Figure 1: Owns neither comb nor razor
Abraham Lincoln is a fucking asshole. Yes, he delivered the Emancipation Proclamation and freed the slaves. So fucking what? Doing so was politically and militarily motivated, and he’s still a racist fucktwat:
“I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races [the crowd applauds] – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people, and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the black and white races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 1858
Several years later, after Pharaoh softened his heart, he delivered this little tidbit:
“It is also unsatisfactory to some that the elective franchise is not given to the colored man. I would myself prefer that it were now conferred on the very intelligent, and on those who serve our cause as soldiers.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 1865
Sho izz mighty KINE o’ya massa ta fix’n let dem niggaz wit da book learnin’ vote, yess’a sho nuff iz! Fuck you very much, asshole. Abraham Lincoln hates black people and he really REALLY hates Indians. If John Wilkes Booth wasn’t a racist assclown himself, I’d spill a 40 in his honor.
Figure 2: My homeboy, as long as I’m willing to delude myself…
I’ve met a lot of white people who get pissed off when blacks seem ‘ungrateful’ for the things some of them have done for us. Now, these white people know they can blame Abraham Lincoln. It’s not that we don’t appreciate the things you do, it’s that we don’t trust you. It’s the same sentiment that a girl in a bar has toward a guy that buys her a drink. She appreciates the drink, but she’s pretty sure that his sneaky ass is up to something (and he almost always is).
Figure 3: Smile! You’ve been Abe Lincolned!