Straight Hair

3 04 2008

God created rain to tell black women they shouldn’t straighten their hair.

straightening-hair.jpg

Figure 1: “Hi! I’m a moron!”

You’ll notice that black women who wear their hair naturally don’t seem to worry all that much about what water (the most abundant…thing…on the planet) will do to their hair, and this is what makes these girls fucking awesome. Many women who straighten their hair, however, are an intolerable burlap sack of boring because they can’t do shit since it might fuck their hair up. The following is an abbreviated list of fun shit that black women with straightened hair can’t/won’t do because of water:

  • Run around in a rain storm
  • Go snorkeling, swimming, or scuba diving
  • Participate in a wet t-shirt contest
  • Go outside on a humid day
  • Save your life if you fall off a boat
  • Exercise (is there a correlation between this and straight-haired women buying empire waist tops? Decidedly yes.)
  • Join the Navy

Our women will go to extraordinary lengths to keep their newly straightened doo in place. They will actually sleep for eight entire hours with their heads propped up on their hands to keep the hair from getting matted on the pillow. Working out at the gym, they will take 5 minute rest periods between sets to keep from sweating. They will bathe instead of showering. They will stay inside the house for days at a time during streaks of humid weather. They become more and more isolated from society, eventually developing cabin fever and mild to severe psychosis. This causes them to club innocent and defenseless baby seals for no goddamn reason.

tyra_banks.jpg baby_seal_1024.jpg

Figure 2: Hope it’s worth it, you fucking asshole

A woman that’s just come home from the salon is in a very delicate mood. She’s ecstatic that her hair is done and she looks beautiful, but at the same time she’s on the razor’s edge of entering a homicidal rage. If you don’t notice the fact that her straightened hair is now parted on the left side rather than the right, or that she just paid $70 to have it shortened by one damn inch, you are a fucking asshole to her. You play spades with Hitler. You are an inconsiderate keg of certifiable fuck juice and deserve to be drop kicked down a flight of metal stairs.

Men are particularly prone to accidentally setting off the straight-haired woman because, unless you don’t have any hair, we’re perfectly happy no matter what the hair looks like – so we don’t really pay attention. We don’t give a shit if you wear it up or down, or feather your bangs (whatever the hell that means), or put it in a french twist (whatever the hell that means). All we care about is that a.) the hair is there, b.) it’s not a wig, and c.) it’s free of dirt, insects, food, and stank. Save your $150 and buy some friggin’ crotchless thong panties for us to rip off instead. Dammit.

132 innocent and defenseless baby seals we bludgeoned at the hands of crazed salon escapees while you read this article.

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269 responses

3 04 2008
Afrique

Your only complaining cause ur a man who doesn’t have to think about his hair. Us ladies have a really hard time trying to manage frizzy, wild, unmanageable hair —- I want to kiss the person who invented straigtening irons.

3 04 2008
Rose

Could you add the blog stat widget to your site? I’m curious about how many visits you get.

3 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Ok ok ok..waitttttttt!! I am a women has naturally wavy hair and on occasion loves it straighten. Now don’t get me wrong. 1/2 the time I could careless if my hair gets wet. I like the rain, I swim with out a hair cap all that good fun stuff that includes water. But I will admit that sometimes I do care if my hair gets wet it depends on whats going on. And it is so easy for men to say what your saying because let me guess…you have shorter hair? Yes? It doesn’t matter to you if it’s raining cats and dogs out or if the humidity level as high as fuck. You dont have to worry about sweated out curls and relaxer/perms smelling up you car.. So HUSH! and dammit who in the right mind will buy crouchless panties for $150!!! LMAO I rather go comando baby! 🙂

3 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

AHAHAHAHAHA @ play spades with Hitler. And don’t act like you don’t know what feather bangs are, you know.
See, this is part of the reason I’m natural. August in DC is humid and disgusting and spring is rainy and it’s hilarious to see how many “relaxed” women panic.

3 04 2008
Esquire

Aw man, what about the black women whose hair IS naturally straight? I swim, play in the rain, ski, sweat in the gym, and all that good stuff. I get your point though ,this post was hilarious. But until you have waited in a salon for four hours AND paid 80 bucks for a cut, you cant possibly understand why you should not ask a black woman to play in the sprinklers.

3 04 2008
Machete

Hmmm… I sometimes wear my hair naturally curly and humidity is still my worst enemy on those days (until I found this marvel-of-science anti-humidity gel that actually sucks up moisture from the air and makes your curls curlier – but I digress). Frizzy hair (direct result of humidity) is the enemy whether you wear your hair straight or curly/natural…unless your hair is less than 1 inch long or you don’t care about any kind of curl definition.

3 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

By the way, women and men with locs don’t like getting their hair (really the scalp) wet, depending on how long they are.

3 04 2008
sistertoldja

“You play Spades with Hitler.” I’m not gonna have a job much longer, am I? *Sigh*

Women with straight hair are NO fun. How many outdoor festivals and concerts have I had to leave because some other chicks hair “was gonna turn back”? And them heffas never have umbrellas, so I have to either give mine up or cuddle with some other chick.

But on the flip, a lot of brothers are NOT feeling the natural hair. I’m not gonna change my look to please a man, but it sucks that a lot of foolish cats out here rather play with the hair that is responsible for murders of baby seals.

3 04 2008
maya

This is especially funny since I just came back from paying $55 the salon about an hour ago, and have about 30 bobbypins holding my hair in tact so I can sleep on it tonight.

Actually, humidty is the cursed evil foe of ALL black women (natural or permed). If you know how to do your hair, though, you can still be fun…it’s just a pain in the ass having to do it.

Salons in the D.C. metro area can’t do hair for shit, though…there’s an unnecessary amount of scalp-greasing and pomade-ing going on down there, making black women in the area look mighty sticky in their follicle regions. Best bet is a doobie wrap or some pincurls if your hair is long enough, then you can sleep alllllllllllllll night.

3 04 2008
london

knatural.. is right..
there’s not enough money in the world that will let me go take a dip with these locs..
they take 24hrs to dry in the winter and between 6 and 12 in the summer – time depends on if i want to wax & twist sitting out in my garden once i have washed it..
i always carry a hat in case it rains (england will do that to you..)
and..
stop being so hair-ist..
what’s wrong with no1 on a woman….
some women look great with no hair..
i did in my 20’s…. ’twas fab..
easy and breezy all summer long…
more women should buzz their hair off… it’s an amazing look..

3 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

@Rose: “Could you add the blog stat widget to your site? I’m curious about how many visits you get.”

Adding the stats widget would be contrary to my scruples regarding this blog, but suffice it to say that this site is nowhere near as popular as, say, stuffebplike.com – which has rougly ten times as many hits as I do.

You who enjoy this blog are indeed the few and the proud. Welcome to the VIP section of racial satire 😉

3 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

to sistertoldja: it’s so true that so many Black don’t like natural hair, I wonder why. I’ll blame music videos for now. I noticed a significant change in the types of men I attracted when I had a relaxer, versus now that I have natural hair. Mostly foreign-born/foreign-raised Black, and White, men would approach. But Black American men got all weird; even guys that knew me. Black women got weird.

to maya: regular salons here do get heavy-handed with pomade, and spritz, and everything else. Also, the thicker your hair, the least likely humidity will be a nuisance, maybe just depends on the texture.

3 04 2008
Machete

“All we care about is that a.) the hair is there, …”

And yet, in a previous blog entry, y’all complained about making love doggy-style to a short haired woman cos she looked like a man from behind…

nuff said.

3 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“And yet, in a previous blog entry, y’all complained about making love doggy-style to a short haired woman cos she looked like a man from behind…”

I don’t make distinctions between a bald chick and a chick with less than three inches of hair. They’re all bald to me.

Try harder, Machete.

3 04 2008
Miss Cocoa Luv

First off, stay out of my brain, Second, after years of the relaxer I did my big chop in 06. and have been natural ever since. One problem, I hate doing my hair, I am very tender headed and though I hate to admit it, straight hair is easier, especially when you are dealing with multi- textured hair; doesn’t know if it wants to be curly, wavy, or kinky. But I would never go back to the relaxer and the straightening comb is my worse enemy. I despise it. So kudos to you for this post, because straight hair is not where it’s at…unless you have a weave! Until I can get my Angela Davis fro, the tracks are staying in!! 🙂

http://www.wbmbradio.com 7-9 TONIGHT

3 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

Machete I agree! and these dudes need to be honest they like straight hair as much we do.. they know they like to run their hands through our hair..who wanna get their hand stuck in naps hahahah sike let me stop..

3 04 2008
Esquire

I love it, BTW, I hope that cute little girl that you are calling a moron in Figure 1 is not a relative

3 04 2008
imaG

I love a black girl with straight hair. No I’m not socially conditioned but my girl looks great with it, besides her hair grows straight.

http://www.anythingblack.net

3 04 2008
benjie

yeah.

straight hair…well.
being a permy i have to admit there are alot of things that i don’t do, since the idea of sweating it out makes me cry. 35 dollars every week tends to add up.

i was growing my hair out once… it lasted i think 3 months. then the humidity hit my new growth and well… i looked like don king on a very bad day. so the perm (once again) won.

lol @ cocoa love. i’m getting a sewn in this weekend. the gym is killing my wrap.

3 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

I belted out a certified guffaw when I read the line about us being pissed, when you dont notice we changed the part in our hair! Hilarious

Now, I am a LA girl and I never knew what the fuck humidity was until I stepped out the sliding doors at Reagan National and was like “Why the hell it feel like I just got out the shower in this bitch?” Me and my “wrap” (look it up) soon found out.

I don’t do perms and all that drama cause In Cali, a pressing comb will get your shit straighter than an asian chicks and we have great weather majority of the time (laughing at ya’ll right about now). But living in DC taught me how to work it out. I used to braid my kunta kente mess up with leave in conditioner and then unbraid it so it could have that mixed hair vibe so I was low key exotic looking sometimes (I got indian in my family…today!) , and when I came home to Cali with this new do it was well received (albeit looked at strangely at first) cause girls in LA dont do natural, WE DO PRESSED. So don’t be fooled good sir, just cause its looks natural, don’t really mean it is.

You say you dont care what the girl hair look like as long as the panties open at the bottom. Mind you, tearing off a crotchless thong, doesn’t really make since now does it…nor can a thong be sufficiently crotchless seeing as how there is not much fabric to begin with, but whatever… just pull em’ to the side already and call it a day. More importantly, It has recently been documented in American history that “NAPPY HEADED HOES” dont get no love, just a whole lot of press (ha ha, get it?). So what is a girl to do?

I keep my hair straight cause frankly my dear, I can’t comb through it any other way. It’s life or death in these streets! Oh my bad, I mean… in my hair, but they’re very similar though.

As for being boring, once again Chris dear I’m so sorry you’ve been banished to the land of the snow bunnies and friends (who wash they damn hair everyday) because Laquanda and them wouldn’t give you no play. Me personally, I swim, exercise, do *stuff* in the shower, and dance in the rain (if it ever rains round here) when ever possible. Yea, my ish kinks up but I’m more of a wet it now, press it later kinda chick. A true rebel.

Hopefully… one day, Boomkesha will let you sweat her shit out and bring you back on home where you belong, until then

Ciao

3 04 2008
london

”Hopefully… one day, Boomkesha will let you sweat her shit out and bring you back on home where you belong,….”
haaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..
he would be so lucky…

3 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

“You say you dont care what the girl hair look like as long as the panties open at the bottom. Mind you, tearing off a crotchless thong, doesn’t really make since now does it…nor can a thong be sufficiently crotchless seeing as how there is not much fabric to begin with, but whatever… just pull em’ to the side already and call it a day”.

**Claps**
Tell em..

3 04 2008
Angry ver. 3.2 (Beta)

Not bad – of course there’s the all-too-present solution to all of this: WEAVE.

MAN I HATE WEAVE.

3 04 2008
The Chronicles Tonight 7-9

Angry, don’t hate the weave man lol. If done the right way, you wouldn’t even know the difference. We aren’t talking about the rainbow coalition having a meeting on the head. And it can get wet, with the good stuff that is :).

3 04 2008
future scientist

i’m a black woman who proudly wears her hair natural and enjoys doing many of the things on your list on a regular basis (except maybe join the navy…) and more. i can’t describe how freeing it is to be natural.

btw, i absolutely love. your. blog.

3 04 2008
Dom

^^ And I hate men who say they HATE WEAVE but love to talk about how beautiful Beyonce/Mariah/Naomi/Every other black female celebrity is! Even Jill Scott (yes, the “Natural” sistah) has a natural damn weave!

3 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

lol@ dom

3 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

Weave is the best thang since Chris’s blog…

ha

And I look damn good with mine…Hav you wanting to marry a nigga

3 04 2008
sistertoldja

“Natural” weaves creep me out! Jill Scott definitely rocks one sometimes and Angie Stone ALWAYS has a weave of some sort. Erykah’s locs were weave and I suspect Lauryn’s were too!

Beyonce looks great, because she’s on TV. But if you had a regular girl who wore a lacefront wig (that is when a wig has a layer of lace, which you put on your forehead and cover with makeup, to give the illusion of a hairline) and a comperable amount of makeup….most men would be creeped out. They want the look and feel of long straight hair, but not the complications of the upkeep or the weirdness of synthetic hair.

@ ImaG- It is conditioning. That doesn’t make you a bad person, just a Black man.

3 04 2008
zoso

thebusinesswoman is my role model.

3 04 2008
Machete

I gotta agree with zoso.

thebusinesswoman, you should start a blog of your own if you haven’t already – you crack me up!

3 04 2008
Mr. Smith

HAHAHAHAHA! Ya’ll are killing me! Im still wiping tears from the join the navy crack. Well, since we’re on that topic, I finally have a reason to share this picture:

Have to admit though, straight hair conscious “my hair will turn” women are no fun. By all means ladies, do your hair if you’re going to like a nice sit down dinner or function that you know will involve none of the above activites. But to do it, knowing one of those activities is in the forecast (clubbin could very well = sweating although it doesn’t have to)? You’re just making yourself the “no-fun” honey of the group.

Thumbs down to the weave. I’m sorry I’m 100% with Angry V Beta on this one. Fake hair will always look like fake hair, and horse hair well, will always look like you plucked it from a horse’s butt cheeks and tied it in your own hair.

3 04 2008
bluedoll

I am a creamy crack user. I will do many activities that will cause my hair to revert, except join the Navy because I am an Army brat through and through. This is why God invented the flat iron. If I don’t feel like dealing with the iron, I have a beautiful head wrap that I use. When all else fails, I grab a scrunchie or what have you, pull it back and keep it moving. I am not my hair. Short, long, nappy, wavy whatever, if it’s healthy and its yours *or you have the receipt*, I say do you. I am not keeping myself from having any fun or experiences because I don’t want my hair to revert. Shooot…

My man wants it long enough to pull. I said if he’s willing to contribute to the upkeep, let’s see how long it can get. He’s cool with that.

and yes, pull the panties to the side, rip them off, do whatchu gotta do and KEEP IT MOVING.

3 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

Awww thank you, you guys are making me blush.

I did just start a blog on wordpress. Its called ” Get Your Ish Together”

Its brand new, only a couple post deep but I’ll get it poppin sooner or later.

I’m trying to get Chris to marry me online so once that happens, maybe he will let me contribute.

I will never be on his level, but betcha by golly wow, ever king needs a queen…

or a joker

3 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“I’m trying to get Chris to marry me online so once that happens, maybe he will let me contribute.”

Better be careful, girl. Next thing you know you’re gonna have a tall ill-tempered Indian at your door begging for pancakes and bison burgers…

3 04 2008
brran1

Just as long shorty isn’t wearing one of those frizzy weaves or hair long enough to where you could look and tell its far from being hers, im good.

3 04 2008
CountessPisstivity

This post made me choke on my water…too funny.

But since I fall into this category, I gotta defend myself…

I DO:
Run around in a rain storm (I love it)

Go snorkeling, swimming, or scuba diving (snorkeling & scuba diving, no. Haven’t had the chance yet. Plus, the thought of submerging myself into “natural water” gives me the heebe jeebies…wierd, but part of who I am. Swimming in a pool, definitely. One of my favorite things to do…)

Participate in a wet t-shirt contest (Hell nah…but not because of my hair. I’m an undercover freak…no need to show these “girls” to everybody.)

Go outside on a humid day (PLEASE…I live in Louisi-fuckin-ana. WINTER is humid)

Save your life if you fall off a boat (That all depends on how important you are to me…tried to jump in a pool to help a kid and the fucker almost knocked my ass out even AFTER she realized someone was going to help her)

Exercise (don’t do this very much, but not because of hair…large breasts are not all they’re cracked up to be.)

Join the Navy (HELL nah…kudos to all who serve, but the military is definitely something I’d never do…even if I had shaved my head with a straight razor)

I guess part of this is because I REFUSE to pay someone to do what I already know how to do my damn self…so I’ve lost no money, etc. (One of the perks to having a grandmother who was a cosmetologist and an older sister who followed in her footsteps. They taught me well.)

3 04 2008
NappyK!

You are sooo right! I love my kinks and napps and would not trade them for the world!! I also like the fact that my students are able to see a grown woman, who has a college degree, decided to keep the napptural style. But, yes I do hate it when I have friends who don’t want to go to the mall because they just had their fix of creamy crack…..but I still love them and make fun of them too! Thank God for rainy days! LOL!! Btw I love your blog!

3 04 2008
70ssoulchild

ROTFLMBO!!!!! Love it..thank you for breaking it down. I wear dreads and you hit the nail on the head for my reasons for coming out of straight hair!

I figured I logged enough hours at the beauty shop/salon for one lifetime and was tired of my hair dictating what I do. Can’t even begin to explain the joy and freedom of walking in the rain without an umbrella!

3 04 2008
The Devil

mmmmmm…Pancakes and Bison burgers! Sounds like breakfast, lunch, and dinner at my house.

deliciouso

– The Devil

3 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

I still like straight hair but I can live with out it as well. I only straighten my hair if my man takes me out some where other than that its big ol beautiful mess… I wanna go scubba diving!!

3 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

Bison Burgers…aww shawty want a HU sandwich…

Seriously tho, you eat that?

4 04 2008
Mrs.Epps

I not as good as Chris but check out my blogger page!! I got shit to rant about to from a womans point of view!!

http://mrsepssrantontheworld.blogspot.com/

4 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

Creamy crack, I like that. No respect: but every “relaxed” woman I meet says they wish they could be natural. I don’t think women are afraid to be natural though, they’re afraid to have short, nappy hair. Short straight hair is cool, a la Halle Berry and Toni Braxton back-in-the-day. But short, nappy hair isn’t feminine and women of all races tend to define femininity and sexuality in terms of hair. So it’s no surprise that we continue to relax and press our hair, still following an Eurocentric ideal of beauty. I understand for some Black women it is just a style choice, but I just wonder, what inspires their choice. Relaxed women, including myself when I had a perm, say or said “it’s more manageable.” But how would you know your hair’s manageability if you’ve been getting relaxers since age nine. It’s all about education; when you have a perm you learn not to get it wet, not to dye it too soon, not to scratch your scalp the day of. When you decide to go natural/loc, you learn new things, that’s all.

4 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

sorry, meant to type *no disrespect*

4 04 2008
Educated

Sounds like the same debate that was on my site. Hair is a big issue.
http://stuffEBPlike.com

4 04 2008
imaG

Hair keeps it real. I had an up and coming post on this, it hasn’t been written yet.

http://www.anythingblack.net

4 04 2008
ninamosley

i guess i’m considered blessed. i’m one who is down to play in the rain, swim, sweat, etc. because i always have a plan b when it comes to my hair. i never leave home without a comb, brush or rubberband. i will even tuck my hair under with a paper clip if i can’t find a hair pin! i’ve learned at an early age to never let my hair get in the way of having a good time, although i may become salty. that’s why one created gel and a brush.

4 04 2008
Esdotto

Just two quickies… 1) As tedious as it may be to keep your hair straightened, it never looks as bad as some of the “natural styles” (read: rats nests) i’ve seen. Some women can pull it off, others look like they live under a bridge.

2) Clowning that little girl like that? cold blooded man. haha

4 04 2008
Anmarie

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!
Power to the curly frooooooooooooooooooo!

I went natural back in college in 1999! Little kids in the hood would laugh at me when i went home for the weekend. I attended a Nikki Giovani speech and listened as she talked about meeting women with breast cancer that would rather die than become unattractive to men by loosing their breast. Right then i decided to stop perming my hair, stop burning up my scalp trying to look like someone else. Black people were not feeling me, and some folks were actually freaking offended by the fact that I cutt my “long pretty hair” my own hair!

I’m so happy hear a black man say natural hair is a good thing, because this fake shit is getting way to out of hand nowadays. Women can’t feel good about themselves until they attach someone elses hair, nails, breast, ass, legs,arms whatever. Bullshit.

I Love my hair, it’s my crown, And I can wash it everyday and it always smells nice and sweet, so as for a birds nest Esdotto bite me, my hair is always fresh, clean and sexy and i live my life without obsessing about it. I don’t to try to pull anything off, I wake up beautiful.

4 04 2008
Anmarie

* i don’t have to try

4 04 2008
shabooty

long as there aint no ‘nappy dugout’ below, then we guys could care less!

4 04 2008
Anmarie

Yo shabooty, one time, one time sun to catch you in the streets and it’s a wrap for you kid.

4 04 2008
lisaturtle

Some women (myself included) can straighten their hair with a flat iron and if it gets wet it will just revert back to it’s naturally beautiful state.

IT’S HUMIDITY THAT IS THE DEATH KILLER TO ALL PRETTY HAIR STYLES. 😦 That’s why I like ponytails and buns. LoL.

And death to relaxers! I got one over a year ago and my hair has yet to make a full recovery.

4 04 2008
Uhura

I stopped straightening my hair a little over a year ago. The morning of my MBA graduation ceremony my sister cut all of it off and I got to start over with ~ 1.5 inches. Within 10 months it was almost shoulder length again.

Now I use a little mousse and some oil to define the kink / curl pattern.

Some women (the perm zombies) are completely disgusted / horrified with my choice.

Some say “Ew-I could NEVER do that.” (But-homegurl-you’re hair is balding at the top and around the edges…) or “I don’t have the guts to do that“. (Hey-YOU are the same chick who has the guts to perm your hair into oblivion….yes-it takes no guts to walk around with three strands of long straight hair, tons of acne, and a out of shape body… )

I had this Puerto Rican too-light-make-up-wearing-wish-she-was-White chick tell me: “WELL you need to be comfortable with yourself…” In a way that smacked of-I think your hair looks like nappy crap.

BUT-Men (especially Asian, White, and Hispanic men) seem to really like it – or rather me with it; however, and more importantly-I LOVE it. I wish I had done this years and years ago….I have a head full of thick, healthy kinky / curly hair.

4 04 2008
sarah

i get my hair straightened chemically so i can run in the rain and go swimming. when its chemically straightened, you can get it wet and it wont get ruined. you just have to flatiron it to get it sleeker. so, DC humidity doesnt really faze me.

4 04 2008
Uhura

Now that’s some of the the dumbest shit I have ever heard:

i get my hair straightened chemically so i can run in the rain and go swimming.

4 04 2008
Machete

Relaxing my hair makes it more manageable. I can swim, hike, roll in a puddle if i want to, and simply wash and condition it to have a comb run through. If I left it in its true super-tight curly mixed textured state, I doubt I would be able to get my comb back after attempting to comb it after a romp in water. I would probably cause more damage to my hair trying to tear that comb out of the tangles than a simple relaxer could ever do. I don’t spend any money at salons – I prefer to do everything myself and by trial and error I think I have finally perfected the art. AAAAnnnd I can still get my curls back by not using the straightening iron and using gel.

4 04 2008
Anmarie

Relaxer burns and smells

On a lighter note that little girl in figure 1 is sooooo cute my womb aches.

4 04 2008
Nika

The sad thing about this article is that it is so damn true 🙂

4 04 2008
Machete

Ummm get a mild relaxer and don’t leave it in for 3 hours.

4 04 2008
mystiqueP

Dear Chris: Your last line of today mimics highly the work of Maddox (BEST PAGE IN THE UNIVERSE!) Please stop before it starts.

Thanks

4 04 2008
shabooty

hair relaxer smells like my oven on auto-clean after a years worth of gunk has built up.

$

4 04 2008
Anmarie

i used to get the mildest relaxer use the expensive affirm extra conditioning system blah blah blah it burns and stinks and you know it.

4 04 2008
Machete

@shabooty

And you will know this by using it on your pubes? ‘Cos with that mouth/brain combo I doubt any self respecting relaxer using woman would hit that.

4 04 2008
Machete

@Anmarie
I’ll give you the stinks part =) you are right there. But it doesn’t have to burn…get it out when it starts to tingle. Or I guess I am speaking for myself here.

4 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Your last line of today mimics highly the work of Maddox (BEST PAGE IN THE UNIVERSE!) Please stop before it starts.”

a.) This was a coincidence.
b.) No.

4 04 2008
Anmarie

Come on, sista to sista, now you may be a super hero, but I’ve never met a black woman that hasn’t had their scalped violated by relaxer.

4 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

I’m sorry, and I don’t mean to bash women with relaxers, but that “it’s more manageable” argument is such a cop-out. Relaxers share the same chemical composition as Drano, and that combined with constant heat from curling irons, flat irons, blow dryers is not good. So to sarah saying “i get my hair straightened chemically so i can run in the rain and go swimming” is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, too, because that means you’re constantly re-heating your hair.

4 04 2008
Anmarie

mystiqueP come on it’s a writer’s tool, don’t think it has a copy right

even more baby seals were clubbed during the reading of this message.

4 04 2008
Anmarie

Knatural we all now that you can’t get your hair wet constantly with a relaxer and expect to flat iron it everyday without it dropping off your head.

4 04 2008
Machete

@Anmarie

My comment was based on my own experience – I learned the hard way when to take it out. But I am a quick learner…once burned twice shy… I did mention in my prev post that I had to do a lot of trial and error.

4 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

You’re right Anmarie, I know you can’t do it everyday; I guess sometimes I get a little over-zealous in my argument. It’s like being natural is a religion or political party where you’ll say anything to recruit. 🙂

4 04 2008
Machete

@knaturalbeauty

I for one find it more manageable… but that doesn’t mean just cos its relaxed, I have to take a heat-appliance to it. I wear my hair curly a lot – where its just gel holding it together. So yeah, its more manageable relaxed, and it’s not falling out.

4 04 2008
Anmarie

Exactly it smells and it burns that’s all said, it was and is indeed true.

Relaxer smells and burns: Truth

Didn’t have to justify yourself nor did you have to go through all that trial and error, it’s all choice. It is what is, I used to think I’d be a horrible beast if I didn’t have “manageable” hair. But as it stands my hair is wonderful i have my truth you have yours.

4 04 2008
Machete

Indeedy.

I believe being called a relaxer-superhero is grounds for self-justification.

Wow…its Friday and I have waaaay too much time on my hands. =) Chris, sorry for spamming yer blog, I’ll go do some real work now. (I am not pulling a ‘3-degree-Ken’ here …for this is my new crack and I will prolly be back shortly)

4 04 2008
sistertoldja

@ Anmarie-

I am a sister and I have never had a relaxer. Good to meet you! Now you can say you know one!

I was raised to be anti-relaxer, though I did press my hair occasionally in elementary school and twice in college. I don’t think theres anything wrong with pressing or flat ironing your hair (though it does reduce your fun quotient). But relaxing it is ridiculous. Nothing worse than an old black woman with no hair on the sides after 50 years of relaxers.

“Manageble hair”? I can’t buy that. Sisters are just lazy and condtitioned. Putting something in your hair that stinks and burns is not easy to manage. That is silly. Your hair is not a problem to be solved, it’s just something that requires grooming. You know the same Black folks who talk about how “de lawd didn’t make no mistakes” are the ones running from what naturally grows from their head. Sad, sad, sad.

Thank you white people, for what you have done to my kind. We are screwed. We hate ourselves like no other.

4 04 2008
Anmarie

LOL! Nice to meet you too.

4 04 2008
ChocolateGirlWonder

I stopped processing my hair for good in 2001 when I realized I had no idea what MY hair looked like.

I had been conditioned to despise my “naps” (which I found out later on weren’t really all that nappy) and had practiced many forms of straightening over the years. But I wanted to know what God intended me to look like (that’s how I felt at the time) and even though I miss the comb-ability (that’s not a word, I know) I love my hair more now than I ever did, especially after a trip to the Charles Wright Museum in Detroit where the guide, as we were going through the exhibits, explained why my hair was “nappy” in the first place. Something I had never even thought about but it made me proud to be “nappy”.

@ SisterToldja: I don’t think it’s laziness but it is conditioning. Most Black women wouldn’t know what to do with their hair in its natural state.
(btw: I read your blog too!)

4 04 2008
Esquire

I only get a relaxer maybe 3 or 4 times a year because my hair mostly grows wavy. If I went all the way natural I still couldnt grow a true afro. And I really don’t have the desire. No offense toward those who are natural with an afro, twists, or dreads, but its just not my thing. Many of my friends only want to go natual for the price, not the look. There are plenty of Africans such as Ethiopians, Libyans, Morrocans, Egyptians (YES EGYPT IS IN AFRICA), and many others that should be considered beautiful NATURAL african women…with straight hair.

It annoys me a little that a lot of the “natural” women I meet say women who relax thier hair want to be white. What about those “natural” black women who have naturally straight hair? Is having kinky hair a sign of my “blackness?” Im a darkskinned sista with straighter hair. Am I only “keepin it real” by growin dreads or an afro, cause it just cant happen.

Straight hair or slightly wavy, soft, non-kinky hair is not just a European thing. That’s what is so great about our ancestry is that we range from straight hair to kinky. We range from light to dark. We go from the pyramids to the bush. Its not fair to assume just because a woman likes her hair straight, that she wants to be white. (Now if she pops in some blue contacts and lightens her skin, thats an argument for another day.) Im SOOOO tired of “natural” women going on and on about it while sitting in the nail shop getting fake nails or pressing thier hair when they go on a job interview.

All that being said, come down south (North Carolina, South Carolina, Mississippi, Tennessee) and try to have a PROFESSIONAL job (not professors, interns, or beauticians) such as an attorney or a publicist with an afro or dreads…not really happening. Its possible, but you’ll have to work three times as hard on top of the two times as hard you alreay have to do because you are black. I understand we shouldnt try to “fit” in, blah blah blah. “Keepin it real” dont pay the bills. You are not selling your soul to the devil or to the MAN by getting a relaxer or keeping your hair cut.

On a lighter note, your blog is hilarious and everyone’s posts just add to it. This is the best blog Ive seen in a WHILE.

4 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

Esquire: you make a good point, but I think we’re mainly referring to Black American woman, not ALL African woman. I think because of our unique history, and the fact that The States is mostly White, we clash on this issue so much. Blacks are always trying to find ways to “reconnect” with African-ness, such as giving their children African-sounding names, and for some being natural is another way to do that. But you should be tired, sometimes we get out of hand.

And as far as being a professional with a ‘fro, that should change, one day, I hope, soon, maybe.

5 04 2008
ChocolateGirlWonder

@ Esquire

I don’t think your hair has to be “kinky” to be natural… Natural to me means you wear it the way it grows out of your head without using harsh chemicals like lye or lye substitutes or intense heat (that you avoid otherwise) to straighten it.

If your hair grows straight wear it straight. If it doesn’t grow straight and you want it to be straight, wear it straight.

My thing is why do we as Black women want straight hair in the first place???

That’s the question that’s on the table and obviously manageability cannot be the only reason because however you wear your hair you will have to have some form of maintenance to keep it clean and healthy.

We can’t ignore that the ideal of what is considered to be beautiful in this country plays a big role in that… And Black women straighten their hair in this country because it makes them feel beautiful – which is messed up because they associate not having straight hair with not being beautiful.

5 04 2008
lisaturtle

IDK ChocolateGirlWonder… I put the relaxer in my hair over a year ago in defiance of my mother and because I had never had one and because I wanted to be lazy and and have the option of shedding time off straightening my hair when I wanted it straight. Unfortunately, it made my hair bone straight and I cried about it for months and months. I don’t think straight hair is necessarily prettier… It’s just not how mine is naturally so of course it intrigues me that I can straighten it. It’s no different that people born with bone straight hair (usually white people) who get “perms” to add curls or waves. My white girls “scrunch” their hair to get a curly/wavy look. I don’t think that’s any different. People are always looking to the other side.

5 04 2008
Anmarie

What are you talking about Esquire? You’re playing defense like the Kicks back in ’92. Changing your hair temporarily for a different look is different than pouring deadly chemicals on your head because the thought of what you might look like without them (or what people will think of you) scares you. Of course they’re black women who have straight or wavy hair naturally but who mentioned them in a negative light or said they are less black. And if you’re one of them why do you checmically straighting your hair anyway. Is the sight of one curl or kink that offensive? You’re a “little annoyned” lol why because we stick up for our right to be exactly who we are. To in you’re face with our self love, what i you gonna starting calling me a reverse racist now. Because we are walking truth and reminders of America’s hatred of the brown body. Listen as always i say do what you want, but you can’t lie to me about the motivation.

Relaxer stinks and it burns.

“All that being said, come down south (North Carolina, South Carolina, Mississippi, Tennessee) and try to have a PROFESSIONAL job (not professors, interns, or beauticians) such as an attorney or a publicist with an afro or dreads…not really happening.”

That’s Racism. R A C I S M .
You think it was easy black in the late 90s in the north when women started wearing their hair natural again. But hey if you’ve internalized the status quo then no one has to make it hard.

5 04 2008
CountessPisstivity

Blah @ Anmarie…

‘”All that being said, come down south (North Carolina, South Carolina, Mississippi, Tennessee) and try to have a PROFESSIONAL job (not professors, interns, or beauticians) such as an attorney or a publicist with an afro or dreads…not really happening.”

‘That’s Racism. R A C I S M .
You think it was easy black in the late 90s in the north when women started wearing their hair natural again. But hey if you’ve internalized the status quo then no one has to make it hard.’

That’s also Reality. R E A L I T Y. The deep south is a whole different animal. People are MUCH more resistant to change and progressive views. There are women here that do not use relaxers or heat to straighten their hair, but in talking to them about it in relation to their professions I found out that they usually waited until they were established in their positions/companies before chopping of their relaxed locks/quit getting it pressed.

Honestly, I don’t think it’s all about the status quo. Some women just like it. They do them…nothing about following others. I think people of all shades are beautiful. As long as their hairstyle suits them and they can have fun regardless of their hair care, etc., what’s the problem?

In other words, they had to get their “foot in the door.”

5 04 2008
Anmarie

I have no problem, don’t care what you do with your hair. I just stated relaxer is horrible which it is. And it’s the truth, people got pissed at me and got defensive. I did it too but i’m not trying to lie about my motivation for doing it, i have relaxed my hair because it’s a more acceptable way to wear your hair, by employers, by most men, by my commmunity in general. It’s not that different else where in the world cry me a freakin river I’ve been rejected from jobs based on my hair and have proof of it. And it is racist for me to be rejected by anyone(even members of my own race) based on phenotypic characteristics that are indicators of race. You have a problem with the truth.

I don’t give a shit what you do with your hair, but I don’t buy the bullshit everyone is selling me. You could say hey I do it because it makes my life socially easier, finacially easier, and it makes me feel pretty because everyone on TV that is viewed as pretty has straight hair, or you can say all the bullshit I’ve heard before. Don’t get annoyed with me for recognizing it as the bullshit it obviously is. Believe me i’m not pissed at you I know what it’s like being a black woman in this country. And the truth remains the more we buy into the status quo, or don’t challenge it the easier it is for corparations to continue being racist, and that;s just common sense.

5 04 2008
msengineerchick

lol @ this convo.

I wear my hair straight because I friggin’ want to and if I decide to change it it’s because I so friggin’ choose.

You wear your hair however you want. Who am I to care, judge, or discuss what I ‘think’ are the sociological, psychological, or economical reasons why you wear your hair that way. Do you and love you…and continue not to care what anyone else thinks.

I think part of the beauty of being a woman is all of the options that we have when it comes to our hair.

In reference to the post…hi-lar-i-ous!! “Join the Navy”…could not stop laughing!

BTW…question for the die-hard I wear my hair ‘natural’ because I will not conform to society…. Do you guys arch your eyebrows, shave your legs, etc, or let that hair grow ‘naturally’ also?

One Love

5 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Anmarie- you must be my soul sister.

@ Engineeringchick and Pissivity: I wear my hair natural because I love the texture that God gave me and I reject the idea that all women need to have straight hair. And yes, I do color my hair and wax my brows, legs, etc. That’s good grooming and hygene, as well as a cultural marker of a Westernized woman. None of us are free from that.

But when you accept the notion that your own hair is unprofessional and not office appropriate or pretty in its natural state, that’s problemmatic. Just admit that you are contioned to believe that your hair isn’t pretty. Stop hiding behind the hypocracy and zealousness of some of the natural sisters and face up to your own demons.

Black men have been equally conditioned about their hair. Not only do many, if not most, of them prefer straight hair, but they have been led to believe that they should only wear their hair low to be professional. White men in the corporate sector can wear two to five inches of hair without any one questioning their professionalism. Yet, a Black man with a few inches of hair, or dreads, is wearing a “political” hairstyle or looks “thuggish”.

Whitey got us with no vasaline.

5 04 2008
hateblkmen

THANK UUUUUUUU ladies for posting your personal HAIR REGIMENTS above. WOW….doing the most
But shot out to Businesswoman, LA LA LAND aalllllll day every day for a PRESS…we do Beauty right in LA. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!

Chris…you are a NUT…ROTF!

5 04 2008
Anmarie

Hey grooming is nice, I don’t know why you’d put it in the same category as checimally changing the texture of my hair. There’s nothing unsightly about natural hair or dirty. I also trim the ends off my natural hair and style it. And wear make-up. What does that have to do with the way I feel about cream relaxer?

5 04 2008
Lonesome Dreamer

Ladies,

Have it short, long, straight, curly, frizzy, relaxed, etc. — as long as it doesn’t stink or look like you escaped from an asylum. Who gives a flying rat’s arse whether its relaxed or natural.

But please don’t go rabid from the opinion of a guy whose head looks like the closest thing to bald. Bald guys should be banned from commenting on women’s hair.

5 04 2008
Anmarie

“Whitey got us with no vasaline.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

5 04 2008
msengineerchick

lmbo!

Lonesome Dreamer- Amen, sister.

5 04 2008
msengineerchick

@ Sister Toldja: I wear my hair straight because I love the texture that God gave me when it’s straight and I reject the idea that all women need to have ‘natural’ hair to be connected to the ‘motherland’ and to fight the powers of ‘whitey’…but hey that’s just me.

I don’t try to change your mind and u def can’t change mine.

Love always!

5 04 2008
Sister Toldja

But why do you love it? Would you love it if EVERY other Black girl had nappy hair? Or if all White girls were using a texturizing process to alter their hair? I didn’t say anything about “the motherland”, now did I? I just don’t understand why sisters won’t admit that your hair is reflective of the society you live in, not some deep inspiring love for straight hair. Truth be told, most sisters with straight hair…..the shit on their head looks dead or like straw! A beautiful girl is a beautiful girl nonetheless, but straight hair does women less favors than they’d like to believe (In my obvs NOT humble opinion).

There are plenty of dreadlocked women who are on some bootlicking, embarrassment to the race type shit. And there are women with perms who are REVOLUTIONARIES, doing their thing to help the people of the world. But, you cannot refute the fact that in a country where 85% of Black women use heat or chemicals or both to alter the natural texture of their hair, the Eurocentric model of beauty has been accepted by our people! What are the preferred textures of hair for Black people? Straight, curly, wavy, “mixed”, “Indian”, etc. Yet do most of our people have hair like this? NO! It makes me sick to my stomach when people tell me I have “good hair”, but I realize that my fight has been less challenging than women with nappier hair because I endured less pressure to straighten it.

We have allowed someone elses standards to become our own and have both conceded defeat and acquiesed to the notion that what we have is not beautiful.

Sorry Chris, we have hijacked your post and turned it to Black Hair Monthly (“Now with more self-loathing!).

5 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I ain’t complaining 🙂

5 04 2008
Anmarie

“But please don’t go rabid from the opinion of a guy whose head looks like the closest thing to bald”

Dreamer he’s Bald! Bald! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaald! :-O damn it!………you mean this isn’t his hair? 😦
http://stuffblackpeoplehate.com/about/
I feel betrayed

Who gives a rats ass? well acording to Esquire and Pisstivity women with natural hair are unemployed in the south, unsless they pull a switcharoo on the good ole boys.

6 04 2008
Lonesome Dreamer

^ You missed the point. And I don’t call a few goose feathers hair.

My point is: Be and let be. Why does any kind of opinion that slightly deviates from the ‘au naturel’ brigade result in such hostility? I personally find dreads ugly …. and trust me… no white person was involved in the creation of that opinion.

6 04 2008
Lonesome Dreamer

P.S. The dreads was just an example — that could apply to anything.

6 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Bald? No! I don’t believe it. I vote no on baldness. In my head, you are still gonna be Craig David. sans British accent, plus this wit that is so close to my own, I fear we may be siblings.

Chris, was the actual intention of this blog to create a national, ladies-only Chris Fan Club? You’re just a little too “good” to be true, throwing out the little subtle ‘fall in love with me’ hints (see: “Christmas morning”). And we just seem to be eating it up! Well, you can’t suck me in buddy. I am steel against your charms! Not I!

Um, did I mention I make a mean stack of pancakes?

6 04 2008
Anmarie

” throwing out the little subtle ‘fall in love with me’ hints (see: “Christmas morning”). ”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!!!! that was great.

Sister Toldja I may be falling in love with you now. but Chrrrrrris my pancakes are better. lol 😛

Dreamer dreads think you’re ugly, how’s about that!

6 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

Haha I’m not bald, but here are some reasons that I suck:

1. I have a gigantic forehead
2. While I’m not skinny, I’m pretty damn lanky
3. I think competitive farting is funny
4. I talk too fast and too much
5. My legs are freakishly long
6. I am EXTREMELY hard headed and impulsive
7. I procrastinate virtually everything
8. I am easily and frequently motivated solely by spite
9. I am insanely competitive with everyone about everything
10. My hair is slowly beginning to recede at the temples. Rogaine, anyone?

There ya go 🙂

6 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Anmarie, I love you too ESPECIALLY after “Dreads think you’re ugly”!!!!!! BWAHAHAHA! Match set and point, sis! We can totally be Betty and Veronica up in this piece and secretly beef over this Native American/Negro Archie! 😉

6 04 2008
ninasimone

the most asinine reasons black women often give for relaxing are because they feel they wont look right or that they cant comb their hair…how do you know you cant comb it if you’ve never had a head full of your own hair in your adult life??!!??? and what is looking right? looking less like your ancestors are african??? and what idiot tries to pull a comb through dry, tightly coiled or curly hair? they must missed the chemistry class lectures on proteins ( tertiary and quaternary structure???) —respect the coil and curl of your hair…respect the chemistry!!!…comb it wet, moisturize it..having natural hair isnt quantum physics…it just requires patience. no women of any race should feel defective because of some part of her phenotype. I hate the world sometimes.

6 04 2008
ninasimone

oh and this was hilarious….the baby seals comment was painful lol

6 04 2008
Anmarie

Sounds like a man to me. 😛 but come on Christmas morning makes up for the minor little spite thing. lol ;-P

6 04 2008
Lonesome Dreamer

*rolls eyes*

6 04 2008
Anmarie

Ha Ha come on don’t be made next time you’re in nyc I’ll buy you a ice cream cone and a afro wig.

6 04 2008
Anmarie

*mad

6 04 2008
Sister Toldja

LOL! Anmarie, you’re in NY too? You ARE my soul sister!!!!

Dreamer: let us upgrade you! Come to NYC and chill with us. Soon, you’ll be singing the Jigaboo’s verse from “Good and Bad Hair”!

6 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Chris: You aren’t even trying, dear. You say “freakishly long”, we hear “freak” (at least I do). Besides, lanky+ long legs= my idea of a good time (I’m not as good with the math problems as you, mine are usually of the 1st grade remedial variety). I’m gonna act like number 3 doesn’t exist.

Thanks to all for the laughs tonight. Time to go party and bullshit, and bullshit and party. Joyous noel to all! 😉

6 04 2008
CountessPisstivity

@ Lonesome Dreamer…Amen!

@ Anmarie…I NEVER said that they all were unemployed or had “pulled a switcheroo”…I was speaking of the women that I have personally talked to. The ones who didn’t get the job and decided to go natural once established (or didn’t do the “old switcheroo” as you called it) work in careers where creativity and individuality are encouraged and admired. I get the impression that you believe that anyone who chemically alters their natural hair texture has bought into the idea of Euro-American beauty. If that’s what floats your boat, then continue. But like someone else said, you won’t change my mind and I’m not trying to change yours…just providing a different point of view. Obviously that’s upsetting for some reason.

As far as the shaving, dying your hair, waxing, etc. question that was asked…thanks for asking that. I was wondering myself. Some of the responses about wanting to see themselves “as God had intended” made me wonder because obviously God intended us all to have hairy legs, thicker eyebrows, etc. I was just wondering how far the “au naturale” thing went.

6 04 2008
Anmarie

Ah bah hum bug to paper thin assertion at the top there. I never tried to convince anyone of anything, I insulted your liquid crack by calling it a smelly scalp burning dangerous substance and then yall got all defensive like I was lying. So here we are. It’s one in the morning and I’m still talking about this because i love my natural hair and hate checmials that would change it, you’re like white people. You’re mad at me because i love being black. Like Hilliary calling Obama racist for attending a black church. You’re a black female facist. Terrible, you have been clubbing baby seals :-O … i can feel it.

Bah bah bah humbug at paper thin argument number 2, If the fact that i groom my body makes my point about checmical treatment invalid, do you suggest that i stop showering too since God intended that people smell without bathing to prove a point. I mean I use natural soap and clean razors, is that enough, to get you to stop calling me a hypocrite.

I LOVE BEING BLACK!!!!! HA! IN YOUR FACE FACIST!

6 04 2008
keta

This comment frenzy got way out of hand, I see. Ya’ll be going hard on your hair. I was bout to give a “internet head nod” to my fellow LA-yer up in here until I read her name…’hateblkmen’

Im like booooooo (apollo style), what in the mutherfuckin fuck are you in here for ?

Also, the reason I never got a perm is because round my way, its taboo and noticable as hell.

Its taboo because its like advertising that yo shit is so gotdamn horrific that a pressing comb/flat iron couldn’t get it right. Not to say that a high level of nappy is a bad thing, because nappy is as nappy does (ha ,I just made that shit up )but it shows that you have not been maintainening a upkept appearance. For instance, since my hair has been getting pressed all my life, it is trained. Meaning that the natural curl pattern is somewhat out of whack because it is used to going in a certain direction. So on the bad side, when I do wanna wear it kinky curly or whatever (usually in the summer cause Im in water all the time plus, that shit is just cute! Big curly hair, yellow sundress, fly ass wedge sandals, and some big ass shades, act like ya’ll know) it takes some time (or survival tactics like pre-braiding and leave in conditioner) to get it back extra curly. But on the good side, since it is used to being straight, when it comes time to flatten it out, its a smooth transition in a small amount of time.

Why is it so noticeable when a chick got a perm. Because her hair don’t fuckin move in the wind! Her shit be on stuck like she used that organic gel from “there’s something about mary”. It just looks freegin wack. Whats the point of having this manageable do, if nobody (or you, for that matter) wants to put there hands through it cuz it look like a hair wall, or hair paper, or some form of lame cardboardish looking shit.

Furthermore, I don’t know about you, but I change my hair up because I can, and most importantly, because I FUCKIN FEEL LIKE IT, it really isn’t that deep. If you got deep issues about it, then here’s a sincere “woosah” just for you.

Lastly, Chris, why are you telling us all these things wrong with you like we really care. You gotta BIG DICK and thats all that matters… in America… and the universe… and the whole planet… and beyond

That’s all that matters

6 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

got dammit, it took me back to my clark kentisha name…

Businesswoman is back…dun dun dun dun!

6 04 2008
Young Lioness

You’re right. I AM fucking awesome 🙂

7 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Keta, you are hilarious! I posed a question to you on your blog.

7 04 2008
Esquire

lol.
Im just saying. I like my hair straight because it grows naturally like that. I wasnt trying to offend anyone, just puttin it out there that natural doesn’t always equal kinky.
And where I live, it may be R A C I S T to discriminate against those who have naturally kinky hair and wear it that way, but it’s just a reality of where I have chosen to reside and raise my family. Those who do so have reached a point in thier career where it doesnt matter.
What Im annoyed at is not sistas with naturally kinky hair, but when they give me the 411 on how Im tryin to be “white” while they got in blue contacts and getting some tips put on. My point was, Im not trying to be white, my hair grows like this. And if it didnt, I might just be doing what a lot of black women were raised doing. Its more of a cultural thing, not Im raised to think white is beautiful type deal.
It also gets under my skin that relaxing your hair is looked down on, it you dont want the chemicals, cool…dont preach at me or anyone else about how Im killing my head and Im going to die, blah blah, etc etc…while in your dashiki draggin on a Newport thats REALLY going to kill you. Dont be a hypocrite and you aren’t better than me.

@Anmarie, I like you and all your comments. You sound like someone who keeps it natural all the way which is cool. You don’t seem like one of the 45% (I keeps it real) girls Im talking about. You aren’t too “up in my face real”

I like people who are true to what they believe in, I was just puttin a point out there that there are people who are so “anti-Eurpoean” and so into thier “ancestors” that they forget some Africans had straight hair and pointy noses without mixing with Europeans or being influenced by them. Those are the people who assume every “black” person has an ancestor from Southern Africa. And thats just not the case. These are the people who seem sooo damn mad and defensive about hair. Is it right to assume cause my hair is straight, or if I was a girl who relaxed every 6 weeks that I am “scared” or annoyed of a girl with an afro or dreads? naw. That wasnt the point at all. Who’s really defensive?

BTW: I put the relaxer in maybe 3 or 4 times a year, really just because my haridresser periodically does it. I dont frown at the sight of a curl, (which I might actually perfer) my hair is wavy, not curly. Thats an unfair assumption. Point is, I love my people every which way they come, straight, kinky, big lips, thin lips, whatever… I just think the love just come from both ends, since we ARE all black anyway.

7 04 2008
Mr. Smith

I dunno bout all this. It makes me think we all need our driver’s licenses reevaluated every couple years. I was driving in Alexandria last summer and got hit while I was at a dead stop at a red light. The person who hit me did not have insurance, was not driving their own car, did not have a license, had a 4 year old daughter, and was younger than me…

DC n Northern VA… Pretty bad stuff

7 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Aww crap, wrong topic!

7 04 2008
msengineerchick

@ thebusinesswoman:

Girl, you have me rolling at my desk right now!! Keep the posts coming….it’s helping my Monday go by faster!

7 04 2008
Anonymiss

LOL! Come on brothaman, you’ve gotta be fair. But yeah, the Make You Wait Hair Salon experience is enough to make you wanna abandon relaxers.

Still, it’s demanded of Black women (like most people) to be presentable at work and palatable everywhere else. The problem is that our natural hair texture isn’t universally found to be presentable. So some of us opt for frying our hair. Luckily I live and work in a pretty progressive major city, so braids suit me just fine.

Sistas make me laugh when they ask cashiers for an extra plastic bag to protect their hair. My mother does this too, LOL!

7 04 2008
Miss Cocoa Luv

DAMN is all that I have to say, 121 posts on this topic??? Chris look at what you started lol. You know that hair is a big thing for us Black women. You wanted more attention, I get it 😉 lol. Btw if ya’ll want to hear Chris click here: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DS92PFC4

And if you are Natural, Relaxed or whatever so what? If you love it i love it. To each her own. Hair or No hair so what. We are not our hair!!!! OK That’s all. Have a wonderful day.

7 04 2008
Anonymiss

@ KNatural,

Nappy resentment, Madam CJ Walker, the hot comb, and hazardous lye relaxers preexisted music videos.

7 04 2008
Anmarie

I LOVE BEING BLACK!!!! 😀

Hey Esquire, actually I don’t have a problem with changing your hair everynow and then. Variety is the spice of life. I do style my hair geesh i’m not walking around with tigs and berries in my fro. But I think to many black women old and young still would feel unkept if their hair isn’t straight, that’s just warped. I’m just saying, I used to use relaxer and the stuff i so toxic that i just don’t see the sense in using it just to have straight hair, when; 1. a press and curl and 2. Black hair in it’s natural form is beautiful. It’s beautiful, but you know that in America we’ve been trained to think differently. I don’t understand why people act like that;s not the case. Just the term nappy itself has negative connotations (sp.) I was studing abroad in college with group of mixed race. This one white girl cut her foot and over time it became infected. It looked terrible. She jokingly referred to that foot as nappy. I asked her why’d she would say such a thing: compare black hair texture to her nasty rotting foot, she said she’d never really thought about it, it was joking way that a friend from highschool referred to anything gross. Man that kind of shit is American as Apple Pie, And it is that fucking deep and serious. Big lips, dark skin, kinky hair, big ass, have all been made fun and looked down on since the dawning of our nation. The message is there: You’re inferior, and that’s some deep shit and yes a woman that is afraid of what she might look like with her own texture has internalized this just one form of this message. And I really do love my hair I feel like a lion. lol (but it;s true). Just because I feel relaxer is some nasty stuff that i admittly took part in and i love the way i look now doesn’t mean that i hate or look down on women with straight hair. And their is no reason i shouldn’t be able to express that love. My “woosah”was when I embraced who I am. Weaves however i can’t stand and i don’t care who’s offended. I worked with a woman that sews on the wig cap crap and I think it’s the most disgustingly dirty thing i’ve ever seen, imagine not washing your hair for weeks to keep a hairstyle, gross.
Any way ya’ll be cool and not facist. 😛

7 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

I know Anonymiss, I just mentioned it to be smart. Clearly our hair issues pre-dated music videos. But I do believe that what we see on television, in print, in art, and what we hear in music, and from others, perpetuates what shapes our ideals or beauty, sex, everything. It’s all interrelated somehow, someway. At least that’s how I see it.

7 04 2008
Anonymiss

@ Knatural

Agreed. I can be slow sometimes so I didn’t note the sarcasm 🙂

@ Anmarie

Yup. What you said.

7 04 2008
Sister Toldja

@ Anmarie: Oh, hell and NO! I woulda beat the brakes offa Becky AND stepped on her crusty-ass foot! I remember the White kids in HS using “ghetto” as the adjective for anything bad, but “nappy”????? WOW. I would have also informed her that she smells like wet dog and bologna, particularly on humid and rainy days. Then, I would have put a hex on her.

7 04 2008
Anmarie

LOL right, just gave her a stern talking to, but your way is better, I didn’t think of that. Next time hahaha.

7 04 2008
Anmarie

Matter of fact, from now on as a general rule i think we should reserve the spankings we give our children for white folks that get out of line. The world might be a better place.
Thanks you’ve changed my world.

7 04 2008
Sylvia/M

I spoke to a few of my friends with natural hair, and we agreed (I don’t have it):

If push comes to shove and you painfully miss straight hair, buy a wig.

7 04 2008
Yonnie3k

Chris, I thought we had something special? I’ll make your pancakes just the way you like ’em. Why you tryna start online beef between me and thebusinesswoman?

7 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

@ Sista T

Thanks for the love girl, Its bout time somebody walked on over to my page, and as for white people having that weird as smell! WTF. I used to date this white dude and even though I totally dug him, when we would be sleep my silence of the lambs ass would be taking wiffs of his back and examining his moles and stuff. I just didn’t get it. He fresh out the shower and he still had it. I mean you know us woman have a tendency to glaze over the randomness when we like somebody. So to be honest, it didn’t deter me because it really wasn’t that prevalant until I started looking for it and baby boy was getting it in (wink wink) so you know, I had to let those minor details sliz-zide. But nonetheless, he low key reeked. But moving on…

@AnMarie

“Big lips, dark skin, kinky hair, big ass, have all been made fun and looked down on since the dawning of our nation”

Girl, not no more. I got a homegirl from detroit that moved down to hollywood to pursue they same thing we all pursuing down here in hollywood and almost everyday some of them ‘white beeeyotches’ (like Bernie Mac in Player’s Club) be asking her who did her lips and this chick replies, “Jesus, stupid!” I love it. So big lips, big ass are in by way of injection, dark skin is in by way of tanning and sprays, and kinky hair is in by way of perms (for them) and weaves (did ya’ll see angelina jolie in ‘A mighty heart’ hys-fucking-sterical) so don’t even trip.

It takes a lot to get a rise out of me and hair is not one of things.

Head maybe… but not hair ;0

7 04 2008
thebusinesswoman

* one of those things

7 04 2008
Uhura

Anmarie was kicking some raw raw knowledge up in here.

Bravo Anmarie.

7 04 2008
Anmarie

Women are crazy! LOL

“So to be honest, it didn’t deter me because it really wasn’t that prevalant until I started looking for it and baby boy was getting it in (wink wink) so you know, I had to let those minor details sliz-zide. But nonetheless, he low key reeked. But moving on…”

This has offically taken place of “Stalin is my homeboy” as the funniest thing I’ve ever read.

Big lips, dark skin, kinky hair, big ass rule in hollywood not the boardroom. unless of course it’s a hollywood boardroom.
But nontheless: “Head maybe… but not hair ;0” -WORD UP, as we say uptown.

Thanks Uhura, look at that this time you spelled my name right 😛

7 04 2008
OnyxDiva

See… I almost would’ve agreed with you… But that’s why there are products such as hats and hair spray to keep hair in place!

That and the fact that a few weeks back, I went skiing in the rain (POURING RAIN). Yea, black people do ski!

8 04 2008
Quirky Cutie

“BTW…question for the die-hard I wear my hair ‘natural’ because I will not conform to society…. Do you guys arch your eyebrows, shave your legs, etc, or let that hair grow ‘naturally’ also?”

I think there’s a difference between maintaining an image as a Western female, and trying to look like another race. Shaving, waxing and tweezing, curling or straightening your hair are FEMALE habits. Even white women with naturally curly hair go for expensive Japanese straigtening. That shit costs 100’s of dollars and grows out just as fast as a relaxer. However, attaching horse hair to your head and wearing blue contact lenses are a different story. You can try to argue that they’re part of trying out a new look, but come on, it just looks ridiculous. And why not wear red contacts then if it’s just for a different “look”?

I’ve been growing out my relaxer for a year, so I just get it blown out until it’s long enough to wear naturally, then I’ll cut it. Honestly, I’m tired of being a slave to the salon. If I go on vacation, I don’t want to have to worry about if I can find a good salon, not to mention lugging products and blowdryers and whatnot. I honestly can’t do my hair myself. It’s way too think, long, curly (AND wavy AND kinky). It can’t even pick a texture for God’s sake. Everytime I go to a salon, they say “tiene mucho pelo.”

I don’t know how wearing your hair naturally is making a “political statement.” Quite the contrary. To me it says ‘she wants to be able to sleep in on a Saturday as long as she wants to, and save an extra $30 a week. ‘ As long as your hair is clean and trimmed, it’s all good. What bothers me is when people look like they have a half-ass straightening job. If you can’t get it right, just don’t bother. It looks MUCH better naturally, trust me!

Btw, anyone in NY know of a good Dominican salon in Manhattan not far from the subway?

8 04 2008
Anmarie

Which subway?

8 04 2008
naijagirl

Can I say that as a black woman in college who is transitioning from relaxed hair to natural hair I cannot thank all of you enough. I happened to come upon this blog and reading the post and the comments reinforced my desire to embrace the kink. I made the decision to go natural for the same reasons many of you did: I was just tired of the smells, and the chemicals. AND..my hair was a limp mess. Why am I forgoing thickness and volume for limpness. First of all, Chris, it is refreshing to come upon a black man with your perspective on hair because let me tell you: it is RARE. Your other posts are so funny and so true btw, keep it up. Secondly, to anmarie, the businesswoman, and sister toldja, you women are FEROSH as Christian from project runway so eloquently stated, not to mention inspiring and HILARIOUS!

8 04 2008
Uhura

I try not to be judgemental, but I do feel sorry for women who have exactly three strands of long, straight hair.

I know a young woman who’s hair is beginning to thin out along the edges and in the top but it’s past her shoulders and bone straight-so she feels beautiful.

When I gently pointed out that her hair was beginning to thin because of the relaxer, she stated

“Well, it still blows in the wind.”

To which I replied

“Well, if that’s the rubric-then you have the same thing in common with every balding white man on the planet.”

8 04 2008
Esquire

Well said Anmarie.

BTW: It really pisses me off that people say “good hair and bad hair” my daughter has “good hair,” but her daddy got “that nappy stuff” “Be glad you got your mama’s hair” What is that to say to a 3 year old! It aint right to teach her that my husband is in some way not as “good” as me and her.

Thank God you were patient with Becky and her gangrene foot. There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity. Sometimes people dont know unless you teach them.

8 04 2008
Anmarie

So funny, this one post has become the female subculture of the Stuffblackpeoplehate blog. Naijagirl you are precious, love love love and enjoy college and yourself. 😉

8 04 2008
Lynn

lol….All this posting tells me is you can’t please everyone. I have come to the realization that as long as you look neat and keep yourself up SOMEONE will be attracted to you. I have had my hair BOTH ways and attracted men however I wore my hair. I think bottom line men want you to look decent, and be fun. Well at least this is what I am getting from this post. I think the big deal about hair is something self made…Look at it this way if we all wore our hair in ways that we felt comfortable and let others know we didn’t give a damn about it what could they really do. The problem is we allow the opinion of others to sway the way we do things. If a girl wants to be anal about her hair coo…find a chick who isn’t. What it is probably, is you find the girl who is serious about her hair attractive yet once you realize she has her limitations in what you deem as fun then you getting mad…but yet let her turn around and go natural and not care no more you will be quick to send her right back to the shop….Like I said we can’t please everyone..Just do you ya’ll whatever you want to do with your hair..Somebody will like you

8 04 2008
Uhura

It’s not that simple, ma’am.

Hair texture is a very divisive force in the Black Community and the source of much anguish.

The undercurrent that straighter hair is “better” is the jaundiced sibling of the idea that lighter skin is better / more attractive.

8 04 2008
Uhura

This person said it very well:

I used to work for an optometrist, and when I did, we used to sell a lot of colored contact lenses. Though the lenses came in many different colors, no one ever picked brown. Hazel and Honey were popular choices for people with very dark eyes, but I can’t recall anyone ever choosing brown. I don’t even think we stocked that color.

In communities of color, internalized racism often causes us to rank our features as good or bad, pretty or ugly by how closely they resemble whiteness. In this paradigm, straight hair beats curly, light skin beats darker, eyelids without folds in them become coveted and worth surgery to “correct.” Of course, there are many who reject this criterion and create their own standards of beauty, but it’s also hard to escape constant and ceaseless messages about what is desirable and what isn’t.

When I was younger, I was one of those non-white kids who desperately wanted colored contacts. Nothing in the world would have pleased me more than violet-colored eyes. I would have settled for green, too. But, I also took a lot of pride in the fact that my eyes were lighter brown than the eyes of my mother and my two sisters. I would stare at them in the mirror sometimes, in the sunlight if I could, because they looked golden in it. I’d tell myself that they were almost hazel. I remember one moment after a long cry that I looked in the mirror and was thrilled that the redness of my face almost made my eyes look a muddy greenish brown. Of course, to the majority of white folks, my brown eyes would never be special. They probably weren’t even special in my own family, or at least my source of dubious pride was never acknowledged.

At the optometrist’s, I was given free samples from time to time, and colored contacts were gifted to me several times by contact lens company representatives eager to win a new devotee. Predictably, I looked ridiculous in blue and green eyes, but I especially looked bad in purple. I could barely look at myself in the mirror with those hideous lavender things on my eyeballs, and had a good laugh at how secretly disappointed my adolescent self would have been, yet how diligently I probably would have worn them anyway.

As it stands, my eyes are not quite Honey, but not quite Chocolate either. They work perfectly with the rest of my features, and they’re not better or prettier than anyone else’s dark brown eyes. Unlearning a life’s indoctrination of racism takes, well, a life, and sometimes it’s realizing the little things that help you the furthest.

Source: http://www.racialicious.com/2008/04/08/brown-eyes/#more-1410

8 04 2008
Seven

I have a fixatation with hair and no its nothing freaky. I just feel that this post should not just be geared toward black women. All women have issues with their hair and there are times when we don’t want to look like a cat left outside during a thunderstorm! Try getting a white or asian woman to go swimming right after she’s had a permanent…she’s slit your throat and spit down it! It’s not just black women who are “protective” of their hair-its all women. So if you wear it straight or curly, it should not be an issue, it should just look good. 🙂

8 04 2008
Lynn

It is if you let it be….I walk out the house with my natural hair and can care less what anyone else thinks. If it is something that YOU are self conscious about then I have sympathy for you. Just as many people I have had hate on my hair I have had just as many if not more loving it.. That is no different then when you get a weave…there are those who will hate it and those who will dislike it. It depends on whose acceptance you are trying to get and the only one I care about is my own..

9 04 2008
KG

From Scurls to 10000000 brush strokes to wave enforcement by torniquet/doo rag, plenty of black men have hair issues too.

9 04 2008
Quirky Cutie

Anmarie…I’ll travel anywhere, however the 2/3 and 4/5/6 are the best for me. It’s a pain cause a lot of them are uptown and I work downtown so I have to rush out to make it, usually they close at 6:00. Thanks.

9 04 2008
Anmarie

I don’t know if she’s still there but Carmen on 107st Lexington did a great wash, set and blow black in highschool and my first year of college. That was ten years ago though I’m old. Take 6 to 110st

These two are definately still there:

Leela’s on 147st St. Nicholas. I know they’re still there and they do pretty good hair. Take the A or D to 145th St.

Also there’s one on 142st and Bradhurst, the “blond” girl’s very good, Also take the A/D to 145th and St. Nick, walk down the hill two block to bradhurst. Then go down town.

Let me know if you need more clarification. If Chris is nice enough to give you my email and still has it, maybe you can email him and ask for it.

Hope that;s helpful

9 04 2008
Fruity Pebble

Had to post this week’s experience: My hair is natural, and I live in a humid climate and work out every day, so it’s usually in braids of some sort (micros, cornrows, box braids, etc). I’m between styles this week and decided to air it out a few days before getting it braided again. I moisturized, picked it out into a ‘fro, put on a headband and went about my business. Bizarrely enough, all the white people I’ve encountered have gone ga-ga for my Afro (“OMG it’s adorable!” and “It’s soooo cute” and ” Ooo, a ’70s throwback!” and, inevitably, “Can I touch it?”). But probably 90% of the Black people I’ve seen have given me side-eye! WTF? My only black coworker gave me a distasteful look and didn’t even talk to me! Yesterday, I walked past a group of Black women all with straightened hair, and they all three got quiet when I walked by, wrinkled their noses and gave me uncomfortable glances; one actually rolled her eyes! The only positive reception I’ve gotten has been from Dreads.

This blows my mind. Actually getting static from other Blacks for wearing an Afro, while white people keep telling me how beautiful it looks.

Are we EVER going to get past the Great American Mindfuck?

9 04 2008
Anmarie

Thank you, Ms. Pebble.

See Lynn it’s not that simple. Man I get the same reaction when ever I cut my hair low.
White people – Oh you look like a baby how refreshing, cute!
Black people – Why would you cut all that hair (rolling eye)… You crazy
(yo mama crazy)

9 04 2008
Machete

@Fruity Pebble
yowwch! thats a daggone shame that you can’t get love from your own sisters. I for one think a well-kept fro looks gorgeous and sexaaay. Like Anmarie posted somewhere, we women really need to stop hating on each other. Maybe they felt threatened? thought you were about to shpeal on them about the goodness of naturalness? =) I dunno why on earth you’d get that reaction – especially since you were rockin’ it! … just pullin on straws here.

9 04 2008
knaturalbeauty

Yeah, Thanks Fruity Pebble.
I wear a ‘fro everyday, and sometimes it’s blown out to maximum capacity (nice and obnoxious). And the looks I get, if I’m paying attention, are crazy. I usually try not to give it power, and when I pass folks on the street, I make eye contact and smile, especially if they gave me a funky look. But when I attempt to smile at other Black women, especially relaxed women, they look away or seem viscerally uncomfortable and hesitant to smile back. I usually assume it’s because of my hair, because that’s the obvious difference – not self-consciousness like Lynn said. We just need to be more cordial toward one another, regardless of what our hair looks like.

9 04 2008
Fruity Pebble

@ Machete
Your guess is as good as mine. Hell, I don’t even like giving advice to people I actually know, let alone a stranger on the street; there’s no way I was going to suddenly start telling them which way I think is up, and how they should do their hair. My best guess is maybe it aggravated an internal personal struggle for them. I wish it were as simple as Lynn makes it out to be, but there’s been centuries’ worth of time and effort put into convincing Black people they’re physically and intellectually inferior. It’s all a crock of shit, but history has proven that if you tell a lie long enough and loud enough, people will believe it. And when they’re presented with evidence to the contrary, it upsets them. The hair thing is only one example of this phenomenon. Sad, but true.

9 04 2008
Sister Toldja

“Are we EVER going to get past the Great American Mindfuck?”

No, and BET was created to make damn sure of that.

Do ya’ll ever get the head nod from other sisters with natural hair or brothers with dreads? LOL! I love it! I usually smile at anyone who makes eye contact, unless it is a man who I really don’t want to talk to, but I love getting the nappy “whatsup sista”!

9 04 2008
Fruity Pebble

@ Sister Toldja
I have to sort of disagree with you on that point. It’s too easy to point the blame finger at BET for our self-image issues, but the reality is it starts in our own homes. Hell, I don’t know anyone over the age of 15 who even watches BET any more. But I do know people who openly treat their kids differently based on their respective appearances (i.e. skin tone, hair texture/length). You can almost see the complexes developing in their tiny little heads. BET wasn’t even around when these issues came about. No, I have to say I think BET is just a symptom of a much larger disease.

I know someone who was horrified when his son said he only planned to date white girls because they were prettier than Black girls. He promptly went about filling their house up with Black art, thinking he might change the boy’s mind. I don’t suppose it occurred to the guy that the not-so-subtle messages his son got seeing his mother constantly wearing blue contacts and long blonde weave (with dark skin, looking a hot-ass-Janice-Combs-mess) had anything to do with it. Nope, can’t say I blame BET for that one.

9 04 2008
Lynn

Be happy and glad you are liberated from the mind trap that your fellow African Americans are in. Not because they wear their hair straight but because they feel the need to shun you because you wear your hair naturally. When I wear my hair natural it is not to make any other african american feel more ashamed of what they have done to their hair or to make them feel that they should convert. It is because I am comfortable with it. If they have a problem with it then that is just that, THEIR PROBLEM. It is sad that the people you get the most criticism from when you wear your hair natural are the people who typically share the same texture of hair. That just shows a lack of education on their part. Be glad that you are a strong enough person not to let it effect you. I know I am. It is such a good free feeling. So really IT IS that simple it only because complex when you let what others think get to you..whether they are black, white, whatever..

10 04 2008
-Nomad by Nature-

This post’s comments further solidified my opinion that entirely too much time is wasted on hair/talking about hair/doing hair/fixing hair. Too much time on dead cells —- there is so much better things I could be doing.

Therefore — straight all the way for moi. I wake up and I just need to brush twice/three times max, pull it into a bun/ponytail…and I’m out the door. Hair care with straight hair for me is 5 mins maxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. And I use the iron not relaxer because relaxer is the devil in disguise. I don’t care if others use it but not me….not anymore anyway.

12 04 2008
Quirky Cutie

Thanks Anmarie, what’s the price for a wash-and-set at Leela’s?

18 04 2008
Nice

As a woman who rocks natural hair but also straightens it a la flat irons, I say do whatever makes you happy. I wear my hair natural because it is me. I’m not trying to prove a point or make a political statement. I have long hair, but I even rock a weave sometimes for a different look. Why are we so caught up in this mess about our hair? I love the versatility of my hair- I can rock a fro, curly, or go staight. Whichever way the wind blows. People- just do what pleases you. I respect anyone who is being true to them and not fit into a standard or even prove a standard wrong. Political correctness sucks!

23 04 2008
#30 Deck Shoes

[…] shoes, he wonders if the EBP is being forced onto the yacht. This is because WP think most blacks hate the water and/or do not know how to swim. My statistics show that for every black person that can swim, there […]

29 04 2008
rachism

“This is why God invented the flat iron.” bluedoll

God didn’t invent the flat iron… some motherfucker who saw how much money he/she could make by exploiting the insecurities of black people did.

natural hair, be it straight, curly, kinky whatev is beautiful… hair thats been burned and greased straight sux Hilary’s balls

Chris can I have your kinky haired babies?

29 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Rachism get the fuck out of here. The residential racist spot has already been filled.

29 04 2008
Sister Toldja

Uh, Smith? I think u misread, that, LOLS.

29 04 2008
Nice

Mr. Smith, I checked out the residential racist, but I don’t think it’s Rachism- you must of read the wrong blog. Its ok.

7 05 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

What did I say about mental people? Mr Smith is seeing things now LMAO

7 05 2008
Yeye Akilimali Funua Olade

Not loving our natural Black features, our beautiful woolly hair, full mouth,wide nose and beautiful Black skin is the job white brainwashing did on us since slavery. Now is the time to leave this imitation white girl behaviour behind and LOVE our natural BLACK and BEAUTIFUL hair and features!Teach our children that BLACK features are the most beautiful. Give our children Black dolls,and surround them with Black images. Take them to Africa,Caribbean and Black areas as much as possible so that they will never believe the white lie that they are not the most BEAUTIFUL people in the World. I raised 3 Black girls to love Black hair ,skin color and features and I am proud to say that they know that the Black-skinned(dark),full featured Sister is the most beautiful and that our BLACK standard of beauty is based on the Black Skinned,wooly haired Sister!
Your Sister,
Yeye Akilimali Funua Olade,now back to Africa from Lawrence,Kansas these past 30 years
yeyeolade.wordpress.com(my blog “BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL!”)

8 05 2008
lola gets

When I was in Trinidad on a trip with fellow Howard students, I was the only woman who went swimming, both at the beach and at the hotel. The other girls didnt want to get their hair messed up. Comeon! How can you NOT go swimming on a gorgeous, Trinidadian beach?! Seriously!

Natual hair is the G.O.A.T.

L

13 05 2008
Sandy

That is just not true about natural women not being afraid of water. They are even more afraid because they know how much stress it will be to comb out the hair and dry it. Trust me, I remember my natural days. Now that my hair is relaxed, I do more stuff. I swim once a week and try to work out often. The only thing that stops my fitness is laziness…not hair.

14 05 2008
Muse

How the hell did I miss this topic? Straight hair looks hot on some women. I’m not down with perms but hey do you. Hair is hair. Hair should not limit a Black woman from participating in fun activities.

18 05 2008
NotBlonde

I don’t get all these people talking about how bad permed hair is. I have a perm and have had one since I was 10. I used to have braids when I was younger than that. My mom had my sisters and me have easier to deal with styles because she was a single mom and it was just simpler to not have to fight with our hair every morning.

Now my mom has some skinny dreadlocks growing in because she got tired of people thinking she was Mexican or half white with her perm.

I am very much a black woman but I like having my perm. Sure the stuff smells a little weird but it doesn’t burn if you don’t scratch or wash your scalp for three days before. I am black. I look black. Having straight hair doesn’t make me look anymore white than the girl with the afro so I really don’t get where that mindset comes from.

18 05 2008
lifeisannoying

if black women did not straighten their hair, most of us would be dumped by friday night and that is a fact!
i am speaking the truth, i was natural till i was 21, nothing. got bored and within the week i had gathered 20 telephone numbers from men who swear they had never seen me in my hometown before! literally a week, so it wasn’t as if i’d grown or blossomed.

we would not have any black man near us. because be honest you hate an afro, if it’s braided , combed out ,canerowed or teased in any fashion at all.

18 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Holy generalizations, young lady! I know many Black men prefer straight hair, but if there were no Black men who liked natural hair, there would be NO Black women with natural hair! Zip, zero, none.

I think I meet better men with my locs than I did before. But then again, I started them at 20 and now I am going on 24. I also accepted when I decided to loc that I was eliminating my chances with a lot of guys, but at the same time….I don’t think I would be a good fit for a man who wouldn’t date a sister with locs. I am cutting them in the next month or so, so we will see what the fellas think of that…..

18 05 2008
Knatural

This topic is alive again?
“if black women did not straighten their hair, most of us would be dumped by friday night and that is a fact!” That statement is pure nonsense. And do you really want a man so shallow that his basis of attraction is rooted in how your hair texture?

18 05 2008
Sister Toldja

I know, Knat. Our people are so screwed. I hate us more than we hate us, I swear. Homegirl is probably like 18 or 19 though (hopeskis!). And she is the reason I feel like I gotta be the poster child for natural hair and shit, lol. I am strong enough in my sister-identity at 23 to realize that my hair is best in it’s natural state, but it’s okay if i occasionally put some heat on it.

I am looking forward to rocking this look for a second:

This used to be my job interview wig, lol.

18 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Did I do something bad?

18 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Maybe it was the link? I was trying to show this:

20 05 2008
afrocenchic

I admire your passion. I’m a naptural sista. I’m proud of my hair. I love it so much. It’s nappy and I love it that way. I agree with what you’re saying; however, you must look at what caused this. Why do so many of our sistas attempt to change their crowns? I know that you know the real reason why. You should NEVER call a child with straightened hair a moron. She is only a child and her mother did that to her because of what her mother was CONDITIONED to believe. It is NOT the child’s fault.

Your rant will not be heard from brainwashed sistas. I’m sorry to say that, but it won’t. You’re not addressing the real issue or reason behind the perms and hot combs. Because of the fact that you’re not honestly addressing the real issues, the people who you are trying to convince to love their God-given hair will ignore you. They’ll give you the typical bullshit- oh its too hard to manage nonsense. I used to have a perm. It was not my choice. My mother permed my hair when I was 4. She is an excellent woman, and self-less mother who loves me and did what she thought was best. She may not have understood exactly what negative messages that were ingrained in me by putting the crack creme in my hair, but she is no moron or idiot. She’s just conditioned and I refuse to blame the victim.

Its hard as hell to manage a perm or pressed hair. I’ve had it and I know. You can’t just wash it and comb it. You have to detangle it and not like you detangle regular hair, you have to be extra careful because if not, your weak, processed hair will fall the fuck out. You can’t dye it. You can’t get it wet. If you get it wet, it won’t look the same as a fresh perm. The fresh perm look only looks that way for a week, if that. Its a piss poor attempt to look like a white person because it never looks, feels, or moves the way a white person or any other race of people with straight hair does. If you style it too much and manipulate it too much, it’ll fall the fuck out. I had permed hair literally down my back. Wanna know how? I would have to detangle it very carefully, taking almost and hour. I couldn’t put ANY weave in it b/c it would tear my hair out. I couldn’t dye it. I couldn’t go to sleep without satin or silk hair scarves. After I washed it, I would have to roll it and sit under the dryer (literally for about 2 HOURS!!) b/c if you blow dry your hair too much, it’ll fall the fuck out. That’s too much.

If I were a white woman, or another race where my hair is naturally straight- I would laugh at Black women. I would laugh b/c I would think to myself, look at these women, they go through hours of sewing in MY hair, braiding in MY hair, painful chemicals to attempt to look like MY hair, or hot ass pressing combs to look like My hair and it never works. When the weaves come out, their hair looks way worse than before b/c the weaves almost always tear their weak, chemically processed hair out. Its like those dirty looking white ppl who try to grow dreads. That shit looks a hot ass mess because that’s not what their hair is designed to do. The same goes for us trying to look like them. You can’t even sleep comfortably most of the time. And for what????

I bet that’s what they think. We pay BILLIONS of dollars per year to mostly White ppl or Korean ppl to look like them. What kind of shit is that? I say fuck that- I’ll wear my own beautiful hair that is unlike anyone else’s in the whole world- for free-ninety-nine! LOL.

21 05 2008
Lola

My mother permed my hair when I was eleven and I just grew out my natural about 3 years ago. I go between curly or straight depending on my mood and water is the enemy of any woman trying to hold a curl in her hair regardless of her race. It is true that many brothers are not feeling the natural hair and it is also true that many brothers adore women with long hair. I had one man tell me that the reason men love long hair is because it is one thing that seriously distinguishes men from woman. He said that women with short hair could be mistaken for a dude from a distance (depending on the clothing of course). AND, regardless of what many brothers say, actions speak louder than words so you can say all that shit about how you love natural hair blah blah blah, but when you are over there rubbing one out to the stereotypical light skinned long haired starlet remember this blog. I am living proof, because I am the stereotypical lighted skinned long haired woman and men treat me completely different when I am wearing a bun and when I have my hair completely out. Men have told me straight out that the natural hair shit is just to be politically correct but when it comes down to it all men love long hair. Bottom line; stop giving black women shit for trying to make themselves desirable to the brothers. Look at the pain we have to endure and love us for our commitment. Please note: White women created hair extensions and Japanese Geishas slept with their heads on a block to keep their do in place for months! Things change but remain the same and in the next life I hope you come back as a nappy headed woman seeking the approval and adoration of your typical black man…peace

22 05 2008
justelise

I’m biracial, so my hair is not nappy, straight, frizzy, curly, or wavy. It is all of the above at the same time in different areas on my head. I’ve always lived in places that had real weather (i.e., humidity, rain on a quasi-regular basis, and maybe even snow in the winter), so I’ve always been aware of weather’s effects on my hair. Humidity has never shocked me or sent me into a panic, and I’ve never put a scarf on my head to keep my hair from doing what it’s going to do anyway.

After age 12 I started getting my hair relaxed because it wouldn’t make up its mind. I used to wish that my hair had a denser curl pattern to it (or was more nappy to be succinct), so that I could have grown out a decent afro. Unfortunately, since it had three or four different curl/wave/frizz patterns, and grew differently on different areas of my head, relaxing it was the only way to even out the texture and consistency. I’ve never let my relaxed hair stop me from swimming, running around in the rain, sleeping with my hair unbound on a pillow, exercising and playing sports to the point of perspiration, or any of the above mentioned activities.

I think this post should have been about black women who are shallow about the appearance of their hair, rather than black women with processed or store bought hair. For every one chick with processed or store bought hair who’s scared of a little rain, there are 10 who are not. I, personally, get amused by the gaggle of girls standing under the awning at the salon on a rainy day, cursing at the sky, as I walk umbrella-less to my car after my relaxer touch up.

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

LOL @ your hair description. I am gonna have to use that. I’m not a mulatress, but my hair is confused to say the least. (Am I mulattophobic because I felt the need to add that? ” 😉 )

“I think this post should have been about black women who are shallow about the appearance of their hair, rather than black women with processed or store bought hair”

That’s like going to see a movie about a Gulf War vet dealing with the loss of his legs and saying “I think it should have been about Gulf War syndrome”….while you yourself have the tools to make a movie of your own. The complaint was not about shallow women, it was about women with straight hair.

Question: when did we get to the point where we feel justifed questioning EVERYTHING that other folks do when it doesn’t please us? Is this a Black thing? An American thing? What is it? Who do we think we are? Somebody tell me please, because I encounter this ish on and off the net far too often and it’s really starting to annoy the fuck outta me.

22 05 2008
justelise

Question: when did we get to the point where we feel justifed questioning EVERYTHING that other folks do when it doesn’t please us? Is this a Black thing? An American thing? What is it? Who do we think we are? Somebody tell me please, because I encounter this ish on and off the net far too often and it’s really starting to annoy the fuck outta me.

So you’re cool with people not questioning anything? Just rolling over an accepting whatever people say? I think questioning things is a product of having (relatively) free speech. If you don’t like what you’re reading, turn the computer off.

22 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“I think this post should have been about black women who are shallow about the appearance of their hair, rather than black women with processed or store bought hair”

You have your own blog. Write about it yourself.

22 05 2008
justelise

You have your own blog. Write about it yourself.

It seems more of a topical fit for this blog as it is about a cultural thing amongst black people. As a blog writer you should be appreciative of suggestions for topics.

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

“If you don’t like what you’re reading, turn the computer off.”

Uh, I know you are but what am I???

No one critizized your right to criticize the blog, but when you tell a writer to write about something else because you didn’t agree…..to quote you: “If you don’t like what you’re reading, turn the computer off.”

22 05 2008
justelise

No one critizized your right to criticize the blog, but when you tell a writer to write about something else because you didn’t agree…

The (somewhat rhetorical) questions you asked were clearly a critique of the types of discussions that were happening on this blog, regardless of whether or not you realized it was a critique. So you take issue when someone responds to it?

22 05 2008
Knatural

She didn’t read Why You Shouldn’t Read This Blog.

22 05 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

Justelise,

I guess you haven’t been here long. Just a little tip….people here have problems with any kind of criticism…they like to dish it but strangely they don’t like to take it. Weird huh?

22 05 2008
Sister Toldja

Huh? I am a little confused. I was questioning the need people (namely you) feel to criticize what someone writes about. It’s one thing to say “I disagree with your stance” and another to say “You shouldn’t have written about this” or “You should take an entirely different approach to this subject”. Like, it’s one thing to say “You’re wrong” and another to say “I think that on your free blog, one of which I also have one myself, you should write something else. Something I agree with. I’m not gonna do it myself though, I want you to do it.”.

If you will excuse me, I am gonna be late for my short bus.

22 05 2008
Knatural

Somali Queen! Why’d you leave the facebook group? If criticism is constructive, I welcome it, personally.

22 05 2008
justelise

I guess you haven’t been here long. Just a little tip….people here have problems with any kind of criticism…they like to dish it but strangely they don’t like to take it. Weird huh?

@ Somali Queen: Thank you for your comment, and I wholeheartedly agree. You would think that a site that considers itself “satirist” would be able to not only take the criticism, but spin it into more comedy. If the satire featured here is based on the flaws we see in society (regardless of race as this site successfully makes light of issues in all races), when people point out additional problems, or issues from another angle, you would think that the authors would take it in stride and even use it as material. Furthermore, I’ve seen a lot of people making critiques of things they read, and when there is a response to their critique, they get nasty. If the blog is supposed to be comic, why are you copping an attitude? Shouldn’t you, as a satirist writer, be able to make light of it?

22 05 2008
justelise

Huh? I am a little confused. I was questioning the need people (namely you) feel to criticize what someone writes about.

It’s called literary criticism. There’s an entire industry devoted to breaking down the written word and analyzing it. Literature classes on the HS and college level are devoted to it.

It’s one thing to say “I disagree with your stance” and another to say “You shouldn’t have written about this” or “You should take an entirely different approach to this subject”. Like, it’s one thing to say “You’re wrong” and another to say “I think that on your free blog, one of which I also have one myself, you should write something else. Something I agree with. I’m not gonna do it myself though, I want you to do it.”

In this land of free speech, I am entitled to post an opinion, which I did. I offered my opinion up to the writers at the site as a different angle from which to pursue the discussion. Instead of taking it at that, the conversation has deteriorated into blog authors being unable to take criticism or accept a differing point of view. My blog is technologically and personally oriented, and this type of discussion has no place on it. However, this blog is a good forum for it, and it seems like some of the other people who commented also had different experiences from those in the post which could be explored here.

22 05 2008
Knatural

I have a feeling this entire exchange will be inspiration for the next post: Criticism. 🙂

22 05 2008
SOMALI QUEEN

Knatural, I didnt leave facebook…I was kicked out. Apparently chris likes to ban people who don’t kiss his bum.

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Just kidding — watch him burst an aneurysm.

22 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“You would think that a site that considers itself “satirist” would be able to not only take the criticism, but spin it into more comedy.”

Being curt with and swearing at you is comedy to me. As I’ve said in the title pages of this blog, I am the only person I care about pleasing with this site. Mission accomplished.

“Furthermore, I’ve seen a lot of people making critiques of things they read, and when there is a response to their critique, they get nasty.”

I’m nasty in my posts and many of my comments. This entire blog is filled with anger, vitriol, piss, vinegar, and profanity. Don’t jump into a river and act surprised when you get wet.

“It’s called literary criticism. There’s an entire industry devoted to breaking down the written word and analyzing it. Literature classes on the HS and college level are devoted to it.”

Those who can’t do…complain.

“I offered my opinion up to the writers at the site as a different angle from which to pursue the discussion. Instead of taking it at that, the conversation has deteriorated into blog authors being unable to take criticism or accept a differing point of view.”

This is not a discussion forum, it is a shit pit of trash talk that almost inevitably turns into sex talk for some fucking reason. You are one of a long line of people who have tried to get deep on this site and have met with failure. If you’d like to meet your king, visit the ‘Masters Degrees’ post and search the comments for a guy named Ken. I applaud you, though, because unlike Ken you haven’t sunk to calling us ‘niggers’ and asking your critics to jack each other off.

22 05 2008
justelise

Well, don’t use the word satire to define what you’re doing is clearly not satirical. I’m all for wittily written base comedy with vulgarities strewn throughout, but that doesn’t mean it’s satire. Furthermore, if you don’t want feedback and opinions, close the comments. Open comments are a discussion forum on the net, period. But don’t beat down people for expressing an opinion, as we’ve seen you do multiple times. I am all for you straightening out people who come to the site to post their racist taunts and thinly veiled racist agendas. However, if you’re going to accept commentary and email, learn to take the criticism and the questions about your motivations as well.

And for the record I agree with you about critics. I know plenty of people who are excellent literary analysts and critics, but they couldn’t string two sentences together worth a damn.

22 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

“Well, don’t use the word satire to define what you’re doing is clearly not satirical. I’m all for wittily written base comedy with vulgarities strewn throughout, but that doesn’t mean it’s satire. Furthermore, if you don’t want feedback and opinions, close the comments. Open comments are a discussion forum on the net, period. But don’t beat down people for expressing an opinion, as we’ve seen you do multiple times. I am all for you straightening out people who come to the site to post their racist taunts and thinly veiled racist agendas. However, if you’re going to accept commentary and email, learn to take the criticism and the questions about your motivations as well.”

No.

3 06 2008
Mariposa

I think this blog is thought provoking b.s. Chris can complain about women who straighten their hair and how unfun they are. But when a black girl with straight hair walks past him, I’ll bet he’ll check her out before he does a women with nappy hair.

I have a short ‘fro and I know that most Black men, *especially* in Los Angeles, do not dig it. But it’s not the only place. In Chicago, I get flack from my brothers for my natural hairstyle. And whenever I get long braids, brothers who wouldn’t have looked twice at me with natural hair are all ’bout me no matter where I go.

I would never go back to the relaxer. Ever! I love my hair. However, I understand that part of the reason why women straighten their hair is because the guys love it. As social beings, us women do like to feel validated in our beauty. It’s just too bad that beauty for black women is 99% of the time equated with having straight hair.

3 06 2008
Muse

Mariposa do you know Chris in real life? Even if you did, where do you get off assuming the type of women he finds attractive? That’s the problem with some Black women, they jump to conclusions about a whole group of men based on their own fucked up dating experiences.

I’ve never had a perm; however I rock my hair natural, straight, curly, crazy etc… My hairstyle does not define who I am as Black woman. My hairstyle is reflective of my mood or style during that period of time. At the end of the day it is JUST HAIR. On the same note I don’t judge anyone based on the type of hair style they prefer to rock as long as it looks good.

What’s hilarious is that the only time I hear about Black women who sport natural hair not getting attention are the butt ugly ones with funky attitudes. One of girlfriends rocks a large afro, has chocolate brown skin and gets most of the attention when we go out. The reason why she can pull men left and right of ALL RACES is because she’s smart, funny, attractive, and doesn’t give off a shitty attitude. She smiles and doesn’t have baggage like a lot of other women. BTW she lives in LA as well.

At the end of the day your confidence and attitude will determine how men perceive you. If your natural or straight hair looks like a hot fucking mess paired with a nasty attitude then don’t expect attention from anyone.

3 06 2008
Sister Toldja

Muse- While the assumption is kinda bogus, I will say this….there are a lot of guys who rarely talk to chicks with natural hair, unless it is “mixed girl hair”. Now, perhaps a dude who wrote a blog entry about how he doesn’t like straight hair wouldn’t be that guy (PS- I am over the trolls and the people speculating so hard about Chris’s personal life. Gee whiz. Who cares? He’s funny. We don’t need to be all up in his bizness like that.) Girls who are drop dead gorgeous may get a pass, just as a marginal girl may get a second look if she has a really gorgeous head of hair. But I have male friends who will tell you straight up that they don’t like dreads and afros or fades on girls. And I have dated guys who have let the “I don’t usually talk to girls with locs, but….yours are nice”.

My friend and I joke all the time that I had “a lot of nerve” locking my hair and that most men’s attitudes about dreads are “That shit is cool for my MOM, but I don’t want my GIRL to look like that!” I’m chopping the dreads off in a couple weeks, see how far the mixed girl hair takes me. I’m also gonna start telling men I am creole and wear colored contacts and stay out the sun.

Mariposa-How you gonna call somebody’s writing BS when it seems to reflect exactly what you WANT Black men to say? What WOULD make you happy? Seriously, most of these dudes ain’t on shit, but you aren’t helping the cause with that attitude.

7 06 2008
ph2072

I love this entry. I totally agree with you. This is why I’m glad I have dreads. The only thing that concerns me about rain is getting my clothes wet. But my hair….. who gives a fuck?

8 06 2008
lisaturtle

I agree with ST, I recently cut all my hair off and went BACK to being natural but I have always had what they deem as “good hair” so they see baby-making potential instead of naps. I can’t stand dudes.

9 06 2008
Glennisha

This post was hilarious but, true as hell!………Happily rocking my locs!

17 06 2008
bella

yeah… i would have to agree that most men don’t care what your hair looks like as long as there is some there… but since being natural, i have noticed a difference in the quality of men i would meet before i got married…

but both me and my husband love my curls!

20 06 2008
Keysha E.

A year ago I stop Chemically Enhancing my hair and even when I straighten it ( HOT COMB ) i noticed Im never worried about the water ( rain , shower, sweat ) messing it up anymore. I have grown to love and appreciate the natural beauty that God has given me. and it is much more versatile then when I had a relaxed. My Man loves it my hair as long as it aint a Weave or braids surprisingly his azz is allergic to synthetic hair. he broke out one time I hade cornrows !LOL LOL

Big Up’s for the Article

****Hey Glennisha I see you every where Girl You gets around! LOL****

22 06 2008
chaoticdiva

I’ve got hair from hell. Its long, curly, thick, frizzy, and can eat combs and every kind of hair product thats not a perm (perms break my stuff off). I also live down the street from a water park, AND I have a pool in my backyard.

…there’s a reason the Dominicans are on speed dial. (No, I’m not Dominican!)

22 06 2008
tiffer

I have several different textures in my hair lol…curly, frizzy, kinky…and it’s pretty, but I’d hate to have to deal with humid summers in DC if I actually went natural. I LOVE natural hair and I do believe with more knowledge about it (it’s just extremely curly hair), I’ll transition one day, but for now, I’m loving my no-fuss long, thick, healthy relaxed hair. Honestly, I wash my hair at least 2 times a week and put a lil’ oil in it and it’s good…doesn’t need heat, so it doesn’t break. The less you fight with your natural texture, the more healthy your hair is, so even if you relax most of your curl away…just let it be. You don’t have to make it bone straight. I go to the beach and run in the rain whenever i want and it’s honestly not a problem.

I do have a funny story, though. One of my friends transitioned from relaxed to natural hair for 2 years. I ran into her one day, and her hair had been pressed…it was a lot thicker and healthier looking then I’d ever seen it and it was just beautiful! The only thing was, as she was talking, one side of her hair started shrinking LOL! It was humid outside and i think i felt a few droplets of rain…in mid convo, she whirls around and yells, “GIRL, I GOTTA GO!” She grabbed the side of her hair that was shrinking and took off! My mouth dropped open and i just stood there staring as she sped off in her car.

23 06 2008
shay

well fuck a fro i have a perm. im also strikingly beautiful, so thats probably why i get the same dirty looks the natural sistas get from “permys.” its not a matter of european idolization and self hated, its a matter of jealousy. very simple. i dont need to justify straightening my hair and believe you me i love my african features: huge lips, button nose, and wide set eyes, and dark chocolate skin on an hourglass frame make me beautiful. my hair is really just an accessory. and for the record, if i wash and go my hair, it looks like a bird nest after a few days. call it natural, call it beautiful, long as its clean i could care less what anybody thinks.
i think we need to stop judging one another because everyones reasons are their own and you are no better for shooting down those of others than for being self-righteous.

26 06 2008
Dinkilove

I agree with you to infinity and beyond……………………….. regarding the hair thing. Eight years ago I went natural, free from hair crack! I absolutely love it and would recommend all women live this way. I love the water damn-it and I do not have to stay clear of it because I have a perm.

OMG! I mean every since I stopped being addicted to hair crack (a perm, relaxer, anything that alters the natural state of your hair) I have been free and kept money in my pocket.

I am just plain HAPPY TO BE NATRUAL!

26 06 2008
Knatural

I have to say this: I don’t wish to judge anyone who relaxes their hair but keep in mind that most relaxers/perm share the same ingredients and pH level as Drano. Therefore, when folks remark that they have ‘healthy relaxed hair’, it’s a complete contradiction since the chemicals in perms are so harsh.

26 06 2008
Tiffer

Hmmm…

@ Knatural and anyone else

Therefore, when folks remark that they have ‘healthy relaxed hair’, it’s a complete contradiction since the chemicals in perms are so harsh.

If you don’t know how to maintain it…it will be damaged. However, if you know how to maintain it…it’s healthy. In fact, people ask me if my hair is relaxed because they can’t believe it’s so thick and healthy. Also, here’s an example of healthy relaxed hair:

http://www.ultrablackhair.com/

I use this woman’s products as well as others, but it seems like all too often black girls make statements like “you can’t have healthy relaxed hair”…it’s just not true and it comes from not knowing how to care for whatever style your trying to acheive. I hear so many false myths about our hair even from hair stylists…so i don’t go to salons anymore unless it’s for a trim or a blow out (rare).

By the way, the woman pictured here: http://www.ultrablackhair.com/ recently started transitioning to natural, but it was a personal choice…her healthy relaxed hair is not damaged…she just wanted to transition…which I would like to try eventually…and YES…her hair is naturally very kinky/curly

26 06 2008
Knatural

Thanks Tiffer. But, relaxers are still comprised of harsh chemicals which strip and penetrate the hair, leaving it weaker and more prone to breakage. Sure, it’s possible to have “healthy” relaxed hair, in the sense that it’s moisturized, trimmed, etc., but it’s still Drano. When I get my hair done, my stylist isn’t wearing gloves to protect herself; I can scratch my scalp minutes before I arrive; and I don’t have to scurry to find shelter during a light drizzle because my hair may revert. I understand to each his/her own, but my peace-of-mind is more sound without worrying about those things.

26 06 2008
Tiffer

@ knatural

and I don’t have to scurry to find shelter during a light drizzle because my hair may revert.

I don’t either

and i don’t go to salons either…my ma relaxes mine when i feel like it…usually around every 2-3 months…and she doesn’t get it bone straight (it shouldn’t be anyway…and i hate straight limp hair)…so it’s full of volume and i don’t spend what other women spend cuz i don’t go to salons…i do my own hair…my only worry is that i have to travel 2 hrs to my mom for her to relax my hair cuz i don’t trust anyone else…so my only concern is WHO gives me a relaxer….eventuallly when i move further away from her, that’s when i’ll decide if i wanna start transitioning…maybe sooner than that, not sure yet

I got a book, learned about my naturally kinky/curly hair and shunned what many “stylists” (who, by the way, are responsible for damaging so many people’s hair) say…I virtually have no worries. I learned about what i can and can’t do with a kinky/curly hair type.

No different from a person who perms their hair, colors it with permanent color, or chooses to texturize…and i don’t understand how hair reverts if the curls have been relaxed (sounds like some1 didn’t do something right)…but that’s another story.

Thanks for your response. I can see why so many people would be weary because so many have had bad experiences with relaxers due to lack of knowledge or bad hair dressers….the chemicals in the wrong person’s hands can be distastrous because they are harsh, like you said. I guess i’m one of the few who doesn’t have worries because I know what to do with mine…it’s very simple and it doesn’t affect my lifestyle. I even walk in the rain at times cuz it’s just moisture (water). If i had to worry about wrapping my hair every night and sleeping a certain way, greasing scalps (i don’t get this), washing hair ONLY 1x every 2 weeks (ur asking for trouble), not excercising, whirling around and clapping 3 times to make my hair grow…whatever…I’d tell people to stay away from relaxers too…but i don’t. I wash and go with a lil oil and leave in moisturizer like 2x a week…deep condition at least once a week to every 2 weeks…and that’s all the maintenance i do.

By the way, did u transition from relaxed hair to natural, or has it always been natural? Just curious cuz i have questions, lol…I have about an inch of curly new growth and am not sure if i wanna see how long i can go without relaxing or not yet.

26 06 2008
Tiffer

@shay

I too have experienced the jealousy…o well

26 06 2008
Knatural

No worries Tiffer, there’s an exception to every rule. I’m not trying to convert anyone, I just get passionate about certain things, especially regarding Black women’s health and beauty.
The jealousy thing – I don’t get, unless it was verbally confessed to you ladies. Most women today, especially in their 20s/30s, transitioned to natural hair recently, so why would they be jealous/envious of something they’ve experienced for most of their lives?
Tiffer: I also transitioned about five yrs ago, have had two major cuts since, now the hair is shoulder-length, healthier than ever, strong. I grew out about two inches? I think. Cut it, it started growing unevenly HAAHAHHAHA so I cut it down to 1/4 in. and currently just get trims twice a yr. My hair texture is super thick/kinky but soft, perfect braiding hair so it takes A LOT to straighten or flatten it.

26 06 2008
tiffer

@Knatural

Jealousy…hmmm…nobody will verbally confess that to you…right?

The jealousy comes from having something someone else wants, but doesn’t have. In this case, growing up, i had waist – length, thick, healthy hair. Relaxed or natural is not a factor. The black girls who didn’t have healthy hair were relentless….to the point where i had to be removed from school for a short period of time…so STUPID. My hair was yanked for no reason, I was told i had a weave…called “white girl”, and because my hair is a light shade of brown, i was made fun of…funny thing is…the kids of other races always complimented my features and hair…my eyes are hazel…so i was called “house ni#$#$”, “high yeller” for my not even that light skin tone.
Since I’m older now (24) and surround myself with only positive people, I don’t see the negativity as much, but it’s still there when i encounter others (unfortunately, from black women) in every day life. At this age, though, more women are able to just compliment you if they like what you have…and i get that from women as well…and I compliment natural haired sisters (if i like the way their hair looks)…and after reading some of the comments here i feel a little bad, cuz i’m one of those girls that’s like…I LOVE YOUR NATURAL HAIR….MAY I FEEL IT?! (haven’t been turned down yet) So, Knatural, you’ll probably wanna walk the other way if we ever cross paths cuz i’ll probably be like OMG…can i touch?!

P.S.- I’m afraid of the big chop…i’ve never had hair shorter than a just below the chin bob, so i’m afraid of how i’d look…but at the same time i hate having both curly and straight hair at the same time…it’s annoying and looks funny to me…and u have to handle both textures differently…i’m sure you know though since you’ve already gone through the process.

16 07 2008
Anna

Black women who straighten their hair look stupid to me. If God wanted you with straight hair then that is what you would have been born with.

16 07 2008
riz

Crotchless *thongs* ? Damn.

I could see maybe a teddy, or garter belt or something. But, I mean… let’s compose a list of things that a woman can’t do when she’s wearing shoestring up her ‘nani….

And you though skinny jeans were a problem.

17 07 2008
PreppyLiz

Black women need some self esteem asap! Why so much self hatred? If you can’t love yourselves then why should anyone else?

17 07 2008
Sister Toldja

Idiot, didn’t you just right a whole rant about how Black women’s hair is ugly in it’s natural state? Your dad picked the dumb cousin to marry, I see.

19 07 2008
Folada

Greetings,
When I was young, I had long Black hair which I wore mostly in two plats. There were kids that just loved to pull my hair. Since some said that I thought I was “cute” maybe it was a jealousy issue. But if so, it was because so much value was and still is placed on long, straight hair. Not only is this an issue because this culture sees European features as the norm, but gender issues also come into play. When I reached my teen years, I cut my hair and started to wear it natural. I was derided by adults and peers alike. I remember my dad asked me why I didn’t want to look “pretty” like my mom. Other’s wondered why I was trying to wear my hair like a boy! I am happy and satisfied with the fact that the Creator did not make me Asian or European or give me the features common to those ethnic groups. Genetically, I am the product of several African ethnic groups with some European and Native American admixture that occurred during slavery. However, my brown skin and kinky hair do not tell that story. To the naked eye, I am simply a person of African heritage and I have embraced the appearance the Creator has given me. Though I have worn my hair straightened as well as natural in the past, at this time, I would not think of altering my appearance to please anyone. I understand that everyone doesn’t feel the way I do. But there is something wrong when many of use treat our normal, natural features as though they are birth defects! People still make derogatory comments about black features, such as kinky hair, full lips and round noses. It is most unfortunate that this often begins in one’s own family where the child with the light/long hair and skin is preferred over the dark child with the kinky/short hair. The previous blogger was right. This kind of put down did not start with BET. It’s a carryover from the slavery & Jim Crow days, but it’s up to us to put a stop to it. It’s up to us to make a conscious effort to change the status quo and improve the psychological health of coming generations.

24 07 2008
shay

like i said, its not a matter of self hatred, its a matter of another option. its like saying well, lycra doesnt grow on trees, so i hate mother earth cause i’m not wearing cotton today. at the cost of self-righteousness, we are judging one another for something as silly as how we wear our hair. we are all beautiful, african, european, asian, latin, whatever. i bet if i had an eye on the side of my head and 2 noses it wouldnt matter if my hair was straight, kinky, black or purple, i would be a funny lookin chick. my point is we shouldnt choose things to alienate ourselves from one another with. we should accept each others differences (in tastes and ethnicities) nd learn how to live together without needing to say “im _______er than you.” and for the record, african hair, whether it is straight, kinky, or whatever, can grow long and healthy if it is taken care of properly. long hair is not a “european thing.”

26 07 2008
ill Mami

Men are particularly prone to accidentally setting off the straight-haired woman because, unless you don’t have any hair, we’re perfectly happy no matter what the hair looks like

Ahem. I don’t have hair. By choice. And while I’m sure you didn’t mean to offend any of us bald-by-choice sistas out there, we are above the tribulations that even natural-headed sistas face. Because if you have hair, you’re spending some amount of time and money on it. And that is too much damn time for me.

My view is this: God did not put me on this earth to be that concerned about a dead substance growing out of my skin. Plus, I feel sexier this way. If you want to peer into the mind of a bald sista, check this out.

26 07 2008
Nice

I am 27 and I have had natural hair almost my entire life. I got a relaxer when I was 9- it took my hair out, so my mother cut my relaxed hair off and I’ve been wearing my hair back natural since the age of 10. I would not have it any other way. I wear it in its natural state and flat iron it also. My hair is long so it is alot easier to manage when it is straight. I think it pretty much boils down to what many people said, you must simply take care of your hair, whatever you choose to do with it.

I am no more against relaxed hair than natural hair. I say do what works best for you. I dont understand how people can say that a person is less proud of their blackness because that have a relaxer. Whats sad is all the people who feel the need to wear their hair natural to prove how proud they are to be Black.

I have alot of friends who are converting back to natural hair. It seems to be the trend now. They come to be for hair pointers and such. I just say, keep it clean, conditioned and keep your ends trimmed. And I stay away from salons unless, its a special occassion. I really do not trust beauticians. They were the ones that messed my hair up in the first place. LOL

1 08 2008
Spcl0ne2

Yeah that sounds real good. But would you still love us if we looked like Kizzy?

11 08 2008
JJ

@ Nice – but I also cannot see how one is proud of their blackness when they ‘freak out’ at the first sign of nappy new growth. As if that new growth is something to be ashamed of and something less beautiful than their straightened hair. Most black women over-process their hair b/c they have that mentality. It’s the “I NEEEEED a perm” syndrome vs I WANT a perm. Their confidence depends on having all signs of blackness, when it relates to their hair, erased.

11 08 2008
JJ

@ SpclOne2 – Do Roshumba, Angela Davis, and Pam Grier circa 1970s look like Kizzy?

Secondly, do you actually seek validation of your beauty from the opinions of others?

3 09 2008
Obvious

So I suppose women who get their hair and makeup done for their wedding are also exceptionally boring because they won’t go roll around in the mud with you before walking down the aisle? Ah, but then a woman like THAT would be justified because there’s a “legitimate” reason she chose to look the way she does. Therefore, it’s okay for her to not want it ruined, right?

That’s all it comes down to. It has nothing to do with black women who straighten their hair being more boring or uptight or moody about it. It has to do with the stereotype that blacks – particularly blacks who leave their hair “natural” – have in their minds about black women who straighten their hair.

The reason MUST be that they aren’t “proud” to be black and they’re trying desperately to be something they’re not. How stupid must they be to put themselves through so much trouble to run away from their “roots”? How pathetic they are to be so brainwashed by white ideals that they’re willing to stress themselves out over a little thing like humidity just to conform to a whiter notion of beauty? Tsk tsk. I love my hair as it naturally is because I’m so enlightened and carefree and a little rain never scared me!

Get over yourselves.

It’s just the way of the universe that there are tons of things out there that can naturally kink up straight hair as opposed to doing the opposite. Maybe that’s a testament to what “God intended” – maybe it isn’t – but if people who don’t straighten their hair love it BECAUSE of the fact that it’s not straightened, I’m sure they’d bitch and moan just the same if the tables were turned and it rained No-Lye Relaxer instead of water, so let’s not act as if black women who don’t straighten their hair are so laidback that they don’t care what their hair is like AT ALL and they don’t care about their looks in general.

Pour water on a woman’s newly straightened hair, sure she’ll get pissed because it’s not straight anymore – it’s not the style SHE CHOSE anymore – but she’ll be no more pissed than a woman who just got cornrows in her hair would be if you ran up to her with a comb and undid all of the braiding or a woman who just finished shaping her lovely round fro would be if someone sat on her head and flattened it out or a woman with neatly spaced twists would be if you tugged on them and made them uneven.

It’s not about being straight or not. Women don’t like their hair fucked with, period. They like it the way they have it HOWEVER they have it and they’ll get annoyed if something messes it up. Men who actually have hair that they actually style aren’t any different either.

Besides, I can’t say that I’ve met any black female even with natural unstraightened hair (or even a non-black female) who didn’t mind it when their hair got wet, even if their hair was going to look and feel exactly the same after it dried out. What’s THEIR excuse?

The excuse is that sometimes it’s not about that. Sometimes it’s just about not being in the mood to get wet. Are YOU always in the mood to get wet? If you were walking down the street and I shot you in the face with a watergun, would you always find it amusing?

Do you own an umbrella? Why? If someone is boring because they don’t want to run around in the rain SOMETIMES, maybe I think you’re boring because you don’t want to run around in the rain ALL THE TIME, but that would be absurd, right? Of COURSE you own an umbrella because sometimes you don’t want to be caught in the rain and that’s fine because you have a right to sometimes not feel like it. In fact, EVERYONE has the right to choose their preferences EXCEPT – apparently – people who choose what other blacks think makes them self-haters.

I have nappy, velcro, “can’t comb it without breaking a few teeth” hair. Sometimes I straighten it, sometimes I don’t. I like variety. My personality is too interesting for me to be happy with just one or two styles all the time and without straightening it every so often, all my hair is good for is either a fro or braids/twists. THAT’S boring, as far as I’m concerned. I like to wear it in a fro, sometimes braids, sometimes a faux hawk, sometimes spikes, sometimes slicked back, sometimes just a bang and ponytail.

I’m not going to let the genetics behind my hair dictate to me how I’m able to express my personality via my appearance. My hair is on MY head. I own IT, IT doesn’t own me, so when I want a change that reflects what I feel like that day, I change it. If that means straightening it out so it’s manageable enough to shape it into a certain style, so be it.

None of that changes the fact that I enjoy what I enjoy when I enjoy it and I don’t when I don’t. Have I jumped into a pool with my buddies when my hair was straightened? Sure, because I was in the mood. Have I run around in the rain with my friends even knowing that the slick doo I just made would be fucked? Sure, because I was in the mood. Have I laughed instead of dishing out the wrath when my buddies stuck their hands in my hair screwing up the shape it was in? Sure, because I was in the mood.

But when I’m NOT in the mood, I’m not going to do it just to prove that I’m not uptight just like you wouldn’t let something slide just to appeal to someone else and I’m certainly not going to feel bad about straightening my hair just because other self-important blacks think that makes me more foolish and uptight than they are.

You know what’s really the most boring thing of all? The fact that blacks talk about hair so much in the first place. The true measure of pride is having enough of it to not need to obsess over the things that others shame you for.

And as far as I’m concerned, the only people on the planet whose hair is truly “natural” are people who never touch their hair at all – never shampoo or condition, never add creams, grease, mayonaisse, or sheens, never get it braided, twisted or styled at all. They just wake up and walk out the door every day with their hair exactly how it wants to be, untouched by mankind’s hand.

I doubt that any female can say that she meets that criteria, particularly in this country, so let’s not act like any one of us is above anyone else in the “being happy with what you were born with” department.

3 09 2008
LEO

@Obvious. Did you just discover this blog?

8 09 2008
gofucurselfquisha

classic battle of Jigaboo vs. Wannabe…The battle rages on. I am a skeptic about Black men who say they like Black women with natural hair a) either they are bullshitting b) interpreting natural hair as some “good hair”/ that wavy mixed kid shit not so call “bebes” or “buck shots”, or consciously making an effort to go against the American standards of beauty.

15 09 2008
Miss T.

Thank you, Businesswoman! Quote:

“I don’t do perms and all that drama cause In Cali, a pressing comb will get your shit straighter than an asian chicks and we have great weather majority of the time…”

I’m in Cali, too, where humidity doesn’t exist. No relaxers and stuff for me…I have a cute, springy little curly-fro (no, not mixed, but probably somewhere down the line like everybody else). When I want it straight for something extra-special, or just because I want to, I pull out the flat iron, and there you go. Then it’s back to swimming and exercising, etc.

17 09 2008
lucky so-and-so

LOL! TOO real. The Black Girl’s Struggle is something me and my closest sistas tackle on a regular basis. I’ve converted at least 15 of my closest friends to the naptural way but I can’t say the challenge doesn’t still stand. Releasing the relaxer doesn’t automatically free you of the plight. Specifically in the realm of physical fitness. I see the cycle repeat EVERY year: fly hair= no gym time and thus, poundage pick up. I’m only skinny when I’m nappy and only fly when I’m fat. I’ve learned to find kinky-esque style that still keep me lookin good but when you’re hittin Bally’s twice a day it’s hard to manage even simple styles. And sadly, the majority of the brothas I meet, aren’t really feelin the fro as much as they would a cute lil press’n’curl. They betta watch out! Might be sendin some of the Diaspora’s best stuff over across the color lines cuz the caucasoid gents love it! lol. Anywho, I LOVE the blog. Peace and nappy-ness to all. 😉

17 09 2008
Suavemente

lol. Yo, Obvious, had a lot to say I see. Calmate mami. You jumped to so many conclusions and assumptions I’m thinkin bout nominating you as an Olympic hurdler in 2012. I don’t think the purpose of this discussion was to surpress your option of choice as much as it was an exposition of a paradox that exists in the lives of most black women. I’ve got a natural sistah by my side but it’s not cuz she thinks she’s better or more enlightened than anyone else. I actually think you and your hair trends represent a healthy example of what this blog is gettin at. You own it, it doesn’t own you. But you have to admit that this isn’t necessarily the case for the masses. Nobody was bashin you and your doo specifically so just ease up a lil bit. For you to be so fluid and easy bout your locs, you are MAD extreme in your commentary. Hope you can enjoy the page anyway.

7 10 2008
YouSuck

You must be a gay black man who wishes he could be a black woman to decide rather he wanted natural or relaxed. FUCKER!!!

14 10 2008
NAchogirl

I dont agree at all….. is it our faults that we want to look good???? im not saying natural hair isnt cute, but thats just not some peoples thing (mine) your stupid for calling women dumb for wanting to look good (Damn it seems like whatever we do we cant please a man…)

17 10 2008
Keepin' It Real

Really, its a cross between damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. Black men hate themselves and can’t be happy unless they get a black woman who has straight hair. I am seriously sick of most black men, especially in the DC area. They are OBSESSED WITH STRAITH HAIR!!! But what about your hair niggas, IT AIN’T STRAIGHT!!!!! In fact, it is nappier and harder than any woman’s hair I have ever seen. That’s why so many black men go bald. Then you have the nerve to sit up there and try to be the hair police for black women. And then to say you can’t wear a wig!!! What if it’s a nice one. What if our hair looks nice and we are wearing it for a temporary style change. And I am sick of random black men coming up to me to tell me or other black women what we should do with our hair. If you ain’t paying the fucking bills (which most black men aren’t) than you don’t have the right to tell women what to do with their hair. Anyway, black women should just marry straight haired me instead of nappy haired black men and then our children won’t have to go through this. If my mother had married a straight haired man than my hair would be straigher and than I wouldn’t have to constantly deal with self-hating niggas who are just mad that they aren’t white. Black women should just really stop putting up with this really. Marry outside your race and you won’t have these problems.

Also, I like to swim, run through the sprinklers, snorkal, etc. But that’s because I know how to do my hair and get it together.

17 10 2008
Keepin' It Real

I would also like to say that women who have straight hair have to keep their hair styled and maintained too. I have seem so many women of different races who although their hair is straight, it just looks dry and stringy or frizzy when they don’t do it. White women, Indian women, and asian women have to go get their hair styled too. They also would be unlikely to run through sprinklers, or in the rain, or swim or snorkel either if they just got their hair done. NO woman looks good unless she has gotten her hair styled and done. Women who have straight hair also get extensions too to make their hair look longer, fuller, increase styling options, etc. Just like they get plastic surgery, botox, and breast enhancements to make themselves look better. Brittany Spears, Christina Aquilera, and Shakira (Hair used to be black, looked like a regular latina), all have extensions or have bleached their hair blond. Jessica Simpson, Pamela Anderson, most hollywood celebs, etc. It is just the black man’s hatred for himself which he pours on the black woman that makes him always viciously and hatefully talk about and criticize black women. Most black men aren’t shit anyway and that is from years of experience of dealing with them. SERIOUSLY, black men, you need to get help. You have a pathelogical obssession. You all need psychological help. Even white women are tired of putting up with your shit. There is two things that most black men need a big heaping does of (even in latin america): HUMILITY, SELF LOVE, AND LOVE FOR OTHERS. Just because some of you can play basketball and rap, does not make you Gods or give you the right to criticize and put down everyone else.

27 10 2008
Reiki World

Eye’m not against different hair styles. But what eye am against is…People quoting “GOD doesn’t make mistakes”. Then they turn around and change almost everything “GOD” gave them!

3 11 2008
AJ

I AM A BELIEVER OF EACH TO THEIR OWN, BUT IT IS A FACT THAT THE MAJORITY OF US (BLACK PEOPLE) HAVE A MENTIAL PROBLEM. THAT PROBLEM IS NOT KNOWING THE TRUE KNOWLEDGE OF SELF. IF WE DID WE WOULDN’T DO THINGS SUCH AS CHANGING OUR NATURAL FEATURES. OUR NATURE ACTUALLY WOULD REFLECT “GOD” (IN US), BUT OUR (NOT EVERYONE ELSE) AZZES HAVE BEEN WESTERNIZED. MOST OF US THAT IS.
BUT GETTING BACK TO THIS HAIR DEAL ALL I CAN SAY IS MOST OF OUR CHILDREN HAVE THEIR HEADS DROP IN PERMS ETC. JUST FOR REASONS SUCH AS MOTHER HATING ANYTHING THAT REFLECTS WHO WE R. NOW WE ALL KNOW THERE IS A LIST A MILE LONG FOR THAT. AND ALSO US BLACK MEN NOT LEARNING/ACCEPTING THE TURE/HIDDEN KNOWLEDGE OF OURSELFS HAVE NOT GRIP ON OUR FAMILIES. NOT TO MENTION WHEN WE R N RELATIONSHIPS, MOST OF THE TIMES WE’RE NOT PARTNERS BECAUSE WE HAVE NO REFLECTION OF HOW A MAN SHOULD BE IN THE EYES OF OUR QUEENS.
PEACE! TO ALL MY BLACK WOMEN & MEN WHO ARE NOT CAUGHT IN THIS MATRIX, I LOVE YOU ALL! BUT TO ALL YOU HOUSE N%GR0S, SALE-OUTS FOR WHITEY, BACK-STABBERS, HATE YOUR SKIN BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOUR OPPRESSOR SO MUCH ETC………….. F#%K EACH OF YOU IF YOU DON’T CHECK YOUR SELFS.

15 11 2008
babyd0ll

Lol, I’m natural (past my shoulders) now, and used to have long permed hair down to the back of my bra strap. So I can say permed girls def get the upper hand here when it comes to male appreciation. Who cares? I look forward to rainy days, dewy nights and steamy nightlife events where my hair curls and waves up, and I stand still as the lights come on while you ladies run to check your weaves.

22 11 2008
Happy 2 B Nappy

I went natural years ago and I’m glad to be that way. I refused to put chemicals in my 9 year old’s hair. Cornrows, puffs or just plain old pig tales…she needs to love herself the way God made her.

7 01 2009
tanya

funny

7 01 2009
Mrs.Esprit

Interesting , whether I straighten my hair or not doesn’t make me or break me.

9 01 2009
kendra hawley

until you get some hair on your head, you will never understand 🙂

9 01 2009
Melissa

This is a random question, but since you posted a photo of Tyra Banks in this article… I have to ask… Why is it she claims she’s proud of her black heritage (which I’ve heard her say a couple of times on her show) but she straightens and dyes her hair with blonde high lights? It’s as if she secretly enjoys looking more Caucasian than African American. I could be wrong though. For all I know, she was a blonde during her childhood and now she’s a “bottled blonde” like my sister. 😛 It just seems to me, if she’s so proud her her African American heritage… she’d keep her hair curely and keep it whatever natural hair color it is… instead of looking for “European.”

I also find it funny, how in one episode of her talk show, she made it seem as though women who dye their hair blonde (and who aren’t white or they’re mixed,) “hate” themselves. It’s f_cking Ironic to me since she looked quite Blonde that day too. : P

12 01 2009
jamescarlisle

HELP. my hair is spicky i mean as in if a balloon comes near it it explodes,i also have the small problem that if i kiss some one i am likly to pock there eyes out i find my quills which are on average 12 inch long hard to get soft i have tryed relaxent to no avail.I find that the quills tend to clash with my floresent skin. can any one offer a clothing combination that will anable me to blend in with the white, or for that matter the black humans on earth i have thought of the SHARFT look but do not know,if this is to retro .I AM FINDING IT HARD TO GET THE AFRO UP AND RUNNING please if possible can you reply as i am desperate.THANK YOU

4 02 2009
MixKiddNaturalHair

Look i am mixed my dad is half black and half dominican and my mother is half black, a quarter puerto rican and a quarter american indian. So as you can see i am very mixed and i am also very dark but i would call myself Chocolate. Anyway my hair is naturally very curly and it is so curly that i can’t comb it unless it is wet and when i do get my hair straightened my hair stylist goes to bat to get it straight with a blow dryer and two different size flat irons. I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER PERM/RELAX MY HAIR, those chemicals will make my hair literally fall right out. My hair is really soft and everybody tells me i have either white girl hair or the regular saying “The Good Stuff”. Lolz regular black people have what we like to call Nigger Naps whichs is the bottom hair of your scalp that seems to never be straight but curly no matter what well mine is naturally straight and never curly. I consider myself to be black since i am dark and both of my parents are half black anyway i grew up with the black side of my family since the latino side is crazy. My hair is my pride and joy and i love pampering it with it being striaght since it is much more managable then being a curly ‘fro. I still play in the water but mostly because i am a tomboy and will get down an dirty in a hot new york minute. Naturally curly or straight nobody loves having their hair wet just because. People have different textures that might need to be tamed (ie mine) so chillax abit if its not your hair then you truly have no say.
P.E.A.C.E.
MixKiddNaturalHair

15 02 2009
hermine stover

The first self-made woman millionaire in the USA was a lady who invented the hair straightening process. But listen, WOMEN as a RACE are never happy with what their own natural hair looks like. I have dead straight hair like Cher back in the day before she was taken up in the mother ship and horribly dreadfully changed for all time, and every couple of years i make it very kinky, or shave it off. it is naturally dead ebony black, so every couple of years I bleach it to ALBINO. I think this is a style/woman thing and not a race the per se.

19 02 2009
Shani

I don’t get these posts… I like my hair straight because I do more things with it. I wear it curly too when I don’t feel like fooling with it. And I don’t know one sista that doesn’t straighten her hair.

23 02 2009
day

“I think this post should have been about black women who are shallow about the appearance of their hair, rather than black women with processed or store bought hair”

You have your own blog. Write about it yourself.”

Mean xss! lol!

24 02 2009
MSEVIL

“Look i am mixed my dad is half black and half dominican and my mother is half black, a quarter puerto rican and a quarter american indian”

Okay, Mr. stuff, you jumped all over us creoles but come on, WHAT THE F— is this S—–?????? If you take some black people out of Africa, drop some off and mix em in America, drop some off and mix em in Puerto Rico, and drop some off and mix em in the Dominican Republic, what is so special about it that you have to call the American “black” and because the other ones speak “Spanish” they are suddenly transformed into something new and exciting? If your a– is mixed, just say mixed but for God’s sakes stop making a race out of the name of an island. Also, who took the F— measurements? Did you have a DNA study done? a quarter this and half that, hell where is the f–Cherokee princess?

24 03 2009
K.Green

lol, I see a lot of talk about not liking weave and relaxers. So ya’ll are about to HATE me. I perm my hair, and I keep weave in it at all times, like my name was Beyonce. Now, I have a nice grade and length of hair, but weave is just quicker and easier! From sew ins, to half wigs, to quick weaves, to glue ins…I’ve done them all. I’ve had just about every color in the rainbow and WOW! no breakage or damage. Getting weave saves my hair from getting all thin and disgusting looking like the people who dye their hair too much. Also, instead of making permanent or semi-permanent changes to my hair, I put the weave in and if I don’t like it, I can just take it out. I don’t get ghetto looking weaves either…that’s the difference. If someone who knows what they’re doing has weave in, you shouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

So to all them folks who say “ohhh i hate perms! ohh i hate weaves!” I just pat my tracks and be like “yepp, me too.”

[p.s-I think both the little girl AND the seal are pretty adorable!]

26 03 2009
Kat

These explainations probably won’t work for why all Black women straighten their hair, but I can tell you why I did. When I grew up (probably before most of the people on this blog were born) and you were female, you simply DIDN’T go out doors with natural or unstraightened hair if your hair was excessively curly. It was done sometimes by VERY BRAVE Black women. Other Black women LOUDLY commented on the fact that you needed to get your hair ”fixed.” If you went down the street with unstraightened hair in a Black neighborhood, other Black women would come to the front door and yell at you informing you that you need to “get it straightened.” Then came the 1960’s. Older Black people grudgingly accepted natural hairstyles and Afros. I wore an Afro thirty years and as late as the early 1990’s had a Black co-worker inform me that my Afro looked very nice, but she didn’t like “short, nappy hair. By the way – complements on my Afro came for Black men and white people of both genders. In short concerning natural hair, among Black people and especially Black women, that topic is the “third rail” along with skin tone. It is a very sensitive subject and carries much drama and sad baggage. Many Black women haven’t learned to appreciate the natural texture of their hair. They also may have family members who don’t celebrate natural Black beautya nd discourage “going natural.” We as a people are STILL very much under the influence of the dominent culture (European) and things Black are sometimes seen as undesireable or ugly. This is very sad. I currently work with a young lady who is in the process of taking her hair out with relaxers. She has lost the hair which immediately surrounds her face. The rest of her hair is straightened as hard as any relaxer can make it. All of her hair is uneven and broken off. I reported to work this past Monday and damn if I’m not telling this, she had straightened her hair again from root to ends. I don’t give her hair another week on her head. This truely is sad. I know her scalp has got to be sore and all in the name of “straight hair.”

9 04 2009
raptus

I like…and i totally agree with you.

30 05 2009
Liberiangirl

I’m West African and I have thick THICK hair. West Africans have the thickest hair in Africa-mostly due to our diet. My hair is pretty unmanageable, naturally and even moreso when relaxed and roots are growing in (due to the fact that my natural hair already has two textures: nappy and thick and nappier and thicker). A one inch strand natural will pull out to about 4 inches, if I can even get it to. So I relax it. I HAVE NEVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH HAIR GROWTH. Granted my family has members with really long hair. My Great Aunt had hair to her butt and IT WASN’T EVEN STRAIGHTENED. My hair has been down to my waist (when I was 14, I’m 25 now). It was too long and I cut it and kept it shoulder length but started growing it out a year ago and now its down to my back.

The problem I’ve witnessed with many African Americans is that they don’t know how to really take care of African hair and they detest any type of curl whatsoever to the point that they freak out when their roots start to grow in or if their hair gets a little bit curly due to a humid day. This OBSESSION leads them to OVERPROCESS THEIR HAIR. Most African Americans don’t really need to get relaxers-flat irons are fine to get their hair straight. But that is damaging as well. If someone with very little kink gets a relaxer they should use the mild or even children strength. But they don’t. They use normal and then afterwards flat iron their hair to death a couple times a week. Then they use horrible cheap toxic products that provide nothing but more damage for their hair.

Most of the African American’s I’ve known lack the knowledge Africans have about taking care of our hair. Natural oils should be used on a daily basis (REAL SHEA BUTTER, 100% JOJOBA OIL, ETC) on hair and scalp. The “black” products America pumps out for our hair our all destructive and toxic. READ THE INGREDIENT LIST. It’s all petroleum and shit that doesn’t work. Go online, buy some shea or mango butter. Get some 100% coconut or jojoba oil (the better quality the better). IF YOU RELAX YOUR HAIR YOU WILL NEED MORE OILS/BUTTERS THAN EVEN AFRICANS WITH NATURAL HAIR WHO ARE OUT IN THE SUN ALL YEAR. AND STOP USING ALL THAT GELL! ALSO, UNLESS YOU ARE LOADED RELAX YOUR HAIR YOURSELF!! YOU can do all processes yourself it’s not hard. MORE IMPORTANTLY, you will get to know your hair better an, in turn, do a much better job than anyone can. TRUST ME.

Our hair doesn’t need to be washed often at all, even if it is relaxed. I hardly ever wash my hair, in fact I don’t unless I’m relaxing it and NO it doesn’t smell. Our hair is naturally dry and water is really unnecessary unless you just took a mud bath. NEXT, there is NO REASON FOR THE HARSH COMBING PRACTICES. Comb gently and remember your roots are curly and will break off at the point where curl meets relaxed hair. MOST IMPORTANTLY, if your hair is relaxed there is really no need for the obsessive flat ironing or washing and blow-drying straight every 2 weeks. THAT IS WHAT WHITE PEOPLE DO. THAT IS WHAT THEIR HAIR SPECIALISTS RECOMMEND. Their hair needs to be washed that often because its composition soaks up oil. For most African Americans (all but those with the most European hair) this is completely damaging.

I’ve been in the States for a long time and have been baffled with the obsession with straightening every curl that African Americans have. LIke I said, there’s an obsession with straight hair that leads people to these irrational negative hair habits. But on the other hand there seems to be an ideological split between people who are natural and people who relax, with the former thinking the latter has some type of self hatred complex or post traumatic slave syndrome. I don’t think that the ideological split has to do with hair processing. It has do do with what’s in the mind of the person with the hair.

I HAVE THICK HAIR. IT GETS CRAZY 3 MONTHS AFTER RELAXING TO THE POINT THAT IT IS AN OBSTACLE. But I I have never relaxed my hair sooner than 4 months because I am not embarrassed by my NAPS (okay I do procrastinate/get lazy but I’m also really busy with school). I don’t sweat when my roots start growing. I don’t freak out about the rain, I don’t care if it’s straight all the time. I just relax to get that neat freak look that I want. I KNOW I AM AFRICAN, I HAVE NAPS, ITS NATURAL. I RELAX WHEN I GET TO IT, ITS NOT SOMETHING TO FREAK OUT ABOUT. I DON’T FREAK OUT ABOUT MY SKIN COLOR WHY WOULD I ABOUT MY HAIR??

1 06 2009
John Doe Gorilla

Black people’s hair? You kidding me?

I’ve honestly had a debate as to whether it’s the following:

1. fur
2. pubic hair on top of the head
3. hair

I have not been able to delude myself in any fashion that it’s actually hair. So #3 is out. #1 is too strong, although blacks act, think, and look like animals. So I have to begrudgingly accept #2.

I’ve banged a few black bitches… and, well, whaddya know? Their pubes exactly match what they got on their head. Combine this with the typical black stench… you can bet your bottom dollar that I religiously used a condom when fucking the black women I did. No exceptions. And I can say that to this day I am disease-free!!! Phew.

Amazing how black people like to delude themselves… black hair is beautiful, black is beautiful… uh, I don’t think so.

4 06 2009
Amaka

A-fucking-men.
I am a 2nd generation Nigerian chick (that means my parents are immigrants in case you didn’t know) and let me tell you–EVERYONE has some fake-ass hair in Nigeria. EVERYONE. If you don’t, the first thing they ask you is, “Hey there…when’s the next time you’re going to sit in a chair for 16 hours while some lady with knobbly fingers makes kankelon ropes in your scalp?” Anyway, my parents forced me to wear fake hair for most of my life up until two years ago, and I’ve been natural ever since. And when I say natural, I mean my ass wakes up in the morning, takes a shower with NO shower cap and leaves (or no shower. Whichever comes first) The most I do to it is blow dry it to make a huge fro or throw in a splash of olive oil when it’s dry. I’m the happiest girl alive. And to lifeisannoying, I started getting dates when my hair was NATURAL, not fake or fried. You’re probably just attracting dumbniggas.

6 06 2009
Noniberryjuice

I love my puffy hair. I try to comb and pick it very gently so as not to break it and then I wear it out everywhere I go. Before bed, I section my hair into puffs after another combing/picking session and go to bed. Sometimes I put olive oil or mint oil in it for the day (my scalp used to be abused by relaxers and stuff and it was irritated, flaky and dry), but never at night.

I will never try to straighten my hair ever again becuase I will never give into social pressures from other Blacks or outsiders.

8 06 2009
CHRIS MILLER

was born with tight curly hair. i use to straighten my hair back in high school (remember curl free and uncurl ) but i dont bother anymore . dont care, i just use garnier nutrise leave in conditioner. and curl gel.

all women with curly hair should check out http://www.naturalcurly.com .. cool site.

29 06 2009
Jasmine

I’m a black girl who was blessed with gorgeous hair, and thankfully, i dont have to worry about it like ghetto black people have to.

hahahah(:

16 07 2009
Adanna

Lol

28 07 2009
The Sphinx

This post pisses me off because majority of the time, women are straightening their hair because the 9/10 men that we see on a daily basis don’t appreciate it when it’s natural. I’ve had a natural style, wore it to the club, and didn’t get ONE SINGLE LOOK. But the minute I pressed the shit out of my hair, step out of the house, it’s all good. Men are superficial as hell, and unfortunately, we feed into that shit. I guess it will have to take a mass of black women to start going natural with afros and twists and shyt at the same time in order to have any effect.

29 07 2009
blackpearlcreat

@Anmarie “I attended a Nikki Giovani speech and listened as she talked about meeting women with breast cancer that would rather die than become unattractive to men by loosing their breast. Right then i decided to stop perming my hair, stop burning up my scalp trying to look like someone else. Black people were not feeling me, and some folks were actually freaking offended by the fact that I cutt my “long pretty hair” my own hair!”

I am currently getting my hair back after receiving treatment for breast cancer. You don’t know how many women will not receive treatment because of their damn hair.

I used to get relaxers and wear wigs. I just plain didn’t like my hair. Now, I am bald (I have less than an inch). For now, it’s straight but I am sure the naps will return in a few months. Before being diagnosed, I was in the process of going natural but I wasn’t going to do the Big Chop. Guess the joke was on me. I ended up being one of those bald-cancer women you see. I didn’t wear wigs, scarves, hats, nothing. It was amazing.

Embrace your natural hair. Be grateful you have hair and treat it as if you were to lose it tomorrow.

http://www.blackpearlstyle.wordpress.com

27 08 2009
5 09 2009
Belly

Its funny many women who ‘relax’ their hair, are awefully tense about it. Particularly when they are losing it. And they manage to run to natural haired women to ask them about how to resolve that. They ask me how my hair grows so quickly, and how theirs can do the same. I dont reply anymore, I just tell them ‘keep doing what you are doing, you will be fine’. They dont want to hear the truth anyway, so why waste my time?

13 09 2009
lex

im natural but heres a piece of advice:….Shut the fuck up and go back to your white woman…

1 10 2009
LS

All women hate the rain-white, black, asian, indian… It makes straight hair fro and curly hair frizz. Rain is not partial it destroys all hair!

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