Planet of the Apes

3 03 2008

One of the biggest complaints black people had with the original version of ‘Planet of the Apes’ was the fact that the intelligent leader apes were light while the peon monkeys were dark. This shit was a flagrant negative racial metaphor, and I’m pretty surprised that it didn’t cause a lot more controversy/riots than it actually did.

zaius.jpg

Figure 1: Apes have Wiggers, too

So when ‘Planet of the Apes’ was released again in 2001, my primary motivation was to see how they’d address this issue. For the first 30 minutes(?) or so as the plot developed, I was fairly satisfied. The peon soldier monkeys that were chasing the humans through the jungle weren’t all that dissimilar in appearance to the evil general monkey, and it looked like they were going to stay away from having apes that were inexplicably blond.

But…someone involved in the making of that movie just couldn’t help him/herself. I’m a fairly quiet guy in a movie theater, but when the humans were brought back to the ape town and they showed the ape denizens playing basketball and hanging out on the steps smoking shit, I couldn’t help but yell “OH, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!” – which resulted (thankfully) in the entire theater exploding with laughter.

dkbball.jpg

Figure 2: This would never ever happen

Everyone in the room knew what I was pissed about, so I know I’m not being paranoid when I say that the new Planet of the Apes is just as fuckedupdedly racist as the original (though at least this time it was kinda funny). Why couldn’t the goddamn apes be skateboarding or playing tag or street hockey? Why them niggaz gotta be chillin’ on the goddamn steps? It doesn’t even follow logically from the apes’ origins.

The original apes were on a spaceship full of white people. It would follow, then, that the apes would develop sports that mimicked what their ‘owners’ would play – and for white people that’d be soccer or hockey or poker or some shit. Basketball would be the last thing to develop, if at all. I know there’s a missing link to that argument, but fuck you.

pokermonkey.jpg

Figure 3: The Real Dr. Zaius

Second of all, the original apes from the spaceship were intelligent as hell. They flew spaceships for Christ’s sake. Why, then, would the descendant monkeys have devolved into a bunch of lazy fucktards passing the day by sitting on the steps and getting high? If you wanna make the apes black, fine. But at least stereotype them positively and have them attending a fucking poetry slam or something! Sittin’ on the damn steps…fuck you.

Near the end of the movie, the girl ape kisses Mark Walberg on the lips. My white friend leans over and says to me “hey dude, I bet you’re getting a hard on.”

I hate everything.

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42 responses

3 03 2008
shabooty

laugh.
i just found it amusing that the ‘chick’ ape looked just like friggin either janet or michael jackson…i think mostly like janet. bless her little heart.

3 03 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

I got more of a Paula Abdul vibe from her.

3 03 2008
Hairy Weisenheimmer

ROFL!!
I just discovered your blog via tag surf.
Too effing funny!
LOVE IT!

3 03 2008
ManEater

You seriously need yoga.

3 03 2008
Shannon the Tampa Diva

I hate planet of the apes!!! and King kong!(they drug him here in chains turned him into a minstrel show and then let the white woman be his downfall. Damn King Kong!!)

brownsugarpages.wordpress.com

9 03 2008
Tracy

They also had someone quote Rodney King in that version “can we all just get along”

http://digg.com/movies/WalMart_website_compares_African_American_leaders_to_Apes?offset=51

21 03 2008
I'm Me

LMAO!!! I LOVE THIS BLOG! 🙂

26 03 2008
Mr. Smith

Does anyone find this picture offensive? [img]http://photos-e.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v195/31/48/21204059/n21204059_31248020_431.jpg[/img]

26 03 2008
Mr. Smith

Sorry, I’ll just put the link.

26 03 2008
imaG

blah ive seen it before mr smitch its a whatever thing, the only person it should be offensive to is lebron he got paid for it

3 04 2008
Preacher1

Man, you must be all fucked up and insecure thinking that the apes are supposed to represent anyfuckin one, they are APES DUH.Who carse if one is light and one is dark (that you think represent blacks) lol.Why would you think the dumb one is supposed to repsesent a black person?? That is some insecure shit I am aproud Black man and I would never consider that at all.It is ignorant as hell.Be proud of your skin color and you would not try to find any issues out of something that has nothing to do with your fuckin race.Always jelous of the light skin people including the black light skinned people.Be happy with your self man,damn what the fuck is next.
Preacher1

6 04 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate

@Preacher1

You have the innocence and naiveté of a five year old. How endearing.

Go to http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065462/ and view the character name for the actor ‘Don Pedro Colley’.

There’s coincidence, and there’s fuckedupdedness.

6 04 2008
Mr. Smith

Ha, to be cursing and then call yourself preacher. THAT is fucked up.

1 05 2008
ndenise

Yo. I haven’t seen the new PotA but I HAVE to now. That sounds hilariously racist 😦

8 05 2008
lola gets

Well, white folks did invent basketball…its true, lol.

L

12 05 2008
Preacher1

Who the fuck cares if it says Don pedro plays a negro, lol.More insecurity,it has nothing to do with the films meaning.Duh somebody on IMDB writes something and you believe everything you read lol.lets all make something out of nothing .ItS a film about Apes taking over the world, not white apes portraying white people and dumb apes portraying black people, JUST FUCKIN APES.iF YOU SEE YOURSELF AS A DUMB APE I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AND HOPE ONE DAY YOU WILL see the posative side of Life and learn to have a higher self esteem.You seem like the type of person who would say a job did not hire you because you are black lol.Be Proud.The old Planet of the Apes films are great,dont Create HATE.

12 05 2008
stuffblackpeoplehate
12 05 2008
Anmarie

Oh my gosh so I just saw planet of the apes (marky marky edition) this weekend and I really enjoyed it! Especially the part where he kisses the girl ape at the end. 😀 but the nigga apes hanging on the corner wearing leather jackets in a free style ciper sipping on 40s was priceless!

5 06 2008
Preacher1

You ask if I am Black? Well if I am telling you to be a proud Black man and do not be insecure I guess it does not matter because It is posative, but since you asked let me take another look in the mirror………..wha…….what did you do……..
Oh My GOd NOOOOOOOOOOOOO….Damn you all to hell, ………I AM A FUCKIN
APE………NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

7 08 2008
richard

geez this preacher1 guy… i dont know if the premise of the white/black ape is correct-but it’s certainly not a ridiculous accusation given our how hollywood operates.

and why does everything have to be so mutually exclusive…such as, if you cite 1 website (that means you believe in everything you read) or if you make a valid critique on a film (that means you are self loathing) – for someone who claims to be a friend of logic, that just all seems a little odd.

18 11 2008
JJonahJew

All those apes looked like black people because in reality blacks really look like apes, it isn’t like the director or costume designers intended for that to happen, it’s just the way life is. You “people” can whine and complain all you want, the simple fact is: you look like apes, and act like apes to boot [for the majority anyways, some of the half-breeds act somewhat human on occasion]. The only thing that will change that is another couple hundred thousand years of evolution, and a little luck to boot.

When you “people” stop raping, murdering, stealing and committing crime at such astronomic rates, you will stop being stereotyped as such animals, until then, you’re going to have to deal with it.

6 01 2009
Aaron

cUSm8eodyNIaO

12 01 2009
Michael

That’s what black people do isn’t it?

I’m from Europe and have lived in several European countries so I see all the black people coming straight from Africa, and what do they do? Start hanging out in the streets wearing ridiculous baggy pants with hoodies and hats, and walking around with a fat stinking attitude.

I’m just saying what I can see with my own eyes every day. The Polish, Indians, Chinese etc don’t do that. Why?

25 01 2009
Katie

The polish, indians, chinese etc don’t do that because they don’t live in ghettos and are not criminals like negroes. The white americans and asians are all civilized people.

1 02 2009
The Internet

Katie you’re a fucking idiot. Eat shit and die you subhuman whore.

1 02 2009
The Internet

Michael you white waste of protoplasm you damn well know you’re lying. African immigrants frequently outperform white natives all over Europe. The behavior you described (which exists in your dreams exclusively) is nowhere near as disgusting and pathetic as that of the European chav or ‘futbol’ hooligan.

http://bluecafe669.blogtownhall.com/

It’s more than obvious that you wish for all blacks to behave like degenerates. Neanderthal Euroscum vermin.

22 02 2009
Michael

OK I work closely and am friends with many highly educated and extremely decent Ghanaians, Nigerians, Senegalese whom I respect enormously – they are more christian and hard-working than most white people I know. However it is black Africans arriving from Congo etc – war-zones, having committed fistula rapes and doing the same to white women (look at the statistics, news stories), walking around in “nigger” fashions and intimidating girls in the city on a daily basis that piss me off. These people make it extremely hard for decent black people to earn our respect, wouldn’t you agree?

And yes white people have some terrible social problems too – I am sickened by what I see in the UK with the white underclass – living from governemnt handouts, stealing, on drugs, no education.. It’s a seriously twisted thing for a “civilised” society to produce, it’s disgustingly shameful. Good luck to those Africans who come over and work hard – you can teach many of our native white people a thing or two – the value of education, of hard work, of caring and providing for your family.

However I just don’t understand the popular black culture, I mean why would you want to look like an aggressive “thug”? Why? Is your life really so sad and messed up, or is it a genetic thing? – This is what I think when I see these boys in the street. Is this just a minority? Am I over-reacting? Am I a racist? I just don’t know. I really try to be a good person and to judge everyone individually, regardless of their skin colour. But I’m only human too.

1 03 2009
brokenmystic

Thank you for writing this! I’ve also noticed the racism in the “Planet of the Apes” films, especially with how the good ones are light skinned and the bad ones are dark skinned. Throwing Michael Clarke Duncan in the remake was just tokenism in my opinion, but it really just backfired and reaffirmed the racism. That picture of Donkey Kong really pisses me off.

I think you would really appreciate a recent critique I wrote on the racist and Orientalist imagery in Frank Miller’s “300.”

http://www.racialicious.com/2009/02/27/frank-millers-300-and-the-persistence-of-accepted-racism/

1 03 2009
brokenmystic

Michael,

I can’t believe you actually asked whether or not aggressive behavior in Black people is genetic. Wow. That’s like asking if enslaving, lynching, and slaughtering Black people is due to some kind of genetic disposition in White people.

You’re playing into the typical fear mongering of the mainstream media when you talk about “all these news stories” about Black people committing horrible crimes. When a White person commits them, you NEVER seem to question whether or not it’s due to his/her skin color, culture, or religion right? As a brown Muslim who has grown up in the United Sates, I am expected to answer for crimes and atrocities that I have never committed. You are doing the same thing here on this blog — you are asking Black people, who have NOTHING to do with the violence and crimes you’re talking about, to answer for them.

No one asked YOU to condemn Timothy McVeigh when he blew up a federal building in Oklahoma City. No one expects YOU to answer for the White police officers who brutality beat down Rodney King. No one expects YOU to answer for the White British police officer who shot and killed an innocent Brazilian just because he thought he was a Muslim terrorist. No one discriminates against YOU in a workplace because of your skin color. Read about White Privilege, the list goes on and on.

14 03 2009
wow

Am I the only one that noticed every single human in that movie was white?!?! This movie is basically warning white people what would happen if blacks took over…the one black guy in the movie was simply there 4 one part and that was to call the other slave a “house slave” as blacks would do in the past…the end was the most racist every cop was a monkey being that the rolls are reversed it showing how most cops are white arresting blacks (walberg) once they got the power of the “almighty gun” not to mention they wanted to make sure u knew who freed the slaves by putting the monkey head on abes body!!!

5 05 2009
David Radford

Case closed.

5 05 2009
David Radford

“Am I the only one that noticed every single human in that movie was white?!?!”

Of course – who do you think played all the parts of the APES!!! Saved on make up!

6 05 2009
David Radford

“No one discriminates against YOU in a workplace because of your skin color. Read about White Privilege, the list goes on and on.”

Sure. ALL whites are discriminated against, every day of our lives, because of YOU invaders. WE have to watch every word we say, in case we say something ‘politically incorrect’ and are sacked from our jobs (which is no small punishment) or even imprisoned.

WE don’t want non-whites living in OUR countries. I can prove this without even asking anybody anything – just look at house buying choices among whites.

Non-white ‘ghettoes’ can ONLY form in previously all white countries, if MOST white people actively AVOID buying houses where there are non-whites.

In other words, MOST white people don’t want to live around you, and they vote with their feet.

6 05 2009
David Radford

“Katie you’re a fucking idiot. Eat shit and die you subhuman whore.”

Very cogently argued. Typical of a nation wrecker who just loves millions of non-whites flooding into previously nice, safe all white countries.

Please tell us whites – what do WE gain from having millions of third worlders living in OUR once beautiful countries, and how on Earth can they possibly make our countries better places to live?

6 05 2009
David Radford

“When you “people” stop raping, murdering, stealing and committing crime at such astronomic rates, you will stop being stereotyped as such animals, until then, you’re going to have to deal with it.”

Well said, and very true.

We whites are still waiting for somebody to explain to us exactly what it is that WE GAIN by having millions of third world parasites in OUR countries…

31 05 2009
BOB SMITH

black people do look like apes – it is undeniable a la Venus Williams. Moreover, this is because they did not evolve as much and thus act as the ‘missing link’ between apes and Europeans. Simple question to elucidate this point: whi is every community of black people such as the Bronx at the micro-level and Africa at the macro-level poor and worse diluting the general level of civilisation of the Europeans.

31 05 2009
John Doe Gorilla

What I really wonder is whether black people really contemplate who and what they are. If a man is to think long and hard and give much reflection, he realizes how blacks are inferior and are a lower step. Even if you’re black you’d have to come to this conclusion.

It’s kind of like if I were 4’8″. I would conclude that I’m short. If I”m 6’7″, I would conclude that I’m tall. It is amazing to me that blacks do not have this honesty and cannot see that they are ‘almost’ apes and inferior. Interestingly, there are blacks who do have this honesty and speak the truth… but they somehow exclude themsleves for their analysis. See Pastor Manning.

31 05 2009
John Doe Gorilla

If anyone cares to elaborate on black people’s smell, I’d love to hear about it.

The other day I was standing next to this black guy and his fumes were quite atrocious. This is another reality that cannot be denied.

31 05 2009
John Doe Gorilla

Another comment.

Anybody notice that the ‘hide’ of a dark black person (read ‘more African’) is very taut like that of an animal? This is just a natural fact.

I have a friend who is a nurse and I am told that putting a needle through darker black skin is like putting a needle through a rough animal hide.

Lighter blacks (ie, those who have been mixed over time with other races) are less taut in their skin.

These are all just natural facts.

If I were black, I could not deny these things:

1. The animal-ish appearance
2. The smell
3. The taut hide
4. The evolution from monkey to man

If I were black, how could I deny these things with facts? I would have to accept that I’m the missing link.

As a result I’d probably go rape and kill and end up in a steel bar house…

Hey wait, this is what happens all the time!!! CASE CLOSED!!!

20 06 2009
alan m

Blacks are morphologically closer than any other race to the evolutionary beginnings of homo sapiens–i.e., the apes. Witness the prognathic jaw, broad nose, thick lips, flaring nostrils, heavy brow ridge and dark complexion–all strikingly similar to the morphology of an ape. Also, is there any doubt that blacks excel in tasks that require exceptional physical ability compared to non-blacks–e.g., fighting, running, jumping, etc. Why has the world not seen a white heavyweight boxing champion in decades? Why are there almost no black philosophers, scientists or physicists of note within the past 2000 years? Who can say. One thing that is for sure: white men, from Plato to Aristotle to Edison to Einstein, have made this world what it is today. Meanwhile, we have intellectually dishonest types trying to discredit white males on a wholesale level just because it’s politically correct. Well, deal with it world: white males are responsible for the bulk of human civilization. Sure mistakes have been made, but you wouldn’t have cars, electricity, computers, light bulbs or democracy were it not for white guys. So piss off you bunch of envious, intellectually dishonest, pseudo-intellectual cretins who feel the need to discredit and vilify the very race who brought you into the age of reason and modernity. You’d still be beating on a drum and jumping up and down were it not for us “evil” white males–who by the way, invented basketball. Peace out.

18 07 2009
Ludwig von Konchi

Funny, when you read the original column, which was written was a black, you’re struck how completely clueless the guy is. He said the apes were damned smart, they could fly spaceships. Right, the spaceships blacks could and would NEVER be able to build in the first place (only European-Americans created technology). Of course, blacks can drive cars, so can a well trained chimp. But blacks NEVER invented anything (oh! I forgot, the NAACP likes to remind everyone that it was a black that invented the traffic light. Whoopee! Damned negos shohr eehz puhrreh clehvah.) For those Whites who think negros are gonna take over, chill out. This race of can barely run their own lives. They’ll all starve to death without the White Man around. February is supposed to be black history month; where do you see parades, special sporting events, fairs, commemorating black history, or for that matter Martin L. King’s day; practically nowhere, except those that Whites put together out of the goodness of their naïve hearts (Whites never get their favors toward blacks returned. I always wonder why those few Whites even bother lowering themselves). In any case, the point is that Planet of the Apes was a parody about negros taking over something or other and at the same time managing to roll back the level of civilization by about ten thousand years. The movie confirmed what everyone knows, including blacks, that blacks just don’t have the wherewithal to take care of themselves or others and they ought to consider themselves fortunate their ancestors were brought to America as slaves in the first place, a place where they can now enjoy a standard of living (thanks to European-American White Male Culture ) higher than anyone else on the planet. The ‘lucky’ negros who escaped capture two hundred years ago, have brought forth a generation of starving, deceased, genocidal killers who find it well nigh impossible to grow the simplest crop like corn to feed themselves, something that Europeans White Males mastered over ten thousand years ago. So, they are now constantly have to beg the White Man for left-overs, using the trump-card of racism and colonialism as the excuses to get something for nothing. But then again when your race scores no higher than 80 on an IQ test (borderline imbecile) it’s no wonder the black race is where it is today and will always be in a million years from now, assuming they make it that far. As for Obama, don’t worry he’s really a White Man who can talk jive.

White Men are the superior race
96% of all books in all libraries of the world are written by WM
96% of Nobel Prizes go WM
99.9% of all inventions were by WM
92.1 % of all male Olympic medals were won by WM
WM comprise 4.3% of the world’s population

Blacks never invented anything,
Blacks have written a miniscule number of academic books
Blacks commit 70 of all violent crimes in America.
Blacks comprise the largest population of criminal inmates in England
Black Africa and Black majority countries have become less developed since de-colonialization over the past sixty hears.

11 09 2009
Dee Charles

Umm.. okay we are going to believe what the scientists say, then it wouldn’t really matter which race it closest to apes/primates, according to scientist we were all apes and evolved into humans. but then again that all just a bunch of shit b/c, many scientist don’t believe there is a God, so as far as i’m concerned, i’m NOT!
Oh and ludwig von Konchi, stop being so racist, why are whites always trying to put black people down. Dude you are bringing up all these damn statistics, okay it’s GREAT that you have pride in your race, but in the end who really gives a fuck. We blacks could have been all ‘DEVELOPED’ like whites but instead of the white taying in europe or the caucus mountains or where ever the fuck racists like you came from, you came to africa stealing all our riches and enslaving us!!! so as far as black people not inventing anything goes, white didn’t reall give us a choice! and also we created music!!!

the only thing i thank the ‘white man’ for is Christianity!!!

and also Ludwig von whatever, YOU MUST BE ATHEIST!!!!

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