Dreams

14 05 2008

I had the following dream last night, which was unusually long and I somehow managed to recall in vivid detail:

It started off with a recurring nightmare with my mother and I in that scene from the original Jurassic Park where a rainstorm knocks out the power to the electric fence that keeps the T. Rex fenced in. We are in the Jeep like those two kids when the dinosaur comes out and tries to attack us.

Figure 1: My dreams fucking suck

My nightmare is, however, different than the movie in three ways:

  1. I am armed with a sword for some reason
  2. I try to fight the dinosaur
  3. I kill the dinosaur by stabbing it in the brain through the eye, but then it falls on me and kills me

Usually I wake up at this point, but last night was different. Last night the dream continued past my crushing, as my soul exited my body…and went straight to Hell.

In Hell, I found out that my brother is Satan. Seriously. My soul was taken to the throne room of Hell and none other than my older brother came out from behind a curtain and sat down on the throne. My brother did not look like the devil. He had neither horns, nor pitchfork, nor hooves, nor was he even wearing red. He was, in fact, wearing the same brown Gucci suit he wore to my cousin Ramon’s wedding. Oddly enough, I don’t recall being surprised by any of this in the dream.

Figure 2: The awful truth about my brother

I don’t remember what my Satanic brother said to me; all I know is that my punishment involved me being reincarnated as 6th grade teacher at my old elementary school. Here are the highlights from my stint as an educator:

1.) Somehow, the kids already know that I’m Native American. When I walk through the doors of the school, they have built a bonfire in the lobby and are dancing around it like Kevin Costner in ‘Dances with Wolves.’ The principal is participating.

2.) I introduce myself as ‘Mr. Johnson’ for some reason (this is not my real last name), but the kids refuse to address me by any name other than ‘Chief Runny Colon’.

3.) I have two teaching assistants. I have to go upstairs for a meeting with the vice principal, and I leave my students in the charge of the TAs for ten minutes. When I return to the classroom, my teaching assistants are holding a poker tournament with the students, and they are using real money. Most of the female students are being used as cocktail waitresses and are serving booze. EVERYONE is drunk. It’s at this point that I realize my TAs are Michael and Dwight from ‘The Office’.

4.) For whatever reason, I’m supposed to teach Calculus to 6th graders. The poker tourney inexplicably vanishes and the kids are all in their seats. I’m in the middle of explaining derivatives when some kid behind me yells “YO TEACH! MATH IS FOR NIGGERS!” The kid is Vietnamese. He is also wearing a Rayden hat. The black students jump out of their seats and beat the living shit out of him. I do nothing to stop it. I am subsequently fired.

Figure 3: Did I mention this asshole was the principal?

I woke up at 4:30am laughing my ass off.

You may be wondering why I would hate dreams if this one made me wake up laughing. I’ll tell you why. Because there’s something in my subconscious that’s telling me:

  • I’m going to Hell even if I die fighting a 7 metric-ton prehistoric apex predator to save my mother’s life
  • 11 year old girls can be cocktail waitresses (I suppose this explains the whole ‘Hell’ thing)
  • I associate Asians with Rayden

I’ve had the regular dreams, sex dreams, and superhero dreams that anyone could consider normal and aren’t too difficult to explain. I cannot, however, explain the dream where I’m in a Kay Bee Toy store beating ninjas to death with a fire extinguisher. I cannot explain the dream where my father and are are Achilles and Hector dueling like Brad Pitt and Eric Bana in ‘Troy’. I cannot explain the dream where I walk into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, shoot Willy in the head, then turn around only to be shot in my own head by none other than Katie Couric.

Just take a moment to imagine some of the sick shit you’re encountered in your dreams. Now, try to come to the understanding that it’s all coming from within your own mind, and that your dreams are only as fucked up as you are. Disturbing isn’t it?

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179 responses

14 05 2008
Shine

What’s worse is when you wake up from your dream angry as shit at someone for something they did in your dream. I almost called my sister up just to cuss her out 1 hour after I had awoken because of something I dreamed she did. Luckily I couldn’t remember her number, there would’ve been no explaining that.

14 05 2008
cmoore

AND WHATS MORE DISTURBING, SOME DREAMS YOU START TO ACTUALLY BELIEVE!!!

14 05 2008
Natalie

Wow I thought my mom was the only one who had crazy ass dreams like yours until I read this post. Although I think hers are the result of watching a tad too many Star Trek The Next Generation and Twilight Zone episodes because someone is almost always getting blown up and she’s running through a spaceship somewhere.

Ahh Rayden…that takes me back =)

14 05 2008
8th Wonder

Damn, did you at least get to have a gobstopper before Katie put one in your dome?

Love this site, by the by.

14 05 2008
Lady

I used to have this dream that this crazy woman pulled a knife on me and my mother and tried to kill me. When i told my mother about it she said that actually happened. Talk about a freak out.

I used to also have this dream that I was trick-or-treating with my “friends” (i use quotes because i didnt actually know them but in my dream we were friends) and we’d get to this house where an actual witch would answer the door, green face, wart, cauldron and all and she’d keep kidnapping the same friend as the rest of us ran away.. I used to have both those dreams at least once a month.

Lately I haven’t been able to remember any of my dreams.. but when I do.. and they’re weird, I go to dreammoods.com and it’s usually really helpful.

14 05 2008
Lindsay

@ Shine –

So true. Last week, I dreamed my boyfriend (of almost four years, I’ve known him for ten) had two children (under three years old) by two different women…that he just let me know about by having the children’s mothers bring them to one of his family reunions, of which I was also a guest.

I was livid when I woke up, but it took me a couple minutes to realize it was a dream.

14 05 2008
Ethel

I had a dream where I was dating Arnold Schwarzenegger [sp?]… Then The Dream Got Worse! He was some sort of secret agent [think True Lies…. Jim Belushi was there too] and as he went to stop some bad guys, I went downtown and an atom bomb went off offshore. I started to run to outrun the blast and ended up hiding in this families’ house in their led-lined closet and when I came out, instead of everything being burned, all the plants were HUGE and man-eating. [I kept having to squirt them with pepper spray from my purse].

When I woke up I was so freaked out that I went online to check the news to make sure no bombs had been set off. As I became more awake, I realized I’m surfing on the internet thinking “what the hell am I doing?” and went and got some cawfee.

14 05 2008
Anmarie

OMG! I swear just this morning I learned that my dreams where I feel like my soul is separating from my body, or that I’m trapped inside my consciousness but i can’t move physically are indicative of dissociative disorder.

Damn I really am crazy, my friends weren’t kidding.
Any psychologist in the house????????????

14 05 2008
imaG

Lol thats a crazy mothereffing dream

http://www.anythingblack.net

14 05 2008
Knatural

You are sick, it’s confirmed. And you’re probably watching too much TV/online stuff before bed and it’s effecting your subconscious. And the fact that you have Asian friends – get rid of them.

I almost always dream in third person (if that makes sense) where I’m watching myself interact with others and the environment. And all of my recurring nightmares since childhood involve water and/or driving. In my most recent nightmare, me and Dave Chappelle were on an out-of-control school bus that drove off of a bridge and plummetted into a river.

14 05 2008
Anmarie

Well Chris thanks for sharing your crazy with the group somehow I don’t feel as bad.

“11 year old girls can be cocktail waitresses (I suppose this explains the whole ‘Hell’ thing)”

Probably.

14 05 2008
Sister Toldja

My dreams are usually really great, to the point where I want to stay asleep or they take place at one of my former schools (usually high school, sometimes grammar school or college).

My worst dream was when I was 6 or 7 and dreamed that Shredder from TMNT was in the grocery store and he was gonna kill everyone. I was trying to get help from Sensei (?) but I didn’t want to get too close to him because he was a rat.

No, actually my WORSE dream was a few weeks ago, and I dreamed that I was in the bedroom chilling with….*tear* Prodigy from Mobb Deep. WHY???? And that following day, I got a plugger for a “Free Prodigy” party. It was scary. I also once dreamed that I made out with Juvinile. I need therapy.

14 05 2008
Sister Toldja

“11 year old girls can be cocktail waitresses (I suppose this explains the whole ‘Hell’ thing)”

You say hell, R. Kelly says “HELL YEAH”. To each his own.

14 05 2008
Cheekie

I was reading parts 1, 2, and 3 and thinking, “Well this ain’t so bad and it’s kinda funny” as far as Hell goes, then I ran across the pic of Donald Trump with the caption that he was your principal. *shivers* That’s not EVEN right.

I’m still tickled at the Asian kid wearing a Rayden hat because a) I wish there was a deep voice in the dream yelling “Finish HIM!” because that brings back all kinds of warm fuzzy memories and b) I’m down with any elementary school that allows kids to wear Rayden hats in class.

14 05 2008
Esquire

Stop eating bad food so late at night.

14 05 2008
C.I.T.

@Sista: You say hell, R. Kelly says “HELL YEAH”. To each his own.

HILARIOUS!

I’m mad I want to know what the brown Gucci suit looks like.

14 05 2008
Quiet Storm

I remember having a dream that I was in the Nightmare on Elm Street movie. Now THAT was f-ing scary. I also woke feeling kind of bad, because in the dream when Freddie Kruger was trying to back me and this white chick in a corner with a huge ass pair of scissors, I pushed the girl in front of me and escaped through a side door that conveniently appeared. Oh well. There’s just some scarifies you have to make to survive.

14 05 2008
Quiet Storm

Even in a dream 🙂

14 05 2008
stuffgirlslike

I have the sort of dreams which mean something, I have often lived out my dreams after having them and now I love dreams and have interpretations for them.

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

14 05 2008
stuffgirlslike

@Sister Tolda, you dreams need interpretation. I have been know to give free dream interpretations.

14 05 2008
thechad1911

I don’t even remember most of my dreams but the ones I do usually involve either sex, a fist fight, or me climbing some national monument (never all three). I get alot of celebrities and people i kno in them too…. hellifiknow what they mean tho.

http://trialandera.wordpress.com

14 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHA@Quiet Storm! That’s messed up! I think every child of the late 70s/early 80s had a dream about Freddy’s bitch-ass. Or Jason. Or Mike Myers (Halloween, not Austin Powers).

Thechad – are all three things (sex, fist fight, and climbing national monument) SHOULD occur simultaneously. You need to make that happen and report back.

14 05 2008
letinstar

one time i had a dream in vivid technicolor with shapes and wild bold color melting and oozing…i remember being both hot and cold and feeling super trippy… i kind of had the feeling that i was dreaming but i couldn’t wake up…i don’t recall being scared, just weirded out by the colors..when i woke up, i had a big white crust of dried drool on my face and lightheaded…turns out, i had taken too much nyquil and was having a bad trip….

14 05 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Stuffgirlslike- Please, tell me more. I need to know why my dreams lead me into comprimising situations with marginally talented, hardly attractive rappers. This isn’t my future, is it?

14 05 2008
PrettyPiscesGirl

I rarely have dreams that I remember…and the ones I do usually involve sex or something that has (or hasn’t happened yet) from the past or future.

Anywhoo, Chris, you weren’t the only one having crazy dreams last night-I had one too. I dreamed about zombies…like Night of the Living Dead creatures. They had red circles and crust around their eyes…that was how to distinguish them from real people. They were running around eating (or trying to eat) people’s brains). There was even a guy (who I met on the bus) who “disguised” himself as one of them, to (a) avoid being next on the menu and (b) to get close enough to them to beat the hell out of them and render them uselss. Somehow, they kept missing me (I kicked the shit out of them when they got too close and it actually worked). I wasn’t scared in the least.
I remember finally saying to myself…okay, I’m so DONE with this dream…it’s lasted a few minutes too long. ( Kinda like I was watching an SNL skit, but that’s a whole other topic). I woke up, shook it off, and that was it.

14 05 2008
Lindsay

@ ST –

I had a similar dream in TMNT heyday.

I think you mean Splinter. 🙂

14 05 2008
benjie

i have crazy dreams sometimes, but it usually depends on what i watch/eat before i fall asleep.

i am terrified of horror movies, but for some reason the really stupid, campy ones freak me out
i had nightmares for years that critters were rolling into my room and trying to eat me.

remember that huge ball they made, and starting rolling over and devouring the townspeople? …yeah that was in my dream too.

14 05 2008
DJStylus

you need to stop smoking that shit, homie.

yup.

14 05 2008
Shine

Oh wait no, I know whats worse. I had this weird dream a month or so ago. I was enjoying a nice sex dream with some man when I felt like I opened my eyes and it was a male friend of mine who had a girlfriend. As soon as I realized it was him (and I was dreaming within my dream) I pushed him off and damn near cussed him out. But worse is that I realized I was naked and my clothes and the exit were past this big plate glass window that looked right across the courtyard into his apartment where his roommate (and another male friend of mine) was, along with his girlfriend, anothe chic from our clique and my nigerian friend from school. And they could all see me.

The roommate got so disgusted with me he wouldn’t talk to me or even be in the same room as me. The girlfriend was sad, not mad but we started to make amends when I was trying to explain it was an accident. Also that it was all this guys fault. The other chic was looking at me stupid because my explanation that I accidently had sex with your boyfriend of whom I’m not at all attracted to is fucking stupid. The only person who would still hang out with me was my Nigerian friend because she didn’t see me in the window. And that stupid boy I was accidently screwing was like, we should date now because my girlfriend will never forgive me and you know, we already screwed. I woke up laughing and wanting to cuss him out for ruining a perfectly good sex dream. But then those are the dreams you can’t tell people they were in because its just too weird.

Chris, did you tell your brother you dreamed he was the devil?

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

Unfortunately, most of my dreams are “real life” things, that confuse me in real life. For example:

* I’ll have a dream that I woke up, showered, ate breakfast, etc. only to wake up to realize I overslept and didn’t do any of that.

* If I have a big project to do, I’ll dream that I did it, only to wake up and either a) realize I didn’t do it or b) swear to my boss I emailed a report, then check my ‘sent items’ and realize that it was a dream

* Wake up at 1am terrified after a dream that I overslept. Proceed to wake up every 20 minutes terrified that it will happen for real. One hour before my alarm is supposed to go off, I give up, and just get out of bed.

14 05 2008
lisaturtle

I was done at Rayden.

14 05 2008

I am crying… this dream is hilarious!

My dreams range from weird shit to things that will happen in my life. I RARELY have sex dreams (fucking sucks) but a majority of my dreams don’t make a lick of sense.

14 05 2008
Seven

I’m glad to read that I’m not the only with an overactive subconscious! Now my dream last night/this morning can’t top Chris’ but hanging out with Brody Jenner in my hometown still creeped me out. By the way, did I mention Brody and I saved people’s lives by handing out BLTs with cucumbers and towing a Bentley?

14 05 2008
Mr. Bruins

Has anyone ever told the person they had the sex dream about it, and is it wrong to look at the woman and recollect the exact events in the dream?

14 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Am the only one who constantly dreams that I am falling, to wake up feeling like I am at the edge of the bed and actually gonna fall, but I’m not?

Lindsay- YES! Master Splinter! The only rat that deserves to live.

My BFF and I, who feel much like the author about the Faux-Creole Queen of Texas, both dreamed in the span of a week that we were hanging out with Miss Knowles and she was like, the coolest girl ever. This HAS to be yet another marketing technique by her crazy daddy: dream invasion.

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

Mr. Bruins – depends on your relationship with her.

14 05 2008
seti

I do hate my dreams since they usually manage to warp whatever happened during the day or whatever emotions I felt toward something or someone and fuck’em up beyond recognition. It is like my arch enemy hits the play button whenever I go to bed.

14 05 2008
Knatural

ok, so I just returned from lunch in Chinatown (DC)… and saw a dude wearing a Rayden hat!

14 05 2008
Seven

@ Sista Toldja – I feel you in the falling bit. I’ve had several dreams to which I think I’m falling from you name it and then I have this huge body flinch to “save” myself from hitting the floor. Of course, I’m no were near the edge of the bed and the next thing you know I’m wake feeling dumb as hell.

14 05 2008

Last night I dreamed I was giving a blow job and my two front teeth kept flipping open like a doggie door over the recipient’s frenulum.

bwahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!

14 05 2008
Lindsay

@ST –

No, but I have had dreams in which I am falling from a great height, then hit the ground in my dream. My whole body jumps from the impact of “landing,” and I jolt awake.

And I won’t even mention the dreams I have that end up happening (fortunately, it’s never been one of those falling ones). It’s weird.

14 05 2008
Muse

My dreams are freaky. The other night I had a dream that I was in Malibu having sex on a cliff with my high school physics teacher when a huge blue dragon comes out of the ocean and tries to devour us. The next thing I know, I turn into the Phoenix ala Jean Grey style and a bunch of birds started to attack the dragon. I don’t remember the rest because I woke up.

Another time I was in heaven standing before God butt naked except I was wearing leather thong with chains wrapped my hips. God and his celestial warriors were having chicken dinner and I was negotiating a loan for God to cosign on. God cosigned the loan and I used the money to buy a pink turtle.

14 05 2008
Lindsay

Very similar to Seven.

14 05 2008
Muse

But lucky for me most of my dreams involve sex and I always wake up happy. Hehehe. What helps is if I think really hard about sex before I go to bed. Hahahaha.

14 05 2008
Lindsay

@ Muse –

What did God look like?

14 05 2008
not.a.diva

lmao
oh my gosh. i always get such a good laugh when i come here – thank you!

p.s. i have lucid dreams – so imagine how f-ed up your dreams would be if you could also CONTROL your actions in them! insane….and quite fun sometimes 😉

14 05 2008
Knatural

Muse – Just Say No.

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

@ Lindsay, My guess is this

14 05 2008
Lindsay

HAHAHAHAHA, Merri Lee.

14 05 2008
Muse

Not a diva sometimes I do have Lucid Dreams which are VERY awesome. I’m really into studying dreams so my little pet project has been learning how to control them. There was one time I had a harem of men….Boy was that fun. Ironically I didn’t let them take turns having their way. They were actually cleaning my mansion, cooking dinner, giving me foot massages and taking my best gal pals on endless shopping sprees to Jimmy Choo.

14 05 2008
Knatural

not.a.diva – most of my dreams are lucid, too, but I never have the presence of mind to ‘control’ them. I just go with the flow but still understand it is a dream, the only thing I can control is when I awake. Does anyone dream in black-and-white?
AHAHAHAHAHA@Merri Lee. So God is a Magical Negro?

14 05 2008
Muse

I honestly don’t remember what God looked like in my dream. He wasn’t a White man with long Blonde hair that’s for sure. I just knew he/she was there.

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

I actually suffer from occasional hypnagogic hallucinations which are scary sh!t. Basically, my mind acts like I’m awake. I’m sleeping, but I can “see” my ceiling, the walls around my room, etc as if I’m lying there awake. What’s scary is my mind knows I’m asleep, but I can’t wake up. It probably lasts no longer than 2 minutes but feels like hours. A couple of times I was face down in the pillow and damn near suffocated.

14 05 2008
NotBlonde

I have nightmares quite often, the worse being one where I was devoured by werewolves at my mom’s house in LA. I was running and running around the yard and into the house and there were vampires who sucked my younger sister into the ceiling (wtf?) and then i got caught in this little back corner of the backyard. I removed myself from my body in a way and watched the werewolves rip me to shreds. I woke up sweating and out of breath. Talk about scaring the piss out of yourself.

My older sister has trippy dreams-when she was about 4 she told my mom that she had a dream about giant neon toothbrushes that were trying to stamp on her in a completely black world, like outer space but with a definite ground and gravity.

My worst recurring dream is one where i’m running through a field with a white dress on being chased by giant purple rabbits hopping on their hind legs and spraying old-timey bugspray canisters of poison at me. The grass is slippery and wet so i can’t run as fast as I want to. The dreams would all end in a new place as I kept having them: First they ended with me running. Then seeing a giant oak tree in the distance. Then climbing the oak tree and waiting for the rabbits to come. Then Link (from Zelda the video games) comes to my rescue and straight up Anime-violence kills every one of them. Then I would start eating the tree, which turned out to be made of chocolate. Then I’d dip cherries (where I got them from…?) in the tree and feed them to Link. Then Link and I would get it on.

I stopped having those dreams about a month ago.

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

Chris, SBPH has been straight up hijacked.

14 05 2008
Muse

OMG he was the dude from Sesame Street as the favorite Game show host…Childhood memories. AWWW

14 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Meri-I have those hypnogenic whosit-whatsits too! I didn’t know there was a name! I just thought I should drink less.

I am ignoring Creole Troll just as I am ignoring the 6 year old standing at my desk. (Hopefully if I don’t make eye contact, she’ll go away.)

14 05 2008
neko

I suggest you stay away from cheese at least 2 hours before bedtime.

Love your blog, btw.

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

that is tooo crazy love it!! i have crazy ass dreams i cant explain either.. like the one i had last night. I was dreaming that my husband was a vampire turning me in to one and we ended up on this show called Blood Ties that use to come on Lifetime(I love that show) and we were looking for this killer and stuff and I swear i could feel my man’s teeth sinking in to my arm while i was sleeping and i could taste blood in my mouth but i was sleep still and then it went to some other shit like me driving around during the day coming froma target peeing on a pregnancy stick while driving WTF!! and then it turned it to the Amityville Horror movie and shit and my husband was posessed and tried to kill me and our three kids(who i never saw the faces of the kids either) to me riding on Optimous Primes( Transformer) back shooting a machien gun at Megatron… ahahah I got issues..

14 05 2008

SPEAKING OF HANDJOBS…

In my dream I was giving my stepbrother a handjob, in a bathroom with pink accessories.

I have never been so disgusted when I arouse.

14 05 2008
Lindsay

Looks like it already has turned. One need only mention sex and the conversation deteriorates.

This one has been surprisingly on-topic though.

14 05 2008

This dream took place last week and I am still disgusted.

14 05 2008
Lindsay

Fortunately, dreams and sex often go hand in hand.

14 05 2008
NotBlonde

Mrs. Epps! Where have you been, woman? I thought ST was gonna send out a search party for you 😛

Oh, and you watch waaaay too many movies. I do that too though; I have schizo dreams that jump from one thing to another and everything is completely unrelated.

14 05 2008
Shine

Sorry should’a mentioned I hallucinated when I had chicken pox. And thus may not have been sleeping when I was ‘dreaming’ about the damn cookie

14 05 2008
Knatural

Shine, that scared me.

14 05 2008
Reese

UH…….

14 05 2008
Shine

It was scary, but everyone just usually laughs at me because I had a nightmare about a giant cookie.

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

Ne -when you arouse or arose? Do I detect a Freudian slip? *hangs Dr. Phil-fake psych diploma on wall*

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

NotABlonde-Mrs. Epps! Where have you been, woman? I thought ST was gonna send out a search party for you

Oh, and you watch waaaay too many movies. I do that too though; I have schizo dreams that jump from one thing to another and everything is completely unrelated.

girl i know I went ghost a for a fews day hahaha damn this job making me work and crap…hahaha i know i watch way to many movies… and yea i hate when i have dreams like that going from one thing to another im like damn c’mon now stick to one topic!

Ne- you gave your step-brother a hand job ummm thats disturbing..

I had a HOt as dream about my ex that i went to prom with and omg **fans self** and then i woke up and my man was like Baby you were talking in your sleep again. Im like Oh shit what did i say??? he was like you kept moaning and kept saying ” ohhh yea right there” and started laughing.. I was blushing like shit and bust out laughing.. then he was like sooo what was i doing to you?… and then i started choking and coughing and said “huh”? tryign to ingnore answering him. 🙂 sigh..that was a good dream…

14 05 2008
Knatural

wow, we ignored Creole Beauty so well, her comment disappeared!
Since the topic is sex and dreams, I think, has anyone every orgasmed during a dream? Most of my ‘sex dreams’ don’t even involve actual sex, more the idea of it, the philosophy of it, no intercourse, oral, nothing.

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

Sorry to hear about your dream (nightmare) Ne

14 05 2008
Shine

I used to dream sex dreams like that. Like I’d be doing something totally unrelated to sex, but something with a repetitive motion with a sexy guy, and I’d be horny as hell. But now I dream that I’m actually performing some sort of sex act but not climaxing. Disappointing.

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

@Knatural.. I have had sex dreams with the full act of it. So much so that my husband claims I was moaning in my sleep!

14 05 2008

Tell me about it miss epps.

MERRI LEE…LOL

I was not aroused at all. In the dream I was looking away with my eyes closed tight. Like I had to do it before something happened to him. I never saw his face in the dream, I just knew it was him. Yuck!

YUCK !

YUCK!

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

I had plenty of sex dreams but never the kinda were i found my panties soaking in the morning…Dammit!!! I would wake up horny as all hell though..lol

14 05 2008
Knatural

Oh god, I talk/laugh in my sleep weekly! I can never tell a lie because sleep will surely betray me. The ‘sex’ dreams are weird because they are soooo vivid and soooo intense, but don’t resemble the real life act. I do usually have these dreams right after a good pounding, but still. Dreams aren’t always literal anyway, if so, I would be extremely worried, to say the least.

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

So are the dreams just all the acts leading up to it? Or does your dream just leave that part out?

Sort of like when you have dreams and you can’t see the person’s face.

14 05 2008

I can’t say I have ever climaxed during a dream. But my man has :)arouse with cum on his thighs. He would wake up breathing fast talking about he had a dream we were actually doing it, like it was real.

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

atleast it was dream Ne..I came home early from work one day during my senior yr of high school and saw my parents fucking hard core in their room.. Im scared for life… I would get so pissed when mt parents did shit like that thinking i wasnt coming home til late.. I would bring my friends over and they would go in the room and blast some slow jams and shit like we didnt know what was up.. every friend I have ever had in my whole life has witnessed my mom screaming and shit and then seeign them tryna sneek tot he kitchen unnoticed..my house always had that lingering smell of bengay and candles.. SMH

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

Does anyone else ever dream about random people? Like a person you don’t even know? That seems to happen to me a lot!

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

@ Mrs.Epps did you say that happened for real?! Or you dreamed that you walked in on your parents?! Wow!

14 05 2008

bwhahahhahahahahahhahhahahahhahhahahahahaha

at least your parents played music. My loud ass moaning mother knew I went to sleep late in high school. Like you couldn’t wait until you knew I was sleep.

I have never had a visual though. I probably would be in a nut house.

14 05 2008

@ dynamicdiva–I dream about people I see at work all the time.

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

Ok.. So it’s not just me. lol. Well as far as walking in on my parents I was spared. But I there room was next to mine and one night I heard my dad telling my mom to put the red nightie on. I immediately started banging on the wall. I was like yo, I am still up. YUCK!

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Diva no it was not a dream! That shit actaully happened… I told my mom i was going to my friends house after work but I came home to change my clothes and i was goign to my room and their door was wide open im like DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!

Ne- ahahaha girl but why did they have to do it every time i had company over like WTFFFF WHY WHY WHYYYYY!!! so when ever my friends came over they would yell out “SLAP ON THAT BENGAY MAMA” ahahha

14 05 2008
Sister Toldja

I came home too early once from the Y when I was in 7th grade and my mom wouldn’t let me in. She came to the door covering herself like “I thought you were coming home at 7….hold on” and made me stand outside the apartment until she got whomever it was out of my line of sight. I went in my room and blasted “Hit Em Up” by 2Pac for about an hour, cause I was so mad and grossed out.

14 05 2008
Knatural

thanks Mrs.Epps. Now I will go poke out my mind’s eye. Parents don’t have sex, ok, they hug and yell at each other and send birthday cards, no sex!
Dynamicdiva, it’s hard to verbalize. Sometimes the dreams involve foreplay, sometimes just sharing the same space with the opposite sex. And I also rarely see faces, yet I still know who it is. It’s a feeling, such an out-of-body experience. And the gasms (that’s what I call ’em) are so powerful!

14 05 2008
Bailey Blues

“I associate Asians with Rayden”
LMAO…I might be on my way to hell too because I associate the two too!

Worst nightmare…
I had a dream my boyfriend at the time was having sex with some chick and I was standing there watching and crying. Found out 2 days later that he actually was cheating…I FUCKING HATE HIM!

Weirdest dream
My younger brother and I were at Disneyland and we went to get on this “ride” but it actually wasn’t a ride. It was a long narrow white hallway, something out an insane aslyum. And the KKK kept coming for us and then right when they reached out to grab us, they disappeared…

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

I have also had dreams where a boyfriend was cheating and he was. Perhaps that’s our intuition kicking in?!

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

Very interesting Mrs.Epps

14 05 2008
Bailey Blues

@ dynamicdiva – it probably is. he was scum…on to the next!

i too have had the un-pleasure of walking in on my parents. when i was like 11 i just bust in their room one evening and looked hella confused like i know that didn’t just happen. i was so grossed out.

14 05 2008

“SLAP ON THAT BENGAY MAMA”

…I can’t!

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

Mrs. Epps – I read that too fast and thought you caught your parents in the living room. Ahhhh!

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Diva-Ok.. So it’s not just me. lol. Well as far as walking in on my parents I was spared. But I there room was next to mine and one night I heard my dad telling my mom to put the red nightie on. I immediately started banging on the wall. I was like yo, I am still up. YUCK!

LMAOOOOO girlll i would throw my shoes at the wall all the time omggg..like right when i would just about to dose off I hear my mom moanign n shit im like dammit I think one time I said SHUT THE FUCK UP but i dont think they heard me…

I have had plenty of sex dreams about co-workers and people i didnt know..I recently had a dream about my husband cheating on me with this small ass latina or asian chick while i was preggies(in the dream not preggies in real life) and i saw her and she wanted to speak to me and i pushed her ass down the stairs and she died. MUAHAHAHAH(evil laugh)

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

that is too funny!

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahaha in the livingroom Merri oMG NO if it was i would never sit on the couches in their house again…eww..gag

14 05 2008

i have actually dreamed of the exact apartment complex where my ex was cheating. I would be in jail had the apartment number showed up.

14 05 2008
Knatural

How about having a parent walk in on you?! Now that sucks.

14 05 2008
dynamicdiva

Knatural- I would die if that happened!!!!

14 05 2008

WORD KNATURAL?

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

Mrs. Epps – maybe you shouldn’t anyway 😉

14 05 2008

LOL MERRI LEE

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Knat that would suck!!! but i have had my mom bang on my door in college while i was doing the nasty with one of my ex’s ahhaa but she didnt walk in thank god because I was stuck in this weird position and got stuck hahaha

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

Knatural – my ex’s mom walked in on him getting down wild, freaky and vigorous. Unfortunately, he was alone.

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahaha Merri you’re probably right.. I havent lived with my parents for 3 yrs now so who knows whats gone on those couches now!

14 05 2008

I ♥ MERRI LEE LMAOO

14 05 2008
Shine

I wonder how many voyeurs come on this site just waiting to hear us start talking about sex. I mean dreams, this one was too easy. Is this why there’s almost no men who comment anymore?

14 05 2008
Knatural

I was about 19, me and my dad were sharing a studio. My dad had a girlfriend and was never there, we split rent, phone, etc. so it was more or less MINE. Anyway, one Saturday or Sunday afternoon, I had ‘company’. Luckily, I locked the top AND bottom lock, otherwise as my dad entered the apartment he may have had a heart attack. I was about to yell out to him not to come any further. My dad called before he came back.

14 05 2008

….and they say men think about sex more than women do….YEA RIGHT!

14 05 2008
Knatural

Oh, and I officially moved out the following year – not that it’s related, but…

14 05 2008
8th Wonder

@ Né

Yeah, most men would be quite pleased to find out how OFTEN we think about sex, lol

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Shine-I wonder how many voyeurs come on this site just waiting to hear us start talking about sex. I mean dreams, this one was too easy. Is this why there’s almost no men who comment anymore?

I know right!! hahaha all the men are just reading now…waiting for all the SBPH girls to set up a big orgy or something hahahaha

Ne women talk about sex just as much as men do..some more than others…I’m queen of the gutter mind hahaha 🙂

14 05 2008

My mind has stock in the gutter….lol

14 05 2008
NotBlonde

I almost never have sex dreams but boy when I do. I’ve never woken up horny though…I wish that would happen to me :(.

When I do have sex dreams, they don’t feature the person I’m currently dating, ever. It’s usually this ex boyfriend who I hate now and we have like, dirty, hair-pulling, ass-slapping, finger-in-ass, face-slapping, filthy-talking sex. And I wake up wondering just the the heck that means…

14 05 2008
Lolo

Chris,

Freud says your dream means you’re gay. The End.

14 05 2008
NotBlonde

Oh, and my parents divorced early so I never had to witness parent sex. What did traumatize me in my youth? Seeing my grandmother’s flapjack tits when I was about 6. *shudder* I didn’t even know what boobs were really, but I knew that wasn’t right.

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

“When I do have sex dreams, they don’t feature the person I’m currently dating, ever. It’s usually this ex boyfriend who I hate now and we have like, dirty, hair-pulling, ass-slapping, finger-in-ass, face-slapping, filthy-talking sex. And I wake up wondering just the the heck that means”…

Damn..sounds like dreams I had last week…and i have found also that most of my sex dreams arent even who I’m with at the time it’s an ex or some random dude that i dont even know in real life…and its frustrating sometimes because no matter how much i hate the dude I wake up all giggly and happy about it hahaha when all in all I should be all giggly and happy when the dream is about my man…

14 05 2008
Shine

Ms. Epps I may challenge you on that title. Although you have better proof (what with the pancakes you offered Chris). You also have to consider that the last few people in the hall of rage have been women too…. What exactly is this site turning into.
I must note I was on some medicine that made me have these vivid intense dreams. For a week I swear I had to change my underwear when I woke up b.c. the sex dreams were out of control. Then for the next month I had these angry or completely stressed out dreams and woke up feeling emotionally exhausted. I had to change up that meds. But it was a good week while it lasted. Wish I wasn’t single then either. Somebody would’ve gotten some good lovin that week.

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol Shine..ok tell ya what… we will have the title bi-weekly and since my mind hasnt been in the gutter as intense this week you can have it 1st hahaha

check out those med’s girl!

14 05 2008
Muse

Does anyone still have those dreams where they are falling from the sky and right before you hit the ground it’s time to wake up? I

14 05 2008
Knatural

Not Blonde – “It’s usually this ex boyfriend who I hate now and we have like, dirty, hair-pulling, ass-slapping, finger-in-ass, face-slapping, filthy-talking sex” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA and “flapjack tits” EWWWWWWWW
I like you.
I do Muse; I’m either floating/falling and as I scream in the dream, my alarm goes off.

14 05 2008

14 05 2008
Shine

@Ne, orbit would ruin this site.

14 05 2008
Dom

I used to have some crazy dreams when I was a kid, like I would dream all in black and white, or green or blue. All of my nightmares were in red.

Recently though I’ve been sleeping kinda hard and not dreaming at all. My mom had a dream that I moved into a skyrise condo with a basketball player, and I was too ashamed to tell her so I was acting all shy about it. Let that mess happen in real life, I’ll be telling random people I see in the streets.

Also, Mrs. Epps, glad to see you’re okay! I saw that there was a major flood in your area during you SBPH Absence, and I was hoping you’d weathered the storm.

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Dom- thanks! all is well but yea the flood we seriously up the street from my house i cross that little mini bridge all the time to go to work.. and the seafood place they showed on the news i go there every weekend and we get crabs or fish they got some good shit.. but yea we had like a mini mud pool in a pour front yard i was pissed because the heavy rain killed my panseys hmmp.. i was gone but im backk in this bitch to terrorize the newbies to this site muahahahahahah!

14 05 2008
urbantongue

This reminds me of that dream I had where instead of waking up upon getting -eaten-, I got to watch myself get devoured by this floating, tentacled, head…thing. I hate dreams where you wake up scared shitless. That’s the worst feeling. Or when you have those falling dreams where you wake up feeling like someone threw you onto the bed.

Aside: you should get on people who don’t read your FAQ or “What This Blog Isn’t” section, next.

14 05 2008
Angry v3.2b

Looks like we’re back on track! Less Uncle Ruckus-esque blogging, and more hilarious stuff.

The best are the dreams that actually make you physically sweat in real life. Or this one:

I wake up in the middle of the night…dang, my bladder hurts…better go pee to get some relief. Get out of bed, walk down the hallway, lean over the toilet with my arm holding up my head, look at the clock – “damn…3AM.”

Start to take a leak…WHAT A RELIEF! It’s flowing so smoothly, porcelain glistening back at me just inviting me to relieve myself so I can sleep soundly for the rest of the night. I’m still peeing DIRECTLY INTO THE TOILET when all of a sudden my leg starts to feel really warm and wet…

I start to try to re-aim…no need for that, I’m hitting nothing but net on this one…WHY DOES MY LEG FEEL LIKE THAT!?

Then I realize………………..shit. This is a dream. I wake up, and realize that I just pissed myself in my sleep. I woke up, went to the bathroom, and finished emptying my reserves, thinking to myself, “I am a grown-ass man, and I just wet the bed. Fascinating.”

Luckily it was me by myself, but it was still thoroughly embarrassing. Anyone else been a victim of one of these!?

14 05 2008
scarletjones

LMAO! @ Angry! i have indeed been the victim of the “pee in sleep” dream! that shit makes me mad as hell. gotta change the sheets and stuff. 😦

14 05 2008
Mrs.Epps

Angry-Looks like we’re back on track! Less Uncle Ruckus-esque blogging, and more hilarious stuff.

The best are the dreams that actually make you physically sweat in real life. Or this one:

I wake up in the middle of the night…dang, my bladder hurts…better go pee to get some relief. Get out of bed, walk down the hallway, lean over the toilet with my arm holding up my head, look at the clock – “damn…3AM.”

Start to take a leak…WHAT A RELIEF! It’s flowing so smoothly, porcelain glistening back at me just inviting me to relieve myself so I can sleep soundly for the rest of the night. I’m still peeing DIRECTLY INTO THE TOILET when all of a sudden my leg starts to feel really warm and wet…

I start to try to re-aim…no need for that, I’m hitting nothing but net on this one…WHY DOES MY LEG FEEL LIKE THAT!?

Then I realize………………..shit. This is a dream. I wake up, and realize that I just pissed myself in my sleep. I woke up, went to the bathroom, and finished emptying my reserves, thinking to myself, “I am a grown-ass man, and I just wet the bed. Fascinating.”

Luckily it was me by myself, but it was still thoroughly embarrassing. Anyone else been a victim of one of these!?

LMAOOOOOOO..sigh..yes I have been a victim of this and its horrible thank god I was alone when this happened! It was one of those late night up drinking with the hommies smokin a lil sum sum and i crashed on to m y bed and next think i know I woke up warm and wet I was like fuckkkkkkkkkkkk…Thank god everyone was knocked the hell out when i ran tot he bathroom and started washing the sheets…i never told anyone that now the whole world knows…crappppppppppp..moment over

DAMN THOSE PEE PEE DREAMS it feels so real…

14 05 2008
Sister Toldja

So, you guys still wet the bed, eh?

Don’t worry, I’m too mature to laugh.

You know, laugh about you wetting the bed.

14 05 2008
Merri Lee

I’m with ST *mature, serious face* *face cracks :-D* One of the few advantages for being a light sleeper.

14 05 2008
Shine

LMAO. Nah never wet the bed. Usually I dream that I’m searching for a toilet (that’s not nasty or for some reason in the middle of Herald Square with no walls). Even if I use the toilet in my dream for some reason I can’t go. Thats when I realize I need to wake up and pee. Same thing for food. Dream that I’m looking for food all night, or trying to grab a plate at a feast, and wake up with half my pillow in my mouth and hungry as a hippo.

14 05 2008
Shine

Not at all mature. I’m still laughing.
@Merri Lee, also the advantage of being a lucid dreamer.

14 05 2008
guardian angel

only in your dreams are you going to hell…when you finally wakeup, you will see that your already in heaven!

14 05 2008

14 05 2008
14 05 2008
Muse

Pissing in the bed….Hell no. My friends and family would never let me leave it down. I’m such a light sleeper that I always get up if I feel the urge. In fact I wake up every morning around 4:00-4:15am to use the bathroom.

14 05 2008
Knatural

*points and laughs* ANGRY’S A BEDWETTER!
Seriously, I been close. I’ve had those dreams, as an adult, but I guess my potty-training took, because I never actually peed myself. AHAHAHAHAHA.

14 05 2008
urbantongue

I hate the bed-wetting dreams. When I was little I’d have them all the time. And the worst part is, it would be the best piss you’ve ever taken in your life…which is shattered by the reality that when you wake up, your crisp white sheets will now have a yellow stain and your favorite pajamas are now soaked…and you’re cold and smell like pee.

I sleep light, so when these dreams start to emerge, I can usually hold it until I get up to go to the toilet. Sometimes a trickle escapes, and I get pissed (no pun intended), but not full on bed-wetting. Eesh.

15 05 2008
tokenDesigner

Well Chris, think of it this way, I guess you can say that until you have recurring dreams in claymation where you’re always killed by a pig that morphs into that honeycombs creature from the 90s- whilst being serenaded by New Kids on The Block, your dreams make slightly more sense (and seem even cooler) than mine.

15 05 2008
NotBlonde

I’ve only had one dream like that. I was hanging out with Lucille Ball at a party next to this huge oval shaped pool. There were candles everywhere and everyone was drinking pink cocktails and they had lit the place in pink. I told Lucy I had to pee so she was like, just go in the pool. So I eased in, started peeing and then jerked awake. Of course I’d peed myself. That happened when I was like, 12 and thankfully no longer shared a bed with my younger sister.

15 05 2008
Knatural

Remember the Noid?!!?? I used to dream about his bitch-ass.

15 05 2008
Felicia

Wow, your dream is so much more vivid than mine was. I dreamt that I was married to Mario Lopez and we moved into a frat house together last night. WEIRD and CREEPY. Two things I hate = AC Slater and frat houses.

15 05 2008
Shine

Ug the Noid creeped me out. I had one nightmare with him too. That’s the reason why I hate Domino’s to this day.

15 05 2008
Angry v3.2b

“I hate the bed-wetting dreams. When I was little I’d have them all the time. And the worst part is, it would be the best piss you’ve ever taken in your life…which is shattered by the reality that when you wake up, your crisp white sheets will now have a yellow stain and your favorite pajamas are now soaked…and you’re cold and smell like pee.

I sleep light, so when these dreams start to emerge, I can usually hold it until I get up to go to the toilet. Sometimes a trickle escapes, and I get pissed (no pun intended), but not full on bed-wetting. Eesh.”

Hahahaha, yeah – that’s what else it is, just like urban said – in that dream I had, it was by far the greatest piss of all time. Since then I’ve had maybe three or four instances where I’ve started to pee in my dream, and then wake up real hard and start patting all over in a panicked state. No more dreams like that so far! 😀

Sister Toldja – you hold online grudges? That’s so cute!

15 05 2008
Natalie

lmao @ tokenDesigner

Claymation freaks me out in the day time. I couldn’t watch Christmas specials or even watch a full episode of Gumby without having to projectile vomit. Also it’s probably better if you get killed by the Honey Comb creature anyways because there is no way you’re going to survive that mutant brain rotting strain of rabies that’s likely coursing through his veins…

15 05 2008
maya

LOL @ bed wetting.

I think one day that’s going to happen to me.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always hated getting up to go to the bathroom – even if I’m awake. For some reason, part of me feels like getting up to go to the bathroom is just such an inconvenience, it breaks me from my task, even if it’s just a tinkle. As a kid, though, I NEVER wet the bed, however, sometimes I’d have an accident or two at school ’cause I notoriously wait ’til the last minute to pee. Well, one day, I wet myself in after montessori school, and my dad spanked me as the pee ran down my legs. Needless to say it never happened again.

An ass whoopin cures all.

Though, ironically, I REALLY have to pee as I write this post.

15 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Angry, you silly. No, I don’t hold online grudges. I dislike people online, just as I do in real life. But I don’t dislike you, LOL. Anyone who tells bed wetting stories is simply fair game. One day, I am sure you will have the chance to poke fun at me for something.

PS- I totally waited for our confrontation last night and you never showed up. I had my earrings pulled off, my fighting skirt on and my face greased up and everything.

15 05 2008
Deesigner

@ Tokendesigner…. That was my role for 20 years.
Welcome to the club.

To all of my pissy pals, You have all lost cool points tonights.

Has anyone ever been the unfortuanate victim of the pee-pee boy/girl?

15 05 2008
scarletjones

@Deesigner – i haven’t been cool since 1993 so i’m straight! ha ha!

I can at least say that I only had the pee-pee dreams as a kid. And i will co-sign that they always felt like the BEST pee you ever had (once the embarrasment wore off that is)

15 05 2008
scarletjones

oh and if ST and Angry get it on in brooklyn SOMEBODY betta be up there with a camera phone so we can link to it from youtube!

15 05 2008
urbantongue

@Deesigner

I will never lose cool points. I’m fresher than a bottle of Febreeze. 😀

15 05 2008
Knatural

aren’t boys more prone to bedwetting anyway?

15 05 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Deesigner- My BFF told me the WORST story ever about a guy her friend’s friend dated. They hooked up one night and she woke up to a large wet spot* in the bed. She asked him about it and he said “Oh, it’s nothing”. The next day, he left and she realized it was PEE. AND he called her like “Yeah, did you find my wet drawers” and laughed it off. I woulda had him on Peoples Court buying me a new mattress.

*Doesn’t ‘the wet spot’ usually denote the absence of a condom? I know there is wetness from other things, but I haven’t experienced the notorious wet spot because I value my life and use a condom each time I have sex.

15 05 2008
Knatural

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW@Sister Toldja. How could he be so non-chalant about it. In her bed?!?!?! That is disgusting, yet hilarious. Men are weird, but I love ’em.

15 05 2008
Shine

ST you have a fighting skirt? Does it have sharpened pennies sewn into it or something. Now I wanna see what it looks like. 🙂

Oh and I love claymation. Loved the raisins, gumby, that ridiculous movie about dinosaurs. Best christmas special ever was like when the raisins and those dinosaurs got together to tell crazy christmas stories. And sing of course. Something about the subpar entertainment quality of it always spoke to me. I miss the raisins…

15 05 2008
Quiet Storm

Knatural: How about having a parent walk in on you?! Now that sucks.

One of my friends friend had the happen to her. Talk about awkward! Oh well. Her mom should have knocked before entering her room.

Muse: Does anyone still have those dreams where they are falling from the sky and right before you hit the ground it’s time to wake up?

Hell yeah, and I wait for the ‘falling’ affect to wear off when I wake up. I remember one dream I was falling and there was a huge crowd on the ground looking up at me coming at them. When I finally get close the hitting them, I am all of a sudden being passed around above everyone’s heads in a rock concert outside and no one would put me down. WTF? Weird!

15 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Shine-My fighting skirt is long enough for me to have a full range of ass kicking motion with out ass revealing. 😉

15 05 2008
Dustin

ST is the funniest person alive.

15 05 2008
stuffgirlslike

@Sister Toldja

Juvenile dream- this is a dream where the face is different but the actions are true- You must have made out with someone who is similar to Juvenile.

You have a lot of warning dreams.

15 05 2008
Merri Lee

I normally have dreams about the minutia of life, but last night was hella strange (I blame this post). I was in a pride of lions (but I was human, crawling on my hands and knees) and the king of the pride was about 7′ tall and talked like Aslan. The pride was roaming through a closed shopping mall. I was scared as sh!t I was going to get mauled, so every time the king looked at me I held my head extra low to the ground (did you read Julie of the Wolves when you were a kid? To show deference, your head must be lower than the leader of the pack, and you can’t show your teeth.) Anyway, the one other human in the pack decided he had enough of this crawling bullsh!t and stood up. Aslan jumped on his @$$. All the craziness was going down behind some giant mound in the kids play area and I couldn’t see the fight. The man casually walked from behind the mound with a smirk on his face. He was holding a newspaper article that had the headline “<a href=”http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001107/”Stacey Dash Memorial Highway Named.” But the person Aslan tore to shreds was Cheryl Burke. Then Aslan came from behind the kiddie play area looking mad as hell. Then I woke up. WTF??

15 05 2008
Merri Lee

Oops – jacked up link. ^^^

Y’all know Dee from Clueless though.

15 05 2008
aiych

I’ve had several dreams involving giant man-sized pigeons and underwater pigeons.

I’ve also had many dreams where I’ve been left alone to defend myself against a gun/bomb/knife-wielding antagonist.

Had a dream where my head got cut off by a guillotine in P.E. class. I had this dream WHILE still in elementary school fyi.

Had a dream that I was in the kitchen of my dormitory and I was watching these people bake cookies. When they opened the oven a fireball shot out and obliterated all of their legs. They continued to bake cookies like nothing even happened.

had another dream where I strangled a puppy/baby (it changed from one to the other for no reason). and another where I pulled a knife on my stepdad. and another where I had sex with Ross from that show Friends in the guest bathroom of my old house.

15 05 2008
aiych

i also have dreams about stuff before it happens.

15 05 2008
Digga

I think your Dad is the T-Rex, from your latent fear of him plus defending Mommy is a very Oepidal act in reference to him, and the Troy battle backs it further. Your Brother you may see as lesser version of your Dad but I’m not sure.

Sweet dreams

15 05 2008
WargodPR1

Chris, you are one funny mofo! Had me remembering some of the crazy ass dreams I’ve had through the years….

man, what goes on it that head of yours? Freud wouldn’t need cocaine after hearing this shit!

16 05 2008
Angry v3.2b

ST – I’m so laid back and non-confrontational it makes people sick. The only time I get upset is if I’m out and I see women being mistreated. I generally then step in and inform the young man accosting said woman that he will not be allowed to treat women like that as long as he is in the establishment.

By the way, I think I spelled accosting right. When I put one “c” it underlined it like it was wrong, so I changed it.

16 05 2008
shabooty

here’s my last dream log
http://www.shabooty.com/2008/05/11/dream-log-bog-noggle-boggle-mind-boggle-mind-boggling-dream-log.php
it wuz weird.

as far as ur dream i can relate to all facets
cept the hell part =0
lol….
but i always have random ass celeb cameos and shit.
huzzah!

20 05 2008
Shine

I’m a cusser and y’all got me cussin this morning. B/C y’all mothafuckas showed up in my dreams last night. That is wayyyy too much for me. I dreamt that there was a sbph get together going on in manhattan. As I was walking to the spot we were meeting up at I saw Angry IV outside cuz he was having car troubles. He stopped some random dude on the street for help and they both started speaking in Qureeiolle. Then I met knatural and notblonde but they were the only 2 that were black women. Everyone else had faked the funk and were little asian women. Including some completely made up regular commenter whose SN was David but ended up being a little Asian woman named Ann. Everyone was confused by that. Except for Angry IV who laughed at us and said he knew David was a chic and tried to make us feel stupid. Then I was going to say to NotBlonde that she didn’t look anything like a 30F but I didn’t want Angry IV to tease me and call me gey. Plus that is a weird thing to say to someone- even in a dream. I walked up to Angry IV and said I knew he was Angry IV b.c. he was the only dude in the room. (and he wasn’t shabooty). We chatted about how if this had been the national stuffblackpeoplehate.com conference(!!!!) he would’ve had the company of Admiral Furious and Mr. Smith and that the national conference was going to be held near his home state of Texas. Supposedly this was some regional gathering which is why everyone was from the depths of Jersey and drove or from the outer boroughs. Then someone asked where a decent bar is we could go hang out at b.c. no one knew this part of town. So it was decided to call Sister Toldja and where the hell was that heifer anyway, she’s all kinds of late and we all know she lives right over in BK. Then there was an argument that ST would tell us a bar in BK and nobody wanted to go into the depths of BK b.c. it was too far to come back. Angry IV called us old grannies while I tried to explain I didn’t want to be riding on a 2 hr train ride and not get back into my house until 10am on a weekday withthe commuters (this was a thursday night event for somereason). But he wasn’t hearing it. We were all losers for not wanting to go to brooklyn. So as the Asian women were calling ST (and I was concerned about ST’s reaction when she realized most people on the site were Asian women) I started chatting with Knatural and NotBlonde and then arguing with them b.c. they were both Howard alumni and got mad uppity about it. Angry IV was sitting in the corner in an armchair like a king on a throne just laughing at us bitches arguign. Finally someone said ST was an hour away on the subway but right when the bar was going to be revealed I woke up.

Lessons learned about my subconscious:
1) I spend FAR TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS SITE!
2) Most of ya’ll are Asian chicks
3) I secretly suspect Angry IV is kind of a jackass
4) I secretly suspect Sister Toldja runs on CP time.
5) I secretly suspect everyone here is a Howard graduate (even though everyone actually a UMD-college park grad).
6) I secretly think the women on this site are argumentative and the men like to sit back and watch the scuffle.
7) There eventually will be a Stuffblackpeoplehate National Conference because there are too many educated black people on this site who love to go to conference.
8) You guys aren’t nearly as entertaining in real life. Damnit that was a boring and pointless dream. If you guys conspire to invade my dreams again can it least be a blowjob workshop or something…. Actually I take that back, that would be much much worse and scary.

20 05 2008
Shine

That damn smiley face is supposed to be an 8. Stupid wordpress

20 05 2008
Knatural

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH@4) I secretly suspect Sister Toldja runs on CP time. ME TOO! This is why Facebook is evil: we have faces to connect with names.

22 05 2008
Shine

I think it was the popularity of that facebook group that caused the dream. So instead now I’ll blame facebook.

22 05 2008
Muse

Damn I didn’t make the dream? LMAO

See Maya I ain’t the only one having crazy dreams!

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

LOL! Wait, so do I just LOOK like I am on CP time? I’m mad Knatural co-signed that! That is sometimes true, but not always. I’m not always here when you call, but I’m always on time (whatever that means). Was I pretty in the dream? That is all that really counts. I don’t have any great pics up on FB, so I hope yr imagination filled in the gaps accurately.

Stuffgirlslike-Tell me more! I have to know more! Why did I dream about Prodigy from Mobb Deep and I being about to do it?????

Thank you, Dustin.

22 05 2008
Shine

Muse if you show up in my dreams with your blowjob instructions I’m going to be too disturbed.

22 05 2008
Shine

You weren’t there ST, being as you were late. In fact, I believe you looked like a voice on a cell phone. In fact exactly like a voice on a cell phone.

22 05 2008
Knatural

ST – I just wanted to be an ass, as usual. And don’t worry about Fbook pictures; pretty doesn’t necessarily equal photogenic.

23 05 2008
Itis « Stuff Black People Hate

[…] The itis-induced sleep is also the best and most satisfying sleep you’ll ever get, notwithstanding the inevitable nightmares. […]

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