Stands with a Fist

2 06 2008

It was a stupid motherfucking idea for me to sit at home and watch Dances with Wolves THREE FUCKING TIMES on Sunday.

Figure 1: OH FUCK!

Here’s a quick refresher: Actress and resident hairball Mary McDonnell plays the role of ‘Stands with a Fist’, a white woman adopted as a child by a band of Lakota that, instead of killing her, apparently didn’t let her wash her hair, not once, not ever.

Stands with a Fist runs around for the whole entire movie looking like she just crawled out of Buckwheat’s asshole. If her hair were a movie, it’d be one of the battle scenes from Braveheart.

Figure 2: Mary McDonnell’s scalp – 10,000X magnification

All the Indian women have perfectly groomed hair. It is clean, washed, combed, and either left flowing or tied into long braids or dual ponytails. I imagine that the hair would typically smell like lilac, or roses, or pomegranate, Guinness, or something else awesome and sensual. But not Ms. Fist in Her Ass. Apparently being joined up with the red savages has made her tap into the roots of her inner white savage – and we all know how fucking filthy they were.

Instead of doing the Indian thing – waking up and taking a bath – Stands with a Fist’s schedule seems to be a little different:

7:00am   – Wake up
7:01am   – Play in mud
10:00am – Breakfast
11:00am – Tie leaves in hair
1:00pm   – Lunch
2:00pm   – Dirt
4:00pm   – Find tree. Attempt suicide. Fail. Rub hair in grass
5:00pm   – Sneak around village stealing and burning combs and conditioner
6:30pm   – Dinner
8:00pm   – Dirt
9:00pm   – Win David Lee Roth lookalike competition
10:00pm – Bed

Figure 3: Must be 4:00pm…

There’s a scene in the movie where this touched in the head broad gets married, and her hair pretty much looks the shittiest it will look in the entire film. I love the way they show the marriage procession. The camera starts at her feet – she’s wearing a beautiful white buckskin wedding dress with turquoise bead trim with matching moccasins. They slowly pan up past the moccs, the the lower part of the dress, the beaded belt, then the blouse…then BAM!

Figure 4: So I Married a Cave Bitch…

Stands with a fist came out of a tipi wearing a gorgeous dress, but if you only saw her from the neck up you’d think she just stepped out of a cave in Lascaux where she just spent the last seven years painting shitty pictures of ibex and really really fat horses. If my bride to be showed up at our wedding with her head looking like an unshorn Neolithic vagina, we will not be jumping the broom by any stretch of the imagination. I will instead shove the broom between her legs and demand that she fly the fucking thing to the nearest Supercuts before my family starts counting coup on what appears to be a tiny bear attacking her scalp.

‘Stands with a Fist’ got her name by knocking out some Indian chick that was talking shit to her, then standing over her with a raised fist challenging every woman in the village to a fight*. Perhaps if that fist had been clutching a bottle of Herbal Essences, she wouldn’t have spent the whole film with her head looking like an upside-down bearded testicle.

The Indians in Dances with Wolves hate Stands with a Fist because her head smells like dead people.

*Which means Russell Crowe would have been more appropriate to cast in this role.

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122 responses

2 06 2008
Nonya

Yahoo, my comment first 🙂

2 06 2008
Sylph

C.,

9 hours. 9 hours of your life you will never get back. You could’ve had a V8. But seriously, how did you get sucked into watching it three times? *shakes head*

I am crying at her schedule between 4 and 5pm.

2 06 2008
Roger

I can’t even front. I’ve watched Star Trek: Insurrection several times. And I fucking HATE that stupid abomination. Each time I watch it (because it’s either that or Deep Impact for the 10000th time on Showtime) I find new things to hate.

Your schedule of Stands With Fist’s day was too damned funny.

2 06 2008
Cola

Never seen this movie and I guess now I never will.

2 06 2008
Angry IV

lol…agree with Cola – won’t be seeing this one anytime soon, as in never.

2 06 2008
vitazza

I have had that damn movie run all day before as well of course only for the panoramic camera angles ;-)…….funny as hell stealing combs and conditioner!!!!
poor thing

2 06 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

…I’m actually feeling her wedding day hair

2 06 2008
Sister Toldja

OMG, whyyyyyy? My mother bought this VHS back in the day from McDonalds (I’m not sure why they were selling videos, but we got “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” and it was HILARIOUS!). I refused to watch it then and I refuse to watch it now.

Chris: Do you like this movie? I always assumed it was one of those ‘white man saves the savages and gets the Native equivalent of a ‘hood pass’ flicks.

PS-The term cave bitch always puts a sparkle in my eyes. Thanks for that.

2 06 2008
Knatural

“If my bride to be showed up at our wedding with her head looking like an unshorn Neolithic vagina, we will not be jumping the broom by any stretch of the imagination.” AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHA
What about the short scene when her adopted mother is “combing” SWAF’s hair? That killed me.

2 06 2008
Knatural

Hold the phone! McDonald’s sold movies?

2 06 2008
imaG

I refuse to watch this movie!

http://www.anythingblack.net

2 06 2008
stuffgirlslike

Chris you forgot to include pictures, the is Figure 3 and figure 4 without the pictures.

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

2 06 2008
Esquire

you are the funniest person on earth.

Now THAT is a nappyheaded hoe.

2 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

‘Stands with a Fist’ got her name by knocking out some Indian chick that was talking shit to her, then standing over her with a raised fist challenging every woman in the village to a fight*. Perhaps if that fist had been clutching a bottle of Herbal Essences, she wouldn’t have spent the whole film with her head looking like an upside-down bearded testicle.

LMAOOOOOOO stopp ittttt you know you love her rats nest looking like a tanner/ muddy version of Amy Winehouse minus the crack..haha

Dude…but you watch that movie three times ina row.. thats some umm wowness…I have done that too actually…and it happened to be this weekend hahah I watched Pirates of the Caribbean 1 and 2 twice then watched Flashdace twice ahahha…

2 06 2008
shabooty

I’ve seen the movie HOOK a million times but not by choice… whenever we’d go to a friend of the family’s house, those bastids always had it playing in the basement, so I had to sit through it EVERY time we visited…ugh.

2 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

Hmm…even being a history buff, I never did see this faux history piece…it never looked interesting enough to waste 2+ hours of my time.
But I’m dying at ol girl’s schedule…and her hair…there is a black chick sitting in the cube next to me RIGHT now with super big hair like that…it looks slightly more clean that Ms. SWAFs coif…

2 06 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

@Shabooty…I used to watch Hook over and over when it first came out on video…I’m not sure why I liked it, but I’m sure it had something to do with Robin Williams being in it.
Another more recent movie I used to watch over and over was Head of State with Chris Rock…he’s such a VISIONARY lol!

2 06 2008
Knatural

HOOK! Rufio, Rufio! I had such a crush on that Filipino boy when I first saw Hook. I watched it recently and wondered what the hell was I thinking?

2 06 2008

lmaoooo @ esquire

2 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Rufio! Rufio! Ru – fi – ohhhhhh!! I LOVE THAT DAMN MOVIE!! When I was a kid, I always used to wish I could’ve been in it.

2 06 2008
Machete

If it makes you feel better, Mary McDonell is currently completely bald in this season’s BSG (In which she plays the president).

2 06 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“If it makes you feel better, Mary McDonell is currently completely bald in this season’s BSG (In which she plays the president).”

Strangely, it does…

2 06 2008
Muse

Everyone should be happy to know that Mary McDonnell’s hair looks much better in the series Battlestar Galactica. The irony is that in the last season she has cancer so her character has to wear wigs.

I also want to add the Hollywood made Stands with Fists look like a hot mess because it would make her seem like an “authentic” Indian. Personally I would be offended because Hollywood is clearly telling the viewer that when I white person gets “adopted” by an Indian tribe, they have to adapt the dirty caveman heathen look.

Ironically all the Indians I’ve ever met (all three of them) were immaculate in their appearance.

2 06 2008
Muse

Machete you took my thoughts!

2 06 2008
Merri Lee

BWAWAWA! Three times? I haven’t seen it since it first came out on video, and I am still traumatized my the sight of Kevin Costner’s ass. Horrors!

2 06 2008
Machete

@Muse

At least I am not alone in my BSG nerdom heh.

2 06 2008
TheChad

Never seen but i guess I don’t need to now.

“just crawled out of Buckwheat’s asshole” <– comedy!

http://trialandera.wordpress.com

2 06 2008
Muse

Machete, I’m a super closet nerd. I love BSG. Who do you think is the last cyclon? My money is on Dee still even though she hasn’t played a major role yet this season.

BTW I’m actually sick of Madam President. She needs to hurry up and die.

2 06 2008
Knatural

Muse, it’s okay to come out of the closet.

2 06 2008
Ethel

Holy crap you’re funny! And I can relate to the re-watching movies that one clearly isn’t enjoying. I’m guilty for sitting thru “The Ninth Gate” a few too many times. Not sure if it’s because Johnny Depp has great screen charisma or somehow I’m going to find the plot/inner meaning in a movie that clearly doesn’t have one.

2 06 2008
Machete

I don’t think Dee will pack much of a punch if revealed as the last cylon… that would leave many fans pissed. I’m going with Lee Adama or Madam Prez herself(inspite of the cancer)… the other choices (Starbuck, Baltar) are too obvious.

2 06 2008

I can’t say anything about chris watching dances with wolves. I saw the SATC movie and loved it…lol. Then I came home and watched reruns!;)

2 06 2008
Yonnie3k

The SATC movie was aight but I wasn’t feeling the ending.

2 06 2008
Muse

Yonnie, Jennifer Hudson was the ultimate Mammie/Magical Negro in SATC. What the hell was her purpose of being in the film?

Machete, did you see the Last Summer Picture? The creator of BSG stated clearly that the last Cylon is not in the last supper photo.

2 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Yes, she was the Magical Negress. Not to mention that her acting SUCKED!! But I was more upset by the only other person of color in the movie: the bad ass child running around in the store. Seriously. Black people don’t even let their children run around like that.

2 06 2008

oh yea effie white’s role in the movie IRRITATED me. I was sort of disappointed in the ending, however overrall I LOVED THE CLOTHES!!!!!

2 06 2008
Muse

The Cloths were awesome and I totally fell in love with Charlotte. She’s too cute.

What pissed me off to the point where I cursed loudly in the theater was when the Magical Negro (J.Hud) talked about how she RENTED designer purses and cooned it up big time when Carrie brought the Negress her very own LV purse. I was through! She was happy that massa gave her the big piece of pork.

2 06 2008
Yonnie3k

It was not that bad. I mean seriously guys – it could’ve just as easily been a young white unestablished girl renting purses. They didn’t have Effie rolling her neck or snapping her fingers or anything like that. And I didn’t think she cooned it up when she bought her the gift. I’m starting to think you guys are a little paranoid.

2 06 2008
Knatural

AAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH@She was happy that massa gave her the big piece of pork. Stop. Did anyone see the MTV Movie Awards (I know, I know); Footface and Effie where presenters and Effie looked sooooooo much bigger than SJP! Like she could carry Footface around in her pocket. Ferris Bueller could have done a lot better. Or could he?

2 06 2008
Yonnie3k

And thanks A LOT for calling her FOOT FACE. For the first 30 minutes of the movie, I would grimace everytime she had a close up. I never thought she was ugly until Chris’ post. Now everytime I see her, I see a superimposed foot on her shoulders and I think her chin mole winked at me.

2 06 2008
Machete

@Muse

Looked it up… If the producer wasn’t kidding around, then I will have to go with Zarek (original cast member – should make that a cool twist, also possible prez replacement if Roslyn dies) or Gaeta. Although we need another female to balance things out… so maybe it will be a female… Ellen? Dee? Hahahah I HAVE NO CLUE!!! ARRGGGHHH.

2 06 2008
JL

I was hoodwinked and bamboozled…J Hud didn’t even have a for real role they threw that in there so they could say they had a negro in the movie…funny how she had to be implanted from St Louis….I hate Sex and the City

2 06 2008
teachthemwell

lol@yonnie3k “chin mole winked at me” too funny!

2 06 2008
Ethiopian Queen

Liked the show on it was on HBO (uncut) will wait for movie to come out on DVD however……must have some great clothes and shoes

2 06 2008

I was just waiting for her to say “yes’m massa”

2 06 2008
Merri Lee

@Yonnie – ever googled “looks like a foot?” or “horseface?” see what comes up…

2 06 2008
Knatural

2 06 2008
london

why are you even giving you money to sitc?
not mine.. no way…
yves saint laurent died this weekend – he held all black models in reverence in print and on the runway.. i have to go to paris… i don’t think sjp / foot mush would even know who he was… patricia field my pert yet wholesome and beautiful black ass.. plagiarist of the lowest order…

2 06 2008
Dustin

Damn.

The entire point of her character (and of the series, really) was that young girls come from small towns all over for labels and love. She represented this and I think the character development would have been the same even if portrayed by an actress of a different ehtnicity.

The character was in her early 20’s and wasn’t supposed to be fabulous. That was the point. She was a young Carrie (“When i moved to New York in my 20’s I would buy a Vogue instead of dinner. I felt it fed me more.”) She was smart, poor (ish), and driven.

If you must be angry, be angry that she left Manhattan (rather than staying and attempting to make it to the “big time”) to go back to her triflin’ boyfriend in St. Louis who had originally broken her heart. (See – she really was a young Carrie.)

2 06 2008
Muse

Eh I suppose you are right Dustin. Another actress should have played the Role. Jennifer Hudsom is unattractive, isn’t that great of an actress, and lacks the onscreen charisma to pull off the character. She came across as coonish to me.

2 06 2008
Seven

“Magical Negress”-you all are too funny (and honest)!

2 06 2008
Dustin

I can agree to that. As much as I like her (you sign a contract to worship all singing divas when you come out of the closet) I agree that she can’t act that well. The writing in Dreamgirls and “that” song were what really won her the Oscar.

2 06 2008
Seven

@Dustin- you just said a mouthful!

2 06 2008
mrspen

I was just scrolling through the comments to learn why you watched this movie three times in a row?

I geniunely like movies and didn’t comment on your movies posting (because I hated that so much of it was true) but THREE TIMES?!

(footface?! HAHAHAHAHA!!)

2 06 2008
shabooty

anyone who uses BSG and SJP should be SHOT. and the latter isn’t an acronym.

2 06 2008
blureign2

I came across this blog reading the “stuff black greeks like” blog. I have laughed so hard today I almost got sent home from work. Man, you said her scalp was screaming like Braveheart – Give me liberty of give me death!!! THAT IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!

2 06 2008
Muse

Shabooty BSG is the coolest show on tv. Don’t hate.

2 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahah SJP does look like a foot and did see the Movie Awards lastnight and J Hud looked like a fucking house compared to SJP!! I was like damn Effie is heafty! I have never liked SATC ever..only time i watched it was when it was real late and nothing else is on..as for seeing the movie..hmm I’ll wait for the DVD…but i will say this i rather watch SATC 100 million times before watching all the seasons of Friends gag….

Rufio Rufio…Ru fi ohhhhhhhhh who said that! omggg i still love that movie..hate on me…i thoguht Rufio was hott when i was little!

2 06 2008
Esquire

Dustin,

I dont think that anyone has a problem with the character. The problem is that the only role given to an African American is that which is designed to be young, broke, and only semi fabulous.

It isnt that she acted really coonish, but there could have been a character that had more substance or one that was more succesful. At least half as much as all the white women in that show/movie. She was almost an afterthought.

Add this with the fact that Footface actually said the character was added because the show had neglected its African-american viewers. So to APPEASE them, she placed in J.Hud with this tiny little role with as a strugglin’ 20 year old.

?? not impressed

2 06 2008
Dustin

Well no one else had a role big enough for anymore character development either. Harry was barely in it. Smith and Steve were in it a little more than Harry. Stanford and Anthony got less screentime than J-hud. To develop another character in a different way would have made a completely differnt story.

I’m not saying they lifted up the black woman in the most awesome light. But damn, they did employ one. As a former “performer” I’m happy almsot anytime a black actor is working (unless it’s Wanda Sykes. She is ALWAYS playing a modern-day slave – no matter how you interpret it). We don’t want to be ghetto. We don’t want to be broke. We don’t want to be “the magical negro.” We, apparently don’t like Girlfriends and The Game (I love both), so just what protrayal of black peopel are we willing to accept?

2 06 2008
Dustin

P.s. I am young, broke, and only semi fabulous. That’s my life. If I had two different kinds of weave, I would be J-hud in that movie.

2 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Dustin-P.s. I am young, broke, and only semi fabulous. That’s my life. If I had two different kinds of weave, I would be J-hud in that movie.

bwhahaha boy YOU ARE A MESS!!! but i totally agree..

2 06 2008
Yonnie3k

Dustin, you’ve posed an excellent question. Ladies? The question begs an answer. What type(s) of character(s) are they allowed to put in movies? We always say that we don’t want to be portrayed as one dimensional. If they had put Gabrielle Union in there (her successful but alone Deliver Us From Eva/Daddy’s Little Girl character) you would’ve been mad about that. If they’d put an older successful woman in there, you would’ve been like, “why the black lady gotta be old? Can she get some sex in the city?” If they’d put Beyonce, you’da been like, “Why they gotta use a fake creole girl.” If the person is funny (i.e. Queen Latifah), you’d say she’s cooning. Seriously. Is it b/c its Monday that you all are so angry? Every type of person comes in every color and ethnicity. This just so happened to be a young, black girl, that was up and coming. Geesh!!

This is not to defend the complete lack of people of color througout the series though – or SJP’s notion that J. Hud’s cameo makes up for the “oversight”. That was ridamndiculous.

2 06 2008

They should have cast a gorgeous no name black woman who could act, also a black woman who looked like she is in her 20’s. Jhud just didn’t do it for me.

To make matters worse she was given a special name. It’s as if carrie has a pet name for all her negro encounters, like the sailor louis from louisiana.

2 06 2008
Dustin

That sailor was hot and he did a play on Broadway with full frontal nudity, Take Me Out.

Awesome!

There’s a shower scene on stage with five guys and the front row gets wet. That’s all I’m gonna say.

2 06 2008

::SWALLOWS:: LOUIS FROM LOUISIANA WAS GAWGUZ!

2 06 2008
Dustin

My Indian friend who reads this blog daily (and is also in love with Chris) points out that there are zero Indian people in this movie who aren’t cab drivers.

Duly noted.

“The acknowledgement of their lack of diversity and attempt to make it better is a step in the right direction. Granted, we’ve still got a long way to go.” – SPA.

2 06 2008
AB

Sorry to get back to S&TC, but what about TV stations offering movie passes for people who sent in pictures of themselves because they favor on of the cast members???? I meant to write in and tell them that only white people could enter and win, but then I just said F*ck it…

This is my favorite blog…thanks for the daily belly laughs!

2 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

Honestly I couldnt give 2 scoops of poop about who they casted wether it be wack ass Beyonce or cant act J.Hud. To me i think they had her play the role of the assistant because so many people can relate to her. You in your early 20’s just starting your life not knowing what you want to do with yourself and take a huge step and move out of your hometown and make a name out of yourself in the big city..its no diff than the movie Working Girl. Same shit she was just white. I really cant state my opinion on the movie itself since i havent seen it yet, but what i have gathered from the other comments…you guys are a) pissed that she is playing an assistant and not someone of higher “power” b) token black c) disgusted with SJP’s remarks on casting J.Hud.

get over it already…its just a movie..and i think people are looking way to deep in to the shit.. if your so offened by it why did you go see it? Ya’ll were talking about this shit before the movie came out and still are complainging about it… Im just as mad as the rest of you that us as blacks get these token house nigga roles..but as of now if you want to see a recent movie theres no getting around it unless you want to subject yourself to strictly watching “black” movie…fuck that..i like my occasional Ryan Reynolds and Adam Sandler movies fuck…

that is all…:-)

2 06 2008
Roger

*sigh*

I fuckin’ hate SATC (or Crazy White Heffas in New York). When my sister told me that she went to see it with her friends (they got dressed up, then had martinis afterwards), I told her, “You know this makes you a geek, right?” She told me that the movie even had a moral to the story (if you look like Mr. Ed, you too can find love with some fool with a name straight from a pulp magazine?). I told her to never rag on me about my fixation with Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek or Superman.

And shit, I loved Girlfriends…when Jill Marie Jones was on. Toni always cracked my shit up. I loved how she couldn’t get Jabari’s name right to save her life!

2 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

That sailor was hot and he did a play on Broadway with full frontal nudity, Take Me Out.

Awesome!

There’s a shower scene on stage with five guys and the front row gets wet. That’s all I’m gonna say.

UMMM YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU….were is Knat…its sex time dammit im tired of the same rant on SATC and SJP’s scary cat lady face!

PENIS!! lol

That is all…

2 06 2008
Mrs.Epps

oh yea and what is this shit about people getting all dolled up to see SATC???!! ARE YOU ON CRACK!!!!???

2 06 2008
Knatural

(1) Fuck SATC! Sorry. All I care about is The Happening, Dark Knight, and Incredible Hulk for the foreseeable future. I’m not girly enough to see the movie. The show will suffice. I certainly don’t want to see Footsie on the big-screen. I don’t like her hair either!

(2) Fuck Puerto Rico. Why do they matter anyway.
(3) It’s gonna be 90 degrees all week in DC, not happy.
(4) How fast can the Energizer Bunny travel if he’s wearing flip-flops?
done.

2 06 2008
Muse

Mrs. Epps I’m not pissed about Jennifer Hudson playing an assistant, I’m pissed that the role seemed forced so that SATC can appease their Black audience. Jen Hud really didn’t need to be in the movie PERIOD. Maybe I’m over analytical but every time Jen’s character came on screen I kept thinking about Mammie from Gone with the Wind. I suppose you have to see the movie to understand.

3 06 2008
Dustin

I made cupcakes with pink frosting and hot pink sprinkles and we all got dressed up to see it. I still have left over cupcakes (made with egg whites and applesauce).

We had pink Martinis before the movie and pink margaritas afterwards. I put a bottle of grape vodka in my friend’s purse and mixed it with diet coke in the theater.

That made the movie soooo effing awesome!

3 06 2008
Deesigner

” Ladies? The question begs an answer. What type(s) of character(s) are they allowed to put in movies? We always say that we don’t want to be portrayed as one dimensional.”’

That is precisely the point. The character was written and portrayed with no depth, it was the cinematic definition of one dimentional. She came across simple and coonish, not aspiring to be fabulous. What black person moves to New York to find love? Atlanta maybe or Dallas, but I digress. I am not hating on JHud, I wish her all the best. I just don’t think that this role was right for her.

Nia Long or Gabrielle Union could have nailed that role.

3 06 2008
Deesigner

^^^ I didn’t answer the question.

We want to see women of color who are articulate and multi- dimentional who have similar aspirations and capabilities as the main characters in the storyline.

3 06 2008
Danger Mouse

Me and my BFF are getting all dolled up this Saturday to partake in the SATC frenzied madness (replete with martinis afterwards) and I CAN’T WAIT!!!

And I’ve nothing to add about Dances with Wolves (other than today’s entry was hysteryically funny, as usual) because I haven’t seen it yet (and probably won’t anytime soon).

Goodnight! 🙂

3 06 2008
Shine

Damn puerto rico and damn that whole clinton camp. Right now I wouldn’t vote for her on American Idol. Growl….

Also did you see the previews for Hellboy II? Never saw Hellboy, never wanted to, still dont, but damnit I can’t wait to see Hellboy II. It looks bad as… well bad as a terrible pun.

shabooty- SJP b.c. she is not worth writing out that whole longass name. and no one know her if you shorten her name (unless you shorten it to footface).

3 06 2008
willnotbetelevised

Just about the only thing i remember from dances with wolves is the chief? getting busy with his woman in they sleeping bag and giving kevin costner the stank eye for watching. Was that dances with wolves? All I know is I never understood why he fell for the only dirty looking broad in the tribe just cuz she was white. I thought Stands with a Fist was retarded for like the first hour. But I was also like 11 years old when I saw it so mebbe that colors my judgement. The most important thing is that the damn movie was 3 hours long for no good reason. 3 hours. 3 hours!!

3 06 2008
Knatural

Hellboy, two thumbs down, so I won’t see a sequel.
“replete with martinis” huh? The lengths are long, but I can’t knock you for having fun and enjoying something. Maybe Jennifer Hudson’s performance will be redeemed when “The Secret Life of Bees” opens later this yr.
Am I the only one who enjoyed Dances with Wolves? The scene at the end when Kevin Costner and SWAF left in the snow, and dude was yelling that he’ll always be KC’s friend was touching. Clearly, I’ve seen this movie too many times.

3 06 2008
shabooty

wasn’t there already a SATC for black women? I think it was called: Set It Off…or SIO.

3 06 2008
nelo

“Fuck Puerto Rico. Why do they matter anyway.”

Amen! Racist dependent-territory. (growls).

Obama 2008

3 06 2008
letinstar

to me, this movie is called “white man’s guilt”…i refuse to watch this movie…

3 06 2008
ninasimone

I’ve never seen it either

3 06 2008
Cola

I actually liked SATC. I was however dissapointed in J Hud’s acting skills. I didn’t feel like her role was “coonish”.. I mean I don’t know of any 20 year olds who can outright purchase louis vutton purses while still able to foot their bills in NYC. At least I know I couldn’t have at the age.. Hell, I don’t know if I could do that now. lol. But anyways I think we are all reading too deeply into her role.

3 06 2008
petarded

You need to put a disclaimer on posts like these, warning readers they should wait at least 30 minutes before interviewing people of importance after digesting such fucking hilarious commentary.
I made the mistake of reading this right before interviewing an elected official. I had to fight to retain what little professionalism i had to keep the phrase “upside-down bearded testicle” from making me lose it.
Good stuff, man. Good stuff.

3 06 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

dam i watched it this past weekend too but only once. it wasn’t that bad but your observation, i noticed her schedule too. 1pm = dirt. 5pm = dirt. 8pm dirt. and so forth. it was so blatant. some of my homies stopped by and burned some la and fell asleep on that shit. cave ho’s, what can i say.

4 06 2008
lisaturtle

I LOVE THAT MOVIE… But she irks the hell outta me.

10 06 2008
ninabrown

i am so sorry you do not have many comments on this one-this is how blacks feel every day

12 06 2008
dayhayseuss

I swear, every time I read this blog, I end up in tears. I’m sitting in the hospital cafeteria and folks probably think I’m having some sort of breakdown because my kid is sick. I did need the laugh — thanks! Love the blog!

19 06 2008
Jen

This is the funniest thing I have read in ages. I was in my cubicle laughing like a damn fool. Thank you. Thank you sincerely.

30 12 2008
shortbus

funny sh!t!!!

6 02 2009
DORTHEA ROSE

You obviously know nothing about Native Americans. I’m Sioux from Rosebud, SD. Many of these actors were too. Actually got to meet Michael Spears “Otter”. He’s down to earth enough to travel to public schools to educate people about the Native American heritage, etc. http://www.michaelspearsactor.com/ . I also have Cherokee blood and my great great grandmother was raised by a white family because her family died in the “Trail of Tears”. A lovely working of the government. Bet you don’t know about that either. Many black people know nothing about how we suffered too. Perhaps do a study on why we don’t like the name of Redskin. Many of Native Americans died because they were too proud to be slaves. We would rather end our lives and save our dignity. We don’t constantly complain and even today, we still don’t have as many rights as African Americans do. Perhaps in the movie, “Dancing with Wolves”, Stands with a Fist is raggety looking because she has light and wavy hair which is constantly blowing in the wind. Native American hair is very heavy, straight, and strong. Don’t know why you’re making fun of our heritage except you’re acting just like many whites do. I’ve seen some nasty African American hair so perhaps you need to eat your own words. You have much wisdom to gain.

6 02 2009
stuffblackpeoplehate

Oh Dorothea, where do I begin?

The best way for me to tell who ISN’T an Indian is to listen to the psycho throwing their so-called Indian credentials all over the damn place. People like you throw around words like ‘Sioux’, ‘Rosebud’, ‘Trail of Tears’, and ‘Cherokee’ for the same reasons that entry-level consultants throw around ‘paradigm’, ‘value-add’, ‘boil the ocean’, and ‘out of the box’ – they’re covering up their stupidity with buzz words, which is usually enough to silence people so long as they are as ignorant as themselves.

Unfortunately, my dear, you picked the wrong person today.

You’ve ‘met’ Michael Spears. Awesome. I’ve had lunch with Sherman Alexie. I’ve competed with Michael Roberts and Jerry Cleveland Jr. I’ve had dinner with Joanne Shenandoah. Big. Friggin. Deal.

Speaking of which, I have never, in my entire life, heard any skin actually refer to him or herself as ‘Sioux’ unless he was being ironic…or unless that person was a raging hobbyist wannabe jackass that didn’t understand why referring to oneself as ‘Sioux’ is INSANELY idiotic.

I’m also confused as to why you’re claiming I’m insulting Native people by mocking the hair of Stands with a Fist, who is decidedly white…but I’ll leave that debate to the voices in your head.

Good day.

6 02 2009

“I’ve seen some nasty African American hair so perhaps you need to eat your own words.”

Someone needs their mouth slapped

6 02 2009
ladebelle

yesss… get in that ass chris… get in that ass

6 02 2009
AnnaZed

Dorthea dear, you are so busted. You should meet this lady:

Yes, I know that she is pretending to be black in that clip, but in her lying, silly, sad book she also claimed to be a “native american.”

You two have a lot in common. You should Google her (her name is Margaret Seltzer) and give a little thought to where lying manipulative scamming can take a person.

That claim is the number one, numero uno, sophomoric lie told by white chics trying to be different (they think that they can get away with it using knowledge gained by watching “Dances With Wolves” a couple of times).

Please girl, people are dumb on the net, but not that dumb.

6 02 2009
aceklub

@Chris
“Yes, Yes, In Dee Face, In Deee Face”

6 02 2009
Cheekie

Dayummmm. Speak it, Chris.

LMAO @ mofos tryin’ to educate the higher-educated.

6 02 2009
blackberry molasses

Oh how I have MISSED the verbal evisceration skills of this man!

6 02 2009
DORTHEA ROSE

Like I said, you know nothing about the traditions of our people. You’re too into yourselves to figure it out. We are proud of where we came from and who we are, especially from which areas of the states. There are many stories that are passed down to our generations. You know nothing about the rez and what issues go on in them. You’re so into your African lives, all you’re able to see is you. Destroying much of the good and the nature that you depend on with your music and tongue.

7 02 2009
AnnaZed

Dayum ~ Dorthea ~ you ARE Margaret Seltzer (I knew it).

7 02 2009
Louisa

DORTHEA ROSE – nasty African American hair? Nobody is making fun of actual Native Americans. This entry is about a character in a movie. A movie which is fictional. Fictional means not real. As in fake. As in made up.

I call shitty troll. By the way, we learned about the “Trail of Tears” in grade school.

7 02 2009
vitazza

Hi!!! Everyone!! I wish we were all back here full time again!!

7 02 2009
DORTHEA ROSE

How many times do I need to tell you people that this whole attitude is TRASH. This is what was said among other things. Nobody here should feed into the “quote on quote” human that started this. Read again….”Apparently being joined up with the red savages has made her tap into the roots of her inner white savage – and we all know how fucking filthy they were.” Do you get it yet? Probably not because why? You’re blind like I said.

7 02 2009
stuffblackpeoplehate

‘Red Savages’ was used as a tongue in cheek foil to ‘White Savage’, you humorless assclown. Everyone gets it but you. I’d recommend reading the following, then stepping down from your spotted war pony:

http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/about/ (particularly the picture at the bottom)
http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/why-you-shouldnt-read-this-blog/

Here’s another hint, Miss Wannabe – real Indians have a sense of humor.

7 02 2009
Dashiel Badhorse

Black people SHOULD not hate Red people. Da’s not rite Ya’ll…

7 02 2009
AnnaZed

Dashiel Badhorse; Comment: Black people SHOULD not hate Red people. Da’s not rite Ya’ll…

Dash (may I call you Dash?), that is true, so true, but, just to be clear, this is a case of some Black people and some White people who post on this board busting (not hating per se) on an extremely silly poster who is purporting to be a Native American herself while she defends the rights of a White actress (Mary McDonnell) of the 1980s (when hair was…well think of Flock of Seagulls) to have matted nasty looking hair in a film about a White woman being raised by Indians (a film that is itself so mind-bogglingly asinine and utterly insulting to Native Americans that is beggars credulity that it was ever made let alone admired) who came out of the box with some comments unbecoming to a lady (or a warrior!) about “nasty African American hair” and has pretty much deteriorated (if that is possible) from there.

Are we clear now?

I believe this is all the fault of this woman and her decisions in life some of which she may now regret:

http://preview.tinyurl.com/ElleElliot

7 02 2009
DORTHEA ROSE

Nothing is clear because you don’t get it, especially my/our history which is explained on my first post…perhaps you’ll get this…buncha niggas posting on here what’s to be expected.

9 02 2009
indigo

TROLL, TROLL, TROLL!!!
i bet its grimm or creole beauty haha

and lolololololol @ “‘Red Savages’ was used as a tongue in cheek foil to ‘White Savage’, you humorless assclown. Everyone gets it but you. I’d recommend reading the following, then stepping down from your spotted war pony:”

9 02 2009
DORTHEA ROSE

You’re wrong…study the real history.

9 02 2009
AnnaZed

Dorthea, you are a sad troll. Before you were a mildly droll troll, but stooping to call others “niggas” (regardless of whom they might be) is simply repulsive.

Now get back under your rock.

9 02 2009
DORTHEA ROSE

Amazing how you can dish it out but can’t take it back. No big deal is it? You’ll never understand other people, nor yourselves.

9 02 2009
stuffblackpeoplehate

Wah wah wah. Perhaps this’ll help:

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide

Enough whining from this white woman. Peace, wasicun.

19 03 2009
CYINIUQA

THIS MOVIE IS GAY…………….WHY WOULD U WATCH IT 3 TIMES…….I CANT EVEN WATCH IT 1 TIME

30 04 2009
Red Green

Shit Brother, I ain’t even an angry black man and I wouldn’t watch the jive ass shit once never mind three times. If you want to see a really good movie about American Indians, then see the Dreamkeeper! As for President Obama, is he really considered a brother? Some folks consider him an Oreo Cookie! Now hook Mary up with some hair care and show her some love…

10 05 2009
Apachahokee

I find it sad and despicable that so many comments here have been made with their own understanding of Native American culture and truly with little or no true knowledge.
I won’t even start with some’s usage of language.

10 05 2009
Apachahokee

@ AnnaZed-“(a film that is itself so mind-bogglingly asinine and utterly insulting to Native Americans that is beggars credulity that it was ever made let alone admired)”

Interesting then that the Sioux tribe has adopted Kevin Costner in to their tribe as an honorary member for his work in this film.

Those who have never watched this film and categorically denounce it because of other’s impressions should realize that a closed mind is a limited mind.

20 05 2009
abw

Dorothy Rose needs to come off the soapbox,sit the buck down,shut the heck up, and take off the tinfoil hat-seriously! That or read between the line of the passage! From her postings, she appear to know very little about black history.Many of us resisted too-in slave rebellions and whatnot!Her “people” were not only ones to fight for their freedom!They probably won’t be the last! As for them never “complaining” about anything, they harp on sports teams that denigrate them in logos and whites that exploit their indigenous native religions in the hippie/new age movements!I usually agree when they do this and I have no problem with them verbally protesting these things, but it’s amazing how it is “speaking out” when they do it and “complaining” when others do the same for their group! Oh, go figure!I digress-but about the movie, some of your criticisms are “spot-on” about the white character’s hair-you exaggerated- but it IS interesting how she often looks raggedy from head to toe like a Raggedy Ann Doll-while the Native American characters-both women and men- are “dressed to the nine’s” in BEAUTIFUL elaborate indigenous hairdos and clothing IN ALOT of scenes. Like you say, even when she is in the wedding scene in her “Sunday’s Best” clothing-her hair looks kinda disshelveled! I thought that I was the only one to wonder how she could grow up around Native Americans, and never manage to pick up “any of their grooming habits” ever-particularly when it came to her hair!I know that she was ‘sposed to be tough and “gangsta” but hell, the men looked dashing and sexy even when they were in the thick of war!I found this a little strange too!But that is just it-and it is not only movies!I have noticed that white folks seem to associate many indigenous people with being dirty-for example,hippies do this because this dirty look is common amongst hippies-when that was not often the case!Point blank-I notice that alot of your criticism is directed at the white women character-and more than that, the fact that the white characters always have to look dirty when they are around Native Americans!How I notice this and Dorothy Rose didn’t is a mystery to me! Speaking of Dorothy Rose, she can personally kiss my foot for two reasons!One, because Chris is not dissing N.A. hair, he is dissing the hair and appearance of this white female character-and if she wasn’t trying to pick a fight she would see this!(But any old excuse would do when you are trying to start somethin’)!Two, she is starting stuff with folks who said nothing about “her people”!What the fuck ever!

20 05 2009
abw

With all of the above said, I do think that some black people could stand to know more about Native Americans-the same goes for them in reference to us but I digress! We are not above being stereotypical about Native Americans just because we are black!I can also see why Native Americans get offended when we do this too! Some incidents that come to light from time to time that involves blacks don’t help!So I am not surprise when Native Americans are not slow to dismiss things that offend them. But this time, this blogger was not directing his venom at Native Americans, this was directed at “silly” white folks!When derogatory language in reference to Native Americans was used, Chris was mocking the racist way whites appeared to view Native Americans!About the film Dances with Wolves, I thought that it was O.K. for the same reason that I thought Mississippi Burning was just o.k. They both had white characters that were there to save the day as opposed to the group affected themselves. I liked for example say, For US the living better than Mississippi burning-just like I preferred Edge of America/Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee over Dances with Wolves. Everybody has preferences though! My main point is that you can find other Native American movies and Native American themed movies interesting without being all that impressed with Dances with Wolves!

20 05 2009
abw

Oops! I made a typo. It is supposed to be all capitalized as “For Us The Living.”

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