Aside: Black Women

21 06 2008

The things I’ve witnessed over the past 10 days or so, especially tonight, have truly led me to understand why black women remain the most unmarried demographic of females in the entire fucking country. I can’t wait for Bill Cosby to write a followup to his original book “Come On, Ladies – Get The Fuck Out Of Your Own Way.”

Jesus fucking goddamn Christ…I did not think it was physically possible for me to be this pissed off.

Figure 1: I’ve never liked the man…but suddenly I think we understand one another

Editor’s Note: So I don’t have to hear anymore dumbasses waxing retarded about my alleged hatred of black women, I’m posting a followup comment I made several days ago to the front page of this post. To the other dumbasses who think this post was the result of me being rejected by a black woman, you are wrong. Sorry. If you read this comment and still think I hate black women, feel free to kill yourself.

The Comment:

“I know my own self-worth and I won’t lower my standards for yackity yackity yackity yack…”

What’s interesting about Muse’s response is that the problem good black men tend to have with black women (I’m leaving idiot black men out of the discussion because, like idiots of every color, they are irrelevant) is the very fact that so many women DO lower their standards. Then after getting burned they don’t raise their standards, they just come up with a bunch of stupid ones.

Damn near every black woman travels this path:

1. Fall for some assclown 50 cent lookalike wannabe music producer
2. Get burned by the assclown, but in the process learn what you don’t want in a man
3. Good guy falls in her lap, but she’s too busy dismissing him wholesale or beating him to death with her emotional baggage from the last relationship to realize she’s fucking herself over to, ironically, keep from getting fucked over

To illustrate:

Scenario 1) Sue is Jack’s “boo”. Jack doesn’t have a job, is forgiven. Jack cheats on Sue, is forgiven. Jack emotionally abuses Sue, is forgiven. Jack goes to jail on misdemeanor drug possession, is forgiven. Jack disrespects Jill’s friends, is forgiven. Jack reveals three illegitimate children, is forgiven.

Scenario 2) After Sue finally dumps Jack, she meets Bill. He is attractive, intelligent, and funny. She learns he owns his home, has a stable and high-paying career, and volunteers frequently. Sue is really into this guy…until she learns he’s two years younger than she is, which is against one of the new horseshit relationship rules she pulled out of O Magazine. When he asks if he can call her, she says “you’re too young” and walks away.

After exiting a bad relationship, women love to establish sets of criteria that their next guy will have to meet. This is a good concept except that the criteria the women pick are usually completely irrelevant when it comes to avoiding bad guys, and are at the same time remarkably effective at deflecting good guys. Shit like “I won’t date guys more than three years younger than me” or “I won’t give my number out at a bar” are typical examples of women thinking that having a lot of standards is the same thing as having good standards.

Black women aren’t the only ones that do this of course – women in general just love to make good guys jump through a thousand hoops while inexplicably opening the floodgates for marginally charismatic jackasses.
Non-black women, however, aren’t subject to the unfortunate and extremely unfair social circumstances that black women are; in short, black women, through no fault of their own, simply can’t afford to have this attitude.

Every black woman hears this argument about being attracted to bad guys and dismissing the good and cries “NOT ME, I’M DIFFERENT!”, and yet – as so many black men on this board can attest – we see it happen more often than not. It’s like ten years ago before it was cool to admit to watching porn: everybody said “I don’t watch that filth!”, yet porn was somehow a multi-billion dollar industry.

Other women throw nonsensical excuses at the person making the point:

1.) The good guys coming at me are dorky, ugly, and/or have no game
2.) You just hate black women
3.) Your problem is that you just have a fetish for white/asian women
4.) You hang out in the wrong places
5.) Don’t be mad because black women aren’t throwing themselves at you

I find it sad that in this age of female empowerment so many educated women are responding with this decidedly unempowering response. (Enthusiastically assigning blame to others robs you of the ability to fix the problem yourself and is decidedly unempowering.)

Granted, I could be accused of doing exactly that…except for the qualifying word ‘enthusiastically’. It does not make me happy to recognize the seemingly pathologic attraction black women have to liars, cheaters, losers, deadbeats and gangbangers. This might sound arrogant, but fuck it…I truly wish that I could assign most or all of the blame for my own mishaps with black women and their frequent attraction to unworthy men on myself – if the problem is me, then at least I’m in control.

I suppose I misspoke by saying these are all conclusions I came to in the last ten days. That’s not true; these opinions have been forming for years based on everything from personal experience to readings of doctoral dissertations (yea, I’m that asshole). It’s just the last ten days that finally set me off about it.

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457 responses

21 06 2008
Sylph

I know the question is going to come back again and again, but what group of black women are you talking to? Seriously. It’s like you have an unintended radar attracting bitches.

I am afraid to even ask what happened if you’re ready to jump to Wesley Snipes level but my nosy ass wants to know.

21 06 2008
london

ok darling…
i am dying to know…

21 06 2008
Funkyblackchick

Oh brother…

I love when people speak in absolutes…(insert sarcasm).

I’m sure this post will garner alot of attention from everyone who wants to join the “We Hate Black Women” bandwagon.

If I had a $1 for everytime a MAN (notice I didn’t distinguish betwn the races) pissed me off, I’d be rich, but in every bunch there’s always going to be rotten apples…

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

If I had a $1 for everytime a MAN (notice I didn’t distinguish betwn the races) pissed me off, I’d be rich, but in every bunch there’s always going to be rotten apples…

…yeah but if most of the fuji’s have bad spots or are rotten then that orchard might be fucked and u may wanna look at them fuji’s. all apples are not good for pies, some are just good for a fresh snack.

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

ok golden delicious then… you smell me.

21 06 2008
Soup Kitchen Scoundrel

It’s because the White woman sure do got a big heart aint it?

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Chris you already know menareb…….

its that whole sense of entitlement b.s. and the sisters got it baaadd.

what manner of clust-fuckery have you endured at the hands of beautiful (or not so…) black women this time. huh? make it known.

21 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

damn…. are we really all that bad?
that sucks.
what happended?

21 06 2008
Ed The Sports Fan

I LOVE BLACK WOMEN, and they love ED! sucks for you!!! Keep writing though, its still funny what you got to say.

-Ed.
http://www.edthesportsfan.com

21 06 2008
Sister Toldja

You can’t just say this, you have to give us some reasons as to why.

And there is no possible way that you can tell me that Black women are more to blame than Black men for our inability to be married. I also fail to believe that in the past 10 days you have been assaulted, stolen from, spit in the face, lied to, direspected and called every variation of the word “bitch” under the sun by a Black woman ….so unless I am wrong, I think you should be able to realize that some Black women are intolerable stunts, but most of us are at the very least decent.

Black men are fucked up. Black women are fucked up. But the way Black men treat Black women is waaaay more fucked up.

21 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

Damn can we get anymore vague? I mean you just cant throw out a blanket statement like that without giving the cause or justification? I guess you can but, whatever. I think Kat Williams said it best….. to paraphrase Its not all black women, just the black women that you deal with. Maybe you need to question what it is about you that keeps attracting and consequently picking this certain type of woman…

21 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

PMC…what sense of entitlement do black women have?

21 06 2008
Funkyblackchick

Here’s what I’m entitled to…PMC

I’m entitled to have a man treat me with respect whether he’s black, white, asian, etc..etc..

I’m entitled to being with a man who knows the definition of ‘teamwork’ and is willing to work towards making a relationship happen.

I’m entitled to having a man who has goals and knows how to attain those goals….

I’m entitled to reciprocity. If I’m going to be there for my ‘man’ and support him in his endeavors, whether career wise or personal, I expect the same.

Basically, if a man can’t perform the above duties, he’s not entitled to my time of day.

Maybe men should use better judgement in picking the women they choose to surround themselves with. Instead of grabbing the first book of the bookshelf, take time to carefully read the pages.

21 06 2008
Funkyblackchick

sorry for the typos…iphones don’t have spell check.

21 06 2008
3 Piece

I only hope this post was a way to prevent yourself from committing a serious crime because I understand that need. However Black WOMEN (not girls) hold up the world. so how could you possibly hate us?

21 06 2008
shabooty

black women are great for making chocolate strawberry short cakes
(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=strawberry+short+cake&r=f)

🙂

21 06 2008
zoso

An almost absolute:

Anyone who understands Wesley Snipes, without knowing him personally, needs to think about, and change, where s/he is at in life.

21 06 2008
Deesigner

What happened? And how dare you!
Black women make up the majority of your readership and you think that it is ok to throw us under the bus because YOU chose to engage with more than your share of airheads.

Black women are the most unmarried demographic because we tend to be loyal to a fault to undeserving F ups far longer than is reasonable.

If you can identify with Wesley Snipes then “More Power To You”. Just don’t come looking for comfort when Miss Ann takes your ass for everything, fried chicken and feathers included.

21 06 2008
ViK

This is cheating. Aren’t you going to tell us why? And thanks for pulling a Wesley Snipes/Dennis Rodman and collectively dissing us.

21 06 2008
zoso

“fried chicken and feathers included.” haha. So wrong.

21 06 2008
ViK


Soup Kitchen Scoundrel (14:00:25) :

It’s because the White woman sure do got a big heart aint it?

Wrong. It’s Asians.

21 06 2008
B

The vagiana demands an explanation.

21 06 2008
puff

yo can we not get our collective knickers in a twist and let ol boy chris explain what went down? not trying to act like a policewoman or anything, but like every other post on this website, the dude’s mad at something and doesn’t really give a shit if you feel the same or not.

p.s. i hate you shabooty, from the aviators from armani exchange to your italian shoes

21 06 2008
Suicide Girl Saturday | shabooty.com

[…] SBPH – Aside: Black Women […]

21 06 2008
CharmingBitch

Oh baby, no no no no no – Not the Wesley Snipes Place; you know you’re better than that, right?

And as an aside to your aside, the comments to this post alone mean you win the internet.

21 06 2008
Prettyflyforawhiteguy

Wow….I’ll never understand how black men can easily put down black women…bc of the faults of one individual they’ve dealt with….I can’t recall the last time I’ve heard a white man claim disdain for white women as a whole…

21 06 2008
Chelle

Does this mean you’re no longer seeking the Black law student you alluded to earlier?

Of course this post is disappointing, I’m hoping you’ll cool down and be able to draw on your logical side and realize that whoever you’ve encountered recently is not a representative sample of all black women.

Further, you know that the demographic of your readers is probably at least 75% black women, 80% of whom actually think you and the cranky-pants routine is cute, so this post must be a cleverly disguised roll call of sorts. I almost feel silly for responding to it and upping your hits but I can’t quit you…

Note to all the brothers: check out Obama and realize what you too can achieve with a sister by your side!

21 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

1.) Who the hell said anything about white women? Or asian women?

2.) Shabooty, you are disgusting. This is why we are friends.

3.) “Black women are the most unmarried demographic because we tend to be loyal to a fault to undeserving F ups far longer than is reasonable.” You (collective) also have an alarming tendency to pass up good men for fuckups. I hope you’re not insinuating that this is anyone’s fault but your (collective) own.

4.) None of this matters anyway.

21 06 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

how about saying what the fuck happened?!

21 06 2008
Quirky Cutie

If you’re gonna go there, then it goes both ways.

Funny how black women are the most unmarried demographic yet black men seem to have no problem knocking us up, but always find an excuse when it comes to taking care of their shit (commitment, kids). You don’t see white, asian, hispanic men leaving their women like that.

I second what prettyfly said…and you don’t see 70% of white men being raised by single mothers and being ungrateful by dissing every woman who looks like their mother.

21 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Further, you know that the demographic of your readers is probably at least 75% black women, 80% of whom actually think you and the cranky-pants routine is cute, so this post must be a cleverly disguised roll call of sorts. I almost feel silly for responding to it and upping your hits but I can’t quit you…”

Unfortunately, no – I’m not quite that insecure. This post was simply meant to keep me from ramming my head through my bathroom wall last night and having to spend my Saturday fixing the hole.

“how about saying what the fuck happened?!”

Because without posting the details, I’ve already seen the same responses I’d get if I did. Funny, huh?

21 06 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

Because without posting the details, I’ve already seen the same responses I’d get if I did. Funny, huh?

Chris, please! don’t pander now…

21 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

AHHH so this “You (collective) also have an alarming tendency to pass up good men for fuckups. I hope you’re not insinuating that this is anyone’s fault but your (collective) own.” explains it all……..

21 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“AHHH so this “You (collective) also have an alarming tendency to pass up good men for fuckups. I hope you’re not insinuating that this is anyone’s fault but your (collective) own.” explains it all……..”

No. I don’t get this pissed off just by being rejected.

21 06 2008
rdavis2010

But I mean your able to post so you obviously didn’t die or get otherwise seriously maimed.

This site is fun to read because your humor is caustic and you do a good job at really explaining your anger…so what I dont understand is why you wouldn’t tell the story.. or if you’re not going to tell the story …why post an aside ..a teaser ( aside from the fact that its your blog and you can do what you want)…how could you expect the responses to different if people dont know the story? Its like saying something so BAAAAAAAAAD happened but I am not going to to tell you what it is——-wow.

it does seem rather odd. Black women as a whole are included in your rant…you understand why black women dont get married..you agree with Wesley Snipes….yet the group that you have so much anger against doesn’t warrant a post??

I can take that because I am respectful of the thoughts and opinions of those who may not think like me…your hatred ( and it does come off that way) of black women is your’s to own…it all goes together…your dating white women exclusively because black women dont tackle you in the bar or chase you down the street or buy you an island in UAE that is shaped like your headdress or because they are named LA LA .. and your decision that the injustices or fuck-upped-ness that you experienced dont even warrant background info is all very telling…

but i come hear for the humor and the anger and the bitterness and that is being dished without any substance. Crazy asian delusional chick got a post..white women who run in the dark got a post…all very interesting. And you dont seem like a person to give a fuck based on your writing..so why not let it fly..be as belligerent as you usually hear..especially if its how you really feel

Oh well

21 06 2008
ninasimone

oops..posted under my email address

21 06 2008
zoso

“Because without posting the details, I’ve already seen the same responses I’d get if I did. Funny, huh?”

Aww that’s a cop-out. *shrug* But it is your site.

21 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

“Because without posting the details, I’ve already seen the same responses I’d get if I did”

I dont think so. This blog is full of eductated people, I am sure if you were to describe the situation many would provide a lot of in depth in sight into the situation. Men and women think differently but if you could hear the logic behind a woman’s action in any given situation it might make the irrational seem a little more rational, or it might cofirm that this particular woman is just crazy as hell…who knows

21 06 2008
ninasimone

is there a way to edit my first post and take my email away ?

21 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

“AHHH so this “You (collective) also have an alarming tendency to pass up good men for fuckups. I hope you’re not insinuating that this is anyone’s fault but your (collective) own.” explains it all……..”

No. I don’t get this pissed off just by being rejected.
LOL Touche`

I am sorry I didnt mean to imply that, what I meant was that I understand the frustration of having a friend walk into the same situation over and over again and then blame everyone else except herself. That’s all….

21 06 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

Chris, please! don’t pander now…

…excuse me while i roll my eyes.

i guess your testicles are on ice today.

21 06 2008
puff

after:

a) reading the statistic on unmarried black women in the USA and
b) sensing the huge angry vein pulsing on chris’ head from across the atlantic

i think i’ma stay in africa in the hopes of getting married/staying alive by avoiding any black men i may potentially infuriate simply by being

21 06 2008
TomatoHead

You know, you can’t post something like this without an explanation. Sure there are plenty of people who have knee-jerk reactions and start posting statistics and getting their panties in a bunch about how you hate all black women (even though you clearly don’t) BUT there are plenty of us who are reading the comments without posting just waiting for you to explain just wtf happened.

I think we are also just incredibly nosy…

21 06 2008
Deesigner

My real issue is how easy it is for everyone, including black men, to devalue black women in the most cavalier manner.
We have defended and nurtured black men to help you endure everything from the middle passage to the corporate jungle. Our fierce loyalty is why we have survived as a people.

And I agree with you Chris. We must take responsibility for our choices, particularly when it comes to choosing a husband/mate/sperm donor. However if we regularly and collectively rejected Black Men in general, and started doing the swirl in large numbers and blaming YOU for it, you gentlemen would have a greater understanding of why this type of talk is wounding.

21 06 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

Who gives a flying flip what a random dude in a feather suit thinks about black women? loooooooooooooooooooool I almost had a MI laughing so hard that some of ya’ll are taking it personally. lol get a life people

21 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“lol get a life people”

This coming from a ‘woman’ who took the time to find another IP to post comments from after being banned…

Idiot.

21 06 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

You didn’t ban me…I preemptively quit and came back…tada!

21 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

why did you come back?

21 06 2008
shabooty

Way to perpetuate the ‘Somalian pathological liar’ stereotype.

21 06 2008
Soup Kitchen Scoundrel

I just brought up white chicks because I love using that quote from The Boondocks.

DISCLAIMER: I LOVE Black women, my mother was Black, my grandmothers were Black, my daughter(s) will be Black (if I have them), and odds are (75%) that my future wife will be Black. Black women are wonderful.

With that being said…

I feel him (stuffblackpeoplehate) on how a lot of Black women (based off of the sample that I have known my entire life) want some guy that looks like a fake a** 50 Cent, with no job, and that lives with his mother. Then they want to complain when he doesn’t have ambition and uses their car all the time. Look at the movie baby boy. That woman could have gone out and gotten a educated brother with a good job. Instead she got an ex-convict and some bum that lived with his mother. Sadly that happens far too often in real life.

21 06 2008
Michael

This is why I love this blog!

All the black women that are upset, he is telling the damn truth. Look how many college educated black women date straight up niggas. I would routinely see college educated black women dating men who dropped out of high school or have high school diplomas and no ambition.

But this shit is crazy, you gotta be out your mind to make this blog…DAMN! LOL GREAT!!!

21 06 2008
ninasimone

i didnt know for sure how anybody feels since i dont know him..but i think there is a little extra vitriol towards black women around these parts–just my opinion..so I dont care who gets riled up about that…plus I visit anyway lol……im not saying that black women cant be bogus or that some of reasons why things are the way they are is because of attitudes and behaviors. I know better than that.

no help with the email thingy?

and still no explanation ha! …cuz black women iz evil bitches:-)

21 06 2008
Muse

As a Black woman nothing pisses me off more than when Black men generalize us based on a negative stereotype or their own poor dating choices. No one is perfect yet when a Black woman expresses her frustration or disappointment, suddenly she’s difficult to deal with or unmarriageable. Sometimes I wonder if many Black men have a hidden animosity towards Black women and just don’t want to admit it because it isn’t the PC thing to do.

At this point in my life, I’m starting to not care what other people think. I know I’m fabulous and any man will be lucky to have me. Sounds arrogant? Well it’s called knowing your own self worth. My dad taught me that. If a man can’t treat your right or go the extra mile then tell him to kick rocks. I would encourage Black women everywhere not to allow anyone to lower your value or feed your some bullshit rhetoric about how undesirable you are because I guarantee you there is someone out there you will appreciate you for all your glory. Most importantly love yourself to enough to make men step up to the damn plate. Screw these loser assholes who think that they can just sit back and get treated like Kings when they don’t know what it means to have a Queen.

Granted there are tons of Black women with issues, but who doesn’t have character flaws to work out? No one is perfect. In fact I get pissed off that everyone from the slutty White girl or the Asian chick with the arrogant disposition gets a pass but God forbid of a Black woman might be having a bad or simply wants to be left alone.

Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Wesley Snipes and all the Black women haters out there can go jump off the cliff.

Oh BTW FUNKY BLACK CHICK YOU ARE MY NEW BEST FRIEND. I love your post.

In fact I personally don’t want to date some Black man who has deep seeded hate issues towards Black women. In fact I wish all the Black men who hate us to come out of the closet so we can avoid your evil asses.

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

yeah this is great Chris. there are a lot of women that do seem to be taking the innuendo you’ve made verrrrryyyy personally. (perhaps rightfully so, perhaps not.)

I think Funnyblackchick is the one commentor who has the right attitude about the ambiguity and inferences in this sityo. (situation, sorry Lord Vader)

I love women, particularly black women, yet it doesn’t negate my frustration concerning their “chick logic” nor some of the particular cultural mores (not to be confused with stereotypes) of black women.

if you are understanding my earlier post correctly, then you can see, that i believe “most women have a sense of entitlement.” regardless of race. i read some comments over at vsb that adressed chick logic. damn i hate i missed that day but to read the comments was hilarious. funny shit, but genuine from the men and women.

it’s something about the mf’s crying the loudest that screams; i’m stuck! LOL!
laugh a lil bit relax, shit!

21 06 2008
Muse

PMC I’m all for laughing and jokes but the “Black women ain’t shit” argument is getting old and tiresome. If a Black man has issues with Black women then stop dating them. No one is stopping them! I’m tired of hearing it. As I stated in previous posts if a Black man wants to date everything but Black women then GOD BLESS HIM. Do you but don’t shit on Black women in the process. Besides wy would I want to be with someone who doesn’t find me desirable? It doens’t make sense.

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Shabooty, it’s Shaboy; PMC you’re a fool! LOL! …demented even. LMAO!

21 06 2008
r.g

your new bff is wife-beater snipes? damn bro, she must’ve done you wrong.

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Muse I’m black and I love black women. I find it kind of bigoted, narrowminded if you will, if a person claims they are not openminded enough to consider dating any specific race. i can understand if you have druthers. (preferences, id rather…)

btw, the “black men ain’t shit” argument is getting tiresome as well. …but hell i can laugh at it being fully aware of the black male to black female ratio and the demographics surrounding it.

it’s the psychographics that choke my soalr plexus. (male versus female)
i think i understand why some of the major influences are the way they are between black male and black female but hell thats a debate for another day.

21 06 2008
Michael

@ Muse

I doubt Stuff hates black women and reveres other races since he has written the same shit about Asian women multiple times.

Coming from me, someone who exclusively dates black women, I get his point and I get yours to an extent. When I speak badly of black women and their choices its not from the women I date, more from the women I am friends with or observe. Majority of black women I know have horrible dating habits and make unrealistic expectations they get from this “I need to be a Queen” mentality. Pride will get you in a lot of trouble and it takes swallowing your pride, on both ends, for a relationship to work.

What gets me as a college educated man is I see a lot of college educated black women with men who are really below them. I don’t see that with black men who are my peers. Never have I thought to pick up some hood rat and try to fix her, but I have seen that from black women multiple times.

I dunno we can argue back and fourth but no conclusion from this.

21 06 2008
Muse

I’ve never said Black men “ain’t shit” nor have the women in my circle of friends. Some of you watch way too much tv. Granted my girlfriends and I have vented about stupid ex-boyfriends but never have we lumped a whole group of people based on our own personal experiences. As for the thug comment, Um perhaps that’s the preference of hood broads. I’ve always dated educated Black men without criminal records.

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

“Majority of black women I know have horrible dating habits and make unrealistic expectations they get from this “I need to be a Queen” mentality.”

hmmmmmm….

21 06 2008
Muse

Perhaps I do have entitlement issues but if a man is not stepping up to the plate then why waste my time? My dad taught my early on how valuable I am so anything less than the best is not acceptable. In turn I treat my guys extremely well. From my experience some men get really comfortable when they meet a woman who goes all out for them and stop making the effort. When that has happened, I stepped back because relationships aren’t about making just one person feel good. It’s supposed to be reciprocal. I also noticed that SOME Black men who have it together on in most areas have an ego and they feel that since so many women desire them, they don’t have to put any effort in making the relationship work.

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Muse, reciprocity in a relationship, like water usually finds it’s own level. great you can step the fuck off when you need to. LOL!

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

“I’ve never said Black men “ain’t shit” nor have the women in my circle of friends.”

surely you know this doesn’t nullify the fact that there is a pervassive “black men aint shit” stereotype, mindset etc. (just as much if not more than the “black women aint shit” one)

“Some of you watch way too much tv.”

i get the feeling that there is an heir of selective ambiguity around the word “you” in the prior Muse quote. LOL! slick.

21 06 2008
Michael

@ prime minister

“Hmmmm….”

What’s up? I am not a participant in this whole king and queen nonsense. I feel like black people are compensating when they do all that “He needs to treat me like a queen…or she needs to treat me like a king…” stuff. All I need is, respect, you love me, and you throw some vagina my way every once and a while. I think black culture dives way too deep when they could just coast.

Unless you weren’t saying Hmmm to that or I took your Hmmm for something else and I wrote this for nothing…LOL

21 06 2008
london

chris…
have just come back from a day’s shopping and stuff hoping to see some explanation…
what the fuck happened darl?
stop sulking and spill it…
a problem shared and all that…

look we in the uk have had to deal with a cunt named alex on big brother in the press this week.. she is some random rank black skank acting up on reality tv – shaming all of us in the process…. here’s the short version of events…
http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/organgrinder/2008/06/post_69.html
yes.. she gets kicked the fuck out…
it really cannot be that bad surely?

21 06 2008
Sue

Chris,

I understand being pissed at some female for stupid behavior but I think you went a bit too far with the Wesley Snipes part. I think that especially irked some of the ladies.

By the way, I have been mistreated/disrespected by brothas in the past but I’ve never lumped them all into one group and dismissed them as basically undesirable as you have to black women.

Now men in general, that’s another story….

21 06 2008
london2

chris.. if you let us know what went down we could all have an informed conversation..
as it stands.. black women on here are going to have your cute butt in a sling if you do not explain your grievance..

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Michael i was chewing over your point about the treat me like a queen complex.

i think its a valid observation and that a LOT women of perhaps even MOST of them OVEREXAGGERATE their expectations predicated on it.

that’s all.

21 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

😦 uber sad face for not saying what happened… i’ll for give you when you post someting new tomorrow though…. ^_^

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

london2: “black women on here are going to have your cute BUTT IN A SLING if you do not explain your grievance..”

who says? …and then what?

lemme guess if he doesn’t women on SBPH are going to put it on his “permanent record.”

empty threats…..

leavem hanging. they won’t be able to sleep imagining themselves to death. my ex-girlfriend use to do it all the time. (imagining things that i did not say or do, but then again she knew it all.) i wonder if she knew she was gonna have to get to stepping? MUUUHHAAAAAAA ha ha ha ha ha!

21 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“I know my own self-worth and I won’t lower my standards for yackity yackity yackity yack…”

What’s interesting about Muse’s response is that the problem good black men tend to have with black women (I’m leaving idiot black men out of the discussion because, like idiots of every color, they are irrelevant) is the very fact that so many women DO lower their standards. Then after getting burned they don’t raise their standards, they just come up with a bunch of stupid ones.

Damn near every black woman travels this path:

1. Fall for some assclown 50 cent lookalike wannabe music producer
2. Get burned by the assclown, but in the process learn what you don’t want in a man
3. Good guy falls in her lap, but she’s too busy dismissing him wholesale or beating him to death with her emotional baggage from the last relationship to realize she’s fucking herself over to, ironically, keep from getting fucked over

To illustrate:

Scenario 1) Sue is Jack’s “boo”. Jack doesn’t have a job, is forgiven. Jack cheats on Sue, is forgiven. Jack emotionally abuses Sue, is forgiven. Jack goes to jail on misdemeanor drug possession, is forgiven. Jack disrespects Jill’s friends, is forgiven. Jack reveals three illegitimate children, is forgiven.

Scenario 2) After Sue finally dumps Jack, she meets Bill. He is attractive, intelligent, and funny. She learns he owns his home, has a stable and high-paying career, and volunteers frequently. Sue is really into this guy…until she learns he’s two years younger than she is, which is against one of the new horseshit relationship rules she pulled out of O Magazine. When he asks if he can call her, she says “you’re too young” and walks away.

After exiting a bad relationship, women love to establish sets of criteria that their next guy will have to meet. This is a good concept except that the criteria the women pick are usually completely irrelevant when it comes to avoiding bad guys, and are at the same time remarkably effective at deflecting good guys. Shit like “I won’t date guys more than three years younger than me” or “I won’t give my number out at a bar” are typical examples of women thinking that having a lot of standards is the same thing as having good standards.

Black women aren’t the only ones that do this of course – women in general just love to make good guys jump through a thousand hoops while inexplicably opening the floodgates for marginally charismatic jackasses.
Non-black women, however, aren’t subject to the unfortunate and extremely unfair social circumstances that black women are; in short, black women, through no fault of their own, simply can’t afford to have this attitude.

Every black woman hears this argument about being attracted to bad guys and dismissing the good and cries “NOT ME, I’M DIFFERENT!”, and yet – as so many black men on this board can attest – we see it happen more often than not. It’s like ten years ago before it was cool to admit to watching porn: everybody said “I don’t watch that filth!”, yet porn was somehow a multi-billion dollar industry.

Other women throw nonsensical excuses at the person making the point:

1.) The good guys coming at me are dorky, ugly, and/or have no game
2.) You just hate black women
3.) Your problem is that you just have a fetish for white/asian women
4.) You hang out in the wrong places
5.) Don’t be mad because black women aren’t throwing themselves at you

I find it sad that in this age of female empowerment so many educated women are responding with this decidedly unempowering response. (Enthusiastically assigning blame to others robs you of the ability to fix the problem yourself and is decidedly unempowering.)

Granted, I could be accused of doing exactly that…except for the qualifying word ‘enthusiastically’. It does not make me happy to recognize the seemingly pathologic attraction black women have to liars, cheaters, losers, deadbeats and gangbangers. This might sound arrogant, but fuck it…I truly wish that I could assign most or all of the blame for my own mishaps with black women and their frequent attraction to unworthy men on myself – if the problem is me, then at least I’m in control.

I suppose I misspoke by saying these are all conclusions I came to in the last ten days. That’s not true; these opinions have been forming for years based on everything from personal experience to readings of doctoral dissertations (yea, I’m that asshole). It’s just the last ten days that finally set me off about it.

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

whew! …and Chris, they still don’t know the specifics of what happened last night. BIG thefuck UP!

I feel ya dude and there is nothing wrong with a good treatise/thesis.

holla thefuck back! LOL!

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

now on any given day on SBPH we can talk about, make fun of and be serious all at the same time about all kinds of taboo, misogynistic, racial etc. issues but today mf’s all catholic school marmish and serious as cancer. the fuuuck outta here! lighten THEFUCK up.

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

now on any given day on SBPH we can talk about, make fun of and be serious all at the same time about all kinds of taboo, misogynistic, racial etc. issues but today mf’s all catholic school marmish and serious as cancer. the fuuuck outta here! lighten THEFUCK up.

21 06 2008
nelo

chris…..

I am willing to say that as a black female, you do have a point. Black women do that ish all the time. And so do other women. White women have fallen for niggas who have 5 kids from different baby mamas, know that they beat the hell out of each baby mama, and are surprised that he hits her. I know an Asian women who is still with her husband after he paid another woman’s bills. The only difference between these women and other women is insecurity. Some women have been so burned that they don’t want to accept anything decent. They would rather go back to a relationship like the one that screwed them over so they fix it in some shitty way.

Don’t ask me why but I know that’s what happens.

I agree that women should higher criteria for bad guys and maybe expand their criteria so they can good men.

21 06 2008
TomatoHead

I think what most people are missing is the fact that about 80% of the people you meet are fucked up in some way or another. I’m not going to give my number out to every guy who asks for it, “good” man or not, simply because I don’t want to be bothered with anyone’s bullshit.

There are an amazing amount of dumb women and men out there, the general public is STUUUUUPID. Just from reading the comments on any popular YouTube video you get a sampling of the pure and unadulterated dumbassery that a surprisingly large population of folks adhere to. I can’t deal with that kind of nonsense from anyone but a vast amount of women do.

I’m not going to lower my standards for anybody, Not a “good” man either. I don’t want to date a guy 3 years younger than me because they are typically emotionally “not there”. I don’t care if they own their own house or have a steady, high-paying job or volunteers frequently. Those things don’t mean shit if the guy is emotionally far behind otherwise. A guy could have a good job, but still have 3 baby mommas. He could volunteer often but still be verbally abusive. He could do all three of those things and still be a drug dealer. Just because someone looks good on paper doesn’t mean they are a good person.

Overall, women are stupid. Men are stupid. But I don’t have to give my number to an ugly guy just because he might be a nice guy with a good job. If I don’t want to fuck him, there is no relationship.

21 06 2008
TomatoHead

Oh, and I don’t think you hate black women or that you have a fetish for Asian/white women or that you hang out in the wrong places or that you’re mad because black women aren’t throwing themselves at you.

21 06 2008
Muse

Chris,

I’m not trying to discount your own experiences with Black women but the scenarios that you presented are problems that all women face in the dating world. My firm belief is a woman’s dating choices are strongly influenced by the male role models she had growing up. The VSB blog touched on this issue a few days ago and there was a general consensus that women who consistently make bad judgments when it comes to men probably didn’t have that positive male figure in her life growing. Nothing against women who didn’t grow up with fathers but I’ve noticed a huge difference in dating patterns between my girlfriends who had positive male role models in their life and those who did not. My dad and I are very close and he taught me early on how I’m supposed to be treated. I’ve dealt with guys who I initially thought were awesome men but after awhile their true doggish ways eventually came out. When I made that discovery about them I distance myself from the relationship. A lot of other women would have hung on in hopes that individual will change or treat them better.

Women who end up in long term relationships with foul men probably have daddy issues and didn’t learn early on how a man is supposed to treat them. Other women have low self esteem and are afraid that they are not worthy of a nice guy. As for the women who do get nice men and treat this lime crap, well that’s baggage as a result of not taking the time to heal. Nothing is more detrimental to a relationship than someone bringing old baggage from a previous one. When I meet a new guy, I can honestly say that he gets a fresh start. If we break up, it’s because of something that happened in our relationship, not because of old issues from an ex.

FUCK. It’s 103 degrees in the valley. Jesus Christ. I wanna go out but it’s too damn hot to even hit the beach.

21 06 2008
ChaoticDiva

…I can’t read all of those replies…

But I’m nosy. And I’m new to your side.

Fuck it. If you’re allowed to say what you said, I might as well talk about how much I hate both Black and Latin Men. Fuckers, with all of their fuckery.

Ok, lets go grab a few shots of tequila…I need a new drinking buddy.

21 06 2008
ChaoticDiva

*site, not side. Fucking typos.

21 06 2008
Muse

tomatohead….

Good point. Guys don’t lower their standards for ugly girls so why should we have to date Shrek?

Hahah the day I hear a guy say:

“well even though she’s 5’2 300lbs, flat pimple ass, and skank breath, at least she’s smart, has a great job, and nice so I’m going to wife her up”

Is the day hell freezes over, Jesus has come back, and men have the ability to give birth out of their asshole.

21 06 2008
Sue

Nelo,

You are sooo right! This black men vs black women thing is so incredibly stupid! Let’s all just take responsiblity for the shit that we do and decisions that we make! I think if I get defensive is when I get tarred with the same brush as other people when it comes to particular behaviors.

Chris’ example for instance, (so why you had to use my name???lol) described a common scenario. However, I’ve never experienced that scenario and I wouldn’t stand for it either but since I am a black woman, his reasoning or whatever applies to me. Maybe I’m being sensitive but I guess I didn’t see the “I’m talking about certain people, you know who you are” disclaimer that is usually inherent in his posts.

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Muse, “Shrek” ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! you’re killing me!

21 06 2008
Sue

Oh and Chris,

I’m with Tomatohead, I don’t believe you hate black women either. But, your experience aside, I think your reasoning is flawed.

21 06 2008
TomatoHead

@Muse: truly one thing I don’t get about black guys. They say black women won’t date a guy who is ugly or dorky or short or whatever and I conversely put that question to them. You wouldn’t date an ugly woman or a nerdy woman or a woman who was way taller than you so why should I do the same with a guy?

21 06 2008
Yesha

…and the reason that black women are seemingly attracted to those stereotypical black men is b/c of their FATHERS…So if you’re going to come down on the black woman, figure out the role the black man originally played in their lives….

Now personally, my father is Irish, and not to say that it’s a hell of a lot different or better, but I saw the way he treated my mother and I even saw the way my uncles, who are black, treated their girlfriends & wives, so I expect the same out of any potential mate.

I do have female cousins, who did/do have strong black men as role models in their lives..and guess what…they’re all successful black women with successful black men at their sides..

From a sociological/psychological standpoint SOMETIMES (I don’t deal in absolutes), it doesn’t matter how successful a black woman is, if she didn’t have a strong/positive black male figure in her life, she’s still going to pick in the trash.

So SBPH, maybe whomever has your boxer briefs in a bunch, is one of those women….but then again, maybe she’s not….But being that we’re both in the DC area, where the women out number the men 2:1, I’m sure you’d be able to come across a successful, black woman, who doesn’t have the excess baggage and issues, who isn’t emotionally constipated and who expects better out of men besides the wannabe 50 Cent characters on any given corner in S.E.

Speaking of 50 Cent, why speak ill of him, that man was obviously a smart enough business man to have yall negroes pay $3.00 for a bottle of sugar water with some vitamins in it.

21 06 2008
Funkyblackchick

Yesha= Funkyblackchick

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

damn yesha nice nice pic. …and yeah 5th is a smart business person but these wack ass wannabes most of the time are not.

21 06 2008
Sue

@ Yesha

But being that we’re both in the DC area, where the women out number the men 2:1

Its more like 5:1. DC’s a true college town!

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

there’s more to the DC area than Prince George’s county.

21 06 2008
Michael

@TomatoHead

I dated a girl who was 6 feet tall (I’m 5’9) and everyone said was odd looking, LOL. Actually most girls I date my friends think are odd but I have never had a psycho girlfriend, we are all still cool, etc…

Now there are certain standards, I don’t date FUGLY girls, but I don’t say stupid shit like “Oh she don’t have an ass I can’t date her.” The problem comes when you will choose a substandard guy over a good guy because of something like weight or height. If I had the choice between Jill Scott and Halle Berry…Jill would get it all day cause Halle is NUTS

Reminds me of the movie “Something New” When she was sizing up the black men and picking out superficial flaws they may have.

21 06 2008
ViK

Poppin in late after being gone all day. The “Asian Women” comment I made earlier wasn’t directly from this post. It was from an earlier post where you mentioned you almost married an Asian woman, and in FAQs that mostly non-Black women were attracted to you. But hell, as long as the post is going to be vague, I ran with it. Dippin back out, catch y’all later…

21 06 2008
Funkyblackchick

@Prime Minister—Thanks…I didn’t realize I was signed into my wordpress account…that rarely happens…

@Sue– 2:1; 5:1; in any event, there’s OPTIONS everywhere around here….I don’t claim exclusivity to soley dating black men, and I doubt SBPH does either in regards to women…my issue is the whole Wesley Snipes comparison…Anyway, with Wesley being unattractive, I wouldn’t want to date a man with a prison record..lol

21 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

“Now there are certain standards, I don’t date FUGLY girls, but I don’t say stupid shit like “Oh she don’t have an ass I can’t date her.” The problem comes when you will choose a substandard guy over a good guy because of something like weight or height. If I had the choice between Jill Scott and Halle Berry…Jill would get it all day cause Halle is NUTS”

well Michael here’s the rub. (no pre-conceived notions) all other things being equal who would you choose to try and get with if you couldn’t start wih both; the chick with the pretty face and curvy proportionate bod or the chick that might be a lil over weight and cute face?

21 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I suppose all this talk about good guys being ugly is based on my comment:

“The good guys coming at me are dorky, ugly, and/or have no game”

I called this excuse nonsense because it is, indeed, nonsense. This portrait women have of good guys being ugly is not based on actual experiences, especially since genuinely nerdy guys rarely have the balls to approach attractive women anyway. Black women turn down men who are objectively considered jawdroppingly attractive and fit the other criteria I’ve mentioned ALL THE TIME.

It’s tempting to say that maybe these good-looking guys are failing because they have no game, swagger, or personality – but again, that’s refuted by the fact that these are the same guys readily snapped up by attractive and educated non-black women.

Anyway, nobody’s asking you all to date Carlton fucking Banks or that asshole from Mo’ Money. Nobody’s asking you to lower your standards. What I’m asking for is for women to toss away their bullshit standards (if you’re 29, it is PATENTLY FUCKING MORONIC to dismiss a 26 year old because you have a ‘three year rule’. So please get the hell outta here with the kneejerk responses about what you’re “too good for.”

22 06 2008
TomatoHead

@Micheal: You’d pick Jill Scott over Halle Berry because you KNOW she’s crazy. But if you saw two women of comparable size walking down the street, you’d be all over the Halle Berry-looking one, and don’t say you wouldn’t because then you’d be lying.

And I have heard black guys say they won’t date a girl with “no ass” more than most would think. The thing about an ugly guy is that I am just not attracted to him. It’s not gonna happen. It doesn’t matter how nice he is or how good of a job he has, I’m not going to be attracted to every black guy out there, period. Women can usually understand if a guy doesn’t want to date a girl for a physical reason but dudes get all affronted like black women can’t afford to be picky because there aren’t enough black men out there. Well too bad, dickwads. If I can’t find a black one, I’ll get someone who isn’t black.

And “little” things to men aren’t little to a woman. I can’t go out with a guy who is shorter than me. I’m 5’5″. If a guy is shorter than me, then he has little-man issues and needs to get with a really short girl. If a guy has a giant mole on his face/ear/neck, i’m going to be staring at it and grossed and wondering if it’s cancerous. I can’t date guys who are overweight and by overweight I mean like Suge Knight looking guys. All that flab is not ok when I’m really small.

22 06 2008
Michael

@ Optimus Prime Minister

Well thats different. If a woman is confronted with 2 men who are of equal goodness and one is finer then the other and she picks the finer one, I can see that. Its when you choose fine person who is sub par that bugs me.

Lil chub cute face might have to get picked though. I tend to date skinny chicks (for some reason “thicker” girls want super skinny guys, that’s not me) cause that’s who show me the most attention. So a lil chub would be something new LOL.

22 06 2008
TomatoHead

And ugly guys are not just the good ones, I know from experience. If a good looking guy who has a good job and all that can’t get a woman, then something is wrong with him that isn’t obvious from the get-go or the woman just isn’t “feeling” him. You can’t just put a man and a woman in a room together and poof! they are attracted to one another. You can’t look at it as “baggage” or “standards”, maybe that woman just doesn’t get along with the guy for some reason or he said he voted for Bush.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

MIchael. yo! Optimus Prime Minister. LOL! good 1 dude. this is just the chuckle i needed today.

I’m slim, 6 foot 3 inches 200 lbs. (not skinny) and I feelya when you say big girls are attracted to slim dudes. gotdammit they stay jocking me. i’ll do a lil plump, ya know in the right places. i’ll even do oversexed but that linebacker lookin shit is just NOT me.

22 06 2008
Muse

PMC did you say you were 6’3 and 200lbs? : )

Sorry I’m being thirsty. Something about a tall man does it for me.

It’s now 97 degrees outside. Yah!

Why is my old ass neighbor watering his grass topless? He’s so freaking hairy!

22 06 2008
Michael

@ TomatoHead

Yeah you got me. I would be jocking Halle but as soon as I found out she was nuts I would book it over to Jills house. Women tend to want to fix and marry stupid dudes while men will smash a stupid chick but will never plan to marry her.

The problem with blanket statements is that we all get offended and point out the instances where it is not like that. Of course you aren’t going to date Suge Knight with a mole and a club foot. That’s another problem, people go MAD overboard when it comes to examples. No one wants you to date the hunchback of Notre Dame, I think we are pointing to more superficial shit like not having game or just something dumb.

“No Ass no fuck” dudes are usually jackasses, see: Lil Wayne. I have rarely met a man who points out superficial shit like females do, when it comes to someone they really like NOT when they are bullshitting and talking about strangers. I am friends with a single 27 year old who wants to get married and her problem was she met a guy she liked but wasn’t attracted too but dated him for 2 months. I can never see a dude ever doing that. If I am dating you for 2 months theres no way I am not attracted to you. I guess to us that’s the kind of stupid stuff we hear that makes us go WOW.

@ Prime

LOL no problem homie

As for the girls thing, yes I am a wide shoulder linebacker looking dude (people see me with my college shirt on and ask me if I play for the team, not sure if its my size or their racism) and nothing but skinny chicks really try to get at me or show me interest. That plus I am dark skinned, so again people get mad but really light skinned girls tend to show me more love. Aw weird ways of shit.

22 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“If a good looking guy who has a good job and all that can’t get a woman, then something is wrong with him that isn’t obvious from the get-go or the woman just isn’t “feeling” him.”

Yes. But when this lack of feeling somehow bubbles up to a macro scale, something more is there.

I wouldn’t find any of this annoying to begin with if I didn’t have to constantly hear black women whining about there being ‘no decent men.’ If you’re feeling guys who are a little more edgy and exude danger (real or imagined), do your thing. Just don’t bitch and moan when the inevitable happens.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

yes Muse darling 6ft, 3inches, 200 lbs. that sun is not the only thing that’s got you hot i see. LOL!

and did you just say you were “being thirsty.”

im a nice, cool, long, drink but hella intoxicating. no hangovers and all that shit though. it’s a soft landing babe.

22 06 2008
Muse

OMG can a Black woman have her preferences without folks making references about Black women as a whole? If a female doesn’t want to date a guy 3 years younger that’s her right. My White girlfriends are some picky female yet no one ever criticizes them for their preferences. In fact my girl Janice is a great example of someone who has ridiculous standards. She will not date a guy unless he is making gat least six figures, has a job that she considers prestigious (i.e. lawyer, doctor, investment banker etc…), Ivy League educated, and he has to be at least 6’0. Interestingly enough she gets what she wants without any apologies. Now if my ass (A Black woman) had those standards, folks will come out of the woodwork to call me a superficial gold-digger. What a bullshit double standard Black women have to deal with.

22 06 2008
Michael

@ Muse

I believe Chris is making the point that Black women can’t afford to be as super picky as they are. When you bring up white girlfriends not being criticized, well they don’t have the same problems maybe they can afford to be that way. Same way a lot of white people can afford to be lazy in college when we can’t.

22 06 2008
Michael

One more thing, your friend Janice is a gold digger and I can find many a white man who would agree.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

2 Michael: “Of course you aren’t going to date Suge Knight with a mole and a club foot.” Shrek again! LOL!!!! you all are killing me with the scrips today.

…and you know what Michael, i feel ya again on: short girls make me feel like they subconciously want to stretch their genes by getting with a tall guy. it’s like this 2 extremes thing.

note: i have found that some good and big things can cum in small pkgs. however being tall, i crave to stand almost face to face with a beauty and talk sexy. mmmmmm. even if it’s in 4 inch heels.

22 06 2008
Muse

BTW Tomatohead (I keep laughing at your new alias), you’ve made some very valid points so far.

PMC uh huh.

Maybe I shouldn’t say “thirsty” I’m just a very blunt individual. I figure that I’m too grown to not speak my mind when it comes to the opposite sex. I love tall men. Tall men have the advantage over short guys. They exude this power when they walk into the room. Tall people command attention without trying.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

2 Michael: “I believe Chris is making the point that Black women can’t afford to be as super picky as they are. Same way a lot of white people can afford to be lazy in college when we can’t.”

interesting analogy. very.

Mike says to Muse: “One more thing, your friend Janice is a gold digger and I can find many a white man who would agree.”

you’re dam skippy she is!

22 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

I think everyone has stupid ass standards….
some dudes won’t date dark girls
some girls won’t date light guys
someone won’t date someone because they took a piss at 5:06 and not 5:05
the list can go on
Chris,
If something like that happened last night (e.g. “you’re too old/ young/tall/ white sounding/ insert bullshit statement here) did you tell the girl that that standard was dumb? Because sometimes you gotta knock the bitch off her high horse….and you need to pass that ass up anyway, cause she full of piss and vinegar anyway.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Muse you’re an assertive woman huh? you like what you like. i’m not mad. i’m so ok with a lil extra attention. what are you, in the San Fernando Valley?

22 06 2008
Michael

@PMC
I bet Muse is a Thick gull (not a bad thing, just proves my point)

@Black Women
We are going way out into left field which is what happens on the interwebs. Everyone is going to far extremes with it about Shrek looking bad smelling dudes. Then the not having standards part.

The man has pointed out, “If you’re feeling guys who are a little more edgy and exude danger (real or imagined), do your thing. Just don’t bitch and moan when the inevitable happens.”

This says it all, if that’s not you then hey great!

BTW out of all the women talking are you guys single and do you or have you dated the dudes Chris is talking about, just curious.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

good attitude 4m_no_2_dc ” Because sometimes you gotta knock the bitch off her high horse.”

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

@PMC
I bet Muse is a Thick gull (not a bad thing, just proves my point)

LOL! i bet you’re right.

but if she is, is she thick in the right places. hmmmmmm!

what say Muse?

22 06 2008
Muse

I weigh about 300lbs but you know men loves them a big gurl.

22 06 2008
zoso

I somewhat agree with Muse. *Although*, I’m with Chris on the age thing. If he’s a good dude, then age (especially less than 5 yrs!) ain’t nothin’ but a number.

22 06 2008
Michael

@ Muse

As Long as your got your FUPA looking right then its cool LOL

22 06 2008
TomatoHead

I’ve never dated a grimy looking dude. The last guy I was with is black and plays basketball for my college and is a super Christian. Very sweet guy and everything but he’s a year younger than me and felt that he needed some time go out and do his “man” thing (meaning go around and fuck a bunch of random chicks). I said, go ahead..remember to use a condom.

The other guys have been suuuper random, like an asian guy who I went on one date with and couldn’t stand because he couldn’t make up his mind about anything (this fool called me from the concession stand and asked me if I was sure I wanted gummi bears and wondered if he should get something else).

Another guy was a football player; black guy who didn’t want a girlfriend, just someone to fuck so I told him to get lost.

The last guy was a friend of mine from high school who I was off and on with for 3 years before we finally just broke it off due to both of us just hating each other. He was half white half black.

I’m 22 and have only dated 4 guys…am I that picky? Actually, I know what it is. I hate dating just to “date” someone. I want to have a boyfriend/someone I see a real future with. Dating isn’t fun to me for whatever reason.

22 06 2008
TomatoHead

Oh and age is definitely NOT just a number until you’re like, middle aged.

22 06 2008
Muse

Eureka! I found my “list” i wrote back in 2002 of qualities I want in a husband. Not much has changed LOL. I honestly don’t believe my preferences are unreasonable. Ladies what do you think?

Faith-I need someone with a personal relationship with God. My faith is very important to me. We may not agree on everything but if you don’t believe some form of God then there is no point in pursuing a relationship.

Sense of humor- I love to laugh. A funny guy will get so far with me. My sense of humor is kind of dark so anyone who can roll with that is on his way!

Disease free- this means STDs. If you have a history of STDs, this shows me that you are/were careless. I like my vagina disease free. Thanks.

Intellect- I’m a big fan of smart guys/nerds. Intelligent men turn me on. I also like learning on a constant basis so I need someone who can keep up.

Common sense- unfortunately this is a trait that isn’t common to everyone. I need someone who can exercise good judgment

Compassion-do you care about what is going on in the world? Do you understand there is more to life than your own material possessions? Are you involved in your community in some capacity? Do you give back? Do you give a damn?

Humility- (self explanatory)

Honesty- Don’t front. This also included infidelity If you want to be with me then be with me. No woman on the side. Keep it real or keep it moving.

Goals-What are your goals in life? I have very high expectations of myself, so I will have the same for my ideal mate. If I’m busting my ass trying to make have a great life, I expect the same of my mate. I’m not going to get with a man to become his new mother. If you have no goals, then we automatically have nothing in common. Driven guys are the business.

Attraction-Of course I want my man to look good, however that isn’t going to keep me. Personality is extremely important. There have been guys I’ve dated who I wouldn’t normally be attracted who, turn out to be so sexy because of their personality.

Bonus Features: Nice teeth, guys 6’0 and up, clear skin, clean look, and a man who can use his hands. For some reason I love guys who can build stuff and who is a handy man hehehe.

Yeah that was long but I’m keep it real.

22 06 2008
Muse

Micheal I’m messing with yall.

Just be careful because Thick can turn into fat LOL.

22 06 2008
zoso

@Tomatohead

I’m not talking jailbait or less than 20 y.o. but 5 yrs ain’t a big deal if you and the person are compatible, ie. age should not be the determining factor. Also, I’ve dated less dudes than you. I’m kinda picky but also really busy. I’m trying to make myself more available cause it’s kinda retarded.

22 06 2008
Sister Toldja

I mean, but for everything Chris’s posts (the intial one and the extended comment) says, I can come up with an example about Black men. You say Black women pass by “good guys” for assholes, I say Black men pass by good girls for elusive spoiled bitches.

I could write an encyclopedia about all my complaints about Black men, I’m sure some of you can do the same about the sisters. This begs the question….NOW WHAT? How do we change? How do we heal? I have started making better choices in my romantic life and trying to advise my girls against repeating the classic Black girl mistakes*. But what about the men? How can we make you all treat us better? How can we make you love us, as sisters?

*Can I say that I have never dealt with a man with “thug appeal” or a fake producer/rapper or these classic obvious asshole types?

22 06 2008
TomatoHead

Muse:

That is a very good list. Those are the things that a person should have just being a good human but for some reason, plenty of folks fall short.

The only thing I personally disagree about is the faith thing. I’m agnostic and I can’t stand it when a guy gets really annoyed when I’m not all “Jesus is my savior”. I don’t think he’s crazy for believing in God so why do people think I’m crazy for believing that all we know is true is what is patently observable?

22 06 2008
Michael

@ TomatoHead (Why is that your name? LOL)

I got boys who play sports and they are dogs, so I can’t stereotype but I will and say ball players…come on you knew what was gonna happen. Asian dude hustling over gummi bears is classic, sorry you had to date Monk.

Dating 4 dudes at 22 ain’t bad or picky, just wanted to see what yall were working with.

BTW this is just a theory of mine but I believe black women hold non black men at a different degree then black men. Example is that I have seen black girls complain about a lame black guy not having game and being dorky but will go and date a white guy who is just as dorky. Its like white guy gets a pass at not having game etc…cause he is white. Just something I have thought about.

@ Muse

Disease Free? Uppity ass. 🙂 Naw your list looks right and tight

Time to go though, wish I could stay but I am sure there will be some crazy rantings or reckless remarks when I come back.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Muse that is a solid realistic list.

22 06 2008
Muse

Well Tomato the faith issue for me is on top for a reason. I believe in God, my faith is very important to me and has inspired me to accomplish some great things in my life. I’m not going to battle someone over whether or not God exist. I dated someone who was an atheist and we had a falling out over the “God” issue. I wasn’t trying to convert him or anything but he kept trying to convince me that God didn’t exist which bothered me on a spiritual level.

22 06 2008
ninasimone

“Other women throw nonsensical excuses at the person making the point:

1.) The good guys coming at me are dorky, ugly, and/or have no game
2.) You just hate black women
3.) Your problem is that you just have a fetish for white/asian women
4.) You hang out in the wrong places
5.) Don’t be mad because black women aren’t throwing themselves at you”

Hmmm…fair enough and it is the knee-jerk reaction to go there ..especially number 2 and 5 ( except that I would black women probably DO throw themselves at Chris)…

send the nerdy guys… black or otherwise… my way

at 25 im young enough to not feel the pressure and old enough to kinda realize things might change in the next few years..especially with men I meet this days having a problem with my career or believing that starting in a week I really will be in a hospital for 14hours at a time and thus dont have much time ( if i didnt already owe several hundred thousand ( even with scholarship mony) Id go and try to be sane again

but good points ya’ll folk are making….muse love your posts

22 06 2008
ninasimone

and ST’s post ( just re-read your hilarious Ikea post)

22 06 2008
TomatoHead

Yea, I hate it when people try to push their ideas on me. I never tell people when I meet them that I’m agnostic, nor do people ever really ask, it just isn’t that important to me. The basketball player didn’t know until about 8 months into our relationship and even then we didn’t talk about it because there was really nothing to talk about.

I hate it when guys ask me outright or tell me outright, “I couldn’t date someone who doesn’t believe in God because that just ain’t right”. I think that pisses me off more than anything else. I could and can’t see why it is THAT important for someone you’re with to share your faith unless you constantly want to talk about it.

22 06 2008
TomatoHead

Micheal: Check out the Panda Bears comment section (near the bottom among the hair-related conversation) about why I changed my name from NotBlonde to TomatoHead.

22 06 2008
Knatural

poor Wesley Snipes…

22 06 2008
Muse

No offense Tomato, but your explanation is the reason why people of faith probably shouldn’t date/marry non believers. It’s like mixing oil and water. God is very much a major part of my life. God’s presence in my life 24-7 and my faith has kept me from making bad life decisions. My standards aren’t based on what man deems is right or wrong, but what God has planned for my life. Although what I’m saying might sound rather cultish, people who share my belief system understand wholeheartedly where I’m coming from. By no means am I above reproach or have this perfect existence but I couldn’t imagine how I would deal with the curveballs life throws at me without having God to fall back on. I also try not to judge folks because we all make mistakes in life.

22 06 2008
Sue

@TomatoHead

Wait, you told someone you were Agnostic and they assumed you didn’t believe in GOD? Honey, be glad they walked away! That’s Atheism not Agnosticism!

Here’s your sign!

Aside, from that I think that faith is a very importand factor for some people. If one side is very religious and the other is not, then there’s problems with compatability. If you want to have children will they be raised with his faith or yours. Its something to be taken seriously and was actually a deal breaker in my last relationship.

22 06 2008
TomatoHead

Shoot, I will have to come back to this, I’m off to the movies with le girls.

You guys make good points. I shall have to speak on them later.

22 06 2008
Sister Toldja

I think some of you sisters out here are making it hard on us dream wives. I’m tired of paying for the last girl’s mistakes. But I am also tired of people who can’t leave the past behind and bring their angry views on the opposite gender into their relationships. I am a little sour on Black men myself, but I let a brother I am dating prove himself before I judge him on the sins of his ilk.

22 06 2008
ChaoticDiva

Interesting conversation going on. Forgive me for sounding like a fucking moron, but stressful week calls for mental malfunctioning.

Anyways, yes, I will go right along with you and say that black women are largely undateable. Why? Speaking as one (well…a partial one…), we are bitter. We’re bitter everytime we see a black man with a non-black woman. We’re bitter when we see a gorgeous black man, with a girl that we feel is competition. We’re bitter when we see a black man in a happy relationship.

We’re bitter because we can’t have. Now I can’t speak for every woman, but I will say for myself and others that surround me, that we’re bitter because our situations with the black men we were involved in were less than favorable. I will say that about the latino women (speaking as a [part] latino woman as well), that I do the same when i see latino couples. I know white women who feel the same way. And Asian women. But because of the stereotypes of black women having attitudes and being no-nonsense, the archetype of the angry bitter black woman sticks in our heads as if it were gum stuck to a sealant.

My point is not to say that you’re choosing the wrong black women. My point is to say that we as black women have been guilty of this behavior at one point or other in our life. Please be understanding that there are asshole men out there that do make it bad for the bunch, just like there are asshole women out there that make it bad for the bunch. It is up to us, as black women and men to break the cycle of viciousness and not carry over drama from prior experiences and relationships into our current situation.

Thats just my $0.02.

22 06 2008
ChaoticDiva

*…sounding like a moron in earlier posts. I obviously need a shot and a nap.

22 06 2008
chaoticdiva

ChaoticDiva = chaoticdiva.

(I just figured out how to get the little photo…I really feel like a moron.)

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Chaos: “I obviously need a shot and a nap.”

try a shot of yack followed by a shot of grand marnier, play some J Holiday and call me in the morning.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

now Chaos whose picture did you use. do tell. hmm. tell?

22 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I used my own.

myspace.com/theladykos.

22 06 2008
chaoticdiva

pmc, I don’t like dark liquor, unless its black seal rum or 151. I’m into the tequila shots thing, chased with some fruity drink like an amaretto sour or a flirtini.

…ok, I may be a lush, but don’t judge me.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

nice pic. the b&w with the pose reminds me of sade’s lil ass.

22 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

ok lush life, why are you sooo chaotic? your half finished space says to guess your age. i’d say around 22.

22 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Wow. You’re probably the first to guess correctly. Most people say like 17 – 19…lol.

I’m not chaotic, but my life is. But thanks on the pict compliment.

22 06 2008
chaoticdiva

By the way, I love this blog. Its like the male dictated version of my unadulterated thoughts with a male theme. Yea, I can be girly, don’t hold it against me.

22 06 2008
tiffer

Awww man,
I read this post and the comments and now I’m depressed. Black women as a whole get such a bad rap…it’s so funny because when I hear all that talk from black women about “I need this, I’ma Queen that”…I just walk away and sigh…every race has rotten apples…it’s not FAIR to lump us ALL in the same boat.
With that being said, a lot of the black girls I was around growing up came from broken homes…I know my dad didn’t do much with my family…I saw my mom handle everything…she worked….she made the money…she paid the bills…and after working a 60 hour week as an accountant, she’d come home tired and then take me and my brothers skating…my dad didn’t work as much as she did, and he didn’t take us anywhere…
My mom always said…you’re a black girl living in this world so you’re going to have to get an education like me so you can make enough to support yourself because if the man you marry (this is not the only reason for getting an education) doesn’t take care of business, you’ll have to rely on yourself…maybe this is the attitude many black girls from broken homes have? Maybe they saw their fathers not taking care of family responsibilities…so these girls grow up to be unbalanced women who can’t relate to a good man because they never had/saw one. They’ve had to learn how to take on the roles of both a man and woman…this makes it difficult for a man to come into this type of woman’s life and take the lead.

SOLUTION? I think black chicks should move to Europe…I hear we’re liked over there…Canada, too (I saw tons of interracial couples there) ^_^ j/k

CHRIS: You’re so funny! I hope a black girl just randomly hugs you sometime this week and erases the 10 year’s worth of built up anger you’ve been feeling towards black girls in general. Take care!

22 06 2008
Michael

@ TomatoHead

I am always happy when I find a non super christian black chick. Theres nothing wrong with being a believer, I am, but it really doesn’t factor much into dating unless you are nuts about it and want your kids to be agnostic too. I never understood how black people can be so religious yet pick such stupid partners.

@ Tiffer

The story of the strong black woman is a dumb story, sorry. My mom was one of those strong black women who left my dad and raised me on her own because my dad was a jackass. Thing was she had a best friend (my current step dad) who was crazy about her but she didn’t want him because she didn’t think he was cute enough and he is 4 years younger then her (she admitted this to me). I see this all the time with these strong black women who ended up that way because they dated jackasses in the past. I sometimes look at her and how smart and great she is and wonder how the fuck did she end up with my original dad?

22 06 2008
puff

damn. i’ve only been stateside for two years, but i didn’t realise that there were so many hang-ups in the african-american community surrounding relationships. at home, your whole family basically dates whoever you’re with so even if you did try and come through with a 50Cent-alike, that ish would be shut down quick by the time your dad springs out his machete and chases the guy out the house…

i’m only 20 and can’t say that i have the most experience when it comes to dating, by any extent. but one thing that bothers me about the way i hear some women talk about relationships is when material things come first in their list of what they want in a man: a car, a master’s degree, a fly apartment. i’ve seen from experience that the dude who might look like he has it all on the outside isn’t necesssarily the one who’ll treat you right. i’d rather someone who can make me laugh, who’s open minded, who’ll be honest with me, who has ambition and pride in himself – basically someone can help me and not necessarily my bank account grow. being taken care of spiritually/mentally to me is far more important than appearances or material things.

one thing that really gets on my ass is when women say they’ll only date a dude with the same educational level as them. i say, there’s plenty of fools with an MBA, and plenty of good men with nothing but a GED but who still have ambition, own their own businesses and take care of their families and who would make far better partners. i take each person as they are rather than passing judgement based on what qualifications society chooses to measure them by. what’s worse is when women aren’t dimes themselves but expect their men to be. yo, come correct to the table before you start throwing out demands and shit.

and i agree, age is definitely nothing but a number. there’s plenty of immature ass 35 year old men, and lots of 22 year olds with more future-oriented thinking and maturity than my dad. as long as i’m not doing anything illegal/looking like your baby sitter, we’re cool.

just my $.02 (with another $4.00 for gas)

22 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Puff, I hate to burst your bubble, but trust, depending on your area, you probably want a guy with a car. I’ve dated guys without cars, and trust, doing all the driving while they reinburse you for gas (I have a truck, mind you), makes you feel like a prostitute. And I don’t make enough money to pay for driving myself, if I’m also picking up the tab for a guy who doesn’t have a job.

Its not about them having masters degrees (well, for some women it is), but I think its more of a “he can hold an intellectual conversation with me without getting bored” mentality. I mean I seek out people with degrees simply because I was raised around a bunch of perpetual students, and being one myself, I’m simply looking for someone to relate to the whole “I’m having a shitty time in class” experience.

I’m not saying there aren’t groupie-golddigging whores out there, I’m just saying that for some of us looking for that, we actually have legitimate reasons for wanting this.

22 06 2008
Laurel

Wow. Just wow. A bi-racial guy who doesn’t typically date black women writes some weird post that’s supposed to convey that black women are undateable/unmarriageable because of his unexplained injury. In short order, an army of black women come running forward offering Band-Aids, water, food, blankets, hugs, sympathy, and tissues, eager to comfort him and solve the problem. Hilarious for the symbolism alone.

22 06 2008
Sister Toldja

LOL! Laurel, your post sums up one of the biggest problems with Black men and women. We will put the brothers first NO MATTER WHAT, with little to no reciprocity. We are breaking our necks to make them love us, to show them ‘we aren’t like the other girls’ (be lying if I said I never did that!). Show me a Black man doing some foolhardy stuff or being somewhat ambivalent about Black girls, and I’ll show you a Black woman who will give her perm kit up to “save him”.

Now, we shd also take note that frequent readers like Chris enough as a person or blogger than to immediately take personal offense to what he said, sort of like when a friend says something like this to you. But the symbolism is beyond hilarious, or moreso, tragic.

22 06 2008
puff

@ chaoticdiva

lol i understand what you mean about the car, but there’s a difference between wanting a dude with a car that can get from A to B and a escalade with 24″ rims. what i meant about the degrees was that there’s plenty of ignorant people who hold them, so i don’t automatically assume that because someone went to college and read a little aristotle we can necessarily have an intellectual conversation about anything other than the ethics. which were not particularly interesting. i’m not saying that black women shouldn’t have standards, i’m just suggesting that more flexibility with those might prevent either a) turning down a really wonderful guy or b) being the subject of this aside.

@ laurel – you’re so very right

22 06 2008
puff

@ chaotic diva

i feel you on the car situation, but what i meant was when a woman wants her man to drive say an escalade with 22″ rims, rather than something than can get from A to B without breaking down. and although i agree with your point about being able to hold an intellectual conversation with someone, i don’t think going to college is a definite indication that someone is not ignorant – just cos they read some aristotle in one philosophy class doesn’t mean it’ll negate all the retarded shit they can still spew out. i agree that it’s important for women to have standards, i’m just suggesting that some flexibility with a man who doesn’t necessarily tick all the boxes might be a good thing as it may prevent a) you from turning down a really wonderful dude or b) being the subject of this aside rant.

@ laurel – you’re definitely on point with what you just said

22 06 2008
Rissa

Wowwwwww. I’m super late on this. I’ll keep it short and sweet, since what I’m going to say has already been said:

1. There is no getting around the fact that, historically, Black women are seen as throwaway people. We are exotic Jezebels or Mammies, and there is no in-between. *This* is why we are the most unmarried demographic. It’s a combination of our lack of self-love & lack of external respect from other groups.

2. The only way we are going to change it is to change the perspective we have on the world. “Ain’t shit niggas” ain’t shit, and thus, don’t deserve time, energy, or money.

To the writer: as far as the “list” goes, I do have a list. But it’s short. All a man needs to do to be eligible is to have what I have. What does that mean?

– Goals
– A job (NOT BK)
– Education (You can still be in school; I’m 24, but as long as you’re going WITH intent to finish, you’re OK by me)
– His own car/place

Of course, all of this is moot and void because I am one strong-thinking black women who has kicked the “unmarried” statistic in the face. I’ve been with my (Black) husband since 9/2006, and we are never stronger. We are probably going to have 2 little black children who will further destroy the cycle.

I hope.

If we claim our place in the world, there will be no stopping us. We deserve the same things that anyone else is entitled to.

And that’s all.

…that wasn’t exactly short & sweet, but oh well.

22 06 2008
Nice

I don’t understand why women are taking Chris’ comments personal. In many sad ways its the truth. We Black women do tend to stick by losers thru everything and are quick to pass up a good man when they try to holla. I am guilty of this so I feel I can speak on it. We can blame Black men until our faces turn blue, but at the end of the day, we are responsible for ourselves. We cannot change, “save” or support a man. People have to find their own way.

And to the people who are lashing at men that go around knocking women up, hello??!! It is your responsiblity to not get pregnant. There are many birth control methods available to use. Why get upset with a man that got you pregnant and you already know this fool has 3 or 4 kids already. Thats when you are suppose to take the nessessary steps to protect yourself so that you do not become the next victim. Yes, it is wrong for men to go around being so careless as to who they knock up and how many seeds they have, but if you know this is how they get down, stay away from this fool. Please believe you are no different from the last 3 babymamas he trapped.

22 06 2008
Deesigner

Laurel and Sister Toldjah –

The collection has been taken and the doors to church are now opened. \O/

****extending the right hand of fellowship****

22 06 2008
Muse

How about everyone takes personal responsibility for their own lives and the type of individuals they attract. This whole “woe is me, I’m a damaged Black woman” act is played out. I’m also tired of Black men helping the propaganda machine about Black women. How about men take time to get to know the broads they are tryng to hook up with. Stop looking at just a pretty face and fat ass and find out if the female you are tryin to court is worth your time and energy.

22 06 2008
tiffer

@ Michael…

That’s my observation growing up…and based on what other women have told me, so please don’t call it dumb because you may not understand it. What’s your reason as to why women can be like this (and no, it’s not just black women)?

22 06 2008
tiffer

@Muse

Stop looking at just a pretty face and fat ass and find out if the female you are tryin to court is worth your time and energy.

lol…agreed

22 06 2008
The Doc Is In

I swear to God I’m oblivious to this “trend” of black woman being addicted to “liars, cheaters, losers, deadbeats and gangbangers”. I’ve never dated anyone with a record (that I know of) or a deadbeat dad and my friends and I don’t even know where to find a drug dealer or gangbanger.
And then never mind the double standard – if you want somebody already financially stable you’re an unrealistic golddigger; but if you give a wannabe record producer who’s saving money by living with his parents a chance, you’re an idiot loser-magnet.

But for sake of argument, say I live in la-la land and you’re right. There’s a pandemic of black women continuously passing over good men to get into absurdly bad relationships, much like a woman who keeps going back to an abusive partner. Is it productive to just give up and call that abused woman a dumb bitch? Shouldn’t the issue be how can we fix the situation? Black women really are in abusive relationships with themselves, with black men, with society. 50-70% of little brown girls are being raised without a father. Little brown girls are seeing in the media that it’s okay for a grown man to piss on them. By the time we get to college the little brown girls are outnumbering the boys at least 2:1 most places. We go to church functions, volunteer events, and only see each other brown girls. Many don’t grow up having regular healthy interactions (be it familial, professional, friendship, etc.) with good black men so it’s no surprise that issues carry over into relationships. And I’m not saying all this to fully exonerate us nor to attack black men, I can easily write another essay on how fucked over you all are in life yet still persevere and God bless you for it. But all things considered, we rarely give up on you all and it’s so sad to see how easily we’re given up on.

Sorry for the length, but I was excited to see a weekend post and then reading this kinda brought me down.

22 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Also, I know comparisons to others don’t help our situation (especially because I hold my OWN to a HIGHER standard)…but I do think it was a good point PrettyFly made that you NEVER hear about any other group disowning their own women like you hear it from black men. Why are black women considered to be so disposable when they make mistakes? At the “ripe old age of 26” do you really think most people that age are at full maturity concerning relationships? We’re all young and still getting screwed over by idiots and their “standards” and it hurts (as an Ivy League graduate, do you know how many black men have told me I’m “too smart”?). It takes people a lot of growth to learn what’s best for them. In high school and college “Becky” was most certainly chasing after the Quarterback and not the dorky Yearbook Editor. The difference is, by the time she wises up, her dating pool hasn’t been reduced by 10-15% to the prison business and those left aren’t abandoning her race or using their status as the “elusive Good Men” as an excuse to whore around until they’re 40.

Relationships are fucked up across the board in this country in this day and age. 50% of marriages are ending in divorce, and 50% are ending in death (ha ha) and it’s not just a black thing. But we are in the most desperate need of fixing our families…

I dunno, since clearly none of us know what we want (need), I say we suck it up and go back to arranged marriages. For the sake of the children I can grow and learn to love some old hairy motherfucker that made my family three goats richer.

22 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Last thing (I swear)…I WISH someone would ask me to date Carlton fucking Banks! I always had a crush on his bubble butt…

22 06 2008
Muse

Doc I had a crush on Carlton Banks too LOL. It’s my little secret. He’s so geeky it’s cute.

22 06 2008
TomatoHead

So this was what I was going to say about the religion thing:

In a relationship I don’t see it as a deal breaker if someone doesn’t have the same beliefs as me as long as they don’t try to push me into believing whatever it is they believe in. I think if you have a healthy relationship with someone, you can be with them regardless of their religious affiliation because you should be able to have good discussions about your differences; why you believe what you do and why they believe what they do. By saying it’s a deal breaker if someone doesn’t share your religious affiliation, you are inherently saying that what they believe in is wrong and what you believe in is right. I just can’t see myself basically telling someone that their God is incorrect or their lack of belief in God is foolish or whatever.

In a family it shouldn’t matter either. If anything its better because then your children get an idea of how different people of different religious affiliations can coexist without troubles. Your children would also get a chance to be exposed to varying opinions on the religion issue and make informed decisions about what they believe in or don’t believe in.

22 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“In short order, an army of black women come running forward offering Band-Aids, water, food, blankets, hugs, sympathy, and tissues, eager to comfort him and solve the problem.”

Yea, because problem solving never did anything for anyone. I was also wondering when some idiot would accuse me of not being black enough – because census data, 40 years of social research and the collective experiences of my adult life mean nothing if I don’t pass some fucking self-serving ‘black test’.

I think only one person on this forum has addressed the core issue: lambasting the women that are perpetually loyal to no-good men. Loyalty ceases to be a virtue when it’s applied to someone that isn’t worthy of it. Loyalty CANNOT be considered out of the context to which it’s applied. The heads of the SS were tried for war crimes for that very reason.

It is truly a shame that black women are so devalued…but part of the fault does lie with black women when they’re so willing to give undeserving men chance after chance after fucking chance. You are not valuable if your loyalty is completely unqualified! Do something about it for Christ’s sake! Turn your backs on their asses! Let them know that you won’t be there if they abuse your loyalty! Give that guy who doesn’t instantly set off fireworks in your heart a chance to do so; give him a chance to grow on you. Make the motherfuckering losers pay so that in a generation or two, YOUR daughters will be born into a culture that values black women and forces black men to be up to the task of deserving their love!!!

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Yes, it’s true that I could aim my anger at worthless black men that make up the other side of this tedious goddamn coin…but what’s the point? As it is, we’re looking at a broken system that benefits them. They get to act afool and treat you like shit, and they’re still the darlings of your hearts. So what motive to they have to change??? Black women are the ones that claim to be hurting. Black women are the ones declaring victimhood. Black women, therefore, are the ones with the reason (besides altruism, which we hopefully all understand to be beyond the reach of selfish, no-good men) to do something about it.

Does none of this apply to you individually? Then shut the hell up and realize that the statistics indicate you are part of a valuable minority (as demonstrated, again, by irrefutable FACTS) and that the statement doesn’t apply to you personally. Shabooty (who is Persian) didn’t get his sand-panties in a knot when I wrote the ‘Persians’ post because the SHIT DOESN’T APPLY TO HIM.

You’re sooooo willing to give that loser guy the benefit of the doubt that he’ll change and become something respectable. How about for once you give that good guy the benefit of the doubt that he can set your heart ablaze? If both of them fail, you’re a lot better off with the good guy.

Otherwise, do whatever the fuck you want. You’re grownups (technically anyway), so I can’t tell you what to do. Just please pipe the fuck down when the shit hits the fan. It’s your own fault. You’re an adult. Deal with it.

22 06 2008
zoso

An aside to the aside (I know this has been talked about before):

I’m watching Boomerang on tv. What ever happened to the semi-sophisticated black comedies? You know, where every known young black actor makes an appearance in the form of an up and coming corporate exec or some other career path, rather than as some amped up caricature (a la Madea movies and the Roscoe Jenkins movie). I mean these ‘family comedies’ are okay but shits and giggles are all they seek. I guess I’m lookin for a message other than family or bust.

22 06 2008
rai

*looks around* shyt got REAL in here huh? lol but well, im sure it has already been said before. . . but I will take the dorky virgin in high waters over the suave gangster that thinks because he liked “Be” that he is the new black. . .

but I just wish I wouldn’t be told that I am a bytch because i feel that I should be matched. i can TOTALLY understand dudes getting upset but chicks lower their standards and then are mad when someone who was a fawk up from jump, fawks up. lol because I get upset when the guy buns the chick that cheated on her ex with him and then wonders why she cheats on him. it’s like u KNOW better goddamnit. lol also, it would be nice if i stopped hearing, “u are too picky/mean/aggressive/etc, that’s why u are single.” it’s a little offensive with the STD- infected whore a closet full of Baby Phat and an apartment full of snotty nosed kids has a man and I don’t. that just lets me know that there is someone out there for everyone, so i can wait. . . much better than settling and then being upset. I set standards because i already know what i can and cannot deal with.

*disclaimer: by no means am I saying that all black men would be something that I would have to “settle” for or aren’t up to par. i just wish they would occasionally get their noses out of their asses and see it from my point of view. it’s hard out here for a single, black, 22 year old virgin that didn’t come from a broken home and has no intent or creating one and is fresh out of a white college that knows that rappers are entertainers not role models*

22 06 2008
rai

oh and to stuff. . . I am not defending it or even encouraging it. . . but oftentimes black women are “loyal” to wack ass black men because they need the validation of a relationship, and finding an (average, not even awesome) black man that isn’t already committed ( and that wants to be) is like looking for a needle in a haystack. . . so instead of straying and startin from scratch (basically being single and actually remaining steadfast to those standards she set), she will just stay beside No Good Johnny, because hey at least he sometimes calls and at least when he does find his way home before I wake up for work there is a warm body to lay next to. . .

i guess I am feeling like every other race/sex combo can just say “oh well there are plenty of fish in the sea” so when the significant other doesn’t act right, they are easily dropped because it is hella easy to replace them. . . black guys black girlfriend acts up, he’s like fawk it, plenty of broads out there. white girls middle eastern boyfriend fawks up, she said fawk it, plenty of guys out there would love to have her. hispanic guys hispanic girl cheats on him, he says fawk it and kicks slim to the curb. . . i suppose black women feel like black guys are so few and far between that the guy who only meets 4 of a 10 qualifications is better than 4 guys that only meet one or a million guys who meet none. . . it’s kinda like working with what u got because u feel like there is nothing else better out there to get. like “all men cheat, but at least he doesn’t beat me”. . . not saying I subscribe to the logic, just saying I see that side.

22 06 2008
puff

@ the doc – preach!

22 06 2008
rai

sorry, there should be some apostrophes in there. . . but i’m tired and hungry. can’t effing think. let me go home, i’ve been off the clock since 5.

22 06 2008
Muse

I’m probably going to sound like a selfish asshole but if the majority of Black chicks are passing up awesome nice guys for losers, then that means women like me have more quality guys to choose from.

Less competition=more man meat for Muse.

Then again those nice guys might turn into jerks and/or write off Black women all together if they are constantly getting passed up for mediocre dudes.

22 06 2008
Michael

@ Tiffer

I can call the idea of the strong black woman dumb if I feel. I am not saying you are dumb what I am saying is we have a generation of women who made bad decisions and then triumphed right? Their hard work is roll model worthy but their choice in men that got them into that situation and the men after that they let into their lives should be chastised.

@ Chris

Amen.

22 06 2008
rai

“Then again those nice guys might turn into jerks and/or write off Black women all together if they are constantly getting passed up for mediocre dudes.”

and i think that is it. shytload of black men scorned out there. . . but this can’t possibly go back to blaming black women for everything that is wrong with the black family lol

22 06 2008
Shantel

I’m pretty disheartened that you were ‘victimized’ by some sub-par woman… Who wouldn’t love Huey Freeman in the flesh? Latent (and not so latent) displays of cancerian/leo(ian) rage is sexy….

22 06 2008
Shantel

and by ‘is’ sexy, I meant “are” sexy…..

22 06 2008
Muse

Rai, I’ve met Black guys who have been burnt by Black women before many of them don’t hold grudges. Those who do are losers anyway so let them go run off to Becky, Chung Li, or Maria.

22 06 2008
Laurel

SBPH: I didn’t mean to insinuate that you weren’t black enough. I was using your background (sorry for the cheap shot) to illustrate the point that black women tend to be blindly and irrationally loyal to black men whereas black men put their personal needs first and are generally not as motivated by loyalty toward black women.
Your post was right on the money. I agree with nearly everything you wrote.

22 06 2008
The Doc Is In

“Rai, I’ve met Black guys who have been burnt by Black women before many of them don’t hold grudges.”

Thank you Muse. I guess I don’t see how going through typical relationship shit (you’re going to meet some people that just aren’t that into you, you’re going to meet some people that truly have fucktarded issues) turns one off to an entire group of people (especially a group of people that looks like your mother, sister, aunt).

I also don’t buy into this “nice guys finish last” woe is me shit. Most of the nice black men I know, when they’ve TRULY committed to wanting a relationship and looked beyond the superficial in the women they court, they’ve found their love (*gasp* even with a good black woman)… the pure math is in their favor! (In my med school class* 3 out of the 4 black males have found it, as for the 12 of us black females…)
But yeah, you ARE first going to run into some chicks with baggage because the math of having to deal with bullshit is in OUR favor.

*Just using one frame of reference I have. Certainly not saying future doctor=good man. If you know like I know, future doctor usually= socially awkward functioning alcoholic (men and women), LOL.

22 06 2008
Kathy

Blogger, get it right!

Yesterday morning, Entertainment Weekly posted a rather engaging article about Wesley Snipes on its website. The piece chronicles the actor’s fall from public grace, his recent spate of straight-to-DVD films (His last five have gone the way of the Blockbuster shelf), and his ongoing legal woes–from the Blade:Trinity battle supposedly responsible for his “blacklisted” status in Hollywood to his multimillion-dollar tax evasion case, which if lost, could cost him 16 years of freedom.

I read this five-page piece in its entirety, and the whole time I was thinking, “See if there won’t be thousands of Black women reading this today and muttering, ‘Good.’ under their breath.” What would lead me to imagine an army of sisters, arms firmly crossed over their chests, feet tapping a “what goes around comes around” cadence on the floor?

Well, as urban legend goes, eleven years ago, Wesley Snipes told Ebony magazine he hates Black women. Oh, if you were older than five years old in 1997, you’ve probably heard some variant of the Wesley Snipes myth. “He said he can’t stand a Black woman ’cause she’s always got an attitude.” or “He said Asian women are better than Black women and he will never go back to Black women.” or “He said white and Asian women are way more agreeable than Black women and that’s why Black men turn to other races.” And it goes on. Personally, I’ve heard everything from “Wesley Snipes has a clause in his film contract that keeps him from having Black love interests.” to “Wesley Snipes said ‘Black women are fat and greasy.’”

So I did a simple Google search. “Wesley Snipes Black Women,” I typed. The search yielded me this: the complete text of Snipes’ 1997 interview with Ebony contributor Lynn Norment. Here’s what he actually said:

The Asian model and restaurateur he introduces as “my lady, Donna [Wong]” has been Snipes’ companion for the past year and a half When asked if he dates Black women, he says: “Primarily all of my life I’ve dated Black women…. Oh, most definitely. Oh, my God. Mostly. But it just so happens that now I’m dating an Asian woman. It’s different. Different energy, different spirit, but a nice person.” He says he is not ready for marriage; nor is Donna. “She’s got to learn to deal with the love scenes in the movies first,” says Snipes as he chuckles. “Got to get to a place where it’s very comfortable.”

Wesley says he realizes that there are Black women still who get an attitude about Black men with Asian, White or Hispanic women. “I know we’ve all been hurt, and we’re all very wounded,” he says, addressing Black women. “We have to acknowledge that, both male and female, in the Black experience. We’re a wounded people. And we want to possess and we want to own. We don’t want to compromise. We feel like we’ve compromised enough. But in any relationship you have to compromise. There’s no way around it. And I say to Black women also, Brothers who are very, very successful, or who have become somewhat successful, usually it’s been at a great expense, unseen by the camera’s eye….

“He doesn’t want to come home to someone who’s going to be mean and aggravating and unkind and who is going to be `please me, please me.’ He doesn’t want to come home to that. He doesn’t want to come home to have a fight with someone who is supposed to be his helpmate. So it’s very natural that he’s going to turn to some place that’s more compassionate…. You’ve worked hard and you deserve to come home to comforting. And usually a man who has that will appreciate it. Because I’ve never known one cat, all those cats I’ve hung out with and still hang out with, who found something that they really, really like and didn’t go back to it. They all go back. It’s very simple.”

When asked for clarification, Snipes emphasizes that he is not saying that a Black woman can not be that type of woman a man wants to come home to. “Not at all,” he declares. “Absolutely not. That’s the point. I want to come home and I don’t want to argue. I want to be pleasing, but if I ask you to get me a glass of water, you’re going to say, `Them days is over.’ please. Come on,” Wesley says. “A man likes that. I don’t know why. It’s been that way forever. It makes him proud, you know, like when the guys come over and your lady comes out with a tray of food and says `I made this up for you.’ And the guys are like, `Oh man, you’ve got a great woman.’ And the man says, `Yeah, I do.’ A man will appreciate it when you’re kind and when you’re nice.
The author of this blog is on some soup. As a blogger, it is your duty to get the story right. Wesley Snipes did not say any of the things you suggested on your blog. Below is exactly what he said:

Yesterday morning, Entertainment Weekly posted a rather engaging article about Wesley Snipes on its website. The piece chronicles the actor’s fall from public grace, his recent spate of straight-to-DVD films (His last five have gone the way of the Blockbuster shelf), and his ongoing legal woes–from the Blade:Trinity battle supposedly responsible for his “blacklisted” status in Hollywood to his multimillion-dollar tax evasion case, which if lost, could cost him 16 years of freedom.

I read this five-page piece in its entirety, and the whole time I was thinking, “See if there won’t be thousands of Black women reading this today and muttering, ‘Good.’ under their breath.” What would lead me to imagine an army of sisters, arms firmly crossed over their chests, feet tapping a “what goes around comes around” cadence on the floor?

Well, as urban legend goes, eleven years ago, Wesley Snipes told Ebony magazine he hates Black women. Oh, if you were older than five years old in 1997, you’ve probably heard some variant of the Wesley Snipes myth. “He said he can’t stand a Black woman ’cause she’s always got an attitude.” or “He said Asian women are better than Black women and he will never go back to Black women.” or “He said white and Asian women are way more agreeable than Black women and that’s why Black men turn to other races.” And it goes on. Personally, I’ve heard everything from “Wesley Snipes has a clause in his film contract that keeps him from having Black love interests.” to “Wesley Snipes said ‘Black women are fat and greasy.’”

So I did a simple Google search. “Wesley Snipes Black Women,” I typed. The search yielded me this: the complete text of Snipes’ 1997 interview with Ebony contributor Lynn Norment. Here’s what he actually said:

The Asian model and restaurateur he introduces as “my lady, Donna [Wong]” has been Snipes’ companion for the past year and a half When asked if he dates Black women, he says: “Primarily all of my life I’ve dated Black women…. Oh, most definitely. Oh, my God. Mostly. But it just so happens that now I’m dating an Asian woman. It’s different. Different energy, different spirit, but a nice person.” He says he is not ready for marriage; nor is Donna. “She’s got to learn to deal with the love scenes in the movies first,” says Snipes as he chuckles. “Got to get to a place where it’s very comfortable.”

Wesley says he realizes that there are Black women still who get an attitude about Black men with Asian, White or Hispanic women. “I know we’ve all been hurt, and we’re all very wounded,” he says, addressing Black women. “We have to acknowledge that, both male and female, in the Black experience. We’re a wounded people. And we want to possess and we want to own. We don’t want to compromise. We feel like we’ve compromised enough. But in any relationship you have to compromise. There’s no way around it. And I say to Black women also, Brothers who are very, very successful, or who have become somewhat successful, usually it’s been at a great expense, unseen by the camera’s eye….

“He doesn’t want to come home to someone who’s going to be mean and aggravating and unkind and who is going to be `please me, please me.’ He doesn’t want to come home to that. He doesn’t want to come home to have a fight with someone who is supposed to be his helpmate. So it’s very natural that he’s going to turn to some place that’s more compassionate…. You’ve worked hard and you deserve to come home to comforting. And usually a man who has that will appreciate it. Because I’ve never known one cat, all those cats I’ve hung out with and still hang out with, who found something that they really, really like and didn’t go back to it. They all go back. It’s very simple.”

When asked for clarification, Snipes emphasizes that he is not saying that a Black woman can not be that type of woman a man wants to come home to. “Not at all,” he declares. “Absolutely not. That’s the point. I want to come home and I don’t want to argue. I want to be pleasing, but if I ask you to get me a glass of water, you’re going to say, `Them days is over.’ please. Come on,” Wesley says. “A man likes that. I don’t know why. It’s been that way forever. It makes him proud, you know, like when the guys come over and your lady comes out with a tray of food and says `I made this up for you.’ And the guys are like, `Oh man, you’ve got a great woman.’ And the man says, `Yeah, I do.’ A man will appreciate it when you’re kind and when you’re nice.

“For successful women, it’s hard,” he continues, obviously quite comfortable and articulate on the subject of relationships. “The competition is fierce. And if he’s a man of success and power who happens to be handsome, of course you’re not the only one who thinks he’s handsome. But you don’t have to punish him because of that once you get with him. Don’t punish him because somebody else likes him.”

Continuing with his openness, Snipes says he’s had his heart broken more than once, and at times by Black women. “Most definitely. Most definitely,” he says.

23 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

Ok I”m going to try to keep this short, offensiveness I don’t give a fuck. I am a long-winded bitch so it may not work out. I haven’t read most of the comments but because the aside was so short I read the green ones to find out what got chris’s panties in a bunch. Not specific to chris but this is my thing about ‘good men’

I am a woman who is constantly attracted to ‘good men’ Or at least guys who call themselves this. I want to slap the hell out of them half the time becuase I hear the constant bitching from them that black women always go for bad guys and no one wants their ass when they got their shit together because they are good guys. And the sad fact is, every last one of the ‘good guys’ who said this was feening for the most popular chic in high school or some worthless gold diggers or other bullshit chics. I had a roommate who was cool to party with and generally ok since i was a chic but she was a shitty bastard to damn near every guy she was with. And would be proud about treating them dirt. And no guy who knew her, even exs that she cheated on, would recognize this. Therefore there is a firm incompatibility. For every black woman that fails to recognize and respect a good guy there is a good guy who fails to recognize a black woman looking for him. Stereotypes stereotypes and i think we all recognize so no need to get panties in a bunch.

Another note, to back up what i said about dating good guys since it seems I would get called out by not backing up my statement. I’m attracted to shy guys. I have terrible radar for shy because often I find what I thought was shy was actually socially dysfunctional. I know the self-proclaimed good guys b.c. either i’m friends with them or dated them and i would mostly cosign on the goodguyness. Yes, I am somewhat attracted to assholes, but never dated them, because i recognized them as assholes. I have become friends with them too, but only the ones that know they are assholes and don’t mind you calling them out on that. Its no fun otherwise. Good guys can and often as they get older become worse than obvious assholes. Too many of them get just as bitter as black women supposedly are and decide that they should act like an asshole to get girls. I had a friend i just recently had to kick to the curb because he was a good guy and has decided that, quitting school, getting a dead end job, cheating on his girlfriend, knocking a girl up, and generally treating women like shit would make him attractive. When I met him he was in school full time, working full time, saving his money for a car and doing all the good shit a young guy should do. Why is this worse than the general asshole who does the same shit. Bc former good guy doesn’t want to cede the moral high ground. So he’ll crawl and bitch and do stupid shit to make you think he’s not an asshole, and then sideswipe you with some bullshit out of nowhere. So you just got one more asshole in the world. So in my experience, I have seen actual good guys metamorphosize into assholes. And ignore and treat like shit good girls who are into them. Bitchassness sometimes comes with being a good guy. But I still give them chances to prove they aren’t weak of character b.c. i like ’em. But bitchassness will cause you to get kicked to the curb. Just another side of the story.

Damnit this just reminds me that i have never dated a dude with more money than me. We both are always broke. Shit I gotta start dating some mothafucking graduates. Someone with the career already started. Nah, I would feel bad if I was scraping together pennies and he was like, lets go do something expensive. I cuss out friends I have for suggesting we go out to eat a restaurants twice in one month. When am I not gonna be broke!??

Just in case someone wants to call me out, I’m not mad at this post, it doesn’t apply to me, and chris has called out every group of people on this planet, guaranteed i’m kinda upset we didn’t get any detailed humorous jabs.

Oh and for younger men, I’ve always been told I was mature for my age and know its true. I’ve tried the younger than me and most times the immaturity was a no-go. So you may be special but statistics say 3 years younger =5 years less mature than me. Its as unattractive as being 5″ shorter than me. Which means you are already fighting an uphill battle on attractiveness. So to speak, you’re going to have to be pretty special if you are younger than me and shorter than me. Not out of the realm of possibility but i’ve already said that i’m a pessimist and thus happier than most people.

23 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

future doctor usually= socially awkward functioning alcoholic

Co-FUCKING-sign

also with black future docs you gotta watch for that diva dude attitude. But most med school people are socially awkward. So damn sad, but you gotta think, you’re in a school full of nerds. Its bound to happen.

23 06 2008
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[…] Aside: Black Women The things I’ve witnessed over the past 10 days or so, especially tonight, have truly led me to understand why […] […]

23 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

thanks Kat.

i get the feeling from your transcription/paraphrasing that Wesley is a wee bit put off with black women with intense no compromise attitudes but respects and loves them nonetheless. he mentioned our entire race [American Blacks] having gone thru so much we all are a lil over zealous in terms of not wanting to seem comprimising [feel compromised] in any way however that’s what good, healthy relationships require. perhaps women because of there emotional nature are more influenced by our shared post slavery syndrome. our history has bred that particular kind of insecurity in us Wesley reports and a lot of black women have manifested it in an exaggerated form of entitlement and bitchiness. sure, black men have contributed to this particular brand of sickness as well.

it’s unfortunate that a lot of men feel like most black women have this overbearing no compromise attitude, unrealistic expectations and sense of entitlement. what’s more sad is the psychosis itself. it certainly exists. if you as a black woman are not one of these women, good. no need for your list of realistic expectations of common courtesy and respect. he/me/we are obviously not inferring that it’s you.

Snipes was very careful not to call it outright (the psychosis) or point any fingers directly but he did a good job of describing, in part how the psychosis materializes.

thanks again Kat for researching the heresay.

23 06 2008
Knatural

Soooooo, a short “Aside” produces long-ass comments? AHAHAHAHAHA.
Most folks have made good points, the few I read, and, basically I believe:
(1) Women, all women, should move out of their own way. Release baggage and don’t make the next man carry it. See a therapist if necessary. We all have neuroses that may require unbiased attention.
(2) Men should try not to be so sensitive; men allow one or two, or eleven, pissy encounters with stoopid women to effect their entire dating philosophy.
(3) All good guys are part asshole.
Also, I believe in ‘self-fulfilling prophecies’ and if collectively Black women keep believing there are zero good, available Black men, then we’ll keep treating them like shite, and they’ll in turn treat us like doo-doo, and so on. I’m sure someone already mentioned this, like Muse or Sister Toldja, or someone else as wise, but I wanted to chime in too dammit!

23 06 2008
SoCalGal420

And this is why my motto since I knew I was “strictly dickly” is “taste the rainbow”; inititally b/c I felt that I can love/fuck whomever I like, but recently after reading alot and experiencing “Black ‘love'”, I can honestly say that I am sane b/c of not limiting myself to Black men, there is just so much damage and drama to both parties, and honestly, it’s EASIER dating a Latino, Italian, or some other minority, especially if they’re of mixed heritage. After being told my whole life that I “talk like a white girl”, “wannabe white” blahblahblah all b/c I speak in a grammatically correct manner (I learned phonics as a kid mo’fuckas, crack open a book and you’ll know what I know, fuck!), listen to metal and have friends of ALL persuasions (how do you hang out with only one race especially if it isn’t your own?), I’ve observed that in my life, mixed race peeps are the ones I feel close kinship too, loved and hated by everyone; them for their appearance, me for having “eclectic” tastes and being raised by Black parents who knew that “keepin it gangsta” wasnt gonna get me shit but pregnant and or killed, or at the very least not living up to my full potential b/c of limiting myself to the “Dolomite” view of the Black experience. PS- I recently just watched alot of the Pam Grier 70s flicks, and why did so many Black children grow up watching this, not for kids! 🙂

23 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

knatural that was dam near profound.
just guessing; …but in a hundred words or less.

(3) “All good guys are part asshole.” one helluva observation.

a lot of young women feign wisdom but i’m guessing you are mid to late 20’s and waxing wise.

“Also, I believe in ’self-fulfilling prophecies’…”

this one is so on point you probably don’t even realize the full power of concious thought.

ok, you can go back to your Lifetime original movie now.

23 06 2008
Vagiana

I just saw a comment in which vagina was spelled “vagiana” and I have to admit this new italian-icized version sounds pretty sweet.

I’m adding it to my colloquial dictionary (and perhaps I’ll throw it in into an order at Olive Garden for the hell of it)

Thanks!

23 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

SoCal: ” I recently just watched alot of the Pam Grier 70s flicks, and why did so many Black children grow up watching this, not for kids!”

good shit though right?

check out the movie Cluadine, Cotton Comes to Harlem, Cleopatra Jones and Come back Charleston Blue for starters and get back 2 me.

23 06 2008
Knatural

AAHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH @ Vagiana! I may start referring to my lady parts as such. It sounds so classy.
Thanks PMC ( I think). I am indeed late-twenties, and still figuring things out. I think being married at this age I have a unique outside-looking-in perspective on dating and what Black men suffer through. Some Black women are downright mean, for whatever reason. And guys treat us like crap, too. It’s just tired. Both parties need to cut the bullshit…

23 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Knat, i knew you were late 20’s or above and you’re welcome. i handicapped my guess on age to be sensitive. keep seeking wisdom. hope married life treats you well. TOAST!

23 06 2008
4m_no_2_dc

please write a new post so we can get back to the shit that makes us all laugh and snicker… not bicker… ::SIGH:: i didn’t mean to rhyme, but damn….let this shit go!!!! lets chuck it up as an agree to disagree, throw up the dueces and move on.

23 06 2008
SagaciousHillbilly

LMFAO. Yer an angry MFer. Yer rude and crude too. I like that.
Keep up the good work.

23 06 2008
shabooty

yeah an aside from an aside.
i think my future wife is being born right now…
when im 50 i want a 21 year old girlfriend.

whoops -noone can read this right? 🙂

23 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Shabooty, it’s Shaboy; PMC.

real talk, one of my good friends is 35 and bringing an 18 yr. old he met in a foreign country to the states to live with him. i’m telling everybody that he’s adopting a child. i aint mad. i just wanna watch this shit. this is gonna be better thatn HBO. LOL!

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Ok, for whomever tried to defend Wesley Snipes by saying it seems like he looks like he is frustrated by Black women, but appreciates us…bullshit. What he said may not be as bad as legend would have it, but it still appears to be the words of a man who places the struggles of the Black man above that more important that of the Black woman. Fuck him. And besides, didn’t he abuse Halle Berry?

Chris, are you saying that because Black men have the advantage, Black women have to be primarily responsible for reparing the issues between us and Black men? We step our games up in hopes of improving things for our daughters or granddaughters? While I understand that Black women have a lot of work to do, I don’t think its fair to

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Didn’t Wesley Snipes beat the crap out of Halle Berry and make her deaf?

…I wouldn’t call that an appreciation.

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

place all that on our heads. Its like you are saying you all cant/wnt be responsible for your own betterment.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

…ok, so Ms. Toldja, I just realized that I rephrased what you just wrote. Sorry about that.

At least we’re on the same page. Intelligent minds say assholes are still assholes, no matter what.

23 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

yep Snipes burst her eardrums on some martial arts shit. i don’t think thats a hate black women thing though. that’s; he’s a physically abusive asshole thing. hope he’s gotten some help. that Halle shit was 15 yrs. ago. oh that’s right Halles well balanced. LOL! hope she gets some help too. i’m going to see my skrink in da mownin.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I pointed that out because no matter if its a black woman or not, that’s not an appreciation for ANY kind of woman.

You know what, why the hell am I sounding like Dr. Phil talking about relationships? I’m supposed to be mad and bitter. I need my Keyshia Cole CD.

Excuse my randomness…I know I have issues.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*Note* I had sarcasm tags around the second half of my post (you know, tags, like html, , ).

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

**,

(if those don’t work, then fuck it)

23 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

I’m supposed to be mad and bitter. I need my Keyshia Cole CD. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

On a serious note, I cannot stand Keyshia Cole…Every song is about the same thing: some guy leaving her hoodrat ass. If I were a dude, I so wouldn’t tap that. I’d think I’d get rabies or something.

23 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

yo Chaos i’m not crazy about Keyshia but i might not kick her out of my bed. i hate those whinning ass songs but love M.J.B. rabies though, dam is she that nazty. LMAO!

23 06 2008
Muse

Guys my lovely Caucasian friend Amber is too chicken shit post on this topic so she wants me to asks the Black ladies:

“Why don’t the Black ladies start dating men outside of their race so when a Black guy wants to act retarded, you have a few million other options?”

Serious questions ladies. Have fun LOL.

23 06 2008
Nice

I date outside of my race. My son is biracial. But for the past 3 or 4 yrs I’ve dated only Black men. I guess I’m not the best person to answer this question. But from what I hear and feel, most Black women are just more attracted to Black men and they feel more “at home” with a Black man. I can truely understand that. I have no problem dating outside of my race tho. Who is to say you cannot find that connection with someone outside of your race.

23 06 2008
Nice

Oh and Amber, don’t be scared. Its all opinions. Nobodys word is law.

23 06 2008
Muse

I want to do nasty slutty things to Gerard Butler…

Um sorry….I was thinking out loud hehehe…

My friend noticed that many black women are resisent to dating outside of their race. I explained to her it’s the loyalty factor. I don’t think it’s attraction because I’ve seen some Black, Latino, and Asian men who can get it all day and all night. Hehehe.

23 06 2008
Muse

Yes Amber in the Upper West side, you can post. We like White people here. Hehehe.

No lurking allowed

23 06 2008
Nice

Yes I know many of my Black girlfriends won’t date outside of their race, but they will always comment on their secret crushes on “others” that work in the office with us. I do think it is a loyalty thing as well. Well I say, be loyal to me and I’ll be loyal to you.

Some Black women I feel are also afraid to step- out- of- the- box because they feel they cannot be themselves and “keep it real” around a White man. But they fail to realize that around the right man they will never have to front.

23 06 2008
Anners Scribonia

I’m pretty sure the that the reason black women remain the most unmarried segment of the female population has less to do with whatever bunk happened to you and more to do with the fact that black women aren’t perceived to be as attractive or as worthwhile as women from other races.

Hmm. Wesley Snipes. He’s the reason why Halle Berry can’t hear in one ear, right? Or was that someone else? I hope it wasn’t him.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Anners, historically, Black women were percieved to be sexual objects by the white man.

Please read up on your history.

23 06 2008
Muse

Which is also another bullshit myth because some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen have been BLACK.

23 06 2008
Muse

Thank you Chaotic. Um just look at some of the women who post in the thread. They are on fire. ST with her perfect bone structure : ), Tomatohead with her cute dimples, and Chaotic killing bitches and making it rain on them hoes with her photographs…

I really do laugh when folks say that Black women in general aren’t attractive. LOL

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Thank you Muse! And the funny one is how white women STAY in tanning salons and at the plastic surgery clinics getting darker skin and collagen in their lips, hips and thighs, hoping to be voluptuous and a beautiful brown girl.

IMITATORS!!! Thats why y’all turn orange!!!

23 06 2008
Muse

Not to mention white women age terribly. Good lord. I turned 26 a month ago and look exactly the same as I did 10 years ago. Most white women, especially in LA my age look 40+ with their leathery skin and premature wrinkles.

23 06 2008
Nice

Please do not get me started. Who the FCUK is this orange, pale Anners Biach- and what the fcuk is her deal.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Anners, obviously you’ve stumbled across a new cultural experience. Welcome to the likeness of the Slap-a-ho Tribe of black women. Muse, Nice and myself are the Chief Bitches, and trust, we do live up to our name, even if its across the net.

23 06 2008
Nice

Yes, it is tru, Black does not crack. Who the hell told her that Black women are not desireable? What the feezy ?(excuse me, but Im tryin to stop cussin). All the men that try to get at us daily -Black, White, Hispanic. Black women are georgous. This broad is out-of-pocket.

23 06 2008
Anners Scribonia

Ladies, I am black.

Also, I majored in history so I don’t think I need to read up on it.

So what if black women were perceived as sexual objects by white men throughout history? They were also perceived as sex objects by other men and still are. What does that have to do with the low marriage rate today? Or my point?

Of course black women are gorgeous.

My point is that a lot of men seem to not find black women worth marrying for some reason. Whatever reason that may be, it’s wack. I only brought it up because that’s what this non-post brought up in the first place.

Jeebus.

Oh and someone wanted to know who told me that black women weren’t desirable? How about every black man I pass on the street holding hands with some non-black chick?

Sorry if my avatar threw you off. But I am enjoying the fact that you referred to Miranda Kerr as “an orange, pale biatch,” because I think she blows.

Cheers.

23 06 2008
akissy

Been reading this blog for a while but it’s the first time I’ve felt the need to voice my opinion. Being a black woman, I totally agree with Chris! I think it comes from low self-esteem… needing to be with a man even though he treats you like shit. It doesn’t matter if a person comes from a single-parent home or has parents who’ve been married for 50 years. I feel that Black Women may struggle more with their self image than other races. Also, many people don’t take the time to REALLY look at who they are; analyze their strengths/weaknesses, accomplishments/failures, their character, what they would like to change about themselves and how they would like to grow. And these people are mostly reactive instead of being proactive… it’s sad and it’s a vicious cycle! The first step is realizing that there’s a problem or dysfunction and actually making a conscious effort to change (not saying that it’s easy though)…

23 06 2008
puff

anners makes a good point – women who are seen as sexual objects aren’t necessarily the ones with the rings on their fingers: hence the statistics. akissy you’re so right about the low self confidence issue.

23 06 2008
Knatural

I’m late but, Muse – to explore your serious question about why Black women don’t venture “outside”, loyalty is a huge factor, but also fear. We’re afraid of how wonderful it may be, afraid of what family will think, and afraid of what other random Black folks will think.
And Gerard Butler is mine. That Scottish accent + his love scene in 300…oh my.

23 06 2008
Landon

DAMN i missed a good one… Sorry if I was not able to be here for BACK-UP CHris…
YOu made some damn fine points and sorry to hear you go thru this…

People really let their emotions show on this POST.

23 06 2008
Kortni Ayo

Well, SBPH… I hate to say it, but, I agee with you.

I am a black woman and I see other black women getting in their own way constantly. I really don’t understand the reason for this, however I know I must end.

My resolution for this is simply: Black women have to start saying YES instead of saying NO all the durn time (in no particular order) to:
1. community service (meet a nice guy on purpose)
2. a swirl (why keep being loyal to black men when they aren’t loyal to black woman? – plus being bitter and loyal is a contradiction in my book)
3. giving an ‘ugly’ dude your number (its the inside that counts mah sistas)
4. dressing like a lady and hot a video ho (this stresses me to no end)
5. eating more raw veggies (healthy body – healthy mind)
6. nice guys (drama is not cute and does not a relationship build)
7. being treated like a lady (stop looking for project boyfriends! you can’t FIX nobody!!!)
8. financial planning (get you ish together before looking for a sponsor – you probably don’t need one anyway)
9. not beating up on a good man (why are we still doing this?)
10. protection & birth control (if you want a dummy to sleep with you dont have to have his kids)
11. being receptive (we are fatalistically ‘closed off’ – open up, smile, try something new! it will NOT kill you!)

Anywhoo…i am sure i have some other ideas lurking, but on the real… sistas is broken, we need real strong men to fix us (notice race is absent). And of course, the problems in the black community are linked to slavery and lack of self worth. (Sounds like a cop out, but its real.)
Basically, I just want sistas to start learning how to LOVE themselves first and then maybe they can find love and treat it appropriately when it comes around.

Last note: I had this epiffany this weekend that I want to share… I don’t just want a relationship, I want someone who wants to LOVE being in a relationship. Respect, growth, support, spirituality, and family is a direct by-product. Word up.

23 06 2008
SUE

WORD Kortni WORD!

23 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

My my…even without knowing what set Chris off…I have to agree (except for Wesley-he has mental issues). Black women get in their own damn way, and then wonder why they get what they get out of the cracker jack box. I grew up seeing this crap over and over and over. I made this comment a little while ago on VSB…seeing that made me want to do better. Seeing that made me more sensitive to the BS, and to cut it short when it made its appearance. Seeing that made me know that I deserved better than the ex-con who you think you can fix with just enough love, or the 35+ year old slacker who can’t keep a decent or steady job. It made me not want to waste time in a relationship just to say I had a man, when I could WAIT for what I know is best for me, and have fun as a single girl.
With all that said, black women (as a whole) need to just DO BETTER. Stop shacking up with the aforementioned losers and talk to the guy who’s dorky, or doesn’t have “game”. Leave the “fine” guy you met at the club alone, take your behind to a museum, and if a guy (of any race) comes up to you and asks you an opinion about the exhibit/piece, chat him up. So the f what he might be a little overweight or short? He could indeed be that man you’ve dreamed about your whole life.

@Muse…I love that list you laid out…looks just like mine…we could be twins girl!

23 06 2008
ChaoticDiva

Kortni…I follow those steps. And yes, I did date an asian dude…we just didn’t have too many productive conversations because we didn’t have that many similar interests (car racing isn’t my thing, and he wasn’t a big sports fan like me).

I haven’t tried a white boy yet, but hey, if I meet one along the way, better believe I’ll be on that (come on Jude Law!).

Speaking of fine white boys, Channing Tatum could so get it! I swear let me see him in public, I’m kidnapping him!

…ok, now I see why they call me the rapist. Not cool….

23 06 2008
ChaoticDiva

**I do not sleep around. Just to be clear, the above statement was a joke.

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

I understood where you were coming from Anners. Chaotic, being looked at as a sexual object has nothing to do with being perceived as attractive or worthwhile (maybe getting that confused is part of the problem with black women). Do you want to be the one he fucks or the one he gives the ring to? We can’t deny that there are serious self-hate issues due to years of having certain European standards of beauty force-fed down our throats. There’s a reason there is/was a market for light-colored contacts, rhinoplasty, skin-lightening creams, relaxers, blonde weave, etc. I agree we have the most GORGEOUS race with a rainbow of looks all across the spectrum, but the media has a tendency to only show one type as “beautiful” (when’s the last time you saw the sister with the wide nose and afro as the love interest in a “mainstream” movie?).

But that being said, I think the attraction piece is the lesser of the issues that black men AND women need to be working on to heal.

23 06 2008
ChaoticDiva

Doc, I made the statement because the original comment that Anners made was that black women were never seen as attractive.

Look at it this way: a guy isn’t going to want to have sex with a girl who he does not find attractive. Do a poll: ask men which girl would they want to have sex with and which would they have a discussion with between Whoopi Goldberg and Naomi Campbell. I bet you hands down, Naomi would be the one they want to fuck, and Whoopi would be the conversational piece.

From my experience as an educated (well, I’m still in the process of school, but I’m almost done) black woman who happens to pay some bills modeling, I get men of all races throwing sexual comments and comments about how attractive I am without spending the time to talk to me. Earlier in this thread I didn’t elaborate, because I simply made statements supporting that whites have been attracted to the looks of the black woman, through both rape and imitation.

But yes, as an attractive and educated black woman, I will say that there are a RARE few men that are willing to sit down and talk about anything outside of shallow bullshit with me. That is probably why my relationships never last. Its not that the guys aren’t intelligent, its just the fact they can’t get past the physical. Trust, hormones can alter thoughts, and hey, it happens to me at times (thank goodness I can keep mine at bay).

Sorry to get a bit off topic, but coming fresh out of a relationship, I’m just voicing my opinions.

23 06 2008
Kortni Ayo

Just to throw a monkey wrench in the game…

I really don’t think this post is about BLACK WOMEN per se, I think it is about quality WOMEN dismissing quality MEN for stupid reasons…

Allegedly, SBPH met a sista he was interested in, got dropped b/c of an age requirement and salty feelings ensued b/c a sista did the dropping.
My question is, if this post is indeed about BLACK women, then would SBPH posted if a WHITE(red, yellow, etc) woman dropped him b/c of a 3 year rule? Would he have been so angered?

SBPH are you really saying BLACK women are the only ones who make up stupid reasons not to date certain people?

Personally, I am all for cougar status so long as the catch is worth going in for the kill. Maybe she just wasn’t that in to you (or your friend – details are vague)???

Just wondering… file this under ‘Things that make you go hmmmmmm.’

23 06 2008
Midnight

I’m a young black woman and this is like the 45th time i’ve heard this “black women are XYZ” argument. simply put, after the 3rd time hearing this, i just stopped fighting because none of those things really apply to me in the least bit. why get upset about it then? of course it sucks to be part of that stereotype but i believe that if you are truly extraordinary, you can break the stereotype, keep it moving, and still be happy…that’s how i live, anyway. just my humble opinion.

23 06 2008
Reality Check

I have a lot to say about black women and their ‘victim’ status.

FIrst of all— ladies— if you want respect and a ring on your finger…please close your legs and have some self respect. No one wants to marry his shack up whore — at least a prostitute gets paid.

Focus on having a relationship based on goals, values & mutal respect rather than emotions and sex. Sex complicates things.

Black women have the highest rate of unmarrieds, single mothers, and out-of-wedlock children. How would a little girl know to respect herself when she see’s her mom shacking up with different dudes?

Another thing — if your not married — please stop popping out kids. If I was a guy I would not be attracted to a single momma sorry. Unless she was divorced or a window. A single momma who just wants a boyfriend after boyfriend (or even accepts it) is not attractive to me.

Lastly — a thug, pimp, or loser who dresses like he’s starving and he’s clothes are hanging off his body is just a loser. There is nothing sexy aboug him.

Aim higher, be realisitc in your expectations, and please stop whoring yourselves out.

23 06 2008
Reality Check

P.S. Date with the intension of knowing someone to find out whether they are marriage material or not — have that as a goal— don’t date for fun.

Dating is not a game — stop the crap.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Reality Check, you hit it right on the nail.

By the way, I wasn’t describing my situation to play victim…trust, I’ve desecrated a couple of guys before a the beginning of relationships…and I know I get like that because I don’t give myself enough time to “get over” things. I personally don’t like dwelling, but at the same time, I’m in hiding from some of my exes because they’re nuts.

I dunno, I’m seriously a weirdo. I will never compare myself to a whole group and say that I am representative of any group in its entirety because just like everybody else, my situation is based on my personality traits clashing with others. I’m honestly not blaming shortcomings in my relationships on the fact its a black on black thing. Instead, I’ll blame it on the fact I suck at picking men, which I have accepted.

By the way, my apologies for constantly being defensive…I do it because it makes me feel better. (Hey, at least I’m honest.)

23 06 2008
Reality Check

ChoaticDiva: don’t worry, I wasn’t addressing you. I was speaking in general terms.

————————

I think ya’ll should get Dr. Laura’s ‘Ten stupid things women do to mess up thier lives’ or any of her books. Listen to her radio too — the woman talks some real shit.

Here is her list

1. Stupid Attachment: Is a woman just a Wo Wo Wo a Man?

You typically look to the context of a man to find and define yourself.

2. Stupid Courtship: “I finally found someone I could attach to” and other stupid ideas about dating.Desperate to have a man, you become a beggar, not a chooser, in the dating ritual

3. Stupid Devotion: “But I love him” and more stupid romantic stuff. You find yourself driven to love and suffer and succor (or do you spell that “sucker”?) in vain.

4. Stupid Passion: “Ohhh, Ahhh, we’re breathing hard … it must mean love”
You have sex too soon, too romantically, and set yourself up to be burned.

5. Stupid Cohabitation: The ultimate female self-delusion: So stop lying to yourself! You’re not living with him because you love him. You’re living with him because you hope he’ll want you!

6. Stupid expectations: First you commit to him, then you hate him? Using marriage as a quick fix for low or no self-esteem.

7. Stupid conception: Making babies for the worst reasons. Misguidedly, you use biology as a jump start for love, personal growth, and commitement.

8. Stupid Subjugation: Letting him hurt your babies. You and your children are held hostage to your own obsessive need for security and attachment.

9. Stupid helplessness: “Oh, I always whine and whimper when I’m angry.”
Too scared and insecure to deal with your rage, you turn it into wimpishness.

10 Stupid forgiving: “I know he’s adulterous, addicted, controlling, insensitive, and violent …but other than that – ” You don’t know when to break off a no-win relationship, or how to not get involved in the first place.

……… if any of these points apply to you…then you have a probem.

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Muse, thank you for the compliment! lol.

Anners, clearly you didn’t major in Afro-American, or Diasporic History, because that is the most baseline, sophmoric assumption I have ever heard from an ‘educated adult’. Black women are the least married because we aren’t considered attractive….really? If that were the case, wouldn’t the numbers of intermarried Black men be way higher?

While I am not trying to guess what set Chris off as someone else did, I wanted to respond to the point that someone (sorry, I couldn’t find it again so I don’t know who said it lol) made about if it had been a woman of another race, would it have warranted a generalization about all women of that race. Black women and men tend to take things a little more personally when dealing with injuries from one another. Our realtionship is complicated because we are naturally drawn to one another, we see each other as ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’. I think we set the bar higher for each other in relationships than we do when we date others….and we should continue to challenge each other to do better. I don’t run in offering ‘chicken soup and kleenex’ when I hear a brother snapping about sisters, but I do hear him out because I need to know where the brothers heads are at. What are they thinking about us. And when I think it’s wrong, I will correct them accordingly.

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

And while society and “the media” have worked to keep Black women looking like the most undesireable, unnatractive group of women in the country (which only works in the minds of idiots, because Black women are fucking gorgeous. You will see sisters in the hood who rival Halle Berry or Sanaa Lathan rather often, but there are very few White women walking around who are as pretty as Angelina Jolie), I think the reason sisters dont date out more has to do a lot with our tastes. Yes, we have that blind loyalty thing as well, but I just dont think MOST Black women find White men (who they deal with in real life, not just celebs) attractive. White people feel different, smell different, have different hair. I can appreciate a good looking White or Asian man, but I have zero interest in being physical with one. There is the occasional cute Jewish boy or guy with facial hair and features that make him look like a light skinned Black man, that I may find really attractive, but I can’t see me acting on this. Even though there are so many shades and colors of the Black experience, I feel that most brothers and I will connect on some key levels because of our race. I don’t want to have to explain certain things with my man, and I would constantly be doing that with a White boy.

And unlike Black men, I don’t take the attitude of ‘White boys are fun to play with now, but when I marry, I want a Black king’. I don’t expect to put you on a shelf and have you wait for me to want you.

23 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“SBPH are you really saying BLACK women are the only ones who make up stupid reasons not to date certain people?”

Please see my comment from above, specifically this passage…

“Black women aren’t the only ones that do this of course – women in general just love to make good guys jump through a thousand hoops while inexplicably opening the floodgates for marginally charismatic jackasses.”

I’m jumping on black women in particular because it’s black women from whom I’m constantly hearing the pervasive argument about black men being cheaters, liars, etc. etc. while claiming that there are no good black men. They complain in spite of the fact that I am ALWAYS seeing good guys getting passed over because of BS dating criteria or the fact that he doesn’t make the girl wet in the pants immediately. It’s akin to turning down lottery winnings because the cash came in a briefcase instead of a big sack with a $ sign on it.

Women of other colors can afford to pass over good men of their own races because, let’s face it, they’re in plentiful supply. Black women that turn down good black guys, on the other hand, do so at their own peril because there just aren’t a whole hell of a lot of them. They furthermore make the situation worse by remaining steadfastly loyal to men who abuse their trust.

To Sister Toldja’s point:

“Chris, are you saying that because Black men have the advantage, Black women have to be primarily responsible for repairing the issues between us and Black men? We step our games up in hopes of improving things for our daughters or granddaughters? While I understand that Black women have a lot of work to do, I don’t think its fair to place all that on our heads. Its like you are saying you all cant/wnt be responsible for your own betterment.”

That’s exactly what I’m saying. I know it’s not a fair situation…but when the hell is life ever fair? Let’s face facts – what incentive do black men have to better themselves if black women are going to stick by them no matter what? You can call them assholes all day long, but if you’re still giving them the love and the pussy at the end of the day…then what the hell do they care? The primary responsibility for being fuckups still lies with them of course, but there’s a point where the women who support them go from being loyal to being an enabler.

Furthermore, I don’t think enough (negative) attention is being cast on the no-good black WOMEN who ACTIVELY pursue losers, ACTIVELY promote self-destructive behavior in black men, and leave the good ones frustrated and wanting for options. When you see this shit happen…GET MAD! Tell those bitches about themselves. They’re making the situation worse for you.

If you’re going to sit around waiting for these men to suddenly ‘wake up’ through no action of your own, you’re going to be sitting and waiting for a long damn time. No one is going to rescue black women from this situation except black women, because you are the only ones with the PLAUSIBLE power to effect the change you’re looking for.

As some commenter said long long ago: “You have the vagina.” USE IT!

23 06 2008

Since none of this applies to my I will move forward to the next post amicably.

I do, however know a few women that this effects.

23 06 2008

*me

This is some good reading. Great arguments. I haven’t even gotten to the farmer’s market post.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

SPBH, if you’re single, lets go out on a date. You seem like a person I can have a real conversation with.

…don’t mind me, its the hormones talking. Finals have me a bit wayward…

23 06 2008
Monie

For hundreds of years White America has done everything possible to keep us (Black women and men) apart. There were laws keeping us apart. They sold Black men or women away who where “married” to each other. They humiliated Black men and women by calling them “boy” and “girl”. They have portrayed us in the most outrageous stereotypes. They created social welfare systems that required that there NOT be a man in the house in order to receive help. They constantly release so-called studies stating how Black women have babies out-of-wedlock, can’t find a man, etc. They release so-called studies saying that there are more Black men in jail than college; Black men are more likely to commit crimes, etc.

The result; we have internalized all of this. We now parrot what the larger culture has been saying about us for hundreds of years. Many of us are not able to discern who we really are anymore. We have come to believe the hype.

We are individuals. But many of us rarely allow for individuality because we have become accustomed to generalizing and stereotyping each other, as the larger culture does to us.

I hope that as we have more ways (blogs, etc.) to communicate with each other that we will fight the urge to believe the worst about each other.

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

I don’t like playing ‘well, I don’t do that!’ when people make generalizations about Black women, but I can honestly say that me (and most of my girls) dont put up with a bunch of bullshit from men. We meet plenty of assholes, but they aren’t ’50 cent wannabes’, they are ‘educated Black men’. The “good guys”, the ones who have absorbed the notion that they are God’s gift to the world because they defied the stereotypes and statistics. The ones who feel that by the virtue of their degree or salary or any letters beside their name that they most only have the ‘perfect’ woman. Black women are being instructed to settle- lower your standards, date a blue collar man*, stop being so picky. But Black men are being taught (ironically, often by their Black mothers) NOT to settle. That women out here are trifling gold diggers, that they should settle for nothing less than the best. Send these two groups into the world and see how well they mesh after that.

I’ve long thought that Black women would be charged with civilizing the Black community. Chris’s comments further prove that. However, I feel that we will fail miserably if Black men are continuing to recieve free passes to act and ass.

*-Not saying anything is wrong with dating a Blue collar man, but when was the last time you saw a Black man with a degree and good job hollering at the chick who cleans factory equipement?

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Toldja, I feel you on that. My parents always told me to keep around people on the same level as you. This is not socio-economic (I was raised in the upper middle class white suburbia…most of my family making 6 figure salaries with more than just a bachelors). Thats what I grew up around, thats what I’m accustomed to, and thats what I’m working towards (man, I hope I get into law school).

I’ve been with guys who weren’t as motivated to get themselves together as I am, and it doesn’t work out, no matter how much you care about the person. Its not about belief systems, its about understanding. And a guy who isn’t trying to better himself isn’t understanding a girl who is trying to better herself.

Again, this is not racially exclusive.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*same level, or higher….

**This saying goes: Aim for the moon…at least if you miss, you fall among the stars. (i.e. don’t limit yourself).

***note to self: stop dating sub-par losers.

23 06 2008
aceklub

Yea, I have to agree w/ Chris b/c I work with high school kids and most of the males, their main focus is to try and grab the attention of females. If this was a perfect world, if all females had the mindset of “In order for a Black guy to holla, he must be 1,2,3,” guys would step up to the plate and match those things. Guys try to make money to provide nice things for themselves and impress the ladies as well. Since there is no criteria in which to obtain this money, guys are doing what it takes, both legally and illegally. however, if the money could only be obtained through years of education, schools would be flooded w/ black men. The power of the P.U.S.S.Y is REAL. It is unfair to many good females b/c the bad ones have dumb standards so guys tell themselves…”shyt, I can go find the jumpoff and ignore the good ones” It is alot harder for guys to make females switch…the convo is always

Girl: “Step your game up (improve yourself…whatever it may be) and then we might be able to get intimate and have sex”
Guy:”Decides Yes or No”

It is never reversed where the guy dictates when sex can occur…

Guy: ‘Step your game up (to the female) in order for me to give you some sex”

this kinda relates to an earlier post regarding everyone is so independent that they only prefer the other gender for sex.

23 06 2008
Omar

About 5.8% of men make six figures, this is probably lower for black men so if this is your standard it is like that old saying it is lonely at the top. You actually are more likely to find Black men dating women who may not have a “educated” job because historically men’s desires had nothing to do with a woman’s money.

Opening youself up to blue collar men isn’t necessarily a step down because there are guys with master’s degrees making $60k a year who have about $80k in student loan debt, where as you may find a plumber making $55k a year with no debt.

I personally think many black women look in the wrong places for men anyway and the places that they look are in direct opposition to what they are looking for. Clubs, Lounges and night spots in general are breeding ground for dudes who have no intention of being in a committed relationship, even if they are interested in a relationship that isn’t what they are at the club for.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Omar, I wasn’t saying I look for guys with six figures, I was saying I look for guys that are trying to, or have their lives together. i.e. not some guy who’s dream is to be a rapper (been there), or some bench riding bball player who’s wish is to play for the b-leagues (also been there). Both of those guys…hell most of the guys I date are in college, but that doesn’t mean that they’re motivated. Alot of people go to college because they feel its the right thing to do, and not because they’re passionate about learning and trying to get into a certain profession.

23 06 2008
Knatural

So true Omar!! I also think it’s because a lot of Us are always looking. If We just sit back, relax, stop prowling, Mr. Right may find you. Just a thought. Though meeting someone quality shouldn’t be your primary objective, it’s possible to meet a nice guy at the club/bar/lounge, Chris/SBPH is there. It’s where I met my bastard husband. If each party stops playing games and just goes with the flow, who knows…

23 06 2008
Omar

@Knat – there is nothing wrong with looking but clubs are for booty and that’s about it. You might find a better guy volunteering somewhere, at least you know he gives a damn about somebody other than himself.

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Okay, co-signing with Ne’. I guess I haven’t been able to get as angry and frustrated with the loser-enabling black women because I just don’t see that in my circle of women. I’ll just move it along and stop debating so SBPH won’t get mad at me and have further reason to hate black women, ha ha.

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Omar- it’s not all about money. I may well relate better to someone who went to college and accumualted a lot of debt (as did I) than someone who went to trade school and makes better money than I. And while a man may be more likely to date a woman who makes less money (DUH, considering we still may be paid less for the same work), I am referring to crossing social circles and class lines. A female mechanic makes a good salary, but how many Black male professionals would date one? Yet sisters are expected to pretty much date whomever we can get AND train them how to act like men if they don’t know already.

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

Okay I’m a filthy liar, LOL. Two last things…

@Omar, and for those of us who volunteer, go to arts and cultural events, spiritual community events, and rarely run into single black men, then what? (usually the only black men I see at my alumni community service events for example, are being dragged along by their wives).

SPBH you point blank say that there aren’t a lot of good black men. So when they all are snapped up (which I argue that they readily are), what exactly do you want to rest of the women to do? I wholeheartedly agree that putting up with bullshit is unacceptable, but people are fighting human nature…people don’t want to be alone. I’ve always thought the best way to work through the issues in our communities is through family units and support systems…but I think it’s eye-opening that you’re basically saying self-improvement is a lost cause for men, we have to force them into it by giving up on them? What exactly?

23 06 2008
aceklub

@ Omar
“You actually are more likely to find Black men dating women who may not have a “educated” job because historically men’s desires had nothing to do with a woman’s money.”

That is real talk to a big degree. It is necessary in this day and age to have two-person income but most guys if they would, would love to have enough money to keep their wife as home. If we use Education as the standard, as guys get more advanced degrees, they increase their options b/c the things that guys desire can be obtained by a female with a degree or w/o a degree. As some comedians joke, a lady who can cook a good meal and lay it down in the bedroom is golden. This is not to diminish other aspects of a female (intellect, passion, etc) but if you would list various characteristics on a piece of paper and ask guys and girls to rank their priority in these characteristcs being available in their mate, things that would be higher for girls who not be the same for guys and vice versa.

Most guys want comfort and compassion from their lady and this can be obtained from the 100K female lawyer or the $10/hr female Burger King worker. I have heard stories from my boy who went to Morehouse and he knew females who went to Spelman, Bennett, etc who while they were getting a degree, their reason for getting that degree was b/c it would make them a “better catch” for their husband b/c it becomes a ego booster for the guy to talk about their wife having a degree even though she is a housewife. Now, if there is a major is housewife-ing, please tell me…”don’t worry, I’ll wait”

However, while females value emotional stability and relationship stability, many females rank financial stability as well. Well, while the 100K male lawyer could provide that in addition to other things, the $10/hr Burger King can not and thus adds to the lack of options.

23 06 2008
Knatural

If you “can’t” find a good Black man, find a good non-Black man. AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAH

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I volunteer…and the only person I’ve met volunteering was a former baseball player for Milwaukee…

…oh, and the gay guy who I had a crush on until I found out he was gay.

…maybe thats it…Black men are taking up other black men.

23 06 2008
Muse

::SNIFF SNIFF:::

Someone is sprung on some pussy.

Bhahahaha

23 06 2008
aceklub

@ chaoticdiva
“Black men are taking up other black men.”

Now, that is gonna be a even bigger issue b/c I am not sure if this is me but it seems like there are more black gay guys than black lesbian girls. It is crazy out here in DC where these high schools gay guys seem to be all over the place. It is already hard to tell since everyone is on this tight jeans craze.
I can only imagine what will be the case in the next 10 years when these kids finally grow up and looking for a mate. These females will struggle even more. For instance, lets say that a lady has a passion and interest in females even though she is in a relationship w/ a guy. She has at least an ok (maybe 15%) chance that she can introduce the idea to her guy and he would welcome the idea of her keeping her female playmate. However, a gay guy will not be able to switch roles and try that mess with a female.

I acknowledge this is wrong and that a double standard exist in this regard…but not sure how to fix it.

23 06 2008
maya

I am finding this post particularly well-timed in light of recent shifts in my own dating life. Bottom line, sisters, is don’t date anyone who doesn’t want you. It seems so fundamental, but it’s so overlooked. You can’t make anyone change, grow or want. And quite honestly, why would you want to?

Women in general have a particularly desire to be the one that a man “changes” for. That change, however, is inward, and can only come for him. More often than not, it’s more a matter of coincidental timing in his personal evolution than him wanting to change for a particular person. To that end, I’ve seen plenty of sisters take on the all-woman role: we wanna be the wife, the mother, the spiritual advisor, the everything. That shit gets old real quick. No one likes to have someone living on top of them. Black women have a love/hate relationship with our never-ending superhero persona. Me, personally? I have trouble taking care of my damn self.

I know I personally have had a very complicated relationship with someone for the past 5 years, and only very recently has the dust begun to settle. To me, he is probably forever indebted, but only until he realized that himself and wanted to pay it forward has our friendship changed.

As for brothas who date white women *pours a little out*it’s one of those things where I can’t even speak on it anymore. Recently, a decision had to be made where it was either me (lives alone, own car, job, pursing a masters at an ivy league school) or the white girl (lives at home with two moms and a dad, house sits and sells oz. of weed for money). He chose her. As they say on Waiting to Exhale, “a white woman can have your sorry ass.” But does that make me upset, ladies? No. Why? Because anyone who would go for the lesser is NOT someone I need in my company. I’m about UPWARD mobility and mediocrity does not entice me.

My issue with brothas who date white girls is simply this: Don’t get with me and try to tell me what’s wrong with me. “This is why I don’t date black women.” Do I have an attitude? Sometimes, but not because I’m a black woman; because I can be particularly impatient. Don’t impart my flaws (which we all have) to speak for my collective. Nor would I attribute the fuckery I’ve encountered with brothas to speak to any one of you on this board.

23 06 2008
maya

FUCKING HTML TAGS!

23 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“SPBH you point blank say that there aren’t a lot of good black men. So when they all are snapped up (which I argue that they readily are), what exactly do you want to rest of the women to do? I wholeheartedly agree that putting up with bullshit is unacceptable, but people are fighting human nature…people don’t want to be alone. I’ve always thought the best way to work through the issues in our communities is through family units and support systems…but I think it’s eye-opening that you’re basically saying self-improvement is a lost cause for men, we have to force them into it by giving up on them? What exactly?”

Calm, little one…calm 🙂

See aceklub’s earlier comment about men responding to a higher bar set by black women. The crux of my argument is that would-be loser guys would have the motivation to become good guys IF women would just raise the bar. Men are capable of doing better, but they need motivation. Guess where the motivation comes from? YOU, DAMMIT!

Ladies please pay very close attention to the following statement:

99.99% OF EVERYTHING SINGLE MEN DO IS DONE TO ATTRACT WOMEN

If women would stop responding to the thuggishness and/or assholery, then the thuggishness and assholery WOULD STOP! Those dudes who would ordinarily act stupid would finally get their shit together because the only girls who ever put up with it (black women) finally said “enough.” The scarcity of good black men would, over time, cease to exist.

So what do you do in the meantime while those dudes get themselves together? Simple: date that black guy that’s cute and good on paper but you weren’t necessarily ‘feeling’ the first time you met him. Date out of the race. Try approaching guys instead of waiting for them to approach you. Date ANYONE but those losers who are keeping the whole friggin’ race down.

Men want you, dammit, and I’m not just talking about the ones with no options. The idea that non-blacks don’t find black women attractive is BULL when applied generally. In some cases, you just have to be more aggressive. Men like women who actively give them openings – that’s why we dig Brazilian women so much.

Grab the bull by the horns and hump it into submission. Or something. Did I really just say that…?

Fuck me.

23 06 2008
Omar

@Doc – I wasn’t suggesting that as a cure all but it is a step in a better direction. It is no secret that there are a lot of black men that fall into traps that leave black women with less to choose from but that doesn’t bar black women from having to make intelligent choices to have what they want.

A lot of women are dramatic anyway, they like 24 and acting like their eggs are about to dry up or something.

@ST – I understand your point however we don’t really know who we relate to until you sit down and have a conversation with them. We also need to rethink the role that class plays. A man who has a nice personality and is respectful will probably fair well in most social circles. There is a VP at the company I work for and her husband is a carpenter, he makes good money and seems more cofortable at professional events than I am. I, myself happen to be more “educated” than my wife but I have yet to beat this woman in a debate. So we all can stand to expand our scope some.

It is also no secret that we can be attracted to things that are bad for us, often guys with a lot of game that women like are that way because they have a lot of practice meaning they aren’t averse to having a few women at a time. It is no different than woman who goes out wearing next to nothing seemingly looking for a certain type of attention, guys have to watch out for that and know that if he is looking for a wife she probably isn’t it.

23 06 2008
Muse

Jesus Christ you guys are so fucking extra my head is bleeding from reading all of this. As I stated before, take personal responsiblity for your dating choices. I refused to be lumped in the category as some sloppy needy whore who gets off dating ex-cons or loser men. The shit is going old. Black women aren’t victims and Black men aren’t entirely blameless.

In fact let me share a piece of wisdom, take time to get to know the broads your are pursuing before you put your dick inside of them. MEN ARE YOU LISTENING? SOme of you guys let your dumb penis do the talking that you end up missing critical signs that the broad you are courting is missing a few screws. TAKE THE TIME AND THE ENERGY TO GET TO KNOW FOLKS. Stop being so quick to skeet and make it rain on hoes.

Sometimtes its good to establish a friendship prior to making the transition into dating.

FUCKING HELL. You people make dating more complicated than what it needs to be.

I have a deadline in three hours and I’m fucking around with you people LOL.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

One of my best guy friends made a valid point: ladies, date a guy that makes you happy.

He’s not going to make you happy if he doesn’t meet your standards in life, whether it be personality, or status.

…lets just hope we make them happy too.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ muse talking about men, their penises and making it rain – all in one sentence.

…but so true. I say we knock off Lil’ Wayne…he’s perpetuating that shit.

23 06 2008
Muse

Thank you Chaotic. Its not that serious. There is more to laugh than getting fucked, sucked, and having a warm body next to you. I mean all those things are nice but youg uys are putting way too much thought into it. When I recently cut ties with a pompous educated Black man who started off as a nice guy. Do I think all educated Black men suck? NO. Do I hate black men? NO. Am I looking forward to dating different folks? HELL FREAKING YES. In fact I’m about to make it rain soon.

23 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

@Muse

OOOOOUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clearly you aren’t lumped in with this, just as Shabooty isn’t lumped in with the ‘Persians’ post. Calm yo’ tig ol’ bitty having self down.

23 06 2008
maya

LMAO. Shut up, Chris. Hahahahaha. It’s bad enough this is my last week of work and I’m not doing shit. I don’t need to call attention to myself by laughing this hard, too.

Fourth of July….are we black mens and womens gettin’ together to hate in person?

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Wait…so if this site is full of attractive educated black people that like to talk to each other…those complaing, um…hello!

SBPH.com -> the newest trend in black dating!!! Come check out the hot singles with asshole attitudes that aren’t afraid to call people manbitches…

23 06 2008
Muse

Chris I have to respond and bitch because you are speaking about Black women collectively. Perhaps some of the men in this thread need to realize that you are what your attracted and maybe there is a flaw in your character if you keep hooking up with psych cases. I’m going to need EVERYONE to have at least one visit to the therapist chair and work it out.

23 06 2008
aceklub

Aside; I was definitely pumped that my comment was used by Chris. (Chris is our collective HERO…like the Wizard of Oz)

But to add to what Chris is saying…from what we hear from most black male, the physical characteristics that females possess, it is the Black female who would win the challenge as the curvy of the hips and fullness of the lips (whatever else is included in that Maya Angelou poem) is what Black guys desire. From Latina women experiencing exponential aging, through white girls having beer bellies, etc. it is obvious that a Black Female is the perfect example of aging beautifully, which is what guys would prefer. So, it is dealing w/ other issues that causes guys to choose outside of their race.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Muse, don’t make fun of me…my therapist left me for the Vet’s office (no, I’m serious).

But as a living testimony, everybody needs a good therapist. Just make sure they don’t give you pills…

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*vet’s hospital.

23 06 2008
maya

Arguably, we’ve all been hooking up with psych cases, and that’s why we’re still single.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ aceklub…I look 12, and I’m Cuban. Yea I have black genes too, but my Cuban relatives (that aren’t alcoholics) look good for their age.

Speak for yourself…maybe its just the non-Caribbean Latinos…

23 06 2008
Muse

Omg I dated one Alpha who was a psych case. He started stalking me and busted out my windows. I had to call my dad up and tell him to get that Negro away from me. Whatever pops did worked.

23 06 2008
maya

I’m interested to see what the men of this blog are interested in, as far as the sistas are concerned. Just a list of qualities (physical and otherwise)

23 06 2008
Muse

Chaotic my people are from the Caribbean. Where you from?!

23 06 2008
Keysha E.

Uhmmmm Your a trip. But As A black women I feel you I see some of my sisters blocking their own blessings. And when I say sisters I mean all Races!

I had a pyshco Ex I called that they call 911 and took his azz to court and I relocated. Some women like this game shyt till they get done in in more ways then one. Dont play with your life it’s not cute that your ex boo or current boo stalkes, smacks, hits, punches, talks shyt to you. Not cute

Peace

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I’m from the midwest. But my grandma is from Cuba, got a cousin in Barbados, a slew of cousins from Jamaica, and relatives (that I’ve never met) in Brazil (ok…not quite the Caribbean, but I think they’re by way of St. Lucia one or 2 gens up).

I love me some curried goat, and I love me some peas and rice, and I love me some sweet plantains and Conch is delicious!!!

Hands down though, I love my Cuban Black Beans and Rice.

23 06 2008
Muse

You know what they like Maya….No need to ask. I see you Frodo LMAO.

23 06 2008
Muse

Chaotic my people are from Martinique and Jamaica.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I had a psycho ex (benchriding bball player, who still benchrides somewhere I’m sure), who was controlling, vindictive, and quite the pothead. I didn’t learn all of this until after we started dating….

He got mad from me going and spending time with my friend who was pregnant at the time, always constantly accusing me of cheating. Then he would threaten to kill himself when I would tell him I wanted out of the relationship. So I fabricated a story that I cheated on him in hopes that he would leave, and well, he called me all sorts of shit, then showed up at my doorstep with a pair of earrings the next day.

I finally got out of that relationship after 4 months of terror (such a long time, eh?), and he went around calling people and telling people I had slept with all these rappers and athletes (I mean people I had never met before)…

Last time I heard, he was still trying to locate me. Thats why I have my page blocked off where I can’t be added by just anybody. And thats why I stick with my effing alias and model photos because I look different w/o makeup.

…I also had this fat white dude stalking me too. But thats another story. We never dated. I didn’t even know him.

(now you’re learning more about why the name chaotic)

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ Muse: good stuff!

…back to crazy exes….I had another one who I dated back in high school that makes it a point to befriend the guy I’m currently dating. Reason for me dating guys that either live out of the state, or that are not in the same age group. He was younger than me, by the way.

23 06 2008
maya

I mean, Muse, I am interested. Genuinely. Some black men say that black women don’t spend enough time LISTENING. So I’m all ears. Gentlemen?

23 06 2008
Muse

Yeah I only needed one. He wasn’t technically my boyfriend. We were just getting to know each other and he started displaying some crazy Negro tendencies.

23 06 2008
maya

I know a lot of crazy women, too, though…

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ maya…yea…there are ALOT of them. 90% of my female acquaintances turn out to be that way.

But yeah, now may not be the best time to ask the guys on this site about what they want in a woman…they’re on the other post talking about planning a pole party….

23 06 2008
maya

…I have a friend who put sugar in her exboyfriend’s tank and did some whole other fly shit like honey or something all over the inside of his car. I can only imagine trying to get it out.

23 06 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

I read the post, felt a visceral response and knew the comment box was going to look like WWIII so I didn’t read anyone but Chris’s comments. . . I am married to what I consider to be not only a good black man, but an AWESOME black man, even if by what Chris thinks black women’s standards are, he’s not a catch (short, nerdy, buys me flowers every week, helps me be a better person, listens, etc). But just because he is a good black man to me, doesn’t mean he is or was to everyone. I’m sure his ex-fiance would consider him someone she would have “settled” for. . . With that being said, can someone define for me this phenomena that is a “good” black man/woman?
If you put what I had to offer on paper 5 years ago, at age 24, i might not look so good. Compare that to now, and I think I look a touch better. I won’t go into a diatribe about maturity and blame, who needs to grow up and how you can only grow up through experiencing both good and bad things, but I will say that your post kinda hurt my feelings.

But your dating advice was on point. . .

23 06 2008
maya

Chaotic:

I was trying to tell a male friend of mine (who recently was kicked down a flight of steps) that all women have the capacity to be crazy. The question is, are you crazy enough to awaken it by doing dumb shit. No one is above going over the edge when emotions are high…I don’t care how much of a good girl she is.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

yea…they’re not that crazy (@ maya).

they were more so crazy saying that I was after their man…funny thing was, I was the only one in the group at the time that had a boyfriend. (The little clique lasted about 4 months…then I went off on those hoes). I can’t stand most females.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

…so true (@ Maya again)

23 06 2008
B4Prez

Sum1 may have said this all ready (more or less) but so many black women put a wall up b4 they even meet you. How about a smile. Or a hello when you’re standing right next to me. They will alk down the street staring me right in the face until we’re close enough to speak, then they act like I was supposed to give them a down payment first. SMH

I’m not even into the YT chicks, but I tell you one thing, they make it a lot easier for men to meet them. All it takes is a hello and a smile to see if there’s a slight interest, but you’ll have all ready decided I was no good while Amy and Meredith took .0005 of a second to get the ball rolling.

Sorry ladies, but Chris is teaching the word from the ‘Good Book’ with this one.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ B4Prez…hey, I offered to take him out sometime…he didn’t respond…

…and he didn’t even have to try to generate interest with me…I initiated the convo.

23 06 2008
aceklub

Here is what I have looked for, in the past, from a lady…

1. Classy but not high maintenance
2. Pretty Smile (my weakness)
3. Intelligent and can hold a good conversation (but not self-centered)
4. Caring
5. Outgoing, social (but not a female who likes to be on the scene and be seen…i.e groupie tendencies)
6. Curvaceous
7. An “Around the way” type lady…not too ignorant acting but not high-siddity as well. Like someone who has street sense but not on the block.

These are the things that I try to figure out early before moving forward

23 06 2008
maya

LMAO @ “teaching the word.”

@B4Prez — But I have a question, when it takes .0005 seconds, don’t you lose interest because it was easy. I, personally, am very sociable and can shoot the shit with most people, but as far as “interest,” it’s not easily generated with me. I don’t, however, believe in that “playing hard to get,” shit. Still, Tupac’s line, “I don’t mean to sound sleazy, but tease me / I don’t want it if it’s that easy,” comes to mind.

Okay, so the brothas are just going to dismiss my question about what yall want from a black woman physically/personality-wise?

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ aceklub: damn, I don’t fi your standards because I’m a suburban girl who doesn’t know shit about the hood other than don’t go to the Eastside, and that there are liquor stores and beauty salons on each corner.

23 06 2008
B4Prez

@chaotic –

I guess the moral of the story is, just don’t assume that the next black man won’t respond just becus that guy didn’t.

23 06 2008
The Doc Is In

EXCELLENT point Mrs. Kennedy. I think this is where my disconnect is coming in. I’m not about giving a completely abusive loserfuck umpteen million chances but I just can’t give up on my black men even the ones with “quirks”. For instance, it’s been jokingly said a few times that being “an ex-con” is instant “bad black man” status. Well one of my closest black male friends, a lawyer and all around sweetheart, once got dayum near arrested in the bumblefuck panhandle of Florida by some racist cop…for JAYWALKING. Had he not been in law school at the time and not been calm-headed when the ass first approached him, he could’ve gotten into a real fucked up situation and been “an ex-con”. A lot of brothers do get into situations like those and sometimes they don’t have the knowledge/support to get out, and by the time the system fucks them up and desocializes them more…. *sigh*
So that’s been part of my argument about giving people chances and what not… “good on paper” does not equate being “good in relationships” and vice versa.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ b4prez

…I hope you know “them just jokes”…

I am a wildly silly person…

23 06 2008
Anners Scribonia

@ Sister Toldja (16:43:28): Anners, clearly you didn’t major in Afro-American, or Diasporic History, because that is the most baseline, sophmoric assumption I have ever heard from an ‘educated adult’. Black women are the least married because we aren’t considered attractive….really? If that were the case, wouldn’t the numbers of intermarried Black men be way higher?

Why is this so clear to you? Nothing I said pertains much to Afro-American history as a formal discipline. What you assume to be my assumption isn’t my assumption at all. Oh, and it’s ’sophomoric’ not ’sophmoric’. If you’re going to go out of your way to belittle me you may as well spell your shit correctly.

@ ChaoticDiva (15:27:44): Doc, I made the statement because the original comment that Anners made was that black women were never seen as attractive.

Anners never said that, ChaoticDiva. Stop making shit up.

If you read the original post made by the author of this excellent blog you’ll understand why I said what I said. There are many reasons why black women are the largest group of unmarried women in this country. I just thought it was kind of low for the author to point his finger at black women collectively. As if we aren’t individuals. Or as if there aren’t any other factors involved.

That is all.

23 06 2008
aceklub

@chaoticdiva
The list is not a thing where a female has to fit every criteria. Those are just things that catch my attention.

23 06 2008
B4Prez

@Maya –

I just meant that it only takes a second to smile and say hello if your attracted to sum1. The women I pass on the street everyday make it very clear that they find me attractive (or that they think they know me from somewhere). If I find u attractive also, and I try to establish eye contact or whatever, I’m done if you wanna play the ‘look away and act like u weren’t staring me down’ game.

As far what we find attractive, there’s no cookie cutter answer. It depends on the guy, and also, on the woman in question. Sum1 who immediately catches your eye CAN get shut down if her buck stop’s there, and sumtimes the ‘friend’ who isn’t as hot at first, can become more attractive after a 5 minute convo. More than anything, black women STOP ISOLATING YOURSELVES (for those who do, obviously). Just lighten up, and you might find sumthin u like.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

and I quote:

I’m pretty sure the that the reason black women remain the most unmarried segment of the female population has less to do with whatever bunk happened to you and more to do with the fact that black women aren’t perceived to be as attractive or as worthwhile as women from other races.

When you say something ambiguous like that and don’t back it up, you set yourself up for your comment to be interpreted by the reader as whateve rthey think of first. Combined with the initial thought that you were of the Caucasian persuasion, that is my interpretation.

23 06 2008
maya

Ok. I met someone at the while I was out the other day. I found out he had a son. Then, I ended the conversation. Does that make me uptight? I feel as a single person, I am entitled to have that as a standard, Granted, as one gets older, one should become more open to little ones. However, I am 23. Thoughts?

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

@ maya…I know how you feel. I know this guy who I went out with once, but because he has kids (in a shifty manner…I won’t go into more details for reasons of no hard feelings), I’m weary.

Its bad enough that most guys with kids are a turnoff (purely from baby mama drama), but in this case its different.

But yea…no, you’re not bad for doing that. I mean dating a person with kids means that you’re going to have to be understanding that they can’t spend as much time with you as a person without kids can. And when you’re younger, its harder to deal with because you’re just finally getting a taste of freedom out on your own away from the family situation.

By the way, I’m 22.

23 06 2008
Muse

Maya I’m 26 and I don’t want to be bothered with someone else’s kid. You aren’t being an asshole or uptight. You are within your rights to set certain perimeters. Dating someone with a kid requires a lot of patience. Also I don’t like the idea that if we were to get serious and eventually marry, there is another woman who can dictate what goes on in my household. I just don’t want to be bothered. Maybe if I’m still unmarried by time I’m 35 I might change my mind.

Shoot I love to travel. If I call my man up and say “hey lets go to Italy for a few days” or somewhere else, I don’t’ want to have to deal with finding a babysitter or some other nonsense. That’s why I don’t have kids.

23 06 2008
B4Prez

@Maya –

That’s a catch 22. While it’s understandable that you don’t wanna deal with baby drama, you didn’t necessarily have to shut things down right then. You never know what’s what in the situation, but it is your right. I just say, the longer your ‘list’, the fewer ppl you’ll get to know. That criteria ish is played. You have to get to know an individual if youre looking for the 2nd half to a relationship. You can chase a career or salary if you want to…just don’t be upset when that career turns out to be who you’re in the relationship with.

23 06 2008
Muse

B4Prez she’s 23 years old! She can afforrd to be selective. Dealing with someone else’s kid is not that easy especially when there are tons of single men out there without kids.

23 06 2008
B4Prez

@Muse –

Ur right. I didn’t really take age into consideration, but u win that one.

23 06 2008
Muse

The only exception I’ll make is if I meet a truly exceptional guy and I just can’t stand to be without him.

23 06 2008
Omar

I hate to say it but people who have kids are better off with other people who have kids. There are just certain things they understand better about each other’s situations.

23 06 2008
Laurel

I like the way this thread turned out.

23 06 2008
KG

After listening to one of my favorite activist radio shows last night, I’m tired of chicks acting all surprised that coochie and children don’t anchor men. Especially when both parties have multiple children with multiple people…

Enough with the not having a daddy/role model/whatever excuses from both genders. If folks don’t care enough to protect against stds/stis & invitations to Maury, they deserve their situation. There is no excuse for anyone to have to keep or raise a child they don’t want with the resources available in most places these days.

23 06 2008
goose

I’ve been reading the thread for a while and have found it really interesting. I guess my only point of contention to make is with the second half of KG’s comment:

“Enough with the not having a daddy/role model/whatever excuses from both genders. If folks don’t care enough to protect against stds/stis & invitations to Maury, they deserve their situation. There is no excuse for anyone to have to keep or raise a child they don’t want with the resources available in most places these days.”

The people who end up getting hurt by the no “daddy/role model/whatever excuses” are the children involved. Thus, one should not necessarily blame the 4 year old with no father on the fact that the father didn’t stick around.

I’m not really exactly sure where I’m getting at with this but it’s something along the lines of blaming the children for the sins of their parents and how that is wrong.

23 06 2008
maya

Muse – good lookin’ on my defense in my absence.

Yes, I really don’t feel like walkin down the kids path. I cannot imagine taking care of a little person at this juncture in my life, so they idea of entertaining the idea of someone else’s kids as an aside is ridiculous. This is not to say, however, when I’m 28 and 29, I will feel the same way. As I alluded to above, the older you get the more situations change. My sister is 37 with 3 kids, talkin’ bout she doesn’t wanna date anyone with kids. That, my friends, is ludicrous to me.

23 06 2008
shhwhisper

I’m a black woman and I rarely get approached by college educated, black men. I’m not the finest woman in the world but I’d like to believe I’m slightly above average. I’ve always felt that black, college educated guys hold a very high standard due to all the talk about their not being enough “good black men”. I figured they all felt they deserve the finest, flyest, sweetest, smartest girl, etc.

But I’m listening to you men. Maybe I don’t smile enough. I know I would love a Carlton Banks type of guy. Maybe I’ll try to be more aggressive. Maybe there’s still hope.

23 06 2008
letinstar

chris + wesley snipes = friends to the end? i refuse to play until i know the particulars nor do i like generalizations…

23 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Anners, I do not debate with people who use spelling errors to fuel their arguement. So, at dis poynt, I kould giv a fucc whut u half 2 sahy.

Chris, and other fellas: It sounds like there are some real douchebitches out there making my life a lot harder. I am willing to come to the table with some solutions if you all are willing to do your part.

As a quality Black woman I resolve to do the following:

1) Instead of making endless lists about what I want in a man or my “standards”, I will judge potential sutors by their own merits. I will treat them with kindness and respect unless they behave in a manner not befitting such.

2) I won’t try to force what isn’t there. I can’t make you love me, nor can I make me love you.

3) I will be honest about my feelings within reason. If i’m not cool just being ‘fuck buddies’, I won’t do it. If I don’t want as much of a romance as a guy does from me, I won’t lead him on.

4) I won’t use men for free meals and attention.

5) When I make eye contact with a brother, I will try to offer a sisterly smile, unless he is scary or looking at me with an evil glare.

6) I won’t be a crazy, selfish, hypersenstive bitch.

7) I won’t hold all the shit other men have done to me against you. I will judge you for you.

8) I will encourage my girls to have the same positive and loving approach to Black men, while not denying us the right to vent about our pain.

9) I will not put up with an ‘ain’t shit’ dude just to have a man around. I will not diss a nice guy in hopes of making some asshole finally realize how freaking fabulous a girlfriend I can be.

What are YOU all willing to do? Are you willing to be honest and respectful? Are you willing to stop using ‘bitch’ and ‘hoe’ when describing us (as in “We were partying with some college hoes, they were mad cute”)? Are you willing to acknowledge that most women have been hurt and disrespected many times and that you may need to just be a little extra kind to undo some of the hostility that men who look like you have caused us? Are you willing to go the extra mile, because you all are more than willing (from what I see) to ask that of us? Are you willing to call out your asshole friends when they are exhibiting the behavior that helps drive good girls mad and say “You know what, you shouldn’t even do her like that. She’s a nice girl.”?????

While I understand that men have no reason to change if what they are doing is still yielding them lots of pussy and attention, I also feel that the guys on here have to acknowlege that it is not fair to put all of the work on us.

23 06 2008
chaoticdiva

shhwhisper, I feel you. I swear the prettier the girl, the dumber the guy. I wonder if we were butt fucking ugly, would we get all the good guys then?

23 06 2008
Muse

I like my awesome man requirements list hehehe

24 06 2008
Sue

@ST

While I understand that men have no reason to change if what they are doing is still yielding them lots of pussy and attention, I also feel that the guys on here have to acknowlege that it is not fair to put all of the work on us.

Aye, there’s the rub. Like Chris said, it IS unfair but who said life was fair? Point blank he gave us the reason & the cure. It is Black Women who, unfortunately are going to have to “suck it up” and force the brothas to come correct on the regular. Again, its not fair, its not fair, ITS NOT FAIR but it is what it is.

24 06 2008
Sue

By the way ST, these brothas barely acknowledge their children….do you really think these brothas would aknowledge their responsiblity in this whole mess?

24 06 2008
Sue

Ohhh I’m talking about the sorry ass brothas in question not the guys on this board!!! Let me get that straight before I get jacked!

24 06 2008
Knatural

ST – I don’t like number 4 on your list. Neither does Bertha.

24 06 2008
Knde

So many comments and I apologise for forgetting who said what. Someone said they just couldn’t get involved in this arguement as none of it applied to them and I am in the same camp. I’ve been with my partner (German/English mutt) for 2+ years and it’s been smooth sailing. As a black woman, I was honest with myself about who I am and what I wanted. The minute I found someone who was as self-aware, there was no doubt in my mind, that this is a man I am going to love (and vice-versa).

I strongly believe that men and women alike, black or white, get in what you put in, when it comes to relationships. Yes. There will always be external social/economical/mental/physical circumstances, but nothing trumps what YOU as an individual has to give and expects to receive in return.

The problems arise when one is intentionally dishonest either with themselves (not recognizing who you really are/what you really want) or are mislead by an equally dishonest person (which though a travesty at the time is actually beneficial in the long run ~ nothing like experience).

Ladies and gentlemen, this is really late and may not be worth a penny, but all you have to do is be honest with yourself and find someone equally honest with themselves.

24 06 2008
ladebelle

awww…. stuffblackpeoplehate what’s tha matter? (btw, i’m black, a woman, and happily married)

24 06 2008
Angry IV

Yo. Everyone should relax and just stop thinking you’re tight. Then when you stop expecting others to fall at your feet, people will holler.

Don’t take me the wrong way, I’m not tight at all.

24 06 2008
Muse

I make it rain.

That’s all.

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lmao @ Muse.

24 06 2008
UGOD

I think what’s pigeonholing a lot of (you) uppity motherfuckers is this idea that all the “good guys/girls” are these monopoly money stacking, corny ass, lame ass, can’t spit a Hova 16, smelly, pop culture buzzkill, epically tragic fashion misfits who can recite the first 1000 primes on command and LARPs on the weekend freak anomalies…Are you fucking serious?! The notion that this is only acceptable extreme one must embrace to attain the affection of this mystically elusive “good guy/girl”— is complete and utter bullshit. It seems like a lot of “educated” black men and women are single because they are so fucking superficial and misguided in their quest for companionship… it’s all this “I hate soulja boy and wayne!”, “blonde hair on black chick is sOoOooOoOo fug!”, “extensions killed the radio star!”, “yay! natural fucking hair!” bullshit that greatly limits your interaction with otherwise awesome people. Here’s a fucking thought: Stop being so fucking closed minded and pretentious and date people you wouldn’t ordinarily date! No, no, I’m not talking about the superdorks, birdheads and whoadies— because, hopefully, it’s clear that no quality dude wants a bitch with a helicopter molded into her leopard print quickweave w/full matching leopard print ensemble; just like no quality chick wants a dude who still says “bling” (do not say this EVER! not even in jest— u look like a douche) like he’s bad ass and hip and tries to kick that G erudite conjecture at yo ass… yet doesn’t have a motherfucking clue who’s running for President and/or why but knows Weezy sold a milli last week — THAT shit is, without question, whack. Granted, many viable solutions have been presented at this point, but the hidden cause of this convoluted issue lies in people’s deliberate unwillingness to compromise in what they will/will not accept in a mate. These same people then propagate bogus mass produced rhetoric on what’s allegedly hot in a mate…then intensely wonder why most modern day relationships are in the crapper. If you even have a working list of shit you do or don’t want in a partner, congrats! you’re well on your way to fulfilling your life long goal of being alone. Seriously; you can fall for ANY fucking body that has the genitalia you desire given the right circumstance— everybody remembers when they were young and used to cake on the phone late night with some joint, got a new lab partner etc, etc., and randomly developed a crush on said person— what the fuck is so different now?! Get to know someone before judging them prematurely! Kick it with different people more often. Do different things. Apply that childhood shit to dating today, and for god sakes, stop fucking on the first night! The only documented dude who wifed a chick he beat up on the first night is Darius Lovehall… and he’s a fictional character in movie.

Contrary to popular belief, relationships are not some fucking nutrisystem ready made, match and go type deal… they’re more like a stew that you gotta prep for, stir occasionally, and tweak accordingly— the longer and slower you cook it, the better it will be. If you can laugh with someone, lay up with someone, and get to know someone without all the predetermined bullshit, everybody on Earth would be boo’d the fuck up and living the dream. And look in the mirror! Do you even like you?! You have to be in love with your gotdamn self before you even try fall in love with someone else. If your swagger’s in check, go out on a limb and step to the chick you see at the gas station with her fucking doorknockers on and music blasting so you can be surprised to find out that she’s a college educated professional who realizes it’s fucking Saturday and wanted to wear her doorknockers, wedges, and plaid shorts to go shoot the shit with her friends… or ladies, step to that guy who drives a ’76 Buick Electra with the candy paint, rims, and killer ass system but isn’t all that flyy because perhaps he’s on his CUFFs shit and merely owns the vehicle out of pure spite and contradiction which benefits him greatly because he’s able to weed out the insufferable bitches who don’t know how chill the fuck out once in a while and rock to the beat….but oh no! Unfortunately, your judgmental ass turns your nose up and goes for the I hate-to-shop LOSER bitchass prozac mfers with their self proclaimed “white girl/guy/person accent/dialect/voice” {undoubtedly the most self deprecating declaration an FDA approved douchemcjackass will ALWAYS make in a feeble attempt to assert their intelligence, which, (upon utterance) is wholly refuted} then get all emo and shit when the inevitable occurs. I understand that shit happens, but please, keep it funky with yourself and others and recognize if you are habitually unlucky in love, then motherfucker it’s probably you.

this diatribe is directed at no one in particular.

good evening.

Random: …Bitches having a crush on Carlton Banks?! Are you fucking kidding me?! The Fresh Prince was clearly the honey magnet of the show. He was witty, confident, cool, flyy, and seemingly fun. I loved Carlton’s character, but proclaiming that he’s this dreamy fucking stud is beyond weird and a really lame attempt to pander to the type of guys you think are like this. I’m sure some asshat is gonna go and get pissy and try to say I’m validating the “women don’t date outside the box” assertion, but I’m going to save you the trouble and tell you now… you are wrong. He was dorky, prissy, whiny as hell, and above all, short. *wink* the end.

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

…why do you sound like my dear old friend from high school. Funny that he used to use that s/n too…

*debates whether to hack and track down the above user*

24 06 2008
Sister Toldja

UGOD, anything of value you may have said was completely rendered invalid by the fact that you referred to sex as ‘beat up’ and called women ‘bitches’ in your final comment. Not women who act like bitches, mind you, but women in general.

Sue- you are right. Why would I expect them to change?

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

*sigh* I notice how some of the most bitter posters are out of touch with reality…

Maybe UGod (the poster, not my Lord and Savior) should broaden his horizons and stop messing with those girls with their heads up their ass.

24 06 2008
Knatural

I heart UGOD, kinda AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

24 06 2008
Sue

Random: …Bitches having a crush on Carlton Banks?! Are you fucking kidding me?!

Yeah, I was never into Carlton but strangely enough I was more into Niles (as in Frazier) and he was waaaaay more prissy!

24 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

My dear UGod…

Paragraphs were invented for a reason…

24 06 2008
Laurel

UGod, that was hilarious. And a lot of it was painfully true.

“I hate-to-shop LOSER bitchass prozac mfers with their self proclaimed “white girl/guy/person accent/dialect/voice” {undoubtedly the most self deprecating declaration an FDA approved douchemcjackass will ALWAYS make in a feeble attempt to assert their intelligence, which, (upon utterance) is wholly refuted}”

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

can I co-sign on that paragraph comment? Jesus!

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

lol @ sbph

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

however after my eyes adjusted. I was kind of feeling the first half of the post. For some reason, please dont take it personal, it kind of made me think of the Oswald Bates character Damon Wayans played on In living color….

24 06 2008
Nice

Sorry, Im late and off topic by a few 1,000 paragraghs, but I had to respond to Ms. Anners. Ok, you have a White chick as your screen avatar and you said some bunk mess that went something like this:

“I’m pretty sure the that the reason black women remain the most unmarried segment of the female population has less to do with whatever bunk happened to you and more to do with the fact that black women aren’t perceived to be as attractive or as worthwhile as women from other races.”

I am not disagreeing with anything you said except when you said that Black women are perceived to be less attractive. That is crap. Sorry. Whatever the reason is that we are not married, that aint it.

But something tells me that was the reaction you were looking for. I think you wanted people to think you were a White chick when you said that. You also said whoever that chick is that is your avatar “blows”, if thats a good thing. I happen to disagree.

Maybe folks would not have blown up like they did had you better expained your point if there was one.

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

Okay so you know I had to scroll all the way back up and find the comment you were referring to…..LOL why would you chose that avatar, make a comment like that and not explain your self unless you were trying to garner a certain type of response? Yeah someone was looking for an e-donnybrook

24 06 2008
Nice

Thank you. Can we say “identity crisis”. Ooh she pissed me off. I don’t know what that was all about.

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

LOL well you contained your anger quite Nicely….LOL

24 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Who you tellin @ Nice. And then she had the audacity to come at me telling me that I was making shit up? Uh yea, I’m sure all of us on this site are literate…

24 06 2008
Nice

Thanks. I am usually always Nice, but when I get mad, I get mad. LMAO.

24 06 2008
Nice

@ Chaotic, I read that too. Made no sense to me. She tried to clean up what she said up previously and make is seem intelligent. I aint buying it. Its cool. Im not mad no more. I just had to say that.

24 06 2008
Janus

Wow…. i normally lurk on this site and laugh at the comments and stuff but this post and the ensuing comments were just too much to resist… I understand where alot of the comments on Black women stopping with the masochistic behaviour of falling in love with these 2-bit wannabe gangsta/rapper/drug dealer losers and also with black men pulling their socks up and start acting like men instead of children and being responsible for ur actions.

On the other hand, alot of this intra-racial strife doesnt resonate with me at all cause I’m from Barbados (yes the Caribbean, out main product of export is Rihanna) and 93% of our population is Afro-Caribbean so you don’t really have that much choice when it comes to choosing a partner outside your race, that is saying that the white girls/indian girls (red dot not feather) even want u to holla at them. Here the standard thing is that you end up with a black mate and are damn happy for it…. black women cook better, age better, are becoming more successful and are quite intelligent. So sometimes I really dont understand all the fuss about black guys dating white girls or outside the race in general because doin that is outside the norm for us in the Caribbean. Interracial relationships still get stares down here (look how I making my country sound like a backwater territory stupse).

Anyway the point is, black women are beautiful, regardless of where they come from. Its sad to hear that black women are the least likely to get married or somebody like Anners saying that they are not as attractive as other races…sigh, SMH. Two words: Amy Winehouse.. American girls can come down here and have a field day with the guys down here.

Finally big up to SBPH/Chris/Angriest Black Man on Earth…. like aceklub said truly are the Wizard of Oz… i guess that makes Sister Toldja the Good Witch lol… and the discussions/posters here are just killing me LOL

24 06 2008
UGOD

“Paragraphs were invented for a reason…”

why stop there?! i should have also slapped a title, citations, and works cited page on that bitch to REALLY add to my rants latent formality and structure!

fuck off.

24 06 2008
maya

LMAO. I don’t know whether I agree with UGOD or not, but this part made my heart flutter:

“…the chick you see at the gas station with her fucking doorknockers on and music blasting so you can be surprised to find out that she’s a college educated professional who realizes it’s fucking Saturday and wanted to wear her doorknockers, wedges, and plaid shorts to go shoot the shit with her friends… ”

Guilty as charged.

24 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

See? Now THAT was easy to read 🙂

24 06 2008
maya

LMAO. I don’t know whether I agree with UGOD or not, but this part made my heart flutter:

“…the chick you see at the gas station with her fucking doorknockers on and music blasting so you can be surprised to find out that she’s a college educated professional who realizes it’s fucking Saturday and wanted to wear her doorknockers, wedges, and plaid shorts to go shoot the shit with her friends… ”

Guilty as charged. I’m somewhat of a part-time hoodlum, Bourghetto, I believe is the term I’m looking for. I’m multiple people, really….today I got the kelly green Lacoste with a popped collar, Michael Kors mules and a neatly pulled bun in the back of my head, but surely by the weekend, I will have my Asian-cut bangs hanging on my face, bamboo earrings, and cranking “Get Me Bodied” on the expressway in pursuit of fuckery.

24 06 2008
maya

Fuck you, WordPress and Firefox!

24 06 2008
maya

…I think that’s why white people hate us. ‘Cause the socially savvy among us know how to stick and move in most social settings.

24 06 2008
Sister Toldja

“the chick you see at the gas station with her fucking doorknockers on and music blasting so you can be surprised to find out that she’s a college educated professional who realizes it’s fucking Saturday and wanted to wear her doorknockers, wedges, and plaid shorts to go shoot the shit with her friends”

I missed that because the rest of it was so hard to read. Yup, that’s me allll day. You know, it never occured to me that people may not realize that I’m a class act when I have on the big earrings and the little skirts. I mean, I know the extra conservative dudes would probably fall back, but….huh, never thought about it. I’m always situation appropriate….hmm. Ponder worthy.

Awww, Janus, thanks! I’d love to be the Good Witch. Anything involving a dress and shiny stuff is good with me. Plus, I am sweeter than honey and just as golden.

24 06 2008
puff

haha maya girl i feel you. i’m all corporate today but come the weekend it’s straight big ass fro, hoops hanging to my shoulders and a middle finger for whoever has a problem with it

24 06 2008
Sister Toldja

I feel like I am in costume when I have on a suit or really conservative clothes, like I’m getting ready to do a play. I do my best to try and find the occasional suit or blouses and skirts that are professional, yet within the realms of what I consider cute. But it is hard. The average blazer is as flattering as an empire waist blouse with matching mom jeans on me! And legs like this were not meant to be hidden to mid-calf! I could never work in an uber-corporate setting or on, say, Cap Hill. I would die. All those women look like matrons or lesbians in the blue skirt suits and light colored blouse/dark colored slack/smart shoes combos. And tiny earrings make me sad.

24 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

Girl who you kidding. My friend always wonders why grimey corner dudes stay hollering at her and I’m like you look chill. Consistently with the door knockers, jeans or camoflauge but cute. And she’s the dictionary on any and all things hip hop, loves lupe and ghostface etc etc. they don’t know she has a masters degree and is on her grind. Well they should know she’s on her grind since they only see her before and after work. Fuck I don’t understand that shit. How are you sitting on the corner all damn day trying to fuck with a chic you know has a 9-5. Lazy mofos. And then you wonder why you get no chance. Thats a different topic though.

24 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

tiny earrings make me sad too. Also tiny rings. And i’m supposed to be a doctor in training so they are trying to make everyone extra conservative b..c the old folks dont like young hip looking people with brains working on their arthrightis or diabeetus. Its difficult to look ‘conservative’ enough for these socially awkward nerds.

24 06 2008
Omar

@WNBT – sounds like the same topic to me…

24 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

Interview suits are the worst. And its self-defeating b.c. what kind of positive attitude are you going to have saying, hire me! while you feel like and look like somebody’s grandmother. Or lesbian matron. So difficult to find a cute interview suit.

24 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

well it is basically the same topic but the point was i was trying to go off topic talking about the way we dress. but all things are connected.

24 06 2008
Kortni Ayo

@ UGOD:
“Granted, many viable solutions have been presented at this point, but the hidden cause of this convoluted issue lies in people’s deliberate unwillingness to compromise in what they will/will not accept in a mate.

These same people then propagate bogus mass produced rhetoric on what’s allegedly hot in a mate…then intensely wonder why most modern day relationships are in the crapper.

If you even have a working list of shit you do or don’t want in a partner, congrats! you’re well on your way to fulfilling your life long goal of being alone.”

Figured it needed repeating…

24 06 2008
Omar

@WNBT – I hate that even when I dress down I have to be somewhat conservative, the “other” people at my job when they dress down that is exactly how many of them look on the weekends but if I come in there with the Jeans, adidas, LRG shirt and fitted on they gonna look at me sideways.

24 06 2008
Knatural

HAHAHA…blah-colored suits depend totally on cut. I don’t mind business suits, especially if you wear slutty shoes and interesting jewelry. And I hate teeny earrings too, although today I’m wearing a pair*. And I wear my obnoxious ‘fro almost daily to counterbalance conservative attire.

*My step-aunt (I guess that’s the term), who’s Native American [Cherokee Bear] made me these delightfully cute deer-bone and turquoise earrings. I love ’em.

24 06 2008
stuffgirlslike

I look like Chris is pushing the envelope, How far can his female audience take of his vents against them?

Interesting tactic, Somali girl why did you quit?

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

24 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

not really fond of big ass jewlery but i have big jewlery…it depends…i usually just wear my diamond studs or my pearls…i wear one ring,one necklace and one bracelet(usually). I have three suits.. black, white, brown. I mostly wear gauchos with some pumps and a nice shirt. My job is pretty lax… my boss wears jeans and khakis and polo shirts and loafers. He really doesnt care what i wear as long as its not hoochiefied(new word)…when i dont feel like doing my hair i wear the pocahontas pony tails haah.

24 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

I’m super fond of big ass rings. I love em and get many compliments. Also find myself drawn to big ole doorknockers. Knat I feel you. Anytime I get the you have to be conservative today day I tend to wear my ‘fro out as big as possible. And then dare someone to say something. or slip on just one huge pinky ring. Shoes I have a problem with b.c. i love my feet. ANd steve madden hates women. Plus i’m a bigfoot, so sexy and comfortable and size don’t intertwine as often as like (esp. with price, forgot, has to be a foursome). Actually when i’m lazy or on a conservative bender with my hair i just wrap it up. Of course I had to learn the wa alekum salaam since even though I’m wearing short shorts and a v neck people think the head wrap means muslim. And the head wrap is cute.

24 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

Also love the bigass wonderwoman bracelets. And my dream is to have anklets running up the length of my leg. or some sort of jewelry running from thigh to ankle. No one has made it yet. one day one day.

24 06 2008
puff

@ willnotbetelevised

damn right steve madden hates women – tell me why i hunted down these boots last winter in my size (8.5) and those mothers were tight as hell… tell me why i stlll wore em and i’m trying to order another pair of the website right now…

24 06 2008
maya

Steve Madden is a cruel man. I searched hell and highwater for these super cute shoes, bought them, and quickly bought some gel inserts as an accessory. Glory be.

I love rings, but on other people. I have short fingers, so they look really big and make my fingers look stumpy and fat.

I wear my nameplate chain FAITHFULLY, though. And I always get creeped out with brothas who try to holla already know my name…Duh, Maya. Your chain.

Noisey bracelets are also a must

I have come to the crossroads where I am seriously considering hacking off my hair, and consequently, my perm. I wanna do it bad, but my head is too big for The Chop. Plus, Philly is humid as hell right now, and I can’t be bothered with all these multitexture growths and whatnot. Now that it’s humid, I’m working with the frizz, and it looks cute. It’s exciting, but scary.

Please feel free to make transition suggestions that do not involve cutting or braiding. Thanks, ladies.

24 06 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHHAHA Wonder Woman bracelets. I love cuffs too. My weakness in earrings, though. I love “artisan” jewelry. Wood, semi-precious stones, silver, clay, copper, whatever. Jewelry running from thigh to ankle? You could bedazzle some trouser socks…

24 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

bedazzling trouser socks, girl you are insane. Ridiculous. Nah i was thinking of getting some fine gold or silver chain and and lacing up my left leg though. I thought it would look cute in a bondage way and mad sexy with floor length skirt with a thigh high slit. I have it all worked out in my head.

24 06 2008
t

Oh, really? You know, when you keep having bad interactions with a certain group of people, eventually you have to consider the fact that maybe its you. maybe your attitude, dress, actions, or the places you go attract a bad group of women.
that being said, a black man i never met hates me because I’m a black woman. wow. i thought this blog was so funny, something Black people could enjoy. But since I’m not a Black woman who hates other Black women, i just this site isn’t for me.
you disappoint me. hopefully you will find a good Black woman someday, unless you are already too bitter to attract one.

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

damn..way to sober up the party

24 06 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

what’s a “whoadie?”

24 06 2008
shhwhisper

@UGOD

I know most people prefer Fresh Prince and I understand why they would. But I honestly, truly had a crush on Carlton. Not because of his money, not the status, but I thought his geeky, corny ways were cute. I thought a guy like that might find my cheesy jokes funny, might find my quirky ways cute. The assumptions you make and apply to all people are just plain wrong.

24 06 2008
shhwhisper

@ stuffblackpeoplehate

Ok, maybe it’s because I’m a techie, maybe cause I don’t get out and party enough anymore, maybe it’s the telecommuting … but where are these good guys all the black girls are passing up? For real! Where are they? Point me in the right direction.

And that comment right there – I don’t think some men know how bad some of us black women need to hear stuff like that. That was just beautiful. That’s the kind of thing that may give me the extra boost of confidence to actually approach a guy and say “hey you”.

24 06 2008
Knatural

WNBT – I’d rather you bedazzle some socks. Seriously.
Approaching guys is so easy, it’s not even funny. All you have to say is: Hello, I’m _______, how’s it going? Whatcha drinkin’? Oh, I love vodka.
Corny, nervous, shy, dry – it works, just do it. Guys are forced to do it. Guys love when women make the first move. And guys aren’t the habitual rejectors that women are, so, I doubt you’ll be rejected, unless he’s married/taken.

24 06 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

And food. . . they never say no to food. Every “successful” relationship i’ve ever had started with “You should try my (insert food here).”

24 06 2008
Knatural

YES, food! Offer a bite of sammich or chicken tender or fries…men are such simple animals.

24 06 2008
puff

@ maya

you should definitely go ahead with being natural! i’ve been so for 2 and a half years now and i have no regrets. honestly though, cutting/braiding are probably the easiest ways to go about it if you don’t want to deal with the frizz factor. keeping your hair in a rod set to blend the two textures might work out too, but that’ll probably be more work – i’m lazy as hell with my hair, it’s an afro pick and a scarf to make a puff for me most of the time. i thought i couldn’t rock a short look either and now i can’t imagine myself with long hair (although i’m making an effort to grow it out now). either way you decide to go about it, good luck! and i’m sure you’ll look fabulous

@ knat

bedazzled socks – i’m mad that i just imagined myself in a pair of those

24 06 2008
Muse

Damn how did I miss UGod’s comment.

Good dialogue going on.

24 06 2008
Cola

I now hate that I had to accompany my dad to his surgery yesterday.. lol
Just about everyone made valid points. I think low self esteem and women wanting to fix up and change a person causes some of the issues. I am guilty as charged about scenario #1 but you live and you learn! Hopefully!

24 06 2008
Dustin

Wesley looks EXACTLY like my dad in this picture.

24 06 2008
Anners Scribonia

ChaoticDiva, So now I have the ‘audacity’ to tell you to stop making shit up? Um… you were clearly putting words in my mouth i.e., making shit up. I have every right to speak up for myself about that and who the hell are you to scold me for it?

@ Nice: When I made my original comment I wasn’t really thinking “Oh God! I bet this avatar will throw these people off!” For God’s sake, it’s a fucking avatar. I am very sorry about the avatar. I did not get the memo that said if you were a black woman you must have an avatar that proves as much. Because otherwise you obviously have an identity crisis.

Whatever ‘something’ told you that I was trying to provoke some kind of reaction told you quite wrong. What the hell is your confusion with the word ‘blows’?

Of course I had a point and some people actually understood it.

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

I have been natural for 4 years, I loved it until I put some color in and it changed my whole hair texture. However I never regret it. It takes some getting use to, you have to get use to dealing with natural hair (big difference!) and you have to accept your own hair type. A lot of people get discouraged when their hair grows out and its not wavy and spiral curly…..But I love it. I have been thinking about locking it because my afro is to big to wear out in the corporate world and its getting a little tired wrestling it back into a bun or puff on the daily.

24 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Anyone who understood Anners intial coments, please raise your hand.

And Anners, while no one said you HAD to have a Black female gravitar (I, for example have opted to put the 8th and 9th wonders of the world in mine), when you have a picture of a White woman who most of us wouldn’t recognize and an old Roman sounding screenname, who the hell would assume (especially from what you said) that you were Black. Context, context, context.

Plus, you referred to Black women as “you” and you cited a percieved lack of beauty as the reason Black women are the least married group, which may only make sense if Black men were intermarrying by the droves. What sensible Black woman would say some stupid shit like that? Oh, and you said you majored in history, which smacks of a self-righteous, uninformed White girl who took an African history lecture in college and decides that she understands the ways of Negritude.

In a nutshell, not only did you look like a White woman, you sounded like you had no idea what you were talking about when it comes to this….making yourself sound White.

(BTW-I love this site because it is gloves off! Fuck bitches, get money! Fuck yo’ couch!)

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

LOL go ahead then sister toldja….

24 06 2008
Anners Scribonia

Um, when I said “you” I was referring to the dude who wrote the post… not black women. Did you even read his post?

I’m making myself sound white? I’m not understanding.

I brought up the history thing because someone suggested that I read up on history… I think I’ve read up enough. How does that make me self-righteous?

24 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

Cmon now really? you really dont think that your post was misleading, even if you didnt intend to be misleading you really dont understand why so many have responded negatively to your posts?

24 06 2008
Sister Toldja

AS- I re-read your post. My bad, you were addressing the blogger. But everything else stands.

You made yourself sound like a White woman because you said some stupid sounding shit that I think a White woman would say. See my above post. I can’t offer anymore. Maybe I am the stupid one.

You have to excuse me, I am having a mental breakdown. My skirt just almost fell off in this coffee shop, because all my clothes are too gotdamn big. Black men are going to cause me to move to an asylum. I can’t find a man and I can’t stop listening to love songs and I am thisclose to just taking a dive off the Brooklyn Bridge….heaven, I need a hug.

24 06 2008
Sister Toldja

AND WHY IS MY GRAVATAR THE WRONG PICTURE! I BEEN CHANGED IT! THAT IS THE STRAW! THAT IS THE STRAW! CAMEL DOWN!

25 06 2008
ChuckT

SBPH I appreciate you fightin the good fight. First time I’ve heard another black guy argue the same point i been trying to drill into the heads of the booksmart/relationship dumb females I am constantly around. From reading the comments I can see a few peoples lightbulbs turn on so it was well worth the time you spent breakin it down. Im gettin into the habit of lying about my job/education. Tell em your a janitor with a gangsta grillz comin out soon. You”ll be ufckin dimes in no time! until then try to enjoy the white woman’s sweeet nectar

lmao

25 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

LMAO fuck you Chuck T!!! Why you hatin on Gangsta Grills you know them joints be the bomb son!

25 06 2008
ChuckT

ok my bad im a fan of gangsta grillz too. So how bout a Southern Smoke? dj smallz been lazy lately…

25 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

Alright, I will give you that one… but I want to say one thing seriously. I am married, my long time boyfriend before him is a principal. He has a master’s degree, pretty nice looking, tall, drives a nice car, has a nice home etc….Except that he was a condescending ass! He was very manipulative in private and use to take me through the emotional ringer! My husband is younger (1year) currently working on his bachelor’s off and on, and works a regular old job making less than I do but he treats me like gold. I have fun with him; he makes me feel good he is not traditionally handsome, but he loves me, is a great father and will work 2 or 3 jobs if needed. Now if you let my ex tell the story it sounds like I left him for a loser but I dont think I did. I just wanted to say that nothing is as clear cut as it seems.

25 06 2008
Kit (Keep It Trill)

Chris, admit it. Your last date fixed you chitlins for dinner and you’re still mad about it.

25 06 2008
JJ

Most people, including women, cheat; so most people are also liars. Therefore, most people, regardless of race or gender, are attracted to people who are cheaters and liars, even if that isn’t a trait they seek out. It’s just the way things are. I doubt MOST individuals purposely seeks out that quality in a mate.

Men who can’t understand why women fall for broke thugs and bring an argument that includes income/car/house/status into the equation have definitely missed the mark. A “good man” isn’t measured by what type of job he has, the house he owns, or the salary he makes. Just because a man “owns his home, has a stable and high-paying career, and volunteers frequently” doesn’t mean he is a “good man.” Therein lies the major problem with the mentality of many people, men and women alike, when it comes to dating standards. The jobless man could be the most loyal and respectable man to his woman… and the man with the power and wealth could be the spawn of Satan when it comes to how he treats his partner. The upper Black echelon of Prince George’s county goes to show this. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/126510/stopping_domestic_violence_in_prince.html

25 06 2008
JJ

Sorry Shad-y-lady… you hit the nail on the head. I see that you and more than likely others have made the same argument but there was no way I was going to read 400+ comments!

25 06 2008
JJ

SBPH – I agree that most of what single men do is done to attract women… but, I don’t think that one group of women not giving them the time of day would motivate them to change when there are other groups of women who will accept them and their BS with open arms. ALL WOMEN have to set the bar high for men. It’s already been shown that men aren’t as loyal to their race as women when it comes to dating. Fact of the matter is, if Black women won’t put up with the BS some black men dish out, there are other races of women who will. Just ask a mandingo-cock groupie or a desperate and/or fat White/Asian/non-Black Latino woman… b/c that’s what they usually end up with when Black women say “hell no” to their BS. Men know that at the end of the day, there’s always going to be a pool of pussy to choose from. They might have to lower their standards though, and at the end of the day many will and often do.

25 06 2008
kimkam

Why is no one addressing the real issue here? WHY THE HELL does Wesley Snipes have on them Ron Isley Shades??? What the hell is going on between the sheets in my home?

25 06 2008
MsKat

I’m a frequent (well, semi-frequent, at least) reader of this site, and I must say I am amazed by the rancor Chris’ comments have caused.

@ Chris – I say this with love…grow the phuck up, stop analyzing and worrying over other people’s relationship choices (thus, inducing some irrational frustration). If it doesn’t have to do with you, why are you concerned? And why are you generalizing?

Personally…not into thugs, gangsters, wannabes, etc. I love a smart, funny man, who is attractive to me and open-minded. I think I want the same things most people want in a partner (blah, blah, blah). One day I hope to find it.

That is all.

25 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“grow the phuck up…If it doesn’t have to do with you, why are you concerned?”

Giving a damn about people other than yourself is, to me, a central part of the definition of maturity. If everyone subscribed to your insanely selfish philosophy of “if it doesn’t concern you directly, fuck it”, then the abolitionist movement, emancipation, and the civil rights movement would have never happened.

Please don’t breed. We don’t need anymore self-centered apathetic assholes running around in the world.

Thanks.

25 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

Damn Sbph I take it you have had a hard day, you deaded that with the quickness! .. …LMAO at KimKam

25 06 2008
Mariposa

Basically, this post was racist . I think we need to stop being afraid of calling people racist when they make blanket statements like this about black women. Black women have been getting a lot of flack for a long time– only now it’s out in the open. Black people can be just as racist as whites or whomever.

26 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

To Mariposa, and anyone else whose logic is driven by emotion and reflexively associates vitriolic criticism with racism –

Here are the three definitions of racism from dictionary.com:

1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.
3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

I challenge you point out ANYTHING I wrote that fits these definitions.

What I said would have been racist if my argument had been black women remain unmarried BECAUSE they’re black. I did not say that. I didn’t even come close.

TRY HARDER.

26 06 2008
Quirky Cutie

To make a negative statement about every female in one race which encompasses every female from your mother to Oprah to me…well, she used the wrong word, but I know what she’s saying.

“What I said would have been racist if my argument had been black women remain unmarried BECAUSE they’re black. ” That’s what I got…the post was titled – black women. Period. Not some black women, or some black women and some white women.

The only negative post you’ve made about Asian women was about how they are reluctant to date black men. And even then you divied them into different categories. To hear something negative about every female in one paticular race (esp. if it’s yours) is kinda sad.

Feeling like I need to vent today…

26 06 2008
Midnight

HAH! tough cookies mariposa. maybe next time, though!

26 06 2008
Lauren

Chris, I have one thing to say to you, and I hope it will be refreshing to hear:
You absolutely said NOTHING wrong and i completely agree with everything you said. I have been trying to convince female loved ones and friends gay and straight: If the piece of shit guy or girl treats you like shit…LEAVE! So many black women get in the way of their own happiness and it’s sad, and I say this as a Black woman who had to learn to learn how to get out of the way of her own happiness.
Keep writing.

26 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“the post was titled – black women.”

All my posts have blanket titles. Take it.

26 06 2008
Quirky Cutie

Lauren, I whole-heartedly agree with you on the relationship front – everyone deserves to be treated with respect and no one should take shit from another regardless of what you think your options are. But I don’t think this post got here b/c of Chris’ genuine concern that Shenaynay from down the hall was getting back with her hoodrat cheatin’ and beatin’ man for the tenth time this week.

26 06 2008
MsKat

“Giving a damn about people other than yourself is, to me, a central part of the definition of maturity. If everyone subscribed to your insanely selfish philosophy of “if it doesn’t concern you directly, fuck it”, then the abolitionist movement, emancipation, and the civil rights movement would have never happened.”

See, here’s the problem with that…you’re equating the selflessness and human empathy involved in these historic moments, important freedom movements, with two people making bad decisions in their romantic life (and with their genitals). I don’t buy it. I’m not truly concerned with random people making bad romantic choices. Certainly not even remotely as concerned as I am about war and famine, public education, and giving back to poor communities. Besides, if you were that sympathetic to what was happening with these black women making poor choices, wouldn’t you do something more constructive than say, “The things I’ve witnessed over the past 10 days or so, especially tonight, have truly led me to understand why black women remain the most unmarried demographic of females in the entire fucking country. I suddenly understand where this man is coming from.” Critical? Yes. Really constructively helpful? No.

I think you can be quite the asshole, too, but I wouldn’t’ tell you not to breed. You can also be insightful and smart, aside from the moments when you’re spewing hate-filled vitirol (which is really the purpose of your blog). I hope you grow and find happiness.

Thank you.

26 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“See, here’s the problem with that…you’re equating the selflessness and human empathy involved in these historic moments, important freedom movements, with two people making bad decisions in their romantic life (and with their genitals).”

The decisions of individuals comprises the collective. To ignore the importance of the decisions that individuals make – especially when those decisions form a trend resulting in negative consequences – is idiotic.

“Certainly not even remotely as concerned as I am about war and famine, public education, and giving back to poor communities.”

No empty rhetoric, please.

“Besides, if you were that sympathetic to what was happening with these black women making poor choices, wouldn’t you do something more constructive than say…”

I did, when I clarified with my followup comment, which I can only assume you either didn’t bother to read or failed entirely to understand. I also did more by having the balls to, in that comment, tell women to their faces what they can do to alleviate the situation on their end. As you can probably tell, I’m not the type to blow sunshine up anyone’s ass, even if they’re my own people. For my part, I do what I can. I don’t lie, cheat, or steal. I mentor at-risk black and native children to instill them with those values where their parents fail. I’m generally respectful of people until they call me a racist for no fucking reason or otherwise insult my intelligence. As for doing my part to influence the behavior of ‘faulty’ black men – it’s not much, but I’m sure that certain parts of this blog (e.g. fake ceos, stupid fashion trends, etc. mocking dumb behavior on the part of black men), being read by upwards of 10,000 people a day, are doing a hell of a lot more to correct the problem than, say, you.

“I think you can be quite the asshole, too, but I wouldn’t’ tell you not to breed.”

Yes, I can. And maybe you should. Caustic statements are all the rage.

“I hope you grow and find happiness.”

Again with the abstract, meaningless, and unsubstantiated ‘grow up’ comment…after such a valiant attempt at rational lucidity. And you were doing so well for a moment. Oh well.

You’re welcome, sweetie.

26 06 2008
MsKat

“The decisions of individuals comprises the collective. To ignore the importance of the decisions that individuals make – especially when those decisions form a trend resulting in negative consequences – is idiotic.”

I’m sleepy, so I will keep this short.

You’re simplifying things. It’s no more about all the women than it is about all the men. The answers, the problems are much more complex than that, and the onus for everything cannot be place all on one group.

It’s not empty rhetoric. Although it probably seems like it to you, since you know me from Adam or Eve.

Half of what you read said, “blah, blah, blah” to me. I think some people get entirely too self-righteous and irrational for their own good.

I think it would’ve been helpful to write an entry that was more thorough, and thought provoking, that addressesed some of the underlying issues at play with people making poor relationship choices, where that comes from. You say you reach over 10,000 people a day…what are you saying about Black women to those who pull up your page? It can’t be all negative or positive, but it feels like a lot of condescenion and rage. But, you are an angry Indian/Black man, so….I guess.

I don’t think it’s abstract and meaningless to wish someone well – I see you do though (to each his own). I told you to “grow up” because that’s how I felt about the initial post. I stand by that.

And I HATE when people call me sweetie. Unnecessarily patronizing.

I probably didn’t keep this short.

26 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“I probably didn’t keep this short.”

I just KNEW you’d get something right eventually 🙂

26 06 2008
MsKat

I think this is right, too: suck it.

26 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I win! LMFAO

26 06 2008
Nice

Chris you a fool- I just had to drop by and say that. LMAO

26 06 2008
Shay-d-lady

I think Ms Kat did a really good job of stating her point and holding her own until she got pissed off with that suck it comment.

26 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I retract all of my sane arguments. Yes, I’m bitter.

26 06 2008
polow da don

In georgetown the black chicks always push me out of a way to get to the white boys. I’m trying to holla and they’re just not interested. So I go home with britney or amber instead. I wanted to marry a fine black woman and keep the race pure but most seem to be haters or get locked down while in Howard.

26 06 2008
MsKat

@ shady – I think SPBH would make a buddhist monk go off on him. It’s tiring to have a discussion with someone when they get catty with you.

26 06 2008
Nun-a-ya

SBPH: You didn’t have to antagonize Ms. Kat like that. Its no wonder that if this is how you argue/communicate in your relationships, then no wonder black women won’t have you! lol… you.are.a.meanie! (albeit an arrognat, handsome, humerous one!)

26 06 2008
MsKat

@ Nun-a-ya: I’m quite certain it’s a persona that he puts on for the cameras, so to speak. I can’t imagine anyone would carry on like this in their life…it would be counterproductive, I think.

26 06 2008
Nun-a-ya

conterproductive = angry ranting blog at black people and women… (self-soothing at its best.

26 06 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA @”SBPH: You didn’t have to antagonize Ms. Kat like that. Its no wonder that if this is how you argue/communicate in your relationships, then no wonder black women won’t have you! lol… you.are.a.meanie! (albeit an arrognat, handsome, humerous one!)”

26 06 2008
Nun-a-ya

i wonder is it all fuzzy bunnys and dream catchers at the Pow-Wow ceremonies. note to self: google stuffnativeamericanpeoplehate.com.

26 06 2008
MsKat

Yeah, but if you play this right, you could get a book deal, or just an insane amount of notoriety based on your daily rants. It works.

26 06 2008
Nun-a-ya

wonder if he is ranting and self soothing there? talking bout: Stuffnativeamericanpeoplehate.com Miller Lite. Thick Ankles. Casinos!

26 06 2008
Nun-a-ya

He really should do stuffblackpeoplehate the doc. film. this crazy ish in our community must be televised.

26 06 2008
Breez

I’m glad that I read the comments before commenting myself (or at least some of them). At first glance, my eyes translated your words into, “I know why you bitches ain’t got no men.”

I can’t speak for everyone, but I don’t personally need you to provide the intimate details of the whys and wherefores. I’m sure you have valid reasons. After reading your hypothetical scenarios, I understand precisely where you are coming from, and as black women, we can get in our own way. I have been guilty of it my damn self.

However, it took me a long ass time to get to the scenarios, so I spent a minute being pissed. From my perspective, when you said, “fuck pandas,” it came with some logic. But the logic was right there in the posting. But, something harsh was said about “me,” a single black female, and I had to scroll down for a hot minute (and through a lot of angry folks), before I arrived at my, “Oh, ok. . .” moment. You must understand why it provoked the response it did.

But, your house, your rules. You can say things however the hell you desire. But, since it’s a public forum, I figured I’d throw my 2 cents into the hat.

26 06 2008
Breez

And by the way, for those who are interested in facts:

1) Wesley Snipes did not say he doesn’t date black women, nor did he say he prefers Asian/white women over them; and,

2) He is not the one who beat the dog crap out of Halle Berry.

27 06 2008
K.

Eh, another dude angry and hostile b/c he got rejected by women he believes he’s entitled to.

*yawn*

Get over it.

28 06 2008
African...

No wonder all other races think blacks are shit! Then MARRY a white woman if you think it will raise your status, YOU WILL STILL NEVER BE ACCEPTED. I’m starting to think being black is a curse……………………No one proves me wrong, including you…

28 06 2008
Tea

I’m late as hell, but I still want to throw my two cents in on the subject:

“Non-black women, however, aren’t subject to the unfortunate and extremely unfair social circumstances that black women are; in short, black women, through no fault of their own, simply can’t afford to have this attitude.”

“It is truly a shame that black women are so devalued…but part of the fault does lie with black women when they’re so willing to give undeserving men chance after chance after fucking chance. You are not valuable if your loyalty is completely unqualified! Do something about it for Christ’s sake! Turn your backs on their asses! Let them know that you won’t be there if they abuse your loyalty! Give that guy who doesn’t instantly set off fireworks in your heart a chance to do so; give him a chance to grow on you. Make the motherfuckering losers pay so that in a generation or two, YOUR daughters will be born into a culture that values black women and forces black men to be up to the task of deserving their love!!!”

This right here is the truth, I wish you would have said this from jump, Chris. Because even though I agreed with you to some degree it still rubbed me the wrong way because of the way you laid it out in the beginning. Particularly with no reasoning behind what you said even though I had an idea of why.

I have grown up around men my whole entire life, 13 brothers all DOGS. Not to mention cousins, friends, my grandfather, my father all fucking DOGS at one point or another in their lives. And they always let me know never to deal with men like them. Not so much by telling me with their words but with their actions. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve had cry on my shoulder about the men in my family. In the beginning I felt soooo bad for these women, I even tried to talk to my brothers about why they shouldn’t treat these women the way they did. But eventually I got tired of the tears because these women always came back for more and more and more and more. I could not understand the things these women put up with. Eventually I came to think that these women liked being treated this way.

When they would start with that crying shit, the only advice I had for them “LEAVE.”
Them: but I care about him
Me: LEAVE
Them: but you don’t understand how I feel about him
Me: LEAVE
Them: but I love him
Me: I don’t care, he ain’t changing LEAVE
Them: You’ve never been in love you don’t know how this feels
Me: What’s love got to do with it? LEAVE
Them: You make it sound so easy, I can’t just leave like that
Me: Yea you’re hurting now, but you’re going to be in a hell of a lot more pain later so LEAVE
My bothers: Why you telling her to leave me your supposed to be my sister… fuck it, she aint going no where anyway

And these dumb broads never did until my brothers broke them down and turned them into man haters. So I have no sympathy in my heart for them anymore. A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. Women need to take responsibilty for the way they allow men to treat them, period. Even female animals are intelligent/instinctual enough to make males work and prove that they are worthy of the pussy, but not women, they have it all backwards

Me personally, I’m one of the one’s shouting “NOT ME, I’M DIFFERENT!”, and in most ways I am and in some ways I’m not. I’m as loyal and humble as they come, but the moment you fuck up, you got to go, no questions asked and no explanations, bye bye. I stay single because of this but I’m happy and I don’t have to deal with any drama. I’m respected, I never have to ask for or demand respect from men that know me.

I will say this about myself, though. I am guilty of passing on nice guys that did not turn me on instantly, I keep them as friends. Because I’m looking for a good guy with an edge, and I still will because I’m young and that’s what I want. But if I find myself 30-35 and single I’m grabbing the next decent looking good guy I encounter and I’m marrying his ass.

28 06 2008
aceklub

So BET is televising a town hall forum that focuses on the damaged relationship between black male and woman. It is probably a repeat but just came across it and will check it out. Official title “Hip-hop vs. America Part II /Love hosted by Cousin Jeff Johnson and MC Lyte

28 06 2008
Monty

Chris, dude…relax! 🙂
You do make an excellent point about women allowing themselves to be badly treated, but you are ignoring something very critical:
1. You need to take a look at your dating patterns. If you are consistently attracting crazy/bitchy broads and if you are consistently choosing to date them, you need to apply logic:
Logic dictates that you are basing your generalizations on a self-selected group of people. Because these women are chosen by you and attracted to you, you are the only constant in this situation.
2. If you are to argue that certain black women need to stop passing up nice fellas for losers, then take a look at yourself and realize that CHANCES ARE, you’re passing up nice ladies for crazy bitches. Like those women who select jerks, you are assuming that because you happen to date black women and the ones you select happen to be crazy bitches, therefore this is a problem affecting a huge swath of black women. Once again, your logic suffers – you’re ignoring the constant in this situation.

Chris, before you posted this, I really respected you. Now, I hate to say this, but I find your comments odious. If some woman had posted something so horrible about black men, I’m sure you wouldn’t be happy about it. Furthermore, this is directed at black women: if some white person would’ve posted the same “black women suck” sentiments as Chris, we would be up in arms. Why is it okay for a black man to do it?
Here’s where Chris is right: we need to start respecting ourselves and stop putting up with this!

I’m not trying to be mean, but rather direct. I’m very tired of people who avoid taking a look at themselves and how they keep ending up with bad romantic partners. We all run across losers here and there, but when you date a series of them for years on end AND they are the same kind of loser, then it’s time to look at yourself.

28 06 2008
Monty

Palow da don: Two questions:
1. Are you hot? 🙂
2. Were the white guys hot? 🙂

I don’t know about the sistas you were trying to date, but any dude who pulls the “keep the race pure” card ain’t getting jack from me. That’s kind of “Aryan Nation” creepy…but the black version. Heehee

28 06 2008
Sister Toldja

We are all screwed. I think the only fair and acceptable means of reparations would come in the form of lifetime therapy. Except for we would need Black therapists. And then who would be giving them therapy?

30 06 2008
Ms. Denae

Actually, from a black woman who just realized I do and have done this very thing, you speak so much truth. And usually, the truth hurts. It’s not absolutely every single black woman, but yep, regardless of the home situation (with father or without) this is so true among the majority of my peer circle. Fortunately, I am noticing this before I find myself without the good man that decided to be patient with this flaw. Good read. Will return.

4 07 2008
ralphellison

this site can’t be real.

http://thedeathofthenword.wordpress.com/

What do you think about this website man?

im glad there’s lively satire out there in the world.

21 07 2008
Red

You just described my sister…

13 08 2008
Siobhan

I must be completely off because I found your post on Black Women and their choices in men funny…mostly because it’s true.

I personally have 5 (really 4) guidelines for dating. They are not the result of any horrible dating experiences. Just common sense and watching everyone else stumble around. I can’t say rules as they are slightly flexible. I wax eloquently on the topic on my fake myspace blog but really it’s very basic. It goes something like this:

Maturity. Don’t be a possessive jealous ass-hole because you aren’t secure in yourself and put it on me. Behave like an adult and say what you mean. Clingy people also need not apply.

Ambition. Dreams are not goals. You say you have dreams when you are sitting on your ass and doing nothing with yourself. Actionable goals are what I’m talking about. Not so you can take care of me or some such nonsense, I can take care of my self thanks, but so you are NOT jealous or feel insecure about me pursuing my goals (see above requirment of maturity)and do something idiotic like try to bring me down. As long as you have goals that make you happy…knock yourself out. (Of course idiotic goals like drug dealing or something are obviously discounted)

Sensuality. I used to jokingly mention numbers but really it boils down to being comfortable in your sexuality. Guys who want certain “actions” performed on them but don’t want to return the favor for whatever reason annoy me. Being sexually repressed is NO fun. Open sensual men are fun. Simple. (Possible overshare moment)

Attractiveness and Height. Okay…this could be argued to be about appearence but that is not the case. As far as attractiveness looks DO factor but PERSONALITY is ESSENTIAL! An asshole is an asshole. Dealing with an asshole is no fun. Also…I CANNOT date an unintelligent person. This has nothing to do with education…stupid people should not procreate. If I can’t have a conversation with you then there is no point. I like humor…particulary since I am VERY sarcastic and a sense of humor is truly necessary to handle it LOL.

As far as height I USED to say I start at 6 Feet and make exceptions but really as long as you are the same height as me in 4 inch stilettos (My shoe of choice/5’7)I’m good. I have dated shorter people just because they were that fabulous…I just wore smaller heels LOL.

Notice idiotic things like cars, jewelry, etc etc were not included. I have student loans and a house (for sale in NJ is someone want to buy!) to pay off. Seeing people walking around with my student loan on their neck when they are broke drives me INSANE. SPEND IT ON A ROTH IRA OR SOMETHING! It’s not attractive.

On a sidenote everytime I see a rapper wearing that stuff I wonder if it’s rented or if they have made any investments to protect their future. If you’re not broke and just flashing your money about (in a tacky way) knock yourself out I suppose.

Hmm, I seem to have digressed.

The point was your blog was on point. When women around me get in situations like you described (that resulted in the silly rules) I just call them idiots and tell them to leave the guy (or girl). Not helpful I know but I really don’t see the point of a getting upset over a useless mooch…that’s of any nationality as I am an equal opportunity dater LOL.

That…was much longer than I thought it would be LOL. I think I have a couple of mini-rants and tirades in there…oh my.

beautiful kisses
Siobhan

18 08 2008
I'm here

Its only natural that black women would get offended by this blog b/c well its about BLACK WOMEN!! I’m biased on this blog. One, I am a black female and I do understand the frustrations and attitudes towards black women because I see it almost daily on how ignorant we can act sometimes. Some women just really epitomize the stereotypes that are given to us by society. Some black women dont even get a chance from black men because of the stereotypes. In other words, dont give them a reason to believe the hype.

On the other hand, one stank attitude, neck roll, and “oh no you didnt” mentality does not apply to black females as a whole. I’m no dating or relationship expert but I do get pissed off when wack BOYS try to spit some lame-ass game at me. In my opinion, black men and women play an equal part in the sinking dating pool.

As for the good-looking guy mentality, I’ll be the first to admit that when I see a successful fine ass black man, I automatically assume that he’s a male whore ( I know I’m not the only one who makes this assumption and is rightfully justified). But my thing is, you wont know unless you find out.

And as for the comment that was made about women having to jump through hoops to prove that they are different, its true and a catch 22. If you do it, then we’re seen as being stupid for doing all that mess for a “no good nigga.” If you dont prove yourself, then (thinking from a male POV) you’ll give the guy room to say “To hell with you! If you dont want me then I know there’s a thousand more women who do.”

Damn the odds are against us. I say you either do something about it or shut the hell up with your bitching and upgrade your qualifications of your defintion of a man. Nothing comes from complaining but pissed off ppl who are sick of hearing. I know I’m sick of saying it. I now this response may be hypocritical in every sense but who cares!! Its what I think

Change your scenery. You definitely wont find a husband in a damn club! Try more sophisticated places or something! Maybe you’ll find that right person

22 08 2008
sweet tea

I think it is unfair to characterize the problem of black women as something they themselves create. While it is true that many black women self-sabotage there are many more who are doing the best they can to be open, adventurous, accepting, forgiving, and generally making themselves available to the right kind of guy. Unfortunately, the right kind of guy never comes along. My friend is a graduate from an Ivy League university, working a good job in public relations, is a stable, funny, intelligent, pretty, young black woman. She has never dated a “straight up nigga” to re-use a term used by another person replying to this posting. She wanted to date the nice guys at her school. Smart, ambitious, reasonable black men. However, they were too busy putting down black women because of many of the same reasons listed on this blog. Never mind that she did not possess the negative attributes that they griped about. She was black and that was enough for them (black men) to lump her and her other black female friends into the same group as the rest.

Black women are essentially screwed. The few black men who still date black women are, for the most part, worthless. And dating men from other races/ethnic groups is difficult. Primarily, because it is frowned upon. But also because they are not interested in dating black women. What is the future of black women? If anything, a continued cycle of bitterness that can, in part, be attributed to black men.

22 09 2008
sloth allergy

I think the time of excuses has ended at least for me. We have an issue with how the world sees us and we can’t seem to find a happy medium between successful (shameless degree and income listing) and supportive (doormat type behavior). Not counting the “bitter bag lady” sydrome, I think we have an issue with “ideals”.

We assume that a relationship is meant to complete our lives not the enhance it (the latter is the right way, stake my parents 31 year marriage it).

We also have a craving for the Jay-Zs and Diddys and 50s of the community which look good on the tube or on the block but take away the threads and $ you have 2 convicts and a man too cheap to buy a box of condoms. The promise of fiery verbal altercation followed by mind blowing sex can be intoxcating in theory too.

7 12 2008
CapriceClassic

yeah but if most of the fuji’s have bad spots or are rotten then that orchard might be fucked

And that is why I prefer Gala apples.

17 08 2009
Matt

Really you are right I’ve seen it in many girls I”ve known sadly its not only a black girl thing it pertains to a lot of girls but I get where you’re coming from. For some reason the guy who has his shit straight isn’t “cool” enough so they gravitate towards the piece of shit that is banging, selling, etc etc. What they don’t realize(for whatever reason) is that it only leaves them in a worse position. And you are true for some reason black women put themselves through more bullshit than any other race of women.

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