The white supremacy movement in the United States is quite possibly the most ridiculous phenomenon the country has ever encountered. It’s not ridiculous because of the flagrant bigotry, desire for hegemony, history of violence, or anything like that. White supremacy is ridiculous because its goals are ridiculous.
Stupid White Supremacist Goal #1: White Power
White supremacists claim that there aren’t enough white people in positions of political and socio-economic power, which is about as ridiculous as saying there aren’t enough black running backs in the NFL.
Figure 1: 43 consecutive white Presidents just ain’t enough for some people.
Seriously – between the white kids in Jena getting away with a hate crime, Viacom convincing everyone that black people are idiots, racial profiling that targets black crime and ignores white crime to make us seem more prone to violence, and nearly all of the nation’s billionaires being white…what more could they want? I know! They want…
White Supremacist Goal #2: Separation of the Races
The irony in white supremacists bringing black folks to this country against their will on a bizzaro Princess Cruise and now demanding that we leave isn’t really lost on anyone. But what may be lost on some people is the following –
If you ever watch the History Channel and see specials on Neo-Nazis, skinheads, Klansmen, etc., you’ll notice that nearly every slack-jawed white supremacist they interview will say something like this:
“Ya see, the Jews are controlling the economy. The niggers are after our women and trying to kill everyone. The Mexicans just keep pourin’ over the border. What we need is separation. America needs to go back to the good ol’ days without the niggers and the Jews!”
That last sentence always baffles me, because I can’t recall that there’s ever even been a period in American history without ‘the niggers’. Reminiscing about a time that never existed is kinda like dividing by zero. Then again, rednecks tend not to be good with math or even reading (see Figure 2), so what the hell was I expecting?
Figure 2: Prospective KKK members learning the alphabet by burning a gigantic lowercase ‘t’
On a personal note: anybody ever notice that white power advocates tend to stay quiet on the topic of Native Americans? They go nuts over blacks, jews, arabs, homosexuals, asians, hispanics, and even the mentally disabled, but Native Americans are never mentioned.
The worst part about being a Native American isn’t manifest destiny. It isn’t the Sand Creek Massacre or Wounded Knee. It isn’t the blankets infected with smallpox. It isn’t the 80% rate of diabetes and third-world poverty levels on many reservations. It isn’t even Steven fucking Segal claiming to be one of us, or the existence of the Washington Redskins, Atlanta Braves, and Cleveland Indians.
The worst part about being a Native American is the fact that many white supremacists claim a perverted fraternal bond with you.
At many publicly-open powwows all over the eastern and southern United States, you will find at least as many rednecks as Indians in attendance. When I’m dressed in Native dance gear, you can’t really tell that I’m part black. My hair is covered, my goatee is usually trimmed close, my eyes are green, I’m usually squinting from the sun (giving me a mildly asian look), and my skin is copperish. Because I don’t appear at all black, some fatass redneck with a giant belt buckle and Confederate flag headscarf with a fucking turkey feather sticking out of it will inevitably approach and chat me up – asking me to take pictures with him, and making constant references to ‘social struggle’ and calling me ‘brother.’ This shit enrages me.
Figure 3: This is what’s on my mind when I take pictures with rednecks at powwows