Itis

23 05 2008

There are times when catching the itis can be a good thing. It’s best to get it during the holidays, Christmas and Thanksgiving in particular, when you’ve just eaten a shitload of turkey and passing out will keep you from seeing Uncle Fred flash your aunt to prove that he’s still ‘youthful and exuberant’.

Figure 1: Everybody has this uncle

The itis-induced sleep is also the best and most satisfying sleep you’ll ever get, notwithstanding the inevitable nightmares.

The rest of the time, getting the itis is a pain in the ass because you always get it at work. Almost all of us have the same daily routine: you eat a shitty low-calorie breakfast, the energy of which is completely burned off by the time you get to work. Now you’re fucking starving and will continue to starve for the next four hours. Maybe you think you’re smart and you brought a piece of fruit or some shit to stave off the hunger. You eat your banana or peach about 2 hours into the day, only to realize the damn thing just made you even hungrier.*

Lunch time rolls around 2 hours later. If you brought your own lunch, the effects of the itis will probably be limited. There’s something about homemade lunches (probably the fact that they’re smaller and aren’t filled with the semen of disaffected restaurant employees) that makes them pack less of an itis punch than the alternative: going out to get lunch.

There are two ways to go out and get lunch – you can go by yourself, or you can go with other people. If you go with other people, you can pretty much count on a full-scale itis assault because, for whatever reason, going out in groups makes you eat more food. This is likely because when you go out in groups you tend to go to nicer restaurants that serve bigger portions. If you go out by yourself, you’re prone to just go to a little deli somewhere and you’ll be relatively safe (the term ‘relatively’ is important here) as long as you don’t order the turkey sammich.

No matter what you do – dine in, dine out alone, or dine out with others, the itis is going to get you in one way or another.

Figure 2: Destiny

The form the itis takes will depend on which of the three options you picked:

1.) Dine In – if you dine in, then you open your sack lunch and scarf it down while screwing around on the computer. You may play excessively addicting games like this one or this one, or spend an inordiate amount of time on break.com or youtube, or maybe CNN. As you eat and fuck around, you slowly lose sight of the fact that you’re at work – and you also are unaware that your desire to do anymore work for the rest of the day is being completely shattered.

Finishing your dine-in lunch is the saddest part of your day, because you realize two things: 1.) you have to stop screwing around, and 2.) you are getting sleeeeeeepy. For about the next hour, you will stare blankly at your computer screen without a single thought in your head. The only thing in your mind right now is a thin background thread telling you “do not fall asleep and bash your skull on the keyboard” and another one saying “I wish I had another sammich.”

Lucky for you, you smallness of your lunch means that a quick run up and down the stairs is probably enough to jolt you back into productivity and keep you out of trouble for another day.

2.) Dine Out Alone – this option is about as safe as the dine in option in terms of minimizing the itis. You’re not at your computer fucking around on non-business related websites, so you never get the illusion that you’re at home (which is a HUGE catalyst for bringing on the itis). Offsetting this, however, is the fact that you’re going to eat a much bigger meal with way more calories that come in the form of butter, oil, and other itis-inducing shit cooked into your meal that you don’t really even see.

Figure 3: Say goodnight, fucker.

Unlike the in-diners, this form of itis takes a little while to hit you. Chances are that you walked to your restaurant of choice, so after you eat you walk back and this gives you a little boost of energy when you get back to your desk. You sit down and start to work for awhile, but in about 20 minutes you start to notice your eyelids getting heavy. If you’re reading something, you realize that you’ve been reading the same sentence over and over again for the last 5 minutes and you have no idea what the fuck it’s about. If you’re looking at your computer, you begin hallucinating and thinking that your desktop wallpaper is a real place.

You find yourself daydreaming before long, which is almost certainly the best way to get in trouble at work. Your best option at this point is to find the cleanest bathroom in the office and take a ten minute nap, because no amount of walking or running around is going to snap you back into shape.

3.) Dine Out With Others – you’re fucked. You and your 10 officemates decide that going to P.F. Chang’s is the best idea anybody’s ever had. You order everything: water, soda, appetizers, and an entree that’d blow up the insides of a bull buffalo. This itis starts to kick in before you’re even done with your meal, and when you actually get done – you know the show is over. You look as shitty as you feel.

Large groups tend to drive or cab it to the nicer restaurants. You fall asleep on the car ride back in the most embarrassing manner possible: head cocked all the way back, mouth wide open and, if you ordered the short ribs, there is a single line of drool making its way down your chin. You are awakened by uproarious laughter (directed at you) as your officemates pull into the parking lot and realize that you’re in the back seat looking like a fucking retard.

Figure 4: White girl with Itis

The walk to the office feels like the Bataan Death March. Your legs weigh 1000 lbs each and have no muscle in them. You make it to your desk and plop down in your chair, convinced that this is where you will die. Your eyes are rolling around in your head and your mouth is still open. If someone were to walk in on this scene out of context they’d think you were performing an exorcism on yourself. The thought that you’ll be in this state for the next four hours is making you suicidal. You WILL fall asleep at your desk and you WILL get in trouble if you don’t get the hell out of there.

The lone out-diners have the option of taking a quick nap in the bathroom, but you’re way beyond that point. If you fall asleep in the bathroom you will be there for hours and both your legs will be asleep from the hips down when you wake up. This’ll set you up for a public bathroom faceplant which is about the most disgusting thing that could possibly happen to anyone. Your only viable option is the car nap: you take your ass down to your car, park in the most remote corner of the lot, and fall genuinely the fuck asleep.

Try not to let the nap last more than an hour, or your ass is getting fired.

*This is kinda like “putting in the tip” instead of having sex. In the end, it leaves both parties angrier and wishing they’d never met

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114 responses

23 05 2008
brran1

Don’t forget…You have to fake it if your Boss walks by..”Oh nah, my head wasn’t down…I was uh, um tying my shoes…”

23 05 2008
mrspen

There’s something about homemade lunches (probably the fact that they’re smaller and aren’t filled with the semen of disaffected restaurant employees)

i hate you for this. so do my co-workers who want me to stop laughing and producing spit all over our shared screen.

23 05 2008
blackberry molasses

Don’t forget about the female dine- outers who feel that to burn off the calories from lunch, its a good idea to go ‘window shopping’… and come back 2 and a half hours later with bags from Macy’s, Banana Republic, Sephora etc… GUILTY!!! So guilty…

Its good to be a fed… they can’t fire my ass for 3 hour lunches…

23 05 2008
Shine

Dang, there’s a group lunch today. You were trying to warn people on Friday weren’t you. Well I’m leaving early so hopefully this wont be a problem. However I don’t drive to work so is it ok to jimmy open someone elses car and go to sleep in the backseat? And how embarassing is it to ask a coworker if you can sleep in their car? hmmm. I do have the whole, reading this one thing on my desk nod down though. Only problem is if I start to drool.

23 05 2008
maya

this is really true. i’ve tried only eating hefty salads with a side roll from salad works to circumvent this, however, to no avail. itis, along with this website and general disinterest, all are responsible for my lack of work efficiency.

23 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA…the itis. I hate you. Figure 4,… why? The Itis is why I get all work done before noon. Holiday Itis is better than sex (kinda). I sit there in my eating-pants* and t-shirt and bib and nod off into the most heavenly coma ever.
*Eating-pants are loose-fitting pants that I deliberately wear when I KNOW gluttony is inevitable.

23 05 2008
brran1

3 hour lunches? Damn…if i’m gone longer than 30 minutes at my job, my boss puts out an APB and sends out a search party…

23 05 2008
Shine

Oh yea, if you are going out to lunch, always carpool with the coworker who doesn’t quite know how to get back to the office. Then when you detour for dessert at Ben and Jerry’s or stop to ask for directions in the local shoe store, and don’t get back until the itis is gone and its only 30 minutes before you get to leave, you already have your excuse.
‘You know Sally always gets lost, and I never went to that place before. We lost you guys at that red light back there and aren’t these shoes cute, I like them too. The guy at the store was so nice but he gave us wrong directions too so we had to stop at ben and jerry’s to get directions and they have this new flavor. We would’ve brought you some but we didn’t want it to melt. ‘

23 05 2008
Knatural

We need siestas in this country. And four day work weeks.

23 05 2008
Elaine

I’m sorry – “itis” is what exactly?

Top blog by the way! You’re extremely witty.

23 05 2008
Shine

Oh yea, I luvme a siesta. I also need a morning nap though

23 05 2008
Shine

Oh yea, I started saying itis too much and some non-black friends of mine latched onto the word, then I had to explain what the full word is and warn them. Much like good shizzle my nizzle. To be the educator of the world…

23 05 2008
brran1

@ Shine: You think it would still be an issue if your non-black friends only said the -itis part?

23 05 2008
Shine

Around other black people, yes. Much like if they walked around saying ‘good shizzle my nizzle’. Which would also make them wiggidy wack.

23 05 2008
Elaine

So its a word black people use? We never use it here in the UK. When I read the opening paragraph, I assumed the post was going to be about laryngitis…I still don’t know what it is. Not laryngitis. I know what that is.

23 05 2008
brran1

I see what you mean Shine. Too close for comfort, Although I really don’t have a problem with a non black person saying -itis, but hey, to each his own.

@ Elaine: The Itis is the feeling you get after eating a heavy meal. The sleepy, tired, doze off feeling.

23 05 2008
Lindsay

I hate you for posting that sandwich, Chris.

It looks so tasty. And my shitty low calorie breakfast is gone.

23 05 2008
Shine

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=itis
once again urban dictionary is a wonderful and scary place. I didn’t see them explain the full term though. That’s why I didn’t mind really when they said it around me, because I knew they didn’t know the full term and they were just copying. However I could understand another black person getting upset with them, so I had to educate. I don’t think most non-black people under 30 know the full term.

23 05 2008
Knatural

The Itis was originally termed “niggeritis”, that why it’s shortened to just ‘Itis’ Around the uninformed I just say food coma, same difference.

23 05 2008
Esquire

Ooooh blackberry! THAT is funny.

elaine: “NIGGA-ITIS” def: when a nigga eats a good meal, and slowly falls into a deep, deep sleep. Mostly after eating turkey, ham, or chicken. It stops all activity and sleep becomes a priority, whether on the couch, at work, in the car while driving. No nigga is immune.

Itis: Slang for NIGGA ITIS. Used by niggas around the work place, or by those who have stopped using the word niggas. used to describe the condition that most certainly plagues the black community here in America, and probably everywhere else.

The sad thing about nigga-itis is that it really is an unfair condition to pdg on blacks. Turkey CHEMICALLY makes ALL races sleepy.

23 05 2008
Knatural

I hate the N-word.

23 05 2008
Esquire

pdg=peg sorry guys

23 05 2008
Shine

Ya me too, I’m trying to ween it from my vocabulary which is why I avoided writing it earlier.

23 05 2008
benjie

i think i might be good on this today
i’m refusing to go outside
both the tree and grass pollen counts are ridiculously high
so i therefore look like i’ve been smoking joints since 3 this morning.

and i brought a lean cuisine
and there’s never enough food in those things to even fill you
let alone give you the itis.

shit… i might end up hungrier than i was when i started

23 05 2008
brran1

Food Coma, Itis…Hell. It’s all the same thing.

23 05 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

lmao. . . I get the itis after EVERY SINGLE MEAL. I could drink a cup of water and eat half a pack of those 100 calorie Lorna Doones and Robert Goulet will be in there messing with my shit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPtpo1OuYcs).

Since I am a cubicle dweller, I commandeered a high backed ergonomic desk chair, and have mastered the art of angling it so that what appears to be the intense reading of important email is not revealed to be what it really is – The Itis.
Combine that with a Do Not Disturb sign across the doorway, some earphones, and I can get a good hour, hour and a half in. . .

I wonder when America is going to get on the siesta bandwagon. . .

23 05 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

*This is kinda like “putting in the tip” instead of having sex. In the end, it leaves both parties angrier and wishing they’d never met

f.u.n.n.y.

23 05 2008
Esquire

Knatural,

from 9-5, I myself get “Black-Itis”
around my white friends I get “Multi-cultural-itis”
me and the hubby at home: “Nigga-itis”

It is most certainly a problem if a white co worker/friend asks me if I have the itis…You know the real name and so do I.

23 05 2008
stuffgirlslike

I was reading this and thinking itis,- I am stil country after all these years.

I love sleeping after a good sleep.

23 05 2008
Bailey Blues

Funny post! I’ve actually kept my head up and slept facing my computer screen, just for a few minutes. But those minutes felt like heaven.

I agree KNatural, I hate the N-word. I especially hate when people use it in mixed company. Kind of like the loud, ignorant teenagers on the trains, cursing and using the n-word to their friends. It’s so embarrassing.

23 05 2008
Shine

haha, you should tell your coworker ‘what cracka-itis? nah I never get that.’

23 05 2008
stuffgirlslike

^^ I am a mess, I wanted to say, it is good to nap after a big meal.

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

23 05 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

BTW, i tank on that helicopter game every friggin time

23 05 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

FUCK!!! distance high: 30

23 05 2008
shabooty

I wonder if you eat a big meal with your redheaded friends u’ll get the gineritis.

23 05 2008
Esquire

Hmmmm cracka-itis…I like.

Not sure it will go over well. But it would be hilarious.

I envison myself saying “What is itis…could you explain?” in a sarcastic tone.

23 05 2008
KindredSmile

This past Tuesday, our firm had the nerve to do one of those Brown Bag Seminars – you know, where they provide everyone with box lunches (usually TURKEY sammiches, chips, fruit cup, cookie) to eat during a long @ssed PowerPoint presentation/lecture. Seventeen minutes after we ate, I felt my head touch the conference table, snorted awake, and tried to play it off like it was allergies. God only knows what the meeting was about…

23 05 2008
thechad1911

everyday like clock work.

is it me or is that 3:00 to 4:00 hour the LONGEST hour in workday history?

i try to play music to wake myself up, but when i’m sleepy every song seems to turn out to be the slowest damn song you’ve ever heard in your life. Then i walk around for a while and drink caffeine only to return to my desk tired and even more full. …

then i just say fuck it and go to sleep

23 05 2008
Knatural

Cracka-itis? Not offensive enough LOL. I was talking about this: slurs for Whites aren’t offensive enough, they’re just funny.

23 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Yo, I didn’t even have my low-calorie breakfast today. I am dyiiiiiing. And I didn’t pack a lunch, so I have to go out in to the streets of Newark/Elizabeth, NJ and forage for food. Alls we have over here is McDonalds (no), Subway (no)Dunkin Donuts and Popeyes (hell no). I end up going to the grocery store and making a meal in the back.

I have life-itis half the time, I am always sleepy. When I was in college, I would find an empty meeting room in the student center and sleep on the floor between classes. Now, I’ll just drink 500 Diet Pepsis and the walk to back and forth to the girls room will keep me awake.

23 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Chris-Putting in the tip????? AHAHAH! What? Do people really do this? Are there guys walking around with “the clap” only on the tip of their penis?

23 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Is cracka-itis what they get when they eat too much peanut butter, marshmellow, butterscotch, cherry chocolate chip bacon blondies?

23 05 2008
Elaine

@Knatural: The Itis was originally termed “niggeritis”, that why it’s shortened to just ‘Itis’ Around the uninformed I just say food coma, same difference.”

Wow, “niggeritis”?? Blacks always getting the short end…

@Esquire: Thank you for the in depth definition lol. I agree, turkey does make everyone sleepy.

Don’t get me started on Christmas dinners…I once had serious “food coma” after a christmas meal followed by severe chundering.

23 05 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

“is it me or is that 3:00 to 4:00 hour the LONGEST hour in workday history?”

Oh yes…every day, I sit there during that hour and when I look at the clock, it only seems like it’s moved forward 1 minute. That last 30 mins (I leave at 4:30) then speeds on by.

@ the Itis…is anybody immune? When the Boondocks did that one episode, I was SO through…had me DYING.

23 05 2008
Quiet Storm

Sista Toldja: “Is cracka-itis what they get when they eat too much peanut butter, marshmellow, butterscotch, cherry chocolate chip bacon blondies?”

You forgot foods that have extra mayo on it. Oh s!@#

23 05 2008
Knatural

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luther_Burger
The sammich is real? I thought Aaron McGruder’s punk-ass made it up.

23 05 2008
thechad1911

White people invented this shit called RED BULL (which i despise), to combat the itis but all it does is make them cranky.

Ain’t nothing worse than a sleepy hyper person.

23 05 2008
vitazza

So,So, Sad….I still get it every day around 2:45pm (left over habit from kindergarden nap time) when I worked for Constellation Energy I used to lock the ladies room with the lounge chair to steal a few winks!!! heheheehe

23 05 2008
QUEEN-TIYE

if caught dozing off by your boss, you could alwasys raise your head and say “In Jesus name, Amen” then casually wipe the corners of your mouth!

23 05 2008
Knatural

Yuchk – Red Bull. People mix it with vodka, yeah, that’s a good idea. Though I’ve never had it, it seems wrong. How come black people don’t like mayo AHAHAHAHAAH, that scene in Undercover Brotha? Black people like tartar sauce though!
That sammich from “The Itis” Boondocks episode actually exists?!?!?!?! – http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luther_Burger

23 05 2008
LouGossip

Man!!!!! my friends and I were just joking about the “itis” …

“No matter what you do – dine in, dine out alone, or dine out with others, the itis is going to get you in one way or another.”

ahhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahhahaaa funny stuff

23 05 2008
blackberry molasses

@Queen

LMAO at the feigned prayer !!!

I gotta try that one when I accidentally fall asleep with my office door open. Ususally, I remember to close it before I straight up lay across my desk. Yes, I have used my laptop case as a pillow…

23 05 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

When my eyes force themselves closed, i always fake some sort of contact lense malfunction followed by a lot of rubbing and then having to excuse myself . . . for that 10 minute nap in the bathroom.
But prayer . . . hmmm. . . i had never considered that option. I never knew what to do when my head bobbed. Good call, Queen.

23 05 2008
london

never heard the term itis here…
we tend to consume aclohol at our group lunches here in the uk…
most times we just get back in time to log out/off and pack our bags…
group lunch is just like saying half day…
i can do two of these a week with different people if i put effort into it…
xmas is the best… somewhere a team is on a ‘team lunch’ on any given day.. the trick is to get invited to them….
or external people inviting you to lunch is another good one… especially if they are suppliers.. they always get the tab and god help them if they ask me where i would like to eat…
it actually is part of my job to know the best restaurants…

and hold on…
you lot eat turkey when it’s not christmas? that’s not normal…no-one eats turkey between 28 december and 30 november over here…
i know we had a turkey kind of health thing over here a way back.. but it didn’t catch on… i know i have seen turkey ham whatever the fuck that is but i have never actually seen or known anyone buy it…

23 05 2008
Ed The Sports Fan

(probably the fact that they’re smaller and aren’t filled with the semen of disaffected restaurant employees)

come on maaaaaaaaaaaaan! damn, that’s the worst. I’m gonna have that on the brain for months now.

i think that the nap in the car is one of the few things that have saved me from getting fired, as long as I remember to set the alarm on my phone. I forgot one time and was scared shitless, and it was like 6pm. Had like 4 missed calls, fortunately my manager had to run out shortly after me and I was saved. Praise him! lol…

-Ed.
http://www.edthesportsfan.com

23 05 2008
Esquire

if caught dozing off by your boss, you could alwasys raise your head and say “In Jesus name, Amen” then casually wipe the corners of your mouth!

(DYING)

I try to close the door. The back of my chair sits up high enough so that when I have my back to people, they dont know Im asleep. My paralegal came in here one time and pushed me after she realized she just a long conversation by herself cause I was knocked out with a file in front of me pretending to be reading.

When my little girl falls asleep she tells me she is “just resting her eyes” hilarious

23 05 2008

bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha @ me having itis this morning. I want to do what the white girl is doing.

23 05 2008

figure 1: My uncle jimmy ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

23 05 2008

if caught dozing off by your boss, you could alwasys raise your head and say “In Jesus name, Amen” then casually wipe the corners of your mouth!

(DYING)
omg momgomropjljseliiyuioy I am on a call and I couldn’t contain my laughter, the social worker thought what he said is funny!

23 05 2008
Lia

the Itis episode of the Boondocks, much like every episode, slayed me. I was done whe Riley took a bite of the Luther that granddad made and collapsed. And a footlocker and liquor store opened up next to the itis in woodcrest. Aaron McGruder…too much

23 05 2008
Cheekie

if caught dozing off by your boss, you could alwasys raise your head and say “In Jesus name, Amen” then casually wipe the corners of your mouth!

Hahahah! No lie! Best excuse ever. If you say you were praying, boss can’t say squat. Don’t mess with religion in the workplace. LOL

Cracka-itis

I hear the side effects are wearing sweatshirts with shorts (bonus points if you wear a scarf…lol) due to not knowing which season it is.

23 05 2008
Knatural

with flip-flops…White girls love flip-flops. AHAHAHAHAHAHA

23 05 2008

Some years ago I was working at a nursing home as a receptionist.

One night I stayed up late “bonding” with my boyfriend. The next day he came and brought me mexican food for my lunch. As I walked in the door itis kicked in. I could barely keep my eyes open or my mouth closed (looking like corky) I just kept on yawning. A little voice told me to go to the underground parking garage and sleep for 15 minutes. I listened. I got in my car and wrapped my jacket around me & I curled up in the fetal position…..

———————one hour and a half later——————–

I hear my phone vibrating and I answer it
“hello”
” hey girl it’s sandy from the kitchen”
“hey sandy”
” girl where are you?”
” I’m in the parking garage”
” Girl your boss has been paging you overhead and has been looking for you, SHE IS PAGING YOU RIGHT NOW”
“Dang I only been gone for ten minutes”
” Just get up here”

I wipe the poodle of slobber off the side of my face and walk into my office and look at my boss and her FACE IS RED…she is pissed! Im like damn I was only gone for a short time she is always trippin’.

I told her I went to my car to rest for my break and fell asleep. I also told her that my Dr. had just precribed me new allergy medicine (TRUE STORY) and it must have knocked me out*. Luckily she had been previously prescribed the same shit, so it saved me.

” You have been gone for an hour you know”
” Noooooooo”
“Yes you have”
“omg I can’t take those pills in the morning anymore”

* I hadn’t taken a single pill out of my prescription

23 05 2008
Merri Lee

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz uh, oh, by the way, great post. Now I’m in the mood for a “Luther”

23 05 2008
Dani

Okay so for about 6months I temped for this radio station, they clearly did not respect me and my need to surf the internet because they didn’t even give me a computer, I had a phone and a list of phone extentions….this is begging for the itis to present itself…I got a whole lot of random reading done, but i had to find a way to combat the itis, so i brought my lunch and locked myself in a deserted conference room, I would eat (which took like 10 minutes because my lunch was indeed small), take a 30 min nap and then I would do what my best friend began referring to as my prison routine, which consisted of 50 jumping jacks, and 250 – 500 crunches, this gave me sufficient energy to get through the rest of the day without working up a sweat…I will wait as you imagine a chick exercising in her professional attire….now that I am sure you have laughed at me I will refrain from detailing why food, especially turkey makes you sleepy, I look like enough of a dork already…

23 05 2008
Cheekie

Can’t BELIEVE I forgot about the flip flops! I watch girls wear them in this cold ass weather we’re STILL havin’ in Chicago and I’m thinkin’ my feet would be CRYYYYYYIN’ out….for shoes. And socks.

I love the ones that wear as little clothing as possible in downtown Chicago when it’s like 30 to 40 degrees out and shivering. LMAO @ trying to look cute but looking like an idiot instead.

23 05 2008
Muse

My job has a nap and massage room for their analysts with beds and soft music. Every day I take a 30 minute power nap after my itis inducing lunch. Last year two of my coworkers got fired for inappropriate usage of the nap room.

23 05 2008
Cheekie

OMG, Muse, I read about those power nap rooms in my local paper a while ago. I REALLY wish my job incorporated those. Productivity would raise sky high! Or at the very least, everyone won’t have to make praying excuses when they’re taking a nap. 🙂

LMFAO @ inappropriate usage of the nap room. Lord knows SOMEone will think of that. It never fails.

23 05 2008
Knatural

Inappropriate usage of nap room? Just use the bathroom on an emptier floor.
Girls in flip-flops and business suits annoy me. I understand if you don’t wish to walk in high-heels, but just wear flats or Pumas or something besides those god-awful, dirty-ass floor-slapping flip flops. Especially while it’s still cold, dry-ass feet. Feet need lotion, too, damnit. Sorry, I had to vent.

23 05 2008
london

now we all know white girls do not use lotion….
don’t you just hate chicks with dirty plasters on their heels…
a very common crime here….

23 05 2008
Monie

I don’t get the itis anymore since I’ve become a vegetarian. I guess you need to eat carb rich foods for the itis to set in.

By the way; what hormone/ chemical is it that causes the itis? Is it serotonin? Or is serotonin the one produce after working out/ running that causes the runners high?

23 05 2008
23 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Dani- That excercising thing sounds like a good idea. 50 jumping jacks would be a nightmare without a proper foundation garment tho. I have had students do a set of 10 when they fall asleep and when I try to do them in solidarity…..tragedy.

23 05 2008
klysha

LMAO! I’m sitting here about to enter the dreaded 3-4 o’clock hour after returning from my 2 hour pre-Memorial day lunch reading this blog to keep the itis from setting in. I am so guilty of the post lunch option for those who dine out in a group. I have driven my car down to the bottom floor of our parking garage, let the seat back and taken an hour long nap before to avoid sitting at my desk getting keyboard prints on my forehead. I can’t wait til they implement nap rooms in the federal government. LOL!

23 05 2008
blackberry molasses

its tryptophan… an amino acid that is falsely accused of making us sleepy.

actually, its the blood that leaves the brain and heads for your digestive tract after you eat that makes you sleepy… the heavier the food, the more oxygen needed by those organs to digest your meal

yes, i know.. can’t help it…Biochem major

23 05 2008
blackberry molasses

actually, the pathway is more complex, but i’ll spare you since you couldn’t bloody hell care less… LOL

23 05 2008
ishouldbeworking

Chris, you are really making me break my diet. Yesterday I had to have a fish sammich from Showmars after reading the post and all the comments about Red Lobster and then today I completely set myself up for the itis.

Since I live and work close to various take out places I padded my lunch hour with 15 extra minutes so I could grab some food take it home and take a nap. I ate extremely fast as to have maximum naptime. I set the alarm on my phone for 1:45 and snoozed until 1:55 at which point I jumped up and slid on two different shoes (neither of which were the ones I’d worn to work today–I wore flipflops for casual Friday 😉 ).

Fortuanately for me one heel was slightly higher than the other so I realized my mistake before I made it out the door!

23 05 2008
ishouldbeworking

Unfortunately I’ve got couch marks on my face and I left my glasses at home so there will be little to no productivity on my part for the next to hours.

23 05 2008
Monie

blackberry molasses,

Okay, thanks. That makes sense.

23 05 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

“I don’t get the itis anymore since I’ve become a vegetarian. I guess you need to eat carb rich foods for the itis to set in.”

I have the itis…and I ate a vegetarian lunch today. Of course, the pasta counts as carbs, so……that might explain it. My co-worker walked into the break room on her way back from lunch/errands, and said she’d gone to a rib joint for lunch today. She was like “I didn’t know if you eat ribs”. I was like, girl, nah, cause ribs give me the “Itis”…how about she had no clue what I meant (and yes she’s BLACK). I had to explain…then she was like, “Oh, yeah”. I cracked up after she left out…

23 05 2008
Dani

Actually tryptophan is not falsely accused its a serotonin precursor so increased levels of tryptophan can lead to increased levels of serotonin in the brain….so yes and no to the is it serotonin question

23 05 2008
HeadNutInCharge

I have the itis now as I type. I ate alone, which i never do, and stuffed my face with some hole in the wall greek cuisine. I had to wait for the order taker to finish getting the digits of a less than attractive woman before I placed my order.

Here is helpful hint: If you ever get caught with your head down and falling asleep with your chin touching the collar of your shirt looking down there is only ONE response that will save your job.

Just say: Amen. Then give a look the the party that busted you, your boss, CEO or supervisor and look at them as if they had just interrupted a very spiritual moment. Your job is now saved.

No one is going to fire you if they thoguht you were praying. In this litigious world, your employer will be so afraid of getting sued for religious descrimination for firing a “praying” employee!

http://www.platenuts.com

23 05 2008
HeadNutInCharge

Cheekie,

My and I didn’t realize that you already posted my helpful hint of the day. I guess my itis made me skip a few small details…

23 05 2008
Sister Toldja

I don’t see the parallel between being a veggie and having a low carb diet. Most veggies have just the opposite. That’s whatsup tho. Eating too many carbs was my mistake when I first quit meat.

Um, it’s dead today. Not helping me get through this last day of the week at ALL. Shame.

23 05 2008
Esquire

My only argument with the AMEN and PRAYER bit, is that it does not work if you dont know you have been caught.
In those cases, blame it on medicine.

23 05 2008
indigo.royalblue

dam that helicopter game is addictive. i’ve been sitting here playing it for like 30 mins now.

23 05 2008
imaG

Yo itis killed the shit out of me after I eat indian food..missed phonecalls everything…Its a hoass nigga

http://www.anythingblack.net

23 05 2008
mrspen

My job has a nap and massage room for their analysts with beds and soft music. Every day I take a 30 minute power nap after my itis inducing lunch. Last year two of my coworkers got fired for inappropriate usage of the nap room.

damn! are y’all hiring?

23 05 2008
Knatural

Runner’s high comes from increased endorphins. I’ve been think about that Luther Sammich all day. I just want one bite to see how it tastes, I wouldn’t eat the whole thing because I like my heart.

23 05 2008
Merri Lee

Damn, I just came back from lunch and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

************************************
Off topic – this snapped me out of it. Hillary Clinton defends her decision to stay in the race by invoking the RFK assassination. I wish she would just say, “well since the darkie will get lynched, I’m your best choice.”

23 05 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Knat- Did you know that shit existed in real life? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luther_Burger

Gross! “Anyone Who Had A Heart” would have a fucking corinary if they ate that. Hi-yo!

23 05 2008
Merri Lee

Chris – are you taking Monday off? Let us know or we’ll assume Creole Beauty has you locked in her dungeon

23 05 2008
letinstar

i’m experiencing the itis now…i need a nap badly…

23 05 2008
Knatural

I know! ST I tried to post the link earlier, to no avail. Apparently, Google in NY serves it in the cafeteria. I just want one bite, that’s all.

23 05 2008
KG

Forget the luther. I may just have to take a vacation just to taste a hamdog.

23 05 2008
Merri Lee

knatural – I think all links are slow. Before my above comment about Creole Booty was posted, I wrote that I got snapped out of it by this statement from Hillary:

“My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. I don’t understand it,” she said.

I tried to post the link, but no luck.

23 05 2008
Merri Lee

^^^Snapped of of it = snapped out of my “itis”

23 05 2008
Merri Lee

^^^Snapped of of it = snapped out of it 😀 I really do have the itis

23 05 2008
zoso

I already had my black card suspended last night, but, I have to jeopardize it again here and now. The only way I’ve found to combat the itis, is to eat power bars… you know… the rectangular thingies next to the… dietary supplements. Shoot. Eat one 2 hrs into the day and you’re safe til lunch. Eat one a little after lunch, right before the itis kicks in, and you’re good to go the rest of the day. Make you regular too 😉

24 05 2008
shabooty

im drinkin vokda redbul

24 05 2008
Lolo

I always called that nap-itis. Huh. Also, I claim that I have “stress induced narcolepsy”. Seriously, whenever I get into any sort of fight with someone I care about I get napitis and have dozed off during prolonged “discussions”. The other person never appreciates what a useful condition this is and gets extremely offended.

Talking about feelings just wears a woman out.

24 05 2008
Angry IV

I always called it an L-Tryptophan induced coma.

24 05 2008
Rae of Stuff Fly People Like

If you go with other people, you can pretty much count on a full-scale itis assault because, for whatever reason, going out in groups makes you eat more food. This is likely because when you go out in groups you tend to go to nicer restaurants that serve bigger portions.

This is Why I always eat alone-LOL!!!

26 05 2008
Angel

@”Girls in flip-flops and business suits annoy me. I understand if you don’t wish to walk in high-heels, but just wear flats or Pumas or something besides those god-awful, dirty-ass floor-slapping flip flops. Especially while it’s still cold, dry-ass feet. Feet need lotion, too, damnit. Sorry, I had to vent.”

Lmao…hahaha…dry ass feet crusty heels…especially in the winter! I just can’t even take my eyes off of them..It’s like WTF was she thinking?

26 05 2008
rai

was in cheesecake factory for the first time yesterday. . . oh my damn, the best thing that has ever happen to me. but tail paid for it @ about 4 this morning. . . but naw, I caught the itis something serious after we ate. . . was moving, talking, and walking all slow. I came home and was KNOCKED OUT! lol

26 05 2008
nonia

getting impatient hereeeeeeeeee

26 05 2008
imaG

i got hit with the itis today 😦

26 05 2008
Deesigner

Did grimm, creole queen or any of the other “Ethnic Royalty” stalkers finally catch up with Chris or is he taking a holiday today?

26 05 2008
Angry IV

He only blogs from work, I believe, when he gets there first thing in the morning.

27 05 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

Wow, I just realized that I was ‘addicted’ to this mess. I need to seriously detox.

27 05 2008
shabooty

here ya go:

:]

27 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Finishing your dine-in lunch is the saddest part of your day, because you realize two things: 1.) you have to stop screwing around, and 2.) you are getting sleeeeeeepy. For about the next hour, you will stare blankly at your computer screen without a single thought in your head. The only thing in your mind right now is a thin background thread telling you “do not fall asleep and bash your skull on the keyboard” and another one saying “I wish I had another sammich.”

hell yea…

hahah i had the itis from thurs-lastnight…I never ATE to much food in my life. Thurs i was at my grand aunt’s funeral and you know black ppl dont play when it comes to food so on the way back to my parents i was knocked out…Friday went to Carabas my fav resturant in thw whole world…got the itis and seriously almost past out on the table…Saturday went to a friends cookout not only got the itis but drunk ass fuck…Sunday went to parents cookout and got drunk again and pigged outttttt was nodding off in the livingroom ahaha then lastnight we ordered way to much chinese and drank to much wine…

27 05 2008
DJStylus

alternative term for the full version of the ‘itis…

“afrolepsy”

please use liberally, just footnote me.

6 10 2008
e-lee-aune

LMAO. I am so unnecessarily late but this was one of the funniest posts man.
🙂

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