Red Lobster

22 05 2008

Most people probably remember Chris Rock’s skit where he proposed that Native Americans have bigger problems than Black people, and offered up this statement as proof:

“When’s the last time you ever saw TWO Indians? You ain’t never seen a bunch of Indians just chillin’ at Red Lobster”

Well, just imagine how hilarious I found it when, after doing a dance performance with a group from NMAI, 17 Indians actually piled into a Red Lobster for dinner afterwards.

Figure 1: A bunch of Indians (some more Indian than others, it would seem)

Going to Red Lobster always seems like a good idea until you actually get there. Then you see the masses of insultingly overweight people waiting in the lobby looking to compound their health problems and raise taxes on everybody. You also notice an equal or greater amount of fatness anchored at the tables in the restaurant. You see gigantic piles of fried food, butter, and other artery-clogging fatness-inducing swill…and you slowly begin to realize that all of these people are going to take at least 2 hours each to finish their meal.

There are three ways to entertain yourself during your excruciatingly long wait:

1.) Grab a beer or six at the bar and start getting fucked up

2.) Observe the large number of young couples at the restaurant. Try to remember that, when you were young and broke, Red Lobster was to you what Kinkead’s is to a congressman. In spite of your attempt to empathize, you choke on your beer a little bit when you hear some 18 year old sincerely tell her boyfriend “you such a baller, baby.”

3.) Mock the lobsters in the water tank in the lobby. Make strange 18th century-sounding declarations of criminal punishment like “for your crimes against oceanic aesthetics, you are hereby sentenced to boil until delicious.” For extra points, take one of the lobsters out of the tank and chase terrified children with it until you are arrested or punched in the face by an angry father.

Eventually, the hostess calls you and you sit down excited about the fact that you’re finally going to eat. Most of all, you’re excited about the delectable biscuits that you’re sure to receive within the next five minutes. You ignore your father’s comment about the tables being arranged in the shape of “a cock and balls” and take your seat.

Figure 2: Our table configuration. He coulda said it looked like an exclamation point…

The biscuits come out right on time, served to you by an 18 year old redneck girl named ‘Cindy’ who insists on calling you ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’. You respond to this by referring to her as ‘pop tart’ with your mouth full while eating your biscuits, but this does not seem to deter her familiar tone.

Figure 3: Pretty much the only reason anybody goes to Red Lobster

Since you’ve been waiting 45 minutes, you gobble down four of these biscuits and, after drinking two glasses of water, you realize that you’re pretty much full already. Not only are you full, but you feel like shit because your stomach is now filled with a year’s worth of butter and garlic. You’re at Red Lobster, though, and there is no time for weakness. You open up the menu and behold how delicious everything looks – especially the beloved Admiral’s Feast: a breaded, battered, Neptunian heart attack in waiting that could be considered the most humane way to slowly kill a person. The Admiral’s Feast consists of a big ass chunk of fried fish, fried clams, fried shrimp, and fried bay scallops with a side order of your choosing that’s supposed to delude you into thinking you’re eating healthy. There’s nothing more ridiculous than someone ordering the Admiral’s Feast with a side of vegetables, which is akin to asking for a candle and romantic musing while getting raped in prison.

If someone orders the Admiral’s Feast before you, then you have to order something else. You either go for the endless shrimp or the snow/king crab legs, which are exceedingly delicious when served with warm melted butter.

Figure 4: The awesomeness is rivaled only by that of pancakes

No matter what you order, you come to the understanding that you are going to be absolutely miserable for the next hour. The garlic biscuits and the hydrochloric acid in your stomach are having World War III in your insides to decide if your food is going to come out of your asshole in 3 hours or back out of your mouth in 3 minutes. Thankfully, God anticipated the creation of Red Lobster because it was he that made garlic and biscuits delicious, so he also made most stomachs strong enough to win the war – which is usually winding down by the time you receive your Admiral’s Feast or your crab legs.

As you eat (and you do so out of spite rather than hunger, because you are already full as a motherfucker), you watch with horror as some of the people at your table are somehow able to devour an entire Admiral’s Feast in 7 minutes. They are ordering dessert while you’re still plugging away at the fried clams. You know they’re delicious but, like a man having his 6th orgasm of the night, the pleasure isn’t really registering anymore.

If you’re lucky enough to finish your meal, you want to fucking die. You never want to see a Red Lobster, or food, or the people you’re with ever again for as long as you live. You push yourself back from the table, lean back by sliding your ass forward in the seat, hold your belly and loudly exhale “WHEEEEEEEEEW” like you just got done splitting wood for six hours. You look at the table and behold the disaster area that it has become. There are shells, napkins, half drank glasses of water, sauce, and other shit all over the fucking place. Despite the fact that you feel like shit and weigh at least a metric ton, this carnage gives you an oddly primal sense of satisfaction. That is…until the bill shows up.

Figure 5: Everybody acts like the bill is for this much.

Black people and Indians have at least one cultural trait in common: when the bill shows up, everyone looks around at everyone else like they have no idea what the fuck is going on. They look like a guy would if he just got head from his girlfriend and she sits up and demands $300. After lots of groaning, arguing over the tip, gross underpayment by some people, and an extra 30 minutes, you are finally ready to leave.

As you walk to the car, you realize that you just PAID someone to shorten your lifespan and make you feel like vomit. You are terrified that you will fall asleep at the wheel on the way home. You vow never to return to Red Lobster…even though you know damn well your black ass will be back in about 8 weeks.

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231 responses

22 05 2008
Lindsay

The last time I went to Red Lobster, I was disappointed because this establishment (in Marlow Heights, go figure) had taken out the lobster tank…or at least I didn’t see it.

I was most disappointed. And the biscuits were burnt, and my mozzarella sticks had the consistency of sandy rubber. I really won’t be going back there again, (especially since I can’t eat shellfish and there are very few non-shellfish-containing options on the menu that look appetizing…the biscuits and mozzarella sticks were my only hope :-().

22 05 2008
ishouldbeworking

Funny. There was no Red Lobster in the city that I grew up in so on random Sundays and special occasions my family would drive 30 to 45 minutes to the next closest city that had one. My mom would always light up like a Christmas tree at the thought of going there. I think I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t like Cheddar Bay Biscuits and I can’t figure out why they ruin perfectly good baked potatoes with all of that salt.

Now when I think of Red Lobster I immediately think of the Boondocks episode “Guess Hoe’s Comming to Dinner” when Granddad takes the prostitute to Red Lobster on a date.

22 05 2008
Bailey Blues

before i finish reading…

figure one – “some more Indian than others, it would seem”

One time I went to an Indian reservation in Nevada. There were MAD white people there trying to latch on to their culture. They don’t know where they come from either and always try to latch on to someone else’s culture…

back to reading

22 05 2008
Bailey Blues

Funny. And exactly how it is at Red Lobster. You kill the biscuits and aren’t really hungry after but you still eat. Then you feel like you are about to die from overeating and digesting a couple sticks of butter.

“There’s nothing more ridiculous than someone ordering the Admiral’s Feast with a side of vegetables, which is akin to asking for a candle and romantic musing while getting raped in prison.” LMAO!!!

22 05 2008
Knatural

Wait. A man can have 6 orgasms in one night? “Black people and Indians have at least one cultural trait in common: when the bill shows up, everyone looks around at everyone else like they have no idea what the fuck is going on.” Unbelievably true, and sad. Why do we do this? This is why I like my Asian friend, never an argument about tipping, who ate what, nothing. I hate Red Lobster, figure 3 isn’t enough of a reason for me to enjoy it. Last time I went was right before Thanksgiving with my grandma in Florida and she treated. If you live in Florida, where seafood is abundant and fresh, why take me to Red Lobster? Jerk.

22 05 2008
Natalie

“for your crimes against oceanic aesthetics, you are hereby sentenced to boil until delicious.”

LOL

I haven’t been to Red Lobster in ages and it’s probably because I’m from Baltimore and to see seafood that small is kind of insulting since I could go somewhere to eat with my dad and get something that looked 10x bigger. Also the caption for Figure 3 is true but my roommate said the last time she went she had a similar experience to Lindsay’s in which they fucked up the biscuits and they were burnt. Additionally, there’s a Red Lobster right up the street from me but every time I pass the window everyone seated to eat looks really sad for some reason…

22 05 2008
~RuNwAychic~

First off I LOVE your blog! This shit is hella funny and you are dead on about Red Lobster! It always seems like a good plan, but it NEVER ends good! Lol Why do all chain restaurants like that have to make you feel so bloated and immobile after eating there? You know your ass is full and yet you keep stuffing your mouth…WTF And yeah, what the hell is up with everybody actin like they don’t know what the hell is going on every time the check comes?!

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Oh, my love-hate for Red Lobster. I worked here for about 6 months or so when I was junior in college. It was the “classy” one in Silver Spring, where we had to wear white collared shirts instead of the comfy looking fish shirt that didn’t need to be ironed. THERE IS NOTHING CLASSY ABOUT RED LOBSTER AND THERE IS NOTHING CLASSY ON GEORGIA AVENUE!!!! FUCK!

I had a few breakdowns while there, all in my last month of working. These were caused by asshole customers and ENDLESS SHRIMP. I quit because of Endless Shrimp. You can’t let Black people have Endless Shrimp for $13 dollars, for TWO WHOLE FUCKING MONTHS. This is like having a Hennessy open bar for three days straight. Someone will pay dearly. That someone was me.

People would come in there and order the Endless Shrimp and a water with lemon. WATER WITH LEMON! You didn’t give a fuck about your digestive track when you inhaled six biscuits with extra butter and a Caesar salad with EXTRA dressing! You just don’t want to spend $2 on a soda, which would increase my 15% tip by $.30. CHEAP BASTARDS. Then they would sit in my section for two and a half hours, order sixteen rounds of shrimp, four rounds of WATER WITH LEMON and 3,000 biscuits. AND THEN they would want to take shrimp home, which was SO against the rules, and I would let them do it in hopes that I would get a better tip. No, four of our people would leave me a total of $6 for my time. I felt like I was doing community service in that motherfucker.

22 05 2008
ChocolateGirlWonder

“The fam ain’t eatin’ cheddar biscuits, Grandad…”

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

BTW, cheddar biscuits are pretty easy to make at home! That’s the one thing I got from that experience, the secret recipie. Mwahahahah! I am gonna open up my own fish place and call it Blue Catfish or Red, Black And Green Lobster and make so much money offa them biscuits. But I am not having Endless Shrimp, Endless Biscuits, Endless Water or Endless Napkins. And there will be a “wrap it up box” at each table like on Chapelles Show that drowns your conversation out if you stay at the table for longer than 50 minutes.

22 05 2008
klysha

LOL! I hate Red Lobster…but I sometimes I can’t drag myself away from the promise of cheddar biscuits and abundant fried sea vermin. Like two of the previous posters the last time I went my biscuits were less than satisfying. Mine were cold…yuck. I don’t hate it like bourgie black folks (i.e most of my friends) who say that it’s the Mcdonalds of seafood hate it though. I’m from Mobile Alabama which is right on the water so I know what good seafood tastes like but sometimes I just need a cheap seafood fix with a side of grossly oversized fruity alcoholic beverage. I hate McDonalds too but I just ate there two days ago because it was convenient. Just because I know that McDonalds is the ….well…McDonalds of burgers…doesn’t mean I’m going to drive to Houstons every time I want a hamburger. I hate it because like you when I eat it I feel like total crap afterwards.

22 05 2008
Cheekie

LMFAOOOOO because I’m going there today. I was sittin’ here like, “Ya know what, I gotta taste for those cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster”. And then I come up in here and see the entry “Red Lobster”. Omen like a motha.

And on that note Sister Toldja, I MUST have that recipe.

And I’m STILL crackin up at people ordering a side of veggies with a Endless Heart Attack meal.

22 05 2008
flyblu04

@sister toldja, i would be forever in your debt if that *secret* recipe somehow (wink, wink) slipped out…hmm I don’t know.
p.s. I keep hearing rumors that you can find cheddar bay biscuits at sam’s club. so far i have not been able to verify this fact.

and if one more of my so called friends drags me to red lobster’s knowing that I don’t eat meat, seafood or otherwise, with the promise of those fruity over sized drinks, and scrumptious biscuits but nothing else to eat, well someone might just have to get the business.

22 05 2008
flyblu04

@ chocolategirl
game recognize game granddad and you looking kinda unfamiliar

22 05 2008
sarah

the cheddar bay biscuits are the only reason to go. that said, i havent been to Red Lobster in over two years. that shit is depressing. you walk in and it smells like butter, there are couples and obese people everywhere thinking they hit the big time (esp on sunday when the wait is like 3 years), and the menus are sticky. gross.

Black people and Indians have at least one cultural trait in common: when the bill shows up, everyone looks around at everyone else like they have no idea what the fuck is going on.

in my fam, after the bill comes, everyone looks at my mother. then, they barter with her, saying, “we’ll pay the tip.” WTF? so out of ten people at the table, my mother ends up paying the whole $200+ bill while everyone else squeezes out money for the $40 tip. cheap bastards.

22 05 2008
8th Wonder

If my biscuits come out burnt, heads are rolling for sure.

My mom tried to make those biscuits at home once. Tragedy.

22 05 2008
sarah

yeah, Toldja, imma need you to hit my up with the recipe, stat! that way i will never be tempted to enter another Red Lobster for the rest of my life.

22 05 2008
Lindsay

lmao @ Red, Black and Green Lobster

22 05 2008
Scipio Africanus

I’m pretty sure I actually saw a family of Indians at one of those seafood restaurants on the Chesapeake Bay when you take Pennsylvania Av/Rt. 4 all the way through PG County and hit the water. They weren’t black, nor white, nor just mixed, and certainly not Mexican. I was like “oh my goodness, it is you!!! (plural)” like Vondie Curtis Hall in Coming To America. Okay, I didn’t really do that, but I did kind of stare at them with my peripheral vision while I shortened my life with some fried oysters.

22 05 2008
Rose

Mmmmmm…. Red Lobster biscuits.

22 05 2008
Knatural

Best seafood I’ve had: Saltwater Cowboys in St. Augustine, FL. It’s real redneck-ish, and people stare, but they serve alligator, and I like alligator.

22 05 2008
puff

There’s nothing more ridiculous than someone ordering the Admiral’s Feast with a side of vegetables, which is akin to asking for a candle and romantic musing while getting raped in prison.

LMAO that’s so wrong

i must be one of the only black people outside of the continent who’s never graced the inside of (or had my insides graced by) a red lobster. my mother was a red lobster waitress back in the day though, when it was still “classy” and shit… assuming it ever was. i might need to go just to get a dick-shaped table, or at least for those biscuits.

22 05 2008
Reese

In spite of your attempt to empathize, you choke on your beer a little bit when you hear some 18 year old sincerely tell her boyfriend “you such a baller, baby.”

jfiheaokfadiopjk;larefdilajaropegtkdf’pg;rvf’kogrbvfiopkaro;gkvroafrkaevk

hahahahah!!!!

22 05 2008
aceklub

@ ishouldbeworking
That was the first thing I think about as well.
“you taking her to red lobster w/ da chedda biscuits. Da Fam ain’t eating chedda biscuits but this random broad is eating some chedda biscuits”

22 05 2008
blackberry molasses

@ flyblu and chocolate girl

y’all are NOT quoting my favorite episode of Boondocks…

“My name is A Pimp Named Slickback and I believe I may have misplaced some merchandise at this residence. There she is…”

22 05 2008
shabooty

when i get a doggie bag for my left over food, i always get one last round of busskeebutts before hand -to put in my doggie bag…them shitz is good even hours later…
mmm

The best part of waking up is lobstery muddy butt!
$

22 05 2008
Dom

2.) Observe the large number of young couples at the restaurant. Try to remember that, when you were young and broke, Red Lobster was to you what Kinkead’s is to a congressman. In spite of your attempt to empathize, you choke on your beer a little bit when you hear some 18 year old sincerely tell her boyfriend “you such a baller, baby.”
What is it about mediocre seafood that says romantic date to a man? I have been to Red Lobster exactly twice in my life, the first time during my sophmore year of college on the worst date of my life.

The worst part was the guy had been asking me out forever, then when I finally caved (against my better judgement) he wanted to go to Red Lobster. He worked there part time and knew the entire staff, which was fine. But then when the check came he wanted to split it because his “pockets were kinda light that week.” The worst part? The damn bill was only like $15 after his employee discount.

The second time was with my boyfriend who paid in full. The food was still pretty damn nasty, and the biscuts did not impress.

22 05 2008
zoso

I want some lobster biscuits. I guess it’ll just be cocoa pebbles for me.

22 05 2008
justelise

The last time I went to Red Lobster there was a large black party having a birthday dinner for a family member. When I say large, I mean 20+. I was, however unfortunately, seated in their section, and the decibel level was incredible.

@Sister Toldja: Even more unfortunate for me and my party — over half of the people in the nearby birthday party had Endless Shrimp. 🙂 It was one of the longest meals of my life!

22 05 2008
vitazza

My husband is from Manhattan sooooo…… he just absolutely hates chain restaurants. I personally like a chain…. you know whatcha gonna get.. but, why in the hell dose every chain establishment have a wait list in Baltimore when/wherever you go. The service often sucks and then you are subjected to other diners getting their gorge on!! If you are lucky to get a booth away in a corner then it’s all good!!

22 05 2008
Knatural

Why do Black people like shrimp so much? That and The Chicken are reasons I could never be vegetarian.

22 05 2008
cmoore

i hate red lobster and those buscuits are digusting!!!!!!!

22 05 2008
shabooty

if only i could have some lobster-stuffed vagina, that’d be like a heaven on heaven sandwich.

=0]

22 05 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

Like ST, I hav a love hate relationship with red lobster. Once while going there with girlfriends, a friendly neighborhood drug dealer, unable to stay for dinner, paid for our meal (Love!). Since we had saved our money (thanks to Mr. Drugdealer) we returned the following week, this time to be removed from the premises by the local police after Cindy the Waitress (yes that really was her name) got into a PHYSICAL ALTERCATION with a member of my party (Hate!). . . We were subsequently banned from the resturant.
Since you can now find those tasty cheddar biscuits in the freezer section of your local grocery store (Pillsbury, the biscuits in the bag) i fry the hell out of my own shrimp and fish and have learned to leave Red Lobster alone. . .

I sure miss antagonizing those lobsters, though. . .

22 05 2008
sarah

vitazza, i hate chain restaurants too. the only reason i go is because my family sucks and most of them hate trying anything new. so, it usually Red Lobster, TGIFridays, or Ruby Tuesdays. gag. i took them to California Pizza Kitchen one day and they had a fit! it was annoying and embarassing.

22 05 2008
aceklub

“A Pimp named Slick Back like A Tribe Called Quest one word…” LOL

22 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH@aceklub. Cristal (the merchandise) was Creole.

22 05 2008
ishouldbeworking

@ aceklub–Thanks for the link. I tried (and failed) to find it before posting.

@ justelise–A friend suggested that she and I hold a bridal shower at damned Redlobster for a mutual friend. I thought it was beyond tacky b/c the “guests” were expected to pay for the shower. I was beyond mortified when the bride agreed to it and I put on my happy face and did my bridesmaid’s duty of being a gracioius host. It was so ghetto to see my friend opening lingerie, personalized picture frames, and china amid the pile of crap trash and leftovers on the table.

22 05 2008
Loudmouth Protestant

I am dying over here, really. I am about to get fired from my job for laughing so hard…Either that or I am going to wet myself.

Nevertheless, it’s like you explained the last time I went to Red Lobster in full detail down to my eating the Admiral’s Feast in spite of the fact that I’d raped the biscuits on the table and let them expand in my stomach via the sewer water I drank served by, not a redneck, but a BK girl whose name I’m pretty sure rhymed with FEMA. Thank you for starting off my day right.

22 05 2008
justelise

@ ishouldbeworking: And I thought the giant birthday dinner was bad enough. I vowed to never be a bridesmaid again, but I would’ve probably tried to talk the bride out of Red Lobster. Ugh. I wonder if she ever got the cheap fried seafood smell out of the lingere?

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Elise- People can stay at endless shrimp for three and a half hours, i have seen it happen. I remember a beleagured college with a party of two robust girls of about 19 years and 300 pounds each. One of them wore a baby tee that said “Sexy”. The waiter keep muttering “If them Weather Girls don’t go the fuck home….” classic.

Mrs. Kennedy, you slayed me with the love/hate story!!!

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

*college=colleague

22 05 2008
Knatural

“Ugh. I wonder if she ever got the cheap fried seafood smell out of the lingere?”-justelise. I’m not even gonna touch that one. AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA

22 05 2008
Jai

LOL at the Riley quotes in the comments…

“Why can’t I just give her the money and the hoe can go grocery shopping?”

Trust me… I much rather go grocery shopping then indulge in death by cheddar biscuit…

22 05 2008
Ethel

Isn’t this stuff black people HATE? Cuz it kinda sounds like you have a love/hate relationship with Red Lobster. Or maybe you just love to hate it.

“You know they’re delicious but, like a man having his 6th orgasm of the night, the pleasure isn’t really registering anymore.”

Who is this guy and where is he? Geezuz I’d settle for half that and still be happy.

And just remember: Red Lobster : biscuits :: Olive Garden : bread sticks. [Both taste good going down but no one is quite sure what’s in them or what they’re doing to one’s digestive tract.]

22 05 2008

I love red lobster biscuits and I like their crab, however the red lobster around these parts never have fresh shrimp or lobster. It all taste like frozen seafood, and maybe it is. I like fresh food, the freshest thing they have are the biscuits and the margaritas!

22 05 2008
imaG

Fuck red lobster. I go to McDonalds.

http://www.anythingblack.net

22 05 2008

a man can have six orgasms in one night depending on how long his refractory period is. I know for sure a man can orgasm 5 times in one night…hehehe

22 05 2008

” Everybody acts like the bill is for this much”

SO TRUE!

22 05 2008
Shine

Ne, this is why Black Mandingo was chasing ya’ll yesterday. 🙂 Six dudes just broke out into a sweat at work.

22 05 2008
Knatural

The man who has 5-6 gasms? To paraphase a quote from Jurrasic Park (nerd) “you were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should”
That many gasms for a man doesn’t seem right. His poor balls!

22 05 2008
vitazza

Sarah, That shyt is hilarious…..Family just didn’t know what to do in the Pizza Kitchen ……hahaha! I will go to a chain for Hamburger and/or Fries {it’s really hard to jack that up}. I mean seriously…. you do so much better to go to your neighborhood establishments…. Food is fresh, reasonable, and the variety won’t kill you…..we even take our kids to “real” restaurants they love Sweet Potato French Fries with syrup. heheheee

22 05 2008

LMAOO, maybe I should be keep my gutter mind thoughts to myself.

22 05 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

Red Lobster=the McDonalds of seafood

I haven’t been to Red Lobster since about 1987…I was ten. Loved their popcorn shrimp. I thought they’d all closed down in Houston…but nope. There is actually one about 10 minutes away from me. I have never been motivated to return to one for a number of reasons…primarily because the ridiculous lines of people waiting to clog their arteries takes away my appetite. Also, I don’t do seafood that isn’t fresh (don’t let those lobsters in the tasks fool ya). However, for what I’d pay at RL, I could go to the grocery, buy and cook the SAME frozen prepackaged seafood they do, and have a feast for my fam (immediate AND extended).

22 05 2008

5 male orgasms=sleeping until 1 in the afternoon waking up asking for grits eggs, bacon and toast.

22 05 2008
Jai

& why do people try to act brand new when the gratituity is already on their check… then say they didn’t like the service, so they didn’t leave it… its right there on the menu, you shoulda went the Red Lobster by yourself, and not with 12 of your closest friends if you wanted that option…

22 05 2008
Knatural

Yeah, Né, I bet. He needs to proper hydration and protein.
Funny Red Lobster story: I went there with my ex-boyfriend (circa 2003), waited forever, sat down, and our server turned out to be long-ago-completely-forgotten about ex. He recognized me and kept coming to the table for unnecessary reasons. I was so paranoid that he ‘did something’ to my food I couldn’t enjoy myself. And, I felt really awkward leaving the tip.

22 05 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

Hates cheap mofos…

I only go to dinner with folks I KNOW got money…for dinner and tip. Nothing worse than a table full of black folks, the waitperson already looking at you with the side eye cause he/she assumes you won’t tip well because you’re *insert ethnicity here*…and then fools wanna argue about breaking the bill down to the last iota (this ain’t Mid East peace talks) and then cheat the poor waitperson on the tip. I won’t lie when I say that I have and will continue to express displeasure with poor service by tipping poorly…but if in a large party, I suck it up.

22 05 2008
Monie

I live near the ocean so there are no Red Lobster restaurants near me. I would have to drive inland to find one and that does not make any sense when I live across the street from a great seafood place.

My question is why is it that Black people have a love – hate relationship with Red Lobster? I just don’t get it. I think it’s okay to go to Red Lobster. I’ll admit that I think I’ve only been there once. That was when I was visiting North Carolina. As I remember it it was okay, even though I can’t remember what I had.

It just seems that Black people hate places where lot’s of Black people go. Why is that?

22 05 2008
Meka

I have often wondered why black folk love Red Lobster so much. I got pregnant because of Red Lobster. I was 17 & a senior in high school. I lied to my parents & said that I was going on a date in the next city to Red Lobster. I was really going to the hotel to do THE DO. My daughter is 17 & I have gone to Red Lobster exactly once in her lifetime. Luckily I didn’t get pregnant but I was embarrassed by my cheap ass, non-tipping relatives.

22 05 2008
benjie

…i went to red lobster for the first time after my 8th grade graduation.
i think i ordered chicken fingers.

i’ve never been much of a seafood lover. only fish really…so that place really isn’t for me.

i had cheddar biscuits for the first time like 3 months ago. maybe it was because that particular red lobster sucked ass, but the biscuits were nasty.
not at all what i expected.

i got my hopes up for nothing.

boo.

22 05 2008
Lolo

I’ve never eaten at one, went in but the smell just knocked me right back out the door. I didn’t have time to register if the rank and rotten odour was due to the food or the people eating it but after that I stay away from the Scarlet Crusty at all costs.

22 05 2008
Shine

Ne if you want to compete for queen of guttermind we’re holding a competition next week. 🙂 Yea after 5 gasms he probably looked like he’d been left in the desert for a week and needed to reup

22 05 2008
Yonnie3k

“Game recognise game and you lookin real unfamiliar right now!”

“NOOOOO……Don’t feeeeddddd heerrrrrr!!!”

Thanks for the clip

22 05 2008
Yonnie3k

Also, in splitting up the bill – you ever go out to eat with somebody who doesn’t pay taxes? Their meal was $19.99, and they got the nerve to throw a $20 bill in the pot. I’m like, “WTF Wesley Snipes!?”

22 05 2008

OMG yonnie my best friend does that shit all the time. I just want to choke slam her with and give her the people’s eyebrow with her cheap ass!

@shine I will be at the competition with chaps and jackie kennedy glasses and a shirt that says ZEXY;)

22 05 2008
Cheekie

“Everybody acts like the bill is for this much”

LOL. This didn’t occur in red lobster, but this reminds me of a time we were at a Chinese sit-down restaurant, and there were like 20 people sitting at a table. They had a whole Old Country Buffet restaurant two days worth of food sitting in front of them. When the bill came, all them did the “look around like I don’t know what happens next” move. They finally came up with some solution and left. The waitress came back to get her tip and then yelled out, “A WHOLE DOLLAH!!”. LMFAO, I was floored. I mean, shit was funny, but it also made me mad, know what I mean? TWENTY people at a table came up with one dollar tip?* Now I see why some restaurants automatically take out the gratuity whether it’s 1 person or 15.

I wonder who was the unlucky person who had to “sacrifice” the dollar tip. Assholes.

*It might not have been twenty, more like eight, but see they were all large so it just looked that way. Still, think about, eight mofos and a dollar tip? Somethin’ ain’t adding up right.

22 05 2008
Cheekie

Lesson learned from above experience: IF YA CAN’T AFFORD TO TIP, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T BE EATING AT THE RESTAURANT IN THE FIRST PLACE, YA FEEL ME?

22 05 2008
NotBlonde

I am glad to report that I have never ever been to a Red Lobster. My mom and my little sister did though for Mother’s Day. They said it was the weirdest place ever with horrible food and they’d rather go to Sizzler. Yea, you read that right. They would prefer the Sizzler. Although, to be honest, I love Sizzler.

22 05 2008
brran1

Sizzler? Haven’t seen one of those in years.

22 05 2008
Dannie

“There’s nothing more ridiculous than someone ordering the Admiral’s Feast with a side of vegetables, which is akin to asking for a candle and romantic musing while getting raped in prison” – LOLOLOLOLOL!!!

The last time I hit the Red Lobster in Marlow Heights (the one with the worst service, BTW), I got horribly sick after getting a little too happy with the All You Can Eat Shrimp deal.

I ended up at Southern Maryland Hospital after breaking out with this horrible itchy skin rash (maybe it was iodine poisoning-related, till this day I have no idea what caused this) and had to receive a shot of prednisone, which it still took several weeks afterwards to feel back to normal again.

It’s been a minute since I’ve been back but next time I’m gonna go with the safer bet of snow/king crab legs and definitely those highly addictive biscuits. Damn those biscuits!!

22 05 2008
vitazza

Prettypieces….I feel you on the cheap comrades!! I went to dinner with two very nice young female friends that I thought I knew…….As we were paying our check and leaving a tip one of my best girls at the time educates me on why we should not leave tips for waiters/waitresses WTF???? “It’s their job to wait on me in a restaurant”…W>>>T>>F>> OMG!!!! I have bearly spoken to her in 10 years ….damn straight I’m old… and can hold a grudge.. miserly pompous heffa..

22 05 2008
keiranzma

I like Red Lobster. It is a great motivator when I am feeling like skipping a workout or not eating clean. I simply slip in and sit down for about 10 minutes to observe the fuckery/gluttony happening all around me, and then I get back in my car and drive at breakneck speed to my gym. Works.every.time.

22 05 2008
network guru

UGH……..I’m 42 and have been to RL TWICE in my lifetime…..the fist time I was around 18 and that night my date wanted the shrimp platter….they told her “We are out of shrimp”…..ummm this is Red Lobster right? How do you run out of shrimp when half your menu has shrimp in it?

22 05 2008
vitazza

Monie,
Black people hate to go to places were lots of Black people frequent because…..the quality of service begins to diminish in the the establishment, grocery store, school district. I then ie/place becomes a “hoodlywink qualified” spot with a ready seal of approval….. now… I’m all about my people…but we need to admit when the around the way girls and bros start showin up I/and some of you will leave. I like the hood on my TV not in my restaurant..HA!

22 05 2008
thechad1911

LOL at the whole post! I actually like Red Lobster, but now that u mention it the only thing i can identify as good is the Chedda Biskits. It definitely is not the definition of class…

speaking of class… a DATE to Red Lobster is nothing compared to the hoards of teens i see going on PROM NIGHT!!!!!

wonder how the rest of that night goes…

probably a lot of dancin, kissin and shittin.

http://www.trialandera.wordpress.com

22 05 2008
Stephanie

“And just remember: Red Lobster : biscuits :: Olive Garden : bread sticks. [Both taste good going down but no one is quite sure what’s in them or what they’re doing to one’s digestive tract.]”

@ Ethel. I’m DYING after that one. I will tear up some Olive Garden bread sticks.

22 05 2008
the elahater

very true on the biscuits—the IS the main reason i’ve ever gone to red lobster. then when i ask for a to-go container for my leftover biscuits, they bring me fresh ones i can take… of course i also take the ones left on the table, too.

Hate On Me

22 05 2008
justelise

I honestly can’t remember, on any Red Lobster excursion, having eaten anything that wasn’t fried, soaked in cheese, or covered in sauce so high in cholesterol it could stop up the Trans-Alaska Pipeline. I just can’t explain why I’ve eaten there more than once. I’m sure peer pressure and having lived in a college town that only had Outback and Red Lobster had something to do with it.

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Monie-It just seems that Black people hate places where lot’s of Black people go. Why is that?

1. Most of the people you hear saying that they “hate Red Lobster” are “EBPs”, who typically hate on all things Negrodian, whilst indulging in them (sometimes secretly). The louder and prouder an EBP is about their distates for “Black” things, the more likely that they go home after work and relax with a pack of Newports, a bottle of Henny and a bucket of bacon-fried chicken, while listening to “Doggystyle” and watching “Booty Call”.

2. Red Lobster is mad terrible for you, unless you follow the “Lighthouse Menu” guide. Not a single Black person in America knows about this menu, because inevitably someone in their party is using it as an extra biscuit plate (“Un-un, put the cold biscuits on that thing so they can bring us sommo hot ones!”)

3. Many Black people don’t tip, so they get bad service. And many waiters give Black people bad service. It is a vicious circle.

22 05 2008
shabooty

chris-
last time i was at dennys with our pal bumba-clot stuffed the hotsauce down his sweats, (5 finger discount fashion), and then when the waitress came around he asked for hotsauce –so he stole one and used one. 🙂
lol…

22 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“last time i was at dennys with our pal bumba-clot stuffed the hotsauce down his sweats, (5 finger discount fashion), and then when the waitress came around he asked for hotsauce –so he stole one and used one. 🙂
lol…”

And that is why we love him.

22 05 2008
Dannie

@Cheekie “Now I see why some restaurants automatically take out the gratuity whether it’s 1 person or 15.”

I can agree with more restaurants adding in the tip automatically. I think more (maybe all?) restaurants should do that because it would force cheap mofos to pay up more for the wait service.

It would also end arguments between you and your dinner guests about the correct amount of tippage to leave. I can already figure out the right tip amount to leave (between 15 and 20 percent, or higher for really good service) but there’s always that one person who wants to pull out their cell phone calculator to figure it out for you, like you can’t add it up in your head yourself. I know they’re just trying to be helpful but it’s still annoying to me.

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Olive Garden breadsticks are DISGUSTING, as is that cheap ass raggle tag salad they give you. Other than that, and a bland-ass alfredo, the few things I have had from the OG were dammed good! The drinks are the bomb. I went to the newer one in Pretty Ghetto Plaza, MD a few times and it was really nice!

I was such an asshole in college, I remember it was gonna be a tornando the next day, so school was cancelled. We celebrated at the OG in Whothefuckknows, VA. They had wheels on the seats and it was the ONLY place, other than Laurol Plaza, that ever rejected my 7-years-my senior, 5-inches shorter than me and long since expired sister’s ID I used. They charged 25cents for wine samples. CLASSY! I did the Endless Pasta and had no less than 5 bowls. I would take two bites and then ask for something new. Good times.

22 05 2008
Shine

Yea that tipping cycle is vicious. That’s why I always try to tip big if I can when I go out. Just trying to break the stereotype. However I used to go out in high school with a gang of my friends and we always made sure to tip at least 20% but one day we went to an empty UNOs in the middle of the afternoon and the waiter was a jerk. He took our orders, gave us the wrong drinks and then disappeared, came back with our food, we told him about the wrong drinks, he swore he’d fix them and come to find out we had wrong food. ANd he never came back. Every negro at that table was like NO Tip for being a jackass (and I was hungry b.c. my food was wrong and unpalatable-I didn’t pay for it) and the white people were like, but we have to. A fistfight almost broke out over it. But the guy dicked himself over thinking we were non-tipping teenagers b/c we were math rejects and always hella overtipped because we couldn’t count.

22 05 2008
Knatural

Seriously, why don’t Black people tip? I think we discussed this before, but it really, really bothers me. I’ve never worked in food service, but I enjoy eating out and trying new foods and hurts me to know that I fit this stereotype of “Black Women Don’t Tip”. Sometimes I tip too much to as a counterbalance. Most recently a group of 10 of us went to Benihana, we all knew ahead of time we were going, to bring cash, and so on. At places like this I feel obliged to tip more because of the teppanyaki (sp?) chef AND bartender/waitress. Anyway, come check time everybody gets all quiet and questions their meal choice. We should have gone to Red Lobster…

22 05 2008
Cheekie

Ethel, you ain’t lyin’ Olive Garden breadsticks! I at least brush off the excess salt, thinkin’ I’m being healthy. LOL

22 05 2008
Monie

“Most of the people you hear saying that they “hate Red Lobster” are “EBPs”, who typically hate on all things Negrodian, whilst indulging in them (sometimes secretly). The louder and prouder an EBP is about their distates for “Black” things, the more likely that they go home after work and relax with a pack of Newports, a bottle of Henny and a bucket of bacon-fried chicken, while listening to “Doggystyle” and watching “Booty Call”. – Sister Toldja

Lmaooooooo!

22 05 2008
The Cruel Secretary

@ Yonnie3K (16:18:52–“Also, in splitting up the bill – you ever go out to eat with somebody who doesn’t pay taxes? Their meal was $19.99, and they got the nerve to throw a $20 bill in the pot. I’m like, “WTF Wesley Snipes!?”

DEAD

@Ne–“5 male orgasms=sleeping until 1 in the afternoon waking up asking for grits eggs, bacon and toast.”

Exactly.

22 05 2008
Monie

vitazza & Sista Toldja,

I think you both made great points in answering my question. It’s too bad we either have to pretend we don’t like someting to fit in or that any place that we frequent becomes problematic just because we go there.

22 05 2008
NotBlonde

Olive Garden is the shit; they make the best drinks ever (very heavy handed with the liquor) and I looove this shrimp pasta stuff I got. I’m not a big fan of their salty ass breadsticks though.

22 05 2008
vitazza

@ST
Your right EBP are closeted hoodlywinks!!

Used to Work in bars and restaurants during the Summers and “folks” fo sho didn’t tip well and wanted you to run a marathon and back before even considering a 5% tip which used to be the Tax in MD!! I truly believe there is no better way to make a buck {cash money every night} or learn humility in your college days than serving or bar tending for nice restaurant or if you can a country club!

22 05 2008

omgoodness our Olive Garden salads are bomb and so are the breadsticks. The food and the service is always on point for watered down italian restuarant.

22 05 2008
miss kate

I’m miss kate, and I am a black person who has never been to Red Lobster.

*watches melanin melt off*

I secretly really want to go to see what the fuss is all about, but am currently surrounded by tiresome EBP-types who would probably never dare set foot in one for fear of being contaminated by the rabble. Sigh.

22 05 2008
miss kate

Oh, and my favorite part of that episode:

Hoe: “Yo game is weak! I’m CRISTAL, bitch!”
Riley: (sniff) “Fake-ass Mariah Carey!”

22 05 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

miss kate (18:36:50) :

Oh, and my favorite part of that episode:

Hoe: “Yo game is weak! I’m CRISTAL, bitch!”
Riley: (sniff) “Fake-ass Mariah Carey!”

One of my top 5 Boondocks episodes!

22 05 2008
Dustin

Chris is in my brain/life. I went to Red Lobster for lunch yesterday for the first time in years (that’s a lie). I was full after one biscuit and the salad.

Chris’ dad must’ve been thinking of Lance Armstrong when he commented on that table arrangement.

22 05 2008
letinstar

*sigh*..cheddar bay biscuits…alas, there are NO red lobsters in the boston area…but then again, we’re practically in the atlantic ocean so we have “real” seafood…still, there’s nothing and i mean nothing like a buttery, garlicy cheddar bay biscuit…i did go several times while living in phoenix and i can’t say i saw lots of first americans eating the crab legs, i did see a TON of white trash eating there for birthdays and apparently bridal showers….my navajo friends preferred the chinese buffets and the indian fry breads…

22 05 2008
letinstar

another reason black people can get bad service tips but also because there are some of us who complain about every little thing without tact…i can understand complaining about dirty silverware, or something being under/overcooked, but to be rude and loud is many times uncalled for. i have a dear friend that is always disatisfied with something EVERYTIME we go out to eat…how are you that miserable that you must complain all the time…a manager is always being called over for some sort of slight…and you know you have to be so careful when dealing with people that serve your food…they can do unspeakable things to your food…

22 05 2008
Merri Lee

* there is nothing worse than a mob of black folks coming to the restaurant with no tip money. thanks for humiliating the race! the catch is, even though the restaurant includes the tip, if you pay cash, and the the cash covers the bill, there’s nothing they can do to come after the tip (*bad experience*)

* i’m glad i no longer moonlight as a server. apparently the new wave in chain restaurants is having a mini computer at our table to submit your order electronically. You pick up the food at the window ya damn self (or their might be a food runner) and pay w/ a credit card at the table’s mini computer. no server required.

22 05 2008

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA;WDOWJ;JAW;KEPP29=-93=-IO12K’;KDAJJWOUJH

@ CHRIS EX

22 05 2008

I NO LONGER GO OUT TO EAT WITH THOSE TYPE PEOPLE AFTER HIGH SCHOOL I FILTERED NON-TIPPING PEOPLE OUT OF MY CIRCLE.

22 05 2008
KG

I fucking HATE Red Lobster with a passion and am constantly made to feel like the oddball in my family because of it. That shit is like crack to them…I don’t get it. I tried taking them to an authentic Korean place today for lunch and they complained about everything the whole time…don’t you just love Black people? The biscuits are the bomb though.

22 05 2008
Merri Lee

Chris – why do you insist on dickmatizing chicks?

22 05 2008
Knatural

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!rotten cheese and spam!

22 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Creole Beauty got herself a Blackberry…

22 05 2008
zoso

I typically tip 15-20%, depending on the service. What I do not like are the almost fast food establishments, pita pit, moe’s, etc. Where they have tip jars at the counter and the folks taking your order give you the evil eye if you don’t drop a tip. Waiters and waitresses get paid less than minimum wage, usually, while those folks have near minimum wage or more, usually.

22 05 2008
Dustin

Customer service no longer exists. Everyone wants to do a shitty job with a bad attitude and expects a big tip.

22 05 2008

I just can’t, grimm creole beauty Chris’ ex is just too much fo the sequel.
Let me find out Chris is dickmatizing these chicks and leaving ’em.

I need a cheddar biscuit

22 05 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

What right do server’s have in expecting a tip? I don’t get a tip for my measly retail job which pays more or less the same as a waiter so don’t expect me to fork over for a job you’re getting paid for. I only pay a tip when the service is SPECTACULAR.

It pisses me off instead of people being grateful for any tip they get — they have the nerve to get angry about a small one. Greedy pigs.

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Ms Kate- I hate EBPS sometimes, but I hate niggas too. I can’t win. EBPs don’t be fun when they act like they are too good for shit.

I am glad I have like-minded friends. We went to excellent colleges, know all types of stuff, can travel amongst the bougie folks….and can still appreciate the virtues of Red Lobster, rail liquor, bootlegs shops, hood spots, etc. We can go to a gallery opening one night, then turn around the next day and drink beer in the car in coffee cups with breakfast. AND we know how to tip. I wouldn’t be “impressed” by a Red Lobster date for a special occasion. But I am also not so fucking high on my “Good Negress” horse to think that a brother needs to drop $200 on an effing first date to impress me.

22 05 2008

“What right do server’s have in expecting a tip? I don’t get a tip for my measly retail job which pays more or less the same as a waiter so don’t expect me to fork over for a job you’re getting paid for. I only pay a tip when the service is SPECTACULAR.

It pisses me off instead of people being grateful for any tip they get — they have the nerve to get angry about a small one. Greedy pigs.”

—————————–

This is the reason we get boogers and saliva in our meals and why BAD SERVICE EXIST…Grow up and start tipping, There is someone waiting on you…serving you food. If you are going to give a dollar, you might as well keep it.

22 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH… Between this and my coworker’s contagious laughter, I can’t contain myself. “I was sucking his balls and he farted in my face” – I know a chick that experienced this, don’t even speculate, it wasn’t me. The guy said he was so relaxed, it just slipped out.
Somali Queen – tipping is just a courtesy, not a mandate. It’s just expected for certain services. If you actually made the clothes (or which ever goods you’re peddling) maybe you’d get a tip. And don’t jump on me, I’m just joking 😀

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Somali, even thought I don’t believe that you actually exist…..sigh….you do know that waiters make approx $2.60 an hour, which is only supposed to cover their taxes on their tips. The only waiters who make a significant wage are at high-end restauraunts. I don’t see that being an issue for you, though.

22 05 2008
Merri Lee

^^^^I worked at a restaurant where the owner had to serve a (old, white) couple who came in all the time, but NEVER TIPPED! They were foul too. She always gave her tips back to the restaurant anyway and didn’t want the joint to get a bad rep with servers peeing in their coffee and what not

22 05 2008
Mrs. Kennedy

Wow Somali Queen. . . Servers make like 2 bucks an hour with the expectaion that TIPS supplement the rest of their income. And last time I checked (many many moons since I last worked a retail job), retail at least paid minimum wage.
“Grateful?” This ain’t Somalia. Bad attitude towards servers = a big fat loogie in your sandwich.
Not only am I nice to servers, but I tip and i tip WELL because i’m just “gratfeul” MY black ass doesn’t have to do it. . .

22 05 2008
justelise

I guess how you handle tipping depends on where and how you were raised. My mom hates the idea of tipping. My dad has done a lot of traveling and eating out, so he understands the woes of the server better, and thus he tips generously. Having grown up in NYC, and had a lot of friends in the food service industry, it’s in my nature to tip generously, especially if the orders were intricate and the service was attentive.

I am, however, very critical of poor service. I’ve left pennies as a tip for a waitress who didn’t treat my party well (either by neglecting us, or by giving us an attitude when we expressed concerns about anything during our experience). It all very situational.

22 05 2008
Shine

wait a minute. where did CB pop up again? Her craziness is hilarious. I wanna laugh too!

22 05 2008

I hate the most is this:

” Hey guys, This is Rondo, he will be serving you for the rest of the evening, I am goibng on break?”

ok did you explain to Rondo that I wanted no tomato’s in my alfredo? and who do you tip. I leave it for them to figure it out.

I give a good tip unless I have TERRIBLE service. I figure since my lazy ass could be at home cooking.

22 05 2008
Knatural

@ Shine – Creole Beauty = Chris’ Ex

22 05 2008
Knatural

Nevermind. She’s been blocked. I noticed her comments were removed from Rhonda’s page, too.

22 05 2008
Merri Lee

@ Shine, Chris deleted the posts. “Chris’ ex” claimed that he took her to Red Lobster, dickmatized her and farted after sex. Funny isht.

22 05 2008
Dustin

Wow to not tipping. I didn’t know people actually did that. I’ve never met someone who didn’t tip or didn’t believe in it.

When my service is bad (and it is about 80% of the time) I always leave 10% rather than my standard 20% (or more if they were excellent and/or hot) and write a note explaining that their poor attitude was why they received such a small tip.

Note: 10% is small. They make $2.13 an hour. Come on.

Note: To me, bad service is a horrible attitude. If you accidentally mess up my order and are nice about it and get it taken care of, then you still deserve a tip. If you’re an ass, expect 10% and a note on the back of the receipt.

22 05 2008
Muse

What the hell?! I can’t deal with you people.

BTW for some really good seafood go City Crab in Manhattan NYC. Sooooooooo good

There is also a great place called Clancy’s in Glendale CA. ::Drool::

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

No No No!

Dear assholes,

Tipping is a non negotiable. It is a part of the cost of going out. If you can’t pony up AT LEAST 15% of your check, then stay your ass at home! Ugh! And if you have a check under $30, just tip at least five bucks anyway. If you don’t like it, lobby the restauraunt industry….and good luck with that, btw. They have gotten away with getting practically free labor for years and years. They ain’t gonna start paying a living wage.

If the service is forgettable, tip 15%. If it is decent, tip 18%. If it is fabulous, tip 20% or up. I am not saying you need to leave a twenty for a server on a 40 dollar meal, but have some class, gosh dammit. Do you know how fucking insulting it is to bust your ass to serve a party of 6, who spend well over $200 bucks and then hand you a $10 and look at you like they are doing something special for you? And if the service is so bad that you feel you need to skip the tip, then tell the manager!!!!!

Signed,
Sister Toldja
AKA
My Parents Raised Me Right
AKA
I Waited Tables In College

22 05 2008
Muse

Somali Queen tipping is part of having good etiquette. Those tips are what the waiters depend on their livelihood. If the service was terrible I will leave a shitty tip below the standard 18% but if they did a decent job its 18-20%. There have been times when the waiter went above and beyond the call of duty to cater to me and at that point I really do leave a huge tip for their efforts. There is a restaurnt in downtown La that I go to on a weekly basis called the Palm where they treat me really well so I always make sure to leave a nice tip.

22 05 2008
Shine

Awww damn I missed it.

22 05 2008
Muse

Ne someone farted in your face? I’m confused.

22 05 2008
Shine

Nah, CB supposedly was up here talking about Chris farted in her face during some oral experimentations. I was confused too.

22 05 2008
Lolo

Whoa on the black people not tipping. I think it’s regional more than anything, also if you’re used to having some money to spare then you’re more likely to tip. I’ve known and waited on some fucking cheapass white people who think that leaving 10% is a benediction. I even caught one fuckwad sneaking back to the table to take money back out of the tip pool! Yeah, that got ugly.

OTOH, when I first waited tables in Cali I honestly don’t recall bad tips from black people, specifically. When I moved to Michigan and worked in Ann Arbor the other servers would give off shit attitude if they got a table of “those people” and proceed to drag ass. Self fulfilling prophecy or what?

The capper was one night I got sat with a big party of black folks, (the other servers dirtballed me while I was in the kitchen, or so they thought “oh, you never get mad when you get shit tables”) who proceeded to drink and eat like tomorrow was the Rapture. One guy even pulled the “where are you from?” line out and when I rolled eyes he floored me with “California, right?” plus when they left I had a fat 30% tip on a several hundred dollar tab. “Suck that, ya fucking whinyass bitches” is what I told my coworkers.

Old people, now that is a whole different thing … sigh.

And I have never, ever, never spit or done anything nasty to an order because I do believe in karma. Wanted to once or twice but just got extra spicy at the table, instead.

22 05 2008
shabooty

Chris’ ex needs to create:
StuffBlackBitchesHate.com

and the first entry would be:

ENTRY #1 ) SBBH – Being Dickmatized.

I got dickmatized and all I had to show for it, were some left over redlobster ass biscuits I got to take home from dinner.

$

22 05 2008
Knatural

Muse – Chris’ Ex (Creole Beauty’s new name, allegedly) said “I was sucking his balls and he farted in my face” about Chris! And then I died laughing, like that weasel in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Tipping is just plain ol’ manners. It’s like saying “please” and “thank you”. No matter how awful the service, tip anyway. And $10 on a $200 bill is grounds for a good Singaporean caning.

22 05 2008
Dustin

I love The Palm.

ST, I agree with your table/guidelines for tipping. But when service is horrible you said “. . . tell the manager.” How much do you tip then? Nothing? I still leave 10%.

Service is always horrible in Austin, TX. I’ve had menus literally thrown at me (with purposeful yet unjustified angst) exactly three times. That’s just one example. Technically, three.

22 05 2008
Lolo

Wait up. Chris is deleting posts and not sharing the comedy?

I’m sad.

22 05 2008
Muse

BAHAHAHAHAHA Knatural. OMG that reminds me of the time one of my guy friends hooked up with this drunk chick and was eating her out (don’t ask me why). Anyway ole girl didn’t tell him she had diarrhea so when she was about to orgasm, she shitted on herself and some of it got on him. Needless to say he didn’t let her spend the night.

(Disclaimer: this was a white girl)

22 05 2008
Muse

We call him dodo butter now.

22 05 2008
my2blackbabiesrbeautiful

BTW, cheddar biscuits are pretty easy to make at home! That’s the one thing I got from that experience, the secret recipie. Mwahahahah! I am gonna open up my own fish place and call it Blue Catfish or Red, Black And Green Lobster and make so much money offa them biscuits. But I am not having Endless Shrimp, Endless Biscuits, Endless Water or Endless Napkins. And there will be a “wrap it up box” at each table like on Chapelles Show that drowns your conversation out if you stay at the table for longer than 50 minutes.

* Spits out beverage and revives shaken infant on lap from raucious laughter*

22 05 2008
Lolo

@Muse
I really did gag just now, thx bunches.

22 05 2008
shabooty

LOL…………..

22 05 2008
Muse

That’s why I never understood men fucking drunk broads because anything could happen. I would literally die if someone shitted on me during sex. OMG I have chills thinking about it (Bad chills).

22 05 2008
Shine

bad chills=jibblies

22 05 2008
Shine

dooky head= jibbly bibbly jibbly jibbly jibblies jibblies

22 05 2008
Knatural

Muse. Ewwwwww. Isn’t that a Dirty Sanchez or something? Dodo Butter probably enjoyed it. Shabooty would.

22 05 2008
Muse

Shabooty have you had a girl shit on you during sex? Inquiring minds would like to know. Thanks.

22 05 2008
Lolo

Guys like to fuck a drunk broad because anything is possible in that state. Buttsex. 3some. Donkeypunch. ANYthing. So, they must be prepared to take the bad with the good.

22 05 2008
shabooty

if i fucked a waitress and shitted on her, that counts as tipping right?

🙂

or what if i had a creeper/log/turtlehead stickin out and poked her with that?

thats tipping eh?

$

22 05 2008
Muse

Um what is a Donkey Punch? Do I even want to know?

22 05 2008
shabooty

@Muse

nah I like to pretend any broad i am having relations with has no digestive system at all and nevre shits, and might occasionally piss perfume.

22 05 2008
sarah

Chris, are you deleting posts because your ex’s claims hold some truth?

22 05 2008
shabooty

Muse –
urbandictionary .com is ur friend.

The Donkey Punch is when your engaged in anal sex and when your about to ejaculate you punch the poor little lady in the back of the head so her anal cavity tightens making the orgasm all that more better (for you ofcourse).

22 05 2008
Knatural

AAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH….you punch her? How hard? What about elbows?

22 05 2008
sarah

Urban Dictionary – However, for the technique to render successful, the receiving party must be knocked utterly unconscious.

wow

22 05 2008
Muse

Dokey punches are not a woman’s friend.

22 05 2008
Bailey Blues

@ Muse…THAT SHIT IS GROSS!

I always wondered what a dirty sanchez was…now i know. Never want to experience it!

22 05 2008
Knatural

This entire converstion is gross and wrong. Chris/SPBH probably wants to delete our comments as well.

22 05 2008
sarah

i have heard of girls getting strawberry shortcaked at Howard. for those who don’t know, this is when a girl is giving head and when the guy ejaculates, he does so on her face right after he hits her in the nose, causing blood and semen to run down her face. my father heard this and never wanted me to go to college. lucky for him, i went to a women’s college.

22 05 2008
Lolo

@ Muse
I’ve noticed that much of what passes for sex is not woman friendly. Seriously, if sex were designed by women then men would have 6 inch tongues, cocks would be more about girth than length (or we would have clitorises on our uteruses), and there would be an extra set of nipples on our shoulder blades. And that’s just to start with …

22 05 2008
Ethel

A friend of mine had terrible service from a female server who apparently had a chronically bad attitude. So one day after falling all over himself to be polite to her [he’s from the South–they know how to do it down there] the server was STILL having none of it so he tipped her… two Midol.

22 05 2008
Bailey Blues

I went to Howard and I’ve never heard anything like this. What chick is letting a dude do this to her?

I know this is old but someone told me what “superman dat ho” (and spiderman) was. How do you let that happen?

22 05 2008
shabooty

@LoLo

the 20 bucks I leave on your nightstand afterwards is women friendly.
OHHH!

22 05 2008
Sylph

My eyes! My eyes! And there are people that enjoy this shit?!?!

That stalker chick is not giving up. Jeez.

22 05 2008
Lolo

@shabooty
You paid by the minute and I owe you 19 dollars change.

22 05 2008
iheartpopeyes

I moonlight as a waitress. I always overcompensate on service when my customers are black. I understand that vicious cycle because I’ve worked with plenty of servers and managers who ignore black customers or try to pawn them off on me because they think the tip will be bad. Usually the tip is bad, but I’ve gotten so used to it that it’s like a celebration when I do get a good tip from a black customer.

I work next to a bar, where a lot of my customers go after eating. If you leave me a dollar or loose change, Ima throw my drink on you if I see you at the bar (which your shitty tip won’t even cover- that’s how dedicated I am). That shit is insulting. I also tell every other server in the restaurant what you did.

ST is right- tipping is part of a meal in the U.S. If you can’t afford the tip, don’t eat out. I make $2.25 an hour before taxes and I don’t do the shit because its fun. You should also remember that other workers in the restaurant rely on my tips (ie cooks, bartenders, bussers, dishwashers).

Finally, there are not a lot of people who are just waiters (ie a lot of us do it as a second job or go to school), so you don’t need to treat me like a retard. I have a brain, I’m pretty fuckin intelligent actually.

22 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHHA @ Lolo! Strawberry Shortcake. No.

22 05 2008
shabooty

its a dollar in cum-receptical fees well spent!

22 05 2008
Lolo

@ shabooty
Sand don’t count as jizz, Pup Tent. Next time bring a quarter and I’ll just finger flick ya.

22 05 2008
Sylph

Lolo wins the internets.

22 05 2008
sarah

sylph, i once watched an episode of Jerry Springer (long time ago… like when the show first started) where a woman was crying (of course) cause she wanted to break up with her boyfriend. when dude comes out, he tells her he has been cheating on her with someone who likes to have sex the way he wants. so, they bring out the mistress and the dude proceeds to throw up on this woman, who seemingly enjoys it cause she licks his face afterwards. apparently, throwing up on his women gets him a better orgasm. there are people out there who do weird things for a nut. more weird is that you can find another person who likes it just as much as you do.

22 05 2008
Lolo

Okay, you people are posting about things that make Shabooty sound like the 40 year old virgin now … vomit???

22 05 2008
HeadNutInCharge

this one was gut busting funny. I enjoyed it. Red Lobster to me is just like Olive Garden. A “nice” restaurant if your 18 and on a date or if you live in a town of 500 people.

http://www.platenuts.com

22 05 2008
Knatural

Thanks sarah…for ruining my future dinner plans. I appreciate it. I could deal with the poo scenario from Muse, but vomit? at will?

22 05 2008
shabooty

i kno right–
why u all writing about roman showers and shiet…

22 05 2008
NotBlonde

didn’t you all see 2 girls 1 cup?

22 05 2008
sarah

don’t even bring that up 😦

22 05 2008
Muse

I refuse ot watch two girls one cup. I saw the reaction videos on youtube and that was enough for me. My innocence is important LOL.

22 05 2008
Lolo

I like how the post about eating out at the Big Crusty has turned to Most Disgusting Sex Acts.

22 05 2008
NotBlonde

LOL. Be super glad you weren’t duped into it. My little sister sends me a link saying that she wants to show me something funny….friggin whore.

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Dustin- I never leave less than 15%. If someone was THAT horrid to me, then I probably would just resort to fisticuffs.

Not trying to be an instigator, Shabooty totally just called y’all Black bitches. I am not sure if you peeped that. I saw it JUST as I wanted to cosign him on the need for men and women to act like members of the opposite sex do NOT have gross bodily functions. They shouldn’t be discussed or displayed in front of….anyone, really.

Um, who got Strawberry Shortcaked at HU? I don’t belive that. Every girl I know woulda beat a ninja’s ASS over that one. It’s scary though, all this new woman-hating sex stuff. I believe that most of it is invented by men who rarely, if EVER, have sex with anyone other than Handgie and Palmela.

22 05 2008
Dannie

What’s a dirty sanchez?

No matter what the main topic is, why do SBPH’s comment sections invariably turn into sex discussions? he he…

22 05 2008
Sylph

sarah…she licked his face? EEWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I just bought dinner and I can’t even eat it. Well played.

22 05 2008
Sylph

Dannie, urbandictionary.com is your friend and the source of nightmares.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dirty+sanchez

2 in 1 cup? Can’t hear you cause my fingers are in my ears.

22 05 2008
NotBlonde

A dirty sanchez is when after guy has anal sex with a woman he rubs the end of his penis along her upper lip. Presumably the woman is fairly dirty because there is supposed to be shit on the end of his dick thus giving the woman a fecal mustache.

22 05 2008
Muse

This is random as hell but I’m in my office right now listen to Jordin Sparks’ single No Air ft. Chris Brown. They sound so cute together.

22 05 2008
shabooty

Muse -unless you talking about No Air [in the pussy] then your comment is way not in flow of the convo.

22 05 2008
Lolo

@ ST

I know but it’s Shabooty. He’s the official My Little Pony With Tourettes of SBPH, yanno?

22 05 2008
sarah

thus giving the woman a fecal mustache.
wow. summoning as much dignity as you can muster in writing that statement.

Muse, i love that song. no wait, i LURVE that song! its a shame though cause when i saw the video, they look so uncomfortable together. she is looking at him… he is looking for Rihanna.

22 05 2008
NotBlonde

I seriously had to sarah…I’m not usually a very vulgar person 🙂

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

No Sarah, he’s looking for ME! I hate that big-forhead, no singing ass bitch Rihanna! Maybe he’s looking for a hot beat or better song to drop from the sky, cause that shit is the pits. Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terell are riding spinners in their graves as we speak.

22 05 2008
Lolo

@ Sarah
“wow. summoning as much dignity as you can muster in writing that statement.”

I know, right? I pictured her typing that with her pinkies extended and muttering “tut tut”.

22 05 2008
sarah

wow Toldja… tell em why you mad.

22 05 2008
sarah

ya’ll are funny as hell! you make my workdays brighter. have a good weekend all!

22 05 2008
Merri Lee

I just waiting for somebody to twist up the phrase “red lobster.” I’m trying to work a Lindsay Lohan joke in somehow… 😀

22 05 2008
Muse

Now I’m lstening to The Verve. My musical taste are quite interesting.

Shabooty for some reason I get the feeling that you have Donkey Punched a few broads.

22 05 2008
NotBlonde

I didn’t tut…I made a smell-the-fart face and typed with the very tips of my fingers.

22 05 2008

all I have to say is YUCK!

22 05 2008
Lolo

@ NotBlonde
There are times that I’m grateful that the internets doesn’t have smellovision.

22 05 2008
Sylph

Bittersweet Symphony would be appropriate here.

Shabootybaby wrote the book and teaches the courses for beginners. He has a tough time finding volunteers for demonstrations though.

22 05 2008
Merri Lee

@ shabooty-
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TMI!

22 05 2008
Knatural

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, stop. Now. What the hell is 2 in 1 cup? I’ll look it up after I eat. I heard about Dirty Sanchez from 40 Year Old Virgin. I heard they did it Screech’s sex tape. That Pakistani in 40 Yr Old Virgin dude is hilarious! I love how he talks.
New subject (I hope): I’m watching this thing about Children’s Beauty Pageants on VH1…it’s extremely disturbing.

22 05 2008
Shine

Yea, this is an awkward turn for the sex talk. I blame it on the red lobster syndrome. Even though you’ve had enough, you just keep going out of spite. Ya’ll knew you had enough at dickmatized and shoulda stopped, but you went all the way to Dirty Sanchezes and donkey punches. Now you feel sick. YOY

22 05 2008
imaG

Black people and Indians have at least one cultural trait in common: when the bill shows up, everyone looks around at everyone else like they have no idea what the fuck is going on. <<< OH LORD IM DYING

22 05 2008
nubnqtndc

man! now i want some skrimpses!!
lmao

22 05 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

$2.60? WTF? Are we talking about the stone ages or the fcuking ghetto or what? I have never heard of that — I don’t know what you’re all smoking but that’s slave labour — your kidding right?

22 05 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

P.S. I’m not cheap — I paid more 100 or more on some tips because they were absolutely lovely. But don’t fcuking expect it and be a bitch if you get less than what you think someone owes you. If you have a problem with the pay get a different job or a different attitude.

No one owes you anything beyond what you offer.

22 05 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

100%

22 05 2008
flyblu04

Just to throw this out there, but the whole one cup thing has spawned so many spin offs.
There’s 2 guys 1 cup
2 guys 1 horse
2 girls 1 finger
I have gay friends with very ecclectic video tastes who like to scare me with these things. Just throwing it out there.

22 05 2008
Dannie

Thanks Sylph and NotBlonde for the dirty sanchez reference link and explanation.

Urban Dictionary is so cool! I’m pissed though b/c my employer blocks access to it which is why I couldn’t look it up earlier. A shame b/c it’s such a wealth of good info.

Dirty Sanchez = barf!

22 05 2008
Dannie

@ Shine…Red lobster syndrome LOL!

23 05 2008
sue

@Somali,

Yes waiters & waitresses make roughly half of minimum wage give or take….this is true all over the country as far as I know with a few exceptions. I can understand not giving a tip when you get bad service but not tipping simply because you don’t want to is just plain triffling! Its simply something that is expected when you go to a full service restaurant.

For all you trifflin’ negroes who “can’t or won’t afford to tip” STAY YO’ ASS AT HOME AND COOK OR MAKE DAT TRIP TO MICKEY D’S!

23 05 2008
sue

@ST

WATER WITH LEMON! You didn’t give a fuck about your digestive track when you inhaled six biscuits with extra butter and a Caesar salad with EXTRA dressing!

DEAD@Water w/ lemon!

We’s sorry we gave you a nervous breakdown!

23 05 2008
Nice

I dig Red Lobster sometimes, especially the biscuits. I live in Milwaukee and we only have 2. There is always like a 2 hour wait just to get seated- not worth it at all. But when I am I the mood to wait, I must get me a Bahama Mama with xtra rum- good times.

LOL at ST- If I worked at Red Lobster, I would probably hate it too.

These post are starting to hit too close to home. First the alcohol, now Red Lobster- two of my weaknesses.

23 05 2008
Angry IV

I’m late to the party on this one…Buffalo Wild Wings tonight. I love that restaurant…Honey BBQ wings…mmm.

I wish they’d institute an all you can eat wings deal. Oh well. Time to crack a Red Stripe and get ready for the weekend.

23 05 2008
shabooty

if i havent pissed on a chick does that mean i don’t actually hate women?
doh!!! (wheres my lemonaide mix)

23 05 2008
shabooty

wait in the shower doesn’t count right…muahahhaha!

23 05 2008
Nice

@ Angry IV, I personally love the Caribbean Jerk wings. As close as BW3 will get to all you can eat wings is $.40 wing Tuesday. Have you ever tried a Zoo from there? Awesome.

23 05 2008
KLysha

Black people, please leave tips. Let’s end the stereotype that we’re cheap. If you don’t want to pay a tip just go to a drive through.

23 05 2008
Nice

@ Klysha- Amen. I hate going out with my friends who don’t like to tip. Just plain tacky. I have to make for their lack of a tip just so we don’t look cheap.

23 05 2008
scarletjones

Red Lobster…. oh the crazy times. I’ve seen some foolishness up in RL…. also been associated with it too.

The first time i’d ever seen anyone “dine and dash” was in a red lobster. while we were doing the eternal table wait in a RL in Sacramento, we kept seeing these high school kids in prom attire that repeatedly came back and forth to the hostess stand to ask about the check and where they pay. Now myself being a high schooler at the time was pretty clear about the game plan, but was confused about how the red lobster staff wasn’t picking up on the ditch signals. needless to say after 3 waves of 4 kids a piece made their way to the door, the screaming manager didn’t run for the front until 2 minutes after you heard those fools’ screaching tires rolling out of the parking lot. And to top it off the assholes were riding in bmw’s and a lexus!

the second bit of red lobster tomfoolery happened courtesy of a significant other that shall not be named. we were all getting together for my friend’s birthday and the red lobster didn’t take reservations so we had to try to get there and get a table. we get to the place and the wait is like 2 hrs. so we get our alert dildo and wait outside for my friend to show up. Within 30 minutes of waiting we made the decision to take the party to Johnny Carino’s which was the next restaurant over, and the significant other was charged with returning the alert dildo. he comes back in 5 minutes like “we have to hurry up and go man! no questions!”. after rushing to the Carino’s we find out that since my man didn’t want to wait in line to actually remove our name from the list, he threw the buzzer in the lobster tank. he was like “i thought it would float! and i was tired of waiting…” i was embarrased as hell and had to actually avoid that joint for at least 3 months. HA!

as for tipping, the worst tippers i’ve ever experienced were affluent white people! those fools are cheap as hell! Will try to talk to you like some kind of ignorant ass high school drop-out about a damn latte, and throw their money at you, but won’t give a sista a tip after having to deal with your rude ass! bitches!

And for those that don’t know, white graduate students are also cheap! myself and a number of my black friends from grad school got together for another school friend’s birthday. she invited some white people from her program to come along to celebrate. Not only did those chics break the rules, (on birthdays everyone splits equally and you pay for the birthday boy/girl’s stuff) but the bitches had the nerve to try to put in their share for their food and then BOUNCE before all the money was worked out! Myself and another friend had to come up with $40 worth of the check because them simple bitches couldn’t even do the math right!

and btw isn’t california pizza kitchen a chain restaurant? i’ve been to them outside of california and seen them in a couple of other places.

23 05 2008
klysha

Yes California Pizza Kitchen is definitely a chain.

23 05 2008
my2blackbabiesrbeautiful

No Sarah, he’s looking for ME! I hate that big-forhead, no singing ass bitch Rihanna! Maybe he’s looking for a hot beat or better song to drop from the sky, cause that shit is the pits. Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terell are riding spinners in their graves as we speak.

@ST, you obviously want my baby dead. Please stop it with the off the wall-ass comments that i am forced to read with an infant on my lap!
*whole family is DEAD at the idea of niggas on spinners in their graves*

How comforting to know that someone else shares my contempt for Rhianna. However, I don’t know who I hate more, her or that fake-ass/fat-ass Jordin Sparks. I hate Chris Brown now for even associating with either of them.

23 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Hey now, I have to push pause on the Jordin Sparks hate. 1) She’s not fat, she’s just not skinny. http://hbanner.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/studio_jordin-0092.gif

My mom said she looks like me ( this is not at all true), so now I feel like I have to defend her at all times. She is cute nonetheless and has a great voice. She just has a really shitty song and a stupid name (I especially hate the “I” in Jordin). I blame Rihanna. See, since he let Rihanna defile his body, Chris Brown has become 30% less fantastic. He brought that negative energy to “No Air” and THUS dragged Jordin down in the process.

Fight pon de real enemy.

23 05 2008
Dannie

Have a safe Memorial weekend everyone!

23 05 2008
Dannie

Everyone except Creole Beauty! 🙂

23 05 2008
Shine

Aww it’s just like family in here. you too DangerMouse!

24 05 2008
rai

red lobster is nigga seafood. . . the absolute WORST seafood ever. the biscuits are good, but even the right red lobster could fawk them up. . . ive given up up dining is large groups with black folks. no one EVER has cash. some niggas just don’t understand tax PLUS tip/gratuity. and the bamma with the MOST requests tip the worst. “I was the sirloin and the baked potato, but can u hold the steak, add chicken, and make the potato noodles.” NIGGA U DON’T WANT STEAK AND POTATOES U WANT CHICKEN ALFREDO!!!!! lol maybe I am a loner. . . lol

24 05 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

& them drinks aint cheap out there son $5.00 for one of them daquaris… whats the ol skool rapper from seattle, you know “baby got back” dude. Sir Mix-a-Lot anyways he had a rhyme about a dude taking some golddiggers to red lobster and that aint all they got him for neither. funny shit. trust, i dont eat there and probably have only eaten there but a couple of times in my life.

Shine you killing me. LOL!

Ya’ll knew you had enough at dickmatized and shoulda stopped, but you went all the way to Dirty Sanchezes and donkey punches. Now you feel sick. YOY

rai yo ass is stupid as shit but im feeling you on the nigga tipping though. LOL

Somali… You are correct. “its that whole sense of entitlement shit.” however I rather just pay and not deal with that waiter anymore or the restaurant if its all that. its just the sense of entitlement that i cant stand.

S. I’m not cheap — I paid more 100 or more on some tips because they were absolutely lovely. But don’t fcuking expect it and be a bitch if you get less than what you think someone owes you. If you have a problem with the pay get a different job or a different attitude.

No one owes you anything beyond what you offer.

Sister Toldya im getting some serious marathon sex vibes from what you said. balance. too many nickles get letters behind their name and think they are they are the shit. IF a man is to be judged it should be by the wisdom of his words and actions and not by any institutionalized credentials. GD I got wood over here.

I am glad I have like-minded friends. We went to excellent colleges, know all types of stuff, can travel amongst the bougie folks….and can still appreciate the virtues of Red Lobster, rail liquor, bootlegs shops, hood spots, etc. We can go to a gallery opening one night, then turn around the next day and drink beer in the car in coffee cups with breakfast. AND we know how to tip. I wouldn’t be “impressed” by a Red Lobster date for a special occasion. But I am also not so fucking high on my “Good Negress” horse to think that a brother needs to drop $200 on an effing first date to impress me.

24 05 2008
Rae of Stuff Fly People Like

Red Lobster is a complete waste of time!! I mean Really??? LOL-Great Posts!

25 05 2008
feast of lots

[…] statement as proof: ???When??s the last time you ever saw TWO Indians? You ain??t never seen a bunchhttp://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/2008/05/22/red-lobster/Grilled Fare Doesn’t Have To Be Beef CBS NewsChef Allen Susser shares fun, easy, healthier spins on […]

28 05 2008
Vanita

I hate goin to red lobster…but I did used to think my parents were ballers when i was a youngster.

And i dont like goin out to restaurants with ANY group of people 5 or more, because muthaf*ers ALWAYS complainin about that damn gratuity…Even now, as *most* of my social group has at least graduated college and have a partially successful job, DONT GO OUT AND ORDER 3 DRINKS, An APP, an ENTREE AND A FU*KIN dessert if you aint got the funds. And gonna complain about gratuity…

30 05 2008
Rachee

Do you know my family?
Seriously, I think you really live in the Philadelphia area and are really talking about me!
Anywho, I swear everytime my family goes to eat, be it an Applebees, Olive Garden, McDonald’s, or a swankier place, there is always amnesia about who ordered what and how much it cost. My people have no problem ordering double this and extra this and a second of this and that then forgetting about tax and tip.
One of my people had the audacity to pull a “make it enough” when asked about putting in for a tip!?!
I love your site.
This truly got me through the hump before the weekend.
Thanks!
-r
I can’t lie…back in the day I though Red Lobster was the equivalant of Le Bec Fin! You got dresed up to go to Red Lobster, no sneaks allowed!

9 06 2008
McDonald’s Breakfast « Stuff Black People Hate

[…] 9 06 2008 Getting breakfast at McDonald’s is a lot like going to Red Lobster when you’re really really hungry: it seems like a great idea until the moment you start […]

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