Sunburn

22 04 2008

Black people have always had a tortured relationship with non-blacks who tan themselves. There’s a certain level of mockery infused in blond bombshells sitting in the sun trying to get darker while innately harboring a sense of superiority over the naturally mocha, and that pisses us the fuck off*. It all goes back to Paul Mooney’s elegant quote: “Everybody wanna be a nigga don’t nobody wanna be a nigga.”

I could go on all day long about white people, tanning, and the evils thereof – but instead I’m going to address something completely confined within the black community. There is a minority within the minority that suffers in silence due to a combination of the awesome power of the sun and the pride we dark people take in our naturally occurring melanin. Their plight has gone on without mention for far too long…

I’m talking about black people who sunburn.

Figure 1: Hiding my shame in Puerto Rico**

The Melanin-Challenged (henceforth called “MCs” for brevity) suffer everyday with their condition. We put up with the darker among us referring to us as ‘yellow’. We laugh along on the outside but cry on the inside when the darkers mock sunburned white people. We lie…LIE PASSIONATELY…when we claim “yea I’m light, but I never get sunburn.” Ever had an MC tell you this? LIES! ALL LIES!

If an MC is on vacation with a bunch of darkers in a place where sunburn can happen, he lives his life in fear. If he is caught putting on sunblock, he will face days of merciless mockery as his blackness is slowly siphoned away like the world’s oil supply. If he fails to get his sunblock on undetected and is caught with the reddish shame of sunburn, the darkers will literally kill, cook and eat him to restore balance to the Force.***

Figure 2: Burns easily

The clever MC will steal away into the bathroom, or decide to ‘take a walk’ alone, or say “hey, I’m gonna go hit on the hot hotel clerk.” This is the best way to get alone time to apply sunblock without getting caught. The best time to do it is first thing in the morning. The darkers, who have spent the entire day freely basking in the sun and are supercharged by mid-day from the sun’s energy stored in their skin, are at their weakest and most docile at dawn when the sun’s power is at a minimum. They are must less likely to question you or ask to come along.

Make sure that you have the sunblock in a clear jar or cup labeled ‘Sperm’. That’ll keep your friends from looking at it too closely and finding out what it really is if they stumble across it by accident. Also if you get caught applying sunblock in the bathroom, you can say that it’s your sperm in the jar and not sunblock. When they ask why you’re rubbing your sperm all over your body, tell them you’re half Mayan. Do not offer any further explanation. If this doesn’t work, pick up the jar and make like you’re gonna throw it at them.

Figure 3: Is probably willing to cover himself in sperm

If, however, you’re unable to apply your sunblock before going out into the sun…you’re pretty much fucked. The best option is to insist on wearing a shirt and baseball cap because “I got eczema n’ shit“. This is usually excuse enough to apply huge amounts of cocoa butter (an effective sunblock in large doses) to your face – the only remaining vulnerable area on your body – without drawing too much suspicion. You’ll be miserably hot for the rest of your vacation, but at least your friends won’t eat you.

There will come a time, though, when you get sunburn no matter what precautions you take. As your darker friends sharpen their knives and forks, try throwing these excuses at them:

  • “The sun is way more powerful at the equator”
  • “I made love to an unclean woman/man”
  • “Man, will you look at these rashes? I forgot I’m allergic to sand and water”
  • “Shit, my leprosy’s flaring up again”
  • “Dude check out my red body paint! You didn’t hear? You gotta be painted red to get into the clubs here”
  • “I am gay”

Figure 4: Have a happy summer, you beige motherfucker

*And yes, this includes the inordinate numbers of fat white chicks from the midwest who are, for reasons I will NEVER be able to explain, incredibly alluring to so many dark black males. I swear there’s some kind of pathological forbidden slave/master mentality that, somehow, both parties manage to get off on.

**If you can peel your eyes away from the trainwreck of gross that is my upper body and look closely at the chicks in the background, you’ll notice their boobies are hanging out. This is the one good thing about white girls tanning.

*** This claim is unsubstantiated

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242 responses

22 04 2008
Esquire

lol I feel you on this one. Im not even that light and I burn. that shit is wack

22 04 2008
Admiral Furious

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @ the Bernie Mac Reference!!!!

I continuously fail the paper bag test, regardless of the time of year and I still get sun burnt on certain occasions. Sucks to be you though… HA-HA!

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

“The sun is way more powerful at the equator”
“I made love to an unclean woman/man”
“Man, will you look at these rashes? I forgot I’m allergic to sand and water”
“Shit, my leprosy’s flaring up again”
“Dude check out my red body paint! You didn’t hear? You gotta be painted red to get into the clubs here”
“I am gay”

bwhahahahahahah hell yea…

I cant wait til it’s beach weather get my tan back. And shit I will admit I wear sunblock cuz i do get red on my neck and sometimes back if I dont and that shit is no joke.

Chris-It all goes back to Paul Mooney’s elegant quote: “Everybody wanna be a nigga don’t nobody wanna be a nigga.”

Fuck yea and that shit piss me off..white ppl stay hatin on us but yet they wanna be just like us…the white guys wish their girls had what every black woman has we have the ass, breast, lips, thighs and the year around tan. what white women have to look like us: brazillian butt implants,collegen,breast implants and spray on tanning salons, which btw always make those bitches look orange and fake. SO SAD.

I remember back in the day when I worked at the local Giant near my house after school and their was this white lady that would come in like she just came from the beach BLACK AS SHIT!!! I mean this lady was like skin cancer pateint blacker than my cinnamon/carmel tan. Blacker than the slaves on the Amastad! I was like WOW!!

AND BTW mmmm…mmmmm.mmmm look at Chris getting his burn on. THATS HOT!

22 04 2008
Miss Ray

Um, I would consider myself a medium well on the black people’s scale of skin color and I’ve been sunburned in the DR. (Peeling and everything) That sun is hotter at the equator.

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

HAHAHAHAHA…a tan is sunburn. period. All shades of Black can burn, not just the beige. My dad, who is Wesley Snipes Black gets burned every year on his head and face, it’s just less noticeable since he’s already so damn dark.
Story-time: I visited Tobago a couple of summers ago (beautiful place, scuba diving, coral reef, less tourists), came back to work, nice and dark but with sunburn across my T-zone. I’m typical brown-skinned – neither dark nor light, and I enjoy being darker. Other coworkers came back from their vacations and got tons of compliments – “oh, Liz, you’re so tan, you look great!” Nobody compliments a Black person for getting even darker 😀

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

White girls tan = oompa-loompas

22 04 2008
Educated NSU Demon

HA! The Bernie Mac reference alone made my damn day! LOL Personally, I think this is one of those cases where God blessed us darker blacks after all the crap we have to deal with between whites stealing the role of superior, and trying to limit their praise of minorities to the ones who have the lightest skin they can possibly find. So on that end, my sympathy for your plight is severely limited. lol This post was hilarious though! Keep em coming!

22 04 2008
Lady

I used to have a white friend who would tan and come stand next to me like ‘Look Tia, i’m darker than you’. And i would retort ‘yea but you gotta work to do that, this is my natural color’. Heffa. I can’t standt hat shit.

And i cant stand when dark people say ‘I can’t tan, i’m already black’ YES you can, and YES you can get sunburned. Don’t let the smooth dark skin fool you.. you can get skin cancer too. Everyone should wear sunblock, even Akon. I have a dark skinned friend who went to DR and when he came back i said ‘damn, you got a tan’ he’s like ‘I did? I can’t tell’ and I said ‘yea, you did, does your face hurt?’ he said ‘yea, how you know?’ he had a sunburned. His face had a purple/red tint to it. I told him to slap some Aloe on and don’t go w/o sunblock again.

22 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Not to be a dick… but its not that the sun is hotter, its all about the angle of incidence, refraction, and reflection that burns people. Yes… the closer you get to the equator the sun’s rays get more intense… but it also has to do with cloud cover, humidity, etc. Thats why being in the desert is so dangerous to the skin.

Remember the Dominican Republic is on the Tropic of Cancer at best… yet nowhere near the equator.

…sorry…

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Chris is the same color as my hubby btw meaning light skin dudes are still “in” in my book 🙂 there is still hope for you in the “black”-er community hahahah let me stop..

22 04 2008
Admiral Furious

@Lady….

You don’t know how many friggin people on my job do that mess during the summer time… and it makes me absolutely furious.

On a side note, I have quite a few East Indian friends who always talk about how burnt black people are. It was really funny when the day came that one of the decided to bust out the jokes towards me… only to have me look at my skin tone and then his and show the world he was darker than me. I love it.

22 04 2008
IH

@knaturalbeauty
“Nobody compliments a Black person for getting even darker.”

It’s so sad that’s true.

But damn, at least I save money. More money for more drinks! At least there’s something of a trade off.

Holla!

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

I went to PR to summers ago to visit my dear old Aunt in Ponce. And when I came back I was at best 5 shades darker. I had the worset case of sunburn on my back, neck and shoulders I was peeling for a whole 2 weeks!

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

ahahahaha@ the Admiral, freaking know-it-alls

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Lady-And i cant stand when dark people say ‘I can’t tan, i’m already black’ YES you can, and YES you can get sunburned.

hahah just reminded me of an episode of Making The Band 4.

” Im going to Miami to get my blue black on” -Diddy

I cracked up when he said that shit and SMH

22 04 2008
Dani

Maybe this will make you feel better I’m a little closer to medium but still light/yellow to my darker friends and I have never had sun burn (knock on wood) but my skin doesn’t really react well to heat….I turn red really easily and as a reaction to heat I basically get red spotches all over, it happens all the time like when I take really hot showers, but when I expose my skin to the sun for the first time in the summer the heat creates the red splotches as always and then those splotches tan first….so initially I’m just splotchy. As a matter of fact when I was in grammer school we went outside for gym in our gym uniforms on the first hot sunny day and the gym teacher sent me back inside after about 10 min because he said it looked like I had the measles….and in case you were wondering measles are soooo not sexxy so yeah true my friends won’t kill cook and eat me but they probably won’t want to walk around with me lookin like I could be contagious

22 04 2008
Toyz

I learned my lesson the hard way. I’m medium-dark and after years of scoffing at the idea of sunblock and enjoying the sun in both the US and various Caribbean islands, including the one I was born on, God decided it would be hella funny for me to develop a sun allergy. Yup, I’m now allergic to the f*ckin SUN. so I have to use SPF 400 and take prescription medication just to go vacation. Try having to explain that – every single black person I’ve ever told has laughed in my face. LOUDLY. Shoot, even my Dad was like “you’ve been living in the white man’s country for too long”.

22 04 2008
maya

Let’s not get it twisted – you don’t have to be light to sunburn.

I found this out the hard way in Costa Rica when my ass broke out in an awful, uncomfortable heat rash. Hubris made me snub at the whites, who were shalacking to their heart’s content with SPF. I, however, sat back and decided to let nature take its course. Brown as I am (Facebook me for evidence) I was covered in these weird ass, tiny ass, almost unnoticeable to the eye, but very warm and sensitive to the touch splotches of bumps, which eventually covered my stomach, entire face, lips, shoulders, arms and thighs. Seriously, who breaks out on their lips?

Nothing gives me peace from this shit besides aloe. And that’s only sometimes. Of course, it all subsides when I get back to stank ass Philadelphia.

Needless to say, this has happened again in Miami, Mexico and every other hot-ass place I’ve been since. My mother has the nerve to be orchestrating a family trip to South Africa. Pray for me y’all.

22 04 2008
maya

@ Toyz

Sounds like we got the same thing. What kind of prescription did you get? How’d they diagnose it? Did you see a dermatologist?

22 04 2008
Toyz

um…maya, I think you have the same allergy I do. I thought it was heat rash too, but it aint.

22 04 2008
Toyz

Yes, go see a dermatologist and they should be able to diagnose you. My doc put me on steriod medication the last time I went to Jamaica – sounds crazy but it worked.

22 04 2008
letinstar

i tan…and burn too…i lived in phoenix, az for 14 years (valley of the sun), so it was a real challenge to stay out the sun…plus my roommate was a gay, white midwestern man and would practically lived outside…(we had a pool)…he would turn a disturbing red…the few times i sat in the pool, that sun was vicious…and within 15 minutes, i was burning…the sun must be respected…and i respect it by wearing sunblock, proper shades, a hat and an umbrella…

i would like to point out though, the white people that love to throw their arms up against you as a side by side comparison on how “dark” they are getting in the sun…they seem so proud they can get as brown as you…i guess that’s their idea or bonding or they think this makes them part of the blackhood…no….it doesn’t…

22 04 2008
Laurel

I sunburn but that’s not gonna stop me from getting out in the sun. Don’t care how black I get.
Chris, you’re hot.

22 04 2008
Laurel

I should add: the last time I got sunburned i couldn’t wear a shirt for two days straight — that’s how painful it was. But i’m going back to the tropics to do it all again soon. 🙂

22 04 2008
Lady

Aloe usually takes the sting out. Not lotion with Aloe in it, but it’s more of an Aloe Gel, as high a percent of Aloe as you can get. Or something that doesnt have many ingredients besides Aloe and water maybe.

@i would like to point out though, the white people that love to throw their arms up against you as a side by side comparison on how “dark” they are getting in the sun…they seem so proud they can get as brown as you…i guess that’s their idea or bonding or they think this makes them part of the blackhood…no….it doesn’t…

I didn’t see it as a bond. I took that ish as ‘Ha, i can be ‘blacker’ than you without actually being black’. They love to tan, they even admit that pale white skin is not wassup. If they can get darker than someone black they damn near cum on themselves.. they can look *good* without having to worry about the cops being called on them when they pass the gates around the community.

22 04 2008
benjie

because i had an aversion to shorts, my legs have been like 5 shades lighter than the rest of my body every since i can remember.

(once a random yt girl i worked with exclaimed as she pressed her recently tanned arm against my leg “LOOK MORGAN! I’M DARKER THAN YOU!!. i had to restrain myself from slapping the orange off her face)

i (finally!) wore some shorts last summer
and still didnt get tanned
boo

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

I gotta get my banana boat on when we go on vaction to the bahamas and hawaii this summer because I am def a beach bunny. I have been a beach bunny since i was walking. I think I’ll take up surfing when I go.

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

“I am gay”!!!!! ROFTLMAO! HELP ME!

I wear suncreen, but it’s just so tempting to let myself bake until I am niiiiice and toasty brown. Everybody loves the sunshine! Folks get brown in the sunshine! Also, I don’t actually wear sunscreen.

The summer is the best time of the year for me. Nobody Far fewer people ask me if I am a mullato, I get the best warm, carmelly glow ever, I look like a piece of….uh, carmel. I don’t feel that pale in the winter though, until I accidentally get a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Another benefit of light-skin privilige: being able to publically and verbally express one’s self hatred. Jealous much?

22 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

i’m actually embarrassed to admit that i’m one of the “darkers” who habitually, albeit secretly, wears sunscreen EVERY DAY as to not get darker. I’m a standard brown complexion, but i’m soOo paranoid about getting darker. it’s sickening =(

…then i get mad at “Mc’s” who put on sunscreen! hahahaha

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

My step-dad is a hood as white dude. And he gets so jealous sometimes of me and my mom and our tan. He would say all the time that he wish that he could tan and not just burn. It would crackme up when we would all go out to the beach or something and me and my mom would get these nice deep brown tans looking like a bunch of amazon bronze women, while on the other hand my dad only gets a tan on his fore arms and legs ahahha and the rest just burnt cherry. SMH

22 04 2008
brran1

We took a family trip to Va. Beach one year. Needless to say we spent so much time on the beach, when we got home, all of us were peeling. definitely not a good look.

22 04 2008
Lindsay

I’ve never sunburned. I’m a little darker than what I’d call brown-skinned, but not quite dark enough to be dark-skinned. (Next post? Skin color gradations?)

It doesn’t take much for me to get to a deeper brown, though. My face is already darker than my neck and upper chest because of company softball twice (yes, twice) this spring.

Maybe I’ll look into that sun screen, Hot, Cool & Vicious…

Not that I mind being darker, I just like to be all one color.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Brran1 from age 2-15 i basically lived at VA beach( the beach itself) every weekend me and my parents would go up there in the summer to visit my family.

22 04 2008
NotBlonde

I’m about medium-light caramel brown when I’m not tan (aka, all the time since I live in the bay right now). I never got a sunburn until this last spring break. I went to the Caribbean with my family on a cruise and omg. My face burned i think the first day. After that I itched like mad and started peeling. I didn’t understand it as I had been to Mexico in JUNE two years before and didn’t burn. We went to Mazatlan, quite possibly the hottest place on the planet and stood out in the sun watching this Mexican dude, whose skin was the color of a dingy copper tub, making mud bricks. In the sun. It was 110 degrees. I burned in 80 degree weather with cloud cover in Haiti, but didn’t burn in 110 degree desert weather with no clouds. What’s up with that?

PS I looooove when I turn actual brown. Most of the time I am totally yellowish-brown. When I tan I turn a lovely dark milk chocolately brown and it’s sexy as hell 🙂

22 04 2008
NotBlonde

@ Lindsay, I am at least 6 different colors. 😛

22 04 2008
brran1

You never sunburned?

We were on the beach for at least 6 hours a day for 4 days straight. I was startin to look like a damn snake the way my skin was peelin…

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Brran1-hell yea i burnned on that beach many a yrs..we would be at the beach alllllllll day too dude and LOL@ snake..me too..

You know whats good for sunburns with the sting of a sunburn.. put Noxema on it and it will cool your skin. It does wonders and then rub in Aloe for the healing.

22 04 2008
Sylph

Love the blog and the pic. *waves at Sista T.*

My dad is just what you described Chris. The man cannot go anywhere out in the sun without a hat or else he will burn. (Mind you, my entire family is from Jamaica and yes he was born there.) He can’t stay out too long in the sun or else his skin begins to strip. Not a good look at all.

I’m anticipating my tan. At least for the moment during the summer I’ll stop receiving the age old question,”What are you”?

Speaking of white people who like to compare themselves to you as they get “dark”, I cannot stand the self-tanners in a bottle. Irks the shit out of me. It wasn’t just an incident in junior high where one of my friends tried it but cam out looking orange either. It was last year, the night before my best friend’s wedding and we had to go out to Walmart to buy something in the beauty aisle. A guy was there to assist us since he claimed that was his territory. He picked up one of the tanners and told us he always wanted to try it out. We watched him rub it on and his eyes glowed over.

“It really works!”

*cue the bridesmaids giving each other side eye glances*

“No, the women come in all the time and buy this shit and it actually works.”

Then he says to one of his co-workers passing by while raising his arm,”Dude, I’m black!”

And Jesus wept.

22 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

Yes, Lindsay! Do it, girl! It will even that “tan” you got right out! I always used to turn shades unevenly… it was soooo frustrating! My left arm conveniently and consistently browns in the car and any type of outdoor activity browns my face and feet first, and neck and legs last. Daily use of sunscreen has eliminated all of that for me.

22 04 2008
Lindsay

@ NotBlonde…

Haha, who isn’t? I guess I just don’t like it when the parts you can see in a modestly-cut shirt are a different color from my face. Add to that, make up colors I could wear in the winter don’t cut it in summer. Argh.

22 04 2008
Cola

@And i cant stand when dark people say ‘I can’t tan, i’m already black’ YES you can, and YES you can get sunburned. Don’t let the smooth dark skin fool you.. you can get skin cancer

I was one of those people until I went to the dermatologist. She was telling me to wear sunblock and I was like “I’m black I don’t need sunblock”.. So of course she started telling me the reasons why I need it. I was actually stupified when she told me that. I have been running around 31 years with no sunblock and to think I have lived in places such as Arizona, Florida and now Georgia!

22 04 2008
Merri Lee

Figure 1 – oh, hell yes. *changes draws, goes back to read the rest of the blog*

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Slyph-Then he says to one of his co-workers passing by while raising his arm,”Dude, I’m black!”

And Jesus wept.

No HE DIDNT!! ahahahha oMG wow.SMH

22 04 2008
Lindsay

Hm, HC&V, I might have to try that. What SPF do you use? (I’m completely ignorant to those things because I am a brown-skinned person who thinks she’s invincible and doesn’t use sunblock.)

22 04 2008
Merri Lee


NotBlonde (17:08:03) :

@ Lindsay, I am at least 6 different colors. 😛

Hahaha, I am all the colors in a bronzer palette , and look a chocolate-caramel-dark-light-Jackson-Pollock-abstact mess in a bikini. My limbs, face and torso are all different shades. I’ve heard Mystic Tan can even it out but f@ck it, I’m black, I am not paying for color.

22 04 2008
Quirky Cutie

I’m in the same boat as Lindsay. I never burn. The first day of the year in NY where the sun really shines and I’m out, I get tan and stay that way for the rest of the season. Everyone asks if I’ve gone anywhere on vacation. I’m light, but my body seems to come in different shades, so I like how the sun gives me just a nice, bronze color all-around.

A few years ago, I remember going on a group trip to DC where there was this one dark-skinned black girl who complained about how she was getting sunburn. I was like “Oh, please.” Thanks for the edumacation.

22 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

ahahahahahaha @ Merri Lee– i also had to regroup so I could acutally read the post!

Chris, is definitely a dime… which why i’m really not buying his, “im super single and black girls dont digg me” steeze… seems a little suss to me =/

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

heres a “tanning” tip. If you have dark knees/elbows, or other areas, put extra lotion on, do not rub it in, stay in sun and get dark, then rub it in. You’ll end up more even toned.

22 04 2008
london

hold on….do people actually say ‘mulatto’ to your face sister T?
bloody hell…
we don’t use words like that over here! am stunned… i would cuss someone’s ancestors and their unborn…

i go out in the sun with olive oil on my limbs… i have this fascination about getting darker… it’s great.. get a book, a chair, a radio, a long cool drink and a footstool….
skin looks great..
i know so should really think about getting a bit more sensible but…
nah… next year…

22 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

Actually, i keep it pretty simple when it comes to the SPF (sun protection factor) i use on my skin because i’m brown, too. i normally use Aveeno “Positively Radiant” SPF15 for my face, neck, and chest, and then a Neutrogena SPF 30 sunscreen everywhere else (esp in the summer time!!)

22 04 2008
Lady

Yea, sunblock is not only for when you’re on vacay or goin to the beach. Depending on how much time you spend outside you could be someone who needs to wear it daily. Black folks get skin cancer too.

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Hi Sylph!

Sunblock stinks! Can someone reccomend one that doesn’t smell like wet dog and bologna? Everyone who I smell wearing sunscreen smells like that. Wait….

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ London- **Hangs head in shame**

No, they ask if I am biracial or, more specifically “Hey guh, whaa u mixeded with”.

I am the one who uses the “m” word, along with the “q” word and the “o” word. I hope all half-castes will accept my deepest apologies. If it helps, my father is mul…mixed. Thusly, I am half mu…biracial. So, as so many “part Native American” White folks have said, I can’t be biased!

22 04 2008
alltalk

Pet Peeve #147: When silly ass white people ask me if I can tan.

Of course I can! Just because my skin is already brown, doesn’t mean it can’t get more brown. I’m not even that dark to begin with (I’d describe myself like Lindsay—a little darker than brown-skinned, but not dark enough to be dark-skinned).

But I’ve never had a sunburn.

AND BTW mmmm…mmmmm.mmmm look at Chris getting his burn on. THATS HOT!

You took the words right out of my mouth…(look at them lips)!

22 04 2008
Lindsay

@ Sister Toldja

Don’t feel bad. I also enjoy bringing out old-timey words to describe colored (there it is again) folks. I have said “quadroon” to my 87-year-old grandmother, who looked at me first like I was too young to know that word (I’m 23), then like I was the best grandchild ever.

22 04 2008
Lady

Hi Sylph!

Sunblock stinks! Can someone reccomend one that doesn’t smell like wet dog and bologna? Everyone who I smell wearing sunscreen smells like that. Wait….

@ Toldja

Hawaiian Tropic (in the orange bottle) smells REALLY good IMO..

22 04 2008
Merri Lee

Sister Toldja (18:02:25) :

Hi Sylph!

Sunblock stinks! Can someone reccomend one that doesn’t smell like wet dog and bologna? Everyone who I smell wearing sunscreen smells like that. Wait….
************************

You are beyond wrong and you know it.

22 04 2008
Grimm

@Chris. You forgot to mention how miserable it can be going outside with certain “darkers”. Specifcally certain “chocolate” ones. My chocolate friends wont come outdoors until after 6 because they don’t want to “get blacker”. I know i will never understand what its like to be dark skinned, but why come to the beach with me if youre going to wear full clothing, a hat and sneakers and its 100 out? Better yet, why not move out of CALI??

Sunburn: A cautionary tale that leads to broke-ness: I grew up by the beach, I surf and everything, and LOVE to be outside. (Thats why I hate NYC in the 9 months of the year that it has gray skies and NO SUN) Once I feel asleep on my roof top deck last summer in CALI-two hours, and I will never recover from that sunburn. I still have freckles and a red tint from it too. Its bad for your skin. I looked like a lobster afterward. The next week I went to PR for a week. I couldn’t use any of the pix or work for a few weeks so i use spf 30 religiously now. Broke v Tan? Not worth it. Be careful next time you tan.

22 04 2008
Esquire

Chris, do you have someone elses swimming trunks on your head in that pic? Just wondering.

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Merri Lee: Whatever do you mean?

*points at halo*

22 04 2008
Miss Cocoa Luv

I love this post but I esecially love Knatural Beauty’s line: Nobody compliments a Black person for getting even darker :D. That is so true, but i think that the reason that don’t or won’t is because they don’t know how to say WOW YOU SURE DID GET BLACKER!! or I DIDN’T KNOW THAT YOUU CAN GET DARKER. lol I don’t know how that would sit with me as a chocolate sister who loves to lay in the sun and absorb the energy of the sun. Good one Chris. 🙂 Jamaica here I come.

22 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Chris you look like Digital Underground in that picture. A DO THE HUMPTY HUMP!

22 04 2008
Iloveblackpeople

@ Ms. Epps…

” Im going to Miami to get my blue black on” -Diddy

LMAO!! You have officially given me the reason I needed to give Diddy yet another foolywang award! His first was for his Proactiv quote “I use proactiv to moisturize my situation and preserve my sexy”.

Merri Lee and HCV, I completely agree…Chris is sexy!

22 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Chris you look like Digital Underground in that picture. A DO THE HUMPTY HUMP!”

I look FUNNY…

22 04 2008
Machete

Yeah, having more melanin does not protect against skin cancer … UVA and UVB rays can both cause damage. What most ppl do not know is that not all sunblock protects against UVB rays. Also I read in an article somewhere that Black ppl especially need to protect and monitor the lighter parts of their bodies that we take forgranted like the bottoms of your feet – do a spot check for sings of skin cancer.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

I wondered the same thing@ Esquire…
Mygrandmother uses the “m” to describe her childrena nd grandchildren..so dont feel bad saying it. Whne I go back to Ponce, PR they often use that word towards Black Puerto Ricans like my family. But its annoying when ppl ask me what I am mixed with they automaticlly think I am mixed with Dominican because I am darker than the normal PR which is kinda nuts considering it is hot there yr round. I hate how they only show light skinned white looking latinos on the “spanish” channels. Then ppl “white, black, even some america born latinos” think that all latinos are fuckin light skinned when we all shades of brown as blacks. But anwyho Im proud of my Brown Suga skin tone(well right now I’m more like caramel). 🙂

22 04 2008
tiffany

shoot. i just punk out and apply the sunblock. pain != fun and i learned the hard way that sunburns hurt.

22 04 2008
Machete

Ahh I also used to have a friend of Srilankan descent who was deathly afraid of getting darker. She would slather herself in SPF80, wear a hat and long sleeves, and re-apply every 10 mins, everytime we went to the rollercoaster parks in the summer.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAOOOO@ iloveblackpeople-“I use proactiv to moisturize my situation and preserve my sexy”.

ahhahaha I remem when my proactiv came in the mail and i was washing my face and my hubby came in and he was like so you got some huh i was like i gotta preserve my sexy bwhahahahhahahah he was dying. and then said that was some BITCHASSNESS ahhaha. Diddy SMH

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

ahahahahahaha@iloveblackpeople…Diddy
Miss Cocoa Luv, that job (an all White lobbying firm) was kinda fun because of the racial tension amplified by vacation tans. Once, the CEO commented on another coworker’s tan, within earshot of my desk, by saying, “oh, you sure are dark, you must be working to hard, that’s not good” HUH? Darkness always equates to badness, I guess. I used to remark, to my White friends (White friends? is that an oxymoron?), let’s see how threatening – meaning dark – I can get this summer.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

AF-“Chris you look like Digital Underground in that picture. A DO THE HUMPTY HUMP!”

thats fucked up and Chris isssss farrr from that bumby fake nose wearing clown! hahaha but now i want to hear that song ahha

22 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

why Chris why…no boo stop..SMH that..hahah http://img.coxnewsweb.com/C/02/13/59/image_5359132.jpg

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

You know what? What color IS carmel? I have heard it used to describe people from as light as Alicia Keys to as brown as Usher. Can we have some clarity? I’d like to nominate myself as the official face of the carmel complextion. All in favor say “I”!

“I”

And so it shall be.

I’m not trying to be a bandwagoneer, but Chris IS kinda looking right in this picture. I don’t see the Craig David* resemblance, but he has his own merits. Perhaps I am just in heat.

*I was watching Craig David on the youtube last night and that is one fine piece of London broil right there! Good Lord! Don’t judge me…

22 04 2008
Lindsay

Lloyd Banks = Craig David

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Yo, and Lloyd Banks could get it too. I’d just not tell anyone.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Eww@ Lloyd Banks being compared to Craig David ahaha Lloyd Banks face of frankenstein face hahahahah

22 04 2008
Lady

Chris you look like Digital Underground in that picture. A DO THE HUMPTY HUMP! – AF

GREASE.. lol

Chris, do you ask fat girls if they’re ticklish? Do you get busy in BK bathrooms?

Pleeeease say no lol.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahahah still laughin at what i said..

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

“high yaller, yaller, high brown, vaseline brown, seal brown, low brown, dark brown” – Zora Neale Hurston’s color scale for Blacks 😀

22 04 2008
Lindsay

Oh come on Mrs. Epps.

Lloyd Banks looks a little better than that. But to my credit, I never said Craig David was attractive either. As for Banks, I’d rather just talk to him on the phone. I don’t need to see him.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol @ Lindsay..I agree but i had to compare him to something and thats what I thought of hahah but uyea I would talk to him more on the phone than in person cuz he and craig david sure aint a Wil Smith or a Denzel

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol @ Lindsay..I agree but i had to compare him to something and thats what I thought of hahah but yea I would talk to him more on the phone than in person cuz he and craig david sure aint a Wil Smith or a Denzel

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

ummm opps?

22 04 2008
nyc

Chris looks like he almost passes the paper bag test in that picture

22 04 2008
nyc

*brown paper bag

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Out of curiosity, what doth one talk to Lloyd Banks about on the phone, or anywhere else for that matter? I think I’d put him in the category of “skip English/let’s talk body language”. If he spoke words to me, I’d probably put my bra back on. I’d accept his verse from that one song with the Marvin Gaye “Come Live With Me Angel” Sample.

Craig David, on the other hand, could talk to me allllll day and alll night, so long as I could look at him.

22 04 2008
Lindsay

Hmm… I don’t really care about what Banks has to say. I just like his voice, hence the phone convo…

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

ahahah@ Sister Toldja..

22 04 2008
Merri Lee

nyc (19:16:26) :

Chris looks like he almost passes the paper bag test in that picture

**********************

This is his Earth Day post (ok, I’ll stop)

22 04 2008
Tamara

I’m definitely guilty of being MC, but I try to fake sooo hard on the sunblock like I don’t need it. But my ass learned the hard way when the fam was vacationing in the islands a couple of years back and i was DETERMINED to get a nice mocha-brown tan (I hate being so pale during winter). I sat in that sun for like a good 2 hrs, and when I woke up, my shoulders felt like I received a thousand lashes.

I learned my lesson that day, but ask me if I still put on sunblock when I go out? I guess imma fake on the sunblock till I die :o/

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

of topic but Sister Toldja how u get that icon pic there..i always notcied that

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

*off

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Mrs Epps- It’s not a picture, I’m in your computer.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

LOL@ Sister Toldja get out get out i dont want you finding my porn collection of Bang Bus! NOoooooooooooooo

22 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Sister Toldja get out get out i dont want you finding my porn collection of Bang Bus!”

Wow.

22 04 2008
london

eeeew to craig david.. and lloyd banks…
gimme denzel and his fine self any day…
he has it going on…
are those teeth even or what!

sis T…. thanks for clearing that up.. i was worried for a mililsecond there… a hard days work and my prospective cleaner not showing does that to a woman.. – cleaner / maid as she wants to be called (okay!) was late due to a prison van running over and killing some poor woman down the way from me this evening – poor thing knew it was her interview and now has to work twice as hard tomorrow to get in my good books and keep her job…. am making the biggest mess in my kitchen tonight.. lol..
the other ‘acronyms’ mean what pray tell… is q = queer or queen.. o= orgasm?.. let me into your lexicon otherwise i will be lost…

22 04 2008
mrsepps

hahaha Chris dont act surprised, women collect porn too 🙂

22 04 2008
Lindsay

So…

What I’m about to say might upset every black woman on the planet.

But given all these Denzel references, I have to ask..

…Isn’t Denzel not aging all that gracefully? I mean, I’m not denying his attractiveness in his heyday, but um, I’m just not seeing it anymore. Or are all these references to young Denzel?

Maybe I’m missing something…

22 04 2008
Tiffany

First time I finally felt like i needed to comment on something. *first time commmenter, long time lurker, yadda yadda..*

I was just having this discussion with my husband last night about how nobody understands how horribly I burn in the sunlight.Everytime I start to say that I sun burn badly, someone always interjects “I bet you never burn! Lucky!” And then I have to try and explain that I ALWAYS burn, and then they’ll laugh “What kind of black person are you?” One that burns, dammit!

I always have to act like I’m just not interested in the outdoors so my skin doesn’t catch on fire. *sigh* and I’m so happy I’m not alone.

By the way, I love this blog. Love it, love it, love it.

22 04 2008
nyc

@ Lindsay

Did you not see American Gangster? Granted hes getting older but he still has it. Yum.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

the other ‘acronyms’ mean what pray tell… is q = queer or queen.. o= orgasm?.. let me into your lexicon otherwise i will be lost…

bwhahahah I wondered the same thing London…I am lost with you

Lindsay-Isn’t Denzel not aging all that gracefully? I mean, I’m not denying his attractiveness in his heyday, but um, I’m just not seeing it anymore. Or are all these references to young Denzel

hahah girl you know it…the young denzel was sexy but umm i woldnt say say as much as now. Let me use another reference like sexy chocolate ass Djimon Hounsou

CAN I GET AN AMEN!!!

*amen amen amen amen!!

22 04 2008
brran1

I just came across this pic on the web of some old white woman looking like a shrivled up hot dog…smh. Apparently she had been out in the sun baking for years….smh. Just say no 25-20’s, Just say no.

22 04 2008
brran1

I however would not mind seeing Lauren London tan. No siree bob, not one bit.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

The women who wish they were us

22 04 2008
Lindsay

@ nyc

Yes, I saw American Gangster.

His skin looked loose. Yeah, he still has ‘swagger’ (I hate that word), but other than that, what?

22 04 2008
nyc

wow..that a whole lot of fake…..everything

22 04 2008
Lady

Denzel is aight I never really found him that attractive..

Will Smith – Aging well.. I, Robot he was so, so sexy
Blair Underwood can get it… and keep it.
Djimon – *Homer drools*

22 04 2008
Lady

@ mrs epps

the picture next to your name is an avatar

go to dub dub dub . gravatar. com

22 04 2008
Yonnie3k

Hhhmmm….I’m not an MC nor would I be considered a darker. I am what a good friend of mine refers to as “regular colored” – and I wear sunscreen. Ain’t nothing sexy about skin cancer. And while it is mostly true that black don’t crack – the sun will eff you up!!!

Chris, wouldn’t it make more sense to put your sunblock in a regular lotion bottle as opposed to a bottle marked ‘sperm’? I’m just sayin’….

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

damn speaking of I,Robot mmmmmmmmm…mmmmmmm that shower scene in the beginning was HOTTTT i was like damn. My mom would piss my dad off and go back to that scene atleast 4 times before continuing to watch the movie hahah

22 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

pshhh… idris elba is clearly the finest dude in the game right now… him and Pooch Hall. pure hotness

Oh, and for the MCs, Chris Brown! hahahahaha

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

thanks for the tip Lady!

22 04 2008
kam

Personally I dont think Denzel is attractive at all.. Give me a Boris Kodjoe anyday…

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Faints when I see Boris Kodjoe picture that is a fine ass man right there along with Terrance Howard.

22 04 2008
benjie

“idris elba is clearly the finest dude in the game right now…”

damn straight!
that man, his accent, his smile…. sheesh. i’m at work can’t get too excited.

oh and co-sign on the porn collection thing
been watching/laughing @ that stuff since i was a wee lil thing.

22 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Ah the pros and cons of being light skinned. It really depends for me, there have been summers I’ve burned like a piece of paper on the stove and have just gotten as dark as wesley snipes. I don’t know what it is. I’m still shaking my head at the big, FAT, country white girls and their fascination with real dark, african looking black men. Slave master’s daughter/ wife complex for real.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

mmmm dammit!

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Sorry, London. I was making children press their noses to the wall and yelling a lot.

The o-word and q-word to which I refereed were octroon and quadroon. Again, I apologize to all cablanasians, mexifrans and blackerese people for my offensive language.

Back to boy worship: when Chris Brown first came out, I was a TA at a middle school. And I felt guilty having some of those lusty feelings about seeing his picture on my girl’s notebooks. Idris Elba is super sexy and kind in person. Denzel still got it. Boris Kodjoe is fine. Terrence Howard carries a purse.

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Mrs. Epps- You might want to find better porn I can make a few recommendations next time I hop in your PC. Try the “Sista” series or, well, anything but “Bang Bus”. I deleted them all, btw.

22 04 2008
Lady

Boris Kodjoe has a Tyra Banks fivehead.. they don’t have dreams, they have IMAX feature films.

He does have a cute face though..

I forgot about Idris.. he is cute.

(D) Mrs Epps. Terrance Howard was only cute in The Best Man (ohhh that reminds me about Morris Chestnut *drools*) but now he looks so damn sweet. He’s just mad extra… with this murses.. (man-purse)..

22 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

yes! everything about idris elba gets the panties wet

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

LMAOOOOO@ Terrence Howard carries a purse SMH well if that is true he can hold me anytime.

And damn you to hell Sister Toldja for deleting the funniest porn I ever seen in my life. Bang Bus is 5x more “funnier” than back room facials that dude is fuckin mean to the chicks! damn I so off the topic…dont mind me

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Lady-Boris Kodjoe has a Tyra Banks fivehead.. they don’t have dreams, they have IMAX feature films.

Oh Damn! hahahaha
LMAOOOO@ man-purse my ex had one of those fucking things…prob why we broke up on top of the fact that he was a “pretty” boy and was in the mirror more than me sometimes-cut him off!! Now i have my scruffy 2 inches shorter than me curly head hubby. 🙂

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

Idris Elba – YES to that accent
Pooch Hall – he’s ok, I hate his hairline though.
Denzel – still sexy
Will Smith – who saw the pull-up scene in “I Am Legend” *catches drool*
Am I the only one who digs The Rock (Dwayne Johnson)? Don’t judge me :/

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

The Rock is fucking sexy that is one of my man CRUSHES!

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

oh, and Jason Momoa (half-Hawaiian with locs) if you guys know who that is. Good Lord!

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Pooch Hall- he is cute as hell but what the fuck is up with his name…so sad.. the word Pooch reminds me of that hump over old ladies vajayjay’s eww..but he is still cute.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Jason Momoa =sexy as caveman looking dude hahaha

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

So, I googled this Pooch Hall person. He IS cute, but I refuse to acknowlegde ANY PERSON name Pooch Hall. What in the motherfuck is a Pooch Hall?

22 04 2008
Iloveblackpeople

OMG Knatural! I always wanted to know that dudes name. He was on Andromeda or some Sci Fi channel show (yes, I’m a Sci Fi addict). That is one FINE man!

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@ Sister Toldja.. I refuse to acknowlegde ANY PERSON name Pooch Hall. What in the motherfuck is a Pooch Hall?

EXACTLY…like he is cute and all but if he came up to me and was like Hi my name is Pooch..I would laugh my ass off and then give him the nickname Pookie.

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

The Momoa guy just had a baby by Lisa Bonet. Non-Blacks with dreads creep me out.

Mrs. Epps: Naw. I can’t go for that, no I can’t go for that, no. No can do. I don’t like porn where men are mean to women. That is never cool. Why can’t he just tell her she’s pretty and how lucky he is to be there with her. Just like in real-life, or at least for me. I prefer porn without men anyway.

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

I love SciFi (the genre, not the channel), i.e. Star Trek, Dune, go ahead, laugh, judge, whatever. Anyway, Jason Momoa *giggles like an Asian school-girl* is super-sexy. I LOVE long or no hair, loose, locs, or bald – LOVE it! And accents!
But, wait, the girls have really taken over this freaking blog, WTH!

22 04 2008
maya

Omg I missed all the boy talk because I actually had to work at work today. Go figure.

Umm…Lloyd Banks is a no, as is Craig David. I wouldn’t want Banks to even talk body language to me, because I’m sure that negro has had a couple run-ins with the clinic.

However, among the light skins (who still leave me convinced about all having small peens)…Chris Brown (I wouldn’t catch a case, but if the boy can keep a secret, let’s get it in), Common and Sen. Obama could all get the business. However, because I love my life, I wouldn’t even try for Barack because Michelle doesn’t look like she plays games. I still want him to make me say “Yes We Can,” though. As for the rest of them, I think it’s clear light skinned brothas are NOT making a comeback anytime soon, save for Chris, who gets pussy thrown at him on the regular on this blog. Humor us, Chris, are you a slow and gentle or hard or fast?

Umm, other men of choice include – Jackie Long, Idris Elba, Jay-Z (but only for swag, not for looks!) and the guy that played Maya’s husband Darnell on Girlfriends.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

hahhahahahha @Sister Toldja girl your confused I was saying that Bang Bus is way better than Back Room facials where the guy is kinda mean to the chick. There is no such thing as a real-life romantic “porn” unless your in to a amature porn like a couple porn when you know the love and sweat and moaning is real lol but yea you said you like pron with out men? like girl on girl or like masturbation?

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Bang Bus is mean too though! I don’t mind it being kinda rough, just not mean. Like, a dude can pull your hair and bruise your arms a little and knock you down….he jusy doesn’t need to call you a “fuck slut” or be rude about it. Service with a smile, you know?

Girl on girl > all other porn.

22 04 2008
Merri Lee

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I wonder if Mrs. Epps has scared or intrigued the male posters.

22 04 2008
maya

re: Terrence Howard

Yes, he is fine, but once I heard him go on and on about women being “clean” and using wipes in the restroom, I’ve kinda thought he’s a wack job. Granted, I keep the wipes stocked in my bathroom, but like…you just have to read how he started talking about that shit. Space cadet.

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

wow @ “the light skins” and Sister Toldja, why do non-blacks with locs creep you out, just curious. Does it only apply to Whites?

22 04 2008
22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

And where are all the guys, come back, come back! Tell us your tanning issues!

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

right right@ Sister Toldja..but Bang Bus is hilarious!!! especially at the end when they ditch the girl on the side of the road! But I get you.

Merri-I wonder if Mrs. Epps has scared or intrigued the male posters.

bwhahahahha nOOOooo I havent 😀

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Knat- It just don’ t seem right. Cant we coloreds have SOMETHING to ourselves? Plus most of em look they got like matted cat hair (non-Blacks with dreads). I suppose if they had some curl to their hair, they don’t look as bad. It’s just gross and weird.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Sister Toldja-Plus most of em look they got like matted cat hair (non-Blacks with dreads)

DEAD!!! hahaha

i was reading the article that NYC linked for Terrence Howard OH HELL NAWWW

ELLE: What does your ideal woman look like?
TH: I like women who look like me. Generally, you’re ­attracted to women who look like you, because the most beautiful thing in nature is your own reflection

THATS SOME VAIN SHIT! like honestly why would you want someone who looks like you? Then it would be like dating youself..Pass

22 04 2008
shabooty

is this stuff black people hate or does SBPH stand for: SUN BURNT PEOPLE HATE. . .

🙂

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

thanks. I’m about to channel Admiral’s know-it-all-ness, but I know some Maori, East Indians, and even Whites wear them based on religious/political convictions, whereas a lot of Blacks (Americans) wear them purely for fashion – not that there’s anything wrong with that, because there isn’t. Yeah, Our hair texture ironically makes locs more aesthetically acceptable, but the reasons Others may adopt that style should be examined and appreciated. 😀

22 04 2008
Merri Lee

Shabooty – I think it now means Sexy Broads/Porn Nuts

22 04 2008
Cola

Yeah, I heard that about Terrance!! Issues!

22 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

OoOoOo Maya, i forgot all about Common Sense… he’s def a ten. “i used to love h.e.r.” and “come close” still get heavy play on my ipod. buuuuuut…

as far as swag is concernced, weezy is the only dude keeping swagger alive. call him what you want, but his swagger is in check at all times. I get it; he is def the King of nonsensical lyrical concepts, but he owns any and everything he does WITh an air of arrogance and insurmountable confidence u can only envy…

22 04 2008
Hot,Cool&Vicious

“Shabooty – I think it now means Sexy Broads/Porn Nuts”

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha

22 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Since we’re back on the subject of pornos, I’m surprised Mrs. Epps isn’t more into Lexington Steele or Mandingo

22 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

porn is the subject?

22 04 2008
shabooty

or sticking mangos in her twat
OHHHH
(sorry it just sounded like mandingo)

22 04 2008
Lone Dreamer

Maybe you two girls wanna exchange emails so that you can share your porn sites to your heart’s content.

Everyone else — back to the topic.

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Mr Smith- Mandingo and lexington steel is good too 🙂 But they are always fucking those OH So LOud for no reason fake bitches…And this may sound horrible but I like watching Latina on Black rather than black on black porn. Probably because I am part Latina I dunno hahah.. But I like funny porn like the Bang Bus and stuff like that. I am so picky when it comes to me looking at naked girls like they have to atleast be natrual and shaved and not so much make up(like myself) and they MUST atleast look like their enjoying it because i have seen many a porn that the chick just looked bored as fuck.. But I watch about anything but Cum swapping and swallowing(like the kind that the girls drink the shit out a cup) GAG ok im done.. ahahah

22 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

shabooty-or sticking mangos in her twat
OHHHH
(sorry it just sounded like mandingo)

bwhahahahhahahahah OMGGGGGGGGG

22 04 2008
Merri Lee


Lone Dreamer (22:42:25) :

Maybe you two girls wanna exchange emails so that you can share your porn sites to your heart’s content.

Everyone else — back to the topic.

I suppose Chris will have to feature a porn-related topic.

22 04 2008
Birah

Black people need to stop pretending that only white people get skin cancer. Fuck that noise. I am pretty light, and i use an SPF15 on my face all year round and SPF45 in the summer.

22 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Sorry Lone Dreamer. I blame Mrs. Epps for mentioning Bang Bus and the author for posting a half naked picture.

Now I gotta go to the gym, where I will encounter a bunch of women-hating women who will ice grill me for no reason, a bunch of bad ‘sweet potato pie’ kids with stupid names and where, without fail, they will play some Beyonce. AND I will have to stop at the grocery store on the way home. I needed a break to discuss porn. Thank you for your patience.

22 04 2008
laniro79

This has got to be the craziest comment section I have ever bothered to read. Sunburns on black folks have been completely forgotten. It’s about porn and fine men.

On that, the Rock is probably one of the few men I’d get up and leave my husband over. He’s pretty, has nice teeth, tall, strong, and has a wad of cash I will never see on my own in my lifetime (not a gold-digger, but I am a realist…a sista is broke!!). Will Smith is fab, but I think he’s going gray and gray hair literally scares the crap out of me…it reminds me of old nasty men. Pooch Hall is a hotty, but we’d have to do something about that name because I just can’t see myself screaming out “Pooch” in the heat of the moment…I’d probably bust out laughing which would effectively kill the moment. Weezy looks like a burnt up cricket. I hate that negro. He’s short and ugly. I’d cry if I were forced to kiss him because he looks like his breath stinks, plus he kisses Baby, a full grown man (by the way, what grown man goes around having other grown men call him Baby? Suspect if I do say so myself). My brothers don’t even kiss my Dad on the mouth…EWWW. Weezy looks like he suffers from gingivitis or some other mouth issue (Listerine, stat!!). I don’t care how much swagger you have, if I can’t look at you without throwing up in my mouth a little bit every time I see you, it’s a no-go. Or, if I have the sudden urge to run and get a can of RAID or I suddenly feel the need to see a dental hygienist, there’s a problem and I know it’s not me. Weezy is FUGLY and swagger doesn’t compensate nor overshadow FUGLY.

23 04 2008
NotBlonde

@laniro79, I know what you mean. If a guy came up to me, and he’s not bad looking and says hey, I’d talk to him. the very moment after he said, “My name is Pooch-” I’d cut him off right there and walk away. I don’t know if that is some kind of stage name or what, but he sounds like a pimp.

Chris, you should do a topic about dark skinned or light skinned guys being “in”. I personally hate that and I am a black person. I don’t think any particular skin color is more attractive than another and I really do not understand why it is “trendy” to date a black guy who is either or. That is bizarre to me.

Anyway, Denzel still looks fine, Will Smith is sexy (I love that he’s slightly gray up top) and I would jump on the Rock the moment I saw him. He has a great smile, a great personality and just seems plain nice. But he also looks like he could um…take care of business. 🙂

And Terrance Howard is GAY. Like Jamie Foxx.

23 04 2008
dynamicdiva8

The Rock is too fine! He could get it. I did love Reggie Bush until he got with ole girl. And to think I was going to break my younger guy rule for him! But he is soo good looking!

23 04 2008
dynamicdiva8

Oh by the way this is Cola and thanks to Lady for telling how to add the pic!

23 04 2008
brran1

AF, Chris, Mr. Smith: Where yall at fellas?

I leave to go hit up a buffet, almost getting sunburn in the process, I come back and see all the women chattin it up about what dude looks better & what not?

23 04 2008
Sylph

Back…

I’m missed all the ruckus and now I’ve caught up. You guys are prolific. Can’t turn your head without 50+ more postings to read. As I told Sister T., you guys got me through a rough three days over a week ago and you’ve helped along this week.

stuffblackpeoplehate = laugh therapy in motion

As for Terrance, I don’t think he’s gay. Jamie Foxx and Shemar Moore, yep. Terrence? Nah. I like looking at him but he seems to carry the crazy. He has that eternal look in his eye like,”Bitch, I will light yo ass up.”

Topic? Wear sunscreen. The ozone layer doesn’t care what color you are when everyone gets skin cancer from nasty sun rays. The end.

23 04 2008
dynamicdiva8

I agree that Terrance is good looking but after he made all those crazy comments I was no longer interested!

23 04 2008
Nice

You need to do a blog about Black people who won’t go out in the sun because theyre afraid of getting darker. I absolutely cannot stand this. My girlfriends wont go to the fair or park with me during the day because they dont wanna get “black”. I’m like ” fool you already black”. This is just about as bad as the sistas you were speakin of that don’t like to get their hair wet. This has gotta stop.

23 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

ahahahahaha, nothing worse than a chick with a fresh perm/touch-up, fresh manicure, who’s scared to eat ‘new food’, or get her hair wet, or the sun for fear of further darkening. ohhh, Black people. Or is it just prisses. Either way – annoying.

23 04 2008
NotBlonde

@ Sylph, I noticed that look after the Best Man. I could never look him in the eye, I’d be terrified he’d think I looked at him funny or something and beat me down.

On Topic: I have never heard a person say they didn’t want to go out because they didn’t want to get blacker. All my friends like getting darker/browner, they think it’s more beautiful…

23 04 2008
Angry v3.2b

I actually burned once in my life, in Cancun, and I was lucky enough to realize what was going on and apply the proper protection to ward off further burnage.

I’ve been one of those fortunate light-skinned brothers to have internal burn defense…my younger brother was never so lucky – he used to get burnt up bad when we spent time living in Hawaii for a few years.

23 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Wow, so we went from sunburns to what dude looks better. Well lemme end it right now, in person, no make up or television enhancements, I look better than any of them better mother mothers. Yes I said mother mothers, no typo. Any of you ladies can hate, judge, stand up for your pretend husbands or mans or whoever, I look better than all of em. Ta-dow.

23 04 2008
Tashina

I’m a little bit lighter than Bernie Mac and I wear religiously apply sunscreen with uva/uvb protection and an spf of 45 all over my body. I’m the darkest person in my family and they laugh, but I believe in protecting myself, especially because of this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/5219752.stm

23 04 2008
NotBlonde

And girls need to stop going to the beach with a fresh perm/weave/press, whatever. Don’t get your hair done right before you go to the beach and whine about how you can’t go in the water. That shit is sooo annoying.

23 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Aaaaaand ever since Hawaii, when I was 5, I haven’t burned since angry. I’m darker than you year round

23 04 2008
Tashina

Oops

Just knock out “wear”

23 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Aside from the comment above, I had never heard about anyone running from the sun to avoid getting darker, outside from Black novels that take place in the South in the 50s and “Our Kind Of People”. My yaller sisters, dad and I, we live to get browner and my mom (a “darker”) enjoys turning chocolate as well. I’ve never experienced being told I was too dark or any of the nasty things our people say about our darker bredren, so I won’t judge. I’ll just say again, sad, sad and sad.

Sorry to all the dudes on here for making y’all listen to us gush about mens. Thank you for not bashing our choices as well. LOL @ Mr Smith (I responded to your query on “Author”, btw. Friend me!).

This is gonna be my first sunscreened summer since I was a kid (even though I do think the bug spray I use has some SPF up in it). The skin cancer thing is no joke and it’s good that Black folks are starting to see that we are not immune. Plus, I plan out living out a chickenhead fantasy of mine this year and going to watch the honeys on the basketball court. I can’t be dying out there.

What SPF is good enough to enhance my carmel and maintain my honey, all the whilst keeping me alive?

23 04 2008
Sister Toldja

I most certainly did not put that smiley there.

23 04 2008
Nice

NotBlonde, I am surprised you have never heard of blacks who wont go out in the sun in fear of getting darker- this is a sad phenomenon within the Black community- racism within the race (check brown paper bag syndrome). This is not the sad state of all Blacks, but many I must say. I absolutey LOVE the sun.

23 04 2008
23 04 2008
NotBlonde

Perhaps I just hang around black people who have some sense. I have black friends who range from blue black to I’ve-mistaken-her-for-white, and none of them have ever talked about how they hate their skin color, other than the lighter girls getting teased about being high yella and encouraged to get a little bit browner. My friend AJ is super super dark and he has gorgeous skin that we’re all jealous of and my mom is praying that I marry a black guy (my two siblings are into white guys) so that she’ll have some little brown grandchildren.

What part of the black universe do I live in that you don’t?

23 04 2008
NotBlonde

Sista Toldja: From what I can tell from reading and such, you always want to use a broad spectrum sunscreen (one that protects from both UVB and UVA rays) and has an spf of 15 or higher day to day. You don’t need SPF 80 sunscreen if you are walking from your car to the office but you do need higher stuff if you are outdoors for longer periods of time.

23 04 2008
maya

Are you guys on Facebook (sorry to sound like a nerd)? I want to friend you (nerdiness continues) LOL. Then maybe if we all meet up in DC it’ll be a little less random.

23 04 2008
Nice

Im just speaking on a certain issue I see. like I said, this is not all Blacks, just some. Most of us do seem to have some sense and pride in ourselves. But on the real tip, many black folks are ashamed of their dark skin and their kinky hair. Its not about who you know personally, but I personally happen to know people who wont go out in the sun in fear of getting darker. And by the way, I happen to live in non black universe like Wisconsin.

23 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Sister Toldja-I blame Mrs. Epps for mentioning Bang Bus and the author for posting a half naked picture.

hahahahahah ummm soory? I think..

and Mr Smith-Wow, so we went from sunburns to what dude looks better. Well lemme end it right now, in person, no make up or television enhancements, I look better than any of them better mother mothers. Yes I said mother mothers, no typo. Any of you ladies can hate, judge, stand up for your pretend husbands or mans or whoever, I look better than all of em. Ta-dow.

Soo umm yea hit my myspace and let me find out for myself
http://www.myspace.com/lindagownnsexy

And you add me 🙂

23 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

oppps http://www.myspace.com/lindagrownnsexy..i need to lay off the 40 oz for tonite…

23 04 2008
NotBlonde

That’s really sad actually. I don’t personally know any self-hating black people and couldn’t really fathom it. I’d certainly heard of it but since I didn’t personally know any, I didn’t really think about it. but I saw this youtube video recently that made my chest tight and made me misty.

This girl did a documentary as her school project and asked a bunch of girls from her school about skin color and such. Every girl said that she had some issue with her skin or hair. She repeated an experiment done in the 1960s (I think, it might have been the 50s) where this guy asked small children which doll they would more like to play with and nearly every child chose the white doll back then.

They did the same thing today, as in 2008. When asked which doll was the good doll, the kids said the white one. When asked which was the bad doll, they said the black doll. One little girl, after asked which one she looked like, said the black doll RIGHT AFTER she said it was the bad one.

So the child basically just said that she’s a bad person just because she’s black. Who is teaching her that nonsense?

23 04 2008
maya

NotBlonde:

The documentary was a redoing an informal experience done in 1954 (I believe that’s the year) that helped decide Brown V. Board of Education. My dad showed me a video of the original tape as a child. It’s not a matter of “teaching” your child “you are evil,” or “black is bad,” but it’s more to show the messages that society teaches black people, children more specifically, about themselves. For black men, I contend that they are not viewed as intellectual bodies. They are bodies of consumption, just as black women are bodies to be consumed.Often, these messages are consumed unconsciously – that’s how pervasive they are. It’s the responsibility of black parents to circumvent these messages. I know as I child, for reasons beyond my comprehension, I had a quasi-obsession with having a white barbie doll. Mom wasn’t having it. I read somewhere that many black girls go through this phase. Moreover, I was the only “pepper in the salt, “cookie in the milk” (however you want to phrase it) in my montessori class, so I really did encounter “race” and racial difference at a very early age. St. Patrick’s Day was confusion as all hell!!! But if you don’t have parents at home that teach you what being black is, the beauty of our people or our struggle, then it’s really easy to absorb those messages. To me, that’s part of the reason these kids are all fucked up now…

23 04 2008
Nice

Seriously, I saw that on Dateline. Its real. I was always taught to be proud- everyone should be proud of who they are- not in a racist way tho. I’m not sure how other cultures are when it comes to self pride, but I know within our community its bad. So with that said, lets all go out in the sun and get toasty brown.

23 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Ok SBPH faithfuls, I’m going to step up and make this easy for everybody

http://www.myspace.com/brs2007

&

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=500325787

Now it’s everyone else’s turn

23 04 2008
NotBlonde

That is so weird to me because my elementary school was all white and there were craploads of racist parents. I never wanted a white barbie; I wanted the one who looked like me.

It makes me want to be a teacher even more because i want to be able to get black kids to understand that whatever their parents say or the “media” (BET, MTV, or whatever stupid shit the kids are watching) says, that they can get somewhere in life. And they don’t have to be rappers or sports stars.

By the way, I made my first friend and my best friend for about 10 years (she moved to a different school) in kindergarten when she came up to me and said she wanted to be my friend. (I’m going to attempt to recreate this convo, it went something like this:)

I said ok. She said, “Your skin is a different color than mine.” I said yep. She said, “Do you know why?” I said “yea, it’s because I’m black and you’re white.” She looked at me like I was insane and, I shit you not, got up and got a box of crayons. She picked out four: a black one, a white one, the beige one and the light brown. She says, “You aren’t black, that’s black. You’re light brown. I’m not white, this is white. I’m this color (we didn’t know how to pronounce beige)”. My teacher saw us chatting and asked us what we were talking about, which sparked an entire “workshop” after recess about race and color. In kindergarten.

Anywho, that same friend burned like mad on a field trip when it was overcast. Keep up with the sunblock kids, it’s not only the white folks who get burned.

23 04 2008
shabooty

is it just me or did like 5 broads i know all have their period start today?

can we get an insta-poll here on which of you broads’ axe-wound has leakage?
(:

23 04 2008
shabooty

also, Pennsylvania sucks my dick
aka a fat one.

23 04 2008
maya

LOL. That’s a cute story. And yeah, I’m not sure why I wanted that damn Barbie. But I do remember eventually getting one (from someone) and I was quickly rendered unimpressed. Further, I remember throwing that shit around a lot more, and was a little meaner to that one…LOL.

My great-granmom was from the old school, so she never understood our title as “Black” people either. She always wrote on a piece of paper with an ink pen and said “this is black, you’re brown.” Ah, generation gaps.

Race has always been interesting to me…it’s everywhere, even when you think it’s not. I remember a girl with palsy telling me in 3rd grade she didn’t want to be my friend because I was black. WTF type of shit is that???

I could go on with other instances, but I mean, the point stands.

23 04 2008
Nice

Yes, my son is very light skinned and he burns on the back of his neck terribly. I’m more brown skinned but I burn very bad too. I always throw sunscreen on when we go out. Again, alot of black folks think this is taboo and we don’t need it. YES WE DO! We all do.

23 04 2008
maya

Wow. “Axe wound?” That’s a new one.

And yes, Shabooty, I’m highly disappointed in my state. Fucking asshole. PA is really only “northern” in two cities – Pittsburgh and Philly. Maybe Harrisburgh on a good day. The rest of it is a bunch of blue-tinted inbreeders.

23 04 2008
nyc

@ shabooty

Thank you for sharing with us the girth of your appendage. My life is much more enriched. But otherwise I concur about the suckiness of Pennsylvania.

23 04 2008
maya

Shabooty – please tells us about yourself. Admittedly, I’m intrigued…you’re such an enigma.

23 04 2008
Mr. Smith

P.S Mrs Epps,

Go up to my links. Yours didn’t work

23 04 2008
shabooty

i am chris’ “asshole” friend which narrows me down by zero.

lol…

23 04 2008
NotBlonde

omg maya, you should have told that bitch, “well i don’t want to be friends with you because you’ve got palsy.”

23 04 2008
maya

LOL Shabooty – That much I deduced on my own. But like, what’s your background. Are you a fellow UMD alum, too? Where are you from? Lol…you’re just so off the wall that I wanna pick your brain.

@ NotBlonde – yeah, man. That shit was wild. She didn’t even tell me to my face – some other little white girl told me: “Ummm, Maya…don’t be mad, but like, Gabby said she doesn’t wanna be friends with you.” To which, I of course, replied, “Why not?” “Well um…she said because you’re black. And she doesn’t want to be friends with you because of it. ” I know it’s wrong to say, but I was almost offended by that shit. Especially since you know a lot of kids are cruel to other kids with disabilities, and that little bitch had the nerve to try and be particular?!?!?! Needless to say, I told my teacher on her and my teacher made her roll her ass over to me an apologize. Stupid bitch.

23 04 2008
maya

Sidebar:

I’m not Latina, but I’m super offended by this fucking show on VH1 called “Viva Hollywood” where these people are allegedly competing to become the newest start of a Telenovela. So…The cast is collectively referenced as called “los chicos,” and the narrator for the show has Latino accent. Necessary??? Clearly, no ethnicity is safe from the sambo act. DANCE NIGGER DANCE.

UGHHH. Fuckin Viacom

23 04 2008
shabooty

yes indeed, my terpy styles will leave you shell-shocked.
$

23 04 2008
maya

LOL Shabooty, I want you to be my friend. You would be great to have around, if for no other reason than your colorful one-liners.

23 04 2008
imaG

Im a black ass motherfucker. I never burn, I burn the sun if anything.

http://www.anythingblack.net

23 04 2008
Nice

Mr. Smith, why do you want to see everybodys pictures? You look ok, but your head is kinda big.

23 04 2008
Sübec

Chris, you’re SO SEXY!

23 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Thanks nice, that wasn’t very nice actually and earlier a lot of people were here talking about exchanging myspaces and facebooks if you were here. It wasn’t just me.

23 04 2008
Sister Toldja

myspace.com/ohsojamilah

I am on Facebook, but it would be hard to find me because I have the extra private profile setup, so that potential employers don’t know about my excessive college drinking and the excessive cleavage showings of 2004-2006.

23 04 2008
Sister Toldja

and I can AlWAYS be found at thebeautifulstruggler.blogspot.com! Podcasts coming this summer….

23 04 2008
Admiral Furious

The tangents continue. How lovely. However I am interested to see what all of the ladies in this place look like… as Mrs Epps has so eloquently stated her challenge.

23 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Maya- Dance, Nigger, Dance! BWAHAHAHAHA.

*Serious face*

Word. Turn off Chanel Zero with that bitch Flavor Flav. He’ll have you think Blacks invented cooning, when we all know Al Jolston had the formula in ’27 with “The Jazz Singer”…..

The last paragraph will mean nothing to you if you have never heard “Return Of The Crooklyn Dodger”.

23 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

So like you guys I woke up this morning and checked all my accounts and i check my myspace and i got me 2 new friends and umm like Mr. Smith is Fucking with a capital F hoTTTTTTTTTtttt damn…smh if i was single he could get it hahaha and Sisiter Toldja is a cutie too 😉 gracias new amigos!

23 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Nice-Mr. Smith, why do you want to see everybodys pictures? You look ok, but your head is kinda big.

Mr. Smith shake those haterz off

23 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

“Mr. Smith, why do you want to see everybodys pictures? You look ok, but your head is kinda big.” – Nice
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…that’s messed up! He’s still young, he’ll grow into it.

23 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

knatrualbeauty-He’s still young, he’ll grow into it.

bwhahahah

23 04 2008
Lindsay

Sooo late (Wireless is acting up at home..) myspace.com/lind5ay5

23 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Thank you Mrs Epps! You are a cutie too!

23 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

maya-Sidebar:

I’m not Latina, but I’m super offended by this fucking show on VH1 called “Viva Hollywood” where these people are allegedly competing to become the newest start of a Telenovela. So…The cast is collectively referenced as called “los chicos,” and the narrator for the show has Latino accent. Necessary??? Clearly, no ethnicity is safe from the sambo act. DANCE NIGGER DANCE.

Im part Latina and im offended by the show not only because of what you stated but I am sick and tired of seeing light skinned motha fuckin latinos on Latino shows. Most of them look fuckin white with now character. Then everyone else in the world thinks that Latino ppl come in one shade “peach” Ppl never believe me when I say my mom is Puerto Rican.. I am almost alway Dominican because Im not pastey white liek all the others which i never got how 1/2 those fucktards are from there with no damn tan!! blahh

AF-The tangents continue. How lovely. However I am interested to see what all of the ladies in this place look like… as Mrs Epps has so eloquently stated her challenge.

🙂

23 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

awww, you guys are so open to strangers 😮
here’s my facebook http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=527911094, I don’t really have pictures of myself on my website(s), since I try to keep those more professional. Facebook, or should I say “tagging photos”, can ruin your life. I am quick to un-tag, ok. But hey, networking is networking, I guess.

23 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Might I add… has anyone noticed the primary demographic that appears on all of the “Spanish” channels that we pay for on these cable networks? I’ve noticed that almost ALL of them just look like a bunch of white people speaking very quickly in Spanish (jibberish) that I cannot understand. Now no offense to anyone who enjoys watching these channels… but don’t charge me for sh*t I can never use.

I’ve noticed that Mexicans hate dark people in general. I worked with a women who was of Wealthy Mexican Descent, and she told me that most of the rich people in Mexico appear white, while the poorer people look more Native/closer to black than anything. BTW… she had skin as white as snow, eyes the color of the Pacific, and was married to a black dude.

23 04 2008
Ms. Kristine

I couldn’t even read all the above! Too much! I mean damn near 227 comments on something you posted not even 24 hours ago! WOW! You have them waiting on pins an needles! You should have been invited to the ROFLcon here in Boston this weekend!! The meme powerplayers are arriving as we speak!

AS far as the original topic—the sun is shining out today, so during lunch I am heading to the deck to get some serious darkening!!

The brown-paper bag can go screw!!!!

23 04 2008
Mr. Marquis

LOL!!! This is funny because I just had a conversation about this same topic when I was down in OC this past weekend.

As for me, I’m light, yellow, red…whatever you want to call me, but F*c* It!!! I use
sunblock and I don’t care who is around me to watch me put it on…The way I see
it, I’m trying to find out when Sun Cancer became in style.

on that note…. Say it loud… I’m light and I’m proud!

23 04 2008
zoso

Okay, this is gonna be a recap of the earlier convo since my live bookmark didn’t refresh and I wasn’t even aware of this topic! (I was curious why new topics weren’t up… dork)

@laniro79
“Weezy looks like a burnt up cricket.”

Oh man, I literaly fell off the bed laughing on that one!

@ Maya
“I wouldn’t even try for Barack because Michelle doesn’t look like she plays games. I still want him to make me say “Yes We Can,” though.”

That quote right there made my day buddy. haha.
Yeah and seriously, who’s on facebook?

“Will Smith – who saw the pull-up scene in “I Am Legend” *catches drool*”

“I,Robot mmmmmmmmm…mmmmmmm that shower scene in the beginning was HOTTTT i was like dam”

Leave it to Will to always have a special scene for the ladies!

@Lady

“Will Smith – Aging well.. I, Robot he was so, so sexy
Blair Underwood can get it… and keep it.
Djimon – *Homer drools*”

See, I’d never really found myself all that attracted to darker skin dudes until I saw Djimon and was like dayuum! Tipped the scale.

@ iloveblackpeople

Jason Momoa’s alright. He’s the only reason I watch SG Atlantis. It sucks compared to SG.

I’m lighter skinned but don’t really sunburn. Once, like 6 years ago while working at a theme park one summer, I got red – to where touching the skin hurt, but no weird peeling or skin textures came about. That’s it for sun stories me. Now a’days I use that aveeno daily moisturizer/sunblock on my face but that’s as far as I use sunblock.

23 04 2008
The Cruel Secretary

See, I’m chocolate-colored, and some tanning white folks loooove to come up to me with a big ol’ grin and say, “I’m getting as dark as you.” I give them The Look and say, “You’d be dead before you get as dark as me,” and walk away. That shuts their ish down quick, and they never bring it up again. Fools…

23 04 2008
Ethel

“If you can peel your eyes away from the trainwreck of gross that is my upper body …”

I would gently suggest to the author that he’s being too hard on himself and any pictures he cares to post of himself enjoyable to at least 88% of his audience, if not more.

23 04 2008
Machete

Wooohooo @ Jason Momoa and Stargate Atlantis! I love Scifi.

23 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

yeah, he tans nicely, too

23 04 2008
Ms. Kristine

Knaturalbeauty!!! CLAUD ‘AVE MERCY!!! Mr. Momoa has be able to get it from the moment he step on the scene in on North Shore! YUMMZ!!!!

23 04 2008
dteezy

Make sure that you have the sunblock in a clear jar or cup labeled ‘Sperm’.

LMFAO that’s a good one….

23 04 2008
Funkyblackchick

I was in Puerto Rico for about 2 weeks back in February. When I came back to work, a coworker walks up to me and says, “Wow, I didn’t know you could tan!”. I looked at her and said, “Sure I can, the only difference is, is that it actually looks good on me!”.

Needless to say, she hasn’t spoken to me since, thank god.

24 04 2008
zoso

Yeah, some folks, particularly caucasian, practically bust a nut when they learn we tan. I got a pretty deep tan in grade school once and some idiot asked me if I was my own cousin. Duncemonkey.

24 04 2008
Uhura

Wow-too true Chris (and of course very funny)…I am a shade or two darker than you and I burn. What I do is put on sunblock before anyone can see me-usually before we get to the beach.

Impromptu beach visits or other types of outtings where sun is a factor usually have me blaming my eczema for having to apply my “cream.”

24 04 2008
teachthemwell

I work at a pool in the summertime (yes, I am a black Lifeguard, believe that) and I still sneak away to put on sunblock.

25 04 2008
Pelle

This blog is awesome!

AWESOME I SAY!

25 04 2008
Chelle

Yeah, PR whooped my ass too two years ago; I was the only black chick with two Filipinas and a Latina and I was the only one that sunburned because I figured I was too hard for sunscreen.

My theory is this, PR is closer to the Equator than the States so I think the sun is more powerful there. Growing up, it would take all day at a tennis tournament to burn, but three hours in San Juan had me red as hell and peeling for a week. I swear I still have a slight tanline on my chest.

Sadly, I must also own up to laying out (complete with Dark Tanning Oil) years ago because I prefer a more bronzed look to my skin.

I hope my Black won’t crack years down the line…

27 04 2008
Shine

Haha! I love this post. I am straight middle brown and I have never burned. And I still tease my light-skinned little brother about the ONE time his ears burnt when he was five. I love going to the caribbean every year and toasting myself in that hot@ss sun reflecting off the water and everything. And I should really know better considering I’m in medical school but I don’t wear any sunblock.
The funniest thing is I went to the caribbean with 2 friend who are offically, beautifully dark skinned sistas. One nigerian so technically straight Africa-black. And I was mad when we got to the beach these 2 found the only tree on the beach to sit under. Because they both burned up like irishman in Australia. The best excuses I had ever heard though. My one friend swore her African ancestors were royalty which is why she had such sensitive skin, she should’ve been indoors and carried around in a sedan chair. The other used the allergic to the sand and sea water excuse 2 years running. Then she said she had a sun allergy. 2 weeks after we came back from Jamaica she called in a panic, wondering why her skin was peeling. I had to inform her that her sun allergy is what white people call a sunburn, and that was a normal process. She swears this never happened in Nigeria.
BTW I didn’t mind the porno aside, I was learning all sorts of things. And now I want to befriend almost everyone here who is making my days at work so much more enjoyable. But I know I only used facebook to stalk out people I knew in high school.

PS anymore shirtless vacation pics you wanna put up Chris, feel free.

28 04 2008
Muse

I’m brown as guys can tell from the picture and I have experienced getting sunburned. I was actually in Kenya so maybe I have an excuse? Needless to say I was laughed at by my family because darkies are not supposed to get sunburned.

8 05 2008
rachism

I confess, I love to be in the sun (Caribbean girl), have never been burned, never touched sun block in my life and have enjoyed countless hours of laughter when my yellow cousin burns. I almost feel bad now…

However I have an infinite amount of HATE for black people who will wear a shirt over their head on the beach cause they don’t wanna get “too dark” (their words not mine). ignorant self-hating assholes. I hope you suffocate in a tub filled with bleach water. (whoops, I’m working on anger management)

26 06 2008
London Hottie

You are one fine ass beige motherfucker may I add 🙂

15 07 2008
D

Put on sunblock under your clothes before you meet your friends!

P.S. Why do some black guys like fat white chicks? This is a thing I’ve not been able to figure out.

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