Salaried employees around the country get their thumbs stuck up their asses every four years. Why? Because you spend one more day working without getting any uptick in pay, and that basically amounts to slavery.
Figure 1: My great-great-grandfather on February 29,1876*
*probably not true
Why would I be conflicted about slavery? Because leap year is the one day that non-Black people sorta kinda get to feel what it’s like to work for jack shit, and this can be a very enlightening experience, particularly to white people**.
**I’m anticipating a number of people who may think – “but white people volunteer their time all the time. And a lot of them work for non-profits. White people enjoy working for free.” This is bullshit. First off, you get paid for working for a non-profit, and even the guy (or girl) who founded it is probably using it as a 501(c)(3) tax shelter. Secondly, volunteers may not be working for money, but they get a lot of other things in exchange – namely, bragging rights among other white people, and the opportunity to meet chicks (incidently, the latter is the same and only reason I still have a gym membership…pushups, situps, and burpees are free, and are all a real man needs. I digress.) Working for free on Leap Year is entirely different, because no one can brag about droning away in the office for eight hours working for the Man, and you’re not gonna meet any chicks because, if you work in an office, they’re probably ugly enough to qualify as walking, talking justifications of the Pro-Life movement. I may be exaggerating a little.
If Obama gets into the White House, I’m demanding February 29th be renamed Kunta Kinte Day, so people will finally realize what the Man is getting away with for one day every four years.
Figure 2: Me on my way to work this morning