Alcohol

20 05 2008

Alcohol is a drug that’s as interesting as it is infuriating. Almost anyone over the age of 18 can recall some experience where alcohol has made them do something they consider to be absolutely fucking retarded:

  • 100lb men taking home 300lb women, and vice versa
  • Vomiting in public
  • Urinating in public
  • Urinating on the public
  • Loss of pants, shirt, shoes
  • Talking to women/men way out of your league
  • Black people dancing like white people
  • White people dancing like themselves
  • Koreans dancing with non-Koreans

Alkey is interesting, though, because the ‘kind’ of drunk you get depends on the kind of alcohol you are drinking. Let’s see how the average drunken night out progresses for an individual based on what they choose to drink – beer, wine, or liquor.

9:00pm – Pregaming

Beer Drinker: The beer drinker loves the pregaming period, and the younger he is, the better. Young people like beer because, like Mexican day labor, it’s cheap and it’s everywhere. The beer drinker will pop open several cans/bottles of beer and down them one after the other, with increasing speed, relishing the relatively inexpensive buzz that builds slowly over the next 1.5 – 2 hours. You will pay dearly for this later.

Wine Drinker: If you start off the night with a glass of wine, you’re probably a pompous asshole. If you start off the night with a bottle of wine, you are probably a friend of mine. In either case, you are drinking wine because you’re aware of the fairly ‘smooth drunk’ effect that comes from getting drunk off it. Your knowledge of euphoric wine crunkitude this allows you to tolerate your friends constantly referring to you as “fag”.

Liquor Drinker: the way you take your hard liquor during the pregame defines how the rest of your night will go. Starting off with something sweet like Rum & Gingerale means that you’re probably going to take it easy for the rest of the night. Starting off with a car bomb and a shot of Absinthe means that you’re probably going to wind up crashing a black-tie ball at an embassy wearing ripped jeans and a t-shirt, and spend most of your night trying to convince people that your black ass is Irish.*

11:00pm – Arrival

Sooner or later the pregaming will stop and you’ll wind up at a bar or some godforsaken club

Beer Drinker: After pounding back 12 beers in 2 hours, you have to piss like a racehorse. You didn’t take a leak at the pregaming venue because you drink beer to get drunk and are therefore an idiot. If the group puts you in charge of talking to the doorman, the night’s over: you are clearly drunk, you are doing the pee-pee dance, and there’s no way the bouncer’s letting you in to urinate all over the carpet.

Wine Drinker: After 4 – 5 glasses of wine, you feel ‘delicious’. You know you’re drunk, and you feel all the good effects of being drunk without the bloating, stumbling, bad breath, and other side effects – so other people just think you’re really really really happy, or possibly high. The bouncers assume that your euphoric demeanor = wealth, and let you and your beer swilling friends right in.

Liquor Drinker: Whether you’ve been pounding Patron or Black Russians, you’re not completely drunk just yet. Unlike the beer drinker, you’re not miserable with a bloated, barley-induced intoxication. Unlike the wine drinker, though, you had to cut back toward the end of the pregame so you’d be able to stumble to the club without faceplanting at your buddy’s doorstep. By the time you get to the venue, you’re damn near sober again. It becomes clear at this point that you will wind up spending an inordinate amount of money to get drunk

12:30am – Mingling

Beer Drinker: It took you five minutes to empty your bladder, but you still haven’t learned your lesson. You are now doublefisting Coronas and trying to chat someone up. Unfortunately, if you’re a guy, your breath is repulsive from the hops and girls assume beer drinkers are poor. If you’re a girl, guys assume that girls drinking beer are a.) underage or b.) another guy bought them the beer. In any case, you lose – but you don’t really care because you have to pee again.

Wine Drinker: Being the pompous douchebag that you are, you continue ordering glasses of wine despite the difficulty of carrying around a wine glass in a club. As you sip classily amidst couples freaking each other to the sounds of Soulja Boy, you slowly begin to realize how ridiculous you look. You pound back the glass of wine like a shot and, now sans drank, find someone to holler at. If you’re a guy and are seen without a drink of any kind, girls assume you’re a cheap bastard and refuse to talk to you. If you’re a girl and are seen without a drink, the guy will probably ask if he can get you one. When you see the look on his face after saying “Chardonnay”, you realize that you might as well have pointed at your uterus and said “I need you to put a baby here!”

Liquor Drinker: Since you arrived at the club sober, you want to get drunk as quickly as possible to minimize the expense. You start ordering shots. Ordering shots is a great way to start mingling if you’re a guy, especially if you’re ordering rounds with friends, because bachelorette parties seem to have some kind of radar for detecting this shit. When you hear some chick behind you yell “WOOOOO TEQUILA!!!!”, you know you’ve hit paydirt**. If you’re a girl, ordering a round of shots is a good way to get some shmuck guy to order your next round. In either case, after about six shots you’re starting to feel the stumbles again, and you begin to realize that life is going to mop the floor with your ass very shortly.

2:00am – Riot

The same thing applies at this point to all types of drinkers. The alcohol is in full effect, and right now everyone is feeling delicious – even the beer drinker who, by now, has finally realized that drinking liquor is more cost-effective and less taxing on the bladder.

You and your friends are sex-dancing with people you would never even look at under normal circumstances. You are spilling alcohol all over yourself and others, and no one seems to care. Some of your more shy friends are wallflowering and waiting to get noticed – but in the meantime they’re pointing and laughing (very noticeably) at the group of tiny asian women that you see at every club putting way too much effort into their dancing. Your less-shy friends are getting (or giving) head in the bathroom.

Enjoy it fucker, because things are about to get real bad real soon…

3:30am – Munchies

Upon exiting the club, you realize for the first time in 7 hours that you are indeed made of flesh. You MUST have food…

Beer Drinker: You feel like a burlap sack full of asses. You are bloated, full, and you have to pee AGAIN. You feel like you could vomit at any moment, but you’re drunk enough to think that eating a bunch of greasy post-night-out food is going to make you feel better. You eat something ridiculous like a big ass gyro or empanada. If you’re really dumb, you head to a 24 hour diner and eat a full fucking breakfast.

Wine Drinker: Still euphoric, you have no desire for lay foods like jumbo slice pizza. Your pompous ass still has a reasonable appetite, and you’re trying to figure out if you’d like to have some brie and crackers with a glass of white, or hummus and olive oil with pita bread. The fact that you can still stand, think, and talk to members of the opposite sex without saying “HEY LADY! YOU GOTTA BUTT THAT WON’T QUIT! GIGGIDY!” enrages your friends. They continue calling you a “fag”.

Liquor Drinker: By now, you’ve already thrown up at least once. If you’re a real lady or gentleman, you vomited discreetly on one of the walls in the darkest corner of the venue. In either case, you are definitely hungry and will accept nothing less than the greasiest most unhealthy food within stumbling distance of your present location. While the beer drinker feels too sick to notice his drunkenness, you feel dizzy and disoriented and are noticing the shit out of it. Your life fucking sucks.

4:30am – Disaster

No one is happy but the wine drinker. Now loaded with greasy horrendous food that you wouldn’t even be able to keep down on a healthy stomach, the beer and liquor drinkers’ bodies are failing all over the place. They are vomiting in taxi cabs and on parked cars. They are urinating on houses and government buildings. They are sleeping in people’s lawns or in their own cars with the engines running. Some have uncontrollable ‘beer shits’ and are crapping mercilessly in the shrubbery of unsuspecting dormant locals. The person’s insides are effectively declaring their independence from the rest of the body (the brain in particular), and are making their exit as quickly as possible to search for greener pastures.

When the beer and liquor drinkers get home, they will be unable to sleep because the room is spinning. They will spend the next hour getting very familiar with the toilet, violently vomiting and shitting, and all they can hope for is not to do both at the same time. They will wake up with a pounding headache, nausea, and breath that smells like a dog’s ass. They will remember less than 40% of the previous night’s happenings.

The wine drinker is at home, eating soft cheese, watching a DVD as he/she falls soundly asleep.

*Yes, this happened to me

**This girl is probably great in bed. But keep in mind that she will be, without question, insane.

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417 responses

20 05 2008
imaG

Fuckin hell chris I just got out of jail sunday because of fuckin public intoxication. Fuck alchohol

http://www.anythingblack.net

20 05 2008
Roger

I hardly ever drink…and when I do, guess what? It’s wine. I’ve gotten drunk precisely once in my life–and it was off wine. And Chris is right: it’s delicious drunkery.

20 05 2008
Lolo

According to this guide, I’m both a douchebag and a fag. Go me! Hard booze trips my pyscho switch so no going there for me, unless I’m safe at home or at a close friend’s. No longer having the option/torture of clubbing available I’m content to just ordering an entire bottle when out and if I get drunk enough, I can just swig from the bottle. Pure class, all the way.

20 05 2008
Knatural

wow, arrival 11:00am! I know it’s a typo, just wanted to be an ass 😀
Beer, ahhhhhh *Homer Simpson voice* At parties I always feel like the only Black girl drinking beer. And why don’t Black people try other beers; there’s more to life than Heineken and Corona. My drink is vodka & tonic. It’s bitter, strong, and if spilled (God forbid) it won’t stain and dries quickly.

20 05 2008
creativecat

I’m usually a (red) wine drinker. Occasionally liquor–but not the cheap shit because you’re pretty much guaranteed a nasty hangover if you drink well. I like single malt scotch if someone else is buying. Neat. Don’t put any fucking water or ice in my Macallen.

Lol, I AM a pompous asshole!

20 05 2008
Tasha

Oh no! this is hilarious, I have clearly had all of these experiences. Bad Beer Experience= Peeing in the corner of the club from drinking so much beer and being too drunk to find the restroom. Bad Wine Experience= No bad experiences here. Just a nice smooth drunk with little to no hangover in the morning. Bad Liqour Experience= Throwing up in the club in the same corner/ sitting on the floor in the nasty a** bathroom crying because I am embarrased at how drunk I am.

20 05 2008
Shine

Black people love they german beers. Man I wish I still drank. I miss feeling delicous without my mouth tasting like assh. Rum is the drink of class. Darker the better. And from an island furthest from florida as you can get.

20 05 2008
cmoore

liquor drinker….but i know when 2 stop.

20 05 2008
Deesigner

Knat, you probably are the only black girl drinking beer at parties.

Beer has waaaayyyy to many calories per oz and gives some ladies that attractive ghetto gut that you seen in the hood on 35y/o grandmothers.

My husband tried to give me a beer with lime in it the other day at a concert. I was like wtf, I hate the smell of beer on guys, I cannot imagine walking around smelling like that. I guess he thought the fruit would make it more palatable.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

HAHAHAHAHHA omg this sound like my life as a college student!!!
Freshman yr- nothing but beer and liquor and i would get shit-faced so bad not remembering 1/2 of the night before

Sophmore yr- Strictly Liquor, but since i drank alot in my freshmN yr my tolereance was way higher that not even 6 shots would make me even tipsy hahaha

Junior yr- Red Wine and brown liquor only….which still got me in to trouble when I slept with my guy roomate the next day was a living hell for both of us because our girl roomate was totatlly in love with him but they werent going out or anything ahaha but i still felt bad.she wouldnt talk to us for like a whole week…I will assume the dick was good since i was hurting in the morning bwhahaha

Now- Red Wine and beer…I love drinking wine in the club now because the busters wont even come to me anymore YES now all i get is these cute older dudes in their late 20’s early 30’s hittting on me asking me if they could get me another glass or dance!!! while my kiddie ass friends drink liquor out the ass and get hit on by these ugly little grimmlins fake bling fools.

But i am totally
Wine Drinker: After 4 – 5 glasses of wine, you feel ‘delicious’. You know you’re drunk, and you feel all the good effects of being drunk without the bloating, stumbling, bad breath, and other side effects – so other people just think you’re really really really happy, or possibly high. The bouncers assume that your euphoric demeanor = wealth, and let you and your beer swilling friends right in.

I alway end up driving one of my girls home cuz they got to fucked up…even though i was feeling SAUCEY!!!!!

20 05 2008
Dustin

Grey Goose and Diet Coke. The liquor-drinker’s manual laid out by Chris is EXACTLY what happens to me three to five times a week. Good times!

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Classic. Is it sad that this post really made me wish I was drinking RIGHT NOW? Actually, it took me right down memory lane….Adams Morgan, Love, Bohemian Caverns…..so many good times, so many.

I only drink beer in conjunction with sports or chilling at home. That bloated shit is the pits, it takes me way too much to get drunk and I will spend the entire night peeing. No fun. I am mostly a liquor drinker socially and a wine drinker at home. I do mix the two though, in both situations. Ordering wine in a club just seems dammed silly. Why am I paying $8 for a glass of merlot or chardonnay from a $6 bottle so I can look “classy”. Classy went out the window when I came to the club in my harlot dress.

What REALLY cracks me up are the girls who order white zinafandel at the club! I’m not saying it doesn’t taste good, but it’s like ordering Kool-Aid at a nice restauraunt and looking down your nose at people who drink Coke. It’s like wearing houseshoes to the store. Some stuff just belongs at home. You are not classy, my dear. The cost of wine and the appeal of the brand name is not always in direct correlation to the taste or quality, but some shit you just don’t do.

20 05 2008
Knatural

Deesigner…did you just call me fat?!?! 😀

20 05 2008
imaG

We both pissed and vomited in public. My friend lost his watch and iPhone…and we both came back to consciousness in the back of a cop car and spent the day and night in fuckin county jail. Shit was fuckin gay.

20 05 2008
benjie

PATRON
PATRON
PATRON

i cant even begin to sing the praises of patron.
*sigh*
it even makes the men more attractive. either that or its the fact that i’m pissy drunk trying to hold on to someone so i don’t fall.

20 05 2008
Quiet Storm

Beer Drinker: You feel like a burlap sack full of asses.

Chocked on my tea. Thanks.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

if your black and like Heineken kill yo self that is the worst tasting beer i ever had it taste like water down piss… I like coors, bud, miller, corona,michelob,mickeys,yengling,red stripe,ect
as for wine anything red not to to dry

as for liquor and mixed drinks i stick to the basics, cosmo, fuzzy navel, sex on the beach,apple martini,gin and juice, rum n coke, Carabou Lou which is 151 rum, Malibu rum and pinn juice it will put you on your ass, I have had Absinthe once and that shit put me on my ass and it was nasty too..tasted like black liquorish. I have found my self acting bossy at the bar when dudes say i cant hold my liquor and i always liek to prove dudes wrong so i would take straight shots of vodka, henny, captin morgan,gin,bacardi,tequila w/o the salt hahah

I hated when ppl say I cant hold my liquor I get pissed and wanna have a drinking contest!

I like drinking games too like Beer Pong

20 05 2008
Anmarie

“When you see the look on his face after saying “Chardonnay”, you realize that you might as well have pointed at your uterus and said “I need you to put a baby here!””

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! OOOOOh so that’s what happens!

I don’t care what anyone says white wine highs are the best! Man there’s this soft tingling feeling that comes over you and just explodes in your head that softly drapes your body in blankets of bliss. Oh the wine is sweet. Even Jesus knew that wine is the bomb.

I’m an alcoholic are I?

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

is it me or does Designer sound like a pompous ass? lol

My husband tried to give me a beer with lime in it the other day at a concert. I was like wtf, I hate the smell of beer on guys, I cannot imagine walking around smelling like that. I guess he thought the fruit would make it more palatable.

you’re at a concert not the Palace

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

I’m totally a wine drinker. I’ve had too many bad experiences with liquor. Last year, I went to a friend’s graduation. She had a suite at the Ritz and everyone came there to pregame. I was drinking grey goose and pineapple juice as I got dressed to go to the club. After quite a few drinks, I’m passed out on the bed with my bra and panties on. I had way too much to drink and I didn’t realize it. I have vague memories from that night since I didn’t just stay in the bed. These bitches actually still got me dressed while I was passed out and took me to the club. I remember a bouncer being like she can’t come in here like that. And one of them taking me back to the hotel. I don’t really remember anything else.

Turns out I drank an entire bottle of grey goose by myself. I didn’t even know it and it was the worst night and morning of my life.

Until Saturday, when Sister Tolja and I went out…open bar is not what’s up… 6 drinks in 30 minutes. And I did some reckless shit that night too….

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Mrs. Epps- I have to try the Caribou Lou thing! I am really good at drinking, really good at it. It is a talent of mine that I began honing in middle school. I sat over the sink and forced myself to take a shot of cogac at 13, after hearing Common talk about taking his first shot of Henny on “Reminding Me (Of Sef)”. And they say Hip-Hop doesn’t influence the youth!

Anmarie-White wine highs are something special. It’s like glowing on the inside. But I still gotta get my drank drank on. I love mojitos and margaritas and rum with anything sweet. Long Island Iced Teas are the most cost effective drink, I have found time and time again.

20 05 2008
Dustin

“Young people like beer because, like Mexican day labor, it’s cheap and it’s everywhere.”

Genius!

20 05 2008
Esquire

Maybe Im just too old to get drunk anymore.

20 05 2008
Lolo

@Anmarie
I prefer the term “lush” myself. It’s way easier to say when I’m drunk.

And Bailey, while I truly admire your friends for being so evil … they deserved to have their shoes puked on for that.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Anmarie I like wine too but I like red wine even more…it was funny one night me and my man and his friend and his girl were up drinking wine and liquor at the same time..not i dont recommend ppl drink liquor and beer or liquor and wine in the same setting ahaha.. this was back when we were living in the ghetto ass apartments in/near langley park and I swear after drinking that whole bottle of wine and liquor we were all fucked up we were so fucked up we wanted to get more beer hahaha so since we wanted to be safe and not drive we walked well tried to walk up to the liquor store up the street(goldenbull). It was the funniest sight three black ppl and one white girl skipping up the street like we were in wizard of Oz…talking loud as fuck over each other and slurring like no tomorrow. we all got a 24 oz can of bud light and downed that shit in the parking lot..and smoking non-stop Newport 100’s which makes any persons buzz even worse.. we was so fucked up we actually stayed infront of the liquor store a while until or buzz wore off alittle bit so we can walk back down the hill with out falling…

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

LMAO!!!! Baliey, why don’t I remember hearing that story before????

We had fun Saturday! We were legendary!

20 05 2008
Knatural

Mrs. Epps – Red Stripe tastes like vinegar and the only -tini I’ll consume are saketinis from Benihana. To clarify, so I don’t seem like a bloated sack, I don’t drink beer all night long, all the time. I usually drink (light) liquor, three or four drink max. Wine is for dinner or cooking. Period.

20 05 2008
Anmarie

ST I didn’t wan to admit this but it really only takes 2 -3 glasses of wine before I’m on my ass, that;s why i like it i can actually drink more. The only “liquor” I can actually drink without getting wasted in two sips is coconut rum, lol I’m a sad light weight. But a cheap date! 🙂

20 05 2008
Quiet Storm

Mrs. Epps is giving me a mini drink list of things I need to try. Now I want to try gin and juice, fuzzy navel, and Carabou Lou. I heard the incredible hulk was good too. Is it really?

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

yeah, i was pissed….that shit just wasn’t okay and then get turned away at the door…i had to take the walk of shame

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

i thought you knew that one…which is why i try to stick to my white wine high!

yeah, we were whylin saturday. people are still talking about it lmao!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

ST-Mrs. Epps- I have to try the Caribou Lou thing! I am really good at drinking, really good at it. It is a talent of mine that I began honing in middle school. I sat over the sink and forced myself to take a shot of cogac at 13, after hearing Common talk about taking his first shot of Henny on “Reminding Me (Of Sef)”. And they say Hip-Hop doesn’t influence the youth!

girlllllllll that shit is sooo goooddddddddddd!!! I had it for the 1st time on New Yrs my man and his friend made the mixture and i was tore up and then we toasted the new yr with a bottle of moet I was SAUCEY!!!!!! I had my 1st shot of bacardi when I was 11 I stole some from my parents bar that shit burned but not as much when i stole a shot of vodka from my grandma’s fully stocked bar! My grandma has everything you could imagien liquor, wine and beer wise..she is like a little mini liquor store herself hahaha

but the recipe for the Carbou Lou is get a pitcher you would put koolaid in and put 1/2 151 rum then 1/2 Malibu and the rest Pin juice.. its a garunteed party starter or riot maker!

20 05 2008
shabooty

so what’s the official wine color of SBPH?
red, white, or pink?
~~~

chris you forgot to mention -“the beer drinker who finds himself out with his fag winedrinking friends at a fancy winebar… -instead of getting the yum+decently priced 7-8 dollar glass of wine -you let your dumbass be taken advantage of by the bartender and you return to your circle of friends with a fucking 20 dollar glass of wine.”
(roland).
LOL…

$

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Storm, Hulk is good too

20 05 2008
Lolo

20 dollar glass of wine?? Man, I hope you got a rimjob with that assfucking.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Yea Knat I dont drink Red Stripe often anything is better than that black ass color beer called GUinesssssss ew..I remem my friend got a case and wanted to gag..I like Foster’s too..I always recite te commercial when we buy some “Foster’s its Australian for beer” ahah

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

DEAD @ “a pitched you would put koolaid in”…..wouldn’t that just be called a “pitcher”???? LOL! I am trying this ASAP! Bailey Blues and I will get back to you with deets.

Poor Anmarie. The thing with drinking, like with anything, is that you have to work hard to be good at it. I started socially drinking in high school, and my tolerance is absurdly high. Not as high as it used to be (as we learned Saturday, lol). But I am a damn good drinker. If they had a drunk olympics, I may not get the gold, but I would be a real competitor to say the least. I can give you a training plan if you like. You just need to start adding a shot or two to your wine regimine. I can have you in top drinking shape by Christmas. Let me know! (In my Governator voice: “I will fuck….you…up”)

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

One of my favorite drinks is Hypnotic mixed with Grey Goose thats my shitttttt…down a few of those and you well feel Amazing! :-)..I am officially an alcoholic…i like to drink on a reg..i mena not a lot but we drink atleast 3 maybe 4 times out the week not including weekends ahhah

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

shabooty (14:49:43) :

so what’s the official wine color of SBPH?
red, white, or pink?

Something I read in Details a few years ago and took to heart. Some fancy man said “There are too many women in the world to settle for one who drinks White Zinafandel.” That said, I save the pink for special occiasions, like all you can eat shrimp at Red Lobster with a homegirl (we did this once, and tried to steal a picture off the wall for memories, good times). But never, ever on a date or anywhere else where I care about people’s perceptions.

20 05 2008
Reese

“Your less-shy friends are getting (or giving) head in the bathroom”

*there is now coffee on my tie, computer screen, and blackberry*

classic, and i have been out in situations where too much of whats going on in this post has been happening

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL@ Sister Ttttttt yes i said koolaid pitcher…hahahah shoot i wanna drink with you girl! cuz i been drink since HS too and I feel like Im a pro and im not even 21 yet..is that bad? shot you want to see drinkers training? watch the movie BEERFEST GODDAMMN!! that movie is hilarious

20 05 2008
shabooty

sounds like mrs epps drinks 10 days out of the week by my count.
the thing i’m shocked at is how many few bars actually carry hypnotic.

but then again, we’re talking about gay ass d.c…

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

we’ll definitely try the Carbou Lou…

Beer is gross. It taste like how feet smell to me. And the majorities at my job love to have beer with everything. Brainstorm – beer, morning meeting – beer, work outing – beer. They put a keg in our kitchen one day!!!

20 05 2008
Anmarie

ST- Nah man you’re 23 I’m pushing 30! lol, i’ve got good genes but no reason to push it. I don’t wan t to wake one day with a saggy face.

20 05 2008
Knatural

Shabooty – white. I don’t like the after-taste of most reds. Tannins? whatever they’re called. And since I only drink it with meals and I mostly eat seafood and chicken, it works out best.
Hypnotic, it looks…um…cheap. Is it good? I’m not a fan of colorful drinks. Seems like I’m asking for trouble the next day. And drinking in High School? Did yall have fake IDs? I didn’t REALLY drink until 21; sips of beer from Dad while he cooked crabs doesn’t count.

20 05 2008
benjie

yo…

patron+hypnotic+pineapple rum+pineapple juice= a great fucking time.

truthfully patron mixed with anything is cool.

we started early too.
my friends and i started with special brew and verdi
moved up to boone’s farm
and as soon as my sis turned 21 and i could steal her i.d.
it was henny from there.

i haven’t turned back since…lol

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

I’m totally a wine drinker. I’ve had too many bad experiences with liquor. Last year, I went to a friend’s graduation. She had a suite at the Ritz and everyone came there to pregame. I was drinking grey goose and pineapple juice as I got dressed to go to the club. After quite a few drinks, I’m passed out on the bed with my bra and panties on. I had way too much to drink and I didn’t realize it. I have vague memories from that night since I didn’t just stay in the bed. These bitches actually still got me dressed while I was passed out and took me to the club. I remember a bouncer being like she can’t come in here like that. And one of them taking me back to the hotel. I don’t really remember anything else.

Turns out I drank an entire bottle of grey goose by myself. I didn’t even know it and it was the worst night and morning of my life.

Until Saturday, when Sister Tolja and I went out…open bar is not what’s up… 6 drinks in 30 minutes. And I did some reckless shit that night too….

this sounds all to familiar when i went to this club/bar in JAx it was a hot ass place real classy and i got sooo fucked up i dont even remember my friend friend driving me to my house get some clothes then driving to my friends house because we had to get to work earlier because we were driving to Orland for business with our boss the next day.. I had the worst hangover and our boss that chick was too funny she was the youngest boss i ever had she was 23 and that night in Orlando we all got shit faced at this bar on the strip and then went to the this beach club and got even more drunk..the best thing about ti was waking up to see the ocean..we crashed on the beach!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Shabooty stay in school that’s 5 or 6 hahaha u stoopidddd..but back when i lived on campus it felt like 10..the earliest i started drink was 2pm with a co-worker…

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Feet????AHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! KFC biscuits smell like my feet did when I was a kid, swear to God.

Knatural- Usually, I went to spots that didn’t check ID when I was in HS. Which usually meant getting on the bus and going to the liquor store in the projects. The first time I bought booze for myself, I was a freshman in HS. I bought myself some Cisco and wine coolers. The dude didn’t ask for ID, but I pulled out my school ID, put on a fake accent and told this elaborate story about being an immigrant and a school teacher and not having an ID yet. I figured as an immigrant, he’d relate. He looked at me like “What the fuck are you talking about? Hurry up and buy.” After that day, I felt invincible. Also, I was tall.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Knat- nope no fake Id…liquor was everywhere in my house and at my grandma’s because they had mad parties..plus i went to a white ass high school and they had parties liek every weekend and their parents didnt care sometimes hosted them…but theyu wold make sure that no one drived home drunk…I know how responsible right? they should be in jail! but shoot i didnt care i got my drank on! And i had older friends as well and my friends had older brothers and sisters in college and stuff..so there was no need for a fake id..

20 05 2008
Lolo

It’s all good, to be honest. Red, white, pink. In a jug, in a box, even in a can, screwtop (hello, New Zealand and thank you, you crazy kiwis), cork. Anyone who judges me by the colour of my plonk needs to be paying my drunk freight. I’ve had so many different kinds of yummy wine at cheap price that even though I still eye the pricey stuff I’m happier with a good bargain.

If you do like the pink, try some dry rosè or really any dry blush, I fucking love it with extra spicy food.

Can’t drink cheap liquor though, too many nose pukes to be had with bad vodka/tequila/rum. Blegh.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Cisco!! OMGGGGG Noooo…i had a bad experience with that shit when I was 17 just moved to florida for my freshman yr of college and i was on break and my cousin came for thanksgiving with her husband and they bought some cisco and made some long island ice tea.. lets just say i ended up throwing up on my aunts couch and running in to the glass door to the back porch..

20 05 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

I have never liked beer…an uncle gave me some when I was three…grossest shit ever. Love wine…after I acquired the taste, it was OVER. I keep riesling and merlot at the house…best of both worlds. Zin…for folks who think they know wine, but are really pretenders in disguise. (Though I’ve been known to accept a glass if there’s nothing else available) Hard liquor…I stick with rum, tequila, and brandy. I may do a whiskey from time to time, or Crown if that’s all there is…but otherwise, I stick to what works and what I know will make me feel good…and not hungover the next day.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

anyone have wild irish rose? bwhahaha that the shitttttt…me and my ex’s sister who is like my bestie no would down 3 bottles each before going out we would be twistedddd

20 05 2008
letinstar

ahhh, memories….lol…i haven’t had beer in while…i’m more of red wine, cosmos and martini kind of person these day…i’ve been disgustingly drunk two times and i live to tell the story…first time was on vodka and cranberry juice…came home, fell into bed and had to hang on all night because the bed and the room were spinning…each in it’s own direction…the second time was when i went to a phoenix rattler’s game (indoor football) and my friend/designated driver insisted on me drinking and suggested i drink brandy…i had about 4 or 5 shots and chased them with water…when it was time to leave the arena, i could move fast because i had to throw up, pee and take a shit at the same time…security had to throw us out…and i threw up on the floor in the lobby of us airways center (then called america west arena), just inches away from the exit…my friend drove me home and i had to hang my head out of the window like a dog until i got home…once inside i dropped into bed fully clothed and with shoes still on and didn’t wake up until my alarm went off signalling me to get up for work the next day…my friend called me at work crying…she got pulled over by the cops after dropping me off for driving drunk and had to spend a week in jail…i vowed to never get get that drunk ever again…i am happy to say though that i’ve never been so drunk that an anonymous penis has ever slipped into my mouth…or whoha….

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Riesling..thats good wine!

20 05 2008
Anmarie

New yorkers out there, OMG trader Joes on 14th street and 3rd. Get tons of cheap wine, bottles for 3 to 5 bucks, then take it around the corner to this cheap indian place 1st ave between 5th and 6th street. The food is great and cheap and they let you get drunk on your own bottle even pop it open for ya. The decor is terrible though. But whatever good times. Go with some loud negros the yts can can make an atmoshpere dry.

2 buck chuck, is goooood wine. The dude lowered the price of his shit so his ex wife can’t get rich off the profits ( she won out in the settlement). Crazy them lucky us.

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

i love riesling! it’s a bit sweet.

20 05 2008
letinstar

@anmarie…i was just getting eady to mention trader joe’s and their “2 buck chuck”…you’re right..the wine is very good, especially for the price…i found a traders in boston that sells alcohol and i make it my business to be there…

20 05 2008
kumar patel

my roommate in college got so twisted off liquor that he ended up in the bathroom shitting and puking at the same time.

he woke up the next day, went to church, felt another shit/puke attack and scurried to the bathroom. he then passed out until the end of the service.

~fin

20 05 2008
Knatural

Nose pukes? Thanks Lolo, thanks for scratching up that memory.

20 05 2008
Knatural

YES to riesling! I just bought some ‘organic’ riesling yesterday. I am an asshole.

20 05 2008
Deesigner

I am a pompous ass, but I am NOT creole!!!!!!!!!

and Knat girl, hell no I am not calling you fat. I am just a 2 piece away from from the big girl stores ( no offense to the thick sista’s), that’s why I know the fat and calories of everything.

20 05 2008
Anmarie

“Riesling..thats good wine!”

My drink of choice! Trader Joes ya’ll has some good shit.

20 05 2008
Anmarie

no where’d you get it KNAt sounds good?

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Lolo-Dry blush does go well with spicy food! Oooh wee! I’m not an advocate for cheap liquor persay (minus the time I went off in the liquour store because they didn’t have any tequila that came in a plastic bottle), but I do endorse Port Royal Rum, imported from the shores of Baltimore Country, MD. It comes in a plastic bottle, for safety and convience. It tastes better than Bacardi and it is soooo smooth. Plus the biggest bottle is only about 13 dollars. It makes great rum punch.

My friend and I always said we should start doing promos for Port Royal, cause they don’t know what they have. For DC folks, it’s the rail liquor at Bar Nun (I forgot the new name) and Bohemian. I give it two thumbs up, waaaaay up.

They have the saddest, 1998 GeoCities looking website ever though: http://www.majesticdistilling.com/rum02.html

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

OMGGGG ST we buy Port Royal all the time thats what me my man and our friends were fucked up on that night LOVE IT!!!!!

20 05 2008
puff

lmao this shit’s so true!

i’m a liquor girl – beer doesn’t do shit for me and i have bad memories: when i was seven, my grandma showed up unannounced at our house and had me and my lil sister down a glass of beer each… i don’t know if that’s some african shit, but shit was traumatic, had me sworn off alcohol till i was 17 at least.

and wine’s too expensive/pretentious unless it’s that cheap as shit cardboard box wine that tastes like battery acid and you keep drinking hoping it’ll start tasting better the drunker you get but it never does.

so now it’s liquor – used to be vodka and tequila but after two bad nights (one involving taking the greyhound hungover… not a good look, trust) i’ve switched to rum. mmm mmm loves me some captain…

@ anmarie thanks for that tip off i’ma hit that up asap

20 05 2008
puff

speaking of plastic bottle liquor, nikolai vodka’s a classic – 14 bucks for a litre and a half, shit’s made of potatoes and tastes like rubbing alcohol but it definitely gets the job done

20 05 2008
Knatural

Anmarie, I got it from Yes Organic Market. It’s from Frey Vineyards.
And the best rum I’ve had is Royal Oak (Trini rum). It’s sooooo smooth and tasty. ST – there is no more Bar Nun.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

if im feeling all girl I drink Arbor Mist..I love that shit…my parents had it at their wedding in a fountain..if you drink a lot of it you get a little buzz but not enough to make you feel Saucy.. ahhaha i like getting Saucy for some reason ahhaha..this week will be a milstone for us we havent had a drink all week wait its only tuesday hahahah..who watch flavor of love last night to be off topic? ahhaha i was laughin ma ass off when Sincere/Klingon face got the boot..not only is she a bitch but she got that mean mug 24/7 could imagien waking up to someone who always looked mad n shit? haha

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

girly**

20 05 2008
Roger

I liked Riesling…until I realized I kinda hate white wines. I loves me some red (esp. Shiraz).

Back in grad school (I know! Bourgie!!), my advisor (drunk at the time) said to me, “You don’t drink…you don’t smoke…what DO you do?” I just stared at him, but I was thinking, “I FUCK, therefore I don’t need to do the other two…”

20 05 2008
the champ

You know, if you stay simple and don’t switch up (15 rum and cokes, for instance) you can stay buzzed without a serious hangover. It’s all about consistency and continuity.

Weighing over 200 pounds helps too.

20 05 2008
Lolo

Cracking up at the image of ST raising it up over tequila inna plastic bottle. A girl’s got to plan for breakage though, so I see the logic. I’m so putting the Port Royal on the list. My tip back atcha is Brugal Dominican Rum, añejo. I just figured that since añejo tequila is awesome then why not rum and holyfucksticks, so good, so cheap.

And oh yes, Anmarie ~ Trader Joe’s brings a tear to my eye. It was one of the places I missed most in Cali and when they FInally made it out east I almost dropped to my knees in gratitude. However? The Charles Shaw divorce story is a myth, for real. Doesn’t matter though cuz Two! Buck! CHUCK! is one of my favourite things to shout on the way to the wine store. That and Fat Bastard. All time laugh at wino marketing has to be “Free Range Pinot” that I found on one trip.

Knatural, you are so welcome. Don’t you hate it? The force of the puke as it comes roaring from the pits of hell and blasts out of your face like a firehose, needing all escape holes available and leaving behind the film that you can’t remove. I swear, there was one time that I eyeballed my toothbrush wondering if I should risk sticking it up my sinuses so as to scrub out the vomit smell. Good times.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

I miss my old boss we would all have a girls night and go drink and smoke and party until she was arrested for having 2kilos of coke in her house and a pound of weed in her office…i kid you not..i was pissed when they closed our site down and we had to look for new jobs..no wonder 1/2 our staff were pot heads and one coke addict but we were a tight knit group…sigh…

20 05 2008
stuffgirlshlike

Urinating in public

Urinating on the public.

This made my day, I am tired of seeing vomit off the streets where I live, It was even in the local papers. It is women drinking nonsense like alcho-pops.

In England you have female beer dinkers, that is so disappointing.

Please drink but do not be drunk.

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

ewwwwww lolo hahahahaha

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Puff- your grandmother obviously loves you very, very much.

I love riesling! And gewurztraminer! And Trader Joes! I can’t wait till the new Brooklyn one opens. I go to the one in Queens usually and, well, it’s in Queens.

20 05 2008
sarah

anmarie, i am with you on the white wine thing. i love to drink white. i like red too, but only merlot really. and i HATE white zin. its nasty.

i only drink liquor when at BGLO functions or when i am broke. when i am broke, i gets down with one long island and im good (im a lightweight).

i detest beer. my junior year, we were playing this drinking game, Kings, and one thing you have to do when you pull a certain card is empty some of your drink in a common cup. whomever pulls the last card has to drink whats in the cup. since people can drink whatever they want, there is usually beer, alcohol, and coolers in there. so nasty. this one guy was drinking dogfish head beer… it smells exactly like a fish head.

20 05 2008
puff

@ stuffgirlslike

england’s women do get out of hand with the alcohol. worst is when there’s been a big match and you’re on the train and there’s drunken people stumbling into you singing “oh when the saints come marching in”. nasty nasty

having said that, i do love a nice pint or a bacardi breeeeeeeeeeeezer

20 05 2008
puff

@ ST i’m still not sure if she just wanted to put us off alcohol, or if she was feeling evil and wanted to see small children writhing in beer-induced disgust. maybe both aren’t mutually exclusive. either way, i’m doing the exact same thing to my grandchildren as she found it hella amusing.

@ sarah – dogfishhead beer? *vomits violently on keyboard*

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

“until she was arrested for having 2kilos of coke in her house and a pound of weed in her office…”

wtf? that’s crazy

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

@ puff…when my dad and aunt were around 13 my grandfather sat them down and said if you are going to try drugs/alchohol, you are going to do it with me. he got everything and let them try it all and they got messed up. then he said now don’t do it again.

neither of them smoke or drink to this day. maybe it has something to do with them being Muslims but my dad always said he was so messed up he didn’t want to do anything again.

20 05 2008
Anmarie

Sarah indeed, white zin. is a piece of crap waste of time even for a light weight like myself. Shiraz is good red.

Lolo! it’s a myth 😦 you mean I’ve been had? I love that story really makes me feel like i’m getting away with something naughty. Well now that i know it’s cheap for no reason. I’m sad, the funs gone.

I wonder if the guys ever get annoyed that we totally turn this board into a slumber party all the time?

20 05 2008
Anmarie

I;m sooooo popping a bottle tonight. On a tuesday, damn. Oh well.

20 05 2008
aceklub

Yea, drinking liquor, particularly light liquor almost always equals a more messed up night. My achilles heel is the 99 Bananas. Freshmen year, my boy and I mixed 99 Bananas and Bacardi Limon and killed both bottles within one hour. WE were so done and to honor 99 Bananas, we were yelling out math problems w/ the answer always equaling 99. So yea, we get to the club and within 15 minutes, I threw up in the girl’s bathroom, kicked out of the club and had to walk back to my dorm. This meant walking down N. Broad St. in North Philly (hood is an understatement) to get back to my Temple dorm. What a night.

I am always a cheap drinker meaning I try my hardest to never go to the club sober. So, at 26 I will still revert back to my college days of having a drink in a soda bottle and drink on the way to the club so that by the time I get inside and get the first drink, I will have a buzz. Drinks in the clubs are too expensive. I never been a big wine drinker mostly b/c a dude ordering wine is not a good look even though I know that the wine is the best option to not have a bad night.

20 05 2008
Lolo

Oh please, the guys are so fucking skippy over the fact that they read about massive bewbs, blowies and how to eat pussy that they’re popping wood like a bunch of woodchucks. Add to that all the cuties on the facebook and it’s like “hello internets, you are indeed a pornucopia”

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I’ll try and find a good revenge story to soothe your drunken soul.

20 05 2008
Anmarie

“popping wood” HOLLA

20 05 2008
aceklub

Nowadays, my tolerance level is much lower so I try to watch my limits. When I mess up w/ that, it is not a good look b/c there have been nights of “not remembering the night after 1am”. If not too drunk but want to avoid the hangover, then Adams Morgan Jumbo Slice is the move. Most embarrassing moment…having to piss so bad but not quite making it to the apartment so pissing into the gap between the elevator floor and apartment floor. I felt so bad but it FELT SO GOOD!!!

20 05 2008

I am between the wine drinker and the patron shot drinker, depends on my mood.

Red wine gets me EXTREMELY HORNY. I dont know why but I always want to have PASSIONATE sex after a glass of red wine.

Patron shots make me REALLY happy I feel like fucking Naomi Cambell beautiful and no one can tell me shit. I am dancing as if I am on american bandstand, and I don’t stop dancing until I realize I have on four inch heel and I am sweating. ( I hate sweating if I am not having sex) I then go to the restroom and wash my hands for the 3rd time ( really an excuse to make sure I am still cute…mirror check) I go to the bar and get some water, then go find cutie to flirt with until the night is over and he thinks he is now my boyfriend.

Fun times!

20 05 2008

I have no idea why you get so drunk you don’t care where you urinate. I have urinated in someone’s garden…smh.

20 05 2008
Say it isn't so

Just visiting…Cisco = Liquid crack

20 05 2008
Anmarie

Ace lol, you remind me of the “Dudes night out!” Chapelle skit. I actually do have penis envy when it comes to pissing in public. I hate camping or traveling for long distances in a third world country where I have to squat on the side of the road and have to avoid twigs and snakes trying to poke me in the butt.

20 05 2008
sarah

best drunk food… gravy fries. Stoko’s has the best gravy fries. also, i have only been hungover twice and have thrown up twice from drinking my entire adult life. i think its in my genes to drink and not get a hangover.

20 05 2008

I don’t usually drink beer but I make an exception for an Ice cold corona at a bar b que, if I am eating bar b que. It taste so gooood with bar b que

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

i know Blues i said the same thing when my co-worker called me and asked if I could take our bosses son for a fews days while shit get sorted out im like ummm NO!

20 05 2008
Say it isn't so

Tequila = Liquid courage…viva la Jose’ it’s “T” time

20 05 2008
sarah

Né, i don’t know what it is about wine, but it does get you in the mood. i do order wine and champagne in the club, not because i am pompous, but because it makes me feel so much sexier. as evidence, i always meet more, and better, guys sipping wine than downing shots.

when i used to hang with the white girls my freshman year, they used to keep a roll of toilet paper in the car so that they can just pull over anywhere and pee, but still feel like a lady about it. thats what beer does.

20 05 2008
Merri Lee

*in tears*

I AM the one in the club with the white wine – no shame in my game. The wine drinking was hilarious throughout in college in New Orleans – fools were putting back hand grenades* and hurricanes* and I’m all prissy with my wine, which generally got thrown across the club during “Get Low,” because some cat going from the windooooooooooooooooow to the wall would catch my glass by the stem and fling it. (If someone knocked over another person’s real liquor, this would end in gunfire. I’m not joking – it was New Orleans)

*if you have had these drinks anywhere outside of NOLA, you have NOT had the real thing. Hand grenades are slightly less alcoholic than hospital-grade anesthesia, with hurricanes two steps below hand grenades.

20 05 2008
Yonnie3k

Wow. I’m shocked by the lack of drunk stories in the comments section today. I’ve only read two or three so far. C’mon. Ya’ll ain’t shy. Okay fine!! I’ll start.

Once I was visiting a bunch of people in DC that I hadn’t seen in a long time. A reunion of sorts. I got to Adam’s Morgan late where my friend told me, “You’re late!! You’ve gotta catch up.” I commenced to speed drinking only God knows how many glasses of what that was thrusted in my hand over the next few short hours. It was free, so I drank it. BTW, I don’t drink beer. All I remember next, was being in the crowded back seat of a taxi when as Chris so eloquently put it, my insides decided to declare their independence. So, I start grabbing at the door handle – b/c that’s the smart thing to do – open the door of a moving vehicle as opposed to winding down the window. Anywhoo – I didn’t get the door open and I hurled right on the floor in the back seat. Everybody’s like Eeeeewwwww!! So the cab drive pulls over and starts yelling. He wants us to pay him for the ride, plus pay him for the cleaning. There were 5 or 6 of us in the cab. NOBODY HAD ANY MONEY!!! So the driver calls the cops. The kicker is the fact that the cop basically told the driver that people hurling in your car is a consequence that you face if you choose to pick up drunk people in the middle of the night. Then, he gave him a ticket b/c he didn’t have some type of pemit. Classic! So now, a group of us is left on the side of the road at a bus stop. The kind with the plastic enclosure and benches. My friend had to call her sister to come get us. She said when she pulled up, we looked like a bunch of homeless people.

Since I’ve revealed my true identity on FB, this blog will probably at some time in the future come back to haunt me. Having said that, I have at least one or two more stories. But I need somebody else to rat themselves out first.

20 05 2008
shabooty

GHB=liquid courage.
🙂
aka
Gamma-OH, Liquid E, Fantasy, Georgia Home Boy, Grievous Bodily Harm, Liquid X, Liquid Ecstasy (is not ecstasy), Scoop, Water, Everclear, Great Hormones at Bedtime, GBH, Soap, Easy Lay, Salty Water, G-Riffick, Cherry Meth, and Organic Quaalude, Jib.

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

“WE were so done and to honor 99 Bananas, we were yelling out math problems w/ the answer always equaling 99.”

I LOVE IT!!!! Have you ever had 99 Peaches? I brought a bottle back from the Poconos at Thanksgiving this year and kept it allll to myself. So goood, soooo good!!!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

mouth waters @ Adam’s Morgan Jumbo Slice…reminds me of the night me and the girls went to walk around Adam’s Morgan getting drunk on the street with out soda bottles filled with rum and coke and almost got arrested coming out of Jumbo Slice when this girl tried to run up and take my pizza out my hand! I grabbed that bitch by her weave so fast it was tooo funny..I yoked her ass to the ground and kept it moving til the stupid ass cop stopped me and asked if I were drinking tonight and that there is no fighting. In my most asshole and soberest voice i could make I said No Im nto drinking Im just getting some food when this chick came up and tried to take my shit so I yoked her ass to the ground we werent fighting sir she was just hitting cement. He laughed and said ok Ma’am have a good night and then started talking to the toher chick…it was funny ass hell beacuse i was still sippin on my rum n coke in my bottle ahaha..I hate the Police fuckem!

20 05 2008
aceklub

So, to the ladies in the room…why is it that Patron has become the drink of choice for you all. Tequila is good but why is it that it has to be Patron…is this b/c of Lil’ Jon or is there some female code.

BTW if you want to kill your liver overnight…drink Mad Dog 20/20. In those college days, this was like gold as you enter the “wine and spirits” and come across liquor for $4 and think “this will be the move”. Not so fast my friend. This is liquid crack in the flesh.

Drinking in college was the best, get cafeteria food at 8pm and eat so much so that the food will soak up most of the liquor. As a male w/ limited cooking skills, nowadays eating a couple of turkey and cheese sandwiches doesn’t hold up as well.

20 05 2008
Lolo

I’m still waiting to read all the details on imaG’s lockup this weekend. You know he had to be so wasted as to be popping some blood vessels if he spent the weekend in JAIL.

20 05 2008
aceklub

@ ST,
I did not have 99 Peaches, 99 Bananas twice (vomit both nights w/ the second time sleeping by the toilet after throwing up) and 99 Apples (another vomit night). To me, it is that artificial syrup that they use that is too thick to tolerate w/o it being a mix drink. Unless it is 99 apples w/ cranberry or grape juice, nothing else, not Hawaiian Punch or Fruit Punch in a soda bottle.

20 05 2008
Knatural

Ace – learn to cook. Nothing sexier than a man preparing dinner, anybody can do breakfast. Oh God! Jumbo Slice, and The Dinner in Adams Morgan. Cures any possibility of permanent liver damage after a night of binge drinking. I hate Adams Morgan now though. DC nightlife in general (don’t start).

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

99 bananas is the shit and so is 99 peaches.. i love anything peach flavor any one ever had absolute mandiran and tang(the orange drink) thats good shitt..anyone have the wine called Taylor(port) that shit gives me nightmares and makes me not remem shit the next day…I drank a whole jug to my self one night with my man and his friends and i was acting liek a complete fool they said the next day…i woke up butt naked, and the tv in our room was on the floor like it fell off the table with our dvd scattered everywhere and throw up on the wall…I was like wtfff and asked my man what happened he said you gott twisted as shit lastnight and fall on the tv which made it crash to the floor and then you bounced on the bed took off all your clothes cuz u were hot and then started spitting chucks of throw up on the wall/side of the matress I was like oMG!!

2nd time i had Taylor I had a nightmare that rats were crawling on me and i woke up screaming thinking a rat crawled down my back…we use to have this fuckin mouse in our old apt that would terrorize me ahahah so i thought it was him but what made it funny is when i scream so did my man he was like AHHHHHHHHH what what what!! i was liek the mouse crawled down my back hahahaha

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Oh no ace didnt say Mad Dog 20/20 FUCK YEAAAA!!! oh btw i like patron but i rather have cuervo

20 05 2008
Anmarie

Drunk Story hmmm:

I challenged my ex to a shot contest once on the big T. I’m thug muffin- think I;m tough. so what ever i remember being layed out on the floor, him asking if asking if I ever cheated on him, trying to take advantage of the truth telling moment. (God what a loser move). And then throwing up behind his bed. Terrible story I think.

Anyway i was talking to him about 6 months ago, you know the ex check up call. And he’s like: “oh yeah ha my favorite story to tell my WIFE about you is the one where we got drunk on Tequila that night and you peed on my kitchen floor! ha ha!”
So I’m like “dude you’re a fucking lie! I did not! You told you’re wife that crazy shit?”
And he’s like “yes you did! Rememeber!?! when blah blah blah, I put you in the shower blah blah blah”

CRAP

He was right I pissed on the man’s floor.

This is why i drink wine.

alcohol is a beast!

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Yonnie- Hmm, let’s see….

Once in 2007, I was at Love, this club in DC that was the nightspot equivalent of an abusive boyfriend who knew how to hit it juuuust right. Hated it, and went back like every other week. I drank a rediculoso amount of liquor in a short amount of time and in two minutes time went from completely sober to TRASHED. I went to the restroom by myself and tried to make myself vomit. No dice. So I just sat there until I threw up, which felt like 30 minutes. Then this woman comes up to the stall and asks me if I was okay: “We’ll take you to Customer Care when you are done”.

I’m so stupid, I’m thinking its some nice place with couches and TVs….uh, no. It was DETOX aka the drunk tank, aka you just got kicked out the club! It’s a storage room with mad people throwing up in garbage cans, people who just finished fighting….a mess! Security takes your licence and makes sure you don’t drive home, so someone sober has to come sign you out and take responsibility for getting you out safe. My friend, who was only slightly less wasted, came to get me and they looked at her and said “And who’s coming to sign YOU out?”

Oh, and I started feeling better and wanted to go back to the party…..access DENIED. They send you straight out the door. Damn I miss that place.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Mad dog cost nore than 5 bucks round her and you can get Wild Irish rose at the gas station for like 3.45 ahahah gotta love that cheap shit..

20 05 2008

ok ok ok i have a story.

I was at a pool party in miami. My girl and I had asked a VERY famous model to take pictures with us and he did, we had a freakin photo shoot. He was like you guys are soo cool come drink with us. So he and his buddy’s were buying bottles of champagne, so we drank glass after glass after glass. All of a sudden my alter ego came out and took over. The classy Né left and went somewhere else. I then got in the pool dancing with any and every fat man. I am smiling so hard my teeth could crack. My best friend and I were invited to an “after party” in the model’s room and I (stil has some type of sense) says ” hell no, I dont thank so” I then drink one more glass of the champagne and my vision starts to fade. My girl had to walk me up to my room and all I know was I saw a swirl of the room and the next thing I know my guy friend is banging on the door, I am crying to my mother and he was either a) really concerned or b) wanted to take advantage of my drunkedness. I would never know cause I couldn’t see the door. I woke up the next morning with the phone on the floor, five mllion messages, 2 notes under the door and a headache out of this world. My bed is still wet because I brought the pool from my hair and clothes in with me.

Oh the stories I heard about myself…smh

20 05 2008
aceklub

@knatural
I have been picking up my cooking skills but will always welcome someone cooking for me.
As for DC nightlife, I will at least say it is better than other cities.

20 05 2008
Yonnie3k

LOL @ Customer Care. I have NEVER heard of such a thing.

Yeah, hearing about yourself in the AM is never fun. I hate that feeling. You’re like, “I did WHAT!!! You’re lyyyyiiiinnnggg!!” I try to avoid those moments at all costs. I mean, i don’t mind doing crazy ish, I just want to remember doing it when I wake up.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahahah Anmaire peeing on the kitchen floor omggg hahahahaha too funny…i remem the good ol days with my ex roomates when we would got to Ale house every Wed. night for lady’s night and get fucked up liek we would close the place down!!! drinking cosmos and sex on the beaches back to back non-stop alll night with out throwing up at all i reme when i was getting out the car i feel right in to the bushes in front of our apt building it was too funny and who my guy roomate had to carry my girl roomate up the stairs drunk as shit..dude would carry my tall ass all the way to the car every wed. He had beer muscles galour..i remem when we had this bomb ass party and me and my gril roomate had this fucking contest yes u read that right fucking contest see who could maont he loudest ahahah or the night when our guy roomates cat got out the house looking for some dick because she was in heat and we found her in the bushes.. we were soo drunk looking for that little shit i was leanign on cars just to walk. I got mad stories

20 05 2008
Yonnie3k

Ne’…WTF? VERY famous model? Did you sign a Confidentiality Agreement? Who was it??!!

20 05 2008

@aceklub
I have been drinking patron since 2002 I asked my uncle to buy my some tequila (because I Loved JOSE CUERVO with lemon shots) and I wasn’t specific and he bought Patron silver for me. The shots weren’t as strong as the JC.

I do not listen to little jon.

20 05 2008
Knatural

Drunk story for Yonnie: January ’06 – I went to happy hour with co-workers knowing there was birthday party later that night. At happy hour I have 2 vodka/tonics. That night at Modern (DC) the eight of us all shared two fifths of Ketel One mixed with triple-sec and juice. Long story short: I was fine until I walked upstairs out of the club (something about fresh air that makes drunks feel worse). Got home, vomitted in my friends truck, on my husband’s suede jacket and shoes. It took my husband, his friend, and his friend’s wife 40 minutes to carry me up 3 flights of stairs because I was so belligerent. I awoke naked in my bed the next day. No hangover!

Drunk story about husband: he came home after drinking champagne all night (THAT fucks you up), threw up what appeared to spinach and peed on my nightstand. Bastard.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

I reme when me and my girl got drunk at her apt with a bunch of dudes and she acted liek she wanted to fight me and pulled my hair so i kicked her ass tot he ground and twisted her arm like i was the police.. i def get beer muscles sometimes when i drink..and i promise anyone dont try and fight me when im drunk cuz u will not win…i have beaten so much ass while drunk i need a championship belt and title.

20 05 2008
Anmarie

Looking for a cat in heat while drunk actually sounds hecka fun

20 05 2008
aceklub

Another story…a female friend w/ benefit was celebrating a the 21st bday w/ her girls, got totally drunk and then complains that I have to come get her. Meanwhile, I just had dropped of my boys after coming from the Penthouse Gentleman club on Georgia Ave. in DC. They live in Capitol Heights and she is in the GTown area. I was so mad to have to pick her up and to top it all off. She vomits in my bed five minutes after sleeping, the liquid vomit that goes through the mattress to the other side so now it is 5am, I mad as SHYT trying to soak up the vomit from the bed and then wonder why I breakout w/ a rash a few weeks later not realizing that maybe it could be this reason. Yea, that is nasty and yes, I have since changed the whole bedroom set so don’t worry.

20 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA@Sister Toldja! I only see Asians going to Customer Care, since they can’t metabolize liquor! Losers.

20 05 2008

lol @ Yonnie3k

I don’t like throwing out names like im freaking special. I didn’t sign a Confidentiality Agreement. It was Tyson Beckford… gorgeous and EXTREMLY FUCKING NICE.

20 05 2008
Anmarie

Aceklub! illllllllllll! LMAO that’s and expensive friend with benefits, that’s my 25 dollar doctor visit copay.

20 05 2008

omg ahahahahahahah @ knatural.

I have waken up with my panties inside out and my boyfriend telling me what a BEAUTIFUL NIGHT we had. He went down on me for the first time, and I don’t even know what it felt like. I was so drunk all I remember was throwing up under the tables at the club after drinking 2 beautiful’s and a long Island Ice tea. My friends carrying me to the car and taking me to my boyfriend. How I wish I had that memory in my head.

20 05 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

Not a fan of Patron…give me CUERVO any day!

20 05 2008
sarah

i don’t like Patron. its whack. give me Cuervo over Patron any night.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Noooo Knat peed on the nightstand

DEAD!!! omggg ahahahhaha

New Years 2006 me and my ex took 2 shots of dry gin before hitting the club and met up with his sister and friends…he bought a bottle of champagne and asked me to smuggle it in the club..which i did passed all the cops on the way in with no problem..not only did we drink that whole bottle we also got drink their too their are pictures of me and him drinking str8 out the bottle looking liek some real rockstars just fucked up.. I throw up in the middle of the dance floor and his sister took me to the bathroom to get cleaned up and basically babysat me the whole night..hah and then after the club we went to his friends hows and smoked some weed so i was dbly fucked up and we got home i wentg str8 to bed well tried while the room was spinning and he had the nerve to get ,ad at me when i would ave New Yrs sex with him hahaha

20 05 2008

why is it that guys love to have sex with a drunk woman. Do you think we say stuff to provoke it or what?

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Anmaire- Hereee kwitty kwitty..quere(where) are-o yOOooouu giggles and rubs face liek a drunk person ahahah

20 05 2008
Anmarie

Knat! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

I think I love your husband. No one’s ever peed on my nightstand 😦

20 05 2008
Knatural

Ace – three words: vinyl mattress protector. Just put a fabric protector over it so it doesn’t make that plasticy noise. They’re like 15$ at Target. Great for sweaty bedroom action, vomit, various spillage.
Yes girl, MY nightstand, not his. I wasn’t even mad…that’s true love.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Ne i dunno but i so couldnt have sex with him at that point in time i would have thrown up on his ass from all the upp and down motions ya know..but its possible we maybe provoking it and just to realize it

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Ace-AAAAH! The House? “Girls Girls Girls”? “Redskins games on big screen TVs”? I secretly love that place! Nastiest strip club EVER. The girls bring their purses on stage and dance on throw rugs and baby blankets. Once, we were sitting in the balcony (can you even call it that?) and this man sends the waitress to get me a drink. I accept and do the “thanks” glass raise. Then she comes back like “Um, please don’t be mad at me. But he wanted me to ask you to open your legs and give him a little peek”. WHAT THE HELL????? We were in a strip club!!! There was naked booty booty butt cheeks not three feet from his head, why the HELL did he ask that? If it hadn’t been such a hood ass spot, I woulda tossed the drink at him.

20 05 2008
Anmarie

Ne he was lying don;t believe him! Tell him to do it again damn it! Drunk Oral doesn’t count!

20 05 2008

AMEN Anmarie!!!!!!!

20 05 2008
Anmarie

Alright Im gonna do some work, this unproductivity is terrible. I;m gonna try to get someone to get drunk with me tonight.

20 05 2008

peeing on the nightstand!!!!! Classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

after this post i want to get drunk tonight..im gonna get me a bottle and call it a night and dance around the crib 1/2 naked with my drink in my hand while my man laughs at me and my dog looks at me like im a damn fool and then the neighbors can knock on the door and tell us that our music is to loud goddamit we bought this fucking hosue btu we can play semi-loud music passed 10 rolles eyes damn the neightbors im getting cruck tonight!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

At one of my imfamous parties in Fl this chick peed in the bathtub i was pissed and made her drunk ass clean the bathroom…but a funny drunk night was when i was chillin with my cracker friends and we threw my girl Bandy’s little shitter poddle in the middle of the pool muahahahah

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

I threw up wine once. I was having a wine and cheese party with my friends from work (lol already sound like a pompous ass) and I drank about 4 glasses of wine along with a few shots of vodka. At about 3 am, I barfed purple, just like purple, the color. It was not pretty. I thought i was throwing up my guts.

I also had a night were my friends and I stumbled home drunk from a frat party. We were walking in the middle of the street and this cop car came by and the policewoman told us to get back on the sidewalk. My dumbass friend yells “We aren’t drunk, bitch!” The cop swings her car around and we took off running. We got to my house and got in as fast as we could. Lol. I have evaded cops.

20 05 2008
Knatural

Yall need to show some respect and put the accent over Né’s “e”!
Né – Men like the nature of unpredictability. Like cat-fights and high heels, a tittie might pop out – she might fall over. They think a girl might be freer during drunk sex. And yes, we do provoke it.
Strip Clubs? I went to a strip club in Baltimore, and this bony-ass girl balloon-breasted chick dressed in virginal white and six-inch stripper shoes tripped and ate it right in from of me. It was the most hilarious sight. I can’t help but crack-up when someone falls that hard. She scraped her knee really bad, too. I replay the event everytime I’m feeling down.

20 05 2008
aceklub

@ST,
On the real, the House is high class compared to the ones in Philly. Night on Broad in North Philly. This spot opens at 2:30am and closes at like 6am. The place is on a block w/ nothing but dollar stores, nails shops and beer spots on the corner all connected and this one random door that leads to the basement and it is so dark and they have one stage where guys water over random c-section girl exposing her insides and various bullet wounds girls walk around asking..i meant demanding to give you a lap dance $10 and then make sure that you are at that “stiff” moment by reaching for you and physically checking. So yea, if not too drunk from the night of drinking and partying at a Temple party, going uptown to Night on Broad became the next best option and still get home, eat breakfast in the caf and sleep it off. Gotta love those college days.

20 05 2008

I have to get a bottle of red wine and give my man the nala eyes

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

Personally, I don’t like drinking that much. I’ve only been drunk maybe 8 or 9 times in my 22 years. Only once was black-out drunk. That was at my house with my roommates. We were playing trivial pursuit and every time you got an answer wrong you had to take a shot of vodka. I remember wandering into the bathroom and puking and that was it until the morning. When i puked again. On myself. In my bed.

Needless to say, I have never gotten black-out drunk again.

20 05 2008
ndenise

Grade A posting, would read again!

I drink a lot and I often wonder why we go out and drink, knowing that we constantly toe the line of happily buzzed to violently fucked up!

Still, the wine drinker isn’t in the clear. Sometimes, you get in on that wine during the pregame and if you’re not careful, you get Wine Sleepies. So when everyone is ready to go, you’re slumped on ya boy’s futon dragging your ass.

This had me rolling though.

20 05 2008

lol knat it’s all good Im not that pompus…lol

20 05 2008
Monie

I just don’t get alcohol drinking. Why drink something that will cause you to embarrass yourself? Alcohol is why I don’t do clubs. It just does not make sense, to me, to go to a place where everyone is drinking stupid juice.

Wine drinking is a little different though. I can enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. I can enjoy the taste of a good wine. But alcohol; does anyone drink it for the taste? I suppose there are a few drinkers of fine alcohol but in general people drink it to get stupid.

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Monie- It’s an aquired taste, as is embarassing yourself in public.

20 05 2008
20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Rythym And Views?????? AHAHAHHAHAH!

Something tells me Rhonda’s day is gonna be ruined any moment now…

20 05 2008
shabooty

Last time I checked, profanity = funny.
😛

20 05 2008

lmaoo too funny

20 05 2008
Dustin

Boo to that review. The length of the posts is just fine. It’s the incessant comment-checking that will cause me to get fired.

My friends and I started reading SEBPL after falling in love with SWPL. But two days later was when we discovered SBPH and literally died of laughter and amusement. Then we came back to life just to read more and are now obsessed.

Every one of my friends has an elaborate fantasy in which they are married to Chris. (They’re all girls.) Clearly, my fantasy takes place in Cali. What what.

Keep up the good work.

20 05 2008

let me find out chris is hot

20 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH@Nala Eyes. After seeing actual lions mate, that scene in Lion King is hilarious.

20 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“let me find out chris is hot”

I look like I have fucking Down Syndrome.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Rhonda is a pompous ass and wouldnt know funny if it tickled her clit.. **Starts to Boo*** ahahha

20 05 2008
Lia

I’m not a beer drinker, but if I must drink beer, I always recommend Amberbock, Stella Atrois, Boulevard(I’m from KS and it’s brewed there, so you may not be able to find it. I never can at school in Chicago). Otherwise, I’m an expensive liquor kind of girl. But trust once I’m drunk, I’ll take my happy ass to the Golden Nugget(Chi-town) or Taco Bell. I’ve managed to drink since I was in hs and through college and have only been a legal drinker 2 years, and never with a fake ID. I think those are the perks of knowing the door guys & bartenders.

20 05 2008
Knatural

What does Rhonda know? We should all leave comments for her. SEBPL is crap and they haven’t even posted in a month. SWPL was good before he got a book deal.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Lol@ Nala eyes she looked SAUCEY in that pic…

and LMAO@ Chris saying he looks like he has down syndrome…he’ such a liar!! but that was funny and im going to hell for picturing chris with down syndrome face and laughing…and im still alughing typing this omg im so going to hell!

20 05 2008

Fucking cock sucking lakers are gonna take it, JUST LOOK AT THE NUMBERS!!!!…ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh

20 05 2008
Knatural

Is Rhonda Creole Beauty?

20 05 2008

My bad wrong blog.

I know you are hot chris I’ve seen your pictures…lol. It’s a thing I say with my friends.

LMAO @ MRS EPPS. Nala wanted to get it!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL I cant watch the playoffs anymore i get to wild and my man gets scared when i yell and throw stuff at the tv esp.when i watch football 🙂 i have anger issues…but im working on it..like the time we got drunk and had this huge fight and i threw his clothes down the stairs and he “claims” i pushed the latter over the banister and thats why we have a scratch on the wall SUCH A LIAR!! because I know for a fact I threw the lint brush at the wall and my hair spritz bottle thats why the wall was sticky ahahah. and yea long behold we made up with angry sex and for been forgot about it haha

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

yea Nala had the come hitter looks going on

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

“I look like I have fucking Down Syndrome.”

HELP!!!!!

My friend says all Ethiopians look like they have ‘a touch of the Corky’.

Lia, I love the Goldent Nugget! We went there every now and again in HS. Once it was me and a some (guy and girl) homies in there, with these two dark-skinned, Mafia looking Italians sitting next to us. So, we are getting ready to pay the bill and the waitress says the guys covered it for us. So, this is super weird, as they didn’t so much as look at us the whole time. Everyone else but me, apparently, had peeped game- they were trying to pay for the two trashy women NEXT to us. We leave a big tip and are leaving. My dumb ass looks at the guys and says “I am not trying to be rude, but why did you do that? I mean, thank you very much, but why????” The dudes see their error, I FINALLY get it….and we ran the fuck out of there.

20 05 2008
Quiet Storm

puff: “I…keep drinking hoping it’ll start tasting better…”

Oh s!@#, I thought I was the only one that had this tipsy/drunken logic.

Lolo: “Knatural, you are so welcome. Don’t you hate it? The force of the puke as it comes roaring from the pits of hell and blasts out of your face like a firehose, needing all escape holes available and leaving behind the film that you can’t remove. I swear, there was one time that I eyeballed my toothbrush wondering if I should risk sticking it up my sinuses so as to scrub out the vomit smell. Good times.”

**Almost squirted my sprite on my keyboard from suppressing my laughter at work**

Yo, has anyone ever had either Wrey & Nephew’s Jamaica Rum straight, or Appleton’s Rum straight? oooooooooooooooooooo weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! That’s some ish! Im tipsy, bordering on straight drunk mode after a glass and a half! I don’t know how my fam does it. (yes, im a lightweight in the alchy department)

20 05 2008
Monie

“It’s an aquired taste, as is embarassing yourself in public.”

Lol!

20 05 2008

l-m-a-o you are crazy girlie

I can’t miss the playoff’s. I am a basketball junkie, I do get loud though and angry. My heart is so into these games.

20 05 2008
Dustin

Um, Chris is lying. He’s so hot.

And I hate to keep bringing up HM, but doesn’t Hannah Montana sound like she has a touch of the Down Syndrome when she talks (not sings)? It’s like the inside of her mouth is too big for itself. Also, everything’s just a little too slow – like she’s missing a chromosome.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

ST my friends says that all ethiopians look like they just got off the boat and look like they have down syndrome or malnutritioned african babies in the face because of their eyes im like that is fuckeddddddd upp…she is mean as hell SMH..

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

friend** not friends 🙂

20 05 2008
Knatural

Sister Toldja, I hate you. “a touch of the corky”? Oh god!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Dustin lol hannah montana sound like an old white lady that drank and smoke to much in her younger yrs..so sad..

20 05 2008

DEAD AT “A TOUCH OF CORKY”

I can’t and will not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmaooo corky looks better then Sam cassell

20 05 2008
Knatural

I used to watch that show with my family! DUSTIN -AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
I’m done.

20 05 2008
shabooty

Is it just me or are there a shit load of Ethiopians who work at hotels?

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

dead at sam cassell’s pic real life E.T.

20 05 2008
Knatural

Sam Cassell looks like a preemie.

20 05 2008

he makes my eyes burn

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL@preemie

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

sam cassell is scary looking. i saw him in g-town once and was surprised that he was even uglier in person than he was on tv.

20 05 2008
Yonnie3k

just left a message for Rhonda. I’m sorry. Me and Chris have this very intense one-sided e-romance going on and I don’t like it when people say un-nice things about him.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

would give me nightmare…

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Bailey, Tracey Lee informed me that we introduced you to him like 50 times on Saturday! This is why I love alcohol! THIS IS WHY!!!!! I want to drink tonight instead of bootcamp. I am not gonna be weak though.

Yonnie! AHAHAHAHHA! I was hoping people would do that. I think you should also tell her what a SHITTY name “Rythym and Views” is and how crap her writing is. Do it. Do it.

Shabooty-I thought all Ethiopians worked at Ethiopian restauraunts.

20 05 2008

bwhahahahahahahahhahahahahhahah @ having Rip fucking someone with that thing on…LMAO LMAOOOO

It looks fucking ridiculous!I think he is over paranoid though, that man has a sensitive nose,he did fracture it 2-3 times in one season.

20 05 2008
Yonnie3k

You guys are silly!! Everybody knows that all Ethiopians work at parking garages.

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

i lowkey want to drink tonight too. but we should do bootcamp then drink after!

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

@ ST I definitely met him at least twice that I can remember. I feel like somebody kept saying “Meet Tracey Lee”

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

that would be scary gettign fucked by the black Jason mask face Rip ahhhh No thanky

20 05 2008
Yonnie3k

@ Sister T – It appears that Mrs. Epps is also sensitive to criticism directed toward “our” Chris. Why haven’t you left your comment yet?

20 05 2008
Muse

I’m not even going to go there about my drunk stories. I have a reputation to maintain hehehe.

I’ll say this though, Patron is my drink of choice and I prefer to have 8-10 shots to get the party started. (i.e. get really fucked up and crazy)

Since I drink wine almost on a daily basis, so I prefer hard liquior if I’m at a club or party setting.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahaha Yonnie I sure did and it posted like 3 times opps…i guess it didnt like what i had to say..oh well

20 05 2008
Yonnie3k

When in the “Arrival” stage at the club – I love a few Jaegermeister shots just to get things poppin’.

20 05 2008
Knatural

oh my god. Creole Beauty left a comment for Rhonda! {I’m such an instigator}

20 05 2008
Seven

This is too funny! I thought Chris was describing some of my social activities in undergrad and Law School (“room spinning”), but I was wrong. I hate beer and I’ve never had a hangover; weird, but true

20 05 2008
sarah

ugh, i took jägerbomb shots once. the alcohol in my system put me to sleep at 11p and the red bull kicked in around 4a, when i woke up and was unable to fall back to sleep. never again.

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Yonnie- Girl, I am gonna be nice cause I am trying to get me a job at the illustrious Palm Beach Post my damn self! Apparently, anybody can work there. I am gonna get a column called “Light As Barack” or “Baby Fates” or some other terrible play on words.

20 05 2008
Sylph

I am lush. Because of this post, it seems I may have a problem. Thanks Chris.

CB actually posted over there. You know she’s afraid of joining the facebook group.

20 05 2008
shabooty

sounds like there are gonna be a bunch of you fooz drunk azz shiet tonight, trying to watch american idol.

20 05 2008
Quiet Storm

KNatural: “oh my god. Creole Beauty left a comment for Rhonda! {I’m such an instigator}”

I guess I am too, cuz I peeped that too! Her feelings is just hurt on the whole Beyonce topic that was posted. Oh well! She need to man up.

20 05 2008
Sylph

People still watch AI? I’d do it if you come up with a drinking game.

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

ROTFLMAOOOOO AHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!! Creole Beauty is DEFINITELY a stalker ex or rejected woman. Chris, you better lock your doors. You are gonna come home to bloody bengets and “Fair And White” lightening creme all over your house.

20 05 2008
puff

i’m mad creole beauty’s posting saying “black women” should stay away from chris’ blog – i thought “black” and “creole” were mutually exclusive? i’ma stay right here, thank you very much.

20 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

This is priceless:

“The owner of SBPH is Chris. He lacks class and is a loser. He uses his blog to get girls and is very manipulative. Ladies watch out, he will try to sleep with you then dump you the next day. He’s the ultimate dog and Black women should stay away!”

-Creole Beauty

20 05 2008
Natalie

okay this is going to sound really wrong, but doesn’t sam cassell kind of look like he’s a burn victim? i’m so going to hell if he really was one…

20 05 2008
iloveblackpeople

LMAO @ the Creole Beauty comment on the blog review!!!!! SMH

My current favorite drink is white wine (pref reisling) with chambord and peach liqueor or maybe schnaps if no liqueor. Yes it is like syrup if you use too much chambord or peach but it is quite good and works fast with no negative side effects.

20 05 2008
Seven

Damn! CB is not playing…watch ya back, dude.

@ST- LMAO!!! “Fair and White” you are so wrong for that one 🙂

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahahah CB has to be that chick that sent Chris that email hahahaha Chris long and hard about all the women you ever slept with because my guess is you slept with her and dint call back hahahah

20 05 2008
shabooty

lol…….
sounds like Creole Beauty got the 3 F’s after the 3 M’s…
Find EM Fuck Em Forget Em
3Ms-
Movie, Meal, Motel.

$$$

20 05 2008
Shine

I love how CB put you out there like Chris, Everyone knows Chris. That one person in the world named Chris, watch out for him. Too funny. That chic is touched inna head. Start filling out the paperwork for that restraining order.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

dude CB theme song forealllzzzz

20 05 2008
Charlee

Damn Chris, Creole Beauty must be scorned! My blog is back up so my readers can leave you and come back.

http://stuffebplike.com

20 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

They always leave…:::sniff:::….damn women.

20 05 2008
benjie

damn meetings…

i missed all the good stuff.

20 05 2008
Bailey Blues

“sounds like Creole Beauty got the 3 F’s after the 3 M’s…
Find EM Fuck Em Forget Em
3Ms-
Movie, Meal, Motel.”

LMAO!!!! this is ridiculous!!!

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

LOL! Right. Shine! Now what are we gonna do? Oh shit! I gotta stay away from Chris! He’s bad news! Surely she means the Chris I used to date….or wait, my boss’s name is Chris….or does she mean my student Chris? Or does she mean 1/10th of the male population that have names that are shortened to Chris? HELP!

20 05 2008
Esquire

Looks like Creole Beauty still reads your blog. mmohahaha.

Poor teenage girl sitting at home in Kentucky scorned because you gave it to her about Beyonce, her “creole-ness”, and her terrible lie.

20 05 2008
shabooty

speaking of ridiculous go read my comment after CB’s…on the review post.
$

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Movie, meal, motel? Sounds like someone has to put in a lot of work to get some ass around these parts. You should be able to handle that with “Margartita, McDonalds, Magnums”.

20 05 2008
Cup o' cafe au lait

“I drink a lot and I often wonder why we go out and drink, knowing that we constantly toe the line of happily buzzed to violently fucked up!”

So true!!!

20 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA@Shabooty’s comment! EWWWWW.

20 05 2008
Merri Lee

Chris – Any time you take a day off you are obligated to leave a post that reads, “I’m on vacation. Creole Beauty did not kill me. No need to call the FBI.”

20 05 2008
AC

Rhonda’s columun sucks! So does beer and hard liquor (especially Baltimore woo woo drinks, stay away!!)

But wine is YUMMY!!!

20 05 2008
Sylph

I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a twisted BDSM relationship with Chris in her head. Trying to “warn” all the black women away to try to keep him for herself.

*insert Twilight Zone music*

shabooty: wow

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

eww shabooty.. i gagged in my mouth a little bit ahahah

20 05 2008
benjie

“You should be able to handle that with “Margartita, McDonalds, Magnums”

we can leave the mcdonalds out cause that’s just asking for the bg’s
but everything else…i’m pretty good with.

lol

20 05 2008
Shine

Shabooty things aren’t quite the same now that I know you aren’t a burnt up gremlin sitting in a cave somewhere typing comments.

Ok one of my best drunk nights was moving into the brand new school apartments. My friends came from out of town to go to Kings Dominion on this free trip the next day and we got my roomies boyfriend to buy us $80 worth of alcohol. We start out at 5pm drinking big plastic cups of 1/2&1/2 triplesec and tahitian treat (bootleg hawaiian punch) and wandering around the lounges by ourselves in the middle of summer. So by 7pm we’d had about 5 drinks a piece and want to party but I can only sign in 4 people at a time. No one else is in the building so we blast some music and get down just the 4 of us. Us 3 girls, start dancing on the dining table b.c its got track lighting and we pretend we’re at a strip club or something and hand each other the same 1 dollar we had between us. We keep screaming for a pole so we can pole dance and grab the broom to swing around until we broke it. My roomies boyfriend wants to invite his indian/pakistani coworkers over to even up the party and my friend tells me to watch her back b.c. he keeps hitting on her (my roomie was outta town, the problem with partying with friend’s boyfriends).
I can only sign in 1 of his boys so i have to find this white guy whos a big druggie to sign in the other and we all come back and commence drinking tequila bottle top shots (no shot glasses-and boyfriend is a mad lightweight so he keeps missing his mouth when taking shots and pouring tequila all over the kitchen floor and carpet in the hall), glasses of hennessy, screwdrivers and anything mixed with triplesec. Said boyfriend tries to do the worm or something on the floor and insists he’s the break dance king as he lies on the floor twitching his feet and fingers. We all start dancing (mind you only 6 people in the room) and i get to be the 3rd slice of bread on a sandwich with his pakistani friend and my girls because he wouldn’t let go of any of us when we tried to back up since that was stupid. Don’t know how that happened considering he didnt have 3 hands. We start cussing out midget indian boy b.c he keeps changing the music to his mixtape so we can hear his terrible raps. All the while boyfriend is chasing my girl around the room, following her to the bathroom and shit.
i ask white boy druggie to keep and eye on boyfriend since i’m wayy too drunk to do shit. He seperates them and pakistani dude goes OFF. Starts cussing him out and calling him a cracker and yelling at boyfriend like why you let this white boy punk you like this. Boyfriend can’t even speak for drunkeness and is laying on the floor blowing spit bubbles. I kick midget indian and pakistani outside where he tells me the best line I’ve ever heard. He’s drunk and screams at me “Do you know what white people did to my people! They rape our women, and steal our land!” I just gave him the drunk pause and go “Nigga I’m BLACK!”
I kick him out and get all friendly and apologetic with they security desk downstairs like they were at the party, they’re just laughing saying its ok and get the hell out of here. I’m apologizing to everything. doorways, the white boy, the stairs, the toilet. I come back and my girls are sleep on the couch, boyfriend is asleep on floor and druggie is about to bounce with a minor buzz. I hit my bed before it dodged away. I woke up 3 hours later and began vomiting like clockwork, every 15 minutes from 7am to 11:30am. We miss the bus trip to KD and go to the lake with some severe hangovers and to get the hell away from anything that even reminds me of alcohol. I gave away all the liquor to the druggie at least $50 bucks worth b.c. the sight of it made my tummy hurt. Shit beer commercials made me nauseous for 2 weeks. Didn’t drink for 6 months after that.

20 05 2008
Muse

Okay Um I’m literally laughed for five minutes after the CB comment.

Chris are you fucking them and leaving them? That’s not very nice.

At least call the next day!

20 05 2008
Shine

Oh shit did you guys see her update? Man I’m really going to have to cosign the vacation messages Chris.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL@ Merri Lee…I bet she is at Chris’ place right now trying to find her way in with a bobbi pin.. she is just upset that when Chris tunred the lights on after sex she really did look like this…http://media.movieweb.com/news/10.2007/crypt.jpg

20 05 2008
Knatural

Laugh all you want but Chris is a dog. He is a preys on woman. Although he is charming, Chris can’t even last more than a few minutes. What a shame since he has a nice size p***s. Chris knows who this is. I plan on busting him out soon. – Creole Beauty to Rhonda AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHLWOJALA;A;AJDADAAHAHA

20 05 2008
I'll never tell...

Okay here’s why I try not to drink with white folks…
I started working at my current job after being engulfed in the infamous clusterfuck that was Enron. After being here for 6 months, they started layoffs, which of course made me nervous. When I found out that I wasn’t in any danger of losing my job, I decided to go out & celebrate… with one of my best friends & his white co-workers.
We went to a charity drinking event called the “Martini March”, where we wandered from bar to bar in midtown ATL, which of course gave me permission to drink more… it was for a good cause dammit! After 5 martinis (2 margatinis, 2 watermelon martinis, and a blue hawiian martini) and 2 kamikaze shots chased by 2 “stiffies” (a drink i invented in honor of the introduction of absolut mandarin – it’s got lots of orange vodka, peach shnapps, oj & sour mix), I found myself in an overserved situation.
The white folks had enough sense to put me in the back seat next to a window. I got hot, so I let the window down a little. Then i had to throw up & i somehow figured no one would notice me leaning my head out of the side of the car on GA400 in order to complete the transaction. I sat back down feeling self satisfied & didn’t notice the looks of horror on the other passngers faces – especially my friend. He was absolutely mortified.
Then I tried to give the driver some money. I said something that sounded like “hures tuweny dahllahs fur u to git yo cuar washhhhed”.
She said “Oh that’s okay honey! I’m just glad you didn’t throw up INSIDE the car.”
I blame the white people b/c I had stopped purchasing my drinks after drink 4, with the intention of being done for the evening. Everybody who went to an HBCU knows that we can’t turn down free alcohol… so the shots & subsequent drinks were free & the cause of my demise.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

ok it wont let me post hmmp.. 😦

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

I remem Creole Beauty now

20 05 2008
sarah

wow Chris. its nice to hear you have a decent sized penis, but you don’t know how to use it?! a terrible crime in my book.

20 05 2008
Muse

Maybe Chris needs a teacher to show him how to work his penis.

LMAO

20 05 2008
Yonnie3k

I LOVE drinking with 2520s!! I’d love to tell you all the story of last year’s FSU/Miami game in Tallahassee, but I refuse to let this blog get me fired! Maybe tonight when I get home.

Chris, its better that you tell us what happened b/w you and Creole Booty now. Don’t let us find out on the street. It’ll hurt less if you’re just honest with us up front.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahaha hmmm so how big is your penis/dick/cock/fuckstick/wood/ man meat? just curious…

20 05 2008
shabooty

well we can remove the Does chris have a big shlong Q from the FAQ.

sike.

$ no homo.

20 05 2008
Angry IV

Man…..alcohol with a girl with big titties letting me hit it doggystyle?

That’s the life.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@Yonnie…FSU games are intense..i wne there my freshman yr and then moved to JAX and went to UNF sophomore yr and Junior yr now im at UMD college park graduating next yr

20 05 2008
Angry IV

And Chris – if you get girls with this blog, you need to let us all know because you would have discovered the key to eternal success, hahahaha

20 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAhA Mrs.Epps, please don’t start. And what is a 2520?

20 05 2008
shabooty

yeah Mrs.Epps is jealous at this point…
and chomping at the bit… we’ve already Found her ass, she’s just now waiting to be Fucked and Forgotten.

lol jk.

20 05 2008
Shine

I would like to take this time to remind people that this is Mrs. Epps week to wear the crown of queen of the gutter mind. Royalty comes with high expectations.

20 05 2008
I'll never tell...

@Yonnie. I remember that story. That’s when you & your boy kept yelling like you were at Cheers, right?

20 05 2008
Muse

Angry you are such a dirty man LOL.

To think there is a face to the perverted comments. LOL

doggystyle is for heathens!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

heheheh@ shine indeed it is!

as for Shababy(booty) I never get fucked and forgotten, thats a promise..I get fucked then stalked for a good 3 months because i kept them wanting more.. Im addictive 😉

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Muse-doggystyle is for heathens!

guess Im a heathen hahaha cuz i love doggystyle and looking back the person…LOVE IT! HHAHA

20 05 2008
sarah

apparently Chris isnt circumcised either. i am tempted to believe that this is a cruel joke by one of his friends. but then, how would his friends know he isnt circumcised??

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Benjie- I didn’t know anything else that started with an M that was cheap and lowbrow enough! LOL.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

dont start what Knat? 😀

20 05 2008
shabooty

i love doggystyle and hoping they dont look back at me so i dont gotta see their face…. lol jk…

20 05 2008
shabooty

sarah – native americans dont take a tomahawk chomp to the foreskin?

20 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH@ Creole Beauty’s comments. WOW. Extra lint, meaning more than the recommended amount?

20 05 2008
I'll never tell...
20 05 2008
Knatural

And what’s wrong with being uncut? People say it’s nasty and attracts bacteria. Just clean it properly. I won’t circumsize my sons, forget it.

20 05 2008
sarah

i don’t know how i feel about uncircumcised penes :/

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

NO this hoe didnt fucking type my name in the her sentence..”stop riding chris dick hoe” grow the fuck up bitch hahahaha wow

20 05 2008

I refuse to believe he can’t work his dream catcher…

20 05 2008

btw I am a big heathen then if doggystyle=heathen

20 05 2008
shabooty

any chance the dreamcatcher catches lint?

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahaha im gonna let the hoodlums like Creole King entertain me with her childish antics im still cracking up

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

I’ve never seen an uncut jawn. It’s actually one of my biggest fears, like getting my wisdom teeth pulled. I know it’s gonna happen eventually, and I am dreading the day….

20 05 2008
shabooty

sister toldja …when the day comes, just march some ants in your twat and have the ant-eater go in after em.
$

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

I havent seen an uncircumsized penis either and they do look a little creepy too me…i dunno I mean I would stop dating a dude because of that but it would freak me out if he didnt tell me ahead of time

20 05 2008
shabooty

yeah i’d hate it if a chick with beef-curtains didn’t tell me ahead of times. i normally don’t keep A1 stocked in my dashboard at all times.

20 05 2008
Muse

Being a heathen is great…

WOW @ Crazy Creole…

I’ve never been with someone who was uncut though. It would seem kind of weird. Don’t you have to pull the skin back and do all this extra stuff just to get busy?

20 05 2008
Merri Lee

^^^Mrs. Epps – you’re psychic! i was just thinking Chris needed a guest female blogger to say things that black women hate. I was specifically thinking foreskin. 😀

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Rhonda is having the best day ever. Udoubtebly, she is getting more site hits and comments than usual. Don’t nobody read that shit. She set Black people back 100 years with that fried chicken picture as her header.

20 05 2008
puff

@ shabooty – tomahawk chomp to the foreskin

hahhahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha yo that’s fucked up

20 05 2008
Shine

Just saw my first recently. No biggie. Prolly cus he didnt have the teapot spout. That would’ve made me laugh. There used to be a great website called circumstition.com that had a top 10 uses for foreskin, pictures of ‘uncut’ men for women to view and a video. Found in a random search looking for the definition of eunuch. Best of the top 10 uses of foreskin was to hold small items such as contact lens cases and jewels (a jewel thief supposedly hid the jewels in his foreskin).

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Beef…..curtains?????

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@ Merri Lee…i agree…

20 05 2008
Shine

ANd it gives you something else to play with. For a while
and obviously a place to store your contacts.

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Teacup spout?

Yo, WHO THE FUCK YALL BEEN HAVING SEX WITH???? WHAT? Not my goodies, not my goodies, not my goodies.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

contact lenses stored in the foreskin umm ewww

20 05 2008
blackberry molasses

Lawd, if I’m going to share stories of my alcohol induced debauchery, I might as well hang up my hopes for public office. Too many people know my ass out there and some of them have blackmail photos.

Is it wrong that I have a shot dispenser in my kitchen?

20 05 2008
shabooty

yeah i’d store a subway token in my pouch and then after i cam id tell the bitch to cough twice and she’d have the token for her ride home.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

yea i agree ST who they been fucking cuz ummm wtf…looks up teacup spout dickhead

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

I got one of those too blackberry! OMGGG they thingy you put the bottels upside down on and push the tab and it comes out i got one for my 19th bday i love it!

20 05 2008
Shine

Yo, need to get some pictures of the uncut ST. Enlighten via google or something on uncut men. They often have a teapot spout shape. I guess it makes it easier to pour. And for some reason the Sioux are known world wide to have the longest foreskin. And that was a scary picture. Hell Chris knows all about Killer bees and I know all about foreskin. Search engines will teach you all sorts of shit.

20 05 2008
Shine

the stuff I learned in college
I haven’t seen but one in real life!

20 05 2008
aceklub

@ angry IV

I have to second that notion. That is the life.

20 05 2008
Angry IV

Mrs. Epps – I’m a prodcut of heathenism, then. And hell yea put a face to the comments! I’d say this s*** in person too I don’t give a damn!

20 05 2008
Sister Toldja

I cant. I CANT. Between yall and the cleaning lady coming in smelling like a wet pack of Newports…I need a vacation.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

ummm you mistaken me for Muse because I am also a Heathen!!!

20 05 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

hahahaha, ABSINTHE?!?! that’s pretty badass considering it’s illegal in the US–was it thujone free or the real deal?! hmmm… now i think about it you probably werent in the US if u crashed an embassy afterward…

im so frickin jealous right now

20 05 2008
Muse

Doggystyle allows the man to take control by slapping the ass a few times and pulling the woman’s hair back and whispering in her ear “You like that bitch? Take that take that..” while he’s pounding the shit out of her..

Um…I’m going to go back to work now. I hate you guys.

20 05 2008
20 05 2008
aceklub

clearly Rhonda played herself b/c she will probably be out of a job w/ all those profane-laced comments. She must’ve not realized who she was messing w/ trying to discredit Chris and the SBPH machine that this is. As the Black Bush (chappelle’s show) states “we got 40 nations ready to roll son…outkast dropping bombs over baghdad, japan bringing playstations, etc”

20 05 2008
Merri Lee

Ok, my comment was rejected. @ Mrs. Epps – now Khreyol Booty is impersonating you on the Palm Beach Post thread.

20 05 2008

yuck yuck yuck @ turtle neck dick! I doubt if having an uncircumsized penis makes a difference in sex but how would you give an elephant trunk head…can they feel it? am I being extra? …i have heart burn now.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

wait what? impersonating me? let me look

20 05 2008

lmaooo @ muse:
“You like that bitch? Take that take that..” while he’s pounding the shit out of her..
sounds like someone had a flash back!

20 05 2008
Muse

Um yes I did Ne LOL.

::Sighs::

I would die if men became extinct. Jesus, that is why I never understood lesbians. It’s like dude you are giving up dick? Shut up?

20 05 2008
Shine

Ok ya’ll do know you can’t see the foreskin when he’s hard right?

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

damn that chick is pathetic…

20 05 2008
Ethel

If that last entry doesn’t get you a book deal, I don’t know what will.

Fricken brilliant!

20 05 2008
Shine

HAHA! found it. Functions of the foreskin
http://www.circumstitions.com/Functions.html

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Hot,Cool&Vicious ,
My boy brang some absinthe from germany and it was gross but it will fuck you up instantly!!

20 05 2008
Shine

OH SHIT! Someone made a song parody of it’s beautiful as an ode to foreskin. I’m going to cry………..
http://youtube.com/TLCTugger

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

shabooty you are soo meannn
im not your friend anymore!! lol

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

merri lee was that you being me on the other site hahaha im like whattt?? hahaha

20 05 2008
Lolo

Creole Pooty cracked and shattered all over that site. Wow.

Chris, I am impressed. I’ve heard of fucking crazy but fucked crazy totally earns you five manwhore diamonds.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAO manwhore diamonds

20 05 2008
Merri Lee

Naw, Mrs. Epps, I wouldn’t impersonate you. Was that a fake shabooty though? Where was his “$”

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

yea i was wonderign that after i hit ENTER ahahah oh well i kniw shabooty likes to be funny and mean but damn not like that..plus if it was i could give 2 scoops of poop if ppl think im pretty or not screw them right 🙂

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

couldnt

20 05 2008
Merri Lee

Creole Booty is just like Mariah Carey – totally dickmatized.

20 05 2008
shabooty

lol wtf some asshole is fak0rating.
merri lee…you’re smart.
that was a fake.
$

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

thats what I thought shababy…i take back my 1st grade “im not your friend anymore” comment hahahah

damn Teenagers..wHOOLAGINS SMH

20 05 2008
Knatural

I hate you all. I just went to Rhonda’s article and saw this comment -“I use to hook up with Chris back in the day. I spy on his blog every now and then just to keep up. Let me clarify for all the ladies that Chris is an awesome guy and a great catch. Btw, he knows how to work his p***s very well.”

20 05 2008
shabooty

i don’t think you’re spying on chris’ blog “every now and then” if you’re commenting on the rhonda article –that means you’re reading it pretty religiously =)
i bet she has google alerts set for everytime SBPH is mentioned. 😉

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL@ Knat..i read that just now too I was like ummm wow ok…

20 05 2008
Shine

This young god’s foreskin gives his glans more than complete coverage. A Native American visitor identifies him as black/Cherokee and Cree (known for long foreskins: “They used to make fun of guys with short foreskins”).
http://www.circumstitions.com/Restric/Gallery1.html

Sorry for maligning the Sioux

Oh lord, now uncle ruckus showed up over there. Damn Rhonda is not going to have a clue what is going on.

20 05 2008

Thank God my fast tail doesn’t live in dc

20 05 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

LOL word, Mrs. Epps?! Did u light it before you drank it?! I want to try some soOoOoO bad! the main lure is that it’s illegal AND i heard u lose your shit when u do drink it–which, of course, equals a wicked awesome gay ol’ time! HA

20 05 2008
Merri Lee

I just noticed Rhonda’s background is fried chicken and Kwanzaa. WTF?? BTW, Kwanzaa needs to be a topic on both SEBPL and SBPH.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Shine,
I thank you for that “unpleasent” gallery of penis..im gonna go throw up now..most of them look like dried up condoms that you see walking around in the hood in the gutter hahah…and LMAO at Thirsty Whores on the other cite…ok so all the ladies this post are thirsty whores but you used Thirsty Whore as your post name? hmm

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

you must light it before you drink it! thats the exciting part about it@Vicious

20 05 2008
Shine

@Mrs. Epps
LOL but at least you understand the teapot spout problem/hilarity. Guranteed, as much as I love the dick, that’s one ugly instrument, clothed or unclothed.

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

You know I’ve only fucked one guy who was circumcised?

I was freaked out when I saw a cut one. I was like, where is the rest of it? Dudes who aren’t circumcised are more sensitive, so I’ve heard. And the skin pulls all the way back and like, disappears when it gets hard.

PS Rhonda doesn’t know who she’s messing with.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Merri Lee- just noticed Rhonda’s background is fried chicken and Kwanzaa. WTF?? BTW, Kwanzaa needs to be a topic on both SEBPL and SBPH.

NOOO hahahahaha omggg i didnt noticed that until you pointed it out…I mean why it gotta be fried chicken and cornbread though ahhaha what black ppl dont like anything unless its fried? Im black and i dont eat fried chicken let alone fried food that often..she just pumpin up the goddamn stereotype smh…

20 05 2008
Knatural

Why Shine? That gallery was hilarious! I’ve never seen such long foreskin, eewwwww. Some those guys needed a trim. OMG at Rhonda’s comments. NotBlonde, did you write that most recent one?????

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

yea i get it now Shine gracias mamita…a mucha información! Pienso que atascaré a mi circumcised penga!…

Translation..i think i’ll stick to the regular ol less skin dick!

20 05 2008
Shine

You see why I learne so much about it! It’s like you can’t tear your eyes away. Don’t fuck with those Cree. Also I hate the Cherokee but thats another story.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

wait did i miss something about 32F fucking F breast???

20 05 2008
Shine

Hey I got a C in Spanish, I woulda got it eventually. Don’t need to translate for me just cuz I’m slow. Plus I have an A in gutter mind and know what a penga is!

20 05 2008
Shine

You weren’t here for the boob conversation 2 posts ago??? Angry IV is that you posting as a Strong Black man?

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

LOL, Mrs. Epps, go to the comments on Homophobes and scroll all the way down. We got into a weird convo about boobs and my boobs came up as a discussion topic.

20 05 2008
Mandingo Warrior

Ne and NotBlonde made my 8inch dick get hard when I saw their pics. I want to titty fuck both of you then eat your pussies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Fuck can we meet?!

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

@Knatual, woman I just got back from a final and I was like, what has been going on? And thank you Strong Black Man…I appreciate the compliment so um…yea.

20 05 2008
Shine

Well if thats not the sexiest pick up line I’ve every heard. I’m so jealous of you 2 now. 🙂

Mandingo warrior is one of the woodchucks Lolo was talking about

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

Mandingo I’m afraid the Avid Breast Withholder’s Committee has officially put you on our watch list.

20 05 2008
Mandingo Warrior

Damn notblonde you are so fine. I just want to do nasty things to you. When you cum, do you blush?! And you got big titties too. Shit!

20 05 2008
Mandingo Warrior

NotBlonde I will be your slave. What’s your email. I promise I’m a good looking brotha! Shit girl I’m in love. I’ll eat you until it’s time for Jesus to conme home!

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

Mandingo you are officially on the ABW’s terrorist alert list.

20 05 2008

giving madingo this look:

20 05 2008

btw thank you mandingo warrior

20 05 2008
Mandingo Warrior

Notblonde don’t act brand new! I see the freak in those eyes.I just want a bite of dem titties!

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

Mandingo has officially been put on all lists including but not limited to: Terrorist Alert, Sleeper Cell, Drunk Douche, Creepy Clubgoer, Watch List, and Stalker List.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL right Shine i knew you would get Penga…hahaha and ohh i see the covo ya’ll had hahah ya’ll so stooooppid “as my little cousin says and types” and as for Mandingo Warrior umm where the hell he come from hahahah i bust in to tears reading what he typed to yall too fuckin funny..plus umm who tittie fucks these days..not my type of party..if you nut from my tittes then there ius no hope for you in my cooter hahah..im getting a drink anyone want?

20 05 2008
Shine

I don’t think ABW wants to watch that dude. You’ll probably see something you dont want to. Avert all eyes.

Also if Muse comes back can you repost your BJ tips on facebook. I;ve had friends ask about it and linking to the comments is difficult.

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

And the Titty-Biter List.

20 05 2008
Mandingo Warrior

Ne knows what’s up. You like your titties sucked baby?

20 05 2008
Angry IV

we should start our own blog for random shit

20 05 2008

no hablas ingles

20 05 2008
Lolo

Ladies, you do realise that Mandingo Warrior is the Pooty posting from another library, yah?

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

Mandingo is Strong Black Man!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

I agree Angry we should def start our own blog called RANDOM ASS FOLKS!!

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Lolo..i was gonna say that next you read my mind…

20 05 2008
Shine

Ug I don’t want to think about Mandingo being in a public place right now. Reminds me of that Dave chappelle skit with the homeless guy holding everyone hostage on the bus. Ewg yick yuck. I’mma go look at some uncut peen to get that outta my head.

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

LOL, Ne.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Shine that Chappelle skit was tooo damn funny! I miss Dave..sigh…

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

I was dying laughing at that stupid Chapelle skit. Oh, and the ABW definitely does not want to watch Mandingo do anything.

20 05 2008
Lolo

Well, it’s plain that “Mandingo” is how the Pooty wishes Chris would speak to her.

20 05 2008
Angry IV

I think a forum would be better. Like in a facebook group or an online forum – it would allow people to create their own topics instead of only posting on those the moderator decides.

20 05 2008

:*clears throat*:

How do I change my snap shot pic…I feel like it needs to be changed!

20 05 2008
Angry IV

Told you ladies of the ABW you could share with the ABL, but noooooo. Now you see why the ABL is so exclusive in it’s membership – there’s biters out there.

20 05 2008
Lolo

@Angry
I’m pretty sure that you can do that on the Facebook page; create topic threads, etc. I hardly ever play with my Facebook these days but that’s what I recall.

20 05 2008
Shine

Like the facebook group thats already up. What are we going to have topics like, who likes boobies, and how to give better head? I think I like the fact that it takes a pretty involved person to know that I been saying some off the wall shit.

20 05 2008
Shine

Nibbling=ok
biting=bad
Rarely, but sometimes, its ok to be a bad boy/girl.

20 05 2008
Knatural

Biting. I was bitten once, hard. Dude was chewing gum while performing that act. Idiot. *back to cooking*

20 05 2008
Shine

Chewing gum! What in the funkensten?! No there is no multitasking during this act. Ask Angry and the other member of the ABL. Absolutely no multitasking. And no hard biting. If biting is at all acceptable its well its actually mild nibbling.

20 05 2008
NotBlonde

Alright, I’ve got to get to work. Which means I’ll probably be back here in about 45 minutes…lol. Working in a library is quite possibly the most boring job on the planet. Especially during finals week when no one is in there and the only people who are don’t need books.

20 05 2008
Shine

EW watch out for Mandingo Warrior in that library, he might be right behind you

20 05 2008
Shine

Sorry to get back to uncut men but
According to the model, “American Indians don’t traditionally circumcise,
and few are circumcised even today.”

Chris???

20 05 2008
Merri Lee

Well, since we’re on the topic…

20 05 2008
Lauren

@ Muse
Lesbians are lesibians for two reasons
1. women are FUCKING hot
2. We dont have to give up dick to be with women… Just strap one on 🙂

20 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Sorry to get back to uncut men but
According to the model, “American Indians don’t traditionally circumcise,
and few are circumcised even today.”
Chris???”

Ask Creole Beauty.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOl@ Chirs…hmm so you do KNOW HER! ahhaha i know your being sarcastic…we would hope atleast

LMAO@ Lauren my friend says the same thing…she loves dicking girls with strap ons

20 05 2008
Shine

lol I’m sure she’ll be informing us soon over on the other page.

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Biting is unexceptable! I had this dude bite my nipple so hard a few days later i had a scab on it! I was like WTFFFFF and if a dude dared to bite me on my cooter i sure will return the favor dammit!

20 05 2008
Shine

ok we shall clarify nipple=nibble only. And a nibble is something light, just with teeth. Anything that breaks skin = muy malo

see got my spanish 001 on there

20 05 2008
Angry IV

What other page?

20 05 2008

biting is not what’s up! I am not a sammich

20 05 2008
Shine

Sorry the palm beach post. I forgot the name of the thingie

20 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

ahhaha muy bien Shine!

Una estrella de oro para tu!(A gold star for you!)

Rhonda’s page @ Angry

20 05 2008
Educated NSU Demon

Why the hell do people drink anyway? *Says this when he now only has 2 bottles of Smirnoff left from the 6 pack he purchased yesterday* I mean granted, that’s a girly drink, and my homeboys would probably clown me because it’s rare that I drink anything stronger than Smirnoff.

But of course their alcoholic asses will be clowning themselves the next morning when they’re re-iterating their bond with the toilet.

20 05 2008
Angry IV

I love how barely anybody actually reads the blog anymore, and just comes here to chat.

21 05 2008
Shine

Hey we read the blog, don’t you see the superficial comments we make. I love how all the regulars put up some superficial post about the topic just waiting for someone else to bring up sex or foolywang so the real conversation can begin.

21 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

i read the blogs and comment on the topic and then after a few post go off topic…Angry you know you love reading our comments it makes your day 🙂 haha jk

21 05 2008
rai

man I get on WAY too late to keep up with your guys. . . but imma just say, I fall under liquor drinker, and this sounds like a night around 18th & U streets. i have been done there soooo many times and STILL haven’t made it into their “reggae” club that they have under someone’s townhouse. but then again me + liquor + reggae = trouble.

21 05 2008
rai

you*

21 05 2008
Lolo

@Angry
Without Chris’ rage and inspiration, this place would be just a bunch of pussytalk and bra swapping.

21 05 2008
Angry IV

I’m all for pussytalk and bra swapping. What’s wrong with that?

21 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH@rai, that’s Timehri. Don’t go. No. Go, and report back. 😀

21 05 2008
Jen_8

LOL @ y’all taking over Rhonda’s blog and having profane arguements with creole beauty!

21 05 2008
Startariot

I hate beer, love wine but my best friend/partner in alcohol-driven crimes hates both, so we fall under Cat. 3 of liquor drinkers. We always, after a drunk night at the club, want PIZZA afterwards. Nothing else will do. Leave an NYC club, walk down to the crowded pizza joint on the corner. Without fail. Pizza or pepperoni stromboli. Damn… lmao. You pretty much captured my weekends perfectly..

21 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Hey, don’t say anything slick about Kwanzaa. I don’t care if a kinara looks a bit too much like a menorah, it is my second fave holiday behind Sister Toldja Day (Monday, July 22 2008- start saving now)! I love Kwanzaa, minus 2005 when my mom bought me a kinte crown instead of the I-Pod I asked for.

Rhonda is either fired, or is getting a promotion for raising her site’s views milleniafold today. The Palm Beach Post sounds like some shit they read at Shady Pines. Ex-girlfriends/scorned females are scary. Men wild out a wee bit, but I couldn’t even see my nuttiest former paramour doing some shit like CB did today. Chris- better judgement in the future my friend. Sounds like you fucked the girl who yelled out “Whoooo! Tequila” and proceeded to drink the whole bottle and tie the worm into a knot with her tounge.

Foreskin pictures scared me a lot less than I expected, though all of those men had very uninspiring penii. Not sure how the logistics of head would work out with the extra padding, but I am not afraid anymore. So I learned something today.

21 05 2008
Yonnie3K

Kwanzaa is a fake holiday. Just like Valentine’s Day…if Valentine’s Day were started by someone who’d been convicted of and served time for false imprisonment and torture. Sorry, ST.

21 05 2008
Knatural

um, all holidays are fake. But any excuse for presents and good food, I’m there.

21 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Biting is like Bacardi 151 or Patron. Awesome in moderation, but hard to excercise restraint sometimes and oh BABY will you hate yourself in the AM if you go to far. I am the make-out queen. Necking is life. I woulda been so good in one of those old “Americana” movies where they drove up to “The Looking Point” or the drive-in and parked. Unfortunately, I also bruise kinda easy and pretty deep. I got caught out there a few times in HS and college with hickeys. Once, I told my mother that I had dropped a curling iron on my neck. Mind you, I have never in my life curled my hair with a curling iron, nor was my hair curled or even straight when I said this. She chose to either believe me or not want to know the truth.

21 05 2008
Anmarie

Damn it I didn;t get drunk my friend started talking about her ex-boy and I had to listen with sensitivity. Almost got a buzz and the sad talk sobered me.

But i do some work go out after, then I get home and and and well I just don’t know what hell. Foreskin and meat curtains. What the hell are meat curtains? The internet is a corrupting me.

Angry IV what’s going on with you is your girl on vacation or something? Or is this always how Spring takes ahold of you?

21 05 2008
NotBlonde

Meat curtains are a woman’s vaginal lips (pussy flaps, for the men) that are very long and stretched out.

Don’t ask how I know this.

21 05 2008
aceklub

dang…where was durign this titties conversation. F’in working a job, get me distracted from more meaningful ways to spend my time. Oh how I love me some Tit-taes. Licking, sucking, nibbling, smacking…all that. lol

21 05 2008
Nice

I have gotten myself into a whole heap of trouble due to alcohol. Damn, I’m drinking right now.

21 05 2008
ninabrown

i love sippin’, holding my glass of wine in the club. chardonnay is my wine choice. i’m exclusive!
the buzz off of a glass of wine could last for hours! after five or more, i’m high off life! cheesin’ in guys faces whom of course, i would never talk to outside of the venue.
and yes, once i’m home, i can’t sleep. i must keep the party going, solo, listening to the stereo and dancing.

and yes, i’m a public pisser. i will pull over in a grocery, drive-thru, library parking lot in a minute and piss behind the dumpster!

21 05 2008
shabooty

which one of u dc chicks is trying to be on a VH1 reality show with Buddha?

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=16767986&blogID=397064806

$

21 05 2008
YoungBelizeanLady

lol..um..i mix my liquor with apple juice..lol
bacardi-apple juice
tequila- apple juice
vodka- apple juice
hen-coke

i’m a light weight, so if i taste up on something..it needs to taste decent.
oh yeah..i had some mike’s hard lemonade..lol..got a nice buzz off of that.

21 05 2008
Lolo

See? I told you the men don’t mind all the off topic rambling on here. Angry is so happy.

21 05 2008
rai

im a lightweight too. . . but I cut everything with cran-grape. lol I can get down like 1.5 club zombies or 4 rum & cokes or 2 tequila sunrises. my fat behind tried to keep up with my friends that have been drinkin since like high school. . . DOWN FOR THE COUNT! lol I started drinkin jan 07. . . @ 22, I feel ashamed because like there are some freshmen at my school that can drink me under the table. lol

21 05 2008
rai

@ shabooty. . .

buddha is a mess. . . a big ole ninja turtle mess. they have GOT to stop giving everyone a spinoff.

21 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Buddah is fine. He just made the unfortunate life decision to be on I Love NY. I liked Pretty too, which may reveal (yet another) one of my unfortunate predilictions when it comes to choosing men to like.

21 05 2008
Knatural

Um, did anyone else notice how there aren’t any visual aides in this post? I need pictures damnit!

21 05 2008
Merri Lee

With all the penis talk, I’m wondering if any guys have done this

22 05 2008
Anmarie

oh my gish u;I’m si drunk right now, it’ was Moe’s fault jusdt on drink, that’s it turnined into like 800 drinks/ hmmmm ohmmm pino grriiioooooooooooo yum
i;m sleeply ing no nore dunkung for the wekk i swear. O mean until saturday that’s it. h,,,mmmmmmm wine is nice :=)

uede I grabe my bosses ass, o hope he dont’ remember oh oh no

22 05 2008
Jen

OH NOOOOOOOO.

I had no idea. This post was very informative. I knew I had a two drink limit for a reason. Now, I know exactly what that reason is. Thanks.

22 05 2008
Knatural

I just checked Rhonda’s (PalmBeachPost.com) and all of Creole Beauty’s comment were deleted! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

23 05 2008
Timm

this is the story of my every friday.
do Saki Bombs count as beer or liquor?

2 06 2008
d teezy

# Black people dancing like white people
# White people dancing like themselves
# Koreans dancing with non-Koreans

that shit is fuct up but so true… haha good point.

22 06 2008
chaoticdiva

Damn, the Liquor Drinker sounds like a typical night my freshman year. So glad I calmed down…so glad….

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