Spelling and Grammatical Errors

26 03 2008

Check this shit out: go to the comments section of this site, or the comments sections for SEBPL. Now, go to any other black discussion forum of your choice – particularly those that stir up controversy and arguments between two or more posters. The comments sections of YouTube music videos are a good place to look. Notice a common theme?

Black people will rip you the fuck apart for even the most minute technical errors in your writing.

lions.jpg

Figure 1: “It’s THEIR, not THEY’RE, you fucking asshole!”

The obvious reason for this is that black people love correcting others, so you damn well better be ready to proofread and have a spell-checker available if you are going to posit something before the black community in written form. No matter how lucid, logical, and utterly bulletproof your argument is, it will be rendered completely useless by a dangling participle. Did you just find the cure for AIDS? Who the fuck cares – your press release used the word “it’s” where you should’ve used “its”! You, madam, are an uneducated, apostrophe-ignorant, AIDS-curing colostomy bag of a human being!

This phenomenon becomes even more pronounced when black people argue with each other (or with non-blacks). You’d think that when debating some topic, the first thing you’d do in response to getting someone else’s opinion is to examine it for logical errors, invalid assumptions, lies, disingenuous or misleading statements, and other things that actually matter.

This is not the process we black people follow.

Instead, we will read your argument carefully – but the first time we go through it, all we’re doing is looking for is mistakes in your writing. We’re looking for spelling errors, dangling prepositions, sentence fragments, improper semicolon use, and other things that are extremely relevant to your argument. We don’t care that, after observing chimps in the wild for 30 years, you’ve discovered that some have learned to cultivate their own food: you spelled banana ‘bannana’ in your research paper, and therefore, you are only slightly more intelligent than the very creatures you study.

spellingintegral.jpg

Figure 2: The awful truth about arguing with black people

Once we’ve discovered a technical error in your writing, the debate is effectively over. You will usually be told something to the effect of “Why don’t you learn how to spell next time you decide to post here?” and, surprisingly, this will be enough to convince everyone that a.) you’re an idiot, and b.) the person that called you out is a genius.

There are only two ways to regain your intellectual credibility:

One: Point out the writing mistakes of someone else – preferably the person who called you out. Then everyone will think you’re both equally stupid, and they’ll be ready to listen to you again. This is a slash-and-burn policy, though, because at this point no one is taking you seriously. Two people who were once seen as intelligent debaters are now seen as contestants in a poop flinging contest that, while amusing, has nothing to do with the original topic anymore.

or…

Two: Win one Nobel fucking Prize for each writing error you made, and try posting again. Unfortunately, you lose this way too. By the time you win your prize(s), the original topic will be deemed yesterday’s news, and the community will once again render you a gun-wielding Simeon for bringing up ‘old shit.’

    Life’s a bitch. Then you die.

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    51 responses

    26 03 2008
    www.anythingblack.wordpress.com

    This is probably why I read my posts as many times as possible to catch my errors. The funny thing is this really applies to those uppity naggers. I do it especially if the person is talking shit to me… I’m like dude you cant even spell..You have no right to insult me. It’s whatever tho. Ever been in English class in 12th grade and the people you sit beside have to read out loud and cant pronounce a 3 syllable word and stutter it until the teacher helps them…I cant fuckin stand that shit man, people are so fucking uneducated in America its awful. I used to live in Nassau Bahamas, and what we were learning in 3rd grade…Americans were barely getting into in 6th grade. SMH!

    26 03 2008
    london

    i absolutely detest bad spelling…
    it’s one of those things… cannot help it..
    i check the things i write all the time too..
    but i am not your english teacher…
    i know people out there cannot spell or use grammar correctly…
    am not sure i get my grammar right these days.. so long ago since i was at school..
    but call someone i don’t know on it to score a point..
    no..
    you could call me on my usage of lower case… and full stops…
    i am grown.. it’s my choice and my point will still be as valid.. i cannot touch type… it’s just easier..
    i loathe bad manners and bad losers even more…
    and even more than that.. people who say aks instead of ask.. and skellington instead of skeleton (after the age of 7 – before then skellington is cute….)… my eyes mist over and i have to force myself to concentrate on the rest of what they’re saying…
    poeple ened to get ovar thmesleves…

    26 03 2008
    Johnny O

    Bro,

    The third line under figure 1 should be “post” not “posit,” as you spelled it. I’m a white guy and I do it too. My bad.

    26 03 2008
    Johnny O

    I freaking love your website though. Some of the stuff you say absolutely slays me. Keep it up!!!

    26 03 2008
    stuffblackpeoplehate

    “The third line under figure 1 should be “post” not “posit,” as you spelled it.”

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/posit

    Let the poop flinging commence! 🙂

    26 03 2008
    The Broken Forum

    Clever…You knew someone was going to mention “posit”. 🙂 I’ve been waiting for it myself.

    26 03 2008
    imaG

    smh @ chris why you doin niggas like that…that guy must feel like a fool

    26 03 2008
    london

    dear lord johnny o…

    26 03 2008
    Johnny O

    Nice call man, that was classic. I took the bait. Have a good one!

    26 03 2008
    Admiral Furious

    You know… since George Bush got into office this very issue seems to have gotten worse. Who is going to take an entire country seriously when it’s president pronounces nuclear… nucular.

    I’ve seen articles from CNN to ESPN riddled with spelling and grammar mistakes… and it truly makes me wonder… where is our country going with this bastardization of the English Language?

    26 03 2008
    stuffblackpeoplehate

    “Nice call man, that was classic. I took the bait. Have a good one!”

    It’s all good, fam. I think most of the lions are off your back now 😛

    26 03 2008
    knaturalbeauty

    AHAHAHA…love the term “poop flinging”.
    One of my co-workers is notorious for correcting spelling & grammatical errors in emails, and in speech – and English is his second language! For some reason he doesn’t understand the difference between formal language and casual conversations. And he instantly discredits arguments filled with hedge words, such as LIKE, UMM, or YA KNOW. He says that make people sound unintelligent and incapable of communicating effectively. We tell him that poor grammar and spelling doesn’t equal poor intelligence, depending on how one measures intelligence I guess. Some of the sharpest people I’ve ever known can’t spell, while some of the most “educated” fools lack common sense and need to point out insignificant typos to feel more secure about themselves.

    26 03 2008
    Johnny O

    Mike Tyson – “I guess I’m just gonna fade into Bolivian” – an all-time classic.

    I agree with the Admiral. Bush is great.

    How does everybody’s March Madness bracket look? Georgetown losing killed me.

    26 03 2008
    Miss Cocoa Luv

    How about when people use words and don’t know the meaning of them? That ish irks me like crazy. Someone used the word pontificate to describe people standing in line loitering. It drove me crazy. I don’t go around using damn SAT words to make myself sound “smart” I just happen to know what they mean and when people misuse them I want to choke them. Maybe it’s just me…violent for no major reason. And I was a student on Saturdays taking Grammar classes while in high school, hated it then, but am ultimately grateful now. I knew that you put errors in this on purpose to prove your point. Mr. Clever but not lol. Shout out to Legal Outreach lol. Oh yea Next week is better 😉 no show manana.

    26 03 2008
    london

    i believe texting started it all over here… 150 words max in a text… kids had to get the message across on their phones and a whole new language has evolved……
    literacy in british schools is falling…
    it’s a damned shame…
    am all for regional accents and stuff but essentially the word stays the same..
    can we be sure that everyone in gwb’s village doesn’t pronounce nuclear.. nucular?
    (i do think gwb is a tool nevertheless…)

    26 03 2008
    dtang

    Haha this part is pretty funny…. when it happens, nothing more needs to be spoken yet u both have this understanding in your head.

    There are only two ways to regain your intellectual credibility:

    One: Point out the writing mistakes of someone else – preferably the person who called you out. Then everyone will think you’re both equally stupid, and they’ll be ready to listen to you again.

    26 03 2008
    Dom

    I have to throw my hat in with Ms Cocoa Luv. It doesn’t really bother me when people write with bad grammer (we’re all human and make mistakes that even grammar check won’t catch), but I HATE hearing people speak incorrectly. It’s annoying when people use words and either don’t know the meaning or have just completely made up (like our beloved jester president, http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/piehigher.asp).

    As an English major. I saw some of the worst atrocities doing peer revisions. Not only had a fellow student made up a new word, but he also came up with his own spelling: “Willen’t” was a combinatation of “will” and “not”. Or how about the word “yous” as a plural for you? Sad…

    In any event, I also wanted to point out that this is not only a black thing. People do this on craigslist all the time, and Im sure a good majority of the people on there are from many races.

    26 03 2008
    zeptool

    YES! Integrals!

    26 03 2008
    Machete

    I am putting figure2 on a t-shirt.

    26 03 2008
    Michael

    You must mean simian not Simeon. Therefore, the rest of your post is useless, and your officially an idoit.

    26 03 2008
    stuffblackpeoplehate

    “You must mean simian not Simeon. Therefore, the rest of your post is useless, and your officially an idoit.”

    LOL, hey Broken Forum, this is the one I was waiting for people to catch 🙂

    26 03 2008
    lele19106

    Why are you so bitter?

    26 03 2008
    Educated

    It pisses me off too. I don’t read the comments anymore – and its my blog!

    26 03 2008
    Mr. Smith

    LOL! I knew this had to be a topic sooner or later. I must admit I’m guilty of this in an earlier post when we were all ganging up against whiteguy when I pointed out his incorrect spelling of tragedy (tragity, still makes me laugh) and when he said Kennedy Fried Chicken. Now tragity is one thing… But come on, Kennedy is not even close to Kentucky. President =X= racist state (if you don’t play on their college sports team, you don’t belong there).

    BTW, that posit bait was mean, but great example.

    27 03 2008
    Mammoth

    Honestly . . . the one thing . . . that pisses me off the most . . . is when people overuse ellipses . . . it’s so hard . . . for me to read . . . what they write . . . without . . . taking a a big . . . long . . . pause . . . every . . . time . . . i . . . see . . . an . . . ellipsis.

    27 03 2008
    Angry ver. 3.2 (Beta)

    imaG – I wasn’t aware that there were any “niggas” posting here.

    “You must mean simian not Simeon. Therefore, the rest of your post is useless, and your officially an idoit.”

    Oh jeeze…can we try you’re please? As in “you are”.

    27 03 2008
    london

    ellipsis…
    so very ‘old skool’…
    nice…

    27 03 2008
    Uhura

    IRL (for example-@ work), people do draw conclusions about a person’s intellect from their writing…

    27 03 2008
    Yonnie3k

    Whew! I was so close to taking the “posit” bait – but out of fear of being “slashed and burned,” I checked dictionary.com first – and was left, once again, in utter admiration of your literary skills and wit. But I missed “Simeon” – and “your” (a particular pet peeve, along with there/their/they’re). Damn. I’m slippin’.

    27 03 2008
    Anmarie

    It’s the gansta rap music makes us overly aggressive, 😀

    27 03 2008
    london

    ??? wtf?
    am listening to it now…
    & that’s not is what is making me want to pulverise your comment…
    oh..am not going to go there i need to be somewhere in an hour…

    27 03 2008
    Anmarie

    LOL! kisses and hugs, lighten up ya ole bloke!

    27 03 2008
    london

    my appointment has been cancelled and so…..
    re-cap…you were saying gangsta rap makes us (certainly not me anyway…) overly aggressive…
    not the fact that we are rightly angry about the lot dealt to us before we are born.. the struggles, the strife, the let down we have to overcome on a day to day basis…
    i would put it to you that gangsta rap way low on the list of things that makes me or anyone else angry…
    you must be in a position that you never have to deal with shit on a daily basis that hearing a couple of bars of gangsta rap makes you just want to run around slapping people.. like a pavlov poodle/spaniel or something…
    or are you trying to wind someone up…?

    27 03 2008
    dani

    This is the first that I have been on here and replied I want to say this is a funny site. I have gone on youtube and have had people insult me and they typing like this BitcH dON’t Be tAlKIEN To ME LikE tHat..My first reaction is WTF??? however I have come across some people that really don’t make any sense at all. It just looks like this “sfhfnf fikfirmfifmjcmdhjbfe” and no they are not speaking another language. They actually know English but damn they were too lazy to make corrections. There is nothing wrong with someone making a few grammatical errors because we all make mistakes but damn some people they make so many mistakes that you can’t comprehend so you just say fuck it.

    27 03 2008
    Admiral Furious

    I wouldn’t exactly say that certain music makes us (or anyone else for that matter) angry, but I do believe that what people hear and what they see can directly affect one’s perception of certain: people, places, and things. Unfortunately, in my opinion, such music has a greater affect on younger people, simply due to the unique sensitivity of a child’s mind to be manipulated and coerced. I remember when I was growing up, the kids around me romanticized about the violence that was audibly portrayed in the albums by Snoop, Onyx, Mobb Deep, and many others. Back then, I didn’t believe that such music had any affect on myself or my peers… but I was only looking at myself then. Now when I look back… I realize that it indeed had an affect on perception… which of course in some cases turned out to be detrimental.

    27 03 2008
    JaMarcus LaShawn

    Das why yous gots 2 B postin like dis mane. ( see any dirty south rap video on youtube) Don’t forget to throw in a few N-bombs for good measure.

    27 03 2008
    Anmarie

    Well culture begats culture, some anthropological insights for you.It’s a cycle. Like molested children are more likely to molest. You are surrounded by violence and therefor reproduce it. If only in song it does add to the surrounding violence.

    But all in all this was not the topic at hand, my smart ass was only playing around, humor is lost in this situation. Not trying to send the conversation in the different direction, because I don’t believe in sensorship of art. Be cool brotha.

    27 03 2008
    Admiral Furious

    No oubdt. Back to grammar and speliling

    27 03 2008
    Anmarie

    lol! Thanks AF 🙂 Can’t make it through the anger without some laughs

    27 03 2008
    london

    and that’s a wrap…
    oh lord.. barry white is on….

    28 03 2008
    case in point

    So, i think you meant “simian” at the end there?

    28 03 2008
    Anmarie

    He did that’s what he was waiting for someone to catch, Michael got it already

    28 03 2008
    Admiral Furious

    Anmarie… you know how we do!

    28 03 2008
    keta

    I am an english teacher/writer

    When I need to talk/type correctly I do.

    When I dont need to be correct, I don’t

    And?

    29 03 2008
    Lady

    This is funny because before I came here, I was looking at Kanye’s blog and I saw a comment where someone said they ‘don’t quiet know what to say about this…’ I resisted the urge to type something snarky, but that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I get side-eyed often because of that..

    31 03 2008
    arevolutionofone

    Good post. I recognize myself when I was younger in it, but after many years of working with nerds, I realize that spelling and grammar have little to do with intelligence, or the validity of an argument. Though I am scrupulous in my own posts. I read them three and four times. And then I have one of my most persnickety friends read them.

    15 04 2008
    Miss Watson

    Writing is not my forte, so I don’t do it often. However, when I do I try to write correctly but that don’t always happen, but I don’t really care be my lack of grammar skill are made but but better/real skills such as: math and science.

    7 06 2008
    Shay-d-lady

    Okay, I know this is an old post but this recently happened to me so I had to tell someone. I was in a meeting with some big wigs from my company on how to effectively “lead through change”. We are laying off a shit load of people and we need the frontline employees to stay and not jump ship. Long story short in the meeting we had to identify feelings often associated with mass lay offs and write them on this huge dry erase board. ( It was even worse than what it sounds like, I almost went crazy and stabbed everyone multiple times with the keyring attached to my sharpie, but I digress). This one chick stood up and went to the board and wrote… Angre… and then (this is the best part) Said, That’s not right, erased it and re wrote Aungre… LMAO…..I almost pee’d my pants.

    2 07 2008
    Spartangirl

    “Instead, we will read your argument carefully – but the first time we go through it, all we’re doing IS LOOKING FOR IS mistakes in your writing.”

    I’m sorry but I couldn’t help myself. LOL

    BTW, I REALLY hate it when people say “would of”, as in “I would of bought that car if I had the money.” It’s “would’ve”, as in “would have.” Makes my skin crawl.

    23 07 2008
    The ‘Hater’ Defense « Stuff Black People Hate

    […] they do so by examining the attacking argument for spelling errors and, if they find one, they tell you that you are wrong. That’s why there are hundreds of comments on this blog consisting of a single word or even a […]

    26 07 2008
    ph2072

    Spartangirl (21:47:08) :

    BTW, I REALLY hate it when people say “would of”, as in “I would of bought that car if I had the money.” It’s “would’ve”, as in “would have.” Makes my skin crawl.
    _______________________________

    ^^^^^^

    It makes me want to take my hands and wring them around the person’s neck. I hate that shit too. Would of, could of, should of. Where’s my gun when I need it?

    How did I not catch this blog entry? It describes me to a T. Hilarious!

    From a fellow spelling/grammar feminazi. 😉

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