7:15 AM – “CHRIS! Thank God you’re here, we’ve got a HUGE problem, some issue with [redacted] server! C’mon!”
Chris and computer guy #1 sprint up seven flights of stairs to the floor that houses [redacted] server. We arrive in a conference room.
7:17 AM – The conference room is populated with nervous looking government clients, including a deputy director of a particular agency. The conversation goes as follows:
Deputy Director: “Well it’s about damn time!”
Computer Guy #1: “I told him that something was wrong with [redacted] server. Haven’t had a chance to address the issue yet”
Deputy Director: “SONOFABITCH! Chris we need this thing up NOW! You’ve really dropped the ball on this one!”
Chris: “…I’m not in charge of the servers…are you sure I’m the guy you’re looking fo-”
Deputy Director: “ARE YOU GOING TO OFFER ME SOLUTIONS OR EXCUSES?!?!?”
Random Chick: “Bring [names Chris’ boss] in. I think we need to talk.”
7:20 AM: Computer Guy #1 returns with Chris’ boss.
Chris’ Boss: “So, I guess this is about the meeting we had yesterday. About Chris and the servers?”
Random Chick: “Yes. It looks like Chris may have left [certain program] running all night. It killed our capacity.”
Deputy Director: “This is a huge problem, [Chris’ Boss]. I think we’re going to have to re-evaluate his part of the contract.”
Chris: “DUDE! I’m a developer! I’m not even in charge of the servers! I don’t even know where they are! What are yall talking about??!?!?”
Chris’ Boss: “I’m sorry, Chris…[the Director]’s made up his mind. Please wait outside for a moment, I’m really sorry…”
Chris walks to the door.
Chris’ Boss: “Oh, by the way…”
Everyone: “APRIL FOOLS!!!!!”
April Fool’s Day is an evil holiday popularized by the goddamn French in the 16th century.
Figure 1: French people arguing about the date of the new year
Its current purpose is to terrify black people into thinking they’re going to get fired for shit that has nothing to do with their jobs (kinda like releasing a football player for missing a layup).
I’m going to spend the rest of the day kicking my boss in the vagina.