X-TREME SPORTS!

10 04 2008

One of the most annoying fucking things about X-Treme sports is that you can’t just say “Extreme Sports” in a normal tone of voice. This is completely unacceptable. When you’re talking about X-Treme sports and actually mention the genre by name, you have to scream “X-TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME SPORTS!!!!” at the top of your lungs, chug a can of Surge, crush the can on your forehead, use your eye sockets to open your buddy’s beer, then use your penis to build a house. If you don’t, you are a pussy.

Figure 1: X-TREME CONFERENCE CALL!!!!!!!

Black people typically blame white people for starting the ridiculousness that is x-treme sports, but the blame doesn’t lie with white people. X-treme sports had a dual-genesis among two games played stupid fucking Native Americans.

First, there was a form of handball played in pre-Columbian central America. These crazy assholes would divide themselves into two teams and try to chuck a tiny ball between a stone ring mounted on a wall. It’s almost like those rigged and semi-unintentionally sexual carnival games where you have to throw balls into the mouth of the life-sized cardboard cutout of a woman…except people who play the carnival game aren’t ritualistically killed for losing (usually). This is the world of Aztec handball.

Figure 2: Blow the game, and you’ll lose way more than your fucking Nike endorsement.

Then there was lacrosse – and I’m not talking about the pussy ass stickball game played by khaki shorts wearing white dudes named ‘Todd’. This was real lacrosse. Indian lacrosse. A game so hardcore it was called Dehuntshigawa’es (which translates roughly to ‘little brother of war’). The games were so brutal that rival Indian nations would often play lacrosse instead of going to war. The field could be miles long. There could be HUNDREDS of players on EACH side. There were no pads, no rules, and no fucking mercy. People routinely died playing the game.

Figure 3: (l to r) X-Treme, X-Tremely Gay

After white people killed all the Indians and the Vietnam War ended, white people concluded that their lives weren’t being threatened often enough anymore – so they decided to steal yet another Indian tradition and endanger their own lives through sport. They started doing shit like jumping out of planes, hurling themselves off bridges, and starting shitty alternative rock bands for no goddamn reason. They disguised the inherent stupidity of these acts by giving them cool names like ‘skydiving’ , ‘bungee jumping’, and ‘Linkin Park’.

Figure 4: Betcha he’s got an X-TREME HARD ON!!!!!!!!!

Modern X-treme sports are particularly offensive to the segment of black people who grew up in dangerous neighborhoods. These black people grew up having their lives under constant threat against their will: being shot at for wearing the wrong color shirt, getting beaten half to death for not joining gangs (or beaten completely to death for doing the opposite), hearing nighttime gunshots which, at any point, could shatter your window and kill someone in your family, and so forth. After surviving all this, we have to put up with spoiled white people subjecting themselves to life-threatening idiocy ON PURPOSE under the trite explanation “TEE HEE, IT’S SUCH A THRILL! YOU SHOULD TRY IT!”

No thanks, fuckface. I’m already black.

Jumping out of an airplane for ‘fun’ is like shaving your head in front of a chemotherapy patient just for the hell of it.

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126 responses

10 04 2008
lisaturtle

“Then there was lacrosse – and I’m not talking about the pussy ass stickball game played by khaki shorts wearing white dudes named ‘Todd’.”

and

“Jumping out of an airplane for ‘fun’ is like shaving your head in front of a chemotherapy patient just for the hell of it.”

I died.

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

I do believe the games were called Pok-a-Tok… (the psuedo handball) or are you speaking of something different Chris?

(disclaimer… probably written by a white person)—-
v
http://expertfootball.com/history/soccer_history_america.php

I don’t know why this post seems to remind me of this
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=291195518691464190

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Another… link I thought it was called Pok-a-tok… but then again… who knows what you can believe from what you were taught when you were younger…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mesoamerican_ballgame

10 04 2008
Esquire

“TEE HEE, IT’S SUCH A THRILL! YOU SHOULD TRY IT!”

No thanks, fuckface. I’m already black.

ROFL whew.
This blog will probably get me fired. Instead of billing hours, Im on this blog. Thanks. Back to work.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

“Jumping out of an airplane for ‘fun’ is like shaving your head in front of a chemotherapy patient just for the hell of it.”

LMAO! Crazy

What bothers me about extreme sports is the “there’s no motherfucker badder than me!” attitude. What! Boo and Rakeem from the 5th floor would knock you the hell out just for the hell out it.

BTW my sky diving appointment was cancelled due to bad whether, I drove all the way out to PA, and ole boy’s like: “We’re not going up anymore.” Obviously a racist trying to keep us from enjoying the same stupid fun he enjoys. Anyway two days later having thought about it, I thanked God for the holy intervention. I surely would have died from a heart attack.

10 04 2008
maya

LMAO.

I think it starts in their childhood. White children are never told to sit the fuck down, so they basically become “thrill seekers” at an early age. Like the girl in my kindergarten class who got her fucking fingers stuck in the stapler…or the kid who fell in the pond at the zoo during a birthday party (which, by the way, my dad has on videotape, complete with background audio of him laughing at the kid)… White people even treat sex like an X-Treme sport – these fools were 16 and 17 having orgies on the weekends and coming back arguing about why they let each other get drunk enough to fuck one another’s boyfriends/girlfriends.

Meanwhile, my black ass was told, “stop all that damn running,” early and often. Consequently, I’ve never broken a bone, been stung by a bee, and only had stitches once (the one time I was running around like a crazy person). I think, though, it’s made me afraid of damn-near everything. BUT DAMMIT IT MAKES ME SAFE!

Good lookin’ out, mom!

10 04 2008
Lady

I think to white folks X-treme sports = living life to the fullest. They’re not happy until their adrenal glands are working OT. Base jumping has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of, but yet plenty of people do it ‘for the thrill’ and to say ‘no one else had jumped off of that building’.

If you want a thrill try getting lost in a white neighborhood that does their own ‘policing’. Where if you’re anything but white you can beat my ass on GP then get ‘arrested’ (driven around the corner in the back of the squad car and then let out with a ‘now Bobbie Jean don’t you go bothering them niggers again’. That’s pretty thrilling.. that also happens to be me and a group of my friends trick or treating. True, 15 is kind of old to be trick or treating, but nothing says thrilling like a 20th century lynch mob.

So Chris, I say all that to say, I totally agree. What do i need to jump out of a plane for, my life is in danger every day, in some way just being black.

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Anmarie… you’re absolutely right. I cannot stand that “I’m here to win at any and all costs (even if I have to cheat)” big boy attitude. Nothing pleasures me more to see that same person pouting and having a conniption fit after they lose to a humbled, soft spoken individual who carries a big stick.

10 04 2008
Lolo

What about rollercoasters? Are those an acceptable substitute? There’s just something so incredibly cathartic about hurtling through the air while screaming “motherfuckeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer” at the top of your lungs. Then the ride stops and I just get off and pretend it wasn’t me, no matter how embarrassed my kids look. One day they’ll move away and send me the therapy bills.

10 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

bungee jumping has been trivialized into being “a sport” but it started as a rite of passage/test of courage.
@ maya, we’re similar in how protective our parents tried to be. (knock on wood) I never broke a bone or tooth, never had stitches, never had a cavity, etc. And I did some daredevil-esque stuff as a former tomboy.
Black folks also don’t like extreme sports because White people do it, and god forbid we do anything perceived as White.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

@Admiral – I can’t stand to see a punk act hard. Pisses me off.

@Everyone else – I’ve been hearing “that’s not a black thing to do” my entire life, but if I want strap myself into a harness and zip across the forest and or go white water rafting, Imma live my life and do what i want!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – fuck ya’ll

10 04 2008
Anmarie

Furthermore:

I’d say little brother of war is a nice alternative to actual war.

10 04 2008
Tamara

I’ve gone zip lining before [damn near shat myself] when I was in Costa Rica @ 15, and I like the idea of sky diving, but I don’t think I’d actually do it. Fuck around and I’d be the one with their insides strewn all over the ground. No thanks, I’ll pass.

I kind of think white people like pain and/or the thrill of potentially injuring themselves. Ya’ll ever see that show that used to come on MTV where the dudes would be skateboarding and break their bones all crazy? Yeah, no thankyew I don’t have time to be in the ER. I like my unbroken self just fine.

10 04 2008
Lady

*loves roller coasters*

But that’s about as good as it gets for me..

@knatural beauty
I know you werent speaking to me spefically, but I know what you mean about not wanting to do certain things because they’re percieved as white. That’s how a few of my friends and I felt about golf until we had to play for gym class. It’s actually kind of fun, and now I’d actually go to a course and play on my own.

Isn’t it funny, one of the worst things, at least top 5 worst things you can do to a black person is acuse them of trying to be white. I’ve got hit with that so much be it due to the music i listen to (or don’t listen to), the way I speak, the things I watch on tv etc.. that may be right up there with ‘yo mama.

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Anmarie… I can’t hate you for wanting to do you… because if I did, I would be a complete hypocrite. I, like Chris, enjoy mountain biking, camping, sailing, and going into the rocky mountains just to go hiking. I DJ house and Drum & Bass (which can be considered solely white rave music… though it was started by blacks) and I enjoy racing cars (fuck NASCAR though) and airplanes. Now how are any of those NOT the black thing to do?

10 04 2008
Anmarie

You know some people do do things that are harmful and destructive for the “i’m bored” hell of it.

But… I think it’s good to challenge yourself beyond fear, difficulty, and what is expected of you. And i know about real danger I grew up in NYC projects and made it out. To the other side of the world and back. While there’s pride that comes from making it through something difficult, there’s indeed a wonderful feeling attached to making myself do something difficult. The sky dive was probably gonna kill me, maybe one day I’ll try again.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

AF – exactly.

10 04 2008
Lady

@ Tamara

“I kind of think white people like pain and/or the thrill of potentially injuring themselves. Ya’ll ever see that show that used to come on MTV where the dudes would be skateboarding and break their bones all crazy? Yeah, no thankyew I don’t have time to be in the ER. I like my unbroken self just fine.”

*clears throat* Jackass. And no, I’m not calling you one, I’m referring to Johnnie Knoxville and the crew.

That’s one show BET won’t make a black version of..

Oh Chris, speaking of BET remaking MTV shows… I know how much you *love it*, and Viacom and I was wondering if you ever watch The Boondocks. If so, have you seen the episodes they won’t air here (in the US) about BET?

Here is the link for the first episode.. sofa king funny:

http://leonsays.blogspot.com/2008/03/boondocks-hunger-strike.html

looking for the next one..

10 04 2008
Esquire

I aint gonna lie, Ive been camping, hiking, sailing, bungee jumping and I really liked it. But it wasnt over a raging river or above man-eating sharks. I didnt camp in the sahara desert nor did I climb mt everest where I could have died from frostbite. (Any condition that a weather element can “bite” my ass, Im tryin to stay away from. I think there is a vast diff b/n doing cool outdoorsy stuff and trying to kill yourself jumping out of an airplane or “wingsuit flying” (which may be the dumbest shit ever)

@admiral furious: I had to take a client to a Nascar race once. There is a vast difference in that and drag racing. Sort of like the 800 meter race and the 200 meter. I like (and this is the SC coming out of me) the drag racing a loooot better.

10 04 2008
letinstar

“TEE HEE, IT’S SUCH A THRILL! YOU SHOULD TRY IT!”

No thanks, fuckface. I’m already black.”

must work this into a conversation….

10 04 2008
letinstar

x treme sports equals too wimpified to play basketball or football…

10 04 2008
10 04 2008
Anmarie

OMG that courtball goal is super freakin tiny, geesh life or death huh? Daaaaaaaaaaaamn….

10 04 2008
Esquire

Chris, so I just read the grocery store post.

and you look very eerily like my husband.

logging off.

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

To me… watching people watching NASCAR… is like watching a dog who is watching another dog chase its tail around and around and around and around and around.

I prefer drag racing over NASCAR as well… but (and no offense) the straight line and the oval require far less skill than circuit course racing. Unfortunately… most those who grace the track aren’t black(I won’t say white… because that is entirely untrue as South Americans and Asians tear it up next to their Caucasian counterparts)

10 04 2008
AroundHarlem.com

LOL @ “What bothers me about extreme sports is the “there’s no motherfucker badder than me!” attitude. What! Boo and Rakeem from the 5th floor would knock you the hell out just for the hell out it.”

In my building, the guy’s name was Reggie ….. LOL.

10 04 2008
Sister Toldja

White people live lives relatively free of fear. They feel like the kings and queens of the land. Thus, they are always looking for that magical boner, that next thing to conquer. Look at how many rich White folks have died because they think flying planes is a fucking hobby, as opposed to a skill that should be left to highly trained pros.

If all White people recieved a large check from the government (pretend President Mccain and VP Dukes give them reparations for being rhythmically challenged), there would be 1,000,000 new airplanes in the air and 999,549 would go down in smoke within 24 hours. And, as Dave Chappelle said, if Black people recieved reparations, we’d all start record labels.

I suppose a lot of Asians would open nail shops and dry cleaners. And while the stupid Black folks and Whites laughed at this, they’d use the money to live great and send their kids to top flight colleges.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

LOL! @ Sister Toldja

@ Around Harlem – yeah i stayed away from the Reggies, LOL, I aint no fighter. But i’d kick someone in the shin and run.

10 04 2008
my2blackbabiesrbeautiful

“… chug a can of Surge, crush the can on your forehead, use your eye sockets to open your buddy’s beer, then use your penis to build a house…” Dead and maggot-eaten at this! Pure genius.

Lets not forget that black children encounter such dangers as regular ass whoopins for shit that white children are allowed to do. This is why we generally grow up with common sense, scruples and fear as our most reliable and efficient survival mechanism.

Each year in the tri-state area, we can look forward to reading about the annual white child-tragedies that have become the stuff of urban legend: Summer–The obligatory lake drowning and/or capsized boat/raft/canoe; Winter: The must have popscicle-drowning of some fool ass white boy playing hockey on a thin layer of freezer ice.

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Unfortunately… this child in this video here has not gotten enough ass whoppins…

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2008/04/10/natsot.teacher.beaten.wbal

This is one of the sole exceptions to rule for bussin a kid all the way up. You do NOT attack your teacher.

And it just has to be in Baltimore.

10 04 2008
Lolo

@Admiral,
I don’t even have any smartass for that video.

10 04 2008
Deviant

The only X-treme sport Black people like is sex. It’s the only vigorous activity we willingly participate in where it’s acceptable to be sweaty and out of breath.

10 04 2008
maya

@ admiral’s post,

if i were that teacher, all i can say is that someone would come home childless.

10 04 2008
Ethel

Rotfl! Brilliant!

10 04 2008
70ssoulchild

THANK YOU!!! I remember clearly having this type of conversation back in 1989 when one of my managers had discovered skydiving and she was trying to recruit others to go with her. Her pitch was “You can see the curvature of the Earth don’t you think that’s thrilling?” My response was “No thanks I get enough thrills and chills right here on terrafirma just being Black in America”. She was rendered speechless and walked away and never asked me again, LOL.

Just like YT folks trip out and complain about getting older and Black folks are thanking God that they lived to see another year!

Another great post. Peace out.

10 04 2008
-Nomad by Nature-

I’m the only one in my family (both close and extended) and friends who has always wanted to do some kind of extreme sport — esp. sky diving. But I’m too chicken to do it myself. I need the motivation/competition of doing it with another person.

They all look at me like I’m nuts or joking.

I’m not.

10 04 2008
Merri Lee

I did a summer program in Athens, OH, and the same folks who wanted to go to WV to skydive, bungee jump or do other crazy isht turned down the chance to volunteer in Cleveland because the neighborhood was too dangerous. WTF????!!!!

10 04 2008
Anmarie

That video was outrageous, as someone that runs urban youth programming I was horrified. And all those litte bastards stood around watching and videotyping. Man listen.

1. Now you know where i stand on spankings or beatings as appropriate disciplining methods, but my child or anyone else’s child had one time to attack me. I’d body slam that kid.

2. Now, how the hell did that little skinny girl get that big lady on the floor like that? Problem is enough women don’t lift weights. She should have least taken enough kick boxing, taebo classes to know how to square off on that kid properly. Ladies! Force = Mass x acceleration. That’s how to deliver a good punch. One swift precise hit to the nose would have sat her little ass down. How dear she! Damn kids, if she had been wearing a burlap tunic with matching pants I bet she wouldn’t have been feeling herself enough to try that craziness.

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Bernie Mac said it best… “I will fuck yo kid… up.”

The problem with the teacher not defending herself is that all these bullshit laws have been enacted to “protect” the children from abuse… and therefore prevent teachers from even laying a finger on these kids. The lack of effective discipline enforcement has led to these out of control children (regardless of race or gender) across this nation.

10 04 2008
Test

Testing 1, 2, 3

10 04 2008
Grimm

I really believe that more black people would participate in extreme sports (or activities considered white in general) if they weren’t considered “expensive”. The typical black favorites are generally cheap i.e. basketball and football. All that they need to excell in those sports is a twenty dollar ball and a street. It wouldn’t be accurate to say that black guys don’t love a thrill because many do the following on the regular:
*Extreme Driving: driving while black without a license or insurance in an unregistered hooptie (that could never pass a smog test and will probably blow up) in Los Angeles (you will go to jail)
*Extreme Commuting: carrying a gun-with bullets and your ID in NYC (you will get at least 3 years per bullet) on the train knowing the police randomly search them
*Extreme Leisure: going to house parties in the hood
*Extreme Sex: going “raw” with the neighborhood ho’ that ALL of their friends have already gone “raw” with, and recommend her to their little brother…
and the list goes on.
**BTW Im black and I love to go to Utah and white water raft, rock climb, etc… But all of these things cost money.
And as for the comments about black parents instilling fear in the hearts of their children at a young age and scarring them for life… that is so true. I planned a trip to Cabo San Lucas for my bday and all of my non black friends came, but most of my black ones didn’t. Their reasons? Afraid of planes, other cities/states/perrishes/countries, languages they cannot understand, and everything else… and “it cost too much” ($400). The two who did come behaved differently. The one with money did parasailing, scuba diving, cruises, etc., but the broke one was afriad of the ocean, couldn’t swim, refused to even enter the ocean, and damn near went into convulsions on the plane. Of course it was her first time ever being on one although she is 22.
The point? Maybe there is a correlation between not being particularly wealthy and being afriad of everything. If you can’t afford it, you can’t do it so you won’t understand it and be afraid of it. And to keep the kids fro feeling left out you encourage them to do the same.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

Those rules about laying your hand on a child are there because somewhere along the road a couple of crazy bitter fucks decided to get their jollies by smacking around other people’s children. A teacher should not be hitting kids as a normal part of the school day. But that teacher in the video being attacked should have every right to defend herself, including punching that kid in the nose.

“The lack of effective discipline enforcement” @ is at home. Teachers shouldn’t have to deal with this type of discipline they are there to teach. There used to be a family partnership and participation in a child’s education, now people just pop em out and put them in school. Why the heck should a teacher have to deal with laying a finger on someone else’s kid. Then you’d still have one teacher running around a room trying to slap some sense into 30 already spoiled rotten kids. I went to school and listened and respected my teachers because I was afraid they’d tell my mom. And she’d take their side. That child had nothing going on good at home.

10 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Dead @ “Jumping out of an airplane for ‘fun’ is like shaving your head in front of a chemotherapy patient just for the hell of it.”

Following a football season, my coach wanted me to play lacrosse (yes the pussy kind) to stay in shape for the off season. I did, and I was amazed of how physical I could be. Moving from running back and outside linebacker and your mean to tell me I can do all these things I did then and now I get to hit people with a stick too? My first game, I threw one juke and broke the kid’s ankle. Literally. They hobbled him off, called us at practice monday and told us the kid’s ankle was broken. It got boring, so I didn’t play after that season. Started up track.

10 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

Yes, Grimm! Perfectly said, money is a huge factor. I also think it’s similar to the “crabs-in-a-basket” mentality. Just like someone mentions on another topic regarding taste in music. If you’re the only one in your family/circle of friends interesting in experiencing anything new, you get ridiculed.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

“The point? Maybe there is a correlation between not being particularly wealthy and being afriad of everything. ”

Maybe, maybe not, but good ass question. I know if you don’t take the risk you don’t get the reward.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

“If you’re the only one in your family/circle of friends interesting in experiencing anything new, you get ridiculed.”

Knaturalbeauty – Geese that bad memories that one brought up.

You know what I have some black friends that grew up poor that won’t even try a new freaking resturant. Give me a freaking break already.
I think it’s the legacy of our slave past, black people had to be over protective of their children stepping out of line or being to bold because they’d get whipped, sold or killed for smiling to hard at their own accomplishments and bravery.

10 04 2008
Merri Lee

I just watched that “bad kids” video. Makes me wonder if they had parents like this.

10 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

oops, meant to type *interested in experiencing anything new…
But yeah, whether it’s music, art, theatre, certain movies, language, anything – THATS WHITE, WHY YOU WANNA DO THAT? DO SOMETHING BETTER WITH YOUR TIME, is always implied, whether or not it’s actually verbalized.
Fear is a powerful thing.
Another factor could be values placement. I’m not saying all of us but, some Blacks value status and materials more than experiences. I’d rather pay for a great vacation to somewhere I’ve never been before buying a luxury vehicle or a designer purse.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

“I’d rather pay for a great vacation to somewhere I’ve never been before buying a luxury vehicle or a designer purse.”

I 100% agree. I’ve seen back people afford to do some interesting things with their money all of which involved spending huge amounts of money on what to wear to the same exact place to see the same exact people you did last week.

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

BRAVO ANMARIE AND KNATURALBEAUTY!!! BRAVO!

10 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I partially agree with Grimm insofar as extreme sports are a subset of ‘white’ sports. Why black people shun those white sports that aren’t extreme sports (e.g. skiing, white water, rock climbing, etc.) is a mystery to me and possibly does involve their high expense.

Jumping out of a plane, however, is fucking lunacy.

10 04 2008
Lolo

See, now when it comes to watching rugged men bloody each other up in the name of sport, I love rugby. That is some Xtreme playing right there and if I ever get a chance to see the All Blacks play live I will do something drastic in order to get tickets. Oh my …. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt3yuuwIVaE&feature=related
HAKA!!!!

Phew, I got a little dizzy there.

10 04 2008
Merri Lee

Lolo – I know nothing about rugby, but I love to floss my All Blacks jersey just to watch people react. Hilarious.

10 04 2008
maya

we went skiing when i was like, 7. it was pretty fun ’cause i willingly threw myself down every and any large mound of snow. we went again when i was about 10. by that time i was already pretty jaded so it wasn’t as fun.

although i’d probably be scared shitless, white water rafting would probably be pretty fun.

and whoever made the comment about black people who won’t try new foods, all i can really say is “slave mentality.” my sister is like that and in INFURIATES me. this girl is damn near 40, and still limits herself to what i like to call, “corner store accessible foods” like cheeseburgers, pizza, cheese steak, etc. she claims she “doesn’t like mayonnaise,” thereby negating any and all substances that even resemble the spread. further, she’s the ignorant coon you go to dinner with who asks about 2370839762635 questions about the menu, most of which are really, “what’s that?” “what’s in that?” and only result in disinterest. everything she orders you have to convince her is like something she already has eaten and enjoyed. this, of course, means no “ethnic food” ventures, and despite your efforts, the heifer usually just winds up getting a salad. a very boring one, at that.

10 04 2008
imaG

Another great post from a great perspective. Keep it up

http://www.anythingblack.net

10 04 2008
Tamara

cosigning w/ Anmarie
“I’ve seen back people afford to do some interesting things with their money all of which involved spending huge amounts of money on what to wear to the same exact place to see the same exact people you did last week.””

You know I used to talk to a dude like that. He owned $700 Gucci shoes, had 2 cellphones, would stay “poppin bottles,” every weekend at the club, only to complain how he felt that he was just working to pay bills. But what was the gotcha gotcha for me was how dude was “planning” a trip to the D.R. but didn’t have a passport [and he was trying to in like 4 weeks] nor did he know about obtaining one.

Oh, ok.

10 04 2008
Lolo

@Merri Lee, that’s brilliant!

10 04 2008
alltalk

You have made my entire week (and there’s still a few days to go).

Thank you.

10 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

LOL @ maya (well, her sister)
She probably says stuff like, ‘well, I don’t eat everybody potato salad…’
That should be a topic here one day – NEW FOOD
I love trying new food, even it’s ugly, it might taste good. You never know.
One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing grown ass adults say they don’t like something when they’ve never even tried it. HUH?

10 04 2008
Anmarie

Maya does she say “Ewwwe” in front of the wait staff when she hears an answer she doesn’t like, becase I worked with a woman that does this and it drove me crazy to distraction. I actually ended up yelling “Fine stay in the house and eat chicken wings! eat chicken wings!” To which she laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. :-/ Man I just can’t win with some people.

Tamara don’t ever date another guy like that, if all women got to together to ignore men like that then, maybe they’d cease to exist.

10 04 2008
brran1

Hmm. and here I thought dodgeball was an extreme sport.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

Depends on who you’re playing with. I once played a game of kick ball that left me curled on the floor with tears streaming down my face for a good 5 mins. (caught a ball with my belly-ouch…) I’d say that was an extreme way to kick a ball.

10 04 2008
Esquire

What makes this entry even more funny is that Rugby is today’s post in stuff white people like.

@anmarie. I dont care what anyone says kickball is hardcore. That ball can take you out. It should be banned. My husband is a mean gym teacher (Anyone seen Mr. Woodcock?) and he enjoys this time of year where he can make them play dodgeball and kickball and watch them almost kill each other.

I CAN say y’all wont catch him on You Tube gettin an ass beatin. Teaching is an extreme sport.

10 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

Man , all of these answers make sense, its either money or personality that drives what someone will and wont do.

I been dying to go camping, go rafting, go to another country, do anything out of the ordinary. But my circle consist of people who are either some
brokeassfriends or they just have such a limited view of the world and all the many exciting things it emcompasses.

I thought maybe, I could just make some new friends, but honestly, I thought I would rather enjoy these activities with people I know other than new and improved strangers, but still that was limiting and now Im like fuck it

I figured that I would rectify this sloppy situation by just going by my damn self. I am going to put the word out about what trips (there will be 3 this year) I am taking, how much it cost, and when it needs to be paid. If friends or other people I associate with wanna roll than so be it, if not, then so be it, anyway!

I am also officially screaming from the mountain tops of north hollywood (where I live) that I am down for just about anything that I have not done before, and if someone is planning some shit, I wanna go!

So there, that is my grand leep into the X-treme

(oh, I’m shit at computers, and I just learned how to do the link thing, so bear with me if I did it wrong)

10 04 2008
Grimm

Jumping out of a plane, however, is fucking lunacy- Chris

I don’t know about that… because extreme sex is statistically more dangerous http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940/from/ET/ and i know you know what happens when a black man drives…

I find it somewhat ironic that many black people will criticize a love for the ballet or rock music as “too white”, because many white people do it. But, when they spend all of their money on material things isn’t it to give the appearance that they are just as rich as “the man”? Everyone from rappers to lil Qwan down the block don’t mind spending money to buy Gucci and Prada to look rich and be admired by the hood because they now “fit in” with the white people who are generally the main consumers. But do they think that means they “want to be white” like i apparently do for liking the aforementioned “white” hobbies? No. I guess that being seemingly rich (by accumilating a mass of material things such as hollow chains) is far better than living within ones means. Or using ones money to enjoy culture, fine foods, travel, and white water rafting…

10 04 2008
Lolo

Why do black people wear plaid and argyle, Chris? Whyyyyy?

10 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“…because extreme sex is statistically more dangerous http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23574940/from/ET/…”

Fortunately, I’m one of those black men who doesn’t do the whole extreme sex thing, and thank God for that. Little Sardonicus isn’t supposed to be born until I’m at least 30.

“…and i know you know what happens when a black man drives…”

Yep. I get from point A to point B with relatively little incident. Well, except for those nine times (http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/2008/02/26/fighter-pilots/)

Haha, ballet. My friends give me shit to this day for a.) suggesting and b.) taking an old girlfriend to a ballet like four years ago. Everybody can kiss my natural maroon ass. Interestingly, it’s my white and asian friends rather than the black ones that get on my case about it. Go figure.

10 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Why do black people wear plaid and argyle, Chris? Whyyyyy?”

Spite?

10 04 2008
Lolo

Well, I love classic ballet and really, it’s not like you took her to a mime performance.

10 04 2008
london

i loved the punk movement london style…
tartan bondage pants were the bomb…
it was the best cross cultural mix ever..
the disaffected youth of britain..
a bit of ska, a bit of reggae, a bot of soul, a bot of rock,,
and now my westwood classics are worth a fortune..
don’t knock the plaid…

i think swimming is an extreme sport because i don’t have webbed fingers or fins…
i was duped into trying surfing.. it’s all the same even though my fear of drwoning kept me on the board longer than anticipated… gymnastics helped too for balance!!
i hate the cold also so snowboarding is way out….. and i surely was not meant to fly whether tethered to a bit of elastic or thrown out of a plane…
naw suh.. not me…

10 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Sardonicus????? Aw naw. Poor little thing is gonna get teased to no end. Unlike MY future son Thelonious, who will be adored for his cool jazz name.

10 04 2008
Grimm

Fortunately, I’m one of those black men who doesn’t do the whole extreme sex thing, and thank God for that. Little Sardonicus isn’t supposed to be born until I’m at least 30-Chris

I thought you hated stupid names. That poor child will get an extreme beat down (this results in shivering in a pool of blood in the corner) at school everyday and have to take extreme walks (involves walking while dodging stones) home while hanging his head in shame. Or, maybe he’ll grow up to be the next Plies http://www.crunktastical.net/2008/04/09/im-just-saying-24/

10 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

I love plaid and argyle. My fucking purse is plaid and yep, I’ll admit it, my toenail has an argyle pattern on it right now ( I went to mani/pedi party recently, so shoot me)

Silence

😦

10 04 2008
Anmarie

“my toenail has an argyle pattern on it right now”

Wha………………………………………………………………………….?

10 04 2008
Merri Lee

“Why do black people wear plaid and argyle, Chris? Whyyyyy?”

Spite?

Dead @ that answer.

*************

I’m pretty sure Chris has a logical explanation for that name

10 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

No seriously, the shit is cute as hell

Get compliments daily

Ya’ll want a picture?

Not

But really tho, maybe I’m just different but I like the shit, what is so wrong with plaid and argyle?

10 04 2008
Anmarie

LOL, it’s all good, just teasing.

10 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

I still want ya’ll to answer the question, I had no idea this was an issue 🙂

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Someone has an attention issue.

10 04 2008
Sister Toldja

I like argyle and plaid too. Don’t judge me! I like paisley more, and zebra print even more than that. In fact, the second I can kiss the 9-5 job ish goodbye, I am getting some zebra print nails (it’s the Chicago in me). I just like colors and prints.

Extreme sex= sex with anyone in Washington, DC.

*Serious face*

Naw, but for reals, anyone talking smack about people jumping out of planes and then laying up with LaRonTe, Chad or Kiko without a rubber is a hypocrite! I am still floored at how many of my friends have tried “the raw daddy” despite being unmarried and not trying to make a baby.
-Sister Toldja: 23 years without the raw daddy.

*Cues “The More You Know” theme from NBC back in the day, you know, the PSAs during Saved By The Bell and California Dreams*

10 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

California Dreams. Dear GAWD the horrible memories…

10 04 2008
Sister Toldja

“Just let me lay here in the sun, until my dream is doooooonnnnneeeee”

Most of those shows were pretty bad, yet I (and damn near everyone else I knew) watched them EVERY Saturday! Why?

Saved By The Bell: The College Years was grossly underrated, however.

10 04 2008
Anmarie

I hate plaid, maybe on a skirt/kilt, argyle socks however are cool. Paisley and zebra print; Jeese and Rice ya’ll bugging, that’s extreme fashion

10 04 2008
Anmarie

“I’m at the corner just in time to see the bus drive by! it’s allllllllllllright, cause I’m saved by the bell!”

10 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Gurl, bye. My zebra print spring jacket is FIERCE! My gay BFF stole it from me for about 4 months and then tried to steal it from my house! It’s serious. What’s funny is that I work in Newark and about twice a month one of my co-workers will say “Yeah, you DEFINITELY live in New York City”. LOL. I only have one paisley piece and its a pretty subdued silk skirt.

Off topic, but not really. My sister has a White BF who is Scottish (he is actually from Michigan, but you know White people can actually trace their ancestors back pretty well). If they have a son she wants to name him….wait for it…..Angus! Can you imagine? A little half-Black baby named Angus. Black Angus. Sounds like a tragic mullato indeed.

10 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

Now animal print I can (and never have) done. Something about it just rubs me the wrong way.

@AF

I am guessing you were talking about me wanting attention, and to that I say SO MOTHERFUCKING WHAT.

Everybody on this blog wants attention to their opinions or whatever it is they are speaking about or they wouldn’t waste there time to fucking comment

Moreover, the very essence of a damn BLOG is to bring attention to one’s own point of view on whatever subject they please

so icksnay on the commentsay you dig

Cause I like to fight 🙂

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

businesswoman… I won’t fight with you… but I will say this.

You’re right, everyone has their fifteen seconds with each of their comments here and everyone will draw a certain amount of attention to themselves.

From your comments about random topics that have nothing to do with the blog topic, or any tangent thereafter… it seems you want to draw attention to your physical more so than anything else. It seems a little shallow to me, but you’re right… its whatever. Who the hell cares about your toenails and your crush on the author of this site. But at the same time, who the hell cares that I DJ and am friends with several DJs.

Actually… who the hell cares what I think? Who the hell am I other than a friend of the author and a successful black man who can’t stand the west coast yet loves the traffic laws. At the same time… who cares what you think?

10 04 2008
Angry ver. 3.2 (Beta)

Admiral Furious,

I’m not sure if you’re guilty of this, but I have been guilty on two occasions of actually watch the 24 Hours of Le Mans on TV…drivers literally drive for 24 hours, and after 24 hours is the “last lap”. Whoever has the most laps tallied, wins. Granted I didn’t watch the full 24 hours, I did watch about 8 hours of it, sleep, and wake up the following day to watch the rest of the race.

Why might a black man watch such a thing? Auto racing? Preposterous! No, unlike NASCAR where a bunch of guys drive cars around in a effing circle 500 times, the foreign and GT racing circuits feature finely tuned exotic automobiles from many foreign automakers, including Audi, BMW, Porsche, Lamborghini, and Ferrari to name a few. Additionally, you won’t find a 344lb bearded man with no shirt and a wife-beater tan chugging shitty American beer within MILES upon MILES of the track.

Vent over…time to play Gran Turismo.

10 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Angry Ver 3.2 Beta… you could be my twin. IN my opinion, Le Mans racing is by far the most exciting form of auto competition (yes above F1… where all the cars look practically the same) as drivers are challenged with more than just left turn and are required to brake hard for some. Additionally, the talent and effort it takes to effectively tune a vehicle for circuit course racing is FAR greater than that of the circular counterparts.

Gran Turismo wasted several of my nights (gat damn) ten years ago. I refuse to get the new one because I know it would have the same affect.

10 04 2008
Angry ver. 3.2 (Beta)

And for the record, I’ve officially declared myself the Tiger Woods of Snowboarding. After learning how to snowboard about 3 years ago, I deliberately went out and bought stunna shades, fake bling, and bandanas to wear around ski lodges. Snooty white skiiers saw me as abrasive, and young skiier or snowboarder girls loved it….so go figure.

Either way if you haven’t tried it, snowboarding is a hell of a lot of fun. F*ck a 360 or air grab too – I like to tear down the mountain as fast as possible and carve out lines around slow-ass “amateur boarders” that huddle around downed trees and snow mounds working on their sweet jumps, dude, like sweet.

In all seriousness though, black folks should get into stuff that white people claim as theirs. You take our freedom, we’ll take your luxuries.

11 04 2008
Lolo

I’m just teasing about the plaid and argyle, it’s cuz my mom told me that those were basically “gang colours for white people” or something garbled like that and well, she had supreme taste. And do not even try and get me to wear madras or seersucker …

So. The snowboarding, I’m too old and east coast snow is SHIT for sports. I love to downhill (what is up with that cross country nonsense?? It’s just hiking on long boards and way too boring for me) but I’m watching my pennies and longing for the days of pure, pure powder out west.

11 04 2008
CountessPisstivity

lol @ this post (as usual)…

just thought i’d share this example of X-TREME DRINK with you…
http://www.gadling.com/2008/04/10/expensive-caffeine-coffee-made-from-animal-dung-goes-for-50-a/

yet another reason to hate Europe…and the X-TREME-ists

11 04 2008
candice

Hon, I love the X-Games. Most of the event aren’t extreme, but some are ridiculous. It is entertaining as hell!! I can watch those guys eat dirt and break bones for hours with popcorn and a big shit-eatting grin on my face.

11 04 2008
grimmthereaper

In all seriousness though, black folks should get into stuff that white people claim as theirs. You take our freedom, we’ll take your luxuries-Angry ver. 3.2 (Beta)
Thats comical. When I lived primarily in LA I body boarded all the time… Then, despite my fear of ruining my press and curl, one of my beach buddies taught me to surf. That is the most fun sport ever. Most of my black friends don’t understand why I would risk getting eaten by sharks, mess up my ‘do, or even why I know how to swim.
I really want to try snowboarding but from whatI’ve seen of snow, Im not too sure I like it.

11 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

@ AF

Everybody on here deviates from the topic, I cant help it, my mind be all over the place, but It must be noted, that with all post, 1 single line from whoever can start another subject within the subject, within a subject. Endless possibilities and replications of previous post. The essence of a damn blog.

I will just leave it at an “agree to disagree or agree to agree,or whatever”

Im over it

11 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

@ AF

Oh and who cares that your a successful black man with a significant other, and ya’ll have issues…or that you DJ…or you like our traffic laws.

You the kettle baby.

And for the record, all the chris love is just me being entertaining, let’s get real and my toenails are kind of a big deal (especially when they are in your mouth) so lets not skimp on that either

So now my dear, Im over it 🙂

11 04 2008
Lolo

Okay, the plaid and the argyle has me thinking. I wonder how you could make golf XTREEEEEEEEME!?

11 04 2008
Angry ver. 3.2 (Beta)

AF: Yeah….they got that new GT5 Prologue coming out in a week, and I refuse to buy that shit for fear that it’ll consume my nights like it did with GT3 on PS2.

Lolo: Take what you can get – doesn’t matter if it’s like snowboarding on shaved ice, I’m just trying to get my runs in. I’ll one day snowboard in Colorado though, and I will achieve Nirvana.

grimm: Don’t worry – the snow doesn’t even feel cold when you fall…just make sure you get up and keep going. If you lay there, you run the risk of being run over like a squirrel on 495.

thebusinesswoman: just chill, m’lady. It’ll be alright – you’ll find love soon enough.

11 04 2008
Angry ver. 3.2 (Beta)

X-TREEEEEEEME GOLF would probably include golf balls made of some sort of propellant or blasting substance…when hit hard enough a certain amount of times, the golf balls would explode in the face of the golfer, causing embarrasing tears in the front of the pantaloons and gunpowdered faces! Like sweet dude, sweet!

11 04 2008
Anmarie

Now X-treme golf sounds like something I want to watch and laugh at, like skater boys coming down on their package after trying to cruise on hand railings. haha!

11 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

X-Treme Golf = Hockey.

Think about it…

11 04 2008
Lolo

I kind of like golf. I can go slowly, there’s not too much sweating involved, it’s pretty out there, I can hit the ball and it’s not likely to come back in my direction and there’s even cute shoes now. If there were only more hot men without shirts playing, it could be my fave outdoor activity. Hockey can suck it.

11 04 2008
imaG

Soccer is a real sport. Almost got my fuckin jaw broken today 😦

http://www.anythingblack.net

11 04 2008
maya

delayed response (i was in class) but…

@ knaturalbeauty:
lol, no, I’m the one that doesn’t eat everyone’s potato salad. and i def. go around asking before i add a helping to my plate.

@ anmarie:
no, she doesn’t say “ew,” but she will shake her head vigorosly and say “no-no-no, i don’t eat that….” after a member of the waitstaff explains a dish to her. she will, however, look over at your plate and ask “how can you eat that?” or, better yet, she’ll sometimes say, “that looks good,” ask for a portion, and then grimace and say “oh no!” after she eats the piece you gave to her. and complain about how “that was not good” for the next 3 minutes.
needless to say, i only dine with my sister at family occasions.

@ sister toldja: LMAO @ comment about sex in D.C. i was thinking that exact thing earlier, but didn’t want to sound like an asshole.

@ AF: cosign.

11 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

@ 3.2

baby, you dont want none

11 04 2008
KG

I’d love to try hang gliding and parasailing, but I’ve avoided flying since that crash over the pacific. A more realistic goal is to learn to swim so I can go kayak sailing.

11 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Businesswoman… being that I pissed you off that much to have you respond not once, not twice, but three times proves I did my job. I win.

Good luck with your search at Warner Bros, Disney, Universal. Your “entertaining” personality is certainly LA… you’re made for each other.

11 04 2008
london

am i the only one who really wants to see the paint job on businesswoman’s toes… go on b.. i need that picture. am wondering if you have acrylics or your natural nail.. am so intrigued… did a little korean person paint them with a magnifying glass… so may questions…
just wondering how!!
x-treme golf = hockey…*dead and twitching*
yes we need a post on folks and ‘new food’

11 04 2008
Ismeh

^Admiral Furious…give the girl a break dude. Your picking on her for no reason…if anyone has to scale down on the number of posts they make ITS YOU!!! Talk about attention…each of your comments is a freakin book.

Now be a good boy and chill the hell out.

11 04 2008
Admiral Furious

Okay Ismeh… 🙂

you came from where again?

11 04 2008
Lolo

@london
Not only do I want to see the pedicure, I want to see Chris build a house with his penis.

11 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Chris hasn’t posted yet! 😦

But I did!

(Shameless self plug!)

thebeautifulstruggler.blogspot.com

11 04 2008
Anmarie

gotcha!

11 04 2008
shabooty

is there even a token-black on Jackass?

hrmm…

11 04 2008
Anmarie

Oh boy, the posts have started averaging 150 comments a piece. Chris might be pulling a Dave Chapelle on us.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Come back Chris, Come back.
Everybody be cool, ladies stop offering him coochi. Be very quiet…………
.
.
.
.
.
🙂
See Chris it’s safe now. Go ahead new post please…

11 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

@ Ismeh

Thank you baby, you all right in my book (you my boy blue!)

@ Admiral

How many times have you replied to little ol’ big me… Exactly

Mr. Kettle, I believe we are even

@ London

I don’t wear acrylics (I never ever have in my life)
and a hip white chick did my nails in North Hollywood after she gave me a facial and a massage

Any more questions?

…or instructions 🙂

11 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

It is kinda weird with out Chris in here, we’re just standing around looking at our feet

So I’m about to go read Sista, and I’ll do my plug as well

GETYOURISHTOGETHER.WORDPRESS.COM

11 04 2008
Machete

LOL @ “… ladies stop offering him coochi.”

The boy obviously craves chicken more than coochi (read The chicken post). Perhaps yall should start shakin some chicken drumsticks at him.

11 04 2008
Merri Lee

I just left an X-TREME CONFERENCE CALL!!!!!!! Our speaker phones are messed up, and my supervisor looked like the guy in Fig 1. Back to X-TREME EMAIL!!!!

11 04 2008
shabooty

if you want chris to bang you just decorate your vagine with native american feathers and pop-corn chicken.

11 04 2008
london

@businesswoman…
hip white chick or no…’facial and massage’.. sounds like a euphemism to me..

11 04 2008
Angry ver. 3.2 (Beta)

@ thebusinesswoman – you, madame, are most certainly correct.

12 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

shabooty – “if you want chris to bang you just decorate your vagine with native american feathers and pop-corn chicken.”
LMAO!
vagine? ahahahahahahaha, my ribs hurt.
*note to self – do not come to SBPH after happy hour.

14 04 2008
Merri Lee

WTF?? X-TREMEly retarded!!!!!

16 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Hilarious. But I think that I am the only black women commenting on this blog with would actually like to try sky diving. hahaha 🙂 but yes

“Then there was lacrosse – and I’m not talking about the pussy ass stickball game played by khaki shorts wearing white dudes named ‘Todd’” tooo funnnyyyyy
And WTF Chris likes chicken more that coochie no wonder he’s single he rather go to KFC then pick up a chick! ahahhahaha poor guy I bet if you took a a pancake batter and syrup bath he’ll come a knocking ladies haha

27 04 2008
ph2072

Absolutely hilarious.

I was in Uganda in 2004 for volunteer work, and the group I was with wanted to do bungee jumping on the Nile River. I said, “Nah, I’m good.” (Plus my broke ass couldn’t afford it). Good thing I passed up the opportunity because the water gave one or two of them in my group rashes. AND one of the women that jumped lost her bikini top during the jump so her titties were hung out to dry in addition to her getting rashes.

Of course she was white.

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