Allergies

24 04 2008

Sometime within the last 24 hours, my allergies decided to flare up for the first time in several years. I am now sitting here with a fucking sinus infection that’s making me want to flip out and kill people.

The following are the events of my life taking place between 7am yesterday, and 6:59am today.

7:00am – I arrive at work with a nose that feels unusually itchy. I ignore this for the most part as I split my time between railing on Hillary Clinton and trying not to fall asleep.

8:30am – Someone turns the lights on in the office. The bright, harsh, evil flourescent fucking lights.

When they flip on, I realize I have a headache. Then I notice the itchiness of my nose again. I am pissed.

11:30am – I go downstairs to the Korean deli where they only accept cash so they can evade taxes. Most of the women behind the counter also pretend not to be able to speak English, and you know they’re lying because in spite of their supposed lack of English skills, they somehow manage to laugh at Tyra Banks’ corny fucking jokes on her show that is ALWAYS on the TV in the deli.

By now I have ‘the sniffles’, but I don’t recognize it yet as allergies. I grab my food and run up the stairs five stories back to my office.

11:31am – I am inexplicably winded from running up five stories of stairs, considering that I did a 3-mile run in 23 minutes just a week ago. I sit at my desk and unwrap my nasty-ass korean gyro, take a bite and swallow. My throat is sore, and now I realize that my life is about to become miserable.

The sore throat is the first sign that minor but very annoying health problems in the form of a stuffy head, easy fatigue, headaches, and stuffy nose that is strangely runny at the same time are right around the corner.

2:00pm – I am MISERABLE. For the last two hours I’ve been working at my desk with my head tilted back and to the right while breathing out of my mouth. I look like Stephen Hawking. My nostrils are raw from blowing my nose. Some chick walks by and asks me about god-knows-what, and I respond in the tinny, nasal voice I have no choice but to use when I’m sick. She says “aw, you sound so cute when you’re sick!” I chuckle quietly, masking my urge to punch her in the vag.

3:00pm – Time to go home. I walk out the front door of the building and am greeted by the sun, which feels like it’s six inches from my fucking face and has now turned my minor sinus pressure into a full-blown headache. Some fuckstick walks by and says “gorgeous day isn’t it?!”. I want to flay this bastard and wear his skin as a war shirt while I murder everyone dear to him.

6:30pm – I’m at home working on a shitty oil painting that requires me to look down the whole time. It feels like there’s five pounds of fluid in my face, and it’s weighing down on the backs of my eyeballs trying to pop them out of my eye sockets. My head is pounding like there’s a fucking step show in my skull and every frat in the country showed up. I also have no idea where the fuck my phone is. I fucking hate everything.

7:30pm – The fumes from oil paint and paint thinner are slowly killing me, so I finally stop. I have swallowed nearly three gallons of water today, and I cannot stop going to the bathroom. I’ve also taken so many vitamin C tablets I’m starting to shit navel oranges.

1:00am – I want to go to bed, but I can’t breathe. Using dad’s old remedy, I boil crushed garlic cloves in water and breathe in the steam – and nearly burn my damn face off sticking it too close to the pot. After swearing loudly for 60 seconds, I try again with more caution.

4:45am – I’m jolted awake by my cellphone alarm. I am angrier than John McCain on MLK Day. For reasons that I cannot explain, my phone is in one of my moccasins near the bed. I start punching the moccasin mercilessly, but this does not silence the alarm. I pick the moccasin up by the toe and jiggle it. This is a stupid fucking idea. The phone drops out of the moccasin, hits the hardwood floor with a satisfying crunch, and sends the battery skidding across the floor. The alarm is off. I am happy.

4:46am – I put my phone back together and realize that I still can’t breathe. My throat still hurts. A lot. I jump in the shower.

5:35am – I remain in the shower, amazed that I still have hot water. I’m pretty sure I’m going to stay in the shower for the rest of my life. I am exhausted, and it hurts to move my eyeballs.

5:45am – I’m making pancakes, but I can’t smell them. Nor can I taste the excess batter. My blood is boiling.

6:30am – I unleash a loud snort to clear my nasal passages as I walk out my front door. Just then, my neighbor walks out her door and, having heard the snort, gives me this holier-than-thou stink eye. I make a mental note to urinate in her gas tank over the weekend.

6:59am – Arriving at my office building, a walk again up the stairs to my suite. At the top of the stairs, I feel like I just ran a fucking marathon. I am out of breath, and I am actually fucking goddamn sweating. At my desk, I drink half a bottle of DayQuil. It tastes like a rusty vagina. I wish I was dead.

* It’s a well known fact among my friends that I hate artificial light, so in the evenings my place is lit with dim recessed lighting and candles. I also don’t watch much television, so you’ll usually hear a Diana Krall or Miles Davis album playing softly in the background. Put these two together, and on any given night my home looks like it’s set up for me to seduce some unsuspecting woman, even though 99% of the time I’m home alone. Chicken Jon, who is the biggest homophobe on the planet, once arrived at my home in this condition – and asked me nervously: “uh….you aren’t…expecting anything….are you?” I, being a.) not homophobic at all and b.) a jerk, sank my teeth into his homophobia like a fucking pit bull and spent the rest of the night out with our friends threatening to bang him in the ass.

Figure 1: Chicken Jon, King of Drank

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173 responses

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Tough luck N*gga! Now you know how I feel 8 months out of the year… thus my inability to no longer run long distances without having a friggin asthma attack and getting sick for weeks following thereafter.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Pardon me… I mean to say “…thus my inability to run long distances…”

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! DIE!!!!!!

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

You first brah… you sound like you’re worse off than me.

But seriously though… my dad and I went into DC last saturday and I was completely miserable. I don’t know what kind of trees that are primarily down there, but whatever pollen was floating around made my eyes almost swell shut (much like what used to happen to me when I was younger). Good god that was awful.

24 04 2008
maya

“My head is pounding like there’s a fucking step show in my skull and every frat in the country showed up.”

Was this especially funny to me because I’m Greek?

I don’t know what the fuck is going on this allergy season, but clearly I’m getting my ass kicked. My eyeballs have so much liquid around them it feels like they are going to fall out of my face and onto the floor at any minute. Given this unreasonable amount of sinus pressure I’m dealing with, I think when I bend over to pick them up, my head will explode in a most distasteful display.

Sore throats are usually a tell-tale sign that something is about to ruin your life. In grade school, I used to get sore throats if I got a C on a math test – I knew bringing that shit home would ruin my life. Clearly, my throat has been sore for a week, and I’ve only been taking allergy meds for the past 2 days. It’d be great if I could get some SLEEP along with this fuckery of a condition, but my stupid fucking neighbor likes to let their chatty-fucking dog out in the morning, and the shit’s been barking since 7am. I’ve already climbed out of bed and screamed, “SHUT THE FUCK UP,” but now I think they’re keeping the pooch outside to spite me. When I did manage to go back to doze off for a few minutes, I dreamed that I laced its Puppy Chow with rat poison.

24 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

god, i can’t stop laughing!

…feel better, chris!

btw, are you greek?!

24 04 2008
letinstar

i feel your allergy misery…and sadly, i have no remedies for you…but i hope you feel better…

now….dayquil “tastes like rusty vagina”? lol…no wonder i refuse to keep that stuff in my house…

24 04 2008
Lady

I used to make fun of my brother and my father who would get allergies before allergy season unmercifully until I developed them. Now every time I see a little kid blowing dandelions I want to punt them across the playground. Claritin and the like are like Mike and Ikes to me.. no medicinal value whatsoever. Dayquil is nothing more than liquid placebo I’m sure of that.

I’d say the worst part of allergies is the ‘almost sneeze’. I’ll be sitting here, eyes watering, nose dripping, and all of a sudden I’m taking in air like the big bad wolf and my nose is itching like hell.. only for no sneeze to come out. It’s almost like someone bringing you to the edge of orgasm and then getting up and leaving. Now I want to sneeze so bad I’m trying to wiggle my nose, kick up dust or whatever just to get it out. People will come in like ‘why are you crying?’ allergies. ‘Do you have a cold?’ no allergies, no they’re not contagious idiot. ‘Why do you have a wad of tissue hanging out of your nose?’ because I’m tired of my nose dripping and being so numb from wiping I cant feel it..

I feel sorry for you Chris, though I know me having allergies is a result of bad karma, I’m convinced..

24 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

you are SO wrong for linking the site with the polyphonic jigga “big pimpin” tone… wtf?! ahahahahahahahaha

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

BTW… Miles Davis and Diana Krall… good stuff. Very good stuff.

Meanwhile… screw all allergy medicines and I’ll tell you why. All those anti-histamines do is stifle your immune system from reacting to the pollen. In doing so… you still breathe in pollen, it still gets into your body, and the moment you miss a dose of your allergy medicine… your body flips out and reacts to the overabundance of pollen that present, thus resulting in a sinus infection, respiratory infection, etc. Thats why those side affects include the aforementioned as well as many others.

I need to do some research on what the allergy shots really are. I’ve heard its just a method of tuning your body to get used to pollen, but I’m not sure if its the actual allergens or something else.

24 04 2008
Stephanie

Good Gravy!

I hope you feel better. . . or that people leave you alone.

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

Poor thing, you have allergies. I always feel bad about people who can’t enjoy spring/summer.
And, I thought Maya was Black, I’m confused.

24 04 2008
cmoore

I have had only ONE allergy attack in my life time until monday!! MY throat was so got damn sore i wanted to choke my fucking boss that kept saying “awww you look so miserable” and in return i WANTED to say “thats because i feel miserable you stupid fuck bag, so go take ur fake breast and shove them in YOUR bosses mouth and leave me the fuck alone!!!”. My nose was running like fucking diahrrea! My head was on the brink of exploding and i wished everyone that didnt feel the way i felt to HELL!! Speaking of HELL my fucking body felt like i had HELL living in it!! I ate so many damn cough drops i almost vomitted on my co workers ugly as shoes and i brought “Pissing in River” a new meaning. Fuck allergies and all shitty little things that causes them!!!!!!!

24 04 2008
cmoore

“Some chick walks by and asks me about god-knows-what, and I respond in the tinny, nasal voice I have no choice but to use when I’m sick. She says “aw, you sound so cute when you’re sick!” I chuckle quietly, masking my urge to punch her in the vag.”

And for the fucking idiots that say stupid shit like that dumb broad said….let me post a warning!! if you say that shit to me, i swear on your faggot dog’s life that i wont be so nice like Chris. I will actually punch u in the vag/croch….bringing you to the realization that i just gave you an old fashion hesterectomy/vesectomy!!

24 04 2008
dadoc

…if you plan on pissing on her gas tank:

a) make sure there are no video cameras
b) beware of cops on bikes

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-14934

24 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

@knaturalbeauty,

the “greek” reference is to her membership in a sorority =)

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Poor Baby! But I know exactly how you feel! A few weeks ago my allergies flared up as well and it was no picnic. I wanted to kill every flower and every blade of grass infront and back of our house especially that big ass tree in our front yard. I wanted to strangle my hubby for making dumbass comments like, “Why don’t you go for a walk its really nice out” or “Ew go disinfect yourself nasty ass” I wanted to fucking kick him in his balls and do permanent damage but then I changed my mind since I do want his kids hahaha…but when he told me to go take a fucking walk with our dog who is also probably covered in pollen i wanted to scream. I couldnt sleep for shit because I couldnt breath and I would be pissed looking at him sleep peacefully FUCKFACE!! So I would fuck with him and kick him on purpose so he would wake up hahahha im so mean.

But I would yell at him saying it was his fault and that when I lived in florida I never had my allergies once over the course of almost 3 yrs. But Nooooo he didnt want to move down there so I moved back to good ol MD to look forward to snotty nose, itching throat and ears and watery eyes THANKS BABE!!

But now he is having his bad allergies week while I chill with my feet up!!

24 04 2008
Ethel

If this isn’t an excuse to go home and rest I don’t know what is. I’ve had allergies since birth. I’ve run the gammut from Triaminic Syrup to Allegra and now pretty much no antihisthamine will work for me. It sucks when I get a cold as I just have to muscle thru it.

However, there is hope. I was referred to an acupuncturist. I know what you’re thinking–I too had the first impression of: needles in my face. Yeah, thanks but no thanks. But after a 10-day sinus headache, I pretty much said “bring it!”. Initially it took 5-6 months to balance my chi or rotate my chakras or whatever the f*ck they do but now I only go a few times a year for a ‘tune up’ and call it good. I have literally gone from carrying a kleenex box around from February thru July to maybe having stinging eye’s and the occasional sniffle.

When looking for an acupuncturist, make sure they use disposable needles and their office is clean. Referrals from friends couldn’t hurt either.

Good luck and feel better soon!

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chris-“Some chick walks by and asks me about god-knows-what, and I respond in the tinny, nasal voice I have no choice but to use when I’m sick. She says “aw, you sound so cute when you’re sick!” I chuckle quietly, masking my urge to punch her in the vag.”

That’s some funny ass shit. I use to work with this guy named Rich who would pass my old office and say some smart ass shit like that when my allergies flared up. One day I was in a really bad mood and I went off on his ass I said some shit like ” Kiss my fucking black ass Rich before I bash your headlights in after work”. Thank god he was no one of importance.

24 04 2008
stuffgirlslike

You are a prolific writer, are you not I want where you generate you ideas from and whose pictures you take? They might want to sue you for being obssessed with Asians.

http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com

24 04 2008
sey03

Get yourself a Neti Pot at the health food store along with some sea salt. Follow the instructions and “rinse” your sinus cavity out as needed. Make it a habit. It’s a natural way to get all that crap out.

No I don’t work for the “Neti Pot King”, but I no longer have to take all those meds that make you unable to function. Feel better…

24 04 2008
Funkyblackchick

Until moving to the DC area 4 yrs ago, I’ve never had allergy problems! The other day I thought I was going to die! I miss sleeping with my windows open at night, now if I do, it’s basically a death wish and my eyes won’t be able to open in the morning.

My medicine cabinet is now over flowed with all types of allergy meds..and nothing has helped thus far.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

stuffgirlslike-You are a prolific writer, are you not I want where you generate you ideas from and whose pictures you take? They might want to sue you for being obssessed with Asians.

lol I believe that is his friend Chicken Jon..

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

Claritin, Neti Pot, Benadryl – none of that stuff will work. You just need a new face.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

I agree knatrual…i have used claritin and it didnt do crap and benadryl makes me sleepy. The only thing that has worked for me was Allegra and then at night I would put Vic’s under my nose to I could breath.

I never got that whole stuffy nose but still runny thing. It doenst make sense hahah

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Chris- you leave work at three o’clock? That’s the main thing my brain focused on.

You. Leave. Work. At. Three. O’. Clock.

How can anything be wrong in the world if you leave work at 3′ o’clock? Better question: are y’all hiring? Wait, they may not like me, because my degree….liberal arts is not the word. It’s more like “radical arts” or “leftist arts”. But I am really smart and kind and I be making cookies for everybody and shit, plus I speak well.

“You sound so cute when you are sick” Really bitch? I woulda hit her with “Great, cause I just got diagnosed with the AIDS, so this is gonna be like, a regular thing for me. Glad you like it!”

24 04 2008
Anonymiss

I have really bad nasal allergies and I intend tro buy a neti pot.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Sister Toldja- My hubby works the same hours as Chris. He use to work the 10-7 shift but he said he hated racing the sun home. He’s a computer tech for DOD.

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Chris- you leave work at three o’clock? That’s the main thing my brain focused on.”

Don’t be too jealous. I wake up at 5am everyday, then arrive home at 4pm only to work for another 4 – 8 hours on my own business 😛

24 04 2008
Seven

Dayquil for allergies? Your eyes should bleed for that wack ass attempt to ‘remedy’ the situation. Allegra or Zyrtec – the only way to survive allergy season (especially here in the South)!

Feel better homey…

24 04 2008
Machete

Hmmm can’t say I’ve ever had these sinus type allergies (knock on wood)… the worst I ever got was hives after a NY trip, and that was probably because I put all kinds of random things in my mouth – foodwise.

Chris, hope you feel better, and seriously, go home. I am always looking for an excuse not to go to work, at least you have a legit one…and you probably look like you aren’t faking it either.

24 04 2008
shabooty

WAHHHHHHHHHHHH I have an itch in my nose WAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

$

24 04 2008
www.anythingblack.net

maybe cause I got that african blood. I never get allergies and if I do I don’t notice them

http://www.anythingblack.net

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I don’t fucks with them hardcore allergy drugs.

Side effects of Allegra include:

Vomiting, constipation, inverted penis, scroticide, vaginitis, uncontrollable yelling and/or screaming, fascism, narcolepsy, crunk juice, unnecessary crying, fatness, fear of the color ‘taupe’, man-rape, mud butt, and acute gastroencephalitis.

And then you become white.

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

soooo mud-butt and uncontrollable yelling and/or screaming are bad?

24 04 2008
Dom

Damn Mrs. Epps, you’re mighty violent! Bashing headlights?

As for the rest of you allergy sufferers, Zyrtec is now available over the counter. I worked in a pharmacy for 4yrs, and that ish is like crack for allergy sufferers. People would flip when it was too early to renew their pills.

I still to keep a couple old prescriptions on hand for the few times a year I flare up.

24 04 2008
Iloveblackpeople

AF- Allergy shots are supposed to be like vaccines. They are watered down versions of the things that you react to during allergy testing (supposedly there are companies who will mix your special combination of allergens). So, the point is to let your immune system develop natural defenses. I had my allergy testing done at 12. All I can remember is that my back was completely covered in ITCHY quarter sized welts (that I wasn’t allowed to scratch) and my doctor remarked that he had NEVER seen anyone who was allergic to EVERYTHING that he tried. I had so many allergies that I had to have TWO shots (one in each arm) every week. They also make you stay in the waiting room for 45 minutes so that if your throat swells shut from them injecting you with shit your body hates they can try to save your life. I stayed on the shots for 5 years and other than occasional itchy eyes and sniffles I have to admit that I’m pretty much allergy free.

Chris, hope you feel better. Allergies are a bitch (they almost killed me as a kid). I almost feel sorry for obtaining enjoyment out of your pain. Almost.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chris-I don’t fucks with them hardcore allergy drugs.

Side effects of Allegra include:

Vomiting, constipation, inverted penis, scroticide, vaginitis, uncontrollable yelling and/or screaming, fascism, narcolepsy, crunk juice, unnecessary crying, fatness, fear of the color ‘taupe’, man-rape, mud butt, and acute gastroencephalitis.

And then you become white.

bwahahahahah well damn I guess I’m white now..cuz Allegra is the shit to me..I rather be “white” for a few weeks out the yr than break out in hives and start weezing out of control and have to stab myself with that pen(cant think of the word for it) 🙂

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

@ Iloveblackpeople…

Thats what I thought, however I was wondering if there were any other chemicals that they mixed in with each shot. I too am an avid allergy sufferer… with my latest test in 2006 resulting in 31 positive readings out of 40. When the allergist started the test he stated “In about ten minutes you’ll probably feel an itching or burning sensation…” (all while he was still applying more to my arms)

I cut him off, “Doctor, I think I’m already reacting between counts one through ten”

He looked at my other arm and an unnerving “Oh” escaped from his mouth.

Allergy shots are the only option that I have left. 😦 And I hate needles.

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

I used to take a nasal spray called Flonaise. It started feeling too good, like, orgasmic when I took it. I stopped, then I found some that had been sitting in my car for a year and started back up again. It felt so good getting that old thing back.I think I need to get some more…..

As far as allergy meds go, Claratin D’s were cool until they went OTC. I really enjoyed taking Zyrtec in the past, but now that it is OTC, I don’t trust it to work. I have to do something soon, cause I feel like my nasal passages are being barbequed as we speak.

Wait, am I SUPPOSED to get high from allergy meds? Why do they feel so good? And mix so beautifully with alcohol?

Chris-what is your home based business?

24 04 2008
Seven

@ Mrs. Epps
Amen to that! If his ass wants to whine and suffer through those symptoms, I say let the baby have his bottle. This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg as far as allergy season is concerned, so with that being said I guess I’ll be “white” too for a few more weeks.
Hmm…since I’ll be white until I put down the Zyrtec, maybe I can get a few dates with some black guys (yeah, I went there). 🙂 lol

24 04 2008
Esquire

Allegra makes you white? MMMMMMMMMMMhahahaha

Seriously: I dont fuck with meds either, I am Legend solidified my beliefs. (I know I know, the BOOK is about an alien, not cancer)

But try Zytec over the counter. It will help give some relief, and then knock you out so that you arent in such pain.

24 04 2008
Esquire

@ Sister:

STOP TAKING OLD MEDICINE YOU FOUND IN THE BACK OF YOUR CAR

When you die, who will provide me with laughter on this blog?

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Dom-Damn Mrs. Epps, you’re mighty violent! Bashing headlights?

Yea I had to take anger management wit my sister from another mother after my last relationship with her older brother hahah. It wasn’t my fault ppl pissed me off. I’m good now though 🙂

24 04 2008
zoso

I’m with Chris on the allergy drugs. Seems like everything now adays has side effects that are worse than your symptoms. Whenever I’m sick I just chuck vitamins all day.

“I have swallowed nearly three gallons of water today, and I cannot stop going to the bathroom. I’ve also taken so many vitamin C tablets I’m starting to shit navel oranges.”

I HATE when that happens… it’s either a flashback of being 2 yrs. old, or a premonition of life at 90 yrs. old, depends on how optimistic one’s feeling.

24 04 2008
benjie

damn. I’m nervous now. I have allergy testing on may 14th.
I just started getting the itchy,watery eyes thing like last year.
getting older sucks animal kahq.

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

Am I the only one here not bombarded with seasonal allergies? I do feel bad for you sufferers though, especially those who move to DC and THEN develop all these weird allergies, as if being in DC isn’t bad enough 😀 Spring is so beautiful here. Are you guys allergic to any foods as well? My inner fat-girl would be pissed if I were.

24 04 2008
Iloveblackpeople

AF…LMAO. At least you had a choice. My mom was like “oh honey he is almost done” (they basically used a black marker and blocked off my ENTIRE BACK!!!!) Then proceeded to prick my skin with…dog dander, cat dander, dust mite poo (yes poo or whatever it is they leave behind that you can be allergic too), tree pollen (from various kind of trees), grass, etc etc.

I didn’t like getting the shots AT ALL. I would always try to get out of that long drive to the allergist (I grew up in rural VA so we had to drive 45 minutes to Fredericksburg-I HATED that ride). I will say tho, that the shots worked and if your allergies are as bad as mine were then it will be worth it. I’m sure there are other inert chemicals in the shots but as far as I know there are no other “active” ingredients besides your allergens.

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

And 3 gallons of water? Do you mean 3 liters, ‘cuz 3 gallons is a lot of water!

24 04 2008
zoso

I didn’t develop allergies until I lived with some nasty-ass roommates who got a cat while I was away. The cat coupled with their nastiness sent my nasal areas over the edge. I don’t live with them anymore and my allergies aren’t as bad anymore. Also, I’m lactose intolerant. Silk is my friend.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

“Allergy shots are supposed to be like vaccines. They are watered down versions of the things that you react to during allergy testing (supposedly there are companies who will mix your special combination of allergens). So, the point is to let your immune system develop natural defenses. I had my allergy testing done at 12. All I can remember is that my back was completely covered in ITCHY quarter sized welts (that I wasn’t allowed to scratch)”

Me too I got it done when I was about 11 and OMG I wanted to peel my skin off with a knife or use the corner of the wall to scratch it.

Seven-Amen to that! If his ass wants to whine and suffer through those symptoms, I say let the baby have his bottle. This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg as far as allergy season is concerned, so with that being said I guess I’ll be “white” too for a few more weeks.
Hmm…since I’ll be white until I put down the Zyrtec, maybe I can get a few dates with some black guys (yeah, I went there). lol

Dead@ few dates with some black guys

Esquire-STOP TAKING OLD MEDICINE YOU FOUND IN THE BACK OF YOUR CAR

Hell yea I had to wait til my hubby went to work one day while we were moving to throw away his old ass med’s from 2006! He had the nerve to say that it was still good! I’m like dude you take that shit if you want but if your throat swells up and you die you better blame yourself for that!

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

“If I were white, I could get some dates with Black men”- Seven

AHAHAHHA! High-five and a hip bump on that one!

@ Esquire- It was in the glove compartment, and it had aged like fiiiiinee wine.

24 04 2008
Lindsay

Awww, Chris.

I truly feel for you, I had two sinus infections last fall in a three-week period, with all the symptoms you describe.

Since you’re not into hardcore allergy medicines, I’d suggest a) finding a good allergist (I’m the queen of allergies – indoor, outdoor and food – and i can recommend one) and b) maybe trying nasal irrigation. It works best when you do it on a regular basis before/during allergy season, but it will definitely help with that sinus pressure and stuffy/runny nose while you have the infection.

(Are your ears clogged too?)

24 04 2008
Lindsay

@ knaturalbeauty –

Yes, I’m allergic to plenty of foods. I won’t go into the detailed list here, but…if anyone wants to be bored, I’ll gladly share. I’d also like to add that my food allergies don’t keep me from weight gain, or from enjoying large quantities of the food I can eat.

24 04 2008
Angry v3.2b

Chris man, you need to get Claritin clear….I use it daily and I’m good to go (save for random nosebleeds from having a dry nose, but I’d rather have a nosebleed once a week than not be able to breathe.)

24 04 2008
keiranzma

*swoon*

I know I am already spoken for, but dammit, you HAVE to marry me!!!! I cook. Well. Though I suspect you may be a wee bit young for me…
*pauses to look at driver’s license and sob*

24 04 2008
Mr. Smith

“I’m jolted awake by my cellphone alarm. I am angrier than John McCain on MLK Day.”

LMAO!!!

You think you’d be able to escape your allergies in the mountains. Well let me tell you…. WRONG! Because such an abundance of students come from the DC Murrlund and Virginia area, my school tries to make it as homey as possible complete with restaurants, snooty stuck up white attitudes and every possible fucking plant that can give you allergies. Oh and college dorms? Which for some reason generate their own dust? I hated life for the past 2 weeks let me tell you…

24 04 2008
pen

the choir is backing you up on this one. i’m currently in week two of ‘why the hell did i move to georgia’-based allergy season. i sound like kathleen turner.

24 04 2008
Seven

Hilarious – “kathleen turner”!

24 04 2008
Lady

@ zoso – Seems like everything now-a-days has side effects that are worse than your symptoms.

The funniest is this commercial that comes on late at night:

Impotent? Try horny goat weed capsules!! Having trouble sustaining an erection? Try horny goat weed capsules!!

Side effects include: Nausea, vomiting, upset stomach, heart palpitations, profuse sweating, hives, hemorrhoids, ulcers, temporary blindness, swelling of tongue, dry mouth, crotch rot, hair loss, nervous tics, rage, sleepwalking, fever, incontinence, tuberculosis and possibly, death.

It’s like.. do you REALLY need an erection that bad? Or that damn Valtrex commercial where side effects are kinda like the aforementioned but include more like: rapid progression of the virus, spontaneous combustion, loss of ability to ejaculate and of course death.

WTF?

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

zoso-I didn’t develop allergies until I lived with some nasty-ass roommates who got a cat while I was away. The cat coupled with their nastiness sent my nasal areas over the edge. I don’t live with them anymore and my allergies aren’t as bad anymore. Also, I’m lactose intolerant. Silk is my friend.

shit dont get me started on nasty ass roomates. Both my last roomates were white which had its pro’s and con’s. Pro’s we always had booze in the frdige sometimes more beer than food and they paid their rent and bills on time. Con’s mother fuckers never washed dishes let alone clean the bathroom, everytime I went to take a shower there was alllll ways this nasty ass blonde hair in the tub EWw and their fucking nasty ass cats that they never fixed humping every five mllion seconds or they would pee on the fuckin cum infested futton SMH I would just stay in my room most of the time in my nice neat clean room that smelled like flowers and vanilla candles unlike their shit which smelled liek dirty socks and rotten pussy.. after we feel out and I moved out I told myself I would never have roomates again. White ppl are fucking DIRTY!

24 04 2008
Seven

“dirty socks and rotten pussy” – LMAO!! I’m not making light of that situation, but damn I’m in tears now… I am soooo glad I am not at work today!!!

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL Seven that aint shit I got mad stories about that nasty ass apartment and my ex-roomies.. the day I moved in there when i took a shower and was lathering up and washing my back something didnt feel right and come to find out I had my girl roomates nasty ass blonde hairs on me. They probably thought I saw a spider cuz I scream like shit and was like EW EW EW EW EW. I scrubbed my body like shit and then became like Monkof that show and examined everything and cleaned everything after they used it even when they washed dishes i would still wash that shit of.

I felt like I was their Mom and they were both older than me!

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Mrs. Epps… did they wash their hands after dropping a deuce?

24 04 2008
Lindsay

AF – I think we all know the answer to that…But I want to see if what I’ve seen everywhere is just a myth.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

AF-probably NOT!! Nasty asses. And they would make funny of me for being OCD. No not that at all I just like my shit clean.

24 04 2008
Reese

that pic of chicken jon was fucking too much!!!!! i almost fell out of my damn chair when i read king of drank

24 04 2008
pen

i’m dying at these comments. mrs. epps i have lived with my share of nasty ass white folks. hairs, dishes that look petri dishes, i’ve seen, smelled and heard it all. thank god i’m married now.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Lindsay…

http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/2008/03/19/bad-hygiene/#comments

Mrs. Epps…
Your trials and tribulations remind me of when I was in college. All of my roommates were some of the Filthiest people I’ve ever seen. YUCK!

24 04 2008
Seven

My skin crawled when I read the comment about the blond hairs on your back. You would think simple hygiene would be something that all cultures/people had in common. Yuck!

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Pen- ahhahaha petri dishes hell yea shoot more like maggots( I seriously gagged when i saw it and even when i say the word) Like how hard is it for you to rise off the dish and put it in the dishfuckingwasher! GOODDAMIIT!! and I agree Pen thank god I have my own house with my soon to be hubby who washes dishes very often and cleans as well YESS!!

Seven- I jumped out of my own skin when it happend I almost blacked out..it may not be that seriuos to others if a little hair from some else happeneds to be on their legs or where ever but me thats just a bathroom foul. I was brought up to clean the bathroom and vaccum and wash dishes when guests would come over to visit and to atleast rinse out the tube after I used it. PPl just have no home trainning what soooo ever!

24 04 2008
Lady

I can’t stand people who don’t use washcloths/loofas whatever. Straight bar to body is NOT wassup.

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Oh, y’all don’t want to go there on the nasty, trifling roommate tip with me! What y’all know about a chick wearing YOUR panties? Not some brand new ones, mind you, but a very pretty pair that you had worn yourself many times. And soiling said underwear?

We won’t even get in to the wig’s worth of weave hairs in the tub and sink, or the the stolen check that was used to buy supplies from the Botanica to cast spells on people. Nope.

24 04 2008
Lady

*unless you’re the only one that uses that bar of soap

24 04 2008
NotBlonde

I have never, thank god, suffered from allergies. I feel for all you lovely people out there who get saddled with seasonal allergies.

On the roommate tangent: I have three roomies. None of them know how to plunge a toilet. Don’t ask me how I know that but let’s just say it involves coming home from classes and smelling ass upon opening the door.

24 04 2008
Lady

@ Sister Toldja – What y’all know about a chick wearing YOUR panties? Not some brand new ones, mind you, but a very pretty pair that you had worn yourself many times. And soiling said underwear?

*gags* *starts hearing ‘whoop dat trick’ in my head* Aww hell fuk naw. That’s sofa king nasty… i take my panties very seriously, it’s my fetish.. i have a ‘collection’.. If i ever.. i can’t even fathom the idea of what you just typed..

24 04 2008
zoso

@ Mrs. Epps

OMG I’m just like you, OCD and all. Constantly getting made fun of for keeping my shizz clean. When I lived in the all-girl dorms I always carried a can of lysol to the bathroom! Luckily when I moved to the apt, I had my own bathroom and didn’t share with the nasty ass roomies I spoke of earlier but they were still dirty mothas. Plus I decided I wanted to ‘really learn about other cultures’ so my dirty roomies that year were all white guys (knew them from martial arts). I set myself up all kinds of dumb on that one. So with my room & bathroom the vortex of clean, I kept to myself and ate out all the time.

24 04 2008
zoso

@ Lady

When I found out some guys friends I knew didn’t use washcloths, I almost went running for the hills. I was like what in the the world do you wash your body with, they were like soap. WTF? We almost had it out right then and there. That’s just dirty.

24 04 2008
Lindsay

@ Sister Toldja –

I don’t know anything about that.

Oh man. That’s beyond triflin’.

24 04 2008
Deviant

You know fucking will clear your sinuses right?

http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Sister Toldja-Oh, y’all don’t want to go there on the nasty, trifling roommate tip with me! What y’all know about a chick wearing YOUR panties? Not some brand new ones, mind you, but a very pretty pair that you had worn yourself many times. And soiling said underwear?

OMG I crying and dyin over here WTFFFFFFFFFFFF stop playing wearing your old underwear thought that’s beyond nasty and perverted. WHY in the flying fuck would you want to wear some other chicks underwear?!! You dont know what she has and your gonna willingly expose you vajayjay to mix with her lingering vag discharge possible yeast infection and and menstral leakage

PASS stop beoing cheap and take your ass to Target and get a 3 pck fruit of the looms ahaha

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Lady- It started slow. She’ d borrow a skirt, a bracelet…I didn’t trip too hard, because we were close like sisters at the time. But when I found a pair of my knickers that SOMEONE ELSE had introduced to Aunt Flo….I hit the roof! I don’t wear cotton undergarments, so I spend a little extra on mine. I was too freaking through! And she had left them like, on the bathroom floor or somewhere where I found them. She didn’t even have the common sense to toss them or wash them or NOT STEAL THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. Who does that? We had a washer and dryer, there was no reason to run out. Or just wear a longer skirt. But not SOMEONE ELSES PANTIES.

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

*glad I never had a roommate*

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

cotton is the way to go, it breathes 😀
Now they have ‘organic cotton’ which cost a lil more. But who borrows drawers anyway? That’s like using someone else’s toothbrush.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

zoso- on the comment about not using wash clothes..SMH my girl roomate never used a fucking wash cloth so I had to buy my own soap and I kept it in my room. But as far as clothing items hell naw.. this chick would ask me if she could wear my red bra which was my fave from vickies to maych her see through lace red top. We had the same cup size but still I was liek hell naw cuz women when they go clubbing they sweat under their breast and i dont need her breast fungus on my bra even though i was going to wash clothes that next day.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

I crack up how we go from comment on allergies to nasty ass roomates..:-)

24 04 2008
Machete

Wow, and I freak out when my friend asks to use my nail file, and get the stink-eye for it. Dunno but sharing personal items skeevs me out to no end. I don’t think I could even lend someone my shirt. :::shudders:::

Yeah notice how some ppl always marvel at our smooth skin? It’s not only the cocoa buttah or constant lotioning, but using a loofa in the shower! Scrub them dead cells/roughage/dirt off!

24 04 2008
creativecat

Awww poor baby! Drink some echinacea tea with honey and you should feel a little better.

As far as the borrowing of personal items go (I just read the last few comments), borrowing a friend’s underwear is really gross. I wouldn’t borrow my sister’s bras. But the fact that the thrift store sells USED PANTIES is even grosser!

24 04 2008
Lindsay

This sharing soap phenomenon is new to me, too. Who does this? I thought everyone used their own bar of soap (if you still use a bar, like me, and not the liquidy stuff).

24 04 2008
Ethel

If you want to get used to the allergens in your location, aside from shots, I hear that local honey works. Not the stuff from the grocery store, you’d buy this at a farmers market from a local bee person. [Do they have farmer’s markets in DC?]. Two tablespoons per day but it takes 12 -18 months for it to start working.

PS: Sharing soap is just wrong.

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

But cotton still looks like little girls undies to me. And it doesn’t feel fancy! Plus, all underwear have the cotton where it counts, ya dig? Plus, I am one of those people who HAS to match my brassiere and I am NOT putting cotton on Pride and Glory.

24 04 2008
Mr. Marquis

Well, it looks like I have acquired allergies this year, so I’m feeling the pain of a sore throat, along with sneezing uncontrollably, headaches, and to top it off… feeling as if there is a big girl sitting on my face.

I have come to the conclusion that Clariton does not work worth a damn!!

aaaarrrrrgghhhhh!IU#P(*U@*U@*

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Mr. Marquis… tough luck N*gga! LMFAO!

24 04 2008
NotBlonde

Yea..sharing soap…ew. The girls I live with love to “share” my things including but not limited to: soap, wash cloths, I suspect my toothbrush on several occasions in that it was wet before i got to the bathroom in the morning, shampoo, FOOD and this one bitch stole my chair and my space heater.

I can’t leave anything in the common room because this girl will put it in her room. I had a chair that another girl wanted to use for a party and I said sure. I went to bed. Got up the next morning and my chair was gone. I asked klepto about it and she says, “oh i didn’t know that was yours.” Bitch you knew it wasn’t YOURS so wtf? She said the same thing when my space heater disappeared from the common room after I went to class. “I didn’t know it was yours”.

24 04 2008
Mr. Marquis

Admiral,

Ah, go f*#$ yourself!

Yours Truly,
Mr. Marquis

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @ Mr. Marquis!

OUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24 04 2008
NotBlonde

@ sista toldja

Cotton panties are so much more comfy. And you don’t have to get them in plain white little girl-style. Plus they cut down on yeast infections and breathe a lot better.

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

WOOHOO!!!! MR. MARQUIS AND THE ADMIRAL! BEHOLD THE NIGGERDOM!!!

HOPE BOWF YALL NOSES FALL DA FUCK OFF!!!SADL;KFJASD;LKFJDF;KLJDS
FADSKLJADS
GDSKLFGJSD
GSDF
GS
FDG
DFGMST;KLREJHS;KLDRGJSRD;LKGJDFK;LGSJK;GJRSF
GSDKLFJK;LGJSDF
GDFKLGJFDK;LGHJDFHFHDFGJHSD
FJHARDLGJDS
GDFGSS
DRGTS
DFGLKDRMG;KLFJGHKJ

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Both of ya’ll beige ma-f*ckas can kiss my ass.

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Ayo Admiral, smile so I can see whut you sayin.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

I ain’t that dark bitch.

Go play in the sun with no sun block.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

NotBlonde- thats soo funny but I had a similar experience with my ex-roomate who would take my house shoes. I would be looking for them for like 3 days asking her if she saw them and stuff and then when i went in her room one day i saw them in her closet I was like WTF and asked her about it. She was tried to act dumb and was like ” I thought I asked you if I could borrow them sorry” and then wanted to give them back to me after she was wearing them for the past three days with her nasty ass feet. I told her “How did you ask me when I was at school allday and you were here. And you know that shit was mine I wear them all the time but you keep them I dont want your foot fungus” then went in my room seeing shit out of place. I was pissed and slammed the door. Girl was gonna get a beat down.

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

You promised me an oval Zulu shield to protect my sensitive backside from the sun’s rays as I frolic therein.

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

Allergies are caused by an unlucky combo of genetics and environment, sooooo what can you do? Take a bunch of man-made drugs, stop eating dairy, drink tea, take vitamins, eat a Ph-balanced diet – none or all of the above. I wonder if the effectiveness of the treatment for allergies depends on one’s body chemistry? @Ethel, I’ve heard the honey thing is good for everyone, and I agree.
I bet you if you guys didn’t have allergies, you’d just have some other ailment.

As far as borrowing my belongings/toiletries: no. Not even clothes; everyone has diff scents…
Only bottled stuff like hair products, soaps, lotion are ok.

24 04 2008
Esquire

I second NotBlonde:

The Cotton is good for you. You dont have to wear it errryday, but you got to give the silks, etc a little break everynow and then.

I used to match up too, then my husband was like…”whats the point of you being all cute and matchy matchy? This lingerie is in the way. Well I guess they are nice on the floor.”
Now its whatever is at the top of the drawer.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Didn’t give you one did I? Oops.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAo@ Chris and AF..play nice kiddies and take turns on the swing and slide. 🙂

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

“Cotton panties are so much more comfy. And you don’t have to get them in plain white little girl-style. Plus they cut down on yeast infections and breathe a lot better.” – NotBlonde
THANK YOU. That’s what I meant by ‘they breathe’, but I didnt want to go there. I actually don’t wear mystery fabrics. If it isn’t majority cotton, silk, wool, leather/suede – it won’t touch my skin. I don’t want to develop allergies 🙂

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“LMAo@ Chris and AF..play nice kiddies and take turns on the swing and slide. ”

How you gon’ appropriate this here A and B conversation without bringing some pancakes or some titties or some titties wit pancakes on em maple syrup buttermilk pickles onions bacon lettuce CHEESE??!?!?!

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

TALK SHIT TUESDAY ON THURSDAY COMMENCES

A most unfortunately move by Mrs. Epps…

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

I prefer the titties wit pancakes… and some hot suace.

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

The Admiral’s first child will be born with two stomachs and no anus.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

bwhahahahah@How you gon’ appropriate this here A and B conversation without bringing some pancakes or some titties or some titties wit pancakes on em maple syrup buttermilk pickles onions bacon lettuce CHEESE??!?!?!

I had pancakes and turkey sausage this morning too YUMMMMMMMMM you gonna get fat eatting all that damn starch Chris.. got preserve your sexy..like Diddy(btw diddy has never been sexy but anyway)…I’ll Fedex homemade cakes with a touch of cinnamon and a butt load of syrup.

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

“I had pancakes and turkey sausage this morning too YUMMMMMMMMM” – Mrs. Epps
but were they served on titties?

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

AF-TALK SHIT TUESDAY ON THURSDAY COMMENCES

A most unfortunately move by Mrs. Epps

Ohh boooo who cry me a river…ahhaha and damn ewww born with 2 stomachs and no anus so what they throw up their own shit when they digest? just curious hahah or do they have the poop bad attached outside the body?

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Chris will be taken to Guantanamo Bay and charged with pillaging the white man’s resources and being too Native.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Mrs Epps and Chris will dine on my childs vomit.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

knatrual-hahah girlllllllll they are always served on titties woohoo! aint nothin better than eating some cakes on some large funbags hahaha sike naw.. but me and the hubby had fun with the syrup before work 🙂 teehee

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

With his hopes and dreams as an appetizer.

We are now officially off the reservation.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Gag@ AF….pass I like my food solid not puree style.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chris can scalp you and then I disect your brain and grill it on the Foreman

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Gag@ AF….pass I like my food solid not puree style.”

Oh oh oh oh so you one of them high-maintenance solid food types? TOO GOOD FOR A HYDROCHLORIC SMOOTHIE?!?!?!?!?!

OKAY! OKAY! http://www.bobbyfugly.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/scarface.jpg

I am losing my fucking mind.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Mrs Epps don’t be mad your underwear has dick holes in em.

The Iroquois conquered the Algonquin so I think the scalping will only be done by me. 🙂

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“The Iroquois conquered the Algonquin so I think the scalping will only be done by me.”

Phuck you nyukka, yoo just did the damn dishes (hollowed out white man skulls).

24 04 2008
Lady

Damn, exactly how many people had pancakes for breakfast this morning? I had two golden brown ones.. but damn all that turkey sausage, when i’m in the mood for swine i need swine damnit, eff that bird. They got a got damn turkey version of everything.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

“Phuck you nyukka, yoo just did the damn dishes (hollowed out white man skulls).”

Shit… so did you. Now get your ass to Oklahoma.

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

How do we keep ending up deviating from the topic at hand and discussing girly things? LOL.

Sorry boys, I’ll whisper.

(In a hushed tone) I understand that most guys don’t care a whole lot about matching undies sets or panty fabric. It’s for me, just like wearing lip gloss or not ever wearing pants, even if there’s a monsoon outside. I am who I am. I did laundry recently with my older sister, who has been in a relationship for 6 years. She had the oldest, most “cozy” jawns ever. I hope that never happens to me.

24 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Yea…guys hate it when girls talk about running around in their underwear…::cough::.

We also hate hot lesbian porn and oil wrestling. And thongs. Those have to go. When is Mrs. Epps gonna make out with ST?

I demand satisfaction.

24 04 2008
Quiet Storm

@Lady “…Now every time I see a little kid blowing dandelions I want to punt them across the playground.”

Oh sh!t, I burst out laughing at work when I read that. I feel you on that though.

I never really had an allergy problem – until my last year in college in Atlanta. WTF! I was practically chugging DayQuil AND NightQuil like water. I had to stop though because I started experiencing some of the side effects. I didn’t know what the hell else to do cuz I never had an allergy problem growing up in NY. So far I have not had any allergy problems since moving to the DC Metro area (knock on wood), and I sincerely hope I don’t. That was pure hell.

Hope you feel better Chris. For the sore throat (and if you have a cough), boil some ginger root and use the water and make tea. Its pretty strong, but its good. I wish there was some other home remedy I could offer.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Oh oh oh oh so you one of them high-maintenance solid food types? TOO GOOD FOR A HYDROCHLORIC SMOOTHIE?!?!?!?!?!

WHATTTT?!! hahaha naw i just liek to chew my food 🙂

AF=Admiral Fucktard hahaha dick holes in my underwear..never that…

Sister Toldja- agree about the men not caring about undies matching ahhah most of them have the same underwear from 5 yrs ago with holes in them they call those the “comfortables” Like how in the hell do they get holes at the crotch? exssessiveeeee flatulence?

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Agreed.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chris-We also hate hot lesbian porn and oil wrestling. And thongs. Those have to go. When is Mrs. Epps gonna make out with ST?

SMH and LMAOOO ummm it is way to early in the day for that and I am wayyy too sober…I need atleast 7 apple martini’s to make out with a chick and yes I have done it before… so… been there done that over that phase of curiousity. 🙂

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

A woman is seeing a man in his underclothing… yet is worried about its appearance (matching) rather than whats underneath? Doo Doo and piss stains I understand… but anything else? Come on.

Not one man gives a flying fuck about what a woman’s panties look like when it gets down to that level.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Not even if it has dick holes in em… except if there is something hanging out. That will cause genital evaporation.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

AF-Not one man gives a flying fuck about what a woman’s panties look like when it gets down to that level.

Totally agree and me personally I couldnt careless if my underwear and bra watched..its under my clothes…No guy in this world is goign to care of that shit matches because if they get the chance to see you in your undies he is more interested in takign that shit off anyways… right now Im mis-matched with a hot pink bra and black undies with words Phycho Bitch in sliver glitter( name of aTechN9ne song) on the ass SUE ME!! my man loves it!

24 04 2008
Deviant

I wish I could sympathize with ya but I can’t. I thought I had allergies last year btu I was wrong. Turns out the cat I was staying with had mold in his house and I was the only one that reacted to it. Soon as I moved into my own spot – clean bill of health. I was real close to goin to get those allergy shots. Dodged a huge bullet. I didn’t even realize pollen was out cause I neevr saw the yellow stain that you see all over everything down south.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Good for you Mrs Epps. You win a cookie. And I’m sure your man loves it.

Since I need some cash, maybe I will find a reason to sue you.

24 04 2008
Lady

I always said I think we were born with the best lingerie. While I do enjoy a nice imprint I rather see what is making that imprint..

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

@Sister Toldja, I understand wearing cute undies ‘cuz it makes you feel good/sexy! It is the lil things that count 😀 And we shouldn’t base stuff solely on what men think BUUUUUTTTTTTT….
Re: allergies – I hope you allergy sufferers don’t have carpet or smoke, ‘cuz if you do, stop whining.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

AF,
Well damn…:-( ahah

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

LOL… its all love.

MAN… MY ALLERGIES ARE PISSING ME OFF TODAY.

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

I had french toast for breakfast. Unless it is made with challah or some banging wheat bread, french toast is to pancakes what community college is to a 4-year-university. It’s certainly better than nothing and it can be DAMN good. But it’s still gonna look kinda sad in comparison.

LOL @ Chris. I’m glad we are eye to eye on the importance of lesbian porn. It is the only kind of smut I can endorse.

AF- I don’t like silly underwear on men (cartoon boxers) or something too “sexy”. Just give me some boxer briefs in good to excellent condition and something really big inside and I am 🙂

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

🙂

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

ST- Okay I give you that. Cartoon underwear?!?!?! Have you actually experienced a guy with those on?!??! That… from a male perspective is most LAUGHABLE.

But again, I ask… if dude is packing a nice wad in his crotch, yet has some rips in his drawers… do you really care that much to may you dry up? Lets be real about it.

24 04 2008
Lady

I hate french toast. Along with french fries. And bread. The only thing French I enjoy is french cut string beans.

Well… I lied.. I like French toast sticks.. only from Burga tha Kang though..

*drool @ the thought of boxer briefs*

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@Sister Toldja…High Five! Like I dont need the slik boxer wearing type..a good ol solid color or plaid boxer is good. My hubby said that he cant wear silk boxers because the fabric rubbing against his “balls” haha makes him honry, so he sticks to reg.cotton. He has these to pairs of boxers his ex-girlfriend gave him for v-day with these monkey heads on them..but he hates wearing them so I wear them. There cute more on me than him anyways.

24 04 2008
Lady

@AF-But again, I ask… if dude is packing a nice wad in his crotch, yet has some rips in his drawers… do you really care that much to may you dry up? Lets be real about it.

Or better yet, would you even see the rips?? I’d be to focused

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

AF-But again, I ask… if dude is packing a nice wad in his crotch, yet has some rips in his drawers… do you really care that much to may you dry up? Lets be real about it.

I could careless…I’m use to seeing my man’s comfortables ahah

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

“He has these to pairs of boxers his ex-girlfriend gave him for v-day with these monkey heads on them..but he hates wearing them so I wear them.” – Mrs. Epps
That’s a first!
And I’ve never met a man that wears silk drawers. Are these the same guys that wear pink?
And Sister Toldja, you never wear pants? How/why, just curious. I only wear skirts/dresses when I absolutely have to i.e. stupid weddings. I’m allergic to skirts. But I love short shorts 😀

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

AF-I saw a pair of cartoon boxers or two in college. I feel like it was when I was messing with a younger guy and made what I was doing feel even wronger, which made it even righter…but I still ain’t like those boxers.

As far as the big stick, barren undies…..well, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed, but there would be a moment of pause. Like, ripped underwear? That just aint right. But I would likely be dickmatized and get past that thought very quickly.

Oh, Mrs. Epps…..now drooling at the idea of silk boxers with a nice package. I prefer the fit of boxer briefs, but the softness of silk is always good in my book.

Chris-where do I sign up for a partner, a bottle of wine and a lot of….what was the third part? Never mind, just point me in the direction of the first two.

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

So keep the party rollin…

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Knat- I have hated pants and shorts since I was a little girl. Like, when I was in pre-school I would CRY if i couldn’t wear a dress or skirt. I don’t have any logical explination, I just like the feel and look of lady clothes. I stopped wearing pants all together in 2003 and haven’t looked back, short of the gym. Plus, my legs are nice and better than my butt, so I choose to accentuate the positive. I bought a pair of shorts recently online, actually it was a romper, so we’ll see how that works. But you CAN’T get me in any pants, I don’t care how “cute” they are.

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Sister Toldja-I saw a pair of cartoon boxers or two in college. I feel like it was when I was messing with a younger guy and made what I was doing feel even wronger, which made it even righter…but I still ain’t like those boxers.

The owner of the monkey boxers(my hubby) is 25 will be 26 in June. I’m 20 will be 21 in a few months ahahha I love older men, they bring so much more to the table and are more reserved. BUt some aren’t my ex-come to find out on hjis birthday was turning 31 instead of 27 SMH old bastard.

Knatrual-silk boxer wears are the ones that also wear pink? It’s possible.. i dunno i never had the pleasure to see my man in silk boxers..As for not wearing pants LOVE EM all I wear but I have found myself wearing more cotton flower sundresses and long twrilly flowy skirts in the spring and summer. I look like a damn Gypsy ahhah

24 04 2008
Admiral Furious

On another note… I think someone else posted this earlier in regards to Chris taking a leak in someones gas tank…

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-14934

24 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

thanks.
Personally, I favor the ‘menswear’ look with feminine touches like accessories, slutty shoes, so on. I guess I find the contrast sexier (on me).

|sorry guys, the hijack was inevitable|

24 04 2008
Merri Lee

I actually bought some Hello Kitty panties, cuz I found a store that had them in adult sizes and I loved Hello Kitty as a kiddo. Those joints have probably sat in my lingerie drawer for the past 4 years; it didn’t occur to me when I bought them I will never actually WEAR kiddie draws. Damn impulse buys!!

A side note about nasty roommates (actually dorm mates) – when I was in college, a girl posted a sign in the laundry room pissed that someone stole all her Victoria’s Secret bras and panties out of the washing machine. They left the Hanes and sport bras, just took the good ish. WTF??

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Merri, I also have a pair of Hello Kitty panties that what I thought was a fake zipper in the front for them was an actually zipper. I was like WTF! they were in the junior’s section too! I was like Oh damn..and then showed them to my hubby when I got home and of course he loved me.

Ahahha there was a Vickie’s bandit on campus thats hilarious and sooooo fucked up! Living at our old apt. someone stole my underware too i was hell pissed im like fucking langley park spanish ladies stealing ma shit..or it could have been the nasty ass homeless dude that would sleep in the laundry room and walk around in there butt ass naked jerking off. DURING THE DAY. I have seen it with my own eyes thinking something feel in the hallway and a looked out my peephole and saw him in the act. I kid you not true story dude had the nerve to knock on my door and my upstairs neighbor/friend for some vaseline WTFFFF..the shit i have seen in my day..

24 04 2008
Dom

Damn Chris,

I think all these horny posts (ie the panties, porno, and lesbians) means your fans are waiting for you to get some ass so you can write about that in your blog.

It’s springtime, get to it…

24 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Dom- That is so not true. I am absolutely not in favor of anyone having sex who isn’t me, nor do I wish to hear about anyone else having sex with anyone, unless it is me.

24 04 2008
shabooty

i forgot to ask on the sunburn post, but if you’re reallly ashey, won’t that protect you from the UV rays?
🙂

24 04 2008
Machete

@Mrs.Epps OMG I think you just described the one and only pair of hello kitty underwear that I own with the not-so-fake zipper in front! lmao, are they pink with a black band? I too thought that zipper was fake till later on! =-O

24 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL@ Machete…mine are red with a white band! OMGGG but I saw the ones you have as well I almost bought those too. I was so shocked that Hola Gato as I call it made such skanky underwear. But shooot i mos def wear them on V-day hahahah

25 04 2008
omi

poor thing. my ex used to get horrible around this time of year, too. hope you feel better.

25 04 2008
maya

Responsibility makes me miss all the fun convos 😦

25 04 2008
LTP

Your entire day sums up how I felt within five minutes of walking outside this evening after work. It was so bad that when this guy on the train sneezed I looked at him like he lost his mind and proceeded to stop breathing for a moment as if his allergies were contagious. I hate having allergies with the heat of a thousand suns.

25 04 2008
my2blackbabiesrbeautiful

I’ve had two bouts of strep in three weeks, all this = the same feeling as full-blown aids. My two year old has taken singulair for what we thought were allergies–and gone completely crazy (one of the side affects) and now we find out she needs her adnoids (sp) removed.
They dont suffer from these ailments in third world places.

25 04 2008
DCNative

No offense and all, but this is this must be the black side coming out. Skins and I wonder what all these “allergies” are. Holla back, pollen.

25 04 2008
dynamicdiva

Georgia pollen is no joke!!

What about Alavert?! I take that and its rapid release!

25 04 2008
Ceej

DOM….Exactly! Zyrtec is crack to an allergy sufferer like myself…because it works!. I tried every drug, vitamin, supplement, natural herbs & remedies as well adopting a vegetarian lifestyle for 6 years and still suffered endlessly.

Allergy drugs have a lot of nasty side effects like respiratory tract infections, asthma, bronchitis, mud butt (i.e. sharting), sinus infections, incontinence (i.e. sneeze and pee syndrome..not fun) but I’d rather suffer the above afflictions…yes I will even brave mud butt…than to have one more person ask me as Lady so wonderfully summed it up: ‘why are you crying?’ allergies. ‘Do you have a cold?’ no allergies, no they’re not contagious idiot. ‘Why do you have a wad of tissue hanging out of your nose?’ because I’m tired of my nose dripping and being so numb from wiping I cant feel it..

As a sufferer of seasonal allergies, and by “seasonal” I mean if we in the US of A are experiencing a season (audience participation here—> pick a season…any season) then chances are, I will have allergies. I don’t get colds and have only had the flu twice in the past decade. At this rate, if I had a cold, I would probably not even know.

So I’ve said all this to say if you suffer from allergies…..try Zyrtec! And now it’s OTC so no more paying up to $87 for a 30 day supply…Wal-Mart has the 45*** pill bottle for $27. As a NYC chic, I usually jet set (lol) to Philly to get to a Wal-Mart so I can get my precious. With allergy medicines, the trick is that you have to start taking them 2 weeks before the season starts. I’ve found that if I start my allergy season regimen in early February I can actually enjoy Spring and Summer and Fall. I’m Caribbean so I don’t care much for winter. I started my Zyrtec on the 1st of March and so far, I’ve had maybe 3 minor (i.e. 20 mins – 1 hr) allergy attacks in the past 2 months.

***The folks over at Zyrtec gave you an extra 15 pills so that you can start taking them 2 weeks before the season starts and before your symptoms appear so that the medicine will work. From what I understand Zyrtec and the like are most effective, if you’re not already having an allergy attack. They work to lessen your symptoms and stop additional ones from appearing. Best of health to all!

25 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

“I’m at home working on a shitty oil painting that requires me to look down” and “The fumes from oil paint and paint thinner are slowly killing me, so I finally stop.” – SBPH/Chris
Be careful, especially have sissy allergies :D. I paint, too, but wear a mask or paint outside when dealing with harsh chemicals.

25 04 2008
Uhura

Without a doubt – there is something odd about this allergy season. By using the basic principles of managed allergen exposure, I managed to get myself and my son to the point where we made it through the last season without any medication and no outward signs of being allergy victims.

Well – sheeeit-This past weekend we had to go to the doctor for PILLS, HYDROCORTiSONE, and NASAL SPRAY.

WTFF is going on here???

27 04 2008
Angel

I think I might have a “kindergarten crush” on you..I hope you feel better soon..This allergy season is the worst one I’ve experienced yet also..

28 04 2008
ne'

I fking hate having allergies. I would love to one day be able to trade my nose in for a new one.

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