The Electric Slide

25 02 2008

The Electric Slide is very similar to the Federal Reserve, in that its creation is shrouded in mystery, our willingness to let it flourish boggles the mind, and people continue tolerate it despite the fact that they hate it and there’s no law stating that they have to.

I first saw the Electric Slide performed at my Aunt Brenda’s house when I was about 8 years old, and I immediately drew two conclusions.

  1. Every single person in my family is an asshole
  2. The stupidity of the dance itself is exceeded only by the stupidity of the song that it’s danced to

electricslide.jpg

Figure 1: Organized stupidity

Everyone I know derides the song and the dance as patently ridiculous (even when it was a popular song at clubs), and yet for some reason when Marcia Griffith’s tinny voice inevitably poisons the air at any large family gathering, I’m the only jerkoff who doesn’t know how to do the dance. The same people who once claimed to hate the song are suddenly on the dance floor or in the yard with shit-eating grins on their faces, singing along to the song’s asinine lyrics, and putting way too much effort into the last step of the cycle in the dance (see Figure 1).

The thing that really confuses the hell out of me is how the Electric Slide became so popular among black people. The Electric Slide is completely antithetical to black dancing: it’s a line dance (didn’t think about that, did ya?), it’s repetitive, it offers zero chance for creativity, there’s nothing sexual about it, there’s no potential for a remix, and white people can do it as well as black people without even trying that hard (except, apparently, for the ferociously uncomfortable-looking dude on the far right in Figure 1).

I’m surprised that so many people were shocked that the DC sniper was black, because if black people are capable of enjoying the Electric Slide, then we’re certainly capable of gunning down people at gas stations. The Electric Slide is responsible for more deaths every day than Malvo and Mohammed perpetrated in their assholerous three weeks. I base this claim on nothing in particular.

johnallenmuhammad.jpg

Figure 2: Enjoys the Electric Slide

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16 responses

26 02 2008
shabooty

i did call it that “i bet the sniper was a pan-handler” (this was before they were caught). I hadn’t quite in my mind put a skin color on the potential sniper but i can admit that the pan i suspected him holding, did have a black handle.

$

7 03 2008
oci23

“…there’s no potential for a remix…” pure genius. i’m over here in tears. keep this coming!

10 03 2008
BonVivant Online

stuff black people like…i think

Since I don’t have the heart to tell my mama about my most recent self-discovery, I decided I’d better redeem myself…quick.

11 03 2008
Admiral Furious

You know what god dammit… black people started that shit… perfected that shit… and now its been stolen by our good friends who are on the lighter shade of tan.

20 03 2008
Ms. Kristine

Now the Cha-Cha slide (and all variations) is taking over like a sandstorm!!!! Ugh!

21 03 2008
Dagny

Ms. Kristine is completely right. Now it’s all about the cha-cha slide at gatherings.

30 03 2008
Mr. Smith

LMAO figure 1!!!!

15 05 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

…this shit has plagued me since the 80’s. its like fucking herpes on growth hormones. i never have liked line dances and you’re right the songs are the only things more stupid. soon as the shit comes on it’s like cows being herded. (inserts moo’s) all the fat bitches get a chance to dance and it’s even more embarrasing for me to see dudes out there doing it. i literally get flush with disappointment. not that i cant do the dance but i swear it sucks a fatt babys dick. this dance is for loserfuck cuntwatting lametards. the last straw will be when one of these cat in the hat rappin ass niggas is featured on the intro/outro. i can hear it now; weeezy f babyyyy.

15 05 2008
Prime Minister Cinema

oh oh oh and this is the ultimate remix song and dance. this shit has been redone and warmed over for deacades. i heard Puff was gon do a remix.

19 05 2008
klysha

LMAO! What about the Cupid Shuffle! But I have to admit that I am usually one of the first one’s to hit the floor when the line dances come on and I’m not fat (110 lbs). But not the Electric Slide. I guess it comes from my Mobile, Alabama roots where line dancing reigns supreme….they do line dances these DC folks have never heard of down there. Far more complex and creative than the lame electric slide.

24 06 2008
alex

…I actually just laughed so hard at this post that there were tears coming out of my eyes….

19 08 2008
Dark IS Beautiful

Man I HATE the electric slide now. Its so old and overrated

Top 3 songs you’ll hear at a black function
1. Electric Slide
2. Cha Cha slide (original and remix)
3. Cupid Shuffle

Its always funny to me to see old people trying to “walk it out” by themselves

12 11 2008
Daph

Are you kidding me? The electric slide is great, and people actually like it. I don’t understand whats wrong with a group of people dancing. The cottone eye joe, the ymca, the electric slide, the cha cha slide are all dances that we need to survive. If you ever go to a dance or get-together all the old people, loners and children jump in when they play these songs. You suck.

20 11 2008
TwiZzy

I think your ass is sore cuz u can’t do it and got laughed at by your granny at her
retirement party or something. I mean ok if u don’t like the dance DON’T DO It..if u Can’t do it, umm I don’t know why maybe rhythmic issues??. Regardless don’t hate on the people who can and like the dance. It a common dance that pretty much everone knows and they can be apart of the event. I would rather see tha old people, fat people, drunk people, lil kids, and everyone else doing the electric slide to one song than acting a true ass trying to do some other dance really looking crazy. Would u like 2 see granny and grandpa aunty and uncle bumpin and grinding at the family reunion or your wedding??? Doubt it!! And the dances that old people used to do are not popular at all anymore so that’s one of the dances they can still do and people recognize it. Just let the dance and the participants do they thing and you do yours which will be holding up the wall when the Electric Slide starts up.

6 01 2009
Debbie

Hey. I am 56. I think the music and lyrics are very good. When I used to go out, all the people in the room rushed to the dance floor. I think Men felt like they could finally dance with their partner to ONE song.I also dance to it to exercise. This song has nothing to do with BLACK or WHITE or anything else. It has a beat that makes you wanna get up off your BUTT and exercise. Don’t spoil the fun of it with this crap talk. When you become my age, you will still love your own kind of music, and if you are able, STILL DANCE to it.I love all versions and re-mix of this song. OK????? Have a beautiful life and be grateful for everyone doing their own thing as long as it doesn’t hurt of OFFEND anyone. Boogie-Woogie-Woogie. 😉

18 01 2009
David

Wow, you learn something new everyday. I didn’t know the Electric Slide had a specific song. People dance it to a lot of different country songs where I go line dancing (Central Coast, CA). But I usually sit it out for a rest because it’s too boring. There are way more interesting line dances like the Tush Push, Slappin’ Leather, Walkin’ Wazzie, etc. But it is a good easy song for newbies, so I don’t begrudge them that. When I was home for Christmas my 65-year-old parents were actually asking me to SHOW them. Crazy.

And I disagree that you can’t show some creativity with it. I’ve seem people do some strange spins and things. It’s precisely because it’s so simple, basic and boring that there’s room to add something of your own.

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