

@ 4m_no_2_dc please don’t tell me that the deodarant is used ~trifling just trifling.

@ The Doc Is In
it seemed like every dang weekend the whole downtown was closed off for some sort of hippie festival/flea market/let your bad ass kids and dogs run around fair. lol.

@JG* and I’m still alive~funny

@ all that speak of the Amish and their Buttery butter and pixie dust, I’ve never had the pleasure of their cooking but the fatnasty in me is eager to try. As for bison and buffalo, Although I ordered the chicken, I tasted a morsel of bison burger at Ted’s(Ted Turner owns ALL of Atlanta) at it was simply divine.

imo, the best place to buy Mary’s succulent lamb, or any meat for that matter, is Whole Foods hands down.

23 06 2008
Tiffer

@ Poppcorn
P.S. Although when my husband and I take our son to the Sunday Dupont Circle market, the white folks do sometimes look at us like “How did y’all find out about this place? As what’s with this whole Black-nuclear-family shit?”

so true lol

and i went with a male friend of mine that’s white and we got all kinds of stares…o brother

23 06 2008
JaBe

Although this barbeque happened over a decade and some odd years ago, the effects of the trauma still linger. My college roommate had invited me to her parents for a good ol’ fashioned 4th of July feast. What was on the barbie? Squirrel. That’s right squirrels dehaired(is that word??) and lined up for the eating uhmmmm no thanks. Roadkill yes, dinner not so much.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Omar-I’ll never forget being in Trinidad and seeing a guy with an Iguana thinking that is was his pet, WRONG!! That Iguana was about to by curry.

you sound like my Dad hahaha..my parents live in Fredrick and they have lots of rabbits at that way that play in the back yard.. my Dad set up some traps to catch them so they wont eat his veggies and fruit he planted back there and said that one night my mom will be eating peter rabbit hahah. She says she wont eat it…but the way my dad cooks she wont know… she’ll think its beef stew ahhaha

23 06 2008
Reality Check

I’d take a hippy over an apathetic loser anyday. Hippies are entertaining and chill.

23 06 2008
Angry IV

You haven’t eaten until you’ve eaten water buffalo/wildebeast.

23 06 2008
Muse

Chris what does buffalo taste like? I’ve had deer before which is pretty good.

BTW Whole foods and Trader Joes in LA are hippie/yuppie heaven in LA. In fact I avoid those stores during the weekend because these supposedly enlightened douchbags think they know everything about food. Last Friday I went to Whole Foods to pick up some seafood and chicken because I was having a dinner party when this yuppie decided tell me that my food choices are reflective of my personality. Mind you this is out of fucking NOWHERE. Then he proceeds to lecture me about how I’m contributing to the destruction of plant life by purchasing meat and vegan is the way to go. He was also venting about how Whole Foods is making a mockery of healthy living by selling meat.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Reason I’m afraid of the Veggie Market:

One day, when I was “littler” (I just had to say it), I was helping my mom pick greens (or something like that) out of a bin, and this big ass black widow spider jumped on my hand.

1. I fucking hate spiders.
2. I fucking hate spiders.
3. It violated my space by touching me.

I swear, I’ve never been back there. And to this day, if its not pre-bagged, chances are, I’m not going to be picking through it if it came from the veggie mart.

23 06 2008
lisa turtle on her iPod touch

See… I’m someone on here from Maryland that doesn’t live in PG County or somewhere else on the metro line… That being said I hit the farmer’s market in Annapolis and I am lucky enough to not witness such fuckery. There’s always lots of elderly black people, people who THINK they’re southern, and regular old Anne arundel county white folk. Its a good time had by all and then I go to trader joe’s and buy lotsa flax seed products.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Out here, because I live in the land of the Birkenstocks, we have Whole Foods, Trader Joes and Hillers as well as some smaller, non-chain Orgo grocery stores. Man, its so bad out here, even the homeless eat well. One year for the annual Salvation Army Soup Kitchen Day with Pfizer, we were serving the homeless people the cheap stuff…which consisted of prime rib, mashed redskin potatoes, steamed green beans, roasted chicken, and Hawaiian bread rolls. I actually got a little jealous because as a college student, all I can afford is organic ramen…

…I really can’t talk about those “Hipsters in Birkenstocks” because my bourgeois ass only drinks Organic milk. And loves raw veggies. I don’t like fried food either. And I eat organic dark chocolate.

…fuck it, I know I’m a health nut. I swear, private schools and bourgeois parents (who like to golf and host dinner parties [that turn ghetto after my cousins from the hood show up…lol]). I swear, I’m not that bad though.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

OMG!!! Lisa, fuckery is so like my fave word. I only know one other person that says it, and she’s a crack head (see: Amy Winehouse).

23 06 2008
lisa turtle on her iPod touch

And idk why I constantly forget buffalo is an animal… If it’s not buffalo chicken idgi.

23 06 2008
Landon

you luck that black widow didnt bite you… that is not a fun experience, i ve seen someone go into shock from that when i use to go to sleep away camp when i was younger…

squirrel is a tasty treat to my cousins down in GA…

JaBe: 1 question – did your sister eat it? Did your parents eat it?

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

“And this big ass black widow spider jumped on my hand”.

HELLL TO THE NAW…i dont fuck with spiders at all…luckily it didnt bite you that would have ended badly.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Landon beat me to the punch…

23 06 2008
lisa turtle on her iPod touch

@chaoticdiva
some things warrant a fuckery. Amy winehouse’s existence is a big ol pile of wtfery.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

some things warrant a fuckery. Amy winehouse’s existence is a big ol pile of wtfery.

I use the word Fuckery more often now since i been coming to this site hahah…now i got my Mom using that word…lmao

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Often used words from this site:

-Fuckery
-What the french toast
-2520,YT
-Pip Pip Cherrio
-hipster yuppie
-douchebag..well it was always one of my favorite
-douchebitch
-Clintron
and many more i cant think of right now haha

thank you SBPH for adding new words to my ever expanding vocabulary 🙂

23 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Chris what does buffalo taste like? I’ve had deer before which is pretty good.”

Buffalo is what good sex would taste like if it existed in butchered form.

You don’t taste buffalo so much as it tastes you. It gets onto your tongue, but it’s too awesome for you appreciate fully – so it rolls around on your palate for awhile figuring out how much of the meaty ‘hell fucking yea’ your puny senses will be allowed to experience on this particular day.

No matter how much goodness the wakan manitou tatanka lets you have, rest assured that you’ll spend the next 40 days and 40 nights rearranging your face from the unmitigated joy of knowing the buffalo.

There was no biblical flood. Noah’s wife just had herself some Buffalo ribs and her orgasm spray drowned the earth.

I have officially gone too far.

23 06 2008

I use fuckery as well and DOUCHEBITCH I usually use that one in traffic!

23 06 2008

okay has anyone had buffalo shrimp?…::looks around::

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Omg!!! Ok, so I already love you guys just from the vocab. So I’m not the only person that calls everybody a douchebag….

Oh, some other vocab words to use from my personal dictionary:

-abnatural

-Jesus Driver (i.e. those no-driving s.o.b.s that cut you off and drive erratically as if they expect Jesus to actually be steering for them [*note* God helps those who help themselves])

-murse (a man-purse…my manager said it once describing someone, and it was hilarious)

-mandals

-futher mucker; fudgepacker

-butt nugget (if warranted)

-Hitlery

…and other random vocabulary words…

23 06 2008

OMG! I have always wondered why the white folks go and sample the damn fruit. These are the same people who piss or shit and walk out of the bathroom without washing their damn hand and then dig in their damn nasty nose.

23 06 2008
shabooty

buffalo burgers are what nigerians eat to say they’re eating healthy.

23 06 2008
shyGirl

@chaoticdiva

Please tell me you are not from Ann Arbor.

23 06 2008

…without washing their damn hand….**hands

I sound like pai mei.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

shyGirl…yep. Well, slightly east, but pretty much so. You?

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

…what gave it away? The Birkenstocks or Hash Bash?

23 06 2008
Knatural

mmmmmmm Shark

23 06 2008
Landon

now if only those words were on teh GMAT..

23 06 2008
Saun

Yes Chris, you have officially gone too far.

fuck is my favorite word (Its the only word that can be a noun, verb, adj, adverb,etc.) so fuckery is like icing on my cake. I love to say “What type of fuckery is this?” in public. Niggotry and coonery are next in line for top fav words. And “tool” and “prick” are working there way to the top.

23 06 2008
Knatural

“There was no biblical flood. Noah’s wife just had herself some Buffalo ribs and her orgasm spray drowned the earth.” AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
Sick.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

ahahha Murse..hell yess…my es had one of those…hated that thing…

oh another word i use “Hilarity” and “Coonery”..i knew i was missing some good ones

and WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA@ Chris’ buffalo meat love…now i def have to try it if its that good..

23 06 2008
shyGirl

@chaoticdiva:

Everything from hash bash to Hillers. Let’s just say I lived too long in Ann Arbor…:)

23 06 2008

I have eaten shark, frog legs, bear meat, deer, rabbit, chitterlings<<—-YUCK!
All because of my grandparents. My grandmother cooks so good that we never questioned what was cooking. She would always tell us after we are done. She’d be like:

Grandma:”Ya’ll like that glazed rabbit elbow?”

Me and my cousin: ::passes out::

Grandpa: “Get up off that flo, ya’ll running up the light bill!”

23 06 2008
Landon

Negroid is to Koolaid
as

2520 is to _________

a. Ginger Beer
b. Grape Soda
c. Tang
d. Quarter Water

23 06 2008

quarter water?

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lol! Yea, growing up in the area, I decided to become a Spartan fan…and yes, I went to MSU for some years…lol

23 06 2008
Landon

NE:

LOLOLOL

ROFLMAO….

23 06 2008
Knatural

Tang?
They still make that or is it only for astronauts?

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Eeew! Chitterlings….

Call me crazy, but I’m Cuban and I don’t eat [much] pork.

Ok, so my weakness is fried porkchops…and hot dogs. But I like Nathan’s hotdogs. NY will do it to you.

23 06 2008
Landon

NE:

WRONG — YOU FAIL!!!

are you serious…

a quarter water!!! you cant get any blacker than a quarter water.

23 06 2008
Knatural

What’s quarter water?

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

NE ahhahahah stopp it hahahha LMAOOOOOOOOoooo

Grandpa: “Get up off that flo, ya’ll running up the light bill!”

ahahha how da fuckkk ahhaha

Landon is the answer Tang? lol

23 06 2008
Muse

So it’s safe to say that ladies if you wish to win Chris’ heart you need to have the ability to make a killer buffalo burger and/or steak. Am I correct in this assumption?

23 06 2008

“Ok, so my weakness is fried porkchops…and hot dogs. But I like Nathan’s hotdogs. NY will do it to you.”

If you eat hotdogs you might as well eat chitterlings.

I HATE pokchop!

23 06 2008

25 cents for a water?

23 06 2008
Muse

This Bison burger does look pretty tasty…

http://www.sunrisefoods.com/store/media/beef/Bison-burger

23 06 2008
Muse

OMG PInk’s Hotdogs is the shit. Best hotdog place in the freaking world. The bad part is that there is a fucking line around the block every damn day!

23 06 2008
Landon

Thank you Mrs. Epps// You get a gold star…
(when we were kids why were stickers like GOLD to us)…???

I still can’t get over the Quarter Water Answer…

Thats like my friend who said the Cosby Show came on Wed at 7:00pm…

Ne: i guess i just have such high expectations of ya…

23 06 2008
Muse

bison steak looks good too… How the hell are people vegetarians again?

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Né, you do know that Nathan’s hot dogs are all beef, right?

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chitterlings smell nasty and i wont eat any thing that smells gross even if it is good..im straight on that 🙂

23 06 2008
Landon

Ne. its not water..
its juice that comes in lil plastci jug with foil top… and you punch it with your thumb…
we call it quarter water because it cost a .25 but there is real FRUIT JUICE in it… its just water sugar and some dye.

23 06 2008

lol landon I was just playing. I was testing to see if you knew. ::side eye::

23 06 2008
Landon

meant to say there IS NO FRUIT JUICE what so ever!

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I remember the quarter water juices…I used to drink the red* flavor.

*note: I deliberately said red as to insinuate the usage of the color’s name as a flavor by modern day Negroids.

23 06 2008
Landon

I dont know Ne:

i might have to put a test on here… not sure i believe you… and i just friended you on Facebook :::::side eye:::::

23 06 2008
shyGirl

@chaoticdiva:

I went to the U of M, but I have a tendency to root for any other team except Michigan. I also had part of my elementary schooling, middle schooling, and high schooling there. I’m damaged goods! haha!

general comment:

I grew up vegetarian, but I’ve tried meats of all sorts including frog, wild boar, deer, and buffalo. I love seafood though. Too much meat makes me sick.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

WOOHOO@ Landon… i dunno why the gold star was like gold to us little kids i just now that the red star wasnt good hahaha…Nathan’s sigh how i love those hot dogs..and Pink’s dont get me started…

Oh yea Landon you talking bout those Little Jugs?

23 06 2008
Knatural

I want to try bison, but I heard it’s best consumed rare, and I can’t do rare red meat. Yuck! Maybe one day.
Landon – you mean Huggies?

23 06 2008
Saun

In Ohio they were called “Lil Hugs”. That was the offical juice box of the black family.

23 06 2008
Landon

huggies thats a new one we never called it that… maybe its an North East thing.

a quarter water and sunflower seeds was fuel for a hot sunny day of playing freeze tag!

23 06 2008

chaoticdiva:

Yes hun I do. Any hotdogs beef or pork are an accumulationof mechanically separated beef and pork parts. Chitterlings, hotdogs and hog head cheese are all in the same category. That is all

23 06 2008
Muse

Oh look Landon’s back LOL.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Landon friending ppl but me…hmmp i guess im to young to be is e-friend *tear hahaha

23 06 2008
TomatoHead

@Ne, whenever I see people not wash their hands in public restrooms I loudly say WASH YOUR HANDS. People, regardless of age, race, color or creed, will ALWAYS go and wash their hands. it’s hilarious.

I have never heard of this quarter water…sounds like something you drink as a kid and never again after that, lest you want to die of diabeetus

23 06 2008

ohhhhhhhhhh I have had that juice.

we just called it uuuuhhhh……juice. lol!

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Landon came back with the Freeze tag boy stop!!! i loved that game hahaha

23 06 2008
TomatoHead

What is hog head cheese?

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

shyGirl…there’s a possibility that I’ve met you before. Most of my relatives (minus my one cousin that I went to MSU with) went to UMich. If I don’t know you, they may.

lol@ rooting for other teams. Thats what happens when your bball team hasn’t been good since Chris Webber was in school.

Why did I make these UM fans cry at the MSU vs UMich game last fall? It was so funny to hear them whine about how Chad Henne was injured.

Sorry…I’m a sports nut, when it comes to college teams…

23 06 2008

lmaooo tomatohead… I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT!!!!!!!!

Just add…

“WASH YOUR HANDS…PUSSY!”

23 06 2008
Knatural

AAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAH.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Ne, I know that much. I don’t eat pork because they eat all the leftover slop, so there’s more toxins in the meat than others. Like we only buy grain fed beef, and are super picky about our food.

But seriously, after dropping pork, I’ve noticed how much my skin has cleared up.

23 06 2008
Landon

******Random Angry Black Man Tirade Alert******

Speaking of Juce Boxes what was CAPRI SUNS Fucking problem.. They couldn’t just make the juice box out of FOIL? WHy did it have to be a fucking bag you had to pierce with sharp Straw. If you held it too tight and got the straw in — juice went flying everywhere out the straw. God forbid you punctured it too hard and the effing straw went through both ends of juice pouch making you look like a retard because you have to drink the whole damn thing of (21) Jump Street or it will spill out… Then you had no juice to eat your P and J sandwich… That use to piss me off. That is why i missed the days of my Transformer Lunch Box and thermal… No spilling and it was nice and cold… and if the bully tried to mess with you I would swing the my box at him with that hevy as box… You aint getting my GUSHERs (Cherry) NUCCA you better holla at the little kid who pissed on him self in the corner!

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ Landon. I had a Miss Piggy lunchbox and thermal. I hated it. I hated everything girly when I was younger.

I instead liked to play football with guys. Can you tell I’m an only girl?

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Oh yea another word i use as well now thanks to Merri Lee i believe”Loserface” i know its kiddy but i like it 🙂

23 06 2008
Knatural

Landon – Capri Sun juice “bags” where created to teach the youth finesse. Sorry you didn’t learn any AHAHAHAHAHAH.

23 06 2008
Monnie

“Them nasty asses will eat anything. I think the free chip and salsa stand at Whole Foods is by far the worst.”

LOL!

One time, in Whole Foods, I sat back and watch this old lady ceremoniously pick out a chip and get some of the salsa. Never mind the fact that the crap was mush and was losing all color. Then she didn’t even have a whole chip, she just picked out the biggest crumb.

23 06 2008
Knatural

*were, not where

23 06 2008
Landon

Its FUCKERY what it is… I was an Effing 6 year old kid… didnt happen all the time but let the bag be wet and slippery…. fucking up my Osh Gosh Bgosh overalls with one leg rolled up and one strap undone… I was up on that before the older kids were hip to it and saw LL Cool J do it…

23 06 2008
TomatoHead

I never had a lunchbox and thermal…or I don’t remember having one. I remember my lunches consisted of baloney sandwiches or lunchables, a Capri Sun, some kind of vegetable (usually baby carrots) and Oreos or chocolate chip cookies.

Lunchboxes were uncool at my school, that I remember.

23 06 2008
shyGirl

@chaoticdiva:
SMH @ the Chris Webber “timeout” fiasco…
When I was in high school, my sister and I paraded around town in Northwestern t-shirts after Michigan received a major butt kicking that year from the usually disappointing Wildcats. I forgot the name of the player that was integral for that defeat. He was a theatre major no less! LOL!!! I thought we were going to get killed.

I’m not really that into sports, just “lame” ones like fencing. 🙂

Your family members may not know me, unless they were big Detroit techno fans. I kept a low profile on campus.

23 06 2008
TomatoHead

Overalls! *sigh* I found my favorite old overalls about a month ago. They looked like baby clothes.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Landon-Speaking of Juce Boxes what was CAPRI SUNS Fucking problem.. They couldn’t just make the juice box out of FOIL? WHy did it have to be a fucking bag you had to pierce with sharp Straw. If you held it too tight and got the straw in — juice went flying everywhere out the straw. God forbid you punctured it too hard and the effing straw went through both ends of juice pouch making you look like a retard because you have to drink the whole damn thing of (21) Jump Street or it will spill out… Then you had no juice to eat your P and J sandwich… That use to piss me off. That is why i missed the days of my Transformer Lunch Box and thermal… No spilling and it was nice and cold… and if the bully tried to mess with you I would swing the my box at him with that hevy as box… You aint getting my GUSHERs (Cherry) NUCCA you better holla at the little kid who pissed on him self in the corner!

DEAD omgg i had every luch box from barbie, batman, ninja turtles,101 dalmations,little mermaid all that shit…and for the record if you were a smart little boy you woudl know to put the end on the sraw in your mouth while putting it in the whole! or its just me hahaha

I remember swinging my lunch box at this girl i didnt like on the playground when i was 4 and she got a big cut on her forehead hahahah opps…

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

My parents went to EMU with Kevin Saunderson, the father of Detroit Techno. And yea, we all liked Godzilla back in the day…lol.

23 06 2008

chaoticdiva:

I feel you. I don’t mess around with the swine either.

But let somebody have some baby back.

23 06 2008
Landon

lunchables were not my favorite… i hated the smell…

but MOMs knew when i was having a rough week at school because she would put a COFFEE cake in my bag knowing it would cheer me up and a fruit roll up…

we really dont eat junk food in my house to this day but a COFFEE cake one make it 20 minutes in front of me.

23 06 2008
TomatoHead

I always just jabbed the straw into the bottom anyway. That little hole at the top was just too annoying to try and get it in. And then everyone started doing it that way. We had the weirdest “fads”.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Man, when i was in elementary school, I had the red and black Jordans (a classic), and airbrushed overalls with my name in the graffiti print (again, too much NY…my fam is Queens, some BK, Manhattan, and Long Island).

23 06 2008

*BABY BACKS

AND BWAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA@

Speaking of Juce Boxes what was CAPRI SUNS Fucking problem.. They couldn’t just make the juice box out of FOIL? WHy did it have to be a fucking bag you had to pierce with sharp Straw. If you held it too tight and got the straw in — juice went flying everywhere out the straw. God forbid you punctured it too hard and the effing straw went through both ends of juice pouch making you look like a retard because you have to drink the whole damn thing of (21) Jump Street or it will spill out… Then you had no juice to eat your P and J sandwich… That use to piss me off. That is why i missed the days of my Transformer Lunch Box and thermal… No spilling and it was nice and cold… and if the bully tried to mess with you I would swing the my box at him with that hevy as box… You aint getting my GUSHERs (Cherry) NUCCA you better holla at the little kid who pissed on him self in the corner!

23 06 2008
Landon

wont make it 20 minutes in front of me.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ tomatohead…yea, people used to do that with the juiceboxes out here. I would just instead beg my mom for the hi-c boxes or the koolaid jammers in the plastic bottle.

Does anybody remember the wax pop bottle candies?

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Landon its ok your just sofa-king-re-tar-did its ok…haha

23 06 2008
Muse

Don’t feel bad Mrs. Epps. Landon hasn’t friended me on facebook either LOL.

23 06 2008
TomatoHead

@chaotic diva: I hated those wax pop bottles-my dad gave them to me and my sisters when we were really too young to have them and we didn’t know you weren’t supposed to eat the wax. It didn’t end well and the smell of wax still nauseates me to this day.

23 06 2008
Landon

you know who i am…. does your friend button not work… i am not sure who yall are… my shit says Landon… on it…. just hit me… 9 out 10 times i will say yes 🙂

23 06 2008
Landon

but you could eat the wax and spit it out like gum

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Ooh! I want facebook friends!!! I’ll make myself visible on the search for a little bit and y’all can shoot me a message (I have too many random ppl trying to add me, so the only think you can do is send me a message…lol).

Search for Jdiva, and you’ll find me. I’m the MSU girl with the Obama logo.

23 06 2008
Landon

PIXIE STIXS was Crack to a kid like me…
i wsa already borderline A.D.D

Pixie stixs put me over the edge…. i would bounce off walls on that stuff.

anyone remember the gum made like cigs…. they even blew powder sugar as smoke..

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I never understood the wax candies, but I always loved chewing on the wax lips.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lol @ candy cigs…I didn’t like the taste.

Remember Big Chew gum? It was supposed to be like chewing tobacco…we used to get it before our softball games (before I got kicked off the team for crappy batting and unsportsmanlike conduct…)

*note: I only watch baseball to see A.Rod and Jeter run in tight pants.

23 06 2008

PIXIE STICKS WERE LIKE CRACK!

What ya’ll know about boston baked beans?

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

you know who i am…. does your friend button not work… i am not sure who yall are… my shit says Landon… on it…. just hit me… 9 out 10 times i will say yes

WACKKKK

23 06 2008
shyGirl

@chaoticdiva:

My dad teaches at EMU.

I wish I could participate more, but I can’t. I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink these things growing up. 😦

Back to my work…

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

candy cigs…sigh…

23 06 2008
Landon

ChaoticDiva:

Beautiful smile baby girl…

but chaotic is that a warning you are crazy?>

23 06 2008
Muse

I’m on facebook too. I’m not hard to find. I’m on the USC/UCLA/LA network.

23 06 2008
Poppcorrn

<blockquote cite=”Like we only buy grain fed beef, and are super picky about our food.”

Grassfed beef is actually much better for you than grain-fed. Because cows haven’t evolved the ability to properly digest grain, it raises the acid levels in their stomachs, which makes them much more susceptible to disease. This is why most grain-fed cows are also regularly fed antibiotics (mixed into the feed in commerical feedlots), which of course end up in the meat we buy, which increases bacterial resistance to the antibiotics and, oh, hello MRSA! Grassfed beef doesn’t have this problem because, well… cows eat grass. But grain-fed cows tend to be heavier with a higher proportion of body fat, which is more profitable for the cattle farmers.

Check out this article “http://www.foodrevolution.org/grassfedbeef.htm” (ignore the creepy-looking dude)

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Aww…its ok shyGirl…I was never a huge sugar sweet person…plus, i dont, and never have eaten peanut butter, jelly, raisins, and fast food. I like aparagus, and I was probably the only kindgergardner who used to bring fresh veggies for snacktime.

Now oreos were a different story.

By the way, what does your dad teach? My mom used to teach here, but now she occasionally teaches at Washtenaw.

23 06 2008
Landon

Ne:

were like Crack???? Like Krispey Kreams if a CNN report came out tomorrow stating crack/ coke has been found in Pixie Sticks… I would of been like I KNEW I FUCKING KNEW IT!

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

ahhaah Muse…

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Landon, thanks. But the chaotic just describes my life. If you read my blog (the one linked on my profile) as well as some of my statuses, you may get a better understanding of whats going on, despite the vagueness.

@ Muse…just search muse?

@ Popcornnn, good looking out

23 06 2008
Landon

Popcorn:

seeing how i LOVE Steak i am going to take the road Ignorance is Bless… because i know the meat i am eating is not Good for me in teh long run BUT I LOVE IT!!!! and well i dont want to be thinking about how bad it is for me while i put my A1 sauce on it and bless it to JESUS! 🙂

23 06 2008
Soup Kitchen Scoundrel

Wax lips are the reason Jesus won’t come back…

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

never hate peanut butter and jelly sammiches WTFFF kinda child were you!! lol no offense 🙂

i remember when my mom would draw smiley faces on the sandwich bags and write little messages on them. I loved that ..my mom is sweet

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I LOVE steak.

[Grace Jones] I like it RARE. Very Rare. [/Grace Jones]

23 06 2008

lmaooooo.

Straight up now tell me krispy kremes doesn’t have crack in the glaze!

My inner fat girl taquenetta from the east oakland wants to drive 60 miles to the next kk.

Somebody tell this trick gas is too high!

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

if ya wanna find me on face book click my name…thats me and my two doggies.. my other dog isnt in the pic but my name is there so search that and the same pic of me will show up…not crazies plz, thanks!

-Management 🙂

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Mrs. Epps: I never ever ever ate jelly. It always looked gross to me. I used to eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches…but after eating Reese’s ice cream, I puked (sorry for the graphic-ness), and since then, peanut butter has made me nauseous. I wonder if I developed an allergy to it or something?

Oh…and I don’t eat pickles. And I stopped eating hamburgers after I went to McDonalds one day (I was like 7, and it was a rare thing for s to do), and we all found massive amounts of hair in our food.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Ne LMAOOOOOO

My inner fat girl Bonita…wanted to drive all the way to Adam’s Morgan lastnight to Jumbo Slice….smh

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Ne….one time, during finals week at MSU, someone gave me a dozen krispy kreme doughnuts, and I finished the box off 10 minutes later.

I usually eat 3 to 5 in a sitting, if they’re in front of me.

Bad, bad habit.

…I would be the one to try a Luther Burger…as long as the patty and the bacon are turkey.

23 06 2008
Landon

i never got the peanute butter banana CRAP!

23 06 2008

pbj sammiches with toasted bread and cold milk…YITTEEDEEE!

LANDON:
You are handsome.

23 06 2008
Soup Kitchen Scoundrel

@chatoticdiva

More children should have your experience. If they did then there wouldn’t be so many little fat kids running around with greasy hands.

23 06 2008

“My inner fat girl Bonita…wanted to drive all the way to Adam’s Morgan lastnight to Jumbo Slice….smh”

These fat chicks need to know how damn high gas is.

“No dinner for you…you on a diiiet”

23 06 2008
Soup Kitchen Scoundrel

chaoticdiva*

23 06 2008
Muse

Chaotic, my bad. I go by my govt. Name on facebook. Um I was the one who wrote on the SBPH wall “100 bitches”

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Ooh…Landon is a cutie…(*flips through more photos*)

Who’s the even more adorable little one?

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Mrs. Epps: I never ever ever ate jelly. It always looked gross to me. I used to eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches…but after eating Reese’s ice cream, I puked (sorry for the graphic-ness), and since then, peanut butter has made me nauseous. I wonder if I developed an allergy to it or something?

Oh…and I don’t eat pickles. And I stopped eating hamburgers after I went to McDonalds one day (I was like 7, and it was a rare thing for s to do), and we all found massive amounts of hair in our food.

GODDAMN!!! wow that sucks…yumm peanut butter and banana sammiches yes love em!..i hate mickey d’s but live the fries….i love pickles though..yum yum yum..

lol jelly looks gross ahhaha looks like red or purple hair grease right haha but its damn good though.. 🙂

I didnt grow up on all the junk either.. always homemade sammies, baby carrots or celery, apple juice or grape juice and maybe some cookies or fruit snacks…

23 06 2008
Knatural

Damn you Né , now that Paula Abdul song is in my head!
No offense Chaotic, but what happened to your Myspace page?

23 06 2008

chaoticdiva i cannot shame you! my friends and I use to all buy a dozen each and sit in the car with milk ad eat the whole box. Talk about the wrong place to go when you have the munchies.

” leave the gun. Take the krispy kremes”

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@sks…well, I was just a picky eater in a family of carb addicts. But I was also forced to play sports so I would learn people skills (after 5 elementary schools, I really sucked at making friends).

But staying active and eating lots of meat, veggies and rice, I’ve been good. My cousin actually lost weight (she went from a size 18 to a size 4) with my diet/activity level.

23 06 2008

lol knat. It’s in my head too!

23 06 2008
Landon

Those are my Nephews 🙂 THey come in town these week…

I am trying to get my endurance up… been running stairs and lifting weights because those boys wear me out… they are 4, 2 1/2, and 1 all boys 🙂

Thank you for the compliments…. i appreicate it…. Muse almost killed me self confidence when she said i looked like Troll who need Rogaine…

23 06 2008
Landon

this week not THESE, lol

23 06 2008
Knatural
23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ knatural: I made the layout, stole someone else’s html, modified it to work on my page, and somehow got distracted. Its like my website [shameless plug] http://www.jdivaonline.com [/shameless plug]. I’ve had that domain since December and the site still has the coming soon page. At least I finally made the layout last night. I just have to map it out and do the html.

…dreamweaver is of no use to me…I still cant figure out how to use it. Thank you taco!

(by the way, I’m a nerd)

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

ok Landon possibly could be my ex’s brother or something creeeeepppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..ya’ll have the same eyes and mouth.. ahhhh looks away hahah

still cute…ok the rumors are over about Landons baldness hahaha

23 06 2008

“Thank you for the compliments…. i appreicate it…. Muse almost killed me self confidence when she said i looked like Troll who need Rogaine…”

I ♥ muse!

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Um, sbph isn’t even on my friendslist. I’m new to this site. Been here officially 3 days.

Hmm…if I add him, I wonder if he’d be offended by me hitting on him…lol.

(again, hormones…sorry)

23 06 2008

knat I can’t click it!

I am the laziest facebooker. All my info is incomplete.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol Chaotic…its ok..i think that every chick on here single or married has secretly and openly hit on Chris ahahh

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lol…he is a cutie from the one photo of him I stumbled across on here. But I’m much more interested in his funny ass rants…

Why do I all of the sudden have a taste for some McDonalds fries?

23 06 2008
Knatural
23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahaha because mickey d’s fries have crack in them and make you crave them when ever the word fries comes up in conversation 🙂

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

does that make me a crack fiend?

*scratches neck*

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

yes it does chaotic….and so is everyone else

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

i hate you Knat for that Paula video…now it will be stuck inmy head for the rest of the day…crap

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I feel like bursting out in song:

heheheh, y’all are going to love this one

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Our inner fat girls need this work out tape!

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAOOO@chaotic..is that a dude playing her as well haha stoppppp it

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*tries not to laugh*

I’m in the library…lol.

23 06 2008
Muse

I need evidence of Landon’s attractiveness. The thumbnail of his photo wasn’t the business.

23 06 2008

lmao knat lmaoooooooooooooo

let me find out paula is a greek with all that stepping. Lmaoo @ semmi in the video…..lmaoooooo lmaooooo

dl;hjodiweyhlohwehnlelfjjopppi08-=90=-98 why! I ♥ knat!

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

look under his profile pictures on facebook…I was like wow! An attractive male on facebook with an education that actually speaks to people because his head isn’t up his ass?

…did I mention that I can be an asshole at times? lol…

23 06 2008
JD

There’s a restaurant in Tallahassee called Ted’s Montana Grill. They have buffalo ribs as one of their entrees. Eating that had to be one of the best experiences in my life. LOL

23 06 2008
Landon

Damn MUSE:

I like that pic… I am smiling its a genuine… someone told a funny joke that made me smile…

Not sure what else i can do for you MUSE….. 😦

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

“…did I mention that I can be an asshole at times? lol”…

that most of the ppl on this site on a reg so dont feel bad hahaha or maybe im just talking about me 🙂

I need arandom Shababy moment asap before I stranggle this manbitch that just walked in my office asking about some dumb shit…

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

….that might be why we all get along so much….Nice to know there are other people that are as crazy as I in the world.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

new word of the day “manbitch” yes that is one word hahaha

23 06 2008

Yea the thumb nail doesn’t do him justice.

I hate you muse for having that man looking in the mirror, checking for bald spots, running up the light bill!

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

manbitch….GENIUS!!!!

23 06 2008
Landon

Chaoticdiva:

Nice Pics baby gurl…

Ne: nice (PIC) as in one, singular like what the FUck you dont take pics?

23 06 2008
aceklub

@ Mrs. Epps…

LMAO one word like A Pimp Named Slick Back

23 06 2008

aww thank you.I just added some landon…lmaooo I told ya’ll I am the laziest facebooker/myspacer.

It’s like a chore to add pictures. I haven’t even finished adding my info on there!

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Thanks!

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

ahhaha exactly @ aceklub..you got it right!

Chaotic..Landon tryna do is tired ass hollaring at you…hahaha jokes Landon…

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Ne you’re a lazy facebooker because your inner fat girl hates you.

23 06 2008
Landon

Damn do i need to switch my PIC? I thought it was a nice pic… sometimes i have no idea what yall ladies like…

They days i think im killing fresh in teh suit with the fly combo its hmmmhhahah you cool…

i come up there with some fucked up shorts and a wife beater scowling, people like damn you look good… WTF…

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

btw Landon..I dont look that much 20 do I? yes i wrote that right 🙂 ahahah i think

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lol @ Mrs. Epps.

…I don’t know if you’d want to date me…my dad may come after you in an attempt for murder…lol (He’s an Alpha, thats why…lol…)

me = product of greek life.

me >>> skipped out on the greek life…LSA is better because there’s free rice and beans involved

me <<< likes food.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

…sigh….i hate those damn smileys.

23 06 2008
Muse

Landon you can add me as a friend and I’ll confirm myself. Don’t worry I’m not shady. If you are decent looking I will admit that to the public.

Choatic did you figure out who I was yet? My first name is the same as the cheap bastard of a Korean Car and rhymes that that stupid plant on TV.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Damn do i need to switch my PIC? I thought it was a nice pic… sometimes i have no idea what yall ladies like…

They days i think im killing fresh in teh suit with the fly combo its hmmmhhahah you cool…

i come up there with some fucked up shorts and a wife beater scowling, people like damn you look good… WTF…

I like a man in a suit 🙂 but i like a man in some nice shorts and esp a black wife beater thats SESSY(new word write that down)

23 06 2008
Landon

not sure if you have to be my friend on facebook to view this pic… but this damn near caused me START a riot at the MCdonads in Harlem…

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

…found you! ( @ muse )

23 06 2008
Knatural

I feel like Landon is someone’s imaginary friend, like Drop Dead Fred. I can’t see him. Maybe I shouldn’t.

23 06 2008
TomatoHead

LOL. I think you must be his friend to see the picture.

Landon doesn’t want to be my friend…*sniff*

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

…i think. I don’t watch enough tv to know any plants that they have…other than weeds. lol…

@ Landon…lmao!!!

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

why do i want to call Knat…K. natrual light..like the cheap ass beer…random i know….

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Dude, Drop Dead Fred was my movie!!!

( I also liked Pooty Tang…what does that say about me?)

23 06 2008
Omar

Is landon in the facebook group? I still don’t know who he is.

BTW have yall seen Doc’s “exercise” pics…Damn!!…T-Pain song comes to mind.

23 06 2008
Landon

@ chaotic

prob. you smoke alot!!!

23 06 2008

Oh my! I get a little hot seeing a man in a suit. I get extra HOT when they do the loosen the tie thing.

23 06 2008
Omar

@Knat – I KNOOOOWWWW, me neither.

23 06 2008
Knatural

Ok, I may have to change my name…I don’t want to be compared to cheap beer. I loved Drop Dead Fred! I wish I could’ve blamed shit on my imaginary friends.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Landon: I’m a lush, not a pothead. I hate being around weedheads. I only like the show.

@ Ne…YES!!! Nothing like a man in a suit!!! Robin Thicke does it so well (the loosened tie thing).

(the more i tell ppl i’m in the library, the more they call/text me…fuckers )

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Landon i can see why ppl would want to riot.. thats insane!!!!

23 06 2008
Muse

Landon I publically apologize for calling your a fucked up looking balding troll. You are not balding nor are you unattractive.

GRRRRRRRRRR

23 06 2008

I had 2 imaginary friends. between the ages of 2 and 4. Tamalitha and Mary. I will never elaborate!

23 06 2008
Esquire

WAIT.

I work all day and now Muse is on here apologizing to Landon. What did I miss?

23 06 2008

lmaoo @ muse. He is tall too!

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

haahha i was kidding Knat dont change it..then i have to type some new nickname so i dont have to type the whoel thing!!! im lazyyyyyyyy

Co-sign being a lush… but you all know that already hahaha

23 06 2008
Yonnie3k

I get a little hot when I see a black man in a three piece suit. I don’t know why. I guess it’s b/c its such a rare occurrence.

23 06 2008
Muse

Ne I know. I love tall men. They get me going…FUCK

Landon I still think you are a tool. Your decent looking appearance changes NOTHING! YOU HEAR ME NOTHING! Bahahaha

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Ne hahahah elaborate please?????

I had an imaginary friend named moo moo when i was 3..no it wasnt a cow.. it was a patch of grass…dont hate!!

LMAOO@ Muse’s apology…

23 06 2008
Knatural

Why can’t I see Landon, for real. Logging into Facebook now…

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lol @ muse.

You know what? Fuck it…I like gorgeous men. I love them from deep deep chocolate (Morris Chestnut) to Vanilla (Channing Tatum).

Whats my flavor? Any one that can be described on a Ben and Jerry’s carton.

(again…hormones.)

23 06 2008
Landon

Well i guess i should thank my parents for making me 6′ – 6’1

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Hi folks, I know I’m a little late to the party. My boss actually had the audacity to make me work today. LOL.

I’m on Facebook too. I’m the guy that posted those wack ass pictures of the wedding party in front of White Castle on the SBPH group. So if ya’ll don’t wanna add me, I understand.

But seriously…

Anyone remember Mike & Ike’s?

Anyone raised in Cali, how about those little plastic bottles of Lucas? It was like this sort of seasoning that was kind of sour. Those mexican kids used to eat the hell outta that stuff.

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

When Eastern Market burned down last year, White people in the area acted like it was their personal Katrina. God forbid they go to a regular grocery store instead of buying $10 hummus and $100 olive oil. Oh, and the shit they have in Union Square? With people bringing their 100 pound dogs that they keep in their 300 square foot apartments to buy milk that has been sitting in the sun all day? Yeah, I’m good on that.

Disclaimer- I am an almost-vegitarian, lover of cheese and hummus and shit that they sell at farmers markets. I just cant deal with the people there (sorta how I feel about WIllaimsburg, BK). So, I take my ass to the regular grocery store and occasionally up to Queens for the hood Trader Joes.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Toldja….hummus is so freaking good with garlic pita chips!!!

@ Rev…I never liked mike and ikes…they used to annoy me when they would stick to my teeth.

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Facebook friend me! I’m J. Tresevant in the SBPH group and I have a group too; http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=21913376102…join!

23 06 2008
Landon

MUSE thank you… and we have some common friends i see….

i have to be careful i am stones throw away from a couple of them..

plus you look like this AKA i know up the block it took me a minute to figure out if it was you at first…. but you live in Cali right…?

23 06 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Who is Wild Sally???!!!???

23 06 2008
Landon

For sake of my saftey 🙂 you are cute, damn there a lot cute girls on this site…. Chris is not SLICK…

23 06 2008

I had an imaginary friend named moo moo when i was 3..no it wasnt a cow.. it was a patch of grass…dont hate!!”

lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I hate you!

23 06 2008
Landon

Miek & Ike’s

Funny story My mom is a Big Tina Turner Fan so she refused to buy me Mikes & Ike’s because she hated IKE Turner so much, lol.

23 06 2008

LMAOOO REV. I was a lucus kid. Did you eat the tamarind candies?

23 06 2008
Landon

a patch of Grass…

ok i feel at home.. i am not hte only crazy one here…. we all need help…

(JESUS NODDING YES)….

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Wild Sally is one of Shabooty’s ball scrubbers… i thought it was stuff BLACK people hate right? and then the asian or white boy that wanted to be the angry black man of the week..BWHAHAHAHAH

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Dangnabit Omar, thanks for putting all my bidniz out on front street! LOL

23 06 2008
Muse

Landon i do live in Cali which is why my network says Los Angeles.

Light bulb!

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

My mom is a major health nut, so thanks to her, I ain’t neva scared to try out foods that other friends of mine won’t touch with a 10 foot pole.

I eat the hell outta those sesame sticks they sell over at Fresh Market.

Oh, and I remember the time my grandma looked at me as if I had a third eye when I asked her if she ever had grilled vegetables. That woman will boil sticks off a tree if she had the chance to…

Thanks to being on what I call the Broke Ass Grad Student Diet, my eating habits have been kind of atrocious lately. But when I cut out starches and sugars, I loose weight pretty fast.

23 06 2008
Sylph

Why can’t I find Landon? I feel so left out…

23 06 2008
Landon

Remember i am a TOOL…

i knew the peace couldnt last…

we are like Isreal and Lebenon

23 06 2008

still weezing at the patch of grass friend….lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooo

lmaooooooooooooooooooooo and then she says “don’t hate” lmaooooooooooooo
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Who left the crazy gate open and let us all in?

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

a patch of Grass…

ok i feel at home.. i am not hte only crazy one here…. we all need help…

lol i couldnt help it.. i’m an only child i need a friend when my friends werent there hahaha moo moo was always there 🙂

Im not crazy i just have crazy imagination always have 🙂

23 06 2008
Knatural

Now there’s a 101 members, no Landon, and only 30 introductions AHAHAHAHA

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@ Landon: BWAHHAHA

@ Ne: I had Lucas a few times, but I never really liked it. I always liked those Chipwiches. There were folks at school that sold them for $1.25, which was high as hell in 1993. The Am/Pm would sell them for .75 cents.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Ne-still weezing at the patch of grass friend….lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooo

lmaooooooooooooooooooooo and then she says “don’t hate” lmaooooooooooooo
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Who left the crazy gate open and let us all in?

SIGH..i know i know but i was 3!!!!!!!!! i make my ownself(MADE UP WORD) laugh when i think back at some shit i did when i was little… got issues

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I had an imaginary friend named Amity. She used to hide all the belts in the fireplace when I was getting ready to get my ass beat.

23 06 2008
Muse

LMAO I know right. Negros are probably scared.

23 06 2008

Are you….hefty rev? Rev Leon Lonnie Luv sounds like a fat name no offense.

Bertha and Gustavo are also fat names.

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

It’s amazing I survived childhood without getting “the diabeetuhz” (lol Wilford Brimley) when it came to that Corner Store candy. We called the quarter water Huggies too, and had the wax candies. Anyone remember Dots?! Colored sugar stuck on paper, and you ate 90% more paper than candy. And my Philly peeps will know the Peanut Chews all too well, hardest caramel ever, that mess just rips your teeth out. I balanced it out well though, I always liked veggies and fruits as a kid. I was never one for sugary cereals either. Kix or Kellogs K with banana used was my favorite, lol.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

NE omggggggggg ahahahhahahahahahah thats fucked up what if he really is hefty?

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@ Ne: That’s one of the nicer names I’ve been called. LOL. Yeah, I’m a bit on the husky size. I refer to myself as a “Teddy Bear American” though.

23 06 2008
Landon

DOTS, WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW

having flashbacks….

23 06 2008

i love the member who say’s “hey ya’ll I’m Vanita” ….. with no pic…smh!

23 06 2008
Landon

The Paper Was tasty 🙂

23 06 2008
Landon

YES MUSE:

me eating the paper to Sugar Dots might be why i am such a TOOL… before you even say it

23 06 2008
Knatural
23 06 2008

I am soOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry rev. my first thoughts always get me into trouble.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Dots was the ish and i loved Mary Janes too…

23 06 2008
Landon

@MUSE

you dont look like BIGFOOTS Lost Sister… i am sorry… for saying that.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

OMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Knat its Waldo!!!!! i love those books i had a rack of them…i miss those books

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*in pain from stifling laughter*

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Screw Waldo, I was all about the Magic Eye books! What kind of assclownery was that trend? Make the childrens all go cross-eyed trying to see some hidden 3-D picture.

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

It’s cool Ne!

There was a lady down the street from my Grandma’s house in Mississippi that we used to call “Miss Baby Ruth”, cause she was the ‘candy lady’ in the neighborhood. She would have the frozen Kool aid in her deep freezer and pixie stix too.

The older I got, the more afraid I was that the crackheads and thugs would jack her.

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I think I have an astigmatism to this day from looking too hard at “Magic Eye” and “Where’s Waldo?” books…

23 06 2008

Sixlets GO HARD! Those and shocktarts!

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Was I the only one that couldn’t see those damn 3-d pictures? I used to fake it so I could fit in. When nobody was looking, I’d thumb through the back of the book and memorize which answer goes to which page so I wouldn’t feel like a loser.

…later in life I found out that I have no depth perception and that I’m near-sighted in my left eye. Explains alot….

23 06 2008
Landon

Damn Knatural…

i have to a white man wearing red and white….

my old boss looked just like him, it was uncanny.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chaotic you are being warned now..this site will make you either:

1. quit your job
2. get fired
3. die from laughing
4. make you hungry, horny, thristy, mad ass fuck, happy, disgusted, sick,lazy..not in that order.

🙂

23 06 2008
Knatural

Well, now I have astigmatism from trying to find Landon…

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

btw Magic Eyes was cooollll…

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Mrs Epps: You are in the same town that my cousin lives in. I see PG county is repping err’where!

23 06 2008
Landon

knatural are you on face book?
do search and type in LANDON
the first black guy you see looking down but smiling is me…

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

At least I’m not worried about losing my job from this site…I work at VS…yea…shopping can be the one thing that pulls me away from my mac…especially because I’m 2 doors down from Aldo..

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

speaking of VS i need new panties and a new black bra…to much sharing again? dammit!

yea Rev Leon.. but i dont rep PG though i grew up in MOCO(montgomery county). But I guess im a PG chicklet now

23 06 2008
Omar

“Dangnabit Omar, thanks for putting all my bidniz out on front street! LOL”

@Doc – hey, I was impressed 🙂

23 06 2008
Knatural

Doc – you put your own business out there by posting those pics…not mad though, just wondering how much you charge for lessons 🙂
Landon – you suck. Hard.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Mrs. Epps…semi-annual sale is going on, and they put the 100 way bra on clearance…I got mines yesterday for $27 (we don’t get discounts on clearance merchandise).

My reccomendations: 1. Biofit. 2. one of the very sexy pushups. 3. Dream Angels bra w/ memory foam. 4. 100 way bra.

Love them!!!

23 06 2008
Landon

DOC GOOD LAWWWWDDDDDDDDD

yo real talk, i love a girl in great shape.. that pic of you FLEXIng… is NUTS (no pun intended)…

damn… have mercy!

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@Mrs Epps: Yeah, my PG folk (Oxon Hill, Ft. Washington, Upper Marlboro, Ackokeek, etc.) have schooled me quite a bit on the nuances and differences between PG and MoCo. I have a cousin who moved to NoVa and I don’t even think they claim her anymore, LOL.

23 06 2008
Landon

knatural what did i do?

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

To hell with Victorias Secret and their Semi-Annual Sale. I was in there the other day and I was circling around this table like a puppy chasing my tail until I realized that there is no 38DDD clearance bin, because they don’t sell that size. Uncivilized.

23 06 2008
Knatural

Landon – you’re a figment of my imagination.

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Well I say to hell with H&M over at Atlantic Station. They actually had a FUCKING LINE OUT THE DOOR with security letting only so many people like it was a club. It seemed like half of ATL was down there. And they don’t sell 3X clothes either. Bastards…

23 06 2008
Muse

Did you just say DDD ST? Good grief….

Yeah I’m not too big on Victoria secret anymore. The quality if their stuff has gone down in my not so humble opinion.

23 06 2008
Landon

@knatural:

i am what you think about when you reach down to your lil box under your bed 🙂
or is it in your nightstand 🙂

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

OHH YEAA SEMI ANNUAL SALE HELLLLS YEAAAAAAA!!!!

Rev- oh yes there is a big diff between MOCO and PG….but i think my MOCO folk are going to dis-own me as well 😦 but not all the way ahhaha

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Thanks Landon. I knew I was never going to be a skinny bitch in life, so I might as well be a muscley bitch, LMAO.

Knat – I am so getting all the SBPH ladies for a pole party, LOL!

23 06 2008
Landon

DOC:

I agree the Vertical Bar should be the next Olympic Event…. i would pay to see that!!!

23 06 2008
Landon

OH to my DC people, looks like i might be throwing a party DOWN there july 17thish…. not confirmed yet… there WILL have to be a SBPH table…

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

…getting all the SBPH ladies *together*

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Landon-i am what you think about when you reach down to your lil box under your bed
or is it in your nightstand

umm errrr?? ahahah

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

July 17th? damn that week gonna be busy for me…woohoo might as well get a drink or 5 in there while im at it hahah

23 06 2008
Muse

Landon,

Angry is throwing something July 4th in Park.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*feels left out*

But I don’t live in DC….*sobs*

23 06 2008
Knatural

Landon/Waldo – I’ve never used toys, not curious. Landon, you strike me as kind of creepy (not really).
This Saturday, this creep from the Congo (Africa!) sparks conversation with me on the train, a fifteen minute ride, and some how he was able to wiggle the subject of sex in there somewhere, after I told him I am married. I was disgusted. It’s one thing to be cheeky, but to be blatant among strangers, it’s creepy.

23 06 2008
Landon

I might be down there for the 4th also… cool… tryign to make some DC Connects so we can get this party together….

DOC… one club we are looking there are Poles in one of the VIP rooms!!!

23 06 2008
Landon

K-Nat i forgot your married, my bad over stepped 😦

23 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Rev Leon – I had plans to go to H&M at Atlantic Station on my lunch break the day it opened until someone emailed me the article from the AJC about how folks were camped out overnight. The did the same thing with Ikea. I’m cool. I’ll wait.

23 06 2008
Muse

I’m visiting family in DC for July 4th. Now I’m debating if I want to stay with my aunt who lives by Georgetown or get a Hotel so I can act niggerish.

23 06 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Rev Leon Lonnie… I take it you were in Atlantic Station just yesterday, huh? I parked right outside H&M and I was fucking amazed at the line. Luckily, I had no intentions to shop there. I was geting my B&BW and VS semi annual sale shopping on.

And I love famer’s markets. YDFM forever, baybuh bay bay!

23 06 2008
Ethel

Holy crap you’re funny. Lovin’ Chris on this crazy Monday.

23 06 2008
shabooty

Mrs.Epps — i am sure wild sally is bi- so she might holla at you too.

23 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Muse – Why can’t you do both? Are you in the closet from your family? I practice some of my best niggerdom at family reunions, family weddings, and the like.

23 06 2008
Landon

MUSE:

GET A HOTEL ROOM

wink wink wink…

i feel the problem its like when i go to ATL for homecoming… do i get a hotel room, stay with family or a friend….

I hate when i feel like i am in the way of someones house or routine… i usually opt for the HOTEL…. plus i love room service for some reason 🙂

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Mrs.Epps — i am sure wild sally is bi- so she might holla at you too.-Shababy

OOOOooooo bisexuallllll…that word means nothing to me…bisexuals are selfish they need to choose a man or woman dammit and just be gay or lesbian fucking aye…but its all good…blondes arent my type though..so i’ll pass 🙂 but she can continue to scrub the sand of your balls ahhaha

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I noticed something…we went from talking about food to talking about childhood, to talking about how we need to get away from our families.

Does food = memorias of people that annoy us?

….by the way, I’m looking out the window at some ominous clouds…

23 06 2008
HeavenLeiBlu

Landon, stop lying, you opt for the hotel so you can get some ass while you’re here 🙂

23 06 2008
aceklub

I have a connect with Mayorga Lounge in Columbia Heights where we could have SBPH gathering. The Park is a nice venue for a Friday Happy Hour but the tables are first-come, first serve

23 06 2008
shabooty

mrs. epps — smell my finger.

=)

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*will be spending the next hour in the library*

It looks like its about to be an effin tornado out here.

23 06 2008
Landon

aceklub get at me… trying to rent a club out for that AKA weekend…. so let me know…

Heaveleiblu: I plead the F-IF FIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

look at my picture… i am innocent like fresh fallen snow in the park O:)

23 06 2008
aceklub

@ landon
Hit me up on facebook w/ your contact info…

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

(Mind you, I am on the quiet floor of the library. There are signs up everywhere.)

Why is this chick on her cellphone talking to ray ray?

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Landon, why you renting out a club for “that AKA weekend”? We will all be preoccupied with our business meetings. This is a serious matter, there will be no such time for wild partying…

(GUFFAW)

23 06 2008
23 06 2008
Muse

Yonnie what if I want to play what happens in DC stays in DC? LOL…I kid I kid.

Nah I usually stay out super late and I don’t want my aunt tripping. Besides the super bougie family members are in DC and I have my maintain my reputaiton of being a nice girl Bahahaha.a

23 06 2008

I am back… I am so sure I was missed ::looks around::

23 06 2008
Landon

and 1000 registration fees i heard…

yall going to need a drink after all those meetings…

hell i know in my frat after my OLDER BRUHS (i just wish they would let the younger ones run the ORG)… you gals are goign to need a drink…. and plenty of them…. 🙂

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

eww Shababay i would never smell your finger even with a stole womans nose! but i still luv ya boo and you could get it if i were single..i’ll pass on smelling the rank dried up snatch juice or mud butt that lingers on your fingers

Landon-look at my picture… i am innocent like fresh fallen snow in the park O

lying ass nigga…aint no such thing as an innocent adult!

23 06 2008

Why don’t you all come to california?????

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Muse-Besides the super bougie family members are in DC and I have my maintain my reputaiton of being a nice girl

yet another lying ass nigga hahha

23 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Landon – six feet? Are you sure?

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

aww i missed yo crazy ass Ne! 🙂 even though i was gone myself for a little bit…the manbitch came back in my office whinning again…rolls eyes

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Sorry, had to leave for a meeting (afternoon meetings SUCK BTW).

My family is having a reunion in Vega$ in August. Vacations with my family remind me of why I like traveling by myself. Now knowing all these gamblin addicts that I have in my fam, I know the el cheapos and the saved folks in my family are going to be standing around trying to figure out what to do and my dad is going to try and make me go to the strip club (I have many many reasons why those places annoy me) I think I’m going to pass on the reunion and go to Vegas during my birthday.

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Muse…you know already you need to go for the hotel, LOL.

23 06 2008
Landon

Yonnie:

you’ve seen me in person… its just E is 6’6 Lamar is 6’5 Kwaku is 6’3

VInce is 6′ and i am taller than Vince… So yes…

if you must no my exact Height and weight…

I am 6′ 3/4″ 207Lbs bench

any other questions?

23 06 2008

Let’s name the manbitch herbert.

23 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Its hilarious how people are apologizing from being absent from the blog. Ya’ll need to be apologizin’ to The Man who signs your pay checks for wasting his time on this blog with all this niggardom.

I just like saying that word today for some reason.

23 06 2008
Muse

Yeah I like to come and go as a please anyway. When I’m done hanging with the family july 4th after 8pm I’m free to do as I wish LOL.

23 06 2008
Landon

Wait your mad because your Dad wants to take you to the Strip Club and you’re mad…

The Bible says you shall OBEY YOUR FATHER… The man wants to spend time with you and you are shaking your head. You know how many black men wish they could spend time with their father… I mean aren’t you taking it for granted. So what if there will be girls dropping it like its hot and your dad is making it rain… You should just be happy your spending time with him… WHile you there smack some ass and see if DOC is practing on one of the poles when she goes to the strip club as a patron…

23 06 2008
Nelo

Damn it, Chris! You making hating so much fun. Now I feel it is my life purpose. 🙂

I hate Farmer’s Markets. Especially because I live in San Francisco. The most things that are abundant at those places are plums, tomatoes, hummus, and delusional, hipster crackers. Old and young.

Due to my location, the merchants are mainly white and Latino. The whites give me that smile and that look that screams “I’m so glad that she got out of the hood and into *my* market”. And the Latino sellers look either happy that I’m looking at their produce or happy because they know I’m going to walk away soon. Who knows. 🙂

The only time my family is adventrous with meat is when we go to Nigeria and eat the bushmeat. We never have idea what the meat used to be. All we know is that is it used to walk, shit, and couldn’t outsmart a machete.

23 06 2008

“The Bible says you shall OBEY YOUR FATHER… The man wants to spend time with you and you are shaking your head. You know how many black men wish they could spend time with their father… I mean aren’t you taking it for granted. So what if there will be girls dropping it like its hot and your dad is making it rain… You should just be happy your spending time with him… WHile you there smack some ass and see if DOC is practing on one of the poles when she goes to the strip club as a patron…”

lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I hate you!

23 06 2008
Muse

Landon is right. If daddy wants you to make it rain on them hoes then make it rain son.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Landon, you’re nuts.

23 06 2008
Muse

Wait… Did I just agree with Landon? Someone shove a broken bottle up my vagina please. The world is coming to an end.

23 06 2008
Landon

Ne: you know you like me 🙂

Everyone else: I am out of here need to get some sweet tea from mc Ds and get my drink on…

Peace Love and Nappiness

and remember to do the Obama Dap ” to show you are down with Cause”

DOD (Da Obama Dap) Peace ::)

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@ Landon:

You ever had the case of ‘too much vacation’? That’s what its like when it comes to me, my dad and strip clubs. I like spending time with my pops, but it got kind of old going to the hood strip club where it smelled like blunts, badussy and vinegar from the homemade douche and I was counting bullet wounds on the girls. We went to Magic City down here in Atl one time, and it was cool (better looking women for one thing). Of course, I, um, lost count of the songs and wound up getting ripped off from a dancer named Moet. But I’m not bitter!

23 06 2008
Landon

muse:

Good Lawd, easy easy easy…. now we both know you would be doign the world a disservice by messing that (GOODNESS) you got with a broken bottle…

Think about the (very few and selective) men who have has the honor to see your goodness… You shove a jagged bottle up there you would make them CRY like that Native American (Chris) when someone litters….

You cant do that… so put the bottle Down, unless its Patron and you suppose to be drinking it then.

23 06 2008

The sky is falling! MUSE agree’d with landon.

JESUS IS COMING!

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*getting rained on literally*

I want to see some interesting cloud formations so I too can feel like one of those crazy white people and post a photo of a dark cloud on weather.com.

(*note* I am on the 3rd floor in the library, a large brick building with a basement.)

23 06 2008
Landon

But yall going to VEGAS….

thats like going from Coach to 1st Class… enjoy the look on your Dads Face… let the man smile i mean he only help bring you in this world…

buy the man a Lapdance.. and bottle of Patron. Those are stories you’ll remember for ever when your SON one day is old enough and you take him to a Strip club… I know i will take my son one day like son welcome to Manhood… now smack that ass and remember Cuff your hand so you get that nice hollow sound….

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAOOOO@ Ne yes he should be named Herbert…seeing his face makes me wanna throw my computer screen out the damn window and beat his ass with my keyboard til he is bloddy.

Since when do MEN turn down the chance to go to a strip club…someone ism bullshittin’

23 06 2008
Landon

ahhh shittt

Iesha by ABC is on my Pandora…

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

You ever had the case of ‘too much vacation’?-Rev Leon

fuck no and where can i get some???!!!!!

23 06 2008
Muse

Strip clubs are fun. I like to get 100 singles and make it rain on the strippers.

Maybe Shabooty can take me to a strip club in DC LOL.

23 06 2008
Landon

iight i am really out NOW!!!!

DOD

“Da Obama Dap” 🙂

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

LOL @ Landon.

Oh yeah, if I have a son, we’re going right down to the Strip club when he turns 21 (18 if we get to go to Mexico). No doubt about that.

The main reason why I probably won’t go is mainly because I only started this job a few months ago and I’m catching up on bills from a long stint with unemployment, so paying for airfare/hotel/shows/gambling/eating/strip club/day at the Bunny Ranch (Ha ha) would put a dent in my pockets for real.

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

I hate Landon! (except for his height/weight stats…those I must give a standing ovation).

But nah, no practicing at the skrip club… I can’t show them bitches up at their job, LOL! I will totally be there with y’all in the audience though (learning some new moves, ha ha). I now appreciate the athleticism involved for the REAL pole artists. I don’t have time for the regular ass shakers, but once in a while you see a crazy chick that makes you want to just throw down your whole checkbook, LOL!

23 06 2008
Landon

Debt $4000
Making it Rain with your Dad $ Priceless

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

BTW, I liked “Penthouse” on Georgia Avenue in DC. Good times on my 21st b’day. And what was the one that’s down over by the Capitol? Club 55 or something like that, right?

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

Landon (21:37:27) :

Debt $4000
Making it Rain with your Dad $ Priceless

Ha ha. Can’t argue with that!

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

P.S. – “No Homo” to my last post, LOL!

23 06 2008
Yonnie3k

I’m still questioning Landon’s height.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

ahahha Doc..my bestfriend… we can go to my stripper friend’s club..she is beasty at what she does…She came to our house one night and we all got drunk and she put on a show. I wish we had the pole then..girl is gifted..im not into girls but she had me sweatin hahaha

I have to give it to those pole dancers they got great upper and lower body strength!

23 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

When my brother graduated about a month and a half ago, My dad, brother, a family friend and I went to the local hood strip club in Tampa. Well, one of our entourage went to the backroom with one of the strippers and when he came back, it looked like a vampire threw up on him. I’ll leave it at that.

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Landon looks short to me hahaha

23 06 2008
Knatural

ewww Penthouse. Those chicks have bullet-wounds. If yall go to the skrip club, pls notify me. ahahahahahahahahhhhahhaa

23 06 2008
shabooty

epps: the snatch juice makes the enamel of my finger nails extra strong

muse: the strippers in dc are so fuggly generally speaking… the last hole in the wall place i went, the only attractive one, happend to have a big ass bruise on her left buttcheek – which wouldn’t slow a straight man down but still…

meh…
dc=fatties /hairy snatch strippers. 🙂

23 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

epps: the snatch juice makes the enamel of my finger nails extra strong

eww shababy i didnt need all that…esp that im not at work anymore..i hate you with a passion now…

Yea what is up with DC strippers those bitches are uglier than hairless cats.

Wheni went to my girls strip club they had like maybe 1 or 2 cute chicks..but the rest…BUSTED!!!

I hear the sexy strippers are in New Mexico and Vegas lol

23 06 2008
Muse

Shabooty ugly strippers are the best! Yo lets go serious. I’ll give you a dub so you can make it rain.

Yall have no idea how fun it is to see ugly strippers when you are drunk.

23 06 2008
Knatural

I’m in. Heeehheeeheheeheee.

23 06 2008
shabooty

true tre at least when an ugly stripper comes around after her dancing tryin to get a tip and u diss her ya feel less bad.

muahahah

23 06 2008
shabooty

when we go out imma have a hundred dollar bill wrapped around a bunch of singles in a money clip. OHH…

24 06 2008
Muse

I dont joke. I’m dead serious about making it rain. Anyone brave enough can venture out with me. I want to patron a real grimey strip club where the girls have have bullet holes in their leg LOL.

24 06 2008
letinstar

i love whole foods…but i don’t partake of the samples…i am going to a farmer’s market on wednesday….i want to see what the fuss is all about…

24 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Muse’s bougie DC family is gonna disown her by the end of the weekend, LOL. I’m down.

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Muse, I’d go with you. Just to be funny. Except I’d make the rain silver…throw quarters at them hoes…lmao.

24 06 2008
Muse

We could bring monopoly money!

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Sounds like a plan. That would make me a thousandaire!

24 06 2008
Angry IV

I saw something about strippers. I saw the worst bunch in Dallas this weekend. C-Section scars are not cute.

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I’ll also be sure to wear a purple mink coat, fishnets, a fedora, and tote a cigar in my mouth. My holster will be up my thigh.

Think Taraji Henson’s character from Smoking Aces in a bad blaxploitation film of the 70’s as a female pimp, complete with a golden cane.

Yep…that will be me.

24 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

lol how the hell did everyone go from farmers market to skripers?

24 06 2008
ph2072

LOL.

The farmer’s market I go to doesn’t have ANY hipsters, thank goodness. Now, most of the other ones in my city are chock full of those motherfuckers. I got lucky.

24 06 2008
ladebelle

OMG!!! this is so true…

how about the people that shop at Whole Foods? those are some weird asses… i was in there today just getting some juice so i didn’t look like a total freeloader as i used their wi-fi connection and this lady rolls up on me asking me if i saw the carrot juice and then proceeded to give me her life story about carrot juice… i stood their calmly cuz i was sure that if i really gave her my natural response she woulda tried to stick some carrot juice up my ass…

weirdos… they like fresh produce

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

Watch out for those grimey strip clubs.. I use to work as a waitress at a strip club in the M-town (Memphis) it was the grimiest scuddiest joint ever in existence, and it was quite an eye opening experience. I could buy Jordans, weed, coke, ex pills, vicodin, and smoked beef ribs all in the same place and lets not mention the “VIP” area…lets just say there was a lot more than dancing going on in there…..I get tested on the regular for just breathing the air! LOL but the tips were great and because it was so grimey I could show up when I wanted to and leave.

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

The grimiest strip club I’ve ever heard of: Danny’s of Windsor, Ontario. Legally, the male strippers can get naked over there.

So one day, my cousin’s friend went over there for her birthday, and came back with crabs in her eyebrows and pink eye from the strippers swinging around their wangs…

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

OMG… crabs in her eyebrows.. what the hell was her face doing that close to a a grimey ass strippers unmentionable area….

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I’m going to safely assume she was doing the drunken lean.

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

LOL thats what I would assume to….but she had to be hella drunk!

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

speaking of making the rain silver ..there was this one big chick that use to strip at the club I worked at.. I mean she was huge so huge they told her she had to stop stripping on weekend and put her on day shift. I came in early one day and dudes were throwing pennies at her…it was sad yet hilariously funny.. I mean she was like 5’10, 300 lbs with one of those wide flat asses and a whole lot of stomach rolls and small breasts…and she had the nerve to wear a slingshot (one of those swimsuits thats a piece of fabric that wraps around the neck covers the breasts and then makes a like a v shape in the front to cover privates and a thong in back) and thigh high boots..she also had freakishly small legs..go figure

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

…how did she get a job there?

24 06 2008
shabooty

lol that sounds like a good past-time…

throwing pennies at the wishing well that was that hippo’s bellybutton.

$

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

…Shabooty, thats why I love you…

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

cause the strip club was a front for prostitution. They did not get paid from the club the strippers had to pay the club a certain amount to perform, so as long as she paid she was okay..which was why it was so funny they made her stop dancing on the weekend…..

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Damn, I’m starting to think I’d be a super-well paid stripper in that case…

..no wait, I don’t have enough boobage for that…darn. Another dream squashed.

24 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

funniest strip club name:

SCUTTLEBUTT

in slidell, louisiana.

no.lie.

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Ok, whats everybody’s stripper name?

Mine would be Karamel Sutra (yes, after the ice cream).

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

caramel coated!

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

chocolate pearl or caramel coated?

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Ooh! How about Hot Croix Fudge…lol…

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

stripper names from my grimmy club

Brown Sugar
Cavasier…spelled just like that
seductive (the fat chick I described earlier)
Fi Cap (short for Cappuccino) LOL but my favorite by far
Jamaica
Ms Kitty
Scarlett o Hoar-a
sixtynine
lollipop..I bet she bringing in the big bucks now
Sinamon
and a bisexual twosome named peaches and cream

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao!!!

oh wait, are those real strippers?

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

@ chaotic…real deal honey! I couldnt make it up if I tried and Fi cap had a fire eating routine…that she performed with a lighter.. LMAO!!

24 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

LOL @ Scuttlebutt’s. You pass by there on I-10 coming out of New Orleans. That was a hilarious name to me.

@Shady: LMBAO @ Fi Cap. Really?! And Peaches and Cream?!

HA!

I want to open a strip club/Waffle restaurant called “Flapjacks” where the strippers wrestle in syrup and the customers can throw waffles at them.

Yeah, I’m off…

24 06 2008
JaBe

Landon,

I know I’m a day late, but to answer your question. No and no. I have no sister’s and my mom never had rabbit.

I’ve had shark and also ate fish and grits/shrimp and grits before it was considered socially acceptable.

24 06 2008
Landon

JaBe:

My bad i thought you were someone else i knew….

i guess you didnt go to Morehouse, lol…

24 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

@ Rev Leon…. where are you from?
cause only someone who is from or new orleans (or around it) would know that….. I used to see that place everytime i drove back to school and would be laughing well into mississippi…..

24 06 2008
Landon

i ll be rally mad if people start talking on here just talk knowing damn well there is no topic today

24 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

and flapjacks….? wtf? LOL!

24 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

@4M: Yep, I went to high school and college in Mississippi. Hint? Go Eagles…I used to go to New Orleans quite a bit because it was only 90 minutes from school…

24 06 2008
Angry IV

I thought someone said flapjacks in reference to how a strippers tits looked. I had that experience this weekend in Dallas. She was coincidentally the same chick that had a c-section scar.

24 06 2008
Landon

lol

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Flapjacks…lol..damn man not even a mini-topic today..i dont feel liek going to the Black Women post…way to long to read this morning and to many angry black women to agree and disagree with…blah..i guess i have to work today..shucks

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

This….project is Pure D bullshit!!! Chris – this is real irresponsible of you!! You got us all to embrace our hateful sides, and then you just hang us out to dry. Now I’m filled with all of this unbridled hate and what the hell am I supposed to do with it!!! Dammit. Wake up. Coffee. Hate. That’s been my routine for the last few months. Then you come and pull this….project….bullshit. First R. Kelly gets off. Now this!

Someone please choose a topic. Angry IV, Rev Leon, Landon – what are you guys hating this morning?

24 06 2008
Landon

foxnews
Al Sharpton
Bad weaves
The High Top Fade coming back
Mcdonalds being cheap on the No ICe Sweet Tea

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Speaking of bad weaves… there is this black lady i work with that has the worst weave ever!!.. this women must get this shit done every 6-7 months cuz she will walk in looking like she has a rats nest on her head. I swore one day it had twigs and berries in it with a few robins eggs ahha. Well yesterday morning she came past my office to drop off some mail and her hair was done..but her weave was just horrible…it was platinum blonde with chocolate highlights…mind you this women is 2 shades away from Wesley Snipes…smh..i cant stand a black women period no matter what color she is with blonde weave WHY are you tryna look like briteny spears STOP IT!!!! and if i see another gorilla looking black woman with bright ass pink or red lipstick im gonna scream….please stop that shit ladies.. thats not wass up!

Im not very angry today because i took the day off..but now im bored because there’s no topic…i guess i’ll play with my dogs.

24 06 2008
Bailey Blues

I’m back today…I missed all of yesterday’s festivities. Even though there isn’t a topic, can we get a conversation going on? I’m bored at work 😦

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Is the high top fade really coming back? I’ve seen some people with it, but mostly older men, so I just thought they were hold overs from the 90s or something. That was not a good look. What were we thinking?

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

I think all you men should post a pic to the Facebook group of yourselves with a high top fade. You know you had one.

24 06 2008
Landon

i have a pic on facebook with my high top fade
i was in the 3rd or 4th grade so HAHA

but they coming back with the straight 80’s style of clothes, like I THOUGHT SHIT WAS DEAD…

if not that meansl Cross Colours and KarlKani are comig back sometime soon..

24 06 2008
Bailey Blues

I too hate the high top fade coming back! I hate this eighties shit everyone is doing. You look silly! I feel like everyone from NY, esp Harlem is rocking that look.

24 06 2008
Sylph

Landon,

I’d love to see it if you took the limited profile status of your page. I’ve tried searching for you like you said yesterday and YOU DON”T SHOW UP. Not even on friend’s list.

It’s okay, ghost.

Cross colors must die.

24 06 2008
Landon

Sylph,

I am on the SHPH page on Facebook… you can find me on there…

why is everyone so interested in me? I am just a regular ol’ negro…

or give me your information and i’ll find you…

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Why is Ice – T (who I hate with a burning passion) starting a beef with Soulja Boy? Really? Your a 50 year old washed up rapper/pimp/actor and you’re starting beef with a 16 year old? Really?

24 06 2008
Sylph

Make a comment there and I’ll believe you.

You make for good fodder. Also watching Muse verbally assault you on a daily basis amuses me.

Hey, I’m just a Brooklyn girl…

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAOOOOO yonnie really? beef with Soulja Boy? wackkkk…why are you beefing with a kid that could be your son? stop it!

24 06 2008
Bailey Blues

yeah i heard about their beef. people do anything to stay in the spotlight. just stick to SVU.

Hello Brooklyn! Me too!

24 06 2008
Knatural

Landon isn’t real.

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Yeah, they have some videos on TMZ. This is what my life has come to in absence of Chris’ daily rant. Anyways, I was only at that site b/c I wanted to see the video of Shaq dissin’ Kobe’s bitch ass.

24 06 2008
Landon

anyone here went to Midwood? or Rutgers?

24 06 2008
Landon

BK is my new hang out spot…

i am at Ft. Greene park every saturday playing football

24 06 2008
Bailey Blues

You live in Harlem?

24 06 2008
Landon

Yeah Bailey 🙂

but BK is my new get away from Harlem spot…

might even start by going by another name in BK, lol

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Shaq dissin’ Kobe’s bitch ass

24 06 2008
Bailey Blues

lol ask about me in BK…my name rings bells lol

But 4real, people are finally starting to realize that BK is hot! I wanted to move to Harlem but when I had to move, I couldn’t find a spot. So, now I’ve been living in BK for 2 years and I love it!

Yo, I just looked at your fb…we have some friends in common

24 06 2008
Sylph

That would be me sir. I went to both. 😉 I think you found me.

Shaq, step away from the mike. I won’t remember that just like you don’t want us to remember Kazaam.

24 06 2008
Landon

sylph thas you… aye…

ii thought thawas k natural… i am lost

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

LOL @Kazaam……I really think Kobe is a bitch but shaq is equally bitchified…

24 06 2008

: comes in stripping to: “pop that coochay…hey pop that coochay baybay”:

What’s good Black people…and shabooty!

24 06 2008
Sylph

Add me.

Knat’s comment is above yours on FB.

24 06 2008
Landon

Hey: Ne Ne 🙂

24 06 2008

My skripper name is:
THUNDER STORM

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

and the hight top fade died a slow painful death. If I see anybody rocking one down in the M I will karate kick they ass in the throat. That’s ridiculous the high top fade and the jerri curl are two trends that should never re-emerge

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

wow@ Ne

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

My Stripper name is Bubbles

24 06 2008
Landon

Ne:

is that because you have THUNDER THIGHS?

24 06 2008

No cause I make it rain son! lmaooooooooooo

24 06 2008
Landon

LMAO

24 06 2008

Mrs. Epps your stripper name is grass patch…Don’t hate!

24 06 2008
Landon

LMAO BABABWBWBABEBABAEBABE

24 06 2008
Landon

@Ne comment

grass patch

still laughing….

24 06 2008

Can you imagine her coming out to like a hippy song with grass patch pasties on?

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

OMGGGGG
NOOOOOOoooooo
dont hate the grass patch son!

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Ne you just mad cuz your imagiary friend were these two little white girls with red and blonde hair that wore candy striper outfits with brown teeth and they ate your boogers and they were the ones that would hit your little sister but you would get in trouble for it, but would swear up and down to your mom it was cindy and jill. ahahhah

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

I have a cousin named Bubbles. We’ve called her that since she was a baby. Now she’s a stripper. I’m trying to tell you black people – please be careful what you call your kids. If you call your son Ray-Ray, he WILL go to jail!

24 06 2008

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG LMAOOO MRS. EPPS. My imaginary friends were good….lololololol.

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

LOL @Yonnie3k…that is true we knew we were in for trouble when my cousin wanted to be known as Luscious…..

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Shady, your cousin can be a bouncer or a pimp.

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

LOL she was a stripper…but you remember from the other post that I have a cousin that is a pimp as well…LOL when I tell you that the fact that I am a college graduate is a miracle.. I am not lying or exaggerating!

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Wait!! Luscious is a girl? I was thinking it was a guy pronounced “loo-shus.” Oh! Count your lucky stars that your girl cousin is a stripper b/c her only other choice was porn star. Luscious LaJenkins. Yeah, given her options, she made the best choice.

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

LOL well lets hope so.. you never know which one she tried first!

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahaha reminds me of when my cousin was 5 or 6 and said she wanted to be called Chocolate Thunder during christmas time..we have that on tape..its the funniest shit i ever seen…

but recently the finnesit shit i heard come out a 5 yr olds mouth was when we were driving to the store and my step-daughter was singign some song on the radio…i guess her mom sings that crap to her..anyway next thing i know i hear ol girl in the back singign loud:

Now go and roll up the Swisher
But don’t drink all my liquor
You know it’s all good my nigga
Give me one second, I’ll pose for your picture
Like cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese
Now everybody just freeze, freeze, freeze, freeze
Now DJ bring the music please

24 06 2008
Landon

She could just be paying for school….

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

I know a guy named Lovely and thats his real name!!!

24 06 2008
Landon

I would have thrown HOLY WATER ON her!

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Yeah – I hate hearing kids sing inappropriate songs. I didn’t used to realize how much filth was on the radio until I had my niece an nephew in the car one day and they were singing, “My neck, my back…” I yelled at them to not sing it and then I switched the station.

Man I feel old

24 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

There was a guy named God Lucky Howard who was arrested in Tampa for selling cocaine near a church…

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5ibq9cJ0lbu0DUEJ0FM1zTSzzkPoQD91FVRB80

God Lucky? Really?

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

yea well its hard to get around it.. her mom lets her listen to it thats how she knows the words…plus we cant exactly put in our cd’s and stuff haha. but when she said it i bust out laughing out of surprise that she knew the lyrics word for word…smh… im sorry but i rather listen to the radio and let her sing the selected songs we let her sing to… than listen to a damn disney channel cd for the hr we ride around in the car from her house to ours and then to the store or whatever.. i get enough disney channel as it is when she’s at our house hahah

24 06 2008
Landon

Jesus Shuttles Worth 🙂 loved that name..

i mean in all reality what is BEYONCE thats a horrible name and not their are going to be lil girl running around with that name.

my friend is named
Ti’sadiqua
pronouced Sadiqua the Ti is silent… i ask no questions after high school when i met a girl named Aquinita.

That is why my nephews have unique middle names but Resume first names

Nicholas, Ashton and Dain are their frist names
we dont call them by that, well except for Dain

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

God Lucky selling coke near a church ahahah im sorry but that is way to convient.

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

God Lucky selling coke near a church ahahah im sorry but that is way to convient.

24 06 2008
Rev Leon Lonnie Luv

I was a substitute teacher for a minute. Oh the jacked up names I would have to deciper on the roll…

And why is almost every girl named “Unique” “Precious” or “Princess” such brats?

And I knew someone that had twin cousins named “Elegance” and “Magnificence”. While those names sound okay ‘on paper’, those could be stripper names for real…

24 06 2008
Landon

SOunds like that skit on love below with ANdre 3000 and farnworth, lol…

24 06 2008

lol mrs epps. Some people are not cut out to be parents.

lol @ landon. I still call Ray Allen Jesus shuttlesworth, especially when he hit 7 3’s in game 5.

24 06 2008
Landon

Ne:

i feel you but when he was fuckign up against Clev we were like we can call him Jesus Shuttlesworth anymore, lol

he’s more like Moses got you close but not to the promise land.

24 06 2008
Landon

we cant call him i mean.

24 06 2008

i know a girl who named her daughter excellence

24 06 2008

Omg I called him everything but the child of god in the clev series. It drove me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am very verbal watching basketball btw.

24 06 2008
puff

at home we name people by the days of the week. so odds are you’re gonna meet a friday, sunday or monday (seems like all the motherfuckers are born on those days, i’ve never met a tuesday in my life…)

along with a constance, mercy, peace… all those good graces

24 06 2008
Knatural

I love virtue names (I’m biased). At least they mean something. And I’d rather meet a day-of-the-week named Kwaku or whoever than a fucking Quanesha!

24 06 2008
Landon

Ne:

Are you verbal in other things too that you like doing?

24 06 2008
Landon

Hey my boy name is kwaku and he is very succesful..

24 06 2008

Yes I am landon.

I am fasting today. My inner fat girl just put a bomb in my car!

24 06 2008
puff

i know ghanians name people by the day they were born in their language (i have a couple relatives who go by kofi), but nigerians using the english form has just always made me laugh. it’s my peoples though so it’s all love

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

I know to many Kofi’s

24 06 2008
Yonnie3k

I met a January. I think she’s Filipino.

24 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

twins: Malikaniesha & Marthakayada
what about Ariea Sunshine (get it? a-ray-a sunshine)….

24 06 2008
Dustin

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I love that guy in Figure 3. I went as him for Halloween the year after Kill BIll Vol. 2 came out. My whole group of friends went as the entire cast of Kill Bill. I can’t remember if we won the contest or not. We were too wasted.

The year before that we went as the cast of Gilligan’s Island. We thought we lost so we started cussing out the entire law school on the microphones and drunkenly ran to the bar. Then when we realized we won, we were too unconcerned to go back all the way up to the stage to accept our prizes so we just continued to drink at the bar and molest 1L’s. Ha

25 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ Dustin. One year, I wanted to be the Soul-Glo mascot….then I found out one of my half-frat brothers (see: still rushing honors frat) did so…mind you, it was a white guy, so it was probably funny.

But yea, I would so do the Coming to America side characters costumes. DONT STEAL MY IDEA!!!

27 06 2008
Justin

You should see the hipster uniform in LA:

-V-neck t-shirt (bonus points if it’s purple or made of organic cotton)
-Dark skinny jeans
-Converse sneakers
-Aviator sunglasses
-Hair that looks like one of these guys’: http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2008/04/06/cutcopy_narrowweb__300x388,0.jpg

28 06 2008
naturalmel

I was shopping at the Safeway on georgia ave in nw dc once and a man was walking through the produce aisle and proceeded to clear his nose and spit out the mucus onto the floor. He, (random white dude) just kept walking through the section and continued picking out his fruit immediately after.

I have not been back since.

2 09 2008
ViK

The Pike Place Market is the #1 Farmers’ Market/Tourist trap here in Seattle. I was tempted to write about it when this was first posted, but…well here’s the story.

Across the street from the PPM is Victor Steinbruek Park, a homeless encampment/open air drug market that the cops would patrol, if it weren’t for the constant threat of illegally parked cars terrorizing the area. Anyway, when passing by the park on my way from the work to the bus stop, I happened to pass by an enterprising drug dealer, who I should note was yelling at the top of his lungs like any other farmer in the market, “I got weed, mushrooms and heroin. All organic, locally grown and free trade. I drove this up from Oregon in my Prius – get your eco-friendly weed!” Ah, yes. And while this guy was selling his “green” green, and pan handlers were accosting tourists, the cops (not meter maids, cops) were giving parking tickets. *sigh*

PS

I’ll miss SBPH

28 09 2008
ericka

then we cant figure out why so many black women have poor self esteem?? so women not just poor or black should not have children!!! children are people and not pets.

17 08 2009
Matt

Glad you put the not true on farmers cuz I would’ve(assholishly) blasted you on it. But I share your pain in that hipsters are the end of white people in general they suck, wear stupid fucking clothes, and act they are better because of it. Open markets are fucking awesome though good food, normally good people get eyed, and don’t hate the asians cuz of it they eye everyone being in an asian store as a white guy its the same they follow you around, ask questions, and can’t wait til you exit the store(sans one kick ass seafood place in my area). Honestly I don’t think asians trust anyone but asians.

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