Pretentious Women

3 06 2008

I came home yesterday completely worn out. The day started at 4am and ended around 9pm after working 8 hours at my day job and 5 hours on my own bidnass, then cutting the shit out my hands working on a mosaic for 3 hours, all capped off with yet another 1 hour vomit-inducing run around the national mall (this time I actually puked IN the Reflecting Pool).

I stumble into my condo’s lobby drenched in sweat and barely able to remember my own fucking name. I make my way to the elevators, press the ‘up’ button, and wait as patiently as I can given my extremely depleted blood sugar. There is an asian woman standing next to me waiting as well. Seasoned readers can probably already tell something horrible is going to happen.

The elevator finally shows up and I hobble into it. As the door closes and I struggle to remember what floor I live on, the slanty eyed creature next to me opens her mouth:

Asian Chick: “Um…you know…I caught you gawking at me the other day.”

There are at least two women who know me personally and read this site regularly, and they can each attest to my often extreme reaction to women who make incorrect assumptions that a.) I find them attractive, or b.) I am ‘in love’ with them. I have ended several friendships because of it, and I even made one girl cry.

Anyhow, after a deep sigh and and agitated groan I looked her over (with one eye) to see if perhaps she was right. What I beheld in my field of view was an insanely pale cunt from the east whom not only had I never seen before, but was (as Admiral Furious would so eloquently state) one chicken box away from exploding into irrevocable fatness. I pressed the button for my floor, gave her an eyeball-snarl, and returned to staring at the ground trying not to vomit.

Figure 1: My approximate facial expression

But Cindy Liu Hu isn’t done. I’ve pretty much stopped listening at this point and started substituting her real words with the dialog of the hooker from Full Metal Jacket, but I do remember hearing “what makes me think I could possibly be attracted to you?” and “you’re fucking creepy.” Everything she is saying is a self-aggrandizing testament to how good looking she thinks she is. I am now completely irate, but way too exhausted to hand this girl her own ass. She is still yammering away when the elevator opens at her floor and I, still looking at the floor, calmly interrupt her with what my be the most elegantly executed and brilliantly timed lie I’ve ever uttered in my entire life:

Chris: “Lady, I’m gay.”

Then there was silence. A beautiful, serene, awesome absence of sound that can only come from someone with their foot in their mouth. Since I was looking at the floor, I didn’t see the look on her face, but I imagine it looked something like this:

Figure 2: Asian girl….pwned.

Everybody has run into some pretentious jackass who ass-u-mes you’re attracted to them, or even madly in love with them. While guys are guilty of this from time to time, women are the offending gender at least 90% of the time. Women make the mistake of believing that every guy they see looking at them is checking them out. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you catch me looking at you, it’s probably because I:

  • Think you look like someone I know
  • See food stuck in your teeth
  • Am passing the time by trying to guess how much you weigh
  • Am silently mocking your choice of clothing
  • Smell something awful coming from your direction
  • Am waiting for something embarrassing to happen to you while you stand there trying to look cute
  • See you wearing an empire waist top and am trying to determine if you’re fat or pregnant

Next time you see a guy looking at you – please get your head out of your ass. Make sure you don’t have spinach in your teeth or smell like a sack of ass, because chances are that’s why you’re being looked at.

The second thing that women (and men, 10% of the time) are guilty of is assuming that once you’ve rejected or broken up with someone, that he/she still has a ‘thing’ for you. For the women that do this, though, it is to your credit that about half the time this perception you have is the guy’s fault, and here’s why:

When you reject a guy, he will react in one of two ways. The first type of guy is the one who, when you say “let’s just be friends”, actually tries to be your friend but continues to flirt with you at pretty much every opportunity. The second type of guy is a guy who has tried the ‘friends’ thing before and recognizes it for what it is – complete and utter shit – and cuts off contact with the girl almost entirely.

In both cases, the girl assumes that the guy isn’t over her and, by extension, she’s hot shit. In the first case, it’s the guy’s fault. After all, if a girl rejects you but you continue to be friends with her and send signals that you’re still attracted to her, then she’s going to think she owns your nuts, and rightfully so. She’s incorrect, though, because in addition to flirting with her you’re also flirting with and possibly dating 100 other women, and the only reason you’re still messing with Ms. Rejection is to keep her on your reserve list “just in case”. She’s essentially become a junk bond.

In the second case, however, the girl tends to assume the guy isn’t over her because a.) if he was ‘over’ her then he’d be able to be friends with her (which is bullshit), and b.) because he’ll usually tell her a little white lie like “I can’t be friends with you…it’s too hard/painful” (this is the male equivalent of “let’s just be friends” – a disingenuous statement that allows you to sever the relationship without making you look like a complete asshole).

Figure 3: (l to r) – What she thinks he’s going through vs. What he’s actually going through

In any case, the guy isn’t cutting off contact with you because it’s ‘too hard’ to be friends. He’s cutting off contact with you because:

  • Former romantic interests are a social liability
  • Platonic female friends are useless and tedious to a man. In the rare event he needs a woman’s opinion, he will ask his mother/sister/aunt/cousin/niece
  • He’s already got his eye on someone else

There you have it, girls. Many of yall are alright…but a good number of you need to get the hell over yourselves. Especially my fucking neighbor.

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423 responses

3 06 2008
Yonnie3k

This is bad. I come to get my morning dose of hate before my morning coffee.

3 06 2008
ishouldbeworking

I totally agree with this post Chris and I am a woman! (no homo 😉 I couldn’t help myself!) I hate when I happen to make eye contact with another woman and they give me the “What you looking at?” mean mug. Jeez lady calm down. Like you, most of the time I usually think it’s someone I know or there is something about them that attracts my gaze. I try my hardest not to stare at people because I think it’s rude and I always try to be smile when I catch others staring as me as to not be confused with a pretentious woman.

I don’t know what it is about the neck/eye roll combination that makes some women think they’re making a profound statement when really all they’re doing is making themselves look silly.

3 06 2008
stuffgirlslike

This an excellent exposition but you could have done without using the c word.

Chris you do have a future as a bloggist but you need to cut the expletives. I am yet to here a man who has taken the let us be friends line and believed it, let us be friends is just a cop out. There are plenty of women who take the opportunity to run down a man but just laughing at the notion that a man can actually be more than a friend then proceed to ask for friendship.

If you are a man who has ever taken the friendship route, shame on you.

http://stuffgirlslike.wopress.com

3 06 2008
Esquire

Why are women and metrosexual men like this?

When I was a freshman in college there was a senior guy in a particular metrosexual fraternity who thought he was hot shit. We were standing in line one day at Chik-Fil-A and I asked him what his name was. (Only because he looked like a guy who went to my rival high school) He told me what his name was and added that I was cute but not cute enough for him. He didnt really “dig” girls who werent light bright and damn near white like him.

Huh? I didnt ask you all that. Nor did I care. I picked up my waffle fries and replied I wasnt particularly that attracted to undercover gay men who think they are “prettier” than me.

I find it extremely amusing that now he is the manager at the foot locker where I buy my ultrasexy husband’s gear from. “Damn, the man you are buying this for is lucky…Does he let you have friends?”

He doesnt even remember me. Loserface.

3 06 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH, this is one of the funnier ones, and they’re all funny (kinda). Cindy Liu Hu! I hate pretension; it’s so unnecessary to show people how vain you are. Keep vanity to yourself, thanks. I do.
Vomitting in the Reflection Pool…nice.

3 06 2008
creativecat

Yeah, cause we all know if you’re REALLY checking a girl out, you’ll end up crashing into a rack of chips.

3 06 2008
Sandybaby

I just really can’t believe she had the NERVE to say “I caught you gawking at me the other day”

Your reply was classic!

Too funny!

3 06 2008
Deviant

fuckin brilliant man
fuckin brilliant post

3 06 2008
shabooty

the only thing i’d be sizing up, is how loose her twat prolly is.

actually, that bitch sounds like the type of chick that doesn’t have sex for 6 months, then ends up sleeping with her personal trainer the night of her first session… one of those cunties.

one of those grating excuses for a slope…er human being.
$

3 06 2008
roadlesswandering

I love the pic of the donkey…..eh?

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“This an excellent exposition but you could have done without using the c word.
Chris you do have a future as a bloggist but you need to cut the expletives.”

Or else…what? People will stop reading? I won’t get any publishing offers? People won’t like me? I won’t get to be a professional blogger? Boo fucking hoo.

See Figure 1 of this post to see just how much I care.

Cunt, shit, dick, damn, ass, fart, twat, cock, hell, fuck, cunnilingus.

Take it.

3 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

“When I was a freshman in college there was a senior guy in a particular metrosexual fraternity who thought he was hot shit. We were standing in line one day at Chik-Fil-A and I asked him what his name was. (Only because he looked like a guy who went to my rival high school) He told me what his name was and added that I was cute but not cute enough for him. He didnt really “dig” girls who werent light bright and damn near white like him. ”

@ Esq-I find the guys in this particular frat amusing…they can absolutely HIDEOUS and you can’t tell ’em they’re not the finest thing walking.

Chris…I had to put down the coffee once I started reading this…girlie was crazy bold. Seriously, when I stare at folks myself, it’s USUALLY not a KIND thought running through my mind. If I happen to be with someone, and I’m staring at some random and talking to the person I’m with…I’m probably making some comment about said random’s body shape, what they’re wearing, etc. and so on. I, personally, NEVER stare at a man I find attractive…unless I’m far enough away so that I can steal glances from time to time.

3 06 2008
Knatural

Hold it, wait, wait. FART and CUNNILINGUS are not bad words. They’re great words and more people should shrive to acheive perfection performing those actions. Don’t you dare!

3 06 2008
Esquire

I like the expletives. It conveys the anger and hatred, the true essence of the blog. mmmooohahaha. Really, its just cause the cursing is just funny as shit.

BTW: Stuffgirlslike: you used “here” incorrectly. It should be “hear.”

Please refer to the grammatical errors post to determine why your comment is now deemed invalid. In addition, your links aren’t working today.

Glass houses, man.

3 06 2008
Ms. Kristine

I decided to post before the the rush!

She must be pretty hot to come at you like that! (‘Cause you know that you weren’t the 1st person she did that to) Amazing! I am so glad you just responded with something simple and straight to the point!—She needed that quick chop to her throat!! I need to know about the next time you encounter her…It should be bloggable!

3 06 2008
miss kate

Figure 2 just totally made my day.

3 06 2008
Roger

Esquire, you totally need to tell Loserface about his stupid remark…and that now, you’re a happily married woman to a man who is a) not a fucking douchebitch, b) gainfully employed, and c) holding it down so well, that Loserface would have to die and be reincarnated as the Rock if he even had a hope in Hell.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

SMH…dude this si way to true…I never understood why women do that shit…Personally if i break up with someone…i could careless if he still had feelings for me or not… I dont do long distant relationships and i certainly do do let’s just be friends with any of my ex’s…too much drama. I will admit that I do still talk to one of my ex’s but I kinda cut him off because he some how kept sneaking in the question “why did we break up..I really thought we had something” or ” Gosh we are so a like..and I still dont get why we broke up” FUCK…this is after hmm lets see 3-4 yrs after we break up…I’m like dudeeeeeeeeeee stop that shit or I’m cutting you off…I know this will sound bad but I only talk to him because I feel bad sometimes the way we broke up and stuff…but he is actually a good friend and it helps that he is in Ohio and I’m in MD phew.. like foreal he started to turn in to a stalker..When i was living in Jax he showed up at my job…and was like ” SURPRISE”!!! im like ummmm wtf are you doing here? And he went in to this long drawn out story about how his “uncle” lives here and blah blah BLAH…so yea…umm “lets be friends” i dont recommend..

3 06 2008
Lindsay

Can we talk about said pretention when it’s a woman-to-woman situation? We’ve already addressed this on an earlier topic, but here goes.

So I take the Metro, and unless you’re wearing shades (which is stupid indoors and underground), you can’t help but look at people from time to time (though I try my darndest to be reading AND listening to music to keep both my key senses occupied). Every so often, I’ll glance around, and catch the eye of some girl who has been looking at me (for whatever reason). She then gives me the stink eye as if I have been “hating” on her LVL X/Forever 21/Rainbow ensemble.

And it always happens with teenagers, never people who appear to be my own age.
…Maybe they think I’m one of them.

3 06 2008
www.thewhyblog.net

Women are all pretentious…it scares me

http://www.thewhyblog.net

3 06 2008
Scipio Africanus

That chick was just coming on to you. When women truly aren’t interested in a man, that man is completely invisible to her. Well, almost invisible. But women certainly don’t expend very much energy one way or another on a guy they’re uninterested in.

3 06 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA@LVL X/Forever 21/Rainbow ensemble! You forgot about Rave. Lindsay, girls of all ages do this. It’s irritating. I try to combat it by smiling/nodding but get ignored. Or, and this shows how vain and shallow we can be, I’ll compliment their outfit, jewelry, or shoes. Commenting on a women’s wardrobe always breaks the ice, sad.

3 06 2008
Roger

One time–and I’ll never forget this–I was out at Pentagon City doing some shopping. I can’t remember the store I went into, but there was this sister looking at me like I stole her rent money, pimped out her brother, and poured beer on her weave. I mean, she was seriously staring at me with much malice. Part of me was thinking, “If she’s giving me the sex eye, she needs to get that shit checked.” The other part was thinking, “Damn, is she gonna stab me?”

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Esquire-I find it extremely amusing that now he is the manager at the foot locker where I buy my ultrasexy husband’s gear from. “Damn, the man you are buying this for is lucky…Does he let you have friends?”

He doesnt even remember me. Loserface.

GIRLLLLLLL let me telll you..when i wa sin High School there was this guy named Christian…1/2 white like his man face mama.. like foreal he was the spitting image of her height and all and 1/2 mexican. and he swore he was hot shit.. i mean he was sexy but shit he was ugly on the inside…me and him went to school together since the 1st grade..we werent very close and he would try and talk shit to me in the classes we had together.. he would say shit like ” You know you want this..but guess what I’m in to chicks like you”. I found hilarious that he actually had the balls to say that to me because I was known to be the class of 05 biggest bitch lol. So after he said that shit to me i was cracking up and my teacher got pissed and asked what was so funny and so i proceeded to stand up and annouced tot he whole class ” Um yea Im laughing at the fact that this 6’5 big bird nose, wanna-be black sooo bad, mutt face like his mama, cant shoot a free throw to save his life, small dick yes I have seen it, thinks he’s the shit and that he would never go with a girl like me..well let me tell you ma’dear you aint never been my type and never will be my type and i feel sorry for the girls who find you attractive..because you will always be shit to me and thats what bugs you so much..because for the 1st time you could get a girls panties wet just by being in your presence…fuck outta here white boy”

Well lets just say…i got detention that i never went to..and I am now known as “Queen B BCC”. I recently saw this fuckface at a party one of my old friends what having and he had the audacity to come up to me after 3 yrs and say ” Damn girl you looking fine ass hell and I heard your engaged now…he’s a lucky man..so can we hang out sometime and catch up”? I was likeeeeeeee “fuck i look like a fool..after 3 yrs guess what i still dont want your ass thanks but no thanks..oh and did you pack on a few pounds your getting on the heafty side” and then i walked off

Im mean but shit…i dont cARE haha

3 06 2008
Lindsay

@ Knat – yeah, I knew I was leaving one of those stores.

Yeah, the wardrobe thing is one of my go-tos as well.

3 06 2008
Lindsay

that’s leaving out one of those stores.

3 06 2008
sarah

Lindsay, i was just about to comment about the Metro. its too hard not make some sort of eye contact in such a situation, so it kills me when people get an attitude when they catch eyes. this is why i can teach a seminar on The Art of Staring at Absolute Nothingness: Surviving on the Metro.

Chris, i am curious. why did you not just tell her the truth? why lie about being gay? i know you mentioned your low blood sugar level, but seriously, that sounds like something that would have lit a fire under me, enough so to cuss a fugly bama out.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Lindsay-She then gives me the stink eye as if I have been “hating” on her LVL X/Forever 21/Rainbow ensemble

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo

Omg i thought i was the only one who got those litte teenie-boppers thinki was hatin on their young ass…I was at a cook-out recently with my husband and we got pretty fucking saucy.. and there was this girl there about 14 or 15 and she was sitting at the table with us..and i was sippin on my like 7th beer lol and happened to look across the table at her for a second…and she gave me the stink eye and asked me if i wouldnt stare at her while she was eating..im like little girl no one’s lookign at you chill out and i got up and walked away with my man to play volleyball. Like seriosuly do these litte girls seriously think a woman wants to stare at them..They have nothing I want to look at get over yourself!!!

3 06 2008
Cola

Um.. that trick is bold! She caught you gawking at her? OMG! And then she had nerve to be ugly? I wish I could have seen her face when you told her that you were gay! Priceless!

Question: Why do the ugliest people have the highest self esteem?!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

aww poor Roger stole the girl’s rent money ahahah

3 06 2008
Lindsay

@ Sarah – I’m trying to master that art, but to no avail. If I’m standing looking over seated people’s heads, I’m making eye contact with someone else standing. If I’m sitting (not often), someone’s trying to look behind my head at the Metro map (I’ve seen you on the train before! Why don’t you know where you’re going by now?!). If I look at my feet, I feel like I’m doing my parents a disservice by holding my head down in public. So far, it’s been a no-win situation. Tips?

3 06 2008
shabooty

@cola

nerds have big cocks.

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Oh HELL know! What a fucking bitch! That was a great comeback, but the only downside is that the stupid cunt is so arrogant, she’ll probably think this means that she is fierce or fabulous enough to get a gay man’s attention. She needn’t have a uterus. This must end with her.

I still can’t believe she said all that! I am gonna have to place the blame squarely on White guys and Black men for gassing these bitches heads up. I have seen too many men who were not of the Asian persuasion falling all over themselves for a little Oriental spice.

3 06 2008
Knatural

Lindsay, pretend you’re asleep or read. It’s the only way LOL

3 06 2008
Lindsay

@ Knat – I know, I know. 🙂

I’m between books now and I hate reading the ad supplement to The Washington Post that is Express, so I’m stuck for a couple days.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

nerds have big cocks.
-Shabooty

yea totally agree hahah

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Chris, i am curious. why did you not just tell her the truth? why lie about being gay? i know you mentioned your low blood sugar level, but seriously, that sounds like something that would have lit a fire under me, enough so to cuss a fugly bama out.”

Because a denial of gawking, while the truth, would be the predictable response that she’s probably ready for. I’d say “no I didn’t”, and she’d say “yes you did”, the the shutting up I so very much desired would not be achieved.

The “I’m gay” comment left her with very few options outside of shutting the hell up because she wouldn’t be able to counter my ‘gay’ comment without implicitly complimenting me by testifying to my rugged manliness.

So I got exactly what I wanted: her quiet, and feeling like an idiot.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

BLeh Express..gotta love that paper..it saves lives lol…or another teenager well be yoked up by an adult 🙂

3 06 2008
Chelle

I would also venture to guess with that 90%, the odds are even more skewed when it’s a non Black woman and a Black man. We’re indoctrinated with the Black man’s inability to control himself around a woman of another race.

The news especially contributes to this false sense of desirability on the part of white women with all the missing white woman stories. White women buy into their mythical position on top of the beauty apex and believe they are eternally at risk. Once, in law school, there was an unidentified man in the library “looking at people”, some white girls were scared and called the police on dude. What’s worse, they actually sent an email detailing the vague (non)threat that this guy posed and they told us to watch out, I guess for other individuals with their eyes not sufficiently glued to the books.

3 06 2008
imaG

I’m glad I don’t even talk to girls like that anymore. Because you talk friendly to a girl next thing you know she told all her friends that you call her every night repeatedly.

Girlfriends ftw…I think

http://www.anythingblack.net

3 06 2008
Knatural

HAHAHAHAHAH I hate The Express; dude at Potomac Ave doesn’t even offer it anymore. And poor Metro has to deal with the trash.
Lindsay, I’m between books now, too. It sucks.

3 06 2008
Cola

Shabooty stop it. lmao

3 06 2008
aceklub

Good morning yall…
My daily morning ritual

– arrive at work at 11am (suppose to be here at 9am…another story)
– fix me a bowl of oatmeal
– open up the Internet and first website visited SBPH

And I look at the screen and see the heading Pretentious Women and I laugh b/c I know this will be good. LOL Now, time to read on.

3 06 2008
Monie

“Question: Why do the ugliest people have the highest self esteem?!” – Cola

It’s not self-esteem, it’s mental illness! Lol

3 06 2008
sarah

Lindsay, sometimes i stare out of the window at the grimy subway walls and pretend that it is a beautiful landscape of a Tuscan valley. or, i play sudoku. not the ones in Express, which i refuse to take because it creates unnecessary trash in the Metro and everyone thinks they look like an intellectual because they read the free paper that Metro forces on you via work-release rehabilitants.

3 06 2008
shabooty

Ya all sound like KanYe West out this bitch ……..

The prettiest people do the ugliest things

3 06 2008
Esquire

Roger, I secretly enjoying laughing at LoserFace. I love my hubby dearly, but dayum the Rock is fine. I bet his breath stinks. People who look like that have GOT to have a flaw.

@Pretty Pisces: I hate to lump them together, but they seem to enjoy the stereotype. They can look like Flava Flav and swear they are the ish.

I also enjoy the broke ass, I got my nails done at Remy’s house, red weave wearing ghettohawks, I have on every color in the rainbow, who think they are running something because they spent thier entire stripper check in the bar. They swear you AND your man want them. Sweetie, Im only staring because you obviously got dressed in the dark and under the influence of crack. Back away from the powder.

3 06 2008
Dustin

Prove it.

3 06 2008
Knatural

The Rock! *drools*
It is true; the so-called prettiest people are ugliest within, i.e. Kreyol Troll. It may sound cliché, but it’s true that beauty is only skin deep and one’s personality and behavior matter more. And no, I’m not some haggard, bucktoothed, wilderbeest/wombat, monster.

Strippers get checks? I thought all transactions were cash-only.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

“I also enjoy the broke ass, I got my nails done at Remy’s house, red weave wearing ghettohawks, I have on every color in the rainbow, who think they are running something because they spent thier entire stripper check in the bar. They swear you AND your man want them. Sweetie, Im only staring because you obviously got dressed in the dark and under the influence of crack. Back away from the powder”.

bwhahaha omgggggg thats has Jax written all over it…when me and my ex would go out to the sprots bar..which i truly miss doing now minus my ex there would always be that one multi-colored weave wearing long multi color nails and toes and hootrat wear up in there thinks someone was hatin or tryna get at her…smh…hot messssss

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

KNAT-It is true; the so-called prettiest people are ugliest within, i.e. Kreyol Troll. It may sound cliché, but it’s true that beauty is only skin deep and one’s personality and behavior matter more. And no, I’m not some haggard, bucktoothed, wilderbeest/wombat, monster.

Strippers get checks? I thought all transactions were cash-only.

IM GETTING FIRED TODAY…I CAN FEEL IT

3 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

“…found hilarious that he actually had the balls to say that to me because I was known to be the class of 05 biggest bitch lol.”

Mrs. Epps…pookie, you said Class of 05…thanks for providing me with my “I feel old” moment for the day LOL!

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

And “the people highest up got the lowest self-esteem!”

Why do ugly, raggedy men think they can pull pretty girls? Seriously, it’s to the point where sometimes I start feeling bad about myself. Like, how fucked up must I be that he thinks he has a shot? The sheer volume of men who try to talk to me doesn’t help my self-esteem, because I am looking at quality. I meet attractive dudes too, and I’m not saying I’m Halle Berry…but every time a man under 5’7 wearing Karl Kani jeans and an incomplete set of teeth tries to mack on me, a piece of me dies a little.

3 06 2008
aceklub

Yea, Chris another good one. Yea, I would have played her and said something to make her feel real dumb for coming out her mouth like that.

I started to think that guys and girls could be platonic friends and thought that I was a good example of that. Does it count if a girl and I had a couple of flings but are good friends now or did we already break the code?

3 06 2008
alex

“Cunt, shit, dick, damn, ass, fart, twat, cock, hell, fuck, cunnilingus.”

You are my hero.

3 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

I would LOVE to know if she was able to pick her face up off the floor before she got off that elevator…

3 06 2008
Lindsay

@ ST – Not Karl Kani!

Haven’t heard that name in awhile. What about Mecca? Are folks still wearing that up there?

3 06 2008
sarah

Why do ugly, raggedy men think they can pull pretty girls?

because they do. and its just as confusing as seeing a beautiful man with a regular looking chick. i used to see this all the time in high school. some of the prettiest, and smartest, girls i knew used to have their boyfriends pick them up. they would roll up in their cars and when they got out, i would have to fight to keep my lunch down cause they were so ugly. maybe they had fat dicks or fat wallets cause it still puzzles me to this day.

3 06 2008
ninasimone

what kind of person says this to someone though??? I dont understand that kind of boldness or even the point of the question. You’re going to take someone to task for looking at you when its possible they were not? Delusional. And ya”ll bring this on yourselves to cosign with SisterToldjah.

And Chris, do you know if your father had a second family in the Bay area of California…with a half white/half german woman? Because the man I dated last might just be your brother

3 06 2008
Natalie

As a former unpaid intern I had to choke down the Express during the morning because I was too broke to buy an actual Washington Post for 35 cents. They are really only good for sudoku word puzzles and if I couldn’t even finish those by the end of the train ride then they were just worthless.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

HAHAHAH Pretty PiscesGirl yes class of 2005..I’m a baby i know…but i have acomplished more than i thought I would in the past few yrs.. WOOHOO…

ST-Why do ugly, raggedy men think they can pull pretty girls

Sounds like my night lastnight when me and my hubby got drunk as skunks and drank to bottles of wine and then went outside an attempted to ride his bike around our house…so im standign outside with my dog and laughing loudly at my man ride away all crooked..so im standing there and all of a sudden this group of people in the other parking lot starts shouting to me somthing like ” hey girl what you doin”. Im a pretty friendly person usually so i say hi back.. and then he proceeded to jog is short crunhcy black ass over towards me…so im like oh great cant be polite with out a nigga coming over to me..well at this point my husband saved me from embarrasing him as he came rode down the mini hill and chased the guy away! phew…i was in no mood or condition to be talking to some strange dude…

What I hate the most oin the world is when your walking downt he street and pass a guy who acts like he cant see you and brushes up against you on purpose. FUCK YOU!!! I was walking with my MOM to nine west and this ol scruffy cornrow fake ice wearing NIGGGAWWW made it a point to bump into me and the proceeded to talk loudly about how “phat” my ass was…my mom wanted to slap the shit outta him…

3 06 2008
Dustin

1. There was a dude at a gay club in TX this weekend who looked EXACTLY like Chris with an afro. I took a pic with my phone.

2. Thanks to this blog, I can’t even look at an asian woman without cussing them out – either in my head or aloud. Usually, in my head. Usually. This has proven to be a problem because about 1/3 of my clients are asian women.

3 06 2008
sarah

Mrs. Epps, you and your husband stay getting fried! Thats whats up.

3 06 2008
Knatural

Um, Ace, yeah you broke ‘the code’. Platonic friendship doesn’t count if previous relations occured. It’s an illusion, sorry. Especially if one or both parties is single.
Karl Kani! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAH What happened to him? ST, ‘ugly’ men probably like the challenge you present. Or, they think you’re in their league LOL.

Dustin, please load the pic on the facebook page, or somewhere accessible.
Chris/SBPH – did that Asian chunk have frog-ass? Since you were gawking so hard…

3 06 2008
Yonnie3k

how can you be half white/half german?

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

by and in large the majority of women are pretentious cunts who think that every man that checks them out, wants them in some way and unfortunately half of the time they are right. you could see it coming from a mile away. when pretentious bitches are around me i ignore them and act just ass as they attempt to treat me. i hate guys who break their necks trying to look at women even when they arre fine as shit. im not feeding no egos or into any sterotypes related to this subject. i’ve seen men/boys following a fine woman around the mall like a pack of hungry wolves from store to store. excuse me i wanna throw up. what i hate more is the woman who pretends to hate these this type of attention when really it affirms her belief that she is the be all to end all. my bad i equally hate niccas who act like they not use to pussy or pretty sexy women. fine women are everywhere, quit acting like you never had one before even if you haven’t it only encourages them to be the most cunt watting lametardos that they can be. i guess maybe i have had to many of them and pussy is not a commodity for me. i could get pussy when i couldn’t even get a meal. (which got me the meal anyway; pimp game 101) u see a beautiful/pretty/fine bitch and you dont see them, they not going anywhere they keep building them EVERYDAY dumbass. most of these dumb ass hoes already have a sense of entitlement like none other. fuckem and feedem cake.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

sarah girlllll foreall though hahahah as my mother and law says “we be lunchin”…i swear we are some winos…we cant help it! I think it was just last week when we decided that we werent going to drink this week and long behold this man came come with two bottles of taylor port..i knew we were doomed after the 3rd glass hahah. BUt yes..all of my friends are jealous that we drink almost every other night hahaha its wonderfulllllllllll!!!!!!!

i think we have a problem..eh nahh 🙂

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

show me a fine bitch and i’ll show u a man thats sick of fucking her.

3 06 2008
Ethel

“the only reason you’re still messing with Ms. Rejection is to keep her on your reserve list “just in case”. She’s essentially become a junk bond.”

Ok NOW I have cawfee all over my screen. I should know better than to drink before reading this blog.

I believe that it’s impossible to ‘be friends’ w/ ex’s. Those women who say they can either a) don’t want to be perceived as bitchy or b) don’t want to let go or c) like to keep a ‘harem’ of men around them as just enough of a threat to the next boyfriend that SOMEHOW they think it will keep him in line. [FYI: it doesn’t.]

My 2 cents.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@ frog ass…poor asian women and their dbl backs….Chris did she smell like shrimp fried rice or egg foo yung? ahah let me stop

Yonnie my ex was 1/2 Norwegian and 1/2 Liberian…

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

big tiddies turn to saggy tiddies, fat ass turns to lard. a lot of these ho’s is ugly from the outside in. fuck these raggley ass ho’s literally and then get over them and yourself. maybe then you will see beneath the surface and go for the total package. quit acting like u never had shit before. composure jackasses.

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Primeministercinema: “pimp game 101) u see a beautiful/pretty/fine bitch and you dont see them, they not going anywhere they keep building them EVERYDAY dumbass. most of these dumb ass hoes already have a sense of entitlement like none other”

Ok class, what category of men do we thing THIS MF falls in to? I bet he is a reaaaal catch.

And to clarifiy, I’m not saying a brother has to be a ‘certified hottie’ to think he can approach women. But when you look a mess, clothes dirty, inappropriate height, how are you trying to step to a woman who has obviously tried to present herself well? And don’t get me started on the d-boys and jobless, street trash losers who try to step to me when I have on a Howard Alum shirt or am getting in to my car where my alumni tags are displayed. WHY THE FUCK WOULD A WOMAN WITH A DEGREE WANT YOU?

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL@ Prime Minister…

3 06 2008

take dat..takedat… take dat…uh huh!

That girl needs her ass handed to her I wish you would have told her:
“you remind me of my transexual friend who passed named mercedes…its a shame what hiv did to her…I mean him.”

3 06 2008
B4Prez

I thought these kind of women were indigenous to NY…I see they make them in DC also.

You can’t tell ANY woman in the NYC metro area that she is not the hottest thing since sliced bread. From Tyquisha standing outside of the PJ’s, to “muffin top” Bernadine standing in front of you in line, to Shirley the receptionist at work; they all just know that they are too cool for school…and for you.

And even with all of the elitism and cockiness and such that NYers carry with them, way too many still look….unfortunate.

I will say that AT LEAST the women from DC and the south tend to look better (I KNOW this is a blanket statement, but oh well); so at least they kinda, sorta have a better starting point of thinking guys want them, lol.

3 06 2008
thechad1911

hey sister toldja u ain’t gotta be a good lookin man to pull a hot woman. a lot of women want a dude wit other stuff (jobs, teeth, cars, cribs, benefits) more than a cat with just good looks.

http://trialandera.wordpress.com

3 06 2008
Merri Lee

I haven’t had time to read the post yet – I just saw “women” in the headline and did a Ctrl + F for “Creole” to see if Creole Booty had posted yet. Is that wrong?

3 06 2008
Dustin

Teeth are so freaking important. I’m shocked by the number of people (ladies too) who don’t have them.

3 06 2008
Knatural

CB has been blocked. And, I feel a lil weird because all this time I thought Dustin was a girl (with a unisex name). Sorry Dustin, you did a good job, you fooled me.

3 06 2008
B4Prez

lol@Né and the “tranny friend”

@Mrs. Epps – I only show up at work so I can go to happy hour downstairs….so don’t feel bad, lol

3 06 2008
klysha

LMAO @ the reason’s you’re probably looking at someone because I’ve been accused of staring at people before and it’s almost always a reason similar to one of those if I actually am staring. Although I think that 90/10 ratio of women thinking a man is checking them out to men thinking a woman is checking them out is a little off (probably more like 60/40). Perhaps I feel that way since I’ve only experienced this from the female having a man think she’s checking him out’s perspective. I’m refering to instances when I’ve accidentally given a guy half a second of eye contact while i was noticing how much of a bamma he looked liked which prompted them to roll up on me thinking we had a vibe or something. Me being the perpetual nice girl that I am I get forced to gently let the guy down. I hate having to be the one crushing the hopes and dreams of the hopeless.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

yea…i want more than a pretty face…takes more than that to please me… I got it now….my ex was a pretty boy like shit..but he was the shittiest boyfriend in the world..now my husband on the other hand.. i would say he feel into the type of guys i usually dated…he’s nerdy as hell, shorter than me by 2 inches ect…but he gives me more than any of my “pretty” ex’s ever did…sure as hell a better man than any of them…i need an intellectual, nerd, collar shirt wearing, goofy ass man that can hold his liquor and isnt in to all this mainstream bullshit and hates watching the news lol

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

2 Toldya:

Ok class, what category of men do we thing THIS MF falls in to? I bet he is a reaaaal catch.

Toldya please. as you were. at ease. im good put your money on it.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

B4Prez-@Mrs. Epps – I only show up at work so I can go to happy hour downstairs….so don’t feel bad, lol

helllllsss yeaaa!!! me and my man meet up at this brewery cafe place in falls church during lunch time and i’ll just say this…by the time we get back to our offices its overrrr…i have actually started hiccuping infront of my boss which he made fun of me for…i have a pretty cool boss he keeps a bottle of jack in his desk and tells ppl to take a shot if they ae feeling under the weather or sleepy ahha…white ppl are so funny

3 06 2008
Lindsay

@ Mrs. Epps –

How can you be in journalism and want to be with someone who hates watching the news? I need someone who can follow me on stuff like that.

3 06 2008

I LOVE DUSTIN!

ST…There are plenty of women who are college grads who give the street trash guts to come and approach you, because they are dating them and suppling their supply!
Some men don’t give a damn about what kind of degree you have or if you are the fucking ambassador of haiti’s daughter. Those men just see 3 things a pretty face, pussy and the challenge. They could give a fuck who you are on the inside or what kind of degree you have, cause their confidence tells them you are in their league!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Lol Lindsay…well I’m not looking to be a News Anchor…more like Ebony, Essence, Vouge magazine journalism…I want to be a well known author of short stories, books and poetry shoot even a blogger like Chris. I cant stand watching the news myself…it pisses me off..I watch the weather channel though… 🙂

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

co-sign on Dustin Love!

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

i aint madatya Mrs. Epps. niccas don’t know how to unplug. (media blackout, turn the phone off etc.) their subconcious is bombarded with bullshit all day long, tv, pretentious bitchassness, (men and women) and a gaggle of other needless bullshit. no wonder the world is such a septic tank. its some Pretty—–ugly bitches out here. attractive and unattractive, physically and otherwise.

3 06 2008
Cheekie

Hahahaha! Cindy Liu Hu. Now I got a visual of some slanty-eyed chick dressed in LSD-trippin’ Dr. Seuss gear.

That wench probably can’t even look you in the eye again. You owned her like real estate! Perfect reply.

3 06 2008

d-boys dont give a damn about the kids, women and their people cause, they are selling drugs to them and keeping our people down. They damn sure don’t give damn what college you graduated from

3 06 2008
cmoore

IM NOT GONNA LIE BUT I DO THIS BUT I WOULD NEVER COME OUT AND SAY WHAT SHE SAID…THATS JUST IGNORANT. WHETHER OR NOT A GUY IS LOOKING AT ME WILL JUST BE AN UNANSWERED QUESTION CAUSE I REFUSE TO ASK…

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Prime-its some Pretty—–ugly bitches out here. attractive and unattractive, physically and otherwise.

true ass shit.. I know a handful of “pretty” women and men and..to me they aint shittt!! Its just that people give them big asss heads about themselves they think they are better than everyone else in the world…No sweetie your not..like ST said Im not Halle Berry..who i also think is played out…but I am well educated, funny as hell, cool peoples and will have your back(i’ll hold your purse) if a bitch wants to fight hahaha well depends on how cloes we are..but you get what im saying…

I cant stand those “pretty bitches” who think they are the shit and i cant stand those ugly bitches that think their the shit.. because to me you aint SHITTTT point blank hahahah

that is all…

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Esq.- Don’t defend that fool, lol. I got THAT part, but the “pretty bitches” thing….ugh. I’m not trying to get all Tresevanty, but I really am sick of men using ‘bitch’ and ‘hoe’ when a simple ‘girl’, ‘woman’ or even ‘chick’ would suffice! He wasn’t just referring to the snobby women in that statement, but expressing his contempt for men who can’t keep their cool around ‘pretty bitches’ and ‘most of these hoes have a sense of entitlement’….the word ‘most’ implies that he is not merely referring to asshole pretty women, but pretty women in general.

UGH! Stupid bitch ass niggas, I tell you.

And hands offa my Dustin! I’m gonna end up marrying a fab gay boy anyway and living in a sexless marriage in a REALLY fab house.

3 06 2008
Esquire

Ah yes, Sister, I ignored his choice of words. I tend to do that since all the male attorneys around here throw out cunt, bitch, hoe, and slut at the drop of a dime.
ahh..living in a mans world.

Is there a fight over Dustin up in here? I am not mad at your plan. At least your gay husband will watch HGTV with you.

3 06 2008
Merri Lee

Esquire (13:22:30) :

Why are women and metrosexual men like this?

When I was a freshman in college there was a senior guy in a particular metrosexual fraternity who thought he was hot shit. We were standing in line one day at Chik-Fil-A and I asked him what his name was. (Only because he looked like a guy who went to my rival high school) He told me what his name was and added that I was cute but not cute enough for him. He didnt really “dig” girls who werent light bright and damn near white like him.

Huh? I didnt ask you all that. Nor did I care. I picked up my waffle fries and replied I wasnt particularly that attracted to undercover gay men who think they are “prettier” than me.

I find it extremely amusing that now he is the manager at the foot locker where I buy my ultrasexy husband’s gear from. “Damn, the man you are buying this for is lucky…Does he let you have friends?”

He doesnt even remember me. Loserface.

I LOVED this story! There was a guy who was too cute for me in high school who hung out at the mall all day. Now that’s cool…if you’re a teenager. Guess what he does now? Yes, you guessed correctly.*

*If you didn’t – hangs out all day at the same damn mall, no job, living with mom, trying to holla when he doesn’t realize I’m at the mall BUYING things

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chris was this her!

hahah

3 06 2008
B4Prez

@ MrsEpps — Y’all hiring??? lol

@ Né — You wrong for putting Joel’s gov’t and line of work out there…but that was funny, lol

3 06 2008

B4Prez…lol.
There is a story I want to tell…hehe

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Esquire-At least your gay husband will watch HGTV with you.

hahaha..well over the past few weekends i got mine to watch pretty in pink, sixteen candles, and what not to wear with me 🙂

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahaha B4Prez…nah we arent but i will surely let you know if we have any openings ^_^….i think because my boss and who cool he is and looks the other way if I have a Spark at my desk or he will ask if I can run and get hiom one haha..i love him!!! 🙂

Oh Spark..alcoholic energy drink..yummy stuff

3 06 2008
Dustin

Ay Dios! I appreciate the love! Marrying any one of you intelligent, beautiful (inside and out) ladies would make my mom so happy.

At one point she said “maybe you can marry a white girl. I’ve decided I’m okay with that now. They tend to look past this sort of thing. Half of them already have gay husbands.”

It’s funny cause it’s true!

3 06 2008
Merri Lee

Prime Minister Cinema (15:52:26) :

show me a fine bitch and i’ll show u a man thats sick of fucking her.

One man? Probably him and all his homies. Good Lord, PMC is a less random shabooty

3 06 2008
Amadeo

You should have not said anything and just flicked some sweat at her. I’ve found that non-verbal communication works wonders.

3 06 2008
B4Prez

I’m gonna mess around and get fired for:

A) Lack of productivity due to reading this blog and/or comment section
B) Lack of office decorum (laughing like I’m at home) due to reading this blog and/or comment section
C) The I.T. Dept. keeping a detailed record of my presence at this blog and/or comment section
D) All of the above

????

Can anybody pick me up an application? lol

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

I feel really bad about not reading the rest of the comments before commenting BUT I HAD to tell this story as I met one guy who does not fall into any category Chris mentioned but he deserves his turn:

So I’m walking home from work on campus when i see this super-tall black guy walking toward me on my left. On my right, a bunch of Asians doing hip hop dancing. So i’m watching them and walking along minding my own business. When the guy gets close enough to pass me I give him a quick glance and then go back to watching the Asians. This dude flips out. Yells unnecessarily loudly: “I wasn’t even lookin’ at choo! You don’t have tuh look all to the left tryna avoid lookin back at me!” And I was like, who the fuck is talking to me? So I turn around and he’s like, “Yea now you gonna be polite” and then kept walking. I was super bewildered because I wasn’t even trying to ignore him. He assumed that i thought I was hot shit because I quickly glanced at him and then turned away when in reality I was silently making fun of the hip-hip dancing Asians.

3 06 2008
Reese

“lady, I’m gay” i just had to call assurion (tmobile insurance) cause i just spilled red bull on my blackberry. Thanks chris

jiofaiosefaojifoaeofijkoaekfpokedkofah hahahahaha

3 06 2008
Muse

Here is a hilarious story. I was a lounge with one of my ex-White female friends (you will learn why she is an ex associate in a second) and we were having a drink at the bar. Anywho this really attractive Black man was staring at us. My White girlfriend assumed that he was checking for her because a little nigette like myself couldn’t overshadow her European good looks. The guy finally approaches and starts chopping it up with me. Ole girl was like “excuse me, don’t you see me here.” The guy turned in her direction and said “wassup” then turned back to me.

Anyway we ended up exhanging numbers while my friend was trying to do some major cock blocking. Well after he left my ex-friend had the nerve to say “Wow I’m really surprised that he picked you over me.” Then goes into a rant about how men don’t understand quality. WTF right?! I had check girlfriend and told her not to believe her own hype. From that day on she started competing against me for the attention of men. I’m too grown to play games so I had to dismiss her ass.

What’s ironic is that I don’t have supermodel good looks and she did.

3 06 2008
B4Prez

@MrsEpps: Ur boss lets you have a Sparks at ur desk?…I’m willing to start out at the soup station in the cafeteria if that’s how your company rolls, lol.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahaha B4Prez.. my boss actually caught me reading the blog..he scared the shit out of me too sneaky bastard…he told me that if i was going to read this blog that i have to control my outburst when the VIP’s come in.. I was like fuck ive been found out!!!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

B4Prez foreal though my boss is cool as shit..he’s a 38 yr old pretty white boy with two house one in DC and one in Va and he owns his own business..he could careless if your tipsy or high as long as you get the majority of your work done and dont make a fool out of him or yourself when VIP’s are around…my job is lax and i love it…best job i ever had in my whole 20 yrs of life.. He even throws a big ass party during the summer at his house in Reston for his employees…we are a tight knit famliy…Last yr he fucked around and challenged me to a drink contest…big no no..you wont win im the beast! 🙂

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

that should be houses not house :-)..back to work…

3 06 2008
Cola

” I meet attractive dudes too, and I’m not saying I’m Halle Berry…but every time a man under 5′7 wearing Karl Kani jeans and an incomplete set of teeth tries to mack on me, a piece of me dies a little.”

That is the funniest thing I have heard today. Incomplete set of teeth?! OMG!

3 06 2008
Muse

I also blame men for being thirsty as hell when it comes to women. Stop gassing up these broads heads.

Ladies humility is a very attractive feature and goes a long way!

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Muse- You are beautiful! HOWEVER, I am disowning you because you, my friend, missed a PERFECT oppotunity to beat the living shit out of that White girl. There is no reason that you didn’t mop the floor with the bitch. NONE.

3 06 2008
Knatural

Troglodytes have no business being pretentious, full stop. Confidence is not synonymous with vanity.

3 06 2008
Bailey Blues

This post was hilarious!

@ Muse – I would have knocked that chick in her mouth coming out of pocket like that. And she played herself talking about don’t you see me. Bitch if he wanted to talk to you he would have.

I’m with you ST. Why do these dusty foot dudes try to holla? You know the hoodies love me lol. But whoever said you give them play was right. I have a college degree and have definitely gave some dudes from the block who aren’t doing anything my number. But I’m learning lol….

It’s all about progress

3 06 2008
Muse

YO man, White baby Jesus was with me that day and I had a nice buzz going on so I wasn’t in the mood to beat the bitch down. Besides my parole officer wouldn’t appreciate that. (I kid I kid)

I was very surprised that someone who I considered a friend had those thoughts. Maybe it’s the White Woman’s entitlement syndrome. We are in a sad day and age when a White woman is offended that a Black man wanted to talk to a Black woman.

3 06 2008
B4Prez

MrsEpps – that’s a good look that you work for someone who is really kool. That’s a rarity to be so laid back…except when ur supervisor is 2 yrs older than you, wears a name tag, hair net/visor with an ‘M’ on it, and constantly asks ppl if they wanna “go large” on their value meal.

3 06 2008
Muse

So why was this crackhead in Downtown LA trying to holla at me when I was leaving work and when I respecfully declined, this Negro with no teeth was like “You ain’t that cute anyway bitch”

True validation is when a crackhead wants you.

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Toldya

the word ‘most’ implies that he is not merely referring to asshole pretty women, but pretty women in general.

YES. EXACTLY

UGH! Stupid bitch ass niggas, I tell you.

MAYBE SO BUTT WHAT ARE YOU?

And hands offa my Dustin! I’m gonna end up marrying a fab gay boy anyway and living in a sexless marriage in a REALLY fab house.

if you marry a straight man its probably gonna end up virtually sexless too, having sex for everything but fun and excitement but rather child bearing and necessity. (ovulation calendars and fuck schedules) marriage has a sobering way of doing that. it becomes less and less about sex. you’re probably in your early to mid 20’s. got those youthful expectations. you aint gotta believe me, keep living. oh by the way let me say this; cunt fuck bitch ho…….. thats for all the double, triple standard hypocritical, potty mouth ass bitches out there cussing up a storm and swearing like soldiers but sensoring everyone else but themselves. study your GCC and kiss my entire ass.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Whoa hold the phone…..Muse-“Wow I’m really surprised that he picked you over me.” Then goes into a rant about how men don’t understand quality.

no that heffa didnt! It woulda been on…and what is this you say about supermodel good looks HA..models are weird looking to me..yes their are some pretty ones..but some its like umm wtf happened…esp those white ones looking like boofoo the clown… remember that Bori girl that won on America’s Next Top Model cant remember her name but that girl i will say was pretty in the face but her stick body made her ugly to me…i aint nnnnnnnever in my life seen a puerto rican girl look like her alien head ass.. but i feel ST on this one i would make her concrete

3 06 2008
Bailey Blues

I hate when guys try to talk to you and when you don’t respond how they want they say you aren’t cute anyway. Then why did you try to talk to me. Get a fucking life.

3 06 2008
Knatural

“True validation is when a crackhead wants you.”
I hope to see this in a fortune cookie someday…

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

yep Toldya most women out there pretty and ugly thinks a guy that is looking at them wants them in some kind of way and unfortunately 1/2 the time they are right.

3 06 2008

since nothing prime minister cinema says applies to me I will move forward amicably and guess that he may be unhappy…blessings my peer, prayer works miracles.

@ muse. Him wanting to talk to you rather thanher was ass whoppin enough cause I KNOW she still thinks about that incident.

3 06 2008
Muse

Mrs Epps, I’m not going to hate. My ex-white friend was very attractive (and I usually don’t find white women that hot to be completely honest). She was the Aryan poster child for Hitler’s youth moment. The girl had big boobs, thin, and a tan that that didn’t look orange. For LA standards she’s the ideal.

But yeah she went there. MLK’s spirit was with me or maybe just pure shock paralyzed my body.

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

…thats right i said it. and those women who think they meet the accepted social standard of “PRETTY and/or “FINE” are usually even bigger pretentious assholes as it relates to; “thinking that men want them and are staring at them in that way.” believe me they chug knutt just like the rest of them.

3 06 2008
Muse

Prime Minister please don’t kill my dreams. One of the things i look forward to getting married is the ability to fuck my husband all day everyday. Please don’t speak into the universe that woman are doomed to a sexless marriage if they marry a straight man.

::SIGHS::

3 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

@MrsEpps-let me find a man who will watch What Not to Wear with me on Friday nights…it’s a WRAP!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

“That’s a rarity to be so laid back…except when ur supervisor is 2 yrs older than you, wears a name tag, hair net/visor with an ‘M’ on it, and constantly asks ppl if they wanna “go large” on their value meal”.

RIGHTTT hahahha…we was in the drive thru at the Dunkin Donuts the other day near our house and the guy had the nerve to hit on me via the speaker box thingy because i was the one ordering something from there..im like WOWWWWW…he was surprised when he saw my man’s face before mine since he was driving…little boy had his head down the whole time trying not to make eye contact with my hubbster..it was too funny

3 06 2008
Muse

What is pretty anyway? I believe with a good stylist, make up, and a nice hairdo any woman can be pretty. Unless there is some deformaty is there really such a thing as ugly?

(With the exception of Flavor Flav…)

3 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

“Prime Minister please don’t kill my dreams. One of the things i look forward to getting married is the ability to fuck my husband all day everyday. Please don’t speak into the universe that woman are doomed to a sexless marriage if they marry a straight man.”

Muse…girl…it’s one of the MAIN reasons I look forward to marriage…unlimited access booty. I WOULD divorce a man if he denied me…straight up.

3 06 2008

muse don’t fret he is speaking in general. Not all marriages are sexless! Marriage is a job, and if you want it to work you make it work and you marry someone who would be willing to make it work with you. People get married and quit loving after the first year, which means they have exhausted the possibilities.

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

yes Ne, (NAY) maybe you do fit in the maximum potential of 49% of women who are the minority that dont feel like most every man that’s looking at them wants them in some way. well good for you. by the way im very happy. just sharing my opinion with fervor. pray with me. come on.

3 06 2008
Knatural

“accepted social standard of “PRETTY…” What does this mean? And yes, marriage is a job, well, more like an unpaid internship.

3 06 2008
Bailey Blues

LMAO @ “unpaid internship”

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Pretty Pisces girllllllll you know it! he was flipping throught the channels as usual…Note to all women: never give your bf or husband the remote because they can never stay on one station to save their lives!!! its like TV ADD…but yea i was liek Oooo i liek that show and he stopped…and then i told him oh we dont have to watch it to see if he would flip it and he didnt he was like nah we can watch it if you say you like this show. I was like AWWWWWwwww tear..

hahah Muse MLK spirit was with you cuz it sho wasnt Malcom’s hahah

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate
3 06 2008
Muse

Damn maybe I should have beat her ass. Don’t worry I know where she lives. I can retroactively beat her up. LOL.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Muse..its gonna be ok as Ne said not all marriges are sexless…you can ask pretty much anyone on here what goes on in my house every other night hahahha…fuck that AINT NOOOOOO such thing called “denied booty” in my house 🙂 gotta love it!! Knat yes marriage is like an unpaid internship…

3 06 2008
Esko

but every time a man under 5′7 wearing Karl Kani jeans and an incomplete set of teeth tries to mack on me, a piece of me dies a little.

Aww damn, the teeth and jeans I understand, but are short men really that undesirable? I’d hate to think being short automatically prohibits me from finding a quality female. On that same note I can’t hate on a man for trying because the law of averages says sooner or later he’ll succeed. What’s all that got to do with pretentious women? Well, nothing. Please forgive my ramblings.

Anyways, I gotta say thank you Chris. Figure 3 has made my day. Your posts are always on point… and hilarious. Keep em comin.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@ Chris…poor johnny carson…smh

3 06 2008
Muse

Mrs Epps so it’s safe to say that if I were to ever spend the night I should bring my bose headphones and my own sheets right?

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

PMC- It’s about context, idiot. Read a book, read a book, read a motherfucking book.

Muse- I don’t think I’d take relationship advice from this fella.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Aww damn, the teeth and jeans I understand, but are short men really that undesirable?”

Dude, chicks of all ages, shapes, and sizes are MERCILESS toward short dudes. This is why I have no problem calling out chicks who are even marginally overweight.

Hell, at least you can do something about tank ass.

3 06 2008
Muse

no worries ST. I already have plans for the hubby I have yet to meet LOL.

I look forward to being sore 5 days out of the week Bahahahaa.

3 06 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Johnny Carson. Luckily the state in which I married, Maryland, doesn’t have those stupid community property laws. YAY!

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Esko- No, my darling, of course not. However, I am 5’9 when I am not feeling too lazy for heels, which makes me 6’0 at least 3 days out of the week. But there are plenty of beautiful women of an appropriate height for you, as well as tall women who will date a short man. I just think the odds are moreso in your favor if you approach women who are closer to your height. Unless you are crazy fine, in which most of us will love you regardless.

3 06 2008
Knatural

*raises hand*
I actually prefer shorter men. Makes 69 a lot easier 😀

3 06 2008
Muse

knat…You are on time out. Log off.

OMG the conversation has turned into sex after 100 comments. Good job!

3 06 2008
Bailey Blues

I don’t have a problem with men on the shorter side. I’m only 5’4. As long as you are 5’8 we are cool.

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

no ladies your marriage doesn’t have to be “virtually sexless.” the fact is sex becomes less and less important on the priority lists as time passes, as we get older. have you heard of the law of diminishing returns? if not then certainly you understand how people develop desires for what they don’t have. like; i like squash but i get tired of it everyday. ok so i make squash casserole, you know put a lil cheese in it but at some point the options are gonna run out. this doesn’t mean that you can’t have a relationship that’s whole fullfilling and organic. im just reminding you that although sexual synchronicity is important with your spouse you cant spend but so much time enjoying it and the more you do it the more it becomes challenging to keep exciting. the point is ladies even though sex is ONE of the cornerstones of a relationship/marriage, find more that you can connect with your partner on because believe it or not sex is going to become less and less important.

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Are women THAT hard on short men? Shit, men are hard on us for being too thin or too big or not having enough titties or ass or not having straight hair or having straight hair or being Black or being too Black or not being Black enough or having stretch marks or….come on, yo. Society is way harder on women physically.

Personally, I blame short women for this. I don’t think anyone can make a valid case as to why a tall woman is wrong for wanting a man to be her height or taller. But when you have a woman of 5’1 talking about “I need a basketballer”, then you are tripping. Why can’t we just sign a pact agreeing that men under 5’7 will stick to women under 5’6, with the only exception being tall women who like feeling like giant lesbians walking with their sons?

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

^ And that short women will not get with men over 5’7.

3 06 2008
Knatural

ST – two wrongs don’t make a right. Nanny nanny boo boo…

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Muse-Mrs Epps so it’s safe to say that if I were to ever spend the night I should bring my bose headphones and my own sheets right?

hahahah indeed..well not the sheets…we have plenty of clean sheet dont worry..unless your like Monk your welcome to bring your own hahah yes bring the bose headphones if you dont want to listen to our soundtrack hahah…and bring an appetite for booze and food lol.

Knat you silly as hell..makes 69 alot easier..hmm possible..i will say this i never knew short guys could dick me better than tall guys hahha..ahhh the good life of getting pounded by a short guys..its heaven hahah esp a strong short guy..mines tosses me around and all that jazz 🙂

3 06 2008
charli skipper

hilarious post chris. i have to check myself to make sure i’m not guilty of similar behavior as your “slanty eyed” friend from the east.

but just for my own edification, can you define how you can tell when a person is one chicken box away from irrevocable obesity? cuz for the past coupla months i’ve just been saying i’m “getting thick.” but when you put it yourrrr way…….lol!

3 06 2008
Muse

Knat when you do 69 is the guy on top or are you? I don’t know if I can 69 with the guy on top because his ass hairs and balls might be in my face.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Knat when you do 69 is the guy on top or are you? I don’t know if I can 69 with the guy on top because his ass hairs and balls might be in my face.”

EW DUDE! Clearly the man belongs on the bottom. Come on, now!

3 06 2008
Knatural

Muse – bottom. I’m this six.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“but just for my own edification, can you define how you can tell when a person is one chicken box away from irrevocable obesity?”

Sure. This is what you do:

1. Go outside
2. Find a hispanic woman between the ages of 27 and 31
3. If you look like her, you are a chicken box away

That is the most racist thing I’ve ever said.

3 06 2008
Muse

SBPH I’m just saying! I had clarify with Knat. You never know what she means!

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Toldya i am not sure if you would take advice from a fireman if your ass was on fire and im not sure you should however keep living.

3 06 2008
Muse

Okay what if the woman is really fat? Shouldn’t she be on the bottom and the guy on the top?

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

ST-with the only exception being tall women who like feeling like giant lesbians walking with their sons?

hahah omggg i just laughed so hard and loud whenn i read this

and dammit I have to agree with Prime because is right..after a while sex does get boring..but it is up to you guys to keep it interesting im not saying join a swingers club but find diff ways to make it exciting everytime..and being married isnt all about having sex 24/7….you have to find other ways to keep each other satisfied other than a physical level. Sex does become less and less important in a way when you grow older you have way more stuff on your mind than when you were in your 20’s…when you 40 its a diff story.. you more worried about your kids getting good grades so they can go to college and if its time to re-paint the house. haha Like some people i know their parents stop having sex once they had kids…personally i say f that wait til their sleep because even though having kids is a challenge too many people compromise their intimate relationship with their partner because of it…ok you have kids you want to spend the whole night fucking…get a babysitter(grandma) hahaha sike naw

3 06 2008
Knatural

“but just for my own edification, can you define how you can tell when a person is one chicken box away from irrevocable obesity?”

Sure. This is what you do:

1. Go outside
2. Find a hispanic woman between the ages of 27 and 31
3. If you look like her, you are a chicken box away
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAA
That is sooooooooooo hilariously racist.

And Muse, if you’re that fat, do not attempt sexual relations. Especially, 69.

3 06 2008
shabooty

if she’s really fat, hope its a long distance relationship with benefits, and that she’s WALKING over your house…and that she lives a few states away.

other things I can’t stand is when a chicken box bitch snores…not that I’d know anything about this.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Since you guys are talking about it anyway, can I get ONE person to validate my opinion that 69 is intimidating and potentially gross and just generally not a necessity to a rewarding sex life?

One person??”

Intimidating? Gross? How?

Shower, shower, shower.

3 06 2008

I feel like there is no excuse for no sex until mother nature time! It’s like daily pleasurale exercise.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chris-Sure. This is what you do:

1. Go outside
2. Find a hispanic woman between the ages of 27 and 31
3. If you look like her, you are a chicken box away

That is the most racist thing I’ve ever said

GASP…ok me being latina this makes me sad but makes me want to burst out laughing because the shit is true.. its like after a latin woman has children she never gets her body back also witht he combo of her diet it make sit worse…hahah i hope after i have kids i wont look like a oompaloompa…my dad’s genes are strong in me so hopefully i’ll be ok hahah i got his height, his skinnyness and my mom’s face, ass titties, a skin tone and attitude. Crosses fingers

Knat your the 6…i can be either or… depends…as for balls in you face yea if he has massive horse balls you might run in to that…i dont mind a lil ball in my face…plus it makes it easier to suck because he can just ride my face so i can just lay there hahaha..ok to much info?

3 06 2008
Knatural

joke: How do you fuck a fat girl?
Roll her in flour and aim for the wet spot.

I’m going to Hell. It’s official.

And Muse, no one accidentally licks a-hole. It’s too far away to not realize, sorry.

3 06 2008
B4Prez

BTW, that short angry man syndrome is real!

One of my friends is 5’5″, and he hates everything and everyone…me, his girl, his mama, he even hates the word hate

3 06 2008
Muse

Knat if you are going at it sucking on balls and dick maybe the tongue slips. It happens. Don’t pretend you never accidently licked an ass (urm it hasn’t happened to me but I HEARD stories LOL)

3 06 2008

Since you guys are talking about it anyway, can I get ONE person to validate my opinion that 69 is intimidating and potentially gross and just generally not a necessity to a rewarding sex life?

One person??

I don’t even any words

3 06 2008
Muse

Mrs. Epps is on timeout with Knat.

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

From Muse; What is pretty anyway? I believe with a good stylist, make up, and a nice hairdo any woman can be pretty. Unless there is some deformaty is there really such a thing as ugly?

(With the exception of Flavor Flav…)

Pretty/Fine/Beauty is all subjective isnt it?

thats why i qualified one of my prior statements with;

“accepted social standard of “PRETTY and/or “FINE” are usually even bigger pretentious assholes as it relates to….

im sure we have a good idea of the definition for this “accepted social standard of Pretty etc.

by the way im sure flav is fine to somebody even if its a roach.

3 06 2008
Muse

So it is kinda weird for a guy to ride a girl’s face?

3 06 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

As a people watcher, i almost always receive the “stank eye” from women and the presumptive conversation from men and lesbians that goes something like, ” So i noticed you were staring at me and i thought I . . .”
Correction, fool, I was looking in your direction as there is a tv behind your head and I’m trying to watch cnn. Now go kick rocks. . .
Chris – Bravo. And that is probably the most racist thing I’ve ever laughed at.

And i love short men. My husband is 5 feet 5 in shoes, and i love his tiny little dirty draws.

3 06 2008

I am guilty of the shortwomanwantingtallmanover5’9″ syndrome

lol the mexican women all are heavy on top with skinny ankles

3 06 2008
Muse

Is slamming like tossing salad? Ewwwww

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“So it is kinda weird for a guy to ride a girl’s face?”

Yes. It should and must always be the other way around.

3 06 2008

lol @ muse:
Knat if you are going at it sucking on balls and dick maybe the tongue slips. It happens. Don’t pretend you never accidently licked an ass (urm it hasn’t happened to me but I HEARD stories LOL)

ummm hmmm! **side eye**

3 06 2008
shabooty

I think for their 30th birthday, Hispanic women get custom rear-view mirrors installed in their cars, with wall decals on ’em.

(translation -if you’re slow)
(they’ve hit the wall, and its now in their rear-view mirror).

3 06 2008
Muse

I’m having sushi from Katsuya for lunch. I just thought that I mention that.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

ahhahaha Ummm who the hell accidently licks ass..imm negative ghost rider..if they told you that its lies!!!! as Knat stated the assho is way to far to be slippin up on if licking balls…they did it because they were curious to see what it felt or tasted like on their mouth… and if they accidently “slipped” they need to be in more control of their licking abilities hahaha…as for 69 being gross hell no…you liek getting your cooter licked and pleasing your man at the sametime go for it…now what’s gross is a dirty sanchez… gag…i saw it in a porn once and threw up in my mouth but its not as worse ass those cum guzzling hoes that shit is beyond triff..

3 06 2008
Muse

Ne I haven’t tongued a guy’s anus. Don’t give me the stink eye before I drive up to the bay and meet you after school and serve you like I did Knat LOL.

3 06 2008
Ljones

I agree with your post and dont’ care what words you chose to use on YOUR blog (@stuffgirlslike). I happen to be HOT and know tha the Tom Harkin gawk and a casual glance are very different things. I have also ass-u-med that a guy was into me and he played me, son!! Hilarious, but lessonlearned! Good subject and I hope your neighbor sees you with a hot chick and realizes like 2 onths from now, “he was totally lyinwhen he said he was gay, he’s just no that into me!”

3 06 2008
Muse

Before I go to my lunch what is a dirty sanchez? Urban dictionary is blocked from work.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd we’re officially in the gutter.

3 06 2008

lol muse

remember the grade school fight gesture.

Punch your hand doing this face: http://jesking.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/mad-face.jpg
and pointing to the clock

3 06 2008
Knatural

::I may have to change my screen name after today::

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Muse.. slamming is when a fat ass 400 pound white woman body slams a bird chest 135 pound white man on the bed and then proceeds to jumps/crush..the mans body against the bed…

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Dirty Sanchez is a term that originated in the porn industry, particularly films involving ass to mouth action, used to describe the sexual practice of smearing fecal matter under the nose of one’s partner by application of the penis in the form of a mustache following anal sex…

thats what is says on Wikipedia…

3 06 2008
B4Prez

LMAO@ slamming. That would be funny as hell to watch…….ONLY to watch….

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Lol@ Ne..after school 3:30 on the black top you and me!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

B4Prez they showed it on Tyra Show I was cracking up…i have to find that clip and share it with you all

3 06 2008
Ljones

Howa bout 69 is when the participants are side to side, nobody on top perse. ergo 69, side by side – c’mon people! And I think 69 is a great addition to any sexual relationship where trust is not an issue, nor health!

3 06 2008
puff

damn this time difference that has me reading up on this post 8 hours after everyone else! but as i was having a pretty shitty day this just made it a billion times better. dying dying at figure 2 imagining this chick’s face. cheers chris, ja bless

3 06 2008
A.K.

On a totally unrelated note, Chris’s new theme song is “What What in the Butt” by one Butters Stotch

P0W3D

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Shabooty- (translation -if you’re slow)
(they’ve hit the wall, and its now in their rear-view mirror).

*Covers mouth*

OHHHH SHIT!!! OHHHH SHIT! And my slow ass reads too fast and might not have got it, cause my first thought was “they DO love a good car decal, don’t they”. FUCK!!!

3 06 2008
Knatural

actually 69-side-by-side is easier. Fellatio from the side is easier in general

3 06 2008
B4Prez

Which one is a Dirty Sanchez again?

It can’t be worse than a Rusty Trombone….man, toilet, woman on knees…that’s all I know, lol

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

PMC-Toldya i am not sure if you would take advice from a fireman if your ass was on fire and im not sure you should however keep living.

LMAO! Ok, that was hilarious. You are still wack attack, but that was funny.

3 06 2008
aceklub

69 is always a good look…it is a 2 for 1 special…foreplay in half the time. I prefer to have my lady on top and be on the bottom. Or standing up and having her upside down. It’s an added workout…I am all about maximum my time.

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Speaking of hitting the wall, this bitch hit it, backed up and hit it 107 more times:

3 06 2008
aceklub

69 is always a good look…it is a 2 for 1 special…foreplay in half the time. I prefer to have my lady on top and be on the bottom. Or standing up and holding her upside down. It’s an added workout…I am all about maximum my time.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

B4Prez scroll up i put the Wikipedia defenition up for it…

rusty trombone eww….thats fuking nasty…dudes on toillet taking a shit while girl sucks him off..gag..

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

toilet..

3 06 2008
Knatural

yeah, sooooo… how ’bout that Obama?!

3 06 2008
shabooty

no Mrs. Epps…. that’s a BLUMPKIN.

a rusty trombone is when you’re tossing a guys freshly shitty salad while tugging on his junk.

here’s a good one (via urbandictionary):

alaskan pipe line

when a man and a woman are intimate, the man shits in a condom and freezes it. then the man takes the frozen shit “dildo” and crams it up the womans ass. she then moans and asks for more.

$$$

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Seriously, who are the sexless boys who sit up and make these things up?

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Ahh ok Shabooty…i get that shit confused…and yea alaskan pipe line..WTF thats the nesty shit i ever heard and wouldnt want to see…but sure got a visual and i think im gonna throw up..excuse me

3 06 2008
Knatural

Are you serious? That’s beyond disgusting.

3 06 2008
shabooty

if you’re gonna throw up, do so in a condom, so you can freeze it and use it as a dildo! , DUHHH!

someone help me name that so I can take credit!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

ewww shabooty..nasty fuck….but i think thats what i like you..thats disturbing…

3 06 2008
shabooty

my work here is done folks, move along.
nothing to see here.

3 06 2008
B4Prez

How do you sh*t in a condom? Do u try and hold it near the bullseye, or do u get an assistant for that ‘job’???

Im gonna pass

3 06 2008

lol @ mrs. epps

I broke up with a guy once for shitting in my bathroom and not showering, nor washing his hands. I asked him did he need a dry towel for his hands and he lied and said:

“I think I just air dried”

3 06 2008
keiranzma

*wipes away blood spewing from eyesockets*

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

Toldya: LMAO! Ok, that was hilarious. You are still wack attack, but that was funny.

thankyou, thankyou i’ll be here all week.

3 06 2008
Angry IV

A post for the ages, good sir. Figure 2? I almost lost my bowels over that one…absolutely hilarious. I think I might have peed a little in my drawers laughing at that picture.

Secondly, how much more true could this be? I had a girl like that way back in my college years. She would call once a month, trying to figure out what was going on. The funny part is that I actually had two women on my lap at one time in Vegas, about to roll dice when she called.

Me: 3000, Dumbass Ex: 0!

3 06 2008
Angry IV

Oh, and 69? Great position. Get good at it, or get fired.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Oh god Ne noooooooo ewww…ok i dont mind the shitting part ok thats natrual..but umm he doesnt shower or wash his hands…hell to the naw!

3 06 2008
Angry IV

Learn to like it, or get fired 🙂

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Okay, I’m fired.

Well, no…being good at it and liking it are two different things.

I’m rehired.”

Sweet merciful crap…

3 06 2008
Cheekie

Knatural (19:32:11) :

yeah, sooooo… how ’bout that Obama?!

Haha! The convo can STILL divert to sex.

Inappropriate? 😉

On that note, though, I’m still LMAO @ Clinton saying she’s “open” to being his V.P. You talk all that smack about him and now you’re askin’ a brotha for a job? *DEAD*

3 06 2008
Muse

I’m back from lunch and I have itis. My assistant is on look out because I want to sleep under my desk. I also had sake and I’m officially buzzed at work.

BTW anyone who Dirty Sanchez anyone should be killed.

Did you guys know that there are men out there who don’t eat pussy and girls who don’t suck dick? Serious offense in my opinion.

Unless the girl has large meat curtains or the guy has weird bumps on his penis then there is no excuse not to participate in some mouth action.

Shit I’m full.

3 06 2008
Muse

Hilary would be more likable if she sucked dick. Seriously. I’m tired of her ass. Obama better not pick that bitch for VP or I’m gonna…still vote for him.

AS a recovering Conservative I’m not allowed to vote for McCain. It’s part of my treatment.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Did you guys know that there are men out there who don’t eat pussy and girls who don’t suck dick?”

This is completely motherfucking unacceptable.

3 06 2008
stuffgirlslike

Well there was a mistake

3 06 2008
Knatural

“Did you guys know that there are men out there who don’t eat pussy and girls who don’t suck dick? Serious offense in my opinion.”
On Planet Earth?

3 06 2008
Dustin

1. 69 on the side is easier/better.

2. Any sex act involving shit is gross. Generally, anything involving the asshole is gross.

3 06 2008
Muse

Knat one of my best friends wonders why she keeps getting dumped. I had no idea until we had a heart to heart and she told me she found sucking dick disgusting and against her morals.

I slapped her three times with a broken bottle.

What’s even more crazy is that she is okay getting oral. Ain’t that some shit.? The men she deals with thinks that if they eat her pussy enough times she will suck their dick but eventually they figure out that my friend is a selfish cunt.

LOL

3 06 2008
Angry IV

Get their turn? You mean do their job.

3 06 2008
Angry IV

Muse – she’ll be single forever unless she learns how to perform mouth-to-dick resuscitation.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

The Eleventh and Twelfth Commandments:

11: Thou shalt slurpeth the snatch of thine wench with fevor and passion

12: Thou shalt gobbleth the beef of thine stud with enthusiasm and vigor

3 06 2008
Muse

Nah she won’t Angry. There will be some tool out there who will marry her because she’s uber attractive and a lawyer. In fact she doesn’t believe she should have to do anything during sex. LOL.

listening to her is highly entertaining btw.

3 06 2008
Knatural

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHHHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA I’M DONE I’M SO DONE WITH YOU!!!!
Those commandments = priceless. I hate you, hate you.

3 06 2008
Angry IV

11th and 12th commandments, I definitely peed a little in my drawers, and snorted when I laughed. I never snort when I laugh. A ripping good show.

For Muse: “There will be some tool out there who will marry her because she’s uber attractive and a lawyer” and then cheat on her in order to become a customer of Commandment XII. Amen.

3 06 2008
Muse

I hate Chris with my soul.

I spit out my green tea reading that. Oh lord…That quote is going on facebook.

3 06 2008
Angry IV

Oh, and produce pictures of said uber attractive lawyer. You understand when you use “uber” it supercedes any and all of the following adjectives:

super
ultra
mega
supreme
ultimate
premium
very

I shall be the judge, jury, and executioner of her apparent attractiveness. Evidence please!

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I second Angry’s demand for photographic evidence.

3 06 2008
Esquire

There are lots of people who arent into oral sex. Probably because they didnt have it done properly.

There is nothing worse than a man sloshing around in your stuff thinking he is doing something. Ladies give the next man a chance and return the fav.

Men, here is some advice just spell the ABCs on her with your tongue. You are laughing but by the time you hit “Q” it may be a wrap. If its not just go all the way to Z and begin spell some words or something to amuse yourselves. It naturally takes women longer to climax…

How did we get on this subject?

3 06 2008
Knatural

I hate ‘uber’!

3 06 2008
Angry IV

“Men, here is some advice just spell the ABCs on her with your tongue. You are laughing but by the time you hit “Q” it may be a wrap. If its not just go all the way to Z and begin spell some words or something to amuse yourselves. It naturally takes women longer to climax…”

When my lady arches her back like the Brooklyn Bridge and uses the following phrase: “OH GOD DON’T STOP,” I think I’m doing something right.

But I appreciate the tip – I’ll try something new tonight.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Is it disturbing that I knew the ‘alphabet trick’ at age 11, despite the fact that I wouldn’t actually have sex for another six years?

Decidedly yes.

3 06 2008
Esquire

11: Thou shalt slurpeth the snatch of thine wench with fevor and passion

12: Thou shalt gobbleth the beef of thine stud with enthusiasm and vigor

EEEweeeewwwww hahahaha you NASTY

3 06 2008
Angry IV

Also us man-types understand that you’re probably not the best in the world at giving the dome, so all you have to do is ask to practice – we’ll be more than willing to assist you in learning how to perform rightly for us. After all, the couple that blows together, goes together.

3 06 2008
Muse

Esquire, a man will stay down there until he learns how to do it right LOL.

I’m a patient teacher.

As for my urber hot friend, Angry and SBPH yall have girlfriends so why do you care?

I don’t want my friend to be responsible for the termination of your relationship upon seeing her LOL.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

wait a sec.. there are guys and chicks who dont eat the twat and suck the fuckstick?!! they should be shot.. i remember when i was virgin and i thought that sucking dick was gross but then i learned how fun it was…dont get it twisted.. you wont see me advertising that shit like the girl with the dick tatted on her chest saying number one dick sucker..i have the itis as well went to lunch with my co-workers and dammit i ended up getting some bomb ass salmon and 3 beers and some cake.. im ready to lay out on my desk..

3 06 2008
aceklub

Yea, I had one girl tell me the same thing about not conducting oral but didn’t have a problem getting head from a guy. I think she thought I would judge her “as a ho” if she told me she does do it but clearly I judged her for not doing it, b/c to me, that meant she has liar tendencies. Yea, I couldn’t marry a girl if she is not down to show me her “knowledge”. Shyt b/c even if I am 55+ and limp, she better still get on her knees and “suck it beautiful” That how much I enjoy it.

3 06 2008
Cheekie

UBER?

*puke*

Uber = The Segway of words.

3 06 2008
Esquire

Yes the unconcious arch is a good sign.

She will love the alphabet. Dont tell her what youre doing because then she will be trying to concentrate on what letter you’re on.

And yes, Chris, that is slightly disturbing. 11??? But Im sure you’ll agree it was a lesson well learned.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“As for my urber hot friend, Angry and SBPH yall have girlfriends so why do you care?”

See, this is why I wrote today’s post in the first place. Angry and I don’t want to fuck your friend. We want to know if she/you are liars, and/or if she’s actually attractive enough to be a selfish asshole sexually.

This is all fact checking, buddy.

3 06 2008
Angry IV

Muse – I highly doubt that your lawyer friend will have any effect on my relationship, but you used the word “uber.” Now the fact that you refuse to share is starting to make me think she looks like this.

3 06 2008
Angry IV

Chris – observe my comment below yours. I used some of your material, but I think it’s a good use 🙂

3 06 2008
Esquire

Muse

dont fall for it! Its a pressure tactic and your friend will hate you for posting her pic.

Unless she looks like a donkey, then she will be glad you didnt post it.

3 06 2008
B4Prez

I haven’t heard the “I don’t eat/suck….” since high school.

And they were lying then, so any grown ass knows they better be lying.

BTW, how the hell can you take a shower after taking a sht unless ur at home or a place where u can feel free to jump in the shower? I understand the hand-washing thing, but don’t you’ll keep wet wipes in the bathroom? I even keep them in my desk at work…hey, u never know when u might have to go…esp black ppl cus yall know yall are lactose intolerant!

3 06 2008
Angry IV

And I’d also like to second what Chris said. Unless your friend has 34DDs on a 115lb frame and is laying on my couch taking a nap as I type this….I don’t want her.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I’m with Angry. I smell donkey.

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

the ABC trick hahah.. I am also a patient teacher…thank god my man already knew what to do…but he’s a lil ol freak anyways..

Angry-When my lady arches her back like the Brooklyn Bridge and uses the following phrase: “OH GOD DON’T STOP,” I think I’m doing something right.

this sound oddly familiar…lol

3 06 2008
Angry IV

“esp black ppl cus yall know yall are lactose intolerant!”

I love my mixed blood. I think I will enjoy a chocolate milkshake in 3…2…1…

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Bridge and uses the following phrase: “OH GOD DON’T STOP,””

Not to be confused with “OH GOD, NO! STOP!”

3 06 2008
Angry IV

HEEEEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWWWWW!!!! <~~ Muse’s friend!

3 06 2008
Angry IV

“Not to be confused with “OH GOD, NO! STOP!”

Usually if you hear this phrase, you are probably:

a) a frat boy smelling of good cheese and/or bad meat
b) a middle-aged man, usually with disheveled hair and a receiting hairline, generally caucasian
c) Chris or myself when approached by a girl in an empire-waisted top. By empire-waisted top, I mean a girl in a fatsuit. And by a fatsuit, I mean a girl that is sloppily obese.

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate
3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Im sorry to say but…everytime when one of my friend invites on of their new friends to come hang out and have girls night.. they will be like she is sexy ass fuck and blah blah blahhh…well why come to find out girl looks like flavor flav’s mom or a cuter version if this is possible of Sista Patterson…like forealll..

3 06 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, is that Shabooty in white?
Muse, see how “uber” gets you in trouble. Just send a pic of Kreyol Beauty.

3 06 2008

“slapped her three times with a broken bottle”

I will not be fighting you after school!!!!!!!!

“The Eleventh and Twelfth Commandments:

11: Thou shalt slurpeth the snatch of thine wench with fevor and passion

12: Thou shalt gobbleth the beef of thine stud with enthusiasm and vigor”

Praise allah! and bwhahahahahahaowue9028/*+/*/8e9 90210

3 06 2008
Esquire

dying. that is so mean. Leave Muse and donkey butt alone.

Hey! Whats wrong with empire waists? Do you really think all girls who wear them are fat?

…cleaning out closet

3 06 2008
shabooty

when im drunk and going down on a chick i like to do the abc trick backwards, in case the fish market police stop me on my way out.

also — what is also unacceptable to be in the shabooty dynasty is a bitch that doesnt swallow…
i need a bitch that gulps like as if i spewed anti-venom and the back of their throat had been fangoriaed n required it.
(I made up my own word right there).

$

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chris and Angry LMAO giving me a laugh headache…Muse im sorry girl but you did a Somalian Queen now your done for hahaha

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate
3 06 2008
Angry IV

@Chris: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!

I did happen to find a picture of Muse’s friend with her new suit on, ready for a day of lawyer work.”

3 06 2008
Dustin

Where the eff did you have salmon, 3 beers and cake for lunch? Sounds like my grandmother’s house.

VERY FEW people in San Antonio eat it/suck it. It’s cause they’re all Mexican and Catholic. It’s super rare to find oral people here.

3 06 2008
Angry IV

And you have to love the self portrait. Stunning….yet so primal.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahahahha@ is that shabooty in the white thats fuckedd up Knat!

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

@Angry

We are going straight to hell.

3 06 2008
ninasimone

my mistake…i meant half black/half german

thanks for realizing it could be a possible typo

3 06 2008
rai

lol!!!!!!!!!! goodness. too much stuff to quote and laugh at, but chris, hilarious again. I have the lightskin friend that thinks EVERY dude is ALWAYS gawking at her. . . I just kinda wanna be like “u are giving yourself entirely too much credit” but sayin that could end our friendship and/or result in my being called a hater, which would in turn end our friendship. lol so I just sit there, take the L and cosign with phrases like “yeah u are totally out of his league” and “He was really reaching for the stars”, and “he should totally get real and keep his eyes to himself” lol!!!

*teardrop*@ all of the fat girl verbal abuse

and i swear to God, I wanna meet the author. has to be a FOOL! lol

3 06 2008
shabooty

thats why Knats the only cunty i havent allowed to be my facebook friend.
she can be on CreoleBeautyBook.

$

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol Dustin I was at Sweetwater Tavern in Falls Church VA..and dammit it was ridamndiculous how good the salmon was and the mashed potatoes to die for..

Poor Muse’s frines prob reading this crying

3 06 2008

omg you guys are killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

I am gonna start printing these comments sectons out, so when people say “There are nice guys out there!” and I can be like “No, no there aren’t, at least not ones who went to college, are tall, or are considered attractive!” Thanks for confirming all my cyncism about brothers yet again! Every day I have a reason to lose faith in black men, but at least y’all make me laugh. You take the wins where you can.

3 06 2008
B4Prez

@Angry IV:

Lucky you with the good lactose digestion gene.

Even though I’m str8 up ‘colored’, I still continue stuff my face with any and everything covered in cheese…all types of cheese, btw……and I have my own tab at Cold Stone Creamery.

I’ve decided to just ignore my…..”disability”

3 06 2008
Angry IV

@ST – treading on thin ice, madame.

@MrsEpps – ridamndiculous, or ridonkulous?

@Chris – where my gasoline pants at…I’m goin’ on FIYA BABY!

Back to work with me for a late meeting 😦 25 minute drive too.

3 06 2008
rai

lol@ toldja

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

B4Prez.. lactose? who me naw… i drink milk all the time, eat cheese, yogart, ice cream whenever maybe b/c i have an iron stomach hahah

your own tab at Cold Stone Creamery stoppp itttt omg hahahah thats to funny…the ppl know me by name now at Ben and Jerrys ahah

3 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

@ST

Haven’t you heard the good news? Chicks hate nice guys 🙂

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@ Angry RIDAMNDICULOUS!!

3 06 2008

I want a vanilla milkshake now!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

hardy har har..

3 06 2008
shabooty

^^^ fatties all of you!

why dont u learn to burn calories by being cuntified by your neighbor, like the rest of us.

3 06 2008
Esquire

Aw man Chris. Id forgotten about that.

Fuck you, I look cute in mine and they are the big, Is she pregnant? ones.

Speaking of fashion. I think I may want an Obama for yo mama t-shirt…Im hesitant because I feel like Im supposed to be offended, but for some reason, Im not.

Does anyone think something is wrong with that shirt?

3 06 2008
Esquire

Chris! That should be they are NOT the big bulky fatty ones. damn damn damn james

3 06 2008
sarah

WTH?! a bitch goes in the lab for an hour and the blog explodes into talks of oral sex and lactose intolerance and donkeys. i reall missed out 😦

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Obama for yo mama t-shirt! hellllsss yea please! you ever seen the one that sayd Obama is my homeboy? ahha

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

@sarah I took a lunch break and then shelved some books and all of a sudden there were 214 comments. I go to the bathroom and there are 310 comments. All about Dirty Sanchez’s, alaskan pipe lines, peolpe proposing to be Dustin’s hag/for Dustin to be their gay husband and Muse’s poor friend who probably does look like a donkey.

I love this website and it’s comments sections.

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

stuffblackpeoplehate (21:26:36) :

@ST

Haven’t you heard the good news? Chicks hate nice guys

Not true! We just don’t like pushovers and simps. Actually, I can’t speak for these other broads out here, I feel like they are making it hard for the sweet, pure-hearted and kind women like me. Fucking whore bitches.

3 06 2008

LOL NOT BLONDE!

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

I sooo want an Obama is my Homeboy T-shirt. Just to wear around in the event that I meet some hillbilly white people.

By the way, there is no way you can “accidentally” lick an asshole. Maybe a woman’s, but a guy’s…no way. You have to go waaay under the balls to get to it.

Not that I would know that for any particular reason. I’ve heard stories…

And I cosign with shit never being a part of sex, wanting Dustin to be my gay husband. and hideous dudes telling me “you ugly anyway” when I turn them down.

3 06 2008
Merri Lee
3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahahahahahahha @ ST- can’t speak for these other broads out here, I feel like they are making it hard for the sweet, pure-hearted and kind women like me

girl you know good and damn well aint nothing sweet about you! tryna front…love ya girl hahaha but someone had to tell ya!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

gracias Merri Lee! gotta get me a bros before hoes shirt…i know that its offensive but i still like it

3 06 2008
Merri Lee


stuffblackpeoplehate (21:14:50) :

@Angry

We are going straight to hell.

I am buying you these

3 06 2008
D

“See you wearing an empire waist top and am trying to determine if you’re fat or pregnant”

and that is why i do NOT wear those shirts/dresses… lol.

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

@Merri Lee

I am sooo getting that Wash Away Your Sins handsoap for my bathroom. The ex-bf will be mortified and/or collapse into fits of hysteria.

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

Yea…I can’t do the empire waist top-I am far too boobalicious to attempt such a top.

3 06 2008
shabooty

u could accidentally toss lance armstrong’s salad cause he only has one ball, so theres less in the way of your tongue accidentally slipping back there…

no homo.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Im so getting the Shirt that says “Yes my t-shirt says Fuck on it, it also says cunt, twat and machien washable”. and im getting the one that says “Fucking Classy”

3 06 2008
Knatural

“thats why Knats the only cunty i havent allowed to be my facebook friend.
she can be on CreoleBeautyBook.”-Shabooty
That hurts my feelings; not because you called me a cunty, but because you mentioned Creole Booty.

3 06 2008
Muse

AWw wait a minute here!

What motive do I have to lie about my friend being attractive? Women tend to be more critical than men therefore if I say another female is very attractive, then it is likely that I’m telling the truth!

The dokey picture was wrong…yall ain’t shit LOL.

It’s not like I’m on here talking about “I’m so hot I can steal any man from his woman without trying”

I give credit where credit is due.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

omg ahhaha i scrolled down on the t-shirt site and one says ” thousands of my potential children died on your daughters face lastnight”…that has shabooty written all over it!

3 06 2008
shabooty

lol… that’s something i’d soo say.

3 06 2008
Muse

There are some expensive cosmetic companies that use semen as an ingredient in their products.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

eww reallly Muse… no wonder proactiv looks like cum ahaha

3 06 2008
Muse

One of my aunts said that semen makes the best facial mask. I kind you not! She swears by her receipe of using semen mixed with Bhringaraj Oil and french clay . She said once a month she uses that mixture and leaves it on for 25 minutes.

3 06 2008
Knatural

oh my God!

3 06 2008
Dustin

I’m fighting the urge to speak out.

3 06 2008
Muse

LMAO. I swear to god I’m not kidding. She looks fantastic for her age so…um yeah.

I never want to kiss her on the cheek thought because I’m thinking she has some of my uncle’s residue man juice on her face.

3 06 2008
Muse

Dustin honey speak out. We appreciate your comments.

Just keep in mind that I’m not the one using skeet as a facial mask.

3 06 2008
shabooty

so ur aunt must get bukkaked by a lot of french and bhringaragian guys…

3 06 2008
Muse

I hope not because she married to my uncle. Then again they did go to a tantric sex retreat last year. They are kinda out there but fun folks to hang out with. I love having her over for holidays because she speaks very candidly about sex.

3 06 2008
Muse

Also there are place where you can purchased purified semen.

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

omg!! hahahaha so ummm wow…eww..ummm so like no kisses for auntie… a tantric sex retreat wow..

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Also there are place where you can purchased purified semen.-Muse

WTF…where do you live?
lol

3 06 2008
Dustin

WTF is purified semen? Is it semen without sperm? Ewwww. I would imagine the sperm also has to do with the healing/age-defying-ness of the entire process.

Them swimming around on your skin. It’s God’s version of micro-dermabrasion.

3 06 2008

Is it odd that the tantric sex retreat sounds fun to me?

3 06 2008
Muse

French Clay has excellent absorbent powers that works to remove oils and toxins from your skin. It stimulates the skin, revitalises the complexion and tightens your pores. French Clay is excellent for problem skin.

3 06 2008
benjie

i was gone for a few days (miami whoo!!)

but then i come back and realize that i missed a whole mess of shit…

including some homework assignments.

hey ya’ll!!

*reads the post*

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol Muse you just sounded like a Proactiv commercial too funny all you needed to add was diddy saying” take control of my situation and preserve my sexy”.

3 06 2008
shabooty

maybe the french clay can get the wrinkles out of my balls. =)

3 06 2008
Muse

Off topic, Obama is making it rain on theme hoes. It looks like Hil-dog might actually drop out. Finally.

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

Ewwwww….shabooty has wrinkly balls! Is it creepier that his balls are wrinkly or that one of the guys who I’ve fucked had balls as smooth as boiled eggs?

By the way, why is French clay better than American clay?

3 06 2008
Knatural

smooth as eggs? Botox injections.

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

Blurgh…balls can get botoxed?

3 06 2008
Merri Lee


Muse (22:50:01) :

Off topic, Obama is making it rain on theme hoes. It looks like Hil-dog might actually drop out. Finally.

Nope. Her aides are denying it. An “anonymous Clinton source” (take it with a grain of salt) claims she’ll only drop out if Obama pays her $20mil+ debt.

3 06 2008
KLysha

I’m with Sista Toldja some of us do like nice guys who aren’t simps or pushovers. Will the nice guys please stand up?

3 06 2008
shabooty

lol all balls are wrinkley unless u banged a guy with elephantitus

3 06 2008
lightisright

Chris is pretentious to think women find him attractive. All you desparate females aren’t helping this man’s inflated ego

3 06 2008
lightisright

Why does Chris have a receding hairline. Rogain anyone?

3 06 2008

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack…bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahhahahahahhaahahhahahahahahaha.

3 06 2008

in chris’ defense, he has stated plenty of times that he doesn’t understand why women find him attractive. You are reaching hun!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

damn damn damn she has graced us with her presence once again woohooo! lol

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

who ever said Chris was hot recently…my Chris crush as been faded…thats was 2 months ago news hahah

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

LOL. The Kreyol Bitch is back!

3 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

haah Chris does look like this guy named Eddie I use to date..except eddie had lightbrown curly hair…lol

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

Chris looks like my dad….creeeeeeepy. I can’t find him attractive as every time i see a picture of him all I see is a dead beat…not that I think you are a dead beat Chris. I’m just saying.

3 06 2008
lightisright

Chris looks like he uses meth.

3 06 2008
nelo

Pretentious people are hilarious. I have had a decent amount of encounters with that deluded breed. My favorite encounter happened in San Francisco. I was walking from school when this hood-rat pulls up to me in this tricked out ghetto transplant of a car. He starts to holler inane nonsense which he swore were pick up lines while I was walking to my apartment. Before I could reach my doorman, he gets out of his car and yells at me to turn around. Curious and offended, I turned around to hear what he had to say. He says point blankly that he’s pretty and if I wasn’t interested in him, I must not be interested in guys. I smiled and told him “I’m not”. His jaw dropped.

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

Chris, you better block miss lightisright before she starts some shizz. Mrs. Epps, Muse and Sistah Toldja are gonna be all up in her ass innaminute.

3 06 2008
nelo

Light is right,

Don’t you have some contacts you have to purchase?

3 06 2008
NotBlonde

LOL@nelo. daaaaayum.

3 06 2008
Merri Lee

When it gets slow at work, I’m going to rewrite Biggie’s “Hypnotized” and call it “Dickmatized”

4 06 2008
Educated NSU Demon

iDied @ 2 things:

1) When you first introduced the Asian chick (I already figured that was suspect by reading the Asian Chicks post from a few weeks back), and then followed it up be “Seasoned readers can probably tell…”. I don’t know why, but this made me feel slightly special. LOL

2) Figure 3…HA! Nice touch!

And I couldn’t agree with this post more. 🙂

4 06 2008
Knatural

Soooo…Sen. Obama needs only 6 stupid delegates to secure the nomination. And he was made a honorary member of the Blackfeet tribe. Huh?

4 06 2008
lightisright

Nelo my eyes are green. I dont need contacts bitch

4 06 2008
Knatural

His ‘Indian’ name is Barack Black Eagle.

4 06 2008
lightisright

Notblonde shut your ass kissing ass up hoe! I aint scared of not ugly black bitches especially that tranny mrs epps. Bitch’s clit is bigger than her husband’s dick.

4 06 2008
Muse

Lightiscrazy=Creole Booty=crazy e-stalker who has access to the computer only one hr a day during the psychiatric ward’s recreation time.

4 06 2008
scarletjones

i wish i could get more involved in the convo today, but I have waaaay too much work in the queue. miss ya’ll though. 🙂

4 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol Muse…that girl says the same shit when she comes on here…that she use to make “love” to Chris(like someone tryna fuck him) and that I’m a tranny.. bitch get some new material…if im a tranny come suck my dick and choke…

That is all…Chris needs some new security to look out for the crazies…have a good night I have more important shit to do than have a e-fight with some teenie-bopper who i dont know and who doesnt know me but loves to put my name in her mouth..smh… buenos noche!

4 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“(like someone tryna fuck him)”

Only the ‘someone’ that matters.

4 06 2008
scarletjones

@crazy blog stalking psycho lightisright…..

a present for you! 🙂

also, you might want to keep up with this because i hear that lightskinned is still in prison.

4 06 2008
Dustin

Dustin = “someone.”

4 06 2008
Knatural

wow.

4 06 2008
NotBlonde

Lol Dustin.

Off topic: I’m going, I’ve got unpacking to do. I just moved to a new place and you really never know how much stuff you have until you try to move it.

lightisright: I refuse to give you any kind of answer to your asinine bs other than asinine bs. Go choke on a duck dick. Bye!

4 06 2008
Muse

Okay Dustin…

I don’t think Chris likes the taste of penis so…

4 06 2008
Dustin

I know. Sad. 😦

4 06 2008
Muse

Sad for you! Hahahahahaha

Aww I’m just messing with you Dustin. Right now Hil-dog is about to make her speech. Let us pray that this heifer drops out today!

4 06 2008
Roger

Speaking of pretentious women…I’m watching Hil-dog speak…I think I like her about as much as I like GW Bush. In other words, if either were drowning, I’d go have lunch.

4 06 2008
Danger Mouse

“Lightiscrazy=Creole Booty=crazy e-stalker who has access to the computer only one hr a day during the psychiatric ward’s recreation time” – LOL!

Lightisright – get a life!

4 06 2008
nelo

“Nelo my eyes are green. I dont need contacts bitch”

Obviously you do if you can’t see how ignorant your “creole” ass is.

4 06 2008
Muse

Nelo I heart you!

4 06 2008
Lolo

Daaaaaaang, leave for a few days and come back to Fat Asian Cunt? Sigh.

Every time I see a fat asian girl I want to slap her roundeyed and tell her she’s letting our side down.

4 06 2008
Dustin

Yes, sad for me.

Watching now. Who are all of those negros she’s hugging? Doesn’t it seem a little on the nose to immediately embrace all of them right after her speech? With that Tina Turner song, “Simply The Best,” playing. I judge her.

JUDGE!

4 06 2008
nelo

“Nelo I heart you!”

Thank you, Muse. I would say anything to shake Creole chick like the shrimp she supposedly comes from.
Guess what? For the first time since the Voting RIghts Act, it’s a good day to be black! Obama got the nomination!

4 06 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

No woman who is interested in a guy starts off with that line. There is something fishy about this story.

4 06 2008
Muse

Girl it’s always good to be black (unless you are in NYC trying to pull out a black wallet in front of the NYPD)

Dammit Somali sit back and laugh. Why are you so serious?

4 06 2008
Knatural

Sen. Clinton is the ultimate pretentious woman. Hubris is not cute.

4 06 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

Muse, are you being intolerant of serious people? I just think that someone got their ass handed to them for gawking at a hot asian chick and wanted revenge – I see it all the time *flicks hair*

4 06 2008
Muse

Don’t forget delusional Knat.

Oh Michelle looks fab in her purple dress. She’s fly!

4 06 2008
Muse

Oh lord Somali I’m not intolerant of serious people but this blog is for folks with a sense of humor. Where is yours?

4 06 2008
nelo

Muse,

Ok, let me rephrase that. It’s a great day to be black! You have to admit, we don’t have those days too often. 🙂

Somali, despite the “East coast/West Coast”esque conflict our contintent (Don’t ask, it’s a immigrant thing), I will tell you that you need to breathe and maybe takes some time to look at the pretentious fucks around you. They are everywhere and all of them have the balls/nerve/magically amazing poonani to say things like that.

4 06 2008
Knatural

Muse, I was just saying that. Purple, such a regal color. I can’t wait ’til November!

4 06 2008
Muse

My cousin is an attorney in DC who has serious connections. I begged her to take me to the inaugural ball for Obama. If I get to go I will die a happy woman.

4 06 2008
Knatural

Oh wow! I hope you get to go. Bring a coat! I hope Black folks don’t lose their minds too much.

4 06 2008
Muse

Me too!

4 06 2008
nelo

@ at my last comment

Oops! I meant to say our transplants in America are having.

4 06 2008
letinstar

403 comments…i have no energy to read through all this tonight…a black man that isn’t embarassing is about to accept the democratic nomination…

regarding pretentious women: my thoughts are that the reason why this asian woman felt the need to speak up about being eyeballed is that disturbing thing that’s going around that says asian women are hot…some asian women are hot, but some look like 12 year old boys and some look like they’ve been sucking on briars…somehow the ones that look like briar suckers have placed themselves in the same category as a miss asia beauty queen…

4 06 2008
Sister Toldja

DID Y’ALL SEE MICHELE GIVE BARACK DAP???? Tears in my eyes yo, tears. History has happened tonight.

Word to the wise- ignore the troll and she will stop coming back!

On behalf of Bailey Blues, Dustin- you so craaaazy!

On behalf of me- I think I wanna have yo’ baby.

4 06 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

No one would be laughing at a white blogger writing about ugly black women but its fuuuuuuunnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy when a blackish blogger sexually, mentally and emotionally harasses/abuses asian and white women.

4 06 2008
Muse

Somali…um the Asian chick spoke to Chris first…not the other way around.

BTW I’m crying right now. I’m so proud of Obama. I love that man. He’s so amazing.

4 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

so like i had 4 glasses of wine right now.. you guys make me laugh and snot out loud..my dorkiness is so out of the box right now…

Okay Dustin…

I don’t think Chris likes the taste of penis so…

hhahhahahah stop itttt.. Dustin i fuckin hate that i love the shit outta your ass.. lets go shoe shopping hahaha let me stop before Dustin curses me out…but foreal Dustin you remind me of my bestfriend John and i totally love his fuckin ass and he is the best girlfriend i ever had which is sad for my girl girlfriends..Dustin please get some dick “tonite” because i shooooo is hhahha.. damn my ignorant side is coming out SHIT..im outta here…no more wine for me…

4 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

RE: Somali Queen

Guys, I’d normally say don’t feed the trolls…but in Somali’s case I suppose it’d be a humanitarian thing.

Now on to someone who actually matters – Barack Obama is my fucking hero.

4 06 2008
nelo

Sister,

I did. I was elated.

4 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

I love Somali Queen foreal cuz she cracks me the fuck up..sarcasim not used in this sentence 🙂 she makes my saucyness even better!

4 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

im outty fuckers and fuckettes…

4 06 2008
Muse

Obama and Michelle forever.

I need a date to the presidential inaugural ball for President Obama hehe

Speak it into the Universe folks.

PRESIDENT OBAMA….

YES WE CAN!

4 06 2008
Sylph

*passes Kleenex around*

Yes, we can.

4 06 2008
nelo

Does anyone realize that if he becomes our president that scores of newborn black babies will be named Barack?

Or at least I think so.

Love it.

4 06 2008
Muse

Shoot Barack is better than some damn ghetto name like Semaj

4 06 2008
nelo

Semaj?

Wow.

At least it doesn’t have a “qua”.

4 06 2008
vitazza

Barack,
Amen,
Answered Prayer,

4 06 2008
Angry IV

Let’s not get all pre-happy…Barack still has to win the general election.

4 06 2008
Q

yeah now if he wins the election lets hope he doesn’t get assassinated =X

4 06 2008
Nonya

@Knatural because I do believe women put in a second shift of work at home and don’t get paid or if they are stay at home moms people assume their lives are peachy. http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/worklife/05/09/mom.salary.ap/

4 06 2008
Nonya

I’m sad because it looks like I can’t take all of Chris’s language/jokes. The curse words, the race jokes the fat jokes, the sugar coated misogyny. It’s all too much for me. I’m going to have to say goodbye to this blog. It was so good though. I’ve really given this a lot of thought and it’s not the blog, its me. I know this blog will make someone so happy one day, it has so much going for it. I just think we’d work out better as friends, what do you say?

4 06 2008
ninabrown

yaaaaaaaaaaay 4 barack!

SBPH: FOX NEWS

4 06 2008
Sister Toldja

SOMALI QUEEN (02:28:09) :

No one would be laughing at a white blogger writing about ugly black women but its fuuuuuuunnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy when a blackish blogger sexually, mentally and emotionally harasses/abuses asian and white women.

*When has he sexually, mentally or emotionally abused any woman? By letting them know that GASP, there IS a Black man who doesn’t desire any Asian woman or Cave cunt he can get his hands on? Yes, this probably does fuck with their heads, but the truth hurts, dun. You set Somalians back so far with your complete lack of sense that y’all motherfuckers don’t even exist yet.

4 06 2008
dtang

this is hilarious as a muh fucka…. but damn true. nicely put.

4 06 2008
8th Wonder

I think I died twice @ Cindy Liu Hu

4 06 2008
Merri Lee


nelo (03:31:07) :

Semaj?

Wow.

At least it doesn’t have a “qua”.

Semaj = James backward. Se-MAH-Jay. I had met a few girls whose daddies were named James, and I let it slide. But I swear – male or female – that name is overtaking “James” in popularity. I’m am so over the Nacirfa = African reverser. Why??

nelo (02:59:55) :

Does anyone realize that if he becomes our president that scores of newborn black babies will be named Barack?

Or at least I think so.

Love it.

My biology teacher did her OB rotation when “Roots” came out. Kunta Kinte Smith, Kunta Kinte Jones, Kunta Kinte Jenkins…I suspect MTV VJ KK Holiday is really Kunta Kinte Holiday, but i googled him and came up with nada

4 06 2008
Merri Lee

I’m am so over the Nacirfa = African reverser. Why??

**************

Oops. “Reversed”

5 06 2008
Harv

Church!

5 06 2008
Brown Sugar

“She then gives me the stink eye as if I have been “hating” on her LVL X/Forever 21/Rainbow ensemble. ”

OMG!! I cant breathe! LMAO.

5 06 2008
DottyWine

That’s funny. I gawk at people all the time. Maybe I think they’re someone else. Or maybe I’m trying to see something on their shirt. Or maybe I think they’re really effin’ gorgeous. I never get called out. Sucks to be a black man sometimes, huh?

6 06 2008
Imsoalmondie

LMAO! Wow I guess you really broke it down in that post right there… but I am one of the women who knows when a man is looking at me with plesure or disgust. Im one of the women who was blessed ( unfortunately) with what peole tend to call ” Big Ass Titties.” So when a man is looking my way I know what they are looking at cuz I cant see their eyes… all I see is their eyelids. NOw the gay dudes they dont have a problem with spouting ” Honey, I wish I had those… they are Fab U Lous!” But the straight ones… they just gawk.

8 06 2008
seven

women ARE merciless when it comes to short men. whenever i tell anyone, male or female, that i find short dudes attractive, the immediate response is always, “WHY?!”

5’8″ and under is ideal. this has nothing to do with me sucking cock while simultaneously being eaten out.

17 06 2008
bella

this has got to be the funniest shit i’ve read all day!!! between this and the one about the pandas… you are quite funny!

but yah, i actually agree with you on the whole pretentious women thing… that shit is absurd… it’s weird to be on the other end when an ugly girl swears someone is checking her out… half the time i want to be like, “umm, ur sloppy fat and ugly and have a weird odor… i highly doubt he’s checking you out”… the other half of the time i’m checking my nails wondering what to cook for dinner…

13 08 2008
Siobhan

Best…timed…lie…EVER!

Now, I am inspired the next time a guy tries that same lame line on me to get a date.

BTW you’re cute. I don’t know what the deal with women around you is. Eh *Siobhan shrugs*

beautiful kisses
Siobhan

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